Counselling Theory and Practice:- RELATIONSHIP THERAPY

Relationship Therapy

Theory and Practice

PART THREE

Systems
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© 2010 - Peter Creagh, Trainer, Supervisor and BACP Registered Counsellor UKRC
Family Systems
 Counselling Theory and Practice:- RELATIONSHIP THERAPY

General Introduction

This is one of a series of short notes that explore aspects of Relationships. Arguably,
relationships are one of the most important issues that face each of us throughout life.
We are , for the most part, conceived through the most intimate relationship between a
man and a woman. Our relationship with our mother is extremely important and we
continue to have relationships that heavily influence our personality, choices and life.
In another short paper we explored aspects of Buber’s theories of relationship. A short
resume now follows.

For Buber, relationships were holistic and involved all aspects of what it is to be human.
Buber explained this philosophy of relationship using the word pairs of I/ Thou and I /It.
With these pairs he outlines two modes of consciousness, encounter and being
through which an individual engages with other individuals, the world and with reality..
In other words, he suggests that we adopt two attitudes toward relating with the world and
with others, either as I/Thou (I/You) or I/It.

The I/Thou mode is a way of relating that is subject-to-subject, where we are aware of
each other in an holistic manner without the concept of ‘false’ boundaries. To put it
another way, in the I/Thou relationship we do not perceive each other as consisting of
defined and separated persons with different parts or qualities, but we engage in a
dialogue involving each other's whole being – Body- Psyche and Spirit. However, in the
I/It relationship we engage at the subject-to-object level. At this level we do perceive
each other as consisting of defined and separated parts and thus view ourselves, and
others, as part of a world which consists of ‘ things’ with distinct boundaries. Therefore,
whilst the I/Thou is a relationship of mutuality and reciprocity, the I-It is one of
separateness and detachment. Throughout life we struggle with these two modes and
this struggle is fuelled by the tensions between our often conflicting needs for intimacy,
independence and identity.

In this third note of this series we look at some aspects of

Systems and systemic approaches

NOTE
This notes are complemented by a series of practical
exercises presentations ( not included) based on the Authors
almost 20 years experience as a Relationship Therapist.

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© 2010 - Peter Creagh, Trainer, Supervisor and BACP Registered Counsellor UKRC
Family Systems
 Counselling Theory and Practice:- RELATIONSHIP THERAPY

SYSTEMS THEORY
‘Family & Group Dynamics

INTRODUCTION

For many Relationship Counsellors there is a dilemma when usingsome of the

psychodynamic theories and models to inform their practice. This is because, that
although these can ‘make sense ‘ of the conscious and unconscious processes of the
individual, they can often prove difficult to apply if one or both of the couple were a
significant part of a larger family group.

For many clients their primary group is the family , although often other social systems ,
such as class, religion ethnicity, culture etc, play a major influence. Therefore, many
counsellors find that an alternative approach when working with some clients is to apply
Systems Theory in an attempt to assist clients to gain insights.

Systems theory is not a purely psychodynamic approach. It is also based on a series of

Systemic and Family Therapies which mainly originated in the USA in the 1950’s .
Scarf ( 1987) , reporting on the work of the early pioneers of this approach, comments on
their observations concerning schizophrenic patients. Here it was noted, that many
individuals responded positively whilst in care but deteriorated when they returned to their
family system. Other cases involving couples involved instances where as one of the
couple recovered, the other became ill. Systems Theory evolved initially as an attempt to
begin to make sense of and provide clues for this phenomenon.

This short note will examine systems theory and will look at some of its important
concepts and aspects such as boundaries, roles, rules and the concept of homeostasis.

SYSTEMS ( FAMILY ) THEORY

Systems/Groups We all belong to a series of (often) inter-locking groups within which

there are sub-groups. This can be demonstrated by examining the name and address of
an individual , which often reveals a considerable amount of information.

