Table

of Contents
TALKING ABOUT DIALOGUE
FOUR WAYS TO WRITE
BAD DIALOGUE
BAD EXPOSITION
TWO LEVELS OF EXPOSITION
WHAT IS DIALOGUE?
I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN
FIRST HAND
LEVELS OF EXPERIENCE
REALISTIC DIALOGUE?
CONFUSION
SUBTEXT
WORDS AND PICTURES
FORTY DIALOGUE TIPS
1) DIALOGUE IS CHARACTER
2) ATTITUDE
3) BACKGROUND
4) SENTENCE STRUCTURE
5) FAVORITE WORDS
6) VOCABULARY
7) SEE & SAY RULE
8) DANCING AROUND THE SUBJECT
9) SAY THE OPPOSITE
10) EXPLODE CLICHES
11) GO FOR THE DETAIL
12) BE ZIPPY
13) BANTER
14) WORD COUNT
15) HOOK WORDS TO CONNECT DIALOGUE
16) ECHO LINES
17) NEXUS WORDS
18) BUMPER STICKER
19) INCONGRUOUS
20) WEIRD WORLD VIEW
21) REMOVE WORDS
22) SYMBOLIC DIALOGUE
23) NEVER HEARD THAT ONE
24) ANTI-DIALOGUE?
25) CONTRAST BETWEEN CHARACTERS
26) CONTRAST IN LOCATIONS
27) UNDERSTATEMENT
 28) HUMOR
29) SHORTEST DISTANCE BETWEEN POINTS
30) STINGER IN THE TAIL
31) CONFLICT IN DIALOGUE
32) THREE LINE RULE
33) SPEECHES
34) INTERRUPTIONS
35) PREWRITING, WRITING, REWRITING
36) THE LIFE OF WRYLIES
37) ACCENTS
38) DOES IT PLAY?
39) MY FAVORITE CUSSWORD
40) THESE THREE
41) MOST IMPORTANT TIP:
NOTORIOUS
PSYCHO
YOU CAN COUNT ON ME
AWKWARD PAUSES
CONFLICT
SUBTEXT
SITUATIONS
MISUNDERSTANDINGS
LATE STARTS
BRINGING UP BANTER
BRINGING UP BABY
HIS GIRL FRIDAY
BONUS MATERIALS
JARGON AND SLANG
LAME CONFESSIONS
PROMPTER EXPOSITION
BUMPER STICKER DIALOGUE
ACTOR PROOFING YOUR DIALOGUE
LOOSENING UP
LATE START
VOICE OVER
MORE ON SUBTEXT
SUSPENSE? JUST ADD A WEAPON!
FOREIGN TONGUES
AFTERWARD
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
THE BLUE BOOK SERIES
 SCRIPT SECRETS
BLUE BOOK #10

DIALOGUE SECRETS

by
William C. Martell

FIRST STRIKE PRODUCTIONS

DIALOGUE SECRETS
New Revised Edition
ISBN:

Copyright 2002, 2011 by William C. Martell

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in

any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, or telepathic, including
photocopying, recording, or any information and retrieval system, without the prior
written permission of the Writer, except by a reviewer who may quote brief
passages in a review.

First Strike Productions

11012 Ventura Blvd #103
Studio City, CA 91604

http://www.ScriptSecrets.Net
TALKING ABOUT DIALOGUE

What makes good dialogue? Why does some dialogue flow smoothly like an Olympic
swimmer crossing the finish line, while other dialogue sputters and coughs like my Uncle
Bernie running to catch a bus? Why are some lines memorable, and others instantly
forgettable? Can writing good dialogue be learned, or is it something you are born with? If
we must be born writers to master dialogue, whats the scoop on reincarnation? And how
can I return as Steve Zaillian or the Coen Brothers?

William Goldman says: Dialogue is one of the *least* important parts of any script
in Which Lie Did I Tell? - and hes right! Dialogue is the first thing that gets changed,
the first thing that gets cut, and the part of your script that probably wont make it to the
screen. Ive had scripts produced where only one line of my dialogue ended up in the
finished film between rewrites and actors improvising and directors and producers and
everyone else involved in making a movie its a miracle any line makes it to the screen
intact! When a waitress meets the screenwriter protagonist of In A Lonely Place she
says, I used to think that actors made up their own lines, and he replies, When they get
to be big stars, they usually do.

And a script with great dialogue and no story fails on a basic level.

But bad dialogue makes your characters look bad. If your characters look bad, your
story will look bad. Who wants to listen to a story about a boring character? Or one who
talks in cliches? Or one who talks like a robot or a moron? Dialogue taps directly into the
character. Dialogue *represents* the character. Even though dialogue may be the least
important part of your screenplay, its what those silly studio readers will notice first. We
want to make a great first impression, and give them no reason to say no to our
screenplay. We want our screenplays to have amazing dialogue even if none of it ever
ends up on screen.

Also, bad dialogue is easy to spot. It may strain the brain of a studio reader to point out
exactly whats wrong with the structure of a script or a weak visual element or characters
that do not ring true, but pretty easy to find a clunker line and include it in their
coverage. Whatever we do, lets not make it EASY for them to reject our scripts!

Though some films have been made without a single line of dialogue (The Thief
with Ray Milland in 1952) and others have been successful with very little dialogue
(Road Warrior, Vertigo, large portions of Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes, etc.), the
modern screenplay is usually about a 50/50 split of dialogue and actions We need both
halves of our scripts to be successful!

In previous Blue Books I have used one film as a primary example, but this one will
use three different films, each as an example of a different style. Well look at Notorious
for talking around the subject, Psycho for intersecting monologue, Bringing Up
Baby for banter and then look at the Oscar nominee You Can Count On Me, which can
teach us a variety of lessons. Well look at ways to remove exposition, create emotion, use
subtext, and write dialogue that fits a specific character. This Blue Book began as an
article called Ten Dialogue Tips, and was expanded to 21 Dialogue Tips for the paper
version Now for the Kindle & Nook versions, its *40* Dialogue Tips and some of the
original sections have been expanded with new examples and some new material was
written plus some Script Tips have been updated and added as Bonus Material. I cant
reincarnate you into Steve Zaillian or the Coen Brothers, but I can give you the tools to
use along with your own creativity to improve your dialogue and make those characters of
yours sound great on the page.

Ready for our first lesson?

FOUR WAYS TO WRITE

Its 4am and I am dreaming that I am late for a meeting with Christopher Nolan and I
havent studied the material Im supposed to pitch him, and I am also suddenly naked, and
when the traffic clears my car falls off a cliff, when the phone rings. Wakes me up. Who
the heck would be calling me at this hour? My best friend who needs bail money? Some
ex-girlfriend with paternity results? Elliot from the Raindance Film Fest who has forgotten
that Im in a different time zone? My mother making sure Ive eaten my vegetables? That
Moviefone Guy? How many words do you think it will take me to figure out who it is?
How many words does it take you to figure out who is on the phone? Different people
have different voices, and we easily recognize those voices even though they have been
broken down and turned into electrical impulses and beamed to a satellite or through a
fiber-optic cable and then reassembled by that mechanical device in your hand. Its a
miracle!

But people read that darned script of mine and think that all of the characters sound the
same. Why is it easier to recognize a voice from the other side of the world, than the
voices of people we created?

Unless your name is David Mamet or Woody Allen, having all of your characters
sound alike is a serious problem in a screenplay. Though a talented actor may be able to
take a generic line of dialogue and make it sound distinctive, in order to get your dialogue
into the mouths of those talented actors, it needs to be filled with character while on the
page. There are only two ways we can learn about characters in a screenplay - from what
they do and what they say - words and deeds. A reader should be able to cover the
character names and still know exactly who is speaking - just as you know who is talking
to you on the phone even though you can not see their face.

But how do you write dialogue like that?

There are four basic methods for creating dialogue, and you will use a combination of
*all four* for your screenplay. If you find yourself only using one or two of these basic
methods, that may be the problem with your dialogue. Everything in screenwriting and
any other creative endeavor is both right brain and left brain - both creativity and
reasoning. If you only use the creative aspects of your mind, there is no quality control. If
you only use the reasoning part of your mind, the results may be technically perfect but
dull. We need to use both parts of the brain, and all four of the basic dialogue creation
methods.
 CHARACTER CHANNELING: When people ask me how I write dialogue, I
usually quip that I hear these voices in my head and I have to type as fast as I can to keep
up with them. That makes me sound crazy, but that is how I write dialogue when I am in
the zone - I am kind of channeling all of the characters like some sort of a medium and I
hear their voices in my head. To do this you have to really know the characters all of the
characters and what words and phrases they use and what their reactions would be to
some other characters dialogue. Talk about split personalities! Sometimes I have three or
four people talking in my head! I am just taking dictation.

NOTE CARDS: Every once in a while I say something clever and I write it down
quickly before I forget it! Over the years I have collected a bunch of clever lines and good
dialogue exchanges and those zingers you had thought of long after the argument ended.
All of these note cards are in a file, so that I can take them out and flip through them if I
get stumped on a line or just to use if I remember that good line later. On my Droid
Gunner screenplay written in 9 days I had all of the note cards on my desk and used a
bunch of clever lines from them. When you are writing against the clock it sometimes
helps to have some clever lines pre-written. At the premiere of that film, everyone thought
the dialogue was fast and funny and clever when only some of it was written on the
spot, and many of the best lines were things that I had been collecting over a few years on
the cards. When you come up with a great line or dialogue exchange write it down!

WORKING IT OUT: Probably the most common method of writing dialogue is just
to work it out while you are writing. If character A says this, what would character B say
in response? There are various degrees of working it out from just going line by line to
doing some sort of dialogue outline (what is the conversation about and how does it go off
course and then come back to the point?) to just roughing it out and then coming back to
fix it later. This is the writing part of writing the work. It isnt glamorous, isnt usually
easy, but its why what we do to get paid (hopefully). We stare at the blank screen and
curse the cursor and then press the keys and make the words appear. Some days it is easier
than others. Some days it is close to impossible. But one character says something and
then we try to figure how the other character would naturally respond and then try to
figure out the most interesting way for them to say that. This is shifting between right
brain and left brain, often with a bad clutch. Though there are times when it flows, most of
the time its going to be some form of that four letter word we all hate: work. But we
would rather do this than dig ditches or perform brain surgery, so in that strange twisted
way we enjoy the work.

REWRITING: No matter how the words get on the page, they are still in a rough
draft form and we will need to rewrite them. We may be channeling characters and one
character manages to bleed through into the other. We may come up with an amazingly
clever line and realize that character would never say it. And if we just worked it out,
the dialogue may need even more work. One of the fallacies many new writers have is that
professional writers are some form of perfection and they just come up with golden
dialogue without any work or any rewriting. Um, not true. Dialogue is often raw in the
first draft, and doesnt really come alive until the rewrite. Sure, there are some clever lines
there but much of the dialogue will still be indistinct and not the best it can be. Those
pro writers who have that amazing dialogue probably did a lot of rewriting to get it that
way. Dont think your dialogue has to be brilliant in your first draft, and dont believe that
once you have written a first draft your dialogue doesnt need any work.

The tools and techniques in this Blue Book are designed to be used in all four of these
basic methods. You may throw some of the techniques into your subconscious toolbox and
put them to work when channeling characters, you may also use the techniques to come up
with some clever lines for use later, or be rewriting a patch of dialogue and use some of
the techniques to make perfunctory dialogue into something interesting and no matter
what you do, all of these techniques will come back when you are revising your dialogue.
Rewriting is analytical *and* creative you look at some line or exchange and figure out
how it could work better, then use your creativity to improve it. Its not unusual for me to
be tweaking dialogue one more time before sending it off to a producer.

But before we can write our great dialogue, we need to get rid of the
BAD DIALOGUE

What do you do if your script has bad dialogue? Youve scolded it: Bad dialogue!
Bad! Youve tried punishing it, but it still wont go on the paper. Is there obedience
school for dialogue? A way to train your dialogue to obey its master?

Eliminating bad dialogue wont result in brilliant dialogue - no one will confuse your
characters for Oscar Wilde or Dorothy Parker - but at least youll end up with characters
engaged in more realistic human conversation. Most of the dialogue in your screenplay
probably wont be witty and clever - it will be characters talking to each other the way real
people do real people in movies, that is. We want our dialogue to make our characters
seem real to the reader.
BAD EXPOSITION

The culprit behind most bad dialogue is exposition. Websters Dictionary defines
exposition as writing or speech that explains or gives information. That sounds like a
good thing, right? Good writing *should* be giving the reader information. But bad
exposition is when the dialogue is *obviously* giving information. Its a block of
information trying to masquerade as dialogue, and the reader can easily see behind the
mask.

A character would never say: My name is Max and Ive become a loner since my
wife and son died. I dont trust anyone, but underneath that I still have traces of hope for
humanity. Who says things like that? I call that spill the beans dialogue - where a
character gives some key piece of information that they would never in their life tell
anybody. Its pure exposition! In Road Warrior (Mad Max 2) Max hardly says
anything, let alone explaining who he is and why he acts this way. The story and actions
do most of the work, and the dialogue ends up the icing on the cake.

A movie is sound and picture and for the first 30-35 years there wasnt any sound at
all! Though most movies had title cards with *limited* dialogue, some films like The
Last Laugh had no dialogue at all. And that doesnt mean characters doing pantomime, it
means a story that is told through the natural actions of the characters. We examine this
deeper in the Visual Storytelling Blue Book, but one of the main culprits in bad dialogue
is using the dialogue to do all of the heavy lifting and ignoring the picture part of the
moving picture. Though every screenplay is unique, the average screenplay will be about
an even split between dialogue and action (which is what you call that element some
people wrongly refer to as description or stage direction). And in that 50/50 split, those
little lines you may use to break up the dialogue (He sips his coffee) dont count! Those
are basically part of the dialogue, not an action. Action is not car chases and explosions,
its just people doing something instead of standing there talking. Giving a hug, walking
away from an argument, doing all of those things we do every day that isnt flapping our
lips. When the action isnt doing fair share of the work, often bad exposition takes its
place and ruins everything!

There are at least five different kinds of bad exposition:

1) Characters who tell us what weve just seen. This is pure redundancy and violates
the See & Say Rule (coming soon). If we see it, we dont need to say it. If we see Joe
fall in a mud puddle before meeting Ken, theres no reason for Joe to tell Ken what
happened. We were there - we saw it! The scene should start *after* the explanation (or
you may chose to never have Joe explain it to Ken at all). If you show a crime, we dont
need to hear witnesses recounting what happened at the trial unless what they say is
different than what we saw. If weve seen it, theres no reason for anyone to talk about it.
The solution to this kind of exposition is just cut the talk and get into the scene *after*
theyve explained the last scene.

2) Plot catch up, aka retroactive plotting. When a character has to tell us critical
information to bring the audience up to speed on the story. This can never be good
dialogue, because its *statements*. There is no conflict, no back-and-forth to it. Its
*telling us* rather than *showing us* this information. The reason for this is often that the
story is being made up as you go along, no outline, no plan. There isnt any ground work
for what happens next, so it has to be explained in order for it to make sense. The solution
to this kind of exposition is to plan ahead. Set up the story elements *before* they happen
rather than *after* they happen. Get the cart *behind* the horse. Then theres no reason
for one character to explain to another how we got to this point - we experienced it! We
were there! We saw it happen! Remove explanations of missing scenes and replace them
with the actual scenes. Let us *experience* those scenes so that you dont have to tell us
about them.

3) Let me tell you what Im thinking/feeling. This is the worst kind of exposition.
When a script doesnt set up scenes that *show* how a character feels by creating a
dramatic situation, you have to get that information out in dialogue. Its the kind of
dialogue that never works because its not dialogue - its a character talking about himself.
Some sort of internal monologue made external like a crazy person talking about
themselves on the street. The solution for this kind of exposition is to come up with a
scene that *shows* the characters feelings, or create a decision scene that illustrates what
they are thinking, or create a dramatic situation between characters where the feelings are
natural reactions and never have to be explained or even mentioned. Dont have a
character spill the beans!

4) Look, mom, research! Sometimes your script may take place in a technical or
scientific world, and you want to dazzle the audience with your extensive research So
you have two experts in nanotechnology talking to each other - two characters who
*know* the information telling each other about it! This doesnt make any sense. Its a
variation on, You know your brother, John, the one who is two years younger than you
are? The one that I had that crush on in the fifth grade? Nobody says stuff like that! If
both characters already know the information, the only person youre character is talking
to is the audience The characters arent supposed to know that the audience is out there!

In Adventures In The Screen Trade William Goldman suggests creating a new guy
character for situations like this - but that doesnt always work. Even if you have someone
who knows the information explaining to someone who doesnt, the person listening isnt
going to care about the details and is going to be eager to get to the important part. So you
are still going to trim out all of that wonderful research!

In my HBO World Premiere Movie Grid Runners I had an expert in cloning

explaining the process to the billionaire funding his research. Though I had read a stack of
books and magazine articles on cloning, I didnt want to bore the audience. The billionaire
(new guy) cuts off the scientist after half a sentence of jargon with In English!, and
the scientist *quickly* explains the process in lay terms. One reason why I did all of that
research is so I could understand the process enough to translate it into language the
audience could understand.

The *best* way to deal with this type of exposition is to show the technical stuff in
action and get rid of the dialogue explaining how it works. We love to see how things
work, so instead of having someone explain it why not show us? That doesnt mean it has
to be a silent scene, you can have dialogue in any scene; but but instead of talking about
how something works why not just demonstrate it? The audience doesnt care about all of
the research you did, so all of those great details you discovered may never end up in the
screenplay and thats okay. Its not a technical manual, its a *story*! I know that I have
a tendency to show off my research sometimes, when it really doesnt matter. By the
way, demonstration is the key to world building in science fiction and fantasy and even
historical stories. Instead of having characters explain the world to each other, just show
us how that world works and save the dialogue for something fun.

Set up any technical information as early as possible to avoid the double whammy of
Exposition #4 & #2. If you set up something in one scene and then pay it off in the very
next scene it will look like you are making up the story as you go along and that
everything is fabricated instead of real.

If your story requires too much explaining, you may need to rethink your subject
matter - it may be too inside or too internal to make a good film. You cant expect an
audience to know specific technical information, and a movie isnt the place to teach them.
That doesnt mean you cant bring the audience into an interesting world and show them
around, just that you cant quiz them on it later. You cant *expect* an audience to learn
technical information from your movie - so cut any lectures you may have written! Any
lecture that will put a college student to sleep will probably have the same effect on an
audience.
5) Talking about it rather than doing it. Another thing leading to bad exposition is
the lack of conflict and drama. If you dont have the two characters in the scene that can
create drama, you dont really have a reason for characters to talk to each other or a
reason for the scene! Dont have Joe and Tim talk about the big argument Joe had with
Cathy, show us the argument! This is the easiest kind of exposition to cure, yet I always
see it in newbies scripts. Dont have people talk about something, have them do it! A
major part of writing is making creative decisions deciding what you are going to show
and what remains in the off screen movie or on the cutting room floor. There may be
times when it is more dramatic to have two characters talk about a previous event than to
show the event but *usually* allowing the audience to experience the event is better than
having two characters yap about it. One of the side effects of having characters talk about
things instead of do them is that the screenplay is robbed of drama and excitement. If we
have a choice between watching Joe and Cathy have an argument or just hear about it later
the *first hand* experience is going to be more dramatic than any retelling will ever
be unless Morgan Freeman is doing a dramatic reading version of the argument. Okay,
that would just be kind of funny, so it still wouldnt be dramatic and interesting.

Your Assignment: Search your current screenplay for these five types of bad
exposition and convert those scenes into actions or drama.
TWO LEVELS OF EXPOSITION

The first level of exposition is basic telling, not showing. The five types weve
examined end up being speeches instead of dialogue. One character *telling* something to
another character, instead of a conversation between two characters. Big steaming blocks
of information dropped on the audience. But theres another level of exposition that creeps
up in actual dialogue and can turn it bad. You can have two characters having a heated
argument, and some of the lines might be expositional - telling instead of showing.

If you have a character who says I hate you, that may be exposition! They are telling
what they feel instead of using dialogue that *demonstrates* how they feel. This sort of
exposition creates On The Nose (OTN) dialogue - when people say things in the most
obvious way possible. This kind of exposition is all surface saying *exactly* what the
character needs the audience to know and it rungs false. Its information instead of
drama and character. We want to dig past the obvious and find the specific details and
remove the exposition in order to create dialogue. Well look at some ways to bust this
kind of exposition in an upcoming chapter.

Another problem is dialogue that is really just one character asking a leading question
so that another can dump some exposition on us. It *seems* like dialogue, it *looks* like
dialogue but its not. You know Basil Exposition from the Austin Powers movies who
jumps in to tell Austin and the audience what happened, or explain how something works,
or what Doctor Evil is up to? Well, Basil has a cousin named Prompter Exposition.

The first rule of screenwriting is to create situations so that the audience can
*experience* the story through actions and dramatic scenes, rather than have someone tell
you what happened. Create a situation so that we can *experience* emotions, rather than
have a character tell you how he feels. Use dramatic conversation (built around a conflict)
rather than a big steaming pile of exposition. Create choices that demonstrate a characters
thought process rather than have a character tell you what hes thinking. We want our film
to be an experience, not a lecture. If the purpose of one character in a dialogue scene is
mostly to prompt a patch of exposition from another character, you have a scene that is
designed to give us bad exposition.

The big problem is that the character ends up telling us what has already happened
instead of just allowing is to experience what happened while it was happening. We end
up with a past tense movie where the drama has already happened (offscreen) and we are
left with one character telling another what happened. No drama there - the conflict is
already dead. The reason why screenplays are written in present tense is that its about
what is happening *right now* - as we watch. Not what happened earlier. Not a character
telling you what he will do in the future. Movies are about *whats happening now* - as
we watch! So think twice before you have characters talk about what theyve done, instead
show them actually doing it!

And beware of shrinks, friends, lawyers, phone conversations, police interrogations,

people who talk to themselves, court room scenes, voice over, priests in confessionals,
dictating into a tape recorder, and any other situation where Prompter Exposition might
pop up to ask a leading question. Movies tell stories through the actions of characters and
dramatic dialogue (with a conflict).

Dont tell us what has happened, show us while it is happening.

Your Assignment: Read your screenplay - can you skip the dialogue and still
understand the character through their actions? Do you have any scenes where characters
talk about what happened earlier (if so, get rid of them)? Is your dialogue actually
*dialogue* (two or more people talking)?
WHAT IS DIALOGUE?

The truth is, exposition usually isnt dialogue at all. Its speeches. One character doing
all of the talking. Dialogue isnt one person talking and another person listening, it isnt
two people taking turns talking; its a verbal battle! There is conflict. One person wants
something from somebody else, and they are fighting to get it.

According to Websters, dialogue is a conversation between two or more persons.

