IRBR CLIO - Mdulo: Ingls Regular - Professor: Anthony Rosenberg

Class 7 Essay Writing: Brainstorming and Planning

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IRBR CLIO - Mdulo: Ingls Regular- Professor: Anthony Rosenberg
Class 7 Essay Writing: Brainstorming and Planning

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 Tips for Rio Branco English Writing Test - Composition

General Structure

A maximum of 5 paragraphs of around 5 to 6 sentences each = approx. 350-450 words

1st paragraph Introduction to broad theme in first sentence, moving towards a more
specific argument in the final sentence(s) the Thesis Statement.

2nd, 3rd (and 4th if needed) Development of supporting ideas that aid the readers understanding of
the Thesis Statement presented in the Introduction. These paragraphs
should be linked by means of transition sentences.

Last (5th or 4th) paragraph - Wrapping up of argument, linking ideas to the initial Thesis Statement.

Language Specifics

Vary language - Try not to repeat language; that is, use synonyms. The aim is to show
off the wide range of sophisticated vocabulary you have.

Slang & Colloquial - Avoid these at all costs.

Idiomatic expressions - Employ them carefully. Do not exaggerate on the number per essay.

Phrasal verbs - Employ them only when necessary. Do not exaggerate on the number
per essay.

Sophisticated vocab - Used sophisticated language. This means that sometimes the Latin-
based word is a better option.

Spelling - Any misspelled word will result in a loss of points

Punctuation - Be aware of how punctuation works in English (syntax). It is not so

different from Portuguese, but there are some differences.

No-nos NEVER: - use contractions (cant = cannot, shouldnt = should not)

- use the word NOWADAYS (I dont know why)
- start sentences with BUT, AND, OR
- start paragraphs with conjunctions (However, On the other
hand)
- repeat the same word in the same sentence or, if possible, in
the same paragraph

Sentence Structure

Vary length - Try to vary the length of sentences within each paragraph. This avoids
monotony and promotes advanced structure as well as interesting turns of
phrase (a chance to show off!).

Connectives - These are helpful tools, but do not overuse them. Avoid repetition of
connectives.

Vary starters - Start sentences with different parts of speech (gerunds, connective
clauses, adverbial clauses, pre-modifying adjective clauses, etc.).

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 IRBR CLIO - Redao Ingls - 2009 - Unidade Rio

Tips on planning an essay

1) Write the central argument in the center of a page (scrap paper).

2) From there, make at least six branches (arms) to different parts of the page.
3) At the end of each branch, write an idea that is related to your central argument (they could
be examples, theories, and conjectures, whatever).
4) Once you have these, under each idea, you might want to write some details / vocab (all in
note form) that could be included in the essay. Try to get three words/expressions for each idea.
5) Now that you have a bunch of things that COULD be used in your essay, number your top
three ideas, from 3 (best idea) to number 1 (not as convincing or not as many examples / vocab).
6) Now that you have the 3 ideas numbered, forget the other three for now. You will NOT need
them right now.
7) Now, write your Thesis Statement. It should be one or 2 or 3 sentences arguing the central
idea that you placed in the middle of the page. Do not write the Thesis Statement as if you are
writing the beginning of the essay. You are NOT writing the opening sentence. This is a
Thesis Statement, which is the central argument you wish to make with the essay. It is easier, for
now, to write a sentence beginning with I believe
8) Now that you already have a Thesis Statement, go back and write the opening to your
Introduction. It should be a little more broad and encompass larger, less specific ideas. This will
require you to write in the direction of the Thesis Statement. A good Introduction goes from a
broad theme to a specific, central argument.
9) Now you can start writing the Body of your essay, but you will start the Body with the idea you
numbered 1. The least convincing of your arguments should be first. The most convincing should
be in the last Body paragraph (3). It creates more punch towards the end of the essay.
10) Once you have written your Body paragraphs, you should start your Conclusion. The
Conclusion must have two essential parts: a) the Thesis Statement must be reiterated, that is, you
must basically write the Thesis Statement again, using different language (do not copy it), but
rather restating your central idea using different vocabulary; and b) the ending to the essay should
cause an impact on the reader, that is, your reader must think about what (s)he has just read.
11) Transitions you must go back to your Body paragraphs and make sure there is a smooth
transition between them. Add sentences, rewrite them, do what is necessary for the reader to go
from one paragraph to the next without having to stop and think because the next idea has no
connection to the previous one. This is an art and takes practice.

