Documenti di Didattica
Documenti di Professioni
Documenti di Cultura
By Byron Seingalt
Foreword by David DeAngelo
________________________
There are how-to training videos and cheat sheets that help
you memorize, step-by-step exercises that go along with
each chapter and a community of fellow students.
Visit:
http://stylelife.com/AttractAndSeduce/train
or text your email address to
(310) 589-3568
________________________
If your father talked to you about women, it was probably to
rehash stories from his glory days, that all began
with, When I was your age
If your female friends consoled you about your social life, it was probably
empty platitudes about being yourself and how every woman wants
a nice guy while you watched them run off with the bad boy.
This book is dedicated to all those people who love you and care about you.
But who nonetheless led you astray for years.
*****
All rights reserved. This book contains material protected under International and Federal Copyright
Laws and Treaties. Any unauthorized reprint or use of this material is prohibited. No part of this book
may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including
photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without express written
permission from the author / publisher.
DISCLAIMER: The information in this book is for informational and entertainment purposes only. Neither
Stylelife, nor the authors, nor the publishers of this book takes any responsibility for the use or misuse of
the information it presents. You assume full responsibility for the consequences of your own actions. It is
only to be used in a conscientious, ethical, mutually beneficial way, and only with the fully educated and
informed consent of all parties involved.
Endorsements
"Teaching you authentic ways to attract a woman, this step by step
guide will change the game and help you to master skills every woman wants
you to have, even if she doesnt know it yet. We want to be seduced!" -
Jaiya, world-renowned sexologist, author of Red Hot Touch, founder of New
World Sex Education and creator of Super Hero Sex Mastery
(Missjaiya.com).
"Thank you for teaching men not how to trick chicks, but how to
become real men how to communicate effectively, and how to share their
true value with someone. Im not using techniques anymore; I am sharing
the wonderful man I have become, while not making many common
mistakes." - Entice, OACS Member
"As a woman who coaches men on how to attract women, I'm very
selective with what I endorse. I was expecting to hate this book BUT I didn't.
It's an exceptionally well-written book on the topics of attraction and
seduction." Marni, founder of the WingGirlMethod.com.
"I feel like I have life back into me, when it comes to approaching
women; I talked to more girls in one night than I had in over a year." -
Adam
"You taught the material with the perfect dose of theory &
examples. I had a very clear idea of what I had to do in the field. This has
not only contributed to my romantic skills, but is now bringing closure to an
essential part of my life & my identity." - Jerry
"This is a big step in the process of where I want to get in life, and I
know that this has made me a better person." - Jed
"I'll keep it pretty simple: I've never had or done anything that has
changed my world significantly like this has." - Paul
"I feel like I can start to see clearly now. I've been in a mist my
whole life, thinking everyone else's advice was to blame for my instability to
make it anywhere, but you have shown me that the mist was of my creation
and I was the one keeping it going. You have also shown me I can clear the
mist and forge my own path. Everyone's journey begins with ones self, and
because of you, I've been able to look at myself and see who I'm meant to be.
My journey begins now; I can't wait to see where I end up." - William
"I want to thank you for giving me a change, for the better, in my
life. You're like a wizard from another world. Now that I have this
knowledge, I can use it to be successful with women and get a better life." -
The European
"I just wanted to thank you so much for sharing your time and
wisdom with us. I am 100% committed to not just changing myself, but
becoming a phenomenal seducer, and doing everything I can to embody the
principles of the art and passing them on in a way that will add value to the
world." - Dave M.
"What I got out of it was that in the end the greatest success comes
from being present, open, active listening, and interacting with the present
moment and being genuinely interested in the words you are sharing and the
people you are meeting." - Shahin
"You deconstructed every step to its very core and added all the
missing pieces and put them all back together. It has helped me realize what
I've been doing wrong, doing right, and given me the self-belief to get tight
with my game and become my greatest self." - Dan
"My moment was when I set aside everything I came in with, and
used your lines. It became too easy to go in and keep talking." - Josh
"I feel so much more confident in myself and that I don't need to be
afraid of trying to approach. I feel it is in my body, even my walking feels a
lot more confident." - Marshall
Acknowledgements
Dennis Y., Luis M. C., Steve G., Kenny, Joshua, Richardo, David B.,
Sandor, Brian, Pedro, Richard K, Xabi, Henri, Anthony, Wes, James, NJ,
Tom, Yousef, Josh, Adam, Shane, Tony, Jamal, Will, Greg, Hasan, Luca,
Robert, Andrew, John, Brandon, Frankie, Mike, Chris, Linus, Tim, Jason,
Carlos, Travis, Victor, Alex, Nova, Samuel S. R., Hdr, Medieval, Brian C.,
Luther Chance, Joe, Vladimiros D., Scott O. Jr.
Also, a shout out to the following individuals who used our Attract &
Seduce / OACS conference calls, forums and reddit community to give me
feedback, improvements and ideas and without their contributions and
support this book would not have be what it is today:
And everyone else I may have forgotten to give thanks and praise to. I
love supporting and helping you. You are my big why and its a deep and
profound pleasure to watch your personal transformation. If your name is
missing or misspelled, please send me an email (byron@stylelife.com) and
I'll make sure to include it right away.
Finally, I'd like to thank Neil Strauss and the entire Stylelife Academy
team!
Byron Seingalt
a.k.a. Evolve
If you know anything about me, David D., you probably know this
much... Ive spent a lot of time thinking, learning, and teaching what it takes
to become insanely successful with women, dating, and relationships.
When I look back at that trip a journey that involved going from
lonely and dateless, to meeting and dating tons of mind-blowing women, to
the life-changing relationship of my dreams with an amazing Total-10
woman know what I came to value most?
1. Learn what I didnt know from smart, tuned-in people who genuinely
shared my same goals and dreams.
2. Teach other men what I learned so that they didnt waste precious time
out of their lives suffering through the same frustrations, setbacks, and
failures that I did for so long.
Which brings me to a personal note that you can file under near-and-
dear to my heart:
In fact, I pretty much categorize my life into two eras - B.C. (before
confidence) and A.C. (you guessed it.)
To me, thats the whole ball-game... and a very big deal... because,
harsh reality is, failing to learn these skills is often the biggest tragedy well
endure in life as men.
Our failure with women basically interferes with all of our hopes and
dreams and everything we want for the future.
Not good.
Thats why, today, I couldnt be more glad that youve added Attract
And Seduce to your personal set of tools for getting this part of your life
handled.
Byron hits it out of the park in these pages, and I know for a fact that
youll get a lot out of this.
Start reading
Table of Contents
By engaging all your senses and showing you how its done, you'll
be able to learn how to attract and seduce beautiful, high-caliber women
faster than with any other book. Well give to the tools to learn while
youre on your smartphone, iPad, Kindle, in your car, when you work out
- anytime, anywhere on any device.
To get started and see how this works, grab your mobile phone and
text your email address right now to (310) 589-3568 or visit
http://www.stylelife.com/AttractAndSeduce/train (clickable link) or scan
the QR Code on the next page.
Not only will you get to instantly watch the how-to training videos,
I'll also reward you with a digital copy of this book that you can read
anytime, anywhere and on any device.
Because with this interactive book, you're not only going to learn
how to attract and seduce beautiful women, you'll also learn how to
become the most interesting and confident guy in the room.
If this doesn't sound compelling, Ill give you even more reasons to
try this out in every chapter with special bonus training videos, audios
and cheat sheets that I think will get your attention, engage and entertain
you.
Lets begin!
I'll introduce you to guys who've mastered the art of attraction and
seduction, so you can hear and learn from their stories. I can prove to you
that it works whether you're meeting women online, on dating apps, in a
bar or in a coffee shop, from London to Los Angeles to Hong Kong. It
will work everywhere in the world, with any type of woman you could
possibly meet.
The system is ancient; it's been around since the dawn of civilization.
For better or worse, it's changed the course of history.
It works for men and women, gay or straight.
It works in politics, business, and romance.
It has changed the world, and it can change your life.
So, what is it? What is this powerful system that can bring you love,
power, and respect?
It's the carefully guarded and practically timeless art of attraction and
seduction.
Good news! You're about to learn a new model for attraction and
seduction. Something no one has taught you before. In short, it's a four-
step system that focuses on a very linear process of transforming from
stranger to soul mate.
In this chapter, you're going to learn what those four steps are. As we
proceed, I'll go more in depth on how to recognize where you are in the
system and what to do.
I want to make sure that you understand all the tips, tricks and
concepts perfectly. Which is why I have prepared videos that show you
how you do it, as well as cheat sheets that summarize important
information and the most up-to-date material.
All this complimentary training material comes along with this book.
You'll find the instructions to access it at the end of each chapter. I've
made sure that you have access to all the tools you'll need to learn the
model I'm presenting. The links will connect you with video, audio, and
texts that are bursting with tips and strategies for learning seduction.
This may all sound like too much. But its just enough. I love
teaching attraction and seduction. I love seeing my students faces when
a light bulb goes on in their heads because they just saw something
theyd been doing wrong their whole lives and are now going to fix it
forever. Or they suddenly understand why this is an art, and that they can
finally master it.
I love getting calls and emails from guys telling me that they've had
some crazy adventure with someone they previously felt was out of their
league. I love hearing about how this helped to strengthen a relationship,
or fixed a problem at work. I love it when a student falls in love and the
love is reciprocated. I just plain love this art form. It means the world to
me, and that's why I'm so excited to share it with you.
So, this book is not just another book about dating, flirting and
meeting women.
It answers the questions that men have had about what women want
since the dawn of civilization. It contains simple and proven techniques
that allow you to hack into a woman's mind and attract her with a power
that you've always had, but never realized.
Whether you are looking for a girlfriend, or want to get out of the
"friend zone"; whether you want to get your ex back, or discover the
secrets behind one-night-stands, this "dating book for smart guys with a
dry spell" is a guide to mastering the art of attraction and seduction.
You will learn how to gain unstoppable confidence with the "Heroic
Mind Shaping Exercise" that helps overcome any anxiety with women
and also helps in other parts of your life. I'll also teach you how to easily
spot and reverse your anti-seductive and unattractive qualities and turn
them into "attraction magnets".
With this 4-step system, you'll learn how to approach and talk to
women in an authentic way while building attraction through your
seductive identity and without changing who you are as a person. I'll
show you how to use dating apps and websites to contact and attract
women without being ignored or rejected. You'll also learn how to
become the most interesting guy in the room and never run out of things
to say when youre in conversation with even the highest caliber women.
Now, let me tell a bit about how I know all this, my own journey and
why you should learn from me.
I'm a natural introvert. In high school, when you think of a guy who's
good with people you wouldn't have thought of me. I was a goth kid. I
had rows to spikes up both arms, red contact lenses, and a wardrobe that
was all black. My social circle consisted of five guys who all played
Dungeons & Dragons together. One of us had a girlfriend, so we thought
of him as "the player".
To make things worse, I was super skinny, and had asthma so bad
that some nights I had to use a machine to pump medicine into my lungs.
Obviously, I was in no shape to be hitting on women or making powerful
connections.
Think about it: Are you capable of becoming the kind of person
strangers would love to get to know? Are you capable of achieving the
romantic success you've always wished for? Are you capable of
harnessing the power to sway the minds of people you meet? Of course
you are.
All you need to know are the four steps that streamline the seductive
process. But, before we get to the four steps, I want to give you fair
warning...
After years of teaching, I've found that there are three devastating
reasons guys who study this system fail.
