Much Ado About Nothing

No Fear Shakespeare Much Ado About Nothing (by SparkNotes) -1-
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Act 1, Scene 1
Enter LEONATO, Governor of Messina;HERO, his LEONATO, Governor of Messina;HERO, his

daughter; and BEATRICE his niece, with a daughter; and BEATRICE, his niece, enter with a
MESSENGER MESSENGER
LEONATO LEONATO
I learn in this letter that Don Pedro of Aragon comes (holding a letter) According to this letter, Don
this Pedro of Aragon and his army are coming to
night to Messina. Messina tonight.
MESSENGER MESSENGER
He is very near by this. He was not three leagues off He must be very near by now. When I left him, he
when was less than nine miles from here.
I left him.
LEONATO LEONATO
5 How many gentlemen have you lost in this action? How many noblemen were killed in the battle you
just fought?
MESSENGER MESSENGER
But few of any sort, and none of name. Not many, and no one important.
LEONATO LEONATO
A victory is twice itself when the achiever brings home A victory in battle is twice as victorious when all
full the soldiers return home safely. This letter also
numbers. I find here that Don Pedro hath bestowed says that Don Pedro has given honors to a young
much man from Florence named Claudio.
honor on a young Florentine called Claudio.
MESSENGER MESSENGER
10 Much deserved on his part, and equally remembered Claudio deserves to be honored, and Don Pedro
by has rewarded him accordingly. Claudio has done
Don Pedro. He hath borne himself beyond the more than anyone would expect of a man his age.
promise of He looks like a lamb but fights like a lion. He has
his age, doing in the figure of a lamb the feats of a so greatly exceeded all expectations that I cant
lion. He even describe all hes done.
hath indeed better bettered expectation than you must
expect of me to tell you how.
LEONATO LEONATO
15 He hath an uncle here in Messina will be very much He has an uncle here in Messina who will be glad
glad of to hear this news.
it.
Act 1, Scene 1, Page 2
MESSENGER MESSENGER
I have already delivered him letters, and there I have delivered some letters to his uncle, and he
appears seemed very happy. He got so emotional that he
much joy in himeven so much that joy could not actually looked like he was in pain.
show
itself modest enough without a badge of bitterness.
LEONATO LEONATO
20 Did he break out into tears? Did he start weeping?
MESSENGER MESSENGER
In great measure. Yes, heavily.
LEONATO LEONATO
A kind overflow of kindness. There are no faces truer Thats a very natural display of affection. Theres
than no face more sincere than one washed in tears.
those that are so washed. How much better is it to And its definitely better to cry because youre
weep at happy than laugh because youre sad!
joy than to joy at weeping!
BEATRICE BEATRICE
25 I pray you, is Signor Montanto returned from the wars Please tell me, has Signior Montanto returned
or from battle?
no?
MESSENGER MESSENGER
I know none of that name, lady. There was none such I dont know anyone with that name, ma'am. There
in the was no Signior Montanto in our army.
army of any sort.
LEONATO LEONATO
What is he that you ask for, niece? Who are you talking about, niece?
HERO HERO
30 My cousin means Signor Benedick of Padua. My cousin means Signior Benedick of Padua.
MESSENGER MESSENGER
Oh, hes returned, and as pleasant as ever he was. Oh, yes, Benedick has returned and is as cheerful
as ever.
BEATRICE BEATRICE
He set up his bills here in Messina and challenged Benedick once put up a public notice in Messina
Cupid at challenging Cupid to an archery match. My uncles
the flight, and my uncles Fool, reading the challenge, jester accepted the contest on Cupids behalf but
35 subscribed for Cupid and challenged him at the bird- used toy arrows at the shooting match. But tell
bolt. me, how many men did he kill and eat in this
I pray you, how many hath he killed and eaten in battle? I promised him I would eat anyone he
these killed.
wars? But how many hath he killed? For indeed I
promised
to eat all of his killing.
LEONATO LEONATO
Faith, niece, you tax Signor Benedick too much, but For Gods sake, Beatrice, youre criticizing Signior
hell be Benedick too heavily. But Im sure hell get even
meet with you, I doubt it not. with you.

MESSENGER MESSENGER
40 He hath done good service, lady, in these wars. Signior Benedick served well in the war, my lady.
BEATRICE BEATRICE
You had musty victual, and he hath holp to eat it. He You had rotten food, and he helped you eat it.
is a Hes a very brave eaterhe has a strong
very valiant trencherman. He hath an excellent stomach.
stomach.
MESSENGER MESSENGER
And a good soldier too, lady. Hes a good soldier too, lady.
BEATRICE BEATRICE
And a good soldier to a lady, but what is he to a lord? Hes a good soldier to a lady? Well then, what is
he to a lord?
MESSENGER MESSENGER
45 A lord to a lord, a man to a man, stuffed with all Hes a lord to a lord and a man to a man. He is
honorable positively stuffed with honorable virtues.
virtues.
BEATRICE BEATRICE
It is so indeed. He is no less than a stuffed man. But Absolutelyhe is stuffed, like a dummy. As for
for the what hes stuffed withwell, nobodys perfect.
stuffingwell, we are all mortal.
LEONATO LEONATO
You must not, sir, mistake my niece. There is a kind of Please dont take my niece the wrong way, sir.
50 merry war betwixt Signor Benedick and her. They Benedick and Beatrice have been waging a war of
never wits between themselves. Whenever they meet,
meet but theres a skirmish of wit between them. theres a little battle.
BEATRICE BEATRICE
Alas, he gets nothing by that. In our last conflict four And I always win. The last time we fought, he was
of his so dazed by the end that he wasnt much smarter
five wits went halting off, and now is the whole man than his horse. So tell me, who is he hanging
55 governed with one, so that if he have wit enough to around with these days? Every month he has a
keep new best friend.
himself warm, let him bear it for a difference between
himself and his horse, for it is all the wealth that he
hath left
to be known a reasonable creature. Who is his
companion
now? He hath every month a new sworn brother.
MESSENGER MESSENGER
Is t possible? Is that possible?
BEATRICE BEATRICE
60 Very easily possible. He wears his faith but as the Its entirely possible. Hes incredibly ficklehis
fashion of affection changes faster than the latest fashions.

his hat; it ever changes with the next block.
MESSENGER MESSENGER
I see, lady, the gentleman is not in your books. I can see you dont like this gentleman.
BEATRICE BEATRICE
No. An he were, I would burn my study. But I pray No, absolutely not. But please tell me, whos his
you, best friend? Isnt there some new swaggering
65 who is his companion? Is there no young squarer now young ruffian who will happily go to hell with
that Benedick?
will make a voyage with him to the devil?
MESSENGER MESSENGER
He is most in the company of the right noble Claudio. He spends most of his time with the good, noble
Claudio.
BEATRICE BEATRICE
O Lord, he will hang upon him like a disease! He is Oh God, Benedick will plague him like a disease!
sooner Benedick is an infection thats easy to catch but
caught than the pestilence, and the taker runs hard to get rid ofand hell drive you crazy once
70 presently youve been infected. God help Claudio! If hes
mad. God help the noble Claudio! If he have caught caught the Benedick, hell lose all his money
the before hes cured.
Benedick, it will cost him a thousand pound ere a be
cured.
MESSENGER MESSENGER
I will hold friends with you, lady. Im going to make sure I stay on your good side,
lady.
BEATRICE BEATRICE
Do, good friend. Do that, my friend.
LEONATO LEONATO
You will never run mad, niece. You will never fall victim to Benedicks charms, my
niece.
BEATRICE BEATRICE
No, not till a hot January. No, not until we see a hot January.
MESSENGER MESSENGER
75 Don Pedro is approached. Don Pedro is here.
Enter DON PEDRO, Prince of Aragon, DON PEDRO, Prince of Aragon, enters
withCLAUDIO, BENEDICK,BALTHASAR, and DON withCLAUDIO, BENEDICK,BALTHASAR,
JOHN the bastard andDON JOHN, the bastard.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
Good Signor Leonato, are you come to meet your My dear Signior Leonato, hosting my whole army
trouble? is such a huge burden, but you accept itand me
The fashion of the world is to avoid cost, and you with open arms. Most people choose to avoid
encounter trouble, but you run to it.
it.

LEONATO LEONATO
Never came trouble to my house in the likeness of You are never trouble to this house, your Grace.
80 your Its comforting when trouble departs. But
Grace, for trouble being gone, comfort should remain, whenyou leave, you take happiness with you and
but leave sorrow in its place.
when you depart from me, sorrow abides and
happiness
takes his leave.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
You embrace your charge too willingly. I think this is You take up your duties too cheerfully. (turning
your toHERO) This must be your daughter.
daughter.
LEONATO LEONATO
85 Her mother hath many times told me so. Thats what her mother always tells me.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
Were you in doubt, sir, that you asked her? Did you doubt that she was your daughter, since
you had to ask her mother?
LEONATO LEONATO
Signor Benedick, no, for then were you a child. (teasing) Of course not, Signior Benedick. You
were only a child when my daughter was born,
and not yet old enough to seduce my wife.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
You have it full, Benedick. We may guess by this what Ah, he got you back, Benedick! Leonato clearly
you knows your reputation with women. Seriously,
90 are, being a man. Truly, the lady fathers herself.Be though, the lady resembles Leonato so much that
happy, lady, for you are like an honorable father. there can be no doubt about who her father is.
Congratulations, lady: you resemble a most
honorable man.
LEONATO and DON PEDRO move to one side, still LEONATO and DON PEDRO move to one side,
talking still talking.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
If Signor Leonato be her father, she would not have Well, even if he is her father, Im sure she wouldnt
his want to have the head of the old man on her
head on her shoulders for all Messina, as like him as shoulders!
she is.
BEATRICE BEATRICE
I wonder that you will still be talking, Signor Benedick. Im amazed youre still talking, Signior Benedick.
Nobody marks you. No ones listening to you.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
95 What, my dear Lady Disdain! Are you yet living? Look, its my dear Lady Disdain! Arent you dead
yet?

BEATRICE BEATRICE
Is it possible disdain should die while she hath such How could disdain die when youre here? When
meet youre around, even Lady Courtesy becomes
food to feed it as Signor Benedick? Courtesy itself Lady Disdain.
must
convert to disdain if you come in her presence.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
Then is courtesy a turncoat. But it is certain I am That makes Lady Courtesy a traitor. All ladies
100 loved of love me, except you. Its too bad Im so hard-
all ladies, only you excepted. And I would I could find hearted, because I really dont love anyone.
in
my heart that I had not a hard heart, for truly I love
none.
BEATRICE BEATRICE
A dear happiness to women. They would else have Women are lucky, then. You would make a nasty
been suitor. Thankfully, I feel the same way you do. I
troubled with a pernicious suitor. I thank God and my have no need for romance. I would rather listen to
105 cold my dog bark at a crow than hear a man swear
blood I am of your humor for that. I had rather hear that he loves me.
my dog
bark at a crow than a man swear he loves me.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
God keep your Ladyship still in that mind, so some Well, I hope you stay in that frame of mind or
gentle- some poor man will end up with his face all
man or other shall scape a predestinate scratched scratched up.
face.
BEATRICE BEATRICE
Scratching could not make it worse an twere such a If he has a face like yours, a good scratching
face as couldnt make him look any worse.
yours were.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
110 Well, you are a rare parrot-teacher. Listen to you, instructing me like a parrot would.
BEATRICE BEATRICE
A bird of my tongue is better than a beast of yours. Id rather be a squawking bird than an animal like
you.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
I would my horse had the speed of your tongue and I wish my horse moved as fast as your mouth and
so good was as tireless. Thats itIm done.
a continuer. But keep your way, i' Gods name. I have
done.
BEATRICE BEATRICE
You always end with a jades trick. I know you of old. You always slip out of the argument like this. I
know you from before.
LEONATO and DON PEDRO come forward LEONATO and DON PEDRO come forward
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
115 That is the sum of all, Leonato.Signior Claudio and And thats everything, Leonato.Claudio,
Signior Benedick, my dear friend Leonato hath Benedickmy dear friend Leonato has invited
invited you you all to stay here at Messina. I told him well
all. I tell him we shall stay here at the least a month, stay for at least a month, and he says that he
and he hopes well stay longer. I think hes actually
heartily prays some occasion may detain us longer. I serious, and not just being polite.
dare
swear he is no hypocrite but prays from his heart.
LEONATO LEONATO
120 If you swear, my lord, you shall not be I am being serious, my lord. (to DON JOHN) I
forsworn. (toDON welcome you here as well. Now that you and your
JOHN) Let me bid you welcome, my lord. Being brother have made friends again, I owe you the
reconciled same allegiance I owe Don Pedro.
to the Prince your brother, I owe you all duty.
DON JOHN DON JOHN
I thank you. I am not of many words, but I thank you. Thank you. Im not a man who talks a lot, but I
thank you.
LEONATO LEONATO
Please it your Grace lead on? If it pleases you, your highness, will you lead us
all inside?
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
125 Your hand, Leonato. We will go together. Give me your hand, Leonato. We will go in
together.
Exeunt. Manent BENEDICK andCLAUDIO Everyone exits except BENEDICKandCLAUDIO.
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
Benedick, didst thou note the daughter of Signior Benedick, did you notice Signior Leonatos
Leonato? daughter?
BENEDICK BENEDICK
I noted her not, but I looked on her. I saw her, but I didnt notice her.
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
Is she not a modest young lady? Isnt she a well-mannered young lady?
BENEDICK BENEDICK
Do you question me as an honest man should do, for Do you want my true opinion? Or do you want me
130 my to criticize her like I do all women?
simple true judgment? Or would you have me speak
after
my custom, as being a professed tyrant to their sex?
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
No, I pray thee speak in sober judgment. No, please, speak seriously.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
Why, i' faith, methinks shes too low for a high praise, Well, it seems to me that she is too short to be
too praised highly, too dark to be praised fairly, and
135 brown for a fair praise, and too little for a great praise. too small to be praised greatly. I can only say this
Only about her: if she looked different than she does,
this commendation I can afford her, that were she she would be ugly, and since she cant be
other anything but herself, I dont like her.
than she is, she were unhandsome, and being no
other but
as she is, I do not like her.
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
Thou thinkest I am in sport. I pray thee tell me truly You think Im kidding. Please tell me seriously
how what you think of her.
thou likst her.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
140 Would you buy her, that you enquire after her? Are you thinking of buying her? Is that why youre
asking?
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
Can the world buy such a jewel? Would it even be possible to buy a jewel as rare
and precious as Hero?
BENEDICK BENEDICK
Yea, and a case to put it into. But speak you this with Yes, and you could buy a case to put it in, too. But
a sad tell me, are you speaking seriously? Or are you
brow? Or do you play the flouting jack, to tell us just teasing? If Im going to sing along with you, I
145 Cupid is need to know what key youre singing in.
a good hare-finder and Vulcan a rare carpenter?
Come, in
what key shall a man take you to go in the song?
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
In mine eye she is the sweetest lady that ever I I think shes the most wonderful woman Ive ever
looked on. laid eyes on.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
I can see yet without spectacles, and I see no such Im still young enough to see without glasses, and
matter. I dont see what youre talking about. If her cousin
Theres her cousin, an she were not possessed with Beatrice didnt have such a nasty temper, shed
150 a fury, be so much more beautiful than Hero that it would
exceeds her as much in beauty as the first of May be like comparing May to December. But, hey,
doth the this doesnt mean youre looking to get married,
last of December. But I hope you have no intent to does it?
turn
husband, have you?
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
I would scarce trust myself, though I had sworn the Even if I had sworn never to marry, I wouldnt trust
contrary, if Hero would be my wife. myself to keep that promise if Hero would marry
me.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
Is t come to this? In faith, hath not the world one Whats going on these days? Isnt there one man
155 man but left in the world who knows not to take a wife?
he will wear his cap with suspicion? Shall I never see Shes just going to cheat on him. Will I never see
a a sixty-year old bachelor again or will all men be
bachelor of three-score again? Go to, i' faith, an thou swindled into marriage while theyre young? Go
wilt ahead, then, if you have to yoke yourself to
needs thrust thy neck into a yoke, wear the print of it, marriage, like an ox carrying his load, and throw
and away your free time. Look, Don Pedro has come
sigh away Sundays. Look, Don Pedro is returned to back for you.
seek
you.
Enter DON PEDRO DON PEDRO enters.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO

160 What secret hath held you here that you followed not What secrets between you have kept you from
to following us to Leonatos?
Leonatos?
BENEDICK BENEDICK
I would your grace would constrain me to tell. Your highness will have to force me to tell.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
I charge thee on thy allegiance. Your loyalty to me requires you to tell me what
youve been talking about.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
You hear, Count Claudio? I can be secret as a dumb Look, Claudio, I can keep secrets like a mute; I
165 man, I want you to know that. But I owe Don Pedro my
would have you think so, but on my allegiancemark allegiancelook, I have to tell him(to DON
you PEDRO) Claudio is in love. With whom? Thats
this, on my allegiance(to DON PEDRO) he is in what youre supposed to ask me next, your
love. With Grace. Look how short the answer iswith Hero,
who? Now, that is your Graces part. Mark how short Leonatos short daughter.
his
answer is: with Hero, Leonatos short daughter.
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
If this were so, so were it uttered. If you say so.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
170 Like the old tale, my lord: It is not so nor twas not so Listen to him deny it, like that man in the old tale
but, Mr. Fox: It isnt true and wasnt true and God
indeed, God forbid it should be so. forbid it should be so.
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
If my passion change not shortly, God forbid it should Unless my feelings change very soon, I have to
be admit its true.
otherwise.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO

Amen, if you love her, for the lady is very well worthy. Its good if you love Hero, because shes worthy
of your love.
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
175 You speak this to fetch me in, my lord. Youre trying to trick me, my lord.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
By my troth, I speak my thought. I swear, Im telling you what I honestly think.
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
And, in faith, my lord, I spoke mine. And I swear I spoke honestly to BenedickI am
in love with Hero.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
And by my two faiths and troths, my lord, I spoke And I swear all up and down I spoke honestly
mine. when I said that this was a horrible idea.
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
That I love her, I feel. I feel that I love her.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
180 That she is worthy, I know. I know that she is worthy of that love.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
That I neither feel how she should be loved nor know I, on the other hand, dont feel how she could be
how loved and dont know how she could be worthy.
she should be worthy is the opinion that fire cannot Even fire cant melt that opinion out of me. You
melt could burn me at the stake, and Id still think this.
out
of me. I will die in it at the stake.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
185 Thou wast ever an obstinate heretic in the despite of You never did believe in the power of beauty.
beauty.
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
And never could maintain his part but in the force of Or in the power of reason.
his will.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
That a woman conceived me, I thank her. That she I was conceived by a woman, and I thank her very
brought much for all her effort. And then she brought me
me up, I likewise give her most humble thanks. But up, and I thank her for that, too. But all the other
190 that I women will have to forgive me for not being willing
will have a recheat winded in my forehead or hang to be made a fool ofcheated on by a wife. I
my bugle dont want to insult any particular woman by
in an invisible baldrick, all women shall pardon me. doubting and mistrusting her, so Ill just avoid
Because I will not do them the wrong to mistrust any, them all. And the conclusion of this is that Ill live
I will as a bachelorand, with the money I save, dress
do myself the right to trust none. And the fine is, for better.
the
which I may go the finer, I will live a bachelor.

DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
I shall see thee, ere I die, look pale with love. I swear, before I die Im going to see you sick with
love.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
195 With anger, with sickness, or with hunger, my lord, With anger, with fever, or with hunger, sure, my
not friend, but never sick with love. If you can prove
with love. Prove that ever I lose more blood with love that Ill ever be so in love that I cant be brought to
than my senses with a good round of beers, you can
I will get again with drinking, pick out mine eyes with pluck out my eyes with a love-poets pen and
a hang me on a brothels door where the picture of
ballad-makers pen and hang me up at the door of a blind Cupid usually goes.
brothel
house for the sign of blind Cupid.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO

200 Well, if ever thou dost fall from this faith, thou wilt Ill be sure to remember this fuss youve made, in
prove case you ever do fall in love. Thatll be news.
a notable argument.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
If I do, hang me in a bottle like a cat and shoot at me, If I ever change my mind, you can use me for
and he target practice. And whoever hits the bulls eye
that hits me, let him be clapped on the shoulder and gets to be a hero.
called
Adam.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
205 Well, as time shall try. Well, time will tell. Even the most savage bull is
In time the savage bull doth bear the yoke. eventually domesticated.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
The savage bull may, but if ever the sensible Maybe the bull is, but if I am ever domesticated,
Benedick bear you can take that bulls horns and put them right
it, pluck off the bulls horns and set them in my on my forehead, as my wife is sure to cuckold me
210 forehead, soon enough. You might as well hang a big sign
and let me be vilely painted, and in such great letters with enormous lettering around my neck. But
as they instead of it saying Horse for hire, it will say
write Here is good horse to hire let them signify Take a look at Benedick, the married man.
under my
sign Here you may see Benedick the married man.
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
If this should ever happen, thou wouldst be horn- If that ever happened, youd go absolutely mad.
mad.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
Nay, if Cupid have not spent all his quiver in Venice, Well, if Cupid hasnt used up all his arrows in
thou Venice, where the courtesans are famous for

wilt quake for this shortly. making men lovesick, hell get you to quiver and
shake. Just you wait.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
215 I look for an earthquake too, then. Thats about as likely as an earthquake.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
Well, you temporize with the hours. In the meantime, Oh, youll soften as time passes. While youre
good waiting for that to happen, though, hurry to
Signior Benedick, repair to Leonatos. Commend me Leonatos. Give him my respects, and tell him Ill
to definitely be there for dinner, since I know he has
him and tell him I will not fail him at supper, for gone to great lengths for this meal.
indeed he
hath made great preparation.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
220 I have almost matter enough in me for such an I think I can handle this mission. And so I commit
embassage, you
and so I commit you
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
To the tuition of God. From my house, if I had it Into Gods hands. From my house, if I had a
house
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
The sixth of July. Your loving friend, Benedick. The sixth of July. Sincerely, your loving friend,
Benedick.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
Nay, mock not, mock not. The body of your discourse Oh, stop joking around. You know, sometimes you
225 is two dress up your conversation with flimsy little
sometimes guarded with fragments and the guards bits of wit that dont hold together too well. Before
are but you make fun of everyone else, look at yourselves
slightly basted on neither. Ere you flout old ends any in the mirror! And with that, Im leaving.
further, examine your conscience. And so I leave you.
Exit He exits.
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
My liege, your highness now may do me good. My lord, you could really help me out now.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
My love is thine to teach. Teach it but how, I am at your service. Just tell me what you want
230 And thou shalt see how apt it is to learn me to do, and however hard it is, youll see that
Any hard lesson that may do thee good. Im eager to do it.
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
Hath Leonato any son, my lord? Does Leonato have a son, my lord?
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
No child but Hero; shes his only heir. Hero is his only child, and his only heir. Do you
Dost thou affect her, Claudio? like her, Claudio?
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
O, my lord, Oh, my lord, when we left Messina to fight the
235 When you went onward on this ended action, war, I looked at Hero with the eyes of a soldier. I
I looked upon her with a soldiers eye, liked what I saw, but my mind was so occupied
That liked but had a rougher task in hand with the rough, violent task ahead of me that
Than to drive liking to the name of love. there was no chance that like would turn intolove.
But now I am returned and that war thoughts But now that Im back, the room in my head that I
240 Have left their places vacant, in their rooms used to fill with war plans has become crowded
Come thronging soft and delicate desires, with soft and delicate feelings. They all lead me to
All prompting me how fair young Hero is, the same thoughthow beautiful young Hero is
Saying I liked her ere I went to wars. and how I must have liked her even before I left to
fight.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO

Thou wilt be like a lover presently You will become a true lover soon, and exhaust
245 And tire the hearer with a book of words. your friends with your endless chatter about your
If thou dost love fair Hero, cherish it, feelings. Look, if you really love the beautiful
And I will break with her and with her father, Hero, enjoy it. I will speak to her and her father
And thou shalt have her. Was t not to this end about the matter, and Ill convince Leonato to
That thou beganst to twist so fine a story? promise Hero to you. Isnt that the reason you told
me all this?
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
250 How sweetly you do minister to love, You can see that Im sick with love, and youre
That know loves grief by his complexion! taking care of me in just the right way! But I didnt
But lest my liking might too sudden seem, want you to think that Im hasty in my emotions. I
I would have salved it with a longer treatise. was going to explain my feelings with a longer
story.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
What need the bridge much broader than the flood? Why speak longer than you have to? Thats like
255 The fairest grant is the necessity. building a bridge wider than the river it crosses.
Look what will serve is fit. 'Tis once, thou lovest, Whatever gets the job done is best. You love
And I will fit thee with the remedy. Hero; thats all I need to know to want to find a
I know we shall have reveling tonight. remedy. Theyre going to have a costume party
I will assume thy part in some disguise with dancing tonight. Ill disguise myself as you
260 And tell fair Hero I am Claudio, and pour out my feelings to Hero, taking her
And in her bosom Ill unclasp my heart prisoner with the force of my love story. Then Ill
And take her hearing prisoner with the force talk to her father. And in the end, shes yours!
And strong encounter of my amorous tale. Lets get started right away.
Then after to her father will I break,
265 And the conclusion is, she shall be thine.
In practice let us put it presently.
Exeunt They exit.
Act 1, Scene 2
Enter LEONATO andANTONIO LEONATO and ANTONIO enter.

LEONATO LEONATO
How now, brother, where is my cousin, your son? Hey, brother. Tell me, where is my nephew, your
Hath he son? Has he taken care of the music?
provided this music?
ANTONIO ANTONIO
He is very busy about it. But, brother, I can tell you He is taking care of it as we speak. But brother, I
strange have some strange news for you.
news that you yet dreamt not of.
LEONATO LEONATO
5 Are they good? Is it good news?
ANTONIO ANTONIO
As the events stamps them, but they have a good Well, it seems like good news. A servant of mine
cover; overheard the Prince and Claudio talking as they
they show well outward. The Prince and Count walked through my orchard. The Prince said that
Claudio, he is in love with Hero, your daughter, and that he
10 walking in a thick-pleached alley in mine orchard, is going to tell her so at the dance tonight. If he
were she wants to marry him, too, hes going to find you
thus much overheard by a man of mine: the Prince and ask for her hand immediately.
discovered to Claudio that he loved my niece your
daughter
and meant to acknowledge it this night in a dance,
and if he
found her accordant, he meant to take the present
time by
the top and instantly break with you of it.
LEONATO LEONATO
Hath the fellow any wit that told you this? Is this servant of yours a smart man?
ANTONIO ANTONIO
15 A good sharp fellow. I will send for him, and question Hes very bright. Ill get him to come here, and you
him can ask him yourself.
yourself.
LEONATO LEONATO
No, no, we will hold it as a dream till it appear itself. No, no, until it comes true well pretend it was just
But I a dream we had. But my daughter should know
will acquaint my daughter withal, that she may be the about this, so she can be prepared with an answer
20 better prepared for an answer if peradventure this be just in case. Go to her and tell her for me.
true.
Go you and tell her of it.
Enter ANTONIO s son, with a musician and ANTONIO s son enters with a musician and
attendants attendants.
Cousins, you know what you have to do.O, I cry you Cousins, you all have work to do.Oh, I beg your
mercy, friend. Go you with me and I will use your skill. pardon. Come with me now, and help me out.
Dear cousin, please be careful during this busy
Good cousin, have a care this busy time. time.
Exeunt They all exit.
Act 1, Scene 3
Enter DON JOHN andCONRAD DON JOHN and CONRAD enter.

CONRAD CONRAD
What the goodyear, my lord, why are you thus out of Really, my lord, why are you so excessively sad?
measure sad?
DON JOHN DON JOHN
There is no measure in the occasion that breeds. The things that cause my sadness are without
Therefore limit. Therefore my sadness is without limit.
the sadness is without limit.
CONRAD CONRAD
5 You should hear reason. You should listen to reason. Then youd stop being
so gloomy.
DON JOHN DON JOHN
And when I have heard it, what blessing brings it? And after I have sat and listened to reason, whats
my prize?
CONRAD CONRAD
If not a present remedy, at least a patient sufferance. If not an end to your suffering, then at least youll
have the means to endure it patiently.
DON JOHN DON JOHN
I wonder that thou, being, as thou sayst thou art, born Im amazed that youbeing such a moody man
under Saturn, goest about to apply a moral medicine yourselfare moralizing about my deadly
10 to a condition. I cant hide what I am. Ill be sad when I
mortifying mischief. I cannot hide what I am. I must be have reason to be sad and wont smile at
sad anybodys jokes. Ill eat when Im hungry and
when I have cause and smile at no mans jests, eat wont wait until its convenient. Ill sleep when Im
when I tired and wont rouse myself for anything. Ill laugh
have stomach and wait for no mans leisure, sleep when Im happy and wont flatter and fawn over
when I am anyone.
drowsy and tend on no mans business, laugh when I
am
merry and claw no man in his humor.
CONRAD CONRAD
15 Yea, but you must not make the full show of this till Sure, but dont do it at full volume until theres no
you danger in it. Not long ago you challenged and
may do it without controlment. You have of late stood opposed your brother, and it is only very recently
out that he has forgiven you. You need to act carefully
against your brother, and he hath ta'en you newly into if youre going to stay in his good graces. You
20 his have to wait for the appropriate time to let loose.
grace, where it is impossible you should take true root
but
by the fair weather that you make yourself. It is
needful that
you frame the season for your own harvest.
DON JOHN DON JOHN

I had rather be a canker in a hedge than a rose in his Id rather be a weed in a hedge than a rose in my
grace, brothers garden. It suits me more to be hated by
and it better fits my blood to be disdained of all than to everyone than to put on a fancy show and trick
fashion a carriage to rob love from any. In this, though people into loving me. Though I am not a
25 I flattering, righteous man, at least you can say that
cannot be said to be a flattering honest man, it must I am honest about being a villain. My brother
not be trusts me now? Yeahas much as a master trusts
denied but I am a plain-dealing villain. I am trusted the dog he muzzles or the peasant he frees by
with a chaining a big block around the mans foot. If my
muzzle and enfranchised with a clog; therefore I have mouth were unrestrained, Id bite. If I were free, Id
decreed not to sing in my cage. If I had my mouth, I do what I pleased. Until that happens, let me be
would who I am and dont try to change me.
bite; if I had my liberty, I would do my liking. In the
meantime, let me be that I am, and seek not to alter
me.
CONRAD CONRAD
30 Can you make no use of your discontent? Cant you somehow use your dissatisfaction to
your own advantage?
DON JOHN DON JOHN
I make all use of it, for I use it only. Who comes here? I use it all the time, since its all that I have. Whos
that?
Enter BORACHIO BORACHIO enters.
What news, Borachio? Whats going on, Borachio?
BORACHIO BORACHIO
I came yonder from a great supper. The Prince your I just came from a great feast where Leonato is
brother entertaining the Prince, your brother. I can give
35 is royally entertained by Leonato, and I can give you you information about an intended marriage.
intelligence of an intended marriage.
DON JOHN DON JOHN
Will it serve for any model to build mischief on? What Will this give me an opportunity to make some
is he mischief? Who is this fool who wants all the fuss
for a fool that betroths himself to unquietness? of marriage?
BORACHIO BORACHIO
Marry, it is your brothers right hand. Your brothers right-hand man.
DON JOHN DON JOHN

40 Who? The most exquisite Claudio? Who? That pretty boy, Claudio?
BORACHIO BORACHIO
Even he. Thats the one.
DON JOHN DON JOHN

A proper squire. And who, and who? Which way looks Hes a very fancy gentleman. And whos the girl
he? who has caught his eye?
BORACHIO BORACHIO
Marry, on Hero, the daughter and heir of Leonato. Hero, the daughter and heir of Leonato.
DON JOHN DON JOHN
A very forward March-chick! How came you to this? A lively young one! How did you learn about this?
BORACHIO BORACHIO
45 Being entertained for a perfumer, as I was smoking a I was hired to perfume all the rooms in Leonatos
musty house. As I was working on one musty room, the
room, comes me the Prince and Claudio, hand in Prince and Claudio entered. They were in the
hand, in middle of a serious conversation. I quickly hid
sad conference. I whipped me behind the arras, and behind a tapestry and heard them agree that the
50 there Prince would court Hero tonight at the dance and,
heard it agreed upon that the Prince should woo Hero once he won her consent to marry, would give her
for to Claudio.
himself, and having obtained her, give her to Count
Claudio.
DON JOHN DON JOHN
Come, come, let us thither. This may prove food to my Come, lets go to the dance. This just may cheer
displeasure. That young start-up hath all the glory of me up. Claudio, the young upstart, was
my responsible for keeping me from gaining power
overthrow. If I can cross him any way, I bless myself over my brother. If theres any way I can spoil his
every life, Ill be overjoyed. Youll both help me, right?
way. You are both sure, and will assist me?
CONRAD CONRAD
55 To the death, my lord. Until the day we die, my lord.
DON JOHN DON JOHN
Let us to the great supper. Their cheer is the greater Lets go to this great feast. Theyll be even happier
that I now that my mood has lightened. Its too bad the
am subdued. Would the cook were o' my mind! Shall cook doesnt think like me; she would have
we go poisoned them all if she did. Should we go check
prove whats to be done? out the scene?
BORACHIO BORACHIO
Well wait upon your lordship. Lead the way, sir.
Act 2, Scene 1
Enter LEONATO,ANTONIO, HERO,BEATRICE,URSULA an LEONATO, ANTONIO HERO BEATRICE

dMARGARET URSULA, and MARGARET enter.
LEONATO LEONATO
Was not Count John here at supper? Wasnt Don John at dinner tonight?
ANTONIO ANTONIO
I saw him not. I didnt see him.
BEATRICE BEATRICE
How tartly that gentleman looks! I never can see him but I That man always looks so sour! Just
am heartburned an hour after. looking at him gives me heartburn.
HERO HERO
5 He is of a very melancholy disposition. He has a very gloomy attitude.
BEATRICE BEATRICE
He were an excellent man that were made just in the It would be excellent if they could make a
midway between him and Benedick. The one is too like an man halfway between Don John and
image and says nothing, and the other too like my ladys Benedick. One of them is too much like a
eldest son, evermore tattling. painting of a manhe never speaksand
the other is too much like a spoiled little
boy, always chattering.
LEONATO LEONATO
10 Then half Signor Benedicks tongue in Count Johns So, the man would talk half as much as
mouth, and half Count Johns melancholy in Signor Benedick and be half as serious as Don
Benedicks face John
BEATRICE BEATRICE
With a good leg and a good foot, uncle, and money enough And if he were handsome, agile, and rich,
in his purse, such a man would win any woman in the too, he could have any woman in the world
15 world, if he could get her goodwill. all hed need was her good will.
LEONATO LEONATO
By my troth, niece, thou wilt never get thee a husband if Really, niece, youll never get a husband if
thou be so shrewd of thy tongue. you keep saying such harsh things about
people.
ANTONIO ANTONIO
In faith, shes too curst. Honestly, she is too ill-tempered.
BEATRICE BEATRICE
Too curst is more than curst. I shall lessen Gods Being too ill-tempered is different from being
20 sending simply ill-tempered, right? So I suppose that
that way, for it is said, God sends a curst cow short means I can escape Gods punishment, for in the
horns, old proverb, it is said that God gives an ill-
but to a cow too curst, he sends none. tempered cow short horns so that she cant inflict
damage on anyone. But it doesnt say anything
about a cow that is too ill-tempered.

LEONATO LEONATO
So, by being too curst, God will send you no horns. So then, for being too argumentative, God wont
send you any horns?
BEATRICE BEATRICE
Just, if he send me no husband, for the which Exactly. I pray every morning and night that the
blessing I am Lord wont send me a husband. Really, I couldnt
25 at him upon my knees every morning and evening. stand a husband with a beard. Id rather be
Lord, I wrapped in scratchy blankets all night.
could not endure a husband with a beard on his face!
I had
rather lie in the woolen.
LEONATO LEONATO
You may light on a husband that hath no beard. Maybe you will find a husband without a beard.
BEATRICE BEATRICE
What should I do with him? Dress him in my apparel And then what would I do with him? Dress him up
and in my clothes and pretend hes my lady servant? If
30 make him my waiting gentlewoman? He that hath a he has a beard, hes more than a boy; if he
beard doesnt have a beard, hes less than a man. If hes
is more than a youth, and he that hath no beard is more than a boy, hes not the one for me, and if
less than hes less than a man, Im not the one for him.
a man; and he that is more than a youth is not for me, They say that women who die unmarried are
and destined to lead the apes to hell, and I suppose
he that is less than a man, I am not for him. Therefore thatll be my fate as well.
I will
even take sixpence in earnest of the bearherd, and
lead his
apes into hell.
LEONATO LEONATO
35 Well then, go you into hell? So youll go to hell?
BEATRICE BEATRICE
No, but to the gate, and there will the devil meet me No, just to the gates of hell, where the devil will
like an meet me, with the horns on his head like a
old cuckold with horns on his head, and say, Get you cuckold, and say, Go up to heaven, Beatrice. Hell
to is no place for you virgins. So Ill fly up to heaven
40 heaven, Beatrice, get you to heaven; heres no place (leaving the apes behind) where Ill be met by
for you Saint Peter guarding heavens gates. He will show
maids. So deliver I up my apes and away to Saint me the part of heaven where the bachelors sit,
Peter. For and Ill have fun there forever.
the heavens, he shows me where the bachelors sit,
and there
live we as merry as the day is long.

ANTONIO ANTONIO
(to HERO)Well, niece, I trust you will be ruled by your (to HERO) Well, niece, I trust that you will defer to
father. your father on these important decisions.
BEATRICE BEATRICE
Yes, faith, it is my cousins duty to make curtsy and Surely, my cousin has a duty to please her father.
45 say, But if the husband her father chooses isnt
Father, as it please you. But yet for all that, cousin, handsome, she should sweetly tell her father that
let she will please herselfwith another one.
him be a handsome fellow, or else make another
curtsy and
say, Father, as it please me.
LEONATO LEONATO
Well, niece, I hope to see you one day fitted with a Well, niece, I hope that I will see you married one
husband. day.
BEATRICE BEATRICE
Not till God make men of some other metal than No, I wont take a husband until they make men
50 earth. out of something other than dirt. What woman
Would it not grieve a woman to be overmastered with wouldnt be distressed, being lorded over by a
a handful of dust? Can you imagine being hitched to
piece of valiant dust? To make an account of her life a lump of clay? No, uncle, I wont be married. And
to a clod anyhow, if Adam is the father of all mankind, then
of wayward marl? No, uncle, Ill none. Adams sons his sons are my brothers, and really I believe that
are my incest is a sin.
brethren, and truly I hold it a sin to match in my
kindred.
LEONATO LEONATO
(to HERO) Daughter, remember what I told you. If the (to HERO) Daughter, remember what I told you. If
55 Prince do solicit you in that kind, you know your the Prince asks for your hand in marriage, you
answer. know what to tell him.
BEATRICE BEATRICE
The fault will be in the music, cousin, if you be not But cousin, make sure he woos you properly and
wooed appropriately. If he is too insistent, tell him that
in good time. If the Prince be too important, tell him romance is like a dance: it has its own rhythm and
there timing. Look, the three stages of romance are like
60 is measure in everything, and so dance out the three different dances. The wooing is like a
answer. For Scottish jig: hot and fast and full of whimsy and
hear me, Hero, wooing, wedding, and repenting is as illusion. The wedding is a like a dance you would
a do before the King: proper and decorous. Finally,
Scotch jig, a measure, and a cinquepace. The first you get to the part where you regret having gotten
65 suit is hot married in the first place. It is like the
and hasty like a Scotch jig, and full as fantastical; the lively cinquepace: it goes faster and faster until
wedding, mannerly modest as a measure, full of state you eventually topple over and die.
and
ancientry; and then comes repentance, and with his
bad
legs falls into the cinquepace faster and faster till he
sink
into his grave.
LEONATO LEONATO
Cousin, you apprehend passing shrewdly. Niece, you are exceptionally perceptive.
BEATRICE BEATRICE
I have a good eye, uncle. I can see a church by I have a good eye, uncle. I can see whats in broad
daylight. daylight.
LEONATO LEONATO
The revelers are entering, brother. Make good The partygoers have arrived. Lets give them room.
room.
Enter DON DON
PEDRO,CLAUDIO,BENEDICK,BALTHASAR, DO PEDRO, CLAUDIO,BENEDICK,BALTHASAR, DON
N JOHN,BORACHIO,MARGARET,URSULA and JOHN,BORACHIO,MARGARET, URSULA enter
others, masked along with other partygoers. Theyre all wearing
masks.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
Lady, will you walk a bout with your friend? My lady, will you have a dance with me?
They begin to dance They begin to dance.
HERO HERO
70 So you walk softly, and look sweetly, and say As long as you move gracefully, look handsome, and
nothing, I am say nothing, Im yours for the dance. And Ill even
yours for the walk, and especially when I walk away. linger after Ive gone.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
With me in your company? Will I be with you then?
HERO HERO
I may say so when I please. Perhaps, if I decide to let you.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
And when please you to say so? And when will that be?
HERO HERO
75 When I like your favor, for God defend the lute When I like the way you look, for God forbid your
should be face be as ugly as your mask!
like the case!
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
My visor is Philemons roof; within the house is My mask is like the roof of the
Jove. poor Philemonshumble cottage; underneath the
mask, I am as magnificent as the glorious god Jove.

