How to Play Final Fantasy X

Before you even think of playing Final Fantasy X, there are some minor physical limitations. First of all you need at least one
working human hand, the ability to take visible Electromagnetic Radiation through organs called 'eyes' in a process called
'seeing',
and a central nervous system to take in this information and interpret it in a meaningful way. Hearing is optional, but the game is
much better if you can actually listen to the brilliant score. Plus you're going to have to know how to read. (If you can't read,
then
how the hell are you even understanding this?).

Now for the technological limitations. You're going to need a power source, preferably electrical to drive the machinery you are
going to need in order to play this game. First you are going to need a TV made sometime in the Nineties or later, hopefully its
in
color. Second you're going to need either a PlayStation 2 or 3, the PS1 cannot play this game. Finally you're going to need a
copy
of the actual game. Which can be procured in your local video game retailer's Bargain Bin. Or much more easily on eBay.

Insert the disc into the disc tray. If you cannot perform this simple task than you either lack the physical ability to play this game
(if
that's the case then I feel for you man, life really dumped a lot of shit on you) or are just a complete fucking retard, in which
case
you get no sympathy from me. Seriously if you can't do than even that, then you've shown a greater degree of stupidity, and
incompetence than an Italian Tank Division charge. Congratulations!

Basic Controls

If you've ever played a Final Fantasy and have even the slightest amount of intelligence you can skip this section and the next. If
you're a total idiot who cannot grasp even the slightest concepts (I know at least one is reading this), feel free to read to your
heart's content.

This game uses the American scheme of buttons. The X-button is the select button, and the Image:O-button is the cancel. The
Triangle-button is the menu button, and the Square-button doesn't seem to have any function useless specifically mention in a
mini-game. You use the L1 button to switch your characters in and out. You use the left analog stick to move your character
around and select from menus. The right doesn't have any purpose. Since the camera is on rails you can't move your line of
sight,
which can get annoying sometimes.

Battle System

I don't really need to go over this portion of the game, since FFX holds your hand like no game before. However since I must
walkthrough everything, I'll go over it right now. The old ATB system from the last three games is gone, in exchange for a turn
based system. This was quite a surprise to me a few years ago, when I found that my enemies will wait until the end of time for
me
to choose between a "Fire" or "Ice" spell. I don't really consider this change an improvement but its not that big a difference
anyway.

Now for the significant changes. Levels are gone in exchange for a Sphere Grid system. The Sphere Grid is a giant board on
which your characters move when they receive a Sphere from battles. The Grid contains all of the stat boost and new abilities
that
your character will learn during the course of the game. Each of your character starts in a different section of the Grid that
corresponds to their own special class. Later on in the game you can break out of this little area and move onto the entirety of
the
Sphere Grid. Basically its more of an annoyance than anything else. Now you have to manually move each character up the Grid
after every battle, it gets tedious really fast.

Not my favorite battle system, but at least its better than FFVIII. And we can all be thankful for that.

Zanarkand

The game begins In Medias Res, in the the classic style of epic poems. The cast is sitting around an open campfire in what
appears to be a post-apocalyptic world, looking really bummed about something. You may recognize this scene as the little
movie
that plays before the Title Screen when you first pop your screen into the Playstation. If you just watched that scene a moment
ago, I pity you. I made that same mistake when I first started playing this game some six years ago.

A fair-haired dude with really awful taste in clothing gets up and pats his Asian girlfriend on the shoulder. She has almost has a
little
mini orgasm at just the slightest touch of blondy. However blondy doesn't finish her off, and just lets the Asian chick go
unsatisfied.
He seems more interested in the top of the hill for some reason.

Now the words Final Fantasy X come across the TV. Not the most exciting intro, certainly.

Now we skip to some futuristic city filled with all sorts of low-lies and dirty whores who all share a truly ghastly idea of what
constitutes a proper outfit. Everyone runs off somewhere off screen and then some ghost kid appears and disappears in dramatic
fashion. Wait I recognize this tune - its the Crystal Theme just all fucked up with a lousy techno beat.

Now we can finally do something. We now have control of that blond kid from the opening movie and try to run down the
crowd
below. This shouldn't be too difficult, but for some crazy reason the camera is on rails and it always seems to be a challenge to
get
your character to go where he's supposed to. All I have to say is thank God, they got rid of this pre-rendered rail camera thing
for
FFXII.

So some girl asks for your autograph, that means we can name the blond kid. The default name is "Tidus" and for simplicity
purposes that's the name we're going with in this walkthrough. Be warned though, that this is only character you can name in
this
whole game other than the Aeons. Well if you want voice acting, you're going to have to sacrifice character naming.

Playable Character: Tidus

Tidus (pronounced tEEdus for some reason) is the hero that nobody asked for but yet Square delivered anyway. After FFIX and
its
awesome hero Zidane, I was certain that the quality of protagonists had nowhere to go but up. I was so sadly mistaken. Its like
asking for a nice Philly Cheese Steak just without the peppers and receiving a plate of nothing but peppers. He's whiny, his
voice
is high-pitched, and he is all around annoying. Needless to say, I don't like this kid. In fact I pretty much hate the whole cast of
FFX with the notable exceptions of Yuna and Auron.

Tidus's class is hard to classify. Like pretty much every character in this game, he's a mixture of two or more classes in one. He
can use Time Magic and is a light physical attacker. His special moves like "Cheer" and "Focus" are totally fucking useless.
However "Quick Hit" is a godsend at the end of the game. So in the end, Tidus may be an annoying little prick, he is still an
essential member of your party. Use him.

Now that our hero is all good and named, you will notice that this game has voice acting. This is a major revolution in the
evolution
of Final Fantasy. Unfortunately most of the voice acting is well... bad. Take for example the guy who does Tidus. I'm amazed
that
they even considered him for the job, and even more amazed that he got it. Tidus's voice has a way of searing cracks right into
your very soul. And don't even get me started on Rikku.

Fight your way through the crowds of swooning ecstatic fan-girls and enter the big building. Now its time for a really fancy
Blitzball
FMV. Somebody at Square apparently thought that using that
incoherent-death-metal-Satan-worshiping-because-my-girlfriend-dumped-me-bullshit music was a good idea. They were wrong.
Final Fantasy music is meant to be grand and orchestral, and it certainly shouldn't annoy the shit out of me. Well death metal is
bland, cliche, and it annoys the shit out of me. Every song is is exactly the same. Every song. There is no difference of any kind.

Wow the game just started ten minutes ago and already a major city has been destroyed. A new record for Final Fantasy!
Hurray!

Just run straight to Auron. And follow him.

Playable Character: Auron

Auron is the man who should have been this game's hero. He is everything Tidus is not - cool, bad-ass, and a Bass (Tidus is a
wussy little Soprano, just like AJ). Also unlike Tidus, Auron actually knows what the fuck he is doing. This dude is also one of
my
favorite characters in all of Final Fantasy just because he's so bad-ass.