The first mistake is something we call "The Give-up Guy". He's the
one who quits before he even begins; the one who decides there's no way
it will work. Here's the deal: give this system and the material a chance. I
promise you'll see results. If it doesn't work fine. Email me at
byron@stylelife.com and I'll give you the full price back for this book.
Just make sure to try it first.
The third mistake is "The Self-Defeater". You have to get out of your
own way. If you don't, you'll be stuck where you are forever. You have
to push yourself. Find motivation to move forward, take risks, and make
changes. Self-sabotaging behaviors are commonplace and disastrous.
Your mind wants you to follow the path of least resistance, because
it takes a lot of energy to do something new, and your mind wants to use
as little energy as possible. Self-motivated people are capable of making
it over that mental hump. They've trained themselves to do it.
If you can just avoid these three pitfalls, you're going to do great!
________________________
http://stylelife.com/AttractAndSeduce/train
or text your email address
to (310) 589-3568
________________________
Chapter 3:
The Attract and Seduce 4-Step System
"You have to learn the rules of the game. And then you have to play
better than anyone else. " - Albert Einstein
So, here it is: The Four Step System of Attraction and Seduction.
The principles that govern this system are universal, which means
you can apply them to all kinds of seductions. Whether youre meeting a
woman in a bar or on an online date, the system will work. You just need
to get a grip on the principles they are universal, and wont change. Its
the techniques that will differ from situation to situation. Anyone
learning this art should experiment with different types of venues and
platforms for dating. The more experimentation you do and the more
feedback you get, the better youll get. That said, lets get started.
Prepare Yourself
Start here, and answer any other questions that may come up while
youre sifting through your own mind. Once you have some answers you
can move on and start learning the system.
This is the beginning. The place where you spark a conversation with
a woman or a group. Keep in mind that most women don't wander
around by themselves to be approached by you. So, the majority of your
approaches will be groups. This is also the step where most guys quit.
If you feel like its too much, dont worry were going to break it
down, and theres plenty of supporting videos you can watch by
following the instruction at the end of this chapter.
After practicing this material, youll have the confidence and the
skills to start conversations with almost anyone most importantly, the
kind of women you've always wanted to talk to. Ive had students
whove never cold approached anyone before. After a few weeks of
practicing the techniques I suggest in this chapter they were able to go to
a bar, point out someone they wanted to talk to and, at least, make a
conversation happen, if not more.
This is really the meat of the system: building social value. This is
one of the sections youre going to spend the most time refining. There
are quite a few pieces to it, but once youve practiced it, your social life
will shoot into the stratosphere. Once you learn how to build value,
youll get more dates, have more sex, meet who you want, and more.
To romantically connect with a woman, you must tell her that youre
interested. At its core, this chapter is about timing. In attraction and
seduction there is a specific time when you must tell her that you are
interested. Most guys have terrible timing, and little understanding of
how to compliment someone effectively. In this chapter youll learn:
Here is the problem with indicating your interest too early: Wanting
to tell a woman that youre interested in her feels very straightforward
and honest. How many guys try to pick up women by simply telling them
they have beautiful eyes? Too many.
The timing is key here. Pay attention to that. When you compliment
someone its always a good thing, but if you learn to compliment
someone with proper timing you can really make an impression, and
change the dynamics of an interaction.
This is the chapter where you'll learn about going for the kiss or
further. Where you learn how to set up the meeting or date. Where you
learn how to move a person or group of people from one location to
another. Theres one technique Im going to teach you that will help you
accomplish all of these goals and its called "seeding". In this chapter
youll learn:
And thats it those four steps will take you from approaching to a
second meet up. Following all this material is everything youre going to
need to know once youve learned these four basic steps. The goal is to
make you the total package a person that other people envy, and want
to get to know.
At the end of the book youll find interviews with guys who Ive
taught personally, and you can read about their experiences:
How they got to where they are. Youll hear from one guy who
maintains a healthy relationship with the girl he loves, while bringing
new women into his sex life in a healthy and honest way.
How they practiced this material. Youll hear from a former student,
whos now a coach. He went out every day, practiced, improved, and
even did stand-up comedy in an effort to learn this skill.
The hurdles they had to jump to achieve success. Learn how one
student went from having crippling approach anxiety to becoming a man
who can approach anyone.
What kind of success theyve all had, and how you can achieve your
goals. Each student Ive interviewed experienced more sex, a better
professional life, and a steady girlfriend. Different goals each one
achieved.
Its time to become the social superhero youve always wanted to be.
Its time for you to have choice when it comes to friends and lovers. Its
time to meet the people youve always wanted to meet. To have someone
youd only met moments ago say, Youre the most interesting person
Ive ever met.
Welcome to having choice. Welcome to your new and improved
social life.
________________________
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the
strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them
better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose
face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who
errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort
without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the
deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends
himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph
of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while
daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid
souls who neither know victory nor defeat."
- Theodore Roosevelt
Seduction isnt about you. Its about the person youre seducing.
Great seducers can put themselves in the shoes of the people they want to
seduce. They can look at themselves from other peoples perspectives,
and make strategic judgments about what to do next in a social situation.
That's how Cleopatra was able to seduce Julius Caesar and Mark Antony.
One of the most important skills youre going to want to get familiar
with is to understand what other people think of you.
This is all about seeing the way other people view you. To do this
youre going to want to take notes and collect data. You can do this with
anyone you already know. Ask them this one simple question: "If you
had to describe me to someone who had never met me what would you
say about me?" Then ask, "What have I done or said that makes you
describe me this way?"
Ask as many people as you can these two questions, and try to find
out where the commonalities are. If everyone says youre a nice guy,
then youre probably a nice guy. If everyone says youre selfish, then
youre selfish. That's pretty simple, but necessary for the next step.
Now that you have this information what can you do with it? Well,
the first thing you can do is ask yourself: Is this how I want to come off
when I get to know people?
If youre satisfied with the answer, great! If youre not, then you
have to look deeper, and decide if you want to change these qualities,
and how youre going to change these qualities. Later on when we get
into being interesting and generating value with your life story we can
start to mold your identity into a more seductive version of itself.
You practice saying the material out loud, over and over again before
you use it. You want to make sure you know what youre saying.
This way, if the people youre going to be talking to become
confused, you can reiterate what youre saying more clearly.
You recognize that routine stacks are not your entire seduction,
theyre collections of techniques to practice. They can be used to fall
back on, but routine stacks cant be counted on to solve every
problem.
Theyre great tools for learning seduction, because they can give you
something to fall back on. If you dont know where you are in the
seduction, or you cant think of something to say a routine stack can
be a lifesaver, assuming you memorized the material.
When you know where youre seductions going, it makes the chaos
of your initial interactions more clear, which can come off as confidence,
as long as youre not pushy about the material. Now, let me show you the
structure of a routine stack. In order to build one, the first thing you must
know is the phases of interaction. For us, the phases are: Open, Attract,
Connect, Seduce. You should make sure you have routines for all of the
following:
You will learn how to build your very own stack later in this book.
Once you have chosen your stories and routines, they should all be well
memorized and practiced for delivery, body language, tonality, and
volume dynamics.
Approach anxiety is the negative voice in your head telling you not
to approach it keeps you from walking towards a woman. The result is
excuse after excuse for not trying.
Lets start off with the first part: Why do you have such a hard time
approaching women? As with most topics related to seduction, there are
as many different answers as there are men in the Game. However, some
of the broader reasons that approaching women can be difficult include:
Lack of Story and Routine Stack: You dont feel like you have
anything good to say, because you havent done the homework on
your stack. This is one of the easiest things to fix, as its just about
putting the time in on what youre going to say. Remember that a lot
of Game takes place before you even head out for the night.
When it comes right down to it, theres only one answer to approach
anxiety: Its approaching women over and over again, honing your
approach so that it becomes better over time. This will not only build a
bank of positive experiences, it will also help alleviate approach anxiety.
Now that we know what underpins your anxiety, lets talk about a
few common problems men encounter when approaching women.
So what are you doing wrong? Thats what you want to know, right?
What can you be doing better so that you can build the types of positive
experiences that are going to make approaching women that much easier
with every approach?
Youre Too Needy: On the other hand, you might be trying too hard
to impress her, either by being entertaining or by trying to
demonstrate higher value in incorrect ways or with bad timing. This
comes across as needy, and neediness is kryptonite when it comes to
seduction.
Youre Paying for her Time: Its fine to buy someone a drink or
dinner, just make sure youre not purchasing their time. If that person
is sticking around for free stuff, then youre paying for their time. If
theyre sticking around because theyre enjoying their time with you,
and you want to buy them something for being awesome go for it.
Also, dont be a cheapskate, its just as bad as paying for someones
time.
Youre Not Going Out Enough: Guess what, guys? Going out once
a month isnt going to cut it. Sure, youve got a life to lead. But try
and head out at least a couple of times a week and practice what
youre learning. Id argue that having more than a week between the
last approach of one night and the first of the next is going to be a
huge setback in terms of your comfort level.
Here is a thought experiment: Would this fear still exist if you were
100% sure when you approached that the woman would be friendly,
want to talk to you, or even be interested in you? In other words, if there
were no risk, you'd approach her, wouldn't you?
Mostly, just a bad memory; a reminder that you need more practice.
The biggest mistake is being 'too shy to try'. As Wayne Greztky said,
Your potential gain is significant! The best case is she likes you, you
get her number and you go on a date. No matter what, you learn
something from talking to her. You apply that knowledge next time. You
get better. The risk versus reward for approaching a woman is in your
favor. Before you approach, you'll feel your anxiety, but... this time say
to yourself, "It's no big deal. I can handle this."
Feel your fear. Recognize it. Put it to the side in your mind and go!
You've nothing to lose and everything to gain.
One very common question that my students ask me is, "When did
your approach anxiety go away?" The true answer is, it never does. It
often lessens over time, but it will always be there to a degree. Approach
anxiety is totally normal.
The good news is even the shyest guys can alleviate their approach
anxiety when they really try. You can too. Everyone can. So, when
you're out there practicing, here are some techniques you can use to
make sure the anxiety doesn't stop you from opening:
If you think about approach anxiety too much and try pulling it off
slowly, youll end up making it worse than it has to be. You just have to
rip it off; meaning you just have to make the approach.
Note that the first set of the day is always the hardest, just try to
power through it. Once youve made the first approach, the rest will be
easier. You're stronger than you think.
Technique 2: "Micro-stepping"
If powering through doesn't work, then try slowing down and
breaking the approach into small pieces. The micro-stepping technique is
a little harder, but it never fails if you stay honest, and focus.
When your anxiety gets so high that it's paralyzing you, it means that
you've given your mind and body too difficult a challenge. Try breaking
the task down into smaller pieces.
For example, "I'm going to talk to that really attractive woman," may
be way too much for you. So break the approach down into a few very
small, very not scary steps.
Now that may sound ridiculous, like it barely relates to talking to the
woman, but thats the point. Youre using small steps that dont induce
anxiety to help you build momentum. Once youre moving in her
direction, set another goal for yourself, "Once Im standing near her, Im
going to say, hey, quick question." If you can utter those words, youve
gone past the point of no return. It would be more awkward to leave
without asking the question than it would be to ask it and open the group
up.
Whats great about this exercise is not only how effective it is, but
that it works whenever you have to do something that induces anxiety.
Try using it when you have to go for a kiss, or ask a girl out on a date.
Small steps will lead you to success.
The Heroic Mind Shaping Exercise: Confidence Building
To do this exercise you need the steps listed below, combined with
an exclusive Attract and Seduce audio lesson, which you can get by
following the link at the end of this chapter.
2. Choose the character on this list that you can most easily visualize in
detail.