The root word of conversation is converse which means contrary, opposite. So
dialogue requires at least two people who have opposing viewpoints. If two people agree
with each other, they have nothing to talk about. If one person is doing all of the talking,
youve left the di out of dialogue and the con out of conversation. Dialogue should
bounce back and forth between two (or more) characters. If one character talks for too
long, it will lose its bounce.

Every bounce slightly changes the direction of the conversation. If what one
character says doesnt change the direction of the conversation, they have no effect on the
conversation and no purpose in the scene. You might as well be bouncing that
conversation against a brick wall.
I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN

Another type of bad dialogue comes from psychic characters. Because conversation
changes every time it bounces, neither participant can accurately predict what the other
person will say. Each character responds to what the other says but not necessarily what
the other person means. Since realistic characters arent psychic, they only have the words
to go by and they are likely to interpret those words to mean what they what them to
mean. Each character hears with their own point of view, so realistic conversations are
filled with misunderstandings. Its like that kids game telephone (Chinese Whispers
in the U.K.) where you pass a phrase from person to person around the room and note how
it changes by the time reaches the last person. We dont hear what people say, we hear
what we think they said filtered through what we want them to say.

In the heat of an argument, the potential for misunderstanding grows. People are so
focused on their anger that they can completely mishear a sentence. I love you may turn
into I loathe you, Your stupid job may sound like Youre stupid - the automatic
response coming before the sentence is even finished.

My Unreasonable Force script began with a line of dialogue from a Dirty Harry
movie - I wondered what would happen if a character took the line Harry, youre a
dinosaur literally. Are you calling me some kind of reptile? I thought it would be fun to
keep things bouncing with Im saying youre cold blooded which gets another literal
response! Once I started this, I ended up with pages of dialogue which twisted every cop
movie cliche by taking the lines literally and completely misunderstanding the meaning.

One element of how we hear things has to do with our mental filing cabinet - how
does each of your characters connect ideas? If you character files thoughts by image they
will process the phrase brief case differently than someone who files things by word
sounds or by function or by how they relate to the object described. If you hear brief
case and your first thought is a container for underwear your response will be much
different than a person whose first thought is: My father gave me a brief case when I
graduated from college. The same words create a different thought, and that influences
how the character will respond. Knowing your characters is the most important step in
removing bad dialogue. Bad dialogue is what you need them to say - not what *they*
would say. Its *pushing* the plot of your screenplay instead of dialogue that *flows* with
the plot. Bad dialogue! Good dialogue goes on the paper.

Your Assignment: Look at each line of dialogue from the listeners point of view.
How might they misconstrue the meaning? What words have double meanings that might
lead to confusion? How might their attitude and background change the way they hear
what the other person says? Characters shouldnt respond the way you want them to, or
the way the story needs them to, but the way their history and attitude forces them to.
FIRST HAND

Which would you rather do:

A) Hang out at a party with Tom Cruise?

B) Have your best friend who hung out with Tom Cruise tell you all about it?
C) Watch a guy interviewed on Access Hollywood about hanging out with Tom
Cruise?
D) Read a newspaper story about a party Tom Cruise was at?

We go to the movies to experience things. True, its a vicarious experience, but thats a
good thing when you take into account that movies are usually about exciting things like
car chases and shoot outs and asteroids smashing into Earth and getting your heart broken
big time. Fun for two hours, but no one wants to live on a roller coaster. So movies are
already one level removed from reality. We wont actually get killed in the cross-fire
during an on screen shoot out.

We are trying to give the audience an experience and the method we communicate
information to the audience is important. The more first hand the experience is, the
more of the experience they feel. Wed rather hang with Tom Cruise than read about the
party in the newspaper.
LEVELS OF EXPERIENCE

Dialogue can either be a first hand experience or expositional. If you have two
people arguing - were experiencing the argument first hand. Were right there in the
middle of it. Eye witnesses to the event. That gives the audience an experience.

If were doing expositional dialogue (one character telling another what happened),
were still second hand. We dont get the experience. So we need to make sure there is
something else in that scene that provides the first hand experience for the audience (the
conflict in the scene).

In my MGM cop film Victim Of Desire I had two detectives listening to the Medical
Examiner give his report. Boring stuff. No conflict. No emotions. Its just exposition. We
needed this information, but I had to find a way to add conflict to the scene. So I added the
victims wife. Now the scene takes place when the wife identifies the body. One of the
detectives asks the M.E. for a preliminary report - and the M.E. starts rattling off gory
details in front of the wife! The other detective keeps trying to shut the M.E. up, but the
first detective keeps asking questions (more gory details). It turns into a low-key battle
between the two detectives: one wants to hear the information now, the other wants to shut
the M.E. up until the wife has left the room. We *feel* for both the wife and the second
detective. We are emotionally involved in the scene which is all exposition!

Every scene needs conflict - but exposition scenes *really* need conflict to work.

But the best first hand information method is to put us right in the middle of a
situation *while it is happening*. Theres more impact in a scene where a man actually
catches his wife in bed with his best friend, than in a scene where he just finds evidence of
it, or a scene where he hears about it (even if the person telling him is the best friend or the
wife). One is a visceral experience, the other is removed - after the fact. Even if the wife
and husband have a terrible shouting match its about an event that we werent there to
experience. Its still second hand. If we are there if we see it we react just like the
protagonist. It has a strong effect on us. Because we are experiencing it first hand. We
were there - it happened to us, too!

Were trying to give the audience an experience. The biggest emotional impact we can
create. To do that we have to give them first hand experiences not boring exposition.
Let the audience be eye witnesses as the events unfold. Give them an experience to
remember!
REALISTIC DIALOGUE?

Nobody sets out to write stilted, contrived dialogue; yet were all been in some cinema
wanting to scream at the screen: Nobody talks like that! Maybe youve even wanted to
scream that when reading a friends script or your own. So how do we create dialogue
that sounds like something people might actually say?

My first experiment was to go into the wilds of Burbank armed with tape recorder to
collect actual dialogue of indigenous human beings. After filling thirty minutes of tape
with the conversations of authentic teenagers and businesspeople, I returned to my lab to
transcribe and study this real dialogue. I discovered that I had thirty pages of pointless
blathering. A meandering mess that wasnt witty or interesting and didnt make any
sense. In the real world, people talk a lot but say nothing. I dont really want to spend 90
minutes of screen time hoping that someone will say something worthwhile.

My second experiment involved videotaping professional actors improvising dialogue.

They were given characters and a situation. After about 20 minutes of videotape, I learned
that even talented actors create dialogue that meanders around and serves no purpose. The
added bonus was amazing footage of actors *thinking* about what they should say next.
Even when the actors seemed to get in the groove, the results were mostly pointless
talking that would end up on the cutting room floor.

What I learned from these experiments is that no one really wants realistic dialogue in
their film, what they wants is dialogue that *appears* to be realistic, but really serves a
story and character purpose. Just as we create our story instead of filming every day life,
we need to create our dialogue.
CONFUSION

Conversation is like a game of tennis, bouncing back and forth between the players.
Each one trying to score their point. Just like in tennis, every bounce of conversation
slightly changes the direction of the conversation. Realistic dialogue doesnt seem to be
heading in a pre-determined direction; its evolving with every bounce. As writers we may
know where the conversation will end up, but the characters dont and the dialogue isnt
taking the obvious route to that destination.

Because one character doesnt know what the other is going to say, they dont have
that perfectly formulated response. In fact, they are likely to misunderstand what the other
person says or means. In the het of n argument, the potential for misunderstanding
increases. I love you may sound like I loathe you. Your stupid job may sound like
Youre stupid! - the other persons response coming even before the sentence is finished.
Real dialogue is filled with confusion and misunderstandings. Look at each line of
dialogue from the listeners perspective: how might they misconstrue the meaning? This is
a great way to expose character. Characters shouldnt respond the way you want them to,
or the story needs them to; but the way their history and attitude forces them to.

I love using misunderstandings to create reversals in dialogue. Leading the audience to

think one thing, then pulling the rug out from under them. In my cable film Hard
Evidence protagonist Ken Turner has been caught cheating by his wife Madeline and
banished to the living room sofa. One morning they bump into each other in the kitchen.

MADDY
That couch cant be too comfortable
to sleep on.

KEN
What are you saying? I can come back
to the bedroom, now?

MADDY
No. I think you should move out.

See how the misunderstanding creates a little twist in the story? He thought they were
making up, when really they were breaking up.
SUBTEXT

In the real world, people seldom say exactly what they mean. We hint around and test
the waters. When Im on a first date, there are dozens of direct questions I may want to
ask. but I cant. So I might talk about a friend who is divorced with kids to see is shes
ever been married and has any kids. I may ask if she believes in equal rights and
responsibilities when what I really want to know is whether shed be opposed to paying
for her own meal, because the lobster she ordered will probably send my Visa card over
the limit. The difference between what I say and what I mean is *subtext*. Good dialogue
is layered.

Think about what each character wants in the scene, and how that will influence their
dialogue. One method for creating subtext is to give the audience information about what
the character needs, so that we know what theyre hinting at. Another method is to create a
situation we understand, so the dialogue doesnt have to be obvious. You spot an empty
seat in a crowded cinema and ask: Is this seat taken? That line has a different meaning if
youre talking to a dangerous-looking biker or an attractive member of the opposite sex.
The situation creates the subtext. The third method for creating subtext is to have the
actions of a character at odds with what they are saying. If a character is hiding and
shaking in fear, but says: Im not afraid, we know they are trying to impress the person
they are speaking to or convince themselves. More on subtext in the supplementals.
WORDS AND PICTURES

A movie gives the audience information through dialogue and through visuals and the
actions of the characters. When you ignore the images and only use dialogue to tell your
story, youre not only wasting money on film stock, you are forcing the dialogue to do all
of the heavy lifting. This results in trite, expositional dialogue. Instead of having a
character tell us how they feel, find an action that demonstrates how they feel. When the
image part does its fair share of the storytelling, the dialogue is free to go out and play. It
can be loose and realistic. Characters dont have to say the obvious, they can be subtle and
clever. Keep in mind the See & Say Rule - if we see something theres no reason to talk
about it. Dialogue should be a counterpoint to visual, giving us another layer of
information. Creating realistic dialogue requires thinking of each character as an
individual, with their own agendas, secrets, wants and needs. The better you know your
characters, the more realistic sounding your dialogue will become. But realistic sounding
dialogue isnt everything dialogue can be stylistic and interesting and entertaining and
character oriented. How do you make your dialogue sound realistic but *also* be
something special and amazing?
FORTY DIALOGUE TIPS

So, Im checking my voice mail, and I have a message from an unknown phone
number. Someone selling time shares? Producer calling about a script someone passed
her? Wrong number? I play the message, Hey, Bill-a-bong, my phones on the charge so I
jacked this land-line in my agents lobby - I should call my parents, huh? Hey, forgot to
tell you - got an agent. Ring me after five, got something for you. I check the time on my
phone - its after five. But who do I call? How can I tell who left this anonymous
message? What are the clues to the callers identity?

This Blue Book began as an article called Ten Dialogue Tips, which was expanded to
21 Dialogue Tips for the paper version of the Blue Book and has been expanded again to
40 Dialogue Tips for the e-book version and all of the Tips have been expanded as well!
This chapter is over *five times longer* than the paper version! These tips will help you
whip your dialogue into shape. Turn those tired, flabby lines into strong, powerful, well
muscled dialogue. So hop into your exercise clothes, do a few stretches to limber up your
mind, and get ready to feel it burn as you follow these forty steps to better dialogue
1) DIALOGUE IS CHARACTER

Recently I was racing to turn in the first draft of a screenplay assignment to a

producer and one of my characters just wasnt working. When I was writing the
treatment step of this deal, there several policemen who showed up at several different
murder scenes; but before handing it in I decided to create one Detective character that
could replace all of those policemen - turning a bunch of throw away characters into a
single character the producer could cast with some name actor. But when I went to script,
that role was underdeveloped and all of his dialogue was bland. Devoid of character.
The problem was, I had no idea who this guy was other than a detective. What kind of
person was he when he wasnt at a crime scene? Once I figured out who the character was,
I did a quick pass through the screenplay focusing only on *his* dialogue then turned
the script in (on time). Now, the Detective has a unique voice that could never be confused
for any of the other characters.

The root problem of non-distinctive dialogue is usually not really knowing your
characters. Oh, you may know that the guy is a detective, and even give him a wife and
kids and some pasted on hobby but you only know the *surface* of the character, not
the character of the character. You want to know who the character is not only when they
are off screen, but who they are when no one else is looking. Who they think they are,
wish they were, hate about themselves, what made them who they are, and what makes
them tick - those core motivations that they may not understand. And how those things
come out in what they say and how they say it.

Dialogue is two things: what a character says (the meaning of their words) and how
they say it (their character peeking out from behind the words). Many scripts get the first
part, but you also need the last part. Even if your dialogue is witty and fun, if it does not
expose character and is interchangeable with some other characters dialogue, its *lacking
character*. That is a serious script problem (no matter what your name is). Most bland
dialogue can be traced back to sketchy characters or writers who know the surface of their
characters but not the important elements. My Detective ended up being a kind of spacey
valley-dude trapped in the 80s but really that was his mask and underneath he was
smart as a whip. It was an act. But once I had a handle on the character I could come up
with air-head 80s dialogue that was really a trap - he would trick people into giving him
information. Not only was his dialogue now fun to write, the character finally came alive
on the page!

Your Assignment: Take the time to really know your characters - not just their jobs
and their purpose in the story, but their fears and dreams and needs and secrets.
2) ATTITUDE

Another way to make dialogue distinctive is to expose character through attitude. Have
one character find the negative side of everything. Have another try to belittle all those
around him. Maybe a third only sees the world as it relates to him. This is the *tone* of
the dialogue, not the *message*. Make sure the tone and message are in conflict. In the
movie Rashomon, four people witness the same event, yet relate it differently when
testifying. Each brings their *perspective* to the event, exposing their character through
their viewpoint. Dialogue does the same thing: Five characters might be describing the
same event, but their tone and viewpoint will shade that description, making all five
different. The differences will give us clues to their lives and motivations.

Attitude is the basic intersection between who a character is under their skin and how
they speak. Because I write in coffee shops all over Los Angeles, I come into contact with
many baristas who have the same basic lines of dialogue yet all sound very different.
One barista is unbelievably upbeat about everything and is the most sincerely positive
person I have ever encountered. She will find the silver lining in any cloud. If youve just
lost your job of 15 years, shell say, Thats great! Now you can spend more time with
your kids and family! If you spill your coffee, We just started a new pot, so your new
cup will taste fresher!

Another barista is all about himself, so if you order an iced tea with melon syrup, hell
say, I like the berry syrup. No matter what you say to him, his responses are always
focused on himself. If two hundred people just died in a plane crash, hes find the way to
make that about him. Yeah, a tragedy that all of those people died, and the news report
pre-empted my favorite show, *Ice Road Pizza Deliveries*.

There are pessimist baristas, and needy ones who seem to want your approval, and
baristas who see everything as a dig at them, and ones who *must* one-up you to show
their superiority, and people who just dont have the time for you, and ones who think
everything is sexual (if you know what I mean, thats what she said), and servers who are
confused by almost everything, and ones who think their time is more important than
yours, and people who are ultra-efficient and very detail oriented, and baristas who are
amazed by almost everything, and ones who worry about the most unlikely things you can
think of, and people who think everything is a question, and baristas who

Each of these attitudes and traits are things that come out in the phrasing of the
sentence, not the information in the sentence. Its the spin on what they are saying, not
the subject.

Your Assignment: take each of those types above and write a line of dialogue
congratulating you on winning the lotto.
3) BACKGROUND

A sister to attitude. Some people see the world through their own specific frame of
reference and background, and this comes out in their dialogue. Often where a character
comes from or what their experiences are not only effect word choice and vocabulary, but
how they see the world. In my HBO World Premiere movie *Crash Dive*, one of my
terrorists was a goatherd and saw everything as flock management, and used words like
stray, gathering, heeling, shedding, and wearing in his dialogue. His rural
background also colored his responses and reactions to situations. His dialogue was
filtered through his character. The key to using words the audience may not be familiar
with is to put them in a sentence where the context makes the words meaning clear.

Factor in your characters backgrounds and frame of reference when writing their
dialogue. A college professor who grew up on a farm in the midwest will see the world
differently than a college professor who was born to a wealthy family in Upper Manhattan
or one who grew up in the deep south or one who grew up in the late 60s in Berkeley
and those differences will be apparent in how they phrase things, their vocabulary, and
how they see the world.

Your Assignment: Come up with the unique backgrounds for five different characters,
then write a line or two of dialogue where they ask you for a ride to the airport.
4) SENTENCE STRUCTURE

Do you know anybody who seems to put every sentence in the form of a question?
Why do they do that? Things that would be a statement to you or I end up being a question
to them? Its as if they arent sure of themselves or something, right?

What about those people who speak in run-on sentences, that just go on and on, every
thought connected to the next, as if they have no periods in their lives, only commas, and
they never seem to come to an end to their thoughts or sentences or anything else, they
just keep on talking, like some sort of Faulkner clone, until they get cut off by someone
else, and maybe someone who can come to the end of a sentence, like maybe

How about someone, not someone reading this, who litters their sentences with asides,
such as this one. There are also people who might through in a qualifier in their sentences,
though not all of them. Similar to that are people who may have a footnote in their
sentence - an explanation of what they just said.

Plus, like, those people who have those words they throw into sentences, you know,
that dont really do anything, my friend, but allow them a chance to, well maybe, pause to
think of the next thing to say or, kinda, take a little breath or something. There are also
people who just trail off and never finish a Others get right to the point. No wasted
words. Every sentence a jab. Dialogue a staccato. Bam. Bam. Bam.

All of these are sentences structures. Characters string their words together into
sentences differently, and there are hundreds of variations. Different people have different
rhythms and cadences in their speech - like verbal finger print. The most unusual form of
sentence structure belongs to Yoda from the *Star Wars* movies who speaks completely
backwards.

Two screenwriters are having a conversation: Ben Stein and Quentin Tarantino. Write
the scene. Tarantino is a fast talker, a machinegun staccato who slides from subject to
subject without a moments rest. Ben Stein is an East Coast intellectual, a slow talker who
considers every word before he speaks it. See how their rhythms and speech patterns will
influence their conversation? Given their different backgrounds and vocabularies, they
could be discussing the same film without using the same terms. Different people speak
differently. If you cant cover the character names in your script and know who is talking,
you may be using the same voice (your voice) for every character. Let each character have
his or her own voice. Let them speak for themselves.

Your Assignment: come up with three different types of sentence structures and have
those three characters have a debate about the last movie you saw. Bonus points if you can
add in an attitude and a background.
5) FAVORITE WORDS

Hey, baby, you may think this ties in to the above, but favorite words are more than a
like or you know, they tend to be unique to a specific character.

When Im doing my little character sheets, I like to give each of my characters *one*
pet word and/or pet phrase, my friend, that only they will use in dialogue throughout the
script. I know many people who have pet words and phrases they use several times in
conversation, buddy-boy, and sprinkling them through a characters dialogue in a
screenplay can help make it distinctive and make the character memorable. You dont
want to overuse pet words or phrases, crikey! that can lead to overload and turn what
should be a little spice to add to a characters flavor into something where the spice
overpowers the taste of the meal. A pet word of phrase is like a running gag - you want to
wait until the reader has almost forgotten about it, and then bring it back. Pet words used
too often and lose their punch. Remember that any word repeated is a screenplay becomes
more important that a word only used once, so make sure the pet words you choose are
*character related* and not interchangeable with any other character.

While we are on pet words, make sure every character in your screenplay has a
*different* favorite swear word. Unless you are David Mamet, you dont want them all to
use the same swear word when there are so many to choose from plus the ability to be
creative and come up with a swear thats never been used before. One of my characters
uses kitty crap! as his swear. More on favorite swear words in a later chapter. Make sure
no two characters have the same favorite words - and dont overdo the favorite words in
dialogue. Also, as with everything - be creative! Try to come up with the original and
unusual and unique favorite words, instead of the standards like like and you know.

Your Assignment: Come up with three unique favorite words and use each in a
couple of very different sentences. Make sure you use favorite words that you have never
heard used before, so that you are being *creative* rather than copying something from
another film or real life. This helps to make the dialogue *and* character unique.
6) VOCABULARY

Each character should have their own vocabulary, and it should not be the same as the
writers vocabulary. We use the same set of words, but our characters need to use different
words - an expanded set. Though I own a thesaurus, most of the time I just use words for
my characters that I know but seldom use . Once I know who the character is (background
is part of this), I will have some idea of what word palette they will most likely use, and
when writing their dialogue I mentally switch over to this palette.

One of the places that different vocabularies become obvious is in common words that
will be used throughout your script like yes and no or hello and goodbye or any
other common word. Make sure that every character uses different words, and that their
versions give us a peek into their characters. The more common the word, the more it
needs to be substituted with something unique and individual to the specific character. If
everyone says Hello you may end up with Hello used a half dozen times on the same
page. Without a specific actors voice and spin, it gets old fast.

Your Assignment: make a list of twenty different ways to say yes and then a list of
twenty different ways to say no. Then make lists for hello and goodbye. Points for
originality and things that expose character.
7) SEE & SAY RULE

Never say what you see or see what you say. Its redundant. If a character says hes
going to go into the kitchen and make a sandwich, you dont need to *show* him making
or eating that sandwich: The audiences imagination has already done that for you. If you
*show* a businessman racing through traffic to get to a meeting, you shouldnt have him
talk about the traffic when he gets to his meeting. Even if thats what the character would
naturally *say*, cut the line. There are many things we say and do in real life which are
BOOORING. Our job as writers is to give the audience only the exciting part. That means
no redundancies! Yes, some of you are thinking that *this* is a redundancy because it was
mentioned in an earlier chapter. But it was part of the original stand alone article and when
it came time to cut it I decided to leave it in, since it is one of the most common problems
and a way to instantly improve your dialogue.

A movie is picture and sound. We want to use both of those elements to tell the story.
If each is giving different information we can pack twice as much information into our
screenplays and into the movie. We are already limited by the number of pages, we dont
want to further limit ourselves by giving the exact same information twice. There are
always exceptions - you may have a character who is stupid, and to show this you have
them note the obvious (things we can see). But in order for this to work it must be the
exception! One of the things that influences dialogue and creates subtext (coming soon!) is
the difference between what we see and what we hear. Different combinations of dialogue
and actions create entirely different meanings to what is said. So *use* the difference
between what we see and what a character says to add layers to the dialogue and create
unique and interesting meanings.

Your Assignment: Go through your script and make sure what your characters say is
*different* than what they are doing then look at what the *difference* between what
they say and what we see means. Play around with these differences until you find the
most interesting and information packed combination.
8) DANCING AROUND THE SUBJECT

In real life, people beat around the bush: They never say what they really mean. Often
they test the waters by talking about something similar to what theyre REALLY
interested in. When youre on a first date, there are dozens of direct questions you want to
ask but you cant. So you might talk about a friend who is divorced, in hopes your
date will give her views on divorce and tell you if shes ever been married. Or ask her
opinion of equal rights and responsibilities, when you really want to know if shed object
to paying for her own dinner because the lobster plate she ordered is sure to send your
Visa Card over the limit. The more we want to know the answer to a question, the less
likely we are to come right out and ask it. Good dialogue reflects this. Later well look at a
scene from Notorious that shows this tip in action.

