Gurdjieff & the Further Reaches of Self-Observation

By Dennis Lewis

Self-observation is a powerful method not only of self-study but also of self-

change. First introduced to the West by G. I. Gurdjieff, the remarkable teacher
of psycho-spiritual transformation, as part of his overall system of work on
oneself, self-observation is best approached not as a technique but rather as
an entirely new relationship to oneself as a living, breathing being. Self-
observation as described by Gurdjieff is an intimate pathway into one's own
mind, body, and spirit. It allows us to experience new levels of self-awareness,
and by so doing to live more conscious, harmonious lives.

Gurdjieff & Identification

Gurdjieff believed that because of our conditioning and education most of us

live our lives as unconscious automatons. Oblivious to our own real potential,
our essence, we are totally "identified" with our personality, our self-image,
and with whatever thoughts, feelings, images, daydreams, or sensations
capture our attention at the moment. Because we so quickly and mechanically
say "I" to each impulse as it arises, says Gurdjieff, especially those impulses
that support our self-image, we believe we are masters of ourselves, seldom
noticing our own inner fragmentation and our lack of will and choice as a
result of this fragmentation. We lose ourselves at every moment in one or
another aspect of our lives, out of touch with the remarkable wholeness that is
our birthright.

Whether or not one agrees with Gurdjieff, his approach to self-observation

and awarenessas described by P. D. Ouspensky in his book In Search of
the Miraculoushas had a huge impact on many Western psycho-spiritual
teachings, and provides an excellent starting point for anyone searching for a
deeper understanding of herself or himself. Whats more, as Gurdjieff points
out, since certain processes cannot take place in the full light of
consciousness, self-observation is itself the beginning of real change.

My First Experiments with Self-Observation in the Gurdjieff Foundation

I first started trying to observe myself seriously in 1967 in a group under the
direction of some of the leaders of the Gurdjieff Foundation. Our fundamental
effort in various special conditions of the Gurdjieff Work, specially organized
conditions of stillness, discussion, listening, movement, manual labor, and
craftwork, was to see ourselves as we were, trying to witness, to be "present"
to, whatever was taking place at the moment. Using various methods handed
down from Gurdjieff, we were to attempt to discover in ourselves an attention
that could "record" whether what we were experiencing at the moment was a
thought, a feeling, a sensation, or some combination of these or other
functions. We were also to attempt to observe our identification with our
various habits, including daydreaming, imagination, inner talking, and so on,
and to verify our own lack of inner unity. In attempting to observe ourselves
which often required going against the momentum of our habits in order to
see them more clearlywe were reminded to try not to judge or analyze what
was seen. According to Gurdjieff, judgment and analysis would simply draw
us back into the vicious cycle of identification with the contents of our
awarenessespecially with our own inner reactions to what we saw
consuming what little free attention might be available for continuing
observation. If judgment or analysis occurred, however, which it often did in
spite of our best intentions, we were to simply include it in our observations. In
short, the Gurdjieff Work asked to be scientists in relation to ourselves, with
our own being as the object of our observation.

It soon became clear, to some of us at least, that to be more than mental or

psychological note taking, self-observation as described by Gurdjieff must, as
far as possible, embrace the actual processes and energies of our bodies.
Through our own ongoing experimentation, we began to get glimpses of what
Gurdjieff meant when he said that it is only by grounding our awareness in the
living sensation of our bodies that the "I Am," our real presence, can awaken.
Though we were told that full, complete self-observation ultimately depends
on being open to a higher energy, a higher consciousness, we were also told
that it begins with voluntarily putting whatever attention is available to us on
our own somatic state at the moment. Gurdjieff makes clear that it is only
when our ordinary attention is actively occupied with experiencing the present
moment that the higher energy of awareness can appear, an awareness that
relates us simultaneously to our inner and outer worlds.

For those of us wishing to study ourselves by means of Gurdjieff's method of

self-observation, the starting point must be the overall sensation of the body. It
is through this sensation, a kind of three-dimensional perceptual backdrop,
that we can discern the various movements and energies of our own inner
functions. Without the stability of this sensation, our efforts at self-observation
will quickly turn into identification with whatever thoughts, feelings,
daydreams, and so on are occurring.