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What can go wrong, why and how to fix it
1) My Introduction is too long
What went wrong? Why did it go wrong? What can I do?
- You wrote too much in the - You tried to include too much - Eliminate information that is not
Introduction information necessary

2) I got lost in the paragraph

What went wrong? Why did it go wrong? What can I do?
- You lost your train of thought - You probably didnt take enough - Go back to brainstorming or
notes eliminate the argument (take one
of your spares)

3) My Conclusion is too short

What went wrong? Why did it go wrong?
- You have run out of things to - You havent considered the
say outcome of your Thesis Statement
(TS - your central argument)
What can I do?
- Include in your Conclusion a
concept of outcome (what will or
could happen now), or close your
argument re-emphasizing your TS.

4) My essay lacks flow

What went wrong? Why did it go wrong? What can I do?
- You have not made connections - You havent considered how one - Include Transition sentences
between ideas idea leads to another (just like in (you may need to alter the last or
a conversation) first sentences of your
paragraphs)

5) My essay sounds boring

What went wrong? Why did it go wrong? What can I do?
- The text does not inspire the - You may have used repeated - Vary the length of sentences
reader vocab and sentence length within the paragraphs and find
synonyms for repeated vocab

6) My sentences are not sophisticated

What went wrong? Why did it go wrong? What can I do?
- Your sentences read - You have not varied sentence - Start sentences with different
monotonously starters or length parts of speech and vary their
length (short medium long)

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 7) My essay seems informal
What went wrong? Why did it go wrong? What can I do?
- Essay lacks level of - you probably used too many - Substitutive informal language
sophistication for Rio Branco test colloquial terms, slang, phrasal for formal (sometimes Latin-
verbs etc. based) vocab

8) I am way over the word count

What went wrong? Why did it go wrong? What can I do?
- You have written too much in 1 - You havent limited yourself to 5 - Improve your planning, choice of
part or many parts of the essay or 6 sentences per paragraph vocab, and eliminate information
(approx. 10 lines) that is not absolutely necessary.

9) I am way under the word count

What went wrong? Why did it go wrong? What can I do?
- You cant seem to fill 5 or 6 - You probably didnt brainstorm - When Brainstorming, think of
sentences per paragraph enough, or you are not developing each argument Philosophically,
complete arguments. Scientifically, Sociologically,
Academically, Technologically,
Culturally, Economically and
Politically. Use what is good for
your argument; leave the rest for
back-up.

10) I know absolutely nothing about the topic

What went wrong? Why did it go wrong? What can I do?
- The topic is from an area you - Life is like that. - Form an opinion. Consider the
are not familiar with topic, as in the previous answer,
Philosophically, Scientifically,
Sociologically, Academically,
Technologically, Culturally,
Economically and Politically.
Everybody has an opinion.

11) One of my arguments is not very convincing

What went wrong? Why did it go wrong?
- The essay falls flat in one of - You chose the wrong argument,
your arguments or you didnt spend enough time
brainstorming
What can I do?
- Scrap it and take another from
your stock (the others you had
ruled out), or take 5 minutes to
re-brainstorm

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 12) My Conclusion is quite repetitive
What went wrong?
- Your Conclusion does not deliver
the punch it should and it seems
you are chuvendo no molhado
Why did it go wrong? What can I do?
- You have probably tried to - Do not summarize. The essay is
summarize your essay in the too short to warrant a summary.
Conclusion. Try to prompt the reader with
rhetorical questions; consider how
things could have been different;
how things may be different if
something is done (future); make
suggestions

INTRODUCTIONS:

Openings

What NOT to do in the opening of an introduction

Dictionary definitions of words your reader should know (unless you are redefining them);
Rhetorical questions Did you know? or Have you ever wondered? are a no-no;
Do not use This paper will be about In this paper I will prove;
Beginning too far away from your actual topic (e.g. There are many novels, all of which have
characters. Some characters are heroes, and some are not.); and
A book report list of irrelevant facts (William Shakespeare lived in the Elizabethan era in England.
He wrote many plays. One of these plays was Hamlet.).

Thesis Statements

a) A thesis statement is an assertion, not a statement of fact or an observation.

Fact or observation: People use many lawn chemicals.
Thesis: People are poisoning the environment with chemicals merely to keep their lawns clean.

b) A thesis takes a stand rather than announcing a subject.

Announcement: The thesis of this paper is the difficulty of solving our environmental problems.
Thesis: Solving our environmental problems is more difficult than many environmentalists believe.

c) A thesis is the main idea, not the title. It must be a complete sentence that explains in some
detail what you expect to write about.
Title: Social Security and Old Age.
Thesis: Continuing changes in the Social Security System make it almost impossible to plan intelligently for
one's retirement.

