Contents

Losing Afghanistan, One Kidnapping and Bribe at a Time p. 6

August 5, 2010 VOLUME 5 Issue 33
Editor-In-Chief Todd Morehead
todd@columbiacitypaper.com

ARTS EDITOR Judit Trunkos

jtrunkos@columbiacitypaper.com

News.Politics.Commentary. colatheater.com
S.M. Baleem, Garrett Kellerhals
Letters To The Reader Dear “Give War A Chance” 3 Design
Editorial how key democrats bought a “non-partisan” council seat 4 Lisa Corbin
Photojournalism neglecting earlewood park 5
Cover story losing the war 6 Music
music Kevin Gordon 9 Kingsley Waring, Shelby Sachs
The graham ammendment Lindsey Graham has collapsed 12
Pg. 9 Publisher
Paul Blake

Arts.Entertainment.Etc.
paul@columbiacitypaper.com

Account Executives
John Gibson, James Wallace
soundboard punk/indie/emo/ska/hardcore/metal/rock 10 Contributors
ARTS Hot time in the city 12 S.M. Baleem, Garrett Kellerhals, Ismail Lagardien,
Review Dinner for Schmucks 13 WR Marshall, Will Moredock, Ted Rall,
movie times at the Nick and big mo drive-in 13 Dan Savage, Kingsley Waring, Baynard Woods
savage love adult sex advice 14
Jonesin Crosswords 14 Columbia City Paper
Cartoons Derf & Red Meat 15 2965 North Main Street
Sudoku 15 Pg. 13 Columbia, SC 29201
803.218.9455 (dial area code)

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2 August 5, 2010
Letters to the
Reader
Dear fat lady with the “Give War A
Chance” bumper sticker,
Can you roll down your window for
a second? ...Hi. Sorry if I startled you. I
just wanted to let you know that the Army
recruitment office is back the other way.
I’ll be happy to lead you there, get you
signed up, and we’ll have your boots
on the ground in Kandahar Province by
Christmas. Oh, and I notice that 3X “Palin
2012” T-shirt is fitting you rather snugly.
Instead of circling this Wal-Mart parking
lot for 10 minutes to find a parking space
a few feet closer to the door, you’ll need
to do some cross training before you even
start boot camp. If you can’t carry that
Doritos bag 20 extra feet, you’ll have a
tough time  double-timing it in  the Tora
Bora Mountains with your body armor,
rucksack, and M-4 when the mortars start
dropping. Then again, maybe  you’ll be
stationed in Iraq and do some of your
patrols in a Humvee. But, I sure as hell
wouldn’t envy that, considering the
and cadence are all intended to keep
listeners engaged. But, sometimes you
sound so odd that it actually gets in the
way of the news you’re disseminating.
Tragically, the kids fresh out of J
school, particularly the women, are the
worst. And if they start the habit too early
they’re prone to continue speaking like a
robot even after they leave the newsroom.
Can you imagine what your industry is
doing to the love lives of these young
ladies? The geometrical hair. The pants
suits. “OH yes, pull MY hair preCISely in
that mANner. iNItial reports stAted that
you were A nAughty boy.”  It’s enough to
make a man flee, tripping and pulling on
his trousers as he runs.
That voice is bizarre, distracting,
and unnecessary. Please. Think of the
propagation of your species. Think of the
young people.
Columbia City Paper
Dear wedding gift registry,

14
snipers and IEDs over there, believe you Hmm. Should I go with the decorative FREE UNLIMITED Calls Around the World

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me! knit doorknob warmers for her or the Jeff
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Goddamn it! If hadn’t waited until the
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are the novelty gifts. Well, hopefully this
two-gallon drum of contraceptive foam
will fit into my gift bag.
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Back when I was a kid in the pre-serial
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Regardless, I think it’s noble that
you’re going to give war a chance. If you
don’t defecate in your fatigues during
shoulder and motioned for you to hop
in the station wagon. Sometimes you’d
tell jokes and then ask for 10 bucks and
sometimes you’d just sit silent and glaring
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Dear radio and TV newscasters,
Admittedly, being print folks,
we’re ignorant to the science behind the
you sat in the hatchback and secretly
rolled joints. Yes, you were an American
original. ...But, honestly, you won’t really
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and alto valleys, the weird lip puckering Columbia City Paper August 5 2010 3