Auron's class is a pure physical attacker brute. He sends his sword cleaving through even toughest opponents. While Tidus is
more geared towards faster smaller enemies, Auron always can be counted upon to chop up the biggest motherfucker in the
room. In this game he was always my MVP, every time. The best character in the game and the most useful. His special
"Breaks"
can seriously trash any opponents defense. With "Quick Hit" he is unstoppable. Even God shakes in fear of good old Auron. If
you don't use him in battle, then get off my walkthrough. I will only tolerate so much stupidity.

Time stops and that little ghost kid will start to talk to Tidus. "Don't cry" - too late, Tidus is a pussy who will bawl his eyes out
over
a little stubbed toe.

But then the laws of the universe recover and we begin our very first battle. Our first opponent: Sin's little children. These little
foes
can go down with a single strike. Only fight the ones in front of you, don't waste you time with the ones that fall behind you.

Now that the first few foes are dead, continue to follow Auron forward until we reach our very first Boss Battle.

Boss Battle: Sinspawn Ammes

HP: 2400
Difficulty: Easy

As soon as this fight begins you'll notice that Auron's Overdrive Bar is completely filled. The game then gives you a little a little
Overdrive tutorial. This is the first of many times when the game holds your hand like a small child. Auron's Dragon Fang will
instantly slaughter all the little Sinspawns and weaken the boss considerably. Even if you somehow fuck up the button sequence
the battle field will be cleared so that you can go mono y mono with Ammes. Now you're guaranteed to win. The only move that
this creature knows is "Demi" which can certainly hurt you, but it can never finish the job. You can mindlessly tap X-button and
you'll still win.

Once you've won the match, run to the Save Point and save. The great thing about the Save Points in this game, is that they fully
heal your HP and MP. Meaning that we no longer have to waste our time with pesky Tents and Cottages.

Zanarkand (Continued)

So, where were we? Oh yes after the Save Point run forward.

As Tidus and Auron march towards Sin, about a 1000 or so little Sinspawns fall all around your team on both sides. This might
seem very bad, but luckily they can only come at you seven at a time. Plus you can go through this fight without ever getting hit
once. Have Tidus just attack a random Sinspawn, for instance the one the game always highlights first. And have Auron crush
the one who's "wings start to flicker". When its wings start to flicker that means its about to attack. However Auron can kill it
before it even takes a away a single HP. When Auron finally tells you to destroy that machine thing, attack that. Use Auron to
attack the machine because his moves are so much more powerful, and have Tidus fight the monster that wants to start
something. Soon enough, this battle will be over.

Once that machine has been destroyed, everything goes straight to Hell. It only takes a single little explosion and the whole
metropolis starts to collapse and blow up. Just what flimsy material did they build this city out of - Rock'n'Roll?

With our battle finished, Auron drags Tidus up into Sin's... I don't know what... and they both get warped into another
dimension.
Also I like to point out just how whiny Tidus is - screaming his ass off like a little bitch. However look at Auron, cool and
collected.
As calm as a Hindu cow.

Here comes a weird spot. Now Tidus is floating in the middle of his city and you have to make him swim over to his dad. Just
hold
down O-button and go left. Soon enough you'll start the first of many scenes of some guy with a much deeper voice pretending
to
be Tidus's recollection. Why Tidus has to talk with his annoying Soprano voice in the real world is a question I don't think will
ever
be answered.

Ruined Temple

Tidus awakes in the middle of some sunken piece of shit ruin in what appears to be after the apocalypse. Just keep on heading
straight Northwest until you come to some stairs that lead up. Here you'll find the very first of many Al Bhed Primers. This is a
special one because it doesn't exactly translate the language for you, instead it just allows you to upload all the knowledge of Al
Bhed that you learned from a previous Saved File. Go down and you'll find a chest with two Potions.

Now swim East across the screen a down a bit to find another explorable platform. Up here you'll find a chest with 200 Gil, and
a
some words in Al Bhed. Since we have yet to learn Al Bhed, we can't read it. Now go up the main stairway in the top center of
this
area. Continue North until you find a Save Point.
Go up and follow the branch to the left until you find a chest with a Hi-Potion. Keep on going up until the bridge collapses, and
once again we find ourselves floating around in this dump like a piece of driftwood. Just keep on going the same way we've
been
going: up, until three monsters attack. Now we finally get to hear that rocking Battle Tune. These creatures are no stronger than
the Sinspawn, however they are more aggressive and won't wait for you to kill them. However you can only kill two because...

Boss Battle: Geosgaeno

HP: 32767
Difficulty: Impossible

Now we get to hear the Boss Battle Tune. Unfortunately its not as cool as the regular Battle Theme. This isn't really much of a
fight. You'll trade shots for two turns but then Tidus will just swim away. Though you should be thankful for Tidus's cowardice.
We
could never defeat a creature this powerful at our pitifully low level - just look at that shit load of HP.

Once you've escaped to the inside of the Temple go forward. Tidus will start to bitch about it being too cold, which means that
we
have to make a fire for the little complainer. Check the center of the room to find that remains of the campfire. Now go up to the
door in the Northeast, and check to the left a bit to find an X-Potion. Go out the door highlighted with a green square on your
mini-map.

Right there is a Chest containing an Ether. Navigate your way up the stairs and examine the wall to find a Withered Bouquet.
Go
out the top door. Run all the way left until you find another Chest with a Hi-Potion. Return to the center room and go down to
the
Save Point and Save. Go out the door right next to it. In here you'll find some Flint.

Now that we have all we need to get some things burning go to the campfire and do just that. As you hang by your new fire a
monster will come and ruin your already crappy day. Then some scary looking dudes in really ugly clothes walk in. I've noticed
something about FFX - everybody is dressed like shit. There are maybe two or three good outfits in this game, but other than
that
its all bad. The girl will enter the fight with you, which means I have another character that I have to bio:

Playable Character: Rikku

Rikku (known only as ?????? at this part of the game) is a female Tidus. No seriously, they have the exact same personality, and
annoying high-pitched voice. I am not joking, Rikku is Tidus + boobs. Well its a minor improvement, everything can be
improved
ten fold by adding some lady parts. However though Rikku may look better than Tidus, her voice is so squeaky and annoying I
sometimes want to smash my TV in.

Rikku is fucking worthless in battle. Her attacks are pathetic little slaps that could only hurt a small child, and she has no Magic
to
speak of. I went a whole game without using outside of mandatory encounters like this battle here, and I didn't lose a beat. One
of
the worst goddamn fighter's I've ever scene, only topped by Cait Sith and Umaro. However she does serve one purpose:
Stealing.
But this can just be junctioned onto Kimahri so she looses even that little niche. However I hear, that her Overdrive Mix is one
of
the most powerful Limit Breaks in the game. But I've never seen it done in real life. All my Mixes were weak little elemental
attacks.
Use her, only if you dare.

Okay this fight we're in is again easy, however compared to everything else we've fought, this is hardest yet. I would classify
this
as a Boss Battle, however the music isn't right. Even so this thing is harder than most Bosses you've fought so far. Have Tidus
just
attack regularly, and have Rikku throw Grenades at the monster. When you're out of Grenades to throw, just steal some more
right off this guy - he has two right on him. Why a monster would carry Grenades around remains a deep murky mystery. This
creature has a lot of HP and doesn't go down easy. Both your fighters will probably be in yellow by the time this fight is over.
However you should have no problem staying alive.

