Finding Our Identity: Learning About Supervision Collaboratively 1

Finding Our Identity: Learning About Supervision Collaboratively

Introduction

All: In an attempt to make each of our voices unambiguous, we have presented our

trioethnography in the form of what Norris & Sawyer (2013) call theatrical script

format (p. 75). This will invite readers to engage with our dialogue with the purpose of

connecting with the parts of the text that are most relevant to them. Extending our

dialogue with readers and inviting them to become part of the conversation encompasses

what trioethnographies are all about. (Norris & Sawyer, 2013) As our conversations

unfold, literature will be embedded within the text as it takes on a natural element of the

discussion.

We will examine Pinars (1975) idea of currere through different methods of dialogue

including written conversations through online documents and audio-recorded face to

face meetings. Pinar (1975) describes currere as a consideration of how our experiences

of the past (regressive), future (progressive) and present (analytical) have shaped us.

Further, currere requires synthetization of these experiences through which one can

reconceptualize ideas of, in our instance, being a university supervisor. We begin by

discussing what it means to be a university supervisor and how we describe this position

with respect to being a teacher educator. We share and talk about the experiences we had

with our own supervisors and how this has shaped our perceptions of supervision.

According to Norris and Sayer (2013) in order to be transparent we have presented our

values, beliefs, and epistemological assumptions (p.263). We understand that by

 Finding Our Identity: Learning About Supervision Collaboratively 2

engaging in conversations we are vulnerable by opening ourselves up for criticism, and

by doing so are challenging one another as well as being challenged in return.

We also subscribe to a social constructivist paradigm in that we are seeking answers to

our wonderings by engaging in social interactions where we can challenge and validate

one anothers ideas about what how our experiences have shaped our identities as

teacher educators, more specifically university supervisors within a clinically rich

teacher education program. Epistemologically, constructionism considers moving from

one culture to another provides evidence enough that strikingly diverse understandings

can be formed of the same phenomenon. There is no true or valid interpretation.

(Crotty, 1998 p. 47) Further, we have provided unaltered text of discussions including

opposing and confirming ideas which allows for our subjectively to be examined,

trustworthiness to be established, and espouse validity (Norris and Sawyer, 2013). We

examined the texts from our transcripts and written conversations to inductively identify

and discuss themes. We have captured those ideas discovered together and represented

it as one voice by labeling as all. Finally, as our dialogue is expressive of a

collaborative first-hand experience within university supervision, we encourage others to

use our work as support to drive progress in the field of teacher education.

Transpiring Conversations

Jessica: My neighbor asked me what I did. I realized at that moment that I didnt know how to

explain to a person who is not in the field of education what a supervisor does. That is

where the idea for this study came from. What is it that we do as university supervisors

and how can we define what it means to be a supervisor?

 Finding Our Identity: Learning About Supervision Collaboratively 3

Elyse: I wasnt sure what my role was exactly. I know what my supervisor did for me when I

was in teacher education program, so I based it on that. I talked a lot with Karen,

(Pseudonym) and with both of you. We werent given a defined list of roles or a job

description. We were kind of just supposed to figure it out on our own.

Andrea: I was not confident in what my role was as a supervisor either. I did not know what to

do and as a result I felt so needy last year [first year as supervisor]. I constantly called

other supervisors and asked questions. Im glad I had their support. I was continuously

questioning my ability to be a teacher educator. I had thought it was going to be about

how to teach. Maybe I would share stories with my pre-service teachers about how I

taught and what I learned about teaching through my experiences as a teacher. Looking

back I see now that is not what being a teacher educator is about.

All: Our study has transformed quite a bit since this conversation four months ago. As we

have talked about the research surrounding this topic, we decided that the aim for our

study wasnt about defining the roles of supervision, but more importantly, taking part in

the greater discussion of how we came to understand supervision. Additionally, this

conversation suggests that beginner teacher educators can be left to learn on the job and

learn for themselves through their experiences as concluded by Dinkelman, Margolis and

Sikkenga (2006a; 2006b). Therefore, we want to tell the story of how three doctoral

student graduate assistants are transitioning from classroom teachers to teacher

educators. What are the experiences that are shaping our identities as teacher

educators? What prior experiences are we drawing on to guide us through this

transition? How are we negotiating this transition?

