8 Mistakes Parents Make With Preschoolers

Find out how you can avoid these common parenting missteps.

By Jennifer Soong

Sometimes, it may seem like your preschooler has the innate ability to push you to the outer edge of your
patience. And that's on a good day.

Fear not, moms and dads. You're not alone. Preschoolers want to own their newfound independence. But they
also want the close attention and love of their caregivers.

Michele Borba, EdD, author of The Big Book of Parenting Solutions, says, "These ages (3-5) are among the
most active and frustrating in terms of parenting.

Here are eight common mistakes parents of preschoolers make and some smart fixes to help avoid or resolve
problems.

1. Straying Too Much From Routines

Consistency is key for preschoolers, says pediatrician Tanya Remer Altmann, author of Mommy Calls: Dr.
Tanya Answers Parents' Top 101 Questions about Babies and Toddlers.

When you're not being consistent with your routine, preschoolers get confused and may act out more or throw
more temper tantrums. Altmann says, "If sometimes you let them do something and sometimes you don't, they
don't understand."

Your child probably wants to know why last time Mommy let her play on the playground for 10 minutes when
school got out but this time wants her to get in the car right away. Or why did Mommy lay down with her for 10
minutes last night while she fell asleep but now says she can't.

Fix it: Be consistent across the board -- whether it's with discipline, sleep habits, or mealtime routines.

Altmann says if your routine is consistent 90% of the time and your child is doing well, then so are you, and a
minor exception may be OK.

2. Focusing on the Negative

It's easy to hone in on your child's negative actions -- like yelling and screaming -- and ignore the good ones.

Altmann says parents tend to focus on what they don't want their preschoolers to do. "They'll say, 'Don't hit.
Don't throw. Don't say 'poopy pants,'" she says.

Fix it: Notice when your child is doing something positive, and reward the good behavior.

The reward for positive actions can be your praise, or it can be giving your child a big hug or kiss. "Those types
of things really go a long way with preschoolers," Altmann says.

Tell your child, "I like the way you sat quietly and listened," or "That was good when you were so friendly to
the child on the playground."

3. Missing the Warning Signs

Parents often try to reason with children when they're in the throes of a temper tantrum, repeating, "Calm down,
calm down." But that's like trying to reason with a goldfish, Borba says. "You've got power immediately
beforehand when you can still distract or anticipate. But once the tantrum is in full force, you've lost it. The kid
is not hearing you."

Fix it: Figure out and anticipate what your kid's natural warning signs are, Borba says. The usual ones are
hunger, fatigue, and boredom.
So don't take your child to the supermarket unless she's napped or you've stashed a healthy snack in your purse.

4. Encouraging Whining
Does your child's whining drive you crazy? For instance, does it drive you up the wall when, right before
dinnertime while getting ready to preparing food, your child starts crying, "I wanna go to the park," or "I wanna
go play with Riley."

Borba says parents often give in to these whines, but this only reinforces the attention-getting behavior. Your
child will figure out which buttons to push and then push them over and over again.

"This is the age when your children come out of their shells," she says. "Watch out, because they figure out
what works."

Fix it: Ignore it.

For behavior that isn't aggressive, like a whine or sulk, you're better off if you don't respond to it at all. If you're
consistent, Borba says, your child will think, "Well, that didn't work."

5. Overscheduling Your Child

Parents often line up a slew of activities, like dance or music classes. Then they wonder why their child isn't
getting in bed and falling asleep right away after so many activities that must have made her tired.

The problem, Altmann says, is that they're still wound up and need time to calm down. Every child needs down
time, especially preschoolers, she says. Whether your child is at preschool for two hours or there all day, it can
be very exhausting.

Fix it: Don't overschedule your child or shuttle him from one activity to the next. Give your child time to
unwind with free play when he gets home from school.

6. Underestimating the Importance of Play

Many parents feel they should sign their children up for enrichment programs to give them an edge. But that's
not really the case.

What's most enriching at this age, says psychologist Lawrence J. Cohen, author of Playful Parenting, is free
play. That includes dramatic play (make believe), rough housing, and goofing around.

"Free play is how children's brains develop best," he says. "In play, children will naturally give themselves the
right amount of challenge -- not too easy or too hard."

Fix it: Allow your child time and space for free play. Remember that preschoolers define play as "what you do
when you get to choose what to do."

Free choice -- the voluntary aspect of play -- is important, Cohen says. "Preschoolers love to vacuum or do
housework, but it's play. It's not on their chore list. They've chosen to do it and they're just doing it for fun," he
says.

7. Getting Distracted By the Daily Grind

Your child may play well independently, but that doesn't mean he or she doesn't crave your attention. "There's
something children miss out on if parents don't get on the floor and play with them," Cohen says.

Not only do parents not get down and play, many parents are too easily distracted by their cell phone, email, or
other multitasking. "Kids aren't dumb," Cohen says. "They know whether we're really paying attention or not."

Fix it: Set a timer, be enthusiastic, and stay involved for your designated play period with your child.

"A half an hour of concentrated play where you give your undivided attention and you're not worried about
dinner or work," Cohen says, "is better than all day when you're only half paying attention."
8. Overreacting to Lies
Cohen says lying really freaks parents out. He urges parents to see the behavior as experimenting rather than as
"a moral thing."

"When children start to lie, it's a big cognitive advance," he says. "It's kind of exciting and a little bit scary. It
has an emotional charge. But then parents freak out and have visions of their child in prison, so they get very
tense and anxious about it."

Fix it: Don't overreact. Know that telling a fib or two is a normal part of your child's development.

And don't get hung up on the lie itself, Cohen says. For instance, if your little Pinocchio is denying he had
anything to do with a spill, you can say matter-of-factly, "You feel bad about that and I understand."

Effective parenting takes time, patience, and love. It also takes remembering that changes may not happen
overnight. But as the old maxim goes, "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again." And again.

7 Tips for Disciplining Your Toddler

Keep your kids in line with these simple strategies.

Toddlers Behaving Badly

As a 2-year-old, Nathaniel Lampros, of Sandy, Utah, was fascinated with toy swords and loved to duel with
Kenayde, his 4-year-old sister. But inevitably, he'd whack her in the head, she'd dissolve in tears, and Angela,
their mother, would come running to see what had happened. She'd ask Nathaniel to apologize, as well as give
Kenayde a hug and make her laugh to pacify hurt feelings. If he resisted, Angela would put her son in time-out.

"I worried that Nathaniel would never outgrow his rough behavior, and there were days when I'd get so
frustrated with him that I'd end up crying," recalls Lampros, now a mother of four. "But I really wanted
Nathaniel to play nicely, so I did my best to teach him how to do it."