Once the fight is over Tidus will get kidnapped by the evil looking dudes. Princess Kidnapping Count: 1

Al Bhed Ship

he freaky guys who are talking some foreign language that sounds Slavic or Russian to me continue to beat up on Tidus, mostly
because he's so whiny. However they decide that since they have some nice cannon fodder, they might as well use it. First Save
and talk to the guy nearest the Save Point. He'll say something in Al Bhed and hand over three Potions. Then go the to Northeast
corner of the deck, and examine on the ground to find the first of many Al Bhed Primers: this one is Vol. I. The Al Bhed
Primers
each teach you a single letter of the Al Bhed language (which is just normal English but with the letter jumbled). There are
twenty-six in all. Talk to Rikku and she'll give a long boring explanation of the Sphere Grid. Since I already gave one you can
pretty much skip through this.

Now we have to swim down into some ancient ruins beneath the ship. Hold down O-button and follow the map down until
you're
directly over the red arrow. Be warned though that in these waters your first Random Encounters lay. Luckily the enemies here
are
so pitifully easy that its almost pathetic. Be sure to steal some Grenades from the fishes though, you'll need them for the next
fight.

Inside the sunken ship, there's a Save Point right behind you. Try to swim past Rikku's fat ass and Save. Now go to the door and
open it with X-button. Go through this next room and at the end of it a large swarm of fish will attack. You can either kill them
normally or smash them to Hell quickly with a Grenade - your choice.

In the next room a Boss decides to attack.

Boss Battle: Tros

HP: 2200
Difficulty: Easy

Now this is one easy fight. This creature has almost no attacks and lacks the strength to stay in battle for too long. If you've been
stealing all the way down like I told you to, you should have 7 or 8 Grenades, which is more than enough to take this sucka
down.
After loosing about half its HP, the monster will swim to the other side of the room. Use the Trigger Command Stand By to
replenish
50 HP, and then continue to throw Grenades. After a while it will use its best attack "Nautilus Charge", however this only takes
away a small bit of your HP and now Tros has his back to you, which means extra damage.

With that done the monster is dead and the ruins are reactivated. Swim out the hole and then swim right to the red arrow so that
you can leave this place.

Back on deck, the Al Bhed still are treating Tidus like shit and considering that its Tidus that we're talking about, can you really
blame them? Rikku brings him some slimy disgusting gruel too nasty to be used in an elementary school cafeteria so that he'll
stop
bitching. Then he chokes to death and the game switches to the adventures of Auron kicking ass.

No that only happens in my mind, though I think we can all agree that's what should have happened.

After that Tidus and Rikku share some brain-dead vapid conversation. This goes on and on and on. And its so boring I'm not
even going to summarize. Luckily Sin attacks and saves me from my suffering by cutting the conversation short. Our
protagonist
falls overboard in a massive whirlpool to what I hope is his death. I really want to play that Auron game.

Besaid

Tidus awakes in the deep in the tropics. I don't how he managed to survive floating in the ocean for who knows how when, I
imagine that some kind of Wizard must have done it. The very same Wizard that makes Tidus's hair completely impervious to
water. I'm serious, it never gets wet.

Enter a gaggle of a race of idiots who somehow managed to gather the worst genetic traits of Jamaicans and Hawaiians to
become a group of truly UGLY motherfuckers. They throw a Blitzball at Tidus, who promptly shows off his impossibly perfect
imitation of a seal.

Once we're back in control of this guy, swim East to find a hidden cove holding a Treasure Chest. Inside is the Moon Crest - one
the main ingredients in the mixture that will one day become Yuna's ultimate weapon. Now swim West across the bay and go
down as far to the left as you can to find a Chest with two Antidotes. With that done now you can join up with those dipshits on
the beach.

Tidus's little seal move has festered aching man crushes in the hearts of all the Besaidians. Unfortunately our hero is just as
much
an expert in seal mammal impersonations as he is in unintentional fau pax. Whatever. Once the scene is over go talk to the dude
throwing the Blitzball around for two Potions. I like this game, it literally gives Potions away for free. Talk to the other guy
playing
catch for 200 Gil. The guy following around with the ball in corner will give you three Potions. The dude in the back will give
you a
Hi-Potion after talking to him about a million times. With that done go up to the right and meet with Wakka for some more
empty-headed conversation. Save and move out into the wilds of Besaid Island.

Playable Character: Wakka

Wakka is a strange fellow, but you should learn to expect oddities from a guy named after a sound effect from Pac Man. He is
an
ugly, racist, fundamentalist, loudmouth but I don't hate him for that. I hate him for his idiot choice in a weapon. He fights with a
large Blitzball, an object that's little more than the bastard child of a soccer ball and a beach ball. This is the most retarded
weapon
in the history of Final Fantasy - a series that's brought us such pathetic excuses for armaments such as the Gunblade, Blaster
Edge, a fork, and a microphone. The Blitzball is the king of that disgraceful realm. I could throw a Blitzball at my cat all day
and I'm
fairly certain that I would die of exhaustion before it died of its injuries. Whoever thought up the Blitzball as a weapon should
have
been fired. Fuck, whoever thought up Blitzball altogether should have been slain. More on that later.

In battle Wakka serves very little purpose other to fight flying enemies. That's all he does. See a monster with wings, send
Wakka
in to fight it. He's really a mediocre physical attacker, weaker than both Auron and Tidus in the strength of his attacks and
slower
too. Unfortunately he is the only ranged physical attacker and one of the three character that you have to use underwater, which
means the game forces you to use him sometimes. As the game progresses you'll find yourself using Wakka less and less until
he
finds himself cooling it in the back row along with Rikku.

At the fork head right just like Wakka directs you to. You'll reach a large lake you're going to have to swim it. First head South
and
forward to find an almost invisible chest containing a Phoenix Down. As you are swimming along ignore the arrow pointing
North,
just follow the course of the water. As the lake starts to head North, dive down to find two Antidotes. There are a few enemies
here, but its just those same fish from the Al Bhed boat.

Once you go far enough, Tidus and Wakka will begin several scenes of dialogue that merely serves to thinken the plot. Since the
plot has nothing to do with this walkthrough, I can simply ignore all of this.

Once you've regained control of your characters (isn't that pathetic? You need permission from the game in order to control your
players) head down the hilly path. Two Crusader dudes will come and warn you of fiends on the road, which is no problem in
my
book. Why even play a game if you can't kill anything? That's why Guitar Hero sucks.

Finally we enter Besaid Village - the game's very first town. Wakka will give a little tour and then teach us the little Yevon hand
shit. Once again back in control, head left to find a Chest holding another Phoenix Down. Go up and around the hut next to the
Chest to find a whole mess of Treasure: a Hi-Potion, 400 Gil, and two Potions.

That hut we moved around is also the game's first Item Shop. Buy what you need (not that you're going to need much
considering
just how many Items this game has been giving away) and leave.

