Documenti di Didattica
Documenti di Professioni
Documenti di Cultura
30 October 2003
Published by the USSU
Communications Office
issue number 1066
free
www.ussu.co.uk
BY PHIL HOWARD & SARAH BUTTERWORTH On Sunday night the national news was full could be a move toward tuition fees in students demonstrating | photo: chris hunter
of coverage of the demonstration, and those Scotland as well.
ON SUNDAY, STUDENTS from the University of watching Sky News might have caught a Ms Telford is looking to persuade MPs
Surrey joined an estimated 31,000 students glimpse of some familiar faces from USSU. to oppose top-up fees in Parliament, and
marched through central London, bringing The march comes after some research had this advice in her campaign blog:
it to a standstill. The “biggest student published by the NUS suggested that 85% “The government would be better simply
demonstration for decades” produced of year 10 students who were likely to conceding they have got it wrong with top-
over three times the number of protestors attend university would change their minds up fees, scrap the idea and save themselves
predicted by the Met police, according to if they faces debts of over £20,000 upon the embarrassment of a prolonged fight in
figures from the coordinators, NUS. The graduation. This is the latest of many studies the Commons.”
atmosphere was electric, with chants and which suggest that the public perception She remarked on Sunday: “It makes me
whistles filling the air and photographers of increased fees may well reverse the more optimistic that we can beat the top-up
lining the streets. government’s intention to widen access and fees plan. Students are getting involved in
The students marched from Malet Street to increase participation. their thousands and the government should
Trafalgar Square for the rally, with speakers Original predictions from the Metropolitan start listening.”
such as Frank Dobson, who is now a vocal Police put numbers at around 10,000 For more on the Demonstration see
critic of tuition fees. One student told the protestors, whereas NUS figures put the barefacts opinion on page 4, and the collage
Guardian that “there are those of us who attendance on the day at around 31,000, of photographs from the event on page 7.
want to do something, but we get money including some 600 from Scotland. The fear Keep your eyes open for more ways in
taken off us all the time”, whilst others saw for Scottish students is that a by-product of which you can help the Stop Fees Now
university becoming a form of job training. the increased tuition fees south of the border campaign - this is just the beginning.
Dave Project | page 9 GU2 Sketch Show | page 10 Lyrics Quiz | page 21 Sandy’s Stars | page 22
2 NEWS 30 October 2003
Music Editor
Matt Badcock
ms01mb
Outbreak at BY NEIL CHRISTIE
DEPUTY EDITOR
has been traditionally seen as offering and
utilising many skills that are important in
Bristol Uni
@surrey.ac.uk the workplace. It was seen to promote
IF YOU CAME to university and did not confidence, presentational skills, and turn
Music Editor have an idea as to which career you wish young adults into academics. However, with
Jon Allen to pursue after graduating, you are officially more vocational degrees giving, arguably,
bs21ja BY CHRIS WARD in the same circumstances as one in two these skills and many more specific talents
@surrey.ac.uk EDITOR students. As the government is intent on to students, the traditional view of a degree
increasing university participation to 50% has changed. Graduate numbers are ever
TWO STUDENTS FROM Bristol University are by 2010, will the rising number of students increasing, so merely having a degree is no
Film Editor being treated after they were confirmed to starting university and falling numbers of longer much of an edge, more something
Neil Boulton have contracted type B bacterial meningitis vacancies (on average 3.4% per year) mean taken for granted. It may be possible to go
cs21nb two weeks ago. A further two are receiving students need to be more focused than ever so far as to say it’s the individuals who have
@surrey.ac.uk treatment after suffering symptoms of the on the direction their career paths? taken a more experience, hands-on based
disease. Ben Taylor, spokesman for the It is thought that a contributing factor to this approach that catch the eyes of employers,
Theatre Editor University said: “The two confirmed cases trend is the lack of career guidance given to not the letters after an applicant’s name.
Daisy Clay are first year students and have made a young adults in schools. However it seems Speculation aside, there are many students
ps21dc good recovery”. almost contradictory that specialisation is that echo the words of Linda Zell, who
@surrey.ac.uk To counteract the threat of infection, the something that is being called for, yet the studied law at Cambridge. She said: “Like
university has issued antibiotics to 3,000 government are looking to introduce a wider most of my friends, I picked my degree
people. These pills have primarily been curriculum for students studying A-Levels, without being really sure about what I
Literature Editor given to students and university staff in the either in colleges or sixth form. There have wanted to do after university. I worked
Jennifer Walker Stoke Bishop and Clifton area. In regards been a few schools that decided to reject the hard to get my qualification but, by the
ph21jw to the two being treated for symptoms, Ben advanced level subject curriculum and opt to time I’d gained my law degree, I knew a
@surrey.ac.uk
Taylor added: “ The two suspected cases are push students through onto the International legal profession definitely wasn’t for me.
more recent and it is too early to say much Baccalaureate, which was deemed to have I’m back at home now, waitressing and
News Editor about their condition”. Three of the patients greater influence on more needy skills. temping, and trying to work out what I
Philip Howard are being treated at the Bristol Royal Another possible factor leading to such want to do with my working life.”
ph02ph Infirmary, and one in Taunton. ‘directionless’ students is that a degree
@surrey.ac.uk
Roehampton May Lose UniS Branding For more UniS Merchandise, visit
the USSU Shop, open Monday-
BY PHIL HOWARD Friday 12 noon til 4pm
NEWS EDITOR
S T O P P R E S S
Letters to barefacts
Letters must be received by 5pm on the Monday before publication to be published in the next newspaper.