Gurdjieff, Self-Observation & Sittings

One of the foundations of the Gurdjieff Work is what is called "sittings," a

profound form of inner work that is passed down orally from teacher to
student. Though the various sitting exercises that Gurdjieff passed on to his
students are not available to the general public, the basic approach has been
described in some detail in Jean Vaysse's excellent book on Gurdjieff's
teachings, called Toward Awakening. Though it is important, of course,
eventually to learn how to observe oneself in any circumstance, it is helpful to
begin by sitting quietly for at least 20 minutes at the beginning of each day
with ones eyes closed and ones spine erect but supple. As one begins to
relax more and more into this very simple posture, allowing ones attention to
gradually occupy the whole of ones body, one will begin to experience a new,
more comprehensive sensation of oneself. It is this sensation that makes it
possible to see, hear, and "record" our thoughts, feelings, intuitions, postures,
and so on, and how these various functions influence one another in this
complex "machine" that one calls oneself.
Self-Observation & Levels of Sensation

Though it wasnt until many years after I left the Gurdjieff Foundation that I
understood and formulated much of what follows, it is helpful to realize from
the very beginning of self-observation that "sensation" can be experienced at
many different levels, depending on ones degree of relaxation and attention.
Though Gurdjieff himself does not define these levels of sensation, at least
not in any of his published works, they become quite clear in a deep,
sustained work of self-observation. These levels include the automatic
sensation of aches and pains; the deeper sensation of muscular tensions and
contractions; the more subtle sensation of temperature and movement: the
uniform "prickly" sensation of ones skin; the living, breathing sensation of
ones internal organs, bones, tissues, and fluids; and the integrative sensation
of the bodys energy circuits, connecting all the organs and functions of ones
being.

Those who continue the work of conscious relaxation through a deepening

contact with their own bodies may eventually come to one more level of
sensation: the profound, all-encompassing sensation of space and silence
that lies at the heart of our somatic being. Though this was seldom discussed
in the Gurdjieff work, it is, based on my own experience, an important stage in
the work of self-observation. It is only through the experience of sensation as
both space and silence that our awareness can embrace and welcome the
whole of ourselves. It is this embrace, this welcoming, that is the beginning of
self-transformation.

For many who undertake the inner work of self-observation, however,

observation of their bodies seldom goes beyond a mental "projection" of
sensation. For others, it involves only the sensation of their skin or their most
superficial tensions. This is understandable, since to go deeper into our
organism means to open ourselves to the contradictions and confusions of
our inner life, to the real forces, the "animals," as Gurdjieff has said, that move
us. These forces include not only our deepest aspirations and desires, but
also the traumas, fears, anxieties, worries, and other emotions buried in the
complex interrelationships of brain, nervous system, skeleton, muscles, and
viscera that we call our body.

Though Gurdjieff's method of self-observation is a powerful tool of self-study,

learning to open ourselves to ourselves in this way takes far more than the
application of exercises and techniques. It also takes great knowledge,
sincerity, and sensitivity. We have little direct awareness of the operations of
our brain and nervous system except as they are reflected in the tissues,
structures, and movements of our bodies. Whats more, in actual practice our
attention, which is generally rather weak, can seldom reach beneath the most
superficial layers of tissues, organs, and muscles conditioned by years of
unconsciousness, negativity, and misuse. Based on my work on myself and
with others both within and outside the Gurdjieff Work, it is clear to me that our
bodies, especially our viscera, have gradually become storage vaults for
undigested experiences and impressions too charged or painful to confront. In
the name of homeostasis and survival, our nervous system closed the doors
to these experiences through a kind of organic amnesia. But keeping the
doors to the vault locked consumes an enormous amount of energy and
creates disharmony at the very deepest levels of our being.

The Work of Self-Sensing & Listening

In practicing self-observation, it is important to see where ones attention

seems to stopwhere it can go no further. This is possible through what I call
"self-sensing," a kind of inner organic seeing and listening in which one starts
with the sensation and receptivity of ones eyes and earsincluding the
impressions they receiveand allows this sensation and receptivity to expand
gradually throughout the entire body. This expansion must include our
voluntary muscles and skeleton, as well as our heart, lungs, diaphragm,
digestive organs, genitals, and other organs. For it is in these locations that
the deepest patterns of our energiesthe real springs of our behaviorare
maintained. And it is usually in these locations that the physical manifestations
(especially the unnecessary tensions and contractions that Gurdjieff says
consumes the energy we need for inner work) of our own individual barriers to
wholeness are most clearly reflected. Through sensing these manifestations,
opening them up, as it were, to the reach of our attention, we can begin to see
and transform those experiences and impressionswhether from the past or
presentthat are locked out of our awareness.