 Finding Our Identity: Learning About Supervision Collaboratively 4

Reflexivity

Andrea: As I am reading through the notebook that I kept my last year of teaching I remember

why I left. The tension was building up for two years. I was supposed to teach a scripted

curriculum which was disconnected to my beliefs about teaching. I was uncomfortable

being forced to teach that didnt align to how I knew my students learned. They werent

being successful and this counted against me. Yes, I was supposed to teach, but couldnt,

which is what led to undesired student behaviors. My students and the students in this

school deserved more! They deserved a curriculum that celebrated their cultures in

addition to making their culture a resource to achieving the high academic goals that I

knew deep down inside they could achieve! They deserved a teacher that was able to set

aside state mandated curriculum and provide the educational experiences tailored to their

needs! I knew what this looked like. I wanted to be a part of helping teachers and policy

makers see that a one size fits all curriculums is not the answer.

Elyse: Each year it seemed the expectations for kindergarten students moved further and further

from what is considered developmentally appropriate and closer to a sit and get model

for even the youngest learners. When I would speak up for practices that better reflected

to recommended practices for teaching young children I was often met with resistance

and criticism. This frustration made me realize that I wanted to be able to impact

education on a level that would allow me to work for practices in early childhood

education that would allow me to have a bigger impact. I saw the role of researcher and

teacher educator as a means for achieving this goal.

Jessica: I started my teaching career in 2004, just as states were required to begin testing students

annually in order to comply with the No Child Left Behind Act of 2001. On this, my first
Finding Our Identity: Learning About Supervision Collaboratively 5

day of school as a teacher, I stood in front of my large white board that proudly displayed

Gandhis words, Be the change that you wish to see in the world, and I told students

that this year they wouldnt spend social studies recording notes and listening to endless

lectures about American History. No, this year I planned to help them question the world

around them, the facts they were confronted with, the hidden motives that drive our

leaders and institutions. I wanted to empower them to not simply memorize historical

truths, but to actually be historians to become the storytellers themselves. I hoped my

students would rewrite the world as they saw it, develop new images of what the future

might hold for us, and, in doing so, they would find themselves active participants in our

democracy. This was an inspiring day for me as an educator, but each year I found that it

was, sadly, the most inspired I would be all year. As the daughter of a teacher and a

student who always strived to please, I naturally wanted to be deemed a good teacher

by my peers and superiors. With high-stakes testing, school grades, and data-driven

professional development guiding the way, process-product research began to define a set

of behaviors that resulted in student achievement, or best practices. Good teachers

faithfully implemented the findings of those conducting evidence-based research outside

of the classroom. While I dutifully implemented the prescribed best practices, I found

that the daily activities I was required to complete with my students, and the measures by

which both my students and I were rated, were far from what I defined as the goal and

purpose of social studies education. My own vision of teaching and learning seemed to be

at odds with the national vision, with its emphasis on high-stakes test scores as the single

greatest measure of success. I realized that I was playing a key role in maintaining the

power structures that hinder social justice and equity, two of the very things I hoped
 Finding Our Identity: Learning About Supervision Collaboratively 6

education might help us achieve. I had spent my entire career trying to ensure that I was a

good teacher, but the definition of good I was holding myself to was not my own. As I

took on the role of collaborating teacher (the last three years I was in the classroom), my

conversations with novice teachers helped me realize that I was not alone in my struggle

with the disconnect that existed between intentions, goals, and actual practice. Yet the

institution of education seemed so big, and my voice, a teachers voice, appeared to hold

little value in conversations of reform. I wanted to be a part of the dialogue to empower

my students, fellow teachers, and myself.

