The Chinese Wedding Tradition

Chinese pre-wedding customs are traditional Chinese rituals prescribed by the 禮記 [láih gei]
(Book of Rites), the 儀禮 [yìh láih] (Book of Etiquette and Ceremonial) and the 白虎通 [baahk fú
tùng] (Bai Hu Tong) condensed into a series of rituals now known as the 三書六禮 [sàam syù
luhk láih] (Three Letters and Six Rites). Traditionally speaking, a wedding that incorporates all 6
rites is considered a [daaih chéui] (complete wedding, dà qǔ).
The six traditional rites involved in a Chinese wedding are as follows:

1. [naahp chói] (nacai)- formal proposal

2. [muhn mìhng] (wenming) - giving of the eight characters of prospective bride to the
groom’s side
3. [naahp gàt] (naji) - placement of the eight characters at the ancestral altar to confirm
compatibility
4. [naahp jìng] (nazheng) - sending of betrothal gifts to the bride and return gifts to the
prospective groom
5. 請期 [chíng kèih] (qingqi) - selection of an auspicious wedding date
6. 親迎 [chàn yìhng] (qinying) - wedding ceremony

Six etiquettes

1. Proposal: After an unmarried boy's parents found a potential daughter-in-law, they

located a matchmaker whose job was to assuage the conflict of interests and
general embarrassments when discussing the possibility of marriage on the part of
two families largely unknown to each other. Marriages were chosen based upon the
needs of reproduction and honor, as well as the need of the father and husband.

2. Birthdates: If the selected girl and her parents did not object to the proposal, the
matchmaker would match the birthdates (Chinese: 秊庚八字; pinyin: niángēng bāzì;
literally: "the 8 cyclic characters for year, month, day and hour of birth of a man,
which determine his fate") in which suan ming (Chinese fortune telling) is used to
predict the future of that couple-to-be. If the result of suan ming was good, they then
would go to the next step, submitting bride price.

3. Bridewealth (betrothal gifts): At this point the bridegroom's family arranged for the
matchmaker to present a bride price (betrothal gifts), including the betrothal letter, to
the bride's family.

4. Wedding gifts: The groom's family would then send an elaborate array of food,
cakes, and religious items to the bride's family.
5. Arranging the wedding: Before the wedding ceremony, two families would arrange
a wedding day according to Chinese tung shing. Selecting an auspicious day to
assure a good future for the couple is as important as avoiding what is believed to be
an unlucky day. In some cases there may be no auspicious dates and the couple will
have to review their potential date range.

6. Wedding ceremony: The final ritual would be the actual wedding ceremony where
bride and groom become a married couple, which consists of many elaborate parts:

 Wedding procession: Before the meeting party's arrival, the bride would be
helped by a respectable old woman to tie up her hair with colorful cotton threads.
She would wear a red skirt because the Chinese believed red symbolised
happiness. When the party arrived, the bride must cry with her mother to
symbolize her reluctance to leave home. She would then be led or carried by her
elder brother to the sedan. From here, the wedding procession from the bride's
home to the groom's home consists of a traditional band, the bride's sedan, the
maids of honor's sedans (if there are maids of honor), and bride's dowry in the
forms other than money. The most common dowries included scissors like two
butterflies never separating, rulers indicating acres of fields, and vases for peace
and wealth.
 Welcoming the bride: The wedding procession of the bride's family stops at the
door of the groom's home. In the meeting party the groom would meet a series
of difficulties intentionally set in his path. Only after coping with these could he
pass to see his wife-to-be.
 Actual wedding ceremonies: On the arrival of the sedan at the wedding place,
there would be music and firecrackers. The bride would be led along the red
carpet in a festive atmosphere. The groom, also in a red gown, would kowtow
three times to worship the heaven, parents and spouse. Equivalent to
exchanging vows in the west, the couple would pay respect to the Jade
Emperor, the patron family deities (or patron buddhas and bodhisattvas), paying
respect to deceased ancestors, the bride and groom's parents and other elders,
and paying respect to each other. Then, the new couple would go to their bridal
chamber and guests would be treated to a feast.
 Wedding banquets: In Chinese society, the wedding banquet is known as xǐ-
jǐu (喜酒, lit. joyful wine), and is sometimes far more important than the actual
wedding itself. There are ceremonies such as the bride presenting wines or tea
to parents, spouse, and guests. In modern weddings, the bride generally picks
red (following Chinese tradition) or white (more Western) for the wedding, but
most will wear the red traditional garment for their formal wedding banquet.
Traditionally, the groom is responsible for the cost of the wedding invitation
sweet treats (often pastries), the banquet invitations, and the wedding itself.
Wedding banquets are elaborate and consist usually of 5-10 courses, with
ingredients such as shark fin, abalone, lobster, squab, sea cucumber, swift
nests or fish roe in soup or as decoration on top of a dish to symbolize fertility,
and local delicacies. Traditionally, the father of the bride is responsible for the
wedding banquet hosted on the bride's side and the alcohol consumed during
both banquets. The wedding banquets are two separate banquets: the primary
banquet is hosted once at the bride's side, the second banquet (smaller
banquet) at the groom's side. While the wedding itself is often based on the
couple's choices, the wedding banquets are a gesture of thanks and
 appreciation, to those that have raised the bride and groom (such as
grandparents and uncles). It is also to ensure the relatives on each side meet
the relatives on the other side. Thus out of respect for the elders, wedding
banquets are usually done formally and traditionally, which the older generation
is thought to be more comfortable with. On the night of the wedding day, there
was a custom in some places for relatives or friends to banter the newlyweds.
Though this seemed a little noisy, both of them dropped shyness and got familiar
with each other. On the third day of the marriage, the new couple would go back
to the bride's parents' home. They would be received with also a dinner party
including relatives.

BEFORE CEREMONY

1. Selection of date

 The first step is the selection of auspicious dates (看日子) for the Chinese wedding, the
betrothal and the installation of the bridal bed. A Chinese monk or a temple fortune
tellerselects a suitable date based on the couple's birth dates and times. Some may also
refer to the Chinese calendar or almanac for good days. Even numbered months and
dates are preferred, and the lunar seventh month is avoided as it is the month of
the Hungry Ghost Festival.
 After the selection of the auspicious dates, wedding details such as types and quantities
of betrothal gifts, reciprocal gifts, bride price (娉金), and number of tables at the wedding
banquet provided by the groom's parents for the bride's parents' guests are settled.

2. Betrothal

 Up to three months or earlier before the wedding day, the groom will deliver the betrothal
gifts to the bride's family on an auspicious date.送
 The betrothal (Chinese: 過大禮; pinyin: guo dàlǐ, also known as 納彩 or nàcǎi) is an
important part of the Chinese wedding tradition. During this exchange, the groom's family
presents the bride's family with betrothal gifts (called 聘礼 or pìnlǐ) to symbolize prosperity
and good luck.[3] Moreover, the bride's family receives the bride price (Chinese: 娉金
; pinyin: pīng jīn; literally: "abundant gold”) in red envelopes. The bride's family also
returns (回禮, huílǐ) a set of gifts to the groom's side.[5] Additionally, the bride's parents
bestow a dowry (嫁妝, jiàzhuāng, kè-chng) to the bride.
 The selection of betrothal gifts varies by the ancestral regions of the bride and groom. In
cases of intermarriage between various Chinese dialect speakers, brides typically follow
the groom's ancestral traditions, not the other way around.
 The gifts are often in even number for the meaning of in couple and in pairs. Food items
given to the bride include wine, oranges, and tea; while jewelry for the bride includes gold
earrings, necklaces, bracelets, and rings. In some regions, they are also combined with
some local food, such as peanuts and dates (in Chinese, the word for "date" is a near
homonym of "early", while "peanut" is "birth"). This is normally presented on the wedding
day, with the wishes of giving birth to a child early in the marriage. Candles and paper cut
"Double Happiness" are often seen on a wedding day as well.
 The bride price, which is given by the groom's family to the bride's family, varies from
region to region. In Southern China, the bride price is much higher than in Northern
China.
 After the betrothal gifts and bride price are negotiated and given, the families select a
special date for the wedding. The wedding date is announced via invitations about a
 month earlier, and the invitations are distributed to the friends and relatives about one or
two weeks before the wedding day.