With your shopping done head up the Temple. The game will then turn into a volume of Yevon for Dummies. That's just one of
two mandatory explanations you'll have to sit through, the other is in the Northwestern most house. Now we get to learn all
about
Yevon's military arm, the Crusaders. In this hut you'll find the Al Bhed Primer Vol. II just lying around next to the entrance.
One last
stop on the background filling railroad - the East house second from the top. Go to sleep and you'll get to see some of Tidus'
back
story. No hero is complete without a back story. It turns out that Tidus's pop disappeared a when he was just a little kid. This is
unfortunate because Jecht is a better hero than his loser son will ever be. But we're stuck with this game, the way it. No sense
complaining about it now.

Head up to the Temple and you'll here how the Summoner is in trouble. Well we have to save, now don't we? Of course we do!
This game needs to have at least one good character to hold me over until Auron returns.

Besaid Cloister of Trials

The Cloister of Trials is a large puzzle that you need to solve in order to get the Aeon from each Temple. These start off
painfully
easy and steadily grow more and more complex as you go on with your journey. Since this is first Trial then it will be so easy
that's
it almost insulting.

Go up to the wall in front of you and touch the Glyph. A new Glyph will appear on the right wall and now you have to touch
that
one. Go down the stairs and you'll see a fixture on the wall that requires the use of Spheres to open. Spheres are little objects that
you must move around the Cloister in order to open doors and other stuff. Oddly Tidus, can only hold a single Sphere even
though
he has two perfectly functional hands.

With that take the Glyph Sphere and take it downstairs to the door and insert the Sphere. As you move forward, take the Sphere
out of door so that we can use it again. As you go down the hall, you'll notice a Sphere Recess on your left. Insert the Sphere to
open up the wall.

Continue down the hall and touch the symbols on the right wall. A secret room will be revealed and inside is a Besaid Sphere.
Insert the Sphere into the left wall. Now this next part is totally optional, but I strongly advise that you complete it. If you find
the
Secret Destruction Sphere rooms in each Temple you'll unlock the one of the best Aeons in the game. In fact forget "strongly
advise", I'm telling you do this. Go back to the first secret room and pick up the Destruction Sphere. Insert it into the recess
where
you found the Besaid Sphere and a third secret room will be revealed. Open up the Chest to find the Rod of Wisdom. None of
the
characters you've met so far can use this item, however this situation will change very shortly.

Now go back to the pedestal and move it into place over the blinking dot. With that the puzzle is solved and the world is safe
again... somehow.

As you go down the elevator, Wakka will join up with you and explain the purpose of Summoners and Guardians and the
Pilgrimage and all that stuff. Once you go down you'll meet up with the other two Guardians: a goth chick named Lulu and a
blue
Wookie. The summoner (who is that hot Asian chick from the beginning of the game) stumbles out of the Summoner box and
collapses. I don't know about you guys, but I like this Summoner chick. Forget that goth chick, Yuna is much better looking, and
certainly a much better lay.

Besaid Island

Outside Yuna summons her first Aeon, Valefor. Now you get to name this creature. That night Tidus starts putting the moves on
my girl Yuna, much to my disgust. Hey get your Blitzballin' ass off my girl, Blondie. And for some odd reason, Yuna doesn't
laugh
his skinny ass off and move onto a real man (namely me). Once the flirting is down, go talk to Wakka to go to bed.

That night Tidus has a really freaky Evangelion rip-off dream about his old man. Little Tidus tells Jecht that "I hate you!". Man
this
is familiar Sorry Tidus, but Shinji you are not. This is really bad for you since Shinji is also little bitch. But compared to Tidus
Shinji is
Sephiroth.

When you get up Save and go outside. Wakka will present you with his dead brother's sword. Now leave the village and go
outside for a long series of tutorial battles. The first one explains the difference between Tidus's and Wakka's battle styles.

The next fight forces you to use Lulu, since the monster is a Flan and resistant to physical strikes. When Lulu walks in she
explains all the elemental weaknesses in the game, Fire is weak to Ice and vice versa. Same with Water and Thunder. God damn
this game treats me like preschooler. Its insulting. Use a "Thunder" spell to kill this guy off.

Playable Character: Lulu

Lulu tries so hard to be this game's sex object similar to Tifa, Edea, or Beatrix, which makes it so sad when she fails miserably.
If
you want an explanation of her personality I can say it like this, she's Mandy from The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy
minus
all the cool evil parts. She's a goth chick, and emo is always a turnoff. Yuna is a trillion times as hot as Lulu without even trying.
I
seriously don't get Lulu's outfit. What's with the belts? Come on! WHAT IS WITH THE BELTS!!!? I can only imagine just how
long
it must take her to put all those belts on in the morning. Truly an awful outfit. For punishment Normura should have to write a
ten
page essay greatly detailing how each and every one of those belts fit in and work together.
Lulu is at least very useful in battle. She's a Black Mage and Black Magic is really all she needs. Unfortunately she also happens
to be one of the weakest Black Mages in all of Final Fantasy, her physical attacks don't do shit. Don't even waste your time with
them. At least her magic helps fill up the gap, but even so I'd rather be fighting with Vivi.

However more importantly for me, her cleavage does at least give you something to look at during the more boring cutscenes.

Besaid (Continued)

Walk out of the area and you'll receive a leaving cut-scene. Say "bye bye" to Besaid Village and Save. Leave through the North
fork. As you walk forward, an enemy will pop out of the sky and attack.

Boss Battle: ???

HP: 750
Difficulty: Easy

Tidus is fighting solo in this fight. Also Kimahri is an offensive brute, with attacks just as strong as you and the classic Dragoon
"Jump" to boot. This would be a very difficult battle but for some reason Kimahri seems to be incapable of killing Tidus. You
find
yourself knocked quickly down to yellow and it seems like it might be Game Over, however then Kimahri starts missing and his
"Jump" looses all its extra power. Also you can't kill Kimahri in this fight, it will just be broken up by Wakka once things start
getting
good.

For winning the fight you'll receive a Metal Bangle which should be equipped onto Lulu immediately so that she's not a
complete
sitting duck. Run forward to the next screen and ignore the mini-map's claim that there are two Save Points on this road. They're
actually up on the ruins and you won't be able to access them until you have the Airship.

Next fight is with a big bird monster. Wakka instantly chickens out because he has all the balls of a prepubescent Korean girl
and
so Yuna switches in. The game will give you a little tutorial on how to switch characters, so follow their advise and put Yuna up
to
the bat. Unfortunately this game follows the modern system of only three characters in battle at a time, which makes no sense.
Why can't all the fighters just go into battle at once? This is never explained. Anyway, summon Valefor who should make quick
work of this enemy.

Playable Character: Yuna

Yuna is one of my favorite characters in this whole game. This is mostly because of lack of options, who else am I supposed to
fall
in love with - Lulu, the goth bitch? Rikku, the pipsqueak? Wakka, the idiot? However I must say that Yuna has one of the few
actual good character designs in this whole game. Also her voice acting may not be perfect, but at least her voice isn't glass
breaking and headache inducing like her Soprano boyfriend Tidus.

