Chapter 6: Interpersonal Communication

What is interpersonal communication?

The process of using messages to generate meaning between at least two people in a situation
that allows mutual opportunities for both speaking and listening.
Interpersonal communication may also be viewed as communication that occurs within
interpersonal relationships (Miller & Steinberg, 1975).
Includes two or more people
Involve people who are interdependent
Individuals use some consistent pattern of communication
Individuals generally have interacted for some time.

What are interpersonal relationships?

Interpersonal relationships include two or more people.
Interpersonal relationships involve people who are interdependent.
Individuals in interpersonal relationships use some consistent patterns of interaction.
Individuals in interpersonal relationships generally have interacted for some time.

The importance of interpersonal relationships

Three interpersonal needs that satisfied through interaction with other (Schutz, 1976)
The need for inclusion, or becoming involved with others.
The need for affection, or holding fond or tender feelings towards another person.
The need for control, or having the ability to influence others, our environment, and
ourselves.
Complementary relationships: Relationships in which each person supplies something the
other person lack.
Symmetrical relationships: Relationships in which participants mirror each other or are highly
similar.

Motivations for initiating relationships

Proximity: The location, distance, or range between people and things.
Attractiveness: A concept that includes physical attractiveness, how desirable a person is to
work with, and how much social value the person has for others.
Responsiveness: The idea that we tend to select our friends and who demonstrate positive
interest in us.
Similarity: The idea that our friends and loved ones are usually people who like or dislike the
same things we do.
Complementarity: The idea that we sometimes bond with people whose strengths are our
weaknesses.
Motivations for terminating relationships
Hurtful messages: Messages that create emotional pain or upset.
Deceptive Communication: The practice of deliberately making somebody believe things that
are not true.
Aggressiveness: Assertion of ones rights at the expense of others and care about ones own
needs but no one elses.
Argumentativeness: The quality or state of being argumentative; synonymous with
contentiousness or combativeness.
Defensiveness: Occurs when a person feels attacked.

THE DARK SIDE OF INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS

Interpersonal communication is challenging.
Interpersonal relationships can result in pain, suffering and abuse.
Healthy relationship qualities (self-disclosure/ affectionate communication/ mutual influence)
can become extreme and unhealthy.

Conflict in interpersonal relationships

Conflict is inevitable and normal in interpersonal relationship.
Conflict can be constructive and creative.
Conflict can be healthy when it is used to resolve differences and to clear the air.
Conflict is dysfunctional when you avoid talking about problems, withdraw, or become sullen.
Conflict is also dysfunctional when you take any criticism or suggestions as a personal attack.
Conflict is dysfunctional when you store many complaints and then attack with all of them.

Styles of expressing conflicts

NONASSERTION
Nonassertive Behaviour - the inability or unwillingness to express thoughts or feelings in a
conflict.
Due to:
Lack of confidence
Lack of awareness/skill to use a direct means of expression
Choose to communicate nonassertively
INDIRECT COMMUNICATION
Indirect Communication the communicator conveys a message in a roundabout manner to
save face of the recipient.
Is often kinder than blunt honesty
Sometimes use to protect self
Often use to make requests

DIRECT AGGRESSION
Direct Aggression expression of a criticism or demand that threatens the face of the person
at whom it is directed.
Attacks receivers position or dignity
Types:
- competence/ character/ physical appearance attacks
- teasing
- ridicule/ threats
- threats
- swearing
- nonverbal emblems
May be effective in the short run but can lead to long-lasting consequences

PASSIVE AGGRESSION
Passive Aggression expression of hostility in an obscure/subtle way.
For example:
Pseudoaccomodators pretend to agree but do not comply with request for change
Jokers- hide behind their jokes
Trivial tyrannisers- do small things to drive the other person crazy
Withholders- punish by withholding something valuable
Can have a detrimental effect on relationships
ASSERTION
Assertion - handling conflicts by expressing needs, thoughts, and feelings, clearly and directly
without judging or dictating others.
Characteristics of an assertive message
- behavioural description
- interpretation of the other persons behaviour
- description of your feelings
- description of consequences
- statement of your intentions
Communication Climate (Gibbs Categories)

Jack Gibb, a researcher of group communication, identified several communication strategies

that produce defensiveness as a complementary set of strategies that can be more supportive:

Defensive Communication Supportive Communication

Evaluation Description
Evaluative language causes Descriptive communication focuses on
defensiveness by passing judgment on the problem as separate from the other
the person and making them the focus persons. Descriptive language focuses
of the problem. Evaluative language on the speaker's perceptions ("I"
judges, quantifies or accuses ("you" language).
language).

