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“Indeed each of you is a shepherd and each of you will be questioned regarding his flock. The
commander who is in authority over people is responsible and he will be questioned regarding his
responsibility. The man is responsible over the inhabitants of his house and he is the one who will
be questioned about them. The wife is responsible in her husband’s house and she will be
questioned about it. The servant is responsible regarding his master’s property, and he will be
questioned about it. Indeed each of you is a shepherd and each of you will be questioned about
his flock.”[1]
There is a clear distinction between the standard education process versus Islamic tarbiyah, the
latter encompassing a far wider scope, and being a responsibility tied to every person whom Allah
has granted some form of guardianship to—his or her flock.
This is undoubtedly a huge responsibility, which can be a great blessing and source of reward if
fulfilled correctly. Whilst there is a plethora of parenting or nurturing books and websites
available, what better place to look for practical guidance and solutions than the Sunnah of our
beloved Prophet (sallAllāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam)
There is a vast collection of ahādīth where we can learn from the tarbiyah given to the
Companions, both young and old, which cover the various dimensions of Islamic tarbiyah,
including:
Intellectual development;
Creedal development;
Devotional development;
Behavioural development;
Skills development.
With these in mind, just over 40 narrations have been collected—most of which are reminders
for ourselves as parents to act upon first and foremost—whilst a handful are perhaps more story-
like to narrate to the children, although we still can certainly benefit from hearing and reflecting
upon them.
The famous hadith on actions being by their intentions has not been included as the focus is
specifically on outward actions that our children can learn from us through witnessing them in
action (and by hearing these narrations), but of course we always need to ensure we do
everything solely seeking the pleasure of Allāh.
We begin with narrations pertaining to creedal and devotional development, for we have not
been created by Allāh except to worship Him. As such, it is key to build love for our Lord, and
know that He alone is worthy of worship, as this is the basis for success in anything we do. Thus,
the first 14 narrations focus on the virtues of the obligatory and strongly recommended acts of
worship, including adhkār and developing a strong attachment to the Book of Allāh.
Nurturing devotion in children
1. A man came to Messenger of Allah ( )ﷺand said, “Direct me to a deed which will admit me to
Jannah and take me away from the Fire”. The Messenger of Allah ( )ﷺsaid, “Worship Allah and
associate no partner with Him, perform the Salāh, pay Zakāh, and maintain the ties of
kinship.”[2]
2. The Messenger of Allah ( )ﷺsaid: “The similitude of five prayers is like an overflowing river
passing by the gate of one of you in which he washes five times daily.”[3]
3. The Messenger of Allah ( )ﷺobserved: The best of the deeds is the (observance of) prayer at its
proper time and kindness to the parents.[4]
These first three narrations may well contain information already well-known to many readers,
but if we pause and reflect upon them they are truly key to our success in this life and the next.
Through our strict observance of these acts, our children will learn of their importance and
necessity long before they need to start performing these themselves, and will eagerly await their
turn too, inshā’Allāh.
Next, we consider some of the virtues of acts beyond the obligatory prayers.
In part 1, we reflected over 14 aḥadīth of tarbawi benefit – each one teaching us the value and virtue of
taking certain practical steps, seeking creedal and devotional development of both ourselves and our
families.
In this second part, the tarbiyah focus lies in behavioural development, by encouraging good manners and
strengthening the bonds of brotherhood. Whilst perhaps the younger members of our families are less able
to implement some of the actions mentioned in the previous article, many of the narrations that follow can
be explained to and acted upon by any child capable of understanding. And as always – the first step is to
implement these ourselves.
The importance of good manners is heavily stressed throughout our history. Imām Mālik said:
“My mother would dress me up in the clothes of the scholars while I was still a young boy and she would tell me, ‘Go to the
Masjid and seek knowledge from Imām ar-Rabiʿah; study his manners before you take from his knowledge.’”
Another famous story involves his student, Imām Ash-Shafī’. He was once away from home for two years and
decided to return home to his mother. Upon arrival, he knocked on the door but before she opened, she
asked: “What are you coming back with?”
He immediately replied, “I have come with knowledge and manners.”
However this answer was not satisfactory to his mother and she refused to let him in, saying “Go back, for
you have not come back with anything.”
