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Education plays a vital role in facing the predicament of obesity and its
health consequences. This could be achieved through conducting
awareness campaigns in public and schools to educate people about
this problem. Such campaigns would shed light on the significance of
healthy lifestyle in keeping peoples' fitness, and preventing weight
related medical conditions. Similar initiative was carried out in
Sweden in 2011, when the government recognized the increasing rate
of cardiovascular diseases among public, and resulted in a 52%
reduction in the heart attack cases admitted to the swedish hospitals
after 5 years of application.
Comments:
Strengths Weaknesses
Excellent flow of sentences with good Articles – ‘The increasing intake of; ’a
support given to the main ideas. healthy lifestyle’; ‘a similar initiative’;
‘the public’; ‘the westernized lifestyle’
Very relevant ideas with mainly
appropriate vocabulary. Punctuation – ‘Swedish’
Grammar - ‘being overweight’
Score – 8.0+