One of the things you want to be aware of is your word budget - we only have 110
pages or less to tell our stories, so even though characters who beat around the bush
with their dialogue is realistic and desired (rather than OTN: On The Nose dialogue which
is the most obvious and bland way to say something) we dont want to waste too many
words by not getting to the point. The key is to use the beating around the bush as a way
to show character and also to not waste a sentence, but find the indirect way to ask
something or state something instead of the obvious direct way. Yes, there are times when
a character *should* be direct and not dance around the subject, but to make those direct
questions and statements more powerful they need to be not the average dialogue. If its
*all* direct then it is all the same.

Your Assignment: Write a patch of dialogue where one half of a couple of date #3
asks the other about their bad luck with spouses who seem to die in suspicious accidents.
9) SAY THE OPPOSITE

If people are scared, they tend to talk about how unafraid they are. When we speak to
others, we try to hide our vulnerability. Usually we are trying to hide it from ourselves.
Our dialogue is often what we wish were true, but is the opposite of the truth. And
sometimes we say the opposite of what we mean for social reasons. We tell white lies.
No, those jeans dont make your butt look fat. Youre wearing a toupee? I would never
have guessed. The difference between what is said and the situation creates subtext and
meaning but also removes any see & say issues.

Verbal Irony is when a character says the opposite of what they mean, or what is true,
*on purpose*. They are not fooling themselves, they are commenting on the situation or
what the other person said. Its one of the key ingredients in sarcasm. Irony is when
someone says something when they actually mean the opposite. Thats the smartest thing
Ive heard all day in response to the least intelligent thing the person has heard. Though
Verbal Irony is often sarcastic, all sarcasm is not Verbal Irony. Only when someone says
the opposite of what is true do we have irony. Thats great. Thanks for the help. The
speaker says one thing but means the opposite. Sarcasm can be a cutting remark that
means exactly what is said, which is not ironic. Where sarcasm contains ridicule, Verbal
Irony often does not. There are Ironic Similes like clear as mud and soft as a stone
contain no sarcasm but plenty of irony.
10) EXPLODE CLICHES

We are writing *original* dialogue in our screenplays. If you have *ever* heard
anyone say a line like yours in a movie, *get rid of it*! Theres a great YouTube video of
cliched movie dialogue the same exact lines used in a half dozen different films. Im
getting too old for this shit! I was born ready. Dont you die on me. Is that all you
got? (Im just getting started.) Are you thinking what Im thinking? I could tell you,
but then Id have to kill you. Ive got a bad feeling about this. You dont want to see
me angry. And hundreds of others! The same lines reused again and again cant these
writers come up with anything original? You want every line of dialogue to be original
to be unused in any other movie. I know thats not easy, but that is what we are striving
for. When you come to some line that is so common it;s difficult to avoid it, try to find the
original way to phrase it. I love you may be the one line that you can use again, but
think of the great variations like You complete me that mean the same thing but say it in
an original way and now are part of pop culture. You dont want to be the follower, you
want to be the leader. You dont want to quote other peoples dialogue, you want other
people to quote *your* dialogue. Begin with removing all of the cliches form your script,
and any other line that you have heard in some other film.

Dialogue should always seem as if the character is creating it on the spot! Find an
unusual way for a character to say something usual. When Bo Hopkins is asked to
surrender by the Pinkerton Detectives in The Wild Bunch, he doesnt just say no, he
says: You can kiss my sisters black cats ass. Surely the most memorable line in film
history, and definitely too descriptive to be a cliche. The key is to *personalize* your
dialogue with details from the characters life, which will not only get rid of the cliches,
but offer insight and understanding of your character. Though, I think we learned more
than we wanted to about Bo Hopkins character.

The one place where you can use a clich is when you explode it take the clich line
and use it in an unusual and interesting way. In my (so far unproduced) screenplay The
Last Stand I have a character say I cant live without you - not a romance scene, a
scene where a character will literally be murdered unless the other person helps him. In
The Dark Knight Batman is in the jail cell interrogating the Joker, and the Joker tells
him they need each other or neither can exist, You complete me. If you can find a clich
line and subvert the hell out of it, you can turn the unusual into the odd and thats
interesting dialogue.

Your Assignment: Make a list of ten dialogue cliches not mentioned above and for
extra credit, twist them around and misuse them in a dialogue exchange.
11) GO FOR THE DETAIL

A great way to make your dialogue distinctive by using details. Bland dialogue is born
when a character uses the obvious words to describe what they have to say. Interesting
dialogue comes from using a detail to illustrate their emotions or intentions. Instead of I
really miss my ex-husband, how about The bed seems so big, now or I just cant stay
warm at night, no matter how many blankets I use. No matter what your character is
trying to say, using details and examples will change stale dialogue to personal dialogue.

Andrew Marlowes Air Force One has a great example, when villain Ivan
Korshunov (Gary Oldman) is on the phone with the Vice President (Glenn Close) and tells
her, The President is safe. But then, you must know that. He ran from here like a whipped
dog. Im sure you cant wait for him to get back to making the decisions so you can stop
sweating through that silk blouse of yours. That detail makes a threatening phone call
*very* personal. Dialogue that could be used in another scene or situation is not the best it
can be. Find the detail that makes your dialogue specific to your screenplay and your
characters. No matter what your character is trying to say, using details and examples
will change stale dialogue into personal dialogue.

Your Assignment: Take five lines of dialogue from your screenplay and add a detail.
The more unique the detail, the better!
12) BE ZIPPY

No, not Zippy The Pinhead! All too often poor dialogue reads like Zippy wrote it! You
want dialogue that is exciting and different and alive. If you have your choice between
bland but realistic dialogue and weird and unusual dialogue? Though many writers want
realistic dialogue, we can hear that on the street and we just paid a small fortune for a
movie ticket and popcorn and soda we want to be *entertained*. I know a bunch of
screenwriters who *hate* the stylized dialogue in Juno, yet that was the selling point to
the audience. It wasnt the sort of dialogue we could hear in real life. That was strange
stylized stuff! What did the critics think of the dialogue in Juno? They loved it. What
did the Academy Of Motion Picture Arts And Sciences think of the dialogue in Juno?
They gave it a Best Original Screenplay Oscar. The dialogue was zippy and electric and
strange and fun. Remember, we arent reporters we are creative writers. Dialogue that is
interesting is better than dialogue that is real. Even realistic film dialogue is nothing like
real dialogue its clever, witty stuff that has the *appearance* of being realistic. Its the
best possible line, not the ordinary line. Dont be afraid to try something fun with your
dialogue, homeskillet.

When you watch classic films from the 1930s and 1940s, youll notice how fast paced
and clever the lines are. The Big Sleep and Bringing Up Baby are great examples of
zippy, witty dialogue. Writers from the Golden Age wrote great dialogue, because they
wrote it the old fashioned way: Line by Line. Every word received individual attention. So
go through your script line by line and try to find the most clever, witty, way to say each
line. Check out the dialogue in John Carpenters original Assault On Precinct 13 for a
modern example.
13) BANTER

Those Golden Age movies like His Girl Friday, Bringing Up Baby and The Big
Sleep utilized a rapid-fire style of dialogue called banter. Banter are short sentences that
bounce back and forth between characters like a tennis ball. Often banter uses clever put-
downs and witty insults, misunderstandings (often intentional), wisecracks, flirtation, and
puns (often with sexual innuendo). Each line of banter tops the one before it and it
becomes a verbal war of wit. The Big Sleep has Bogart and Bacall in a rapid-fire
discussion of horse racing thats really about sex. (Picking a winner depends on who is
in the saddle, etc.) Its one clever line after another! A later scene has Bogart and Bacall
pass the phone back and forth - each firing a funny line at the police officer on the other
end.

The TV show Moonlighting was built on the banter between Dave and Maddy. To
write banter, either look for a subject that lends itself to flirtatious dialogue or look for the
barbs or put-downs in every line. Make a list of every witty line you can think of - then
just use the good ones! You want one funny line after another. An insult that isnt clever
isnt good enough. You might also take a look at Marx Brothers movies - Groucho fires
off some great lines! For the expanded version of this Blue Book for Kindle/Nook/e-books
Im writing a new article on Banter using Bringing Up Baby and His Girl Friday.
14) WORD COUNT
Just as short scenes make for a faster pace, as do short *shots* - short lines mean fast
paced dialogue. Long lines mean more deliberately paced dialogue. You would think this
is obvious, but in the opening scene of Pulp Fiction Quentin Tarantino tells us that
Pumpkin and Honey Bunnys dialogue is to be said in a rapid pace His Girl Friday
fashion but the dialogue which follows are huge chunks of speech running as long as
17 lines per character! No matter how fast the actors speak those lines, the pacing can not
be rapid because what we have are *speeches* instead of dialogue. Fast paced dialogue
ping-pongs back and forth between characters. Most of the dialogue in His Girl Friday
is one line per character, and averages about four to five words per line many lines have
only *one* word! Thats what creates that rapid-fire pacing. Be conscious of the number
of words per line in your dialogue, since that translates to pacing.

You can control the pace of the dialogue by the length of each sentence and the length
of each string of sentences before the other person speaks. You can also have one
character who uses long sentences having a conversation with another who uses short
sentences. Different characters may speak at different speeds, but arguments will be
faster paced than quiet discussions. *You* control the pace of conversations, so make sure
the sentence length matches the desired pacing.

That dialogue in the classic His Girl Friday is one line per character, and averages
about four to five words per line. Rapid-fire pacing is short lines of dialogue, lots of back
and forth between characters, no speeches or run-on lines. Be conscious of the number of
words per line in your dialogue, since that translates to pacing. If you find long blocks of
dialogue, know that those will slow down your script - do you *want* your script to slow
down at that point?

Different people speak differently. If you cant cover the character names in your
script and know who is talking, you may be using the same voice (your voice) for every
character. Let each character have his or her *own* voice. Let them speak for themselves.

Your Assignment: Grab a dialogue exchange from your screenplay and rewrite it with
short lines and faster pace then with long lines and slower pace.
15) HOOK WORDS TO CONNECT DIALOGUE

One of those old techniques from the golden era which isnt used much anymore
(except on television). If you watch a half dozen Ben Hecht scripted films, it becomes
apparent that he uses words like hook and eye fasteners, to connect one line of dialogue to
the next so they speed by. This investigator? They say hes good. Then hes good as
dead.

Both David Mamet and Aaron Sorkin use a variation where dialogue is echoed: Im
going to work. To work? Yes, to work. To work on what? what needs to be
done? What needs to be done? The work. Whats strange about echo dialogue is that
even though words are repeated, the pace seems faster. Thats because the echoes are very
short sentences. Sentence length is pacing! One problem with echo dialogue is that it gets
old fast - were hearing the same words over and over again. I could only take so much of
Josh & Donnas hallway banter on The West Wing before I wanted them to get to the
point. But this is a great dialogue tool that can create a rhythm and tempo.

From David Mamets Glengarry Glen Ross:

MOSS
No. What do you mean? Have I talked
to him about this...

AARONOW
Yes. I mean are you actually talking
about this, or are we just...

MOSS
No, we're just...

AARONOW
We're just "talking" about it.
 MOSS
We're just speaking about it.
(pause)
As an idea.

AARONOW
As an idea.

MOSS
Yes.

AARONOW
We're not actually talking about it.

MOSS
No.

AARONOW
Talking about it as a...

MOSS
No.

AARONOW
As a robbery.

MOSS
As a "robbery"? No.

See how the repeated words not only create a rhythm but seem to increase the pacing
of the dialogue? Because the word in one characters line is used in the next characters
line, instead of seeming like more words it seems like fewer words, and the lines seem
connected to each other there is a flow. This is an interesting technique, and seems to
work well for two of our greatest playwrights turned screenwriters.
16) ECHO LINES

This is a technique I learned from Michael Hauges great book Writing Screenplays
The Sell, and use it in almost every script I write. An echo line is a sentence or phrase
that is repeated throughout the screenplay and changes meaning every time it is used.
As the story evolves the meaning of the line evolves as well - even though the words
remain the same. I have used examples from several films when Ive done classes in the
past, but my friend Robin pointed out a great example in Tony Gilroys adaptation of
Stephen Kings Dolores Claiborne. This is one of those great films that has fallen
between the cracks; if you havent seen it, add it to the NetFlix cue.

When maid/caregiver Dolores (Kathy Bates) is arrested for murdering her wealthy
employer Mrs. Donovan (Judy Parfitt), her estranged daughter Selena (Jennifer Jason
Leigh) comes home from New York. In the course of the investigation, dark secrets are
uncovered, including the murder of Dolores husband Joe (David Strathairn) when Selena
was just a kid.

Dolores is an angry, bitter woman. After Selena bails her out, they drive home, and
Selena asks her mother why she has to be so antagonistic to the police, the townspeople,
even a couple of kids riding bicycles that she yells at. Dolores answers, Sometimes being
a bitch is all a woman has to hold onto. Explaining her anger - it is the one thing in her
life at this point that is within her control.

Later, Dolores asks Selena if she remembers being molested by her father. She only
remembers good things about her father and has suppressed the bad. Dolores pushes it
until memories of the dark past bubble up in Selenas consciousness. She doesnt want to
deal with any of this, packs her things to leave, telling her mother Sometimes being a
bitch is all a woman has to hold onto as an apology for leaving when her mother needs
her most.

The story flashes back to when Dolores first began working for Mrs. Donovan - when
Dolores husband Joe beat her almost every day, but when she discovers that her husband
is molesting young Selena she breaks into tears at work. Mrs. Donovan wonders what
would bring a strong woman like Dolores to tears and pulls her aside, asking whta is
wrong. When she tells her employer whats happening at home, the wealthy Mrs.
Donovan - a recent widow - tells her that An accident can be an unhappy womans best
friend. Theres a full eclipse coming up, and a dry well that Joe might easily fall into in
the dark. On the day of the eclipse, Dolores isnt sure she can kill her abusive husband, so
Mrs. Donovan tells her, Sometimes being a bitch is all a woman has to hold onto to give
her that push to go home and kill Joe.

The same exact line used three times in the movie, with three different meanings as it
is passed from one woman to the next. This is a very specific sentence, when I come up
with an echo line, I like to find a line that puns and can easily have different meanings.
In my Sleeper Agent script the mistress of a Bin Laden type terrorist agrees to defect
and give Interpol the names of the 207 sleeper terrorists in the United States and Europe.
Her Interpol bodyguard tells her to stay within touching distance at all times for her own
protection. Later in the script, they end up making love, and she says Touching distance
afterwards. At the end of the script, she is exposed as a terrorist whose mission is to kill
the chiefs of several countries espionage agencies sent to debrief her. Her hands are coated
with liquid gloves (photographers use it in dark rooms) and contact poison - all she has
to do is touch you and you are dead. The Interpol bodyguard must get within touching
distance to subdue her. The same phrase has three different meanings within the script.

Your Assignment: Make a list of a couple of phrases or lines that have multiple
meanings and can evolve through the course of a screenplay.
17) NEXUS WORDS

A similar technique are Nexus Words which connect to the theme and story, from my
long out of print book. Before writing a screenplay I come up with a list of thematic words
and use it as a palette when writing dialogue in order to come up with lines that have
both a meaning within the scene and a larger meaning within the story. Once you come up
with your palette, you dont *force* the words into dialogue, but when one of the words
fits, you use it instead of some other word that would only give the line a single meaning.
This can be done as part of the rewrite process if that works better for you.

The film I often use as an example is Minority Report where many line of dialogue
have to do with sight - and the story deals with seeing the future. One of the very first
lines of dialogue is potential killer Howard Marks saying, You know how blind I am
without my glasses. There are dozens and dozens of lines of dialogue that use words
dealing with sight throughout the script, a great example is when Burgess calls Danny
Witwer an *observer* from the Justice Department. He could have called him an Agent
or any number of other words, but observer is a sight word. Yes, screenwriters think
about things like this and this technique is used in many screenplays. Next time you
watch Minority Report look for the sight words - there are probably a hundred of
them!

Your Assignment: What is the theme of your screenplay? Now come up with a list of
thematic words and phrases that reflect that theme. Try to list at least 20 and an extra
point for every word or phrase over 20.
18) BUMPER STICKER

Years ago, I was talking with Pat Duncan who wrote Courage Under Fire and Mr.
Hollands Opus about bumper Sticker Dialogue like Go ahead, make my day and
Ill be back - those lines that everybody quotes and ends up on T shirts and bumper
stickers. Pat did a rewrite on my favorite Chuck Norris movie, and one of his lines ended
up on a bumper sticker. We have no idea what lines will end up on bumper stickers, but
thats no reason to write bland dialogue that doesnt have a chance.

Movie dialogue isnt realistic dialogue, it is dialogue that *appears* to be realistic, but
really serves a story and character purpose. Movie dialogue should be all of those great
lines we come up with the day after the argument. We want I wish Id thought of that!
lines. Though Diablo Codys Juno has love it or hate it dialogue, we can probably all
quote at least one line from the film. Ernest Lehman and Clifford Odets screenplay for
Sweet Smell Of Success* has dialogue so distinctive that a character in Diner
constantly quotes from the film. Some of John Carpenters dialogue in Assault On
Precinct 13 and Big Trouble In Little China is amazingly quotable. But my all time
winner film is Richard Brooks The Professionals, which contains dozens of lines like,
Certain women have a way of changing boys into men and men back into boys. Push
yourself to come up with those great lines that people will be quoting for years to come. If
there is a clever way to say something, do that. We want dialogue that sparkles, even if it
doesnt end up on a bumper sticker or T shirt. More on this in the supplemental section,
including quotes from a couple of movies.
19) INCONGRUOUS

One method to make your dialogue interesting is to have some of it be incongruous,

the Coen Brothers do this often. While everyone is talking about what seems to be
important in a scene, someone says something about something that is *not* important in
the scene. Usually these lines are character related - some character with tunnel vision and
seems oblivious with what is going on around them. An incongruous line can also create
realism in a wild situation, by calling attention to something that is grounded in reality,
like the Mayors (Gregg Henry) need for a Dr. Pepper during an alien invasion in James
Gunns brilliant Slither.

In my zombie apocalypse script Just Before Dawn some of the last survivors are
heading for the hills now that zombies control Los Angeles.

JACK
What's in the backpack?

STEWART
9mm Auto, knives, binoculars, compass,
snake bite kit, matches, some other stuff.

CAROLINE
Bota-bag of vodka. For emergency
use only. And two loaves of freshly
baked bread. Do you want some now?

JACK
Save it for after we get out of here.

CAROLINE
It won't be warm.
 While the city is overrun by flesh eating zombies, the joys of eating bread warm from
the oven are still part of being human. I used this to anchor the wild story with a reality we
can all relate to. Plus, the Caroline character is all about old school cooking from scratch,
so the line is completely within character. Whenever you have a situation that is outside of
the audiences norm, what bit of realism can you inject into dialogue? What would *you*
be thinking if you were in that situation?

Your Assignment: You have two characters in a big, exciting car chase write some
incongruous dialogue for them that shows their character.
20) WEIRD WORLD VIEW

A related method is to give your character an interesting way of looking at things. Not
just one thing in one situation - but *everything* In Scott B. Smiths A Simple Plan the
character Billy Bob Thornton plays sees the world the way a child would. When he
notices crows sitting on a branch he remarks What a weird job - sitting around and
waiting for something to die so that you can eat it. Thats an unusual way to look at
crows! This character has such an unusual way of seeing things that you cant wait to see
him in another scene!

The movie Hannah is about a girl raised from infancy in the Arctic woods by a crazy
survivalist father she hunts and kills her own food, makes her own clothes but has
never heard music or known another person. She has no social skills at all. Her backstory
that she will discover is that she was a test tube baby with altered DNA created by the CIA
to be the ultimate soldier the ultimate killer. Her father is a renegade CIA agent who
rescued her from the laboratory and has raised her as his daughter. Once she escapes into
the world, she has no idea how the world works. She has never seen a fluorescent light or
a television or a telephone. So her dialogue and reactions to the world around her are
*very* unusual. She says things that make perfect sense in *her* world, but not in *our
world*. And you dont want to ask her to make breakfast shell go out and kill and gut
squirrels!

The character of Monk is also like this everything in the world to him is seen
through the filter of *germs* and *order*. When someone holds a knife to Mr. Monks
throat he may be more concerned with how clean the blade is than whether hes going to
live or die. These characters dont see the world through normal eyes and their
extreme characters tint how they react to the world and what they say and do. The great
thing about Weird World View Dialogue is that its completely character related and
interesting.

Your Assignment: Imagine a character who relates to everything by *smell* and

seems to focus entirely on the smell of things. Their dialogue isnt just communicating
about what is happening but filtered through the way things smell. Okay, they get a
chance to dance with the person they love what do they whisper while they are holding
that person close? And how does the conversation go from there?
21) REMOVE WORDS

The easiest way to make dialogue distinctive isnt to add something, but to subtract
something. Most lines of dialogue can survive the amputation of the first word or two.
This can improve many sentences by making them seem more natural and less mannered.
This is an easy way to loosen up dialogue, and I will often go through a script and cut first
words in much of the dialogue. It goes from stiff to more realistic sounding instantly. If
you find that doing this to all characters dialogue ends up making all of your characters
sound alike, pick one character to chop words from.

Well, I was just checking to make sure everything is set for Fridays meeting.
Becomes Just checking to make sure everything is set for Fridays meeting. Dropping a
word or two from the *middle* of a sentence is also a great way to create distinctive
dialogue for a specific character. Just checking - everythings set for Fridays meeting?

Your Assignment: Find a patch of dialogue in your screenplay (or some other
screenplay) where three people are speaking and cut the first word or two from one
character, middle words from another characters dialogue, and last words from the third
characters lines. Does it still make sense? Is it more realistic and interesting?
22) SYMBOLIC DIALOGUE

Instead of talking about Subject A, which would create obvious dialogue, have your
character talk about Subject B.

Robert Perezs comedy 40 Days And 40 Nights opens with a video that chronicles
his relationship with his long time girlfriend Nicole (Vinessa Shaw) ending with the
break up of their relationship. Matt (Josh Hartnet) has been watching the video on his
laptop and when its over a box pops up: Delete Nicole? Matt has the cursor on delete,
looks at the image of Nicole - can he really delete her from his life? - then moves the
cursor to save and clicks twice. Hes still hung up on her. No matter how many one
night stands he has, he cant get her out of his head. His roommate Ryan (Paulo Costanzo)
has arraigned a double date with a pair of hot girls from Lake Tahoe, but that night when
things are getting hot & heavy, Matt just cant bring himself to sleep with her. Both have
stripped down to their underwear and shes all over him but he excuses himself to the
bathroom, where his roommate finds him

RYAN
Throw me a Magnum for my magnum,

MATT
Yeah.
(throws him a condom)
Hey, have you ever noticed a crack
on my ceiling?