All: We are doctoral students that have experienced disconnections between our classroom

teaching experiences and what we know is effective teaching. We hope through our

studies and research that we will establish a bigger voice in reform based teaching

practices. In an effort to become part of the change, we have found ourselves in pursuit of

Ph.ds in education, and graduate teaching assistants as university supervisors in a

clinically rich teacher preparation program. We also consider each other critical friends

through which we discuss our experiences as we transition from school teachers to

teacher educators in the role of university supervisors. There is a lack of research that

describes the transition of classroom teacher to university supervisor and further, there is

even less research that represents solely the graduate assistants voice during the

transition from teacher to teacher educator. While there are researchers examining

experiences of novice supervisors, the articles are written in conjunction with faculty or

experienced field supervisors and do not exclusively represent genuine transitional

experiences (Butler and Diacopoulous, 2016; Ritter, 2007. Ritter, 2009; Williams, 2013;
 Finding Our Identity: Learning About Supervision Collaboratively 7

Dinkelman, Margolis, and Sikkenga, 2006b; Butler, Burns, Frierman, Hawthorne, Innes

and Parrott, 2014).

Context: University Supervisors as Teacher Educators

Andrea: Sitting in [doctorate] class, I knew that the text we were reading and the reflections we

were taking part in helped shape my professional identity of a teacher educator. Even

though I was trying to connect theory and practice by practicing in seminar what I

learned in class. Supervising and being a professor of a content class were separate for a

long time. I have heard the term teacher educator and supervisor used interchangeably

and yet each has its own purpose and importance in a teacher preparation program.

Looking back on NCATE Blue Ribbon, (2010) report even now, after a year and a half,

makes more sense to me. Although we had a class, supervisor meetings, and

experiencing supervising, there is some stuff that takes time to be realized. I am pretty

sure there is a learning curve for all making the transition from classroom teacher to

teacher educator.

Elyse: The interchangeable use of the words teacher education and supervision gave me pause as

I began to explore what it meant to do this work. I think that in many ways they overlap

but supervision seems to have the unique element of being tied more directly to the field

experience component. I see all supervision as teacher education but not all teacher

education as supervision- there are methods course and theoretical ideas that are

connected to practice through supervision but that may not be seen in all context and yet

still must be adequately addressed.

 Finding Our Identity: Learning About Supervision Collaboratively 8

Jessica: At this moment, I certainly see supervision as teacher education. I see myself not as a

supervisor but as a teacher educator. I dont find a clear distinction between teaching a

field-based seminar course and a content course. I feel like my aims in each space are too

similar to draw a clear distinction between the two: Im working to develop dispositions

within novice teachers that help them become grounded and guided by clear beliefs about

teaching and learning, reflective practitioners who analyze not only how things are done

(or may be done differently), but also the implications of the choices that they (or school

systems) make on the lives of students and parents. I want to develop an inquiry stance

within preservice teachers that will empower them to take charge of their life-long

learning in the field and to position themselves as knowers with something valuable to

say about the work being done in schools. I dont feel that those goals are different for me

whether Im working as an instructor or a supervisor. I actually could do away with both

titles and maintain that all of us - across different spaces and places - are teacher

educators.

Andrea: I understand what youre saying about the aims of being an instructor for a class versus

university supervisor having the same goals. But I feel the way I approach (plan) seminar

and the way I approach (plan) math class are completely different. This may be because

the content is different? I plan active learning activities for both meaning group work,

sharing out. I have used PLC groups in seminar but not in math. Seminar for me tends to

be more discussion based than activity based and has the feel of teacher professional

development than a university class. Math class has both discussion and active learning

activities. This is maybe why I think of them as differently. It also may be the fact that I
 Finding Our Identity: Learning About Supervision Collaboratively 9

have 20 students in math class and 9 interns for seminar. Seminar is more intimate, so it

feels less like a class and more like a conversation.