I arrived a few minutes late to the July
28 Columbia City Council meeting and
thought to myself, “Damn.  I just missed
the opening prayer.  Nothing like religion
worming its way into secular democracy.” I
sat next to a woman in her Sunday best.
She was wearing a blue bonnet and I nearly
mistook her for a package of margarine.  She
gave me a second to settle into my seat then
hissed, “You can’t sit here.”   company, Red Carpet Communications,
The last time I received such a rude
welcoming from a group of people following
a prayer was the last time I showed up for at
my local congregation after having skipped
the last 100 or so services. It appears that the
hypocrites that sit in the house of the Lord,
get the same preferential treatment at city
council meetings. Reserved seating.
Columbia’s new mayor, Steve Benjamin,
sure looks and acts like a preacher—the kind
of preacher who shows up on the “700 Club”
sporting a Rolex and who has the gall to
preach about helping the poor.   Benjamin
“Both Hodges and Clyburn skirted election laws
by waiting until immediately after the election,
so that the second chunk of donations were
technically given in a new election cycle. ”
has a record of developing affordable
housing. And cashing in big.  Once the
whale of politics eventually spews him out,
I think he’ll do just fine as a televangelist.
Until then, he’ll tend to his real estate flock.
Benjamin’s list of campaign donors
is filled with  developers, engineers and
architects.  Todd Avant, Kahn Construction,
Mashburn Construction, Pentagon Builders,
Steven Mungo, Precision Builders, Doug
Quakenbush, S&S Developers and Stan
Harpe are just a few names related to
real estate development that appear
on the Benjamin campaign disclosure
report.   Harpe, of course, was involved in
the Walgreens development which exceeded
the size requirements of the Five Points
master plan created by Doug Quackenbush’s
firm.   Instead of bringing his project into
compliance, Harpe threatened to sue the
City of Columbia and somehow finagled
the powers that be to support him. Things
became so ugly that a city zoning official
was ousted; one local business owner even
claims that his family was threatened.
Those connections served the mayor
well prior to being elected, as evinced by his
widely reported connection to the Village
at River’s Edge project and millions of
dollars in HUD grants that came through the
Columbia Housing Authority for the project
(one of Benjamin’s in-laws sat on the CHA
board of directors at the time).
Benjamin removed himself from the
Village at River’s Edge, LLC after he
4 August 5,, 2010
Only have 20 minutes a day
announced his run for mayor and reportedly
to get into shape? Endorsed by
Chuck Norris
& Christie
Brinkley
sold his share for around $492,000.
You only have to look as far as
Benjamin’s campaign disclosure reports to
see familiar names in the tight knit group
Try Total Gym!
that runs our city.   Over 80 exercises to build,
Councilwoman Tameika Isaac Devine’s strengthen, and tone your muscles!
friend Bianca Crawford donated $850
to Benjamin’s campaign, and in turn her
received $38,400 from the Benjamin Try the Total Gym®
campaign for radio and TV advertisements. 
There is nothing necessarily wrong with for 30 days!
this political moolah tit-for-tat.  But then
consider that former city council member
E.W. Cromatrie (who now sits in prison ONLY $49.95
on tax evasion charges) and former City
Manager Charles Austin are also on the
FREE SHIPPING!
Benjamin campaign donor list. Don’t forget
to add good ol’ boy Rick Quinn of Rick Call now for this special offer:
Quinn and Associates, whose firm received
over $79,000 from the Benjamin campaign
for consulting fees.
1.866.940.0898
Big-time Democrats also lined up to help
buy what is supposed to be a non-partisan
seat on city council.  House Representative
James Smith contributed $750 and former
Governor Jim Hodges had two donations of
$1,000 a piece.   “Friends of Jim Clyburn”
also ponied up several thousand dollars.  (I
wish I had such friends!  Will the Friends of
Paul Blake kindly pay my tab at Utopia?) 
Both Hodges and Clyburn skirted election
laws by waiting until immediately after
the election, so that the second chunk of
donations were technically given in a new
election cycle.
With all the new faces at City Hall, it
still appears to be business as usual. And
our quaint little capital city looks that much
more like Sodom or Gomorrah.
There is no telling how many favors
Benjamin will owe in his new tenure, but
at last Wednesday’s meeting he already
returned one favor by declaring July 28 as
James Clyburn Day and offered a key to
our “famously hot” city to the U.S. House
Majority Whip.   Two grand well spent by
old Jimbo. 
Oh, yeah, and a new peanut stand on the
corner of Sumter and Greene Street has been
approved.   No telling what the next city
council meeting will illuminate. And if you
happen to go, just don’t sit next to the hag in
the blue bonnet or she’ll tear you a new one.
...Just as soon as the mayor has finished his
prayer, of course.
talkback@columbiacitypaper.com
 NEGLECTING OUR PARKS
Earlewood Park needs some attention
Earlewood Park has been neglected to the point that the outfield fence and park light post are
completely covered in ivy. Bottles litter the paths and rusty fences scream out for a new can
of paint. Left: A brand new nature trail which the City spent $100,000 on is already having
run off issues. Top: Make council woman Leona Plaugh useful and get her to Plaugh some
grass. Below: Park benches show years of neglect and is reminisant of an ESPN documentary
on Sammy Sosa showing a field he first played on in Haiti.