That's actually the only thing that annoys me about Yuna, her falling in love with Tidus. Girl, that man is so far below you I
don't
even know where to begin. I mean you cannot imagine how infuriating it is to watch your favorite female character fall in love
with
that idiot Tidus. I just want to break into the game and warn her not to get into that obviously bad relationship. Tidus has all the
depth of an eye-lash and all the personality of a character played by Jessica Alba.

Yuna also has a nice straight-forward character class. She's a White Mage and if that wasn't good enough she also doubles as
the greatest Summoner of all time. Her Aeons are so powerful its almost scary. I was blown out of seat when I saw Bahamut
break
the sacred 9999 damage limit with his Limit Break. I say that no party is complete without a White Mage, and combined with
her
Summoning powers Yuna is one of the most powerful fighters in this game. She may not be tough physically but still no team in
Final Fantasy X is complete without her.

Equip Yuna with the Rod of Wisdom that you found in the Cloister of Trials. Continue down the path in a straight line. Oh get
used
to me saying that. Almost 90% of the this game is just walking in a straight line. I guess the game designers just got lazy after
getting rid of the World Map. Next fight is with that same bird monster, and Wakka will show off his special attack "Dark
Attack".
Use it sparingly because Wakka has so little MP to become pathetic. Only use it when your enemies need to be inflicted with the
Dark status.
With that finally done, all the tutorial fights will be over for now. The next random battles are usually just Rock, Paper, Scissor
affairs. Use the right character to attack each enemy that is weak to each character's style of attacks. Tidus fights light enemies,
Lulu uses Black Magic on enemies weak to magic, and Wakka hits flying enemies. Switch Yuna into each battle whether you
need to or not so that she gets the EXP at the end. Get used to this simplistic style of fighting since this is way most of the game
will go. Truly this game is a beginner's RPG, why do you Space Monkies even need a guide to this?

Don't answer that, I don't really care.

So go down the path until you reach a fork in road. Go South to reach the beach where Tidus washed ashore last Page. Save
your game. Run over to the dock and talk to the brown-haired guy/girl (I don't know which) twice and he'll/she'll hand over
three
Phoenix Downs. The old dude will give a Seeker's Ring. The topless brown dude will graciously give you 400 Gil and the last
guy
in white pants will give an Ether. Go up to the boat and talk to the kid in the purple pants for a Remedy. Now that we've
swindled
the good people of Besaid out of their possessions and Gil we can get on the boat and leave this island.

S.S. Liki

Tidus molests some guy and then steals another dude's binoculars in order to check out Lulu's cleavage. Its what I'd be doing if I
were bored on a cruise. Luckily he moves over to Yuna so that I can officially declare Tidus a weirdo stalker. Oh, Yuna, baby,
what the hell do you see this prick?

Finally back in control, go over to talk to Wakka who won't say anything of importance to this walkthrough. Go around him and
down the stairs next to the door. Here you'll meet with O'aka XXIII who just so happens to have one of the best voice actors in
this whole game. Too bad all the voice actors for the main characters left their acting chops in their other pants. Lend O'aka 352
Gil.

First Save and into the door next to the Save Point. You'll find a Remedy. There is a suitcase on the right that if you kick will
hand
over a Potion. I lost count after 14 but I believe this will hand over about 19 or 20 Potions for doing nothing more than tapping
X-button for a few minutes. Go into the Power Room to find that this ship is run on a Chocobo cruelly hooked up to a gerbil
wheel.
Where is PETA when you need them? I can see treating Moogles this way but not the majestic Chocobo. In this room you'll find
the Al Bhed Primer Vol. III.

Go back upstairs and talk to the Blitzballers and then Wakka to find out that Yuna is the daughter of High Summoner Braska,
the
defeater of Sin and extremely eccentric dresser (just wait, I almost pissed myself when I saw his dress). Head up to the deck of
the
ship to start another round of Tidus moving in on my girl, bastard. And so beings a scene of awkward flirting which goes on and
on
seemingly forever. Man three minutes into this chat and I was desperately trying to construct a crude noose out of my
PlayStation
Duelshock Controller Wire.

Playable Character: Kimahri

Kimahri is not a great character at all. He's just a blue Wookie and has about as much personality as one would expect from a
blue Wookie. I mean think about it, you can splice in Chewbacca, tint him blue, and you'll have a better character. I have
nothing
but contempt for characters who speak in broken English and I've found that I hate them all: especially you Jar-Jar. At least
Kimahri knows his place as a secondary character, he serves to protect Yuna and doesn't really do anything else. I'll say this
about the blue Wookie, he knows when to shut up, and that is all we can really ask of him.

As a fighter, Kimahri stinks of redundancy and being superfluous. He is a sad little mixture of a Dragoon and a Blue Mage (like
me,
only not awesome). He learns his Blue Magic with his special move "Lancet" which when used on certain foes will teach him
their
special attacks. Too bad all the Blue Magic in this game sucks. He's not an exceptionally strong physical attacker and really
lacks
a nice niche in the party. He appears smack dab in the middle of the Sphere Grid so you have to move him to one of the other
character's zones. Trust me, bring him to Rikku's section so that he can learn Steal and actually have a purpose in battle as a
Thief.

Boss Battle: Sin

HP: 2,000
Difficulty: Easy
This fight is a little odd but still pretty easy. First off kill two of the Sinspawns and only two. If you kill all three then Sin will
just send
three more to replace them. Once two are gone make your party consist of Lulu, Wakka, and Kimahri, who can all use ranged
attacks. Have Lulu strike with "Thunder", Wakka just attack normally, and Kimahri attack with "Lancet". You can also summon
Valefor who can really kick some Sin ass. His Overdrive might kill Sin off completely with just a single strike.

S.S. Liki (Continued)

And so Wakka and Tidus fall into the ocean and straight into a Boss Fight:

Boss Battle: Sinspawn Echuilles

HP: 2,000
Difficulty: Easy

This is the first real Boss Battle. Up til now everything else you've faced was just mere tutorial — this is the real thing. This is
the one
and only fight where I'll advise that you use "Cheer". At this low level that move can actually have a tangible effect, however
past
this fight it will prove to be wonderfully useless. Have Wakka Blind this monster with "Dark Attack" so that you can dodge this
jelly
fish's "Drain Touch". If Echuilles looses the Dark status, throw another "Dark Attack" at him to keep up your defense. You can't
avoid "Blender", this creature's worst move. It will hit both Tidus and Wakka for about 120 HP. Echuilles's little followers will
still
attack though, so you might actually have to use a Potion or two. No problem since we have about a billion of them.

Soon as the battle ends, you'll get a nice little movie of Sin destroying another town. Oh and this is the last city that will be
destroyed in this game. The designers stuck all the cool FMV parts right in the beginning of the game.

Kilika Port

Kilika is doing about as well as you'd expect for a port town that was just crushed by Sin. I don't see why they didn't see this
coming though. There's a reason why we build our towns on land and not in the middle of the bay. You know I'm amazed that it
took Sin to crush this little burg, it seems like a good Nor'easter would take this city down no problem.

When you return to command go Save and head up and to the left. As you move forward you'll get to see Yuna begin her
Sending of the dead folk, which just so happens to be by far the best FMV in the entire game.