3. Choose a form of media that you can best experience this character
with. This could be a movie, a history channel presentation, a book, a
series of magazine articles, or anything else you feel would be
beneficial.
5. Pay attention to how this character walks into a room, the micro
expressions on his face, the way he talks and portrays confidence. If
there is a specific scene in a movie or book that you believe best
portrays this character, watch or read it several times.
6. Once you have done all this, sit down in a quiet room and listen to
the Heroic Mind Shaping Exercise audio file, which you can find
by clicking on the link at the end of this chapter.
Rejection and Transforming Your Critical Seductive Mind
"The most amazing thing for me is that every single person who sees
a movie, not necessarily one of my movies, brings a whole set of unique
experiences. Now, through careful manipulation and good storytelling,
you can get everybody to clap at the same time, to hopefully laugh at the
same time, and to be afraid at the same time."
- Steven Spielberg
"We know what we are, but know not what we may be."
- William Shakespeare
Reason #1
Studying Attraction and Seduction will help you to influence others.
Reason #2
Studying attraction and seduction will open up new opportunities.
Many of us run into opportunity after opportunity that we miss out
on. Sometimes it's just because we didn't know there was an opportunity
in the first place. I have met so many people who've had crushes on
friends or co-workers who felt like the deck was stacked against, and so
they never made a move. They ended up as "just friends" and find out
later that the other person felt the same way, and had either one of them
made a move, they might be together. A tragedy of epic proportions.
Attraction and seduction can give you the awareness to see these
kinds of opportunities; to understand when the deck is truly stacked
against you and when you're the one in control.
Reason #3
Studying attraction and seduction will help you get to know yourself
better.
Reason #4
Studying attraction and seduction will improve your romantic, dating
and sex life, expand your social circles, and grow your network.
Reason #5
Studying attraction and seduction will bring more adventure into
your life.
Reason #6
Studying attraction and seduction will give you choice.
Reason #7
Studying attraction and seduction will give you a new perspective.
The more you know about the world, the more conversations you can
be part of, and, even better, the more conversations you can lead. All the
guys I know who study seduction are ravenous learners. They consume
information faster than anyone else I know.
Reason #9
Studying attraction and seduction will make you more confident.
Ask most people what it takes to seduce another person and theyll
almost invariably say, "confidence". For the most part, theyre right,
confidence is a big part of it, but you cant just be confident. You have to
cultivate confidence through small successes. By practicing the
techniques, and learning the principles, youll start to see success on a
small level, and over time those successes will stack, giving you the
confidence to be a great seducer.
Reason #10
Studying attraction and seduction will transform you into your best
self.
Reason #11
By studying attraction and seduction, youll make more money.
Reason #12
By studying attraction and seduction, youll have more sex.
Principle
Technique
So, what's the difference? Why are these two words so important?
Well, if you understand their importance and meaning in the context of
learning an art form, they make learning anything much easier.
In martial arts, there's no one punch that wins all fights. In seduction,
there's no one technique for making friends with everyone, or getting the
woman of your dreams into bed. Techniques are expressions of their
respective principles, and are meant to be used for specific times and
places.
The key in martial arts and seduction is the same: You practice
techniques to gain better understanding of the underlying principles. That
means if you want to learn attraction and seduction, practice the
techniques, but always keep the principles in mind. You may
intellectually understand the principle, but thats not the same as
experiencing the principle. Techniques help you learn the principles
through experience. Thats why you practice them.
So, later on when I teach you about starting conversations, I'm going
to teach you the principle and then some techniques. The techniques I
offer in this book and online are foolproof for very particular situations.
Theyve been thoroughly tested and are great for you to practice.
For years I've been hearing the same thing about practice. "Doing all
this new stuff makes me feel weird around my friends." Here's a
suggestion: Don't practice around your friends.
Think of it like this: when you go to a sport practice, you don't bring
all your friends who aren't interested in the sport to practice with you. It
would be weird if they were there, and they probably wouldn't have a
good time. You have to think of this art just like practicing any other;
only practice with other people who are interested in learning this art
form. If no one else is interested, practice on your own.
I imagine that if youre reading this youre ready to put a whole lot
of energy into the art form. Thats great! Here are a few ideas for new
students to help you before you even start:
1. Set time aside: This is going to be the most important step for any
newbie. Set time aside on a calendar that you know will be solely used to
practice whatever material youre learning. I suggest, at minimum, one
day a week, for three hours. For guys practicing in bars and clubs, do it
stone cold sober.
2. Practice material: Find material you like and practice it. This is
vital in the early stages. You need something solid to work on. Dont just
jump into sets with people doing the same old thing youve always done.
I suggest an opinion opener like Cashmere Sweater or Drunk-I-Love-
You to start. Practice something new, something that takes you out of
your comfort zone. As our coach Jonny Cruz says, "Get uncomfortable."
3. If you need a push, buy one: There are two ways you can do this.
The first is to go out with a friend, hand him a $200 bill, and have him
return $20 for every approach you make. The second is to take a
bootcamp. I suggest the Stylelife Bootcamps, because I teach for
Stylelife and because our bootcamps are awesome. Sometimes, you just
need a kick in the ass. Stylelife is here to give you that kick in the ass,
possibly a few.
Know your material - Before you go out, make sure you understand
what kinds of routines, openers, and stories you each like to tell. Let
your partner know where youre at in your practice. Are you working
on opening? Are you working on Seeding Dates? Are you working
on building value? You and your friend should be clear on what you
know and what youre practicing.
Pretty awesome.
"Let us always meet each other with smile, for the smile is the
beginning of love." - Mother Teresa
Over the years, Ive heard one consistent complaint that bring
students to me: I dont have the confidence to approach strangers, let
alone beautiful women, because I just dont know what to say.
Why?
5. Make sure you give them a reason for whatever youre saying.
You dont want to appear as though youre doing market research or
some sort of survey, so always give a reason for saying whatever you
were going to say. Youll see examples of these reasons in the openers in
this book and on the website.
3. Add body language: Here's a little secret: Point your feet away
from the person or group you are beginning a conversation with. When
you say, I cant stick around long, Itll be more effective if your body
language is consistent with your words. When people who are really in a
hurry or arent planning on sticking around, they keep their bodies facing
the direction theyre going. Do the same; keep your feet pointed away.
"Hey, quick question. Maybe you can help with this one: Do drunk
"I-love-yous count? Like if someones drunk and they say they love
you. Does that count? The reason Im asking is because one of my
buddies is going to be here in a few minutes and he asked me something
I couldnt really give him an answer to Its kind of a relationship
question. This girl, who hes been into since college, finally opened up to
him last night and said she was in love with him. The problem is, she
was drunk and she hasnt mentioned anything since. What should I tell
him to do?"
Learning to start conversations with ease takes time, there are a lot
more tips and tricks you can employ to make it easier or refine your
delivery.
For many more openers, check out the online bonus training section
at the end of this chapter.
Once youve practiced one of the openers, you can start to toy
around with the idea of building your own opener. Because your main
goal when starting a conversation is to make the person feel conformable
talking to you, an opener should contain certain elements to achieve this
goal. First and foremost, you have to answer the questions in their mind
before they even think them.
2. When will he leave? Make sure that your openers have a time
constraint. That means letting the person know you cant stay long.
Maybe you have to catch a plane, get back to your friends, go to a
meeting, etc. The main point is to let the person know that you are not
going to latch onto them for an extended period of time.
________________________
"If you always put limit on everything you do, physical or anything
else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits.
There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go
beyond them." - Bruce Lee
You might think that the biggest problem I've run into as a seduction
coach was getting guys to approach intimidating beautiful women, but
youd be wrong. The biggest problem, by far, was getting guys to not run
away after a few minutes talking to a group of strangers.
Most of the time, a student would walk up, open, get the
conversation going, get nervous, and eject from the group. When I'd ask
why the student left, the answer would invariably be, "I couldn't think of
anything else to say."
Here's the thing: you do have something to say. In fact, you have lots
of things to say. You're just freezing up, because you are likely worried
about judgment from the group. Or you are overthinking the group's
opinion of you.
First piece of advice: Don't panic. This happens to most students and
theres a way to fix it. It's called "bridging."
Let's say you want to talk about work: You could ask where someone
works.
Let's say you want to talk about travel: You could ask, "Do you do
much traveling?"
To look at it another way: You could ask the question, "How do you
all know each other?"
For right now, it's important to see that a bridge can steer
conversation. Later on we'll discuss how to bridge into an identity story
(chapter 11) or a knowledge based identity story (chapter 10). The better
you get at asking questions and making observations, the easier it will be
to find places for your stories in your seductions. You can find more
information on Bridging, The Ring Finger Routine, The Best Friends
Test, and Identity Storytelling, by following the instructions at the end of
this chapter.
Tips for bridging:
________________________
"Try not to become a man of success, but rather try to become a man
of value." - Albert Einstein
I'm going to teach you the three steps to becoming the most attractive
and interesting guy in the room. It is vital that you memorize each of
them. Download the cheat sheet that Ill give you at the end of this
chapter or write steps down and memorize them.
Were going to talk about three active ways to build value: Routines,
Identity Stories, and Active Disinterest. Later in the book well discuss
two passive ways to build value: looks and reputation.
Looks and reputation are passive, meaning that you dont have to do
anything to get them to work; people either think youre good looking or
not. They either know who you are and what youve done or they dont.
For this reason, were going to focus on the active aspects, the stuff that
takes infield practice to master.
One of the biggest problems I see with most men who study attraction
and seduction is this: they try to get what they want before they've built
enough social value. You must learn to build high social value, and you
must learn to build a lot of it!
Social value is like money. If you want the Aston Martin, you're
going to need the $150,000 it costs to purchase it. If you don't have the
money, you're just window-shopping. Similarly, if you don't have
enough social value, you're not going to get her number, your dates will
flake, and your seduction will fail.
That said, here are the three steps you'll need to use to actively build
social value:
You're going to have to take those answers and use them to construct
"identity stories". Identity Storytelling is a technique for learning basic
storytelling and discovering how to express who you are. Youll be
taking a look at your preferences and experiences, and learning to talk
about them in a seductive way that will make you more attractive to your
audience. These stories are efficient ways to communicate who you are
(your identity) to other people.
Key #3: Active Disinterest
Have you ever had someone tell you that the best way to pick up a
woman is to be an asshole? Or that women like bad boys? Or that good
guys finish last? Have you ever thought about why being "bad" might be
attractive?
Youre looking for the middle ground. You cant create a permanent
barrier by being mean and offensive, but there has to be some tension to
create attraction. This middle ground is found by studying active
disinterest.
Everyone wants the things that are just out of reach, and seduction is
based on desires that spring from unfulfilled longings, insecurities and
dreams. In order for you to want something, something else has to be
missing. This is true whether you know about seduction or not. Were all
looking for the missing half of our broken-heart necklace, in one form or
another.
Don't believe me? Ask any person you know to tell you how they
met their husband, boyfriend, or girlfriend and you will inevitably hear a
story. That story will have emotional ups and downs in it.
Over the next few chapters, I'll delve deeper into these three steps.
You'll learn routines, a method for building identity stories, and ways to
start practicing active disinterest.
Get ready to take some notes, and if you have your computer out
that'd be good too. For more examples of the techniques and routines,
visit the website at the end of each chapter.
________________________
"I'm hungry for knowledge. The whole thing is to learn every day, to
get brighter and brighter. That's what this world is about. You look at
someone like Gandhi, and he glowed. Martin Luther King glowed.