Letters may be edited for length or clarity | barefacts@ussu.co.uk
Dear barefacts for sports teams to travel about. The fields around campus the university of surrey students’ union | photo: chris hunter
aren’t just maintained by the university – it’s union too. So
I don’t enjoy paying lots for drinks as much as the next guy, if you want decent playing fields, you need the union.
but the amount of whinging that goes on in the letters section When you need representation – from academics, to
about prices for entry to the union, and drinks in the union, health, or to implement sensible ideas and get funding for
really only shows one thing – people don’t know what campaigns… there’s the union again.
they’re missing. Barefacts and GU2 – opportunities to start careers or
USSU is expensive when compared to other unions. In interests in the media, journalism, technical skills… these
terms of ‘living in an expensive area’, that claim is simply things make you as an individual more interesting and
not true. What is true is the fact that too many people see potentially more employable.
the union as just a source of entertainment. Yes, that part Basically if you as a student get up and do something, that
is expensive, but why are people overlooking everything something will be subsidised heavily by the union. USSU
else? Pete Tivers’ article about where the money goes was do a lot for their students, more so than other unions around
informative, but it covers merely the financial aspect. the country hence the extra prices. The union makes a profit
DAVE and V are not just there to help students to learn – but all profits go back into the union.
skills or ‘get involved’. They are, I’d argue, another tool that I write this not as a sabbatical, not even as a union official,
makes Surrey students the most employable in the country. but as someone with their eyes open to what goes on. At
Nowhere near enough people utilise their potential. first I didn’t know what the union did do for us, so I went
The sports and societies – yes, there are a lot of people and found out. I’m glad I did. There’s so much opportunity,
that get involved, and many that don’t, but there’s a huge due to USSU, and if you come to uni simply to get a degree
opportunity for people to get involved. Chatting to a you’re going to miss out. A first and nothing else won’t beat
Sabbatical the other day, it came up that societies have a 2:1 or 2:2 with loads of other experience and skills.
money for far more things than just running the club. Books,
equipment, training, teaching… you name it, the union YOURS SINCERELY,
subsidise it. Sports – the elite sports programme doesn’t NEIL CHRISTIE
pay for itself. The minibuses are constantly booked out
4 COMMENT 30 October 2003
Be Heard....
objective. On my floor alone we have to deal with several flagship building, this looks good and will probably play
annoying things which most students will either relate to or a part in attracting new, decent students to the university.
think ‘that’s nothing’; the aforementioned iron; the freezer; Perhaps they should be less concerned about their research.
living on campus: more trouble than it’s worth? photo: chris hunter
barefacts | be heard
30 October 2003 COMMENT 5
To be in with a chance to win £50 of vouchers to spend on Topman’s fantastic new Autumn/Winter range simply answer the following question:
Complete the name of one of Topman’s new ranges, ‘Shine on you Crazy…”
Is it: a) Opal | b) Diamond | c) Ruby
How to avoid drink spiking What to do if you think your drink has been
• Don’t accept drinks from strangers or leave drinks unattended. If someone offers you a spiked?
drink, go to the bar with them.
• Buy your own drinks and know what you are drinking. If you think your drink has been spiked, tell a friend, the bar or security staff, or the
• Don’t drink something you did not open, or see opened or poured. police. Your doctor can test for the presence of traces of certain drugs through urine or
• If you’re unsure about your drink, leave it. blood tests within 24 hours.
• If you feel dizzy or sick, ask someone you trust to take you to a safe place. If you are If you think that you have been assaulted or raped, it’s important you tell a friend or
alone or can’t find your friends tell the staff behind the bar. family member, and go to a doctor or hospital. If you think you’ve been spiked, don’t
• If you’re on a date with someone you don’t know arrange for a friend to call you hesitate: get yourself to the doctor immediately, inform friends, the police, the Advice
during the evening and/or pick you up. Meet in a public space. Arrange your own Centre, Education and Welfare Officer, or whoever you trust
transport
Drink spiking and the law
How do I know if my drink has been spiked?
Drink spiking is illegal. It’s a serious offence to introduce a drug into the body of
You might not be able to see, smell or taste if you drink has been spiked—the drug may another person without their knowledge or consent, especially if the person is assaulted
be colourless, ordourless and may not affect the taste of your drink as a result
Warning signs include:
• Feeling dizzy or faint Information from: Reachout.com.au
• Feeling sick or sleepy
• Feeling intoxicated or confused even if you have only had a little alcohol to drink. For more information on drinks spiking, and how to avoid it, pop into the Activities
• Passing out Centre in the Students’ Union and have a chat with Claire Iles or Lisa Widdows in
• Waking up feeling uncomfortable and disorientated, with memory blanks about the the Welfare and Representation Unit.
night before
photos: chris hunter | collage: pete nichols
surrey students
demonstrate
26.10.03
8 UNION 30 October 2003
Dogu2
You GU2?
sketch show
PGA
BY TOM CARTWRIGHT & FRANKIE MANN more ideas this way, and the more brains
there are to storm, the better.