When you get up the next morning be sure to Save your game and walk past the ADD kid spastically running around in circles
like a loon and go outside. Head East and talk to a little kids in the sad ruin of hut. Tidus will then save him from the collapsing
ruin. Enter the nearest hut and open the Chest for three Potions. Now head down past the hut where you woke up and down to
the right.

Enter the hut in the middle of the fork and talk to the little girl. If you saved that kid from the hut collapse you'll get an Ether in
a
Chest. Pick up Al Bhed Primer Vol. IV from off the counter. Leave the hut and talk to Wakka. Then head directly North until
you
leave the town.

Kilika Woods

Save you game and head up to enter into a conversation. Yuna apparantly wants Tidus as a guardian, to the dismay of Wakka.
Well Wakka, you certainly shouldn't be acting so superior considering that you're nothing but a redundant range fighter. At least
Tidus is actually useful in a fight.

You'll find the enemies in these woods are more powerful than the ones in Besaid, and you should get used to this pattern. The
monsters will grow more powerful as you continue on your journey. Head down the first branch right the you see, and you'll
find a
Chest with two Mana Spheres. By the way you should be moving your characters around the Sphere Grid. If you've forgotten
then
be warned, the enemies in this forest require a bit more EXP to fight them on good terms. Always move your characters once
they
get a few more Sphere moves, and you'll be just fine.

Now go down the left path and then go up the North branch. Along the way you'll find a Scout. Continue up and you'll find a
group of dudes hanging around. One will give you a Remedy. Go up the path and then you'll reach the main road again on a
four-way split. Talk to the Crusaders and the leader will give you a Hi-Potion. Now head North and follow the path as it turns
West.
Open the Chest for a Luck Sphere.

Backtrack to the Save Point and Save. Now when you head up the main path, the Crusaders will try and stop you from going
any
further because a powerful monster is right in front of you. Ignore their warnings and head up.

Optional Boss Battle: Lord Ochu

HP: 4649
Difficulty: Medium

This fight is technically optional, hence the term "Optional Boss Battle". You can just walk around this Fiend like a little bitch,
however we don't play that in BlueHighwind's game. We fight everything that gets in our way, because we're fucking hardcore!

Ochu is certainly the toughest hombre you've tangoed with so far. His HP is twice what you're used to and his attack "Poison
Claw" is a nasty physical that can give the Poison status. First off Lulu will be your key hitter, "Haste" her and have her blast
this
guy's "Fire" weakness over and over again for around 400 damage a pop. After a while, this monster will fall asleep where it can
regain HP quickly. To wake it up you have to use a regular physical attack. Unfortunatly this beast will be annoyed by this rude
awakening so so counter with its worst attack: "Earthquake", which just might bring a Game Over if your team isn't looking too
hot. However this can be solved by simple Summoning Valefor into the battle once you've taken out about half the Lord's HP.
Since Valefor is a flying monster, its immune to "Earthquake". Valefor's Overdrive should then be all you need to finish Ochu
off.

For winning you'll get a congratulations from a Crusader dude with one messed-up face. Lead left down the path to recieve a
Nulblaze Shield from an awe-struck Crusader. Go back and heal up at the Save Point.

Head back up to the four way intersection and head East. Then begin to head around to the North until you reach some stairs.
Wakka will tell you a bunch of nonsense because he can never learn to shut his ugly mug. God I hate you Wakka. Anyway Save
up, and if you haven't been moving on the Sphere Grid do it. This is the final reminder. If you forget you're fucked.

Kilika Temple

As you ascend the stairs following the Save Point you'll hear the big bad Boss Battle music start to play. Which means the we
have yet another monster to kill for the good of all mankind and all that stuff.

Boss Battle: Sinspawn Geneaux

HP: 3,000
Difficulty: Easy

After that fight with Lord Ochu this fight shouldn't be too much trouble. Its like going from the deep end to the kiddie pool. This
Fiend is actually very similiar to Lord Ochu in that he's weak to "Fire" and can give the Poison status. First off "Haste" Lulu so
that
she can blast "Fire" spells off that much quicker. Then focus your attacks on the Tentacles. They don't have much HP and
shouldn't be too difficult to kill. Once you've killed both Tentacles the monster should climb out of his shell and begin to fire off
his
nasty "Venom" attack which can inflict Poison. His physical attacks are water-based so use Yuna's "NulTide" to weaken them.
Or then again you can also hit Geneaux with Wakka's "Silence Attack" however its not 100% reliable. All in all this fight should
not be any real problem to your team and this Sinspawn will be dead before you even know it.

After the battle Wakka will congratulate Tidus on actually being useful in battle. Glad to see that Wakka finally realized his
place
below Tidus in the batting order. Head up the stairs to reach the Temple proper. Once you've regained control following a scene
where Lulu acts like a bitch (yeah, "acts like") head up to the Temple doors.

There really ugly sad bits of programmer laziness come up and start boasting about how they're so much better than the Besaid
Blitzball guys. Well unfortunately these dudes don't really have much to brag about, they all share the same flat face on the
same
misshapen and deformed head. Dammit Square, could you at least pretend that you didn't give a half-hearted incompetent effort
into this game?

Also I can't tell if the leader of the butt-ugly triplets is gay or just really really poorly voice acted. I know where my money is.

Now that the sad NPCs have stopped showing off their tiny dicks we can actually enter the Temple. Go up and pray with Wakka
to his feeble impotent God. Then enters another group of NPCs who think that they're better than us and start swaggering above
our team. Why does every single dude in Spira make fun of our party? Is is the blue Wookie or the idiot with the orange
pompador
running around with a beach ball? Save and enter the second Cloister of Trials. The party will try to leave Tidus behind, but
being
the sad little puppy he is, Tidus will have to tag along.

Take the Kilika Sphere off the pedestal and insert it into the indentation right next to the door. This will burn down the door
(Burn
Baby!!) and once you take the Sphere out you can move onto the next room. Go forward and insert the sphere into the back
indentation to create a burn-mark Glyph. Put the Kilika Sphere away into the indentation on the left side of the room and then
touch the Glyph to open the door.

Go back to the pedestal and grab the Glyph Sphere Go put it away for now in the right Sphere recess. Go up to the chamber of
fire and walk on the white blinking light to move the pedestal to this room. Grab the Kilika Sphere on the wall next to you and
put it
on the pedestal. Take the Glyph Sphere from the last room and insert it into the indentation where you found the second Kilika
Sphere. This will open up a secret room.

Go move the pedestal down the blinking white dot. This will unlock a Kilika Sphere. Put the Kilika Sphere in the indentation
next
to the North door to set it ablaze. Don't remove it just yet. Go back to that secret room and take the Destruction Sphere out of it.
Take the Destruction Sphere down the stairs and into the hole where you found the Kilika Sphere. This will destroy part of the
wall
and reveal a Chest containing a Red Armlet. Now we're one step closer to getting Anima.

Take out the Kilika Sphere from the top door and leave. You are now done with this Cloister of Trials. Once you enter the
Summoner's Chamber, the gang will yell at Tidus for not staying still where he was. Talk to the party members to get a few
scenes
of dialogue. If you try to talk to Kimahri, you get to watch Tidus get pushed down like that crybaby Billy whose ass I kicked
back
in First Grade. I like to talk to Kimahri over and over again just so I can see Tidus suffer.

