PROCESS OF COURTING BY MILLENNIALS 2017

INTRODUCTION

Millennials are people who were born in the year 1980 up to year 1999. They are said to acquire

the trait of being an individualistic as a part of the cultural idea which makes it a factor that prevents

commitment (Landau, 2016; Pew Research Center, 2010). This study was proposed due to the

researchers observation that millenials tend to dominate more than the past generations. And also, the

researchers notice the societys change when it comes to the modern courting culture. The generation

of millennials is said to have given the concept of courting a unique perception and mind-set to people.

The generation had also invented new and a variety of processes when it comes to the courtship stage.

According to the study of Pew Research Center on 2010, millennials (like older adults) are said to

less prioritize entering the world of parenthood and marriage rather than their careers and financial

success. Just one-in-five millennials or approximately 21% are married and half of their parents

generation had experienced the same situation in the same stage of their life. About one-thirds or an

estimated average of 34% of the millennials is already a parent. In addition, millennials are also said to

be the most open to change of a generation, followed by Generation Xers (1965-1979), Boomer

Generation (1946-1964), and Silent Generation (1925-1946).

However, London (2017) emphasizes that teenagers cohabiting gives the possibility that they

will skip the natural evolution of courtship and relationship building. Jeff Ederer, a residential director,

admitted that sexual relationships do happen in this kind of setting. Sex is an issue to adolescents

nowadays and having this kind of setting is irresponsible and might be a reason for doing sexual

activities.

Jeff Avalon, a respondent from Turners research (2017) pointed out that each generation has

their unique way of survival for they are uniquely shaped by their life experiences but is not able to

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communicate to foreign people outside that age group. However, a different approach of Pew Research

Center (2010) claims that millenials are making their way into adulthood and also begins to forge their

confidence, self expressiveness, liberality, upbeat and being open to change.

Previous studies and researches showed statistics of millennials being with their partners. The

cited related literature proves it and in addition to that some of the studies showed the outcomes of

being with your partner. However, the researchers noticed a research gap wherein a definite concept of

millennials about courting is not present and the varieties of means and processes millennials usually do

in courting is not seen. Therefore, the researchers would like to fill in information with these research

gaps by further conduction of the study.

Therefore, the objective of this study is to define, explain and elaborate the millennials concept

relating to courtship. The study also involves the variation of means and processes usually done in

millennials courtship stage. The study also aims to contribute to the promotion of social understanding

of the millennials state in the society.

REVIEW OF RELATED LITERATURE

This chapter composes of literatures and past studies and related journals which talks about

and/or emphasizes millennials, dating, courting and relationship. The materials may be used for further

improvisation and/or will help to complete the research study. The researchers have done intensive

reading in order to provide background information regarding the research topic.

A study states some of the dominant characteristics of millennials: 1) Special. It is said that they

are way too different to other generations. Even though they want privacy, they still crave for attention;

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2) Sheltered. They were truly cared by their parents and makes sure that nothing bad happens to them;

3) Confident. They strive hard for their goals in life to secure their future. They always think positive and

believe for what is right and; 4) Conventional. They know that the government knows what best to them

so they follow laws strictly (Howe & Strauss, 2003). On the given list, the researchers concluded that the

millennial generation has a strong determination and passion to whatever they are doing because of the

first institution that helped them forge to whatever they are now.

Another list was made by Media Insight but they focused on the four different groups of

millennials as they grow up with technology. 1) The Unattached. A group of millennials that usually tend

to bump into news. They use social life to catch up with friends and to talk about school and jobs; 2) The

Explorers. They are the ones who is interested in the current news because they believe that it has

something to do with them and simply because they have something to benefit; 3) The distracted. They

are interested in current events because they use it as a guide to a better living and thinks that it will be

useful in overcoming challenges in life, and; 4) The Activists. They are racially and ethnically diverse.

They are the ones who speaks out most usually about current issues.

A recent study conducted by Andrew Dix (2007) asserts to determine whether in single

interpersonal communication influences physical attractiveness in dating. A total of 104 undergraduate

students form United States University engaged in speed dating. Upon arrival, participants took pre-

measure, series of three-minute speed dating and completed a post-measure. Results are; perceptions

of physical attractiveness increased in positive communication condition from pre-measure to post-

measure while perceptions of physical attractiveness decreased in negative communication condition

from pre-measure to post-measure. Additional findings suggest that three-minute dating had different

effects on women and men. One of the central conclusion from the research was women can use

interpersonal communication to increase their physical attractiveness. Speed dating is a romantic

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process where participants go on several dates that range between 3-9 minutes every partner. The

organizer will ring a bell which cues for participants to rotate to their next partner and at the end of the

event, the participants will choose among he or she dated to meet again in the future. Speed dating is a

good way for studying early romantic relationship. It provides a large background information about the

participants before they meet one another, introduce themselves in a speed dating event and the

improvement of relationship after days, weeks, and beyond.

