Guide:

Writing a "Bad News" Letter

Copyright 2002 by Elizabeth Robinson

As one author puts it, "Buffer the bad news, but still be clear" (Pfeiffer 220).  When you
write bad news letters, you may have to break some of the rules of style and
organization that you normally follow in documents.

 First, while you must state the purpose of the letter in the opening paragraph, you
won't state the actual "news" (in this case, the bad news) until later in the
document.
 Second, you may often find yourself using passive voice instead of active voice
so that you can avoid a harsh, "finger-pointing" tone.

You also need to organize your letter in a certain way in order to make the bad news
more palatable to your reader and to help ensure a positive relationship between you
and the reader.

Begin the letter in a positive way 

For instance, you may begin by thanking the reader for the request that prompted this
letter or by noting an area of accomplishment or agreement regarding the issue that the
letter references.  If you cannot think of something positive with which to begin the
letter, try to begin with something that is neutral (for instance, a statement about the
subject and purpose of the letter).  Do not begin the letter with the bad news.

In the body of the letter, state the bad news in as inoffensive a way as
possible

Keeping in mind the guidelines for maintaining an effective tone when communicating
negative information, give explanations for the news, and emphasize what can be done
about the situation, if anything.  Try to focus on positive actions.

Close your letter in a friendly way that assumes continued association

with the reader

If appropriate, state what will happen next, or what must be done next.  You want to
conclude the letter on a positive note.  You don't want to leave the reader with a sour
taste in his/her mouth.
There are different strategies and techniques to be discussed when writing good-news and bad-
news letters. In good-news letters a writer is conveying good news to the receiver. The first
paragraph (introduction) provides the good-news topic (reason for the letter). The second
paragraph (discussion) provides the details of the good-news and the third paragraph
(conclusion) calls for action.

Bad-news letters use the indirect approach and opens with a neutral idea while providing facts
and supporting evidence. The second paragraph presents the reason for the bad news letter. The
third paragraph ends with a neutral close. Tact and politeness is required when writing a letter of
bad news. A writer of a letter of bad news must pay attention to tone and structure throughout the
letter to avoid future problems. Writers must prevent themselves from offending the reader.

All writing is a form of persuasion. A writer tries to persuade their reader to understand his, or
her point of view. Attention to wording is essential in a bad-news business letter to prevent
breaking the code of ethics. An example for a reason for a bad-news letter is:

A company I work for has been advised to downsize labor cost by any means possible. The only
choice I have is to terminate all temporary positions within the company. This decision requires
that I write bad news letters to each of the temporary employees, terminating them and
explaining to each one the reason for termination. I must take care to use tact and politeness
throughout the letter while making it clear that their job performance was excellent and had no
bearing on my company decision. When writing to the employee, I should offer a severance pay
and to write a letter of recommendation to help the employee with job search. Additionally,
medical benefits should be extended for a short time after termination. Additionally, letting the
employee know that with his, or her given qualifications and proven abilities, I am confident that
he or she will find another position in the near future. End on a calm and upward happy note.

Formats for "Bad News" Correspondence

Contributed by Deane Gradous, Twin Cities consultant

Two Formats, Two Results

"Bad news" memos and letters are easier to write when you remember the two formulas for
organizing the content of such correspondence. Although the formulas appear to be only
slightly different, the reader is likely to respond to each format in a different way.

Indirect format, or "You are a valued person."

1. Thanks ...
2. Because ...
3. Sorry ...
4. Thanks ...
By using the indirect formula you prepare the reader for the bad news while you develop in
his or her mind the rationale for your "no" decision. The indirect format is designed to
preserve relationships under difficult circumstances for both writer and reader. It is gracious
and definite and can be empathetic.

Direct format, or "Go away and don't bother us again."

1. Thanks ...
2. Because ...
3. Sorry ...
4. Thanks ...

By using the direct formula you quickly inform the reader of your decision. If you choose to
add a reason for your decision, keep it simple. The direct format is not designed to preserve
the relationship between writer and reader. Nevertheless, it is courteous and definite.

2.6.3 Structure for persuasive messages eg sales letters

As marketing of your organisation becomes more important, and more subtle, we need to
understand the basic guidelines for a persuasive message. The AIDA principle is a useful one to
follow. AIDA represents attention, interest, desire and action.

1. Attention

 get the reader to pay attention. As we are inundated with more messages than ever before we
tend to ignore those that do not grab our attention
 state a problem that affects the reader
 promise a benefit
 appeal to the reader's emotions
 introduce your primary appeal

2. Interest

 show the reader your answer to the problem you raised in the first section
 provide a description of him or her enjoying the benefits you mentioned in the first section
 this section should provide a clear transition from attention to desire
3. Desire

 move the reader from 'like to have' to 'really want'

 justify the reader's desire with emotional appeals (feelings) or rational appeals (thinking ability);
for example, clothes sold on the basis of fashion or durability

4. Action

 tell the reader what to do

 give a reason for acting now by, for example, offering a bonus of some sort
 provide aids such as pre-paid envelopes
 emphasise the primary appeal to convince the reader that they are doing the

Writing Positive and Routine Messages

Last update: 21 August 2002
 
Positive information—good news—typically establishes its own rapport. Because
virtually everyone responds in a positive way to good news, stating it first helps get such
messages off to a good start. Routine messages, those containing neutral information,
follow the same pattern as those containing information typically considered positive and
also place the most important information from the reader’s perspective in the initial
position.
General Structure for Conveying Positive and Neutral Information
Because good news establishes its own rapport, begin by stating the good news or the
most important information from the reader’s perspective.   As is true for orders and
inquiries (direct requests), the writer’s main task in writing routine and positive messages
is to convey the information clearly, concisely, and completely. The opening should be
positive and direct, pacing the reader’s expectations. The message needs to answer all the
questions the reader may have asked and should anticipate questions that may occur to
the reader after the message is received. The closing of the letter or memo should either
make clear who should do what next and/or help establish a better business relationship.

