Tuesday

29 November 2005

Published by the USSU

Communications Office.

Issue number 1095

A fantastic Christmas issue...
It’s Free (So Pick It Up!)
The University of Surrey Students’ Newspaper

Puzzle Pull-out! It’s exam Cheap Presents: Can’t find Konsumer Revolt | Roses vs.
season, and as much as we’d cheap Christmas gift solutions, Quality Street | Page 10
like to, we can’t revise all day been up the high street & Arts Section |Film, Music, etc.
long. 4 Glorious puzzle pages back with no luck? Barefacts |Page 17
are your salvation! has some cunning ideas... | Fashion| Clothes; you wear
| In the middle Page 21 them! | Page 25

GU2 Celebrates Bronze Win

By Chris Ward
GU2, The University of Surrey’s award-
winning radio station had cause to celebrate last
week as DJ Phil Brown took home the bronze
award for Male Presenter of the Year. This is
the first award the station has received since
they won Student Radio Station of the Year in
2002.
The Student Radio Awards are organised
each year by the Student Radio Association.
This year the awards celebrated their tenth
anniversary at The New Connaught Rooms in
Covent Garden on Thursday 24 November. The
event attracts a whole plethora of student radio
stations from all over the UK, and is attended
by many top figures in the industry.
Responding to his success, Phil Brown, who
hosts the End of the Day Show on GU2 said:
“I’m really chuffed to win this award, and
special thanks to all those who came along to
the awards on Thursday to support me. Lets
hope it’s the first of many for GU2 in the
coming years”.
Phil was up against five other DJs from
reputed student radio stations around the
country such as Loughborough, Nottingham,
Bath, and Southampton. The Gold Award
for Student Radio Station of the Year was
awarded to URY at the University of York.
Phil Brown presents the End of the Day
Show on GU2, Tuesdays and Thursdays,
5-7pm. You can listen to GU2 on 1350AM
or online at www.gu2.co.uk. If you’d like
to get involved with GU2, come along to
the meetings at Lecture Theatre G, 6:15pm
on Thursday evenings, or contact Station
Manager Tom Knight on manager@gu2.
co.uk.
(By the way, Phil is the one in the middle
wearing the blue tie)
barefacts@ussu.co.uk

Exam Chances Jeapordised by Term-Time Jobs

By Chris Ward
Students are less likely to do well in exams if they have
a part-time job, according to a three-year study recently
published by London South Bank University and the Open
University.
The findings exposed that students who are forced to
work during their studies as a result of financial hardship
are likely to suffer in regards to academic performance.
Around 1,500 graduates at seven universities across the UK
participated in the survey, which was commissioned by the
Higher Education Funding Council for England (HEFCE)
and Universities UK. More than 80% of these students said
that they spent less time studying as a result of part-time
employment, and many of them admitted missing lectures
and submitting poor quality coursework assignments. The
number of final year students who have taken up paid work
has increased dramatically since the 1990s.
Debts were a massive factor on the minds of students who
chose to take a term-time job to help their finances. 37%
used the majority of their earnings to cover basic living costs
such as food and rent, whereas less than 1 in 10 students
spent most of their earnings on entertainment and social
life. Students from the poorest homes and ethnic minority
backgrounds were most likely to be working excessive hours
to cover financial problems.
Professor Claire Callender from London South Bank
University said: “Even with the new fees regime from
2006, we expect term-time working will remain an issue for
undergraduates.” However, the higher education minister,
Bill Ramell, responded to the findings: “Students begin-
ning university next year will have nothing to pay until they
have finished studying and earning over £15,000. With the
reintroduction of grants worth £2,700 a year and burseries
offered by many universities, students should need to find
less cash to support themselves while they are studying.”
barefacts@ussu.co.uk

Ornithorhynchus Anatinus
2 NEWS 29 November 2005

News, news, glorious news... Not as much as usual, but News none-the-less
Editorial Team
All these addresses are @surrey.ac.uk
Woman Found Dead at UCE
(unless otherwise mentioned). Funny that. by Marcin Stylski staff and students that this is an isolated incident and there is no
further cause for concern. Their safety is not in question.”
Editor-in-Chief A woman was found dead in a building at the University of
Neil Boulton: ussu.comms@ Central England. It is believed the woman is in her 20s. The
discovery was made after police found a man with serious cuts
Editor to his wrists, neck and chest. The woman was found by police
Chris Ward: cs21cw@ at 4.18am at the university’s Galton Building on its Perry Barr
Campus, a faculty of UCE. Police found the 34 year old man
Deputy Editor at 10.18pm in Wellhead Lane, Perry Barr, Birmingham, close
Joshua Bates: cs52jb@ to the University of Central England (UCE) campus. The West
Midlands police have confirmed that both incidents are related, a
Deputy Editor police spokesperson said “The death is being treated as suspi-
Sophia Hawkins: li52sh@ cious, we are linking the incidents.” The post mortem revealed
that the woman died from head injuries. A spokesperson for
Head of Design the university said that “The University would like to reassure
Rachel Hana Cresswell

News Editor
Marcin Stylski: li12ms@ Letter from the Vice Chancellor
Features Editor The University of Surrey’s newly-installed Vice Chancellor tackles the worries surrounding bird
Lia Parker: ps41lp@ flu, and offers support to staff and students in the form of an Action Group.

Arts Editor To all Members of the University Community: ready well advanced in its work to create an overarching frame-
work, and this now needs to be supplemented by more detailed
Beth Heale: bf.arts@gmail.com
You will no doubt be aware of the issue of avian influenza contingency plans at a local level. At this stage, our planning is

Arts Editor (“bird flu”), which is receiving a great deal of media attention
at the moment. Health experts in a number of countries are
precautionary only, but I want to emphasise how important it is
for staff to engage with this issue seriously. I ask that you fully
Nicole Heel bf.arts@gmail.com
concerned that the disease, which is endemic in some parts of the support any contingency planning within your particular area.

Fashion Editor world, may develop into a human flu pandemic with the potential
to affect a large number of countries worldwide.
The University of Surrey is fortunate to have a wide range
of relevant biomedical, healthcare and contingency planning
Natalie Dowle: ms42nd@
There is no indication that an outbreak of pandemic bird flu in expertise among its staff, which can be called on to assist this

Fashion Editor humans would be as virulent as the avian type is to birds, nor is it
certain that it is inevitable. But flu viruses are constantly chang-
process and any necessary responses in the future. With prudent
planning at an early stage, I am confident that the University will
Jamila Gangadeen: ms41jg@
ing and adapting, so there is a possibility that bird flu will mutate be in a good position to deal with this issue effectively, should it

Webmaster & Puzzlelord into a new form that is easily transmissible in the human popula-
tion. In addition, the world experiences an outbreak of pandemic
arise.
More information on the background to current concerns
Colin Everett: ma41ce@
flu on average every forty years, with the last one occurring in about bird flu can be found at http://www.dh.gov.uk/asset-

Postgraduate Editor 1968. Health experts and governments are therefore understand-
ably concerned, and are adopting a precautionary approach to
Root/04/10/44/39/04104439.pdf. In due course, the University’s
contingency plan will be available to view on the intranet, and I
Position Vacant
this issue. will be keeping you informed of progress by email updates and
Adverts & the like I believe it is important for the University to take a similarly notices posted in UniSlife
Aaron Salins: a.salins@ prudent line. In addition to the immediate concerns for the
health and well-being of our staff and students, an outbreak of
Retractions / Errors pandemic flu in the UK would have a practical impact on many Professor Christopher M. Snowden FRS, FREng, FIEE, FIEEE,
I don’t think we have any this edition. different areas of the University’s operations and activities. FCGI,
I’m so proud. I have therefore established an Action Group to coordinate the Vice-Chancellor,
development of a contingency plan around this issue. It is al- University of Surrey