RYAN
Dude, you're action packed with issues.

MATT
I can't do this anymore. I can't --

RYAN
What? Does Johnny not want to come out
 and play?

MATT
No. No! Johnny's fine, okay? It's...
I'm all fucked up.

RYAN
Alright, alright, alright. Here's what
you're gonna do. You're gonna strap
a helmet on big John, put him in the
game, and he play his heart out, okay?
He will put up big numbers for you.
You will forget about the cracks in
the ceiling, forget about Nicole, just
go out and give your star player the
support he needs. Right?
(hands him a condom)
Helmet.

See how Perez avoided cliche dialogue by using a sports analogy? By talking about
subject B instead of subject A, he could use dialogue to carry the information without
resorting to the obvious. He talk about how hot the girl is, managed to talk about sex
without being X-rated, and barely mentioned the real issue - Nicole. The football analogy
makes the dialogue clever, and its completely in character. The Dot-Com where they
work has betting pools on football games, baseball games, and will end up having a pool
on whether Hartnet can go 40 days and 40 nights without sex. The analogy fits the
characters and the story - its organic.

Using symbolic dialogue keeps your characters words from giving identical
information as their actions and adds a new level to the dialogue. Plus, symbolic dialogue
can be amusing a good thing whether youre writing a comedy or not.

Your Assignment: Use symbolic dialogue in a conversation about that dead friend in
the trunk of the car when they have been pulled over by the police for a broken tail
light.
23) NEVER HEARD THAT ONE

This is related to the clich tip remember that we are writing *original* dialogue. If a
line of dialogue has been used in some other movie, dont use it. You dont want to use
*common lines* of dialogue even if they are not cliches. You want unique and
interesting lines of dialogue. Always try to find a way to say the same thing in an original
way. The more common the sentence, the more you need to make it unique.

This is also true for jokes and funny lines - if you have heard it before, dont use it.
Create your own funny lines and jokes, dont recycle the work of others. Comedy writing
is not easy, and any time you take a short cut and use someone elses line it will either be
discovered when they read the screenplay and you will look like a rip off, or it will be
discovered later in the process and you will have to remove the gags and replace them
with something original. Better to save yourself the embarrassment and start with original
dialogue. I once read a screenplay where every single funny line was obviously from a
joke book, and I asked the writer about this and he admitted they were from 1,001
Jokes For All Occasions! He thought thats where jokes in movies came from I had to
tell him movie jokes are created by the screenwriter for the film and arent recycled from
some other film or a joke book. We dont want to share a credit with Dixie Joke Cups or
The Big Book Of Bathroom Humor. Write your own jokes, folks!

We dont want common dialogue, we want extraordinary dialogue that people will
remember after the movie ends, or after they have read your script and are writing up the
coverage that will leads to a sale or assignment or a pass.
24) ANTI-DIALOGUE?

Sometimes dialogue isnt dialogue at all. Re-read the scene in Of Mice And Men
when Lenny is talking with Curleys Wife, neither is talking about the same subject, yet
the dialogue intersects. It meshes. They *think* theyre having a conversation, but
actually, each is wrapped up in their own little world. Though most dialogue is one
character responding to another characters last line; *some* dialogue isnt dialogue at all,
but intersecting monologues. Each person is either talking to or about themselves but
each line seems to spring from the other persons line. They are responding without really
listening - those on you who have been in long term relationships may have experienced
this.

Well take a look at a scene from Psycho which illustrates this tip in action in the
supplemental section. Its the key scene from the film, and was part of the very first
version of this Blue Book but cut for space the following year when I added a new article.
Now it is restored because who cares how many pages an e-book has?
25) CONTRAST BETWEEN CHARACTERS

Buddy cop films depend on the contrast between characters, and that includes their
dialogue. In Shane Blacks Lethal Weapon, Riggs is a young suicidal loner who will
take any risk to catch the bad guys. Murtaugh is an older family man who always proceeds
with caution. If you made a list of every one of Riggs character traits, theyd be the exact
opposite of Murtaughs. The contrast between the two characters creates the friction which
leads to comedy and suspense. This is also brought to the surface in their dialogue each
character uses words and phrases and has an attitude that reflects their character.

The more contrast and conflict between characters the more difference in their
dialogue and the more conflict and humor can be produced in conversations when they rub
up against each other. Though this is part of story and plotting, remember to pair your
character with the person least like them. If you have one cop who plays by the rules
partnered with another cop who plays by the rules, you have boring interactions and a
boring screenplay. For the sake of your *story* you want to pair people who are opposites
whenever possible and this will help your dialogue, too. If you have two characters who
do nothing but agree with each other, thats not as interesting as two characters who
completely disagree. Accentuate the differences in your characters, and let it simmer to the
surface through dialogue.

Your Assignment: Make a list of character traits for each one of your characters and
make sure they are in the opposite corner from the character they will spend the most time
with. This will lead to humorous banter (we hope!) when the opposite characters are
thrown together.
26) CONTRAST IN LOCATIONS

Contrast is also the key to fish out of water stories like Beverly Hills Cop and
Witness. Axle Foley in Beverly Hills Cop is a street smart Detroit cop who has to
solve a case in wealthy, polite Beverly Hills. Contrast = humor. He is constantly making
fun of Beverly Hills society! Every polite situation he is thrust into sets him up for a
joke or a witty line. Characters can react to each other, but also they can react to their
environment. If you place Axle Foley on the tough streets of Detroit, not only does he fit
in to that world, he sees that world as normal and wont comment on it. But Beverly
Hills is unusual to Axle, and when a character is surrounded by things they find unusual
they are likely to comment on them an that can either give you insight to character
and/or humor.

The Clint Eastwood movie Coogans Bluff is about a non-nonsense Arizona Sheriff
who chases his suspect to New York City where everything is very different. The
*customs* are different, and that produces conflict and interesting dialogue. Instead of
observing the world he is used to, Coogan observes a strange world where characters do
unusual things. And the things that Coogan thinks are normal the people of New York
City find completely strange. Part of this story is that Coogan has to figure out how to get
what he wants in this strange world, and that means changing his methods but also
Coogans cowboy methods can get the job done when New York methods fail. He is
straightforward and violent, but New York has rules. This creates some great dialogue
exchanges.

The classic comedy Ruggles Of Red Gap has reserved British butler Charles
Laughton won in a poker game by dusty cowboy Charlie Ruggles. Now we have a
typical western story with horses and six guns and saloons, but seen through the eyes of
a British butler. Situations which might have been clich in a typical Western are now
interesting and unique and that carries over into the dialogue as well. Just compare
cowboy dialogue to butler dialogue and you can see how this creates some interesting
exchanges. Its like these people are speaking entirely different languages!

When you are coming up with your script idea, you can have built in humor or
interesting dialogue by looking for contrast between characters, between characters and
environment, or between characters and situations. All of these can lead to witty dialogue
or just interesting dialogue that allows us to see more of each side by using the tools of
conflict and contrast.
 Your Assignment: Your character is a ballet star: make a list of three interesting
locations for stories with this character, guaranteed to bring out some great dialogue
exchanges.

Your Assignment: Your character is a garbage man: make a list of three interesting
locations or venues for stories with this character, and a couple of dialogue exchanges
with someone in those worlds.
27) UNDERSTATEMENT

Understatement uses contrast in situations. If your heros in the middle of a shoot out
when the love interest calls on his cell phone, having him say This isnt a good time - can
I call you back? is going to work better than having him explain his situation.
Understatement automatically improves dialogue because it acts as a counterpoint to the
situation.

Ted Talleys screenplay for All The Pretty Horses is a text book on understated
dialogue! In one scene Matt Damon has just been released from a Mexican prison where
he was involved in a violent knife fight and almost died - he is bruised, his face is scarred,
he looks awful - but he refers to his incarceration as his recent difficulties. Lucas Black
says hes fired a gun before and ends up being an expert marksman! Understatement is
especially effective when the events are larger than life.

When I do my big two day class I use a clip from John Milius excellent gangster
biography Dillinger (1973) where Harry Dean Stanton plays Homer Van Meter a man
who has the absolute worst luck in the world. When the FBI surrounds the hotel hes
staying in, he is almost killed before having breakfast or even his morning coffee goes
on the run, gets to a road and hitchhikes and cars keep passing him by! Um, soon the
FBI will find him! Finally he gets a ride, but the people dump him in the street as an
armed angry mob approaches to kill him for the reward! And Homer says, This just isnt
turning out to be my day. Things dont turn out well for his character but throughout
the film hes had this great understated dialogue.

Understatement is probably some cousin to irony in that it is dialogue at odds with the
situation. It can be used to show a character is world-weary or clever or unfazed by the
situation. Its a great dialogue tool to show character and sometimes get a laugh.
28) HUMOR

Every character should have their own sense of humor. Not the writers sense of
humor, *their own* sense of humor. The big problem with Woody Allen movies is that all
of the characters sound exactly the same and tell exactly the same style jokes though
Midnight In Paris gets great mileage by having famous characters with distinctive
voices like Hemingway and Zelda and Dali. Woody could use the voices of real people
instead of his own. But Owen Wilson still played Woody Allen, the way Martin Landau
played Woody Allen in Crimes & Misdemeanors and Hugh Jackman played him in
Scoop and Anthony Hopkins played him in Tall Dark Stranger!

Your characters should all use different styles of humor, which will be an aspect of
their character. One character may be sarcastic, another may use innuendo, another might
have great zingers. One of the best things that made the TV show Friends work was that
each character has a very distinctive type of humor. A Chandler line had a much
different style of humor than a Phoebe line. You can actually cover the character slugs
on a Friends script and know exactly which character belongs to what line.

Three of my favorite stand up comics are Wendy Liebman, Steven Wright and Louis
Black. Liebman is the master of the last minute reversal. She makes a statement, then
tacks on a couple of words that change the meaning of everything shes said so far. Her
humor is based on a twist at the end of a sentence. Im a writer. I write checks. Mostly
fiction. And Im 23 years old and I just found my first gray hair on my chest. And
Most of my childhood is a big blur I needed better glasses. And My mother is an
actress I was raised by her understudy.

Wright creates bizarre images through wordplay - I love the idea of being so drunk
you use your car keys in the front door of your house and it starts up! I have a
decaffeinated coffee table. Youd never know it to look at it. And I bought some
powdered water, but I dont know what to add to it. And Right now Im having amnesia
and deja vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before. And the one about the
restaurant that serves breakfast any time, so he ordered French toast during the
Renaissance.

Black begins speaking calmly and then gets so steamed up by his stories he can hardly
contain himself. His humor is all based on how really stupid the world can be. Each of
these comics requires a different kind of joke. You couldnt swap their material - their
delivery and persona are based on a specific type of humor. Each of your characters needs
a sense of humor that fits their persona, their character and you want each characters
humor to tickle a different funny bone.

One of the most popular film comedy teams of all time is the Marx Brothers, because
each supplied a different kind of humor. Zeppo Marx was the groups straight man
usually the romantic lead in their films. Though you may not think supplying the set ups to
jokes and looking handsome is a style of humor, but Zeppo was the normal one in a
family of lunatics. When you put a lunatic in a crazy situation, you lose the contrast and
conflict that help top create humor so we *need* characters like Zeppo and Margaret
Dumont to make the *situations* funny. Groucho Marx was the verbal wit the king of
the one liner. He had a clever zinger for everything. A master of wordplay, he could joke
circles around any character. Harpo Marx never said a word his area of expertize was
slapstick, physical humor and visual humor. In Horsefeathers in order to gain entrance
to a speakeasy you needed to say the password swordfish - so Harpo pulls a sword and a
fish from his pocket and gains entrance. Harpos pockets could hold *anything*! He was
also expert at all kinds of physical comedy in the film Love Happy and Duck Soup
and an episode of I Love Lucy he did his famous mirror gag where he would perfectly
mimic the movements of someone else, as if he were their reflection in a mirror. Chico
Marx had a completely different kind of humor based on malaprops and
misunderstandings. Though his humor style is what David Letterman might call dumb
guy, Chicos character was a sly schemer who thought he was more clever than he was
so his schemes usually backfired on him.

The great thing about the Marx Brothers was that no matter what kind of humor made
you laugh it was represented by one of the brothers. If you didnt find sight gags funny,
wait a minute and Grouch will come in with some clever wordplay! This variety of humor
styles is the key to the success of TV shows like Friends and movies like Hangover. If
you are writing a comedy film (or any other genre) make sure each character has their own
distinctive style of comedy so that everyones funnybone can be tickled.
29) SHORTEST DISTANCE BETWEEN POINTS

All set-ups should be completely invisible. One of the reason why were writers is
that we come up with a great response line two days later. So we get a chance to look
brilliant on the page by zinging that line back immediately. Sometimes the line were
responding to (the set-up) is too obvious, allowing the audience to predict the
punchline. Sometimes the set up is so complicated were still string to figure it out
and miss the witty response. Make sure your set ups are short and concise. If a witty
response requires a complicated or obvious set up, its not a good line. Get rid of it! No
matter how funny the response is, if the audience has to WORK to get to it, they arent
going to laugh.

One culprit in bad set ups is exposition - youre Laying pipe in the most obvious
way. Are you the only one who saw the car accident happen? could be Anybody else
there? Youre trying to pack all of the information in one characters dialogue, so that the
other gets the zinger line - a mistake! Instead, turn the set up into a conversation - giving
each participant a smaller piece. You never want the audience to know youre setting up
*anything*. You arent supposed to be steering the dialogue, the characters are supposed
to be coming up with these lines spontaneously!
30) STINGER IN THE TAIL

A scorpion has their stinger in the tail, not in the middle and a good line of dialogue
should be the same. That important piece of information or twist or big reveal needs to be
at the very end of the sentence. Often the most important part of a line of dialogue comes
in the middle, and the rest of the line just kind of peters out. You want to end *strong*
instead of wimpy.

I have been sent to kill you by the elders. - are the elders the stinger? The elders
have sent me to kill you. - better, because the line ends on a strong note - you are going to
die. That sentence could still use some work, but its much stronger. Make sure you put the
stinger in the tail that you arent burying the impact in the middle of the sentence so that
it just peters out.
31) CONFLICT IN DIALOGUE

Sometimes dialogue seems flat because the conversation doesnt contain enough
conflict - or the line itself may not be part of the conflict. You can spice up lines like this
by putting conflict right in the sentence. In The Professionals Burt Lancaster refers to a
fellow desperado as That magnificent bastard. You might have a character say he hates
loving his girlfriend. The words contradict each other, and show conflicting emotions
within the speaker. This brings a spark of life to the line, and leads to some very
memorable lines. This is an element of irony but kind of super-sized.

Your Assignment: Lets have some fun by coming up with phrases that combine two
opposites and still makes sense.
32) THREE LINE RULE

A cousin to the Four Line Rule in description this *used to be* the FIVE line rule,
but after talking to several development executives, its been dialed down. Try to keep
your dialogue under three lines on the page (not three SENTENCES - three LINES). Wait!
Why would there ever be such a rule? Well, first of all there are no rules. All of these are
just tools to help you improve your screenplay. But any character speaking for more than
three lines without being interrupted? Not realistic at all! In real life people jump in the
moment they think they know what you are saying (which is not the same as actually
knowing what you are saying) so dialogue ends up being like a ping-pong match.

More than three lines without some character jumping in is probably a speech - and
thats often exposition! Breaking up a speech into three line segments with some action or
some passive character saying a word or two in between isnt solving the problem, its just
disguising it. Remember, dialogue is *two* people talking! The Three Line Rule isnt a
rule, so theres no points off for some bit of dialogue that goes four lines or even five lines
but just be on the look out for unrealistic blocks of unalogue (one person speaking and
the other person is either just sitting there listening unrealistically or passively waiting for
the person to be finished with their speech before responding). There will be times when it
makes sense for a character to just shut up and listen but most of us try to get a word in
edge-wise and your characters shouldnt be any different.
33) SPEECHES

There is nothing wrong with a speech in a screenplay as long as its as good as the
soliloquy from Hamlet. Your speeches have to be brilliant! You know the gold watch
speech Christopher Walken gives in Pulp Fiction? That good. You know the speech
Dennis Hopper gives to Walken in True Romance? That good. Tarantino can write a
speech! The problem with speeches on film is that they kill the back-and-forth of editing.
When two people are having a conversation the camera will cut between them and that
will give us a regular change of image and also create a rhythm and pacing in the scene.
When only one person talks, the camera usually stays on them and we lose both the
change in image *and* the pacing of the scene. So the speech has to be so brilliant makes
up for that. If its just someone talking, its not good enough it needs to be the kind of
speech that people will be quoting a decade after the film comes out!

Those are difficult to write but the good news is that actors love a great speech. Im
not trying to talk you out of writing speeches, Im trying to talk you into writing *great*
speeches! Turn anything that *should be* dialogue into dialogue, and save your speeches
for something amazing that actors will be killing each other for the chance to perform. If
your speech isnt that great work on it until it *is* that great. Speeches are like the
nuclear weapons of dialogue you dont use them without reason. If you are going to
write a speech, I suggest you study several to see how the rhythm works.
34) INTERRUPTIONS

When you have someone droning on and on and on, its natural for the other person to
cut them off mid sentence. But isnt that rude? And how do you do that in a screenplay?
Well, the rudeness thing hey, isnt it rude to just drone on and on and monopolize
conversation? Oh, you wanted to know about the script part, didnt you?

ONE CHARACTER

Will start talking and while they

are speaking

ANOTHER CHARACTER

Cuts them off! And you use a dash or

double dash to show that the line is

cut off.

ONE CHARACTER

-- sometimes you might have the sentence

continued after the interruption and you

use a dash or double dash to denote that.

ANOTHER CHARACTER

But what if a character just, you know,

trails off...

ONE CHARACTER

That's when you break out the ellipses.

 Three of them. Though I have seen four

used when the trail off is also the end

of the sentence, though that's kind of

confusing to me....

ANOTHER CHARACTER

Why? That seemed pretty clear to

ONE CHARACTER

To you? But you're just another

voice in Bill's head! Like

ANOTHER CHARACTER

Like you?

Dont be afraid to interrupt dialogue and dont worry that the reader wont get whats
happening. If the dialogue will play on screen and the audience will understand - then it
will play just as well on the page. Give us the feeling of real dialogue, and the illusion that
its coming right out of the characters mouths rather than the writers keys.
35) PREWRITING, WRITING, REWRITING

Often when I write I hear the characters voices in my head, which probably means
Im crazy. I know the characters well enough to know what they would say and how they
would say it, and slip into character when I write their dialogue the same way an actor
might slip into character before stepping onto stage. When my mind is in character, I can
improv any dialogue that character might say in their voice. I can write scenes that have
nothing to do with my story, I can put together two characters from different screenplays
in a situation and have them speak to each other. Its like magic which is why the voices
in my head probably mean Im crazy.

But it doesnt always come that easy. Sometimes its hard work and slightly
mechanical. Nobody cares how you write a great script, all they care about is that it is a
great script. So distinctive dialogue will probably take some work in order to look
effortless and spontaneous. I often create a character sheet for each of my characters with
a story-specific biography along with favorite words and sentence structure and attitude
and some vocabulary choices. This helps me get to know the character before I write the
script, but also helps me stay in character while writing the script if I cant hear those
voices in my head some days. I can use it as a cheat sheet to make sure the characters
dialogue is consistent and unique throughout the screenplay.

I can also use the sheet as a guide to a characters dialogue in rewrites. But as I did
with my Detective in my assignment, I can also add distinctive dialogue and character in a
rewrite as well. Sometimes characters change when you are writing the screenplay, and
you need to conform how the character used to speak with how they ended up speaking.
We want each characters dialogue to be so distinctive that a reader can tell who is
speaking even if the characters name is covered.

Your Assignment: Just for fun, cover the character slugs in your screenplay or some
other screenplay and see if you can tell who is speaking based on what they say and how
they say it.
36) THE LIFE OF WRYLIES

Wrylies are the insider term for parentheticals, and theres even a whole play written
about them by Izzy Diamond (The Apartment) called Quizzically that Ive seen
performed by Jack Lemon and Walter Matthau at the WGAs Words Into Pictures
conference about 15 years ago. The basic use of Wrylies is to tell an actor how to deliver a
line and actors hate them. Often new writers screenplays are littered with Wrylies, and
usually one (or more) of three reasons is behind this:

Basic confidence new writers often worry that readers wont understand what they
mean and try to spell out everything. Though there *are* readers who miss things, and
directors who miss things, and development executives that dont get things most of
them will understand your intentions and dont need you to hammer them home by over-
explaining what the line means. They get it!

Trying to fix a bad line sometimes a writer will try to make a defective line work by
adding a parenthetical to explain what they meant to say. The problem here is that the
parenthetical doesnt actually fix the line at all, its kind of a Band-Aid. The best thing to
do is make sure all of your dialogue works and is understood without the parenthetical. If
the line isnt clear, work on it until it is.

Overly controlling and sometimes the writer is micro-managing the script and wants
everything to be *exactly* as they envision it, without the slightest difference. This line
must be delivered *exactly* like this! These screenplays are usually the ones with all of
the shots broken out as well. The writer doesnt want to leave any room for interpretation
or change. Film is a collaborative medium and everyone involved is some form of artist.
Not only will they want to interpret your screenplay, you will *want* them to add their
artistic skills to yours. The sum is greater than the parts.

The reason why actors *hate* Wrylies is the same reason anyone hates to be micro-
managed and told how to do the job theyve trained their whole damned life to do. They
have a creative contribution to make to the film and want to be able to make the decisions
that deal with their particular discipline. I have seen actors cross out Wrylies before they
even read the script for the first time, and I have seen them *purposely* do the exact
opposite of what is written. Actors and directors and everyone else on a film are *just like
us* - when you push them they get angry and push back. Yes, people will tell us how to do
our job and that sucks, but we cant expect someone else to like it when we tell them how
to do their jobs!
 Plus, you *want* a good actor to use their talent when they interpret the line and the
way the line is supposed to be delivered. In The Killers (1964) Lee Marvin plays a
violent hit man tracking some stolen money. The trail leads to auto mechanic Claude
Akins, and Marvin interrogates him. Akins isnt cooperating, pretends he doesnt know
anything but hes obviously lying. So Marvin ramps up the threats and you know the
line was written to be in anger. Its the sort of line that accompanies a pistol whipping. But
Marvin makes an interesting delivery choice, and leans in close to Akins, whispering the
threat in a calm, quiet voice and its a hundred times more chilling than if he lost his
temper and shouted the line. The words are exactly the same but the quiet, intimate,
whisper makes it more powerful. If the writer had written (shouting) and Marvin had
delivered it that way, I wouldnt be telling you about the scene now. It would have been
the scene we were used to seeing instead of the scene that stands out. Let the actors do
their jobs! Let the directors do their jobs!

