A Saturnine introspect..!!

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::a blatant confession::
the following content is an upshot of exposition to motivation provided by the
likes of Rang De Basanti (thnx to my cable operator).. Swades.. Nayak.. and several
others.. readers may have read similar babbling articles but the writer wishes to
put forward his rendition...
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Sometimes.. irascible topics cross my head and beset the poor inane brain of mine..
not only does it cross, but it intervenes with other germane thoughts as well...
Everything that happens to me after that, just falls in the right place.. so as to
concave all my sapient attention to the topic... now that i've started blogging
(inspired by my sagacious friends), i hope my thoughts will find a nice dwelling
place..

I remember in the days of my childhood.. when my elders or my teachers asked me

about what i wanted to become in life, my reply was the most devious one... without
scaling the weight of the question, quiet unknowingly i would declare..,
"i want to become a soldier!!.."
the fights, the battlegrounds, the guns and bombs.. they all used to lure me more
than anything..
And then... quiet unknowingly this answer vanished one day.. The vacuous reply was
succeeded by more shining and becoming ones..
"Doctor!!"..
"Engineer!!"..
And in the process the soldier in me died..

well.. now I am twenty years old... I call myself a part of this "white white orbit
white" generation..I am at the genesis of my specialization and my country looks
upon me as it's hope.. as it's future.. But am I really worth??.. Am i really the
one who dares to change the rules.. who dares to swim against the tide??.. i get no
answers..
Mr. Kennedy said, "Never ask what he country does for you.. but ask what can you do
for the country".. and at present, I am nothing more than a noone to my
motherland.. My life at present is as desultory as the boat with a lunatic
captain.. i don't even know what I am doing.. a good pay pack.. a good score in the
A,B,C.. ATs.. a nice sweet partner.. new clothes and apparels.. is all i care about
at the moment.. The topper(no offence meant) of my batch wants to secure a
government job for himself just to earn that extra under-table transaction.. My
friends and seniors are stepping outside the country to enhance their skills but
they never want to come back.. Will they ever come back??.. no answers again..
Though I am more than 18 years old, i don't even share the basic responsibility of
voting for the right government.. all my basic amenities are supplied by the nation
but deep down I know that I can't give my life for it.. i don't ever dream of
becoming another DJ.. or another Mohan.. the valour in me is simply missing..and
quiet blatanyly i have accepted that.. and I'll be lying if I say that I never
dream of settling abroad like many of us.. So does that mean m not patriotic??..
does that mean m an irresponsible citizen??.. unanswered again..

All i know is that i feel on top of the world when India wins a cricket match.. i
feel proud when I see the tricolor amongst the others in Olympics... i never
hesitate to strum some open chords and dedicate songs to my motherland on Aug
15th.. I abstain from lying on 2nd October.. But is that it??.. are these the
qualities of an ideal citizen??.. i stop questioning myself.. they all go in vain..
Friends.. It's always better to light one candle than to curse the darkness...
these repercussions of the nationally-disturbed mind wants me to come up front and
battle against our miseries.. the paralyzed political frame wants me to mend it..
the social evils wants me to eradicate themselves.. but m clueless bout helping
them.. my brain defies my mind.. maybe say after 10 years when I read this blog
I'll just give it a sarcastic grin.. but right now.. my thought needs to be
recorded..
i wud like to end this never-ending conflict from where it all started...
few days back the newspaper read the following lines..

"the moment we start taking our freedom for granted.. we become our own slaves.."..

thank you..
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