Concepts of Dale Carnegie: Cohort 5

Use can use the following document to add in examples of how you were able
to live the principles of Dale Carnegie. You do not need to go into detail (brief
bullet points are fine). You only need enough information to spark your own
recall/memory for possible discussion. You can also use a different format for
documenting your progress. Audio or video or visual, whatever you think is
best. Feel free to be creative. Track your growth any way you want, just be
able to share it with Dr. Fusarelli (and possibly others) at some point in the
future. As you practice with your students and friends and family, also
consider how these strategies can be applied to leadership practice.
Fundamental Techniques in Handling People
1. Don't criticize, condemn or complain.

Example of when you were able to do this (&/or when you struggled to do this):

a. I was working on my childs teacher to schedule a home visit. I had to wait for almost two
hours. I didnt get a phone call. The number she gave me wasnt working either. The next day, I
found out that she left the folder at school. I could easily complain to her why she made us wait
and didnt give a phone call as to what happened. She explained she left her folder and she has
asked for another date when she come to our house for the visit.

2. Give honest and sincere appreciation.

Example of when you were able to do this (&/or when you struggled to do this):

a. I took my colleague (a Speech Pathologist) to a dinner in August to show my appreciation to

her as she was always such a good co-worker and always there to listen.

3. Arouse in the other person an eager want.

Example of when you were able to do this (&/or when you struggled to do this):

a. I struggle in convincing my fianc to hold a party for our daughters 4th birthday. He
wanted the party to be intimate and just be with the family. He wanted to wait until our
daughter turns 5. He reasoned it would be best to wait until shes much older to
remember everything about the party (as we always give her childrens party each year).
For my part, I want to document happy birthday celebrations that we can show to her
when she grows up. We ended up having the party at our house;
b. Also, one of the staff members at Southeast Halifax High School has been exhibiting
good leadership skills. She has many ideas particularly for the 9th grade house and does
not have the confidence to share them with her team members. In our usual
conversations and informal meetings with the 9th grade teachers, I often allow her to
 explicitly share her ideas and it naturally just came out from her what she envisions the
activities to take place i.e. Halloween activities during intramurals, curriculum night

Six Ways to Make People Like You

1. Become genuinely interested in other people.

Example of when you were able to become genuinely interested in other people (&/or
when you struggled to do this):

I am consciously working towards being genuinely interested in other people.

Sometimes, it is a lot easier to be interested when I like the person or if the person is a
friend or an acquaintance. I am having this constant conversation with a colleague who
responds well when I asked something about her personal plans i.e. travels, hobbies, etc.
We always have this pleasant conversation each day and I think, gradually, it becomes
natural for me to ask more than just a simple how are you? but more so with becoming
more specific and more thoughtful with my questions. I also invite this person to some
of my after-school activities i.e. Sunday church activities, etc.

2. Smile.

Example of when you were able to smile (&/or when you struggled to do this):

I think it is easy for me to smile. I like to greet my students and staff with my smile
everyday in the building.

3. Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound
in any language.

Example of when you were able to do remember and use peoples names (&/or when
you struggled to do this):

I am working on trying to remember my students names. For the upper grade level, I
always browse the yearbook from last year to familiarize myself with their names.

4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.

Example of when you were able to encourage others to talk about themselves and be a
good listener (&/or when you struggled to do this):

During my conference with students, I give them opportunity to explain and further
along in the conversation, I ask questions about what they do at home, who do they live
with, their interests, etc. I have students who stop by my office just to say good morning
and would tell me about how their days went. Also, when it comes to listening to staff
 and teachers, I ask more questions that allow them to provide more details about what
they want to share.

5. Talk in terms of the other person's interests.

I have applied this principle many times in the past especially when I was working as a
Training Officer back then in my previous occupation. Since I was in a sales industry, I
was trained to focus more on the other persons or partys /clients perspectives and
interests. So even with informal conversations with friends and acquaintances, I often
would elicit questions pertaining to what matters most to them, which is of course,
anything about themselves. I realize this is natural. People want to talk more about
themselves. So whenever, a person would ask me about myself, I would make it a point
to share just the right amount of information and then I proceed to focus on the other
person.

Example of when you were able to talk in terms of the other persons interest (&/or
when you struggled to do this):

6. Make the other person feel important - and do it sincerely.

Example of when you were able to sincerely make people feel important(&/or when you
struggled to do this):

I had this colleague that I work with just a year ago. Shes very sweet. We go to the same
church. After the service, I would invite her over to go with us for lunch. She is by herself and
lives alone. I think I can make the other person feel important if I share my time with them. If I
were able to spend time with a person and show to this person that I am willing to give up a
portion of my free time to spend with her or him, then that shows a lot about my sincerity.

Another colleague that I worked with years ago had been retired from work for more than 2
years. I often checked on him i.e. through phone calls and home visits.

Win People to Your Way of Thinking

1. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.