But why do they have em if you cant use em? You *can* use Wrylies and no one
is going to kick you out of Hollywood if you litter your script with them, but we have a
limited amount of space, so lets use it wisely. If you think the line will be confusing
without a wrylie use one. Sometimes without (joking) or (sarcastic) someone really
might completely misread the line. Now, some of this can be done just with the
introduction of the character if they are a jokester, the reader will figure out the line isnt
serious. But when you have a character who isnt established as someone who might joke
or use sarcasm says something that we misinterpret, you need to use a wrylie to make the
meaning clear. So you may end up with a handful or so in your screenplay. Thats cool
theres no rules saying exactly how many you use and sometimes you can completely
subvert whatever rules there are for fun. I read a script by the Dahl Brothers (Red Rock
West) about a feud between two lawyers that had a parenthetical after *every single line
of dialogue*!

JOE

(I could easily stab

you with this knife)

Can I cut you a piece of cake?

Sure, part of it was breaking the rules as a stunt, but without the subtext would you
have thought Can I cut you a piece of cake? was a threat of violence? It can be played
that way by the actor, so it wasnt breaking any rules. Something like this where every
line has a wrylie - is a fun read, but the script never made (and I dont even remember if it
sold). Like with everything else that people call a rule - you can break them for a reason,
just not because you are lazy or to prop up writing that needs work.
37) ACCENTS

Accents are like Wrylies in a way they are often more part of performance than
required by the story. Usually whether a character speaks in an accident is part of the
character, and ends up being a decision made by the director or the actor. In many World
War 2 films, Nazis spoke with *British* accents! I have no idea why they made this
decision maybe to make them sound different than Americans, speak English (so that we
could understand them) and also sound superior and aloof. This carried over into Cold
War movies sometimes but sometimes in Cold War movies the Russians had *German*
accents. Huh? When Sean Connery played a Russian in Hunt For Red October he had a
Scottish accent. Even though Connery is from Scotland, it seemed more pronounced than
when he played James Bond so maybe that was a decision. Sound foreign - and
Scottish is foreign, right?

Usually just noting in the character description that the character speaks with an accent
is sufficient, but if you want to add the flavor of their accent to the characters dialogue
know that a little goes a long way. Remember, your goal is to have the reader understand
your dialogue without having to stop and wonder just what the heck that word is supposed
to be. The occasional Yall or foreign word thrown in every few pages gives us the
flavor without adding too much confusion. Well look at subtitles in the supplemental
section later in the book.
38) DOES IT PLAY?

We all hope that our scripts will eventually end up on screen. That our words will be
spoken by actors and our images in our imagination will be realized in Technicolor. For
most new writers, writing is theoretical rather than practical. The story is anchored in our
imagination with little or no thought to how it might work in the real world and that can
be a problem.

Dialogue that plays on the page may not play on the stage. This is often true with
dialogue that looks fine but becomes clumsy when spoken aloud. If possible, you
should always try out your dialogue with a reading of some sort. Playwright Sam Shepard
says, A good actor always sets you straight. If youve written a false moment and thought
it was probably pretty great, the actors gonna show you (whether it its great or not) when
he gets to that moment. They are the great test of the validity of material. Contact a
community theater group in your area, or draft a group of fellow screenwriters. Listen to
how your dialogue really sounds, and identify any problems while youre still in the script
stage. The higher your script moves up the ladder of production, the more likely it will
encounter someone who knows how it will play on screen. Readers often have no
experience with how a script will play on screen, but directors and producers know what
works and what doesnt. Eventually those lines that wont work on screen will be
discovered, so lets try to solve the problem before anyone notices it exists.

Here are some common dialogue problems that only appear when the script goes to
screen.

A) Long sentences that dont provide any place for an actor to breathe.

B) Tongue twisters or lines with similar sounding words that might be transposed by
an actor.

C) Word combinations that accidentally form puns - If a character in a bathroom says

Youre in! the audience may misunderstand. Some sentences look perfectly innocent on
the page, but when you read them out loud they provoke laughter.

D) Homonyms back-to-back like Theyre there! Anytime you have two words that
sound the same in a row or even the same word back-to-back in a sentence, you have a
problem.

E) Multi syllable words that just dont fit in an actors mouth like, well, mutisyllabic.
Similar to tongue twisters, these words are easy for an actor to trip over.

F) Words that create facial expressions at odds with their meaning. This is one that you
may miss in a reading. I had a story meeting on one of my scripts where the development
exec wanted me to change a line of dialogue. My lead character didnt want to get
involved in a situation where he might be killed and said, It looks dangerous. The
development exec wanted me to change the line to: It looks risky. She didnt understand
that when you say the word risky you smile and a smile would change the meaning of
the line. Instead of the lead being afraid, he would end up looking as if he were happy to
walk into danger. She didnt understand what I was talking about until she said the line
while looking in a mirror and realized she looked HAPPY to be risking her life!

G) One sided conversations where the other person just stands there. That may look
okay on the page, but on screen that other actor has nothing to do.

You want to make sure that dialogue that looks great on the page can be spoken by an
actor, and *works* when spoken by an actor.
39) MY FAVORITE CUSSWORD

Dumb but true story: My favorite cuss-word seems to be shit. In my script Dark
Salvage I had four main characters saying shit at sometime in the script. When they
were dejected, or mad, or frustrated, or hurt, or any of the other places where people us
foul language. They all four used the same four letter word. This was a red flag. Its MY
favorite swear word, not the characters!

So I came up with three alternative swear words and gave each character their own
form of cussing - based on their character. I just used the REPLACE function, plugging in
the three new cuss-words depending on which character was doing the cussing. My
favorite new cuss-word was kitty crap. It became really funny when it was plugged into
some of the sentences. It took normal lines and gave them character. Every time I come
across a word or phrase used by more than one character, I find alternatives that help
display character and make the dialogue more interesting and fun as a side effect.

Your Assignment: Come up with some interesting and unusual swears.

40) THESE THREE

Remember, all dialogue should do three things (at once!):

1) Illuminate character.
2) Move the story forward.
3) Be entertaining.

The last one is the most difficult. You have to go over every line, and try to find an
amusing or unusual way to say it. Thats the hard work part. Usually the first line that
comes to mind is the most obvious and dull, so you have to mine the line - dig until you
come up with a clever or witty way to say the same thing.

Movie dialogue should be all of those great lines we come up with the day after the
argument. Every line should be a I wish Id thought of that! line. Of course, some lines
will work and others will be just okay, but you have to try to make them ALL gems, or
youll end up with some just okay lines and the rest not very good at all! Push yourself
to do the best every step of the way!

It all takes work! Writing isnt easy!

41) MOST IMPORTANT TIP:

Remember, use dialogue only as a last resort, when actions wont tell the story. Film is
character in action.
NOTORIOUS

One of the best scenes in Notorious shows Hechts talent for oblique dialogue.
Instead of having his characters say what they think, they dance around the subject. In the
film, Cary Grant plays no-nonsense CIA Agent Devlin who recruits Ingrid Bergmans hard
drinking party girl Alicia Huberman for a mission. The two fall in love before they get
their orders - Alicia is to sleep with a Nazi in Rio De Janeiro to learn what hes up to. This
puts a damper on their relationship to put it mildly. She cant understand why a man
who loves her would order her to sleep with another man.

In this scene whatever was left of their relationship dissolves. When she meets Devlin
on a park bench, both are hurt by each others actions. Neither knows that the Nazi
(Claude Raines) has discovered that shes a spy and is slowly poisoning her!

Devlin has been waiting impatiently when Alicia weaves to the park bench and sits on
the opposite end.

ALICIA
I'm sorry I couldn't make it on time.

DEVLIN
It gets a bit lonely squatting on
a bench all day.

ALICIA
Yes. Rio can be a very dull town.

DEVLIN
Any domestic troubles about the
other night?

ALICIA
No. Nothing yet.
 DEVLIN
Just a social visit, huh?

ALICIA
A little fresh air helps.

DEVLIN
You don't look so hot. Sick?

ALICIA
No... Hang over.

DEVLIN
(disappointed in her)
Back to the bottle again, huh?

ALICIA
It lightens my "chores".

DEVLIN
Big party?

ALICIA
Just the family circle.

DEVLIN
Sounds quite jolly.
 ALICIA
It helps life in a dull town.

DEVLIN
You ought to take it easy on that
liquor.

ALICIA
Don't you find Rio a little hard
to take, too?

DEVLIN
Not a bad town... You look all
mashed up - must have been quite
an evening.

ALICIA
It was.

DEVLIN
Okay, if you want to play it
that way... Go on. Have fun. No
reason why you shouldn't.

ALICIA
That's right.
(pulls out his scarf,
hands it to him)
Here's something that belongs to
you, I should have given to you
sooner.

DEVLIN
What is it?
 ALICIA
Scarf that you lent me once, in Miami.

DEVLIN
Cleaning house, huh?

ALICIA
Goodbye, Dev.

DEVLIN
What do you mean "Goodbye"?

ALICIA
Nothing - just goodbye. Fresh air
isn't as good for hangovers as I thought.

DEVLIN
Sit down - you're still tight.

ALICIA
I don't want to.

DEVLIN
Where you going?

ALICIA
Back... home.

So much going on between the lines! Devlin believes shes fallen off the wagon and is
back to being a party girl. Her chores are sleeping with the Nazi - Alicia wants Devlin
to show how much he loves her by taking her off the case. But the line backfires - it hurts
him to think that shes sleeping with the Nazi. When he tries to show his concern, it comes
off as if hes scolding her - which pushes her away. When Alicia asks him if he finds Rio
hard to take, shes talking about their mission But Devlin suppresses his emotions. He
thinks hed be a fool to fall in love with a drunken slut and says theres no reason why she
shouldnt have fun (now theres a euphemism!). That ends the relationship for her.
Alicia gives him back the scarf he loaned her the day they first met. This ends the
relationship for him. Cleaning house means removing him from her life, and she
answers by telling him goodbye. When shes says shes going home shes talking about
the Nazis house Thats where she thinks she belongs, now.

This scene is a heart breaker. Devlin was the first man who truly cared about Alicia,
and now he seems to be rejecting her. Her new found self esteem disappears in this scene -
not only does Devlin think shes a drunken slut again, Alicia feels that way about herself.
Their relationship was her only hope and it dissolves away to nothing in this scene.
Both have been hurt, and keep pushing each other away when they should be reaching out
to each other. They dance around what they really want to say in hopes that the other will
make the first move but each is used to moving away from love rather than moving
towards it. Each ends up heartbroken once more. Their last hope for love, gone. Destroyed
by the mission. Nowhere in the scene do they talk about their relationship its all
masterfully concealed between the lines. A great example of dancing around the subject
they really want to discuss.
PSYCHO

A superb example of intersecting monologues is Joseph Stefanos screenplay to 1960s

Psycho (based on the novel by Robert Bloch). This only seems to be dialogue each
character seems to be responding to the other, but in reality each is in their own private
world talking about themselves and not really interacting as much with the other person as
it would seem. This dialogue *matches* the subject of the conversation, but also shows
how both characters really are alone in their own private worlds and maybe more alike
than you might think. This is the scene where the baton is passed from one protagonist
to the other.

Marion Crane is trapped in a dead end job. Her boyfriend, Sam Loomis, is trapped in
debt. When he boss gives her $40,000 in cash to deposit in the bank, she decides to steal
it falling into yet another trap. A fugitive on the run from the law, she stops for the night
at the Bates Motel. When Norman asks her if shed like to have dinner with him, she
accepts.

NORMAN
You eat like a bird.

MARION
(looking at the stuffed
birds in his den)
You'd know, of course.

NORMAN
No, not really. Anyway, I hear
the expression "Eats like a bird"
is a false.. false... falsity. Because
birds really eat a tremendous lot.
But I don't really know anything about
birds. My hobby is stuffing things.
You know, taxidermy. And I guess I'd
rather stuff birds because I hate the
look of beasts when they're stuffed.
You know, foxes and chimps... Some people
even stuff dogs and cats... but I couldn't
do that. Only birds look well stuffed
because - well, they're kind of passive
to begin with.
 MARION
It's a strange hobby. Curious.

NORMAN
Uncommon, too.

MARION
Oh, I imagine so!

NORMAN
And it's not as expensive as you
might think. It's cheap, really.
You know, needles, thread, sawdust.
The chemicals are the only thing that
costs anything.

MARION
A man should have a hobby.

NORMAN
It's more than a hobby. A hobby is
supposed to pass the time, not fill it...

MARION
Do you go out with friends?

NORMAN
(resigned)
A boy's best friend is his mother.
You haven't had an empty moment in
your entire life, have you?
 MARION
Only my share.

NORMAN
Where are you going? I didn't mean
to pry.

MARION
I'm looking for a private island.

NORMAN
What are you running away from?

MARION
Why do you ask that?

NORMAN
You know, people never run away
from anything, really. You know
what I think? I think we're all in
our private traps. Clamped in them.
And none of us can ever get out.
We scratch and we claw, but only
at the air. Only at each other.
And for all of it, we never budge
an inch.

MARION
Sometimes we deliberately step
into those traps.

NORMAN
I was born in mine.
 Private traps Both Norman and Marion are in their own private worlds, and the
dialogue reflects that. This isnt as much dialogue as its intersecting monologue, Marion
focused on her private trap and Norman on his. They seem to be talking to each other, but
they are actually talking to themselves. When Norman talks about Marions private trap,
hes really talking about his own trap. When she talks about deliberately stepping into a
trap, it has nothing to do with Normans situation its almost as if she wasnt listening to
him at all. It seems as if they are responding to each other, but they arent. Norman goes
off on a personal tangent based on whatever Marion said last and she does the same.

Stefano uses the style of conversation to show the isolation of each character. By the
end of the conversation Norman realizes that he has to escape his domineering mother if
hes going to survive and Marion realizes she cant run forever thats a trap in itself. She
decides to drive back to Phoenix in the morning and return the $40,000. Each has made
the decision on their own. Bouncing words off each other like a ball bouncing against a
wall.
YOU CAN COUNT ON ME

Ken Lonergans You Can Count On Me has made almost every critics ten best list,
has been called one of the best films of 2000 by the American Film Institute, and was
nominated for a Best Screenplay Oscar. Its either the funniest drama you have ever seen
or the most emotional comedy. Its hard to categorize a film that opens with a horrifying
car accident that kills the parents of a little girl and her brother but has you laughing out
loud at daily life in small town America a few minutes later. Ken Lonergans screenplay
has the most realistic characters, situations, and dialogue of any film in recent memory.
The dialogue in isnt filled with jokes, its filled with the truth; and when we laugh at the
characters on the screen we are laughing at our own foibles.

Two decades after the accident that killed her parents, Sammy Prescott (Laura Linney)
is a VERY organized bank loan officer (she has a complex filing system for her personal
correspondence) trying to raise her son as a single mother. Her brother Terry (Mark
Ruffalo) is a dope smoking drifter who has never been responsible a day in his life. When
Terry comes to visit Sammy (and hit her up for a loan) at the same time her long time
boyfriend finally proposes and her bank gets a new by-the-book manager, she is faced
with more conflicts than she can handle.

One of the first scenes has Sammy calling her boyfriend Bob (Jon Tenney) and asking
him out to dinner cut to them in bed after making love. Theres an awkward silence,
then she says very politely: Thanks for a lovely evening. The juxtaposition of the two
scenes gets a big laugh, and her line acts as a button - pressing the audience with an end
to the scene that creates additional laughter. The line also tells us a great deal about
Sammys character and her relationship with Bob. She is still in complete control of
herself, and doesnt let down her guard when shes in bed with her boyfriend. What makes
the line funny is that it is out of place in that situation, but completely in character for
Sammy.
AWKWARD PAUSES

Natural sounding dialogue is difficult to write. Real dialogue is often pointless or

vague, but weve only got 110 pages in a screenplay so we have to get to the point. Our
introduction to Terry has him hitting up his girlfriend Sheila (Gaby Hoffman) for bus fare
so that he can leave her. The scene is filled with conflict bubbling just below the surface.
Its a situation created to turn the liabilities of realistic sounding dialogue into assets. The
conflict increases the more Terry beats around the bush.

SHEILA
Hey, Terry. Where'd you get that hat?

TERRY
I got it on the street for a dollar.

SHEILA
It's nice.

TERRY
It's pretty much your standard woolen
hat.

SHEILA
I had a very similar reaction to it.

TERRY
Uh.... Um... Can I get that money
from you?

SHEILA
Oh, yeah.
 TERRY
Is that all you had?

SHEILA
Yeah.

TERRY
Can you borrow some more from your
brother?

SHEILA
Well, that would involve speaking
to him.

TERRY
You know, I'm definitely going
to be gone for a couple of days,
Sheila. I mean...

SHEILA
Why are you staying for so long?

TERRY
Because my sister is not a bank,
you know? I can't just show up and...

Thats when conflict boils over into the argument we can see coming from the
beginning of the scene. Talking about unimportant things like the hat create suspense in
the scene by keeping that argument below the surface. He dances around the subject. The
situation tortures the audience with every awkward pause. We feel sorry for him, but we
are also learning about his character. Terry will continue to use the phrase you know
throughout the entire script - two words added to a sentence that creates instant
colloquialism.
CONFLICT

Those awkward pauses and tangent subjects come into play again when Terry breezes
into town to meet Sammy. We know that all Terry wants is money, so to intensify the
uncomfortable suspense the sequence opens with Sammy cleaning house and preparing
a homecoming feast for her brother. We know her expectations for the visit are much
different than Terrys.

TERRY
Um... So, you coming from work?

SAMMY
No. It's Saturday.

TERRY
Yeah, nah. It's just you're dressed
so formally.

SAMMY
Oh. No. I thought it was a special occasion.
Which it is.

Terry is dressed in a ripped shirt and jeans. The conversation gets off on the wrong
foot, and keeps stumbling. She asks what hes been up to, hes evasive. She asks why he
hasnt sent a post card in six months. Now hes on the defensive. The more she asks about
where hes been, the more evasive he becomes until he finally says, I actually got to
confess to you Sammy, the reason why you may not have heard from me for a while, is
that Ive been unable to write, um, due to the fact that I was in jail for a little while.
Conflict erupts, and it becomes more difficult for Terry to hit her up for a loan and split.
After he asks her for money, it just gets worse:

TERRY
Do you not even want me to visit now?
Because I can catch the bus at five O'clock
 if that's what you want.

SAMMY
Of course I want you to visit, you idiot. I've
been looking forward to seeing you more
than anything. I told everybody I know that
you were coming. I cleaned the whole fucking
house so it would look nice for you. I mean, I
thought you would stay at least a few days. I
had no idea that you were just broke again. I
wish you had just sent me an invoice!

The last line is not only clever, its completely in character for Sammy. But the
preceding lines are a great example of complex relationships: Theres a contrast between
what Sammy says, the tone of voice she says it in, and what she means. There are layers to
the dialogue. She says Ive been looking forward to seeing you more than anything - the
words would make it seem shes happy to see her brother, but shes screaming this at him
in anger. Underneath that anger is disappointment - Terry has let her down again. Her
expectations for Terry form a layer under that, and her inability to control the world
around her is the core conflict in the story.

The dialogue grows out of the complex relationship between characters who love each
other but are completely different - even antagonistic to each other. The situation is what
makes the dialogue meaningful.
SUBTEXT

These layers of dialogue are called subtext. The first level of dialogue is the meaning
of the words - the primary goal of the speaker. If you spot an empty seat next to someone
in a crowded theater, you might ask Is that seat taken? But the tone of your question and
your choice of words will change if you are talking to a mean-looking biker or an
attractive member of the opposite sex. Theres a second level of meaning - a second goal.
You either dont want to get beaten up, or you may be hoping for romantic possibilities.

Lonergan gives us several levels of meaning in most of his dialogue. In the passage
above where Sammy talks about looking forward to seeing Terry, who is she talking
about? Count the number of Is in her lines for a clue. Terry may think hes only here to
ask for money, but theres a second goal. He really wants his sisters love and acceptance.
Thats the subtext in almost every line of dialogue he has with her, you can even see it in
his admission that he spent time in jail. Hes a character who needs a hug, but doesnt
want anyone to get too close to him. More on subtext in the supplementals.
SITUATIONS

Many of the best moments are scenes where characters dont say anything but want
to. Lets call it unspoken dialogue. Lonergan sets up situations where we know what a
character wants to say, then leaves it unsaid. Later in the film Terry gets some bad news
and decides to extend his stay with Sammy finally breaking down and crying. She holds
him, and we see the love between them that words can not express. No lies, no
accusations, no evasions.

Because Sammys new by-the-book bank manager (Matthew Broderick) wont allow
her the fifteen minutes a day to pick up her son Rudy (Rory Culkin) from school and take
him to the babysitters house, this becomes Terrys responsibility. One day Sammy gets a
call that Terry and Rudy never arrived at the babysitters. She rushes out of the bank
without a word of explanation to her manager and searches for them. She spots Terrys car
at a construction site where hes doing day labor and prepares to accuse him of being so
irresponsible and self-centered that he forgot Rudy but when she spots Terry shes
speechless. Hes teaching Rudy how to hold a hammer and pound a nail. Sammy watches
for a while, smiling, and leaves before they see her. This is one of the most emotional
scenes in the film, but not a word of dialogue is spoken by Sammy.
MISUNDERSTANDINGS

Good dialogue contains misunderstandings. Characters cant read each others minds
and have no idea where the conversation is going. Bad dialogue tries to push the story,
good dialogue flows with it. Terry genuinely likes Rudy. Maybe its because theyre at the
same level of (im)maturity, but he gets along great with this eight year old. They become
pals and share confidences.

TERRY
You know, this used to be my room.

RUDY
Yeah... You want it back?

TERRY
No.

Gets a laugh. Lonergans misunderstandings are sometimes funny, sometimes painful.

Characters think they understand each other but are often miles apart.

Rudy is the only character who can cut through Terrys evasiveness and get an honest
answer from him. The two cement their friendship when Terry misunderstands Sammys
childcare instructions on purpose. The rules are Rudy can only watch two hours of TV. So
after two hours, the TV set goes off and Terry takes Rudy to a roadhouse with a pool table.
A pretty rough looking place.

RUDY
I don't think they let kids in here.

TERRY
Well, we're not allowed to watch any
more TV so it's this or nothing. If
we get in any trouble, you let me do
 the talking, okay?

RUDY
Okay.

TERRY
(to pool players)
I got a hundred bucks here that me and my
nephew can beat anybody in here, only we
gotta get the next game because he's got to
be in bed by ten o'clock.

Terry and Rudy play against two big guys. The situation is not only filled with laughs,
it shows the close relationship between the two. Its the most fun Rudy has ever had
(Sammys over protective - she holds on too tight to those around her for fear they will be
yanked away). Who would take an eight year-old to a bar and team up with him in a pool
match? For money? They not only win, but Terry lets Rudy sink the winning shot.

TERRY
Just kiss it.

RUDY
What do you mean "kiss" it?

TERRY
I mean tap it. Firm, but very very softly.

RUDY
Okay.