Wa n t e d : b a r e f a c t s P G E d i t o r
barefacts and the PGA are looking for
a postgraduate student editor to help
coordinate the postgraduate-related articles
in barefacts™. If you are interested or have
more questions about the role, please contact
the current editor Lisa Ahmed at Sucheta.
Ahmed@surrey.ac.uk.
Do you have a complaint against this newspaper? barefacts is an editorially independant newspa- Contributions must be submitted
per and is published by The University of Sur- by the Monday before publication
If you have a complaint about any item in this newspaper which contains rey Students’ Union Communications Office. date to guarantee publication. Letters
inaccuracy, harrassment, intrusion, or discrimination write to our edito- may be edited at the discretion of the
rial team about it. The views expressed within the paper are those editorial team. Please send them to
of the individual authors and do not neces- barefacts@ussu.co.uk.
If you remain dissatisfied please contact the Press Complaints Commis- sarily represent the views of the Editor, the You can take the time to write and
sion - an independent organisation established to uphold an editorial University of Surrey Students’ Union or the post in if you want... but most people
Code of Practice for the Press. This newspaper will abide by their University of Surrey. e-mail.
decision.
barefacts reserves the right to edit submissions
Press Complains Commission barefacts
1 Salisbury Square barefacts@ussu.co.uk Union House
London EC4Y 8JB University of Surrey Students’ Union
Telephone: 020 7353 1248 www.ussu.co.uk Guildford
Facsimile: 020 7353 8351 Surrey
Copyright USSU Communications Office 2005 GU2 7XH
29 November 2005
Letters to barefacts
The last letters of the year that is 2005. Any letters received between now and January will be included in the first edition of the
next semester. They may be edited for length or clarity | barefacts@ussu.co.uk
USSU Manager
responds
Dear barefacts
I must dispel this urban myth that the students
union is all about making money for the sake of
making money. The letter in barefacts issue of the
14th November re “Union prices extortionate“
seems to suggest that all the union does is charge
high prices to get into Rubix and for drinks. On
both a Wednesday and Friday night you can get
into Rubix for £2 with advanced tickets from the
shop or £3 at the door before 10.30 p.m. As for
special like Fetish the cost of entry is £6.50, it
should be pointed out that you can buy tickets
for Fetish and Rachel Stevens for £10 the pair
which equal £5 per ticket. I know of no other
establishment in Guildford offering such good
value.
Drinks prices are still the most competitive in
Guildford (excluding promotional offers or happy
hours) with our price for a pint of lager costing
only £1.90 there are also a number of free events
that the union offers, Quiz nights, Open Mic, D.J.
in channies on Wed, Indy nights plus we subsidise
diverse events like Asian nights Live nights etc.
As for is “our student bar a union or a business”
the union is split into two halves: membership
service which is not a business and Rubix
/ Chancellors which by it’s very nature is a
business; it employs staff and sells products,
to employ staff cost money least of all wages
which are set by government legislation with
the minimum wage plus employers national
insurance contribution, all cost we have no
influence over. We now have to employ fully
badged door staff new government legislation
which has increased cost, and there are other cost
which impact on us which we have no control
over e.g. insurance premiums.
Any profits the union makes only goes back to
it’s members in supporting clubs and societies,
replacing worn out technical kit like speaks
lighting and the membership service side of the
union which carries out a wide range of activities
from DAVE to FUSE and much more. I have
to point out that any money you spend in town
goes into the pocket of share holders, any money
spent in the union will be used solely to enhance
the student experience at Surrey. We believe the
union offers good value for money. However, if
students feel that this is not the case contact our
president Flo or better still come to union council
and talk about your concerns in an open and
democratic way. After all it’s your union.
Happy Christmas Everyone
Bob Anderson
General Manager USSU
LETTERS
Drink price debate continues
Dear barefacts
I’m writing in response to Amit Kumar’s
Letter in this week’s Barefacts, pointing out the
fact that the price of the Student Union bar is
EXTORTIONATE. We have to pay a fortune to
drink at our own Union, why is this? After many
hours of research, I devised this very scientific
graph:
It clearly shows that our student union is perhaps
one of the most expensive for a night out. I
can remember, back in the day, when nights
out at the union didn’t have to be pre arranged
through consolation with my bank manager. It
seems now that our only option is to give our
well earned (or loaned) money to official profit
making organisations in town. Wetherspoons,
Edwards, and the Star are just some examples of
establishments that sell their alcoholic beverages
cheaper than our Union Bar, and don’t charge
entrance fees! More to the point they don’t hide
the fact that they are businesses by using the
words ‘Student’ and ‘Union’ together in the title
of their names.
Yours faithfully, James Hewins
Inter-society
sporting cup?
Dear barefacts
(In Response to Sally Edie’s Letter in barefacts
14/11/05) It’s awesome to see that the community
chalice is already being picked up and taken
seriously! It’s a shame that the inter-hall sporting
competition hasn’t been advertised on the front
page!! I think the value of sports when it comes
to building community is invaluable. Following
my letter encouraging the building of community
through the branding of halls I became more
aware of how important this really is. What can
we be doing at the present to build community?
Our halls are not yet branded, does this mean that
those not enjoying university life will have to
suffer in silence, bored on the weekend, perhaps
lonely with nothing to do? No!
My suggestion is for more than just inter-
halls sporting leagues but inter-society sporting
leagues. Wouldn’t it be awesome to see the
Christian Union play the Management School
at football? Or the Music students playing
the Tennis team? This gives an even wider
oppurtunity for students to get involved with
something on the weekends, make friends...build
community!
Campus will never be dead on the weekend
again, if you’re not playing then you’re watching,
let’s make this the most prestigious award of all:
the inter-society sporting cup! I’ve already put
this idea to Flo and Piers; both of whom have
really encouraged the idea....but these things take
people and effort. An email will be going out to
all the society presidents soon, but it the mean
time if this is something you passionatly want
to see happen on campus and it’s something you
want to get involved with then why not help out.
There’s gonna be a planning meeting on Monday
the 28th at 7pm in Roots...would be great if you
can make it!
All the best, Mike Wilmot
Rudeness at the
library
Dear barefacts
I’m not one to moan but something happened to
me today that I thought was quite shocking!
Went to use a computer in the ‘surf centre’ in
the library for the first time! There were two with
no one sitting there so I asked a man sitting at
one of the computers if they were free. It may
seem obvious but I wasn’t sure because they were
already on the uni home page and I thought you
had to sign in like most uni computers!
He replied with a very blunt and grumpy no! I
continued to check my emails and he said to me
in a patronising manner ‘isn’t it obvious that they
are free, can’t you use your eyes, but you’ve got
glasses on so I guess you can’t’ I told him not
to be so rude then he accused me of being rude
and that he hated people like me because I was
so rude! I didn’t quite know what to say and left
sharpish!
There is no need for behaviour like this what so
ever, its totally unacceptable! Fellow uni students
watch out for him! Grumpy mid aged man with a
black cloud over his head! And if you are reading
this......lighten up!
Name supplied.
Anger at John Terry
book signing
Dear barefacts
My dad has been a Chelsea fan since he was
a kid. When I saw that John Terry was coming
to sign copies of his book, My Winning Season,
in Ottakars’, I thought this would be a perfect
Christmas present for my dear old dad.
3
Terry was originally due to come on November
3rd. Then it got postponed until the 10th. Then
the 17th. The book signing was between 5 and
6pm. I was a little worried because I had work
until 5, but I figured Terry seems a nice guy;
surely he’ll stay a bit longer to see all his fans!
I arrived just after 5 and the queue was spread
from Ottakars’, up the High Street as far as House
of Fraser. It was cold, but people were in good
spirits and were grateful it wasn’t raining. Still,
I’m sure most of the people there (some had been
there since 3pm) would have waited in the rain to
see their idol.
Terry did not come down onto the shop floor
to start signing until 5.15. We all assumed that
because of the late start, he would finish late. Oh
how wrong we were! Around 5.50, a rude security
guard came up and told us that “Mr Terry” was
finishing in five minutes, and that we wouldn’t
get to see him. There was still a large queue (I’d
only made it as far down as Boots) and when
people asked “well what about my autograph?”
the security guard (who we nicknamed Mr
Charisma) said “I don’t care.”
We were in shock. We refused to leave. We
stayed where we were, thinking Mr Charisma was
just some prankster, trying to jump ahead of the
queue. More and more people walked past saying
“he’s going. You’re not going to see him” but still
we waited. People were getting angry, wanting
to know what was going on. Children were being
sent up and down the queue as messengers.
Just before 6 the police arrived. There was a bit
of agro at Ottakars’; people were trying to force
their way into the shop whilst staff and security
guards were trying to lock the doors. We could
hear chanting and jeering coming from the front
of the queue. Eventually a policeman wearing a
motorcycle helmet (did he think we would turn
nasty?) told us that he was very sorry but Mr
Terry had left. He also said that if we wanted to
return our unsigned books (we were made to buy
them in advance) Ottakars’ would take them back,
but not now, as they couldn’t cope.
I left, feeling cold and angry. When I did,
some people were still refusing to leave, and I
could see the security guards trying to fight off
angry people at the bookshop’s doors. Now this
is Surrey. Imagine what the reaction would have
been in a rougher part of the UK!
Many people said they were going to give
Ottakars’ grief. This is unfair as it was not their
fault that Terry started late and left early. I spoke
to them the Monday before the signing and they
said they hoped he’d stay later. When they’ve
had book signings before, they’ve willingly
kept the doors open until the queues had gone.
Therefore the blame lies with Terry, not the staff
of Ottakars’.
Lia Parker
4 COMMENT
24/7 Drinking: The Argument For
Do the new alcohol laws actually help rid society of binge drinking? Chris Ward slaps fellow editor Sophia Hawkins with a glove and
declares a dual; arguing that if a 24/7 drinking law actually lowers alcohol-related crime in other countries, why wouldn’t it do so here?
This was always going to be a divisive and contentious
issue. Apparently everybody is going to be drunk 24/7, the
streets will be strewn with passed-out alcoholics, and the
four horsemen of the apocalypse will appear on the horizon.
Paranoia anyone?
Take a trip across the channel and visit whichever European
country takes your fancy. Take Germany for example. Do you
see drunken pissheads on the streets at night causing havoc on
the streets? No. Do you see everybody absolutely off their
face 100% of the time? No. Despite the fact that Germany is
famous for its beer drinking (my lifelong ambition is to go to
Oktoberfest) and has much longer
drinking hours – alcohol-related “They don’t have
crime is at a low. Why could this
be? Apparently longer drinking binge drinking over in
hours are bad.
On my 18th birthday, I went out
Germany, because they
and got absolutely rat-arsed. And I don’t stigmatise it.”
mean absolutely rat-arsed. Why did
I do this instead of go and watch a film with friends or simply
have a small gathering? It was because I was finally allowed
to do something that had been stigmatised for the past 18 years
of my life. The right to drink alcohol in this country is almost
an initiation into an exclusive club – the feeling of power that
you never had before after smugly showing your ID to the
barman, the level of respect you receive from them when they
realise you’re a customer and not an underage delinquent.
Yes, alcohol is the very symbol of becoming an adult, it has
over the years become an image of exclusivity, and as every
marketing guru will tell you – image is everything.
In Germany, alcohol is not such a symbol. It is a beverage
to be enjoyed in a relaxing social setting. They don’t have
binge drinking over there, because they don’t stigmatise it.
They embrace it as a cultural object – not something that you
achieve as an award for coming of age. People in Germany
don’t go out every night purely to get pissed, because they
have been brought up to know alcohol as something you have
with a meal every evening, even as a child. They do not see
the need to embark on the release that many 18 year olds do
in this country, because consuming alcohol is nothing new to
them. They reject the idea that alcohol should be consumed
by customers within a 2-3 hour window before they’re all
thrown out on the streets at the same time. The new laws mean
that the departure from drinking
establishments will be scattered,
eliminating the need for people
to be scared of walking home
at 11pm because of the large
numbers in the pub-kick-out that
will be walking the streets.
Now, here’s the bit that the
“against” argument are likely to not tell you. In the past, if
you lived near a drinking establishment and had problems
with noise or any disruption of the peace, you would have
to report it to the police. The police would then have to
carry out an investigation, and you would have to traverse
a hell of a lot of red tape before it would finally reach the
licensing committee at your local council. Now, things are a
bit different. A very good safety catch has been put in place to
stop corporations taking advantage of the new laws to try and
sell as much booze as possible. A landlord has two alcohol
licenses – one for the building he/she runs as a public house,
and another which is their own personal license, one that they
take with them wherever they go. You can now go to your
local councillor and complain directly, and the council itself
has the immediate power of shutting down an establishment
for a small fixed period (i.e. 2 – 3 days). This “closure fine”
would cripple establishments, so it is within their best interest
to ensure that they do not sell alcohol to people who are
already drunk, and they take reasonable measure to ensure
that the noise is kept down to a minimum.
The one last thing that has really agitated me about this
whole law is the extent to which students have been the
victim of those fighting against the new law. It is absolutely
unnecessary to sideline students as the main cause of
vandalism and trouble. Many crimes occur on Bridge Street,
in the town centre, every night. Very few crimes occur on
campus at night. There are those of us that quite like to sit in a
pub till 1am instead of going off to a club where we can’t hear
ourselves speak, and have to pay £3.50 for a bottle of cheap
booze. I am a responsible drinker, and many of my friends are
as well. Why should they be stereotyped under some sort of
criminal banner if they have done nothing wrong?
The proof of the pudding, as they say, is in the eating. I’m
proud to report that the world didn’t end last weekend like the
“against” camp predicted it would. In fact, the police, who
originally were extremely against the idea, predicting hellfire
and brimstone should somebody dare to pour a pint at 4am,
have actually admitted that the first Friday of the new law was
no different to any other Friday. The BBC website reported
that there had been no rise in drink-related crime in Kent and
29 November 2005
We like “Teh Beer”
Sussex compared with previous Friday nights.
One other popular argument is to look at the behaviour
of Britons over at holiday destinations where longer drinking
hours are available. Yes, there is still binge drinking, but this
is hardly reflective of what would happen at home. It’s clear
that when you’re on holiday you want to make the most of
every night, so people go out every night in the particular
week or two they’re away. It wouldn’t happen at home - for a
start, who would be able to afford being pissed all the time?
My opponent argues that we are a “booze-loving nation”,
although she clearly does not realise that in fact, other
countries enjoy their booze even more. The two differences
are they do not sideline people who enjoy to go out and have
a drink as “binge drinkers”, and they have very few alcohol-
related crime problems. Sophia argues that in countries
where licensing has been increased slightly, that there are in
fact more problems. Of course this is going to be the case,
because an extra hour does not always alleviate the issue that
there is a small window by which alcohol in a public house
needs to be consumed. The kickout is still going to be at a
set time, only an hour later, so it’s quite clear that the problem
will still exist.
I am glad these laws have passed. Those opposing it can
spit, curse, and try their hardest to sideline those of us who
just want to drink socially under the same category as extreme
alcoholics, but they have lost this debate. Hopefully now the
stigma on alcohol will be relaxed, people will be less concerned
about drinking as much as possible before closing time, and
perhaps in the future, we’ll have developed a different attitude
to alcohol – one that doesn’t cause youngsters to feel they
need to go out and get pissed because it’s the “cool thing to
do”. In Guildford, this debate has become more than anti-
alcohol, it’s become anti-student. All that’s left to say is
to enjoy the flexibility of the new law, and look forward to
achieving a drinking-culture more similar to our continental
neighbours. Cheers!
barefacts@ussu.co.uk
29 November 2005
24/7 Drinking: The Argument Against
Sophia Hawkins responds to Chris Ward’s glove slap with some points of her own. There are indeed two sides to every story.
What’s your opinion, cherished barefacts reader?
Last week, I
shuddered when the
law was changed
meaning that
businesses could
sell alcohol for 24
hours. I’m sure that
the many people
that opposed the
legislation will have
shuddered with
me. It worries me
that a government
that is so worried
about the binge drinking culture in this country could bring
in such dangerous and controversial legislation. I oppose
the legislation for various reasons. I believe that it will
cause disruption to nearby residencies. It will prove to be a
problem for the police, and for maintaining the safety on our
streets. It will also make staff jobs much harder and more
worrying. It can only make the problem of binge drinking
worse, and will only lead to many more underage drinkers
being sold alcohol, and many more alcohol-fuelled crime.
Where I’m from there has never really been a massive
problem with drink-fuelled crime. However there have been
the odd cases, some very serious,
and I think this can only get worse. “Reports have said that
I worked in a store close to the
town centre on a Friday night. I as many as ‘one in four
finished at 9, but even so there
would be drunks coming in and
of us are now drinking
causing havoc, either by ‘bullying’
the staff into allowing them to be
at potentially hazardous
served or by making general noise. rates’”
Speaking to my colleagues who
worked past the 12 pub-closing time, the situation only got
worse. The argument that it will reduce the pressure on staff,
because now they don’t need to deal with the large amounts
of drunks that come in at closing time is to be frank, rubbish.
It adds more pressure to staff; they will find that more
drunks will come in, and at any stage of the night. Security
measures will need to be in place all night long for just in
case precautions. It’s not fair on staff that they have to work
in such conditions and could potentially find themselves in
some very dangerous situations.
I don’t want to tar people with the same brush, I know
that some people will embrace the new law sensibly, but
it’s the minorities that I fear. It’s these minorities that
people fear when they have to walk home late at night, it’s
these minorities that people fear when they have to walk
into a supermarket late at night, and find drunks being
rowdy and being a general nuisance. It’s these minorities
that may effectively, increase in numbers and make the
problem worse. We should be aiming to improve our local
communities, making it clear that the drink-fuelled yobs
cannot win, and yet, now, I fear that they have won, that
they can and will turn up on the street at 5 am, and sing
ridiculously loud and cause havoc, littering streets with sick
and rubbish.
COMMENT 5
It is these maybe that have put such unnecessary pressure our drinking problem has been such a huge problem of late;
on the police. Back home it was vital that there were police it has dominated magazine and newspaper articles. Reports
on the streets at closing time. Now there is no closing time, have said that as many as, ‘one in four are now drinking at
it is vital that the police stay on the streets all night long, potentially hazardous rates.’ (BBC)
waiting for the possible brawls We have a drink problem in
to start. Why should they, when “alcohol-fuelled harm our country, and the law could
they could be doing something potentially make this worse.
so much more worthwhile with costs the NHS £1.7bn Martin Kettle has expressed
their time? Why should they have
to be forced into policing the
every year” the fears of many. He says
that in Britain, we are in the
streets because of the minority minority of countries where
of people who insist in creating havoc on the streets at alcohol consumption is rising. At the, ‘heart of our problem
closing time? Because there are fears for public safety that’s is binge drinking by young people, including by under-age
why, and there shouldn’t be. People should feel that they drinkers, in the centre of towns.’ He slams the new law
can walk down their local street at night time without fear. claiming that it is just a delusion, that delusion is the belief
The Metropolitan Police commissioner, Sir Jon Stevens, that by liberalising our licensing laws we will reduce heavy
has also voiced his concerns, claiming that, ‘the change of public drinking and all the attendant problems of public
closing hours would take resources away from other areas of drunkenness in our city centres.’ Judge Charles Harris QC
policing, as officers will be diverted to covering the streets backs up Martin Kettles argument of a drink problem in
in the early hours.’ He said, ‘The fact large groups of people our country. He claims that people get, ‘pugnacious and
will be coming out at 3am or 4am will mean we have to bellicose” after drinking.
man up the streets to deliver a service to ensure these people Looking at the evidence that I have put forward here,
behave.’ it’s clear that the 24-hour drinking law is going to create
My opponent has argued the point that Germany has the problems. Maybe it won’t be as bad as people fear, and
24-hour drinking and that for them this has not posed a maybe it will create a café drinking culture, but I just don’t
problem. But he highlights the think our country can put through this kind of change and
very reason why, and that very make it work. We have become a booze-loving nation, and
reason is the one that means it you would be very naïve if you couldn’t admit that. I agree
could be a problem in Britain. that for some reasons the law could prove worthwhile,
That is culture. The culture here
is completely different to that of
and it is a shame that a minority of people may ruin it for
the sensible people of our society. I think that the problem
Germany, we are a nation that
loves our booze. Other countries
of binge drinking, and underage drinking should be dealt
with first. Then we may be able to consider the 24-hour
such as Perth, Australia, that drinking laws. However, it’s about time that the Government
have only been allowed to took note of its countries drink problem, and actually do
make minor changes such as closing an hour later, have something productive about it, and 24 hour drinking is most
seem an increase in violence. (BBC) Professor Gilmore definitely not the way forward.
has also slammed the argument that we will turn into a café
style culture by saying; ‘It is fanciful to think we can turn barefacts@ussu.co.uk
ourselves into a French-style wine tippling culture merely by
abolishing licensing regulations.’ Up until the age of 18 we
are restricted, being ‘free’ on our 18th means that we go out
and do what the nation does best: get
completely sozzled. It’s a part of our
culture and I think its very naïve of
the government to think that this can
change overnight by this legislation.
Just look at the proof, alcohol-fuelled
harm costs the NHS £1.7bn every
year, and this figure is set to rise
with the new law now in place. The
council of circuit judges representing
600 judges across England and Wales,
said that they were in, ‘no doubt that
longer opening hours would mean
an escalation in violent crime.’ They
also said that the NHS would be
dealing with such crimes as, ‘rape and
grievous bodily harm.’ (BBC) In fact,
6 THE FRENCH
Mingling With The French
Hello Surrey,
After receiving a copy of barefacts, from a friend and
actually reading it from beginning to end (something I never
do), I decided I was going to write as often as I could for
the paper about my lovely experience in France on my law
placement. So basically bienvenue to my life as a Surrey
student in Lyon III. To begin a quick run down of the past
two months in France.
I successfully found my way to my accommodation along
with an American and a New Zealander. Had to wait for
about 30 mins while the receptionist finished her lunch and
was given a mount of paperwork to fill and sign. Signed the
necessary stuff and was told oh by the way you need to take
out insurance on your apartment, call the electricity people
to say that you are the new residence (huh?!), open a direct
debit bank account for your rent, pay a deposit about two
months rents plus this months rent by tomorrow if not you
will be kicked out (arghh). Thought hmmm ok, well at least
the other two people here are about as confused as I am and
if I do get kicked out, it wouldn’t just be me.
Went up to my room which is actually the size of a cribs’
style wardrobe (so extremely big for a wardrobe but kinda
small for a studio apartment). It was white walls, pale yellow
un-carpeted floor, a closet, two blue Ikea assemble yourself
style desk/shelve things with 3 metal chairs plus a small
single ‘bed’ no pillow or duvet, a kitchen corner with a mini
fridge, 2 electric hobs and a bathroom which thankfully had
a bath, a toilet and a hand basin (a pretty decent size). So
after looking at the room and thinking oh my gosh I need
to buy loads of stuff; I along with the American and New
29 November 2005
Zealander, went to town to buy at least a pillow and a duvet nightlife, I have noticed that the French definitely enjoy their
so we could sleep that night. This mission was unfortunately techno as that is all they play with the occasional 10 min
unsuccessful and I can say that I think I had the most uncom- interval of something non-techno. Well at least if I do decide
fortable night of sleep to date. to dance, I feel like I’m as good as Justin Timberlake cause
Anywayz eventually sorted out my prisonesque room and the French definitely can’t dance. I was at a bar with some
began to meet people and enjoy France. Unsurprisingly, I friends and watched a bunch of French girls do what we can
don’t really hang out with French people, so my friendship only describe as some sort of funky chicken dance, while
groups consists of loads of English , Danes, Australians, the guys did some sort of weird jumping and bum wiggling
Americans, Belgians, New Zealanders, and other randoms things. SERIOUSLY WHAT THE HELL?! Well at least
that I can’t bothered to write down. As I said everyone but they are having fun right?
the French. Don’t get me wrong there are some nice French Well, gotta run as I have a 3hr lecture (yep 3 long hours)
people over here; I just haven’t met them yet. to attend. A bientôt Surrey.
So to something a bit more exciting, all the rumours about
the French are so true. The sidewalks of France are covered Ajiri Ubogu
with dog shit. A lot of them unfortunately smell, a lot of
the men are either gay or look extremely gay (which may
be good depending on what you fancy), they are not very
friendly (well those in Lyon), everybody smokes anywhere
and every where, junk food doesn’t really exist so if your are
in the mood for a quick bite… you can snack on a freak-
ing baguette as no restaurant serves food between 3 and 7
pm. But I guess France has loads of good things, the wine
is extremely cheap and I actually found a bottle for €0.99
which didn’t taste like armpit, there is cheese everywhere
and goat’s cheese is plentiful and relatively cheap, some
people have relatively interesting dress senses so I can come
out looking like a complete freak and fit right in (I actually
saw a girl wearing a woolly winter skirt for a top?! ), and the
best part is that the bars stay open till 3 while the clubs are
open until 5 am (try and beat that union) . Speaking of the
29 November 2005 ROOM 101 7

ROOM
David Hynds curator of barefacts’ own Room 101 presents us with students’ offering to
this museum of dread. But will their pet peeves be relegated to the residence that houses
such beasts as Pocket Change & British Rugby Fans?