Use the following structure:

Pace

Meet the reader’s expectations by using a standard format for business letters. The first
sentence should help the reader identify the purpose of the letter by answering your
reader’s most important question, stating the good news, or providing the most important
piece of information.

 The most important difference between Model A and Model B is. . . .

 Here is the application for admission you requested.
  You will receive the XYZ you ordered within the next two weeks. As you
requested, we shipped it by UPS.

Note:   When you need to apologize—when the reader expects an apology—doing so

first will help establish rapport. Treat apologies as though they were positive messages,
and, when possible, focus on correcting the problem rather than on the apology itself.
When your mistake has cost the reader time or money or has created an inconvenience,
begin with the apology, and then correct the problem. When you cannot correct the
problem, apologize and move on to something more positive.

 I’m sorry you received an incorrect order, Ms. Jones. I’ve sent the size 12 blue
suede jacket you actually ordered by UPS. I’ve also sent a prepaid shipping
voucher for your convenience in returning the original shipment.
 Thank you for letting me know that one of our sales clerks was rude to you. On
behalf of XYZ’s, I apologize for your inconvenience and embarrassment.

Lead

Provide the necessary explanatory information. State how the reader can benefit from the
product, service, or information you are providing. Include natural transition from your
opening statement to the additional information you will provide as you blend your
outcomes with those of the reader.

 For the small difference in cost, Model B offers a number of additional

features. . . .
 We’re glad to cover repairs and your shipping costs under the provisions of the
warranty. . . .
 To be eligible for financial aid, complete the enclosed form entitled “Application
for Financial Aid,” and return it with your completed application for admission.

Blend Outcomes

When possible, be specific about the ways in which you can meet the reader’s needs.
When that’s not possible, either because you are unwilling or unable to provide
everything your reader has requested, emphasize what you can do. When you are
responding to a request for information, make sure that you have answered all of the
reader’s questions. Also, anticipate questions that your reader should have asked but
didn’t, and provide answers to those as well.  

 Model B includes a CD-ROM drive.

 Yes, we can comfortably accommodate 750 for dinner on the 15th. The enclosed
menus show you the range of choices available through our Executive Banquet
Service.
 The XYZ will fit comfortably within the 25 square feet you have available for it.

Motivate
 In business situations, readers always need to know who is responsible for doing what
next. If you are going to do something, say so explicitly. If the reader is responsible for
the next step, be explicit about that. When no specific future action is required, use the
closing to build goodwill and promote the future of the relationship.

 Use the enclosed coupon to receive a 10 percent discount on any ABC product.
 As soon as you confirm the accommodations you desire, I will make all the
necessary reservations for you.
 I will bring a sample XYZ to your office in New York for our meeting at 9:00A
on Tuesday the 15th.

Note:   Because passive voice is less explicit than active voice, use it only when the
reader will consider the required action unpleasant or a reminder of a mistake he or she
has made. In such cases, passive voice helps soften the unpleasantness associated with
the action or the mistake.

Not this: When the accommodations you desire have been confirmed, the
necessary reservations will be made for you. [Who confirms? Who will make the
reservations? Neither of these is negative, so active voice would be better.]

Not this: The enclosed coupon can be used for a discount on any ABC product.
[Who will use the coupon? Active voice would be better: Use the enclosed
coupon....]

Say this: As soon as the enclosed financial disclosure form is completed and
returned, we can begin the process of evaluating your eligibility for the
scholarship. [The reader needs to do an unpleasant task, so the passive voice is
appropriate.]

Say this: When the XYZ has been reconnected to your computer as shown in the
enclosed diagram, call me at 800/555-5555 for assistance with the software
installation. [The passive voice helps avoid accusing the reader of having made a
mistake.]

Positive Replies
Acknowledgments are reader-initiated messages. They are replies to readers’ orders and
inquiries. In a positive reply, you are providing the requested information about products,
services, operations, personnel, or some other item of mutual concern because your
reader has asked you to provide it. When a reader sends you an inquiry, you can respond
in one of three ways: you can say yes, no, or maybe. For negative replies to reader
requests see Writing Negative Messages.

Now that so many businesses are online with email address and Web pages, most people
have an increased expectation for prompt responses. In general, email orders and
inquiries should be acknowledged within 24 hours, and those that arrive by letter should
be acknowledged within 48 hours. Respond to email orders and inquiries with an email
message, and send a letter or postcard to acknowledge those received by mail.

Acknowledging Orders

People expect prompt, courteous replies to their requests for goods and services, and by
fulfilling that expectation you can increase the positive feelings your readers have for you
and your company. Acknowledgments of orders are directed toward either dealers or
consumers, and—as is true for all business messages—the writer needs to adapt the
message to the particular needs of the audience.