Elyse: I too see my planning approach in my methods class as being different from how I plan

for seminar. I have co-taught seminar with two different instructors that had vastly

different approaches, I feel that for me the seminar experience that best connected theory

to practice included more discussion opportunities. In methods I often make use of active

learning experiences that seeks to demonstrate ways to engage children in scientific

inquiry while filling in gaps in content knowledge.

All: The National Council for Accreditation of Teacher Education (NCATE), 2010, panel

calls for clinically based preparation, which fully integrates content, pedagogy, and

professional coursework around a core of clinical experiences (p. 8). Additionally,

clinically based programs must provide teaching candidates with supervisors that are

qualified and trained to effectively support candidates within their field placements.

Supervisors should be obtained from higher education as well as P-12 areas. (NCATE,

2010) Clinically rich teacher education programs, like ours in southeast U.S., values the

university supervisor as much as an instructor teaching methods classes and considers

both positions under the umbrella of teacher educators.

Perceptions of Being a University Supervisor and Teacher Educator

Jessica: I did not know what to expect. I may have subconsciously drawn on my own experience

as an intern - so the image of a supervisor who came and watched a few of my lessons,

providing feedback and thoughts on how I did, must have been in my mind. I think (also

subconsciously), I wanted to do something more - maybe at the time I at least felt like I
 Finding Our Identity: Learning About Supervision Collaboratively 10

wanted to do some instructional coaching. I didnt know how to do the things I had in my

head but I was certain of two things: I wanted to help preservice teachers better

understand what they believed in (when it came to teaching and learning) so that their

practice would mirror that. I also wanted to help them engage in practitioner inquiry. Im

sure both of these goals came from the role each of these things played in my story of

becoming a classroom teacher.

Elyse: Entering the 2015 academic year I had no idea what to expect my role to look like. I knew

I would be teaching a methods class early on but it wasnt until right before the semester

began that I was told I would also be supervising. I wasnt really sure what to make of

this role, the supervision I heard described included coaching and a lot of time in field the

seemed very different from the experiences Id had with supervisors in the past. I wasnt

really sure how supervision was meant to look and leaned heavily on the support of

others in my department for guidance and even this sometimes left me with conflicting

information. As I took on the role I looked to the model set by those who had previously

held the role to guide me in understanding my new position.

Andrea: I honestly did not know what to expect either. I was just so excited to start my journey

in higher education. Going into the role of supervisor I knew that I would be supporting

students, especially those struggling with those that are finding their way on the road to

becoming a teacher. As I began my role as supervisor, I was unaware as to the amount of

time that I would be dedicating to this role. I really did not have much of an idea as the

depth of the role within the university and with partnering schools. I only knew of this

role as what I had experienced in my internship for teacher training. My supervisor was

not at my school site all day. It was a professor who came to my partnership school only
Finding Our Identity: Learning About Supervision Collaboratively 11

for the purpose of observing me. She was not the one who conducted our seminar every

week which was on campus with all the other students that were doing their student

teaching at the same time as me. To be completely void of the details of my supervisor

tells me that person did not a play a vital role in my internship. As for my internship,

there was only one level, we were all seniors and our student teaching was the last

semester before we graduated. We were assigned two different schools and different

grade levels where we would spend one half of the semester (eight weeks). I did have

required field hours to complete each semester leading up to my student teaching.

However, they left it up to me to find a school and teacher willing to let me come into

their classroom. I knew observations were part of my role, as well and maintaining

relationships with collaborating teachers. I also knew that supporting student teachers in

their placement was also part of the job. However, I did not know as the degree that all

of these factors played in supervision until later in the semester. Teaching is a cultural

entity and because teachers are seen teaching throughout our own schooling experiences,

it is thought that anyone can do this job I know that teaching is not an easy profession.

Understanding the content knowledge alone is an important piece to teaching not to

mention the pedagogical knowledge. Some choose to go into teaching for that reason and

then find themselves struggling to complete training and passing certification tests. As a

supervisor I have recognized this behavior and it is hard to have a conversation with a

student regarding their choice in careers. I have learned that in a clinically rich teacher

education program the role of a supervisor is a critical role in which internship shares to

the course load of the student.