101
This article doesn’t write itself you know; it needs people like you, the dear reader. So keep your Room 101 suggestions coming
in; email me: mu21dh@surrey.ac.uk, with ‘Room 101’ as the subject title.

In this edition of Room 101, we hear from a veritable ‘gaggle’ of people, who have got together to collectively present their Room
101 suggestions. We have; Becca Gambrell, a first year Maths student; Hash Patel, a first year Economics student; and Tom, a
Mechanical Engineer student. Here we go!

1. People who walk slowly in front of you! 2. Chavs/Pikeys

Purely and simply for the fact that they walk slowly. Not only do they
stop others generally going about their day-to-day lives, but they insist
on doing so while taking up the entire pavement! Every time you go to
overtake them, they seem to sense which direction you are attempting
and edge to that side! How can someone possibly waste their life so
much by being so slow, and if they do, why do they have to impede
on others? The worst thing is these ‘people’ (if they can be called
that) seem to appear only when you are in a great rush and extremely
agitated already. When eventually you get too frustrated that you are
about to explode and say ‘excuse me’ through gritted teeth, they act
as if they are not aware that they have been snail-pacing their way
along and causing human traffic.
Pretty self-explanatory, to be honest, but nevertheless, here’s why…
Apart from the burberry, the ever-obvious gold chains, the dog with
the studded collar and the girls sporting Croydon-facelift hair styles,
these people generally offend our lives. They aspire to nothing, their
lives revolves around hanging about outside off-licenses waiting for
anyone over eighteen to try and bully them into buying a litre of ‘White
Lightening’ cider that they can drink in the park by the skate-ramp. Not
only that, but they are spurred on by the public support through websites
where people can post their pictures and are actually proud of being
the most ‘chav-like’ These youngsters are pitiful and need removing from
the streets. Furthermore, does no one think it’s slightly pitiful that the word
chavtastic and chavette are in the Oxford Dictionary?

Right, I can see this being annoying. However, I am going to try to Ok, Chavs. Where can I start?! It was quite scary, coming to Guildford
explain why I shall be keeping it out of Room 101 – try and stay with me if in my first year. I hadn’t heard of anything like Pikeys or Chavs, and
you can!!! Firstly, I am a pretty fast walker, I used to make the ‘Park Barn was introduced to the concept whilst here. Going back home for the
Drive – Train Station’ walk everyday last year, and I could make it to the holidays was the scary bit – I started noticing the signs of Chavs all
station in under 15 minutes (I generally didn’t, but that’s another story). around my beloved West Country. I was demoralised. I don’t think that
Secondly, people are getting much better at queue management anyone would object to me putting Chavs/Pikeys into Room 101? Would
at supermarkets; they can choose a queue that is going to move the they?
quickest (avoid people paying with Luncheon Vouchers, and always
look for the ‘New Queue’). Putting these two ideas together, I could
pass through even the most packed crowd in town without anyone ever
getting in my way. Now, if I can do it, so can you energetic first years!!! It
stays out!

3. Redbull
Redbull does not give you wings. It gives you nausea and uncontrollable
shakes that the whole coffee industry couldn’t compare with. Try turn-
ing up for work having had no sleep the night before. Drink four cans in
the space of five minutes in order to wake yourself up. I guarantee you
will spend the rest of your time at wok concentrating on stopping your
legs from shaking so much you vibrate your way out of the door. So why
does the TV lie to me so blatantly? Redbull is indeed the drink of the
devil, and therefore must be condemned to the depths of Room 101.

Redbull was a big thing when it came out, and no one seemed to
complain about its effects (if I remember correctly, people were wor-
ried about Sunny Delight turning kids Orange). It being a popular drink
now, particularly with Vodka, I think that maybe people’s use of it has
increased, and therefore the susceptibility to its effects weakened. Peo- RED BULL
ple feel they need to drink a lot to have any effect, and then overdose
I suppose. I think that is maybe what has happened in this case. I am
very inclined to send your story to a doctor, and see what they have to
say about your insomniac, caffeine-overdosing, vibrating issues!
That being said, Redbull is staying out of ‘the depths’ of Room 101. It is
not an evil, only the commercialisation of it.

Out of three people’s choices only 1 managed to find it’s way into Room 101! If you
think you could come up with a selection that would impress me, the keeper of Room
101, then see below for more details.
Have you anything you would like to permanently get rid of?
If so, email mu21dh@surrey.ac.uk, with ‘Room 101’ in the subject line. Don’t forget to write
a little about yourself, and ensure that your choices are explained fully.
It is the columnist’s right to edit entries as he deems fit, so it would be most useful if
explanations are lengthy, and in detail. Barefacts and the columnist will ensure that the
majority of your contributions are used, however; if suggestions are in any way derogatory,
then they shall be omitted.
Remember, keep it clean.
8 FOOD 29 November 2005
Jayne Thomas & Emma C
boot. Why not try them out with the rest of you house as term winds to an end?

Crispy Potato Skins Honey Roast Parsnips.

(a good use for the peelings from the roasties!) (1 medium parsnip serves 2 ppl)
Prep time: 5 mins Prep time: 5 mins
Cooking time: 20 mins Cooking time: 45 mins

Ingredients: Ingredients:
Any thick peelings left over from the roasties Parsnips, cut into thin wedges.
Salt Oil, Honey, Salt and pepper

Method: Method:
Heat the oven to 200°C. Sprinkle a thin layer of salt on a baking tray. Heat oven to 180°C.
Lay the peelings on top and bake for 20 mins until nice and crispy. Toss the parsnips in the oil before placing in a roasting pan and baking
Can use as a side and/or with dips! for about 35 mins. Drizzle with honey. Sprinkle with salt and pepper.
Bake for another 10 mins.

Options:
Roast Turkey Since the parsnips take roughly the same amount of time as roasties
Prep time: 10 mins it’s always an option to do them both at the same time. This way, it
Cooking time: refer to ‘turkey times’ might be easier to brush the honey onto the parsnips if you don’t want
the honey on the potatoes.
Ingredients:
Butter or margarine
Salt
Mixed herbs Toad in the Hole
(Serve 2)
Method: Prep time: 5 mins
Wash the turkey thoroughly inside and out (this does not mean with Cooking time: 30 mins
soap!)
Remove giblets if necessary. Pat dry. Ingredients:
Smear butter or margarine all over the skin of the turkey and sprinkle 6 large pork sausages, 2 tbsp Olive oil
with the herbs and salt. 50g self raising flour
Cut a long piece of foil which is long enough to cover the turkey and Pinch of salt, 1 egg,150ml milk
make a fold in it. Place the foil in the roasting pan. The middle of the
foil should be in the middle of the roasting pan. Method:
Place the turkey into the pan on the foil. Bring the edges of the foil Grill sausages on medium heat for 10 minutes, turning frequently.
together and roll over the edges to secure. Place in the oven. Meanwhile, put flour and salt into a bowl, adding the egg and half of
• Every half hour or so remove the turkey from the oven, open the foil the milk. Whisk the batter mix until smooth, and add the remaining milk.
and use a spoon (being careful not to rip/tear the foil) to pour some of Heat olive oil in an oven proof dish at 200 degrees c, then add sau-
the juices back over the top of the turkey. sages and pour over the batter. Cook in oven for 25 minutes, until the
• Once cooked (don’t forget to check with a skewer/knife!), remove pudding has risen and turned brown and crispy. Serve with mash and
from the oven and leave to rest in the foil for about 15 mins. This makes steamed vegetables.
the carving easier.
Option:
Use this same batter mix for Yorkshire Puddings to have with a Roast
Dinner!
TURKEY TIMES
(if not in accordance with supermarkets directions for your turkey then
use the longer of the two) Proper Gravy
Rough Guide: Prep time: 5 mins
3-5kg 30 mins @ 220°C followed by Cooking time: 10-15 mins
3 hours @ 180°C
Ingredients:
5-7kg 30 mins @ 220°C Saved juices from turkey pan
4 hours @ 180°C Cornflour (plain flour will do)

7-10kg 40 mins @ 220°C Method:

5 hours @ 180°C
Don’t forget that with campus ovens you might want to reduce the
temperature by about 10°C to avoid burning.
These are just approximate times; the best way to check if it’s cooked
is to insert a skewer/sharp knife into the thickest part of the bird and
make sure the juices run clear. Any signs of pink then pop it back in the
oven.
Spoon off a few tablespoons of fat from the top of the saved juice and
place in a pan. Spoon off and discard the rest of the fat.
Heat on the hob. Stir in flour until well mixed.
Pour in the saved juices and mix well.
Rough guide: 1 tablespoon flour to 1/2 pint of juices.
Use more flour if wanting thicker gravy.
You can always just use gravy granules with the turkey juices.
29 November 2005 FOOD 9
Mulled Wine
(makes enough for 6)
Prep time: 5 mins
Cooking time: 15 mins

Ingredients:
500ml red wine
100ml brandy
350ml orange juice
150ml water
1 cinnamon stick
3 cloves
1/2 an orange
1/2 a lemon
30g brown sugar

Methods:
Sauté potatoes
Put water and orange juice into a big pan with the cloves and
Prep time: 5 mins
cinnamon stick. Heat gently until nearly boiling.
Cooking time: 15 mins
Add the sugar and keep stirring until it dissolves.
Peel rind from the orange and lemon (no pith) and add it to the pan.
Ingredients:
Add the red wine and the brandy. Lower the heat. Heat gently until
2 large baking potatoes
almost boiling (do not boil).
1 red onion
Remove from the heat and strain.
Salt and pepper
Ladle into warm glasses. Serve hot. Can use slices of the orange and/
Olive oil
or lemon to garnish.
Oregano
Goes well with mince pies!

Method:
Peel potatoes and slice very thinly.
Part boil in salt water for 5 minutes until soft.
Place potato slices with 3tbsp of olive oil in frying pan and cook for 5
minutes.
Slice red onion and add to potatoes.
Add herbs and seasoning.
Fry for another 5 minutes until potatoes and onions have become
crispy and browned.

Christmas Cake
Mince Pies Prep time: 15 mins
(Makes 20) Cooking time: 2 hours
Prep time: 10 mins
Cooking time: 20 mins Ingredients:
250g soft margarine
Ingredients: 250g muscavado sugar
350g plain flour 250g self raising flour
175g butter 4 eggs
45g caster sugar 250g raisins
3 egg yolks 250g sultanas
2tbsp water 125g glacé cherries (halved)
500g raisin mincemeat
Beaten egg white Method:
Icing sugar Lightly grease a deep 20cm round tin and line with greaseproof paper.
Combine all ingredients in large bowl and mix well.
Method: Turn mixture into tin and level the surface.
Sieve the flour into a bowl. Bake at 140 degrees Celsius, for 2 to 2 1/4 hours, covering the top with
Add butter and rub in to make breadcrumb mixture. greaseproof paper after an hour to prevent browning.
Add the sugar. Mix egg yolks with water and add in middle of flour mix- Test by placing skewer through middle of the cake. It should come out
ture. Stir to make a soft dough (add more water if dough is too dry). clean if the cake is ready.
Knead the dough and roll out two-thirds onto floured surface. Using a Add a layer of plum jam on top of the cake once cooled.
cutter, stamp out circles and line them in a pastry tin. Spoon in mince-
meat until half full. Roll out remaining pastry and cut out, placing on For the icing:
top of mincemeat. Brush with egg white. Bake in oven at 220 degrees Beat 4 egg whites in a bowl and add 500g of sifted icing sugar, until
c, for 15-20 minutes, until lightly brown. Leave to cool then serve with smooth, then add another 500g icing sugar and spoon over cake.
cream or ice cream. Leave to set and serve with custard.
10 KONSUMER REVOLT! 29 November 2005
barefacts very own attempt at a consumer testing
section. We were aiming for interesting and
informative...
by Neil Boulton
Just what do you get them for Christmas? All your other ideas are dead in the water. Then, like the lady from the lake, one idea rises slowly from the surface... Box of chocolates... It’s not an
amazingly good idea, but your brain’s been addled by months of hard study. You go the way of the cop-out, you’re staring at the multitude of boxes trying to figure out which box of chocolates
will show the least contempt for the recipient. This is one thought you won’t have to think - The Konsumer Revolt are here! They’re here to settle the chocolate grudge match that’s lasted since
the dawn of time. Which is better, Cadbury’s Roses or Quality Street? The 2 heavyweights of the season chocolate selection league will be put head to head , which box will take the prize?
As an appetiser for this chocy grudge-match we’re also putting 2 of the middle-weight contenders against each other. So without further ado, our first match: Miniture Heroes vs. Celebrations
- Shrinkified chocolate bar purveyors the both of them, but which is top banana?
The Rules: Rather than ‘Yay’ or ‘Nay’, lady luck would play her part in the battle - Each of the 6 Konsumer Revolt Guinea Pigs was asked to take 5 chocolates from each box and give their
random sample a score out of 5. Highest score wins, simple as. We also counted how many their were of each sweet inside each box to see if there was a taste dominace afoot.

The ‘Re-inventing The Wheel’ Award

MINITURE HEROES
This award goes to Celebrations for creating a lid it insists you have to
Special - I’ve got the whole nut - Sac. twist off, when in actual fact it’s far easier just to lift it off. Well done on
Thong - Yeah you like to get the over-designing that lid, guys!
Whole nut sack in your mouth before The ‘What The..’ Award
you start sucking. This award goes to Quality Street for confusing the bejeebus out of us by
3/3 - The crunchy is not a miniature hiding 3 miniture Yorkies in our Quality Street.
hero, it’s a miniature sidekick.
Tree - They are a bit small these THE ALL IMPORTANT RESULTS
ones, but you can’t complain as it Tree Bertie 3/3 Special Thong Susan Total
does have miniature written on the Miniture 4 3 2 1 4 4.5 22.5
Dairy Milk - Dairy Milk Whole Nut - Daity Milk Caramel - Twirl - box. Heroes
Picnic - Time Out - Fudge - Crunchy - Dream Thong - Big ones are more fun. Celebrations 2.5 5 5 2 3 5 18.5
VS. CELEBRATIONS Cadbury’s 3.5 5 4 3 3 5 23.5
Roses
Special - They all seem to
contain about 1/3 nuts. Quality Street 3 1 2.5 3 2 5 16.5
Thong - The third Nut?!
Special’s found the 3rd Nut. Supreme Verdict
Susan - Minus 0.5 for the Cadbury’s trounced all comers in both of todays battles! They have
coconut. Not awful but edible! proven themselves victorious over their long time rival, Quality Street!
Tree - I do like galaxy chocolate. The boxes we tested were the 450g (approx.) size boxes. Celebrations,
I don’t like NUTS why do they while smaller than most other chocolates make up for it my containg
always have nuts? I want more chocs-per-box. In this test they held ~ 60 while all the others held
a selection which doesn’t ~ 40. We were also suprised to see ‘The Green Triangle’ Quality Street
have nuts. I’m too picky. chocolate is now labelled as ‘The Green Triangle’ on the back of the box.
Special - I second that. We can’t however remember it’s old name...
Snickers - Milky Way - Galaxy Truffle - Bounty - Malteasers - Galaxy
Caramel - Galaxy - Mars Most Importantly We all felt ill after conducting this experiment. You’ve
been warned.