The writer also needs to consider the cost of the acknowledgments relative to the goods
or services ordered. It makes no sense, for example, to send a $9 personal letter in
response to a $2 order. On the other hand, the customer who places a $2,000 order
deserves a well-written, personal reply, even if the bulk of the letter consists of
boilerplate, standard paragraphs used to acknowledge orders of specific types. Most
orders should be acknowledged with a carefully prepared form message that

1. Accompanies the shipment or lets the reader know that the correct merchandise is
on its way by specifying the items to be shipped and the method of shipment.
2. Expresses appreciation for the reader’s business.
3. Suggests appropriate possibilities for future business transactions.

While printed cards or letters, along with a specific invoice, are sufficient in many cases,
word-processed form letters are generally more useful because they can express more
personal concern for the reader while being inexpensive to produce. Whether you use
email, a printed reply, or a personal letter, be sure to include as much you-attitude as
possible.

Resale material, which stresses the benefits of goods or services already purchased, will
help convince the reader that he or she has made the correct decision. New sales
material, which encourages the reader to purchase additional goods or services from you,
helps reinforce the idea that the business relationship will continue in the future, which is
a way of futurepacing additional purchases.

Sample Letter 8 and Sample Letter 9 illustrate the main characteristics of

acknowledgments based on printed forms and those written as individual replies.

Acknowledging Requests

Positive acknowledgments of requests fall into three general categories:

 Those that give you the opportunity to sell your goods or services to your reader.
 Those that emphasize positive information but may include some sales material.
 Those that should include no sales material.
Obviously, if you are in a business that exists by selling products or services, you will
want to use every opportunity to increase your chances of making a sale. Before you
answer any request for information about your products or services, ask yourself whether
you should concentrate on the objective of supplying the information or the objective of
selling a product or service.

The two objectives call for different treatment. A message concentrating on supplying the
information, even though further sales opportunities may also be mentioned, is a direct
message because the information will pace the reader’s expectation. A message
concentrating on selling a product or service, however, needs to pace the reader
appropriately before introducing sales material to avoid the loss of rapport. Replies that
emphasize sales are persuasive messages.

When you have determined that the communication context does not offer you the
opportunity to include sales material, you should still use your acknowledgement of your
reader’s request to build goodwill. When you can provide what the reader has requested,
you should say so in the opening sentence. A positive answer to a reader’s question will
pace the reader’s expectation and place the message in the appropriate communication
context. Avoid thanking the reader for having written or saying that you have received
the request:

Not this: We have received your request for a copy of our manual, “How to
Assert Yourself on the Job Without Being Fired.” [It’s obvious that you received
the request, or you would not be writing.]

Say this: Here is your copy of “How to Assert Yourself on the Job Without Being
Fired.” [The opening paces the reader by providing what he or she requested.]

Not this: Thank you for asking me to speak at the monthly meeting of the
Williamsburg Chapter of the American Society for Training and Development in
April. [This opening delays the positive reply, causing the reader to wonder what
the answer will be.]

Say this: I’ll be glad to speak at the April meeting of the Williamsburg Chapter of
the American Society for Training and Development. Thank you for asking me.
[This opening lets the reader know right away that the answer is yes.]

Be sure to answer all of your reader’s questions, including those questions asked
explicitly, those implied, and those that should have been asked but were not. Be specific
in supplying information, and interpret any facts and figures that may not be absolutely
clear to your reader. When you aren’t sure whether the reader will be familiar with your
terminology, subordinate the term in question to something the reader won’t already
know.

Not this: The subwoofer needs to be placed between the two front speakers.
[Emphasizes something that may be obvious to the reader.]
 Say this: Placing the subwoofer between the two front speakers will greatly
enhance your home theater's sense of realism. [Subordinates the placement of the
subwoofer to the associated benefit.]

Should some of your information be negative, de-emphasize it by placing it in the middle

of the letter or memo. Your closing should motivate by being positive and forward-
looking. Avoid clichés and negative statements that presuppose a lack of confidence:

Not this: If I can be of further service, do not hesitate to contact me.

Not this: Feel free to call on me again.
Not this: I hope this letter answers your questions.

Say this: Let me know when I can help again.

Say this: I’m glad to have been of help.

Because the closing lines of the message receive so much reader attention, it is especially
important for you to make those lines work for you. Readers tend to ignore clichés, and
statements lacking confidence undermine the objectives you are trying to achieve.
 

Avoid these Use these

I hope I’m glad (We’re glad)
We trust I’ll be glad to
Do not hesitate Write me (Call me)
If you have any questions When you’re in town
Why not call Visit our showrooms
At your earliest convenience Soon (Next week, next month)
Thank you again You’ve been a big help
 

Simple Replies: Most acknowledgments without sales opportunities are fairly

straightforward: You simply agree to do or provide what your reader has requested, as
Sample 10 illustrates.

Positive Replies to Claims: Positive replies to requests for adjustments or refunds and to
requests for credit require more thoughtful treatment than positive acknowledgements
because the reader’s ego is more involved in the situation. When the reader has requested
an adjustment or credit, she or he has a strong interest in the action you decide to take.
Even though your positive reply to the request will help establish rapport, you will have
other issues to consider.

In the case of claims, in addition to using the positive reply to establish rapport, the writer
needs to repair the relationship—to restore the reader’s confidence in the writer’s
company, product, or service. Positive replies to claims need to contain resale on the
product or service already sold and appropriate new sales material to demonstrate
confidence in the future of the business relationship.

How much new sales material you should include will depend on the circumstances.
When the problem has been significant, costing the reader either time or money for which
you cannot fully compensate, concentrate on resale. In such situations, the reader is
primarily concerned with the fair and complete resolution of his or her current situation
and would find too much sales material offensive. Sample 11 illustrates the basic pattern
for a positive acknowledgment of a request for adjustment.

