ENGLE200F English for Effective Communication II:

Reading and Writing

Autumn 2014

TMA 1

Due date: 31 October 2014

Weighting: 20% of total course score

Guidelines

This assignment consists of two questions. The total mark is 100. Questions 1 and 2 each
carry 50% of the total mark. Before you do the assignment, you are advised to revise the skills
of explaining and describing covered in Unit 1, and the skills of comparison, contrast and
sequencing covered in Unit 2.

Question 1 (50 marks)

This question refers to Text A (Please refer to Appendix 1), which is a letter of complaint
from the daughter of an elderly patient who was recently admitted to St. Johns Hospital.
Assume that you are the Complaints Officer of the Hospital and responsible for handling the
complaint. Write a reply letter. Refer to the examples and guidelines given in Unit 1, and
consider the following suggestions as well:

Identify the key issues mentioned by the patients daughter;

Address the issues;
Apologise, if there were wrongdoings
Thank the patients daughter for her feedback.

Write the reply letter in about 400 words. There is no need to include addresses at the
beginning of the letter. Avoid informal language and write in complete sentences.

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 Appendix 1
Text A: Letter of Complaint

8 September 2014

Complaints Officer
St. Johns Hospital,
Kowloon
Hong Kong

Dear Sir/ Madam,

Re: Service provided in St. Johns hospital

On 10 August, Monday, my father was admitted to your hospital owing to stomach infections.
He had been very dependent at home for two years, requiring almost 24- hour supervision from
his family, due to dementia and physical disability caused by a stroke. He was admitted to
Ward number 8 on Level 4 of the hospital where my husband and I explained to the nursing
staff all about his dependency and his needs. To be honest, we found the nurses there very
impolite. I offered to stay for a few hours to settle him in but they simply said no to us without
providing any reasons for the refusal. They just said they would look after him well and urged
us to leave.

I am very disappointed because the hospital failed to provide a satisfactory service to him as
promised. During the 2- week hospital admission, my father lost a lot of weight. We found
that he was not assisted to eat his meals and hence they went almost uneaten. From Friday
afternoon in the first week until Tuesday morning in the following week of his hospitalisation,
he saw no doctors as it was a bank holiday weekend, even though we asked nurses on four
occasions to have him seen as he was deteriorating. To fuel our anger, on Wednesday night in
the second week of his stay in St. Johns, he fell out of bed as he said no-one answered his call
to help him to the toilet.

Luckily, the patient staying next to his bed witnessed the incident and called the nurse on duty.
A doctor then came immediately to examine whether he was hurt. The doctor arranged an X-
ray for his legs but my father told us he was left alone waiting on a trolley bed in the cold and
damp corridor for nearly two hours before he could actually take the X-ray. We found it
unacceptable as we have already told the nurse about his situation on the first day of his
admission. Then it took him another two hours to be taken back to the ward. A nurse told my
father that the X-ray was negative. Although my father told the nurse his left leg felt painful,

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the nurse ignored him. The next day when I came to visit my father, he kept complaining
about the pain. I reported his situation to another nurse and this time we were informed that
they had found a fracture in his left leg. Although he has recovered and has returned home, he
is scared to go out as the experience has disturbed him a lot.

I would like the hospital look into the incident and fully explain who was responsible for my
fathers care and why he was not diagnosed and treated properly. I would also like a sincere
apology from the hospital and staff concerned. Finally I demand concrete evidence that the
failures occurred to my father will not recur in other patients.

I look forward to hearing from you and to a resolution of these problems. I have contacted the
Ombudsman, but they advised me to take it up with you first. However, if I am dissatisfied with
your response, I am entitled to revert to them.

Please contact me at the above address or by phone on 26668888.

Thank you for your time.

Yours faithfully

(Adapted from http://www.healthcomplaints.ie/resources/sample-complaints-letters/ and

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2281753/Dementia-sufferer-90-rushed-hospital-left-
waiting-trolley-corridor-hours.html)

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LE220F (L11) TMA 1 s11295964

Question 1

Dear Sir/Madam,

Re: Service provided in St. Johns hospital

I am writing to reply for your letter of September 8 regarding your fathers care while he was a
patient at the St. John Hospital in August and September 2014. We are sorry to hear of your recent
frustration and disappointment in our hospital service.

Initially, it is our hospital policy that no visitors and relatives are permitted to stay in wards for over
20 minutes except the official visiting time. We had no alternative to urge you to leave the ward at
the time when your father admitted for the sake of maintaining the best environment for patients to
recuperate.

There seems to be some misunderstanding regarding your fathers weight loss. In preparing to
respond, I reviewed documentation of your fathers stay. The records reflect your father was given all
the meals on time and monitored and checked by doctors constantly. We have to say that we have a
large number of patients, so there are many requests as well as duties that our nurses need to respond
and execute. It is difficult for us to assist all patients to eat.