CADBURY’S ROSES Susan - How did you get to that.

We learnt today, above all else, that you
can play “Cowboys from Hell” by shaking
boxes of Chocolates.
*Tree just picked three of the Same choco-
late.*
Special - Yeah Random!
Tree - I’d give that 3 1/2
Tree - Well there was one which started of
nice and then I came across the NUT!
Thong - The strawberry one tasted too
Sweet.
Tree - Caramel was very, very good!
Special - 1/3 contain nuts. That’s a bad
point in my mind.
3/3 - What happened to my Soft Centers.
QUALITY STREET
Tree - Mine are blatantly going to be coconut. I
hate coconut like a trooper.
All *Group hum The Trooper *
Bertie - The wrappers aren’t as interesting.
3/3 - I do feel ill now!
Tree - One big chunk of Yorkie love... Yorkie’s
a bit gritty.
Tree - Ahh the Toffee finger the chocolate with
the most innuendo since walnut whip.
Tree - Good toffee.
Bertie - The toffee penny is just short change
though, ‘cos it’s all the toffee with none of the
chocolate. * He didn’t realise the Pun until it
was pointed out*
Special - You need the dark chocolate around
the strawberry cream because the bitterness
of the chocolate sets oft the Sweetness in the
fondant.
Thong - Shut up Special.
Special - Sorry but I’m sad enough to know
this.
Susan - Make that “think you know this”
3/3 - I’m going to have to give it extra bonus
for the Yorkie.

VS.

Brazilian Darkness - Cadbury’s Dairy Cream - Tangy Orange Cream - Chocolate Bite
- Golden Barrel - Hazel Whirl - Caramel - Caramel Velvet - Orange Crisp - Chunky
Truffle - Country Fudge - Strawberry Dream - Praline - Hazel & Caramel Vanilla Fudge - Toffee Finger - Green Triangle - Malt Toffee - Toffee Penny
- Strawberry Dream - Yorkies!?
29 November 2005
Q. I know it’s an old gag that girls take ages
getting ready to go out, but even when we’re out
and about, my girlfriend will not stop preening
herself. If she isn’t checking her hair in a shop
window, she’s filing her nails, saying they’re
misshapen. She goes to apply more lipstick every
half an hour when we’re in a pub or restaurant. I
dread to think how much she spends on cosmetics.
How can I tell her she looks fine as she is, without
getting my head bitten off?
A. No matter what you say, your girlfriend won’t
listen to you. The reason she does this isn’t to
make herself look nice for you, but so she feels
better about herself, and makes a good impression
on other people. Yes, I know, she shouldn’t have
to worry about what other people think, but some
girls do and no amount of persuasion is going to
convince them otherwise. Just think of it as her
way of looking after herself.
Q. My boyfriend and I want to spend Christmas
together. He lives in Cornwall and so it’s a long
way to go. If I go down there I will have to spend
about a week there because it would be impossible
to travel back without a car. My family will be
upset if I don’t spend Christmas with them. I
can’t see a way out of this without someone being
disappointed. What do you think?
A. You’re right; either way, someone is going to
disappointed. Either you and your boyfriend if
you spend Christmas apart, your parents or his
parents. Alternatively you could disappoint both
parents and spend Christmas alone, just the two of
you. You will need to try and come up with some
sort of compromise. Perhaps you could spend
Christmas with his parents, and New Year’s with
yours?
Q. With exams approaching, I am finding it harder
and harder to sleep. I’m a first year student and
I didn’t expect this many exams so soon into my
course. I seem to be bogged down with revision
and I can’t get through it because I struggle to
concentrate. I am missing lectures because I
cannot sleep at night, and have to sleep during the
day.
A. If you are struggling with your course, your
first port of call is your personal tutor. Hopefully
they will be able to give you more confidence
about what you are doing, or suggest a few
pointers to make things easier. As annoying and
corny as it sounds, a good revision timetable
would help break down your mountain of work.
Revising until the early hours won’t do you any
good, so you would be better off spending a
couple of hours before you go to bed relaxing and
doing things you enjoy. The more you worry about
the exams, the harder it will be to sit them, so try
and calm down as best you can.
AGONY NIECE
Q. I am running desperately low on cash this year.
I’ve already got my housemates saving money
on the energy bills by turning off the lights and
heating as much as possible. I know Christmas is
going to kill my bank account. I should probably
get a job over Christmas, but I have exams after
the holiday. Also, aren’t I entitled to a rest?
A. Of course you are. The holidays aren’t just for
making money; you need time to recharge your
batteries before the next semester. However, a part
time job might help with the financial situation.
Have you already gone into your overdraft? If
not, you could do this for a couple of months.
Remember that in January, your next loan payment
will come in. SHAMELESS PLUG: check out the
article on how to get cheap Christmas presents.
Q. My best friend is a label junkie. He wouldn’t
dream of buying an item of clothing, not even
underwear, unless it had a designer or sports label
on it. He spends more money on clothes in one
month than I do in a whole year. He says that his
part time job means he can afford to buy these
clothes, but surely his money won’t last forever.
What will he do when it comes to paying for rent
and food?
A. Some people feel that having a designer label
on an item of clothing is a sign of quality, even
though it is probably made in a sweatshop just
down the road from one making the cheap tat you
find on market stalls. Some believe that having
a label on their clothes will make them more
attractive, because obviously having “GAP”
written across their tops will make and skin
problems and bad hair days unnoticeable. Whether
they look better or look like a chav, some people
just like to buy clothes with labels on them. The
only thing you can hope to do is get your friend
to shop in factory outlets where he can get his
precious labels a lot cheaper
11
Q. This holiday I am going to meet my girlfriend’s
parents for the first time. I am a little nervous and
I want to make a good impression. I was thinking
of getting them a present for Christmas. I don’t
want it to look like I haven’t made an effort, but
at the same time I don’t want them to think I’m
flashing my cash to suck up to them. What shall I
get them?
A. You can never go wrong with a box of
chocolates (you may want to find if they prefer
Roses or Quality Street) or a bottle of wine, as
these can be shared around and help to break
the ice. Just don’t try and be clever and go for a
bottle with a stupid name, such as “Old Git”. I’m
guessing that your girlfriend knows her parents
better than I do, so why not ask her?
Q. At home I have several pets and I miss them a
lot when I’m at uni. I don’t socialise that much,
and so I miss them even more. Sometimes I get
really broody when I see something cute and fluffy
on tv. I was thinking of asking for a hamster for
Christmas and bringing it into halls with me in
January. Do you think I would be able to sneak
one in? I have a friend in Wales who managed to
sneak a pet rabbit into her halls. All her flatmates
helped her look after it and kept it away from the
wardens. Do you think my flatmates would do the
same?
A. The uni’s accommodation rules clearly state
that you are not allowed pets of any kind in halls
of residence. Therefore I strongly recommend you
do NOT bring a pet back with you. Besides, do
you have an en suite room? If you do your cleaner
will be coming in once a week and they would
not be too impressed to find a furry critter in your
room. You say you don’t socialise much. Maybe
you should find friends to make a fuss of, rather
than a pet. Or, if you really reeeeally want to look
after something, buy a Tamagotchi.
Q. My friends thought it would be funny to
put someone’s thong in my room, and now my
girlfriend thinks I am cheating on her. She hit the
roof when she saw it, and she won’t believe me
when I tell her that it was my friends. They all
think it’s funny that my girlfriend hates me, so
they won’t admit to it. How do I get myself out of
the doghouse?
A. Have you ever cheated before? Does she have
any other reason to suspect you of cheating or to
not trust you? You really need to get your so-called
“friends” to confess to their prank. Where did they
get the thong from in the first place? Did they buy
in (in which case, do they still have the receipt?)
or would the person they borrowed it from come
forward in your defence? Your girlfriend probably
needs time to calm down over what has happened.
And if she won’t talk to you, you should definitely
get your “friends” to approach her on your behalf.
12 FLO SAYS...
Student Union President Flo has once again been working at his key board to give you, the Surrey student, the latest nitty-gritty on
some of the important occurances here at the University. Any questions - ask Flo (ussu.president@surrey.ac.uk)
Here’s a host of things that are currently
going on at the University & the Union.
I’ve decided to tell you all the bad news
first, and then follow it up with the good.
Let’s get this show on the road...
Bad News: Students just never stay at university for the weekend. It is a deserted piece of
land. Where does everyone go? Why?
Good News: I have made this problem a priority issue for me to tackle. There must be a
solution or activity that will keep students around during the weekends? There must be
events (not associated with Rubix) that we can organise for students to come out of their
bedrooms over the weekend? I don’t have the answers but I will need your help to answer
these questions. A survey on students’ activities during the weekend will be out soon.
Timescale: February 2006
Flo satisfaction rating:
Bad News: The Students’ Union is very bad at giving students feedback on various issues
handled on behalf of the students.
Good News: This article is the first step to tackling that problem. Vice President
Communications, Neil, is working on various ways that the sabbatical officers can inform
students on individual and university-wide cases. A current idea we are looking at is an
online student union community. Next semester I will be having drop in session at the
Lecture theatre concourse or the library (location subject to availability!?) for any student
with an issues to get advice or comment on the university.
Timescale: By June 2006
Flo satisfaction rating:
Bad News: Not all departments of the university have student common rooms. Where do
students just hang out without having to buy a coffee or get in the way of other students
working?
Good News: We are currently compiling results of a survey on social spaces on campus
and will use the data to negotiate with the university a better provision of social spaces
around campus for students. By the way my definition of a social space is an area where
students can relax, talk, network, and eat the packed lunch without having any coffee, food
or alcohol forced at them. This would be a good provision for students who don’t live on
campus. These spaces don’t have to one large space but rather multiple small areas that can
be accesses out of hours where possible. Watch this space for more feedback.
Timescale: I am hoping as soon as possible.
Flo satisfaction rating:
Bad News: Surveys are good! The National Student Survey (which surveys students in their
final year about the academic experience at university) showed that Surrey has a serious
problem on timescale and methods of feedback on coursework and other academic work.
(DUH) It also highlighted that certain academic schools have poor and non stimulating
teaching experience, a lack of learning resources and are organisational a mess. (DUUHH).
Good News: The Students Union are on the issue. Course reps keep up the good work;
keep telling exactly how it is to your various Heads of Schools. The university are also keen
to turn all these problems around but (according to university) these things take time. The
quickest and easiest problem to tackle is the feedback and Professor David Airey is working
on making lecturers give adequate and timely feedback to students on their coursework so
every student is aware of how well they are doing.
Timescale: Let’s hope it keeps improving and never stops improving.
Flo satisfaction rating:
29 November 2005
Bad News: Sports provision at UniS can be better! What more can I say.
Good News: By 2008 the University of Surrey will have a £20m sports facility in Manor
Park (see next paragraph) with an array of sports being catered for. Maybe, just maybe, there
will be a 50 metre swimming pool in the sports facility (Can I get an Amen?). Vice President
Sport, David, has been heavily involved with the consultation and design of the facility and
the architects are just about to present the final design. Question of the day is does anyone
have any wealthy friends that will be willing to give up £20 million? If yes, please contact
me, not the university, me!
Timescale: Tentatively Summer 2008
Flo satisfaction rating:
Comment: The union prices are supposedly extortionate
Response: I don’t think they are. The students’ union works hard to make sure prices are
the cheapest you can get. Entry to Rubix is £2 in advance. Drinks prices are the lowest you
will get in any club in Guildford. The Union Shop meal deal is the best value for money
on campus. I acknowledge the fetish night price has changed this year but it all for a good
reason and I guarantee you will not be disappointed on the night. The Students’ Union will
be making as much effort as the students do on the night. Don’t forget the Students’ Union is
a charity; the money that we make is used to fund clubs and societies.
Timescale: I can bet £10,000 someone will ask this question next year.
Flo satisfaction rating:
Bad News: Students know very little about Manor Park?
Good News: Students know very little about Manor Park!
Comment: Student accommodation is being built not too far away from the hospital which
is not too far away from Tesco. It will have 700 rooms for students and staff of Surrey
with other basic services such as laundrette etc. My main concerns are security on the site,
transport between the site, social provision for 700 people on the site, do they get similar
add-ons like students on the main campus and rent price for these rooms. Do I have the
answers to all those questions or concerns? No! I have been told that I will be included on a
university group that will be looking at the Manor Park project and you can be sure that I’ll
be negotiating the best deal for students that are affordable to the university too.
Timescale: Manor Park opens September 2006
Flo satisfaction rating:
Bad News: The Students’ Union can better represent its members. The structure of the
union doesn’t suit our current demographics of students and is not inclusive but instead
exclusive.
Good News: The Students’ Union is currently looking at its governance and representational
structure. We aim to be more inclusive to all students at University of Surrey, have students
at the heart of decision making on behalf of their membership, give greater responsibility
and authority to the course representative within the Students’ Union structure for more
effective academic representation, have more student activists at Surrey operating on the
local and national scene and effectively be the voice of Surrey students to the university,
local community or national organisations. The process of change has started and the
Students’ Union will be looking for your suggestion and support throughout the rest of
the academic year. Ella, Vice President Education & Welfare has proposed a new course
representative structure to the university which she will be looking to roll out to all schools
in 06/07. The strength of the proposal is in its adaptability, the course representative
structure for every school will need to be bespoke to carter for the needs of the students
in that school. One size doesn’t fit all. I am currently reviewing the constitution of the
Students’ Union to see how it can be better improved to fulfil our aims. Definitely watch this
space; I will need your support on any changes I intend to make.
Timescale: June 2006
Flo satisfaction rating:
29 November 2005 STUDENTS’ UNION 13
Bad News: The University proposed to some changed to students’ academic schedule, such as all exams
in May & all modules being 15 credits. Their reason was that students were being over assessed and they
didn’t have adequate time to assimilate the material being thought (DAAHHH).
Good News: Barefacts and Union Council have been valuable in slowing the proposal from going ahead
and it has been opened to consultation with various parties. Bex, your Vice President Postgraduate Affairs
sits on a working group that is working on the entire proposal to see what is priority and how best to tackle
the problem of over assessment and exam structure. So far, I have been told a lot of lecturers are against
the proposal, so we are not alone on this one. The Vice Chancellor has explained the basis of this proposal;
students should be assessed more on practical knowledge rather than solely on exams, first semester is too
long for both students and staff and there is hardly any break between lectures and exams in December
and he would like to see the students understanding better what they are taught than cramming just for the
exams. His ideas are sensible but the delivery will determine the effectiveness. We have a chance to have an
assessment structure different to any university in the world but we need to be cautious it doesn’t affect the
employability of Surrey students. For comments or ideas email Bex at ussu.postgraduate@surrey.ac.uk.
Timescale: Bex doesn’t know, I don’t know, they don’t know, so who does?
Flo satisfaction rating:

And last and definitely not the least

Good News: Professor Christopher Snowden has been Vice Chancellor of University of Surrey for five
months, and my God has he been busy. According to academics, he is a breath of fresh air within the
organisation. I have worked with him during this time and my view is slightly different. Every time
I’m asked what I think of him my response is always the same, ‘He is a dude!’ His ideas and vision for
University of Surrey are great, well thought through, enterprising and simple. He is extremely student
focussed and wants students to be considered in every decision the university makes. He is also big on
quality of your education (teaching, learning & research). My view is it will take time and there will need
to be a culture change at University of Surrey. To find out more about the future of University of Surrey the
Vice Chancellor will be attending Union Council in second semester, watch this space!

Flo satisfaction rating:

d e ra te a n d k e ep noise levels
onsi
SSHH! Let’s be c e xa m s p e riod and careers
is th e
And Flo’s Final Word?: Happy Christmas to all students and staff! to a minimum. It e final year stud
ents.
a t st a k e fo r th
are

Join the dots

Recruitment Day - Rubix Dancefloor- Wednesday December 7th 12am - 2pm

Are you outgoing and outspoken?

