Thao 1

Revision Sheet

Issue 1: First Body Paragraph

Identification: With the use of my graded WP1, I realized that I did not cite some sources

correctly.

Citation of original issue: In an article by Somini Sengupta, a foreign correspondent for the

New York Times, Sengupta swiftly begins describing the massive plight of Syrian refugees over

the past four years.

Solution: I went back to italicize New York Times within the paragraph.

Citation of fix: In an article by Somini Sengupta, a foreign correspondent for the New York

Times, Sengupta swiftly begins describing the massive plight of Syrian refugees over the past

four years.

Issue 2: First Body Paragraph

Identification: In my graded WP1, I realized that a particular part of my fourth sentence was not

as clear as I thought it had been.

Citation of original issue: In utilizing this detail, she fluidly transitions into the main

discussion of the article in which discusses the United Nations fear that amongst refugees,

Islamic State fighters may also be entering developed nations to carryout terrorist activity.

Solution: I changed the transition of the sentence.

Citation of fix: From there, she fluidly transitions into the main discussion of the article in

which discusses the United Nations fear that amongst refugees, Islamic State fighters may

possibly be entering developed nations to carryout terrorist activity.

Issue 3: First Body Paragraph

 Thao 2

Identification: In my 7th sentence, I needed to clarify the intent of the authors tactics.

Citation of original issue: If the author were to neglect the background, it would significantly

disrupt the audiences understanding of the articles purpose.

Solution: I changed the wording to make the sentence clearer.

Citation of fix: If the author were to exclude the background of the topic, it would significantly

disrupt the audiences understanding of the articles purpose.

Issue 4: Second Body Paragraph

Identification: I attempted to condense an explanation, but realized that in doing so, it would

confuse the reader.

Citation of original issue: After the background, authors then begin to engage readers in the

information in an educative way while relying on the readers assumption that the article is

unbiased due to the journalistic presentation.

Solution: I decided to create another sentence to get my ideas across more concisely.

Citation of fix: In being a news article, authors rely on the audiences assumption that the

article is unbiased because journalistic presentations are often complied with factual details to

inform the audience rather than to sway or confirm the audiences personal belief or opinions.
 Thao 3

Kashia Thao

Writing 2

Prof. Speiser

8 June 2017

The Importance of Syria

According to the official Syrian Refugees website, around 11 million Syrian refugees

have fled Syria in search for safety within other nations (Timline). This spiraling tragedy has led

to increased worldwide tensions that have placed the Syrian Refugees Crisis as the center stage

of nationwide news. The escalation of this continuous tragedy has led to the development of

various informational outlets that exist to educate readers in their own ways as the calamity

unfolds. In particular, news articles and blog posts effectively detail the information of the crisis

while achieving their own goals. Whereas news articles utilize various tactics that successfully

inform and, surprisingly, perpetuate a heightened seriousness regarding these events, blog

posts heavily rely on emotion that evoke empathy among readers to propel, as well as, encourage

readers to become involved in their intended purpose.

News articles, the first genre discussed here, are primarily informative sources that exist

to educate readers concerning ongoing events. Authors of news articles often include a brief

background that prep the reader with the right knowledge which contributes to the current event.

In an article by Somini Sengupta, a foreign correspondent for the New York Times, Sengupta

swiftly begins describing the massive plight of Syrian refugees over the past four years. From

there, she fluidly transitions into the main discussion of the article in which discusses the United

Nations fear that amongst refugees, Islamic State fighters may possibly be entering developed

nations to carryout terrorist activity. Likewise, Jethro Mullen, a CNN News Desk Editor, utilizes
 Thao 4

information regarding the lack of safety in Syria for civilians due to decreased health response

treatment and destructive civil war that develops his discussion on the effects of refugee

movement among other countries. The background in both these articles smoothly presents the

information to the audience while preventing confusion. If the author were to exclude the

background of the topic, it would significantly disrupt the audiences understanding of the

articles purpose. For example, if Sengputa were to immediately introduce the United Nations

fear of Islamic state fighters entering countries under low authorization, readers may not

understand why they are worried. However, by emphasizing that there is a tremendous inflow of

Syrian immigrants entering different nations, the reader is better able to understand that this

exact tremendous inflow could camouflage these worrisome individuals. Therefore, the inclusion

of background is vital for news articles because it provides readers with a stronger foundation in

understanding the informative purpose of the article.

After the background, authors then begin to engage readers in the information in an

educative way. In being a news article, authors rely on the audiences assumption that the article

is unbiased because journalistic presentations are often complied with factual details to inform

the audience rather than to sway or confirm the audiences personal belief or opinions. They also

tend to sustain a formal and concise tone that most effectively delivers the information. Sengputa

states, Last week the European Union forced through a plan, over the bitter objections of some

of its nations, to distribute 120,000 asylum seekers among member states. The use of logos,

which is primarily used to present facts, is indicative that the article is heavily objective and

presented without bias. Continuing with this formality, news article authors typically utilize

ethos such as in Mullens piece, Syria is haemorrhaging women, children and men who cross

borders often with little more than the clothes on their backs, the UNHCR said. The inclusion
 Thao 5

of ethos institutes and sustains the articles credibility because it strengthens the objectivity of

the article thus concluding in its validity. To reassert the credibility of the discussion, authors

add graphics to further the audiences visual experience in which they can better understand the

statistics employed by the author. In Sengputas article she includes a graphic detailing how the

European nations plan on splitting the refugees amongst their countries. Likewise, Mullen

integrates a graphic depicting the surge of Syrian refugees into major countries as shown below

(Almukhtar).