HERO HERO
Why, then, your visor should be thatched. Well, then, since Philemons roof was thatched
with straw, your mask should have a beard.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
Speak low if you speak love. If you wish to speak of love, speak more softly.
They move They move
aside. BALTHASAR andMARGARETmove forward aside. BALTHASARandMARGARET move
forward.
BALTHASAR BALTHASAR
80 Well, I would you did like me. Well, I wish you liked me.
MARGARET MARGARET
So would not I for your own sake, for I have many ill Im glad I dont, for your sake. I have many awful
qualities. qualities.
BALTHASAR BALTHASAR
Which is one? Tell me one.
MARGARET MARGARET
I say my prayers aloud. I say my prayers out loud.
BALTHASAR BALTHASAR
I love you the better; the hearers may cry Amen. That makes me love you even more. Everyone
who hears you can shout, Amen.
MARGARET MARGARET
85 God match me with a good dancer! God give me a good dance partner!
BALTHASAR BALTHASAR
Amen. Amen. That would be me.
MARGARET MARGARET
And God keep him out of my sight when the dance is And God take him away from me when were
done! finished dancing! Go aheadsay Amen.
Answer, clerk.
BALTHASAR BALTHASAR
No more words. The clerk is answered. No more talking. Ive got my answer.
They move aside. URSULA andANTONIO move They move aside. URSULA andANTONIO move
forward. forward.
URSULA URSULA
90 I know you well enough. You are Signor Antonio. I know who you are; you are Signior Antonio.
ANTONIO ANTONIO
At a word, I am not. No, really, Im not.
URSULA URSULA
I know you by the waggling of your head. I can tell by the way you waggle your head.
ANTONIO ANTONIO
To tell you true, I counterfeit him. Really, Im only pretending to be him.
URSULA URSULA
You could never do him so ill-well unless you were You could only imitate his imperfections so well if
95 the very you were the man himself. Look, youve got his
man. Heres his dry hand up and down. You are he, wrinkled hands. You are Antonio, you are he.
you are
he.
ANTONIO ANTONIO
At a word, I am not. In short, Im not.
URSULA URSULA
Come, come, do you think I do not know you by your Come on, do you think I cant recognize you by
excellent wit? Can virtue hide itself? Go to, mum, you your excellent wit? Can a good thing hide itself?
100 are Be quiet, you are Antonio. A mans virtues will
he. Graces will appear, and theres an end. always show themselves, and thats the end of
that.
They move aside. BENEDICK andBEATRICEmove They move
forward. aside. BENEDICK andBEATRICEmove forward.
BEATRICE BEATRICE
Will you not tell me who told you so? Wont you tell me who told you that?
BENEDICK BENEDICK
No, you shall pardon me. No, youll have to excuse me.
BEATRICE BEATRICE
Nor will you not tell me who you are? And you wont tell me who you are?
BENEDICK BENEDICK
Not now. Not now.
BEATRICE BEATRICE
105 That I was disdainful and that I had my good wit out Who said that I was disdainful, and that I got all
of The my best lines out of a bad joke book?! Well, it
Hundred Merry Tales! Well this was Signor Benedick must have been Signior Benedick.
that
said so.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
Whats he? Whos that?
BEATRICE BEATRICE
I am sure you know him well enough. Im sure you know him.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
110 Not I, believe me. No I dont, believe me.
BEATRICE BEATRICE
Did he never make you laugh? What, he never made you laugh?
BENEDICK BENEDICK
I pray you, what is he? Please tell me, who is this man?
BEATRICE BEATRICE
Why, he is the Princes jester, a very dull fool, only his Why, hes the Princes fool, and a very dull fool at
gift that. His only talent is his capacity to come up
115 is in devising impossible slanders. None but with unbelievable slanders. Only the most
libertines immoral people enjoy his company, and they like

delight in him, and the commendation is not in his wit him not for his wit but his outrageousness. He
but manages to both please and anger people; they
in his villainy, for he both pleases men and angers laugh at him and then beat him up. Im sure hes
them, out there dancing. I could have sworn he trampled
and then they laugh at him and beat him. I am sure on me.
he is in
the fleet. I would he had boarded me.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
When I know the gentleman, Ill tell him what you say. When I meet this gentleman, Ill tell him what
youve said.
BEATRICE BEATRICE
120 Do, do. Hell but break a comparison or two on me, Oh, please do. Hell say a few nasty things about
which, me, and if nobody listens to him or laughs, hell
peradventure not marked or not laughed at, strikes be thrown into a funk. And that will save a
him into partridge wing from being eaten, because hell be
melancholy, and then theres a partridge wing saved, too miserable for dinner.
for the
fool will eat no supper that night.
Music for the dance Music for the dance begins.
We must follow the leaders. Come on, we have to follow the leaders of the
dance.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
125 In every good thing. In every good thing they do.
BEATRICE BEATRICE
Nay, if they lead to any ill, I will leave them at the next No, if they try to lead us to harm, I will leave the
turning. dance floor at the next song.
Dance, then exeunt all except DON There is a dance. Everyone exits except DON
JOHN,BORACHIO, and CLAUDIO JOHN, BORACHIO, andCLAUDIO.
DON JOHN DON JOHN
(to BORACHIO) Sure my brother is amorous on (to BORACHIO) My brother just wooed Hero and
Hero, and now has taken her father inside to tell him his
130 hath withdrawn her father to break with him about it. feelings. The ladies have followed Hero, but one
The masked man remains.
ladies follow her, and but one visor remains.
BORACHIO BORACHIO
And that is Claudio. I know him by his bearing. Thats Claudio. I can tell by the way he carries
himself.
DON JOHN DON JOHN
(to CLAUDIO) Are not you Signor Benedick? (to CLAUDIO) Arent you Signior Benedick?
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
You know me well. I am he. You know me too well. I am Benedick.
DON JOHN DON JOHN

Signor, you are very near my brother in his love. He Sir, my brother is very fond of you. He is in love
135 is with Hero. Please make him change his mind.
enamored on Hero. I pray you, dissuade him from She doesnt have the proper rank to marry the
her. She Prince. You would be doing a good service.
is no equal for his birth. You may do the part of an
honest
man in it.
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
How know you he loves her? How do you know he loves her?
DON JOHN DON JOHN
I heard him swear his affection. I heard him swear he did.
BORACHIO BORACHIO
140 So did I too, and he swore he would marry her I did too, and he also swore he would marry her
tonight. tonight.
DON JOHN DON JOHN
Come, let us to the banquet. Come on, lets get to the banquet.
Exeunt DON JOHN andBORACHIO DON JOHN andBORACHIO exit.
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
(unmasking) (taking off his mask)
Thus answer I in the name of Benedick, Though I said my name was Benedick, I heard
But hear these ill news with the ears of Claudio. this news with Claudios ears. Of course the
145 'Tis certain so, the Prince woos for himself. Prince wants Hero for himself. Friendship is
Friendship is constant in all other things enduring except when love is involved. Therefore,
Save in the office and affairs of love. all lovers should speak for themselves. They
Therefore all hearts in love use their own tongues. should look for themselves, without asking
Let every eye nogetiate for itself someone else to get involved in their affairs.
150 And trust no agent, for beauty is a witch Beauty is a witch whose spells can turn loyalty
Against whose charms faith melteth into blood. into passion. This happens a lot, but it didnt
This is an accident of hourly proof, occur to me that it would happen to me. Goodbye
Which I mistrusted not. Farewell, therefore, Hero. then, Hero.
Enter BENEDICK BENEDICK enters.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
Count Claudio? Claudio?
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
155 Yea, the same. Yes, thats me.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
Come, will you go with me? Will you come with me?
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
Whither? Where?
BENEDICK BENEDICK
Even to the next willow, about your own business, Right over to that willow tree to see about your
county. business. How do you want to wear your garland

160 What fashion will you wear the garland of? About of willow leaves? Around your neck, like a
your moneylenders gold chain, or under your arm, like
neck like an usurers chain? Or under your arm like a a lieutenants sash? You have to wear it
lieutenants scarf? You must wear it one way, for the somehow, because the Prince has gotten your
Prince Hero.
hath gat your Hero.
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
I wish him joy of her. I hope he enjoys her.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
Why, thats spoken like an honest drover; so they sell You sound like a cattle dealer: thats the way they
165 bullocks. But did you think the Prince would have sell bulls. But do you really think the Prince would
served treat you that way?
you thus?
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
I pray you, leave me. Please, leave me alone.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
Ho, now you strike like the blind man. 'Twas the boy Look at you, thrashing about like a blind man. A
that boy robbed you, but youll beat up the post
stole your meat, and youll beat the post. instead.
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
170 If it will not be, Ill leave you. If you wont leave, then Ill leave.
Exit He exits.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
Alas, poor hurt fowl, now will he creep into sedges. Oh, the poor bird. Now hell hide himself in the
But that bushes. But how strange that Beatrice should
my Lady Beatrice should know me, and not know me! seem to know who I was and yet not know at the
The same time. The Princes fool! Maybe they call
175 Princes fool! Ha, it may be I go under that title me that because I am cheerful. Yes, but I am
because I am insulting myself by thinking this way. I dont have
merry. Yea, but so I am apt to do myself wrong. I am that kind of reputation! Beatrices mean, sarcastic
not so nature makes her believe that the entire world
reputed! It is the base, though bitter, disposition of shares her opinions; thats why she describes me
Beatrice this way. Well, Ill get my revenge.
that puts the world into her person and so gives me
out.
Well, Ill be revenged as I may.
Enter DON PEDRO DON PEDRO enters.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
Now, Signior, wheres the Count? Did you see him? Now, sir, where is Claudio? Did you see him?
BENEDICK BENEDICK
Troth, my lord, I have played the part of Lady Fame. I Yes, my lord, I played the part of a gossip and
180 found him here as melancholy as a lodge in a brought him the news. I found him here, as sad
warren. I told as a rabbit in a burrow. I told himand I think I
him, and I think I told him true, that your Grace had was telling the truththat you had won the ladys
got the heart. I offered to accompany him to the willow
goodwill of this young lady, and I offered him my tree, where he could either make a garlandfit to
185 company be worn by an abandoned loveror gather sticks
to a willow tree, either to make him a garland, as into a bundle, ready for his beating.
being
forsaken, or to bind him up a rod, as being worthy to
be
whipped.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
To be whipped? Whats his fault? Beating? Why, what did he do?
BENEDICK BENEDICK
The flat transgression of a schoolboy who, being He was like a schoolboy who finds a birds nest
overjoyed and happily shows it to his friend, who then steals
with finding a birds' nest, shows it his companion, it from him.
and he
steals it.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
190 Wilt thou make a trust a transgression? The What, is trusting a friend such a crime? The
transgression criminal is the one who stole the nest.
is in the stealer.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
Yet it had not been amiss the rod had been made, It might have been appropriate to make both the
and the rod and the garland. He could have worn the
garland too, for the garland he might have worn garland himself and beaten you with the rod,
195 himself since youas I understand ithave stolen his
and the rod he might have bestowed on you, who, as birds nest.
I take
it, have stolen his birds' nest.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
I will but teach them to sing and restore them to the I only want to teach the baby birds to sing; then I
owner. will return the nest to its rightful owner.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
If their singing answer your saying, by my faith, you Well wait and see; if the chicks follow your lead
say if Hero is ready to love Claudiothen well know
honestly. youre telling the truth.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
The Lady Beatrice hath a quarrel to you. The Lady Beatrice is angry with you. The gentleman
200 gentleman she danced with told her you insulted her.
that danced with her told her she is much wronged by
you.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
O, she misused me past the endurance of a block! Not even a block of wood could handle her
An oak abuses! An oak tree barely clinging to life would
but with one green leaf on it would have answered have revived itself to fight her. Even my mask
her. My seemed to come to life in order to argue with her.
205 very visor began to assume life and scold with her. She told menot realizing it was methat I was
She told the Princes jester and as dull as mud. She hurled
me, not thinking I had been myself, that I was the mocking insults at me with such incredible speed
Princes that all I could do was stand there, paralyzed. She
jester, that I was duller than a great thaw, huddling speaks daggers, and every word stabs. If her
210 jest breath were as terrible as her words, she would
upon jest with such impossible conveyance upon me kill every living thing from here to the furthest star.
that I I wouldnt marry her, even if she were as blessed
stood like a man at a mark with a whole army as paradise. If she were married to the great hero
shooting at Hercules, she would have humiliated him with
215 me. She speaks poniards, and every word stabs. If chores around the house and ordered him to
her chop up his famous club for firewood. Please,
breath were as terrible as her terminations, there dont mention her. Shes as wicked as Ate, just
were no disguised in pretty clothes. I wish to God that
living near her; she would infect to the north star. I some wise man would conjure her away, because
would as long as she lives on earth, our lives are filled
not marry her, though she were endowed with all that with turmoil. Its quieter in hell, where people,
Adam had left him before he transgressed. She sinning on purpose, are eager to be sent just to
would have get away from her. So chaos, horror, and sorrow
made Hercules have turned spit, yea, and have cleft follow her wherever she goes.
his club
to make the fire, too. Come, talk not of her. You shall
find
her the infernal Ate in good apparel. I would to God
some
scholar would conjure her, for certainly, while she is
here,
a man may live as quiet in hell as in a sanctuary, and
people
sin upon purpose because they would go thither. So
indeed
all disquiet, horror and perturbation follows her.
Enter CLAUDIO,BEATRICE, HERO, andLEONATO CLAUDIO, BEATRICE,HERO,

and LEONATOenter.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
220 Look, here she comes. Look, here she comes.

BENEDICK BENEDICK
Will your grace command me any service to the Your highness, could you send me on a mission
worlds to the ends of the earth? Ill go to the Antipodes
end? I will go on the slightest errand now to the for any little errand you can think of. Ill fetch you
Antipodes a toothpick from the farthest reaches of Asia, or
225 that you can devise to send me on. I will fetch you a find out Prester Johns shoe size, or snatch a hair
toothpicker now from the furthest inch of Asia, bring from Kublai Khans beard, or deliver any message
you you wish to relay to the Pygmiesanything rather
the length of Prester Johns foot, fetch you a hair off than exchange three words with this awful,
the screeching woman. Isnt there something you
great Chams beard, do you any embassage to the want from me?
Pygmies,
rather than hold three words' conference with this
harpy.
You have no employment for me?
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
None but to desire your good company. Nothing but your good company.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
230 O God, sir, heres a dish I love not. I cannot endure Oh, God, sir, here comes a dish I hate. I cant
my stand tongue.
Lady Tongue!
Exit He exits.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
(to BEATRICE) Come, lady, come, you have lost the (to BEATRICE) Lady, you have lost Signior
heart of Benedicks heart.
Signior Benedick.
BEATRICE BEATRICE
Indeed, my lord, he lent it me awhile, and I gave him Its true, my lord. He lent it to me once, and I paid
235 use for him back with interest: a double heart for his
it, a double heart for his single one. Marry, once single one. Really, he won it from me once before
before he in a dishonest game of dice. So I suppose your
won it of me with false dice. Therefore your Grace grace can truly say that I have lost it.
may well
say I have lost it.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
You have put him down, lady, you have put him down. Youve humiliated him, lady: youve put him down.
BEATRICE BEATRICE
So I would not he should do me, my lord, lest I And I hope that he wont put me down or Im sure
240 should prove to have fools for children.Ive brought Claudio,
the mother of fools. I have brought Count Claudio, who you sent me to find.
whom
you sent me to seek.

DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
Why, how now, Count, wherefore are you sad? Why, whats wrong, count? Why are you so sad?
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
Not sad, my lord. Im not sad, my lord.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
How then, sick? What then, sick?
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
245 Neither, my lord. Im neither, my lord.
BEATRICE BEATRICE
The Count is neither sad, nor sick, nor merry, nor The count is neither sad nor sick nor cheerful nor
well, but wellhes just civil, as Seville as an orange, with
civil count, civil as an orange, and something of that the same jealous-yellow complexion.
jealous
complexion.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
I' faith, lady, I think your blazon to be true, though, Ill Truly, lady, I think your description is correct,
250 be though I swear he has no reason to look like that.
sworn, if he be so, his conceit is false.Here, Here, Claudio, Ive wooed Hero for you, and shes
Claudio, I agreed to marry you. Ive told her father, and hes
have wooed in thy name, and fair Hero is won. I have given his permission. Tell us when you wish to get
broke married, and may God give you joy.
with her father and his goodwill obtained. Name the
day of
marriage, and God give thee joy.
LEONATO LEONATO
Count, take of me my daughter, and with her my Claudio, take my daughter, and, with her, take my
255 fortunes. fortunes. The Prince has made the match, and
His grace hath made the match, and all grace say may God bless it.
Amen
to it.
BEATRICE BEATRICE
Speak, Count, tis your cue. Speak, Claudio, thats your cue.
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
Silence is the perfectest herald of joy. I were but little Complete joy makes one speechless; if I were
happy only a little happy, then I could say exactly how
260 if I could say how much.Lady, as you are mine, I much. Lady, you are mine and I am yours. For
am you, I give myself away and Im ecstatic about the
yours. I give away myself for you and dote upon the exchange.
exchange.
BEATRICE BEATRICE
Speak, cousin, or if you cannot, stop his mouth with a Say something, cousin. Or, if you cant say
kiss anything, stop his mouth with a kiss and dont let
and let not him speak neither. him speak, either.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
In faith, lady, you have a merry heart. Truly, lady, you have a merry heart.
BEATRICE BEATRICE
265 Yea, my lord. I thank it, poor fool, it keeps on the Yes, my lord. I thank my heartthe poor foolfor
windy side it keeps away from seriousness. Look, my cousin
of care. My cousin tells him in his ear that he is in her is whispering to Claudio that she loves him.
heart.
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
And so she doth, cousin. Why, youre absolutely right, cousin.
BEATRICE BEATRICE
Good Lord for alliance! Thus goes everyone to the Thank the lord for alliances! So everyone goes off
world into the world except me, who stays in because
270 but I, and I am sunburnt. I may sit in a corner and cry, Im sunburned. I should sit in the corner and sing
Heigh-ho for a husband! that song, Heigh-Ho for a Husband!
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
Lady Beatrice, I will get you one. Lady Beatrice, Ill get you a husband.
BEATRICE BEATRICE
I would rather have one of your fathers getting. Hath Id rather get a husband from your father. Dont
your you have any brothers like you? Your fathers
grace ne'er a brother like you? Your father got sons would make excellent husbands, if only a girl
excellent could catch one for herself.
husbands, if a maid could come by them.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
275 Will you have me, lady? Will you take me, my lady?
BEATRICE BEATRICE
No, my lord, unless I might have another for working No, my lord, unless I could have another husband
days. for the work week. You are too expensive to wear
Your Grace is too costly to wear every day. But I every day. But please, forgive me, your highness.
beseech I was born to speak cleverly, not seriously.
your Grace pardon me. I was born to speak all mirth
and no
matter.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
280 Your silence most offends me, and to be merry best Id be more offended if you were silent, for being
becomes you, for out o' question you were born in a lively and cheerful suits you best. Surely, you
merry must have been born at a happy time.
hour.
BEATRICE BEATRICE
No, sure, my lord, my mother cried, but then there Actually, my lord, my mother cried when she was
was a giving birth to me. But then a star danced in the
285 star danced, and under that was I born.Cousins, sky, and thats the moment I was born.
God Kinsmen, Im off.
give you joy!
LEONATO LEONATO
Niece, will you look to those things I told you of? Niece, will you take care of those things I
mentioned?
BEATRICE BEATRICE
I cry you mercy, uncle.By your Graces pardon. Oh, yes, Im sorry, uncle.If youll excuse me,
your grace.
Exit She exits.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
By my troth, a pleasant-spirited lady. I swear, shes a very good-natured lady.
LEONATO LEONATO
Theres little of the melancholy element in her, my Theres very little about her thats gloomy, my
290 lord. She lord. Shes only sad when she sleepsand not
is never sad but when she sleeps, and not ever sad even then. Hero told me that Beatrice has often
then, for had dreams about being unhappy, and managed
I have heard my daughter say she hath often to wake herself from them by laughing.
dreamed of
unhappiness and waked herself with laughing.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
She cannot endure to hear tell of a husband. She cant stand to hear about getting a husband.
LEONATO LEONATO
Oh, by no means. She mocks all her wooers out of No, not at all. She mocks all her suitors so
suit. severely that they drop the suit.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
295 She were an excellent wife for Benedict. She would make a good wife for Benedick.
LEONATO LEONATO
O Lord, my lord, if they were but a week married, Oh, Lord, if they were married, theyd drive
they themselves crazy within a week.
would talk themselves mad.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
County Claudio, when mean you to go to church? Count Claudio, when do you plan to go to church
and be married?
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
Tomorrow, my lord. Time goes on crutches till love Tomorrow, my lord. Time will move as slowly as
300 have all an old man until our love receives its proper
his rites. ceremony.
LEONATO LEONATO
Not till Monday, my dear son, which is hence a just Wait till Monday, my dear son, which is only a
sevennight, and a time too brief, too, to have all week away. Even that is too short a time to plan
things things the way I would like.
answer my mind.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
(to CLAUDIO) Come, you shake the head at so long (to CLAUDIO) Oh, dont look so frustrated at
305 a having to wait so long. I promise you, Claudio, the
breathing, but I warrant thee, Claudio, the time shall time will go by quickly. While were waiting for the
not go wedding, Im going to take on an impossible task:
dully by us. I will in the interim undertake one of to make Signior Benedick and the Lady Beatrice
Hercules' fall in love with each other. I aim to see them
310 labors, which is to bring Signor Benedick and the matched, and with all of your help, Im sure we
Lady can make it happen.
Beatrice into a mountain of affection, th' one with th'
other.
I would fain have it a match, and I doubt not but to
fashion
it, if you three will but minister such assistance as I
shall
give you direction.
LEONATO LEONATO
My lord, I am for you, though it cost me ten nights' My lord, I will help you, even if it means I have to
watchings. stay awake for ten nights straight.
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
And I, my lord. Me too, my lord.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
315 And you too, gentle Hero? And you, sweet Hero?
HERO HERO
I will do any modest office, my lord, to help my cousin Ill do any decent thing, my lord, to help my cousin
to a get a good husband.
good husband.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
And Benedick is not the unhopefulest husband that I And Benedick is not the worst husband I can think
know. of. This much I can say about him: he is well-
320 Thus far can I praise him: he is of a noble strain, of born, has proven his bravery in battle, and has
approved established his good character. Hero, Ill show
valor, and confirmed honesty. I will teach you how to you how to influence your cousin so she falls in
humor love with Benedick. We men will trick Benedick so
your cousin that she shall fall in love with Benedick. that, despite his quick wit and his queasiness
325 And about marriage, he will fall in love with her. If we
I, with your two helps, will so practice on Benedick can do this, then we will steal Cupids glory. We
that, in despite of his quick wit and his queasy will be the supreme love gods! Come inside with
stomach, he me, and I will tell you my plan.
shall fall in love with Beatrice. If we can do this, Cupid
is no
longer an archer; his glory shall be ours, for we are
the only
love gods. Go in with me, and I will tell you my drift.
Act 2, Scene 2
Enter DON JOHN andBORACHIO Enter DON JOHN andBORACHIO