Of course Imām Ash-Shafi’ was surprised; having exerted so much effort seeking knowledge, as his mother
had wished for him. He decided to visit Imām Malik and explained what had happened.
Imām Malik, having had a similar upbringing, replied to him, “When you go back, tell her you have come back
with manners and knowledge”. Because good manners always comes before knowledge. Imām Ash-Shafi’
returned and answered in this way; upon this, his mother opened the door and took him into her embrace.
Any parent naturally appreciates being treated with good manners and seeing their children act with good
manners towards others. Its importance in Islām is paramount. Possessing a broad scope, encompassing
many different behaviours, we have selected just a few aspects of manners to mention here.
We have thus far discussed aḥadīth pertaining to creedal, devotional and behavioural dimensions of Islamic
tarbiyah and mentioned the importance of reading these regularly, pondering over them, and putting them
into action ourselves – with the aim of pleasing our Rabb whilst instilling these values and principles in our
children.
Any parent wants the best for their child, that is, first and foremost, success in the Hereafter, and it is well
known that the old approach of “Do as I say, not as I do” is not only ineffective, but quite often counter-
productive.
The final part of this collection covers further narrations that we should reflect upon and strive to implement
their teachings in our daily lives. Some of these are related to the development of skills, others behavioural
development and others creedal. In reality, a number of these cover multiple dimensions of tarbiyah; such
was the brevity of the speech of our beloved Prophet (sall Allāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam).
We begin with two aḥadīth related to strength:
32. The Messenger of Allāh (sall Allāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam) said, “A strong believer is better and dearer to
Allāh than a weak one, and both are good. Adhere to that which is beneficial for you. Keep asking Allāh for
help and do not refrain from it.”
33. The Messenger of Allāh (sall Allāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam) said: “When any one of you sees anything that is
disapproved (of by Allāh), let him change it with his hand. If he is not able to do so, then let him change it
with his tongue. And if he is not able to do so, then let him change it with his heart, though that is the
weakest (kind of) faith.”
The first ḥadīth highlights the importance of our seeking strength as believers in all aspects, including physical
strength. When parents think about tarbiyah, we must not limit our focus to the spiritual side alone. Rather,
nurturing our children includes teaching them the need to eat healthily, exercise regularly, and gain physical
strength – for the sake of being more beloved to Allāh.
The strength referred to is also in terms of strength of faith and reliance upon Allāh, and this is further
touched upon in the second ḥadīth regarding stopping evil when we see it.
The next narration teaches us about the way to look at life; remembering to always be grateful for the good
we are blessed with and remaining patient in tougher times.
34. The Messenger of Allāh (sall Allāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam) said: “How wonderful is the affair of the
believer, for his affairs are all good, and this applies to no one but the believer. If something good happens to
him, he is thankful for it and that is good for him. If something bad happens to him, he bears it with patience
and that is good for him.”
One of the salaf once said that no calamity befalls him except that he praises Allāh for not giving him a
greater calamity; for not allowing the calamity to affect his faith; for allowing him to have patience; and for
allowing him to attain reward for having patience. Allāhu Akbar! May we successfully raise our children to
possess this outlook.
35. The Messenger of Allāh (sall Allāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam) said: “Have taqwa (fear) of Allāh wherever you
may be, and follow up a bad deed with a good deed which will wipe it out, and behave well towards the
people.”
This ḥadīth teaches us of the need to have consciousness of Allāh wherever we are, at all times and in all
places, so that we may always fulfil His rights; to follow any shortfall or sin with a good act, so that we may
fulfil the rights of our own selves and not harm our Hereafter, and lastly; to behave well towards others so
that we may fulfil the rights of man. In three short sentences, we are taught all we need to look after the
rights of all, subḥānAllāh.
36. A person came to Allāh’s Messenger (sall Allāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam) and said: Who among the people
is most deserving of a fine treatment from my hand? He said: Your mother. He again said: Then who (is the
next one)? He said: Again it is your mother (who deserves the best treatment from you). He said: Then who
(is the next one)? He (the Holy Prophet) said: Again, it is your mother. He (again) said: Then who? Thereupon
he said: Then it is your father.