For many mothers, doling out effective discipline is one of the toughest and most frustrating tasks of parenting,
a seemingly never-ending test of wills between you and your child. Because just when your 2-year-old "gets"
that she can't thump her baby brother in the head with a doll, she'll latch on to another bothersome behavior --
and the process starts anew.

What exactly does it mean to "discipline" a toddler? Some people equate it with spanking and punishment, but
that's not what we're talking about. As many parenting experts see it, discipline is about setting rules to stop
your little one from engaging in behavior that's aggressive (hitting and biting), dangerous (running out in the
street), and inappropriate (throwing food). It's also about following through with consequences when he breaks
the rules -- or what Linda Pearson, a Denver-based psychiatric nurse practitioner who specializes in family and
parent counseling, calls "being a good boss." Here are seven strategies that can help you set limits and stop bad
behavior.

1. Pick Your Battles

"If you're always saying, 'No, no, no,' your child will tune out the no and won't understand your priorities," says
Pearson, author of The Discipline Miracle (AMACOM). "Plus you can't possibly follow through on all of the
nos.'" Define what's important to you, set limits accordingly, and follow through with appropriate consequences.
Then ease up on little things that are annoying but otherwise fall into the "who cares?" category -- the habits
your child is likely to outgrow, such as insisting on wearing purple (and only purple).

For Anna Lucca, of Washington, D.C., that means letting her 2-1/2-year-old daughter trash her bedroom before
she dozes off for a nap. "I find books and clothes scattered all over the floor when Isabel wakes up, so she must
get out of bed to play after I put her down," Lucca says. "I tell her not to make a mess, but she doesn't listen.
Rather than try to catch her in the act and say, 'No, no, no,' I make her clean up right after her nap." Lucca is
also quick to praise Isabel for saying please and sharing toys with her 5-month-old sister. "Hopefully, the
positive reinforcement will encourage Isabel to do more of the good behavior -- and less of the bad," she says.

2. Know Your Child's Triggers

Some misbehavior is preventable -- as long as you can anticipate what will spark it and you create a game plan
in advance, such as removing tangible temptations. This strategy worked for Jean Nelson, of Pasadena,
California, after her 2-year-old son took delight in dragging toilet paper down the hall, giggling as the roll
unfurled behind him. "The first two times Luke did it, I told him, 'No,' but when he did it a third time, I moved
the toilet paper to a high shelf in the bathroom that he couldn't reach," Nelson says. "For a toddler, pulling toilet
paper is irresistible fun. It was easier to take it out of his way than to fight about it."

If your 18-month-old is prone to grabbing cans off grocery store shelves, bring along some toys for him to play
with in the cart while you're shopping. If your 2-year-old won't share her stuffed animals during playdates at
home, remove them from the designated play area before her pal arrives. And if your 3-year-old likes to draw
on the walls, stash the crayons in an out-of-reach drawer and don't let him color without supervision. Also,
some children act out when they're hungry, overtired, or frustrated from being cooped up inside, says Harvey
Karp, MD, creator of the DVD and book The Happiest Toddler on the Block (Bantam). Make sure your child
eats healthy snacks, gets enough sleep (a minimum of 10 hours at night, plus a one- to two-hour nap), and plays
outside to burn off energy -- even in chilly weather.

3. Be Consistent

"Between the ages of 2 and 3, children are working hard to understand how their behavior impacts the people
around them," says Claire Lerner, LCSW, director of parenting resources with Zero to Three, a nationwide
nonprofit promoting the healthy development of babies and toddlers. "If your reaction to a situation keeps
changing -- one day you let your son throw a ball in the house and the next you don't -- you'll confuse him with
mixed signals."

There's no timetable as to how many incidents and reprimands it will take before your child stops a certain
misbehavior. But if you always respond the same way, he'll probably learn his lesson after four or five times.
Consistency was key for Orly Isaacson, of Bethesda, Maryland, when her 18-month-old went through a biting
phase. Each time Sasha chomped on Isaacson's finger, she used a louder-than-usual voice to correct her --
"Nooooooooo, Sasha! Don't bite! That hurts Mommy!" -- and then handed her a toy as a distraction. "I'm very
low-key, so raising my voice startled Sasha and got the message across fast," she says. A caveat: by age 2,
many kids learn how to make their parents lose resolve just by being cute. Don't let your child's tactics sway
you -- no matter how cute (or clever) they are.

4. Don't Get Emotional

Sure, it's hard to stay calm when your 18-month-old yanks the dog's tail or your 3-year-old refuses to brush his
teeth for the gazillionth night in a row. But if you scream in anger, the message you're trying to send will get
lost and the situation will escalate -- fast. "When a child is flooded with a parent's negative mood, he'll see the
emotion and won't hear what you're saying," explains William Coleman, MD, professor of pediatrics at the
University of North Carolina Medical School, in Chapel Hill. Indeed, an angry reaction will only enhance the
entertainment value for your child, so resist the urge to raise your voice. Take a deep breath, count to three, and
get down to your child's eye level. Be fast and firm, serious and stern when you deliver the reprimand.

5. Keep It Short and Simple

If you're like most first-time mothers, you tend to reason with your child when she breaks rules, offering
detailed explanations about what she did wrong and issuing detailed threats about the privileges she'll lose if she
doesn't stop misbehaving. But as a discipline strategy, overtalking is as ineffective as becoming overly
emotional, warns Dr. Coleman. While an 18-month-old lacks the cognitive ability to understand complex
sentences, a 2- or 3-year-old with more developed language skills still lacks the attention span to absorb what
you're saying. Instead, speak in short phrases, repeating them a few times and incorporating vocal inflections
and facial expressions, Dr. Coleman advises. For example, if your 18-month-old swats your arm, say, "No,
Jake! Don't hit Mommy! That hurts! No hitting. No hitting." A 2-year-old can comprehend a bit more: "Evan,
no jumping on the sofa! No jumping. Jumping is dangerous -- you could fall. No jumping!" And a 3-year-old
can process cause and effect, so state the consequences of the behavior: "Ashley, your teeth need to be brushed.
You can brush them -- or I can brush them for you. You decide. The longer it takes, the less time we'll have to
read Dr. Seuss."