3. Delivery of the Bridal’s Dowry

The bride's parents may include the 嫁妝 [gaa jòng] (bride's dowry) (jiàzhuāng) along with the
reciprocal gifts on the day of betrothal, or may present the bride's dowry separately a few days
before the wedding ceremony. Chinese dowries typically include:

 bedding (e.g. pillows, bolsters, comforter set, blankets, bed sheets)

 new clothing for the bride, delivered in a suitcase (in the past, wardrobes or wooden wedding
chests were used)
 tea set for the wedding tea ceremony
 a tub filled with baby items (子孙桶, which may include a baby bathtub, baby potty,
washbasin, tumblers, toothpaste and toothbrush, mirror, comb, etc.)
 two pairs of red wooden clogs, wedding slippers or bedroom slippers
 a sewing basket (with even numbered rolls of colourful thread, needles, pincushion, scissors,
and sewing wax with auspicious words on it)
 gold jewellery given by bride's parents

4. Instalation of the Bridal Bed

Another ritual is the installation of the bridal bed (安床, ān chuáng). At an auspicious date and
time, a woman of good fortune installs the bridal bed in the bridal room. New red or pink
bedsheets are used and a plate of dried longans, lotus seeds, red dates, persimmons, sprig of
pomegranate leaves together with 2 red packets are placed on the bed. A pair of bedside lamps
(子孙登) is lit to symbolize the addition of sons to the family.

5. Hair Combing ceremony

A hair combing ceremony (梳頭 [sò tàuh]) is also conducted on the eve of the wedding. After
showering with water infused with pomelo or pomegranate leaves, the bride and groom change
into a new set of clothing and shoes. Attending female family members bless them aloud as they
sit in front of an open window with the visible moon or in front of the mirror.
The four blessings are:

 一梳、梳到尾、[yàt sò sò dou méih] (with the first combing, be blessed to be together to the
end,)
 二梳、百年好合、[yih sò baak nìhn hóu hahp] (with the second combing, be blessed with a
hundred years of harmony in marriage,)
 三梳、子孫滿堂、[sàam sò jí syùn múhn tòhng] (with the third combing, be blessed with a
houseful of children and grandchildren)
 四梳、白發齊眉、[sei sò baahk faat chàih mèih] (with the fourth combing, be blessed with
longevity)
A sweet dessert soup containing pink glutinous-rice spherical dumplings called 湯圓 tòng yùhn is
served after the hair combing ceremony to wish the couple a complete and sweet marriage.
6. Chinese wedding decoration

雙喜 [sèung héi] (double happiness) decorations will be placed on all wedding items such as the
betrothal gifts, dowry, the couple's toiletries and cosmetics. The bridal room furniture, especially
the mirror and cupboards, will also be decorated with double joy or other wedding paper cutouts
such as pairs of mandarin ducks, dragon and phoenix, etc. Similar red wedding paper cutouts will
also be put up on the main door, bridal room door and generally around the house. A red banner
(红彩帘) will be hung across the front doors of the two household to announce the joyous event.
Even overseas Chinese, such as in Singapore, who marry will also apply the same 雙喜 [sèung
héi] (double happiness) decorations and customs as in China. Chinese couples in multi-racial
countries like Singapore may also retain their own Cantonese, Teochew, Hokkien, and other
traditions depending on their origin and Chinese language spoken.