Muhammad Ali glows. I think that's from being bright all the time, and
trying to be brighter." - Jay-Z
By now, you've noticed that there are instructions at the end of each
chapter that lead you to videos you can watch and cheat sheets you can
download -- be sure to check that out. Stylelife has a number of videos of
the knowledge-based social value generators that I mention in this
chapter up on their site. Please check them out!
There are two different types of social value generating stories. The
first type is a knowledge-based story also called a routine.
The reason they work so well is that they provide fun and energetic
dynamic to the social situation. A routine has to be something interesting
that raises the energy of the group, and provides an entertaining element
to the interaction.
Entering a group and lowering the energy level isnt generally a good
thing. Youre taking value in the form of energy. We dont want to take
energy; we want to give it or at least keep the energy level the same.
Now a different story: You and youre friends are hanging out
having a good time. Someone approaches. He walks up and tells a
fascinating story something that gets everyone excited to hear more.
Chances are youre not uncomfortable around this guy, and would want
him to stick around. Hes adding value to the group.
Hook Point
Selecting a Routine
There is an endless selection of routines out there to choose
from. Just to name a few: Cold Reads, Psychology Games, Bar-Cons,
Magic Tricks. Having a number of different routines under your belt will
help you out in the long run. The more routines you have, the more
flexible youll be when youre out practicing.
These are interactive stories that you're telling, and while they
may be entertaining, you are not meant to be entertainment. You
dont want to feel like youre standing on a stage performing
routine after routine. You can prevent this by not doing any more
than two during a single environment on the same night.
Try not to use all the routines you know early on in a seduction.
Save some of them for the date, or later on in the interaction.
One routine that I've been teaching for years, and have seen work
over and over again, is The-Ring-Finger routine.
Take a look at the routine I've laid out here. Pay attention to the
structure. If you like the routine try it out, make it yours. If youre not
interested in it, you can find more routines at the end of the chapter.
Start the routine with a story. The story should be a short explanation
that gives context on the routine you're about to present. Start with where
did you learned it and why you're bringing it up. The point of having the
set up sometimes-called a "root" is to make things seem less random
by adding context, and to provide them with some information about
yourself.
Here you're going to play the game, perform the cold-read, or do the
magic trick. Whatever skill or knowledge you think would be valuable to
present at this time in conversation goes here, always after the set-up.
THE RING FINGER: If she has a ring on this left hand ring finger
ask, "Is that a wedding ring or do you just wear it to keep the jerks
away?" You'll be shocked how often she isn't married. If she's married,
you can run the routine for practice or to attract her friends "Your ring
finger is Aphrodite, goddess of love. That's why it's the wedding ring
finger. It's the only finger with a vein straight to the heart without
branching off. When someone puts a ring on it, they're making a direct
connection with your heart."
THE PINKY: "The pinky represents Ares, god of war. That's why
mobsters wear pinky rings." Ask her, "Did you buy the ring yourself or
did someone give you it?" If she bought it say, "At times you're at war
with yourself; you have an inner emotional conflict. There's something
you're not comfortable with about yourself." If she received the ring from
someone tell her, "There may be tension below the surface between you
two or some unresolved problems you haven't solved yet."
After you have performed the routine, you're going to make a point
about its relevance and the reason you have shared it. Or use the
conclusion to springboard into more conversation.
Examples for other routines for which you can watch training videos
and download cheat sheets:
The Cube (Watch Neil Straus on video in the bonus training section)
Strawberry Fields
Five Questions Game (Watch Neil Strauss on video in the bonus
training section)
Styles Eliciting Values
Astrology
Palm Reading
Rune Reading
Numerology
The Best Friends Test
Heat Reading Illusion
Penny, Nicholas, Dime
Beer Faster than a Shot Bar Con
Excerpt from Neil Strauss' best-selling book "The Game" (p. 159):
So now that Id opened the set, it was time to demonstrate value and
blow Heidi out. I ran a piece Id invented after meeting the fake sisters in
Miami the best friends test.
I have to ask you guys: How long have you known each other? I
began.
About six years, one of the girls said.
I could totally tell.
How?
Rather than explain, Ill give you two the best friends test.
The girls leaned in toward me, thrilled by the idea of an innocuous
test. Guys in the community have an expression for this phenomenon: I
was giving them chick crack. Most women, they say, respond to
routines involving tests, psychological games, fortune-telling, and cold-
reading like addicts respond to free drugs.
Okay, I said, as if I were about to ask a serious question. The girls
huddled in closer. Do you both use the same shampoo?
They looked at each other to decide on an answer, then turned to me
and opened their mouths to speak.
The answer doesnt matter, I cut them off. You already passed.
But we dont use the same shampoo, one of the girls said.
But you both looked at each other before you answered. See, if you
didnt know each other well, youd keep eye contact with me. But when
two people have a connection, they look at each other first and
communicate almost telepathically before answering. They dont even
need to speak to each other. The two girls looked at each other again.
See, I exclaimed. Youre doing it right now.
They burst out laughing. Big points for Style.
________________________
For our purposes, let's think of it like this: Everything you say or do
in tells the person or people youre interacting with something about you
what you wear, how you look, and what you say all of it matters.
It's like handing each person you meet puzzle pieces that they put
together in their heads. The end result is a picture of who they
individually think you are. In other words, they make judgments based
on the pieces you give them and then they categorize you. Each category
comes with its own judgments based on that persons experiences.
You might think, "But I'm not interesting and I don't have many
interesting things to say."
Wrong!
Even someone who has never experienced anything exciting can still
have insights and wisdom about life. Let me explain:
2. Lead their emotions when telling the story: Here's the only
thing you need to remember about Identity storytelling:
Let's assume you like the band Metallica. Dont say to a woman,
"My favorite band is Metallica because I love the lyrics and I think the
guitarist is awesome."
Why is this bad?
In this example, Im selling you the band and not myself. By reading
it you learn very little about me. In seduction, you're selling yourself. In
Identity Storytelling you are expressing your identity with every word
and action.
3. End the story: You need to make sure every story you tell has an
end because all good stories do. An end gives the woman you are talking
to the feeling like it's her turn to speak and promotes conversation.
Practice ending your stories similarly to the way you started them.
"...And that was the most exciting adventure I'd ever gone on."
"...And that's why they're my favorite band."
"...And that's what made [person] so influential to me."
"...And that's why [name of venue] is my favorite bar."
"...And that's why I was so moved by the
That's the basic concept. Also, just to be clear: Identity stories
should never come off as boasting, and should not be fictional. In other
words, dont lie; live life and tell your real stories.
1. State what you're talking about when you start your story.
2. Tell a story by leading their emotions.
3. End the story definitively.
I focused on her dark brown eyes as she spoke. Her face framed by
her ringlets of dark curls. The words continued flowing from her red lips,
but my focus wavered slightly as I realized what I had accomplished:
I showed up to the venue with a few friends. The bar was packed full
of attractive women, and men (who I could only assume) werent very
skilled at seduction. I had the upper hand.
She was surrounded by five guys. The guys all seemed to be drunk. I
walked over and opened one of the drunk guys by asking if hed seen the
game earlier. He started telling me a story about how he and his four
buddies had not only seen the game theyd been at the game.
I find out that the lady Im interested in is on a date with Alex, one of
the buddies. Their body language tells me that its a first date, or at least,
that they arent very comfortable with each other yet physically.
Conversation with her friends continues, and naturally, she joins. She
tells me that she recently moved to the Bay Area from New York.
I start telling an identity story about the Bay Area to the group.
Surprisingly, Im able to hold all of their attention large groups can be
tough. We all talk and joke around for a while and I can sense that the
woman Im interested in is getting drawn into me. There are signs that
she wants to talk to me, but shes shy.
You guys should come meet some of my friends. I motion towards
my crew. Were out celebrating my roommates birthday.
Maybe well catch up with you later, said Alex. I believe Alex had
begun to feel threatened by me. However, when I left the group, two of
the other guys came with me.
I love this gold lace in your dress pattern. I touched her dress
material and nodded approvingly. It works well with the gold jewelry.
At this point, I started seeding like crazy. I told Identity Stories and
seeded until she couldnt take it anymore. She could not withstand the
"Stringer Seeding Frenzy." She pulled out her phone and number closed
me.
Alex exited, dejected and wondering what the hell happened. She
was going to go home with him until I arrived.
I continued to talk to her about her passions and goals for a long
time. It started getting pretty late, and my friends told me that they were
going to leave.
After she closed out, I lead her out of the venue by the hand. While
walking, I caressed her hand with my thumb and she reciprocated. When
we got to her car, we made out for a while. I cut it off and told her that
shed better go. We agreed to see each other on Tuesday. She drove off.
When I woke up the next morning, I had already received a text from
her saying that she cant wait to hang out soon.
Be the exception.
________________________
A good female friend of mine was on a date with this guy. The guy
was acting smooth like over the top smooth and it turned her off,
because she knew he was trying to be aloof to seduce her. It wasn't until
later in the date, when he accidentally spilled his glass of wine on
himself, and fumbled as he tried to recover, that she started thinking she
was into him. It was the ride of emotional ups and downs that won her
over.
Smile and say teasingly: "If you were just one inch taller, you'd be
so my type."
"You are hired!" when she says something you approve of.
Why It Works: Even though she's not your employee and you're not
her boss, it subtly sets a frame of higher status; you're the boss and you're
leading the interaction and get to make these decisions. Shell know that
you're joking around. You've just fired her. That's a playful rejection.
She's going to want to work toward reversing that rejection, if shes sees
value in you.
If she touches you early in the interaction: "Hey now, hands off the
merchandise.
One more example: When she makes you laugh, you say "Don't get
your hopes up. I'm not easy." This sentence has not only a strong frame
in which she is portrayed as hitting on you, but again telling her that you
are not (yet) interested.
You never win an argument, because even if you win, you lose the
future of a possible beautiful relationship. And most of the time
arguments end with both people still on the side they started on. The
barrier that was there when the argument started remains intact. Insults
and making fun of other people immediately destroys trust. For this
reason, arguments and insults are the least seductive form of
communication. Just avoid it.
"Oh my god, I love your hair so much, can I please touch it," she
asks. Her hands frantically dance about in the air as she awaits my
reply.
Her friend shares a different point of view, "I think it's ridiculous,
you need a haircut."
"Okay, one quick touch, but I'm headed back to my friends right
now," I tell the girls. I haven't seen them in years."
With my permission, the dancing hands shoot into my hair and with a
giant smile on her face she asks, "What's your name?"
"I'm Lacey."
"I'm Mary, and I just want you to know, you look silly. I really think
we need to shave your head."
Stern voice. Innocent face. Hypnotic cleavage. The low cut shirt she
wore was designed to tempt every male eye that crossed its path. It
begged us to notice her, fight past her tests, and discover the truth of her
nature. Challenge accepted. "Well, this one is trouble. I think I need to
stay away from you two."
"No, no!" Lacey protests, "You should hang out with us."
I have a few beers and catch up with some old comedian friends I
used to perform with back in the days I worked the NYC stand up circuit.
An hour passes and Mary walks by and greets me, "Hi, Jason!"
Did you come over here and say hi just so you could be mean
again?"
"Ok, well, good seeing you then," I gesture for her to continue on her
way. I say goodbye to Adam, who really did need to get up early to meet
Oprah, and then ask my buddy Ben to wing for me. I bring him over and
introduce him to Lacey. When Mary returns, she begins to barrage me
with a bunch more meaningless insults. I let a wounded expression cross
my face, as if she had finally cut me too deep.
"Wait," she said, looking concerned, "I didn't really mean that."