6. Give a Time-Out
If repeated reprimands, redirection, and loss of privileges haven't cured your child of his offending behavior,
consider putting him in time-out for a minute per year of age. "This is an excellent discipline tool for kids who
are doing the big-time no-nos," Dr. Karp explains. Before imposing a time-out, put a serious look on your face
and give a warning in a stern tone of voice ("I'm counting to three, and if you don't stop, you're going to time-
out. One, two, THREE!"). If she doesn't listen, take her to the quiet and safe spot you've designated for time-
outs, and set a timer. When it goes off, ask her to apologize and give her a big hug to convey that you're not
angry. "Nathaniel hated going to time-out for hitting his sister with the plastic sword, but I was clear about the
consequences and stuck with it," says Angela Lampros. "After a few weeks, he learned his lesson." Indeed,
toddlers don't like to be separated from their parents and toys, so eventually the mere threat of a time-out should
be enough to stop them in their tracks.

7. Stay Positive
No matter how frustrated you feel about your child's misbehavior, don't vent about it in front of him. "If people
heard their boss at work say, 'I don't know what to do with my employees. They run the company, and I feel
powerless to do anything about it,' they'd lose respect for him and run the place even more," says Pearson. "It's
the same thing when children hear their parents speak about them in a hopeless or negative way. They won't
have a good image of you as their boss, and they'll end up repeating the behavior."

Still, it's perfectly normal to feel exasperated from time to time. If you reach that point, turn to your spouse,
your pediatrician, or a trusted friend for support and advice.

Ages & Stages

Effective discipline starts with understanding where your child falls on the developmental spectrum. Our guide:

 At 18 months your child is curious, fearless, impulsive, mobile, and clueless about the consequences of
her actions -- a recipe for trouble. "My image of an 18-month-old is a child who's running down the hall
away from his mother but looking over his shoulder to see if she's there and then running some more,"
says William Coleman, MD, professor of pediatrics at the Center for Development and Learning at the
University of North Carolina Medical School, in Chapel Hill. "Though he's building a vocabulary and
can follow simple instructions, he can't effectively communicate his needs or understand lengthy
reprimands. He may bite or hit to register his displeasure -- or to get your attention. Consequences of
misbehavior must be immediate. Indeed, if you wait even 10 minutes to react, he won't remember what
he did wrong or tie his action to the consequence, says Linda Pearson, a Denver-based psychiatric nurse
practitioner.
 At age 2 your child is using her developing motor skills to test limits, by running, jumping, throwing,
and climbing. She's speaking a few words at a time, she becomes frustrated when she can't get her point
across, and she's prone to tantrums. She's also self-centered and doesn't like to share. "People call it the
terrible twos, but it's really the 'autonomous twos,'" Dr. Coleman says. Consequences should be swift, as
a 2-year-old is unable to grasp time. But since she still lacks impulse control, give her another chance
soon after the incident, says Claire Lerner, LCSW, director of parenting resources with Zero to Three, a
nationwide nonprofit promoting the healthy development of babies and toddlers.
 At age 3 your child is now a chatterbox; he's using language to argue his point of view. Since he loves
to be with other children and has boundless energy, he may have a tough time playing quietly at home.
"Taking a 3-year-old to a gym or karate class will give him the social contact he craves and let him
release energy," says Harvey Karp, MD, an assistant professor of pediatrics at the University of
California-Los Angeles Medical School. "At this age, kids need that as much as they need affection and
food." He also knows right from wrong, understands cause and effect, and retains information for
several hours. Consequences can be delayed for maximum impact, and explanations can be more
detailed. For example, if he hurls Cheerios at his sister, remind him about the no-food-throwing rule and
explain that if he does it again, he won't get to watch Blues Clues. If he continues to throw food, take it
away from him. When he asks to watch TV, say, "Remember when Mommy told you not to throw cereal
-- and you did anyway? Well, Mommy said the consequence is no Blues Clues today."

7 Secrets of Toddler Discipline

Just saying “no” doesn’t always work. How to get your child to live and learn -- and not lose your cool in
the process.

By Stephanie Watson
Have you ever found yourself in deep negotiations with your 2-year-old over whether she can wear her
princess costume to preschool for the fifth day in a row? Have you taken the "walk of shame" out of the
local supermarket after your toddler threw a temper tantrum on the floor? There may be comfort in knowing
you’re not alone, but that doesn’t make navigating the early years of discipline any easier.

Toddlerhood is a particularly vexing time for parents because this is the age at which children start to
become more independent and discover themselves as individuals. Yet they still have a limited ability to
communicate and reason.

Child development specialist Claire Lerner, director of parenting resources for the nonprofit organization
Zero to Three, says, "They understand that their actions matter -- they can make things happen. This leads
them to want to make their imprint on the world and assert themselves in a way they didn't when they were
a baby. The problem is they have very little self-control and they're not rational thinkers. It's a very
challenging combination."

Here are a few simple toddler discipline strategies to help make life easier for your whole family when your
self-asserting toddler needs direction.

1. Be Consistent
Order and routine give young children a safe haven from what they view as an overwhelming and
unpredictable world, Lerner says. "When there's some predictability and routine, it makes children feel
much more safe and secure, and they tend to be much more behaved and calm because they know what to
expect."

Try to keep to the same schedule every day. That means having consistent nap times, mealtimes, and
bedtimes as well as times when your toddler is free to just run around and have fun.

Warn your child in advance if you do have to make a change. Telling your child "Aunt Jean is going to
watch you tonight while Mommy and Daddy go out for a little bit" will prepare her for a slightly different
routine and may prevent a scene at bedtime.

Consistency is also important when it comes to discipline. When you say "no hitting" the first time your
child smacks another child on the playground, you also need to say "no hitting" the second, third, and fourth
time your child does it.

2. Avoid Stressful Situations

By the time your child has reached the toddler stage, you've spent enough time with him or her to know
what triggers reactions. The most common ones are hunger, sleepiness, and quick changes of venue. Avoid
these potential meltdown scenarios with a little advance planning.

Pediatrician Lisa Asta, associate clinical professor of pediatrics at the University of California, San
Francisco, says, "You have to anticipate, which means you don't go to the grocery store when your child
needs a nap."

Try to make sure your child is home at naptimes, bedtimes, and mealtimes. If you are out, always keep food
on hand in case of a sudden hunger attack. Keep excursions short (that means finding another restaurant if
the one you've chosen has an hour-long wait or doing your grocery shopping at times when the lines are
shortest). Finally, plan ahead so you don't have to rush (particularly when you need to get your child to
preschool and yourself to work in the mornings).

You can ease transitions by involving your child in the process. That can be as simple as setting an egg
timer for five minutes and saying that when it rings it's time to take a bath or get dressed. Or it can be as
easy as giving your child a choice of whether to wear the red or the blue shirt to school.