This scene leads to a misunderstanding that changes the direction of the story. Rudy
swears to Terry that he wont tell his mom about their trip to the roadhouse. But a friend of
Sammys saw them playing pool and tells her and she chews out Terry. Because Terry
believes that Rudy squealed he puts an end to their friendship. The two characters who
most need each other have been driven apart.
LATE STARTS

Lonergan also brings us into scenes as late as possible, starting when the scene gets
juicy. Bob misunderstands Sammys strange mood (caused by problem overload) and
thinks she wants to get married so he pops the question. The scene begins with Sammy
looking at the ring, Are you serious? Not exactly the response Bob was hoping for. The
more Bob tries to patch up the situation, the more Sammy tries to avoid it. She really
doesnt want to get married. Unlike the earlier scenes where small talk heightens the
suspense; here it would only get in the way, so Lonergan avoids it and cuts to the chase.

He also gets laughs with dialogue reversals like this one that leads to a scene that
clears up the misunderstanding that created the rift between Terry and Rudy and Sammy:

TERRY
Want to smoke some pot?

SAMMY
No, I don't.... Why? You got some?

Brother and sister have their first conversation together without recriminations and
anger. Neither is trying to be someone theyre not. Sammy tells Terry how much her life is
out of control, and he offers her good advice. Theyve switched roles, and the dialogue
reflects this. She is the one coming to him for help, and hes the one who offers her a hug
and a shoulder to cry on. Theyve come full-circle, even though were only halfway
through the film. I wont spoil Sammys biggest problem for you, youll have to see the
film. You Can Count On Me has dialogue that sounds overheard rather than written. Its
one of the best written films of 2000.
BRINGING UP BANTER

Men and women dont just talk in classic films, they often banter. Banter is short
sentences that bounce back and forth between characters like a tennis ball. Often banter
uses clever put-downs and witty insults, misunderstandings (often intentional),
wisecracks, flirtation, and puns (often with sexual innuendo). Each line of banter tops
the one before it and it becomes a verbal war of wit. One of the great banter techniques is
to use symbolic dialogue like in this early scene from Double Indemnity

PHYLLIS
Mr. Neff, why don't you drop by tomorrow
evening about eight-thirty. He'll be in then.

NEFF
Who?

PHYLLIS
My husband. You were anxious to talk to
him weren't you?

NEFF
Yeah, I was, but I'm sort of getting
over the idea, if you know what I mean.

PHYLLIS
There's a speed limit in this state,
Mr. Neff. Forty-five miles an hour.

NEFF
How fast was I going, officer?

PHYLLIS
 I'd say around ninety.

NEFF
Suppose you get down off your
motorcycle and give me a ticket.

PHYLLIS
Suppose I let you off with a warning
this time.

NEFF
Suppose it doesn't take.

PHYLLIS
Suppose I have to whack you over
the knuckles.

NEFF
Suppose I bust out crying and put
my head on your shoulder.

PHYLLIS
Suppose you try putting it on my
husband's shoulder.

NEFF
That tears it.

See how they talk about speeding down the highway, but are really talking about sex?
How the lines bounce off each other? Finding that symbol for sex is a great way to create
amusing banter filled with wordplay and innuendo. Clever talk for clever criminals. In the
classic Private Eye film The Big Sleep the following horse race conversation between
Bogart and Bacall is jam-packed with innuendo.

VIVIAN
Speaking of horses, I like to play
them myself. But I like to see them
workout a little first, see if they're
front runners or come from behind, find
out what their whole card is, what makes
them run.

MARLOWE
Find out mine?

VIVIAN
I think so.

MARLOWE
Go ahead.

VIVIAN
I'd say you don't like to be rated.
You like to get out in front, open up
a little lead, take a little breather in
the backstretch, and then come home free.

MARLOWE
You don't like to be rated yourself.

VIVIAN
I haven't met anyone yet that can do it.
Any suggestions?

MARLOWE
Well, I can't tell till I've seen you
 over a distance of ground. You've got a
touch of class, but I don't know how,
how far you can go.

VIVIAN
A lot depends on who's in the saddle.

Come from behind? Depends on whos in the saddle? Are they talking about horse
racing or something else? The Big Sleep was directed by Howard Hawks, who was the
king of banter he also directed our two main examples of banter, Bringing Up Baby
and His Girl Friday. Though he didnt write any of these films (The Big Sleep was
written by William Faulkner (king of run-on sentences) and Jules Furthman & Leigh
Brackett) he often hired the writers and was pretty hands-on with this film since it went
through a major *post production* rewrite, with a bunch of brand new scenes written and
shot after a disastrous test screening (yes, in 1945 they had test screenings). The horse
racing dialogue above was part of the re-shoots, which expanded the Bacall role from a bit
part into the female lead and cut out whole characters to rework the story.

Heres another example from the film, that uses repeated words:

EDDIE MARS
Convenient, the door being open when
you didn't have a key, eh?

MARLOWE
Yeah, wasn't it. By the way, how'd
you happen to have one?

EDDIE MARS
Is that any of your business?

MARLOWE
I could make it my business.
 EDDIE MARS
I could make your business mine.

MARLOWE
Oh, you wouldn't like it. The pay's
too small.

See how the dialogue bounces back and forth between the characters, each trying to
out-do the other? Banter doesnt require sexual innuendo (Marlowe and Eddie Mars dont
hook up), but it usually has that fast-pace and has each character trying to top the previous
line. It zings back and forth and is witty and crisp.

VIVIAN
My, you're a mess, aren't you?

MARLOWE
I'm not very tall either. Next time
I'll come on stilts wear a white tie
and carry a tennis racket.

VIVIAN
I doubt if even that will help.

(A moment later in the same conversation)

VIVIAN
You go too far, Marlowe.

MARLOWE
Those are harsh words to throw at a man,
especially when hes walking out of your bedroom.

Heres an exchange with the Sternwoods butler Norris:

 NORRIS

Are you attempting to tell me my
duties, sir?

MARLOWE
No, just having fun trying to guess
what they are.

So, step one in Banter is: Have a quick wit! The great thing about being a writer is that
you can have a positively glacial wit, write down the funny come-back three days later,
then use it in a screenplay and everyone thinks you are a comic genius. If they only knew
how long it took you to come up with those lines!
BRINGING UP BABY

Bringing Up Baby (1938) is considered the classic screwball comedy and

was directed by Hawks and written by Dudley Nichols (Stagecoach). Screwball
comedies feature crazy plots and lots of banter. See if you can follow this plot:
Paleontologist David Huxley has a big day coming up he is receiving the last
bone (the intercostal clavicle) needed to build his Brontosaurus skeleton in the
museum and also marrying fellow professor Alice Swallow (who doesnt want a
honeymoon, or children, or sex of any kind) but the day before he must play golf
with lawyer Alexander Peabody who represents the wealthy Mrs. Carleton
Random who may give the museum $1 million. While playing golf, ditzy Susan
Vance plays Davids ball, steals Davids car, tears Davids clothes open, drops an
olive that David trips over falling on his ass and his hat (crushing both), and
generally turns his life into a living hell. This is the same sort of story we get in
Something Wild and After Hours where a straight-laced man living a boring life
that does not include fun, meets a wild woman who teaches him to have fun
even though at times he think he might die in the process.

DAVID
You see, a PGA has two lines and
Crow-Flight has a circle.

SUSAN
I'm not superstitious about things
like that.

DAVID
(pointing to a mark on a golf ball)
You see, it's a circle.

SUSAN
Well, of course, do you think it
would roll if it were square?

See how misunderstanding is used to create humor? This dialogue is delivered rapid-
fire fast, bouncing back and forth between characters. Heres an exchange that works by
having one character with a single sentence and the next with a single word response,
creating a rhythm. Oddly, the single word response *slows down* the dialogue
becoming a kind of punctuation.

SUSAN
You mean you want *me* to go home?

DAVID
Yes.

SUSAN
You mean you don't want me to help
you any more?

DAVID
No.

SUSAN
After all the fun we've had?

DAVID
Yes.

SUSAN
And after all the things I've
done for you?

DAVID
That's what I mean.
 After Susan (Katherine Hepburn) completely ruins Davids (Cary Grant) meeting with
Peabody she offers to take him to her Aunts house in Connecticut, since she knows
Peabody and will be meeting with him the following day. David says no hes getting
married and has just received the final bone for his Brontosaurus skeleton. But Susan tells
him her brother Mark left her a leopard named Baby who is lose in her apartment and
pretends to be attacked. David rushes right over, finding a live leopard in her bathroom!
DAVID
Susan, you have to get out of this
apartment!

SUSAN
I can't, I have a lease.

The leopard is tame, and loves the song I Cant Give You Anything But Love.
Somehow, Susan convinces David to go to her Aunts house in Connecticut with Baby in
the back seat Along the way they have various adventures, and once they arrive David
and his clothes are filthy. Susan convinces David to take a shower then steals his clothes
so that he will be forced to stay with her. The clothes are sent out to be cleaned and
pressed, but until then David is forced to wear her aunts frilly robe. And thats when the
aunt shows up along with her little terrier dog George (Asta from the Thin Man movies)

MRS. RANDOM
Well who are you?

DAVID
I don't know. I'm not quite myself
today.

MRS. RANDOM
Well, you look perfectly idiotic
in those clothes.

DAVID
These aren't my clothes.
 MRS. RANDOM
Well, where are your clothes?

DAVID
I've lost my clothes!

MRS. RANDOM
But why are you wearing *these* clothes?

DAVID
Because I just went gay all of a sudden!

MRS. RANDOM
Now see here young man, stop this
nonsense. What are you doing?

DAVID
I'm sitting in the middle of 42nd
Street waiting for a bus.

Susans Aunt thinks David is insane, when David is out of the room (looking for
something more presentable to wear) Susan tells her that she is in love with David. Her
Aunt says they have enough lunatics in the family already. I suspect the character slugs in
the above exchange may have given away part of the end, since Susans Aunt is the
woman with the $1 million to donate to the museum. But before we get to that, the Aunts
little dog finds the Brontosaurus bone and takes off with it burying it somewhere on the
estate. To add to the complications, Baby also escapes his cage and is also roaming the
estate and may think George is a snack. So Susan and David (now dressed in an English
riding outfit) must find George the dog and have George find the bone before Baby finds
George and eats him. Do I even have to say complications ensue?

SUSAN
 Oh, I'm caught on something - David,
help me, will you?

DAVID
Oh, no. That's poison ivy.

SUSAN
I bet you wouldn't treat Miss Swallow
this way.

DAVID
I bet Miss Swallow knows poison
ivy when she sees it.

SUSAN
Yes, I bet poison ivy runs when
it sees her.

Again we have repeated words that bounce between the characters and seem to speed
up the pacing. Banter style dialogue moves at a much faster pace than regular dialogue
and is designed for rapid exchanges between characters. Each line tops the one before it
and it becomes a verbal war of wit. The story continues with a crazy dinner party
including Major Horace Applegate (Charlie Ruggles from Ruggles Of Red Gap - see,
its all connected!) and they find George, the intercostal-clavicle bone, runaway leopard
Baby, plus they destroy the Brontosaurus skeleton at the museum, and David realizes that
Susans Aunt is the woman with the million dollar donation and that he has more fun
with crazy Susan than his stuffy fiance.

SUSAN
Certainly you can't think I did
that intentionally!

DAVID
Well, if I could think, I'd have
run when I saw you!
 Bringing Up Baby landed at #24 on Entertainment Weeklys list of 100 Greatest
Movies Of All Time and its still a lot of fun (and a great example of banter). The same
director (Howard Hawks) and the same leading man (Cary Grant) also made the prototype
rom-com that also features rapid-fire banter
HIS GIRL FRIDAY

Though everyone complains about remakes now, in the Golden Age there was no
television and no DVD and BluRay, so once a film had played in cinemas it was retired to
the studios vaults. Though sometimes an older film would pop up on the bottom half of a
double bill with a new film featuring the same star, for the most part there was no way for
the public to see a film once it had left the cinemas So remakes were not just tolerated,
they were often welcomed. The story would be like an old friend dropping into the
cinemas a few years later wearing new clothes. This chapter began with Howard Hawks
The Big Sleep, based on one of the Marlowe mysteries by Raymond Chandler (who
wrote Double Indemnity - its all connected!) but the previous Marlowe film Murder
My Sweet based on the novel Farewell My Lovely was actually the second film based
on that book made in the same year! And the version of The Maltese Falcon that starred
Big Sleeps Humphrey Bogart was the *third* version of that novel made within ten
years! Imagine two remakes of a popular film ten years after the original had been
released!

Just as the second version of The Maltese Falcon featured some sex changes, the
second version of the hit film The Front Page featured a sex change which altered the
dynamics of the film, and made it unlike the original. Instead of a pair of bickering buddy
reporters, His Girl Friday features Cary Grant as reporter Walter Burns and Rosalind
Russell as Hildy Johnson his reporter ex-wife who is about to be married to the most
boring man in the world, insurance agent Bruce Baldwin played by Ralph Bellamy.
Because Walter is still in love with her, he does everything to break up their impending
marriage and win her back.

WALTER
There's been a lamp burning in
the window for ya, honey.

HILDY
Oh, I jumped out that window a
long time ago.
 Walters scheme for keeping Hildy around long enough to make her fiance look like an
idiot involves a convicted murderer sentenced to be executed on the following morning
and the reporter who was supposed to be covering the story stuck in the hospital with a
pregnant wife. Could Hildy do him a favor and interview the condemned man? Only take
a minute. Hildy tells her fiance about the slight delay

BRUCE BALDWIN
He's got a lot of charm.

HILDY
He comes by it naturally. His grandfather
was a snake.

Walter knows that Hildy is a great reporter, and she when she interviews the
condemned man she discovers clues to his innocence that everyone else has ignored and
begins her own investigation. Which means shes working with Walter again, and he can
work his magic on her.

WALTER
Wish you hadn't done that, Hildy.

HILDY
Done what?

WALTER
Divorced me. Makes a fella lose all faith
in himself. Gives him a... almost gives him
a feeling he wasn't wanted.

HILDY
That's what divorces are *for*!

The great thing about this film is that Hildy is no wimpy woman *shes* the ace
reporter and she also gets many of the great lines. One of the keys to banter in a rom-
com is that the two characters must be evenly matched. These days women characters are
girlfriends and wives but seldom *equals*. Banter doesnt work if one of the
characters is dominant because all of the insults become less playful and more real. These
scripts need strong female leads who are just as quick and clever and *powerful* as the
men.

WALTER
Look, Hildy, I only acted like any husband
that didn't want to see his home broken up.

HILDY
What home?

WALTER
"What home"? Don't you remember the home
I promised you?

As Walter schemes against Bruce and tries to win back Hildy, evidence mounts that
the condemned man Williams was innocent and he escapes! Walter and Hildy find him,
and hide him under a desk right in the middle of the press room as the police search the
building.

REPORTER 1
Any dope on how he escaped?

REPORTER 2
Maybe the sheriff let him out so Williams
could vote for him.

Everything gets solved by the end of the film, and Hildy comes to realize that she is
not cut out to be a suburban house wife her character arc showing us her gradual change
back to investigative reporter and she ends up in Walters arms again.
 HILDY
Walter!

WALTER
What?

HILDY
The mayor's first wife, what was her name?

WALTER
You mean the one with the wart on her?

HILDY
Right.

WALTER
Fanny!

Um, where was her wart? Remember that one of the elements of fast paced dialogue is
sentence length. You want to keep the sentences short and to the point so that they can be
fired off like a machine gun! Ben Hecht and Charles MacArthurs The Front Page was
made in 1931, this rom-com version, then in 1945, 1946, 1948, 1949, 1970 (TV), and a
Jack Lemmon and Walter Matthau version directed by Billy Wilder (who directed
Double Indemnity - its all connected!) in 1974 plus a version about TV reporters
starring Christopher Reeves called Switching Channels in 1988. Why do they keep
making it? Great situations and that amazing banter! Hopefully they will keep remaking
your script again and again because of your amazing dialogue. The techniques in this Blue
Book give you a head start now all you need to add is your own talent and wit and all
of those words!

Good luck and keep writing!

- Bill
BONUS MATERIALS

When I first decided to release the Blue Books on the Kindle, Nook, and other e-book
platforms; two things occurred to me: they would no longer be blue and since they
would be less expensive to purchase in electronic form is there some way I could add
material to them to make them even more of a bargain? Charge less, get more! Thats why
Im a whiz at business! Though this Blue Book was rewritten and expanded, in addition to
that I decided to add 4-5 of my daily Script Tips that contain some additional information
on the particular subject of this Blue Book (which is actually gray). Since each Script Tip
is only removed from the vault and put up on the website about every year and a half
(soon to be once every two years), being able to read them whenever you want is a nice
bonus. With the Dialogue Blue Book I did some integrating of tips into existing material
instead of just loading them all up at the end. That way, fewer of the following Script Tips
cover the same material and I can focus on material that is nowhere else in the Blue (gray)
Book.

There are close to 10,000 words of bonus materials and thats like an additional 40
pages! Sure, once every 18 months everyone in the world can read these for free but for
every other day it is only you and the others who own the e-book versions. Included in the
Bonus Material are a couple of articles that originally appeared in Script Magazine that
you wont find anywhere else but here.

Bill
JARGON AND SLANG

A few years back there was a commercial for the Los Angeles Times entertainment
section about a film Production Assistants first day on the job. Everyone is yelling at him
to get something: Get me a high hat! I need a snoot! And the burley Key Grip needs a
spinner right away. The Production Assistant looks up each term he doesnt understand
in a little film dictionary, and gets what was asked for except for that spinner. It isnt
in the book. So he keeps avoiding the Key Grip. Finally, he comes face to face with the
big Key Grip who says, I asked you for a spinner! The Production Assistant admits he
doesnt know what that is, and somebody hands the Key Grip a coffee stirrerwhich he
puts in his cup and spins. Everybody laughs.

That commercial was not only a good illustration of story, its a good illustration of the
difference between JARGON and SLANG.

JARGON is the technical terms used in a specific occupation. George Bernard Shaw
once quipped that Every profession is a conspiracy against the layman. On ER we hear
doctors talk about contusions and lacerations and hemorrhaging and BPs and sinus
rhythms. We can translate those terms into bruises and cuts and bleeding and blood
pressure and heart beat rates but then we wouldnt sound like doctors! Each of those
terms is a real word or abbreviation of words that has an actual meaning. We can go to any
ER in the world and the same terms will be used. Jargon are words with a specific
meaning used in a specific occupation. Because they arent made up you cant substitute
one term for another or make up a term that sounds cool. You cant have Dr. Carter ask
for a red sauce test instead of an ESR. You CAN have him ask for a sed rate test -
thats also medical jargon for an Erythrocyte Sedidentation Rate test which tests the rate at
which red blood cells settle. Its part of the standard blood work done by the lab. Jargon
words have actual meanings that people within that occupation all understand.

SLANG is made up words. Though these words may actually be understood by others
in the occupation, they are not based on read words or abbreviations. On the TV show
NYPD Blue Andy call crooks skels - thats slang. According to William Safire it is a
shortening of (slang term) skellum, meaning a rascal or thief. The word doesnt have a
specific meaning - its a blanket term for low-lifes. Though a slang term may have its roots
in a real word, its sill a bastardization. Its something that may not be understood by
others in the same occupation - skel is only used in New York City. Slang terms tend to
change and evolve because they arent based on actual words or phrases. A sed rate test
isnt going to change - its short for Erythrocyte Sedidentation Rate test which isnt
going to change. But a skel used to be a punk used to be a scumbag used to be a
A skel may be a perp - thats jargon for perpetrator, someone who commits a crime
- but not all skels are perps. You can find perpetrator in your dictionary but you wont
find skellum.

Its important to use correct jargon when writing a script in order to be authentic, but
slang is a much different story. You can play with slang, make up your own slang. You
may do some great research and come away with a list of real slang used by whatever
profession your script involves but if weve heard those slang terms before in a dozen
other movies youll want to come up with something new.

In Clueless they could have used real teen slang, but created their own original slang
which made the movie unique. Hes totally Baldwin is something weve never heard
before which adds to the creativity and entertainment value of the film. Also, todays
real slang changes so fast, by the time your film hits theaters bad may have gone back to
meaning bad and confuse the audience. When youre making up slang put yourself in the
shoes of your character to see the world as they see it. In a script about computer
programmers they insult someone by calling them a crasher because having your
computer crash is the worst thing that can happen. Even if real programmers use different
slang, you arent being inaccurate because slang changes and evolves.

Ill bet actual high school kids were using the made up slang from Cluesless after
the film came out but they still called them S.A.T.s. Be accurate with jargon and be
creative with slang.

Your Assignment: Your script is about people doing community service work
cleaning up trash from the side of the highway to pay off speeding tickets.

Come up with the slang terms for any 10 of these:

The road
The county transport van
The bags they put the trash in
The sticks they use to poke & pick up refuse
The shoulder of the road
The Sheriff who monitors them
The orange vests they wear
The fastest worker
The slowest worker
A habitual speeder who does this every weekend
The newbie
Paper refuse
Food refuse
Cigarette butts
Dead animals
Discarded clothing
The other side of the road
The white line on the road
LAME CONFESSIONS

You know Basil Exposition from the Austin Powers movies who jumps in to tell
Austin and the audience what happened, or explain how something works, or what Doctor
Evil is up to? Well, Basil has a cousin named Prompter.

The first rule of screenwriting is *show dont tell*, create situations so that the
audience can *experience* the story through actions, rather than have someone tell you
what happened. Create a situation so that we can *experience* emotions, rather than have
a character tell you how he feels. Use dramatic conversation (built around a conflict)
rather than a big steaming pile of exposition. Create choices that demonstrate a characters
thought process rather than have a character tell you what hes thinking. We want our film
to be an experience, not a lecture.

V For Vendetta seems to be a love it or hate it movie. Some critics think its brilliant,
others think its awful. On a message board someone theorized that the folks who dislike
the film may be conservatives who dont like the films revolutionary message. Well, I
disliked it for completely different reasons - I thought it was exposition heavy. And thats
what most of the negative reviews say (The L.A. Times complained about the lengthy
speeches, The New Yorker noted that Theres a big drop in excitement every time V and
little Evey discuss life and art in the shadow gallery, Newsweek said Extremely talky.
The Wachowskis presence is felt not just in the movies imagery, in the slow-mo shot of
raindrops and in the vapor trails that follow Vs ching-chinging knives, but in the endless
scenes in which people sit around *explaining* stuff, the Washington Post called it D
For Disappointing, the Chicago Tribune said it grinds on, growing increasingly flabby
and yakky, and the Dallas Morning News said V for Vendetta engages in lots of
speechifying about the importance of ideas and the freedom to question them. Ironically,
though, the movie doesnt really seem to have any ideas of its own.) - not much about
politics but a whole lot about the endless exposition. And most of those papers are not
owned by Rupert Murdoch. I actually think the people who love this film, love it for the
politics and turn a blind eye to the many flaws.