Replies about People: Acknowledgments of requests for information about people are
usually a matter of completing the forms supplied by the company making the request.
Occasionally, however, you will need to write a letter—either because the requestor did
not supply a form or because the circumstances are sufficiently unusual to make a
standard form inadequate.

Replies to requests for information about people are frequently called letters of
recommendation because they are often used to recommend someone for a scholarship,
admission to graduate school, or a job. A more accurate term, however, is letter of
reference, because the writer may choose not to recommend but simply reference his or
her experience with the individual being asked about.

When you can recommend the person in question, your recommendation should be stated
immediately. When you cannot provide an unqualified recommendation, the negative
material preventing the recommendation, like all negative material, should be placed in
the middle of the letter and stated in as positive way as possible. Honesty dictates,
however, that negative information that would influence the reader’s decision be
presented clearly. Letters of reference reflect on the writer and his or her judgments as
much as they do on the person being written about.

Replies to requests about people should state whether the information is confidential,
whether it was requested, and how you know what you are reporting (direct experience or
observation, what others have told you, etc.). See Sample 12 for an illustration of a letter
of reference.

Replies about Credit: Another kind of acknowledgment is a reply to a request for credit.
When you decide to extend credit, it will be because your reader’s character, ability to
pay, and business conditions all indicate his or her willingness and ability to handle credit
transactions honestly and well. Your reply extending credit should acknowledge the
reader’s having earned the right to do business by credit. Note that credit is earned and
not granted or approved. Both granted and approved presuppose a condescension, a
relationship in which the writer is superior to the reader.

Not this: We are granting you credit in the amount of . . .

Not this: We have approved your request for credit.
 Say this: Your excellent credit history qualifies you for . . .
Say this: Congratulations. Because of your excellent credit history, you have
earned the right to carry a Gold Card from XYZ Inc.

When the credit approval is accompanied by the shipment of goods, begin the letter by
saying that you have sent the merchandise. Sending the merchandise implies the
extension of credit, and except for the credit information, letters of this type are similar to
those acknowledging orders.

When writing to consumers, be sure to clarify your credit terms and the procedures for
paying. When you are writing to dealers, adapt your language to avoid an explicit
explanation of terms most dealers would know. Subordinate the terms themselves to the
specific benefits associated with them.

To a Consumer: Your new Gold Card allows you to purchase up to $25,000

worth of goods and services in any monthly billing period. You will receive your
statement for the previous month’s charges between the 2d and the 5th of the
month, and a minimum payment will be due by the 20th, or you may pay the full
amount without penalty.

To a Dealer: With our usual credit terms of 3/10, n/60, you can save $680 on this
order alone by paying the discount price by the date specified on the enclosed
invoice. Or, if you prefer to delay payment, the full amount is due 60 days after
the date on the invoice.

Announcements
Messages that announce sales, special events (such as conferences, meetings, formal
parties or other celebrations), and special awards are all good-news messages. Messages
announcing minor changes in policy also fall into this category, but messages announcing
major changes in policy are usually handled as persuasive messages.

Because many announcements imply an invitation, they are written in much the same
way as invitations. The principal differences are that invitations are more exclusive
(usually going to fewer people at a time) and have the promise of greater benefit for the
reader. Announcements are less special and need to be more persuasive. Because
announcements typically go to groups of people at a time, they are typically printed and
use various persuasive strategies to catch attention. Sample 13 illustrates an
announcement.

Special Goodwill Messages

Messages that do not have a specific business purpose are known as special goodwill
messages because their main purpose is to improve the relationship between writer and
reader. These messages can be especially meaningful to a reader precisely because they
do not have any other purpose. To include sales material of any sort or to attempt to
conduct other business in these letters would defeat their purpose. The following are the
typical categories of special goodwill messages:
 1. Messages of congratulation. Significant accomplishments, such as promotions,
retirements, election to an office, winning a competition, or marriage, deserve
special messages of recognition and praise. When your customers, clients, or
associates achieve important milestones, they will appreciate and remember
messages congratulating them. The routine sending of birthday cards, however,
may convey only that you keep a record of birthdays. Unless you can say
something personal and mean it, you will be better off skipping the birthday
cards.
2. Messages of appreciation. Whenever someone does you a favor, you owe that
person a word of thanks. When the favor is large enough, the person deserves a
letter. Many businesses send routine thank-you messages to customers for prompt
payment, patronage, or recommendations to others. Such messages reinforce the
person’s desire to do favors for you in the future.
3. Messages conveying season’s greetings. Special business relationships merit an
exchange of greetings at appropriate times of the year. Most businesses limit
season’s greetings to specially prepared cards. Note: Be aware of cultural
differences in the celebration of religious and national holidays. Not all your
customers, clients, or associates, for example, may celebrate Christmas, and some
may be offended if you automatically assume that they do.
4. Messages of welcome. Businesses use messages of welcome to make new
customers, prospective customers, and new employees feel at home. Messages of
welcome should emphasize useful information and a willingness to help the
newcomer.
5. Get well messages and messages of sympathy. Messages extending condolences
are difficult to write, but your business friends will appreciate your having cared
enough to express your sympathetic feelings. Even though the subject is
melancholy and seems negative, your reader will, of course, already know of the
misfortune, so your opening should acknowledge the unhappy event. Be careful to
match your language to the situation. Greatly distressed, for example, is more
appropriate for a death than a broken leg.