Patrick O Connell
2a Baggot Lane
off Pembroke Street
Dublin 2
County Dublin
Ireland

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© 2010 - Peter Creagh, Trainer, Supervisor and BACP Registered Counsellor UKRC
Family Systems
 Counselling Theory and Practice:- RELATIONSHIP THERAPY

The address given indicates that the individual is male, belonging to the family of O
Connell, in a certain neighbourhood in South Central Dublin, capital of Ireland. His name
suggests a strong possibility that he is Roman Catholic this is because the prefix ‘ O’
which is Gaelic for ‘son of’ suggests original Irish and thus almost certainly Roman
Catholic. There is much more we could conjecture, but this suffices to make the point.
Each of these ‘ labels ‘ play a part in how he operates within each group or sub-group.
They may also indicate some of the beliefs, values ,experiences and social customs that
underpin these groups.

Groups Groups have a life of their own tend to have boundaries and rules and
have members to whom roles are ascribed and these roles carry expectations. In
addition, Groups are generally either healthy or unhealthy.

Healthy Groups In healthy and well functioning groups, boundaries and roles will not
be too rigidly defined and this flexibility will allow for roles to be redefined as
circumstances change. This could result in some modification in the rules of the
group/system. Therefore, change is not such a threat.

Unhealthy Groups In unhealthy or dysfunctional groups – boundaries and roles

tend to be rigid. The system functions so as to protect itself against any change. Change
is perceived as being negative, often painful and certainly less preferable than
maintaining the status quo. This latter tendency is often referred to as ‘ Homeostasis –
staying the same ‘

In dysfunctional groups, issues for one member of the group have a more than ‘normal’
effect on all in the group and this results in a tendency towards homeostasis. Members
may now begin to engage in sabotage towards outsiders who are perceived to pose a
threat. This can make it difficult for external helpers to engage with individuals or the
group.

We now need to look at some other terms and concepts which are important to
systems/groups and the theory that underpins this approach to therapy.

Boundaries Boundaries are used ‘mark out’ groups. Reasonable, firm , but
flexible , boundaries are important in maintaining a healthy system. Both individuals and
groups require firm and flexible boundaries which provide ‘signposts’ for reasonable
behaviour by and towards others . This provides a better balance of permissible and
prohibited mores, customs and behaviour.

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© 2010 - Peter Creagh, Trainer, Supervisor and BACP Registered Counsellor UKRC
Family Systems
 Counselling Theory and Practice:- RELATIONSHIP THERAPY

Healthy individuals and healthy systems, such as couples and families, have a balance of
firm and flexible boundaries. These allow the couple, and family members, to be
interdependent and not dependent. They also permit children to grow independently so
that siblings also exist separately.

Dysfunctional systems tend to have more complex boundaries. Very often they have
‘fuzzy’ and ill – defined internal boundaries but very often have rigid , combined
external boundaries designed to be used against outsiders. Yet, paradoxically,
individuals, with the closed system, may still have ‘fuzzy’ boundaries in their dealings
with external systems and thus sometimes individuals they behave with ambivalence with
outsiders . A further complication is that the total ‘Family System’ ,because of its mixture
of weak internal and strong external boundaries, is almost always ambivalent in its
dealings with outsiders. This complex , and seemingly paradoxical, mixture of flexible
and rigid boundaries can seriously affect the behaviour of the system and also the
dynamics of the members roles. Thus, these systems are invariably dysfunctional

ROLES and RULES

Roles In most systems role attribution is present and is a ‘norm’. In families we

can have many roles. Some of these are carer, scapegoat, clown, rebel, provider,
decision maker, appeaser etc. These ‘roles’ carry important functions that can have
both positive and negative effects , either on the whole group or more often on
individuals.

In systems such as a family, there is the important role of caring and providing. When
groups face a serious crisis or decision, and there is uncertainty, then a decision maker
and/or an appeaser can be vital. In times of great stress the ‘clown’ or the ‘scapegoat’
can often relieve or reduce the pressure.