In case you forgot - Dressing up your pets is wrong. Very wrong

Would you like to earn while you

learn on Campus . Good hourly
rates of pay and bonuses with
flexible working hours.

Dot Mobile and USSU

have teamed up to
recruit a unique
Marketing Team.

Contact Aaron Salins (Marketing)

in the Union Offices for further details

Tel: 01483 689275 (xt 9275)

Email: a.salins@surrey.ac.uk
14 IT’S THE ENTS PLANNER! 29 November 2005
As this edition of barefacts exists for the last 3 weeks of term - We have 3 weeks of the
Entertainment Planner! be sure to check out the Big Christmas party and the other events
happening in term’s final weeks!
Remember to sign up to the Students’ Union Newsletter & Grapevine at ussu.co.uk/grapevine!

November 28th - December 4th

Chancellor’s Cocktail Night
Monday
28th
featuring:
Tuesday WE ARE KLANG!

29th

Wednesday featuring: FRASER

30th
Open Mic Night in Chance l l or’s
Thursday featuring:
1st Wild Animus - Extreme Stroytelling
(SSHH... Limited Free Bar from 9pm...)

FETISH NIGHT!
Friday SOLD OUT!
No-wave in the HRB (Rock, Punk,
2nd Indie Metal...)

Tease
Saturday Rubix, 9pm, featuring:

3rd RACHEL STEVENS

There might be some tickets left in the Union Shop...

Stella Screen
Sunday
Free Film - YEAH!
4th in the HRB 8pm
29 November 2005 THE GIANT PUZZLE PULL-OUT!

It’s the barefacts

PUZZLE PULL-OUT!
4-pages of puzzle action!

hty
? ith his mig
t h e rabbit rushes it w
g
a . ) Feedin t before it c
e rro
p t im us Prim with the ca lly...
Is O u nting it ea persona
. ) Ta Id
or b n d. No
t h a
robo
 SUDOKU-RAMA! 29 November 2005

S U D O K U : Bigger Is Better
Place numbers in the empty boxes so you have numbers 1-9 in each row & coloum, and 1-9 in each 3x3 square. Well, that’s what you’d normally do. Except for this special Puzzle Pull-out
edition we also have a Hexidecimal Sudoku for you! How neat is that? This time you have to fill in the empty boxes so each row & column contains the numbers/letters 0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,A
,B,C,D,E,F. And so that each 4x4 square contains them each only once. Simple, huh?

6
2
6
7
6
4
6 6
3 F

E 27 74 20 69 74 3F
0 27 61 74 65 27 2E
7 68 74 27 20 73 6F
5 6E 6E 79 20 62 65
7 68 74 20 6E 69 6E
2 65 63 61 75 73 65
6 1
6 E
2 0
6 5
7 8
7 6
6 9
6 5
7 3
7 3

63
65
75
20
2 0

20
2 0

61
2E
6E
4E

73
7 3
6 6

20
64
65

75

65
6 1
6 F

49
73
61

73

76
7 7
2 0

74
20
74

65

65
2 0
6 4

27 73 20
6C 69 6B
2C 20 69

20 27 65

6E 20 65
7 9
6 9
6 8
6 1

66
69

69
65
73
5 7
7 2
29 November 2005 CROSSWORD vs. DOT-TO-DOT!
Crossword: Answer Questions, Place Answers in the relative boxes. Easy?
Clues Across:
9. European country, known locally as Österreich. (7)
10. Light network bird. (Cryptic) (7)
11. Questionable suspect. (Cryptic) (7)
12. Crap former Greek Island. (Cryptic) (7)
13. Canopy for average hospital in small angle.
(Cryptic) (9)
15. Polymer supposedly named after two cities. (5)
16. Migratory bird; Ingest. (7)
19. Unidentified flying crockery? (7)
20. 17-syllabled poem, originating from Japan. (5)
21. River flowing through Turkey, Syria and Iraq. (9)
25. Attack relentlessly with projectile weapons. (7)
26. and 6dn. Real-time war based computer game
series. (7, 3, 7)
28. The house in which a parish priest lives. (7)
29. Starters in French trees. (Cryptic) (7)
Clues Down:
1. Settled an outstanding debt. (4, 2)
2. Line on a weather map connecting points if equal
air-pressure. (6)
3. Therefore. (4)
4. Capital of the Bahamas. (6)
5. Not having the faintest idea. (8)
6. See 26ac.
7. Wake-up call for mashed eel liver. (Cryptic) (8)
8. Aerials before demented nans. (Cryptic) (8)
14. Electronic device used for adding, as opposed to
one’s brain. (10)
16. Composer for crazy butchers. (Cryptic) (8)
17. Unnecessary; over the top. (1, 3, 4)
18. Mondays to Saturdays. (8)
22. Package; Carton. (6)
23. River that flows through London.(6)
24. A person who enjoys inflicting pain on others. (6)
27. Dumb; Silence. (4)

The numbers in each of the squares of this grid correspond to one of the 26 letters of the alphabet. Filling up the
grid with words will help you break the code and let you figure out the name of an author and a book.

c la ssic is back!
e all- a c t io n
T! Th
DOT-TO-DO
 BIG FREAKIN’ MAZE! 29 November 2005

BIG FREAKIN’ MAZE’S SWEET, SWEET, REVENGE!

Get from the grey square in the top left, to the grey square sort-of-located in the top right. All you have to do is traverse the stuff in-between...

BEWARE - ANSWERS!
BEWARE - ANSWERS!
If you can read this, you can read the answers. Are you sure you want to read the answers?

Puzzles compiled by
barefacts Puzzlelord:
Colin Everett.
A few other bits by
Neil Boulton

CODEBREAKER CROSSWORD
 OH YEAH! THE ENTS PLANNER!
29 November 2005 15
The Brand Shiny New USSU e-News Letter Thing!
Yep, some of you may already have read this stirling piece of information delivery, others haven’t. Basically much
like Grapevine supplies you with all you Union Entertainment news, The USSU newsletter provides you with all
your general students’ union news & info: Sign up today (identically to grapevine) at ussu.co.uk/grapevine

December 5th - Decemeber 11th

Chancellor’s Cocktail Night
Monday
5th

ll ll t i m e:
Las t
Tuesday Chance or’s Cha enge: r i z e
1st P £60...
g e t to
6th Tree & Piers attempt to run a quiz! in Chancellor’s no less!
8pm - £1 per person in a team
D o n
gA
r
’t Fo en...
P
All entry money goes towards the Quiz Cash Prize!
B r i n

THE
Wednesday WEAKEST
7th LINK

Open Mic Night in Chance l l or’s

Thursday
8th

It’s Friday!
Friday £2 Advance,
£3 before 10:30pm

9th £4 afterwards
Cyclone in the HRB

Saturday
10th
Engerica
Sunday &
Instill

11th 7:30pm Rubix

16 ENTS PLANNER EXTRA! 29 November 2005
For those of you with nothing to do this New Years Eve (Is it too ealry to know what you’re doing
for New Years?) you should remember that Rubix has it’s own News Years Eve event. So come
along and join the party. Xmas Flirt tickets are on sale and priced as follows
£5 until Monday 5th, £6 before Monday 12th & £8 after Monday 12th
NUS Card holders are welcome, but guest tickets will not be available.

December 12th - December 18th

Chancellor’s Cocktail Night
Monday
12th
featuring:
Tuesday Matt Blaize,
David Nicholls
13th & Guests

Wednesday
14th
Open Mic Night in Chance l l or’s
Thursday
15th

Xmas Party!
Friday With the XFM Band
Prices: See text at the top of
16th the page...
Presha in the HRB

THE WOK CLUB

Saturday An Unrivaled House Club Experience!

17th With Guest DJs: Justin robertson & Eddie Temple-Morris

£10 - Public Event!

Sunday
18th
29 November 2005 MUSIC 17
Hi everyone, welcome back to the arts section. As this is the last Barefacts before Christmas our next meeting has not yet been
decided….so, if you would like to be part of this fantastical section email us at bf.arts@gmail.com. Love from Beth and Nicole =D

TAKE THAT NIRVANA

Never Forget: The Ultimate Sliver (Best of the Box)
Collection Geffen
BMG
I was looking forward to reviewing this,
It just isn’t Christmas without a Nirvana being one of our generation’s
retrospective release from a dearly most important bands. Having listened
departed pop act; and the definitive to this album through, I have to say this
1990s boyband, Take That, look set to compilation is a mixed blessing. Some
make up the numbers with this re-hash of the earlier demos and boom box
of their 1996 “Greatest Hits” album versions do not really do the band jus-
with their so-called new “Ultimate tice. The first track ‘Spank-thru’ comes
Collection”. 9 and a half years on, from a recording session entitled ‘Fecal
and today’s pop scenery is a far cry from their mid-90s heyday. Quite Matter’ recorded in 1985 at Kurt’s aunt’s house, where it all sounds a bit
how Take That’s fattest became Britain’s finest is still somewhat of a mystery amateur. The boombox versions of ‘Smells Like Teen Spirit’ and ‘Come as You
– not least of all to Robbie Williams himself – but before Westlife broke all Are’, are not really worth including because the recording quality is appall-
known records for consecutive #1 singles, Take That had risen from being ing. That said, there are some real gems on this compilation, some classic
a laughing stock to the Britain’s biggest pop sensation since the 1960s. This songs in their rawest form, and some unheard material that shows the genius
‘special’ release commemorates all 16 of their UK singles, including “Pray”, that was Nirvana. This includes a couple of acoustic solo performances
“Back For Good”, “Relight My Fire”, “Never Forget”, “Could It Be Magic”, by Cobain, for instance the song ‘Opinion’ which demonstrates Cobain’s
“Babe” and “Everything Changes”. However, this well-trodden wander unique lyrical style. There are also a few oddities including ‘Ain’t it a Shame’
down memory lane also features no less than a bonus live track, the 2005 which was recorded with Mark Lanegan (of Screaming Trees at the time),
remix of “Relight My Fire” and a newly recorded ‘forgotten’ track, “Today I which came from a 1989 session of ‘Lead Belly’ songs. The more classic stuff
Lost You”, originally penned as the follow up to “Back For Good” but never includes two versions of ‘Rape Me’, one a home demo and one a band
recorded until this year (though only features vocals from four of the original demo, both rock as hard and as heavy as you’d expect. This album is well
five – no prizes for naming the missing). A blend of high energy, up-tempo, worth owning for all hardcore Nirvana fans (basically a whole generation of
pop-disco numbers, well-chosen covers and ballads, Take That provide alternatives and outcasts) and also for those more radio friendly Nirvana fans
an immaculately polished plethora of songs built around main singer/song- in need of an education as to where those songs they love so much came
writer Gary Barlow’s vocals; however this collection provides little in terms from!
of new entertainment for the CD release alone. Pick up the limited edition 4/5 Sam Carney
DVD release for all their videos, unseen photos, live performances and never
before seen fly-on-the-wall footage – filmed by the bad themselves (I kid ANASTACIA
you not) – if you really fancy something ‘new’ and nostalgic this Christmas.. Pieces of a Dream: Greatest Hits
3.5/5 Joshua Bates Sony BMG