DURING CEREMONY

GIFT

Unless the wedding couple has a wedding registry, it is best not to give gifts or gift certificates.
For Chinese weddings, cash or a cheque is always the best gift. In addition to that, some elder
relatives might also give gold jewelry. The cash or cheque should be in a red envelope or red
pocket with the givers' names on it, and it is always given when signing in at the restaurant. In
choosing the amount of money to give, givers scrupulously avoid unlucky numbers, such as
4 and favor combinations of lucky numbers, such as 8 and 9. Also, white envelopes are never
used to wrap gifts for a wedding or other joyful event, as the color white is associated with death.

TIMING

There are two times listed on the invitation: 恭候 (gōnghòu/greeting) and 入席 (rùxí/reception).
Typically, they are at least two hours apart (some may be four hours). The first one is the time
the groom and bride, along with their family, will be ready to receive guests and greet them; the
second one is the time the reception/banquet will start. The gap between those hours is referred
to as entertainment time. Very often, the restaurant will provide poker and mahjong (麻將) for
gambling; the time can also be used to socialize with other guests and take photos with the
bride/groom and their families. Nowadays, for Chinese couples' weddings in the U.S., you are
less likely to see mahjong being played before the banquet; it is often replaced by a cocktail
party. However, if the wedding reception takes place in southern China, Hong Kong, Macau, and
even parts of Canada (where there is a large Cantonese population), mahjong might still be
played before the dinner.

SIGN IN

Two people will be at the sign-in tables (one from the bride’s family and one from the groom’s) to
register guests and receive gifts/red envelopes. Often, they will have two separate guest lists,
one from the groom’s side and one from the bride’s. Then the best man and the maid of honor
will direct ushers to escort guests to their seat.

BANQUET PROCEDURE

Typically, the banquet will include a speech from the parents, the best man, the maid of honor,
and the guest speaker. There will be cake cutting, toasts, a tea ceremony, some games
designed by the DJ, and dancing. The two tables at the center of the room are for the groom’s
and bride’s families.

FOOD
A Chinese wedding reception typically has nine or ten courses. Expensive dishes such as shark
fin, abalone, lobster, jumbo shrimp, squab, sea bass, or sea cucumber are common on a
wedding banquet menu. A whole fish, chicken, or pig means luck and completeness in Chinese
wedding culture.Traditionally, after the fifth dish of the dinner, the groom and bride and their
families will approach each table to toast the guests. Very often, the bride will change into a
traditional Chinese red wedding dress (鳳褂, or qípáo) at that time, if she has been wearing a
different style of clothing before.

CHINESE TEA CEREMONY

Both families perform the hairdressing and capping rituals for the bride and groom, similar to
many other cultures. The groom then goes to the bride’s home and is blocked by the
bridesmaids. Both families are formally introduced during the Tea Ceremony and together they
drink Tsao Chün, a Chinese tea. After the Tsao Chün tea has been finished, the couple would
receive lai see, a lucky red envelope, given by the family that is filled with money and sometimes
jewelry. A feast is served at the end of the wedding ceremonies.

AFTER WEDDING
The day after the wedding, the bride usually prepares a breakfast for both families. She will
receive a small gift from older relatives as she is formally introduced to the groom’s family and
they will proceed to give the bride a formal title within their family.

THREE DAY SYMBOLIZATION

Three days after the wedding, the bride and groom visit the bride’s family. At this time, the bride
is no longer considered a part of the family but still welcomed as a guest. The groom is expected
to present a roasted pig and enjoy a meal with the rest of the family.
Including both traditional and modern elements in a Chinese wedding can be exciting for
relatives and fun for your friends of different descent. Chinese weddings in the Los Angeles area
create beautiful photos and memories that last a lifetime. If you are planning a Chinese wedding,
these are a few Chinese traditions to think about when planning your wedding day.