Remember to think out loud and update your son or daughter about what is next on the schedule. Toddlers
can understand much more than they can express.

3. Think Like a Toddler

Toddlers aren't mini-adults. They have trouble understanding many of the things we take for granted, like
how to follow directions and behave appropriately. Seeing the scenario from a toddler's perspective can help
prevent a tantrum.

"You might say, 'I know, Derek, you don't like getting into the car seat. But it's what we have to do,'" Lerner
says. "So you're not coddling, but you're validating their feelings. You have to set the limit, but you do it in
a way that respects the child, and you use it as an opportunity to help them learn to cope with life's
frustrations and rules and regulations."

Giving choices also shows that you respect your toddler and recognize the child's feelings. Asking your
child if he or she wants to bring a favorite book in the car or take along a snack can make the child feel as
though he or she has some control over the situation while you remain in charge, Lerner says.

4. Practice the Art of Distraction

Make your toddler's short attention span work for you. When your child throws the ball against the dining
room wall for the 10th time after you've said to stop, it's pretty easy to redirect your child to a more
productive activity, like trading the ball for a favorite book or moving the game outside.

Rex Forehand, the Heinz and Rowena Ansbacher Professor of Psychology at the University of Vermont and
author of Parenting the Strong-Willed Child, says, "[Parents] need to create an environment that is most
conducive to good toddler behavior. If they're into something they're not supposed to do, the idea is not to
punish them but to get another activity going or pick them up and put them in another room."

5. Give Your Child a Break

Time-outs are one of the foundations of child discipline, but they may not be the best approach for the
toddler stage. The negative implication of being sent away can teach kids that they're bad rather than
promote good behavior.

f you do give your child a time-out, limit it to just a minute or two at this age. Instead of calling it a time-
out, which can be confusing to children under 3, refer to it as something more positive.

Lerner suggests creating a "cozy corner," a safe place free from distractions and stimulation where your
child can just chill out for a few minutes until he or she can get back in control. That time away can help
you regroup as well.

Correct bad behaviors, but also take the time to praise good behaviors. Asta says, "If you don't tell your
child when they're doing the right thing, sometimes they'll do the wrong thing just to get attention." When
you tell your toddler he or she has done something good, there's a good chance your child will want to do it
again.

6. Stay Calm
It’s easy for your blood pressure to reach the boiling point when you’re in the middle of watching your child
throw a tantrum. But losing control will quickly escalate an already stressful situation. Give yourself some
time to cool off, Forehand says. "Otherwise, you're venting your own anger. In the end that's going to make
you, as a parent, feel worse and guilty. And it's not going to do your child any good."

"I call it the 'Stepford Wife' approach," Lerner says. "As your child screams, say, 'I know, I know,' but stay
completely calm as you pick him up. Don't show any emotion."

Sometimes the best tactic is to ignore the behavior entirely. "You just literally act like they're not doing what
they're doing," Lerner says. "You ignore the behavior you want to stop." When your child realizes that his
screaming fit is not going to get him a second lollipop or your attention, eventually he'll get tired of yelling.

Your child may drive you so close to the breaking point that you're tempted to spank him. But most experts
warn against the practice. "When we spank, kids learn that physical punishment is acceptable. And so we
are modeling exactly what we don't want our kids to do," Forehand says. At the toddler stage, redirection
and brief breaks are far more effective discipline tactics, he says.
 7. Know When to Give In
Certain things in a toddler's life are nonnegotiable. She has to eat, brush her teeth, and ride in a car seat. She
also has to take baths once in a while. Hitting and biting are never OK. But many other issues aren't worth
the headache of an argument. Pick your battles.

"You have to decide whether it's worth fighting about, and about half the time it's not worth fighting about,"
Asta says. That means it's OK to let your son wear his superhero costume to the grocery store or read The
Giving Tree 10 times in a row. Once he gets what he wants, you can gradually get him to shift in another
direction -- like wearing another outfit or picking out a different book to read.

Finally, know that it's OK to feel stressed out by your toddler sometimes. "Realize that none of us as parents
is perfect -- we do the best we can. There are going to be days that we're better at this than other days,"
Forehand says. "But if we parent consistently and have consistent rules, then we're going to see more good
days than bad days."

9 Mistakes to Avoid With Your Toddler

These parenting missteps are common, but you can navigate around them with smart strategies.

By David Freeman

Toddlers -- full of energy and eager to test your limits as well as their legs -- can be a particular challenge for
parents. But even though children don't come with an owner’s manual, the adventure can be more fun if you're
aware of a few common mistakes parents make and how to avoid them.

Mistake 1: Being Inconsistent

Toddlers do best when they know what to expect, whether it's what time they bathe and go to bed or what
consequences they'll face for misbehaving. The more consistent and predictable things are, the more resilient
and agreeable a toddler is likely to be.

Fix it: As much as you can, keep regular routines for your child. Consistency can be a challenge when parents
(or other caregivers) don't see eye to eye.

If you're not sure how best to react when your child dumps food on the floor or ignores bedtime, sit down with
your partner to decide ahead of time how you'll both respond -- and then stick with it.

"You don't want to send mixed messages," pediatrician Tanya Remer Altmann, the author of Mommy Calls: Dr.
Tanya Answers Parents' Top 101 Questions about Babies and Toddlers, says, "you really want to be
consistent."

Mistake 2: Overdoing Family Time

It's fun to spend time with the whole family. But some parents go overboard on family time.

Clinical psychologist Thomas Phelan, author of 1-2-3 Magic, says, "Kids cherish time alone with one parent."
He points out, "One-on-one time is fun for parents too, because there's no sibling rivalry to contend with."

Fix it: It's easy to spend one-on-one time with a toddler. Phelan recommends simply getting down on the floor
together and playing. At bedtime, enjoy reading a book together or tell stories to your child.

Mistake 3: Offering Too Much Help

Some parents jump in to help a toddler who is having trouble doing something. Before you do, consider the
possibility that helping your child complete a puzzle or put on a shirt may send the message that he or she can't
do it alone.
"Parents who offer too much help may be sabotaging their young children's ability to become self-reliant,"
Betsy Brown Braun, author of You're Not the Boss of Me, says.

Fix it: "We need to teach children to tolerate struggle," Braun says.

At the same time, there’s nothing wrong with offering praise and encouragement. "Be a cheerleader," Braun
says. "Say, 'You can do this!'"

Mistake 4: Talking Too Much

Talking with toddlers is usually a terrific idea, but not when it's time to rein in errant behavior.

