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Admittedly, obesity is on the rise in many nations recently, and this is

strongly associated with increasing health problems, and declining


fitness. This essay considers sedentary lifestyle to be the principal
underlying etiology, and adresses education as the most valid solution
for this dilemma.

Increasing intake of fast food without exercising is the main cause of


the skyrocketing rates of obesity among population of many countries
nowadays. Such a type of food is stuffed with calories, and in the
abscence of physical activity, it will be stored as fat leading ultimately
to obesity and more serious related diseases. A study conducted by
the WHO in the Sudan in 2015 showed a 45% increase in the rate of
obesity in the last decade following the rise in fast food restaurants in
the country.

Education plays a vital role in facing the predicament of obesity and its
health consequences. This could be achieved through conducting
awareness campaigns in public and schools to educate people about
this problem. Such campaigns would shed light on the significance of
healthy lifestyle in keeping peoples' fitness, and preventing weight
related medical conditions. Similar initiative was carried out in
Sweden in 2011, when the government recognized the increasing rate
of cardiovascular diseases among public, and resulted in a 52%
reduction in the heart attack cases admitted to the swedish hospitals
after 5 years of application.

In conclusion, overweight and its related health issues are increasing


rapidly among some communities nowadays. In my opinion,
westernized lifestyle is main reason for this problem, and education
campaigns are the best options for combatting this serious issue
effectively.

Comments:

Strengths Weaknesses

 A superb answer to the question with  Spelling – ‘addresses’; ‘abscence'


excellent ideas.
 More accurate language/ use of
 A superb argument which is supported syononym – ‘addresses’ – offers;
well and accurately. ‘stuffed’ – crammed; ‘rise in the
number of fast food restaurants’;
 Superb range of language – very few ‘facing’ – tackling; ‘keeping’-
inaccuracies and a range of word choice maintaining
and collocation.

 Excellent flow of sentences with good  Articles – ‘The increasing intake of; ’a
support given to the main ideas. healthy lifestyle’; ‘a similar initiative’;
‘the public’; ‘the westernized lifestyle’
 Very relevant ideas with mainly
appropriate vocabulary.  Punctuation – ‘Swedish’
 Grammar - ‘being overweight’

Score – 8.0+