I saw the movie with three friends on opening night, and none of us liked it. All of us
thought the same thing (which is unusual, by the way - we never agree on anything) - way
too much non-dramatic expositional speeches. Let me tell you what happened to me
And then we get five minutes of talk instead of allowing us to actually *experience* the
scene. And I have no idea why we got about a ten minute grade school-to-death story
about a character who really has nothing to do with this story. Sure, shes oppressed, but
shes also dead when the film begins. In scene after scene, characters explain what is
happening as if this is the frozen panel of a graphic novel instead of a moving picture.

When we have two cops sitting there talking to each other about the case instead of a
scene where the cops actually discover information through investigation, you know were
in trouble. The detective in this film (Stephen Rea) never moves - hes frozen in a comic
book panel, too - he just stands there and explains what happened at the crime scene to his
underling (whose only purpose is to stand there and listen to his boss). In most of the
scenes that two detectives are sitting in a room talking about the case - not moving, and
certainly not doing anything to solve or investigate the case. I wanted to yell at the screen
- It wont solve itself! You have to *do something*!

As for the films point - they talk about it endlessly yet managed to sum it up one
line: governments should be afraid of their people, making the rest of the endless gabfest
redundant. I dont need to be sledgehammered with the point in one talk scene after
another Actually, Id rather figure out the point on my own based on what the characters
actually *do*. Actions speak louder than words.

I read a review that said the film started great and fell apart at the end - I think the
opposite is true. The film started out crappy (V goes on and on with alliteration until I
want to kill him and its a completely static scene. Evey just sits there and listens for
five minutes do you know *anyone* who just listens to someone rattling on-and-on?
We get thats he clever after a handful of words, so lets get going!) and continued to be an
exposition-fest until Act 3 where we suddenly get something happening the masks are
delivered and the rioting begins and then we have a fantastic end with the crowd
wearing masks at the end fireworks display (and the underground scene - all of it pretty
good dramatic and cinematic stuff). I thought the end was good enough to make me forget
to ask where he got all of those masks and capes made and how he got them all delivered
on the same day in a world where the government regularly listens in to what normal
people say at the dinner table.

In The Incredibles, the sure-fire way to get the upper-hand on a comic book villain is
to get them monologuing - but in V For Vendetta all of the characters are
monologuing. Maybe those long speeches work in a graphic novel where characters are
locked into panels and have no choice, but in a movie we need to find ways to express the
story through *movement*. Actions. Doing things. Exposition is the real enemy.
PROMPTER EXPOSITION

A few years ago at the Raindance Film Festival one of the films went to new lengths to
have characters *tell* the audience information

Orphan was about a Boston hitman who becomes guardian angel to the
daughter of one of his victims. After murdering her father, he takes it upon himself
to buy her gifts, set up a college fund, and even name a star after her. For at least
75% of the script they have no scenes together - each living in their own little
world. Since the two main character arent in any scenes together for most of the
film and cant have a relationship, let alone a conversation, the script used good
old Prompter Exposition. Hes the character who is always asking questions like
And then what happened? and How did that make you feel? and I thought you
two were friends? All this guy does is ask leading questions! Instead of having a
conversation with the hero, hes only there to set up exposition.

Orphan has the hitman-hero calling his favorite operator at the Psychic
Hotline constantly so that she can ask him leading questions that result in pages
of exposition. We end up with a rambling internal monologue thinly disguised as
telephone conversation and a dozen static scenes of a man talking on a phone.

Though you might believe a hitman might confess all of these things to a total stranger
through the anonymity of the psychic hotline, it still rings false. Nobody actually tells
anyone what theyre thinking, what their most private feelings are. So even if it didnt
bring the film to a grinding halt, these long confessional scenes dont work. The obvious
answer is to take these characters out of their separate worlds and have them interact - to
have a relationship between the two lead characters, so that they can talk to each other
instead of each having alternating confession scenes (he with his psychic, she with her
boyfriend who only exists to ask those leading questions). The writer seemed to be afraid
of getting these two characters together, afraid of creating an actual dramatic situation! So
we end up with dueling monologues.

A few years ago I was at the Temecula Film Festival, and saw the feature Discord
about a pop-star violinist who realizes her music is being treated as a product rather than
as art, and quits the biz. She and her composer husband move to a beach house where
the role of Prompter Exposition is played by an old beachcomber who is always asking her
How do you feel? so that she can do a 5 page monologue about the commercialization
of art. She also talks directly to the camera for no reason, and theres a retired police
detective who handles the plot exposition by either talking outloud or phoning his wife or
the police station to make a monologue-report. Instead of dramatizing the story, the
characters tell us what they are feeling or thinking or what happened when they were kids.

The big problem is that they are telling us what has already happened instead of just
showing us what happened while it was happening. We end up with a past tense movie
where the drama has already happened (offscreen) and we are left with one character
telling another what happened. No drama there - the conflict is already dead. The reason
why screenplays are written in present tense is that its about what is happening *right
now* - as we watch. Not what happened earlier. Not a character telling you what he will
do in the future. Movies are about *whats happening now* - as we watch! So dont have
characters talk about what theyve done, show them actually doing it!

Our job as screenwriters is to find a way to demonstrate thoughts and feelings through
actions (something we can see) - and to *dramatize* scenes like so that the audience
participates in the emotions. Instead of one character telling another about an argument
(thats telling), *show* us the argument as it happens. Having someone tell us how they
feel has no effect on the audience, we need to create a scene where the audience shares
those feelings. Our job is to give the audience an emotional experience.

And no speechifying!

Beware of shrinks, friends, lawyers, phone conversations, police interrogations, people

who talk to themselves, court room scenes, voice over, priests in confessionals, dictating
into a tape recorder, and any other situation where Prompter Exposition might pop up to
ask a leading question. Movies tell stories in pictures, through the actions of characters
and dramatic dialogue (with a conflict) can you skip the dialogue in your script and still
understand the character? Do you have any scenes where characters talk about what
happened earlier (if so, get rid of them)? Is your dialogue actually *dialogue* (two or
more people talking)?

Dont tell us what happened, show us while it is happening.

BUMPER STICKER DIALOGUE

I was browsing Cafe Press and noticed dozens of T shirts for sale that sport lines of
dialogue from hit films. Well ignore the copyright issues for a moment and focus on how
amazing this is. A screenwriter types a line of dialogue, and actor speaks that line on
screen, then someone swipes it and puts it on a T shirt and hundreds of people actually
buy that shirt and wear that line of dialogue. They wear it!

Hide The Rum!

My name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die!
I believe you have my stapler
I want my two dollars!
Now I have a machine gun. Ho-ho-ho!
Franks and beans!
I am serious and dont call me Shirley!
This is my boomstick!
Porch monkey for life (Im taking it back)
How much for one rib?
Excuse me, I speak jive.
Ill be back.
Tomorrow is another day.
Youre so money, baby!
If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball.

And 7,130 others! Think about that for a minute. Then think about all of the great lines
from movies - you, know, the ones you remember years after seeing the film. The lines
that bring back memories of the film when you hear them (or see them on a T shirt).
Years ago, I was talking with Pat Duncan (Courage Under Fire) about what he called
Bumper Sticker Dialogue - those lines like Go ahead, make my day that end up on
bumper stickers and T shirts. Pat did a rewrite on my favorite Chuck Norris movie, and
one of his lines ended up on a bumper sticker! You dont get any extra pay for that, but
knowing that something you wrote was good enough to stick on the back of someones
new Mercedes is kind of heady. All of us want to write something that stands the test of
time, but most of us think about the entire script how about writing that great line of
dialogue that everyone will be quoting for years to come?

No one really wants realistic dialogue in their film, what they wants is dialogue that
*appears* to be realistic, but really serves a story and character purpose. Movie dialogue
should be all of those great lines we come up with the day after the argument. Every line
should be a I wish Id thought of that! line. Of course, some lines will work and others
will be just okay, but you have to try to make them ALL gems, or youll end up with
some just okay lines and the rest not very good at all! Push yourself to do the best every
step of the way! Really try to come up with those great lines that people will be quoting
for years to come.

As I said earlier in the book, one of my favorite movies is Richard Brooks The
Professionals, a western about a team of four of the best guns in the west who travel
south of the border to rescue the kidnapped wife of wealthy railroad baron. You could take
every line from that movie and put it on a T shirt! Every line seems realistic - its exactly
what the character would say in the situation, but is so carefully crafted that it hits the
bullseye. Here are some random examples:

Your hair was darker then.

My heart was lighter then.

I have the highest respect for him as a soldier.

Certain women have a way of changing boys into men and men back into boys.

Whats the proposition?

Well, you wont lose your pants your life, maybe.

Well Ill be damned!

Most of us are.

These horses will have to do.

I can make a horse run, but I cant make it do.

Those and many more are in the first 13 minutes of The Professionals (including the
title sequence). Its a great film, you should check it out. Dialogue like this may seem
intimidating, but nobody actually comes up with stuff off the top of their heads (okay,
maybe a few geniuses can, but not me). There are three ways to end up with dialogue like
this:

1) Keep notecards in your pocket and whenever you come up with some great line of
dialogue or bit, jot it down. Eventually you have a few pages of great lines, and you put
them in your script as if you came up with them off the top of your head. You may end
up with ten years of great lines in one script.

2) Rewriting. Work the lines over and over again until you come up with some thing
much better than that line that came off the top of your head. Most people dont spend
enough time rewriting their dialogue - really playing with it until they come up with
something great.

3) Note that The Professionals great dialogue *is* dialogue - it is two people
talking. Most of those great lines are punchlines in response to the other characters set
up. You always want the set ups to be invisible - part of normal conversation. But
having a set up makes the witty response easier - it is only half of the dialogue exchange,
and the set up does some of the heavy lifting. So when you are coming up with lines or
rewriting later, dont think *one* line has to be this amazing witty line, you have the set
up line from the other guy that does much of the work taking the pressure off that great
response line.

I always have notecards *and* rewrite my dialogue. Go through your script line by
line and try to find the most clever, witty, way to say each line.
ACTOR PROOFING YOUR DIALOGUE

Timing is everything in comedy and one thing we cant really write. That is brought
in through performance.

Things we do control are situation and the actual words within the material. So thats
where I concentrate. I dont write comedy I write movies that often end up starring non-
actors who are pro athletes. So I can not depend on the acting (delivery) of any line. I have
to create an actor proof script. A script where *I* do the acting through my writing. That
means I have to create a strong emotional situation that Wilson the volleyball could win an
Oscar for. Then find lines of dialogue that have double meanings or are packed with
emotion - again, something that will work if the actor reads it off a cue card in a
monotone. Basically, my script is carrying the actor.

And that is not easy, but I think some of those things translate to comedy writing. The
material has to be funny just sitting there on the page, not dependent on an actor to add
that zing that makes it funny. That zing is the bonus.

Bonus - here are some interesting bits of dialogue from the same movie. Can you
guess which one?

A pocket fulla firecrackers - looking for a match!

Way up high, Sam, where its always balmy. Where no one snaps his fingers and
says, Hey, Shrimp, rack the balls! Or, Hey, mouse, mouse, go out and buy me a pack of
butts. I dont want tips from the kitty. Im in the big game with the big players In brief,
from now on, the best of everything is good enough for me.

The next time you want information, dont scratch for it like a dog, ask for it like a
man!

Who could love a man who makes you jump through burning hoops like a trained
poodle?

Youre dead, son. Get yourself buried.

 Its a dirty job, but I pay clean money for it.

What am I, a bowl of fruit? A tangerine that peels in a minute?

Youve got more twists than a barrel of pretzels!

I dont relish shooting a mosquito with an elephant gun, so why dont you just shuffle
along?

Maybe I left my sense of humor in my other suit.

Id hate to take a bite outta you. Youre a cookie full of arsenic.

Dont remove the gangplank, you may wanna get back onboard.

Dont do anything I wouldnt do! That gives you a lot of leeway

Crow like a hen. You have just laid an egg.

Tell me sir, when he dies, do you think hell go to the dog and cat heaven?

Start thinking with your head instead of your hips.

This syrup youre giving out with you pour over waffles, not over me.

Different characters in the same movie from 1957. Stylized dialogue, like from the
film Juno. Nobody talks like that, you say! But its a movie, not reality. Movie dialogue
has always been clever, witty, interesting - thats why we quote it, instead of quoting what
the clerk at Safeway said about paper or plastic.

In fact, even in realistic movies, nobody talks like the characters talk. Realistic
dialogue isnt real - its crafted to sound real, but more clever, witty, and concise.
 You want the best possible dialogue in your screenplay - dialogue that shows us the
character, and is memorable enough that the reader will be talking about it for years to
come after theyve made the movie. Someday, you may be complaining that your
dialogue is on everybodys T shirt or bumper sticker and you didnt make a cent.

If I want your opinion, Ill beat it out of you. - written by Pat Duncan.
LOOSENING UP

Everybody wants tight dialogue, but nobody wants stiff dialogue. We want our
dialogue to be limber and relaxed. To do that we need to loosen it up, get rid of those
complete sentences that make our characters sound as if their 3rd grade teacher was in the
room waiting to correct them. We want our dialogue to sound, loose, unplanned and
improvised as if our characters were just making it up as they go along. The movie
Juno has clever dialogue, but it seems like characters are making it up as they go along.
It sounds real for those particular characters - and that is movie real rather than real
real. You want dialogue to have the *appearance* of reality, but not the boredom of real
dialogue. You want *entertaining* dialogue.

If you were to take a tape recorder out into the real world and record an actual
conversation you would find very few complete sentences. When I did this several years
ago, I ended up getting one guy who spoke only in belches - different tones had different
meanings. That might be too realistic for a movie, but an episode of West Wing once
had Sam Seaborn replying to almost every sentence with variations of Yeah. Resigned
Yeah, enthusiastic Yeah, bored Yeah, and even that special reading of Yeah that
means not on your life.

Usually I can hear the character speaking in my head (yes, I am crazy). But that
doesnt mean it just flows out perfectly, I still need to work with it. And sometimes a
character starts out one way and then something happens in rewrites that makes the
character come alive and I have to rewrite the dialogue to fit the new (improved)
character.

So many things are part of making dialogue sound natural. The main thing is to make
sure the dialogue doesnt have to carry the story - the actions of the characters tell the
story. That frees up dialogue to be playful and interesting. Also, make sure none of your
characters knows what the other *means* exactly. In real life we dont really know what
the other person is after, so were trying to figure it out as we speak. Think of how lines
can be misunderstood, how conversation can be side-tracked to what the character
*thinks* the other fellow is talking about. This exposes character.

Dialogue can seem stiff and overly mannered for many reasons. One is the over-use of
personal pronouns. In a novel you might have a character say That might be dangerous,
Joe because we need to be reminded of who is talking and who they are talking to. On
screen that information is given to us visually - we can SEE that hes talking to Joe. So
calling characters by name is giving the audience redundant information. Shouldnt he
KNOW hes talking to Joe? If we can see Joe up there on screen, why cant he? So go
through your dialogue and try to eliminate every personal pronoun. Dont worry about the
audience not knowing your characters name - thats not as important as you think it is.
We never learn the name of Joan Fontaines characters name in Rebecca and that
film won the Oscar for Best Picture more on that film in an upcoming Hitchcock book.
LATE START

Next treat your dialogue exactly like you treat your scenes - start when the sentence
gets good and finish when theres no more information. That means youll probably end
up with what my third grade teacher Mrs. Klauser called sentence fragments, but we
arent trying to get an A in English, here, were trying to create realistic sounding
dialogue. Often I will go through the script and cut the first word or two from each
sentence. Youd be surprised how often these words arent needed, and in real life unused.
Sometimes you have to keep an eye on this - as if often creates a specific sound to the
dialogue that might make all of your characters sound alike. You want *individualized*
dialogue for all of your characters, so you may end up chopping the first couple of words
off the sentences for one of your characters and leaving the rest alone or maybe finding
some other way to loosen up dialogue for another character.

Remember that the root word of conversation is converse, and that dialogue is going to
be a verbal battle between two people - they are bound to cut each other off before they
finish their sentences.

Redundant information of any kind needs to be cut from dialogue. Instead of saying I
think that you are an idiot! a character is going to say Youre an idiot! We KNOW its
what they think, so thats redundant information. In real life, people use contractions and
leave out words and jump right into the middle of a conversation if the other person knows
what they are talking about. We dont need to explain every detail of things that happened
before, we can allow the audience to play catch-up. The audience doesnt have to know
what the conversation is about before the conversation, you can reveal important
information DURING the conversation. If Jane is talking to Betty about her ex-husband
Jack, we dont need to have her say: You know my ex- husband Jack? at the beginning
of the conversation. If its critical for the audience to know that Jack is her ex-husband,
she can just start complaining about Jack, and have Betty reply, You married him and
have Jane counter with, And divorced him. Instead of getting exposition, its broken into
conversation. WE want our dialogue to bounce back and forth between characters, gaining
energy and momentum like a super-ball. We want dialogue to move so fast that theres no
time for those complete sentences our 3rd grade English teachers would approve of. Get
rid of stiff dialogue by loosening up your conversations.

Film dialogue gives the appearance of realism, but is *better* than real dialogue.
VOICE OVER

You may have noticed that Sin City has voice over narration. It fits the films pulpy
roots - the old Film Noirs of the 1940s and Roman Noirs of the 1930s and 1940s. Tough
guy stuff. But wait - isnt Voice Over Narration one of the two big no-nos in
screenwriting? Shouldnt someone from the Film Police take Robert Rodriguez out and
shoot him? Shouldnt he at least be kicked out of Hollywood (or Austin)?

The reason why everyone says Never use flashbacks or voice over narration is that
most of the time they are used wrong. 95% of the scripts they read with flashbacks and
voice over narration suck because the writer used both techniques to plug plot holes with a
big chunk of verbal or visual exposition. The problem is, some of the greatest movies ever
made have voice over - what would Sunset Blvd. be like without that typical monkey
funeral narration?

One of my all time favorite undiscovered flicks, Pulp starring Michael Caine, uses
voice over narration. Its about a novelist who writes tough guy action books, who takes a
job writing the memoirs of a real mobster and the narration is pure tough guy pulp - all
of the cliches. What makes the film funny is that the tough guy narration is at counterpoint
to the reality of the wimpy novelist. Like every other bookworm, hes not exactly an
action hero.

Often the narration describes him beating the heck out of the bad guys, while the
picture shows the bad guys beating the heck out of the hero! And thats where the much of
films humor comes from. To remove the narration would remove much of the humor and
kill the film! The story would still work, it just wouldnt be *funny*. The resulting film
would be a semi-serious movie about a writer who gets in over his head with the mob
and a mob hit man - the late, great Al Letari dressed as a nun - is tracking him down.

So - is voice over a good thing or a bad thing? If Billy Wilder can use it in classics like
Sunset Blvd. and Double Indemnity, why cant the rest of us? Is it something that
only working pros can use? Or must we give up our DGA & WGA cards and move to
Texas if we want to use VO narration?

Its much easier for some Screenwriting Guru to say Never use voice over narration
than it is to explain *why* you shouldnt use voice over in most cases but *should* use
voice over in other cases. This is complicated, may be difficult to understand at first, but
here goes:
 1) Voice Over and Flash Backs are STYLES - that is, they dont just pop up here
and there in the story. The entire story uses flashbacks or voice over. Sunset Blvd. is a
narrated movie - the whole thing has a voice over. Same with Don Roos darkly funny
The Opposite Of Sex. The voice over doesnt just pop up in the middle of the film. Look
at any of those great films that use voice over narration and youll note that the *whole
film* is narrated. One of the indicators that VO is being used to plug a plot hole is when it
only pops up here and there - right where the plot holes are. Hmm, thats kind of
suspicious! If you find yourself only needing the narration here and there, you are
probably using it for evil rather than good and you should probably just get rid of it.

2) Voice Over isnt used to tell the story - its used to comment on the story already
being told through actions and dialogue. Remember, film is a *visual* medium. That
doesnt mean dialogue is unimportant. But if you arent using the picture part to tell the
story, youre wasting film. You dont want a big chunk of narrative exposition telling your
story, you want the audience to *experience* your story through what the characters SAY
and DO. If the narration is telling us the story, what makes it a movie? Why dont you just
stand in front of an audience and *read* the narration? Skip the whole film thing. Moving
pictures are stories told through *moving pictures*. Dont tell us with the narration, show
us - let us see and hear what happens.

3) You should be able to remove Voice Over Narration and the entire script still
makes perfect sense. We still understand every characters motivations, we still
understand the connections and relationships between characters, we still understand what
happens. The script doesnt *need* the voice over narration - you arent using it as a
crutch or to cover up story problems.

Narration is often mis-used as a way to get inside a characters head - its thought
balloons. The problem with using narration to get inside a characters head is that it isnt
*visceral* - its intellectual. Words have to be processed by the audience - we have to
convert the words into feelings. They arent actual feelings. If I show you a man kicking a
puppy, *you* create the feelings yourself. *You* experience the feelings. No processing
required. So you want to find ways to convert thoughts and feelings into *experiences*
rather than just have the character tell you about them. Make the story first hand instead of
something related verbally. You want to make sure you are using the narration for the right
reasons. If youre using narration to hide lazy writing, youre better off just getting rid of
it. If you *cant* get rid of the narration and still have a script that works, your script
doesnt work fix the danged script!

4) Voice over is never used to plug plot holes One of the reasons why Voice Over
Narration has a bad name is that its often used to fix screwed up films. When they used
to have a film where the story didnt make any sense, or they had to chop a half hour out
of the middle of he story for running time, or the film had some other big problem; the
studio would try to fix it with narration. They were plugging holes. So Voice Over
Narration became one of those signs that a movie sucked, along with no critic screenings
and the words Starring Ben Affleck. Though so many *great* films use narration, there
are probably many many more bad ones that do. So when a producer sees narration in
your script they may worry the narration might be seen as a negative. Why buy a script
with a negative element?

5) Voice Over adds an *additional layer* to the story. Think of it as the icing on the
cake. Its not the cake. You can eat the cake without the icing, but its even better *with*
the icing.

The TV show Burn Notice is a good example - you could strip away all of the voice
over and still have a great show. If you have never seen it, the series is a variation on the
private eye show, but instead of a PI we have ex-spy Michael Weston (Jeffrey Donovan)
who has been burned by his agency: his identity erased, his credit history erased, his
credit *cards* and bank accounts gone along with his passport and birth certificate. He
can not get a job or drive a car or leave the country or do anything that requires him to
have an identity. He is stuck in Miami, Florida so he rents himself out to people who
need problems solved but dont want to go to the police, as he tries to find out who burned
him and why.

The B Story in every episode has Weston finding some clue to who burned him, and
the A Story has someone in trouble coming to him for help, and he had his two friends -
Hard-as-nails sniper / ex-girlfriend Fiona (the always hot Gabrielle Anwar) and Boozy ex-
military guy Sam Axe (the always funny Bruce Campbell) - and sometimes his retired
mom (the ultra-mom-like Sharon Gless) help them out.

