Too Close
WOMEN IN COMPARISON TO HETEROSEXUAL WOMEN
For Comfort
ISSUES
Despite the prevalence of LGBTQ Intimate Partner
Violence (IPV), there is a lack of public awareness of
the issue. Silence has rendered LGBTQ IPV invisible,
with fewer policies and services available to victims,
and little likelihood that victims will be taken seriously.
LGBTQ Intimate Partner Violence: Lessons for
Policy, Practice, and Research is written for LGBTQ
IPV victims, survivors, their allies, LGBTQ community
organizations, mental and medical healthcare providers,
social workers, law enforcement agencies, IPV
organizations and shelters, researchers, and teachers.
The book is currently available from the University of
California Press and Amazon.com. We caught up with
author Adam M. Messinger to learn more.
18 CURVE AUG/SEP 2017
RATES OF INTIMATE PARTNER VIOLENCE FOR LGBT
In line with past studies, The National
Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence
Survey (NISVS) found that bisexual
women (61 percent) and lesbian women
(44 percent) are far more likely than
heterosexual women (35 percent) in the
United States to be physically assaulted,
raped, or stalked by an intimate partner
within their lifetimes. This pattern
extends to psychological intimate partner
violence (IPV), which is experienced in
the lifetimes of 76 percent of bisexual
women, 63 percent of lesbian women,
and 48 percent of heterosexual women.
Considerably less data is available on
transgender IPV, but studies generally
find female-identified transgender
people are also at an elevated risk of IPV
victimization. These are lifetime rates, so
it is important to keep in mind that the
majority of relationships sexual minority
and transgender women have are non-
abusive. Unfortunately, it is similarly clear
that such women are at the greatest risk
of experiencing IPV at some point in their
lives. A series of prominent studies have
concluded that bisexual women are more
likely to experience IPV than women of
any other sexual orientation.
DAMAGING MYTHS SURROUNDING LGBTQ WOMEN
AND IPV
Imagine that your understanding of IPV is
based entirely on well-known facts about
abuse among heterosexual women: such
women are more likely to be victims
than perpetrators, and their abusers
are more likely to be male-identified,
hyper-masculine, and injury inducing.
Now imagine you are a sexual minority
woman in a same-gender relationship.
Extrapolating from what we know about
heterosexual women, you might logically
assume that: (a) as a sexual minority
you are less likely to be a victim; (b) as
a woman your partner is less likely to
become abusive with you; (c) your female
partner is less likely to become abusive
if she is not hyper-masculine; (d) if they
do become abusive, because they are
female, such abusers are less likely to
cause injury or other severe outcomes.
Despite being entirely logical at face
value, each of these assumptions has
been completely disproven by research.
Unfortunately, these assumptions are

so widespread in society that they
serve to render female sexual minority
IPV invisible. Sexual minority female
victims and abusers report difficulties
in recognizing abusive behaviors
specifically because of these false
assumptions. Research finds that family
members, friends, police officers, shelter
workers, and mental healthcare providers
also often take female sexual minority IPV
less seriously. While a similar problem has
been documented for sexual minority
men in abusive relationships, the issue is
of particular concern for sexual minority
women because of the stereotype that
women are inherently less aggressive
than men.
5 ESSENTIAL STEPS FOR VICTIMS OF IPV
Recognize that you deserve better.
It is always a challenge to imagine ending
a relationship when you care about your
partner and fear there are few alternative
dating options, but know that you will
find a better relationship in the future,
one where you are fully respected and
loved. It can also be challenging to put a
name to abuse when it does not involve
the stereotypical black eye and bruises
but if you feel something is wrong in the
relationship, trust that instinct. Partners
that try to repeatedly guilt you or control
who you see do NOT respect and trust
you. Partners that humiliate you, yell at
you, or threaten you do NOT respect and
trust you. Partners who sexually coerce,
shove, grab hair, burn, or throw objects
at you do NOT respect and trust you. No
matter what partners may say or who they
blame for their actions, no one deserves
to be abused, period.
Make sure you get help.
While we always hope that the good
inside our partners will win out eventually,
research unfortunately tells us that
abusers, even those who apologize and
temporarily stop abusing, typically do
not change their behavior in the long
run and may get more abusive as the
relationship continues. Leaving an abuser
is often a time of heightened danger for
victims, including risk of being murdered,
because abusers fear losing control and
risking that they may get caught. Staying
of course also can be very unsafe.
Therefore experts recommend that,
whether you choose to stay or leave,
you should not do so without help. If you
can, find someone to speak with whom
you trust and is not friends with the
abuser, such as a family member or close
personal friend. Be sure to also reach out
for professional assistance, such as with
a local IPV organization. You should call
the National Domestic Violence Hotline
(1-8007997233), who can talk you
through the next steps as well as connect
you with a range of free services (such as
accessing shelter, child care, counseling,
medical care, legal representation, and so
forth). You may also consider contacting
any of the dozens of North American
member locations of the National
Coalition of Anti-Violence Programs (1-
212-714-1141), which provide services to
LGBTQ people who have become victims
of IPV or other forms of violence. If you
feel you are in imminent danger, call 911.
If your abuser owns or has ready access
to a firearm or gun, call 911.
If you feel there
is something
wrong in the
relationship,
trust that
instinct
Cover your tracks.
Abusers commonly monitor who their
victims speak with, where they go, and
what they do. In some instances, they may
directly ask victims for this information,
but often times they acquire it secretly
such as by looking at your phone call log,
text messages, social media posts, and
web browsing history. Seeking help with
IPV victimization can require using one or
more of these forms of communication,
like calling an IPV hotline, looking at
a website for IPV survivors, texting a
friend about the relationship, or posting
about the relationship on a social media
website. It is strongly advised that you
delete records of these communications
after you have completed them. In some
instances, abusers can install key-logging
VIEWS / ISSUES
software and apps on computers and
mobile devices without your knowledge,
which will send your abuser a list of your
actions on those devices even if you
erase related histories on the devices
so you might consider making the most
sensitive communications (such as to an
IPV hotline) using a new pay-per-minute
cell phone your abuser does not know
about, a computer at a local library, and
other devices your abusers will not have
access to. If you are considering going
somewhere for safety or visiting a local
IPV organization, consider sharing your
new location only with those you have
already disclosed the victimization to and
trust to help you.
Document everything.
Even if you prefer not to contact the
police or file for an order of protection,
you may decide to do so in the future,
particularly if the abuse continues or
escalates. It may become slightly easier
to get assistance from law enforcement
and the courts if you keep records
of behaviors by your partner that are
controlling or abusive in any way. This
can include keeping a journal of the
abusive behaviors, and keeping records
of any communications by your abuser
that contain evidence of abuse. Be
careful to store the journal or records
in a location not readily discoverable by
the abuser and in a location where the
abuser cannot easily delete the records.
Consider discussing all of these incidents
soon after they occur with someone you
trust, even if they were not present during
the incident, which may also become
important in future court proceedings.
Make an emergency safety plan.
Having a plan ready to go can be
the difference between successfully
and unsuccessfully reaching safety.
Emergency plans should include at
minimum the names, numbers, and
addresses of where you will go and the
route you will use to get there, credit
cards and money, key documents (such
as ID), medications, and clothing.
Adam M. Messinger, PhD is Assistant
Professor of Justice Studies and Womens
& Gender Studies, Northeastern Illinois
University.
AUG/SEP 2017 CURVE 19