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Your Children
Child and teen sex education resources are deeply
flawed.
Its not easy for parents to discuss sex with their children. When my
wife and I had kids, Id been a sex educator for more than a
decade, yet at times, found myself tongue-tied.
Thats why its so important to introduce the subject when kids are
toddlers. You gain valuable experienceand confidencewhen
their questions are simple, and you develop a sex-positive, ask-me-
anything tone thats sure to pay dividends as they become teens
and the issues become more complicated.
Attention Parents
Keep talking. Many parents say little if anything about sex until
children reach some arbitrary age and then stumble through The
Talk, often a one-time conversation. The once-and-done approach
is unrealistic. Sex is everywhere. Talk about it whenever the subject
arises: on TV, after movies, in song lyrics, in the news, anywhere
and everywhere.
How I Was Born is long out of print, but todays parents can choose
among two dozen sperm-and-egg and welcome-to-
puberty guides. To the extent that they help nervous parents deal
with challenging subjects, theyre valuable.
I urge parents to correct several key points that even the best books
distort:
The female equivalent of the penis is not the vagina. During the first
two months of gestation, the two genders fetal genitalia are
indistinguishable. Then the cells in boys that develop into the penis
in girls become the clitoris and vulva, which includes the clitoral
hood, the vaginal lips (inner and outer), and the erotically sensitive
groove between them. Biologically, the penis has nothing to do with
the vagina.
But Elders was right. Parents should teach their children that
masturbation is not only harmless and almost universal,
but beneficial. Its the foundation of healthy sexuality and a key
element in treating several sex problems, notably premature
ejaculation in men and difficulty with orgasm in both genders.
The books say: During intercourse, both the man and woman
become increasingly excited, and eventually experience waves
of pleasure. Thats orgasm.
The books explain intercourse. Why not point out that there are
many other ways to make love and that those other approaches are
more likely than intercourse to bring women to orgasm?
When we told our kids about the erotic primacy of the clitoris for
women, they absorbed it just as they had sperm-and-egg
information.
And when we told them that intercourse is not the only way to do it,
that many couples prefer oral sex, and that cunnilingus is much
more likely than intercourse to bring women to orgasm, they
said, Really? Eeww! Thats gross.
Yes, we replied, oral sex is hard for kids to imagine, but when you
grow up and become sexual, we encourage you to try it. We love it
and bet you will, too.