August 5, 2010 5
 By David Axe
They came in broad daylight. Four men
in a white hatchback, rolling into the village
of Laken in eastern Afghanistan’s Khowst
district. It was just before noon on October
23 last year. The men piled out of the hatch-
back, surprising two villagers. One they
shot dead. Another they grabbed and tossed
into the vehicle. As startled villagers looked
on, the abductors sped away. A villager
called the Afghan police. The police called
the U.S. Army then set out to investigate.
The kidnappers’ identities and motive
are unclear, but the Taliban are known to
target interpreters, government officials and
everyday Afghans who work with occupy-
ing NATO forces. The fate of the abducted
individual is equally murky. Many kid-
napping cases in Afghanistan are resolved
when a body washes up in the local river
or turns up by the side of the road. In a war
that has claimed the lives of 2,000 NATO
troops and at least 10,000 Afghans, Octo-
ber’s abduction might seem like a footnote.
In fact, it represented just one in a wave
of kidnappings in the country’s embattled
east, where a small number of NATO troops
are fighting a holding action against embold-
ened extremists. NATO’s focus is on south-
ern Afghanistan, particularly Kandahar, the
traditional home of the Taliban. For months
NATO has promised a renewed offensive in
the south, but has repeatedly delayed the at-
tack, citing an absence of popular support.
A s
6 August 5, 2010
reinforcements including 30,000 fresh
American troops authorized by President
Barack Obama pour into the south, forces
in the east must hold the line. “I don’t have
enough troops to cover every square inch,”
U.S. Army Lt. Col. Thomas Gukeisen told
City Paper in October as he outlined com-
plex ideas for making better use of the
soldiers he does have, including a heavier
reliance on Afghan security forces and
even enlisting local civilians as informants.
But in the absence of U.S. protection, this
strategy places Afghans in danger from the
seemingly omnipresent Taliban.
NATO is caught in a tightening feed-
back loop of the bloodiest kind. Poor secu-
rity has resulted in declining Afghan con-
fidence in the alliance, further worsening
the security picture and thus accelerating
NATO’s de-legitimization. For many Af-
ghans, this alarming trend means a con-
stant, grating fear ultimately followed by
the noisy rush of a vehicle, hands and guns
reaching out, then the awful restraint. Ter-
ror. Pain. Darkness.
One by one, hundreds if not thousands
of pro-alliance Afghans have disappeared,
shoved at gunpoint into vehicles and spir-
ited away. On November 13, a retired resis-
tance fighter from the ‘80s named Tafsir –an
apparent honorary Afghan police general,
according to the U.S. Army—was abducted
from his home in Behsood district. On Feb-
ruary 4 this year, gunmen grabbed Baraki
Barak district sub-governor Mohamed Ya-
sin Ludin, whom U.S. State Department
official Ron Barkley had described to City the least. Some officers even claimed the
Paper as “one of the good guys,” meaning leak would endanger Afghans who have
he had dared to accompany U.S. troops on helped NATO forces and are mentioned in
their patrols. the reports. “Mr. Assange can say whatever
“The biggest side effect of the dete- he likes about the greater good he thinks he
riorating security situation is kidnapping,” and his source are doing,” U.S. Navy Adm.
said Mohammed Farid Hamidi, an Afghan Mike Mullen, a top American military of-
human-rights advocate. “And Afghans are ficer, told reporters. “But the truth is they
most at risk.” One abduction at a time, the might already have on their hands the blood
Taliban is chipping away at the weaken- of some young soldier or that of an Afghan
ing foundation of local consent that al- family.”
lows NATO to function in this land-locked, Indeed, the Taliban has deliberately
mountainous country far from the borders reinforced that fear. “We will investigate
of any NATO state.
And most voters in NATO countries
don’t even realize it. The Laken abduc-
tion and Tafsir’s kidnapping were not
mentioned in international new reports.
Instead, they were documented by U.S.
Army soldiers in classified reports filed
on the hard-drives of top commanders
and intelligence agents. Earlier this year,
an undisclosed Army source leaked more
than 100,000 of the situation reports to
the Swedish non-profit group Wikileaks.
In late July, Wikileaks made 90,000 of
the reports, mostly dating from 2006 to
late 2009, publicly available.
“Lasting reforms that tend to push
human rights come about as a result of
finding material that is being kept secret
by organizations, because they fear expo-
sure,” the group’s founder Julian Assange
said while defending the data dump on
CNN.
The Pentagon was displeased, to say Taliban fighters killed by NATO forces. Photo by
Christoper Wilson.
through our own secret service whether the
people mentioned are really spies working
for the U.S.,” Taliban spokesman Zabihul-
lah Mujahid said. “If they are U.S. spies,
then we know how to punish them.”
But Afghans cooperating with NATO
have long been in danger –a truth the leaked
reports underscore. In failing to protect Af-
ghan civilians, the alliance, too, has blood
on its hands. Voters can understand that
better, thanks to Wikileaks. “These docu-
ments provide a fuller picture of what we
have long known about Afghanistan: The
war is going badly,” Rep. Dennis Kucinich
(D-Ohio) said.
Corruptistan
A curfew was in force. Roadblocks
manned by armored soldiers and blue-clad
policemen were everywhere. Afghan army
helicopters circled overhead. NATO quick-
reaction squads waited in idling vehicles.
The last week of July, just days before
Wikileaks dropped its information bomb,
Kabul was on security lock-down as en-
voys from some 70 countries converged on
the muddy, shabby capital city for a donors
conference hosted by Afghan President Ha-
mid Karzai.
For Karzai, the assembled envoys and
their entourages were surely an edifying
spectacle. Less than a year prior, the U.N.
had all but accused him of stealing the re- Razia, seen with her father at the U.S. military hospital at Bagram Air Field in October 2009, was badly burned in an apparent rocket attack. Photo by David Axe.
cent presidential election through massive
voter fraud and intimidation. When he took tal of 777 civilian casualties. This is around third of those polled said corruption “was opment.”
the podium at the donors conference, Karzai 50 percent higher than the same period in helping the expansion of the Taliban” by A few tens of thousands of American
gave no indication of his wobbling legiti- 2009. On a daily basis they target govern- alienating Afghans from their (unfairly) reinforcements, cooling their heels in and
macy. Instead, he praised the very elector- ment workers, threaten teachers and girls elected government. around Kandahar, won’t change that. Nor
ate he had cheated. “I ... want to highlight going to school and regularly carry out as- “There is always room for criticism will they prevent the inexorable spread of
the patience and dignity with which our sassinations, abductions and executions of and skepticism, simply because there is no the Taliban’s terror state and the abduction
civilian population has borne the brunt of government officials who are trying to im- quick fix to Afghanistan and the country and murder of pro-NATO Afghans. Insecure
the conflict and the attacks of our common prove the lives of all Afghans. This is not will clearly be a work in progress for many and weakly governed by corrupt thugs, Af-
enemies,” he said. “But do not mistake our what people – in Afghanistan and anywhere years,” Sedwill said, in closing. “The great- ghanistan is getting worse, not better. In the
will to overcome them. Let our friends and else — want for themselves and their chil- est achievement of all is that there is now a classified reports published by Wikileaks,
partners be assured of the justness of our dren. better-off alternative to the Taliban regime, we have ample evidence of that. Now the
cause.” “To the contrary, a number of polls one that offers opportunities for the future.” Swedish group is promising to drop another
In the days leading up to Karzai’s im- show that the vast majority of Afghans do Not according to the IWA, there isn’t. 15,000 reports. Does anyone doubt they’re
pressive performance, NATO ambassador not want the Taliban regime back in power “Corruption is rampant and has become all bad news?
to Afghanistan Mark Sedwill took the op- and have ever-increasing confidence in their more entrenched in all areas of life in Af- talkback@columbiacitypaper.com
portunity to address select publications in government institutions.” ghanistan,” the pollsters
an Internet forum. City Paper managed to On that last point, one might wonder reported. “Corruption
get on the list to hear the ambassador’s hard which polls Sedwill was citing. According threatens the legitimacy
of state-building, badly
“The greatest achievement of all is that there is affects state-society re-
lations, feeds frustra-
now a better-off alternative to the Taliban regime” tion and the support for
the insurgency, leads
sell. “In certain, more difficult, outlying ar- to a survey of 6,500 Afghans in 32 of the to increasing inequality
eas of the country, where the government country’s 34 provinces, published this year (which spurs social con-
does not have a strong presence, people are by the non-profit Integrity Watch Afghani- flict), violates basic hu-
afraid and intimidated by the Taliban and stan, a full quarter of Afghans “felt deprived man rights on a daily ba-
maintain a quiet sitting on the fence pos- of access to the provision of justice and se- sis and impedes the rule
ture –they are waiting to see what security, curity” by their government. Corruption of law according to Af-
development and governance is provided,” was the major reason they gave. “In 2007, ghan standards, hinders
Sedwill began. the amount of bribes paid by the adult popu- access to basic public
“One figure sticks in my mind on the lation was estimated at $466 million, while services, which impacts
Taliban: According to ISAF figures, from the current survey indicates that it is close the poor most severely, Injured Dutch troops at a memorial service for Dutch army Private 1st Class Timo
1 January to 10 April 2010, the insurgency to $1 billion.” and has a major negative Smeehuyzen, who died in a suicide bombing in June 2007 in Tarin Kowt, southern
caused 243 fatalities and 534 injuries, a to- Perhaps most damningly, more than a effect on economic devel- Afghanistan August 5, 2010 7
 Thursday 5 friday 6 Saturday 7 Sunday 8 Monday Aug. 9 Tuesday 10 Wednesday 11
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t s Norma Jean Acoustic Open City Paper

AUGUST

Set Of Heart Calculator 803 Unite hE inglE

In This Moment Mic Night w/: 5 yeAr
Embracing Goodbye UpTheDownEscalator cola Bands Meet & Greet sErving FriEnDs Behold The Messenger
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From Tomorrow Archer Vs. Gunman Ads & Promotion For Sing Sing 76 Useless Trivia Sign up in advance or at
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Vespers Back To School Paul Brazel By Hardy
Special thanks to
under 21 Must sign up the haters within the
25% off all drinks MiDnight MurDEraMa & Dewayne before 10pm. Columbia establishment.
Local matters to us!
Thursday 12 friday 13 Saturday 14 Sunday 15 Monday 16 Tuesday 17 Wednesday 18
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The Holy Roller Sideshow the Downtown Fiction
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Thursday 19 friday 208