I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her close. She began
patting me on the back a slow, falsely sympathetic pat.
We sat back down and started talking. She began telling me stories
of being in Italy and learning to sing Opera. I started digging into her
experiences asking about her favorite roles and characters she has
explored.
Lacey spots the two of us getting close and interjects, "Sorry buddy,
but you have no shot with her."
"You can try all you want, but seriously, you have no shot getting her
in bed with you."
"Are you suggesting I'm trying to have sex with your friend? We
were just talking about how she studied Opera in Italy, and I found it
really fascinating."
"Yea, well, obviously she is very beautiful, but you have no shot."
"No, sorry, I was just kidding. I wasn't saying you aren't handsome
or charming. I was joking. Relax. That was really amazing what you said
about valuing women for more than just their looks. It's just, not many
guys are like that. You must not have always been that way; what
changed?"
I began talking about my life, the various changes I'd been through,
and how I now teach men how to best present themselves to romantically
connect with the women they desire. She shared her own romantic ideas
about how a woman should be wooed, "All you need to do is tell the girl
that you like her. That's all we really want."
"No, it's not. That's all you need to do." Mary was scrolling through
some texts on her phone, and I tap her on the shoulder. She turns and
looks at me. In as a genuine voice as I could muster, I said, "Hey, I just
wanted to let you know, I really do like you."
Her eyes light up and she asks, "Can I buy you a beer?"
I set out to make the point that winning over a woman is more than
just conveying interest; what I forgot was that conveying interest was the
exact right next move to do with Mary. I'd accidentally timed it perfectly.
The results were a free Guinness and a once again furious Lacey.
"You're too smooth! You came over here. You talked to me just long
enough to make me comfortable. Then you start hitting on my friend. Oh
man, aren't you clever!"
"Listen, I don't know why things keep getting weird. Thank you so
much for the drink, Mary," I down a few gulps and continue, "I really
think everyone got the wrong idea about me. You're both really cool, but
just to prove that I don't have any ulterior motives, here's what I'm going
to do: After I finish this beer, I'm going to walk out of here. I'm not going
to ask for either of your numbers. Neither of you will ever see or hear
from me again. Then you will know I was never up to anything
malicious."
My wing Ben reengages Lacey. He saw things getting crazy and
wanted to help calm it down. Mary positioned herself directly in front of
me, inches away from my face, "If you just left like that, it would really
be a shame."
I didn't say a word. I just looked back into her eyes and let the
tension build. When she could no longer take it, she lunged in for the kiss
and began making out with me.
________________________
Have you ever received a compliment that really hit you hard,
something that made you excited, something that you really appreciated
hearing? That's the kind of compliment we want to learn to give a
compliment that is authentic, moving and specific.
Forgetting to compliment
One pitfall many men run into when they're trying to learn to
master the art of attraction and seduction is forgetting to compliment the
woman. Forgetting to compliment a woman once she is interested in you
can make you seem uninterested, and sometimes a little cold. It can also
make you seem like youre only into her for her looks.
Not likely. Heres the deal: You have to have interest before you
show interest. Most guys dont have interest when they approach. The
guys that do are either: 1. Very physically attractive to the woman
theyre approaching. 2. Known by the woman for some sort of attractive
reputation.
If you know one of these two things are true, then you have
value and can approach with a compliment. That said, you dont lose
anything by approaching with a neutral opener, and taking the time to
make sure your assumption is correct, and learn something about her
before you compliment her.
A badly timed compliment can come off as needy, desperate and
untrue. Many women are used to having guys approach them with
compliments, or compliment them before theyre interested. It doesnt
stand out, and it suggests youre attracted to only what you see, because
you havent spent the time to get to know them yet which brings me to
the next pitfall
Meaningless Compliments
Your compliments need to move her. They need to have an
emotional effect. A compliment with no emotional effect is pointless.
Students of seduction should stay away from compliments based on
physical appearance. This is the most common type of compliment
women will get. You might be saying, You have beautiful eyes, and
you might even mean it, the problem is that shes only hearing, I want
to get you into bed. This is because, most guys compliment women on
their looks before knowing anything about them. It makes the
compliments valueless, irritating even. Thats why were going to learn
to talk, listen, and compliment in an authentic way that creates real
connection and has emotional weight.
Examples:
I like how adventurous you are...
I like how well read you are...
I like your sense of style...
I like how well travelled you are...
Think about what that quality means to you, and why you like it.
Here's a simple compliment script you can use to flesh out your
compliments:
"I really enjoy how [trait] you are. It's important to me because
[reason]. Whenever I meet someone who is [trait], it's like a breath of
fresh air. Thanks for being awesome."
Other Examples:
I like how adventurous you are. I try to live my life like a storybook;
taking risks and exploring the world, and when I meet someone else
who feels the same it's really exciting for me.
I really like your sense of style. To me, fashion is an extension of
your identity, when you meet someone with a unique style it says a
lot about that person. Its almost a sign that the conversation is going
to be just as interesting. So far, it seems to be true.
Don't just give one compliment. In fact, once you know that she is
attracted and interested in you, sprinkle a few compliments into the
conversation. Just remember not to give them all at once.
The goal is to earn three points. This game will help you pay
attention to details when it comes to their stories and mannerisms, and it
will remind you to let them know you're interested.
Practicing Connection
As I said earlier, if you know shes interested in you before you
approach, you could potentially start with a compliment. However, its
not good to practice this way.
Over the years I've met a lot of men, but very few of them were able
to walk into a bar and approach the women they were interested in.
These exceptional men were fun to be around and got a lot of numbers
from very attractive women. However, a few days later when they called
or texted those women, they didn't respond or the dates would inevitably
fall through. Which meant almost no man could date the women they
actually wanted to date.
The answer finally came when I moved out to Los Angeles. I was
living with Neil Strauss for a few months, and while I was there he
taught me a technique called, "Seeding a Date." No joke seeding was
the answer to how to set up a date. I've been using it (and teaching it)
ever since.
Now, before I get into the meat of it, I want to explain something:
I'm going to teach you the proper way to seed a date, but it's going to
take some time to work all the kinks out of your ability to perform this
technique. However, if you can just remember this one lesson you're
pretty much doing it right.
There is one big mistake that most men make. The result is that she
either won't give out her number, or if she volunteers her digits she wont
answer the phone or she wont show up to the date.
The Solution: Set up the date and then get the number. Don't try
and get her phone number and then set up the date, like every other guy.
That's it. Why is this a better strategy? Because if you set up the date
first then she has a reason to give you her number. In addition, setting up
the date before asking for her phone number lets you know if this woman
is interested in meeting up; if she is not interested she'll ignore the
request or simply say she is busy, in which case you have to go back to
building attraction and value.
Exploration can be its own fun adventure. Bring friends; the side
effect is that if you were the kind of person that didnt get out much, your
friends will begin to see you also in a new light. The places can be
anywhere from a cocktail lounge to a park that you think youd enjoy
visiting.
In the end, whats going to matter is that the place has special
meaning to you. In other words, it has to reflect some part of your
identity. After a night of exploration, ask yourself a few questions:
Once you've met a woman you're interested in going out with, give
them a recommendation to one of the places you'd like, but here's the
catch: Don't invite her to go there with you. All I want you to do is
recommend the place, and I want you to do it early on in the
conversation. Make sure you really sell it: 1) tell her what's special about
this venue, and 2) what the place means to you, what you love about it,
and why she needs to check it out.
3. Wait to Invite:
After you recommend the place, just keep talking. Tell stories, be
entertaining, flirt, tease just keep the conversation going.
4. Invite Her:
5. Agree or Disagree:
6. Exchanging Numbers:
Now that she's agreed to go on a date with you, and you have the
date and place picked say, "Great, lets exchange information, and I'll text
you the night before with the details." Give her your number and get
hers.
7. Stick Around:
Once she gives you her number, don't just leave. You don't want it to
feel like the whole reason you were there was to get her phone number.
Hang out, keep the conversation going, leave when it comes to a natural
end, and contact her like you said you would in the previous step.
The next step is pretty simple. If you were going to text her the night
before your planned date with the details then, do exactly that.
The text should be simple, it should have the address and the
information about how youre getting there. For example:
The goal at first should be to always try and set up the date before
going for the number. Pay attention to how she reacts when you ask her
to join you. If shes not showing much interest, then you most likely
have to work on building attraction.
Good luck.
________________________
As you learned in the last chapter, you can reduce women flaking on
you by seeding a date. The better you get at it the less likely it is that a
woman will not respond to you or stand you up. That said, do you text or
call a woman once you have her phone number?
The good news is that if you've seeded a date, you've done almost all
of the heavy lifting already. Here are my simple rules for texting and
calling after you seeded your date:
Rule #1: Use the phone for logistics, not flirting, not joking, not
sending pictures, asking for pictures, or anything else.
Rule #2: If you forgot to seed the meet-up, still use texts and calls
for logistics.
Always keep in mind that the best way to establish a true emotional
connection is in person. If there is no connection, trust and rapport yet,
your texts may come off as annoying. Any text you send or phone call
you make should be focused on inviting them to meet-up at the location
you've seeded before.
Here's an example:
"This Thursday, I'm headed to this great bar with a few friends,
thought you might enjoy the venue. Let me know if you're interested, and
I'll send you the details."
Well you have to remember, people have lives, and no matter how
good you get at the art of attraction and seduction, you never know what
can happen in another person's life.
Okay, so let's say you set up a date, and over the week she sends you
a bunch of texts. How do you respond?
If it's a flirty text, or someone recalling the events of the night you
met her, I suggest a very short response. Acknowledge them, but don't
have a conversation. Save it for the date.
You have her number and know what to do. Yet, you would
like some more tips and see some examples, which you can
download for this chapter here:
http://stylelife.com/AttractAndSeduce/train
or text your email address
to (310) 589-3568
________________________
Chapter 16:
How To Tell If A Woman Likes You
When I was younger, one of the hardest things for me to see was
when a woman was attracted to me. Let me tell you a story
It was 4th of July and I was seventeen years old. I was hanging out
with two girls, which was about 50% of the total number of women I
knew back then. In addition, they were openly bisexual. Im not exactly
sure how I got them to visit me, but I did. We went to the beach to watch
the fireworks and laid out the blankets. They laid next to me, each
cuddling an opposite side of my skinny goth-kid body. It made me so
nervous that the second the fireworks went off, I rolled them off stood up
and began the walk home. They teased and touched me the whole way
home.
And then? This is where the night came to an end. It was only in
retrospect that I realized that Id had an opportunity to lose my virginity
in a threesome and I botched it.
Something like this may have happened to you already, but if not,
then hopefully I can help you prevent it, by helping you understand the
signs that women show when theyre attracted.
The #2 rule: Dont make indicators up; look for legitimate ones and
be confident that they have meaning. For example: I think she looked at
me from across the room, is not a legit indicator, but if she beckoned
you with her eyes and youre sure of it, that would count. If you only
think she did, then dont count it.
Ive laid out a few signs to look for that can indicate that a woman is
interested in you. Remember, most of the time just one of these doesnt
mean shes attracted to you so look for a combination of the following:
Body language
This is probably the hardest to decipher, and there are lessons on top
of lessons about different ways that body language can convey interest.
Right now, Im just going to give you a simple tip. If youre at a bar and
you meet a girl, start telling a story. In the middle, stop and say, "Hey, I
want to grab a drink, come with me for a moment and Ill finish the
story." If she says, "Yes" then shes interested and keeping conversation
going and possibly attracted to you. If she says "no" and decides to stay
with her friends, then you have more work to do.