Imagine a mom has just said "no" to her 2-year-old's request for a cookie. The child fusses. Mom explains that
it's suppertime. The child grabs a cookie anyway. Mom takes it away and tries again to explain herself to her
now tearful child. Back and forth it goes with mounting frustration on both sides.

"Talking can lead to what I call the talk-persuade-argue-yell-hit pattern," Phelan says. "Toddlers are not adults
in a little body. They're not logical, and they just can't assimilate what you are saying to them."

Fix it: Once you tell your toddler to do something, Phelan says, don't talk about it or make eye contact. If the
child disobeys, give a brief verbal warning or count to three. If the child refuses to toe the line, give a time-out
or another immediate consequence. No explaining.

Mistake 5: Serving Only Kiddie Food

Does your toddler seem to eat nothing but chicken fingers and fries? Are goldfish crackers the only fish he or
she eats? As some parents realize too late, toddlers fed a steady diet of nutritionally iffy kid's foods may resist
eating anything else.

Fix it: Encourage your child to try "grown-up" fare. "A good percentage of kids are willing to try a new food if
they see mommy and daddy enjoying it," Altmann says. "If they push back, keep putting it on their plate. Some
kids need to try things a dozen or more times before they take to it."

But don't worry too much if your toddler is a picky eater. "Most toddlers are," Braun says. "Children love the
fight over food. If we make a fuss about it, it becomes a much bigger deal than it needs to be."

Braun's advice is not to worry as long as there's something your child can eat on the plate. Do not allow
yourself, she says, to become your child's short-order cook.

Mistake 6: Getting Rid of the Crib

Cribs do more than keep little ones safe. They promote good sleep habits.

A toddler moved too soon into a "real" bed may have trouble staying in bed or falling asleep and so may end up
climbing into bed with mommy and daddy.

"Some moms wear themselves out because they have to lie down with their child every night," Altmann says.
"They don't realize they're the ones who set the pattern."

Fix it: The time to get rid of the crib is when your child asks for a bed or starts climbing out of the crib. For
most kids, that comes between the ages of 2 and 3 or when a child reaches a height of about 35 inches.

Mistake 7: Starting Potty Training Too Soon

Some parents cajole their children into using the toilet when they think it's time and issue harsh reprimands
when things go awry. That can lead to a power struggle.

Fix it: "Children learn to use the toilet when they're ready," Altmann says. "The process shouldn't be rushed."

But you can set the stage. Show your toddler the toilet. Explain its use. If you feel comfortable doing so, let
your child watch you use the toilet and offer praise if he or she gives it a whirl.
What if your child is still in diapers at age 4? "Don't worry," Altmann says. "No child is ever going to go to
college in diapers."

Mistake 8: Allowing Too Much Screen Time

Toddlers who watch lots of TV often have more trouble learning later on. And studies suggest that kids under
the age of 2 can't really take in what's being displayed on TV and computer screens.

Fix it: Keep your toddler busy with reading and other creative pursuits. Have conversations-and encourage
talking as well as listening. "The longer you can hold off exposing your child to TV, the better," Altmann says.

Mistake 9: Trying to Stop a Tantrum

Some parents worry that an out-of-control child makes them seem like ineffectual parents. But all toddlers have
tantrums. When they do, it's pointless to try to talk them out of it -- even if the drama is unfolding in front of
company or in a public place.

"When we are in public and dealing with a child, we feel judged," Braun says. "We feel like there is a neon sign
over our heads saying we are incompetent parents."

Fix it: Braun says parents must remember that the child matters more than the opinions of other people --
especially strangers.

If people glare or offer unwanted advice, simply smile and say something like, "Gosh, do you remember what it
was like?" Then scoop up the wailing child and find a place away from prying eyes for the tantrum to run its
course. Once it does, offer the child a hug and go on with your day.

How to Handle a Temper Tantrum

In this Article

 Tantrum Triggers
 How to Stop the Screaming
 Tantrum Prevention Tactics

You're standing in the snack aisle of the supermarket. Lying at your feet is your toddler, who has just been
informed (by you) that, no, she cannot have the Cinderella fruit snacks. Her face has turned a shade somewhere
between red and purple. Her fists are pounding the floor in fury as she emits a shriek that can be heard in the
farthest reaches of the parking lot. The other shoppers are gaping at this spectacle as you wish desperately for a
hole to open in the floor and swallow you up.

Many a parent has been through a scenario like this, although the tantrum might have taken a slightly different
form; crying, hitting, kicking, stomping, throwing things, and breath holding are all popular tantrum techniques.

Temper tantrums are exceedingly common in children, especially between ages 1 and 4 -- the early part of
which is sometimes called the "terrible 2s" -- when kids are still learning how to communicate effectively. More
than half of young children will have one or more tantrums a week as they vent their frustrations and protest
their lack of control.

Although they are a normal part of the toddler repertoire, temper tantrums can be distressing to parents. When
they occur infrequently, tantrums aren't a big deal and are best ignored. It's when they become regular or intense
that parents need to look into what's causing them and find ways to stop them.

Tantrum Triggers
Some children are more prone to tantrums, particularly kids who are intense, hyperactive, or moody, or kids
who don't adapt well to new environments. For most toddlers, tantrums are simply a way of getting out their
frustration and testing limits (Will mommy buy me that toy if I scream really loud?).
The smallest things, from asking them to take a bath while they're in the middle of watching Sesame Street to
requesting that they share a favorite stuffed animal with a younger sibling, can set off young children. Any
situation that involves change may spawn a tantrum. Add fatigue or hunger to the equation and children, their
threshold for tolerance even lower, are even more likely to throw a tantrum.

How to Stop the Screaming

The easiest way to stop a temper tantrum is to give the child what he wants. Obviously, that strategy won't do
you any good in the long run, because your child will constantly go into tantrum mode whenever he wants
something.

The first step in diffusing a temper tantrum is to keep your own temper in check. You're not going to get
anywhere with your child if both of you are screaming at each other. Spanking your child is also not a good
option, and it will only make the tantrum worse. Take a deep breath, gain control over your emotions, and then
discipline your child by calmly but firmly letting him know that tantrums are not acceptable behavior.

If your child still won't calm down and you know the tantrum is just a ploy to get your attention, don't give in.
Even if you have to walk through the supermarket dragging your screaming toddler, just ignore the tantrum. It is
easier said then done, but stick to your guns and eventually the duration will lesson and she will know you are
serious and this is not going to work. Once your child realizes the temper tantrum isn't getting her anywhere,
she'll stop screaming.

If your child is upset to the point of being inconsolable or out of control, hold him tightly to calm him down.
Tell him gently that you love him but that you're not going to give him what he wants. If that doesn't work,
remove him from the situation and put him in a time-out for a minute or two to give him time to calm down.
The general guideline for the length of a time-out is one minute per year of the child's age.