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d) A thesis statement is narrow, rather than broad. If the thesis statement is sufficiently
narrow, it can be fully supported.
Broad: The American steel industry has many problems.
Narrow: The primary problem in the American steel industry is the lack of funds to renovate outdated
plants and equipment.

e) A thesis statement is specific rather than vague or general.

Vague: Hemingway's war stories are very good.
Specific: Hemingway's stories helped create a new prose style by employing extensive dialogue, shorter
sentences, and strong Anglo-Saxon words.

f) A thesis statement may have one or more main points. However, they must be directly
connected to the same argument. Disconnected arguments in the same thesis statement can
not only make it too difficult for the reader to understand, but also for the writer to support.
Disconnected main points: Stephen Hawking's physical disability has not prevented him from becoming a
world-renowned physicist, and his book is the subject of a movie.
Connected main points: Stephen Hawking's physical disability has not prevented him from becoming a
world renowned physicist and author.

Good Thesis Statements:

On stem-cell research
The United States government should not fund stem-cell research because such research is not
ethical, cost-effective, or medically necessary.
In this essay, we can expect to see a paragraph on ethics; another on cost
effectiveness; and another on medical necessity.

On A Tale of Two Cities

In A Tale of Two Cities, Charles Dickens shows the process by which a wasted life can be redeemed.
Sidney Carton, through his love for Lucie Manette, is transformed from a hopeless, bitter man into a
hero whose life and death have meaning.
In this essay, we can expect to see a paragraph on how Sidney Cartons life was
wasted and bitter; another on his love for Lucie Manette; and another on his
heroics. It is possible that these last two ideas are blended into one paragraph.

On World War II
Americas use of the atomic bomb at the end of World War II was an unnecessary action that caused
unprecedented civilian casualties for purely political ends.
In this essay, we can expect to see a paragraph on the destruction caused by the
atomic bomb; and another on the political motives behind the decision to use the

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 bomb. It highly likely that the Conclusion will present alternatives that could have
been taken.

Sample introductions

The underlined part is the Thesis Statement. Notice how each paragraph starts broad, then takes the reader
to more restricted arguments. Finally, the texts reach a very specific argument, which is presented last.

Only about half of the freshmen entering most American colleges each year ever graduate. It is not that
freshmen students are not intelligent, and the reasons half drop out are numerous. As it is quite normal to
study away from ones hometown, some merely get homesick, while others transfer to other types of
education, and still others leave for personal or economic reasons. Yet, a large number of students do in fact
leave for academic reasons, and most of these students never graduate because they do not realize the time
and dedication to study that success in college requires.

Practically every consumer, including those who do not smoke and would never even consider taking up the
habit, can easily identify each of the following slogans: Id walk a mile for a Camel, Come to Malboro
Country, and Youve Come a Long Way, Baby. Advertising, bombarding us on every level, is so
widespread and pervasive that we rarely give it a second thought. However, the images presented in these
advertisements are etched in our minds whether we choose to admit it or not. Even children are not immune
to the effects of advertising. In fact, children and adolescents are now targeted in Cigarette campaigns as
potential consumers. Our children are potential victims of unscrupulous individuals who would use a cartoon
character, such as Joe Camel, to sell cigarettes to adolescents. The only real concern of cigarette
advertisers, who use all their wiles to deliberately seduce the buying public, including children, is the bottom
line. They clearly do not act in the best interest of the consumer.

Rebellion in the Backlands was written in the beginning of the twentieth century by one of the most
influential writers in Brazil: Euclides da Cunha. At that time, Brazilian society followed a French pattern and
searched for a European understanding of civilization. The Republic had just been installed in Brazil a few
years before, and there was a constant need to provide definitions and concepts for the Brazilian nation.
Hence, Rebellion in the Backlands is of the utmost importance to understand the Brazilian identity, since
Euclides da Cunha turned his back on Europe and showed the real blend of social, racial and cultural aspects
that shaped Brazilians.

BODY PARAGRAPHS:

What you CAN include in the body paragraphs:

quotations from literature (if you remember them);
expert opinions (if you remember them);

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 historical facts (make sure you are clear on them. Do not guess);
statistics (make sure you are clear on them. Do not guess);
specific examples (make sure they are relevant. Do not go off on figurative tangents); and
other factual data.