Example of when you were able to avoid an argument (&/or when you struggled to do
this):

a. On a personal level, my fianc and I somehow have different perspectives on

parenting. He thought that I am spoiling our child and on some days, I thought
he was spoiling her. And Often times, I would find myself, referring back to
the times when I saw him doing it and would bring it up to him. I need to caution
myself not to bring up past events as it opens unhealthy discussion.
2. Show respect for the other person's opinions. Never say, "You're wrong."

Example of when you were able to show respect for the other persons thinking
(especially when you disagreed with them)(&/or when you struggled to do this):

I think this goes back to your ability to listen and being able to understand and
empathize with a person. Sometimes, the other person becomes emotional and is just
focused on his or her own reality. So, every time I am in a situation where the other
person feels or thinks he or she is right, I allow that person to finish and when he or she
is calm, then I will begin exploring the issue so I can let the other person see it from my
perspective.

3. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.

Example of when you were able to quickly admit you were wrong (&/or when you
struggled to do this):

There was one time that I inadvertently gave the wrong time for the start of the PTA
meeting. It was supposed to begin at 5:30 PM for the gallery walk not 6:00 PM. The
parent came 10 minutes before 6:00 PM. I apologized to the grandparent because what I
said to her over the phone was incorrect. She didnt get upset.

4. Begin in a friendly way.

Example of when you were able to begin in a friendly way (&/or when you struggled to
do this):

Whenever I facilitate an IEP meeting or a staff meeting, I try to always begin with a
friendly tone to introduce the members if the IEP team. I also ask informal questions to
make the parent feel at ease. Even on Parent-Teacher conferences, I make it a point to
sound friendly and approachable.

5. Get the other person saying "yes, yes" immediately.

Example of when you were able to get 3 yess (&/or when you struggled to do this):

I approached three teachers (Ward, Mills and Ford) to plan an activity or project with
their students that can be implemented at Concerned Citizens of Tillery. I even utilized
the statement where I said, this can be one of your artifacts to show teacher leadership.
They immediately said they will do the project.

6. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.

 Example of when you were able to let the other person do a great deal of the talking
(&/or when you struggled to do this):

When I do post-observation conference with a teacher, I ask questions to let them

express and expound on instructional delivery and other observed behaviors of teacher
and students. Conversations revolve around what worked well and what he or she would
do differently if asked to teach the same class again. With this strategy, the teacher ended
up sharing more information and as a result, I am not leading or monopolizing the
conversation.

7. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.

Example of when you were able to let the other person feel the idea is his or hers (&/or
when you struggled to do this):

I approached teachers to help the community organization that I have worked with over
the summer. i.e. when I asked a question on the type of project that the teachers would
do for Concerned Citizens of Tillery, I already have in mind what I want them to do for
the community organization such as carpentry or beautification project. During our
conversations and brainstorming, the teachers were able to come up with the project and
shared examples on how he will implement it. They even figured out the group of
students who will help them with implementing the project.

8. Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view.

Example of when you were able to honestly see things from the other persons point of
view (&/or when you struggled to do this):

I have this conversation with some teachers about how overwhelmed they are about the
things they are being asked to do in our school. As part of the administrative team, I
could have responded to mean that planning and organization are some of the things that
they probably need to improve more on. However, I paused and tried to understand
where they are coming from drawing it from the time when I was a teacher.
Sometimes, our teachers want someone that they can share their frustrations about so I
allow that opportunity for the students to vent and share what is overwhelming them.

9. Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires.

This is tied with showing empathy to peoples ideas and experiences. We have a teacher
who presents this idea of how the 9th grade house meeting ought to be run. And again,
having that attitude to be open-minded and sympathize to what the teacher is trying to
accomplish.

Example of when you were able to be sympathetic to the other persons ideas and
desires (&/or when you struggled to do this):

10. Appeal to the nobler motives.

 Example of when you were able to appeal to the nobler motives (&/or when you
struggled to do this):

a. I learned about this principle when I was working in the sales industry. I was
promoting a motorcycle (Lifan China Model) versus a Suzuki. At that time, our
company was promoting Lifan but not diminish the value of Suzuki. We are asked to
expound more on cheaper price and availability of accessories in order to promote Lifan.
With customers tight on a budget, we were able to encourage them to purchase Lifan.
Since its more economical to use.

b. With my current role as an educator and aspiring leader, I practiced this principle
whenever I ask a teacher to cover another during his or her planning time. Sometimes, I find it
difficult to approach a teacher because I knew how much they value their planning time. I tend
to explain that it would only take 30 minutes off of his or her planning time and that doing so,
shows his sense of reliability and dependability- teacher leadership, etc. I think I struggle with
this principle because I feel that I am being manipulative because I am inconveniencing another
person just so, another situation is rectified or protected.

11. Dramatize your ideas.

Example of when you were able to dramatize your ideas (&/or when you struggled to
do this):

I use this principle whenever I had a student conference. I used personal stories to
demonstrate to students what student leadership entails. I often used my background i.e.
coming from the Philippines, to demonstrate the struggles some students have to endure
to finish education and to have that sense of discipline and resilience.