Radio? With no music? A comedy sketch We will also need some people to say all
show? Here? On GU2? Now there’s a this stuff in front of a microphone. We are
thought. after a small cast of versatile performers.
We need writers and performers for a new Comic timing and a range of voices, accents
comedy sketch show on GU2. The show and impressions are always handy.
will be half an hour long, and run for a series The plan is to write most of the material
of 8-12 weeks depending on various factors now, and the show will start in January. We
yet to be determined. The format is quick can then add sketches about current affairs
fire sketches, like a radio version of Smack as and when they happen.
the Pony or Big Train. If you would like to be a writer or
Anyone can be a writer, sketches can be performer or both, then please contact
submitted by email, and anything received Frankie: mu21sm@surrey.ac.uk, or if
will be read and considered. you find her frightening, contact Tom:
However, you could become a regular mu22tc@surrey.ac.uk. Come along to the
writer on the show, taking part in production general GU2 meeting on Thursday, 6.15pm
meetings where we shall undergo an intense in Hari’s Bar to find out more…
comedy brainstorming. We find, we get
If you really can’t answer a question, why not ask if you can
come back to it later. It shows you’ve got the confidence to
ask and it gives the old grey matter a chance to mull over the
question in the meantime. They might even forget they asked
the question in the first place - but don’t bank on it!
ELBOW
singles
FUGITIVE MOTEL
four tracks making up this EP release sees strength seriously (apart from maybe
musically with a mature sound at a relatively young the aforementioned track), but
age though sounding like yet another American the man has obviously made a
emo band. Not to take anything away its promising serious effort and it’s not as
stuff but is never able to differentiate itself. m.b. bad as you’d think. a.m
s
This week’s music section is brought to you
m
by: Matt Badcock, Jon Allen, Jonathan
THE BELLES
u
(WHO WILL BE) HERE TO HEAR? Darzi, Dina Mystris, Andrew
al b
Eat Sleep Records
Malek, Michael Field, Matt
This EP is the first offering from this Kansas based duo, who offer Fisher and Neil ‘Tree’
a rich blend of acoustic soft rock and emotionally charged lyrics.
Although this collection of songs hints at the obvious talent on offer, Boulton.
I’m afraid to say it’s just boring – none of the songs have any life in
them. I really wanted to like it, but on this form The Belles remind me
of a second rate Turin Brakes without the tunes. m.f
30 October 2003 MUSIC 15
at 5.15pm on Mondays in Well three lucky readers will win these goodies by just answering
this question:
the Which band released the singles ‘Growing On Me’ and ‘I Believe
In A Thing Called Love’
USSU Media Centre BORDER CROSSING
OMINOUS
Send your answer, name and contact details by e-mail to
or email barefacts@ussu.co.uk. RG Records
barefacts@ussu.co.uk by 5pm on Monday 3rd November 2003.
THE Thankfully, Ominous is not
THE FIRE THEFT an extended 46-minute paean
BOGGS
THE FIRE THEFT to guns, drugs and comically
STITCHES
Rykodisc oversized gold jewellery as I
Cityrockers
had initially feared, but instead
AQUALUNG I’d call the music of The Fire Theft sort of a more toned down, and exhibits a proactive social
boring, version of Jane’s Addiction – Sort of slow rock with orchestral The Boggs take their chaotic
STILL LIFE sound honed on debut album We awareness (excepting laid-back
B-Unique type sounds going on in the background with Perry Farrell-esque vocals ode to hedonism Dance For
over the top of it all, though these go missing as the album continues. Are the Boggs We Are and take it a
step further on this equally madcap Your Life) that British hip-hop
Matt Hales was brought to the For me the album started off without much to hold my interest, then artists are becoming increasingly
‘Chain’ came around and the sound became less sparse after the string follow-up. Ranging from raucous
public’s attention last year when and anthemic to rousing acoustic reputed for. Rather than restricting
his song Strange and Beautiful led intro. Which flows into a nice instrumental called ‘Backwards Blues’. themselves to a single genre,
Another high point is the soaring ‘Rubber Bands’. While a bit lengthy singalongs its lo-fi production
off his debut album was used and the band’s don’t care attitude Border Crossing have gone for a
in an advert for Volkswagen. (8 minutes…) the final track ‘Sinatra’ is a great way to end the album, kitchen sink-type affair, mixing
coupled with the ambient sounds of the hidden track. Once the album make it a charming but ultimately
His new material is not really difficult record to listen to. It lacks numerous styles loosely united
that different – acoustic indie gets going, and you get into it, this album’s really quite good... n.b. under the hip-hop banner with
the necessary flow and continuity
with excellent sweetly sung and at times the badly-played varying degrees of success. The
vocals, but to be honest it’s non- violins sound a bit like the hidden lush cinematic ambience of
descript enough to not be able track on the Stone Roses’ Second Taxi and Flight Path along with
CHINGY
to describe much else. Brighter Coming. That said, there’s a fair politicised statement of intent
JACKPOT
than Sunshine is by far the mixture of styles and instruments In Your Area work particularly
best song but it’s one of those Capitol well, but Ricky Rankin’s gruff
(banjo included) and some decent
shrinking violet albums, very tunes to catch your attention. If vocals on Rankin’s Move and the
happy to hide behind the success It all starts with the sound of a grating Future Blues prove less
winning slot machine; yes this mess and disorder is your thing,
of contemporaries Elbow, Doves give it a try. m.d.f palatable. Ultimately, I’m not
and so on. Having said that, it’s album is about cashing in, not qualified either to wholeheartedly
definitely worth a listen, but do musical integrity. It has been a recommend Ominous or to
make sure you try before you massive success State side; it’s unceremoniously pan it – but
buy. j.a. not hard to see why though. Tunes it certainly beats yet another
with catchy beats and Nelly style Starsailor single. j.d.
