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Aubrey Babala

Ms. Gardner

English 10/H Period 6

8 May 2017

The Misunderstood Effect Divorce Has On Children

How would a divorce appear if it were up to the child that was being affected? Not all children

grow up with parents who are unsuitable as one anothers love for life so it is reasonable that some would

be against that concept. Divorce is a permanent conclusion of a marriage under the law that is often

criticized by those who are sheltered from it. We learn from our parents--how to love and how not to love.

We are influenced by their actions every day, and divorce, for a child in some cases, is used as another

learning tool to help them grow. Divorce introduces a massive change into the life of a boy or girl no

matter what the age, says Carl Pickhardt of the Psychology Today. Although it is sometimes judged by

its emotionally difficult process; divorce should be more respected because it could make for a happy,

open minded, and loving environment especially for the children.

There are many people that believe that families would benefit by staying together instead of

going through a divorce that would potentially break bonds. For example, Carrie Lynn, a millennial child

of divorce, confesses, Once my dad moved out and the holidays came around, it hit me and I realized

how different things were going to be ... Our family traditions are gone(Saggio). There are no

households that are exactly alike each other therefore there are no identical environments or relationships

for children to experience. Brigid Schlute, the author of the article Till Death Do Us Part? No Way. Gray

Divorce on the Rise, quotes a scientologist from Bowling Green State University Relationships with

their older children could be compromised as a result of the divorce.. All in all, numerous people

believe that divorce is messy and that it drives a wedge between all members of the family. Certainly,

many people believe that divorce does not benefit any family in any way. However, Kelsey Morgan,
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journalist for Divorce Magazine, supports the idea that divorce is sometimes the best option to help create

healthy surroundings for the children being affected:

There are a lot of reasons I feel this way, of course, and I want other parents to know that divorce

isnt always the end of a childs happiness, or the promise that your child will turn out angry and

traumatized later in life. Sometimes it may even be for the better, whether the child realizes it at

the time or not.

In a child's future, they become an adult and they learn to reflect on their life lived. This time for

reflection allows the understanding of how they became who they are, if it hadnt been discovered before.

Research demonstrates that divorce can change a negative perspective to positive, which could

improve the development of a child greatly. Suzy Miller, a woman who experienced her own divorce,

presents that people should shift their thinking from divorce creating broken families to extended

families (Driscoll). There are many millennials who are pushing off marriage altogether (Saggio). This

could mean that they are switching their views on permanent relationships, which is not a bad thing. As

my parents went through their divorce, I was somewhat torn on how to feel. I, although not a millennial,

felt a shift in my heart that lead me to shy away from love. However, finally understanding all of the

knowledge that I gained while living through my parents divorce allowed me to to change my views. Hal

Arkowitz, a journalist for the Scientific American, generalizes that most children are only affected by their

parents divorce in the short run and they recover quickly from the initial blow. Clearly, this information

provides reality to the idea that perspectives can change because of divorce. As a result, children obtain

the ability to feel how they want to feel and not always how society says they supposedly should feel

about divorce as well as about love.

Frankly, divorce can lead to a disconnection between a child and their parent as well as a

childhood scarred from broken love. I have a distant memory of my mom and dad when they used to hug

and I would squeeze my way in between them. Slowly the tight hugs stopped and my childish mind held
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the idea that they had stopped because I began to grow taller. I soon found out that absence of hugs was

caused not by my slow increasing height, but by the lack of love shared between them; this broke my

heart until I learned it was the the best way for our family to grow. We had all stopped hugging, but never

stopped hoping. We had all stopped talking, but never stopped wishing. The divorce provided us with a

better beginning. Nevertheless, when thinking about the peaceful and favorable environment that a

divorce could provide for a child, it is hard to imagine a world without that option of ending an unhappy

marriage. When one gets married their goal is to remain happy. Susan L. Brown, a journalist for the Los

Angeles Times, reasons that if your marriage is not achieving this goal, divorce is a sufficient solution.

Brown continues to point out that a gray divorce may mean an era of freedom and independance

(Schlute). Based on this research, divorce can provide the children of divorced parents a happier

environment to live and grow in. In summary, if divorce can supply a happy surrounding for those

involved, especially the children, society should respect the option of divorce more than they do now.

Primarily, divorce should be more respected by those who are secluded from it because it teaches

the children about their feelings--their feelings of love. Miller proceeds to emphasize, No one is to

blame, we just dont love each other any more (Driscoll). While experiencing my parents divorce the

most important thing that I would continuously tell myself was that there is no one to blame. The reason

that they were divorcing was simply because they did not love one another the same. I admire my moms

and my dads ability to continue shaping my brothers and me into the best people that we can become

while they themselves feel as though we are being let down by their temporary love. "It isn't our job to

spend the rest of our lives with a single person; Margarette Driscoll, journalist for the Daily Telegraph,

quotes, we are here to have loving relationships and to continue a loving relationship with the parent of

our children in whatever form works best." Evidently, love can still be learned from divorce and children

are open to learning. Therefore, divorce is not something that needs to be kept from children because it is
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not always something that tears families apart; divorce can bring a new sense of love-- something that was

never known to be missing, but welcomed with relieved hearts.

In conclusion, people who are isolated from divorce should nonetheless give their tacit approval

because it can allow children a happy, open minded, and loving environment. Without having the option

of divorce, some children would grow up not understanding how their life should be lived to its fullest,

not understanding that it is okay to have many different thoughts in their minds, and not understanding

how to love. I, a child of divorce, can state that I would not want my life any other way because of how

much I have been able to grow and how much appreciation I have gained. It is finally time to think fairly;

it is finally time for divorce to start being more accepted and less criticized by those who have never come

close to the experience.

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Works Cited

Arkowitz, Hal, and Scott O. Lilienfeld. Is Divorce Bad for Children? Scientific American, 6 Feb.

2013, www.scientificamerican.com/article/is-divorce-bad-for-children/.

Driscoll, Margarette. "It's Time to End the Unhelpful 'Blame Game' in Divorce." Daily Telegraph, 29

Nov, 2016, pp. 21, SIRS Issues Researcher, https://sks.sirs.com.

Morgan, Kelsey. 5 Signs That Divorce Is Better for the Kids. Divorce Magazine, 14 Feb. 2017,

www.divorcemag.com/articles/signs-that-divorce-is-better-for-the-kids.

Pickhardt, Carl. The Impact of Divorce on Young Children and Adolescents. Psychology Today,

Sussex Publishers, 19 Dec. 2011,

www.psychologytoday.com/blog/surviving-your-childs-adolescence/201112/the-impact-divorce-

oung-children-and-adolescents.

Saggio, Jessica. "'Gray Divorce' Affects Millennials." Florida Today, 05 Jul, 2016, pp. A.2, SIRS Issues

Researcher, https://sks.sirs.com.https://sks.sirs.com.

Schulte, Brigid. "Till Death do Us Part? no Way. Gray Divorce on the Rise." Washington Post, 08 Oct,

2014, SIRS Issues Researcher, https://sks.sirs.com.