In undertaking this work of self-sensing it is important to approach ourselves

with both gentleness and compassion. It has taken many years for us to
become what we are today, and it is virtually impossible to either see or break
through our barriers (what Gurdjieff calls "buffers") to wholeness by effort or
willpower alone. Nor is it advisable, cautions Gurdjieff, since getting rid of
these barriers or buffers all at once would be an intolerably painful experience
(for we would have to see ourselves as we actually are) that could easily
throw our lives into chaos. What is required instead is openness without force
to what we can see at any moment, a deep inner movement of welcoming
whatever appears. It is my experience that at the moment it seems impossible
to go any further in our awareness of a barrier, we can back off a bit and allow
our sensation of this barrier to deepen. When we bring our attention back to a
previous sensation of ease, the sympathetic nervous system can relax its
vice-like grip and some of our tensions can begin to dissolve seemingly on
their own. We can also try letting our attention move to parts of ourselves that
are freer and more relaxed. Then we simply allow that sensation of ease and
comfort to expand into the parts of our bodies that are more tense. As some of
the more superficial tensions begin to dissolve, it is possible to observe
deeper organic levels of tension within ourselves and to sense the emotions
and experiences associated with them.

Those of us who undertake this work of self-sensing in a serious way will

eventually see that the real key to both self-knowledge and self-transformation
lies in our feelings and emotions. Gurdjieff makes clear that our feelings and
emotions are the horses that drive the carriage of our body. And it is our
feelings and emotions that most clearly shape and reflect our relationship, our
attitudes, to ourselves and the world. As we continue the work of self-sensing,
for example, we will see that certain kinds of feelings open us, allowing our
awareness to move freely throughout our organism, while other kinds close
us, locking awareness and impressions out. We will also become convinced
that the real observation and study of emotions is not a mental or
psychological process, but rather a physical one.

Self-Observation & Breathing

As we are called from our own inner being toward a deepening of the work of
self-observation, we will begin to see, as Gurdjieff points out, just how difficult
it is to observe emotionsespecially those that we have long practice in
avoiding, that we have never thoroughly digested. Fortunately, however, our
body gives us a direct entry into our emotional life. Though this is not
discussed by Gurdjieff, at least not in any writings I have seen, this entry, I
have found, is our breathing. Our breathing not only connects us with the
outer world, but it also connects our body, mind, emotions, and spirit, and will
always show us, if we can be receptive to it, the various forces acting at the
moment. Our breathing can even help show us where the experiences and
impressions that we are unable to face are resonating in our bodies.

Gurdjieff warns us, quite rightly, that any attempt to manipulate or change our
breathing without sufficient knowledge of our organism can over time cause
many problems. It is crucial, therefore, especially at the beginning of the work
of self-observation, to learn to sense, to follow, our breathing without
attempting to change it in any way. To my knowledge, Gurdjieff does not
discuss this in his writings, but the actual practice of following the breath is an
important part of the sittings as they were handed down by Gurdjieff. The
reasons for this are many, but two are paramount as far as I can see: first, by
following our breathing we actually stabilize and strengthen our inner
attention; second, our breathing as it takes place at any particular moment
reflects everything else that is occurring in and around the organism and thus
provides a powerful tool of self-observation.

In my own approach to working with breathing, an approach which has

developed not just through my experiences in the Gurdjieff Work, but also in
various other traditions, one starts by simply follow the air going in and out of
one's nose. Later one can follow the actual movement of the air into and out
of one's lungs. One can also sense where one's breathing seems to take
place in one's body. Does it take place in the shoulders, the chest, or the
lower abdomen? Do my shoulders go up when I inhale? Does my belly go out
or in? Do I feel my breathing in my ribs, my back, my pelvis? As I sense my
breathing, do my inhalations and exhalations take place evenly and
harmoniously, or do they seem to pull in one direction or another? What
tensions do I feel? What does my breathing "sound" like? As I sense the
location of my breathing, do I feel peaceful, agitated, angry, joyful, sad, bored,
willful? Am I being stubborn or rigid in my thinking? What am I feeling and
thinking? And at the more advanced levels of this work with breathing, one
can even sense a certain quality of energy that seems to enter with each
breath, and one can follow the movement of this energy in one's body. The
purpose here is simply to observe--not to analyze, judge, or manipulate. As
we said earlier, without sufficient awareness and self-knowledge, any effort to
change our breathing can, as Gurdjieff warns, cause many problems.