The show would work perfectly without voice over, because the VO is the icing on the
cake - in this case, footnotes. So the dialogue might be Weston saying, Let me get a gun
and the visual might be him opening a drawer with 5 guns inside, grabbing one and
shoving it in his pocket But the VO gives us the technical details - the footnotes - on the
gun. Make, model, stopping power, range of accuracy, muzzle velocity, and anything else
that makes us feel like insiders in Westons world. We dont just get the story, we get the
detailed footnotes that are cool to know, but not really required. You could read a whole
book and ignore all of the footnotes - most people do. So the VO on the show is not
required not the cake, but the sweet icing that makes the show unique and really cool.
 6) Voice Over is often used with book ended stories - where we begin after the story
is over and flash back to the story in progress. American Beauty does this very well.
Again - you could remove the Voice Over from American Beauty and the story would
still make perfect sense.. We just wouldnt have Lesters funny commentary on the story.

Same thing with Pulp: wed still get the whole story of novelist Michael Caine
writing a gangsters tell-all biography and meeting up with other mobsters who would
rather he not *tell all*, but wed miss the comedy that comes from the contrast between
the tough guy Caine imagines himself as, and the wimpy writer he really is. Sunset
Blvd. would work perfectly but we wouldnt get William Holdens sarcastic
commentary on the film biz. That commentary is an additional layer - its icing on the
cake.

7) Your Voice Over better be damned funny who wants a cake spoiled by crappy
icing? If the Voice Over doesnt make an already great script even better, its best to just
leave it out. If the narration isnt making a great story even better, its just taking up space,
isnt it? Because Voice Over is never *required to tell the story* a Voice Over that doesnt
really kick ass is adding weakness to a perfectly good story. It will drag your whole script
down! So make sure your narration *rocks*! Make sure its as good as Billy Wilders
narration in Sunset Blvd. - If it isnt as good as Wilders - get rid of it!

Voice Over Narration isnt evil. It can be used by new screenwriters as well as old
pros. The problem is, narration can be used for good or for evil. Using it the wrong way
makes your script suck really bad - and we dont want that. So use it with caution. Make
sure you are using voice over narration for the right reasons - to add that additional layer
to your script. Dont give in to the dark side!
MORE ON SUBTEXT

Layers of dialogue are called subtext. The first level of dialogue is the meaning of the
words - the primary goal of the speaker. If you spot an empty seat next to someone in a
crowded theater, you might ask Is that seat taken? But the tone of your question and
your choice of words will change if you are talking to a mean-looking biker or an
attractive member of the opposite sex. Theres a second level of meaning - a second goal.
You either dont want to get beaten up, or you may be hoping for romantic possibilities.

A good example can be found in an episode of the TV show The Closer - Homicide
detective Brenda (Kyra Sedgwick) and her boyfriend FBI agent Fritz (Jon Tenney) have
been renting a home together in Los Angeles, and one morning while showering together
Fritz suggests that they buy a house, so they arent just pouring rent money down the
drain. He has even found a house

FRITZ
Four bedrooms, ranch style, big backyard,
pool, custom gourmet kitchen.

BRENDA
And it's within our price range?

FRITZ
Yeah.

BRENDA
Where's it located?

FRITZ
New copper plumbing, new electric, new
roof.
 BRENDA
Where, though?

FRITZ
Great school district.

BRENDA
Fritzy, where is it?

FRITZ
Calabasas.

Which is way the heck out in the hinterlands of Los Angeles County. Brenda thinks
its too far. The discussion is interrupted by a call - and the episodes murder plot. But they
get back to talking about the house later in the episode. Brenda has come up with an
alternative house in their price range in the Hollywood Hills.

BRENDA
The house is between your work and mine.

FRITZ
Two bedrooms, office, pool, great views.
I take it, then, you aren't interested in
what school district we buy into?

BRENDA
I don't think we need to worry about
schools, really.

FRITZ
I see.
 BRENDA
If you absolutely have your heart set
on a bigger place...

FRITZ
A bigger place has to be something we
both want. Maybe in this case smaller
is better.

Okay, folks - are they talking about buying a house? Or something else? The dialogue
is all about buying a house, the location and size of the house. But what they are really
discussing is the future of their relationship and what that relationship entails. Subtext is
whats being said *between the lines*.

When I was at the Raindance Film Festival last year I saw a great film from Japan
called Vacation, about a 40 year old prison guard on death row, Hirai, who is about to be
married for the first time to a widow with a young son. In order to get two weeks off for
his honeymoon, he volunteers to be one of two guards who will handle a prisoner during
an execution.

This film has a great example of subtext: Hirai and his fianc are meeting a weeding
planner, and the son wanders away. The fiance goes into a panic, and they search the
grounds for him. Hirai finds the boy sleeping with his drawings in a hiding place, calls his
fiance on his cell phone and she comes over. He picks up the sleeping boy, and his fiance
asks if the boy is too heavy for him to carry. That line is *not* about the weight of the boy,
but about whether Hirai is really ready to be a father. Ready to care for her child. Subtext
is a second layer of meaning in a line of dialogue, often something that can not be said
overtly. Though this is a small story, the writing was complex and precise and very
realistic.

Does your dialogue have a second (or even third) level of meaning? Its not only what
is said, but HOW its said thats important.
SUSPENSE? JUST ADD A WEAPON!

Keeping the audience on the edge of their seat is the function of SUSPENSE.
Suspense is not the same as action, nor is it the same as surprise. Suspense is the
ANTICIPATION of action. The longer you draw out the anticipation, the greater the
suspense.

Hitchcock explained; Two men are having an innocent little chat. Let us suppose that
there is a bomb underneath the table between them. Nothing happens, then all of the
sudden, BOOM! There is an explosion. The audience is surprised, but prior to this
surprise, it has been an absolutely ordinary scene, of no special consequence.

Now let us take a SUSPENSE situation. The bomb is underneath the table, but the
audience knows it Probably because they have seen the villain place it there. The
audience is aware that the bomb is going to explode at one Oclock, and there is a clock in
the decor. It is a quarter to one. In this situation, the same innocuous conversation
becomes fascinating, because the audience is longing to warn the characters on the screen:
Theres a bomb beneath you, and its about to explode!

In the first case, we have given the audience fifteen seconds of SURPRISE at the
moment of the explosion. In the second case, we have provided them with fifteen
MINUTES of SUSPENSE.

Suspense adds spice to any scene - it doesnt have to be a thriller or action script.
Comedies frequently use suspense many of the laughs in About A Boy come from the
anticipation that Rachel Weisz may discover that Nicholas Hoult is not really Hugh
Grants son. Every lie Hugh Grant tells is a ticking bomb that we know will eventually
blow up in his face. Even though you can use suspense in comedies and dramas and
musicals and romances, the most common place to use suspense is in a thriller.

Unfaithful takes a dramatic scene and creates suspense just by adding a weapon.
Bland suburbanite Edward Sumner (Richard Gere) has discovered that his sexy wife
Connie (Diane Lane) is having an affair with a hunky SoHo book dealer named Paul
Martel (Olivier Martinez) and goes to confront him. This is a dramatic situation made
volatile and dangerous just by showing us a very sharp butchers knife sitting on the table
near the two men. A deadly weapon within easy reach.
 SUMNER
How did you? Meet my wife?

MARTEL
By accident. On the street. There was
a wind storm, she bumped into me and --

SUMNER
You're him.

MARTEL
She told you about that?

SUMNER
Yes. This is where you meet?

Martel glances at the knife.

MARTEL
Yes.

SUMNER
And she likes it?

MARTEL
Well, I guess - she never complained.

SUMNER
Do you stay in all the time? Or do you
go out, too?
 MARTEL
It depends. Sometimes yes, we go out.

Martel moves closer to the table... and the knife.

SUMNER
She likes this neighborhood?

MARTEL
Yes. More exciting than the suburbs, I guess.

SUMNER
We've been married eleven years. We have
a son.

MARTEL
Yeah. She told me.

SUMNER
He's the reason why we left the city.
Connie thought it would be better for him.

MARTEL
Oh? She said it was your idea.

SUMNER
You talk about me?
 Sumner picks up a snow globe near the bed.

SUMNER
Where did you get this?

MARTEL
It was a Gift.

Sumner twists the globe and it begins playing a music box tune.

MARTEL
I didn't know it made music.

SUMNER
Why would she do that?

MARTEL
Maybe she just wanted to buy me something.

SUMNER
She didn't buy it. I gave it to her. I'm
feeling sick.

MARTEL
You want some water?

Sumner sits down on the bed. In his hands the snow globe keeps playing the
tune.
 SUMNER
I'm feeling sick. I'm not well.
I'm not feeling well.

Sumner SLAMS the snow globe onto Martel's head... killing him.

Just having that knife on the table instantly creates suspense. We know that either man
might grab for it at any time - and that makes the conversation exciting. Will Martel say
something to set Sumner off? You think that more exciting than the suburbs crack is
going to do it - but Sumner maintains control. That knife is right there - will Martel grab it
and kill Sumner? Tension builds. We wait for someone to grab that knife. We anticipate
the action - and that turns a dramatic conversation into a real edge-of-the-seat experience.

There is a great scene in Kill Bill 2 where Uma Thurman (the bride) confronts David
Carradine (Bill) as he is making sandwiches. It is a tense conversation, made *intense* by
Carradine using a big shiny sharp knife to make the sandwiches - you keep waiting for
him to throw it at her. This would have been a normal scene - tense, but not life
threatening - if Carradine had been stirring tomato soup with a wooden spoon. No threat
from the spoon. But we know what he can do with that shiny sharp knife. If Uma says or
does the wrong thing - he could easily kill her. This ups the suspense in a conversation
scene.

The opening scene of the classic Private Eye movie Murder My Sweet has Philip
Marlowe (Dick Powell) quitting work for the day, taking his gun off and putting it on his
desk, then sitting back in his desk chair and looking out his office window at the city
when he sees a reflection in the window of a man standing behind him. A *huge* man.
Moose Malloy (Mike Mazurki) enters the office and sits on Marlowes desk, next to the
gun, and demands that Marlowe help him find the girlfriend who he lost track of while he
was in prison. Throughout the whole conversation, that gun is between the angry ex-con
and Marlowe - adding tension to the scene and creating suspense. Eventually, Marlowe
must carefully remove the gun without making it look threatening to Malloy even more
suspense. The great things about this scene is that it is that typical exposition-filled scene
where the client hired the private eye, but with that gun on the desk between them we
hardly even notice the exposition.

Tension is unresolved conflict. The conflict has to exist below the surface, and it has to
threaten to erupt at any minute. When you throw a gun or a knife into the scene, the
tension escalates.

Want to add suspense to your dramatic conversation? Just add a weapon!

FOREIGN TONGUES

Whether youre writing a script about an spy going behind enemy lines during the
Cold War, a comedy about a couple on the verge of divorce taking a package tour of
Europe, or an epic romance like The English Patient youre going to run into characters
who dont speak English. How do you write that in a script? Do you look up the words in
a German-English dictionary? Do you write it all in English and pay someone to translate
it for you later? Or is there a special format thing to do when people speak a foreign
language in a film script?

The first thing to consider is your audience. A film delivers information to the
audience and your script should deliver the same information to the reader. What do you
want the audience to know? Do you want them to understand the person speaking
German? Or be confused?

Think of your lead character. They are the audience surrogate. Do THEY speak
German? Is the audience supposed to know what these German-speaking people are
saying? How will they know what they are saying? Is your lead character supposed to
know what these German-speaking people are saying? How will he know what they are
saying? Usually the audience and lead character get the same information - so the answer
to the above questions will be the same.

If the lead character and audience dont understand German, it doesnt matter what
they are saying. We dont understand it. They could be talking about their pet goldfish for
all we know. In that case, you might just say they are having a conversation in German (in
your action), or maybe even do something like this:

KLAUS

(mile a minute German)

BERNARD

(replies in German)
 You dont need to write what they actually say, because the audience (and reader) will
never know what they actually say.

I have a script called Viper Force about commandos behind enemy lines who are
discovered by a patrol. They try to bluff their way out by answering Da or Nyet to
anything that is said to them. We have no idea what they are agreeing or disagreeing with.
They get some strange looks from some of their answers. Eventually they answer
something completely wrong and the patrol draw their weapons. We never know where
they screwed up - we have no idea what they were being asked.

If we are supposed to understand what they are saying, you might use subtitles. But its
almost impossible to create a situation where the audience understands German with
subtitles, but your lead character isnt supposed to understand. Cant he just look down
and read the subtitles?

This was a big problem in adapting Michael Crichtons Congo - in the novel, only
one character speaks sign language, and a major part of the story is how he chooses to
translate what the gorilla says to the others. In a novel you can take us inside the head of
one character, and have him be the only one who understands. In a film everyone hears the
dialogue and reads the subtitles - we have no way of knowing who *doesnt*
understand so any subtitled dialogue is automatically understood by every character on
screen. This limits the way you can use language in a film. If one character understands
German, everyone understands German!

If your characters are speaking subtitled German, try this:

KLAUS

(German, subtitled)

No, Fritz! You put the potato down

the FRONT of your bathing suit to attract

women while at the beach!

You can also just say in the description/action line that the following exchange will be
in German, subtitled in English. Whatever is most simple. But it all comes down to the
audience - what information do you want to give them? If a character speaks German and
the lead isnt supposed to know what they are saying, it doesnt matter WHAT they say. If
the lead is supposed to understand German, you need to write the dialogue in the language
the READER understands, but indicate that it will be spoken in German then subtitled.

What do you want the audience to know? What information are you giving them?
AFTERWARD

I never set out to write screenwriting articles and books, Im a working pro
screenwriter with a couple of producers wondering where their script is But back
in 1991 I complained to the editor of a screenwriting newsletter that no one writing
for them had ever sold a script that got made and ended up being an unpaid
writer for them. Now I had to figure out how to explain how screenplays worked
and why they sometimes didnt work. Suddenly I found myself writing about
writing for a bunch of publications including Writers Digest and Movie Maker and
the Independent Film Channel Magazine. Oh, and Script Magazine. Some written
advice I gave some fellow pro writers ended up becoming my book The Secrets
Of Action Screenwriting and the Blue Book series followed. Once I began looking
at how scripts worked (or did not) I couldnt stop writing articles and now have a
website and a blog and about 7 books worth of screenwriting articles on my hard
drive.

If you liked the information in this Blue Book and want more - for *free* - check
out my Script Tip of the day at http://www.ScriptSecrets.Net - there are 380 of
them in rotation, and when I get to 500 Im putting it on automatic and going to the
beach.

I also have a blog where I chronicle my adventures in Hollywood and talk

about my favorite films and generally complain a lot. http://sex-in-a-
sub.blogspot.com Dont let the title fool you, there is no sex involved, its a terrible
note I got from HBO on my rash Dive! movie. You can read about it on the blog.

You can also follow me on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/wcmartell every

once in a while I might say something funny, and I often post links to articles from
my vault.

And if you could do could do me a favor and write a review of this Blue Book at
Amazon, that would be great. Im not asking you to lie and write a good review if
you didnt like it be honest! Any problems you had with the book will be used to
improve the next version (which you will probably plug right into your skull). But if
you *did* like the book, if you would be so kind as to tweet your friends, FB status
them, mention it on message boards, Google Plus your circles, and call everyone
in your cell phone contact list at 4am while drunk and tell them you liked it; that
would be great! The Blue Books have always been a word of mouth thing no
advertizing, people who like them tell their screenwriting friends. So if you liked it,
please dont keep it a secret!

Because people always ask: The Secrets Of Action Screenwriting is coming

soon to Kindle, Nook, and other platforms (and paper, too).
ABOUT THE AUTHOR

William C. Martell just handed in the first draft for the studio remake of a
classic 1980s horror film, and has written 19 films that were carelessly slapped
onto celluloid: 3 for HBO, 2 for Showtime, 2 for USA Net, and a whole bunch of
CineMax Originals (which is what happens when an HBO movie goes really, really
wrong). Hes been on some film festival juries, including Raindance in London
(twice - once with Mike Figgis and Saffron Burrows, once with Lennie James and
Edgar Wright and was called back to jury duty in October of 2009). Roger
Ebert discussed his work with Gene Siskel on his 1997 If We Picked The
Winners Oscar show. Hes quoted a few times in Bordwells great book The Way
Hollywood tells It. He has written a column for Script Magazine since 1991, and is
now Editor At Large (which he suspects may be a dig at his weight) and has a
column in every issue. His USA Net flick HARD EVIDENCE was released on
video the same day as the Julia Roberts film Something To Talk About and out-
rented it in the USA. In 2007 he had two films released on DVD on the same day
(one from Lions Gate, one from Sony) and both made the top 10 rentals.

His book The Secrets Of Action Screenwriting is an industry standard. Last

year a copy of his book THE SECRETS OF ACTION SCREENWRITING sold on
e-bay for $999.00 he didnt make a cent off the deal.

Mr. Martell has been interviewed in Variety (February 24, 1997), featured in
The Hollywood Reporters first Writers Special Issue (February 1994), was the
cover interview in The Hollywood Scriptwriter (October 1996), and was
interviewed in the first issue of ScreenTalk Magazine (Denmark). Entertainment
Today (March 23, 2001) named his website ScriptSecrets.Net the Best On The
Web for screenwriters and his blog was selected as one of the best by
Bachelors Degree Org.

Past students of Martells big two day class have sold scripts to Miramax,
George Clooneys Section Eight Productions, Joel Silver Films, and the amazing
Steve Robinson took what he learned in the class and wrote the winner of the
Nokia International Short Film Competition, Have I Passed?.

Mr. Martell has taught screenwriting courses at Sherwood Oaks College in Los
Angeles, for Project Greenlight in Los Angeles, at the Cripple Creek (Colorado)
Film Festival, the Ft. Lauderdale (Florida) Film Festival, the Temecula (California)
Film Festival, several times at the Santa Fe Screenwriters Conference along side
Oscar winners William Kelley (WITNESS), David S. Ward (THE STING), and
Oscar nominees Chris DeVore (THE ELEPHANT MAN) and Mark Medoff
(CHILDREN OF A LESSER GOD), twice at the Las Vegas Screenwriting
Conference along side Steven Katz (SHADOW OF THE VAMPIRE), Shane Black
(LETHAL WEAPON), and Ross LaManna (RUSH HOUR), and three times taught
classes at the Sacramento (California) Film Festival.

Mr. Martells book, THE SECRETS OF ACTION SCREENWRITING has been

called: The best book on the practical nuts-and-bolts mechanics of writing a
screenplay Ive ever read. - Ted Elliott, co-writer The Mask Of Zorro, Shrek, all
of the Pirates Of The Caribbean movies.

William C. Martell knows the action genre inside out. Learn from an expert! -
Mark Verheiden, screenwriter, Time Cop, The Mask and TVs Smallville and
Falling Skies.

This book is dangerous. I feel threatened by it. -Roger Avary, Oscar winning
screenwriter, Pulp Fiction.

My only complaint with SECRETS OF ACTION SCREENWRITING is that it

wasnt around when I was starting out. The damned thing would have saved me
years of trial and error! - Ken Wheat, screenwriter, Pitch Black and The Fly 2.

Finally a screenwriting book written by a working professional screenwriter.

Bill Martell really knows his stuff, showing you how to write a tight, fast
screenplay. - John Hill, screenwriter, Quigley Down Under.

Mr. Martell was born in the same hospital, in the same month, as Tom Hanks.
Many believe they were switched at birth, and Bill should be the movie star. He
lives in Studio City, California, and can be found most afternoons at some coffee
shop writing some darned new script on his laptop.
THE BLUE BOOK SERIES

All are coming to Kindle, Nook, and other e-platforms soon!

#1 YOUR IDEA MACHINE How to generate great ideas and create that
killer concept. High concepts, hooks, clear concepts and how to create them!
170 pages!

#2 SECRET OF OUTLINING Various outline methods (beat sheets, cards),

examples of outlines, pacing your script, more! Organizing your thoughts into a
screenplay.

#3 STRUCTURE IN ACTION: THE MATRIX Learn basic script structure. 3

Acts, Strange Structures.

#4 SECRETS OF STORY: LIAR LIAR How stories work, subplots,

elements, theme. using LIAR LIAR.

#5 FORMAT BASICS (under construction) ***

#6 HOOK EM WITH YOUR FIRST TEN PAGES Top tips to grab readers!
Your first ten pages, your first *page*, your first *word*!

#7 CREATING STRONG PROTAGONISTS Prevent passive protagonists!

Top tips! Characterization. Creating interesting lead characters.

#8 VISUAL STORYTELLING SECRETS How to show character without

dialogue. Show dont tell. How to make your screenplay more visual.

#9 DESCRIPTION Its 50% of your screenplay Top Tips to make sure its
pulling 50% of the weight! Description (really Action) needs to be as exciting to
read as it will be to see on the screen.
 #10 DIALOGUE SECRETS Learn the secrets of creating sparkling
dialogue! Individualized dialogue, subtext, realistic sounding dialogue, banter.

#11 SCENE SECRETS Learn how to tune up your scenes, link scenes, add
spice to existing scenes! What is a scene?

#12 SUPPORTING CHARACTER SECRETS Creating memorable

supporting characters. Individualizing characters. More!

#13 ACT 2 SECRETS Get rid of the Act 2 blues with these top tips! Why Act
2 is the *easy* act to write! Midpoints. Character conflict Act 2s vs. Plot conflict
Act 2s.

#14 WRITE A BLOCKBUSTER Write a big summer blockbuster! Using

Gladiator, Planet Of The Apes and other examples!

#15 TITLES, NAMES, GENRES (under construction - coming soon!) ***

#16 GRAND FINALES Creating great endings for your scripts. The different
types on endings. Resolving conflicts.

#17 REWRITES How to cut your script, rewrite to strengthen character and
theme, and get your script ready for market. How to trim that long script down to
size!

#18 RESEARCH GUIDE (under construction - coming soon!) ***

#19 TREATMENTS AND LOGLINES How to write a logline, treatment,

synopsis, one pager, leave behind, and one paragraph synopsis!

#20 SELLING YOUR SCRIPT From Query Letters and e-queries to

Guerrilla Marketing and from Agents to Managers.

#21 PITCHING YOUR SCRIPT Tips on the Elevator Pitch, the Pitching
Pyramid, longer form pitches and how to find producers to pitch to!
 COMING SOON

THE SECRETS OF ACTION SCREENWRITING revised for 2011. The

screenwriting book recommended by Oscar winners and screenwriters of mega-
hit movies. The Secrets Of Action Screenwriting is the best book on the practical
nuts-and-bolts mechanics of writing a screenplay Ive ever read, Ted Elliott, co-
writer of the Pirates Of The Caribbean movies, Shrek, Mask Of Zorro, and
many others.

EXPERIMENTS IN TERROR: SCREENWRITING LESSONS FROM

HITCHCOCK Hitchcock films experimented with form, structure, and story, and
this book uses twenty of his films as examples and illustrations of advanced and
experimental screenwriting techniques.

Http://www.ScriptSecrets.Net