The definition of love and courtship was clarified with the help of Reiss (1980) Theory of Love.

The theory states that love develops in the entire courtship stage. Another study of Kerckhoff and Davis

(1962) where they proposed the Filter Theory wherein they claim that a couple successfully passed In

the filter stage of knowing each other, comparing each others beliefs and values and compatibility. On

the other hand, the Stimulus-Value-Role Theory of Murstein (1970) states that there are three stages

that a couple first undergone. First is the stimulus stage where one gets attracted by ones physical their

characteristics and observes his social behavior. Next is the value stage where the two compares their

values and beliefs and checks compatibility. The last is the role stage where one checks if the other fits

his/her idealized expectations.

On Paul Cantrells (2007) latest work, he stated that we should distinguish the difference

between dating and courtship. Before you find your life's mate, you may encounter or date several

people. This dating will soon lead to courtship after narrowing to one person that you chose to be your

life's mate. Courtship limits dating to only one person. There are also limited acts offered in courtship

like telephone calls, writing love letters and flirtatious gestures. The man is the pursuer and the girl is

the one who is pursued. The man pursue the girl until he catcher her and that's the time when they

need to assess the attitudes, traits and interests of each other especially the family since you just don't

marry your lover but also his/her family. He added that we all need to understand that almost all things

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will change after marriage so it is better to be sure that you really love that person. When the courtship

has been successful and the man is ready to propose and the girl says 'yes's - then they should now

become engaged. Public announcement of the couple regarding their intentions to be married along

with an engagement ring is appropriate.

Having a romantic relationship with a differently-abled person happen much often because of

the mind-set of people that they will only suffer loving someone who has such condition. Some people,

in contrast, doesnt care for whatever youre look maybe but instead of how they see you as who you

are. Despite of this trait, they also have fear about their childs future conditions in life. (Sroufe, Dougal,

Weinfield & Carlson, 2000)

However, a different statement by Donn Byrne (1971), where he revised an igneous strategy

which was originally used by Smith (1957), in which he claims that a person likes someone if and only if

they know that the person likes them too. For the researchers point of view, having a mutual feeling

with a person would help to know them better and would actually be the reason for them to fall in love.

Some people may actually set with ones character and behavior. A contrasting opinion by Sidney

Jourard (1971) claims that having a self-disclosure is the reason for a person to expect someone to like

him back as the way the person does.

On the other hand, a survey was conducted by cldibillings.org wherein they asked for problems

that a couple might encounter and they got answers which some has religious influences. A respondent

stated that dating and courtship are two methods of beginning a relationship. For Christians, they

believe that dating is not just for having intimate physical relationships. They tend to maintain the

friendship aspect when dating and ensure that their potential marriage partner is a believer of Christ

since the Bible warns us that the believer and non believer of Christ can't live in harmony together and

also there should be no physical contact between then for it is only allowed after marriage. Courtship

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involves two people without physical contact at all until marriage. The courting couple should not spend

time together without the parents or family. Courtship allows the two people to know more about each

other in a platonic setting without the pressure of intimate physical contact. There are problems in both

dating and courtship. In dating, you may spend time alone your partner and may encounter temptations

that is hard to resist. For Christians there are boundaries for dating couple, they also ensure that Christ

is the center of their relationship. The parents of dating couple should also be involved in the

relationship for the parents to know better about the companion of their child and guide them.

Courtship has its own difficulties too. Courtship advocates see it as the only way to find your mate but

for the others it is hard for them since you can't evaluate the "real person" when he is in front of your

family. You can't also have one to one opportunity for you to know him better and not able to have

emotional and spiritual intimacy. Also, courtship may lead to arrange marriage situation by the parents

that could bring displeasure to the couple. Neither courtship nor dating is mandated in scripture. We

should know that the nature of how and when the couple spend time together is not that important but

it is the result of the process which is the "Godly Christian on men and women marrying and raising

families to the glory of God" . In the end, it is far more important to see the Christian character and

spiritual maturity of the couple and as the Bible says, whatever we do, do all the glory of God.

A latest research by Duck (1999) states that social psychologists once used to be interested in

studying relationship between two people while recently they are interested about how relationships

start. In Ducks newest research in (2010), he simply stated that physical sex affects a persons

perception in a way which a situation is to be understood.

The review of related literature gave a clearer understanding on:

Millennials different characteristics and group based on as how they grow with technology

The connectedness of love, dating and courtship in finding a partner

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Different perceptions of people in finding a partner

Different theories that elaborated the relationship of love and courtship

Problems that a couple might encounter in their relationship

The researchers would conduct further research in order to provide more in-depth knowledge

regarding to the process of courting by millennials.