Except for season’s greetings, each of these messages requires specific personal details to
be convincing. Messages of congratulation and appreciation should focus on the reader’s
accomplishments and efforts, and messages of sympathy should mention the deceased
person’s fine qualities if known or focus on your recognition of the reader’s loss.

Apologies
When apologies are required, they are positive messages. The apology itself will pace the
reader’s expectation. In many cases, however, apologies serve no useful purpose because
the reader is more concerned with having his or her problem solved than with how sorry
you are that it happened in the first place. When you can correct the difficulty, state the
solution to the problem first.
Not this: I’m sorry that you were inconvenienced by having to return your
Astrosonic clock radio for repairs.
 Say this: You’ll receive your fully repaired Astrosonic clock radio in just a few
days. I’ve sent it by UPS.

Apologies are required when you, your company, or a company representative has made
a mistake that cannot be corrected. Having caused a minor inconvenience is not in itself a
reason to apologize. People in business and the general public expect things to go wrong
once in a while: Nothing—and no one—is perfect. Faulty products and mistakes are
bound to occur, and prompt correction is more important than apologizing. Apologies are
required in the following circumstances:

1. You have taken too long to answer a message (phone, email, or mail).
2. You tried to solve the reader’s problem once and failed; the reader had to ask a
second time.
3. A defect in your product injured a customer. Note: For legal reasons, avoid
admitting guilt. Check with your legal department before you send a letter.
4. A representative of your company was rude to someone.
5. A defect in your product was of such a nature that the consumer will not be
interested in a correction (a cockroach in a jar of peanut butter, a dead mouse in a
bottle of beer).
6. A problem in your business operations has cost someone else time, money, and
exasperation.

When your reader deserves an apology, put it first in the message. I and we beginnings
are appropriate in only a few instances, and apologies are one of them. I’m sorry is an
effective way to begin an apology, and when the reader believes that he or she deserves
one, it effectively paces the reader’s expectation.

Never try to subordinate an apology by placing it in the middle of a message, and—even

more important—never apologize at the end of a message. After you have apologized,
explain the situation as best you can, and close in a positive, forward-looking way. See
Sample 14 for an illustration of a letter of apology.

Transmittals
Letters and memos of transmittal are used to transmit (send) something else—a report, a
resume, or some other enclosure—to a reader. A message is a letter of transmittal when
the item transmitted provides the principal reason for the letter. In most cases the
transmittal begins with a reference to the item transmitted, which paces the reader’s
expectation:

 Here is the report you requested.

 Here are the brochures you asked for.
 The enclosed schedule shows you what I propose for the summer scouting
program.

Be sure to emphasize the importance of the enclosure to the reader rather than the mere
fact that something is enclosed, which would be obvious in most circumstances.
 Not this: Please find enclosed the descriptive brochure . . .
Not this: I am enclosing a brochure . . .

Say this: The enclosed brochure describes . . .

Sample 15 illustrates a typical letter of transmittal. Note: Sales letters transmitting

enclosures and letters transmitting resumes are exceptions. In such cases, the enclosure is
considered a supplement and referred to late in the letter. For letters of this type see the
sections on persuasion.

Writing about the pleasant and the routine

Objectives:

1. List the steps in the deductive outline and identify the advantages of using it to convey
good news or routine information.
2. Write letters presenting claims and making adjustments.
3. Compose letters making and responding favorably to routine requests.
4. Compose letters requesting credit information and credit and letters providing credit
information and extending credit.
5. Write letters making orders and responding favorably to order letters.
6. Prepare memorandums and e-mail messages that convey good news or routine
information.

 What are the advantages of the deductive pattern for good news and routine letters?
 The deductive patterns has several advantages:

1. The first sentence is easy to write. After writing it, the details follow easily.
2. The first sentence is likely to attract attention because it gets the attention it
deserves in this emphatic position.
3. Encountering good news in the first sentence puts receiver in a pleasant frame of
mind, and they are receptive to the detail that follow.
4. The arrangement may save receivers some time. Once they get the important idea,
they can move rapidly through the supporting details.

 Write the steps in the deductive outline recommended for good news and routine
messages in your notebook.

Learning objective 2:

 Should a routine claim letter begin with the main idea?

 When the claim is routine, the deductive outline will contain the following points:
 1. Request action in the first sentence.
2. Explain the detail supporting the request for action.
3. Close with an expression of appreciation for taking the action request.

 An adjustment letter is a response to a claim letter.

 Include a sales message in an adjustment letter. Resale and sales promotional material are
terms that refer to this message. Write definitions to these terms in your notebook.
 Is using the word grant in an adjustment acceptable? Explain.

1. Begin with the good news (main idea) for deserved emphasis; assures receiver that action
is being taken already.
2. Expresses appreciation for being informed about the omission.
3. Presents explanation assures company the in program documentation meet company’s
rigorous standards.
4. Attempt to regain possible lost goodwill by offering specialized training.
5. Illustrates open punctuation. Colon after the salutation and comma after the
complimentary close are omitted.

Routine request letter

1. State request plainly.

2. Ask specific questions, use enumeration for emphasis.
3. Expresses appreciation and alludes to action.

Favorable response to a routine request

1. Shows sincere interest in the request and the person.

2. Provides specific answers and guidelines; use bullets to highlight answers.
3. Provide additional helpful information.
4. Includes a specific offer that helps communicate genuine interest in the person and his
transition.

