Domination & submission

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- tired of pretending to be something, or someone you're not
- **** All people dream, but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty
recesses of the mind, wake in the morning to find that it was vanity. But the dr
eamers of the day are dangerous people, for they dream their dreams with open ey
es, and make them come true. ******
- relationship dynamics
- who is realy in charge and what does that mean
- it's about how you love, and how you exress that love
- it can be uplifting and empowering, or it can be abusive and dangerous
- if you fail, it because you were inadaquately prepared for it
- the measure of a book's success isn't found in its footnoes, it can only be fo
und in its utility
- we are defined by how we use our power
- its hard to be a leader without a followers
- and vice versa
- **** Knowledge is power.
- *** For a Dominant, life is all about the power, in one form or another. It ne
eden't always be about pwer over other people. Sometimes, it can be as simple as
the power to control or change his own life circumstances, to alter his enironm
ent, or to choose his own path
- if you want to learn about a person's true character, just give his a little b
it of power
- difference between teh Dominants and the pretenders
- vanila -> world outside of D/s lifestyle
- there is a great crime in being like the majority of the people
- dominants:
- focus oriented
- to accomplishine goals
- not spnding time on bs
- little, or no second guessing his decisions
- when asked why he does it, the answer is, because he can
- you always know where you stand with him
- he is not one to tiptoe around an issue in order to spare your feelings
- being brutally honest, unfraid to tell you what they think
- if he hurts in some way, his response is "get over it"
- what sets the dominant from the rest of the humanity is his unique world view,
and how he relates to others
- how he thinks and feels, how others perceive him and how he relates
- fundamental character change
- why do you want to be a Dominant?
- Because I know that at my core, that is who I am, and I want to learn to expr
ess and conduct myself in harmony with that
- questions:
- What if you tell your submissive what to do, and she doesn't obey you?
- what if your directives turn out to be wrong, misguided, or even dangerous?
- what are the limits to your responsibilities to your submissive, or her respo
nsibilities to you
- are your required to fulfill and, or all, of her needs?
- where do you draw the line at meeting her emotional, physical, intellectual,
financial, social or educational needs
- would you be prepared to put her through school, pay her bills, or care for h
er if she were incapacitated
- would you still want to be a Dominant, even if it meant that there would be a
bsolutely no sex involved
- more questions:
- ...

- becoming sexualy aroused from inflicdting physical or emotional pain or discom

fort upon his partners
- for the note: some of the worst serial killers have been sadistic Dominants
- Consent, in this lifestyle is everything
- craves from his babygirl usually include the ability to trust absolutely and w
ithout reservation, a spirit of wide-eyed innocence and playfulness, and eagerne
ss for mentoring and guidence, and the kind of gleeful no-holds-barred adoration
and worship that only girls and puppies seem capable of demonstating
- orgasam deferral or denial
- The Dom God -> lord, who expects and thrives on the worship of his submissives
- difference between the submissive and a slave
- naive teens willing to play "slave for a day"
- **** don't make yourself a target
- problem-solving abilities
- chivalrous aura
- behind-the-scenes submissive pupet-master who controls her Dominant without hi
s knowledge
- ***** a submissive is defined primarily by her deep-seated desire to serve and
please another, while feeling loved, cherished and cared for
- even the submissive who is an extreme masochist or who craves degradation and
humiliation still wants to feel as appreaciated and treasured as any other kind
of submissive
- happiness of giving service to someone you lvoe and respect
- performing service can be one of the most fulfilling things you can do
- service != sacrifice
- Service is cooking dinner for your kids.
- Sacrifice is going hungry so your kids can have dinner.
- ***** an argument or fight with someone who is self-assertive, aggressive, or
intimidating can send someone who is non-confrontational into an emotional death
spiral of discomfort, self-doubt, and anger
- making decissions alone, or with someone else, helping you
- in chaotic, confusing, dangerous situations looking for someone who knows what
is going on to tell you what to do or where to go
- When experiencing terrible fear, do you instincively become a leader or a foll
ower
- ****** taking charge *******
- ***** who's the boss
- showing who's the Boss
- in the bedroom
- forced submission
- given submission (gift)
- gift of submission -> something that you give willingly to someone who DESERVE
S IT.
- ***** if a submissive is plagued with serious self-esteem issues, she may view
herself as worthless and, therefore, her submission as equally worthless
- ***** then, it becomes necessary to teach her that not onle does she have val
ue, but her submission is a gift of great value which should not be wasted on th
e unworthy
- Dominant should earn a submissive's trust, respect and love as their relations
hip evolves
- but at the beginning of the relationship there is often going to be significa
nt LEAP OF FAITH involved
- at that point, Dominant may have demonstrated certain traits that make him at
tractive and potentially worthy of a leap of faits, but it is doubtful he has ea
rned much
- *** The gift of Domination
- the gift of being willing to take control and responsiblity
- the willingnes to bring order into chaos
- to bring good
- *** Dominants, with their big honkin' egos, rarely have to be convinced of teh
value of their contribution to a relationship
- *** TPE, total power exchange
- question of whether something can be considered real power if it isn't excerci
sed or exploited
- **** authority
- set of permissions
- *** even though Dominant may be exercising that power, the submissive always r
etains the power and authority to revoke it at will, at any time
- **** the submissive who may be perfectly capable of managing her own household
budget, but has ceded the authority to do so to her Dominant
- submissive being required to get permission from her Dominant to have an orgas
m
- asking: "Have I empowered you? If so, how?"
- ***** the responses (in chapter 2)
- letting go
- increasing capablity
- giving self-confidene and knowledge of beign loved and cherished
- "You empovered my with the authority to act and speak for you in certain situ
ations. When I am weak or indecisive, I am able to draw on your judgment and gui
dence and say, "My Master wound not be pleased if I were to do what you've asked
of me"
- ability to grow and fulfil her potential
- chance to make someone proud