Besides a wealth of commercial and critical

50 CENT success, having been named #8 in the
Get Rich or Die Tryin’ “Biggest-selling Artists of the 21st Century”
Interscope poll for the UK Music Hall of Fame,
pop-soul superstar Anastacia Newkirk’s
This is the album from and inspired by impressive vocal ability is driven home
“Get Rich or Die Tryin’ “. The basis for by her Greatest Hits collection. The 17
the film is of an inner city drug dealer track “sprock” (soul-pop-rock) collection
who turns away from crime to pursue brings together 12 hit singles, a previously unreleased club megamix and
his passion of rap music. If you’ve seen two brand new tracks – plus the collaboration with former Evanescence
the adverts for the film it’ll give you guitarist Ben Moody, “Everything Burns”, lifted from last summer’s “Fantastic
an idea of what the album is like so Four” film soundtrack. Arguably premature following only three studio
let’s be honest, you either like 50 Cent albums – with sales in excess of 20 million worldwide – the album however
& his collaborators (G-Unit & Mobb includes all her classic hits such as “One Day In Your Life” and “I’m Outta
Deep) or you don’t. For those who do like him, you’ll love this album; good Love” (easily the modern day “I Will Survive”) accompanied by more recent
production and some gritty lyrics. However if you don’t like 50 then this tracks such as 2004’s comeback hit “Left Outside Alone” and the emotive,
album makes a fantastic drinks coaster, or maybe a small Frisbee? That, ladies soft-rock sensibilities of “Sick And Tired”. Title track “Pieces Of A Dream”, an
and gentlemen, is the best thing I can say about this album. Maybe that’s a uplifting ballad, continues along the same successful formula showcasing her
bit harsh. There are some good backing tracks and a couple of good songs powerful voice. Meanwhile multilingual duet, “I Belong To You (Il Ritmo Della
such as “Hustler’s Ambition” and the bonus track “Best Friend”, but on the Passione)”, with Italian singer Eros Ramazzotti reveals a surprising silkier side
whole it all sounds the same with nothing different or exciting. It’s the musical to the distinctive hard edge in her voice – though (sadly) veers dangerously
equivalent to eating a whole loaf of bread in one go, it gets painfully boring close to Céline Dion territory. Whatever the reason behind the early arrival of
halfway through. Basically if you like 50 Cent you’ll like it but otherwise this the former wedding singer turned dancer turned soul-pop belter’s “Best Of”
album has nothing special to offer and is a huge disappointment, so don’t – contract filler or otherwise – the album is impressive from start to finish and
waste your time or money.. further proof of Anastacia’s startling talent. Sit, listen and enjoy – but for the
2/5 Silas Bingeley love of God please don’t sing along if you are vocally challenged or simply
tone deaf. 5/5 Joshua Bates
18 MUSIC
FRANZ FERDINAND / EDITORS / THE RAKES
THE BRIGHTON CENTRE
NOVEMBER 15TH 2005
Franz Ferdinand’s decision to embark on an arena tour hasn’t gone down
well with everyone, and at this venue in particular you couldn’t help thinking
that it wasn’t their smartest move, given that the audience members who
were in seated areas stayed glued to their chairs throughout, which didn’t
exactly lead to the fulfilment of Alex Kapranos’s latest idea, that he wanted
to ‘make music for girls to dance to’. But those who were in standing made
the most of it. After support from The Rakes, and Editors, Franz took to the
stage surrounded by red backdrops and a huge black and white screen.
After opening with ‘This Boy’ from their new album they stormed through
tracks from their first album and their latest. One of the highlights, perhaps
quite predictably, was ‘Take Me Out’, but new track ‘The Fallen’ was equally
popular and acoustic track ‘Eleanor, Put Your Boots Back On’, showed the
bands more gentle side.
You can’t really fault the quality of the show that Franz put on, but you
couldn’t help thinking that everyone’s favourite art boys might have got a tiny
bit complacent about their success, with their show just slightly lacking the
spark that The Rakes and Editors showed before them.
Ellie Dunn
“I am white space
- Hear me roar!”
ALCHEMY
Live at Chancellor’s
On the 13th of November, Alchemy, returned to Channies to provide us
stressed-out students with some of their magic and did not disappoint. As
the performance time grew closer, the atmosphere warmed up and people
started packing in until it was standing room only, reflecting their growing fan
base.
The support band Mosaic introduced the evening with some haunting
vocals and acoustic melodies. Then Alchemy took the stage! They played
an assortment of tunes, a few of their classic songs like ‘Next Person Please’,
‘Safe Hands’ (from their debut album “A&R Sessions”) but mainly newer
material like ‘Mr Sunday Sun’, ‘Don’t Go Away’, ‘Space’, and my personal
favourite ‘That’s Not Me’. Lead Vocalist NickTree joked that the loudest
applause came from their cover of ‘Bennie and the Jets’ by Elton John,
but from chatting to numerous people afterwards, their own songs are
deservedly more popular…and we liked the random lyrics of ‘Mr Smith’.
A thunderous round of applause was earned by drummer Simon Mitchell
who performed heroically with a perfect demeanour; you would never have
guessed he had suspected bronchitis.
I’m still trying to put a finger on what their style of music is, taking inspiration
from bands as polar as Incubus to Athlete, their uniquely original music has
to be heard to be believed. But one thing is certain: they never fail to deliver
genuine enthusiasm at their crowd-pleasing live performances. We can’t wait
for the next gig in Guildford!
Alchemy will be back in Guildford at The Star on Monday 19th December
and in The Electric Theatre on Friday 13th January. Check them out at www.
alchemylive.com
Helen
29 November 2005
Download of the Fortnight:
http://www6.islandrecords.com/thrice/discography.php (Scroll down)
THRICE - Image of the Invisible
‘Image of the Invisible’ is taken from Thrice’s new, more experimental
album Vhiessu. Being the opening track of the album it sets the scene
for what is a very well rounded album, so we thought we’d make it
download of the week so others can enjoy the beauty that is Thrice.
Ollie Ghaney
AMBERTONE
The Star, Guildford
17th November 2005
Ambertone were once Just Rob on guitar and vocals, Nick on bass and
Chris, more often than not on bongos, but eventually they took more
guitarists, Russell and Jonathan hostage into their madness. You might have
seen them back in the day at what used to be Heywoods in Guildford when
they used to be mainly an acoustic group, but they have developed into
a pretty good live band – they’ve even recorded an EP! Being in the back
room of the Star is like being in the Arctic, but it’s a nice little, chilly, intimate
place, great for small-scale gigs. Ambertone were supporting Spies in
Limbo who provided a slightly heavier set (which, on a side note was head
bashingly good!!) The atmosphere was mounting, everyone was ready to
rock… The Tone began with ‘We’re Not Like That’, an upbeat tune with an
extremely catchy guitar riff which then went into ‘Fall From Grace’, a reflective
number, yet at the same time very rocky. Rob and Jonathan’s harmonies in
‘She’s the One Who Lights Up the Room’ were beautifully blended, as were
they in the anthemic ‘Suburban Skies’. The multi-talented Russell played
cello for the latter, adding that little something that most live bands don’t
have. Their finale, ‘Caroline’ was easily their best performed song, with a real
summery feel that brought to mind cocktails and sand. There is definitely
some brilliant songwriting going on in this group, an excellent gig all round!
Check them out at www.ambertone.net.
5/5 Nicole Heel
29 November 2005 FILM/THEATRE 19
HARRY POTTER AND THE GOBLET JUST FRIENDS
OF FIRE Released: Unsure
Released 18th November 2005 Director: Roger Kumble
Director: Mike Newell Cast includes: Ryan Reynolds, Amy
Cast includes: Daniel Radcliffe, Rupert Smart & Anna Faris
Grint, Emma Watson etc etc.
What do you do when your
Unless you’ve been living in a hole confession of love to your unknowing
for the past few years then you have best friend is read out at a party?
heard of Harry Potter. This is the fourth Simple. You leave town for 10 years,
instalment in the ongoing saga about a and come back only when an ironic
young wizard who goes to Hogwarts microwave fire forces your plane
School of Witchcraft and Wizardry to land at an airfield close to your
and encounters seemingly endless childhood home. This is the flimsy
adventures with his two best friends, pretext of an enjoyable romantic
Ron and Hermione. I have to admit it, I comedy. Ryan Reynolds plays Chris, a fat
was so excited during the run up to this dweeb whose ten years in LA see him
film, I was like a little kid on Christmas becoming a lady magnet. He works at
Eve, especially seeing as the fourth a record company, and his boss sends
book is my favourite so far. This may have clouded my judgement slightly him on a mission to get it-girl Samantha James (Anna Faris) to record her next
but bare with me. The film starts out really well, it’s much more atmospheric album with them. It’s not long before they’re on a plane to Paris for Christmas
than the last three, looking in a slightly darker direction. However, for those when said ironic microwave fire forces them to land near Chris’ hometown
of you who love the books, there are quite a few changes, with things left in New Jersey. The film follows Chris as he tries to sleep with his childhood
out, added and moved about. (You can see why though, it made the plot a best friend Jamie (Amy Smart). It works as a comedy. In that, it’s actually
lot more understandable for the film going public) The new characters blend funny. Chris fighting his brother is something to behold, and is probably a
in well, although Mad-Eye isn’t quite what I’d expected, his magical eye was good approximation of real sibling rivalry (being an only child, I wouldn’t
just plain silly. Ralph Fiennes was superb as Voldemort, he gave me chills, and know). And then you have Samantha James, the craziest it-girl since Tara
the part where he appears was really well done, suitably macabre and scary, Palmer-Tompkinson. As a romance, it also works. I may be getting soppy in
but just quick enough so any littl’uns won’t have nightmares. In all, the film my old age, but there are moments when you really feel for Chris. I’m sure a
was incredibly enjoyable, there are some wonderfully cinematic moments, lot of the things that he goes through in the movie are things that you’ve all
and the special effects have greatly improved- the scene where Harry has to been through in your life. If you’re looking for a laugh then this is the movie
battle a dragon, although slightly exaggerated from the book, was amazing for you. A funny, vaguely Christmassy film, although if you’re an originality
to watch and had everyone in the cinema glued to their seats. Hugely bore then this probably isn’t for you.
entertaining stuff, go grab a ticket, go on….you know you want to. 4/5
4.5/5 Thomas Bottrill (in a basement computer lab somewhere in Michigan).
Beth Heale

TWELFTH NIGHT byWilliam Shakespeare

Yvonne Arnaud Theatre
8th November 2005

Awareness of Shakespeare arose once again with the Theatre Royal,

Plymouth and Thelma Holt’s joint production of ‘Twelfth Night’, hot in the
footsteps of the English Touring Theatre’s version of ‘Hamlet’ in October at
the Yvonne Arnaud Theatre.
In a story of mistaken identities, the twins, Viola (Honeysuckle Weeks) and
Sebastian (Christopher Harper) are independently rescued from a shipwreck
on the Island of Illyria. To gain employment with the Duke of Illyria, Viola
disguises herself as a boy under the name of Cesario but begins to fall for the
Duke, who is of course in love with another woman, Olivia. Olivia begins to
fall for Viola, dressed as a boy, but then happens upon Sebastian, her twin
who she mistakes for Viola. You can imagine the confusion, but ultimately it
all ends in a charming kafuffle with all characters involved content with their
happy endings.
Olivia’s aide, the arrogant and snobbish Malvolio was played fantastically
by Matthew Kelly who, in my eyes has proved himself in the field of acting.
The main plot was entertaining in itself, but the side story including himself,
Christopher Benjamin playing Sir Toby Belch, Roger Barclay as Sir Andrew
Aguecheek and Hilton McRae as Feste, the fool was hilarious, giving the
play the lightness that makes it so accessible to everyone. Feste’s reflective
thoughts on situations were often sung with guitar accompaniment which
made a refreshing change from many of the generally straight monologues.
All in all the play was a huge success and received huge applause from the
audience that evening. Definitely one of the best plays I have ever seen.
5/5 Nicole Heel Well Hello Mr. Fancy Pants...
20 FILM+ 29 November 2005

Sorry this is the wrong way up. Sometimes everything won’t fit
into the little boxes exactly. http://www.ussu.co.uk/events
BAKER TILLY LANDSCAPE 12/10/05 11:15 am Page 1

www.bakertilly.co.uk

“From the moment I started the graduate

scheme I’ve had real responsibilities and
been treated like part of the team. That’s
why even on challenging days I look forward
to going to work because I know I’m working
with friends rather than colleagues.”

If you’ve got the ambition, talent and

enthusiasm to make it to the top and want to work
withdown-to-earth, like-minded people in a vibrant, friendly
environment visit www.bakertilly.co.uk to find out
how you could join our award-wi-nning team.
29 November 2005 CHEAP, LIKE THE BUDGIE 21

WILL YOU HAVE A COST

EFFECTIVE CHRISTMAS?
Lia Parker & Jon Lister guide us gentley by the hand through the pros & cons of a selection of penny saving Christmas gift ideas.
Remember - Look after the pennies & the pounds will look after themselves. Unless they’re dog pounds. Dog pounds require
trained staff.
Oh how the Student Loan Company teases us! Assuming you course, it can provide you with yet another reference for your
even get a loan, you are given the same amount in Septem- CV. The earlier you find a job, the better!
ber, January and April, yet with the September’s instalment
you have to pay for your tuition fees, as well as your rent, Pros: Earning money will allow you to buy that little bit
bills and save some money for food. So what are you meant extra when Christmas shopping. Staff discounts are often
to spend on Christmas presents? Here are some ideas to make generous.
your money stretch that extra bit during the festive season.
Cons: Working is time consuming and might stop you from
NUS discount revising or doing coursework. Staff discounts are usually
You’re a student, so make the most of it! Being a member limited to the one shop.
of the NUS gives you discounts at a variety of stores, and
even a few restaurants. Many of the stores in Guildford that In-store Offers
offer discounts to students (such as HMV, Topshop/Topman Watching TV or reading the paper can introduce you to vari-
and Dorothy Perkins/Burtons) will accept your campus ID ous Christmas bargains that stores have to offer. Keep your
card, as that has the NUS logo on it. Some shops may require eyes peeled and you might spot some BOGOFs (Buy One
you to have the cards from the NUS (they’re light green this Get One Free), 3 for 2 offers, or some stores give you money
academic year). off vouchers once you spend a certain amount.

Pros: It doesn’t cost you anything to enjoy this privilege (un- Pros: You can get substantial discounts if buying for lots of
less you count your tuition fees). people at once.

Cons: There is only a limited amount of shops that give you Cons: The offers are only valid for limited times. Stock may
student discount. run out due to popular demand.

Store loyalty card January Sales

Some stores, such as Boots and WH Smiths, reward your
loyalty by offering points for every pound to spend. These
then add up and you can use them to pay for goods in the
relevant shops. You can also get loyalty cards for supermar-
kets, including Guildford’s very own Sainsburys and Tesco.
These points could be used to help buy essential food items
for Christmas dinner.
Pros: You get money off for the products you’ve bought.
Cons: The points take time to build up. You are limited to
where you can redeem your points.
Not going to see your loved ones til after the festive season?
Why not wait until after Christmas, when the shops drop
their prices in a bid to clear their stock and get you back
through their doors. Items will be on sale for fractions of
their pre-Christmas price. You could even buy now for next
Christmas (as long as you don’t forget what you’ve bought!)
Pros: Very good offers can be found.
Cons: It’s too late if you are seeing people this Christmas.
The January Sales can be hectic as people battle for the best
bargains.

eBay Lia Parker and Jon Lister

What I think of when I hear the word eBay.
The biggest shop on the net. You can find nearly anything You probably think differently
you want (and some things you didn’t know even existed) all
at knockdown prices. Either make sure you have the highest
bid when the auction ends, or some sellers give a price to
allow you to “buy now”.

Pros: A huuuuuge variety of things are available. Gifts can

be bought from the comfort of your own home.

Cons: You cannot guarantee the quality of the products;

some might be second hand. You also cannot guarantee the
reliability of the seller.

Christmas Temp Job

Even now some stores are offering part time jobs over the
busy Christmas season. If you pick your potential job care-
fully, you may be able to benefit from staff discounts. And of
22
FIRST NAKED ASCENT OF EVEREST
An interview with Toby Spratch
By Alan Terry
Toby Spratch has recently returned from Nepal
after his remarkable ascent of Everest. The first
man to climb the world’s highest mountain naked,
he sits opposite me – fully-clothed for decency’s
sake – on the veranda of his mansion in California.
“My parents always believed I’d do something
special,” he tells me. His accent is mid-Atlantic.
“At school I was teased a lot because of this…”
– he lifts up his T shirt to reveal an extremely
hairy body – “…but it turned out all right in the
end.”
He lets his T shirt drop and lights a cigar. He
offers me one but I decline. His manner is very
relaxed and informal and he behaves as if he has
known me for years even though we’ve just met.
“It was actually my grandfather’s idea,” he says.
“I mean I’ve always liked climbing but it would
never have occurred to me to try Everest naked.”
He smiles and chews on the end of his cigar. I
notice how young he looks – he’s 36 but could
pass for 25.
“I was so hairy when I was born that the mid-wife
fainted. But my parents adored me. I owe them a
great deal.”
He was born in Oxford where his parents were
both dons at Exeter College. He’s an only child.
The family moved to New York when he was
nine so that his parents could both take up
professorships. His father, Roy, is a mathematician
and his mother, Barbara, an anthropologist.
“They were fascinated by my hairiness,” he says.
“Dad used to carry out statistical investigations on
the length and density of my body hair and Mom
used to study me as a kind of missing link.”
How did this make him feel?
“Very special. Mom always called me her
“favourite little anthropoid primate” and Dad
called me his “favourite statistical anomaly”.
Yeah, I had a wonderful childhood. But I wasn’t
spoilt. They could be quite strict sometimes. I was
grounded a lot from 14 to 16.”
When did he begin climbing?
“I started rock climbing shortly after coming
to America. There was a climbing wall at my
new school and one day I just had a go on it.
My gym teacher saw me and was impressed. He
encouraged me to take it up seriously and I did. I
LITERATURE, FICTION
joined a club and met loads of new people. One
guy, one of the teachers, Josh Mace his name was,
he taught me pretty much everything I know. We
still keep in touch.”
His mobile rings. He apologises to me, puts
down his cigar, and answers it. It’s his long-term
girlfriend, Jen Hudson, a 28 year old singer from
Texas who calls herself The Panther because she
once dreamt that she was a cat. During the brief
conversation about a party they’ve been invited
to he scratches himself under the armpits and
pouts occasionally like a chimp. At first I believe
that he’s doing this simply to amuse me but when
he hangs up and leaps onto the table with wild
arm movements and a terrific scream I begin to
wonder. I am relieved when he gets down and
settles back into his chair.
“I could have been an actor,” he informs me by
way of explanation. I nod nervously.
“Where were we?” he asks. “Oh yes, climbing!
Well, as I grew older I improved enormously and
at the same time my confidence increased and I
started thirsting after adventure. Real adventure.
So not long after I started college a couple of
buddies and I went over to Tanzania and we did
Kilimanjaro, which was awesome. Just awesome.
It was disastrous too but out of the disaster came,
well, my break in life, I guess. You see we had
an accident at the top – we lost some equipment
where there was this steep ledge – and as a result
we faced a downhill climb without enough food,
clothes, or oxygen. So we all tried rationing what
we had but my friends just couldn’t hack it. So I
took all the rationing onto myself – it was a big
risk but somehow I wasn’t afraid. It’s like I knew
it would turn out all right. Anyway, I survived
the descent without ever needing an oxygen
mask, with hardly any food, and when my clothes
became soaked and torn I just got rid of them.”
But wasn’t he cold?
“Sure I was. I was freezing at first but I adapted.
My extra-ordinary hairiness seemed to react as if
it had a mind of its own and suddenly, you know, I
felt like I was wearing a thermal blanket.”
He picks up his cigar and begins to chew on it
again. He bites off and swallows a large piece
unintentionally and then coughs for several
minutes. I ask if I can help but he shakes his head.
At last he recovers himself and picks up his story
where he left off.
“You can imagine the surprise,” he says, “of
everyone around me when I returned to the
Kilimanjaro base camp completely naked. When
I got home and told my family they were all
29 November 2005
amazed and my parents were immensely proud. It
was then that my grandfather suggested a naked
ascent of Everest. Initially I laughed at the idea
– I mean Everest is a very different proposition to
Kilimanjaro. Everest base camp is about the same
altitude as Kilimanjaro’s peak!
“Then, a few months later, something happened
that made me think, “Hang on! Maybe I can do
this!” I accidentally got locked naked in a big
freezer overnight – it’s a long story; we all do
silly things at college – but again my fur coat
kicked in and I was fine, even though it was about
forty below zero. When the freezer was opened
up in the morning I strode out full of belief that
I could conquer Everest without the least scrap
of clothing. I never assumed it would be easy but
from that moment on it was my goal.
“It took years of training and years to get the right
team together and enough money. But finally we
got to Nepal and we did it! And it was actually not
as tough as I’d expected. I tell you I was ecstatic
when we reached the summit! I’ve never been
happier! My colleagues took photos of me in
all my glory – we’d already filmed much of the
ascent – and when we got back down these photos
were shown on television and were plastered all
over newspapers and magazines. Some people
complained at their indecency but a more frequent
reaction was plain astonishment. My parents
– and my grandfather – were overjoyed. So was
everyone else I know. And another great thing
about this is that I’ll be in the next edition of the
Guiness Book of Records. I can’t wait!”
So what’s next for Toby Spratch?
He looks at me with a wry smile. His eyes twinkle
and he says, “Well, of course nobody’s swum the
Atlantic…”
29 November 2005 POEMS & THE LIKE
Literature, Poems & The Like?
On these two pages are a selection of poems, stories
& other creative writings from students here at Surrey.
If you’ve written something you’d like to see on these
pages just send it to: barefacts@ussu.co.uk. Simple.
Doctor’s appointment 2
by Alan Terry
“Now what seems to be the trouble?” asked the doctor.
Mr Netherton shifted his position on the chair and cleared his throat. “I have
a problem down below,” he replied, raising his eyebrows significantly as if
expecting thereby to lend secret inferences to his words.
23
Mr Netherton positively squirmed. “Well… Er… How shall I put it? I ought
to be able to support my whole weight on it.”
The doctor was no longer sympathetic but confused. “Mr Netherton,” he said,
“I’m afraid you’ll have to be more forthcoming. I’m not sure what you’re
talking about.”
“I’m sorry,” replied Mr Netherton, “I’ll try to be clearer. Perhaps if I tell you
that it’s the wrong colour and the wrong size, you’ll understand me?”
The doctor looked thoughtful, even worried.
“I believe,” continued Mr Netherton, “that I may have been using it too much
lately. Hence its present condition.”