Favorable response to a favor

1. Accept immediately; therefore the receiver is relieved no one else will have to be asked.
Confirms the date, time and place.
2. Uses a you attitude to confirm the change in the format.
3. Outlines specific requests to ensure a highly organized, professional affair.
4. Uses the receiver’s name to personalize the letter and invoice the reader.
5. Closes by restating enthusiasm and commitment for the project.
6. Signs first name only because he knows the reader well.
7. The right margin is not justified to improve comprehension and convey the idea the letter
was not methodically generated by a computer.
 Form letters can save time and money but must be written carefully to avoid sounding
cold and impersonal.
 Form letters are an efficient way to obtain credit information.
 Discuss the legal implication of credit information letters.
 What legal requirements apply to letters extending credit?
 A timely response is preferable for any business document, but especially important
when communicating about credit.
 The equal Credit Opportunity Act requires that a credit applicant be notified of the credit
decision within 30 days of the receipt of the request application.

 Favorable response to a request for credit.

1. State the major idea and shows interest in the company.

2. Give background information about the company.
3. Provide detail needed to extent credit.
4. Close with a look to the future.
5. Use an enclosure notation to alert the reader information is enclosed.
6. Use simplifies block format, which eliminate the needs for an impersonal salutation for a
letter addressed to a company.

1. Begin by saying credit term has been arranged, or if an order has been placed, begin by
telling of the shipment of goods, thereby implying the credit has been extended.
2. Indicate the foundation upon which the credit extension is based.
3. Present and explain the credit terms.
4. Include some resale or sales promotional material.
5. End with a confident look toward future business.

 Why discuss the basis for extending credit? Credit terms?

 You should discuss the basis for your decision to extend credit to prevent collection
problems that may arise later. Indicating that you are extending credit on the basis of an
applicant’s prompt paying habits with present creditors encourages continuation of those
habits with you.

 When is writing an order letter preferable to calling an 800 number, completing an

order blank, or placing an order via online catalog?
 When some orders may be too complex to be communicated by telephone.
 List 2 possible interpretations of "I would like to order…"
 Use order language in the first sentence. Say "Please send," or Please ship." Or other
suitable statement that assures the seller of the desire to buy.
 Companies send acknowledgments to encourage future orders.
 When is form acknowledgement inappropriate?
 Nonroutine orders require individualized acknowledgement letters. Although initial
orders can be acknowledged through form letters, the letters are more effective if
individually written. When well written, these letters not only acknowledge the order but
also create customer’s goodwill and encourage the customer to place additional orders.
 If a company is truly grateful for client’s patronage, why not say, "Thank you for
your patronage" as the last sentence to all letters to clients?
 A major purpose of the acknowledgement letter is to encourage future orders. An
effective technique to achieve this goal is to state that the merchandise was sent, include
resale, and imply that future orders will be handled in the same manner.
 Don’t expect to encourage future business by just filling the page with words like
welcome and gratitude. They are overused words, and many people whose merchandise
and services are poor overwork them.
 Appropriate action implies both gratitude and welcome. When conveying these qualities
in writing, make sure you are sincere and original.

 What 3 guidelines make e-mail messages easier to read?

 What one principle of writing used in business letters does not apply to memos and
e-mail messages?

 Principles of writing that apply to business letters also applies to memos and email
messages. An exception is the use of technical jargon, which is more likely to be use in
memorandums and e-mail messages.

 Because people doing similar work are almost sure to know the technical jargon
associated with it.

 Acronyms, abbreviations and shortened forms, such as info, rep, demo, and stat are more
useful in memos and e-mail messages than in letters.
 Like a title to a report, the subject line gives the reader the gist of the message, which aids
in understanding the message.
 What suggestions could you offer for writing an effective subject line?
 The subject line:

1. Tells the receiver what the following message is about.

2. Set the stage for the receiver to understand the message.

 Make the subject line as long as necessary.

 Think of the 5 Ws to give you some clues for good subject lines. Who, What, When,
Where, and Why.
 Repeat the subject in the body of the memorandum. Opening sentences should not
include wording such as "This is…. and "the above-mentioned subject…". The body of
the memorandum should be a complete thought and should not rely on the subject line.
Even if the subject line were omitted, the memorandum would still be clear, logical, and
complete.
 Keyboard the subject line in all capital letters.

 Where does the main idea appear in memos and e-mail messages?
 Write a memorandum deductively when it contains good news or neutral information.
  Write inductively when a memorandum contains bad news or is intended to persuade.
 Managers who have shunt letter writing for long distance telephone calls are now writing
again, thanks to the ease and power of e-mail.
 What steps should you take to ensure that procedures and instructions could be
understood and follow consistency?
 Before writing instructions, walk through each step to understand it and locate potential
trouble spots. Then attempt to determine how many employees already know about the
process and to anticipate any questions or problems.
 Then as you write instructions that require more than a few simple steps follow these
guidelines.

Good news memorandums

1. Get attention by placing good news in the subject line.

2. Include good news in emphatic first sentence position.
3. Follows with an explanation.
4. Continue with details for submitting request.
5. Close on a pleasant note.

Procedural memo

1. Introduce the main idea.

2. Introduce the upcoming list of steps.
3. Begin each sequential step with an action verb (subject "you" understood) to help
supervisors visualize themselves completing the procedures. Enumerates each step to
direct attention to each step. Use numbers rather than bullets to emphasis that each step
must be completed in sequence.
4. Adds attachment notation to alert reader that something other than the memo is included.

What is the purpose of a "to the file" memo?

 When information needs to be converted into written form and filed for future reference,
the record may be made in memo form.

 Writing the information in the memo will assist the writer in remembering and using the
information.