Essentially, in specifying tone and including authoritative statements as well as graphics, the

author engages the reader in the information, but furthermore helps the reader to understand the

educational purpose and value of the article as it draws attention to ongoing worldwide events

that affect our everyday life.

Contrary to news articles, blog posts are typically formulated to evoke emotion within the

reader to encourage involvement in their cause. This also indicates that the readers expect a bias

because blog posts ensue more intimate and personal connections. In his blog post, Daryl

Grisgraber pays close attention to the organization of details. For example, he firstly begins by

introducing the conflict in which Mercy Corps is being forced to shut down its organization in

Turkey because of the lack of funds. By placing this as his first explanation, Grisgraber first
 Thao 6

handedly presents the issue that is intended for the audience to understand. Secondly, he

continues to explain the remarkable assistance the Mercy Corps have provided Syrian civilians

that unbiasedly applauds the existence of the group by highlighting considerable efforts it is

willing to make for the sake of simple humanitarian deeds. After elaborating on the effectiveness

of the group, Grisgraber begins to take a more personal approach such as, Though we tend not

to hear as much about local Syrian groups as we do about the larger agencies, it is high time we

began to realize that so many of the lives saved inside Syria were saved because local groups

risked their lives to reach people. In utilizing these specific words, Grisgraber takes advantage

of pathos, in which evokes sympathy, by targeting our personal ignorance. Finally, he effectively

promotes his cause by giving various of reasons as to why the existence of the Mercy Corps is

vital. In carefully considering the organization of details, authors can distinctively engage their

audiences in their discussion. Then they condition the reader to feel as if their involvement is

significant which is finalized with additional details that secures the readers choice in

involvement by reasserting the validity of the cause.

In another blog post by Sadhbh Goodhue, organization as well as emotion are

successfully combined to further promote the existence of Syrian aid groups such as hers,

Concern. Immediately from the title, Shatterd Lives: protecting civilians in war-torn Syria

Goodhue already establishes a dejected and melancholic tone that is indicative of the emotions

that will be projected. Goodhue supports the despondency of the title with a bolded statement

from a Syrian woman who suffered the tragedies of the civil war, We were scared. I asked him

to go see what was happening outside on the street, (Sameh in Goodhue). The ambiguity of her

statements stimulates fear in the reader that is furthered by despair as the women continues to

explain that her husband had been killed out of nowhere, (Sameh in Goodhue). In starting her
 Thao 7

piece with this narrative, Goodhue establishes a personal connection from the woman to the

reader that invokes contemplative reflection meaning that thoughts such as, What if this

happened to me? or, What would I do if I were in her position? would arise. This effectively

ties the readers attention into the blog posts which allows Goodhue to inform the audience on

the impact of the Syrian civil war on civilians still within the Syrian border. Like Grisgraber,

Goodhue then institutes an issue that requires the readers involvement, Over thirteen million

are in need of humanitarian assistance, with five million of these in besieged or hard-to-reach

areas. Immediately after, Goodhue stimulates more emotion, Recently, someone provided us

with enough money to purchase winter clothes for all the children, for example. But I am always

afraid that the help will stop. How will I manage then? (Sameh in Goodhue). This statement

kindles and heightens a sense of desperation and hopelessness that elicits compassion among

readers. However, these intended emotions are dramatically transformed as she then includes

another bolded statement highlighting the success of Concern such as, When first arrived,

Concern provided food baskets for us and also registered us to receive food vouchers. We were

so thankful (Sameh in Goodhue). Goodhue successfully finalizes the purpose of her article in

which was to promote the existence of her affiliated Syrian aid group for the sake of Syrian

civilians. Goodhue significantly displays how the use of structure is vital in provoking emotion

because without a strong structure the reader would fail to grasp the concept and the purpose of

the blog post. They may understand the emotion, but may also disregard why that they are

feeling is important.

With the use of the Syrian Refugee Crisis, the tactics that news articles and blog posts

use become more apparent. News articles about the crisis depict how their objectivity is

maintained for the sole purpose of educating the reader about the escalation that is occurring on a
 Thao 8

national and humane level. Blog posts then extract specific pieces of information, such as the

wellbeing of Syrian civilians, to encourage readers to become personally involved in the issue. In

doing so, they successfully do their jobs in reporting and inciting historically changing

worldwide events.

Works Cited
 Thao 9

Almukhtar, Gregor Aisch and Sarah. "Seeking a Fair Distribution of Migrants in Europe." The New York

Times. The New York Times, 04 Sept. 2015. Web. 26 Apr. 2017.

Goodhue, Sadhbh. "News and Blog." Shattered Lives: Protecting Civilians in War-torn Syria. Concern

Worldwide, 8 Mar. 2017. Web. 26 Apr. 2017.

Grisgraber, Daryl. "Support Local Syrian Aid Groups. They Are Saving Lives." Refugees International.

Refugees International, 14 Mar. 2017. Web. 26 Apr. 2017.

Mullen, Jethro. "Number of Syrian Refugees Rises above 2 Million, U.N. Agency Says." CNN. Cable

News Network, 04 Sept. 2013. Web. 26 Apr. 2017.

Sengupta, Somini. "Refugee Crisis in Europe Prompts Western Engagement in Syria." The New York

Times. The New York Times, 30 Sept. 2015. Web. 26 Apr. 2017.

"Timeline." Syrian Refugees. Syrian Refugees, 2016. Web. 26 Apr. 2017.