“I see. Can you be a little more specific?” The doctor sighed. “I’ll think you’ll just have to show me.”

Mr Netherton shifted his position again without, however, gaining any Mr Netherton squirmed again but then decided to be brave and to expose
apparent comfort. “It’s not…” – he cleared his throat again – “… It’s not the issue entirely. He lifted up his right trouser leg to reveal a rather red and
doing what it should.” swollen ankle.

The doctor was sympathetic but sought to confirm the idea he had formed. Surprised but relieved, the doctor prescribed Mr Netherton some pills. And
“And what should it do exactly?” he inquired. the patient left.

A Short Story. The unted mibe

by Anonymous by Alan Terry

There was once a llama called Evelyn Goodranger, and he lived just outside In the glabben dens of doom Of course this was too much for
Abingdon town centre. He had a mother and a father, who lived somewhere There stood a mod whose name was Oom
in the Peak District, and he tried his best to visit them whenever he could. Oom. Who denelded his bosted boom
Evelyn had a small group of close friends that he spent a lot of time with, And facing him with rinald ribe And with a gorted call of “Gock!”
and he often went out with them in the evenings when he wasn’t working There frostlefed an unted mibe. He misselmed his monted mock.
late at his local library. Evelyn liked reading books. He preferred fiction
to non-fiction, although the other day he did pick up a book about tractors “Dok!” commanded Oom. “Dok! Leaping back the mibe benewed,
which was very informative and had a lot of fascinating pictures. His job at Dok!” “You’ll never beng my bonkybood!
the library was fun, but it didn’t pay very well, and so in order to supplement “I’ll not allow this grufted bok!” I’d rather moy than contricate!”
his weekly earnings, he used to collect envelopes and soak them in warm But though the og was mag and moo Thropping bogstock sealed his fate.
water until the stamp was easily removable. He would then dry the stamps The mibe replied in rissle roo!
and send them overseas to stamp collectors who would pay him based on the A warning thus to all who tay:
rarity of the stamp. He enjoyed this, and could spend hours removing stamps “Blarg!” it cried. “Retankered blarg! Remember well the gackless day
while he listened to Radio 3 or one his story cassettes of the Chronicles of If glog can glug then I’ll be darg!” When unted mibe did awk its naw
Narnia. Evelyn Goodranger was a kind llama, and his friends thought so And lifting up its brecken pol And strassletuke for ever more
too. He always bought excellent Christmas presents and gave generously to It yonkered, “Dok beossinol!”
charity. He once bought he friend Andrew a scale model of a jumbo jet which
he picked up in a charity shop in Glasgow when he went there on holiday You’re Great You Are
once. Andrew loved it and to show his appreciation, took Evelyn out on a by Toby Shannon
narrow boat for 4 hours one Autumn day. Evelyn used to say that his boat
journey with Andrew was the best holiday he ever had. I like the way you shake your hair,
You’re a low- down, dirty angel in disguise.
Gabriel in false beard and moustache.
My Emo Hair The smoke in the air stings your eyes but still you smile.
by Toby Shannon Your drinks slips between those lips and your fingers tap to the tunes.

My sneakers scuff and shuffle, You’re a mess, a hazard

My drainpipes stay on by force of will, A banana in my coffee.
The bands on my t shirts are mostly dead, You sleep on the bus,
And the pyramids on my belt dig and chafe. Leave hair in the plug,
My tongue stud rattles between my teeth, Crumbs in the butter.
The towelling has fallen off my wrist,
Lost. I don’t know where. Never change.
And I swear there’s something living
Inside my Emo hair. And... oh yeah...
I love the way you move.
24
Tips
THE PG RANT
This section is meant to be an open forum where you as a postgraduate can express dissatisfaction about anything that
gets on your nerves. The PG Editors will make every effort to include your contributions in upcoming Barefacts printings,
whether it be a simple 10 word comment or 2 page gripe.
This week I decided to rant about the pervasive inculcation
of materialistic greed which has led to the devaluation of a
special and joyous celebration. In English, I am a bit peeved
with pre-Christmas hype.
For starters, why begin in October? Summer is barely over
and a lot of us are still wondering where the colourful
cocktails with the little paper umbrellas have got to.
Suddenly, there it is: the first Christmas advert. This marks
the beginning of the proliferation of intrusive and omni-
present media. All of this extols the virtue of spending every
last penny buying the newest, increasingly expensive gifts.
We are always trying to repackage Christmas so that this
year’s celebration is the best there has ever been. Can we
really commodify such a priceless emotion as happiness? Is
there such a thing as the perfect gift and if so, can you buy
it?
Unfortunately, the excess hype that surrounds gift giving and
receiving at Christmas has led to the actual sentimental and
religious reasons why we celebrate it losing their priority.
We shouldn’t have to feel “thank God it’s finally over” about
Christmas. Whatever happened to “thank God it’s finally
here”? Hopefully, most people are going to be sensible about
their priorities this Christmas and in so doing will start off
a process of getting back some meaning into it. We need to
earn back the joy of Christmas and not let excessive pre-
Christmas hype detract from the festivities.
By: Dreaming of a White Christmas
What pisses you off? Some of the suggestions we’ve heard from conversations on campus include: Argos and debt ads
(especially with Carol Vorderman), men or women or relationships in general, the weather, Tony or George, or something
even more global! Or maybe something a bit closer to “home” like Union politics, your supervisor, the lecturer who seems to
know nothing beyond the words on the overhead projector, or the annoying guy next door who just won’t shut up! Drop us
your rant at publication@pgasurrey.co.uk.
PGA Quiz Results
17-November-05
It had been a while… but after 4 long weeks of withdrawals,
the PGA Quiz and Curry night was back with a vengeance.
And to lead us through this gruelling battle for knowledge
were Quizmasters for Advancing Trivial Intellect. Through
dozens of intense queries from depicting a 6 year old
Marshall Mathers to knowing that David Gray singing
White Ladder would get you two points in the colour round
(or at least it should have), these boys covered it all… well,
except Nutrition!
After a near-photo phinish, the Spawn of Bob was crowned
king of the knowledge ring with 51 points! And, with the
gracious sponsorship of Coca-Cola (insert shameless plug
here), we were able to present these 4 guys with short sleeve
Coke polo shirts. Not too shabby, if you ask me. With 48.5
points, members of team Cheese Burger Royale each took
home a Coca-Cola glass to remember what could be their
only win at anything… ever…. And finally, in third place
with 45.5 point, each member of Road Nation won a nice
Coca-Cola cuddly polar bear toy (though, after an incident
PG TIPS
Upcoming changes at Wates House will impact PG students:
The PGA, as well as a number of enthusiastic postgraduates,
have been working with Wates House management since
this summer (and even long before) to help make the
“Postgraduate and Staff Centre” on campus of more interest
to the postgraduate community. Above and beyond the
activities and events held at Wates, here are a few things you
should note on your next visits:
What bothers me about this university is student apathy…
and on multiple levels.
First, there are so many things offered on campus for
students of all backgrounds to get involved with… whether
that is with sport, student government, volunteering, or even
the development of this student paper. But why is it that
every one of these areas (and dozens of others) is struggling
to get students involved? What does it take for students
to realise that these skills, above and beyond their normal
degree work, are what sets them apart from everyone else
and that the skills learned through these activities are what is
really going to get them places in the future?
But what might be even more important: Why do students
not seem to care about their university? Students who go
to Oxford or Cambridge are not like this… Sure, they may
have a stereotype that may not necessarily fit what many
Surrey students want. However, they are proud to be a
part of their university and they respect their university.
Students from around the world come here to Surrey to find
themselves woken up at night by inconsiderate students,
dodging kebab wrappers and chips and bio-mess left behind
after a night at Rubix, and being forced out of the library
because of disrespectful students blasting music or carrying
on loud conversation.
What would it take to make this university, and the students
who attend it, better??
By: Fighting an Uphill Battle
with a black marker, one of them somehow became a panda
bear). And, in very last (but at least staying through the
end), I believe it was team Widgey Widgers (though my
memory is a bit shaky) who tried untriumphantly to battle
their way up the information food-chain… but took home
the illustrious lime green Diet Coke with Lime baseball cap
due to their unstoppable performance of collecting only 35
points.
Thanks to all the teams for playing! Fun, as always, was had
by all.
Next Quiz – 15-December-05
Following our 3rd Thursday of the month PGA Quiz
Tradition, our next and final quiz of the year will be on the
15th of December, starting at 7pm in Wates House. Again,
we’ve got 4 weeks off between quizzes, but never fear…
it’s rumoured that Santa Clause himself will be making an
appearance at Wates House just before the quiz to leave
prizes for the winning teams! So, don’t forget to mark your
calendars! It only costs a £1 per person and a heaping plate
of curry is only a £1.50 more!
For more information, check out www.pgasurrey.co.uk
29 November 2005
The Décor
If you’ve been to Wates House recently, you must have
certainly noticed some physical changes to the area. Not
only the new bar taps that were installed a few months ago,
but the new carpet and new window covers were added in
the main bar area. Some of the old pictures are gone, too,
to be replaced by chalkboards and promotions providing
information about food, drinks, and upcoming events.
Jazzy Lunch
A traditional 7 piece jazz band will be performing live on
stage every Friday from 1pm in the Firs Room. So, grab your
lunch and check it out! And yes, students, it’s FREE!!
Coffee Afternoons
I know I need a break in the middle of the day, so I’m sure
others do, too. So, get away from your desk or have a break
from class and get yourself a pot of tea for one or a regular
filter coffee for only 50p!
Extended Hours
Due to numerous student complaints for a post-7pm pint,
Wates House is evaluating extended opening hours! So,
from the 12-22 December, Wates will be open until 11pm
every weeknight! No more 7pm shut times on Mondays and
Tuesdays! WAHOO!!
Evening Menu
The evening menu for Wates House has been extended…
Meals still served nightly until 1 hour before close.
Orchard Lounge
Though this is not a change, many students are still not
familiar with the Orchard Lounge. This PG common room in
the downstairs of Wates House is open to everyone anytime
the building is open. There are a few computers, a TV, and
some comfy pink couches… plus, all sorts of information for
students provided by the Students’ Union.
More Changes after the Holidays
And not to divulge too much good news all at once, there
will be even MORE changes for the upcoming year.
If you have ideas for future improvements or complaints/
compliments about the changes in Wates House, please email
the manager at m.withers@surrey.ac.uk or stop in the office
next to the coffee bar and speak to him personally.
29 November 2005 FASHION 25

The Hunt For The Perfect Christmas Outfit

As all the carols played in shops and Christmas lights being Bolero jackets, fluffy fur Foulards and delicate Waistcoats by Natalie Dowle & Jamila Gangadeen
erected in high streets may remind you, the ‘Season of are fabulous for dressing up any fancy little top that reveals
happiness, and goodwill for all’ is nearly upon us. For us just the right amount of flesh with a helping of lace and
lively students, however, this means the party season has sequins. Lace Blouses seem to be really popular at the
Jam is absolutely in love
begun, and a month of booooozin’ and cruuuuuuzin’ lies moment, but we have to say, black is a lot more glamorous
with this white high backed
ahead. In fact, me and Nat have got a massive Christmas than any colour for these and looks lovely with sparkling
waistcoat, that we’re put
party to go to on the 16th of December, that has got us jewellery. We love the look one of these models is sporting
together with this little grey
searching for outfits for months. Guys, it’s so easy for you, with the mesh patterned, revealing blouse, cute little mini-
puffball skirt. The waistcoat
slap on a suit, and a Simpsons tie, hey, maybe even push the skirt and lacy, patterned tights. All of the clothes on these
will totally make your outfit
boat out and go for a waistcoat and bow-tie and you’re well models can be found in Mango, and we’ve gotta say we love
spectacular with its unusual
away! Sorry Lads, that’s why this edition is purely for the them! In the first picture, it has to be said that the dark grey
cut out back detail, teamed
Girls! bolero looks perfect teamed with the black vest, but could
with the pleats of the jersey
This event we’ve got comin’ up, is a bit of a ‘posh frock’ look just as great with a corset for that extra glamorous look.
skirt. Wearing this, you’ll
affair, so finding that perfectly glamorous outfit is tough
definitely be turning heads.
for us. We want something figure flattering, delicate, and These favourites show that
sophisticated, so here are some of our fancy favourites that sequins are a definite must for
we’ve found whilst searching for our perfect ensemble! the Christmas season: it’s not just This grey, floral,
you’re Christmas tree that’s gonna embroidered bow skirt is
get decorated!! Glitz and sparkle both unusual and elegant.
look great, and this top would look Its sequin floral pattern is
beautiful with that little black skirt delicate and not to over the
Bolero Jacket £30, with its pleated waistband. Put on top; and with that splash
Mesh frilled Vest Top a pair of fancy high heels, some of vibrancy it gives the
£20, Dark Denim delicate jewellery and you’re set for opportunity to team it with
Jeans £37, Leather a great night out! a gorgeous pastel coloured
Belt £30, all from top. The waistband is
Mango a beautiful feature and
Another popular choice
at the moment are sequin flattering to the waist.
bolero’s. Topshop have The difference in material
banged out this gorgeous between the waistband
antiqued version, however, and the skirt brings added
ASOS.com are doing diversity and glamour! And
normal silver, gold, brown it’s a bargain at £40.
and black ones for just £10!
(+ postage & packing, duh)
Well, we’re both still searching for our perfect outfit, but
we hope these ideas have enlightened your search for the
Black fluffy Folard perfect festive frock! Don’t forget New Years is coming
This red see-through little
£30, T-Shirt £20, up and these outfits could be essential for getting that kiss
number will look hot as a
Skirt £35, Bag £35 at the stroke of midnight!! Mwah hahahaaaaa! This is the
mutha, with these black satiny
and Shoes £45, all last edition of Barefacts for this year, but we’ll be back Jan
skinny trousers both from
from Mango 2006 hitting you up for whats HOT in spring, and don’t
Topshop. Skinny trousers are
worry boys, we’ll definitely have made some plans for you
the in thing right about now,
by then ;o)
and so you’ll be looking like
Love ya’s! Nat & Jam xXx
a hot piece of sizzling ass in
these.
Handy Notepad!:

Pencil skirts are BACK! And

Topshop has got in on it with a
Mesh Patterned vengeance. This sexy grey satin
Blouse £30, Vest stretch pencil teamed with a
(underneath) £25, crisp white shirt will have the
Skirt £25, Bag £40, guys after your “Hump, your
all from Mango. lovely Lady Lumps” so Check
It Out! He he!
26
RADIO, PANTS & OTHER GU2 ADVENTURES
A few weeks ago we gave you a little introduction into the
mystical world that is GU2 Radio. This time it’s a more in
depth look at the station and one of our shows.
The End Of The Day Show
Handily located at the end of the campus day, The End of
the Day Show runs five nights a week from 5pm until 7pm.
Most other stations call it ‘Drivetime’ – but as most of you
out there don’t own cars, or aren’t even leaving campus, we
thought that name was pretty pointless. It’s the best way to
relax and unwind after a hard day of lectures and tutorials, or
watching daytime TV.
The End of the Day Show is presented by Dave Price
(the tall one), Phill Nathan (the short one) on Mondays,
Wednesdays and Fridays. Phil Brown (somewhere in
height between the other two) takes over on Tuesdays and
Thursdays (see the nice photo of them in underwear if you
want to know exactly what they look like!!) Their unique
mixture of random banter and great music makes The End of
the Day Show the only way to end your University day.
Barefacts Live
Nestled snugly in the middle of The End of the Day
Show at 6pm, you’ll find Barefacts Live. Like its paper
counter-part, we’ll break the news that is important to
you, whether it’s about the University, the Union, or what
changes the Government are planning to make on how much
alcohol you can drink. We’ll report the news that’s local to
Guildford, and that affect students up and down the country.
Barefacts Live is currently on air three times a week, but our
ambition is to get it running five days a week. To do this we
need more news readers and writers. If you’re interested in
doing either, then contact news@gu2.co.uk.
The Politics Society Is Born
A meeting of interested students met recently under the
auspices of USSU to create the POLITICS SOCIETY. This
followed on from a Societies Standing Committee that
agreed with a proposal to form such a society.
Ten of the 20 students who put their name to the proposal
then met for the inaugural annual general meeting on
2nd November 2005 to vote in the officers. Each post
was contested and the successful contenders were: Steve
Cottingham, President; Soph Hawkins, Vice-President; Sam
Jones, Secretary; and Paul Follows, Treasurer. All elected
officers are first year politics degree students.
As far as is known, there hasn’t been a politics society as
such at Surrey and so this is the first venture. The Politics
Society is a two-track beast - it will organise and engage
students in set-piece political debates, but, at the same time,
will act as a study skills group for those generally interested
in politics, but who, for whatever reason, decide not to join
the party political groups at Surrey.
UNION STUFF 29 November 2005
The Whole of The Day Show
On Thursday 17th November, Phil Brown, David Price
and Phill Nathan presented a twenty six hour non-stop radio
show in aid of BBC Children in Need.
Phil Brown, Phill Nathan and David Price stayed up for
twenty six hours on air, (whilst we less insane members of
the news team managed to grab a few hours sleep). As I’m
writing this it’s currently 12.40am and the boys are nearly
nine hours in. Apologies if this suddenly makes no sense but
I may have fallen asleep in the GU2 office at some time.
About an hour ago we managed to have a studio cram
with fifteen people in studio one (it didn’t beat the record of
27!), and we’ve already given away one set of Friday night
Flirt! tickets. The news team are here because we’re doing Pants - One size fits all?
Barefacts Live every three hours, which is quite a challenge
really. So far during the early hours we’ve had an hour Phil Brown to sing the 9am Barefacts Live (and even
dedicated to Late Night Love (with Dear Dave! (GU2’s very more money was pledged for him not to sing the midday
own Agony uncle)), Rock, Trance and Cheese (so extreme it edition!!!!). Overall the event was a huge success, and
drove the Head of News out of the building for an hour!!!) needless to say, everyone was very tired by the end of it!
As the day progressed, the boys underwent challenges,
totally separate from staying awake, including Apple GU2 Events:
Bobbing (in near sub-zero temperatures outside GU2) We had our Extraordinary General Meeting (EGM) a couple
orange carving, extreme ice cream eating and running round of weeks ago, but there are still a handful of Committee
campus with granny pants over their jeans, and having them positions available, so check out www.gu2.co.uk for
pulled down by random students. As well as facing up to the more information. Last Thursday several of us went up to
consequences of their own personal auctions!!! At this point London to the Student Radio Awards. Phil Brown had been
the news team were also struggling to stay awake. Reading nominated in the category of Best Male Presenter, and so
a news bulletin after being up for 26 hours is more difficult we went along to the bash to support him, get drunk, and
than it seems! mix it with the top Radio DJs in the country (in that order!).
The amount raised by this lunacy currently stands around He won Bronze, which was fantastic (as you may have read
the £800 mark, with more money still to come in. Dave is on the front page). GU2’s Christmas Party is also being
now bald having had his head shaved to a grade 1, following planned, so keep your eyes peeled on the website and forum
a donation of £80. Phil Brown now has girly legs (they’ve for more details. If all this lunacy has made you want to join
been waxed) after someone donated £20 (what a bargain!) GU2 then go to www.gu2.co.uk for more information.
And Phill Nathan…Well if you see a short man with pink
hair in the next few weeks he’s the one who had £165 bid by
to see him looking like that!!! A limited edition Pudsey bear Various GU2 members
was auctioned off for £50 and a donation even came in for
The society is open to all of the student community and have a drink and a chat and get to know others who share the
this includes lecturers and/or staff. The point is, It is not wider interest.
an exclusive society. Politics as a subject is not just about There will be no subscription or membership fee in the
political parties; it can include things like direct action and first year, so trips to places such as Parliament, the European
popular protest, as well as debate. That doesn’t mean to say Parliament and so on will have to be self-financing.
we will be marching on, nor storming the Vice Chancellor’s So, in the proverbial....”watch this space” for the launch
office because we don’t agree about some aspect of date of the open event.
university policy!! Sam Jones, Paul Follows, Soph Hawkins and Steve
Cottingham
In the few weeks since the society was created, the
officers have been meeting to consider both organisational
structure and to plan what type of events to stage with an
initial timetable. These things take time to consider and it
is critical to ensure that the Society is set up properly, in
order to function and to achieve its aims and objectives.......
what would be the point otherwise. We simply ask at this
formative stage that all interested students exercise a little
patience before we launch the POLITICS SOCIETY on the
big stage. This is likely to be an ‘open’ AND SOCIAL event,
where students can sign up as members of the society and
29 November 2005 SPORT 27

The Mountaineering Club Diary - Part 2

December is here so for a lot of the university it means time
to start sorting a semesters worth of notes out and delaying
revising for as long as possible! For the climbing club it
means only the truly ‘ard members heading off on the club
trips each weekend to get some climbing done in cold, wet
and often dark conditions! There is light at the end of the
cold misery though, because conditions are getting good for
plenty of snow and ice in Scotland and Wales so the Winter
Mountaineering and Ice climbing can begin!

This semester has seen one of the busiest for the club, suc-
cessfully heading off on over nine weekend trips two of
which boasted over 35 participants – messy! We have been
all over England and Wales including the Peak District,
Snowdonia, Dartmoor and Swanage!

Last weekend’s trip we had the luxury of a barn to save us

from freezing in the cold North Wales nights (although you
could see the night through the large holes in the barn!).
The days thankfully saw beautiful sunshine and warm rock
providing the environment for some awesome climbing to
be done by all. The cold evenings required us to think of
as many games to keep people warm and entertained as
possible, from body traversing to pairs of people squeezing
through an ever smaller loop of rope (some guys got closer
to each other than they ever thought they would!). Further
entertainment was provided by the now named Liability
John who ended up covered in mud with only one shoe, a
bottle of whisky and a faint whiff of sheep around him (I’ll Squeezed in to the few weekends left relaxing have been The club meets every Tuesday at the Vertex UniSport from
say no more!). this years Southern Counties University Indoor Bouldering around 6-8pm then we head to Roots till close and also
League (SCUIBL) competitions the club has put up a blind- Wednesdays at the Vertex from 2-5pm. We head outdoors at
More trips are still to come this year, this weekend to Port- ing effort in the competitions to uphold the Surrey name! least every two weeks. For more info and photos etc click on
land on the south coast and next back to the Peaks, after that Although I think the upcoming paintball match between http://union.surrey.ac.uk/climbing
some of the club are off for a session in the sun between Royal Holloway Mountaineering Club and USMC is being
Xmas and New Years, then its ice climbing time in late Janu- taken much more seriously! Jez
ary!

PERSONALS - Personals, In-jokes, useless Bunny - Ginger and right. Cue Daddy meeting the Headmistress.
rubbish, lost memos. All of it. Right here,
Malibu - nuff said Shot gun the one with legs...classic!
in this box. barefacts@ussu.co.uk
I rolled over in the night and didn’t realise it was Recess i’m going to kill u.
im special........my mama told me so
you, when I did I had to pull out really gently so
as not to wake you. That’s the spirit of personnel’s!
Dancers: intellectually challenged? Josh where is
the hall undercroft?
Look, you can take him home for sex later. Ha Ha Ha, that one hasn’t gone up in the air. OH
But I want to take him home for sex NOW! S**T!
Happy birthday Laura! You’re getting old like
Kate & Rob now! Have a great birthday - we
If it wasn’t a pub crawl, I’d have let you go. :D Let’s have a look then Gems.
loves you!!!!!11!!!ELEVEN!!ONE!!!
What, do you want to look at my fanny Sophie?
Q. How many hockey players does it take to Oh, I thought it was your arm.
I just remembered the bad thing
move two Fruit Machines?
A. Lots and one might have a hernia. Eins, zwei, drei, wooomph.
Kat, those letters must be mounting up? Has the
IRISH WRIST WATCH!!!!!!
tent made your hands go numb?! Do you think its
“Shotgun the little one!”
flammable?!
Recess, why can’t you just be normal and
ur such a puff!! FORGET STUFF!!!!!
Maybe the tent wasn’t the best use of money?!
“so, im getting a blow job off this girl at the top
It’s perfectly natural for a girl to kiss another girl. Rich lucious corn. In your bed. What do you
of “some” Road but by the time the 5th cars
So that’s why you pulled Skippy! mean in your bed, like sleeping with it? This
gone past and beeped its horn, i was like “nah,
kitchen makes me ill!!!
you’ve gotta stop” and pulled my trousers up
Q. So what’s the last thing you do before you go
and walked off”
to bed?
A. My daddy gives me the finger. Any personals? barefacts@ussu.co.uk
Findus. Crispy. Pancakes.
28 SPORT 29 November 2005
Sport sport sporty sport sport sport. I believe they call this ‘Writer’s Block’. Anyway - Here’s the Sport!. And as ever send your Surrey
Sports team based news to barefacts@ussu.co.uk.

Sur rey Fencing - 2nd in the League

The UniS men’s fencing team has had an excellent
start to the season as we bid to gain promotion
into Division 1. Two weeks ago (03/11/05) in the
opening match of the season we travelled to the
University of Essex where we achieved a victory
of 135-95, a huge margin in fencing. Comfortably
winning all three weapons (Foil, Epee and Sabre)
this was the ideal start to the season. There were
solid performances from all team members, with
regulars Jonathon Clarke and captain Daniel
Brookes, along with new team members Martin
Pezet and Chen-Ning Yang all contributing to the
victory, with Jon swiftly guiding us to the nearest
bar after the match.
A tougher test was to lie ahead in the next match
away to Imperial College London (17/11/05). A
sluggish start saw Surrey slip behind in the first
weapon, Epee, but some good performances from
Dan and Jon left us only 45-42 down after one
weapon. A steadier performance in the Sabre saw
Surrey edge ahead by a handful of
points, before dominating the Foil to
win the match overall 132-117.
Two wins from two sees Surrey lying
second in the league, and with the
top two teams clear of the rest, the
signs are encouraging for the rest of
the season. If you would like to get
involved in fencing, we run beginners
sessions on Sunday evenings 7:30pm
at the Sports Hall, where we have
coaching sessions for both complete
novices through to the more advanced
fencers. All are welcome. Please
email en41mp@surrey.ac.uk for more
information.
Martin Pezet
The Fencing Team, Sans Sabres.

S k i & Snowboard Take
The Piste
Netball Report:
Surrey vs. Reading
It was a really close match from start to finish. The
first two quaters saw each team pulling in front
and then getting beaten back. But by the third
quater we weren’t missing a shot thanks to Lizzie
and Rhianna’s quick moves and spot on shooting,
and were on target to win. We held onto our lead
throughout the final quater and weren’t distracted
when Reading started chanting and jumping, a
very bizarre defense tactic! Tyson lived up to her
name ensuring Reading didn’t get their hands
on the ball when she was near, and worked well
with Spillage in the circle, who used her height
and long arms to her advantage by defending her
space and catching all the rebounds. Spuggy got
player of the match but everyone was on form and
worked brilliantly as a team. Whippy as centre,
tirelessly marked her player throughout the match,
and Sindy, Claire and Kathy moved sharply and
speedily in centre court feeding the ball to the
shooters. When the whistle was blown for time,
the score was 31 - 28. WE WON!!!!!
Vanessa White
The Ski & Snowboard Club have
organised the legendary annual
tour. We’re going to Val Claret,
part of the Espace Killy, France
for the stupidly low price of £299
including; coach travel, 6 day lift
pass, full insurance, self catered apartment, social
itinerary & resort discounts. Coaches departing on
the 6th Jan, returning 14th Jan. Lets clear up a few
rumours first of all:
Q) I can’t ski or snowboard, is that a problem?
R) Not in the slightest. You can also book lessons
through us if you’re a beginner or a pro.
Q) I wanna do something else other than ski, what is
there?
R) I’m glad you asked me that, you can do a tandem
paraglide, ice diving, skidooing, ice climbing or my
personal preference –rolling around in bed in the
morning going “huurrrgggghh my head hurts. Arghh,
Who are you?”
Q) My mates/ girlfriend/ boyfriend/ lecturer/ pet dog/
gran wants to come too.
R) No problem, just write your roommate preferences
on the form as the tour is open to everyone. Except
Burberry.
Q) I don’t wanna spend 16hrs on a coach.
R) Fine, there is a train and flight option with
connections at the other end.
Q) I can’t pay everything now.
R) Ok, how about a £100 deposit now with staggered
payment & secure online booking.
Q) I don’t know anyone else who’s going.
R) Hi, I’m Cazza. We’ve all been there, individuals
who have gone on their first trip not knowing anyone
have ended up as committee members. Beginners
and freshers tend to make up the majority of the
tour. We’re all in the same accommodation block,
we can meet at the same restaurant for lunch and a
social itinerary is planned. Committee are in the union
activities centre of the union every Wednesday this
semester from 1-2 so drop in & say hello. Pub crawls
are planned as a get-to-know-each-other before we
head off.
Q) When do I need to book?
R) ASAP. Places are starting to shift, last time we sold
out and 45 unhappy people were on the reserve list.
Q) What else do I need to take with me?
R) The fancy dress themes will be announced soon,
plans are in motion. Prizes will be awarded for
ingenuity, creativity and downright obscenity.
Q) I don’t want my girlfriend/ boyfriend/ sheep to
know what I get up to.
R) Well absolutely, we have a get-out clause; “What
happens in the mountains stays in the mountains.”
If nothing else get chatting on the forum;
www.surreysnowsports.com for information on
anything. Except the meaning of life.
Wed 23rd = next trip to the snowzone at Milton
Keynes
Wed 30th = Pubcrawl III –winter woolly theme.
Cazza Dee XX

This edition of barefacts was brought to you by the letter ‘V’, the number ‘4’ and a selection of motivated individuals.
The next highly adsorbant edition of barefacts (and the first edition for 2006)
will hit the (small) kiosks in January. So there’s plenty of time for you to get those articles/reviews/obscene phone calls in!
But don’t treat it like your coursework, don’t leave it to the last minute.
You could always submit a personal (in-joke) to barefacts@ussu.co.uk