 Finding Our Identity: Learning About Supervision Collaboratively 12

All: Looking back on our perceptions of supervision as we set out as beginner teacher

educators, our conversations uncover that our prior experiences had facilitated our roles

as supervisors. The dialogue here, which also describes the early shift from classroom

teacher to teacher educator, is a topic that has not been largely represented in the

research (Korthagen, Loughran, and Lununberg, 2005 and Zeichner, 2005). More

particularly, the graduate student university supervisor voice is rarely heard throughout

teacher educator studies (Zeichner, 2005 and Young and Erickson, 2011). Looking

closely at the experiences that doctoral graduate assistant supervisors engage in can help

universities plan for professional development opportunities and training in preparation

for the role of teacher educator.

Struggles and Challenges

Elyse: As a supervisor, using seminar time effectively and even defining what seminar should

look like has been a struggle. Its an hour to an hour and a half of time either before or

after a full day of internship. Its hard to get interns motivated during this time. I would

like to see this time be more naturalistic in format, discussing and making connections

from coursework to fieldwork, however the requirements of fieldwork seem to take

precedence and a more formatted and structured seminar is the result. I have also been

challenged by needing to scaffold the deep ideas of teaching especially within the

assignments of internship while at the same time providing rigorous academic

experiences. Teaching students to engage in inquiry while learning the process myself

has been challenging. Therefore, acquiring the belief of inquiry as a stance when I have

never completed inquiry with this framework before I started my doctoral work has not
 Finding Our Identity: Learning About Supervision Collaboratively 13

been easy. This perhaps also contributes to pressures of taking on the role of researcher

in addition to doctoral student and teacher educator.

Jessica: One of my greatest challenges (and this seems true in all aspects of life) is time. I wish I

had less preservice teachers in my cohort group so that I could work with them all more

individually - but perhaps most importantly so that I could be in the classrooms more. I

find it very difficult to take on the role of co-teacher educator and classroom contributor

in my schools when I have so many interns. I think the limited number of days in the

field is also a struggle. Id ideally like to see something more like the residency program

in place for all students (but Im not sure how we honor the life/work needs of college

students - and I feel thats important). I think another challenge for me is crafting in

spaces for reflective growth that are broad and varied. By that I mean, theres a need for

technical reflection, so that PSTs can work on developing the how to knowledge - or

skills. I know thats what seems to be most important to both of them, the CTs, and the

administration. But, I also need spaces for critical reflection, so that PSTs can examine

the implications of the decisions we make and the impact on students lives, equity, etc.

Another challenge is a misunderstanding of our role in the field and its connection to

course instructors work. I really battle sometimes to reach out to content instructors and

develop (together ideally) strong links between the course and the field - the whole

purpose of this shift toward clinically-rich spaces. I find it much easier to do when I work

with content instructors who have significant supervision experience. I know my

experience as a supervisor has changed the way I operate as a content instructor.

Andrea: As a supervisor, using seminar time effectively and even defining what seminar should

look like has been a struggle. Its an hour to an hour and a half of time either before or
 Finding Our Identity: Learning About Supervision Collaboratively 14

after a full day of internship. Its hard to get interns motivated during this time. I would

like to see this time be more naturalistic in format, discussing and making connections

from coursework to fieldwork, however the requirements of fieldwork seem to take

precedence and a more formatted and structured seminar is the result. I have also been

challenged by needing to scaffold the deep ideas of teaching especially within the

assignments of internship while at the same time providing rigorous academic

experiences. Teaching students to engage in inquiry while learning the process myself

has been challenging. Therefore, acquiring the belief of inquiry as a stance when I have

never completed inquiry with this framework before I started my doctoral work has not

been easy. This perhaps also contributes to pressures of taking on the role of researcher

in addition to doctoral student and teacher educator.

