E-Learning course: Urban Crime and Violence Prevention

Module 2 Intra-family Violence Prevention

The One Man Can Campaign: MAKE A DIFFERENCE: LOVE PASSIONATELY,

RESPECTFULLY AND SENSITIVELY

bySonkeGenderJusticeNetwork

Introduction
TheOneManCanCampaignsupportsmenandboystotakeactiontoenddomesticandsexualviolence
andtopromotehealthy,equitablerelationshipsthatmenandwomencanenjoypassionately,
respectfullyandfully.

TheCampaignpromotestheideathateachoneofushasaroletoplay,thatwecancreateabetter,
moreequitableandmorejustworld.Atthesametime,thecampaignencouragesmentoworktogether
withothermenandwomentotakeaction,buildamovement,demandjustice,claimourrightsand
changetheworld.

TheCampaignconsidersthefactthatmenaresocialisedintoviolenceandcommitthevastmajorityof
violentacts.Menlearnviolenceasaresultofexperiencingitinchildhoodorasadults.Butviolenceisa
learnedbehaviourthatcanbeunlearned.Mencanchoosenottobehaveviolentlytowardwomen,
childrenandothermen.

Campaignresearch
SonkeGenderJusticeusedarangeofresearchmethodstodeterminethecontentanddesignofthe
campaign.Todecideonthecontentofthevariousactionsheets,SonkeGenderJusticestaff
conductedliteraturereviewstoidentifysimilarmaterialsthathadbeendevelopedelsewhere.Many
focusgroupdiscussionswithsurvivorsofviolence,faithbasedleaders,teachers,coachesandyoungand
adultmenwereheld.

Theteamalsocarriedoutanumberofstreetsurveys,stoppingmeninshoppingmalls,restaurants,
barbershopsandbusstationstofindouthowtheyunderstoodtheproblemofmensviolenceagainst
womenandwhattheywouldbewillingtodoaboutit.

Campaignphilosophyandapproach
Theresearchshowedthatmanymenandboysareconcernedaboutwidespreaddomesticandsexual
violenceandwantittostop.Theteamheardthatmenandboysdoworryaboutthesafetyofwomen
andgirlstheirpartners,sisters,mothers,girlfriends,wives,coworkers,neighbours,classmatesand
fellowcongregantsandwanttoplayaroleincreatingasaferandmorejustworld.

Takingaction:10stepsamancantakeforhealthyrelationshipswithwomen
1. Learnabouttheproblem
Violenceagainstwomenincludesphysicalandsexualassault,sexualharassment,psychologicalabuseor
emotionalabuse.Notallviolenceleavesvisiblescars,butyoucanlearnbyaskingawomanwhotrusts
youhowviolencehasaffectedherlife.Then,ifshefeelscomfortable,sitbackandlisten.Yourroleisnot
tochallengeheronthedetailsnordebatewhethersomethingreallyshouldhavebotheredherornot.It
istolisten.Turntolocalwomensorganizations.Theyhaveawealthofexperienceandknowledge.Talk
tothem.Learnfromthem.Contributetothemfinancially.

2. Havethecouragetolookinward
Whatkindofrelationshipdoyouwant?Whatisgoingtomakeyouandyourpartnerhappyinthelong
term?Howwillyoubothmakethatpossible?Thinkaboutwhatyouneedtodotochangeyourown
attitudesandactionstohaveahealthyrelationship,andconsiderwhichfriendsandfamilymemberscan
supportyoutoachievethesegoals.

3. Talktoyourpartneropenlyandhonestly
Talktoyourpartneraboutyourrelationship.Doyouknowhowyourpartnerisfeelingandwhatshe
wants?Talkaboutwhatyoueachenjoyanddesire,andwhatyoudont.Opencommunicationwillhelp
determinewhateachofyouwantssexuallyandemotionally.

4. Understandthatnomeansno
Bothyourpartnerandyouhavetherighttochoosewhetheryouwanttohavesexornot.Ifshesays
nothenthatiswhatshemeans.Respectherwishes,nomatterhowmucheitherofyouhavehadto
drinkorwhetheryouhavebeenintimatebefore.Remember,silencedoesnotmeanyesnomatter
whatthecircumstancesare.Showherthatyouacceptandsupportherdecision.Shewilltrustand
respectyouforit.

5. ProtecthimselfandhispartnerfromHIV
Inanynewrelationship,discussHIV/AIDSwithyourpartner,gettestedtogetherandreachan
agreementaboutcondomuse.Ifyouhavedecidedtobefaithful,keepyourword.Protectyourselves
fromHIV.