Control Problem orientation

Control messages impose one person's Problem orientation signals respect and
views on another without concern or the desire to make a decision or find an
interest in what the other thinks or agreeable solution.
feels.

Strategic Spontaneous
Strategic Communication refers to a Spontaneous communication clarifies
speaker with an agenda or ulterior the speaker's needs and includes the
motive. hearer in the brainstorming solutions.

Neutral Empathy
Neutral communication does NOT offer Empathy involves understanding and
a diplomatic point of view on an issue-- appreciating the other's feelings.
it conveys indifferent to the other.

Superior
Superior communication sends the
message that all others are inferior or
inadequate in some way; therefore, the
speaker has no interest in what they
might say.
Equal
Equal communication sends the
message that the other is valued and
worthy as a human being.

Certainty
Speakers who communicate with
certainty come across as narrow-
minded and unwilling to listen to
another point of view.
Provisionalism
Provisional communication involves
acknowledging other points of view and
possibilities.
Essential Interpersonal communication behaviour

Using Affectionate and Supportive Communication

Influencing Others

- compliance-gaining

- compliance-resisting

Developing a Unique Relationship

- personal idioms

- rituals

Self-disclosure

SELF-DISCLOSURE IN INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS

Self-disclosure is deliberately revealing personal information about oneself that would not normally
be known to others (experience, attitude, feelings etc.)

Why is it important:

To develop relationships

To maintain or enhance relationship

To sort out confusion

To learn more about others (reciprocity)

To make one looks good

FACTORS IMPACTING APPROPRIATE SELF-DISCLOSURE

- Gradually increase disclosure as relationship develops

- Reveal information to others as they reveal information to you

- Do not disclose negative information until your relationship is established

- Do not disclose negative information that will cause you personal harm

- Be sensitive to cultural differences in your self-disclosure

- Be willing to self-disclose in interpersonal relationships

The stages in interpersonal relationship

Relational development

1. Initiating: Is the short beginning period of an interaction.

2. Experimenting: Occurs when the two people have clearly decided to find out more about
each other, to quit scouting, and to start getting serious about each other.

3. Intensifying: Involves active participation, mutual concern and awareness that the
relationship is developing because neither party has quit and both people are encouraging
its development.

4. Integrating: Means the two people start mirroring each others behavior in manner, dress
and language.

5. Bonding: Occurs when the two people commit to each other.

Relational maintenance

In Knapps model the process of keeping a relationship together.

In dialectic theory the idea that each person in a relationship might have two opposing
desires for maintaining the relationship.

Relational deterioration

1. Differentiating: Occurs when the two partners start emphasizing their individual
differences instead of their similarities.

2. Circumscribing: Is characterized by decreased interaction, shorter times together, and less

depth to sharing.

3. Stagnating: Suggests a lack of activity, especially activity together.

4. Avoiding: Brings reluctance to interact, active avoidance, and even hostility.

5. Terminating: occurs when the two people are no longer seen by others or themselves as
a pair.
Johari Window

1. Open self Here the information about the person his attitudes, behaviour, emotions, feelings,
skills and views will be known by the person as well as by others. This is mainly the area where all the
communications occur and the larger the arena becomes the more effectual and dynamic the
relationship will be. Feedback solicitation is a process which occurs by understanding and listening
to the feedback from another person. Through this way the open area can be increased horizontally
decreasing the blind spot. The size of the arena can also be increased downwards and thus by reducing
the hidden and unknown areas through revealing ones feelings to other person.

2. Blind self Information about yourselves that others know in a group but you will be unaware of
it. Others may interpret yourselves differently than you expect. The blind spot is reduced for an
efficient communication through seeking feedback from others.

3. Hidden self Information that is known to you but will be kept unknown from others. This can be
any personal information which you feel reluctant to reveal. This includes feelings, past experiences,
fears, secrets etc. we keep some of our feelings and information as private as it affects the
relationships and thus the hidden area must be reduced by moving the information to the open areas.

4. Unknown self The Information which are unaware to yourselves as well as others. This includes
the information, feelings, capabilities, talents etc. This can be due to traumatic past experiences or
events which can be unknown for a lifetime. The person will be unaware till he discovers his hidden
qualities and capabilities or through observation of others. Open communication is also an effective
way to decrease the unknown area and thus to communicate effectively.