- sex is something that a person does, not something that a peron is

- ****** inner private religion
- The Lesser God and his Acolytes are part of their own private religion, where
sin and redemption are redefined and the Dominant sits at the center of his wors
hippers universe as a god or prophet
- they don't expect or need the rest of the people to understand, as long as it
continues to work for them
- (write your own religion)

- **** a Lesser God Dom considers himself unbound by any rules other than those
he makes for himself
- the Acolyte typically exists in a detached, isolated and sometimes amoral rea
lity in the persence of HER PERONAL GOD
- when things are going well, they tend to go very well, but when things go bad
ly, they are of biblical proportions
- ****** Within their quasi-religious paradigm (and religion in general), death
is often viewed as a mere illusion or as a graduation from one level of awarenes
s to the next. This can become problematic when the Lesser God Dom is revealed t
o his Acolytes to be a mere mortal, or when the group feels threatened by outsid
ers
- **** When someone askys you if you are a God, you say yes"
- (?) phony submissives -> those who conduct themselves as Brats without the app
roval of their Dom
- "topping from the bottom"
- sa-fora -> "daughter of the chain"
- kajira training
- *** The Novice's first collar typically lasts about as long as it takes the so
-called Dominant to reach an orgasm, or contraversely, to learn that it isn't go
ing to happen
- ****** THE BEDROCK AND FOUNDATION OF EVERY D/s RELATIONSHIP IS TRUST
- the painslut goes well betond seeing pain as a good thing. For the Painslut it
is usually the best thing, and sometimes the only thing
- **** Pet play is frequently a Novice submissive's first real exposure to the D
/s dunamics due to its low level of complexity and the relative ease with which
one can keep things on a non-sexual level
- ***** it is the Dominants responsiblity to recognize traits in any potential p
artner who may honestly and naively believe that she realy is a submissive
- ******* it is absolutely necessary for a Dominant to ALWAYS now what is going
on inside of his submissive's head
- ***** "Tell me what you're thinking" is a question that every submissive shoul
d look forwars to hearing from her Dominant
- the answer must be honest
- it is the submissive's golded opportunity to influence her Master's decisions
and opinions the right way
- the good Dominant -> **** someone who finds joy and fulfillment in guiding, te
aching, caring for and protecting the right person
- too good Submissive -> **** someone who finds joy and fulfillment in pleasing,
servie to, caring for and taking firection from the right person
- **** be a good animal, true to your animal instincts
- **** who speaks to the instincts speaks to the deepest in mankind, and find th
e readiest response
- ******* enraging and erotic battle for dominance *******
- circulating another person, evaluating them as a pray
- getting the incredible thrill from a chase
- establishing dominance done unplanned, unscripted and occurs with each new per
son
- biting and scratching as being better than sex
- marking something, or someone with you scent as a way of saying "Mine"
- the pack
- response to a challenge is usually to pin, and go for the jugular
- your partner having to make up excues for work to expain bite and scratch mark
s
- "Why chase something, that doesn't bleed?"
- sensing weakness or fear from across the room
- evaluating everyone you meet as a predator or a prey
- ******* not minding a bit if the process gets a little messy or bloody
- ****** embracing the primal characteristics
- not trying to tame them
- how you think, how you relate, and how you love
- as a primal
- Establishing dominance is almost always and ad hoc, unscripted, and unpredicta
lbe thing which can as simple and innocuous as a momentary glance, or as a shit
storm
- He doesn't care about whether or not your want to be evalueated, nor does he m
uch care about how you evaluate yourself. All he cares about is how you measure
up in relation to himself.
- "I know you call yourself a Dominant, but as far as i am concerned, you are a
submissive"
- instictive use of and respect for power and strength
- ***** When it comes to demonstrating your worthiness to a Primal, it isn't goi
ng to be enough to talk about your dominance, you're going to be expected to DEM
ONSTARTE it. That demonstation may not necessarily involve a physical contest of
strength, endurance and tolerance for pain, but you probalbe shoudn'y be too su
rprised if it does
- ****** A primal categorizes all others as either predator or pey, and treats t
hem appropriately.
- he carefull observes, stals, tracks, hunts, chases, and takes down his prey a
n relishes every moment of it
- if he classifeis you as a predator yourself, you can expect a Primal to steer
a wide path around you, preferring to seek out prey, instead
- biting, scratching, nibbling, licking, nuzzling
- sex with a primal may not always be pretty, but it's definitely never boring
- a primal trusts embracdes his instincts in most things
- being aware and able to read the extremely subtle singlas
- even sensing the change in body chemisty of your pray
- primal reads his prays ( and predators) like an open book
- he uses and knows how to use all of his senses
- primal scenes
- there is very little that a primal does that is preplanned
- primal scene
- happens without a lot of forethought
- what may start as a bit of cautious sniffing and circling can quickly escalat
e to a scenario where instinct supersedes reason and judgment, and life leaps fr
om mundane to extraordinarility interesining in about 2.6 seconds
- a reaction that opened up a part of herself that she had never suspected was t
here
- having sex like you are having a fight
- "As soon as I realized I wasn't goign to die, I was just completely filled wit
h this primal all-consuming rage. I just sprang off the bed like some kind of wi
ld animal, throwin my entire weight on him and knocking him on the floor, while
hitting and biting and scratching
- ****** then we had, what I can only describe as, the most incredible sex, eve
r.