As for your fathers accident, the nurses worked during the period reported they received no
emergency bell signals from your father. We are sorry to learn of the incident happened on your
father. However, we need to clarify that verbal requests may not have enough awareness to nurses
when patients ask for assistance.

Regarding the dissatisfaction about the X-ray checking arrangement you mentioned, we certainly
apologize that the queuing time and environment did not meet your expectations. The standard
maximum waiting time for X-ray checking is 30 minutes. However, there were few unexpected
urgent cases on the day of your fathers checking resulting in extra queuing time. We will take this
experience and lesson seriously and keep improve our contingency plan in order to better serve our
patients.

DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
LE220F (L11) TMA 1 s11295964

During conversation with the nurse taking care of your father after checking, it appears there were
some opportunities for improving the communication between her and your father. I have found that
the nurse at the time thought the pain feeling on your father's leg was affected by psychological
factors since negative X-ray result was shown. To prevent re-occurrences I have instructed the staff
to report the situation of patients to doctors once the patients has unpleasant feelings after treatments.
Please accept our sincere apologies for any trouble or inconvenience we have caused you.

We highly appreciate your feedback as it helps us a lot in evaluating how we can prevent these
problems from occurring again in the future. If I may ever be of assistance to you for the case in the
future, I hope that you will contact me directly on complaints@St.J_Hospital.com.

Yours sincerely

Complaints Officer
St. Johns Hospital
Kowloon
Hong Kong
Question 2 (50 marks)

This question refers to Text B and Text C, both of which are related to
back-to-school tips. Text B is a leaflet entitled Children Back to School, which is
produced by Four Dimensions Consulting Limited (Please refer to Appendix 2).
Text C, Healthy Back to School Habits is a leaflet published by the US National
Institute of Health.

Write an analysis in about 450 words, comparing and contrasting the following aspects of
Text B and Text C:

Intended audience (about 30 words) (4 marks)

Purpose for writing the texts (about 60 words) (6 marks)
Content and its organisation (about 120 words) (16 marks)
Format (about 120 words) (10 marks)
Language and style (about 120 words) (14 marks)

You should write in continuous prose and present your answers in a well-organized and
professional manner. It is important to support your analysis with examples from the texts.

You can access Text C from the URLs below:

Source of Text C
https://www.nhlbi.nih.gov/health/educational/wecan/downloads/tip-back-to-school.pdf

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 EAP tips Special Issue

Children Back to School

August/September is a time children go back to school. Regardless whether
your children are going back to the same schools or starting off at new ones,
there are new faces and things they need to learn in the new term. New
curriculum, new teachers and classmates to be familiarized with, and abilities
to manage oneself after the long slow summer pose tremendous challenges to
children in adjusting to the new environment. It is therefore crucial for
parents to pay extra attention to their children, observe their needs and
reactions and show more care and concern to them.
Tips to parents:
1. Concern about your children. Ask how they feel after school, encourage them
to share with you funny things or stories at school instead of just focusing on
the teaching in school.
2. Stay in contact with school teachers and be familiarized with the performance
of your children.
3. Arrange adequate rest and non-academic activities for children to unwind and
alleviate their stress from learning
4. Reduce the weight of their schoolbags. The following might be helpful:
9 Schoolbags with wide and soft shoulder belts can reduce the loading onto
shoulders of your children
9 Choose light and simple stationery, stationery boxes and/or bags
9 Teach children how to fully utilize lockers in schools, leave appropriate
textbooks, clothing, stationery, and umbrella/raincoat in school
9 Coach them how to pack for school. Encourage them to follow timetable and
teachers instructions to bring appropriate textbooks and things to school
5. Help your children regulate their biological clocks. Develop good sleeping habits
like going to bed early to avoid from falling asleep or daydreaming in classes.

Reasonable Expectations to Alleviate Stress

Demands and expectations towards children will trigger certain pressures to both
children and parents. It is critical to understand your childrens needs, strengths, and
abilities before setting reasonable and achievable objectives for them.
Sometimes, parents might overburden oneself with responsibilities for their childrens
study. Parents should distinguish their roles as parents and those of teachers. Your
role as a parent is to assist your children in their learning paths. Parents can set
reasonable expectations for children to fulfill, communicate with them regularly and
fine tune the expectations in light of their needs, school situations, and abilities.
If you want to know more about helping your Children Back to School after summer
or other work-life issues, please call our 24-hour hotline for Professional Personal
Counselling and Consultation (PPCC) at 2721-3939 to discuss more with our consultants.

Four Dimensions Consulting Limited is engaged by your organization to provide you a

one-stop Employee Assistance Programme. You can contact us for any work/life
information, or confide your concerns in us. We will do our best to assist you in
relieving your stress from daily hassles and/or finding your happiness in life again.