All: Dinkleman, Margolis, and Sekkeng, (2006a; 2006b); Murray and Male, (2005); Ritter,

(2007; 2009); William, Ritter, and Bullock, (2012) have asserted that the transition from

classroom teacher to teacher educator is challenging and demanding. Here, we have

discussed the struggles and challenges that we have experienced (and are currently

experiencing) in the transitioning from school teacher to university supervisor.

Particularly, we expressed struggles associated with the space surrounding the clinical

experiences of our students. Additionally, Murray and Male, (2005) argue that it takes

two to three years to develop a teacher educator professional identity. At the time of

writing this article, we have engaged in the role of supervisors for a year and a half and

still have continued to navigate through the demands and wrestle with developing our

teacher educator identities.

 Finding Our Identity: Learning About Supervision Collaboratively 15

Theory-Practice Connections

Andrea: As I have experienced supervising more and more, the connection I make between

theory and practice have been constant. I am continually thinking about how to be a

better teacher educator and how I can incorporate the knowledge that I construct to what I

do as a teacher educator. The research and books that I read for class helped me to define

how children of all ages can contribute and be successful in that it may look different. It

also reinforced the idea that every student comes to the classroom bearing a culture that

plays a role in how they learn. Capitalizing on those cultures will help students achieve

higher standards. Also, the literature reviews on using manipulatives and classroom

discourse in math helped me to better inform my students on teaching math and helping

them to gain the content knowledge needed for teaching. Also, I would be remiss if I

didnt mention Loughrans (2005; 2006; 2010) work that has been the backbone in

developing my identity of a supervisor. Teaching how to teach is important to help pre-

service teachers unpack the many layers of teaching.

Elyse: I find that my coursework has consistently caused me to readdress my practice as a

supervisor. Each semester I feel that a component of my coursework draws a different

element of supervision to the foreground of my consciousness. When taking Supervised

Teaching, I thought so much about my philosophy and stance that I sought to help

students think about this in their own practice, thinking about culturally relevant practices

this semester has brought that into focus. I like that as I refine my ideas in my own work I

am constantly reshaping professionally, I just always hope that I havent left something

out previously or that Im not getting tunnel vision and missing something that needs

addressing in the moment.

 Finding Our Identity: Learning About Supervision Collaboratively 16

Jessica: I think our work in supervision was critical to my developing understanding of what it

means to do this work. It seemed that the course made it ok to imagine this role as

something beyond evaluator. In doing so it validated supervisor as teacher educator for

me. Then, thinking from a teacher educator stance (without separating out a supervisor

self from a teacher educator self) I was really moved by Loughrans (2005; 2006;

2010) work. I began to look more critically at my actions (particularly in crafting seminar

sessions) to see if I was modeling for students and exposing my reasoning and thinking

for our work - in other words, I made a more explicit connection between the beliefs that

guide my work and the assignments and activities we are doing - I exposed my teacher

thinking for PSTs (based on Loughrans, 2005; 2006; 2010 work). I made an effort to

articulate a set of beliefs that guide my practice as a teacher educator - something my

story above shows is clearly important to me, but something I had not done for my

teacher educator self until our course in supervision.

All: Our discussion here draws attention to the application of knowledge learned in

coursework to our roles as teacher educators in the field. More importantly, as doctoral

students part of our coursework encompasses learning how to teach teaching. An idea

that Loughran (2006) espouses in detail when describing the pedagogy needed as a

teacher educator. Loughran, (2006) argues that teaching about teaching demands a

great deal from teacher educators (p. 11). With each class we take our professional

identities as teacher educators is constantly being deconstructed and reconstructed.

Influences
 Finding Our Identity: Learning About Supervision Collaboratively 17

Jessica: The single greatest influence for me (or period where I felt the most growth and growth

that was made explicit and visible to myself and others) was when taking courses related

to supervision (e.g. Supervision 1 and Working with Schools) and working as a teacher

educator (both in the field as a supervisor and as a content instructor) at the same time.