Tantrum Prevention Tactics

Instead of having to stop a temper tantrum after it starts, prevent it by following these tips:

 Avoid situations in which tantrums are likely to erupt. Try to keep your daily routines as consistent as possible
and give your child a five-minute warning before changing activities.
 Communicate with your toddler. Don't underestimate his ability to understand what you are saying. Tell him the
plan for the day and stick to your routine to minimize surprises.
 Allow your child to take a toy or food item with her while you run errands. It may help her stay occupied.
 Make sure your child is well rested and fed before you go out so he doesn't blow up at the slightest provocation.
 Put away off-limit temptations (for example, don't leave candy bars lying on the kitchen counter close to
dinnertime) so they don't lead to battles.
 Give your toddler a little bit of control. Let your child choose which book to bring in the car or whether she
wants grilled cheese or peanut butter and jelly for lunch. These little choices won't make much of a difference to
you, but they'll make your child feel as though she has at least some control over her own life.
 Pick your battles. Sometimes you can give in a little, especially when it comes to small things. Would you rather
let your child watch 15 extra minutes of television or listen to her scream for 30 minutes?
 Distract. A young child's attention is fleeting and easy to divert. When your child's face starts to crinkle and
redden in that telltale way, open a book or offer to go on a walk to the park before it can escalate into a full-
blown tantrum. Sometimes, humor is the best way to distract. Make a funny face, tell a joke, or start a pillow
fight to get your child's mind off what's upsetting him.
 Teach your child other ways of dealing with frustration. Children who are old enough to talk can be reminded to
use their words instead of screaming.

Praise your child for getting it right. When he stays cool in a situation that would normally have triggered a
tantrum, tell him he did a good job of controlling his temper.

If temper tantrums are becoming more frequent, they haven't stopped by around age 4, or your child is in danger
of hurting him or herself or others, it's time to call your child's health care provider.

How to Win Over Stubborn Children

Read our tips for dealing with stubborn behavior (Hint: All it takes is a little reverse psychology to get an
obstinate kid to see things your way.)

Stephanie Rausser

The battles with the older of my two girls began when she was a toddler. I've got photos of the tiny thing
standing a good distance away from me at the park, arms folded defiantly, eyes glaring as if to say “No way am
I doing what you want, lady!” I even have a videotape of her saying indignantly into the camera, “I'm a
mommy, too—of my dollies! I'm in charge now!”

Some kids are just built to butt heads with their parents. Call it stubborn or strong-willed or whatever you like.
If you're living with one of these guys, you know that straightforward methods of getting them to follow
directions or behave often don't work. They want to be in charge. But, of course, so do you!

Instead of resorting to the usual verbal combat (aka yelling or pleading), try my so-called sneaky or judo
parenting strategies instead. Being sneaky doesn't have to mean being underhanded or manipulative with your
children. Rather, “‘sneaky parenting’ is actually ‘smart parenting,’” explains parenting educator Sharon Silver
of Proactive Parenting, in Tucson, AZ, and author of Stop Reacting and Start Responding. “It means
approaching your kids sideways instead of straight on, and using calmness, respect and creativity to get what
you want accomplished.”

Rachel Rudman, a mom of two and a pediatric occupational therapist in Cedarhurst, NY, supports this
approach. “In my private practice, I constantly recommend what could be referred to as ‘sneaky parenting’
strategies, and they work for me at home, too,” she says. Her take: It's simply human nature for everyone—
children, too—to want to be included in decisions about their daily habits. “With many kids who need just a
little more control, asking their opinion sometimes and giving them choices often are easy answers to getting
them to do what ‘we’ want,” she notes. Try the following tricks and your child will probably even think it was
all her idea!

Chore Wars

The power struggle

Your toddler spends half the day pulling toys off the shelf and out of the box, then flits off to another activity
when it's time to clean up.

Sneaky strategies

Beat the clock

For the younger set, the best bet is almost always to turn picking up toys into a beat-the-timer game, suggests
Malibu, CA, psychotherapist Susan Stiffelman, author of Parenting Without Power Struggles: Raising Joyful,
Resilient Kids While Staying Cool, Calm and Connected. Stubborn kids are often intrigued by games and
challenges, so see how many toys your child can put away in, say, five minutes. You can push the idea further
by keeping a chart and encouraging your child to “beat his best effort,” perhaps rewarding him with a sticker or
privilege when he does.

Play the “helper” card

Ask him, “Would you like to be my special helper today? You are so good at setting the dinner table, gathering
laundry, cleaning the mirror…” so your child feels like pitching in is actually a privilege.

Think positive

Use encouraging, supportive words, rather than threats, to help take the “fight” out of obstinate kids,
emphasizes Stiffelman. Instead of saying “We can't go to the park until your toys are put away!” try “As soon as
your toys are put away, we get to go to the park!” If your child replies “But I really wanna go play with
Brandon,” instead of nagging him about what he has to do to earn that privilege, smile brightly and say “Why
yes, you certainly can do that…as soon as all your toys are picked up.”
Bath- & Bedtime Battles

The power struggle

Your child knows that getting out of the bathtub means bedtime is close, so no way is she leaving the water
willingly! As for bedtime, she fights it every pajama-clad step of the way. It's becoming a nightly sparring
period for your family.

Sneaky strategies

Tune in

Steal a method that stores and movie producers employ all the time—using music to influence people's moods.
Calming tunes subliminally puts Kellie Pease's three children into bedtime mode without her ever saying a
word. Each child has a favorite disc that the Derby, CT, mom pops into a CD player during bath- and storytime
to help them wind down. This works especially well with strong-willed kids, who may have a hard time
relaxing enough on their own to be ready to go to sleep.

Play the “yes” game

Try this clever strategy from Stiffelman: Ask your child questions that will prompt her to answer “yes” at least
three times in a row, such as “Wow, you're having a great time playing with those bath toys, aren't you?” (Yep!)
“What about bringing your swimming goggles into the bath with you next time? Would that be fun?” (Hey,
yeah, that's a good idea!) “Does that dinosaur float? Can you show me?” (Sure I can! Just watch this!) The
“three yeses” help break down your child's resistance, and she also feels like she's been heard and understood.