STATEMENT OF THE PROBLEM

The present study aimed to distinguish the process of millennials by courting. The participants of

the study is only in the vicinity of Meycauayan City. The research study seeks to answer these questions:

1. How do millennials perceive dating and courting?

2. What are the factors that affects millennials during the courtship stage?

3. What are the things that millennials consider in order to complete the courtship stage?

METHODOLOGY

The study seeks to explore the realities of millennials in the vicinity of Meycauayan National

High School by viewing information from individuals in their experiences of dating and courting. The

connection of these concepts in literature and studies eventually provides the bases on how they exist

and emerge on the lives of the participants. This framework therefore uses these relationships and

connections to describe the peoples live experiences to establish the truth.

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CONCEPTUAL FRAMEWORK

TRUTHS AND REALITIES

DATING

COURTING

EXPERIENCES

RESULTS AND DISCUSSION

An observation of Dr. Pat Love, a relationship consultant and marriage and family therapist,

states that millennials are perceptive about dating, courting, marriage and other types of relationship

that involves romantic love (McGuire, 2015; Love, 2014). This helps define the study of the researchers

which involves knowing the live experiences of the millennials regarding courtship and dating. The

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researchers used a semi-structured interview, and codes the gathered data and transcripted these into

themes and categories.

The researchers were able to formulate themes and categories from the general sense of the

response of the respondents. These were: their own definition for the words dating and courting,

factors that affect courting, things to do to be successful in courting and things to consider when

courting. Together with the themes and categories, the researchers have created a flowchart which

presents the process of millennials before and during the courtship stage.

Giving a clearer definition for the first category, the millennials definition for courtship and

dating, is that it is a way of knowing each other more. The respondents actually say that paraan para

magkakilala kayo lalo ng taong mahal mo, a way of a man to show affection, way of introducing

yourself things like that. A claim by the researchers state that this observation blurs Paul Cantrells

(2007) statement about the difference of dating and courting which asserts that dating leads to

courtship because the millennials define it almost as the same thing.

On the other hand, the respondents had given a list of factors that affect the courtship stage.

Maraming nagsasabi na physical characteristics, pero habang tumatagal, tumitingin ka na sa katangian

niya, Kapag gusto mo siya sa ugali niya, sa pananamit niya, sa physical niya., Isa sa nakakaapekto

dito ay pamilya. With these data, the researchers assume that things involved with the person greatly

influences how they build their relationship. An actual quote of a respondent, pag nakita nang hindi

inaasahan,, natutuwa ka pag nakikita mo siya proves a recent study of Andrew Dix (2007) which

determines that single interpersonal communication influences physical attractiveness in dating.

Another category, the things that millennials do to be successful in courting. Respondents stated

that, Sincere, kelangan ng time, effort and patience., Ipakita na totoo ka sa ginagawa momaging

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matyaga.. The researchers believe that you need to be patient, allot time for your future partner, show

your effort and of course, sincerity. These will help you and your future partner build trust towards each

other and at the same time, show your real self.

Regarding the things to consider when courting, milllenials thought of about how would they

make their future partners believe their feelings for them and actually the things that might be a

hindrance in pursuing their future partners. Pupuntahan ko siya sa bahay, Isipin muna kung gusto

mo ba talaga, Dapat ay mahal niya din ako. The answers given by the respondents provide a

clearer understanding to millenials perception about how would they handle things during the process

of the courtship stage.

[ Insert Figures 1.1 and 1.2]

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GOING OUT
HAPPINESS
QUALITY TIME
INTERESTEDNESS

LIKING YOU FAMILY

GETTING TO KNOW
BACK APPROVAL
LIKING A PERSON

KNOWING EACH
OTHER INTRODUCING
YOURSELF PHYSICAL
KINDNESS
ATTRACTIVENESS

ENJOYING ONES
ATTITUDE
PRESENCE MILLENIALS
FACTORS THAT
DEFINITION OF AVAILABILITY
AFFECT COURTING
COURTING AND
DATING FEELINGS

WAY OF
SHOWING
AFFECTION
LIVE EXPERIENCES
OF MILLENIALS
REGARDING SELF ASSURANCE
COMPATIBILITY
RESOURCES COURTING AND PATIENCE
DATING

THINGS TO CONSIDER WHEN THINGS TO DO TO BE

SINCERITY COURTING SUCCESSFUL IN COURTING

SINCERITY
TIME EFFORT
COMPATIBILITY
TRUTHFULNESS
EXCHANGE OF
COMPATIBILITY
FEELINGS EXCHANGE OF
FAMILY TIES
FEELINGS

EFFORT CONSISTENCY
BE YOURSELF
STABLE JOB
CHIVALRY

Figure 1.1 Theme and Categories on Millenials Live Experiences Regarding Dating and Courting

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FACTORS

Interestedness
Attitude
Feelings
Physical Attractiveness
Family Approval

FIRST STAGE

Going Out
Having a quality time
Introducing yourself
Knowing each other

SECOND STAGE

Compatibility
Sincerity
Chivalry
Effort
Time
Patience
Sincerity

THIRD STAGE/LAST STAGE

Consistency
Exchange of Feeling
Truthfulness
Self-Assurance
Effort
Sincerity
Compatibility

Figure 1.2 The Process of Courting of Millenials

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By doing an intensive analysis and interpretation of the gathered data, the researchers are able to

present a thematic diagram (Figure 1.1) showing the relations of each category under the same theme.