Perhaps it is that structure that made developing theory to practice connections most

clear. In fact, that experience has made me think a lot about how I would (if I held a

faculty position that included a role for shaping teacher education programs and doc

programs) shape clinically-rich teacher educator programs. We focus so much on in-

field experience and course connections (done in tandem) at the undergraduate level - I

wonder why we dont do the same at the doctoral level. If we are to, in some capacity, be

part of a teacher education faculty, why dont we develop ourselves as teacher educators

in a structure that purposefully combines coursework and teaching (whether in the field

as a supervisor or as a content instructor) teachers?

Andrea: Having our supervisor meetings and pod meetings are ways that may structure what you

see as a clinically rich teacher education program. Our supervisor meetings are in some

way what our students would view as seminar, a space to make the connections between

theory and practice. A way to work through what requirements need to be done, problem

solve these tasks collaboratively and to talk about the connections we are making from

coursework and supervising. The biggest influence for me is working collaboratively

with peers and faculty within the field supervision. Sharing ideas, best practices and

planning collaboratively has been critical for me. Maybe this is a result of me subscribing

to a social constructivist view, however planning with others and both of you on the tasks

of supervision like writing syllabus, planning seminar, and grading have greatly impacted
 Finding Our Identity: Learning About Supervision Collaboratively 18

my teaching practice thus far. Whenever I have an idea, or a struggle I am the first to call

and talk it over with someone. The collaborative nature in the ways our university views

supervision has been the biggest impact for me.

Elyse: I think the biggest influence on my practice is the people I have worked with. Ive had the

unique experience of working with different people each semester which has allowed me

to social construct my ideas with different viewpoints throughout this experience so far.

All: In addition to the influence of connecting theory to practice, supporting one another

plays a critical role in acquiring pedagogy for teacher educators (Cochran Smith, 2005

and Ritter, 2007). This discussion indicates that a natural third space is created in which

we have relied on others for support. Cuenca et al. (2011) describe conversational

spaces that bring competing discourses into dialogue with each other (p. 1069).

Further, this discussion also exposed the idea that many novice teacher educators learn

from their experiences as teacher educators and without much support as concluded by

Dinkelman et al., (2006a, 2006b) and Zeichner, (2005). Those teacher educators who do

narrate their beginning supervision incidents describe that it was a fail or succeed

mindset without much support (Cuenca, 2010; Ritter, 2007).

Keep Some, Lose Some, Gain Some

Andrea: Who I was a year (and a half) ago was a third grade teacher. When you tell somebody

that, it doesnt need much explaining as to what you do. Now, I am first and foremost a

doctoral student and then a GA as a university supervisor/instructor. I keep asking

myself, what part of third grade teacher me is still in here? Am I even the same person? I

feel like the same person, however, when I talk to my friends and colleagues from the
 Finding Our Identity: Learning About Supervision Collaboratively 19

school district where I taught, I find myself thinking differently. Thinking differently

about the school I taught in and the way that I taught. I cant explain this. I still hold to

the belief that students should be engaged in their own learning in order to construct

knowledge. I also still believe that students are bound by the cultural influences which

impact the ways in which they learn. I hold on to who I was as a teacher because I feel

that one needs to know how to teach in order to teach others how to teach. Does this

make sense? And although I am in the process of shaping my teacher educator identity,

it's more like I am building on to the beliefs I already have rather than starting from

scratch.

Jessica: I think this is something that would be really interesting to think more about, especially

since there seems to be this unspoken belief that classroom teacher (and the practices and

beliefs held in that space) transfer over to the teacher educator space without the need to

seriously complicate or develop as a new, unique self. One belief that I find is bridging

the K-20 (is that a thing?) gap for me is this one assertion that knowledge is unique to the

individual, born of personal interest and need, and socially constructed as individuals

seek to make sense of their lived experiences through discourse with others.