DON JOHN DON JOHN
It is so. The Count Claudio shall marry the daughter of Its arranged. The Count Claudio will marry
Leonato. Leonatos daughter.
BORACHIO BORACHIO
Yea, my lord, but I can cross it. Yes, my lord, but I can spoil it.
DON JOHN DON JOHN
Any bar, any cross, any impediment will be Any obstacle or barrier to Claudios happiness will
5 med'cinable to be like medicine to me. I hate him so much it
me. I am sick in displeasure to him, and whatsoever makes me sick, and whoever can ruin his
comes happiness will make me happy. How will you
athwart his affection ranges evenly with mine. How wreck this marriage?
canst
thou cross this marriage?
BORACHIO BORACHIO
Not honestly, my lord, but so covertly that no I can only do it by lying, my lord, but I can do it so
dishonesty secretly that no one will suspect me.
shall appear in me.
DON JOHN DON JOHN
10 Show me briefly how. Quickly, tell me how.
BORACHIO BORACHIO
I think I told your lordship a year since how much I am I think it was a year ago that I told you how much
in Margaret, Heros servant woman, likes me.
the favor of Margaret, the waiting gentlewoman to
Hero.
DON JOHN DON JOHN
I remember. I remember.
BORACHIO BORACHIO
I can, at any unseasonable instant of the night, I can arrange it so that at some indecent hour of
15 appoint her the night, she looks out Heros bedroom window.
to look out at her ladys chamber window.
DON JOHN DON JOHN
What life is in that to be the death of this marriage? How will that kill this marriage?
BORACHIO BORACHIO
The poison of that lies in you to temper. Go you to the That part is up to you. Go to the Prince, your
Prince your brother. Spare not to tell him that he hath brother, and tell him that he has done a terrible
wronged his honor in marrying the renowned Claudio, thing by matching the renowned Claudiowhom
20 whose estimation do you mightily hold up, to a you greatly admirewith such a tainted whore as
contaminated stale, such a one as Hero. Hero.
DON JOHN DON JOHN

What proof shall I make of that? What will be my evidence?
BORACHIO BORACHIO
Proof enough to misuse the Prince, to vex Claudio, to Evidence enough to deceive the Prince, anger
undo Claudio, ruin Hero, and kill Leonato. Is there
Hero, and kill Leonato. Look you for any other issue? anything else you wish?
DON JOHN DON JOHN
25 Only to despite them, I will endeavor anything. Thats all I want, and Ill do anything to accomplish
it.
BORACHIO BORACHIO
Go then, find me a meet hour to draw Don Pedro and Find a time to speak with Don Pedro and Claudio
the alone. Tell them you know that Hero loves me.
Count Claudio alone. Tell them that you know that Pretend to be very concerned about both the
Hero Prince, who has compromised his honor by
30 loves me. Intend a kind of zeal both to the Prince and making the match, and Claudio, whose reputation
Claudio, as in love of your brothers honor, who hath will be ruined by this woman whos pretending to
made be a virgin. Of course, they wont believe you
this match, and his friends reputation, who is thus like without proof. Tell them youve seen the two of us
to at Heros bedroom window, and then bring them to
35 be cozened with the semblance of a maid, that you see for themselves on the night before the
have wedding. Ill arrange it so that Hero is away for the
discovered thus. They will scarcely believe this night, so what theyll actually see is Margaret and
without me at the window, calling each other Hero
trial. Offer them instances, which shall bear no less and Claudio. Itll be such blatant evidence of
40 likelihood than to see me at her chamber window, Heros disloyalty that Claudios jealousy will
hear me quickly turn to certainty, and the wedding will be
call Margaret Hero, hear Margaret term me instantly called off.
Claudio,
and bring them to see this the very night before the
intended wedding, for in the meantime I will so fashion
the
matter that Hero shall be absent, and there shall
appear
such seeming truth of Heros disloyalty that jealousy
shall
be called assurance and all the preparation
overthrown.
DON JOHN DON JOHN
Grow this to what adverse issue it can, I will put it in Make the arrangements, and Ill do it. Do this
practice. Be cunning in the working this, and thy fee is carefully, and I will reward you with a thousand
a gold coins.
thousand ducats.
BORACHIO BORACHIO
Be you constant in the accusation, and my cunning If you make the accusation convincingly, then my
45 shall not cunning wont fail me.
shame me.
DON JOHN DON JOHN
I will presently go learn their day of marriage. Ill go now to find out the date of the wedding.
Exeunt They exit.
Act 2, Scene 3

BENEDICK BENEDICK
Boy! Boy!
Enter BOY A BOY enters.
BOY BOY
Signior? Yes Signior?
BENEDICK BENEDICK
In my chamber window lies a book. Bring it hither to In my bedroom window there is a book. Go get it
me in and bring it to me here in the orchard.
the orchard.
BOY BOY
5 I am here already, sir. Im already here, sir.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
I know that, but I would have thee hence and here I see that you are here, but Id like you to go there
again. and then come back again.
Exit BOY The BOY exits.
I do much wonder that one man, seeing how much Im amazed that a man, after watching romance
another turn another man into a fool and laughing at that
man is a fool when he dedicates his behaviors to love, man, can turn right around and become the thing
10 will, hes scorned. Thats the kind of man Claudio is. I
after he hath laughed at such shallow follies in others, knew him when he listened to nothing but the
become the argument of his own scorn by falling in military drum and fife; now he would rather hear
love the sweet and refined music of the tabor and pipe.
and such a man is Claudio. I have known when there I knew him when he wouldve walked ten miles to
15 was no see a well-crafted suit of armor; now he spends
music with him but the drum and the fife, and now had ten nights awake in his room designing himself a
he fancy new jacket. He used to speak plainly and to
rather hear the tabor and the pipe. I have known when the point, like an honorable man and soldier; now
he his speech is elaborate and flowery. His words are
20 would have walked ten mile afoot to see a good like a miraculous banquet, full of strange new
armor, and dishes. Will I be changed like that, and see the
now will he lie ten nights awake carving the fashion of world through a lovers eyes? Im not sure, but I
a new dont think so.
doublet. He was wont to speak plain and to the
purpose,
like an honest man and a soldier, and now is he

turned
orthography; his words are a very fantastical banquet,
just
so many strange dishes. May I be so converted and
see with
these eyes? I cannot tell; I think not.
I will not be sworn but love may transform me to an I cant promise that love wont transform me, but I
oyster, can promise you this: until I truly fall in love, a
but Ill take my oath on it, till he have made an oyster woman will never make me act like such a fool. A
of me, beautiful woman comes along, but Im unmoved. A
25 he shall never make me such a fool. One woman is wise woman turns up, but Im unmoved. A virtuous
fair, yet woman appears, but Im unmoved. I refuse to fall
I am well; another is wise, yet I am well; another in love until all three qualities unite in a single
virtuous, woman. She must be rich, certainly, and smart, or
yet I am well; but till all graces be in one woman, one Ill have nothing to do with her. She has to be
30 woman shall not come in my grace. Rich she shall be, virtuous, or Ill never bid on her; beautiful, or I
thats wont bother to look at her. Mild-mannered, or else
certain; wise, or Ill none; virtuous, or Ill never she should stay away from me. Noble, or I wont
cheapen have her even if shes an angel. She must be well
her; fair, or Ill ever look on her; mild, or come not near spoken, an excellent musician, and her hair
me; noble, or not I for an angel; of good discourse, an should bewell, I suppose the color doesnt
excellent musician, and her hair shall be of what color matter. Ha! Look, its the Prince and Mr. Love. Ill
it hide in the arbor.
please God. Ha! The Prince and Monsieur Love! I will
hide
me in the arbor.
He hides He hides.
Enter DON PEDRO,CLAUDIO, and LEONATO, DON PEDRO, CLAUDIO,
andBALTHASAR with music and LEONATO enter.BALTHASAR enters with
music.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
Come, shall we hear this music? Well, should we hear some music?
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
Yea, my good lord. How still the evening is, Yes, my lord. Listen to how quiet the evening is, as
35 As hushed on purpose to grace harmony! if its purposefully setting the stage for a song.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
(aside to CLAUDIO) (speaking so that only CLAUDIOcan hear) Do you
See you where Benedick hath hid himself? see where Benedick is hiding?
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
(aside to DON PEDRO) (speaking so that only DON PEDROcan hear)Yes,
O, very well, my lord. The music ended, very well, my lord. Once the music has ended,
40 Well fit the kid-fox with a pennyworth. well give him more than he bargained for.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
Come, Balthasar, well hear that song again. Come on, Balthasar, lets hear that song again.
BALTHASAR BALTHASAR
O, good my lord, tax not so bad a voice Oh, my good lord, dont make me insult music
To slander music anymore than once. again with my awful singing.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
It is the witness still of excellency You can tell an artist is excellent when he denies
45 To put a strange face on his own perfection. his own perfection. Please, sing for us; dont make
I pray thee, sing, and let me woo no more. me woo you anymore!
BALTHASAR BALTHASAR
Because you talk of wooing, I will sing, Since you put it that way, Ill sing. Youre like a
Since many a wooer doth commence his suit suitor who courts a woman insincerely, swearing
To her he thinks not worthy, yet he woos, that he loves her even though he really doesnt
50 Yet will he swear he loves. find her worthy.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
Nay, pray thee, come, Come on, please sing. If youd like to continue this
Or, if thou wilt hold longer argument, discussion, at least do so with music.
Do it in notes.
BALTHASAR BALTHASAR
Note this before my notes: Just know this before I begin: I cant play a single
Theres not a note of mine thats worth the noting. note thats worthy of note.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
Why, these are very crotchets that he speaks! Listen to him speaking in quarter notes! Get on
55 Note notes, forsooth, and nothing. with your note-playing now.
Music plays Music plays.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
(aside) Now, divine air! Now is his soul ravished. Is it (to himself) That music must be divine, because
not their souls have been captivated. Isnt it strange
strange that sheeps' guts should hale souls out of that strings made of sheeps guts are capable of
mens drawing mens souls out of their bodies?
bodies? Well, a horn for my money, when alls done. Well,Id rather listen to a plain old hunting horn
than this music, when all is said and done.
BALTHASAR BALTHASAR
(singing) (singing)
Sigh no more, ladies, sigh no more, Dont cry anymore, ladies, dont cry anymore
Men were deceivers ever, Men have always been deceivers,
One foot in sea and one on shore, One foot on a ship and one on the shore,
To one thing constant never. Never devoted to anything.

Then sigh not so, but let them go, So dont cry like that, just let them go
And be you blithe and bonny, And be happy and carefree forever,
Converting all your sounds of woe Turning all your sad sounds around
Into Hey, nonny nonny. When you sing Hey, nonny nonny instead.
Sing no more ditties, sing no mo Dont sing more sad songs
Of dumps so dull and heavy. About being down in the dumps
The fraud of men was ever so, For men have been committing this kind of
Since summer first was leavy. fraud
Then sigh not so, but let them go Ever since the first summer trees had leaves.
And be you blithe and bonny, So dont cry like that, just let them go
Converting all your sounds of woe And be happy and carefree forever,
Into Hey, nonny nonny. Turning all your sad sounds around
When you sing Hey, nonny nonny instead.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
60 By my troth, a good song. Thats a good song.
BALTHASAR BALTHASAR
And an ill singer, my lord. And a bad singer, my lord.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
Ha, no, no, faith, thou singst well enough for a shift. Ha! No, no, really, your voice is good enough in a
pinch.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
(aside) An he had been a dog that should have (to himself) If a dog had howled like that, I would
howled thus, have hung it. I hope his horrible singing doesnt
65 they would have hanged him. And I pray God his bad have any ill effects. I wouldve rather listened to
voice the night raven screech, even if the birds noise
bode no mischief. I had as lief have heard the night does give me the plague, as they say it will.
raven,
come what plague could have come after it.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
Yea, marry, dost thou hear, Balthasar? I pray thee, get Yes, do you hear me, Balthasar? Please, get
us some excellent music, because tomorrow we want
some excellent music, for tomorrow night we would to serenade Lady Hero at her bedroom window.
have it
at the Lady Heros chamber window
BALTHASAR BALTHASAR
70 The best I can, my lord. Ill do the best I can, my lord.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
Do so. Farewell. Please do. Goodbye.
Exit BALTHASAR BALTHASAR exits.
Come hither, Leonato. What was it you told me of Come here, Leonato. What was it that you told me
today, todaythat your niece Beatrice was in love with
that your niece Beatrice was in love with Signor Signior Benedick?
Benedick?
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
Oh, ay. (aside to DON PEDRO) Stalk on, stalk on; the Oh yes. (speaking so that only DON PEDRO can
75 fowl hear) Go on, keep walking: our prey is in sight.I
sits.I did never think that lady would have loved any never thought that woman would love any man.
man.
LEONATO LEONATO
No, nor I neither, but most wonderful that she should I didnt, either. But how wonderful that she should
so be so fond of Signior Benedick, whom she has
dote on Signor Benedick, whom she hath in all always appeared to hate.
outward
behaviors seemed ever to abhor.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
80 (aside) Is t possible? Sits the wind in that corner? (to himself) Is it possible? Is that the way the wind
is blowing?
LEONATO LEONATO
By my troth, my lord, I cannot tell what to think of it, Really, my lord, I dont know what to make of it,
but but she loves him with such a passion that its past
that she loves him with an enraged affection, it is past all understanding.
the
infinite of thought.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
May be she doth but counterfeit. Maybe shes just pretending.
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
85 Faith, like enough. Yes, thats quite likely.
LEONATO LEONATO
O God! Counterfeit? There was never counterfeit of Oh God! Pretending? No one has ever faked
passion came so near the life of passion as she passion as skillfully as this, then.
discovers it.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
Why, what effects of passion shows she? Why, what symptoms of love does she exhibit?
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
(aside to LEONATO) Bait the hook well; this fish will (speaking so that only LEONATOcan hear) Bait
bite. the hook well; this fish is going to bite.
LEONATO LEONATO
90 What effects, my lord? She will sit youyou heard What symptoms, my lord? She will have a seat
my you heard my daughter tell you how.
daughter tell you how.
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
She did indeed. Yes, she did tell us.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
How, how I pray you? You amaze me. I would have Please, please tell me! This is amazing. I would
thought have thought she was invincible against any
her spirit had been invincible against all assaults of assault of love.
affection.
LEONATO LEONATO
95 I would have sworn it had, my lord, especially against I would have sworn that, too, my lord, especially
Benedick. against Benedick.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
(aside) I should think this a gull but that the white- (to himself) I would take this as a joke if the old
bearded man werent saying it. Mischief surely cant be
fellow speaks it. Knavery cannot, sure, hide himself hiding in such a respectable man.
in such
reverence.
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
100 (aside to DON PEDRO) He hath ta'en th' infection. (speaking so that only DON PEDROcan
Hold it up. hear)Weve infected him! Keep it up.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
Hath she made her affection known to Benedick? Has she told Benedick how she feels?
LEONATO LEONATO
No, and swears she never will. Thats her torment. No, and she swears she never will. Thats whats
driving her crazy.
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
'Tis true indeed, so your daughter says. Shall I, Its true, Hero says so. Beatrice asks, Does it
says she, make any sense to write and tell him I love him
105 that have so oft encountered him with scorn, write to when I have always treated him with scorn?
him
that I love him?
LEONATO LEONATO
This says she now when she is beginning to write to She says this as she begins to write the letter.
him, for Shell be getting up twenty times in a night, sitting
shell be up twenty times a night, and there will she there in her slip until shes written a page. My
sit in her daughter told me everything.
smock till she have writ a sheet of paper. My
daughter tells
us all.
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
110 Now you talk of a sheet of paper, I remember a pretty Now that you speak of paper, I remember a funny
jest story of Heros.
your daughter told.
LEONATO LEONATO
Oh, when she had writ it and was reading it over, she Oh, you mean when Beatrice writes a letter and
found Hero sees that it has Benedick and Beatrice
Benedick and Beatrice between the sheet? written all over it?
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
That. Yes, thats the one.
LEONATO LEONATO
115 O, she tore the letter into a thousand halfpence, Oh, she tears that letter into a thousand small
railed at pieces and berates herself for being so forward
herself that she should be so immodest to write to as to write a letter to a man she knows would
one that mock her. I compare him, she says, to myself,
she knew would flout her. I measure him, says she, and I know that I would mock him if he wrote me
by such a letter. Yes, even though I love him, I would
my own spirit, for I should flout him if he writ to me, mock him.
yea,
though I love him, I should.
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
120 Then down upon her knees she falls, weeps, sobs, Then she falls down to her knees, weeps, sobs,
beats her beats her breast, tears her hair, prays, and
heart, tears her hair, prays, curses: O sweet curses: Oh sweet Benedick! God give me
Benedick! God patience!
give me patience!
LEONATO LEONATO
She doth indeed, my daughter says so, and the She did indeed, my daughter says so. She
ecstasy hath worries that Beatrice is so overwrought that she
125 so much overborne her that my daughter is sometime might do herself harm someday. Its true.
afeared
she will do a desperate outrage to herself. It is very
true.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
It were good that Benedick knew of it by some other, If she wont tell Benedick, someone else should.
if she
will not discover it.
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
To what end? He would make but a sport of it and And what would that accomplish? Hell just turn it
130 torment into a joke and torment the poor woman even
the poor lady worse. more.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
An he should, it were an alms to hang him. Shes an If he did that, it would be a charitable deed to
excellent sweet lady, and, out of all suspicion, she is hang him. Shes an excellent, sweet woman, and
virtuous. theres no doubt that she is virtuous.
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
And she is exceeding wise. And she is very smart.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
135 In every thing but in loving Benedick. Except for the fact that she loves Benedick.