12. Throw down a challenge.

Example of when you were able to throw down a challenge (&/or when you struggled
to do this):

We have a teacher in out building who tends to complain a lot and somehow she is just
so frustrated and felt that she was not doing a good job as a teacher. I recommended to
the administrative team that maybe this teacher needed a push. This teacher was given
an opportunity to head our PBIS team and at this point shes excited about the challenge
of heading the team.

Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or

Arousing Resentment
A leader's job often includes changing your people's attitudes and behavior. Some suggestions to
accomplish this:

1. Begin with praise and honest appreciation.

 Example of when you were able to begin with praise and honest appreciation (&/or
when you struggled to do this):

As I have mentioned earlier, it is natural for individuals to clamor for personal

recognition and acknowledgement no matter how small or big the achievement is. When
we provide compliments, we should do it sincerely and urgently. During afternoon
announcements, I read the positive referrals with enthusiasm and energy. Students and
even adults celebrate when they are recognized in public.

2. Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly.

Example of when you were able to do call attention to peoples mistakes indirectly
(&/or when you struggled to do this):

I often ask a question whenever I see that a strategy was not working or just totally
wrong. For instance, when I heard/noticed the teacher to be yelling at a student, I would
say I think she/he will respond to you if you calmly call his or her attention. Why do
you think the student ignored you? How about you walk closer towards the student and
talk to him/her instead of calling his or her name out in public? I would like to point out
that yelling does not produce a positive outcome.

3. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.

Example of when you were able to talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the
other person (&/or when you struggled to do this):

During post-observation conference or informal meetings with staff, I often mention the
time that I experienced the same error i.e. not checking if my video will work or
download for the lesson, not enough photocopies, or putting students in the wrong
group, etc. I want the teacher to see that I experienced what they experienced and that I
am sharing with them what I went through to make the conversation more friendly and
less threatening.

4. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.

Example of when you were able to ask questions instead of giving direct orders (&/or
when you struggled to do this):

Yes- the power of questioning. I often apply this during our post-observation conference
with teachers. For instance, If I want my teacher to spell out or explicitly list down the
DO Now activity- I would ask How do you know students clearly understand the Do
Now Task, if they do not see what they are asked to do?

5. Let the other person save face.

 Example of when you were able to let the other person save face (&/or when you
struggled to do this):

I think this related to the Principle of talking about own mistakes before criticizing the
other person. If the error is just committed one time and the teacher was apologetic
enough, then it is okay to give the person another chance. It is our duty as instructional
leaders to build staff capacity. It is not fair to reprimand a new teacher when he or she
does not know or wasnt trained.

6. Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be "hearty in your
approbation and lavish in your praise."

Example of when you were able to praise the slightest improvement and praise every
improvement (&/or when you struggled to do this):

During announcement, I carefully read every positive referral especially if the recipient
is a student who often commits infractions. I read the referral with enthusiasm and
praise. Students are motivated when they are praised in public.

7. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.

Example of when you were able to give the other person a fine reputation to live up to
(&/or when you struggled to do this):

I used this principle to every student who is sent to my office. Again, I utilized a
dramatic story to ask a student if he or she is one of the schools student leaders. I began
to explain to the student that being sent to the principals office for discipline is not a
good way to be recognized in High School. And then I told the student the story of
Halifax County and Southeast when 8 years ago, we were at the lowest of the lowest
within the district. And that now, he belongs to a school that is not considered a Low
Performing School and that when he goes to college, it is something he could be proud
of. And I shared with him, that it is through the collective efforts of students and
teachers that SHHS is performing where it needs to be and his behavior and academic
performance contributes to the success of our school community. When I explain this
things to my students, they too feel as sense of ownership and they feel proud about it.

8. Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.

Example of when you were able to use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to
correct (&/or when you struggled to do this):

For students who receive referrals, I explain to them that we may make mistakes because
of poor judgment and bad choices but we are always given a chance to do it right. I often
use the word we so they may not feel defensive. I would like to let my students know
that we are in charge of our own actions and choices. We should have a conscious effort
to do the right thing.
9. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.

Example of when you were able to make the other person happy about doing the thing
you suggest (&/or when you struggled to do this):

The staff member who often comes to me for help with classroom management and
discipline issues will relay to me that the strategy did work and when it did, it gave him
a sense of hope I try to explain to the staff member that sometimes we need to get out
of our comfort zone and do not take things too personal. I try to explain to the teacher
that is it a habit of the mind to refuse to change. I try to encourage him to practice being
positive about all the students and not to single out a particular person as a catalyst. I
tell the teacher that sometimes we attract what we anticipate. So it is a habit to have
positive affirmations daily. I often use my own experience to convince the person and
give the strategy a try, and I also make sure to lighten my tone to make the conversation
easy.