Offer options

Gently guide her toward the next step with two choices, such as “Do you want to dry yourself off with the towel
or should I help you?” Don't announce that bathtime is over; simply start the process. Move seamlessly through
the getting-ready-for-bed routine, offering two options at a time along the way, such as “Which book should we
read before bed—X or Y?” If your child balks at the choices—“Neither! I'm not going to bed!”—respond
calmly, “That wasn't one of the choices. Did you want this book or that one?” Repeat calmly as needed.
Stiffelman says stubborn kids hate hearing parents sound like broken records, and they usually give in. If they
don't, simply say “Okay, I guess you've chosen not to have a book tonight. Good night, sweetie! We'll try again
tomorrow night!” Lights-out. And don't give in, even if your kid puts up a fuss. Sticking to your word
practically guarantees you won't have a repeat episode tomorrow night.

Establish a connection

Before actually moving your kids toward the bedroom, use a technique psychotherapist Susan Stiffelman, of
Malibu, CA, calls “Connect Before You Direct.” Take a few minutes to sit beside your child and show interest
in the game he's playing or TV show he's watching. Ask a few well-placed questions or say something
supportive like “I can see why you like this show—it's really funny!” When kids feel connected to you, they're
much more likely to do what you ask next, says Stiffelman, the author of Parenting Without Power Struggles:
Raising Joyful, Resilient Kids While Staying Cool, Calm, and Connected.

Negotiate a new bedtime

Bigger kids' sleep habits are starting to change as they head toward tweendom. If you prefer your child be in
bed with the lights out at 8:30 p.m., but he swears he's not tired until 9 p.m., strike a deal that he must be in his
room and quiet—not coming out repeatedly to bug you—at 8:30. Then he can stay up and read or play quietly,
and you'll trust him to put himself into bed when 9 p.m. rolls around. Strong-willed kids see this kind of deal as a
“win” on their part because it gives them an added measure of independence. But be clear that if your child
breaks the deal—by being loud, coming out of his room or ignoring the new curfew—you'll go back to the
earlier lights-out time.

Dinnertime Dynamics

The power struggle

Your child refuses all veggies, eats only white foods or insists he isn't hungry at all. You fear he'll starve, and
you resent his attitude after you've worked so hard to prepare the meal.

Sneaky strategies

Start small

Give picky eaters very small portions of everything you're serving, then let them choose what they want to eat,
if anything, recommends child-development and behavior specialist Betsy Brown Braun, the Pacific Palisades,
CA, author of You're Not the Boss of Me: Brat-Proofing Your 4- to 12-Year-Old Child.

The critical key to your sneakiness: Don't say a word about the food. No pushing your child to try just a bite.
“Talk about your day, the weather, anything other than food, since that's what picky eaters are waiting for—a
chance to fight with you,” says Brown Braun.

Dish up a dessert

If you know your child is just biding his time until he gets his end-of-the-meal treat, don't deny him, but do
make sure it's super small, like one chocolate kiss or a vanilla-wafer cookie, Brown Braun says. You can even
put it on the plate with dinner so your child knows that's all he's going to get. That way, there's no more
bargaining with your child to eat “real food” in return for sweets. He gets dessert no matter what, and you won't
feel like you're caving in, because the treat is so small and unexciting. Plus, there's no way that little dessert will
fill your child up. If he's still hungry—and he will be—he'll have to go back to his entrée and the accompanying
veggies!

Keep your cool

Have one unchanging food alternative your child can make himself if he doesn't want what you're serving. It
should be easy, nutritious, something you always have on hand and not require cooking. Think beans, yogurt,
hummus, or even the good old PB&J sandwich, suggests child and family therapist (and mom of three kids)
Wendy Young of Newberry, MI. “Even three-year-olds can smear peanut butter on bread, and it's important for
stubborn kids to be in charge of the alternate food,” she says. After a few meals of this, most kids will weary of
preparing (and eating) their alternate food and give in to what you're serving. If your child decides to eat
nothing at all, Young suggests supporting his decision and calmly acknowledging, “No problem. You can have
a big breakfast tomorrow.”

Really headstrong kids can carry on this act for a long time, however, so be prepared. The most important thing
here is to keep calm and not have an emotional reaction. Encouraging, but never forcing, your child to eat a
variety of foods should be the main objective. Keep in mind, too, that tastes change over time, so what a child
refuses to eat today may actually be well-liked in several months.

Wardrobe Willfulness

The power struggle

Your little fashionista pushes to wear clothes that you think look silly or are inappropriate for the weather, not
to mention continually changing outfits in the time-pressed morning.

Sneaky strategies

Clean out the closet

First off, having too many clothes adds fuel to the fire here. If your child's closet is bulging, parenting educator
Sharon Silver suggests rotating an assortment of clothes every few weeks (move the extras into bins out of
sight) or simply putting away out-of-season items. If there's anything in your child's closet that you consider
inappropriate (too-tight pants, ripped or stained shirts, fuzzy boots in summer), you're the parent: Remove them.
Argument over.

Pick your battles

Every evening before bed, narrow down your child's clothing options to two or three ensembles from which she
can choose for the next day. But remember: Allowing your kid to make the final decision is still important.
“Like adults, kids feel more comfortable all day long if they are wearing clothes that feel and fit them right for
that particular day,” says Silver. Another sneaky secret: laying out the complete outfit the night before, to head
off manic morning battles.

Ignore the weather

As for the coat conundrum, “Just let it go,” says Silver. If your child doesn't want to wear a jacket, “Stay quiet,
then listen for the chattering teeth in the backseat or while you're walking,” she says. You could also let your
kid either carry it or put it in her backpack just in case (again, two choices you're fine with). Sneaky parents let
strong-willed kids learn the value of outerwear on their own, because that's usually how they learn best.

Homework Hassles

The power struggle

Your child constantly whines for your help when you know she's capable of doing homework herself, or is still
finishing up assignments when it's bedtime.

Sneaky Strategies

Break it down

First, consider that your child's stubbornness or whining may actually be a sign that she's overwhelmed by her
schoolwork or has trouble focusing. If that's the case, try breaking down her tasks into smaller increments (two
math problems, three spelling words written out, etc.) and letting her jump up and down or run laps around the
room as a break before she goes back for more work. Use the timer approach for tough cases: Your child works
for ten minutes, takes a one- to two-minute break, then works for another ten minutes. Most kids can do almost
anything for just ten minutes at a stretch!

Make it fun

Could your son do his required reading in a tent you make with a table and a sheet? By flashlight in a dark
room? Could your child practice her spelling while bouncing a ball or jumping rope (as the main character did
in the movie Akeelah and the Bee)? Give it a shot.