Its pretty simple. You show her that youre interested in her too, and
thats exactly what well get into in the next chapter.
Friend zone can feel like a form of rejection, and rejection feels
awful. You want to have a romantic relationship with someone, but that
person isnt interested and wants to be "just friends." Ive been there,
Ive felt it, I understand. Personally, I dont like the term friend zone. It
describes feelings of rejection, neglect and frustration that definitely
exist, and so I covered it in the book, but I would like to take a moment
to explain how the words themselves hurt the connection between one
person and another.
Ive met plenty of sad and frustrated guys whove said, then I
wasted a year in friend zone. Theyll suggest moving on and rejecting
the friendship because the romance didnt happen.
If someone suggests that time spent in friend zone is wasted, then
theyre suggesting that time spent with the other person doing non-
romantic activities isnt valuable. Theyre suggesting that the point of the
interaction was love or sex and to only be friends is a bad thing.
Yes, the feeling of rejection sucks, but having a new friend should be
a reward in itself. Friends, both male and female, who are awesome, will
make you a more interesting and attractive person. More women will
come into your life because the group of friends you have is large, and
full of life.
I also meet guys who felt angry and entitled, the ones who think that
the woman did something wrong by not reciprocating their feelings.
To avoid the friend zone you have to have attraction, and then use
that attraction to take a bold romantic step forward when the opportunity
arises.
The guys who ended up in friend zone generally had bad timing. As
Ive mentioned before, seduction is about timing, not speed. If youre
impatient, shell become uncomfortable and you will fail. If youre too
hesitant shell start to lose the spark of attraction, and begin to see you as
a friend.
What this means is when youre in a position where you feel like
you should take a bold romantic step forward, youre better off taking the
risk and going for it rather than hesitating. At least shell know your
intentions, and let you know how she feels about you, and you wont be
stuck orbiting her in an endless cycle of stress, confusion, and desire,
wondering if shes into you or not.
Getting out of the friend zone requires you to disappear and come
back a new man.
The picture she painted of you and your identity that she decided
would make a better friend than lover is stuck. Fortunately, we arent
stuck with it.
The best way to get out of friend zone, is to disappear from her life
for a while and spend the time working on yourself.
Then come back new look, new style, new attitude, and a lot more
practice. The goal is to be noticeably better than before. Suddenly, you
become a slightly mysterious stranger that she used to know so well.
Why does this work?
Because you need time to change and improve, you need time to let
the guy who became a friend fade in her mind a little, so that eventually
you can return with a stronger version of your authentic identity.
During this time away you should be working on making positive
changes to yourself have some adventures, get some practice, and
improve yourself, so you can come back a new man. .
If you really want to avoid the friend zone then be sure to work on
the fundamental principles of seduction in an attempt create an exciting
romantic encounter. Effectively creating a romantic relationship instead
of a platonic one is just a matter of utilizing a lot of the same skills
youve already learned. Open, Attract, Connect, Seduce in that order.
________________________
There are four traits that you can always improve that will continue
to benefit you as a master of attraction and seduction. Two of them are
conversational, and we've already covered the process for improving
them:
The other two traits we'll call "passive value generators". It's passive
because it works like passive income, or passive powers (if you're a
gamer). Passive value generators are traits that you work on over time,
but you don't have to actively use when you're talking to someone. They
just bring you value.
Work on your hygiene. Even if you are already super shaven and
clean, we can all improve the ways we take care of our bodies. This
means dealing with body hair, skin problems, odor, and general
cleanliness.
Brush and floss your teeth to avoid any bad breath it's a
complete turn-off when kissing. Keep them as white as you can.
See what you can do about fixing any problems with your skin.
Keep your body hair groomed I'm not just talking about beards
and moustaches; I'm talking about eyebrows, chest, back, and
genitals.
Experiment with your hair. (If your job allows for that.)
Wear deodorant, and possibly very little cologne.
One of our coaches is a voice speech pathologist and works with our
students on fixing many vocal problems that they didn't even know they
had. If you've been quiet your whole life or have felt insecure about your
voice, it's probably worth a trip to one of these pathologists to see if it's a
medical condition or something that can be worked out through therapy.
Work on developing your own style. When women meet you, they
will automatically make assumptions about you based on your
appearance and your style. They don't have a choice; humans need to
categorize things. If I tell you about a friend of mine who wears all black,
has tattoos, and rides a motorcycle, you create a person in your head,
even though you've never met my friend.
Here are a few general tips for improving your own style:
Wear clothes that fit your body shape perfectly; not over-sized bags
that are comfortable.
Wear clothes that compliment your skin complexion. Different
colors work for different skin types. Find out which colors make you
look best.
Wear accessories and clothes that express something about you. Hat,
belt, shoes, shirts all communicate who you are.
Wear one thing that's interesting a conversation piece.
Don't wear too many accessories. Even though it will spark
conversation, it also will make you look like a Christmas tree. And
which woman wants to date a tree? (This can vary based on what
look you're going for.)
Don't wear sandals anywhere that's not the beach or the bathroom.
Stand out. If you're dressed just like all of your friends, it
communicates that you are just like them. Should she date you or
them? Be the exception.
If you're not happy with your current style, here are a few questions you
can ask yourself to help you improve your style:
Work on your health and your body. The better you can make
yourself look, the more people will trust you. That sounds crazy and
shallow, but it's scientifically accurate. It's important to work on your
physical self. You'll have more energy and become more confident.
Getting physically fit is also a matter of consistency. Can you keep
yourself on a healthy diet? Can you keep yourself on a regular work out
regime? If you can, then you can become more fit.
One question that students often have for me is, How do I become
more of an alpha male? Which really means, How do I act more like
what Ive been heard or taught it means to be a man?
Heres the thing: History is full of seducers that fell on the feminine
and masculine end of the spectrum, and everywhere in-between. As
youve read in previous chapters - there is no single identity that is
seductive to everyone.
To master the art of attraction and seduction, you must find the
correct balance of masculinity and femininity that is required to
seduce the person or people you are interacting with.
________________________
Personal growth is about becoming the best person you can possibly
be, but change doesnt occur in a vacuum. There are people around you,
people with feelings, opinions, thoughts, and goals of their own.
Achieving your goals does not mean that you can be a self-serving shark,
cold and mindless of no one but yourself. It means you follow your
dreams and improve yourself to become the man you strive to be.
At the same time, while taking other peoples opinions into account,
no one should be ashamed of any efforts to improve, grow, and change
their lives. No one should prevent you from making you dream a reality.
Some people might say, "That's not romantic. That totally breaks the
flow."
It depends on how you do it and how you bring it up. By both of you
knowing youre doing and what you want, therell be much more sexual
energy than if one person is getting off and the other is bored,
uncomfortable, or scared.
________________________
Next, if youre going for the kiss, run through this checklist in your
head:
1. Did your potential partner show interest in you?
o If no, then keep working on building value until you receive
indication that theyre interested.
2. Did you remember to compliment her about something once she
showed interest?
o If no, then find something to compliment her on refer to
the chapter on connection.
3. Are you somewhere comfortable?
o If no, then find a place. You may have to change venues
to do this.
Every relationship is a story, and every story has its high points and
its low points. The first kiss should be one of the major high points of
your seductive story. When you go for the kiss, try saying or doing
something that will heighten the moment.
At the last attraction and seduction boot camp I taught in DC, we had
a student who approached a girl he was interested in and within a twenty-
minute period, he was making out with her on the dance floor. I asked
him what it was that let him know it was time to go for the kiss, and he
told us that the most important moment was right before the kiss. He said
something to her while they were dancing. He said, "Youre an amazing
person. I have to do this or Ill feel stupid for not trying." Then he went
for the kiss.
What I loved about this was that he could have just gone for it. The
words he said were not what made her want to kiss him. He had made
himself attractive by being a great conversationalist, by providing value,
and helping her to have a great time. The words he said helped make the
moment more memorable something both of them will remember. Its
more than a kiss; its a moment of romance.
I want to teach you today how to create a moment that she can brag
about to her friends something romantic that shows her how awesome
she is and proves to her how awesome you are.
For example, you can seed a date by bringing up a venue that you'd
be interested in visiting with your potential date. You tell a story about
the place while you're building attraction, but don't invite her. Then you
continue on with your seduction. When you feel like she's attracted and
you're ready to ask her out, you bring that place up again and ask her if
she'd like to accompany you.
IMPORTANT: For this technique, the seed will happen after we've
built attraction, when we're showing her interest (the connect phase).
For starters, look for three non-physical traits that you actually like
about the girl you're interested in. After you've built attraction through
Identity Storytelling, Demonstrations of Value, and Disqualification and
have received the appropriate amount of Indicators of Interest it's time
to let her know that you appreciate these three qualities. This requires:
Tips: These are not done in rapid-fire succession. They are done
throughout the seduction, but more regularly before the first kiss and
always after you've built some attraction. In addition to non-physical
qualities, you can also hint at something they aspire to be, or aspire to
obtain in the future, or in some sort of untapped potential you see in
them. Sometimes you can choose a physical quality, but it has to be
unique and be supported by a very specific identity story.
b) Choose one of the three qualities you liked about her and told her
about using the previous seeding method.
Once again, pause, and gauge her response. Your job is to make her
want to kiss you. And if she wants to, she will let you know. The key
mistake guys make is rushing to the finish line. The kind of seduction
that will drive a woman wild with desire is when she wants something
but doesn't have it yet. So be the prize, and play with this physical
tension rather than being in a rush to resolve it.
What to do now that you've missed the kiss, and ended up with a
mouthful of cheek?
In this case, it's not about what you should do; rather, it's about what
you shouldnt do:
Don't say something cheesy like, "Well, I didn't say you could kiss
me." She just denied you a kiss; don't you think she knows you
wanted to kiss her?
Don't give up on her. Just take a step back and realize you probably
misread an indicator of interest, or didn't build enough value. It's an
indicator that not enough attraction or comfort was built. Ask
yourself:
Do not get angry. A failed seduction is not her fault; it's yours.
Getting angry only will make you look desperate, horny or
frustrated. Youre not entitled to any form or romantic or sexual
reciprocation, no one is.
How to Invite a Woman to Your Home
1. Seed your home, just like youd seed a date. During conversation,
bring up an activity or an object that you'd need to go home to
participate in or see. Tell her about it, but don't invite her back. Do
this early on in the date.
2. When you're going to leave the final venue say, "I want to show
you that [activity or object]. Let's swing by and check it out."
3. Then add a time constraint, "You can only come over for a few
minutes. I have to be up for work in the morning."
4. Possible outcomes:
If she says, yes. Well done!
If she says, no or ignores the suggestion, then you need to
work on building more value or attraction. Don't beg her to
come back or complain when she doesn't want to it will
make you look impatient and desperate. Try setting up another
date.
If she seems like she wants to come back, but really does have
some obligation in the morning, drop the idea of bringing her
home that night, and set up another date.
Download The
"Romantic Window Technique"
Cheat Sheet
"The biggest risk is not taking any risk... In a world that's changing
really quickly, the only strategy that is
guaranteed to fail is not taking risks."
- Mark Zuckerberg
One sign that an interaction is going well is when she begins to take
the next step and push things forward to the next level. Take special note
when she does something verbal or physical that shows you your levels
of intimacy are escalating. Maybe she leans into you while talking,
presses her knee up against yours while you sit together, holds onto your
arm when you're standing together any of these are signs that she's
more trusting and more comfortable with you than earlier in the
interaction. Be confident that things are going well.
IMPORTANT: If you try to rush things, you'll make her
uncomfortable, and lose her trust. Have patience, because guys who are
impatient look horny and desperate.