rapping, bounces from one party
track to the next. Lyrically it deals
mainly with bootys and having as
much fun in one night as possible. BRAND NEW
It also isn’t short of the power DEJA ENTENDU
sellers like Snoop Dogg, Jermaine Triple Crown Records
Dupri and of course Ludacris,
who bring old skool approval to Who would have guessed that being really sad and singing about it
this fledgling rapper. One for a hip could bring so much success. Following in the wave of recent emo
hopping time and who knows this style rock and punk this band shines. Think Coldplay with aggressive
smash hit in the guitars and song titles such as Good to know that if I ever need
states may just attention all I have to do is die. It is a slight departure from their
hit it big right previous albums, with the praise they have received from Zane Lowe
‘herre’ in the making them single of the week on his show, to Rolling Stone saying,
UK. d.m “When is emo worth a million dollars? When made by these guys”
certainly a move in the right direction. The definite bass lines and
heartfelt expression of lyricist Jesse Lacey come together with sincere
screaming and perfect whisper. d.m
16 FILM 30 October 2003
Halloween Spectacular
Classics of halloween
by Neil Boulton
Rather than just fit one solitary film in for classic of the week, given that barefacts will be (hopefully) be finding it’s way to you on Devil’s Night, I’ve decided to try and cram a heap of
season themed cinema nuggets into one section, I could probably harp on about these films all day so I’ll try and cheap things succinct. Also, I’ve tried to keep things fairly light hearted,
most of big horror film names were on TV last week and people are probably sick of hearing about The Texas Chainsaw Massacre by now (I didn’t really like it that much). So, if you
like your horror with a big ol’ smile on its face, read on (Read on if you don’t too, you might see something you like).
Film in Guildford
Friday 31st October -
Thursday 6th November
2003
THE MATRIX 8.15 performance not 18.00 19.05 20.45 Wednesday only 20.30
REVOLUTIONS (15) showing Sunday 21.45 Thursday only 20.30
[2hr 9min] Fri & Sat 11.00 12.00 Sun-Tue 13.15 15.55
Free list suspended 12.30 13.30 14.45 17.45 18.35 20.45 SECONDHAND LIONS
Wednesday only 14.00 15.15 16.15 17.30 21.10 (PG) [1hr 49min]
15.30 16.45 17.20 18.05 19.00 20.15 Wednesday only 12.15 Daily 12.15
19.30 20.00 20.10 21.30 15.00 17.45 18.35 Sun-Thu 12.00
Thursday only 12.20 Sun-Tue 11.20 12.00 21.10
13.20 14.00 15.30 12.30 14.00 14.45 Thursday only 12.15 BAD BOYS 2 (15) [2hr
16.45 17.20 19.30 15.15 16.45 17.30 15.00 17.45 18.35 27min]
20.00 20.40 18.05 19.30 20.15 21.10 Fri & Sat 20.50
Wednesday only 12.00 Sun-Tue 20.35
THE TEXAS 14.45 17.30 20.15 THE LEAGUE OF
CHAINSAW Thursday only 12.00 EXTRAORDINARY SEABISCUIT (PG) [2hr
MASSACRE (18) [1hr 14.45 17.30 GENTLEMEN (12A) 21min]
38min] [1hr 50min] Advance Screening
Free list suspended INTOLERABLE ‘contains moderate Sunday 8.20
Fri & Sat 14.35 17.05 CRUELTY (12A) [1hr violence and horror’ Advance Screening
19.30 22.00 40min] Fri & Sat 12.45 15.30 Thursday 8.30
Sun-Thu 14.20 16.40 ‘contains moderate sex 18.15 21.10
19.00 21.20 references and one use Sun-Thu 12.45 15.30 ODEON Movie Mob
CALENDAR GIRLS
SINBAD: LEGEND OF
THE SEVEN SEAS (U)
[1hr 25min]
Happy Halloween to everyone...