This means that the ‘tag’ each member of the system carries can often ‘force’ them into a
particular response and behaviour pattern. These roles, together with the group/system
boundaries, also carry within then certain unwritten rules. These unwritten rules and roles
are often unconsciously ‘assumed’ but come to the fore in times of crisis and great stress.

Rules Systems and groups have a wide variety of ‘rules’. These involve
behaviours and roles in such areas as the house, responses to conflict, etc. They also
underpin the values of the group. Rules are extremely important as they inform the
boundaries within which the System operates. If they are too strict or stringent, then the
system becomes very rigid. If they are too lax or virtually non-existent, then the system is
unstable and can face too many crisis and emergencies.

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© 2010 - Peter Creagh, Trainer, Supervisor and BACP Registered Counsellor UKRC
Family Systems
 Counselling Theory and Practice:- RELATIONSHIP THERAPY

Change in Systems.

It can be difficult to make changes in some systems as they can often have a potential to
retain the status quo. This tendency is referred to as Homeostasis. This involves other
members of the system reacting to prevent change. This reaction, which has the power
and energy of a strong force, is often fuelled by fear of change.

Fear of change is an inherent quality in all living things. Humans, have evolved and
survived by always balancing the need for safety with the need for pleasure and survival.
We all have a primitive ‘flight – fight’ part of our brain. In times of stress or danger, this
area of our brain tends to ‘light up’. This is particularly true when we are presented with
either unknown or unplanned change. Therefore , in working with Systems Theory, a
counsellor may find the following questions helpful when he/she is aware of client’s
resistance.

• What are the forces that are preventing change ?

• What are the individual and group fears concerning change ?

• What are the underlying anxiety.

If systems are to change and grow – a process referred to as Morphogenesis needs to

take place. For this to take place then some change in the roles and rules of the system
must occur. New people entering the group/system can often initiate this. Because they
are new to the system they are not so susceptible to the norms, roles and rules of the
existing system. This allows newcomers to ask different questions, not make the usual
assumptions and be prepared to try something different.

But too much change cause some instability in the system and this can resurrect the
fears of other long serving members of the group. Therefore the change must be
manageable and must a have the assent of a reasonable number of system or group
members.

FINAL POINTS

The ideas raised in these notes can be used to inform the counseling process and a
series of experiential and complementary role plays are integrated within their
presentation.

These include a variety of alternative strategies such as Geneograms, Family Circles,

and Individual Nuclear Atoms . These notes DO NOT include this material.
However, it is hoped that readers will derive some understanding of this important
therapeutic approach and its application to family and couple therapy.

A further and more detailed note is in preparation and may be published in the near
future.
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© 2010 - Peter Creagh, Trainer, Supervisor and BACP Registered Counsellor UKRC
Family Systems
 Counselling Theory and Practice:- RELATIONSHIP THERAPY

REFERENCES/Bibliography
AUTHOR YEAR TITLE PUBLISHER

Culley, Sue 1992 Integrative Counselling Skills in Action Sage

Egan, Gerard 1994 The Skilled Helper Brooks Cole
Frankland, Alan & 1995 Next Steps In Counselling PCCS
Sanders , Peter
Fuster, JM 1984 Personal Counselling St Pauls ( Bombay)

Hough, Margaret 1994 A Practical Approach to Counselling Longman

Hough. Margaret 1996 Counselling Skills Longman
Kahn, Michael 1997 Between Therapist & Client – The New Freeman ( New York)
Relationship
Kennedy, Eugene 1991 On Becoming a Counsellor Gill & Macmillan
& Charles, Sara
May, Rollo 1989 The Art of Counselling Condor Books
McLeod, John 1998 An Introduction to Counselling OU
Merry, Tony 1999 Learning & Being PCCS Ross-on-Wye

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© 2010 - Peter Creagh, Trainer, Supervisor and BACP Registered Counsellor UKRC
Family Systems