- "We probably said more in those few minutes of silently staring at each other
htan any conversation, no matter how deep, ever could"
- primalism is simply a matter of surrendering mattr of attraction, love, sex an
d kink to our most basic instincts
- ******** Nothing is so powerful as an insigne into huan nature.... what complu
sions drive a man, what instincts dominate his actinos... If you know there thin
gs about a man you can touch him at the core of his being *******
- ***** trusting and following your primal instincts can not only help you to co
nnectt, touch and be touched at your very core, but it can sometimes actually he
lp you to make better decisions
- ********** Good instinctse can very often convey hidden truths and guide your
actions long before your intellect figures things out rationally
- *** exploration of your primal side
- For all the talk you hear about knowledge beign such a wonderful thing, instin
ct is worth forty of it for real inerringness"
- aggressive penetrating eyes
- having a clear discussion about what a collar represents
- at sertain, esablished point, every action of a submissive is a dirrect reflec
tion upon the Dominant in every way, signilizing to everyone his competence, or
lack thereof, as a trainer of a submissive
- some of the challenged which usually must be overcome by a submissive in train
ing include learning how to properly process fear, doubt and distrust, rendering
proper respect, avoiding excessive argumentation, and utilizing tact
- ****** A slave contract is a contract solely between a two people, a marriage
contract is a contract between a couple and the government
- ********** (WARNING !! DANGER) the submissive can always claim that his action
s have emotionally unbalanced her, since there is no definition of what that mea
ns
- "It is strange, he said, I have faced sleen and the steel of fierce enemies. I
am warrior and am high among warriors. Yet you, a mere girl, would conquer me w
ith a smile and a tear"
- He can chose to reaveal himself by his mannerisms or by discussing the fact th
at he is a Dominant, or he can impose himself on the other person by unwisely at
tempting to dominate her at this first enbounter. The former is a revelation, th
e later and imposition
- even if a submissive in normally attracted to this sort of dminant behavior,
she may not appreaciate it
- **** most people in the BDSM community love to welcome and mentro people who a
re new to it and eager to learn
- in BDSM groups
- don't touch without permission
- never interupt the scene
- don't take pictures
- don't wander into parts of the house not designed for the event
- protect the furniture
- difference between sex and love is that sex relives tension and love causes it
- mistacking sex and love
- "You may be wonderful bottom, but you're a lousy submissive"
- You can have BDSM without sex, sex without BDSM, or you can have both
- BDSM is what you do. D/s is what is in your head and heart, it is what governs
your relationship dynamics
- A Top may not be a Dominant. A Bottom may not be a submissive
- some people express their love with kisses and caresses. I express mine throug
h D/s relationship dynamic
- For me, the gift of submission from my partner is the purest expression of lov
e that I can imagine
- Loyalty runs a very close second
- Love is that condition where someone else's happiness matters more to you than
your very own
- ******* The more you love, the more you can love-and more intensly you love. N
or is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he
could love all of that majority who are decent and just
- polyamory -> the word is derived from the Latin poly, meaning many, and amor,
meaning love.
- love -> *************8 That condition in which the happiness of another person
is essential to your own
- ****** consider the love that a mother has for her children. Wich each new chi
ld that comes along, a mother seems to have an infinite reservoir of love to sha
re with each new addition to her family
-