Thursday Saturday 21 Sunday 22 Monday 23 friday 27 Saturday 28
$5/$8 8pm $3/$5 8pm $8 8pm $5/$8 8:00pm no cover 9pm $5/$10 7:30 pm $15/$17 7 pm

Andy Lehman Death Of Paris Useless Trivia

“Hometown Premiere” The Color and The Grotesques 9pm Hosted Obraskai
AUGUST

and The Movers New Found Glory

TodayTheMoon, The Shape Secret Mountains By Hardy
& Dewayne
(CD Release) The Wonder Years
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Cameron Gardner Host To Another Lemuria
The Private Life Of
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TBA After Show Dance Party Ma’at
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w/:Alejandro vs. Bakari

TUESDAY
Aug. 10 $2000 B
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Open Mic Night w/: $4000 in ToTAl PrizeS
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club that evening. Under 21 email
Must sign up before 10pm.
newbrooklandtavern@
hotmail.com

$7 7pm
$5/$8 8pm Wed Sept 15

122 State St. W Columbia SC 29169

www.newbrooklandtavern.com 803.791.4413
August 5, 2010 9
Thursday August 5
El Burrito
Bluegrass Night
Hunter Gatherer
Jazz Night
New Brookland Tavern
Set Apart
Embracing Goodbye
We Sail At Dawn
From Tomorrow
Vespers
Utopia
Open Mic w Keith Bates
Friday August 6
Hard Knox Grill
Uncrowned with
L.I.E The Izm
New Brookland Tavern
Calculator
Up The Down Escaloator Sunday August 8 Wednesday August 11 The Jedburg Barons ROADSHOW!! W/:
Kid Anthem New Brookland Tavern New Brookland Tavern The Squidling Bros.
Archer vs. Gunman Parmalee Columbia City Paper’s Saturday August 14 Circus Sideshow
TBA 5 Year Anniversary Party Viva Le Vox
Utopia Art Bar Jason and the Punknecks
Blue Train The White Mule Utopia Carolina Chupacabra Guitar Bomb
Joe Firstman Bluegrass w Total Denial Hickry Hawkins
Saturday August 7 B.J. Barham Hard Knox Grill The Holy Roller Sideshow
Art Bar Jay Buchanan Thursday August 12 The DB Bryant Band Burlesque & More...
Patchwork Medic CD
Release: Fallen Kings, Monday August 9 El Burrito New Brookland Tavern The White Mule
Norwegian Blue, Pan Dave Holder & Friends Magnetic Flowers Todd Carey
New Brookland Tavern The Thirsties Dion Roy
Hard Knox Grill Norma Jean Hunter Gatherer Venice Is Sinking Josiah Leming
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Behold The Messenger Monday August 16
New Brookland Tavern Utopia Utopia
“803 Unite: Musician Tuesday August 10 Open Mic Night Deb Varn & Midnight New Brookland Tavern
Meet & Greet” Back To New Brookland Tavern Blue Tunguska
School Promo & Planning Acoustic Open Mic w Friday August 13 Capsule
Brightford Hard Knox Grill Sunday August 15 Mehkago N.T.
Utopia Blastronaut New Brookland Tavern Sled
Cathedrals of Soul The 2010 CONEY
Utopia ISLAND COCKABILLY

Road Trip
08/06/10 :: Friday Pacifico The The Train Wrecks Room Hickory,
Ken Will Morton Evening Muse The Mill North NC 28 North The
40 Watt Club Charlotte, NC Charleston, SC Basement Myrtle
Athens, GA George Terry Beach, SC
Guttermouth 08/07/10 : Saturday & the Zealots
Dare Dukes The New Threat Corey Smith The Library Chrisette Michele
Caledonia Lounge The Milestone Riverwalk Augusta Highlands, NC House of Blues
Athens, GA Charlotte, NC Augusta, GA N. Myrtle Beach, SC
Guttermouth
Cadillac Sky Damsel Down Granny’s Gin The New Iron Thrones
New Earth Music Midtown Sundries The Playground Threat Jimbo’s Ground Zero
Hall Athens, Harborside Augusta, GA Rock Lounge Spartanburg, SC
GA Cornelius, NC Charleston, SC
Cadillac Sky 08/08/10 :: Sunday
“GD” - Greg and Paul Cataldo Grey Eagle Henry’s Attic Built to Spill
Dan South Rock Asheville, NC The Pour House Orange Peel
Kasey’s Grille Hendersonville, NC
Savannah, GA Charleston, SC Asheville, NC
Big Daddy Love
Steep Canyon Simplified Malfunktion 6 Day Bender
Dehlia Low Diana Rangers The McCormick Field
Wortham Theatre Junction The The Philosophers
Music Farm Asheville, NC Thirsty Fish Stone Tavern
Asheville, NC
Charleston, SC Edisto Beach, SC Charlotte , NC
The Crystal Method
Tori Sparks
Jack of the Wood t8r(tot) Orange Peel Standing Small Justin Bieber
Asheville, NC The White Mule Asheville, NC The Channel Sean Kingston
Columbia, SC Greenville, SC Jessica Jarrell
Sanctum Sully American Aquarium Time Warner
MoDaddy’s Henry’s Attic Joe Firstman Mother’s Finest Cable Arena
Asheville, NC The Surf Bar The Evening Muse The Handlebar Charlotte, NC
Folly Beach, SC Charlotte, NC Greenville, SC
Mellow Down Easy Brian Willoughby
Town Pump Tavern Building 429 Girls On Film Sarah Peacock Big Harry’s
Black Mountain, NC Knights Stadium The Milestone Twisted Lemon Fayetteville, NC
Fort Mill, SC Charlotte, NC (formerly MoJo’s)
Simplified Ri Ra Greenville, SC Paul Cataldo
Charlotte, NC Mother’s Finest It’s Alive Jesters Sapphire Mountain
The Crunchy Pub Paul Cataldo Brewing Co.
Grown Up Avenger Western Boys Fayetteville, NC Morgan Creek Grill Sapphire, NC
Stuff The Handlebar Isle of Palms, SC
Snug Harbor Greenville, SC Vanilla Ice 28 North The
Charlotte, NC The Rock Shop Hot Lava Monster Village Tavern
Sean Kingston Fayetteville, NC Drink! Myrtle Mount Pleasant, SC
Bubba Crunch Jeremy Greene Beach, SC
Stokes Ave House of Blues East Coast Dirt
10 August 5, 2010
charlotte, NC N. Myrtle Beach, SC Olde Hickory Tap
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For every twenty CMT stereotypes
who string together lines about cornfields
and pickup trucks, you’ll find, thankfully,
at least one legitimate Southern songwriter
toiling away in small bars and rock clubs.
prestigious Iowa Writer’s Workshop—has
led Keith Richards, Lucinda Williams and
other powerhouses to record his songs.
His new album, Gloryland, is slated
for release in January. In the meantime, he
1-866-940-9205
Digital Home Advantage plan requires 24-month agreement and credit qualification. If service is terminated before the end of agreement, a cancellation fee of $17.50/month remaining
will apply. Programming credits will apply during the first 12 months. Free HD valid for life of current account; requires Agreement, AutoPay with Paperless Billing. HBO/Showtime
offer requires AutoPay with Paperless Billing; credits apply during the first 3 months ($72 value); customer must downgrade or then-current price will apply. Must maintain continu-
ous enrollment in AutoPay and Paperless Billing. Free Standard Professional Installation only. All equipment is leased and must be returned to DISH Network upon cancellation or
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They don’t get the credit they deserve –the released a brand new (earlier this month)
of Showtime Networks Inc., a CBS Company.