That said, even if she isn't making advances, she still might be
interested. Everyone is different, and will show romantic interest in
different ways. As you continue your practice, you will find that some
women will be more aggressive, and others will be passive. It's up to you
to see what's going on by developing a well-calibrated social awareness.
You can check her comfort levels with slowly escalating techniques.
Initially they are minor and insignificant things, each becoming
increasingly substantial and involved as trust and comfort is built. With
any comfort escalation technique, you're looking for one of three
outcomes:
"Do you like Thai Food? I can't hang out with people who aren't
adventurous with food and don't try new things in life."
Did she change her opinion or makes an excuse to win you over?
If yes, great, you're doing well.
If no, keep working on building attraction.
"Can you hold my drink for a second? Thanks, you're awesome and
conveniently located."
Now let's take a look at a few techniques that check her comfort
levels in a physical way:
As you laugh together, you briefly touch her arm and gauge her
response. If she moves away from you, she's not attracted or
comfortable.
When moving to a new area, you reach out to see if she takes
your hand. She's already going with you, which is great, but if
she doesn't take your hand, she's likely uncomfortable with your
touch. Build more attraction.
You give her a warm embrace, noting carefully how she hugs
you back. If she doesnt hug you back, you need to build more
comfort and attraction.
Buyer's Remorse
Have you ever regretted a purchase? Have you had fear or a sense of
guilt that you made a poor purchasing decision? If so, then you've
experienced what's called buyer's remorse.
Make sure both of you are on the same page. Also, read the chapter
on Dating with Care and Empathy towards the end of the book.
Understand what it is and how it works, and follow those rules when
you're getting into a relationship or intimate.
Next, if she wants to get intimate with you, make sure to talk with
her about future concerns in a caring way:
Give more than you take, enrich her life with great experiences,
including and specifically during sex. This means spending some time
getting to know her body. Use foreplay to build a roadmap of her
erogenous zones. Below I'm going to share my "Love Roadmap" that you
can use to help you with foreplay, and mutual sexual exploration.
The first thing you should remember about having good sex is that
great sexual partners pay attention to each other's needs and
communicate well. Talking during sex? Yes, my friend. And if you do it
the right way it will be a big turn on.
Communicate and respond with words and body. For instance, if she
suddenly wants to roll you over and kiss you forget about the roadmap
and let her do that. If she wants to go down on you, decide if that's what
you want and go for it or talk with her about what you want. Just pay
attention and communicate. That said, here's something fun to try
enjoy!
From here you place little kisses along her back and continue
with the collar bone. You can caress the back of her neck, you
can lightly pull her hair, or you can go back to making out.
Whatever you do, eventually you want to return to the limbs you
havent kissed. Note: Don't touch or reach for her breasts, her
butt, or between her legs. The goal is to kiss all the non-sexual
places.
As you explore her limbs, experiment with light kisses, hard
kisses, little bites, licks, and words. You're trying to get a sense
of what she likes before you start getting more intimate. Let her
show you what she likes and pay attention to what she does.
So, if you give her a light lick and she moans, that's great. If you
bite a little and she says, "Softer," then you'll know to be a little
less rough. Note: Playing this game will get more exciting the
more you undress each other.
If at any point, there is any interruption or disturbance (phone
rings, running out of time, too public of a place, etc.), either wait
it out and get back to arousing her again, bounce to a more quiet
and romantic place, or just hang out and appreciate your
togetherness. There will be many other exciting moments and
places in the future.
If you've played this exploration game right, then you both
should be mostly undressed and fairly aroused. She might take
over and initiate the next level of intimacy. Make it a game
where you both experiment with fingering, oral sex, and more
touching and kissing.
If everything goes right, she and you are both aroused, confident
and comfortable, then making love will be a natural smooth
transition. Use protection, and have fun both of you!
Good Luck!
________________________
Still, just like talking to girls out at bars and clubs, it's important for
you to approach, flirt and make a connection in a skillful manner. Do you
find that you're not making the connections you want? Do you have a
low percentage of women responding to what you have to say on online
dating sites?
Let's start with the main challenge: Almost no woman will ever meet
a random stranger, yet the profile of apps and websites gives you only a
very limited way to convey your true identity. So your goal is to super-
communicate in a condensed form and share your qualities via pictures
and text and message.
And finally: When you meet up explore why you were interested in
meeting up rather than denying any interest in the first place, as a form of
active disinterest.
You want to look like a fun-loving, outgoing type of guy she's going
to want to spend time with. Your conversations should also be moving
toward this. But just like your attraction to her starts with a photo, so
does her attraction to you. Be the one that's going to get her interested in
who you are, wanting to know more and wanting to spend time with you.
Think about it: On the one hand, if you dont reveal anything about
yourself, you can look sketchy or even fake. However, if you reveal a
little bit, but not very much or not any of the more interesting parts of
your life, anyway shes not going to have any reason to respond. No
matter how awesome the pictures of you look, women are going to want
to know what sets you apart from other guys before they respond to your
message.
You have two goals in this order: establish contact and then
transition to a date in the real world.
If you know they're on the site and they don't get back to you,
move on. They're probably not interested, or they simply don't
check the site often.
Set up dates for locations that are safe and comfortable nothing
where she feels like she'll be trapped there with you.
Don't get upset and send negative messages if the girl doesn't
like something you said, or doesn't want to go out with you.
Learn from your mistakes and move on.
Texting problems
Same thing goes for women; if the guy is interesting enough theyll go
out of their way to hang out with you. Do you think shed go out of her
way to hang out with her celebrity crush? Do you think that if he texted
too much, or barely texted at all, that shed no longer want to hang out
with him? I doubt it.
Refine your in-person skills and the texting will become less and less
of a problem.
Remember to keep your eyes on the prize. The prize is not another
text from her it's a date that's going to bring the two of you closer than
texting ever will. Flirt with her, but avoid chit chatting and always be
thinking about how you're moving toward the date.
Practice seeding dates, and use texts to move towards those dates.
You shouldnt have to convince someone to hang out with you over the
phone.
"Hey, hows your big cube doing? Heres the info for the place were
going to on [day of the date]. [Logistical Info].
Just keep this in mind: people will go out of their way to hang out
with someone theyre interested in. Refine your in-person skills and the
texting will become less and less important. It will become a way to
communicate exactly when and where youre going to meet up, rather
than the confusing purgatorial space between the meet up and the date,
where many guys imagine they are trapped.
Last thing on pacing, I recognize that some guys really like texting.
Im not exactly sure what the appeal is, but some guys love it. If youre
one of those guys just recognize its not necessary, its flare. Make the
seduction the kind of seduction that excites you and the person youre
trying to be with. Just be careful not to over-text, be aware that its easy
to misinterpret texts, and that at the end of the day its what you do in
person that will have the largest impact.
The Bottom Line on Texting
Sending text messages can be fun and flirty. But don't put too
much into it. There is nothing you're going to tap out on your iPhone that
is going to make her fall in love with you. When you put too much
pressure on a text message, that's when it gets frustrating. Instead, just
have fun.
"You have my number now, but you are only allowed to call me once
per day."
"You have to stop staring at me, its making you look desperate.
If, after texting her, shell save your number and your name, take that
as a definite indicator of interest. More importantly, when you call her
later, your phone number will pop up and be familiar to her. This makes
her more likely to answer. That said, you should still be practicing
seeding, and working on refining the steps leading up to getting the
phone number.
________________________
"A house is not a home unless it contains food and fire for the mind
as well as the body." - Benjamin Franklin
What exactly do you have in your house and what does it say about
you? The key is to have it stuffed with conversation starters.
Pictures, objects or art that makes her curious enough to ask you
about it. That way it will give you an opportunity to shine. Don't put
anything on your walls or on a visible shelf that you cant talk about
with an identity story. Pieces of art, books, posters, photographs and
everything else should have a story that reveals something about you.
Lighting is more important than the size of the room. Light creates
atmosphere. Is your lighting sexy or oppressive? If you have bright
florescent light, it's not sexy. You can install spotlights that highlight
your conversation-starter items, dimmer switches to control
brightness or simply use lamps to give the atmosphere a more
comfortable look.
Have you done anything interesting with the paint or wallpaper?
Using warm accent colors can give a room a very cozy feeling. If
not, maybe consider it.
Is your place clean? If not, youll need to put some time in cleaning
it or hire someone to come by.
Do you have anything interesting to eat or drink in your house?
Everyone loves good food. A simple thing is to cut up a fruit plate
with honey something delicious and easy to share with a potential
lover. I also suggest rare types of drinks that you can offer like mead,
a special cocktail, a rare wine, or something else you wouldn't find in
the average guy's house.
What does your house smell like? There are a lot of different scents
out there, so which one do you enjoy most? Choose one. I prefer
incense, but you can use a variety of air fresheners to give your place
a great smell.
Does your house look comfortable? This question refers to the
fabrics and textures of the furniture in your home. Look at your place
and ask, "Would I want to lay down and cuddle up on my couch? My
bed? My floor?" If not, then what can I do to make my place feel
more comfortable?
What do you have that will make getting physical easier? Do you
have condoms and lubrication by your bed? Massage oil? These
things can all boost your sexual experience.
What kind of music do you like to put on? I suggest using Spotify to
make a playlist of sexy and exciting songs. You can find my personal
playlist by following the link at the end of this chapter.
Start with some cut up fruits and veggies on a plate. (Have this ready
before you even go on the date.)
When she comes over, let her find a place to sit.
Once she finds a place to sit, youre going to find somewhere else in
the room to relax. Somewhere near her, but preferably not on the
couch with her.
Let her get comfortable on your couch while you talk for a while, or
throw on a movie.
A few minutes into conversation or the movie say, "I'm going to grab
us some snacks."
Grab the prepared plate of food.
When you come in the room with the plate, sit next to her, so you
can share the food but also, so you can sit next to her!
It's a smooth transition that allows you to get physically close to her
without being obvious. Remember, this is only really necessary if you
haven't been physical with her already. That said, if you've made it back
to your place, and you need a way to get close to her, this is a great
move.
Where to get it
You might want to know where to get some interesting items for
your home. Here are a few suggestions:
Remember, your house says a lot about who you are, so take care of
it, and make it something exciting for people to visit. For more
suggestions on cool and sexy additions you can add to your home, check
out the link at the end of this chapter.
________________________
I have five rules for dating. They're easy to remember, and can
radically change your dating life, but before we get to the rules let's take
a look at one thing that most guys don't remember.
If a woman shows up for a date then you've done well! She didnt
have to come. She made a choice to be with you that night. Have
confidence that she likes you, and is at least contemplating something
romantic. All you have to do is keep it from being an average date.
These six rules will help you turn dates into adventures and minimize
possible mistakes:
Whatever venue you take your date should be a place that allows you
to express your identity. In other words, the location you pick should
allow you to easily bring up identity stories and share yourself.
RULE #2: Explore Multiple Venues
The more places you visit with a person the longer they'll feel they
knew you, because you shared more experiences together. If you go
boating and afterwards to a cooking class, she will learn more about you
than if you just go for dinner. Why? Because each environment comes
with different sights and sounds, it generates new types of conversations,
it suggests different things about your individual qualities, and at the end
of the day you'll learn more about a person than you possibly could in
just one place.
