MAPESCI Department La Consolacion College Manila At the end of this chapter, the student should be able to: Discuss an understanding of teenage relationships, including the acceptable and unacceptable expressions of attractions; Expresshis or her ways of showing attraction, love, and commitment, Identify ways to become responsible in a relationship; and Appraise one’s relationships and make plans for building responsible future relationships. Relationship – “the way in which two or more people, groups, countries, etc. talk to, behave toward, and deal with each other” (Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary) Note: definition includes ... “two or more people” May include: Personal relationship Family relationship Friendly relationship Romantic relationship, etc. First meaningful relationship – mother and child (you may also include the father) Nine (9) months of pregnancy is enhanced by the birth of the child
In the Philippines, the family may
even be extended to include the grandparents/in-laws John Bowlby (1982) – believed that mental health and behavioral problems could be attributed to early childhood Bowlby’s Theory of Attachment suggests that children come into the world biologically pre-programmed to form attachments with others because this will help them to survive. Secure attachment – when the primary caregiver is present most of the time; available, responds to emotional needs of the child; child will grow up to have more secure and stable relationships. Avoidant attachment – primary caregiver is cold and detached, unresponsive; child sensesdetach rejection, leads to premature detachment and souself-reliance. Anxious – ambivalent attachment – primary caregiver is not consistent in terms of presence and in meeting a child’s emotional needs; child may develop separation anxieties with a loved one. Secure attachment
Anxious-ambivalent Avoidant attachment
Physical attraction – when attraction between two persons is based on physical appearance; movie fans are attracted to their “idols” primarily because of their physical attributes, i.e. “pogi”, “sexy” Physiological – based on physiology or certain hormones that persons pick up with their noses -- smell. This is also true in lower forms of animals, i.e. male dogs smell the external genitalia of the female to know if she is “in heat” Genetic – physical looks may mean good genes resulting in attraction to each other. To some individuals, good looks would mean good genes, and therefore, better-looking offsprings. Stages in falling in love: (Helen Fisher) Lust – driven by sex hormones; testosterone (males), estrogen (females); may affect both sexes. Attraction– the lovestruck phase, involves neurotransmitters in the brain such as dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin; stage when a person loses sleep and appetite over someone, swoons while daydreaming of this special person. Attachment – couple in love decides to continue with their relationship; long-lasting commitments are exchanged; may lead to raising a family. Special hormones oxytocin, released at childbirth to help in breastfeeding, and vasopressin, promotes long-term relationship. 1. Lust 2. Attraction 3. Attachment Pheromones – odorless chemical found in urine and sweat can be detected by the nose; can be used in the assessment of a future mate. Father - image – women may be attracted to men who either resemble their fathers or smell like their fathers. Mother - image – same as above, but attraction in males to women who resemble their mothers. Theories Related to Attraction and Liking 1. Transference effect – association of a person with a past experience, whether good or bad experience. 2. Propinquity effect – develop familiarity with people who live close to us. 3. Similarity – same social class, religion, age, education. 4. Reciprocity – we tend to like people who like us back; express liking for others elicit a pleasant behavior. Theories Related to Attraction and Liking 5. Physical attractiveness – a major factor in liking someone; connotes positive health and reproductive fitness. 6. Personality characteristics and traits – two characteristics lead to liking the other person: empathic persons – exude warmth and sympathy; socially competent – good communicators and enjoy good conversations. Different perspectives result in different definitions: 1. Kinship or close friendship – a strong feeling for someone who is related to us; by blood or friend. 2. Sexual attraction – a feeling of affection and concern for another person. 3. Devotion/Adoration toward God or a god; 4. Divine love – concern by God or a god toward humans. 5. Sexual desire – mere physical attraction. Theorized by Robert Sterberg’s “Triangular Theory of Love: 1. Intimacy – “that lovely moment when someone understands and validates us,” being open and vulnerable to that persom whom we deeply trust. 2. Commitment – an act of deciding to consistently fulfill and live by agreements made with another person; guided by values of integrity and respect. 3. Passion – the intense state of being that drives and consumes a person to pursue an interest/person. 1. Accumulation of all rewards of the relationship – considered the most important determinant of satisfaction in a relationship. 2. Temptation of alternative partners – can rock the relationship and destabilize relationship of a couple. 3. Investments made by the couple in the relationship – important in maintaining commitment; may include time spent together, common beliefs and practices, mutual friends, bearing children. 1. Criticism – results when there is no unconditional positive regard for each other; fault-finding will result in resentment. 2. Denial of existence of conflict – one party eludes conversation with partner, refuses to discuss it, resulting in frustration on the side of the other party. 3. Contempt – present when someone looks down on the other party; aggravates 1. Be responsible for what you think and say to another person – be sensitive to other people’s feelings. 2. Be responsible for what you promise to do or not do – Integrity is a main factor in relationship; coupled with trust, this will develop strong relationships. 3. Ensure the relationship is mutually benificial – important in maintaining commitment; may include time spent together, common beliefs and practices, mutual friends, bearing children. 4. Respect the other party or parties involved. – mutual respest essential to any relationship; a common responsibility of all people involved in a relationship. 5. Be ready to provide support when needed – providing support i.e. financially, emotionally, spritually or physically; it is about “We’re in this together” attitude in a relationship.