good ones never do—though, most anyone limited-edition compilation of previously

would agree, the relevance and ongoing
legitimacy of the genre tends to rest on their
backs.
Kevin Gordon is one of those musicians.
The Louisiana native, currently based in
Nashville, has made a name for himself as
a songwriter’s songwriter. Gordon’s rich
sound and literary approach to the craft
–he holds a Masters in poetry from the
unreleased material called Salvage & Drift
as a way to raise funds for the promotion of
the album.
If you want to hear how authentic
modern country and southern rock is
supposed to sound, you’ll definitely want to
come hear Kevin Gordon plug in and tell his
story.
-Norbet Sykes

803-218-9455

August 5, 2010 11
The Graham Amendment?
By Baynard Woods
Lindsey Graham has collapsed. This
week, the senator proved that his actions over realm of religion and sex and the family was20 million more 20 years from now.” Twenty
the last few months constitute a capitulation called. They wanted to tell Americans what million more what? Brown people?
to the outrageous elements of his own party.
It seems that in the epic battle between our
two senators Jim DeMint has won. DeMint
has not vanquished Graham the man, but
Graham the idea—for the man has bowed to
the DeMintean principle, and kissed the ring
of the king of the New Right.
When Graham backed out of the very
pro-business rather right-wing cap and
trade bill over immigration, it seemed that
he did not want his friend Senator McCain
to have to face the issue in the Arizona
Republican primary. Now that the Tea Party
has embraced immigration as a major issue
and admittedly Neo-Nazi
groups are patrolling the
border, Graham embraces
“G raham
their principle in the most
our onstitution and say if you come
someone on the Left has attempted to amend come and physically take the Confederate
the Constitution? What about the Right? flag down, like they would for any other rebel
Recall the Protection of Marriage Amendment group trying to occupy American soil.)
–or whatever that attempt to radically expand Graham went on the say: “I’m a practical
the reach of the federal government into theguy, but when you go forward, I don’t want
the family must be and criminalize anyone The day before Graham announced that
who pursued happiness in any way that made he just “got to” change the Constitution to
them slightly uncomfortable. It is not, as keep brown people out, BusinessWeek.com
in classical political philosophy, that yourreleased a survey that ranked South Carolina
freedom ends where my nose begins. Rather, as the eighth laziest state. The citizens of
for the Right, you’re freedom ends where South Carolina were reported to sleep nearly
nine hours a night and to work fewer than three
their imagination begins. (There are those on
the left who embrace this same maxim. I prayand a half hours a day. Sandlappers watched
that Al Gore divorced that hideous monster more television than the citizens of any other
he was married to because he could not standstate. In fact, at three hours and seven minutes,
her puritanical attempts at censorship and the average South Carolinian works only 19
thought control—I predict she’ll become a minutes more than he watches television on
right-winger before the end of the year.) a given day. It is no surprise that seven of the
Graham demonstrated his fealty to the top ten lazy states are Confederate “Right to
radical Right on FOX News Wednesday Work” states—the others are West Virginia,
said that he ’ “
s got to ” “ change
Kentucky, and tax-
free Delaware.
C
Maybe since
are also some of
these