LEONATO LEONATO
Oh, my lord, wisdom and blood combating in so Oh, my lord, when wisdom and passion are in
tender a one body, its ten to one that the passion will win. I
body, we have ten proofs to one that blood hath the am sorry for her, as I should be, since I am both
victory. her uncle and her guardian.
I am sorry for her, as I have just cause, being her
uncle and
her guardian.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
140 I would she had bestowed this dotage on me. I would I wish she were in love with me instead. I would
have have thrown away all other considerations and
daffed all other respects and made her half myself. I made her my wife. Please, tell Benedick about
pray her feelings and see what he has to say.
you tell Benedick of it and hear what he will say.
LEONATO LEONATO
Were it good, think you? Is that a good idea, do you think?
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
Hero thinks surely she will die, for she says she will Hero thinks Beatrice will surely die, for she says
145 die if he shell die if he doesnt love her, and that shell die
love her not, and she will die ere she make her love before she tells him, and shell die if he woos her
known, and shes made to hold back even one of her
and she will die if he woo her rather than she will usual insults.
bate one
breath of her accustomed crossness.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
She doth well. If she should make tender of her love, Shes probably right. If she offers him her love, its
tis very possible that hell scorn it, since, as we all
150 very possible hell scorn it, for the man, as you know know, he tends to be contemptuous.
all,
hath a contemptible spirit.
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
He is a very proper man. Hes a very proper man.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
He hath indeed a good outward happiness. Indeed, he is good-looking and carries himself
well.
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
Before God, and in my mind, very wise. And I swear to God hes very smart.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
He doth indeed show some sparks that are like wit. He does indeed show sparks of something like
wit.
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
155 And I take him to be valiant. And I believe him to be brave.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
As Hector, I assure you, and in the managing of As brave as Hector, surely. And you could say
quarrels that he is wise in managing fights, for he either
you may say he is wise, for either he avoids them avoids them discreetly or enters into them timidly.
with great
discretion or undertakes them with a most Christian-
like
fear.
LEONATO LEONATO
160 If he do fear God, he must necessarily keep peace. If If he fears God, he must necessarily keep the
he peace. If he breaks the peace, he ought to enter
break the peace, he ought to enter into a quarrel with into a quarrel with fear and trembling.
fear
and trembling.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
And so will he do, for the man doth fear God, And hell do that, because hes a God-fearing
howsoever it man, even though his joking makes it seem
165 seems not in him by some large jests he will make. otherwise. Well, Im sorry for your niece. Should
Well, I we go find Benedick and tell him about Beatrices
am sorry for your niece. Shall we go seek Benedick love?
and tell
him of her love?
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
Never tell him, my lord, let her wear it out with good No, dont ever tell him, my lord. Let her get over it,
counsel. with the help of good advice.
LEONATO LEONATO
Nay, thats impossible. She may wear her heart out No, thats impossible. Her heart will break first.
first.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
170 Well, we will hear further of it by your daughter. Let it Well, well hear more about it from your daughter.
cool Let it sit for a while. I am very fond of Benedick,
the while. I love Benedick well, and I could wish he and I just wish he would take a look at himself
would and realize how unfairly hes treating this good
modestly examine himself to see how much he is woman.
unworthy
so good a lady.
LEONATO LEONATO
My lord, will you walk? Dinner is ready. My lord, will you come with me? Dinner is ready.
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
175 (aside to DON PEDRO and LEONATO) If he do not (speaking so that only DON
dote on her PEDROandLEONATO can hear) If he doesnt fall
upon this, I will never trust my expectation. in love with her now, Ill never trust my intuition
again.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
(aside to LEONATO) Let there be the same net (speaking so that only LEONATOcan hear) The
spread for her, same trap must be set for her; thats your
and that must your daughter and her gentlewomen daughters and servants' job. The real fun will be
180 carry. when they both believe the other to be in love,
The sport will be when they hold one an opinion of without any of it being true. I cant wait to watch
anothers dotage, and no such matter. Thats the that dramaitll be a pantomime, since both of
scene that them will be totally speechless! Lets send
I would see, which will be merely a dumb show. Let Beatrice to call Benedick in to dinner
us send
her to call him in to dinner.
Exeunt DON PEDRO,CLAUDIO, and LEONATO Everyone except BENEDICK exits.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
(coming forward) This can be no trick. The (coming forward) This cant be a trick. They spoke
conference was with great seriousness, and they have Heros
185 sadly borne; they have the truth of this from Hero; testimony. They seem to pity the lady. It seems
they her love is stretched to the limit. She loves me?
seem to pity the lady. It seems her affections have Well, that love must be returned! I hear how Im
their full criticized. They say Ill be smug if I find out she
bent. Love me? Why, it must be requited! I hear how I loves me. They also say shed rather die than give
190 am any sign of her feelings. I never thought Id marry.
censured. They sy I will bear myself proudly if I I cant appear to be proud. People who discover
perceive their faults and can then change them are lucky
the love come from her. They say, too, that she will indeed. They say the lady is beautiful; its true,
rather Ive seen it myself. And virtuous; thats true, I
195 die than give any sign of affection. I did never think to cant disprove that. And smart, except that she
marry. I must not seem proud. Happy are they that loves me. That may not be any proof of her
hear intelligence, but I swear it wont be evidence of
their detractions and can put them to mending. They her stupidityfor Im going to be horribly in love
say with her! People might tease me here and there,
200 the lady is fair; tis a truth, I can bear them witness. since I attacked marriage for so long. But dont
And tastes change? A man can love a dish when he is
virtuous; tis so, I cannot reprove it. And wise, but for young that he hates when he turns old. Will quips
loving me; by my troth, it is no addition to her wit, nor and clever remarks and scathing written words
no keep a man from getting what his heart desires?
205 great argument of her folly, for I will be horribly in love No! The world needs to be populated. When I
with her! I may chance have some odd quirks and said that Id die as a bachelor, I just meant that I
remnants didnt think Id live until I got married. Here comes
of wit broken on me because I have railed so long Beatrice. By God! Shes a beautiful lady. I think I
against sense some signs of love in her.
marriage, but doth not the appetite alter? A man
loves the
meat in his youth that he cannot endure in his age.
Shall
quips and sentences and these paper bullets of the
brain awe a man from the career of his humor?
No! The world must be peopled. When I said I would
die a
bachelor, I did not think I should live till I were
married.
Here comes Beatrice. By this day, shes a fair lady. I
do spy
some marks of love in her.
Enter BEATRICE BEATRICE enters.
BEATRICE BEATRICE
Against my will, I am sent to bid you come in to Against my will, Ive been told to bring you in to
dinner. dinner.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
Fair Beatrice, I thank you for your pains. Lovely Beatrice, I thank you for taking the pains to
tell me that.
BEATRICE BEATRICE
I took no more pains for those thanks than you take I didnt take any more pains bringing this
pains to message than you took pains in thanking me. If
thank me. If it had been painful, I would not have the job had been painful, I would not have come.
come.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
210 You take pleasure then in the message? So you took pleasure in bringing me this
message?
BEATRICE BEATRICE
Yea, just so much as you may take upon a knifes Yes, as much pleasure as one might take in
point and choking a bird at knifepoint. You dont want to eat,
choke a daw withal. You have no stomach, Signior. sir? Goodbye, then.
Fare you
well.
Exit She exits.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
Ha! Against my will I am sent to bid you come in to Ha! Against my will, Ive been told to bring you in
215 dinner. Theres a double meaning in that. I took no to dinner. Theres a double meaning in that. I
more didnt take any more pains bringing this message
pains for those thanks than you took pains to thank than you took pains in thanking me. Thats like
me. saying, Any thing I do for you is as easy as
Thats as much as to say, Any pains that I take for saying thank you. If this doesnt move me to
you is as take pity on her, Im a horrible person. If I dont
easy as thanks. If I do not take pity of her, I am a love her, Im completely hard-hearted. I will go get
villain. her picture.
If I do not love her, I am a Jew. I will go get her

picture.
Exit He exits.
Act 3, Scene 1
Enter HERO,MARGARET, and URSULA HERO, MARGARET, andURSULA enter.

HERO HERO
Good Margaret, run thee to the parlor. Margaret, run into the sitting room. Youll find
There shalt thou find my cousin Beatrice Beatrice there, talking to Claudio and the Prince.
Proposing with the Prince and Claudio. Whisper to her that Ursula and I are walking in the
Whisper her ear and tell her I and Ursula orchard and that were talking all about her. Tell
5 Walk in the orchard, and our whole discourse her you heard us, and that she should sneak into
Is all of her. Say that thou overheardst us, the arbor where the crisscrossing branches
And bid her steal into the pleachd bower overhead keep the honeysuckles out of the sun.
Where honeysuckles ripened by the sun (The same honeysuckles that were once ripened
Forbid the sun to enter, like favorites in the sun; theyre like courtiers who rise because
10 Made proud by princes, that advance their pride the king favors them, then plot to overthrow his
Against that power that bred it. There will she hide her Majesty.) She can hide there and eavesdrop on
To listen our propose. This is thy office. our conversation. This is your job. Do it well, and
Bear thee well in it and leave us alone. then leave us.
MARGARET MARGARET
Ill make her come, I warrant you, presently. Ill make her come right away, I promise you.
Exit She exits.
HERO HERO
15 Now, Ursula, when Beatrice doth come, All right Ursula, as Beatrice arrives, well be
As we do trace this alley up and down, walking up and down this alley and speaking
Our talk must only be of Benedick. about nothing but Benedick. Whenever I mention
When I do name him, let it be thy part him, praise him more than any man deserves. Itll
To praise him more than ever man did merit. be my job to talk about how Benedick is sick with
20 My talk to thee must be how Benedick love for Beatrice. Well make our arrows the same
Is sick in love with Beatrice. Of this matter way Cupid does: with gossip and rumor.
Is little Cupids crafty arrow made,
That only wounds by hearsay.
Enter BEATRICE, behind BEATRICE enters, behind.
Now begin, Lets start. See, Beatrice has run over like a little
For look where Beatrice like a lapwing runs bird, keeping close to the ground and trying to
25 Close by the ground, to hear our conference. overhear us.
URSULA URSULA
(aside to HERO) (speaking so that only HERO can hear) The best
The pleasantst angling is to see the fish part of fishing is watching the fish cut through the
Cut with her golden oars the silver stream water and greedily take the bait. Now were fishing
And greedily devour the treacherous bait. for Beatrice, whos hiding right now in the
30 So angle we for Beatrice, who even now honeysuckle arbor. Dont worry, Ill do my part.
Is couchd in the woodbine coverture.
Fear you not my part of the dialogue.
HERO HERO
(aside to URSULA) (speaking so that only URSULAcan hear) Then
Then go we near her, that her ear lose nothing lets get closer, so she can hear all the false,
35 Of the false sweet bait that we lay for it. sweet bait were setting for her. (approaching
(approaching the bower) the bower) No, truly, Ursula, shes too scornful.
No, truly, Ursula, she is too disdainful. Shes as devious and fierce as the wild hawks on
I know her spirits are as coy and wild the rocks.
As haggards of the rock.
URSULA URSULA
But are you sure But are you sure that Benedick loves Beatrice that
40 That Benedick loves Beatrice so entirely? much?
HERO HERO
So says the Prince and my new-trothd lord. Thats what the Prince and my fianc say.
URSULA URSULA
And did they bid you tell her of it, madam? And did they ask you to tell Beatrice about this,
madam?
HERO HERO
They did entreat me to acquaint her of it, They did want me to tell her, but I persuaded them
But I persuaded them, if they loved Benedick, that, if they truly loved Benedick, they would try to
45 To wish him wrestle with affection get him to battle his emotions and keep Beatrice in
And never to let Beatrice know of it. the dark.
URSULA URSULA
Why did you so? Doth not the gentleman Why did you do that? Doesnt Benedick deserve
Deserve as full as fortunate a bed as much luck with a mate as he would have with
As ever Beatrice shall couch upon? Beatrice?
HERO HERO
50 O god of love! I know he doth deserve By the god of love, I know that he deserves all that
As much as may be yielded to a man, a man might possess. But Nature never made a
But Nature never framed a womans heart womans heart as proud and tough as Beatrices.
Of prouder stuff than that of Beatrice. There is scorn and disdain in her eyes, and those
Disdain and scorn ride sparkling in her eyes, sparkling eyes despise everything they look upon.
55 Misprizing what they look on, and her wit She values her wit more highly than anything else,
Values itself so highly that to her which looks weak by comparison. Shes so in love
All matter else seems weak. She cannot love with herself, shes incapable of loving anyone else.
Nor take no shape nor project of affection She cant even imagine what love is.
She is so self-endeared.
URSULA URSULA
Sure, I think so, Yes, youre right. It would be bad if she knew
60 And therefore certainly it were not good about Benedicks love and teased him about it.
She knew his love, lest she make sport at it.
HERO HERO
Why, you speak truth. I never yet saw man, Its true. Whenever she meets a manno matter
How wise, how noble, young, how rarely featured how wise, noble, young, handsomeshe
But she would spell him backward. If fair-faced, rearranges all his good qualities so they end up
65 She would swear the gentleman should be her sister; looking bad. If he has a fair complexion, shell say
If black, why, Nature, drawing of an antic, the pretty man should be her sister, not her
Made a foul blot; if tall, a lance ill-headed; husband. If hes dark-skinned, Nature must have
If low, an agate very vilely cut; spilled some ink while drawing his foolish face. If
If speaking, why, a vane blown with all winds; hes tall, shell say hes a spear topped by an odd
70 If silent, why, a block moved with none. head; if hes short, she says he looks like a badly
So turns she every man the wrong side out carved miniature. If hes talkative, hes a
And never gives to truth and virtue that weathervane, moving in all directions at once; if
Which simpleness and merit purchaseth. hes silent, hes a block that cant be moved at all.
And so she turns men inside out and never
acknowledges the integrity and merit that a man
has.
URSULA URSULA
Sure, sure, such carping is not commendable. Its true, her nitpicking is hardly admirable.
HERO HERO
75 No, not to be so odd and from all fashions No, it certainly is not admirable to be so perverse
As Beatrice is, cannot be commendable. and eccentric. But who would dare tell her? If I
But who dare tell her so? If I should speak, said something, shed mock me so mercilessly
She would mock me into air. O, she would laugh me that Id probably disintegrate into air. Shed laugh
Out of myself, press me to death with wit. me right out of my body and kill me with her wit.
80 Therefore let Benedick, like covered fire, So Benedick should conceal his emotions. Like a
Consume away in sighs, waste inwardly. fire that gets covered up, Benedick should
It were a better death than die with mocks, smother his love and waste away. It would be
Which is as bad as die with tickling. better to die that way than to die from being
mocked, which is as bad as being killed by
tickling.
URSULA URSULA
Yet tell her of it. Hear what she will say. But you should tell her about this, and hear what
she has to say.
HERO HERO
85 No, rather I will go to Benedick No, instead Ill go to Benedick and advise him to
And counsel him to fight against his passion; fight his emotions. Ill make up some awful things
And truly Ill devise some honest slanders about my cousin and ruin her reputation. You
To stain my cousin with. One doth not know dont know how quickly affection can be killed
How much an ill word may empoison liking. with a single nasty word.
URSULA URSULA
90 O, do not do your cousin such a wrong! Oh, dont injure your cousin like that! With the
She cannot be so much without true judgment, quick, intelligent wit shes rumored to have, she
Having so swift and excellent a wit cant really be such a bad judge of character that
As she is prized to have, as to refuse shed refuse a man as exceptional as Signior
So rare a gentleman as Signior Benedick. Benedick.
HERO HERO
95 He is the only man of Italy, Hes the only worthy man in Italy, aside from my
Always excepted my dear Claudio. dear Claudio.
URSULA URSULA
I pray you, be not angry with me, madam, Dont be angry with me for speaking my mind, but
Speaking my fancy. Signor Benedick, throughout Italy, Benedick is considered the best
For shape, for bearing, argument and valor, man in looks, bearing, intelligence, and bravery.
100 Goes foremost in report through Italy.
HERO HERO
Indeed, he hath an excellent good name. True, he has an excellent reputation.
URSULA URSULA
His excellence did earn it, ere he had it. And he deserves it, having been excellent before
When are you married, madam? he had a reputation for it. When are you getting
married, madam?
HERO HERO
Why, every day, tomorrow. Come, go in. Tomorrow, and then every day after that. Come
105 Ill show thee some attires, and have thy counsel on, lets go inside. I want to show you some
Which is the best to furnish me tomorrow. clothing, so you can tell me what I should wear
tomorrow.
They move aside from the bower They move away from the bower.
URSULA URSULA
(aside to HERO) (speaking so that only HERO can hear) We
Shes limed, I warrant you. We have caught her, caught her in our trap, madam, Im sure of it.
madam.
HERO HERO
(aside to URSULA) (speaking so that only URSULAcan hear) If so,
110 If it proves so, then loving goes by haps; then you never know where love will come from.
Some Cupid kills with arrows, some with traps. Cupid gets some lovers with arrows, but some he
lays traps for!
Exeunt HERO andURSULA Everyone but BEATRICE exits.
BEATRICE BEATRICE
(coming forward) (coming forward) Im burning up with shame! Can
What fire is in mine ears? Can this be true? this be true? Do people criticize me this much for
Stand I condemned for pride and scorn so much? being proud and scornful? Then Ill say goodbye
115 Contempt, farewell, and maiden pride, adieu! to my contempt and my pride in being unmarried!
No glory lives behind the back of such. No good is spoken of such a person as me
And Benedick, love on; I will requite thee, behind her back. Benedick, keep on loving me
Taming my wild heart to thy loving hand. and I will return your love, like a wild hawk being
If thou dost love, my kindness shall incite thee tamed by her handler. Ill be kind to you from now
120 To bind our loves up in a holy band. on, and if you really do love me, that kindness will
For others say thou dost deserve, and I encourage you to seal our love with a wedding
Believe it better than reportingly. band. People say that you deserve my love, and I
believe itnot just because theyve said so.
Exit She exits.
Act 3, Scene 2
Enter DON PEDRO, CLAUDIO BENEDICK, DON PEDRO, CLAUDIO,BENEDICK,

andLEONATO andLEONATO enter.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
I do but stay till your marriage be consummate, and Ill stay in Messina until youre married, and then
then go Ill go to Aragon.
I toward Aragon.
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
Ill bring you thither, my lord, if youll vouchsafe me. Ill go with you, my lord, if youll allow me.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
Nay, that would be as great a soil in the new gloss of No, taking you away from your new marriage
5 your would be like showing a child a new coat and then
marriage as to show a child his new coat and forbid not letting him wear it. Ill ask only Benedick to
him to come with me, for from the top of his head to the
wear it. I will only be bold with Benedick for his soles of his feet hes a joker. Hes evaded love
company, once or twice, and since then Cupid doesnt dare
10 for from the crown of his head to the sole of his foot to shoot at him. Benedicks heart is like a bell, with
he is all his tongue as the clapper: everything his heart
mirth. He hath twice or thrice cut Cupids bow-string, thinks, his tongue speaks.
and
the little hangman dare not shoot at him. He hath a
heart as
sound as a bell, and his tongue is the clapper, for
what his
heart thinks, his tongue speaks.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
Gallants, I am not as I have been. Gentleman, I am not the same man I was before.
LEONATO LEONATO
So say I. Methinks you are sadder. I agree. I think you seem more serious.
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
I hope he be in love. I hope hes in love.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
15 Hang him, truant! Theres no true drop of blood in him Come off it, man! There isnt a single drop of
to sincerity in him that could be touched with love. If
be truly touched with love. If he be sad, he wants he looks serious, he must need money.
money.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
I have the toothache. I have a toothache.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
Draw it. Draw it.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
Hang it! Hang it!
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
20 You must hang it first, and draw it afterwards. You have to hang it first. Then you can draw it.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO

What, sigh for the toothache? What, are you moaning on about your toothache?
LEONATO LEONATO
Where is but a humor or a worm. It could only have been caused by some humor
or worm.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
Well, everyone can master a grief but he that has it. Well, everyone knows how to overcome an injury
except the one who actually has one.
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
Yet say I, he is in love. I repeat, hes in love.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
25 There is no appearance of fancy in him, unless it be a No, theres no love in him, unless you mean his
fancy love for strange costumes. Hes a Dutchman
that he hath to strange disguises, as to be a today, a Frenchman tomorrow, and sometimes
Dutchman wears the clothing of two countries at once: a
today, a Frenchman tomorrow, or in the shape of two German from the waist down, with his baggy
30 countries at once, as a German from the waist pants, and a Spaniard from the hips up, with a
downward, cloak and no jacket. Unless youre talking about
all slops, and a Spaniard from the hip upward, no his love for this kind of foolishnesswhich,
doublet. judging from his appearance, he hashe is no
Unless he have a fancy to this foolery, as it appears fool for love, as you pretend.
he hath,
he is no fool for fancy, as you would have it appear he
is.
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
If he be not in love with some woman, there is no If hes not in love with a woman, then you cant
believing trust the usual symptoms. He brushes his hat in
old signs. He brushes his hat o' mornings. What the mornings. What do you think that means?
should
that bode?
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
35 Hath any man seen him at the barbers? Has any man seen him at the barbers?
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
No, but the barbers man hath been seen with him, No, but the barbers assistant has been seen with
and the him. The beard that used to decorate Benedicks
old ornament of his cheek hath already stuffed tennis cheeks has been shaved off and is now
balls. stuffing tennis balls.
LEONATO LEONATO
Indeed, he looks younger than he did, by the loss of a Getting rid of the beard definitely makes him look
beard. younger.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
Nay, he rubs himself with civet. Can you smell him out And hes rubbed himself with perfume. Can you
40 by smell out his secret now?
that?
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
Thats as much as to say, the sweet youths in love. Thats as good as proof that the sweet young
mans in love.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
The greatest note of it is his melancholy. The biggest clue is his seriousness.
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
And when was he wont to wash his face? And when has he ever been known to wash his
face?
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
Yea, or to paint himself? For the which I hear what Yes, or to wear cosmetics? I hear what they say
45 they say about him for doing that.
of him.
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
Nay, but his jesting spirit, which is now crept into a Indeed, his mocking spirit has now crawled into
lute a lute, and he can be played like an instrument
string and now governed by stops
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
Indeed, that tells a heavy tale for him. Conclude, Truly, it all adds up to a serious story for Benedick.
conclude, A conclusion, a conclusion: he is in love.
he is in love.
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
50 Nay, but I know who loves him. Oh, and I know who loves him.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
That would I know too. I warrant, one that knows him I bet I know, too: someone who clearly doesnt
not. know him at all.
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
Yes, and his ill conditions, and, in despite of all, dies No, she does know him, and she also knows all
for his bad qualitiesand in spite of all this, she still
him. dies for him.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
She shall be buried with her face upwards. Shell be buried with her face upwards, then.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
55 Yet is this no charm for the toothache.Old Signior, This chatter is no cure for my
walk toothache. (toLEONATO) Old sir, please walk with
aside with me. I have studied eight or nine wise words me a bit. I have eight or nine well-considered
to words to say to you, and I dont want these fools to
speak to you, which these hobbyhorses must not hear.
hear.
Exeunt BENEDICK andLEONATO BENEDICK and LEONATO exit.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
For my life, to break with him about Beatrice! I bet my life hes gone to speak with Leonato
about Beatrice!
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
'Tis even so. Hero and Margaret have by this played It must be. By now, Hero and Margaret have done
60 their their part with Beatrice. The two bears wont bite
parts with Beatrice, and then the two bears will not each other the next time they meet.
bite one
another when they meet.
Enter DON JOHN DON JOHN enters.
DON JOHN DON JOHN
My lord and brother, God save you. My lord and brother, God save you.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
Good e'en, brother. Good evening, brother.
DON JOHN DON JOHN
If your leisure served, I would speak with you. If you dont mind, Id like to speak with you.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
65 In private? In private?
DON JOHN DON JOHN
If it please you. Yet Count Claudio may hear, for what If you wish. But Count Claudio can stay, for what
I Im about to say concerns him.
would speak of concerns him.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
Whats the matter? Whats the matter?
DON JOHN DON JOHN
(to CLAUDIO) Means your lordship to be married (to CLAUDIO) Do you plan on getting married
tomorrow? tomorrow?
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
70 You know he does. You know that he does.
DON JOHN DON JOHN
I know not that, when he knows what I know. I dont know that, once he knows what I know.
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
If there be any impediment, I pray you discover it. If theres any reason we shouldnt get married, I
urge you to tell me.
DON JOHN DON JOHN
You may think I love you not. Let that appear You may think that I dont love you. I hope that,
hereafter, and after I tell you my news, you will think better of me.
75 aim better at me by that I now will manifest. For my My brother thinks highly of you, and because of
brother, I think he holds you well, and in dearness of his affection, has helped arrange your marriage
heart but that was definitely a waste of his time and
hath holp to effect your ensuing marriagesurely suit energy.
ill
spent and labor ill bestowed.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
Why, whats the matter? Why, whats the matter?
DON JOHN DON JOHN
I came hither to tell you; and, circumstances I came here to tell youIll make this short, since
80 shortened, for shes already been talked about for too longthe
she has been too long a-talking of, the lady is disloyal. lady is unfaithful.
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
Who, Hero? Who, Hero?
DON JOHN DON JOHN
Even she: Leonatos Hero, your Hero, every mans Thats the one: Leonatos Hero, your Hero, every
Hero. mans Hero.
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
Disloyal? Unfaithful?
DON JOHN DON JOHN
The word is too good to paint out her wickedness. I The word is too good to represent her wickedness.
85 could She is worse than wicked. If you can think of a
say she were worse. Think you of a worse title, and I more awful title, Ill call her that. But dont keep
will fit wondering without more proof. Come with me
her to it. Wonder not till further warrant. Go but with tonight, and youll see a man enter her bedroom
me chambereven tonight, the night before her
90 tonight, you shall see her chamber window entered, wedding. If you still love her after that, then marry
even her tomorrow. But you would be more honorable if
the night before her wedding day. If you love her then, you changed your mind.
tomorrow wed her. But it would better fit your honor to
change your mind.
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
(to DON PEDRO) May this be so? (to DON PEDRO) Is this possible?
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
I will not think it. I wont consider it.
DON JOHN DON JOHN

If you dare not trust that you see, confess not that If you wont risk coming to see her tonight, then
you know. dont claim to know what shes like. If you follow
95 If you will follow me, I will show you enough, and me, Ill give you all the proof you need. Once you
when have seen more and heard more, then you can
you have seen more and heard more, proceed decide what to do.
accordingly.
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
If I see anything tonight why I should not marry her, If I see anything tonight that convinces me not to
tomorrow in the congregation, where I should wed, marry her, Ill shame her tomorrow in the very
there congregation where I would have married her.
will I shame her.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
And as I wooed for thee to obtain her, I will join with And since I wooed her in your name, Ill join you
100 thee in disgracing her.
to disgrace her.
DON JOHN DON JOHN
I will disparage her no farther till you are my I wont say anything else about her until you two
witnesses. see things for yourselves. Remain calm until
Bear it coldly but till midnight and let the issue show midnight, and then youll see what the trouble is.
itself.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
O day untowardly turned! Oh, this day has turned into a disaster!
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
O mischief strangely thwarting! Oh, mischief has ruined our plans!
DON JOHN DON JOHN
105 O plague right well prevented! So will you say when Oh, a plague has been prevented, thank God!
you Thats what youll say once youve seen part two.
have seen the sequel.
Act 3, Scene 3
Enter DOGBERRY andVERGES with the Watch DOGBERRY and VERGES with several of the
PrincesWATCHMEN enter.
DOGBERRY DOGBERRY
Are you good men and true? Are you all good and honest men?
VERGES VERGES
Yea, or else it were pity but they should suffer Yes they are, otherwise it would be proper for
salvation, them to suffer salvation, body and soul.
body and soul.
DOGBERRY DOGBERRY
Nay, that were a punishment too good for them, if they If they had any allegiance when they were chosen
5 should have any allegiance in them, being chosen for for the Princes watch, a punishment like that
the would be too good for them.
Princes watch.
VERGES VERGES
Well, give them their charge, neighbor Dogberry. Well, give them their assignment, Sir Dogberry.
DOGBERRY DOGBERRY
First, who think you the most desartless man to be First, which man do you think is most desertlessto
constable? be leader of the watch?
FIRST WATCHMAN FIRST WATCHMAN
Hugh Otecake, sir, or George Seacole, for they can Either Hugh Otecake, sir, or else George Seacole,
10 write because both of them can read and write.
and read.
DOGBERRY DOGBERRY
Come hither, neighbor Seacole. God hath blessed Come here, Sir Seacole. God has blessed you
you with with a good name. To be good-looking is a matter
a good name. To be a well-favored man is the gift of of luck, but to read and write is a natural gift.
fortune,
but to write and read comes by nature.
SEACOLE SECOND WATCHMAN
Both which, Master Constable Both of which, master constable
DOGBERRY DOGBERRY
15 You have. I knew it would be your answer. Well, for You have. I knew that would be your answer. Well,
your for your good looks, sir, thank God and dont boast
favor, sir, why, give God thanks, and make no boast of about it. As for your reading and writing, use those
it, skills when you cant use your looks. Youre
and for your writing and reading, let that appear when thought to be the most senselessand fit man here,
20 there so you will carry the lantern and be constable.
is no need of such vanity. You are thought here to be This is your assignment:
the
most senseless and fit man for the constable of the
watch;
therefore bear you the lantern. This is your charge:
you shall comprehend all vagrom men; you are to bid you will comprehend any vagrant men you see.
any You are to order all men to stop, in the Princes
man stand, in the Princes name. name.
SECOND WATCHMAN SECOND WATCHMAN
How if he will not stand? And what if he wont stop?
DOGBERRY DOGBERRY
Why, then, take no note of him, but let him go and Well then, dont bother with him and let him go.
25 presently call the rest of the watch together and thank Then immediately call the rest of the watch
God together and thank God that youve gotten rid of
you are rid of a knave. such a criminal.

VERGES VERGES
If he will not stand when he is bidden, he is none of If he wont stop when hes told to, then he isnt one
the of the Princes subjects.
Princes subjects.
DOGBERRY DOGBERRY
True, and they are to meddle with none but the True, and you arent supposed to meddle with
30 Princes anyone but the Princes subjects. You will also
subjects.You shall also make no noise in the stay quiet in the streets, for a babbling watch is
streets; for, most tolerable and will not be endured.
for the watch to babble and to talk is most tolerable
and not
to be endured.
WATCHMAN WATCHMAN
We will rather sleep than talk. We know what belongs Well sleep instead of talk. We know whats
to a appropriate for a watch.
watch.
DOGBERRY DOGBERRY
35 Why, you speak like an ancient and most quiet Why, you speak like an experienced and quiet
watchman, watchman. Sleeping on the watch shouldnt be a
for I cannot see how sleeping should offend. Only problem; just make sure that your weapons dont
have a get stolen. Also, youre supposed to visit all the
care that your bills be not stolen. Well, you are to call bars and tell anyone whos drunk to go home and
at all go to bed.
the alehouses and bid those that are drunk get them
to bed.
WATCHMAN WATCHMAN
How if they will not? And what if they wont go?
DOGBERRY DOGBERRY
40 Why, then, let them alone till they are sober. If they Well then, leave them alone until theyre sober. If
make even then they dont answer to your satisfaction,
you not then the better answer, you may say they are you can say that theyre not the men you thought
not the they were.
men you took them for.
WATCHMAN WATCHMAN
Well, sir. Very good, sir.
DOGBERRY DOGBERRY
If you meet a thief, you may suspect him, by virtue of If you meet a thief, you can expect him to be
45 your dishonest. The less you have to do with that kind
office, to be no true man, and for such kind of men, of man, the more honest you will be.
the less
you meddle or make with them, why the more is for
your
honesty.
WATCHMAN WATCHMAN
If we know him to be a thief, shall we not lay hands on So if we know that a man is a thief, should we try
him? to arrest him?
DOGBERRY DOGBERRY
Truly, by your office you may, but I think they that Your position permits you to, but I think that those
50 touch who stick their hands in pitch get their hands dirty.
pitch will be defiled. The most peaceable way for you, If you encounter a thief, I think the most peaceable
if thing to do is to let him be himselfand steal
you away.
do take a thief, is to let him show himself what he is
and steal
out of your company.
VERGES VERGES
You have been always called a merciful man, partner. You have always been known as a merciful man,
partner.
DOGBERRY DOGBERRY
55 Truly, I would not hang a dog by my will, much more a Truly, I wouldnt even hang a dog, much more a
man man who has any honesty in him.
who hath any honesty in him.
VERGES VERGES
(to the Watch) If you hear a child cry in the night, you (to the watchmen) If you hear a child crying in the
must night, you should call the nurse and tell her to
call to the nurse and bid her still it. quiet the child.
WATCHMAN WATCHMAN
How if the nurse be asleep and will not hear us? What if the nurse is asleep and doesnt hear us?
DOGBERRY DOGBERRY
60 Why then, depart in peace and let the child wake her Well then, leave quietly, and let the childs crying
with wake up the nurse. The ewe that doesnt go to her
crying, for the ewe that will not hear her lamb when it lamb when it baas will never tend to another
baas animals child.
will never answer a calf when he bleats.
VERGES VERGES
'Tis very true. Thats very true.
DOGBERRY DOGBERRY
This is the end of the charge. You, constable, are to And thats the end of your assignment. You,
65 present constable, are representing the Prince himself. If
the Princes own person. If you meet the Prince in the you meet the Prince in the night, you can order
night, him to stop.
you may stay him.
VERGES VERGES
Nay, by 'r Lady, that I think he cannot. No, by our Lady, I dont think he can.

DOGBERRY DOGBERRY
Five shillings to one on t, with any man that knows Ill bet any man who knows the law five shillings to
the one on it. Truly though, you cant stop the Prince
70 statutes, he may stay himmarry, not without the without the Princes consent, for the watch
Prince shouldnt offend anyone, and its an offense to
be willing, for indeed the watch ought to offend no keep a man without his consent.
man,
and it is an offense to stay a man against his will.
VERGES VERGES
By 'r lady, I think it be so. By our Lady, I think thats true.
DOGBERRY DOGBERRY
Ha, ha, ha!Well, masters, good night. Ha, ha, ha! Well, gentlemen, good night. And if
An there be any matter of weight chances, call up me. anything important happens, find me and let me
75 Keep your fellows' know. Keep each others secrets and your own.
counsels and your own; and good night.Come, Good night. Come, friend.
neighbor.
WATCHMAN WATCHMAN
Well, masters, we hear our charge. Let us go sit here Well gentlemen, weve heard our assignment.
upon Lets sit here on the church bench until two and
the church bench till two, and then all to bed. then go off to bed.
DOGBERRY DOGBERRY
One word more, honest neighbors. I pray you watch One more thing, good gentlemen. Watch over
about Signior Leonatos house; with the wedding being
80 Signior Leonatos door, for the wedding being there held there tomorrow, theres a great to-do there
tomorrow, there is a great coil tonight. Adieu, be tonight. Adieu. Be vigitant, I beg you.
vigitant,
I beseech you.
Exeunt DOGBERRY andVERGES DOGBERRY and VERGES exit.
Enter BORACHIO andCONRADE BORACHIO and CONRADE enter.
BORACHIO BORACHIO
What Conrade! Conrade!
SEACOAL WATCHMAN
(aside) Peace! Stir not. (whispering) Quiet! Dont move!
BORACHIO BORACHIO
Conrade, I say! Conrade, I say!
CONRADE CONRADE
85 Here, man. I am at thy elbow. Im here, man, at your elbow.
BORACHIO BORACHIO
Mass, and my elbow itched, I thought there would a Come to think of it, I thought I felt a scab there.
scab
follow.
CONRADE CONRADE
I will owe thee an answer for that. And now forward Ill get you for that. Now get on with your story.
with
thy tale.
BORACHIO BORACHIO
90 Stand thee close, then, under this penthouse, for it Since its drizzling, stand under this overhang with
drizzles me and, like a true drunk, Ill tell you everything.
rain, and I will, like a true drunkard, utter all to thee.
WATCHMAN WATCHMAN
(aside) Some treason, masters. Yet stand close. (speaking so that only the other WATCHMENcan
hear) Theres some treason occurring, gentlemen.
Stay here.
BORACHIO BORACHIO
Therefore know I have earned of Don John a You should know Ive earned a thousand gold
thousand pieces from Don John.
ducats.
CONRADE CONRADE
95 Is it possible that any villainy should be so dear? Is it possible that any crime could be so valuable?
BORACHIO BORACHIO
Thou shouldst rather ask if it were possible any You should ask instead if its possible that any
villainy criminal could be so rich. Because when rich
should be so rich. For when rich villains have need of villains need poor villains' services, those poor
poor ones can name the price.
ones, poor ones may make what price they will.
CONRADE CONRADE
I wonder at it. I cant believe it.
BORACHIO BORACHIO
100 That shows thou art unconfirmed. Thou knowest that That only proves how inexperienced you are. You
the know that the style of a mans jacket or hat or
fashion of a doublet, or a hat, or a cloak, is nothing to coat means nothing.
a man.
CONRADE CONRADE
Yes, it is apparel. Yes, its just clothing.
BORACHIO BORACHIO
I mean the fashion. No, I mean, the fashion of a mans clothing tells
us nothing about the man.
CONRADE CONRADE
Yes, the fashion is the fashion. Yes, fashion is fashion.
BORACHIO BORACHIO
105 Tush, I may as well say the fools the fool. But seest Cmon, I might as well say the fools the fool! But
thou not dont you see what a deformed villain fashion is?
what a deformed thief this fashion is?
WATCHMAN WATCHMAN
(aside) I know that Deformed. He has been a vile (speaking so that only the other WATCHMENcan
thief this hear) I know that man, Deformed. For the past
seven year. He goes up and down like a gentleman. I seven years, hes been a wicked thief. He walks
remember his name. around as if he were a gentleman. I remember
that name.
BORACHIO BORACHIO
110 Didst thou not hear somebody? Did you hear someone?
CONRADE CONRADE
No, twas the vane on the house. Just the weathervane moving.
BORACHIO BORACHIO
Seest thou not, I say, what a deformed thief this As I was saying, fashion is a deformed villain. It
fashion is, makes hot-blooded young men spin around
how giddily he turns about all the hot bloods between feverishly, forever changing their appearances,
115 fourteen and five-and-thirty, sometimes fashioning dictating that sometimes they dress like Pharoahs
them soldiers in that grimy painting and sometimes like
like Pharaohs soldiers in the reechy painting, the priests of the god Baal, as seen in old church
sometime windows. And sometimes fashion dresses them
like god Bels priests in the old church-window, like the great Hercules in that dirty, worm-eaten
sometime tapestrythe one where his codpiece seems
like the shaven Hercules in the smirched worm-eaten almost as big as his club.
tapestry, where his codpiece seems as massy as his
club?
CONRADE CONRADE
All this I see, and I see that the fashion wears out I get all this. And I also understand how fashion
120 more changes so quickly that a mans clothing never
apparel than the man. But art not thou thyself giddy gets a chance to wear itself out. But youre all
with wound up about fashion, too. Otherwise, why
the fashion too, that thou hast shifted out of thy tale would you stray from your story to blabber on
into about it?
telling me of the fashion?
BORACHIO BORACHIO
Not so, neither. But know that I have tonight wooed No, Im not wound up. But I will tell you that I
Margaret, the Lady Heros gentlewoman, by the seduced Margaret, the Lady Heros waiting
125 name of woman, tonight. I called her Hero the whole
Hero. She leans me out at her mistress' chamber time. She leaned out of her mistresss bedroom
window, window and told me good night a thousand times
bids me a thousand times good night. I tell this tale but I am telling this story poorly. I should
vilely. backtrack and begin with how my master, Don
130 I should first tell thee how the Prince, Claudio and my John, arranged for the Prince, Claudio, and
master, planted and placed and possessed by my himself to witness this friendly encounter from the
master orchard.
Don John, saw afar off in the orchard this amiable
encounter.
CONRADE CONRADE
And thought they Margaret was Hero? And they thought Margaret was Hero?
BORACHIO BORACHIO
Two of them did, the Prince and Claudio, but the devil The Prince and Claudio did, but the devil, my
my master, knew that it was Margaret. They believed
master knew she was Margaret; and partly by his the charade partially because of my masters
135 oaths, testimonywhich first caused them to doubt Hero
which first possessed them, partly by the dark night, and partially because of how dark and
which deceiving the night was, but mostly because of
did deceive them, but chiefly by my villainy, which did my villainous actions, which confirmed Don
confirm any slander that Don John had made, away Johns slander. Claudio went away enraged,
140 went swearing that hed meet Hero at the temple as
Claudio enraged, swore he would meet her as he planned and there, before the entire
was congregation, shame her with what hed
appointed next morning at the temple, and there, discovered and send her home without a
before the husband.
whole congregation, shame her with what he saw
o'ernight
and send her home again without a husband.
We charge you, in the Princes name, stand! We charge you, in the Princes name, to stop!
Call up the right Master Constable. We have here Call up the Master Constable Dogberry. We
recovered the most dangerous piece of lechery that have recovered the most dangerous piece of
ever was lechery that was ever known in the
known in the commonwealth. commonwealth.
145 And one Deformed is one of them. I know him; he And one of them is the criminal Deformed. I know
wears a him; he wears a lock of hair.
lock.
CONRADE CONRADE
Masters, masters Gentlemen, gentlemen
(to BORACHIO) Youll be made bring Deformed forth, (to BORACHIO) I bet youll be forced to bring
I Deformed forward.
warrant you.
150 Masters, never speak, we charge you, let us obey Gentlemen, dont speak. We obey you to go with
you go us.
with us.

BORACHIO BORACHIO
We are like to prove a goodly commodity, being taken Were probably a very valuable catch for these
up of guys.
these mens bills.
CONRADE CONRADE
A commodity in question, I warrant you.Come, well Well, our value is debatable, I bet. Lets go, well
155 obey you. obey you.
Act 3, Scene 4
Enter HERO,MARGARET, and URSULA HERO, MARGARET, andURSULA enter.