Once you try to leave to room Yuna will emerge + her new Aeon, the fire demon Ifrit. Ifrit is a vast improvement over Valefor.
Ifrit is
much more powerful and comes equiped with strong Fire-elemental attacks. Plus the Jinn comes with "Fire" which he can use to
heal himself when his HP gets low. Name your new Aeon, and the first part of the Piligrimage is now complete.

Outside a bunch of mindless NPCs swoon over the power of named characters. Somehow Tidus takes this as a sign that he
should start screaming like a little bitch. Well he never was the sharpest tool in the shed. When's Auron coming back? I need a
cool character to counterbalance Tidus's suckiness.

Head back through the woods and go through Kilika to reach the boat. We're leaving this one horse town to head up to the big
city.

S.S. Winno

The trip this time is not nearly as eventful as the ride to Kilika. We join Tidus in the lower deck filled with dudes in yellow
pants. I
would bitch about the aborrent fashion sence of these fuckwads, but what would be the point? The only people in all of Spira
who have any idea how to dress are Yuna, Auron, and Jecht. Since this room is a total sausage fest, lets go out the door and
Save. Talk to O'aka who is once again in need of some extra cash. Throw him 4,058 Gil (trust me the investment is worth it). Go
up the stairs to get some fresh air.

Go down a bit and Tidus will totally get verbally owned by those identical NPCs from Kilika Temple. Luckily for Tidus, Yuna
bails
him out saves him for what I'm sure would be a seriously hilarious ass whooping. That's weak! When your girlfriend has to bail
YOU out then you seriously need to grow a pair of balls.

Whatever, go up the stairs to find the Al Bhed Primer Vol. V. Unfortunately you have to sit through a sadly brain dead scene
between Lulu and Wakka. Now that that's over, go talk to Yuna. They continue to flirt repulsively. Man I hate watching guys
walk
in on my women.

Run over to the Blitzball in the middle of the deck to get a mini-game. You get to see a flash back of Jecht just making fun of
his
son. "See son? you suck. I rule." Anyway once the scene is finished you have to attempt the Jecht Shot. The game will show you
lots of various buttons you need to press in order to get this thing right. However when the time comes it will only show some of
Jecht's dialogue and not the buttons you need to hit. I can't really help you on this one, its all up to you Space Monkies. I'll just
tell
you that it took me around six tries to get this right, man this mini-game is a hard bitch.

Luca
Welcome to Luca, the first real city that we've visited all game. I love listening to the annoucers just destroy the Aurochs:
"they're
a living breathing statistical impossibility. I've never seen a team this bad." So basically Tidus has joined up with the Blitzball
equivalent of the Chicago Cubs, who I think are working on a century of no World Series penates. Anyway Tidus makes a
fucking
ass of himself with a microphone, shouting to the crowd about winning the Penate like so "The End is Near" street prophet.

So enters the game's big bad villian, Seymour Guado. A character so repulsively bad I have to give him his own Character Bio
so
that I can properly destroy this prick:

Playable Character: Seymour

Seymour Guado is not playable character, however you get to use him in battle briefly one boss fight. He's just a Black Mage.

This guy is the worst villain in the history of Final Fantasy. He just barely beats out Ultimecia thanks to seemingly endless
series of
poor character traits. Everything about Seymour is unbelievably awful. He just sickens me. First off, lets start with the name:
"Seymour". I don't know why Square chose the single most pathetic name in the English language outside "Maurice", however
they really chose quite the weakling name.

I also have to comment on the outfit. I wish somebody would tell Seymour to close his fucking kimono, because I really don't
want
to have to stare at his chest hair all game. That's also ignoring the fact that men just shouldn't wear kimonos in general. Just like
thongs, men don't need to be inside that article of clothing. And just why did he choose such an outragous haircut? How long
does it take to get that thing gelled each morning? When Wakka's hair looks normal compared to your locks, you need to rethink
your life.

Seymour is also about as threatening as slinky. He doesn't really look all that scary, and this flaw is compounded by having the
worst voice actor in the history of Final Fantasy. I don't know what the actor was trying to do with that effeminant lisp, but it
just
doesn't work. I can only imagine where the director was off to, but no competent cast would have allowed that voice in their
game. I'd feel sorry for Seymour if I didn't hate his guts.

This is all ignoring Seymour's rather insignifigant role in the story. Unlike every other major villian in the series, Seymour
doesn't
even attain Godhood. He doesn't come close. He's just a failure in every possible way.

Seymour is introduced by the Spira Pope and then begins to give a speech. Then the new Maester catches eyes with Yuna and
instantly falls in love. I can only feel sorry for Yuna, it seems that every pathetic loser with a crappy name in Spira is falling
head
over heels for her. With this begins the game's subplot of a love triangle. Yuna has to choose between Seymour and Tidus, its a
tough decision because both of these guys are total dipshit losers. In fact I think Tidus and Seymour would make a lovely
couple.
I can take Yuna. Those two deserve each other.

With that the game gives you an option to Save the game.

Luca (Continued)

Wakka will annouce proudly that Besaid has been seeded, thus we only have to win twice in order to get the big prize. Then
begins the Blitzball tutorials. However I hate Blitzball with a passion, and thus advise that you skip to "End Tutorial" and get on
with the game.

Yuna will walk and tell you that Auron has been spotted in Luca. This is excellent news, because Auron is by far the best
character in this whole game. Wakka complains about the game starting soon.

Outside two Al Bhed dudes will say something. You might actually be able to see some of the letters since we've been grabbing
all
those Primers. However you're still far from being totally fluent in Al Bhed. A few awkward moments later, you're back in
control.
Run across the top of the large room to find a hallway on the left side. Next to the guy in green is the Al Bhed Primer Vol. VI.
At the
end of this hallway is a Chest with two Hi-Potions. Go down the stairs and leave out the left. Run Northwest a bit until you see a
Chest with 600 Gil. At the end of this dock is a Tidal Spear. Talk to O'aka who will finally have a shop open.

Head South to that big room, and leave out the right Saving along the way. Go all the way up to the end of the Northeast branch
and sneak through some boxes to find two hidden Chests. You'll find a Magic Sphere and an HP Sphere inside. Return to the
main room and head down the only path we haven't investigated yet: South.

We'll meet up with Tidus who will then teach Yuna how to whistle. Yeah... Cloud and Tifa are blowing up Reactors and these
two
playing stupid games. (Sigh) Once things return to normal, head right. More conversation. You know, say what you want about
FFXII's storyline but at least it didn't stop the game every fucking two steps! Run Northwest and go up the stairs.As You'll find
a
Chest holding 1,000 Gil. Backtrack to the foutain and go up the Northward path. No sign of Auron, however Kimahri does get
into
a fight with two bigger blue Wookies. How sad, not only is he a member of a race of freaks, but Kimahri is also the runt of the
litter.