Free list suspended Sun-Thu 13.20 15.55 (12A) [1hr 48min] Saturday 10.40
Fri & Sat 12.50 15.25 18.30 21.00 ‘contains moderate
Sun-Tue 12.35 15.10
Madame Bovary is set in just one rather marriage in the small country village, she
plush room of a house, with a politely does meet a couple of men that she falls
set dinner table ready for breakfast. The totally for, and ends up getting in huge
theme of the story is rather morbidly about debt from buying them gifts.
suicide, although the sharedexperience As we get more into the story line we
theatre company were able to bring in find out that although Emma thought that
wedges of humour to stop the audience no one else knew about her relationships,
becoming too depressed. in fact the whole town did know – and
The main characters are: to make matters worse for Mr Bovary,
- A grave digger who comes to bring the the whole town was laughing and
post, pitying him for blindly loving his wife
- A housekeeper/maid who looks after the all along. Emma continually threatens
kid and makes the breakfast to commit suicide to make things
- The Bovary’s child, a rather spoilt little easier for Mr Bovary, and all through
girl who only appears in the story for the the story he forgives her at every new
first 10 minutes, before being sent to her revelation. At the end though, when the
grandparents so not to be in the way true magnitude of Emma’s love affairs
- Mr Bovary, a country doctor and very and the 8,000Franc debt he now owes
traditional bread winning husband who the bank is revealed, Emma runs up the
totally does not understand the female of stairs to stuff herself full of arsenic and
the species! the Maid asks Mr Bovary if it was at this
- Finally Madame Bovary, who has some point that he should run upstairs after
real issues! He starts prying, and gradually Emma reveals more and Emma and stop her…
To summarise the whole story in two paragraphs, Mr more about what she has been up to behind her huspands Instead he gets up and slowly shuts the door, and the
Bovary comes down to breakfast and sits down as normal back. While Mr Bovary loves Emma as a husband is meant audience is forever more wondering if Emma really did take
to eat. Madame Bovary (Emma) then comes down and starts to, it is all on the surface, and what Emma really desires is the arsenic, or did Mr Bovary know Emma more than we
asking whether her husband would miss her if she was dead. the truly, madly, deeply love of fairytales. Over her years of thought and knew she would chicken out?
Set in 50s London, The Deep Blue Sea by only substance. (Walter) listens to his words of advice. Pack’s
Terrence Rattigan is a deep exploration of An excellent performance is given by the main character is something to look up to – someone
how we face obstacles in the world, and either actors. As noted in previous reviews of this who has endured the shame and the pain of
move on, or die. It is a perfect example of the play, the current actors have the unique talent ridicule. Walter similarly performs her character
typical cliched phrase, “if it doesn’t kill us, it’ll of making the audience empathise with all the with a height of eloquence, portraying the pain
only make us stronger”. The curtain opens to characters, swinging the pendulum of sympathy and suffering of life, with a cynical and sarcastic
us revealing darkness with the sound of waves and disgust in many different directions. Roger overtone. Her analysis of suicide seemed to be a
crashing against a shore, it is then that the Lloyd Pack (of whom you may remember as logical one. As is pointed out later, she does not
audience realises that the play is indeed not Owen in The Vicar of Dibley, and Trigger in want to kill herself as a way out, she wants to kill
set anywhere near the sea, yet the presence Only Fools and Horses) seemingly plays his herself because she feels she has no worth in the
of a looming dark depth is always present as usual typecast character at the opening, yet twists world, that the “flame” of life has burnt out. In
Rattigan explores the satisfying yet painful the perception round as the play progresses. The her own words, “When you’re caught between
accomplishment of finding a way through life. subtext of his character, a former shamed doctor, the devil and the deep blue sea, the deep blue sea
The play opens with the attempted suicide is later revealed during the play, as Hester can sometimes look very inviting”.
of Hester Colyer (Harriet Walter), ironically
foiled by the fact she forgot to put another 10
shillings in the gas meter. Smashing the cliché “Taking Sides” - Showing at the Yvonne Arnaud, Guildford from Monday
of romantic love, Hester is haunted by love, and
feels sexually dissatisfied with her lover, Freddie 3rd - Saturday 8th November.
Page (Robert Portal). She is emotionally and
sexually unstable, and her feelings seem almost From the Oscar-winning writer of The Pianist, playwright Ronald Harwood recently won an Oscar for the screenplay of the film
tangible to the audience when accompanied The Pianist.
with the dark and threatening colours of blue “A taut chilling drama… Riveting… Witty… stirs one with a powerful indignation” (Financial Times)
high above the scenery, along with the sound of Willhelm Furtwangler was one of the outstanding orchestral conductors of his generation. The focus of this gripping play, a huge
the waves, crashing. The image of the sea, it’s hit in the West End and on Broadway, are the accusations of Furtwangler’s Nazi collusion and his interrogation by the American
power, provides a reminder of life’s devastating section of the De-Nazification Tribunal at the end of WW2. Little is known of this group; what is known is that Furtwangler was
inevitability, and how the laws of cruelty discard humiliated and pursued and, even after his acquittal, disinformation followed him.
“happily ever after”, and forcefully drags the Was this justified? That depends on THE SIDE YOU TAKE.
audience into a world where painful reality is the
20 INTERACTIVE 30 October 2003
And now for something completely different! Match up the quote down the left hand side with the quotee from the list on the right hand
side. Couldn’t be easier. The answers, as ever, are opposite, under Rawson’s Creek.
returns
Matt Adams is back, not with a random
fact, but a random photo. For those of you
1. I realise we’re in Los Angeles, a city that lacks integrity and moral value, but you would Bill Clinton who weren’t aroound last year for Eye Spy,
rather cheer a porn star over me? What is wrong with you people? the general idea is that you idenitify where
on campus the random image is taken from.