Tone in Business Writing

Summary: This handout provides overviews and examples of how to use tone in business writing. This
includes considering the audience and purpose for writing.
Contributors:Dana Lynn Driscoll
Last Edited: 2010-04-21 08:21:16

What is Tone?

"Tone in writing refers to the writer's attitude toward the reader and the
subject of the message. The overall tone of a written message affects the
reader just as one's tone of voice affects the listener in everyday exchanges"
(Ober 88).

Business writers should consider the tone of their message, whether they
are writing a memo, letter, report, or any type of business document. Tone
is present in all communication activities. Ultimately, the tone of a message
is a reflection of the writer and it does affect how the reader will perceive the
message.

How can I make sure my messages have the appropriate tone?

The writer should consider several things when preparing to write. The
following questions will help you to determine the appropriate tone for your
message.

 Why am I writing this document?

 Who am I writing to and what do I want them to understand?
 What kind of tone should I use?

Why am I writing this document?

You should take time to consider the purpose of your document in order to
determine how you should express the message you wish to convey.
Obviously, you want the message to reach your audience, and you will
probably want the reader to take some action in response to your message.

When you consider the message and how you wish to express it, the tone of
your message will become apparent.

For example:

Suzy is writing a job acceptance letter to an employer but is unsure of the

tone she should take in the message. She has decided to accept the
position. When she asks herself, "What is my intent upon writing?" she
answers, "I want to accept the position, thank the company for the offer,
and establish goodwill with my new co-workers." As she writes the letter she
quickly assumes a tone that is appreciative for the offer and enthusiastic
about beginning a new job.
Who am I writing to and what do I want them to understand?

Who is your audience? Whether it is an employer or a fellow worker, it is

essential that you consider your reader before writing any document. Your
message will be much more effective if you tailor the document to reach
your specific audience. The message you wish to express must be written in
a way that will effectively reach the reader.

The tone that you use to write the document directly affects how the reader
will interpret what is said.

For example:

Bob is writing a cover letter for a position as a Sales Representative for a

newspaper. He is unsure that he will be able to succeed at such a position,
and uses phrases such as: "I hope that you will contact me..." "I know that
my qualifications are not very impressive, but..."

The reader is likely to interpret these phrases to mean that Bob isn't really
qualified for the position or that he doesn't really want the position.

Clearly, Bob is not assuming an appropriate tone. He must consider that:

 He is applying for a position as a Sales Representative.

 He wants the employer to ask him to come in for an interview.
 The employer will look for highly motivated and confident individuals.

If Bob were to consider these things he may rewrite his cover letter to
include such phrases as: "You can reach me at 555-2233; I look forward to
hearing from you." "My qualifications make me an excellent applicant for this
position..."

The tone of the message has changed drastically to sound more confident
and self-assured.

What kind of tone should I use?

Fortunately, you can use the same kind of tone for most business messages.
"The business writer should strive for an overall tone that is confident,
courteous, and sincere; that uses emphasis and subordination appropriately;
that contains nondiscriminatory language; that stresses the "you" attitude;
and that is written at an appropriate level of difficulty" (Ober 88). The only
major exceptions to these guidelines are when you need to write a negative
business message, such as when you deny a job offer or a customer
request.
Here are some general guidelines to keep in mind when considering what
kind of tone to use in your letters and how to present information in that
tone:

 Be confident.
 Be courteous and sincere.
 Use appropriate emphasis and subordination.
 Use non-discriminatory language.
 Stress the benefits for the reader.
 Write at an appropriate level of difficulty.

Be Confident

You can feel confident if you have carefully prepared and are knowledgeable
about the material you wish to express. The manner in which you write
should assume a confident tone as well. As you prepare business
documents, you want the reader to do as you ask or to accept your decision.
In order to make the document effective, you must write confidently.

Consequently, a confident tone will have a persuasive effect on your

audience. The reader will become more inclined to accept your position, and
will notice the confidence that you have. Employers are inclined to hire
individuals that appear confident and sure of their abilities.

This does not mean however; that you should appear overconfident. This
can easily be interpreted as arrogant or presumptuous.

For example:

Not: You must agree that I am qualified for the position.

But: My qualifications in the areas of accounting and customer service meet your job

requirements.

Be Courteous and Sincere

A writer builds goodwill for him or herself by using a tone that is polite and
sincere. It is important to strive for sincerity in tone because without
sincerity, politeness can sound condescending

Consider the words and phrases you use in your document and how your
reader will likely receive them. If you are respectful and honest, readers will
be more willing to accept your message, even if it is negative.

For example:
Not: You didn't read the instructions carefully, thus your system has shut down.

But: The system may automatically shut down if any installation errors occur.

Use Appropriate Emphasis and Subordination

You can help your readers to understand which of your ideas you consider
most important by using emphasis and subordination. You can choose from
a variety of strategies to emphasize an idea or to subordinate it.

To emphasize an idea, place it in a short sentence. A short and simple

sentence will most effectively convey an important idea. You can provide
further explanation, sufficient examples, or evidence in following sentences.
To subordinate an idea, place it in a compound sentence.

Emphasis: Smoking will no longer be permitted in the building. The committee on

employee health and safety reached this decision after considering evidence from

researchers and physicians on the dangers of second-hand smoke.

Subordination: The committee on employee health and safety has finished considering

evidence, and they have reached the decision that smoking will no longer be permitted

in the building.