While Kimahri gets into a fist-fight with his blue Wookie kin, Yuna is kidnapped off screen. Princess Kidnapping Count: 2.
Lulu
meets up with Tidus and Kimahri to tell you that Yuna has been taken by the Al Bhed in a desperate attempt to fix the Blitzball
match. I don't care, just let me kill something. Go back to the main room next to the lockers and Save. Head outside to the left,
and then take the Northeast branch.

Two droids will attack. Like in all games, robots are weak to "Thunder" Magic so be sure to keep that in mind. One "Thunder"
spell is enough to kill one of these outright. Have Tidus and Kimahri focus on the other one. Run forward to the next screen and
you'll get into the exact same fight. Head East into the same fight, again. Wait this fight is actually has three rounds of the same
set of Machina drones attacking.

Well if fighting the same two droids five times has worn you down at all, the game makes using Potions unnecessary because it
give you a free Save Point. Save and head right to enter into a Boss Fight.

Boss Battle: Oblitzerator

HP: 6,000
Difficulty: Easy

This fight just might have a been a nice challenging boss for a change, however the game threw in a little trick that made this
boss painfully easy. First off have Tidus use the Trigger Command "Use Crane" to find that it needs power. That means you
need
to use a few "Thunder" spells to get it working. Have Tidus "Haste" Lulu on his next turn, and she should keep on blasting the
Crane until its fully running. Kimahri has little purpose in this battle. Since Yuna isn't here, he can function as a Healer,
throwing
Potions and Hi-Potions where needed. Once the Crane's motor is running again, have Tidus "Use Crane" to decimate
Obltzerator's HP. From there a single "Thunder" or two physical attacks will end this fight.

When the fight ends, Oblitzerator will explode out of existance (and doesn't even leave as much as a blast burn) and Yuna will
be
saved. Meanwhile, Wakka will win the match just in the lick of time. If you listen closely you can almost hear the low hum of
me
not giving a shit.

Run back to the main hall and Save. Go up the locker room to find that Wakka is all curled up in his own shame and defeat,
which means that Tidus is playing back-up. Save up and talk to Wakka. Wakka will the old
pre-game-inspiration-speech-bullshit-dick-suck cliche to his team. We get a brief shot of Auron (HORRAY!!!!) and the game
begins.

Blitzball Match

I hate Blitzball. No, I don't just hate Blitzball, I LOATH Blitzball. The very word disgusts me. First off this is a Final Fantasy. If
I
wanted to play a Sports Game, I'd play a Sports Game. However I don't care for Sports Games (what's the point of a video game
if
you can't kill things?), that's why I play these game. Don't trick me by advertising your game as an RPG and then throwing in a
crappy Sports mini-game. Its false advertising.

Plus this game makes no sense at all. I'm not sure how its supposed to work, its kinda like a game of Soccer only that every step
and pass seems to suck away your character's HP. The game is horribly slanted with your players getting 100 HP and the Goers
getting about 40 more. In fact this game might not even be too bad if the Goers weren't a bunch of cheating bastards. I don't
know how but they manage to intercept every pass, break through every defense, block every shot at their goal, and kick your
player's asses all across the giant fish tank. Even when you do manage to get a free pass, your players fumble all the time thus
ruining your shot at the goal. Sometimes the Goers will even manage to inflict status effects like Poison on your players. As if
the
odds weren't already stacked up high enough against you.
Even when you do get a free shot, the only attack that seems to ever work is the Jecht Shot. So if you didn't beat that mini-game
back on the S.S. Winno and win this move then you're fucked. I hate this game.

About three quarters through the match, or about the time that the Goers have pretty much ended this match with an unbeatable
lead of three to zero, Wakka will enter the match. About fucking time, Wakka is the only Blitzballer worth shit in this game. As
for
Tidus, "Star of the Zanarkand Abes" my ass. He couldn't Blitz his way out of a damp paper bag.

So all in all you're pretty much guaranteed to lose this match. Your opponent is just better than you in every single way. Even
with
Wakka on your side you can only really manage a single goal - and that's if you're lucky. If you are unlucky than Wakka will get
poisoned and everything will just fall apart after that. What a cruel game.

Don't ask me how I did it (I'm not entirely sure myself). But somehow or other I managed to win this game after about a
hundred
tries. Hey, I wasn't going to let anything kick my ass after I beat Emerald WEAPON. I spent a whole week doing nothing but
play
this same fucking match over and over again until I barely pulled a win out of my ass with 3 to 2, Aurochs. If Hell does exist, I
know that somewhere down in those firey depths Blitzball is waiting for my inevitable death. Its my sad little horror story. I
never
played Blitzball again.

After the Match Festivities

Also it doesn't even matter if you win or lose. You don't get any secret weapons or items for doing the near impossible and
beating
the Goers. I feel jipped in the worst way. Instead of a prize you get visited by a bunch of monsters. These creature aren't any
kind
of threat. Just one physical strike and they go down. However you do have to fight through about twenty of them.

Finally Auron enters the stage. And a more badass entry, I can not imagine. As soon as Auron enters your party he starts taking
names and kicking ass. Our first Fiend is a flying monster. "Dark Attack" it and then the only attack you have to worry about is
"Sonic Boom". After the fight, we'll be surrounded by three strong Fiends. I'd say that things aren't looking too good, but then
again Auron is in our party. Nothing can defeat Auron, he'll just chop them in half and laugh at what remains. Damn, he's
badass.

However instead of watching Auron do his thing, Seymour steps in and Summons Anima. Anima is a freakishly strong Aeon,
that
quickly destroys all the Fiends in the Stadium. Quite impressive, I can't wait until she's fighting for us. Yes that monsterous
creature
is a "she". After that we get an option to Save the game. Use it.

After that begins a long series of cutscenes filled with nothing but conversation and character development. Its nice to see that
the developers like their characters but really, Tidus and Wakka are just not that interesting to warrant all this attention. My least
favorite of these is watching Tidus whine like a bitch to Auron about how "its all your fault!" Apparently Auron has the patience
of
a saint because if I were in same situation I'd chop Tidus's blond head right off. Auron seems to have gotten the same idea and
so
joins me in nice hearty laugh at the thought.

Next Auron drops the first many big twists to come in this game: Jecht is Sin. Yes he's gone the way of God-Emperor Leto
Atreides
II and become a giant monster. Tidus reacts to this news the way he seems to react to everything, by whining his little aryan face
off. God what a bitch.

Once Tidus is done crying for his Mommy follow Auron back to the Main Square and Save. Head South and then go North at
the
"T" junction to find the Sphere Theatre. Ignore everything here and just pick up the Al Bhed Primer Vol. VII. From here head
back
to the junction and head East. Next go Northwest to reach the worst scene in the whole game.

Ah yes the laughing scene. We all cringe at the very memory. First off Auron joins the team as a Guardian but then for some
reason (I have a funny fealing its a Contrivance of the Plot) drags Tidus along for the ride. Yuna then decides to help Tidus out
of
his pain by giving a big fake laugh. Tidus follows suit and yells out with his "HA-HA HA HA HA!!" The rest of the party only
watches in perplexed disgust with the same thought in each of their heads: "This fuck-nut is supposed to save the world?"