All information and counseling content are confidential

Copyright is reserved by FOUR DIMENSIONS Consulting Limited and for internal staff reference only.
parent tips
Healthy Back to School Habits
From packing healthy lunches to
fitting in family physical activities,
keep your kids on the right track
this school year with these tips.
Eat Right
Learn the ABCs of saving calories and money when
you shop for groceries to pack your kids lunches.
Always use ads and store bonus cards, which may offer
discounts on healthy foods like fruits and veggies.
Buy produce in season to cut costs. Fall is often the best
time of year to find a wide range of local produce.
Compare brands and package sizes to find the best buy.
Be sure to read the Nutrition Facts label on packaged
food to choose products with lower numbers for calories,
saturated and trans fats, sodium, and sugars.
Turn food shopping into family time after school or on
the weekends! Bring your kids along and teach them
to look out for healthy choices.
For more tips to eat healthy as you get back into
the swing of the school year schedule, visit the
We Can! Eat Right webpage at http://www.nhlbi.
nih.gov/health/public/heart/obesity/wecan/
eat-right/index.htm.
Get Active
Kicking off the school year can be a busy time, leaving
little room for physical activity. These three steps can
help you find time to be active as a family.
1. Keep track of how your family spends time for
one week.
2. Start small. Find two 30-minute time slots when
your family can be active together after school or
on the weekends.
3. Get going. Try these great tips:
Walk your kids to school
Ride bikes after dinner
Play baseball
Jump rope
Shoot baskets Reduce Screen Time
Dance Kids spend a big part of their day sitting in the
classroom, so you can help your children spend less time
Walk the dog in front of the TV, computer, and video gamesand
Play tag more time having fun as a familywith these tips
Rake leaves Turn off the TV during mealtime and talk with your
children about what they learned in school that day.
To keep your family active this school year, visit the Families who eat together tend to eat healthier.
We Can! Get Active webpage at http://www.nhlbi.
nih.gov/health/public/heart/obesity/wecan/ Limit screen time to two hours each day for children
get-active/index.htm. 2 or older.
Suggest playing outside after school and join in the fun.
Turn on some music and have a family dance party.
Be a good role model. If you reduce your screen time
and move more, your kids will too!
Find more tips on how you can reduce your familys
screen time, visit the We Can! Reduce Screen Time
webpage at http://www.nhlbi.nih.gov/health/
public/heart/obesity/wecan/reduce-screen-time/
index.htm.

We Can! is a program from the National Institutes of Health that offers resources for parents, caregivers and communities to
help children 8-13 years old stay at a healthy weight through eating right, increasing physical activity, and reducing screen time.

To learn more, go to http://wecan.nhlbi.nih.gov or call 1-866-35-WECAN.

We Can! Ways to Enhance Childrens Activity & Nutrition, We Can!, and the We Can! logos are registered trademarks
of the U.S. Department of Health & Human Services (DHHS).
Question2

In comparing two texts, it is easy to find out that the intended audience in both texts is
parents. Text C may also target for children since they may use the activities and actions
listedintextasguidancefortheirhealth.

In terms of writing purpose, text B firstgivesa general introduction to parents ontheirrolein

helping their children to adapt new environment and transmit to the stress problem parents
may suffer following by the service the company provides. Therefore, it is probably an
advertisement. In contrast, textC is like an information leaflet since it gives briefintroduction
andtipsonhowtheirkidcankeephealthy.

As for content and organization of the texts, the content in text B provides the logic for the
organizations. The writer first give an introduction on how important are parents in helping
their child to adapt tonew circumstance following by some useful tips. Afterwards, he points
out the stress parents maysufferontheirrolesandthengivesinformationaboutthefollowup
service, so as to advertise theEmployee Assistance Program. The informationin text Cisin
much less details and elaborations compared to text B. One main idea is illustrated under
each subheading and website link is given to readers in the end ofeach passage for more
tipsanddetailsabouttherespectivetopics.

Regarding the written format, subheadings are being used in both texts. Text B is written
overall in paragraphs while point form is used in the Tips to parents part with each point
numbered in asingletwotierstructure.Incontrary,noparagraphstructureisshownintextC.
It is written in one sentence introduction followed by point form under each subheading.
Points follow grammaticallyfromthe stem witheach points are numbered and examplesare
labeled bybulletsintheGetActivepart.TextBiswritteninconstantspacingfullpagelayout
while spacing between sentences is higher and white space is put in text C. Moreover, the
writer of text C bolds the keywords in each point. These factors make text C more
readerfriendlythantextB.

Comparing those texts in language and style aspects, personal pronouns like you, your,
our and present tense are used in both texts. However, text B is formal textwhile text C is
informal. It is evident that text B tends to use individual complete sentences to expresseach
idea. It helps give more details to readers which make it more descriptive and informative.
From the fact that eachpointbeginswithagerundoraninfinitiveintextC,wecannoticethat
points were listed in parallelgrammatical forms. Also, many colorful graphics are inserted in
text C. Such styles help improve the readability and make text C more attractive and eye
catchingtochildren.