Ideas placed in the first paragraph of a document or message receive the

most emphasis, followed by information placed in the last paragraph. You
can subordinate an idea by placing it in middle paragraphs of your message
because these paragraphs receive the least emphasis.

Use active voice to emphasize the person or thing performing an action and
passive voice to emphasize the action that is being performed.

Active: Scientists have conducted experiments to test the hypothesis.

Passive: Experiments have been conducted to test the hypothesis.

Note: In most nonscientific writing situations, active voice is preferable to

passive for the majority of your sentences. Even in scientific writing, overuse
of passive voice or use of passive voice in long and complicated sentences
can cause readers to lose interest or to become confused. Sentences in
active voice are generally—though not always— clearer and more direct than
those in passive voice. You can recognize passive-voice expressions because
the verb phrase will always include a form of be, such as am, is, was, were,
are, or been. The presence of a be-verb, however, does not necessarily
mean that the sentence is in passive voice. Another way to recognize
passive-voice sentences is that they may include a "by the..." phrase after
the verb; the agent performing the action, if named, is the object of the
preposition in this phrase.

You can also emphasize and subordinate information by letting readers know
how you feel about the information.

The amount of space that you devote to an idea will help convey the idea's
importance to the reader. Discuss ideas that you want to emphasize in more
detail than you do ideas that you want to subordinate.

The language you use to describe your ideas can also suggest how important
that idea is. Use phrases such as "most important," "major," or "primary"
when discussing ideas you want to emphasize and phrases such as "a minor
point to consider" or "least important" to discuss ideas you want to
subordinate.

Emphasis: Our primary consideration must be cost.

Subordination: A minor point to consider is appearance

Repeating important ideas is good way to emphasize them as well. Be

careful not to overuse this strategy; you will lose your readers' interest if
they believe you are needlessly repeating information.

Our primary consideration must be cost - cost to purchase, cost to operate, and cost

to maintain.

Any information that stands out from the rest of the text will be emphasized.
Bolding, underlining, CAPITALIZING, indenting, and highlighting will
convey emphasis to your reader. Do not use this strategy frequently or the
design effect will be lost.

Use Nondiscriminatory Language

Nondiscriminatory language is language that treats all people equally. It

does not use any discriminatory words, remarks, or ideas. It is very
important that the business writer communicate in a way that expresses
equality and respect for all individuals. Discriminatory language can come
between your message and your reader. Make sure your writing is free of
sexist language and free of bias based on such factors as race, ethnicity,
religion, age, sexual orientation, and disability.

 Use neutral job titles

Not: Chairman

But: Chairperson

 Avoid demeaning or stereotypical terms

Not: After the girls in the office receive an order, our office fills it within

24 hours.

But: When orders are received from the office, they are filled within 24 hours.

 Avoid words and phrases that unnecessarily imply gender.

Not: Executives and their wives

But: Executives and their spouses

 Omit information about group membership.

Not: Connie Green performed the job well for her age.

But: Connie Green performed the job well.

 If you do not know a reader's gender, use a nonsexist salutation.

Not: Dear Gentlemen:

But: To Whom it May Concern:

 do not use masculine pronouns.

Not: Each student must provide his own lab jacket.

But: Students must provide their own lab jackets. Or Each student must provide

his or her own lab jacket.

Stress the Benefits For the Reader

Write from the reader's perspective. Instead of simply writing from the
perspective of what the reader can do for you, write in a way that shows
what you can do for the reader. A reader will often read a document
wondering "What's in it for me?" It is your job to tailor your document
accordingly.

Not: I am processing your order tomorrow.

But: Your order will be available in two weeks.

Stressing reader benefits will help you to avoid sounding self-centered and
uninterested.

Write at an Appropriate Level of Difficulty

It is essential that you write at an appropriate level of difficulty in order to

clearly convey your message. Consider your audience and prepare your
writing so that the reader will clearly understand what it is that you are
saying. In other words, prepare your style of reading to match the reading
abilities of your audience. Do not use complex passages or terms that the
reader will not understand. Accordingly, do not use simple terms or
insufficient examples if the reader is capable of understanding your writing.
A competent writer will match the needs and abilities of their reader and find
the most effective way to communicate with a particular reader.

What kind of tone should I use with a negative message?

It is especially important to consider tone when you are writing a negative

message. In a negative message, such as a document that rejects a job
offer or denies a request, be sure to assume a tone that is gracious and
sincere. Thank the reader for their input or involvement and carefully state
that you cannot comply with their wishes. Follow this response with an
explanation as necessary.

It is best not to draw attention to the person performing the action that will
likely displease the reader. Therefore, you may want to avoid using active
voice when delivering negative messages. You might also avoid stressing the
reader benefits unless there are clear benefits to the negative message. It
can sound insincere to stress reader benefits in a negative message.

Not: Thank you for offering me the position as General Manager at Simon's Inc.

Unfortunately, I am unable to accept the position. I did not think that the position

you offered me would utilize my communication and customer-service skills to the

degree that I wanted. Therefore, I have accepted a position as Assistant Director at a

different company

But: Thank you for offering me the position as General Manager at Simon's Inc. I
appreciate your prompt and generous offer. Unfortunately, I am unable to accept the

position. I have accepted a different position that will allow me to utilize my

communication and customer-service skills.

In some negative messages, you may need to address faults or issues

concerning an individual. When writing messages such as this, maintain a
professional tone that does not attack the individual but that makes your
position on the issue clear.

For example:

Not: I do not understand why you made such discriminatory remarks.

But: Discriminatory remarks are not tolerated in this organization.