The nerve of you RvPers, requesting I write picks on such short notice!

Even if I wanted to my
schedule wouldnt allow it. 4:00, wallow in self pity; 4:30, stare into the abyss; 5:00, solve world hunger
tell no one; 5:30, jazzercize; 6:30, dinner with me I cant cancel that again; 7:00, wrestle with my self-
loathingIm booked. Of course if I bump the loathing to 9, I could be done in time to lay in bed, stare
at the ceiling and slip slowly into madness. But what will I write?!

Week 1 of the playoffs is in the books and a couple of our bye week guys REALLY benefitted from having
the week off, as Rolando put up the 8th highest score in RvP for the week in the Winners Bracket bye
and Chris brought up the rear with a 70.71 in the Losers Bracket bye. The picks went a quality 3-1 in the
first week of the playoffs, but the real story is Matty-Ys perfect 4-0, bringing him within one game of
Rolando for the season long total. Its gonna be a photo finish down the stretch folks!

Last weeks Cmon Man Moment goes to Kenny, who left a 35.3 J-Stew on his bench in the thumping he
received from a boom or bust MJ team. Speaking of MJ (the tight end whisperer!), he gets the award for
last weeks Pickup of the Week for nabbing Jesse James off the wire for a solid 14.7, dropping him for
Trey Burton who put up 21.6, and minutes before Burtons game started, swapping back to James. You
may have tight end ADD Jones, but it was good for you either way you had it.

On to the Grinchy themed picks!

Winners Bracket Standings (#2 Pick in 2018):

1.) Remember the 5 Ds 150.54

2.) Nice & Deep Like 136.22

3.) OuchtownPopulationU! 122.94

4.) Skillz That Killz 114.92

5.) Beaver Tranquillizers 106.56

6.) Troop417 96.74

Losers Bracket Standings (#1 Pick in 2018):

1.) Daj Maball 149.20

2.) OHoulihans Heroes 134.84

3.) Team Blitzkrieg 121.57

4.) Fuckin Chuck Norris 118.99

5.) L for LOVE 109.24

6.) Garrr! Bollocks! 70.71

Remember the 5 Ds vs. Skillz That Killz:
This is what its all about, isnt it? This is what its alwaysssss been about. Winning, winningwins wins
wins wins! And the avarice The avarice never ends! I want the top score. I want the title. I want the
hot waiver wire pick up of the week so I can play him twice, get bored, and drop him to grab a kicker!
Look I dont wanna make waves, but this whole 2017 fantasy season has been stupid, stupid, stupid!
There is, however, one teeny-tiny fantasy tradition I find quite meaningful.the reverse jinx. Now
pucker up and kiss it, Rolando! Skillz That Killz with the W!

OuchtownPopulationU! vs. Nice & Deep Like:

All right Kyle, youre a donkey. Heres your motivation: Your name is Eeyore, youre a freak with a pin
on tail, and youre always mopey. Then, one day, Santa comes and gives you a great fantasy team with
which to win the RvP Title. No, forget that part. Well improvisejust keep it kind of loosey-goosey with
your lineup like you did last week. You HATE your fantasy team! Youre going to have to steal the title.
Winning with a great lineup is a lousy ending to the season anyway, way to commercial. ACTION!

BRILLIANT! You reject your better players because they represent the glitter of a great fantasy lineup.
Playing garbage over studs? Why didnt I think of that?! Cut, print, check the gate moving on.

Lucky for Kyle his opponent has a plethora of hot-garbage matchups and his lineup failures will not
matterOuchTownPopulationU! With the W!
Beaver Tranquillizers vs. Troop417:
For whatever reason, my fantasy bad luck or just the blues, I sit here writing my picks, hating all of you.
Alphabetically!

Beaver Tranquillizers and Bold Strategy, I HATE you!

Daj Maball and Garrr! Bollocks!, I HATE you!

Hate, hate, hate, hate. Hate, hate, hate, hate.

Double hate Skillz that Killz

LOATHE Troop417 entirely!

But hey this is about the battle for 5th place. Ah yes, the contest that comes without titles. It comes
without tags. It comes without trophies, prizes or gift bags. So who shall win it, who will get to boast? It
shouldnt be hard to guess, I hate Kennys team the most! Beaver Tranquillizer with the W!

Fuckin Chuck Norris vs. Garrr! Bollocks!:

Hello.little Chris. How DARE you enter the Grinchs Lair?!? The IMPUDENCE!!! The AUDACITY! The
unmitigated GALL! You called down the thunder. Now get ready for the BOOOOOOOOMMM!! Gaze
into the faceof fear. You see? Even now, the terror is welling up inside you. Not scared yet? Denial is
to be expected in the face ofpure evil. Fuckin Chuck Norris with the W!
Daj Maball vs. Team Blitzkrieg:
You nauseate me, Daj Maball
With a nauseous super naus!,
Youre up against Team Blitzkrieg and youre bound to take a loss, Daj Maballll-all
Your team is an appalling dump heap overflowing with the most disgraceful assortment of rubbish
fantasy players imaginable. Mangled up in tangled up knots!
Youre a foul one, Daj Maball
Youre a nasty wasty skunk
Lynch and Witten stink like unwashed socks and the Baltimore D is full of gunk, Daj Maball-all
The three words that best describe your chances of victory are as follows and I quote
Stink, Stank, Stunk!
Team Blitzkrieg with the W!

L for LOVE vs. OHoulihans Heroes:

Where are you Carson
Why cant I find you
Why did you tear your A-C-LLLLLL
Where are the fantasy points
You used to bring me
Before that stupid play

My team is changing
Im rearranging
Does that mean Joe Flacco replaces you?

Where are you Carson

Do you remember
The fantasy team you used to know
You and I were so care free
Now nothings easy
OHoulihans Heroes is going to beatttttt, meeeeeeeeeeeeeee

The Sacko (#3 Pick in 2018):

Bold Strategy has the early lead in The Sacko with a 106.26, though VonHugen Balls is hot on his heels at
102.73.