,
anti-conservative way
possible: a Constitutional here illegally and you have a child that the least educated
’ .”
Amendment. states, we simply
A reader of this child s automatically not a citizen misunderstood our
column may be surprised economics lesson.
to find that—at least half of the time— I night in an interview with Greta Van Sustern. It’s laissez-faire, not a lazy chair, economics.
consider myself a conservative, in the sense Graham said that he’s “got to” “change Imagine where South Carolina would be
that Edmund Burke, Peter Vierek, and even our Constitution and say if you come here without immigrants. I was just talking with
Andrew Sullivan are conservatives. I’ve illegally and you have a child, that child’s a small business owner who told me that
studied enough history to know that all automatically not a citizen.” illegals are the only people who want to dig
human endeavor is fraught with unforeseen Of course, the Right is probably the ditches he needs dug. When a white guy
consequences and so I am generally skeptical comfortable changing this part of the comes in looking for a job and the boss tells
of revolution. I believe conservatism Constitution because it is the 14th him that he can start right now if he wants
and conservationism are the same thing. Amendment that gives citizenship to to shovel, the white guy inevitably tells him
DeMint—and now Graham—claim to be anyone born in the United States. It was he’d rather stay on unemployment.
conservatives, but are in fact radicals who the amendment that made the former slaves The country is facing countless crises,
want to undo the last century and a half of citizens. It is also the amendment that Senator. Instead of fearing the Constitution
American tradition. prohibits members of congress from an and the citizens it protects, you ought to
Right wing radicals consistently claim insurrection against the government. (By welcome any help you can get. Stop worrying
that they want to preserve and protect the the way, all you Confederacy lovers, it was about brown people and start worrying about
Constitution. When is the last time that treason. You can’t fly both the Confederate your own brown nose, Senator Graham.
flag and the United States flag in South
12 August 5, 2010 Carolina. The U.S. National Guard ought to talkback@columbiacitypaper.com
 movie times
Movie times listed are 9:15 Inception (PG-13) The Twilight Saga:
for the weekend of July 12:30 1:30 3:45 4:45 Eclipse (PG-13)
30. please confirm with AMC Dutch Square 7:15 8:00 10:25 11:10 12:30 3:50 6:45 9:35
theater. 14 Despicable Me (PG) 12:05am
800 Bush River Rd., 12:20 2:50 5:20 7:45 Grown Ups (PG-13)
Regal Columbia Columbia, SC 29210 10:05 12:20 2:50 5:20 8:00
Cinema 7 Despicable Me 3D 10:40
3400 Forest Drive Carmike 14 (PG) Toy Story 3 (G)
Suite 3000, Columbia, 122 Afton Court, Showtimes More Info 11:30am 1:55 4:15
SC 29204 Columbia, SC 29212 11:50am 2:10 4:35 6:50 9:20
7:10 9:30 11:50
The Other Guys new! The Other Guys new! The Twilight Saga: Nickelodeon
(PG-13, No Passes) (PG-13) Eclipse (PG-13) h t t p : / / w w w .
Steve Carell is an idiot! I had no idea Vollard (Jemaine Clement), a very un- 11:45am 2:20 4:50 12:15 1:00 2:45 3:35 11:30am 2:15 4:55 nickelodeon.org/ 937
7:30 10:10 5:10 6:05 7:40 8:35 7:40 10:20 Main Street
he could be this stupid. He is a true-blue contemporary and sexually eccentric artist Twelve new! (R) 10:10 Grown Ups (PG-13) Columbia, SC
dummy. I don’t mean literally, I’m talking whose work will leave you scratching your 12:10 2:40 5:10 7:45 Cats & Dogs: Revenge 12:15 2:45 5:15 7:50
about his role in his latest film. Dinner head searching for something to think about 10:20 of Kitty Galore 3D new! 10:15 Harry Brown
for Schmucks goes on the list for one of it. Charlie St. Cloud new! (PG) Toy Story 3 (G) When a crew of drug-
the funniest comedies of the year. Almost With too many crazy characters to list (PG-13) Digital 3D Showtimes 11:55am 2:20 4:50 dealing gang members
11:50am 2:10 4:40 More Info 7:20 9:45 takes the life of his only
singlehandedly because of the “idiot” I here without giving away plenty of situations 7:20 9:40 12:30 1:45 3:15 4:30 friend, Leonard (David
spoke about at the beginning. Carell goes that will have you trying not to laugh while Inception (PG-13) 5:30 7:00 8:15 9:15 Regal Sandhill Bradley), retired
for the hat trick with his third comedy of the explaining the movie to those who haven’t 12:20 1:30 3:30 6:45 Cats & Dogs: The Stadium 16 450 Town Marine and widower
year and very well delivers. seen it yet, the movie doesn’t have much 7:15 10:00 Revenge of Kitty Galore Center Place Harry Brown (Michael
Re-teaming with Paul Rudd, Carell room to become slow and boring. The jokes The Sorcerer’s new! (PG) Caine) decides to
Apprentice (PG) 12:45 3:00 5:15 7:25 The Other Guys new! take the law into his
plays Barry, a taxidermist who dresses up are pretty rapid fire with plenty of “OMG” 2:00 7:00 9:35 (PG-13) own hands -- but his
dead mice and re-creates famous works of moments to go around; just ask my movie The Kids Are All Right Charlie St. Cloud new! 11:40am 1:45 2:15 old-school training
art for a hobby. Rudd plays Tim, an equity going partner for the evening. I lost count (R) (PG-13) 4:20 4:50 7:00 7:30 might be overmatched.
executive who is on the verge of a very big how many times those three letters came out 12:00 2:30 5:00 7:40 1:35 4:05 6:55 9:30 9:40 10:10 12:20am Helmed by first-time
promotion. But in order to fit in with the of her and the rest of the audiences mouths. 10:15 The Sorcerer’s Step Up 3 new! (PG- feature director Daniel
Predators (R) Apprentice (PG) 13) Barber, this gritty
higher-ups at his company, he must impress With Director Jay Roach leading 4:30 9:30 1:30 4:35 7:20 10:00 12:00 2:35 5:10 7:45 vigilante thriller set
them at a special dinner that they hold once the way, who also brought us Meet the Grown Ups (PG-13) The Kids Are All Right 10:20 in England also stars
a month. They each bring an “extraordinary Parents, there’s no surprise at all of the 4:45 10:25 (R) Step Up 3D new! (PG- Emily Mortimer, Iain
person” to the dinner for entertainment and uncomfortable situations contained in the 1:15 4:15 7:15 9:55 13, No Passes) Glen, Jack O’Connell,
Carmike Wynnsong The Last Airbender 3D Showtimes More Info Ben Drew, Joseph
proceed to make fun of them. Without the script. Scenes that make the audience feel 10 (PG)1:05 4:00 6:40 11:30am 2:05 4:40 Gilgun and Liam
knowledge of their guests, of course. embarrassed for the characters themselves. 5320 Forest Drive, 9:25 7:15 9:50 12:30am Cunningham.AUGUST
Tim, needing a guest of his own, While still laughing hysterically at them of Columbia, SC 29206 The Last Airbender Twelve new! (R) 6-12, Friday-Thursday
literally runs into Barry and his prayers course. The screen play by David Guion and Cats & Dogs: Revenge (PG)1:40 4:25 7:10 12:05 2:30 5:00 7:40 Friday, Aug. 6 - 3:00,