2. If I wasn’t so sure you were a lesbian, I’d say you were coming on to me. Peter Griffin
It’s a pretty easy one to start us off.... stand
3. I never forget a face, but in your case I’d be glad to make an exception. Margaret Thatcher by for the answer next week!
4. They do say, Mrs M, that verbal insults hurt more than physical pain. They are, of
course, wrong, as you will soon discover when I stick this toasting fork into your head. Chandler Bing
5. For a time I considered sparing the wretched planet Cybertron, but now, you shall Ian Rush
witness its dismemberment
8. Being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you aren’t Kurt Angle
Let us know what you think
9. ‘I couldn’t settle in Italy - it was like living in a foreign country.’ Unicron of the Interactive Page...
10. You know what’s weird. Donald Duck never wore pants. But whenever he’s getting out ... email barefacts@ussu.co.uk
of the shower, he always put a towel around his waist. I mean, what is that about? Edmund Blackadder
2
Bill Beaumont was a famous name in which sport during the 1970s and 1980s?
so lateral thinking is the key!
3
Do you do the wordsearch in your Friday morning lecture and think “I could do that!”? Well
then, what are you waiting for? Email your 20 words across to barefacts@ussu.co.uk, and
In the title of a famous book, what kind of creature is Tarka?
sit back and wait for them to appear in the next paper. Only problem is you’ll know all the
4
answers then. Damn.
What is a bream?
V R P A D L O C K M B F T U F
5
Hoi polloi is a derogatory term for whom? X X K J M I C R O W A V E R Y
6 The
T he British dependency of Gibraltar is joined by land to which other country?
P
S
L
U
F
Y
Y
R
Z
D
Q
U
C
X
F
F
W
R
I
E
R
E
T
Z
B
E
Q
R
P
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7 What was the name of the character played by Julia Sawalha in ‘Absolutely Fabulous’? A
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8What is the name of the snack made from pieces of pork skin?
D M W B B I G O I L C G F B D
“Strapped in the chair of the city’s gas chamber, why I’m here I can’t quite
little box, with a detailed instruction leaflet, carried away and start shouting “FEES NOT 5 remember”
complete with humourous headings. ‘After GRANTS!!”. Our president Pete and best-
rising to the occasion...’ heads the entire
leaflet, following with several more ‘witty’
mate Mental’s jovial banter was keeping
all around amused, and they found various
6 “So when the night falls, my lonely heart calls”
(note the sarcasm) titles. ‘What to do after other chants in response to ones that people 7 “She Was More Like A Beauty Queen From A Movie Scene”
the deed’ was the main one that jumped out were chanting. For example “Education
at me... needless to say, the condoms appear should be free!!” replaced by “KFC should 8 “You’re so fine and you’re mine, I’ll be yours ‘till the end of time”
to be from some dodgy far eastern company, be free!!”.
and I think the translations are even more THE noise was amazing, and there were 9 “Each time you leave me I start losing control; you’re walking away with my heart
and my soul”
dodgy.... so many people that you just could not take
THIS weekend it hit me that Christmas it in. Despite the obese number of people 10 “So you think you can stone me and spit in my eye, so you think you can love me
and leave me to die”
really is just around the corner... well, at the march, the NUS training events the
in the views of the million and one toy sabbaticals went on over the summer paid
retailers it is, anyway. Whilst watching off as the whole day we kept bumping into
some rather terrible Saturday morning TV sabbaticals from other universities. A lot of
[so terrible that it’s completely slipped my people had gone to a real effort to make
mind what on earth it was], I noticed that banners and learn chants for the march,
every single advert in the breaks was for but they were mostly made up of lots of
some hideously expensive ‘mummy-can-i- 4-letter words and the name of our beloved
have-that-please-please-please?’ toy. There “Downing Street Dictator”.
were Micromachines that can go upside- THE only real issue I have with the march
down, Barbie toys ‘from her latest movie’ was that someone had the great idea of
(Barbie can act?!) and of course the crying, holding the march in the middle of London
talking and weeing babies that definitely on a Sunday. This meant that for the day
This week I am mostly … wondering how long I can hang
didn’t exist when I was young. Sometimes we became London’s largest mobile tourist
onto my job following threats of a P45 from a small precocious
I look forward to the time I’ll have kids, but attraction! Even the chosen location for the
child!