How to USE these elements in the body paragraphs:

Interpretation interpret information you present so it connects directly to your arguments;
Analysis analyze information to clarify its importance to the argument;
Insight (if applicable) reveal how your idea is distinctive yet relevant to the argument; and
Reflection reflect on how this idea affects the world, the future, the institutions, people etc.

TRANSITIONS:
Transitions glue ideas (paragraphs) in an essay together. In both academic writing and professional writing,
your goal is to: convey information clearly and concisely; and convert the reader to your way of thinking.
Transitions help you to achieve these goals by establishing logical connections between paragraphs and
sections of your paper.

How transitions work

A transition will highlight a relationship that already exists between paragraphs by summarizing or referring
back to the last arguments in the previous paragraph and suggesting something of the content of the
paragraph that follows.
Transitions can be at the end of the paragraph, or at the beginning of the next paragraph, although the
former is better.

Examples of transitions

(Introduction has been omitted)

To begin with, it is essential to affirm the degrading role of imprisonment in Brazil. The
longer detainees remain under arrest, the higher the recidivism rates and the more difficult the
chances of social reintegration after imprisonment. Besides their precarious infrastructure, most
penal institutions are overcrowded. Consequently, not only do they fail to meet universal human
rights paradigms, but they are life-threatening. Moreover, corruption runs rampant, subverting the
legal order. Hence, there is a dire need for an overhaul, which, in order to be effective,
must rely on a combined effort.
In order to reconstruct Brazilian penitentiary system, civil society and government should
accomplish improvements collectively, emphasising preventive measures, rather than restrictive and
repressive ones. Imprisonment penalties may be applied as an exception, only in specific situations.
Instead, methods that act as an alternative to or substitute for imprisonment should be established
in law and properly resourced. Furthermore, huge investment must be provided, both for physical
environments in prisons and competent staff training.

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 Notwithstanding such pertinent and crucial recommendations, it cannot be neglected that
the human rights approach proposes the best framework for prison management and reform in
Brazil. All individuals, whether in gaol or not, are born with human dignity. Because they hold rights
not only against other people, but also against the State, they must be treated with entire respect
for their dignity. Therefore, cruel, inhumane or ill treatment is severally prohibited, especially if
committed by a State agent.
(Conclusion has been omitted)

In the first transition, the last sentence of the first body paragraph refers back to the problems presented in
the previous paragraph (dire need for) and forward to the next idea to be presented (overhaul combined
effort).
In the second transition, the transition is in the beginning of the next paragraph (third body paragraph) and
refers back to the recommendations (methods, investment), and forward to the next idea (human rights).

(Introduction has been omitted)

Brazil was, in the 70s of the last century, a country of unprecedented rates of economic
growth and urbanization. The pressure on public basic services was huge; not only on health and
education, but also on transport, sanitation and others. The central government, then under a
military dictatorship, chose to reduce its participation in the provision of such services, or, at least,
not to keep up with the demand. In the 80s, when the economy stalled, it became clear that the
private sector was unable to fill the gap, especially for the poor, who historically comprise the
majority of the countrys population. However, this all changed when the political structure
registered a dramatic advance, which raised questions about public services.
With the re-democratization, the role of the State, in terms of basic services, has
come under new debate. The private sector is still encouraged, and, as the economy is again
thriving, it provides goods and services to an ever-larger group of those willing and able to pay.
Despite these improvements, the most important victory in this field is in the public sector. The
Federal Constitution establishes that the State must provide a free-for-all, quality health system.
More importantly, it must guarantee this from the national budget, fostering the implementation, to
a certain extent, of constitutional principles. The case of HIV/AIDS is emblematic. The central
government provides free treatment and medicine for all. Brazil has been internationally praised for
having maintained infection levels well below those observed worldwide (even in developed nations).
(Conclusion has been omitted)
In the transition, the last sentence of the first body paragraph refers back to the problems presented in the
previous paragraph (this all changed - the economy stalled) and forward to the next ideas to be presented
(a dramatic advance re-democratization / raised questions new debate / public services the role of the
State).

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CONCLUSIONS:

What NOT to do in a concluding paragraph

DO NOT use clichs which sound good but mean nothing
DO NOT introduce new arguments, evidence, or details
DO NOT apologize for doing a poor job of presenting the material
DO NOT summarize your essay. It is too short for this.
DO NOT qualify or blunt the impact of points made earlier
DO NOT use conclusion phrases, such as To conclude..., To summarize..., or In closing....