are answered. Between his interesting Michael Handelman is based off of a French of Kitty Galore 3D new! 9:45 10:15 12:25am 6:00 and 8:00
(PG) The A-Team (PG-13) Cats & Dogs: Revenge Saturday, Aug. 7 - 3:00,
past time of decorating dead mice and play-turned-movie written by Francis Veber Digital 3D Showtimes 1:20 4:10 7:05 9:50 of Kitty Galore 3D new! 6:00 and 8:00
his way of making a bad situation much titled Le Diner de Cons (The Dinner Game). More Info The Karate Kid (2010) (PG) Sunday, Aug. 8 - 3:00,
worse, he seems like the perfect candidate Same premise, idiots are invited to dinner 12:30 2:40 4:50 7:00 (PG) Showtimes More Info 6:00 and 8:00
for this special dinner. All Tim has to do and the fun begins. A little fun fact: the 9:15 12:20 3:30 6:35 9:40 11:55am 2:10 4:30 Monday, Aug. 9 - 6:00
is make it through the couple days before dinner scene shot in the movie was filmed Dinner for Schmucks Just Wright (PG) 7:05 9:15 11:30 and 8:00
new! (PG-13) 1:35 4:20 6:45 9:25 Cats & Dogs: The Tuesday, Aug. 10 - 8:30
the dinner now that Barry has inserted at the same location that was used as Wayne 12:50 1:45 3:35 4:30 Letters to Juliet (PG) Revenge of Kitty Galore only
himself into his life. Non-stop laughs Manor in the Batman television series. 6:20 7:10 9:00 9:50 1:10 4:00 6:40 9:20 new! (PG) Wednesday, Aug. 11 -
would be an understatement watching these Steve Carell has turned in some pretty Ramona and Beezus 12:25 2:40 5:00 7:35 3:00 and 6:00
two’s dynamic unfold as Barry proceeds to funny roles in the past; Michael in The (G) Regal Columbiana 9:45 Thursday, Aug. 12 -
innocently ruin whatever he gets his hands Office, Anchorman: The Legend of Ron 1:35 4:15 7:00 9:30 Grande Stadium 14 Charlie St. Cloud new! 6:00 and 8:00
Salt (PG-13) 1250 Bower Pkwy, (PG-13)
on in Tim’s life. Burgundy, and of course the classic 40 Year 1:00 3:35 6:30 7:05 Columbia, SC 29212 11:50am 2:25 4:55 THE BIG MO
Barry’s character traits, childish Old Virgin. But in terms of just outright 2 9:00 9:40 7:25 10:00 12:15am MONETTA
curiosity, and just sheer ridiculousness hours of crisp, authentic stupidity, I think Despicable Me (PG) Step Up 3 new! (PG- Dinner for Schmucks DRIVE-IN
(if that’s a word) reminded me of a crazy this film might take home the trophy. Sad 1:30 4:05 6:50 9:15 13) new! (PG-13) 5822 Columbia
Despicable Me 3D 12:10 2:40 5:10 7:40 11:45am 2:30 5:05 Highway North,
Jim Carrey in his prime. When he was to see him leave his boss’ position on The (PG) 10:10 7:50 10:35 Monetta SC 29105
simply just being dumb in classic roles Office, but very glad to allow him to make Digital 3D Showtimes Step Up 3D new! (PG- Ramona and Beezus open at 7pm and show
like Ace Ventura: Pet Detective and Liar me laugh while on the big screen, I give More Info 13, No Passes) (G) starts at 8:45.
Liar. Although there are other outrageous Dinner for Schmucks “4.5 dressed up dead 1:10 3:45 6:30 9:00 Showtimes More Info 12:10 2:45 5:15 August 6, 7 &8
characters in this movie, Carell takes the mice out of 5.” The Last Airbender 3D 11:30am 2:00 4:30 Salt (PG-13) Screen 1
(PG) 7:00 9:30 12:00am 2:20 4:45 7:20 9:55 Salt
cake and smears it all over his face in the -“My wife left me because she said I Digital 3D Showtimes Dinner for Schmucks 12:10am The Other Guys
name of comedy. Paul Rudd does a good couldn’t find her clitoris…I looked in her More Info new! (PG-13) Screen 2
job at being the sensible contrast to Carell’s purse, but it wasn’t there”-“Why would 1:20 4:15 11:30am 12:00 2:05 Open Captioned & Inception
idiocy. Much like any other stories, the film you think it was in her purse?”-“Because Toy Story 3 (G) 2:35 4:40 5:10 7:25 Descriptive Audio Cats & Dogs
wouldn’t have worked with one without the usually everything she loses winds up in her 12:30 3:15 6:40 9:10 7:55 10:00 10:30 Showtimes More Info
12:10am 11:45am St. Andrews Cinema
other. purse somehow” Carmike 14 Ramona and Beezus Inception (PG-13) 5 527 St Andrews Road
Zach Galifianakis as Therman, Barry’s Read more reviews at FranchiseSaysSo. 122 Afton Court, (G) 12:15 3:45 7:10 10:30 Columbia, SC 29210
rival, and self-proclaimed master of mind blogspot.com Columbia, SC 29212 11:35am 1:55 4:20 The Sorcerer’s (803) 772-7469
control is also utterly hilarious in his scenes Cats & Dogs: Revenge 7:05 9:35 Apprentice (PG) Times were not
Written by of Kitty Galore 3D new! Salt (PG-13) 7:55 10:25 available at press time,
in this movie. Probably my second favorite http://www.moviefilmreview.com/ (PG) 12:05 12:35 2:25 2:55 Despicable Me (PG) please call the theater.
character behind Barry, placing himself and author/FranchiseSaysSo Digital 3D Showtimes 5:05 5:25 7:35 8:05 11:35am 2:00 4:25
Carell on screen together can be classified 12:30 2:40 4:50 7:00 10:10 10:40 12:15am 6:55 9:30 12:00am
as comedic gold. Then there is Kieran August 5, 2010 13
 SavageLove Sex Advice
by Dan Savage
Ever since hearing
you say on your podcast
that all men use porn,
I have had a burning
question: What about us
women? If all men get a
pass to have this whole
other sex life, which
is (mostly) external to
their partnerships and is sexually satisfying, then all
women should have a pass as well. Ideally, it would
be a pass to enjoy something universally arousing
to all women, something that would sexually satisfy
us, but it wouldn’t be something that turns most men
on, perhaps it might even repulse them. If there were
something that met my criteria, I wonder how it
would play out in our relationships? Also, I am not
sure what it could be, as women are a little bit more
complicated.
Desires Erotic Balance
Something women enjoy but men do not...
something erotic... something that repulses most
men...
Cupcakes?
The now-ubiquitous cupcake isn’t explicitly
sexual, I realize, but our culture does encourage
people—women in particular—to sublimate their
erotic desires by stuffing their faces with food. And
most of those squat, round, and pink-frosted things
look, to my jaded eyes, like so many squat little
cocks, DEB, so many growers-not-showers with pink
sprinkles, and most of those cupcocks are inhaled by
women. So, cupcakes.
But if cupcakes don’t do it for you, DEB, then
how about a free pass to enjoy, eyedunno, maybe
porn?
“We’re actually in the middle of a porn-for-
women revolution as millions—yes, millions—of
women are loudly, even proudly, proclaiming their
interest in porn,” says Violet Blue, author, blogger,
activist, and tireless foe of antiporn boneheads
everywhere. If you were reading Blue’s blog—www.
tinynibbles.com—you would know that one out of
every three consumers of internet porn are female,
according to a Nielsen NetRatings report released in
2007.
“What’s interesting isn’t just the growing
number of women using porn,” says Blue, “it’s that
they’re doing exactly what DEB suggests. It’s part of
their own private sex lives that are mostly external to
their relationships.”
What women have lacked up to now is the same
“free pass” men enjoy.