37. ʿAbd-Allāh b. Hishām (raḍiy Allāhu ʿanhu) said: We were with the Prophet (sall Allāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam)
when he was holding the hand of ʿUmar b. al-Khaṭṭāb. ʿUmar said to him: “O Messenger of Allāh, you are
dearer to me than everything except my own self.” The Prophet (sall Allāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam) said: “No, by
the One in Whose hand is my soul, not until I am dearer to you than your own self.” ʿUmar said to him:
“Now, by Allāh, you are dearer to me than my own self.” The Prophet (sall Allāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam) said:
“Now (you are a true believer), O ʿUmar.”
The two narrations above teach us who, from Allāh’s creation, our hearts should be most attached to. We
love the Prophet (sall Allāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam) and seek to follow him in everything we do. By regularly
reading his sīrah and knowing his companions and their stories, we are inshāAllāh able to build a strong
attachment to him in our households. If we truly love someone, we must undoubtedly spend time learning
about him!
As for the one most deserving of love from those present in our lives, then, of course our amazing mothers
cannot be matched. This narration is well known and we all want our children to implement it towards their
own mothers (and fathers) – but let it be a reminder to us to honour our own parents and always treat them
with as much love and respect as possible.
38. The Messenger of Allāh (sall Allāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam) said, “Allāh makes the way to Jannah easy for
him who treads the path in search of knowledge.”
39. The Prophet (sall Allāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam) said, “Convey (my teachings) to the people even if it were a
single sentence, and tell others the stories of Banī Israel (which have been taught to you), for it is not sinful
to do so.”
These two stress the virtue of seeking (beneficial) knowledge and passing it on. We should aim to raise
children who have a passion for acquiring beneficial knowledge and putting it into action. As always, leading
by example is key and we should be cautious not to fall into thinking we may be too old to seek knowledge
ourselves – every one of us, at all ages, should be on a path of knowledge – at the very least spending time
learning the Qur’ān.
The ḥadīth below teaches us of the virtue of looking after orphans; something which those of us living in the
West have great opportunity to do through the number of charities offering orphan sponsorships. We must
do all we can to instil in our children the love of giving and helping those in need.
40. The Messenger of Allāh (sall Allāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam) said: “I and the sponsor of an orphan shall be
in Paradise like these two.” And he indicated with his fingers, meaning his index and his middle finger.
41. Allāh’s Messenger (sall Allāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam) is reported as saying: “He who called (people) to
righteousness, there would be reward (assured) for him like the rewards of those who adhered to it,
without their rewards being diminished in any respect. And he who called (people) to error, he shall have to
carry (the burden) of its sin, like those who committed it, without their sins being diminished in any
respect.”
This narration should motivate us to call to good, to be involved in da’wah, enjoining the good and forbidding
the evil. It provides an encouragement to parents and perhaps eldest siblings to lead the way, knowing that
their reward will be multiplied many times over if their example is followed.
The next ḥadīth is an amazing narration that teaches us and our children about placing our total trust in Allāh.
It is from amongst the most precious of advice we can pass on to our children and something we should all be
regularly reminding ourselves of. It is perhaps especially beneficial in reminding our children reaching
adolescence not to fear being different and to remain steadfast upon that which pleases Allāh.
42. ʿAbdullāh b. ʿAbbās (raḍiy Allāhu ʿanhu) said: One day, I was behind the Prophet (sall Allāhu ʿalayhi
wa sallam) so he said to me: “O young man, I am going to teach you some words. Be mindful of Allāh, and He
will protect you. Be mindful of Allāh, and you will find Him facing you. If you ask, then ask of Allāh. If you seek
aid, then seek aid in Allāh. Know that if the entire Ummah were to gather in order to benefit you with
something, they could not benefit you with anything except with that which Allāh has written for you. And if
the entire Ummah were to gather in order to harm you with something, they could not harm you with
anything except with what Allāh has written against you. The pen has been lifted and the pages have dried.”
The final ḥadīth included in this series is a story for all ages that teaches us the importance of gratefulness
and truthfulness.