Elyse: The things you both mentioned cover the ways I feel about this- my beliefs and

viewpoints as a doc student first, and GA second, are shaped by my practice in the

classroom and the experiences I had but are so different from how I saw things when I

was in the classroom. I feel like they are different because the ways I think about things

has changed, I have learn to become more self-reflexive and look at practice with a

critical lens. I couldnt be who I am without where I have been but I think Ive changed

so much in 2 years that its hard to connect with that in some ways.
 Finding Our Identity: Learning About Supervision Collaboratively 20

All: Dinkelman, Margolis, and Sikkenga (2006), Ritter (2007), Young and Erickson (2011),

and Murray and Male (2005), support the theme that emerged from our discussion here

which recognizes that teacher educators tend to rely on their already established

professional teaching identity when transitioning to teacher educators. Perhaps more

importantly, our transition from classroom teacher to teacher educator left us feeling

lost in a space between what we know ourselves to be classroom teachers and what we

now know as teacher educators. We have identified as classroom teachers for so long

and we still have that identity at the core of what we know. As a result, we draw on that

knowledge as we begin to shape our beliefs as teacher educators.

Multiple Roles

Andrea: Being a doctoral student has a direct influence to the capacity in which I supervise my

students. First, having my own course load and assignments allows me supervise with

objectivity. Being a student myself allows me to feel the same stresses that my students

are feeling. Sometimes, the tension between student and instructor is very stressful as I

am trying to manage time among all the responsibilities that each role requires. It is a

compromise of time and effort as I play the game of give and take. I have feelings of

inadequacy when talking to other supervisors that have been elaborate with their seminar

and activities that they do with their students. Sometimes planning with my cohort

supervisor, who is an instructor already completed with their Ph.D. degree, I feel

overwhelmed and unable to keep up with her ideas. I know that she carries more of the

brunt of the planning and preparing materials than me. This is one of the biggest

struggles of being a supervisor for me as a supervisor. I have a keep a 3.5 grade average
 Finding Our Identity: Learning About Supervision Collaboratively 21

to keep my GA position so I need to be doing well in my classes while at the same time

fulfilling my role as a supervisor with integrity and fidelity. I dont say this out loud, but

I know subconsciously I am thinking this is all I have time for and it will have to do.

Elyse: Again, I hate to just say I totally agree but so much of what you said here rings true. I feel

like in some ways I can connect with my students because of the shared role of student.

The stress of having lots of assignments and responsibilities is a commonality that

connects us. However, I think the distinct difference in the place we are in our

educational journeys give us different outlooks- I think the prioritizing is a little different

and sometimes I feel frustrated when my students dont give their school work the time

and attention I would. These dual roles also challenge me when it comes to time- I have

so much to do in both roles I often feel like theres not enough time to do everything as

well as I would like. I am constantly comparing myself to what I see others who are

further along in their program or professors are doing and I struggle to feel like I am

doing enough or doing a good enough job.

Jessica: I think there is something to serving in a teacher role and a student role

simultaneously that makes me more of a needs-based person. I fully acknowledge that I

operate from a management stance that is grounded in care and individual needs, but

being a student makes me more so when I am working as a teacher educator with PSTs.

Im stressed. I have a lot of needs and hats to balance. I need them (pre-service teachers,

PSTs) to have a certain amount of flexibility with me as we work through things together

(particularly because the spaces we work in - living classrooms - are fluid and ever

changing). I find that my needs, and the importance of having others show some
 Finding Our Identity: Learning About Supervision Collaboratively 22

understanding for the complexities and challenges I face in order to do this work (student

and teacher) make me more willing to work with the needs of my PSTs.

All: At our research intensive university, doctoral graduate assistants balance full course

load while transitioning into the role of teacher educator which adds more stress to an

already stressful situation. Furthermore, we are stepping into a role as a researcher,

which can be a struggle in itself. The multiple hats we wear play an important role in

fulfilling our responsibilities for each. Zeichner, (2005) observed that doctoral students

frequently do not think about the issues of teacher education in a general sense or about

the programs they work in beyond their individual courses (p. 120). We found this to be

a valid and precise idea as we have continued to engage in discussions documenting the

struggles with maintaining integrity of each role.

 Finding Our Identity: Learning About Supervision Collaboratively 23

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