6. Demandjusticeandrights
TheSouthAfricanConstitutionandexistinglawsrelatedtodomesticandsexualviolencemakeitvery
clearthatthegovernmenthasanobligationtoensuresafetyforeveryone,andtoarrest,prosecuteand
convictperpetratorsofdomesticandsexualviolence.Todate,thepoliceandthecriminaljusticesystem
arerepeatedlyfailingvictimsofviolence.Takeactiontodemandthatthegovernmentmeetits
constitutionalobligationstosafetyandsecurity.Accompanysurvivorstocourtandhelpthemtoaccess
theirhumanrights.Supportand,whennecessary,putpressureonthepoliceandthecourts.Mobilize
forthepassageoflawstoendviolenceagainstwomen.

7. Beactiveinhiscommunity
Getdirectlyinvolvedwithlocalorganisationsthatworktoendviolenceagainstwomen.Findoutwhatis
goingoninyourcommunity.Therearemanyorganisationsworkingwithmenacrossthecountry.Find
one,joinitandlendyourskills.Helptowritenewspaperarticlesorpressreleases,joinmarchesfor
genderequalityandparticipateinprotestssayingnotoviolenceagainstwomen.Helpraisemoneyfor
womenssheltersandactivistorganisationsdemandingwomensrights.

8. Standupforhisprinciples
Dontletyourfriendspressureyoutoactinwaysthatdisrespectwomenandthatyouknowarewrong.
Findthecouragetostandupforyourprinciples.Ifyourfriendsactinwaysthatdegradewomenor
contributetodomesticorsexualviolence,challengethemtothinkaboutwhattheyresayingordoing.
Dontletthemuseculturaljustificationstoexcuseviolentorabusivebehaviour.Remindthemthat

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cultureisfluidandchangesallthetime.Promotetheideathatasocietywithgreatergenderequality
andlessrigidrolesformenwillbenefitmentoo,andsupporteachothertochangethewayyouthink
andact.

9. Breakthecycleofviolence
Ifyouvewitnessedviolencewithinyourfamily,youknowhowterrifyinganddestructiveitis.Take
actiontoendit.Ifyoususpectabrother,friend,colleague,classmateorteammateisbeingabusiveto
women,dontlookawayanddontremainsilent.Tellhimyoureconcerned.Remindhimofthedamage
hisviolenceisdoingtohispartner,hischildrenandtohisrelationship.Tellhimthatdomesticviolenceis
againstthelaw.Encouragehimtoseekprofessionalhelpandfollowupwithhimfrequentlytomake
suretheviolencestops.

10. Bearolemodeltoyoungboysandothermen
Positivemencanbepowerfulrolemodelsforboysandothermenintheircommunity.Boysare
watchinghowyouandothermenrelatetogirlsandwomentofigureouthowtheyshouldrelateto
them.Soteachboysearly,andteachthemoften,thatthereisnoplaceforviolenceinarelationship.

Workshopactivitiesandmaterialforparticipants
TheOneManCanCampaignworkshopactivitiesareintendedtoencouragementoreflectontheirown
attitudesandvaluesaboutgender,women,domesticandsexualviolence,HIV/AIDS,democracyand
humanrightssothattheycantakeactiontopreventdomesticandsexualviolence,reducethespread
andimpactofHIV/AIDSandpromotegenderequality.

Participantsaregivenamanual,whichisaresourceforthoseworkingwithmenandboysonissuesof
citizenship,humanrights,gender,health,sexualityandviolence.Thecontentoftheactivitiesis
informedbyacommitmenttosocialjustice,genderequalityandengagedcitizenactivism.Eachactivity
isinteractiveandprovidespeoplewithanopportunitytoreflectontheirownvaluesandexperiences.
Theactivitiesaresimpletouseanddonotrequirepriorfacilitationexperience.

TheCampaignprovidesalsoaOneManCanActionKit,whichprovidesmenwithresourcestoacton
theirconcernsaboutdomesticandsexualviolence.Itwillbeusefulforanymanconcernedaboutthese
issues,aswellasforrepresentativesfromgovernment,NGOs,CBOsandcommunitygroupswhowork
withmenandwomentoaddressissuesofgenderbasedviolenceandHIV/AIDS.

Inaddition,theOneManCanActionKitprovidesinformationandstrategiesonhowmencan:

Supportasurvivor
Usethelawtodemandjustice
Educatechildrenearlyandoften
Challengeothermentotakeaction
Makeschoolssaferforgirlsandboys
Raiseawarenessinplacesofworship
Buildahumanrightsculture
Promotedemocracy

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Theactionsheetsandmaterialsprovidedherewillhelpmentakeactionintheirownlivesand
communitiestopromotehealthyrelationshipsbasedonacommitmenttogenderequalityandto
supportwomeninachievingtheirrightstohealth,happinessanddignity.

Source:SonkeGenderJusticeNetwork.http://www.genderjustice.org.za/