Journal of Lesbian Studies

ISSN: 1089-4160 (Print) 1540-3548 (Online) Journal homepage: http://www.tandfonline.com/loi/wjls20

To Sor Juana

Mary L. Daz

To cite this article: Mary L. Daz (2003) To Sor Juana, Journal of Lesbian Studies, 7:3, 79-87,
DOI: 10.1300/J155v07n03_07

To link to this article: http://dx.doi.org/10.1300/J155v07n03_07

Published online: 25 Sep 2008.

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 To Sor Juana
Mary L. Daz

First feminist of the Americas,

champion in defending my right to know.
Destroyed, resurrected, reconstructed.
Notoriety and celebration,
Sor Filotea,
determination and moral courage
were not enough to keep you
in your rightful place.
Peor de todas,
mejor que casi todas.

In the confines of your convent,

Enduring the rules of men.
Religious order.
Irreligious orders.
Undermined by those you trust and respect.
Exploited for your talents and abilities.
Days and nights reading and writing
within the privilege of your confinement.

Mary L. Daz is a licensed clinical social worker and psychotherapist. She received
her EdD at Claremont Graduate School, her MA at San Diego State University, and her
BA at California State University, Northridge. She has given numerous presentations
to groups working with Latinas (and other women) on such issues as stress manage-
ment, eating disorders, and self-esteem.
[Haworth co-indexing entry note]: To Sor Juana. Daz, Mary L. Co-published simultaneously in Journal
of Lesbian Studies (Harrington Park Press, an imprint of The Haworth Press, Inc.) Vol. 7, No. 3, 2003, pp. 79-85;
and: Latina Lesbian Writers and Artists (ed: Mara Dolores Costa) Harrington Park Press, an imprint of The Haworth
Press, Inc., 2003, pp. 79-85. Single or multiple copies of this article are available for a fee from The Haworth Docu-
ment Delivery Service [1-800-HAWORTH, 9:00 a.m. - 5:00 p.m. (EST). E-mail address: docdelivery@
haworthpress.com].
http://www.haworthpress.com/store/product.asp?sku=J155
2003 by The Haworth Press, Inc. All rights reserved.
10.1300/J155v07n03_07 79
80 LATINA LESBIAN WRITERS AND ARTISTS

Freedom is not without consequence.

Demoralized, subjugated, betrayed.
What led them to destroy a brilliant woman?
Jealousy? Envy? Ambition? Control?
Why your downfall, Juana Ins?

Unsupported, targeted for damnation

from those devoted to God.
For your delightful expression,
pride of the convent,
disdained and disrupted.

You upset their minds,

you upset my mind.

Under the rule of Spain,

under the rule of the king,
under the rule of Mexico,
under the rule of the Viceroy,
under the rule of the Archbishop,
under the rule of Catholicism,
under the old rule,
under unhappy rule,
under disbelieving power.

Foolish men accuse.

Foolish men without reason.
Foolish men do not forgive
beauty, passion, talent,
bordellos,
convents,
freedom.

Behind cell bars,

demanding of you obedience,
urgent circumstances,
veils, chastity,
weakness,
vulnerability,
the place of woman beneath man,
retreat.
 Mary L. Daz 81

They will change the rules

to vindictiveness,
sabotage,
secrecy,
offense.

They forbid you your work,

your love,
your anger,
your pride,
your personal hell.
They who will not sit with women,
even smart women,
but never hesitate to quote them.
They who avoid direct conflict
by hiding behind hierarchy.
They who do not know enough
to mix theology with philosophy.
They who have never confessed to you
their admiration of your brilliance,
of your beauty.

Your love, though, begins

with apprehension,
in solitude,
with ardor,
with danger and fear,
and sleeplessness.

Surrounded by their vanities,

you put God in the passion of your verses
which they dismissed as invalid.

You want to study,

to be protected by the convent walls,
to not be admonished for your affections.

Perverse?
Lascivious?
Morbid sensuality?
82 LATINA LESBIAN WRITERS AND ARTISTS

Exalting another woman?

Distasteful?

Sor Filotea,
thank you for not being more careful,
thank you for your letters,
your gospel,
your genius,
your reading,
your vile news of the earth,
your refutations of distinguished theologians,
your likings,
your preferences,
your defenses.

Thank you for your confessions,

your betrayal,
the aggression you endured.

Thank you for your judgment,

your conflict,
your justice,
your trial.

You reveal your awareness in your disguise,

your abominated state,
your sex,
your first dream.

All of it condemned,
defied, defiant
digressions, scribblings.

You defend me in your fury.

Your unbecoming amorous poems
become my state.
Never stop your scribbling.
Never stop learning.
Never stop writing.
 Mary L. Daz 83

I was wronged when you were wronged.

I failed when you failed.
I was reprimanded when you were reprimanded.
They do not trust the sound judgment of women.

You and all Mexican women are instruments,

desires, ends,
assigned to men by law and moral codes
on which were not consulted.
Prostitutes, goddesses,
repositories, images of male energies,
reflections of their desires.

We experience your rage.

We are told in your conviction.
We learn from your tireless efforts.
We know from your persecution.
We are holy in your moment of triumph.
We understand in your beauty.
We are discredited in your confession.

If you were not a woman, it would not matter.

If we were not women, we would not matter.

God created women to philosophize,

to be impertinent,
to respond,
to create,
to reveal,
to call men bastards when they will not listen,
to yellENOUGH!
to be different,
to leave the convent,
to be the devil for the confessor,
to love countesses,
to guide,
to have literary ambitions,
to excel,
to die.
84 LATINA LESBIAN WRITERS AND ARTISTS

God created Mexican women

for glory,
for accolades,
for symbolic meanings
and loving bonds among women.
Not for marriage
and decent things.
Not for waiting.

God created Mexican women

to be challenged,
but not humbly,
not passively,
not suffering.

God created us to devour books,

to gain dreadful reputations as learned women,
to have first loves
and have our hearts broken.

God created us for amorous torment,

for craving,
melancholy.

God made us to remove our veils,

to look deeply,
reach out and touch a face,
to kiss gently.

This Juana is Gods.

The Queens. Mine.
Mexicos.
Spains.

First dream.
Nearer to God.
Worthy creature.
I write your name,
Juana Ins,
the best of all.
 Mary L. Daz 85

Your dignity continues to live

in the writings of Hispanic women.
Your will can be read
in the letters of lesbian poets.

Your ultimate triumph

is the greatest love poem.

NOTE
Inspired by the film Yo, la peor de todas (I the Worst of All). Directed by Mara
Luisa Bemberg. First Run/Icarus Films, 1990.
Illustration by Tonya Lpez-Craig