I think I’m going to be of the ‘give them a ending speeches was carefully selected so
cardboard box to play with and they’ll be that Trafalgar Square’s most permanent and
Twice a week I play piano for ballet lessons at a local primary
happy’ parental ilk! prominent resident had his back turned to
school. Before you all start cooing in unison, whilst there
LAST week I did my first semi-proper radio the stage!
may seem nothing cuter than twenty four-year-olds in pink
show (drum roll). After realising that GU2 AFTER the speeches we all went to the
tutus flying round the school hall like fairies, it’s not all plain
was on SBN (Student Braodcast Network) Leicester Square McDonalds, where myself,
sailing – projectile vomit, tears and the odd fistfight [believe me, bitchiness in all-girl
in the middling of the morning, Scott Famer Scott, Jess, Pete and Chops waited in the
schools begins in Reception] are all par of the course. The perks most definitely outweigh
(of DAVE fame) and I decided to take a brief freezing cold for aaggeess while the others
these traumas though – there’s nothing like a chorus of “Thank you Miss Catherine” whilst
‘break’ from the hectic life of the Union to all feasted in the warm (they told us they
they perform a synchronized curtsey at the end of class to make it all seem worthwhile,
present our first joint (and very impromptu) were going in to pick up the food!). Finally
and their wide-eyed innocence never ceases to keep me entertained. With Halloween
show... One of our links involved talking they came out, and before we left we were
approaching, we’ve been doing some role-play – witches, broomsticks, cauldrons and the
about Britney Spears’ stalker suing her, accosted by some guy who had too much
like. Imaginations were working overtime to think of the nastiest, grisliest, squelchiest
and I commented that maybe I should stalk life on his hands.
ingredients for our magic potions… worms… spiders…mud…goo… and er… curtains
Britney, so I could sue her and get some ALTHOUGH someone pointed out today
all went into the mix. Trouble was, they just weren’t listening to the music. Then came
money. Scott then asked me what i’d do if “1million people marched through London
the fateful question. “Girls, why is Miss Catherine here?”. Twenty hands shot straight up
she said yes to me.... and I had to admit that against the war, and still the government
into the air and the class simultaneously stopped breathing as they jumped around on their
I really would turn Britney Spears down, in went to war” I really hope that our efforts
tiptoes, trying to get the teacher’s attention. My stomach was a field of butterflies, I didn’t
the completely hypothetical world that she will have paid off, and all the MPs back in
want to hear it, I didn’t want this moment of truth to ever arrive. The chore of answering
‘wanted’ me! their constituencies will have watched us on
fell on five-year-old Abby, blissfully unaware of the emotional significance [for someone
OH yes, by the way - the aforementioned TV while eating their Sunday roasts.
as sensitive as myself] of what she was about to say. You see, Abby and I are friends,
condoms aren’t actually my personal
we’ve had conversations about dinosaurs and Robin Hood and everything. I had an ally
supply - they’re from the welfare office for
chris ‘funkyberry’ hunter here… “Because she’s easier than a tape recorder?”. That was it, it was out there now.
distribution to all and sundry. So, remember
She couldn’t unsay it and I, well… I couldn’t stop giggling behind the piano. How the
kids, play safely, and pop into the Media
teacher managed to maintain a straight face eludes me. I still fail miserably. A discussion
Centre if you need any help on that front.... ‘ickle sarah butterworth
on the appropriate undergarments to wear under their ballet attire led to one tiny ballerina
Rush, 10 Chandler Bing declaring “But Mrs.Blackley, my mummy doesn’t like me taking my knickers off”. No I
Marx,4 Edmund Blackadder, 5 Unicron, 6 Nelson Mandela, 7 Bill Clinton, 8 Margaret Thatcher, 9 Ian bet she doesn’t. On that occasion, I found myself chuckling just like one of them would
Turner, 10 Bohemian Rhapsody – Queen | Quote Quiz: 1 Kurt Angle, 2 Peter Griffin, 3 Groucho after hearing a naughty word like “poo” or “willy”.
- Whitney Houston, 7 Billie Jean - Michael Jackson, 8 Like A Virgin – Madonna, 9 The Best - Tina I’m smarting this week though. Sophie announced that maybe I wouldn’t need to come
Of Love) - U2, 5 Paradise City - Guns ‘n’ Roses, 6 I Wanna Dance With Somebody (Who Loves Me)
back next week. Apparently, she can now play both Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and Jelly
on a Plate so she’d be playing for the lessons from now on. There was something about the
Adams, 2 Livin’ On A Prayer - Bon Jovi, 3 Money For Nothing - Dire Straits, 4 Pride (In The Name
saucepan, sponge, tea towel, toaster, wok | lyrics quiz: 1 (Everything I Do) I Do It For You - Bryan
cooker, fairy liquid, fork, freezer, fridge, iron, liquidizer, microwave, mould, padlock, late, rubbish, evil glint in her eye that really has me worried.
6 Spain, 7 Saffron, 8 Scratchings, 9 Golf, 10 English Channel | wordsearch: barefacts, beer, bowl,
upsidedown answers: bf pub quiz: 1 Bird, 2 Rugby Union, 3 Otter, 4 Freshwater fish, 5 The masses, Catherine Lee
20 LIFESTYLE 30 October 2003
Stars
silly
the
by psychic sandy and David
- Personals -
It’s very simple, really. All you need to do is wait for your friends (or yourself) to do something silly, amusing or just downright strange, and then find
yourself a computer or indeed a scrap of paper if technology isn’t your thing). barefacts@ussu.co.uk is the email address, ‘Personals’ is the email subject,
and then all you need to do is sit back and wait for the next issue of barefacts, and the look of horror on your friends’ faces...
these computers are crap!!!!! Shake that booty! Jo, you are the reason I get up in the morning ..... (cos fetish on - particularly the
you kick me out of bed)! pregnant scottish guy, the hobbit and the guy with
Marc: I just don’t want cuddles tonight Matt. I’m not really on a power trip - the keys have a hold elvis glasses and a dead
over me... I love you ... chicken! Hehe ... x Sully, have you had any more run-ins with horny
Matt: Its called 99 because that’s how long it is. ostriches recently?