The diagram presents the codes under categories showing their lives experiences involving courting and

dating.

As for the process of courting of millennials (Figure 1.2), the researchers have created a

flowchart in which in the first box, the factors greatly affect ones thinking whether to start the

courtship process. In the second box until the last box, shows the attributes or characteristics of a

person which should be present to be able to succeed in the courtship process and proceed to the next

chapter of their life with their future partners.

As a whole, the researchers are able to gather, analyze and interpret the gathered data to their

fully best. Their claims somehow relates to the different theories, studies and literatures as stated and

given in the review of literature. The study should have further research if possible to improve the

findings and to provide more accurate and reliable results. One of the researchers objectives was

accomplished because they were able to provide a social understanding of the millennials state in the

society.

Limitations

The semi-structured interview was done by the researchers through verbal and using Facebook

Messenger to be able to communicate with the respondents clearly. The researchers have noted the

responses and analyzed the data by brainstorming. In terms of codifying and categorizing, the

researchers are able to use any type but should be known to code well and easily based on the number

of respondents. The respondents should be in the area of Meycauayan City only to be able to focus to a

certain group of people. A total of 10 respondents were interviewed, based on the researchers need to

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gather enough data for the research study. Their age limits should be at least 20-39 years old based on

the scope of the birth years of millenials (1980-1999). The researchers should also be able to improve

the research paper in the allotted time as per part to be able to show responsibility and discipline.

CONCLUSIONS AND RECOMMENDATIONS

The researchers aim to define the concept and processes involve in millennials' courtship. They

conducted this study and used semi structured interview, gathered data, turned it into codes and

formulated a theme to give answers to the problems they have. The researchers formulated a process of

courtship which consists of factors that can affect a person to court someone and with the three stages

of courting and under of each stages are attributes that must be present in the process to succeed in

courting. The researchers would like to recommend, that in the improvisation of this study, it would be

better to lessen the number of participants to have more accurate results. The researchers would also

recommend an involvement of an expert that will help improving the study.

REFERENCES

cldibillings (2011). Things To Consider Before Courting. 1-12. Retrieved from

http://cldibillings.org/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/Courting-Things-to-Consider-Beforehand-

via-GotQuestions.org_.pdf

Cantrell P. (2007). Dating, Courting, Engagement, and the Wedding, Courting and Dating. 3- 15.

Retrieved from camphillchurch.org/study_booksDATING, Courtship, Engagement,

Wedding.pdf
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Howe N., W. Strauss (2003). Millenials Go To College. Characteristics of the Millennial Generation. 1.

Retrieved from https://students.rice.edu/images/students/AADV

/OWeek2008AADVResources/Characteristics%20of%20the%20Millenial%20Generatio n.pdf

American Institute (2015). The Media Insight Project. Breaking Down the Millenials. 2-4.

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PricewaterhouseCoopers (2017). Millennials at work: Reshaping the, workplace. Why millennials

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Sweeney R. (2006), Behaviors & Demographics. Demographics, Millennial Behaviors. 2-4.

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c0c5ad60ee22f5124.pdf

Sydney University (2011). Learn To Build And Maintain Healthy Relationships. 3-5. Retrieved

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relationships. pdf

Sroufe L.A., Duggal S., Weinfield N., and Carlson E. (2000), 5 Relationships, Development, and

Psychopathology. Family Relationships as Assets, Moderators, and Mediators. 6-7. Retrieved

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Martin P. (2017). Courting Millenials with Cultural Capital: 7 Things Young Early Adopters Wont

Tell You. 3-15. Retrieved from http://patricia-martin.com/pm_downloads

/CourtingMillennialsWithCulturalCapital.pdf

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Turner A. (2017). What Millenials Want: The Future of Millenials in the Credit Union. 23-26.

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Gualtieri W., Seppanen S. (2012). The Millennial Generation (National Chamber Foundation. 1-4.

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default/files/article/foundation/MillennialGeneration.pdf

Kohut A., Taylor P., et al. (2010). Millennnials: A Portrait of Generation Next. 13-14.Retrieved from

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change.pdf

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