Those working with following their breath in this way over a period of time will
begin to have many fascinating and revealing impressions of themselves.
And, perhaps just as important, they will begin, as I said earlier, to develop a
stronger, more stable attention, one that is not so quickly dissipated through
emotional reactions. But the key is to keep observing, using our breathing as
a pathway into experiencing the entire organism. One may observe, for
example, as I have on numerous occasions, how in moments of willfulness, of
strong identification (as Gurdjieff would say) with one's sense of "I," one's
breathing seems to go noisily up into one's raised shoulders, one's muscles
contract, and one's entire abdominal cavity is drawn upward. Or one may see,
as I have, how in moments of quiet receptivity the breath centers itself silently
behind the navel, the Hara or Lower Tan Tien, and the entire body seems to
relax and breathe.

This approach to self-observation is a very intimate one, since it gives each of

us an opportunity to learn more about ourselves in the most direct way
possible. What's more, it begins to alter our very being: the light of
consciousness begins to penetrate into the dark recesses of our being, relax
our somatic structures and tissues, and gradually allow the energy to flow
more harmoniously and lawfully. Nevertheless, for self-observation to bring
the ultimate self-knowledge and transformation that is possible, most of us will
eventually need the help not only of an outside teacher or group such as one
finds in the Gurdjieff work, but also of a somatic practitioner.

As Gurdjieff has made clear, authentic outside teachers or groups are needed
to bring the new ideas, perspectives, and special conditions necessary to help
us free ourselves from our own narrow attitudes and to observe ourselves in a
more honest way. Under the direction of a teacher or working with others who
are seriously exploring their own nature, we are bound to receive shocks that
will help us wake up more often from our own wishful thinking and to see
ourselves more clearly. During my own 18 years both as a student and group
leader in the special conditions of the Gurdjieff Work, I was able to observe
sides of myself that were nearly impossible to observe in the ordinary
conditions of daily life. Though these observations, especially those involving
my lack of unity, my false sense of pride, and my deep sense of insecurity,
were seldom pleasant, they were absolutely necessary to my own growing
understanding and awareness.

Even in the special conditions of the Gurdjieff Work, however, self-observation

does not always bring to light some of the deepest springs of our behavior
and being. Because of our extensive conditioning by family, friends,
education, and society, and the powerful interrelationships that exist between
somatic structure, breathing, and emotions, there are almost always deep
contractions, tensions, and disharmonies in our muscles, viscera, and
nervous system that cannot be sensed except through a deep, direct work
with the body and breathing. In many cases, this will require a skilled somatic
practitioner, or a spiritual teacher who utilizes somatic work, who can work
with us individually to help us experience the ways in which our bodies are not
only reflecting but also maintaining powerful emotional attitudes that we are
unable to observe on our own, no matter how hard we try or how sensitive we
are. In many cases, this work cannot be done only through words, movement,
and meditation. It may also require the art and science of someone else's
physical touch to awaken and guide our deeper organic energy and
awareness through the deep tensions, contractions, and sensory
disharmonies of our being.

In my own work of self-observation, I have greatly benefited not only from the
extraordinary conditions of the Gurdjieff Work (conditions that make it possible
to see ourselves more impartially), but also from intensive somatic exploration
with several somatic practitioners and spiritual teachers, including
practitioners of the Feldenkrais structural integration work, as well as of an
extraordinary form of Taoist abdominal massage and breath work called Chi
Nei Tsang. In both approaches--but especially in Chi Nei Tsang--I was able to
experience in only a couple of years many of the deep interrelationships
between mind, body, and emotions that had eluded me for many years. It is
quite clear to me, however, that without my long training in self-observation
through the Gurdjieff work, without learning how to turn my attention toward
my own inner being in almost any circumstance of life, my experiences with
these teachers and practitioners would not have gone beyond some very
important health benefits and interesting psychological footnotes.

If Gurdjieff's method of self-observation is to be an intimate pathway into our

being, it can only do so if we are willing to truly expose ourselves to ourselves.
What is needed, says Gurdjieff, is "inner sincerity." But this willingness to be
exposed, to be present to ourselves from top to bottom and from outside to
inside, needs the support of special conditions and people that can help us
return to our own real home on this earth--our bodies--and to occupy every
floor and room in this home. It is not enough to learn about our home by
shining a powerful spotlight from the top floor or our favorite room. What is
needed is to open the door to every room, including the basement, and to
actually enter the rooms and illuminate them. This is not easy, but it is
possible--especially for those who remember that it is only through the living,
breathing sensation of the whole of ourselves that we can live conscious,
harmonious lives. This sensation, unrestricted by unconscious emotional
attitudes working through our muscles and organs, is the sensation of life
itself, and of the miraculous space and silence that lies at its heart.

(This is a revised version of an article that originally appeared in Gnosis)

http://www.authentic-breathing.com/self-observation.htm