“Guys are encouraged to have this other sex
life with porn,” says Blue, “that’s seen as normal and
healthy. But despite the numbers, our culture is having
a hard time admitting that women like porn. Antiporn
feminists ignore the female viewer. The only people,
besides Oprah, acknowledging the female viewer
are the antiporn Christians who see it (and female
masturbation) as a disease they can cure!”
Blue directs female porn consumers to Our
Porn, Ourselves (www.ourpornourselves.org).
“On OPO, women are talking about liking all
kinds of porn, even stuff that goes too far for some
guys,” says Blue. “Women are making each other
feel comfortable about their newfound access to porn,
openly having their desire to watch sex (and jack off
to it) validated the same way that guys do.”
I am a man who has been in an open marriage
for 10 years. My wife dates men on her own, and I
get to enjoy the occasional threesome with her and
one of her partners. (We had no luck dating women
or couples.) The problem is, she is clearly more
interested in “her” dates than in “ours,” probably
because the hotter guys are more interested in her
14 August 5, 2010
JONESIN’ CROSSWORDS
“The Damage Is Done”--a body of work in body work.
by Matt Jones 64 Dog food once hawked by Ed 27 Cleaner’s condition
McMahon 28 Most common word in
alone than in us together. My wife is GGG, but it Across 65 Two-Face’s alter ego, in the English
is hard for her to persuasively feign interest in the 1 “Australia” director Luhrmann “Batman” series 29 Rationalizing from the inept
guys who are interested in us both. And it is frankly 4 Sidearm outlaws pack 68 One of 52 31 Early Hollywood agent
10 ___ Sutra 69 Cuban dance: var. Swifty
depressing to watch her go through the motions with 14 Tahiti, par exemple 70 Half of half of half of octo- 32 1990s dating show
one of “ours.” 15 “Ad astra per ___” 71 Bum 33 Spookily weird
Does being GGG require her to be a good 16 Mine, in Marseilles 72 Not goofing around 34 Opera subdivisions
actress, or does it require me to pretend that I believe 17 Injury from Fluffy, perhaps 73 High school assembly goal 37 CBS show with Eric Szmanda
her when she claims she enjoys the three-ways we 19 Below average 38 “___ be an honor”
have together? 20 Jacob’s biblical twin Down 42 Letters on the 6
Is This A Silly Problem? 21 During every season 1 Bo who lost to Carrie 43 Ass’s asset?
23 Word after acting or stink Underwood on “American Idol” 45 “___: Los Angeles” (LL Cool
This isn’t a silly problem. You’re not happy, 26 Dog’s master 2 “___, poor Yorick!” J show)
which means your relationship isn’t working, which 27 Tiebreaker rds. 3 Greek letter 46 Classic muscle car
means it’s time to renegotiate terms: Tell the wife to 30 Least based in reality 4 “___-Man Fever” (1980s hit) 47 Capital about 300 miles from
35 “Do or do not--there is no 5 Haifa’s nat. New York City
stop fucking other people for a while. (And, yes, you ___” 6 Perform part of a Bob Barker 48 He never finished his Tenth
should have the authority to do that—both partners 36 Pop-Tarts flavor released in wish Symphony
in an open relationship should be able to call a time- the 2000s 7 Henri’s head 52 Fuel the fire
out.) If your wife balks, concede that you’re asking 39 ___ ex machina 8 Killer whale 54 Performed
her to pass up on some opportunities for hot sex. 40 Sky blue 9 Bert who played the Cowardly 56 “Comin’ ___ the Rye”
Then remind her that you’re the guy she married, that 41 Unlikely to bite Lion 57 Jessica in a 1980s scandal
you’re the guy she’s hoping will stick around once 44 1961 album showing Sinatra 10 Hard-hitting noise 58 Stuck in ___
hot guys aren’t lining up to get in her pants anymore, straightening his tie 11 Invoice phrase 59 Rating for “The Sopranos”
and that there will still be hot guys out there who want 47 Online outburst 12 Someone who’s the butt of 61 Enlist for another tour
to fuck a year from now. 49 It may include a five-point many pranks 62 Photographer Geddes
harness 13 Use a clothespin, perhaps 63 Head cleaner of sorts
While you’re not fucking other people, fuck
50 Scrappy-___ 18 Classroom replacement 66 “This is only a test” gp.
each other, fuck a lot, work to reestablish your sexual 51 Ankle bones 22 “Portnoy’s Complaint” author 67 Talk and talk and talk and talk
connection. 53 With “off,” British swearer’s Philip
Then when you’re ready to start fucking other phrase 24 Mystery craft ©2010 Jonesin’ Crosswords
people again—and you’re not ready until you’re both 55 “I’ve got nothing else to say” 25 Classic arcade game with (editor@jonesincrosswords.com)
ready—your wife should agree that over the next year 60 Al Kut’s country tractor beams
she will fuck only guys who are interested in fucking
you both. That’s going to mean passing up on some
hot guys who are only into her, of course, but that’s
a sacrifice she should be willing to make in order to
save her marriage. It also means that she’ll have to
work harder to find hot guys who are into you both—
do whatever you can to help—but she’s likelier to
make that extra effort if it’s the only way she gets to
fuck a hot guy who isn’t her husband.
Hopefully by the time your three-way-or-the-
highway year is up, ITASP, you’ll have a few regular
thirds on deck—hot guys who are into you both, guys
your wife won’t have to pretend with—and then she
can do some solo adventuring without shredding your
self-esteem in the process.
What is your favorite kink? What fucked-up
thing does Dan Savage get up to?
Nosy Reader
My kinks aren’t interesting, NR, and my
marriage vows specifically forbid me from disclosing
that sort of information.
Here’s something interesting: “A Palestinian
man has been convicted of rape after having
consensual sex with a woman who had believed
him to be a fellow Jew,” the Guardian reported last
week. After the dude “introduced himself as a Jewish
bachelor seeking a serious relationship,” the two “had
consensual sex in a nearby building.” The woman
went to the cops to report that she had been raped
only after she learned that the man wasn’t Jewish.
Now I don’t think there’s anything wrong with
fucking the shit out of a guy you’ve only just met
(that’s how I met my husband), but I gotta say: When
we have consensual sex with strangers—when we go
to “a nearby building” with someone we’ve only just
met—we’re not just taking a chance on a person we
know very little about. We’re taking a chance on our
own bullshit detectors. And no one’s bullshit detectors
are 100 percent accurate. So someone who can’t bear
the thought of accidentally fucking an Arab or a
Republican or a married man or a guy who makes less
than $250,000 a year really has no business fucking
strangers. That person owes it to himself/herself to
get to know people a bit better before visiting any
nearby buildings with them.
Not because it’s okay to lie. But because people
do lie. mail@savagelove.net
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