Does Tony Blair really have a wonky willy? QM: Which 3 countries border Lake Victoria?
‘I am the extension king’ NC: (to MA) You ought to know that, it’s in America... shall we line the vibrators up along the windowsill
Funkyberry is so cute, gorgeous and very sexy. xxxxx Dumbass Hobbit! then?
JMB...I just thought i would let U know and the world
know that U are a fine Yes basketball girls, you are all very sexy ladies!! Well Shopping list for Sarah: Disinfectant, Large sofa, and Hey Sexy, remember rabbits are good for the soul,
specimen of a man...U are certainly the most done on the win! new telly. they are filled with good vibrations!
gorgeous, most talented and
most intelligent person i have ever had the pleasure paint is fit tim you fat bastard - loose some weight, the belly is P: I REALLY AM SHY - Although it doesn’t really come
of knowing...Oh and I going to take over the world out in photos, does it?
know U how U like leather sofas, stairs, kitchen work Love you, my gorgeous! xx Oh well, you’ll just have to take my word for it! You’re
tops and your parents Chops f*cked three beautiful women... apparently! awesome, JMBx
shower....U have been a busy boy! Wink Wink Px Neil’s directions to the pub: Go down the road that I
used to walk down when I was 5, turn left at the shop Bigs, you rock my world beware of the strange noises in pizzaman....
You having a good time with Neil? Well, you should my dad used to work at, cross next to the bus shelter
see what he’s doing to me now! where I first had a snog, down the road my sister hurt My house mate has herpes who’s pulling your pubes?!
her knee on and it’s on your left next to my ex’s house.
mole on his head. Thanks for the great road trip. Rach. xx Rach the best has won the treble - hearts, solitare and Beware the roads of Guildford! Caroline has passed
free cell her test! Muchos congratualtions from The Park Barn
Bring back BAR PRIDE it keeps the continuity of team Who cares what the score was its the continuity that Massive
drinking, Ta counts! Has anyone seen Vic’s unbothered face?!
I’m too busy to write this personal!!
Women’s Rugby would like to give a big hand to i love you puddels even tho your not much of a To the guy who got his funky brown ‘about a boy’
Women’s Basketball who won on wednesday, Well trained seal style hat nicked at the union I’m busy!
played ladies see you in the union I expect. last Wednesday night by 2 crazeeeee scary girls - we
I’m finding it hard to resist Chris’ magic powers..... are v.v. sorry. Its at happy birthday maisie lots of love sandy and david
Hey Sexy K, remember to keep the hole alive! the union reception in lost property if u want it back. xxx
Why did u get rid of the magic mole. I’ve lost my Also sorry to any
Oi Oi Sweetboy! You’re still looking as sexy as ever! magic learning powers! other people who we inflicated our drunken hat I’m wearing big pants alright?!!!
30 October 2003 SPORT 23
teamsurrey
Windsurfers Hit the Sea in Style
BY GEMMA BLOCK the guidance of the RYA National Race coach, Helen
Cartwright. Surrey was well represented with good results
The student windsurfing association’s festival aka Aussie from Andy Benstock, Will Brown and Ben Hipwell.
Kiss set the 2003/2004 series off to a kicking start last As usual at student windsurfing events a party is essential
weekend with the biggest UK windsurfing event this year. and dressing up even more so. The theme here was Rolf
500 students from literally all corners of the Country met Harris, which brought about a shortage of cotton wool in
in Weymouth where their prayers were answered with Weymouth to make the beards, as well as much drinking,
winds between forces 5 and 7 constant all weekend. A limbo dancing, and the predictable void in memory
great turn out for our new club, 16 guys and gals from afterwards. Nursing hangovers we somehow made it back
Surrey- including 11 brave beginners who made the trip to the bay Sunday morning, to be met by even more severe
down on Friday evening ready for an early start. By 9am winds. Unfortunately this resulted in the cancellation of
Saturday we were down on Portland Bay, checking out the beginner lessons but provided an entertaining freestyle
the water and joining the crowds in the manic rigging. competition from the advanced guys, with many attempting
The first event of this year; its aim was to promote impressive ‘vulcan’ jumps, following tuition from
student windsurfing, provide taster lessons for all those windsurfing pro John Hibbard.
new to the sport while offering tuition and handy tip The weekend proved a successful introduction to the
sessions to those of all other standards. Over 200 complete years racing events in which I’m sure Surrey will do well
beginners took part and, once wetsuits were on the right in all 3 divisions of windsurfing. The next event will be
way round, took on the choppy water and crazy winds at Cardiff over the weekend 1/2nd November, where there
with admirable determination using the smallest sails will be racing for advance, intermediates and fun racing
that could be found. Over 200 successfully returned to for beginners. Anyone who would like to go or join the
shore! On the other hand, the advanced league rigged up windsurfing club contact me, gemblock@yahoo.co.uk or
huge 7.5m2 sails and, much overpowered, raced under andy, abj_benstock@hotmail.com.