43. Abū Hurayrah reported that he heard Allāh’s Messenger (sall Allāhu ʿalayhi wa sallam) saying, “Allāh
willed to test three Israelites who were a Leper, a blind man and a bald-headed man. So, he sent them an
angel who came to the leper and said, ‘What thing do you like most?’ He replied, ‘Good colour and good skin,
for the people have a strong aversion to me.’ The angel touched him and his illness was cured, and he was
given a good colour and beautiful skin. The angel asked him, ‘What kind of property do you like best?’ He
replied, ‘Camels (or cows).’ (The narrator is in doubt, for either the leper or the bald-headed man demanded
camels and the other demanded cows). So he (i.e. the leper) was given a pregnant she-camel, and the angel
said (to him), ‘May Allāh bless you through it.’
The angel then went to the bald-headed man and said, ‘What thing do you like most?’ He said, ‘I like good
hair and wish to be cured of this disease, for the people feel repulsion for me.’ The angel touched him and his
illness was cured, and he was given good hair. The angel asked (him), ‘What kind of property do you like
best?’ He replied, ‘Cows,’ the angel gave him a pregnant cow and said, ‘May Allāh bless you through it.’
The angel went to the blind man and asked, ‘What thing do you like best?’ He said, ‘(I like) that Allāh may
restore my eye-sight to me so that I may see the people.’ The angel touched his eyes and Allāh gave him back
his eye-sight. The angel asked him, ‘What kind of property do you like best?’ He replied, ‘Sheep.’ The angel
gave him a pregnant sheep. Afterwards, all the three pregnant animals gave birth to young ones, and
multiplied and brought forth so much that one of the (three) men had a herd of camels filling a valley, and
one had a herd of cows filling a valley, and one had a flock of sheep filling a valley.
Then the angel, disguised in the shape and appearance of a leper, went to the leper and said, I am a poor
man, who has lost all means of livelihood while on a journey. None will satisfy my need except Allāh and then
you. In the Name of Him Who has given you such nice colour and beautiful skin, and so much property, I ask
you to give me a camel so that I may reach my destination. The man replied, ‘I have many obligations (so I
cannot give you).’ The angel said, ‘I think I know you; were you not a leper to whom the people had a strong
aversion? Were you not a poor man, and then Allāh gave you (all this property)?’ He replied, ‘(This is all
wrong), I got this property through inheritance from my fore-fathers.’ The angel said, ‘If you are telling a lie,
then let Allāh make you as you were before.
Then the angel, disguised in the shape and appearance of a bald man, went to the bald man and said to him
the same as he told the first one, and he too answered the same as the first one did. The angel said, ‘If you
are telling a lie, then let Allāh make you as you were before.’
The angel, disguised in the shape of a blind man, went to the blind man and said, ‘I am a poor man and a
traveller, whose means of livelihood have been exhausted while on a journey. I have nobody to help me
except Allāh, and after Him, you yourself. I ask you in the Name of Him Who has given you back your eye-
sight to give me a sheep, so that with its help, I may complete my journey.’
The man said, ‘No doubt, I was blind and Allāh gave me back my eye-sight; I was poor and Allāh made me
rich; so take anything you wish from my property. By Allāh, I will not stop you for taking anything (you need)
of my property which you may take for Allāh’s sake.’ The angel replied, ‘Keep your property with you. You
(i.e. the three men) have been tested, and Allāh is pleased with you and is angry with your two companions.”
We ask Allāh to enable us to draw many more lessons from these narrations and implement the fruits of
them in our lives, and to enable us to nurture our children in the best of ways so that we are all from His
most beloved slaves. Amīn.
Source: www.islam21c.com
Notes:
32. Muslim, reported by Abū Hurayrah
33. Muslim, on the authority of Abu Sa’id al-Khudri
34. Muslim, reported by Suhayb
35. Tirmidhi, reported by Muadh ibn Jabal
36. Muslim, reported by Abū Hurayrah
37. Al Bukhārī
38. Muslim, reported by Abū Hurayrah
39. Al Bukhārī, narrated by ʿAbdullah b. ʿAmr
40. Tirmidhi, narrated by Sahl bin Sa’d
41. Muslim, reported by Abu Hurayrah
42. Tirmidhi
43. Al Bukhari, narrated by Abu Hurayrah