What to DO in the concluding paragraph

DO stress the importance of the thesis statement;

DO give the essay a sense of completeness; and
DO leave a final impression on the reader.

How to DO this(possibilities)

Answer the question "So What?"

o Show your readers why this paper was important. Show them that your paper was
meaningful and useful.

Redirect your readers

o Give your reader something to think about, perhaps a way to use your ideas in the "real"
world. If your introduction went from general to specific (as it should), make your
conclusion go from specific to general. Think globally.

Create a new meaning

o You don't have to give new information to create a new meaning. By demonstrating how
your ideas work together, you can create a new picture. Often the sum of the paper is
worth more than its parts.

Good Conclusions
Paint a picture of the real world (in your view)
On jury duty
Even though serving on a jury is not only a civic responsibility but also an interesting experience,
many people still view jury duty as a chore that interrupts their jobs and the routine of their daily
lives. However, juries are part of America's attempt to be a free and just society. Such cherished
aspects of democracy do not come free of charge. To maintain this, we, the people, are required to
consider how our world works and make difficult decisions so that it may continue or improve. Thus,
jury duty challenges us to be interested and responsible citizens.

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Looking towards the future
On the lack of qualified teachers
Without well-qualified teachers, schools are little more than buildings and equipment. Should higher-
paying careers continue to attract the best and the brightest students, not only will there be a
shortage of teachers, but those available may not have the best qualifications. The youth of a nation
suffer for the sake of growth in business and trade. When the youth suffer, the future of the populace
has little to look forward to.

Rhetorical questions
On electoral campaigns
Campaign advertising should help us understand a candidate's qualifications and positions on
important issues. Instead, most tells us what a boob or knave the opposing candidate is, or it presents
general and favorable images of the candidate as a family person or God-fearing citizen. Do such
advertisements contribute to creating an informed electorate who chooses political leaders the same
way they choose soft drinks and soap?

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 IRBR CLIO - Mdulo: Ingls Regular Professor: Anthony Rosenberg - Class 6

Thorne (1993): Boys and girls present a number of differences in the way each gender
interacts with their same-sex friends. It is important for parents and teachers to understand
these to provide for a better future.

Thornes statement is resonant in all cultures, and, through the recognition of this fact, parents and teachers
alike can learn how to approach the growing pains that all children go through, especially in their teenage
years. By understanding these types of relationships, and how they affect children, adults can make
adjustments to ensure a positive, fulfilling, exciting and memory-filled childhood. This is the way to prepare
the next generation of leaders. However, primarily, we must go back to playground basics.

Girls tend to engage in more cooperative kinds of play, such as jumping rope or practicing dance steps
together. In speech, they tend to say "Lets ..." or "Why don't we ...", implying that a motherly nature is
innate in females. Such gentle, maternal interaction creates friendships based on dialog, honesty and
kindness. In contrast, boys employ competitive rough-and-tumble play and make verbal threats either in
anger, or in the spirit of play. Their rambunctious ways reflect an aggressive approach to life to achieve
goals. Dialog, therefore, is more objective; yet, boys are usually less offended by harsh words and unkindly
behavior. Such differing interaction with same-sex friends, during the adolescent years, paves the way for
gender stereotyping. Hence, every part of our daily lives, from the work environment to our love lives, is
affected. Still, it seems as though the male relationship is somewhat different to that of females.

Unlike boys, who tend to hang around with a larger group of casual friends, girls like to spend time with only
one or two best friends. Consequently, they are inclined to form longer-lasting relationships that demand
more dedication. Boys, on the other hand, may have enduring friendships, but the level of dedication is not
as high as for their gender counterparts. Instead of hanging out with a larger number of buddies
sporadically over a longer period, girls feel the need to spend more quality time with their close friends.

Nevertheless, even the most intimate of comrades have their ups and downs. When hostility emerges
among friends, girls talk about the undesirable behavior of playmates behind their backs rather than to their
faces. As a result, girls take longer when resolving a conflict. Boys, contrariwise, are more direct and
confrontational, so clashes are often over quickly. Hence, grudges seem to be more common in female
relationships. One could say that boys bounce back a little quicker than girls after a spat between friends.

Understanding conflict, the volatility of relationships, gender, and discourse is just one way that parents and
teachers can prepare to lead children through life. As Thorne explains, we must provide for a better future.
I believe that, by recognizing fundamental behavior patterns, and empathizing with the roles of each sex in
society, role models can fine-tune their own discourse to serve as examples for the next generation. After
all, if we cannot lead by example, then why are we leading?

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