Do a disappearing act

If you're confident your child really can handle things on her own, purposely move to a different part of the
house while she does her homework, suggests Brown Braun. Make it a rule that she must come to you if she has
any questions, not vice versa. Of course, you'll want to check in with her about halfway through and at the end
to be sure she's on track. But if your student has to climb a flight of stairs to ask for help or lug a heavy textbook
to you, she may learn to take a minute to think on her own before she seeks you out.

How to Stop Your Child From Biting

You're enjoying a sunny afternoon on the playground when suddenly you spot your toddler with teeth
embedded in a playmate's arm. Horrified, you rush to discipline your pint-sized vampire -- but what's the best
way to handle the situation?

Biting is a normal part of childhood development. Young children bite for many different reasons, from teething
to seeing what reaction it will provoke. Many children between ages 1 and 3 go through a biting phase, which
they eventually outgrow.

Still, biting is something you want to discourage. Fortunately, there are ways to dissuade your little chomper
from sinking his or her teeth into everything that walks and talks.

Why Children Bite

Kids bite for a number of reasons -- and most of them aren't intentionally malicious.
  They're in pain. When babies bite, typically it's because they're teething. They're just doing it to relieve the pain
of their swollen, tender gums.
 They're exploring their world. Very young children use their mouths to explore, just as they use their hands.
Just about everything infants or toddlers pick up eventually winds up in their mouths. Kids this age aren't yet
able to prevent themselves from biting the object of their interest.
 They're looking for a reaction. Part of exploration is curiosity. Toddlers experiment to see what kind of reaction
their actions will provoke. They'll bite down on a friend or sibling to hear the surprised exclamation, not realizing
how painful the experience is for that person.
 They're craving attention. In older kids, biting is just one of several bad behaviors used to get attention. When a
child feels ignored, discipline is at least one way of getting noticed -- even if the attention is negative rather than
positive.
 They're frustrated. Biting, like hitting, is a way for some children to assert themselves when they're still too
young to express feelings effectively through words. To your child, biting is a way to get back a favorite toy, tell
you that he or she is unhappy, or let another child know that he or she wants to be left alone.

How to Stop Biting

Practice prevention so that your child will be less likely to bite in the first place.

 If your baby is teething, make sure to always have a cool teething ring or washcloth on hand so he or she will be
less likely to sink teeth into someone's arm.
 Avoid situations in which your child can get irritable enough to bite. Make sure that all of your child's needs --
including eating and nap time -- are taken care of before you go out to play. Bring along a snack to soothe your
child if he or she gets cranky from being hungry.
 As soon as your child is old enough, encourage the use of words ("I'm angry with you" or "That's my toy")
instead of biting. Other ways to express frustration or anger include hugging a stuffed animal or punching a
pillow. Sometimes, shortening activities or giving your child a break can help prevent the rising frustration that
can lead to biting and other bad behaviors.
 Give your child enough of your time throughout the day (for example, by reading or playing together), so he or
she doesn't bite just to get attention. Extra attention is especially important when your child is going through a
major life change, such as a move or welcoming a baby sibling. If your child is prone to biting, keep an eye on
any playmates and step in when an altercation appears to be brewing.

Even with your best prevention efforts, biting incidents might still occur. When your child bites, firmly let your
child know that this behavior is not acceptable by saying, "No. We don't bite!" Explain that biting hurts the
other person. Then remove your child from the situation and give the child time to calm down.

You might have heard from other parents that if your child bites you, bite your child back. This isn't good
advice. Children learn by imitation. If you bite your child, the child is going to get the impression that this
behavior is acceptable and he or she will be more likely to do it again. The same goes for hitting a child for
biting.

If you are unable to get your child to stop biting, the behavior could begin to have an impact on school and
relationships. You or another adult might have to closely supervise interactions between your child and other
kids. When biting becomes a habit or continues past age 4 or 5, it might stem from a more serious emotional
problem. Talk to your child's health care provider, or enlist the help of a child psychologist or therapist.

Biting Injury Rx
The first thing to do for any biting injury is to wash the area with soap and water. Even little teeth can break the
skin. If the bite is bleeding and the wound appears to be deep, call your child's doctor. The bite may need
medical treatment, which could include antibiotics or a tetanus shot, or both.

How Mom made 3 yr old child stop spitting

My 3 yr old step son has been spitting in my face when he doesn’t want to do something that I have requested
from him. Obviously a huge misbehavior in my book and a tipping point for Crazy Mom.
However, I handled this differently, Yesterday, we were at an event at the fairgrounds when he decided he no
longer wanted to hold my hand in a crowd. He wiggled, spaghetti legged, and then spit at me. I escorted him
outside and then sat him on the bench out front. I firmly told him until you can be nice and hold my hand, you
will have to sit here outside. (Ok maybe not perfect words but I was really holding in my crazy.)He tried to get
up and I sat him back down. I placed him in his seat about 6 different times, repeating “If you can’t be nice you
have sit here.” I would occasionally ask if he was ready to go back inside and hold my hand. He would respond
NO and so I continued to sit about 4 feet away not talking or looking at him. Finally he decided to escalate to
see what would happen. He removed his socks and shoes and threw them at me. I quietly picked them and
placed them where he could not get them…. Ok so after ignoring his pleas to engage for 15 minutes. He finally
moved closer and tried to put his head on my lap. I sat him up and said, ” Are you ready to go inside and hold
my hand?” He hesitantly said “Yes!” I held out my hand which he grabbed and then helped with the shoes and
we were back on our way looking at exhibits.

(I had texted Dad when we had gone outside not to come save me. I told him I needed to win this without an
intervention if was to ever gain authority in his eyes. )

My toddler spits when he's angry. How can I get him

to understand it's not acceptable?
 My two and a half year old started spitting a couple of weeks ago. He thinks it's agame to spit on furniture,
toys even other kids. Time - outs, talking, yelling didn't work. Finally I started saying to him, "Okay you
wanna spit? You can spit all you want to in your room by yourself. We're not going to eat with you while you
do that" He quickly stopped. I apply this to anything he likes. He can spit all he wants to but he won't get
to...(you fill in the blank with something your kid wants in the moment). No more lectures or extra attention
for spitting. So far he's been spitting less and less. If he does spit he also has to clean it up. Yesterday the
teacher said that there was no spitting in school so hopefully this helps.

 I have a three yo that had this nasty spitting habit as well. He laughed at me when I got angry about
this or put him in time out. A friend told me that Baby Wise suggests using vinegar in his mouth . So
I put white vinegar on a paper towel and put it on his lips . It worked like a charm. A few times he
looked like he was going to spit all I had to say was " do I need to get the vinegar?" and he stops.
now I am using the same thing for nasty talk . I just have to get out and show him the bottle and he is
angel!