You need to learn about each other, which means you shouldn't be
the only one talking. Be sure that you're finding out what you can about
the woman you are interested in. The questions should be relevant to the
conversation. If she's talking about her job, then think of questions that
will reveal something about her. You're looking to answer questions like
these:
Before the date, always make a plan for where you're going and how
you're getting there. Send the name and address of the location the night
before the date via email or text message. If you're planning on going
from venue to venue, then spend some time planning out how you're
going to get to each place. Being stuck at a venue, standing outside
trying to figure out how you're planning to get somewhere can be a real
mood killer. Also, dependent on the place you might want to let her
know what she should wear. She'll appreciate it if she is not going
horseback riding in a cocktail dress.
Most guys hesitate when it comes to going for the kiss. They wait
until the very last minute, creating an awkward moment. Even if they
manage a kiss, the situation is lack-luster. When you're on a date and the
opportunity arises, go for the kiss.
Note: Impatience and hesitation are not the same thing. If you go for
the kiss before she's comfortable, you're impatient. If you see an
opportunity and chicken out then youre hesitating. Look for a
comfortable window of opportunity to go for the kiss, and go for it. Take
a bold romantic step forward.
My advice is, if it feels like you're paying for the woman's time, don't
do it. You'll feel used and she'll feel obligated, which will drive her away
from you. Thats what I tell my students when they ask about buying
drinks when they're out meeting women. Paying for her time means that
she's sticking around just because you're paying for her drinks and for no
other reason.
Don't put yourself in that situation. Go ahead and buy drinks, but
only if it's the kind of situation where you'd buy one for a friend.
Try this: When you're on a date say, "Ill get the first round you get
the next." It's something I've done with friends, and dates it's a great
way to make paying the bill easy and comfortable.
________________________
Win friends and get a better job: It can help you dramatically
improve your communication skills. The art of seduction doesn't stop at
just seducing women. Seduction is inherent in all human communication.
That means once you understand the principles you'll be making new
friends, opening windows for new business opportunities, and improving
your relations with preexisting friends and family members.
Freedom of mind and choice. It can free up your mind of stress.
Not being able to attract women can be mentally overwhelming, because
your mind tends to revolve around what you desire. It takes up time and
energy, and can be the cause of tremendous stress. As you improve your
seduction and attraction skills, you'll start to have more choice in your
life. You will be able to choose your friends and lovers, and that stress
will start to dissolve. You'll free up some mental space and begin to see a
more creative and less stressful future ahead of you.
What's next?
Learning attraction and seduction is great and most guys are using it
to find the right girl for a long-term relationship. As any guy whos in
one of those will tell you, long-term relationships are just a different kind
of game. The two of you are hopefully doing what you can to keep
yourselves living exciting, adventures, productive, romantic lives - day in
and day out.
If you can do that, you've got a partner for life. The main thing to
start a strong long-term relationship is finding ways to keep the flame
burning and the ability to resolve conflicts in a healthy way. And there
are a lot more ways to do that than picking her up flowers on your way
home from the office. Here are five tools we recommend to men who are
worried about keeping the special lady in their life interested.
Women want to know that they're desired that you're still interested
in them. Taking her somewhere outside of the ordinary, where the two of
you can have one serious one-on-one time away from the distractions of
ordinary life is a simple, but powerful, way to communicate this to her.
Chores
It sounds boring, but one of the biggest things you can do to keep a
relationship healthy is doing chores. Chores basically break down into
one of two broad categories:
The One She Hates: Maybe it's laundry. Maybe it's dishes. Maybe it's
walking the dog. Whatever it is, theres one chore thats "hers" that
she just can't stand doing. Surprise her by doing it for her one day
without being asked. It's one of the simple, straightforward things
you can do that's going to make a huge difference to her.
Fixing Things: Even if you have the money to have everything fixed
or cleaned for you, take some time to learn how some of the stuff
around your house works. The fact that you can fix little mechanical
things or that you have some tricks for cleaning and doing repairs on
the house is attractive. Youtube can teach you how to install, fix, or
build most simple to moderately complex household things.
Breakfast in Bed
This is sort of like bringing her flowers, but it takes (a lot) more
work. First, you have to get up without disturbing her. Then you have to
make breakfast. Having a good breakfast spread or two in your cooking
repertoire is a serious big boy power move that will put you above all the
other men she's ever dated.
Cereal's not going to cut it here, guys. Learn an egg dish, some kind
of cool way of making toast and some kind of breakfast meat that isnt
just bacon right out of the package. Just a little bit of effort here is going
to go a long, long way, whether it's with Ms. Right or Ms. Last Night.
________________________
Stylelife: So, I'm here with The Sneak who's a coach for Stylelife
and was originally a student at Stylelife. I wanted to start by just asking
you where you come from and what your background is? Tell me a little
bit about yourself.
The Sneak: Well, I was a very nerdy kid growing up. I think I
always had a good heart but I was very misunderstood. I could be quite
stubborn and ultimately repellent towards people that I would have
wanted to attract. That caused a lot of frustration in my childhood. I
really did want to be closer to people, but I just couldn't figure out how to
be closer to people. That continued throughout my high school years and
into college, up until the point that I discovered Stylelife.
Stylelife: What did you find to be the hardest thing about learning
to talk to women, just to start conversations?
The Sneak: I didn't think it was very hard, actually, I thought that it
was a relatively easy step. You obviously have to defeat your own
anxiety of walking up to a woman or a group of people and I'm not going
to pretend that wasn't something that I struggled with for a little while.
Overall, once you see that it works, you actually give it a shot and you
try it out and you realize that, "Wow, that actually worked, these people
are talking to me." It starts to become easier each time. Your confidence
in yourself and in the material is building so the anxiety lessens. That
was probably the hardest thing that I had to deal with but I got past it
pretty quick. Ultimately, it was actually an easy step for me.
The Sneak: One of the first things that makes it harder to learn, is
that there's a certain timing that's crucial in practicing it. That timing is
not necessarily "right away". For example, learning an opener, you do
that first. So I can always go out and practice an opener. But, as you get
into things that happen later on, like active disinterest, generally you
want the people to be already talking to you, and in a good conversation,
before you start doing something like that. Even just getting to it can be
tough. Then once you're getting into it, it requires you to take risks a
little bit more, and try on a new behavior a little bit more than some of
the other steps. Being comfortable in accessing a different part of
yourself and expressing a different part of yourself that you're not used to
expressing that's very different from what you've done in the past, makes
it a challenging step to learn.
Stylelife: As a coach what are three revelations you want to share
with a student who wants to learn the art or attraction and seduction?
The Sneak: The first lesson that I would want them to think about is
the principle, Be the Exception. You want to stand out in a positive
way. Everything can be traced back to that. Whenever you think about a
specific technique that you're learning, it should always be able to point
back to that particular principle and it always does. Having done it long
enough, things really do come back to that. So, I want them to consider
what that means to them, to be the exception, and to really put that in
their brain as something that they should always be able to come back to,
and make sure that they're doing the right things.
Stylelife: What pitfalls do you think a student will run into? Like
common pitfalls.
The Sneak: The most common pitfall that stops guys is usually
laziness, which goes back to having to practice on a consistent basis. You
have to find a way to make it part of your life and something you enjoy
doing consistently. Stubbornness and not willing to try out new things is
another one. The idea that you already know lots of stuff can get in your
way.
The Pseudo Experts, some guys, they already feel like they have all
the answers, because they have studied all the material. But then they are
asking questions anyway. That inhibits their growth. If you're here asking
questions, somewhere deep down, you must know you don't have all the
answers. So don't fall into the trap of suddenly feeling like you already
know it all. Accept the basic idea that it's going to be a journey and
you're going to be making all kinds of discoveries forever.
I'm still learning all the time within this art form. I've been doing it
for a long time, but I can honestly say I'm still growing and I should still
be growing. I think that that's correct. I don't think that that's me like,
"Why is it taking him so long to have learned everything?" There's
always more you can learn. When you start to feel like you know it all,
you're probably in trouble.
Stylelife: What was your study like when you were beginning to
study the art of attraction and seduction? What would you suggest for
new students coming into it for practice?
The Sneak: My study was going out at least 4 times a week, for at
least 3 hours a night, for my first month. I read this in some old
community book, it was called The Newbie Drill. The truth is, I really
enjoyed it. As I said, when I was running the openers, the fact that I was
meeting new groups of people and they were just having a conversation
blew my mind. It was really exciting for me, considering I came from a
place where I struggled to connect with people. It was miraculous. I
loved it. I would go out sometimes five nights a week, six nights a week,
seven nights a week. It got to a point where it probably wasn't healthy. I
was doing a worse job at my work as a stand-up comedian. The other
things that I was exploring at the time were suffering because my life
became out of balance because I was so excited. I don't think that
someone has to do that in their practice to succeed. As a matter of fact, I
pulled back from that. When I pulled back, I actually got better at
communicating with people. I still enjoyed those times when I was going
out all the time, but when I went back to doing it, say 4 times a week and
no more, my skills actually grew.
I think that it's inseparable from me at this point. On some level, I'm
probably thinking about the way that I'm communicating with someone.
On some level, I'm probably always trying to be a bit more seductive
than the average human being, just because I spent so long thinking
about it. I get to manifest things into the universe that I want to manifest.
So it affects all areas of my life and even probably all interactions of my
life.
Stylelife: How long did it take you to set up a date with a woman?
The first real dates started rolling in around the half-year mark. That
was a very big deal for me. Previously, my dating like was pretty much
non-existent. Now, I was having all kinds of crazy adventures.
She was truly one of the great loves of my life. Never in a million
years did I dream that I'd meet a girl like that while riding on the NYC
Subway, It's pretty cool when life exceeds your dreams.
________________________
Stylelife: Do you think that once you've been able to share those
things, the rewards have been really tangible for you? Can you name
specific ways that your life has changed?
Stringer: One of the things that I learned was the idea of being
indirect with the approach, and the extent to which you can take that.
One of the first things that I've learned from The Sneak, is that you can
open a set by not even actually opening that set. You can wear something
interesting, or you can be loud enough when you're talking about
something interesting that other people who are around you can either
hear you or see you, and be interested in what you're saying or wearing
and wanting to just talk to you as a result of that. Which is pretty much
the most indirect you can be in opening a set.
Stylelife: If there was a time where you were not sure what to do
while talking to a woman or a group of people, how do you proceed from
there, if you just feel like you've lost track of things?
Stylelife: Sure.
Stylelife: I like that. Do you think that the average person would
be able to use this stuff?
Stringer: I think that the average person could use this stuff and
achieve success.
Stylelife: Great. For the last question, I want to know if you can
share a story with us, about a time you used these techniques and you
saw something actually shift from your usage of one of these techniques,
like a tale from the field.
Stylelife: Awesome. Thank you so much for sharing that with us. I
do think that having met your girlfriend, I can say she's an incredible
human being. Having met you, I can say youre an incredible human
being. I am excited that you were able to meet her and connect in the
way that you have, because you two deserve each other. I just want to
give you an amazing congratulations on all your success. Very nice stuff
man.
________________________
The lesson here then, is that If you dont get past the idea that
your identity is flexible instead of rigid and you dont commit to
developing that flexibility, you will have a very limited range of women
that you will attract.
Nic: Any skill that involves communicating with other human beings
can be enhanced with the principles of seduction, so beyond using them
to bring more women into my life, I also use them in business,
marketing, making new friends, influencing people, and negotiation.
Nic: Realizing that seduction was an art that could be learned and
not something that you had to be born with allowed me to go after what I
wanted instead of feeling like a victim of random circumstances. That, to
me, is the most important change and it translates to many other areas of
my life. But there are also the obvious benefits of feeling more
comfortable with who I am, meeting more people, living more
adventures, and having more sex.
Stylelife: What was the most difficult concept for you to grasp in
your study and how did you overcome the challenge?