HERO HERO
Good Ursula, wake my cousin Beatrice and desire her Good Ursula, go wake my cousin and ask her to
to get up.
rise.
URSULA URSULA
I will, lady. I will, lady.
HERO HERO
And bid her come hither. And request that she come here.
URSULA URSULA
5 Well. Very well.
Exit She exits.
MARGARET MARGARET
Troth, I think your other rebato were better. Really, I think your other ruff is better.
HERO HERO
No, pray thee, good Meg, Ill wear this. No, please good Meg, Ill wear this one.
MARGARET MARGARET
By my troth, s not so good, and I warrant your cousin Honestly, its not as good as the other one, and
will Im sure your cousin will agree with me.
say so.
HERO HERO
10 My cousins a fool, and thou art another. Ill wear none My cousins a fool, and you are too. Ill wear this
but one and none other.
this.
MARGARET MARGARET
I like the new tire within excellently, if the hair were a I like your new wig and headdress, though Id like
thought browner; and your gowns a most rare it more if the hair were a shade browner. And your
fashion, i' gown is really stylish. You know, I saw the
faith. I saw the Duchess of Milans gown that they Duchess of Milans gown, the one that everyone
praise so. praises so highly.
HERO HERO
15 Oh, that exceeds, they say. Oh, they say that dress surpasses all others.
MARGARET MARGARET
By my troth, s but a nightgown in respect of yours Compared to your dress, its no better than a
cloth nightgown. The cloth is interwoven with gold
o' gold, and cuts, and laced with silver, set with pearls, thread, and slashes in the material show the fabric
down sleeves, side sleeves, and skirts, round beneath. It is trimmed with silver lace and
20 underborne embroidered with pearls. It has one set of fitted
with a bluish tinsel. But for a fine, quaint, graceful, and sleeves and another ornamental pair that hangs
excellent fashion, yours is worth ten on t. open from the shoulders. The skirts are trimmed
with a blue, metallic fabric. But for a fine, elegant,
graceful, and excellent dress, yours is worth ten of
those.
HERO HERO
God give me joy to wear it, for my heart is exceeding I hope I enjoy wearing it, for my heart is very
heavy. heavy.
MARGARET MARGARET
'Twill be heavier soon by the weight of a man. It will be made even heavier soonby the weight
of a man.
HERO HERO
Fie upon thee! Art not ashamed? Watch your tongue! Have you no shame?
MARGARET MARGARET
Of what, lady? Of speaking honorably? Is not Shame of what, lady? Sex and marriage are
25 marriage honorable thingseven for a beggar, right? And
honorable in a beggar? Is not your lord honorable isnt your husband an honorable man? Youre so
without prudish youd probably like me to say, I beg your
marriage? I think you would have me say, Saving pardon, your husbandas if husband were a
your dirty word! So long as suspicious minds arent
30 reverence, a husband. An bad thinking do not wrest misinterpreting my honest words, Ill offend no
true one. Whats wrong with admitting your husbands
speaking, Ill offend nobody. Is there any harm in the going to lie on you? Nothing, as long as its the
heavier for a husband? None, I think, an it be the right husband with the right wife. Thats right and
right properanything else is frivolous and immoral.
husband and the right wife. Otherwise, tis light and Ask Beatrice. Here she comes.
not
heavy. Ask my Lady Beatrice else. Here she comes.
HERO HERO
Good morrow, coz. Good morning, cousin.
BEATRICE BEATRICE
Good morrow, sweet Hero. Good morning, sweet Hero.

HERO HERO
Why, how now? Do you speak in the sick tune? Why do you sound so odd? Are you ill? You sound
out of tune.
BEATRICE BEATRICE
35 I am out of all other tune, methinks. I must be illI dont think I can speak in any other
tune.
MARGARET MARGARET
Clap s into Light o' love. That goes without a If its a tune we want, lets sing Light on Love! Its
burden. a light song and doesnt require a man to sing the
Do you sing it, and Ill dance it. baritone. You sing, and Ill dance.
BEATRICE BEATRICE
Ye light o' love, with your heels! Then, if your husband Youre light on love sure enoughyour frivolous
have stables enough, youll see he shall lack no dancing proves you have light heels! When youre
barns. married one of these days, if your husband is
rolling in dough, youll let him roll in the hay
whenever he wants.
MARGARET MARGARET
40 O illegitimate construction! I scorn that with my heels. Never! I reject that life; I kick it away with myheels.
BEATRICE BEATRICE
'Tis almost five o'clock, cousin. 'Tis time you were (to HERO) Its almost five o'clock, cousin. You
ready. should be ready by now. Oh, I really dont feel
By my troth, I am exceeding ill. Heigh-ho! well. Heigh-ho!
MARGARET MARGARET
For a hawk, a horse, or a husband? Are you sighing for a hawk, a horse, or a
husband?
BEATRICE BEATRICE
For the letter that begins them all, H. I have an ache; Im sighing for the letter that
begins all those words.
MARGARET MARGARET
45 Well, an you be not turned Turk, theres no more Well, if you havent renounced your old faith yet,
sailing by we cant trust anything anymore.
the star.
BEATRICE BEATRICE
What means the fool, trow? What does the fool mean by that, I wonder?
MARGARET MARGARET
Nothing, I; but God send everyone their hearts desire. I dont mean anythingbut God sends everyone
their hearts desire.
HERO HERO
These gloves the Count sent me, they are an The Count sent me an excellent pair of perfumed
50 excellent gloves.
perfume.
BEATRICE BEATRICE
I am stuffed, cousin. I cannot smell. Sorry, Im all stuffed. I cant smell a thing.
MARGARET MARGARET
A maid, and stuffed! Theres goodly catching of cold. Oh, just a young lady and already stuffed! Thats a
nice way to catch a cold.
BEATRICE BEATRICE
Oh, God help me, God help me! How long have you Oh, God help me! Since when have you claimed
professed apprehension? to be such a great wit?
MARGARET MARGARET
55 Even since you left it. Doth not my wit become me Ever since you lost yours. Doesnt my wit suit me
rarely? well?
BEATRICE BEATRICE
It is not seen enough; you should wear it in your cap. It doesnt get seen enough; you should wear it in
By my your cap, the way fools wear coxcombs. God, Im
troth, I am sick. really sick.
MARGARET MARGARET
Get you some of this distilled carduus benedictus and You should get some distilled carduus
lay it benedictus and put it on your chest. Its the only
to your heart. It is the only thing for a qualm. way to cure a sudden faintness.
HERO HERO
60 There thou prickst her with a thistle. With that youve managed to prick her with a
thistle.
BEATRICE BEATRICE
Benedictus! Why benedictus? You have some moral Benedictus! Why do you suggest I usebenedictus?
in this Is there some double meaning in that word,
benedictus? benedictus?
MARGARET MARGARET
Moral! No, by my troth, I have no moral meaning. I Double meaning! No, honestly, theres no other
meant meaning. I just meant that you should use some
65 plain holy thistle. You may think perchance that I think holy thistle. Maybe you think that I think youre in
you love. No, by Our Lady, Im not such a fool to think
are in love. Nay, by 'r Lady, I am not such a fool to what I please, and I dont please to think what I
think can, and in fact I cannot think, even if I could think
what I list, nor I list not to think what I can, nor indeed my heart right past thinking, that you are in love or
70 I that you will be in love or even that you can be in
cannot think, if I would think my heart out of thinking, love. But Benedick was once an enemy of love as
that well, and now hes become a real man. He swore
you are in love or that you will be in love or that you that hed never get married, but now, despite his
can be earlier protestations, he loves ungrudgingly. How
in love. Yet Benedick was such another, and now is he were going to convert you Ill never know. And yet
become a man. He swore he would never marry, and I think you look with your eyes just like every other
yet woman does.
now, in despite of his heart, he eats his meat without
grudging. And how you may be converted I know not,
but
methinks you look with your eyes as other women do.
BEATRICE BEATRICE
What pace is this that thy tongue keeps? Why are you talking at such a crazy clip?
MARGARET MARGARET
75 Not a false gallop. Its not a false gallop, anyway.
Enter URSULA URSULA enters.
URSULA URSULA
Madam, withdraw: the Prince, the Count, Signor Madam, we have to go: the Prince, the Count,
Benedick, Don John, and all the gallants of the town Signior Benedick, Don John, and all the
are gentlemen of the town have come to bring you to
come to fetch you to church. church.
HERO HERO
Help to dress me, good coz, good Meg, good Ursula. Good cousin, good Meg, good Ursula, come help
me get dressed.
Act 3, Scene 5
Enter LEONATO withDOGBERRY and VERGES LEONATO enters withDOGBERRY andVERGES.

LEONATO LEONATO
What would you with me, honest neighbor? What do you want from me, my good man?
DOGBERRY DOGBERRY
Marry, sir, I would have some confidence with you that Please, sir, I would like to discuss some news
decerns you nearly. that decerns you greatly.
LEONATO LEONATO
Brief, I pray you, for you see it is a busy time with me. Be brief, please, because, as you can see, this is
a busy time for me.
DOGBERRY DOGBERRY
5 Marry, this it is, sir. Indeed, sir, it is.
VERGES VERGES
Yes, in truth it is, sir. Yes, it truly is.
LEONATO LEONATO
What is it, my good friends? Whats the news, my good friends?
DOGBERRY DOGBERRY
Goodman Verges, sir, speaks a little off the matter. An Sorry, sir, Goodman Verges tends to ramble. Hes
old an old man, sir, and his wits are not asblunt as I
10 man, sir, and his wits are not so blunt as, God help, I wish they were. But truly, hes as honest as the
would skin between his brows.
desire they were, but, in faith, honest as the skin
between
his brows.
VERGES VERGES
Yes, I thank God I am as honest as any man living Yes, I thank God that I am as honest as all the
that is an other old men who are not honester than me.
old man and no honester than I.
DOGBERRY DOGBERRY
Comparisons are odorous. Palabras, neighbor Making comparisons is odorous, Verges. Get on
Verges. with your story.
LEONATO LEONATO
15 Neighbors, you are tedious. Friends, you are becoming tedious.
DOGBERRY DOGBERRY
It pleases your Worship to say so, but we are the poor Thank you for saying that, your Worship, but were
dukes just the poor dukes officers. But truly, if I were
officers. But truly, for mine own part, if I were as as tedious as a king, I would give everything to
tedious as you, your Worship.
a king, I could find it in my heart to bestow it all of
your
worship.
LEONATO LEONATO
20 All thy tediousness on me, ah? Oh, so youd give me all your tediousness?
DOGBERRY DOGBERRY
Yea, an twere a thousand pound more than tis, for I Yes, even if I had a thousand more pounds than
hear that, for I hear that you are exclaimed throughout
as good exclamation on your Worship as of any man the city, and though I am only a poor man, it
in the makes me glad to hear it.
city, and though I be but a poor man, I am glad to
hear it.
VERGES VERGES
And so am I. Me, too.
LEONATO LEONATO
25 I would fain know what you have to say. Gentlemen, please, Id like to hear your news.
VERGES VERGES
Marry, sir, our watch tonight, excepting your Worships Sir, our watch tonightexpectfully, sirhas
presence, ha' ta'en a couple of as arrant knaves as captured a couple of the worst criminals in
any in Messina.
Messina.
DOGBERRY DOGBERRY
A good old man, sir. He will be talking. As they say, (to LEONATO) Verges is a good old man, sir, but
30 When hes always babbling. Like they say, When age
the age is in, the wit is out. God help us, it is a world comes, wit goes. God help us, what a
to see! world! (toVERGES) You did well, Verges,
Well said, i' faith, neighbor Verges.Well, Gods a honestly. (toLEONATO) Well, Gods a fair man. If
good two men are riding on one horse, one must
35 man. An two men ride of a horse, one must ride naturally ride behind. Verges is as honest a man
behind. An as any, but, God bless him, not all men are
honest soul, i' faith, sir, by my troth he is, as ever created equal. Am I right, my friend?
broke
bread, but God is to be worshipped, all men are not
alike,
alas, good neighbor!
LEONATO LEONATO
Indeed, neighbor, he comes too short of you. Truly, my friend, he isnt nearly as impressive as
you are.
DOGBERRY DOGBERRY
Gifts that God gives. God gives those giftsI had nothing to do with it.
LEONATO LEONATO
I must leave you. Now I must return to the wedding.
DOGBERRY DOGBERRY
One word, sir. Our watch, sir, have indeed One more thing, sir. Our watch, sir, as you know,
40 comprehended has comprehended two auspicious persons. Wed
two aspicious persons, and we would have them this like for you to examine them this morning.
morning examined before your worship.
LEONATO LEONATO
Take their examination yourself and bring it me. I am Examine them yourselves, then bring me your
now findings. Now Im in a great hurry, as Im sure you
in great haste, as it may appear unto you. can see.
DOGBERRY DOGBERRY
It shall be suffigance. That will be suffigance.
LEONATO LEONATO
45 Drink some wine ere you go. Fare you well. Have some wine before you go. Goodbye.
Enter a MESSENGER A MESSENGER enters.
MESSENGER MESSENGER
My lord, they stay for you to give your daughter to her My lord, theyre waiting for you to give your
husband. daughter away to Claudio.
LEONATO LEONATO
Ill wait upon them. I am ready. Im coming.
Exeunt LEONATO andMESSENGER LEONATO and theMESSENGER exit.
DOGBERRY DOGBERRY
Go, good partner, go, get you to Francis Seacole. Bid Go to Francis Seacole, the constable of the watch.
50 him Tell him to bring his pen and his inkwell to the jail.
bring his pen and inkhorn to the jail. We are now to We will now go to examination these men.
examination these men.
VERGES VERGES
And we must do it wisely. We must do this wisely.
DOGBERRY DOGBERRY
We will spare for no wit, I warrant you. Heres that We wont hold back any of our wisdom. Well drive
shall them to a noncome. Go get the educated writer to
55 drive some of them to a noncome. Only get the record our excommunication, and Ill meet you at
learned the jail.
writer to set down our excommunication and meet me
at
the jail.
Act 4, Scene 1
Enter DON PEDRO, DON JOHN, LEONATO, FRIAR DON PEDRO, DON JOHN,LEONATO, FRIAR
FRANCIS, CLAUDIO, BENEDICK,HERO,BEATRICE, FRANCIS,CLAUDIO, BENEDICK,HERO,
and Attendants andBEATRICE enter withATTENDANTS.
LEONATO LEONATO
Come, Friar Francis, be brief, only to the plain form of All right, Friar Francis, lets keep this short. Do a
marriage, and you shall recount their particular duties simple ceremony, and list all the particular duties
afterwards. of marriage later.
FRIAR FRANCIS FRIAR FRANCIS
(to CLAUDIO) You come hither, my lord, to marry this (to CLAUDIO) Have you come here, my lord, to
lady? marry this lady?
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
5 No. No.
LEONATO LEONATO
To be married to her.Friar, you come to marry her. No, he comes to be married to her. Friar, you are
the one who has come to marry her.
Lady, you come hither to be married to this count? Lady, do you come here to be married to this
count?
HERO HERO
I do. I do.
If either of you know any inward impediment why you If either of you knows any secret reason why you
10 should not be conjoined, charge you on your souls to two should not be joined in marriage, I order you
utter on your souls to say so.
it.
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
Know you any, Hero? Do you know any, Hero?
HERO HERO
None, my lord. None, my lord.
Know you any, count? Do you know any, count?
LEONATO LEONATO
15 I dare make his answer, none. Im sure I can answer for himhe doesnt know
any, either.
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
O, what men dare do! What men may do! What men Oh, the things men dare to do! The things men are
daily allowed to do! The things men do daily, not
do, not knowing what they do! knowing what theyre doing!
BENEDICK BENEDICK
How now, interjections? Why, then, some be of What, are we playing with interjections? Well then,
laughing, add some interjections that indicate laughter,
as, ah, ha, he! like ah, ha, and he!
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
20 Stand thee by, Friar.Father, by your leave, Hold on, Friar. (to LEONATO) Father, are you
Will you with free and unconstraind soul giving me your daughter freely?
Give me this maid, your daughter?
LEONATO LEONATO
As freely, son, as God did give her me. As freely, son, as God gave her to me.
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
And what have I to give you back whose worth And what should I give you that would be equal in
25 May counterpoise this rich and precious gift? value to this rare and precious gift?
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
Nothing, unless you render her again. Nothing, sir, except grandchildren.
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
Sweet Prince, you learn me noble thankfulness. Good Prince, you have taught me how to accept
There, Leonato, take her back again. things nobly. There, Leonato, take your daughter
Give not this rotten orange to your friend. back. Dont insult a friend by giving him a beautiful
30 Shes but the sign and semblance of her honor. orange that rots inside. She only appears
Behold how like a maid she blushes here! honorable from the outside. Look, how she
Oh, what authority and show of truth blushes like a virgin! Oh, sin can disguise itself so
Can cunning sin cover itself withal! artfully! Doesnt that rising blush suggest that she
Comes not that blood as modest evidence is virtuous and innocent? All of you who are
35 To witness simple virtue? Would you not swear, looking at her, wouldnt you swear that shes a
All you that see her, that she were a maid virgin, judging by these outward shows? But she is
By these exterior shows? But she is none. no virgin. She has been in a mans bed. She
She knows the heat of a luxurious bed. blushes from guilt, not modesty.
Her blush is guiltiness, not modesty.
LEONATO LEONATO
40 What do you mean, my lord? What do you mean, my lord?
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
Not to be married, I wont be married. I wont join my soul to such a
Not to knit my soul to an approvd wanton. proven slut.
LEONATO LEONATO
Dear my lord, if you in your own proof My dear lord, if it was you who conquered her and
Have vanquished the resistance of her youth took her virginity

And made defeat of her virginity
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
45 I know what you would say: if I have known her, I know what youre about to say. If I had slept with
You will say she did embrace me as a husband, her, youd say that we did so as husband and wife,
And so extenuate the forehand sin. merely anticipating our eventual marriage. No,
No, Leonato, Leonato. I never seduced her, or tempted her with
I never tempted her with word too large indecent words. I treated her like a brother would
50 But, as a brother to his sister, showed treat a sister, with modest sincerity and
Bashful sincerity and comely love. appropriate affection.
HERO HERO
And seemed I ever otherwise to you? And have I ever seemed less than modest or
appropriate to you?
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
Out on thee, seeming! I will write against it. Curse you for your false appearances! To me, you
You seem to me as Dian in her orb, seemed like Diana in her orbitas virginal as the
55 As chaste as is the bud ere it be blown. flower bud before it blooms. But youre actually as
But you are more intemperate in your blood hot-blooded as Venus, or a pampered animal
Than Venus, or those pampered animals allowed to run wild.
That rage in savage sensuality.
HERO HERO
Is my lord well, that he doth speak so wide? Are you sick, my lord? Is that why youre talking so
wildly?
LEONATO LEONATO
60 Sweet Prince, why speak not you? Good Prince, say something!
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
What should I speak? What should I say? Ive been dishonored: I
I stand dishonored, that have gone about arranged for a friend of mine to marry a common
To link my dear friend to a common stale. whore.
LEONATO LEONATO
Are these things spoken, or do I but dream? Are you really saying these things, or am I
dreaming?
DON JOHN DON JOHN

Sir, they are spoken, and these things are true. Theyre really being spoken, sir, and theyre true.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
65 This looks not like a nuptial. This doesnt look like a wedding.
HERO HERO
True! O God! Its true! Oh God!
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
Leonato, stand I here? Leonato, am I standing here? Is this the Prince? Is
Is this the Prince? Is this the Princes brother? this the Princes brother? Is this face Heros? Are
Is this face Heros? Are our eyes our own? these our eyes?
LEONATO LEONATO
70 All this is so, but what of this, my lord? Yes, thats all truebut what do you mean by it,
my lord?
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
Let me but move one question to your daughter, Let me just ask her one question, and by your
And by that fatherly and kindly power authority as her father, order her to answer
That you have in her, bid her answer truly. truthfully.
LEONATO LEONATO
I charge thee do so, as thou art my child. As my child, I order you to do so.
HERO HERO
75 Oh, God defend me! how am I beset! Oh, God help me! How Im being attacked! What
What kind of catechizing call you this? kind of game is this?
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
To make you answer truly to your name. We just want you to answer to your real name.
HERO HERO
Is it not Hero? Who can blot that name Isnt my name Hero? Who can stain that name
With any just reproach? with a just accusation?
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
Marry, that can Hero! Indeed, Hero herself can! Youve stained your
80 Hero itself can blot out Heros virtue. virtue with your own actions. What man were you
What man was he talked with you yesternight talking to at your window last night, between the
Out at your window betwixt twelve and one? hours of midnight and one? If youre a virgin, youll
Now, if you are a maid, answer to this. answer this question.
HERO HERO
I talked with no man at that hour, my lord. I wasnt talking to any man at that time, my lord.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO

85 Why, then are you no maiden.Leonato, Well then, you are no virgin. Leonato, Im sorry
I am sorry you must hear. Upon mine honor, you have to hear this. I swear on my honor that
Myself, my brother, and this grievd count we saw and heard Hero talking to a brute at her
Did see her, hear her, at that hour last night window last night.
Talk with a ruffian at her chamber window And that man confessed at length how he has
90 Who hath indeed, most like a liberal villain, secretly come to her bedroom thousands of
Confessed the vile encounters they have had times.
A thousand times in secret.
DON JOHN DON JOHN
Fie, fie, they are not to be named, my lord, No, my lord, dont name her sinful acts or speak
Not to be spoke of! of them! Theres no way to describe them without
95 There is not chastity enough in language, offending everyone here. Pretty lady, Im much
Without offense, to utter them.Thus, pretty lady, ashamed of your shocking behavior.
I am sorry for thy much misgovernment.
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
O Hero, what a Hero hadst thou been Oh Hero, you could have equaled the mythical
If half thy outward graces had been placed Hero if only half your outward beauty matched
100 About thy thoughts and counsels of thy heart! your inner thoughts and desires! Goodbye,
But fare thee well, most foul, most fair! Farewell, beautiful sinner. Goodbye to your pure
Thou pure impiety and impious purity. wickedness and your wicked purity. Because of
For thee Ill lock up all the gates of love, you, Ill keep myself away from love. Ill hang
And on my eyelids shall conjecture hang, suspicion on my eyelids, so that all the beautiful
105 To turn all beauty into thoughts of harm, things I see are transformed into dangers and are
And never shall it more be gracious. never able to trick me again.
LEONATO LEONATO
Hath no mans dagger here a point for me? Does anyone have a dagger for me?
HERO swoons HERO faints.
BEATRICE BEATRICE
Why, how now, cousin! wherefore sink you down? Whats wrong, cousin? Why have you collapsed?
DON JOHN DON JOHN
Come, let us go. These things, come thus to light, Come, lets go. These revelations have
110 Smother her spirits up. overwhelmed her.
Exeunt DON PEDRO, DON JOHN, and CLAUDIO DON PEDRO DON JOHN, and CLAUDIO exit.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
How doth the lady? How is she?
BEATRICE BEATRICE
Dead, I think.Help, uncle! Shes dead, I think.Help, uncle!Hero, why
Hero, why, Hero! Uncle! Signor Benedick! Friar! Hero! Uncle! Signior Benedick! Friar!
LEONATO LEONATO
O Fate! Take not away thy heavy hand! Oh Fate, dont spare Hero from being punished!
Death is the fairest cover for her shame Death is the best way to cover over her shame.
115 That may be wished for.
BEATRICE BEATRICE
How now, cousin Hero! How are you, Hero?
HERO stirs HERO stirs.
(to HERO) Have comfort, lady. (to HERO) Take comfort, lady.
LEONATO LEONATO
(to HERO) Dost thou look up? (to HERO) Are you looking up?
Yea, wherefore should she not? Yes, why shouldnt she?
LEONATO LEONATO
Wherefore! Why, doth not every earthly thing Why not! Isnt every living thing condemning her?
120 Cry shame upon her? Could she here deny Can she deny the accusations that are proven by
The story that is printed in her blood? her guilty blush? Die, Hero, dont open your eyes.
Do not live, Hero, do not ope thine eyes, If I didnt think you were about to die soonif I
For, did I think thou wouldst not quickly die, thought your spirit could bear this shameI
Thought I thy spirits were stronger than thy shames, would risk punishment and kill you myself. Am I
125 Myself would, on the rearward of reproaches, sorry that I only had one child? Do I blame Nature
Strike at thy life. Grieved I I had but one? for being so thrifty? Oh, one child is one too
Chid I for that at frugal Natures frame? many! Why did I ever have one? Why did you
O, one too much by thee! Why had I one? once seem lovely to me? Why didnt I just adopt a
Why ever wast thou lovely in my eyes? beggars child left at my doorstep, whose shame
130 Why had I not with charitable hand and dishonor I could have denied, not being its
Took up a beggars issue at my gates, true father?
Who, smirchd thus, and mired with infamy, But you were mine, and I loved and praised you
I might have said, No part of it is mine; for being mine, and was proud of you for being
This shame derives itself from unknown loins? mineI loved you so much that I hardly cared
about myself.
135 But mine, and mine I loved, and mine I praised, Oh, but now you have fallen into a pit of ink, and
And mine that I was proud on, mine so much theres not enough water in the whole wide sea to
That I myself was to myself not mine, wash you clean again, and not enough salt to
Valuing of herwhy, she, O she is fall'n cover your stink.
Into a pit of ink, that the wide sea
140 Hath drops too few to wash her clean again
And salt too little which may season give
To her foul tainted flesh!
BENEDICK BENEDICK
Sir, sir, be patient. Sir, sir, calm down. Im so amazed by this, I dont
For my part, I am so attired in wonder know what to say.
I know not what to say.
BEATRICE BEATRICE
145 Oh, on my soul, my cousin is belied! Oh, on my soul, my cousin has been slandered
falsely!
BENEDICK BENEDICK
Lady, were you her bedfellow last night? Lady, did you sleep in her room last night?
BEATRICE BEATRICE
No, truly not, although until last night No, I didnt, but I did every night for the past year.
I have this twelvemonth been her bedfellow.
LEONATO LEONATO
Confirmed, confirmed! Oh, that is stronger made Then its confirmed! Thats even more proof, and
150 Which was before barred up with ribs of iron! the case against her was airtight already. Would
Would the two princes lie and Claudio lie, the two princes and Claudio lie? Claudio, who
Who loved her so that, speaking of her foulness, loved her so much that talking about her
Washed it with tears? Hence from her. Let her die. wickedness made him weep?
Hear me a little, Listen to me a moment. Ive only remained silent
155 For I have only silent been so long, this whole time because Ive been watching Hero.
And given way unto this course of fortune, Ive seen her begin to blush a thousand times,
By noting of the lady. I have marked only to watch those blushes disappear a
A thousand blushing apparitions thousand times and an innocent paleness take

To start into her face, a thousand innocent shames over her face. And in her eyes I see a fire that
160 In angel whiteness beat away those blushes, would seem to burn away the lies the princes
And in her eye there hath appeared a fire have told about her chastity. Call me a fool,
To burn the errors that these princes hold dont trust my observationsthe truth of which is
Against her maiden truth. Call me a fool, backed up by all my years of experiencedont
trust my age, my reputation, my position, and my
holiness.
Trust not my reading nor my observations, You can doubt all these things if this sweet lady
165 Which with experimental seal doth warrant turns out to be guilty.
The tenor of my book; trust not my age,
My reverence, calling, nor divinity,
If this sweet lady lie not guiltless here
Under some biting error.
LEONATO LEONATO
Friar, it cannot be. But she must be, Friar. You see that any morals
170 Thou seest that all the grace that she hath left she has left are preventing her from denying the
Is that she will not add to her damnation charges: she doesnt want to add perjury to her
A sin of perjury. She not denies it. list of sins.
Why seekst thou then to cover with excuse
That which appears in proper nakedness?
175 Lady, what man is he you are accused of? Lady, who do they accuse you of having taken as
your lover?
HERO HERO
They know that do accuse me. I know none. You should ask them. I dont know who theyre
If I know more of any man alive talking about. If Ive been with a man in any
Than that which maiden modesty doth warrant, improper way, let all my sins be punished! Oh,
Let all my sins lack mercy!O my father, father, if you yourself can prove that I talked with a
180 Prove you that any man with me conversed man at an indecent hour, or indeed that I spoke to
At hours unmeet, or that I yesternight any creature last night, you can disown me, hate
Maintained the change of words with any creature, me, and torture me to death!
Refuse me, hate me, torture me to death!
There is some strange misprision in the princes. The princes are under some strange
misunderstanding.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
185 Two of them have the very bent of honor, Two of them are completely honorable, and if they
And if their wisdoms be misled in this, have been tricked in this, we must blame John the
The practice of it lives in John the Bastard, Bastard, who lives to create conflict.
Whose spirits toil in frame of villainies.
LEONATO LEONATO
I know not. If they speak but truth of her, I dont know. If they have spoken the truth about
190 These hands shall tear her; if they wrong her honor, Hero, I will tear her apart with my bare hands. But
The proudest of them shall well hear of it. if they have accused her falsely, even the greatest
Time hath not yet so dried this blood of mine of them will have to deal with me. Age hasnt
Nor age so eat up my invention dried up my body or eroded my intelligence so
Nor fortune made such havoc of my means much, and luck hasnt robbed me of so much of
195 Nor my bad life reft me so much of friends my fortune, and my bad ways
But they shall find, awaked in such a kind, havent deprived me of so many friends, that they
Both strength of limb and policy of mind, wont find me ready to seek revenge both
Ability in means and choice of friends, physically and mentally, with money and friends at
To quit me of them throughly. my disposal.
Pause awhile, Hold on a moment, and listen to my advice. The
200 And let my counsel sway you in this case. princes left your daughter here for dead. Hide her
Your daughter here the princes left for dead. for a while in your house, and tell everyone that
Let her awhile be secretly kept in she has, in fact, died. Make a bug show of
And publish it that she is dead indeed. mourning for her, hang sad epitaphs up at your
Maintain a mourning ostentation, familys tomb, and perform all the appropriate
205 And on your familys old monument burial ceremonies.
Hang mournful epitaphs and do all rites
That appertain unto a burial.
LEONATO LEONATO
What shall become of this? What will this do? Why should we do this? What will this do?
Marry, this, well carried, shall on her behalf Listen, if we do this correctly, the men who
210 Change slander to remorse. That is some good. slandered Hero will feel remorse for her instead.
But not for that dream I on this strange course, That will be a good thing. But I have an even
But on this travail look for greater birth. greater goal in mind. Well maintain that she died
She, dying, as it must so be maintained, the instant she was accused, and everyone who
Upon the instant that she was accused, hears this will grieve for her, pity her, and excuse
215 Shall be lamented, pitied and excused her actions. Thats how it goes: we dont value the
Of every hearer. For it so falls out things we have until we lose them, when we
That what we have we prize not to the worth suddenly rack up their value and see
Whiles we enjoy it, but being lacked and lost, all the virtues we were blind to when they were
Why then we rack the value, then we find alive and with us. Thats how Claudio will
respond. When he hears that she died from his
words, his imagination will be sweetly overtaken
by thoughts of her. In death, every aspect of her
life will be got up more beautifully, and in his mind
she will seem more moving, more delicate, and
more lively even than when she was alive. Then,
if he ever truly felt love, hell mourn and wish he

hadnt accused hereven though he believed his
accu-
220 The virtue that possession would not show us sation to be true. Follow my plan, and trust that
Whiles it was ours. So will it fare with Claudio. the actual events will play out even better than I
When he shall hear she died upon his words, am describing. And even if they dont, at least
The idea of her life shall sweetly creep Heros supposed death will stop the rumors of her
Into his study of imagination, infidelity. And if it doesnt go well, then you can
225 And every lovely organ of her life keep her hidden in a nunnery, the best place for
Shall come apparelled in more precious habit, someone with her kind of dirtied reputation
More moving, delicate and full of life, away from the publics eyes, tongues, mind, and
Into the eye and prospect of his soul insults.
Than when she lived indeed. Then shall he mourn,
230 If ever love had interest in his liver,
And wish he had not so accused her,
No, though he thought his accusation true.
Let this be so, and doubt not but success
Will fashion the event in better shape
235 Than I can lay it down in likelihood.
But if all aim but this be leveled false,
The supposition of the ladys death
Will quench the wonder of her infamy.
And if it sort not well, you may conceal her,
240 As best befits her wounded reputation,
In some reclusive and religious life,
Out of all eyes, tongues, minds, and injuries.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
Signior Leonato, let the friar advise you. Signior Leonato, listen to the friars plan. And
And though you know my inwardness and love even though you know Im very close to the
245 Is very much unto the Prince and Claudio, Prince and Claudio, I swear Ill keep your counsel
Yet, by mine honor, I will deal in this and deal with this secretly and justly.
As secretly and justly as your soul
Should with your body.
LEONATO LEONATO
Being that I flow in grief, Because Im drowning in my grief, Ill grab onto
The smallest twine may lead me. the smallest piece of string dangled in front of me.

250 'Tis well consented. Presently away, This is a good agreement. Now, lets go. A
For to strange sores strangely they strain the cure. strange disease requires a strange cure. Come,
Come, lady, die to live. This wedding day lady; you must die in order to live. Hopefully, your
Perhaps is but prolonged. Have patience and endure. wedding day is only postponed. Have patience
and endure.
Exeunt all but BENEDICK andBEATRICE Everyone but BENEDICK andBEATRICE exits.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
Lady Beatrice, have you wept all this while? Lady Beatrice, have you been crying this entire
time?
BEATRICE BEATRICE
255 Yea, and I will weep a while longer. Yes, and Ill keep crying a while longer.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
I will not desire that. I dont wish that on you.
BEATRICE BEATRICE
You have no reason. I do it freely. You dont have to; I do it of my own free will.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
Surely I do believe your fair cousin is wronged. I really believe your cousin was falsely accused.
BEATRICE BEATRICE
Ah, how much might the man deserve of me that Oh, the man who avenged her could ask anything
260 would of me!
right her!
BENEDICK BENEDICK
Is there any way to show such friendship? Is there any way I could show such friendship to
you?
BEATRICE BEATRICE
A very even way, but no such friend. A very clear way, but there is no friend who will
undertake it.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
May a man do it? Can a man do it?
BEATRICE BEATRICE
It is a mans office, but not yours. Its a job meant for a man, but not you.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
265 I do love nothing in the world so well as you. Is not There is nothing in the world that I love as much
that as you. Isnt that strange?
strange?
BEATRICE BEATRICE
As strange as the thing I know not. It were as Its as strange as this other thing which I dont
possible for understand. I could just as easily say that there is
me to say I loved nothing so well as you, but believe nothing in the world that I love as much as you.
270 me not, But dont believe methough Im not lying. I
and yet I lie not, I confess nothing, nor I deny nothing. confess nothing, and I deny nothing. I feel awful
I am for my cousin.
sorry for my cousin.

BENEDICK BENEDICK
By my sword, Beatrice, thou lovest me. By my sword, Beatrice, you love me.
BEATRICE BEATRICE
Do not swear, and eat it. Dont swear like that and then go back and eat
itlater.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
I will swear by it that you love me, and I will make him Ill swear by my sword that you love me, too, and
eat Ill make any man who says that I dont love you
it that says I love not you. eat it.
BEATRICE BEATRICE
275 Will you not eat your word? But you wont eat your words?
BENEDICK BENEDICK
With no sauce that can be devised to it. I protest I Not with any sauce they could provide for them. I
love thee. swear, I love you.
BEATRICE BEATRICE
Why then, God forgive me. Well then, God forgive me!
BENEDICK BENEDICK
What offense, sweet Beatrice? Why, what have you done, sweet Beatrice?
BEATRICE BEATRICE
You have stayed me in a happy hour. I was about to You got to me first. I was about to swear that I
280 protest loved you.
I loved you.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
And do it with all thy heart. Then do so, with all your heart.
BEATRICE BEATRICE
I love you with so much of my heart that none is left I love you with so much of my heart that none of it
to is left to protest with.
protest.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
Come, bid me do anything for thee. Come, ask me to do anything for you.
BEATRICE BEATRICE
285 Kill Claudio. Kill Claudio.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
Ha! Not for the wide world. Ha! I wouldnt do that for the whole wide world.
BEATRICE BEATRICE
You kill me to deny it. Farewell. Then, rejecting my request, you kill me, instead.
Goodbye.
BEATRICE begins to exit BEATRICE begins to exit.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
Tarry, sweet Beatrice. Wait, sweet Beatrice.
BEATRICE BEATRICE
I am gone, though I am here. There is no love in you. My body waits here, but the rest of me is gone.
290 Nay, You dont really love me. I beg you to let me go.
I pray you let me go.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
Beatrice Beatrice
BEATRICE BEATRICE
In faith, I will go. I swear, Im going.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
Well be friends first. Not until we part as friends.
BEATRICE BEATRICE
You dare easier be friends with me than fight with How dare you try to be my friend when you refuse
295 mine to fight my enemy.
enemy.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
Is Claudio thine enemy? Is Claudio your enemy?
BEATRICE BEATRICE
Is he not approved in the height a villain, that hath Hasnt he proven himself to be a great villain
slandered, scorned, dishonored my kinswoman? Oh, slandering, scorning, and dishonoring my cousin?
that I Oh, I wish I were a man! He pretended that
300 were a man! What, bear her in hand until they come everything was fine until the moment they were
to take exchanging vows, and thenwith public
hands and then, with public accusation, uncovered accusation, blatant slander, pure hatredOh
slander, unmitigated rancorO God, that I were a God, if only I were a man! I would rip his heart out
man! I in public and eat it.
would eat his heart in the marketplace.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
Hear me, Beatrice Listen to me, Beatrice
BEATRICE BEATRICE
Talk with a man out at a window! A proper saying! Talking with a man outside her bedroom window!
A likely story!
BENEDICK BENEDICK
305 Nay, but Beatrice No, but Beatrice
BEATRICE BEATRICE
Sweet Hero, she is wronged, she is slandered, she is Sweet Hero, shes been wronged, shes been
undone. slandered, shes been ruined.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
Beat Beat
BEATRICE BEATRICE
Princes and counties! Surely, a princely testimony, a Princes and counts! Oh, of course, it was all so
310 goodly proper and ceremoniousthey gave a truly
count, Count Comfect, a sweet gallant, surely! Oh, princely testimony. Hes a proper count, that
that I Count Sugarplum, a sweet gentleman, for sure!
were a man for his sake! Or that I had any friend Oh, if only I were a man! Or had a friend who
would be would be a man for me! But there are no real men
315 a man for my sake! But manhood is melted into left. Their manliness has melted into pretty
curtsies, curtsies and fancy manners, and their bravery is
valor into compliment, and men are only turned into spent on making clever compliments. All this
tongue, and trim ones too. He is now as valiant as conversing has turned men into tonguesand
Hercules fancy ones, at that. The man who tells a lie and
that only tells a lie and swears it. I cannot be a man swears by it is now considered as brave as
with Hercules. I cant make myself a man by wishing I
wishing, therefore I will die a woman with grieving. were, so as a woman Ill die, from grieving.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
Tarry, good Beatrice. By this hand, I love thee. Wait, good Beatrice. I swear by this hand that I
love you.
BEATRICE BEATRICE
Use it for my love some other way than swearing by Dont just swear by it; put your hand to some use
it. that will prove you love me.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
Think you in your soul the Count Claudio hath Do you honestly think, in your soul, that Claudio
320 wronged has wrongly accused Hero?
Hero?
BEATRICE BEATRICE
Yea, as sure as I have a thought or a soul. Yes, as sure as I have a thought or a soul.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
Enough, I am engaged. I will challenge him. I will kiss Thats enough for me, then. Ill challenge him. Ill
your kiss your hand, and with that I leave you. I swear
hand, and so I leave you. By this hand, Claudio shall that Claudio will pay dearly for this. Keep me in
325 render your thoughts and go comfort your cousin. Ill go
me a dear account. As you hear of me, so think of tell them that shes dead. Goodbye.
me. Go
comfort your cousin. I must say she is dead, and so,
farewell.
Exeunt They exit.
Act 4, Scene 2
Enter DOGBERRY,VERGES, andSEXTON, in gowns; DOGBERRY, VERGES, the SEXTON (in his
and the Watch, withCONRADE andBORACHIO official gown), and theWATCHMEN enter,
bringing CONRADE and BORACHIO.
DOGBERRY DOGBERRY
Is our whole dissembly appeared? Is our whole dissembly here?
VERGES VERGES
Oh, a stool and a cushion for the Sexton. Oh, we need a stool and a cushion for the sexton.
A stool is brought in. SEXTON sits A stool is brought in. The SEXTON sits down.
SEXTON SEXTON
Which be the malefactors? Which ones are the malefactors?
DOGBERRY DOGBERRY
Marry, that am I and my partner. Sir, that would be me and my partner.

VERGES VERGES
5 Nay, thats certain; we have the exhibition to examine. Yes, yes, weve been exhibitioned to examine this
case.
SEXTON SEXTON
But which are the offenders that are to be examined? No, youve misunderstood mewhere are the
Let criminals whom Im supposed to examine? Have
them come before Master Constable. them come in front of the master constable.
DOGBERRY DOGBERRY
Yea, marry, let them come before me. Yes, indeed, bring them before me.
What is your name, friend?
BORACHIO andCONRADE come forward BORACHIO and CONRADE come forward.
10 Whats your name, friend? Whats your name, friend?
BORACHIO BORACHIO
Borachio. Borachio.
DOGBERRY DOGBERRY
Pray, write down, Borachio.Yours, sirrah? Please, write down Borachio.And yours?
CONRADE CONRADE
I am a gentleman, sir, and my name is Conrade. Im a gentleman, sir, and my name is Conrade.
DOGBERRY DOGBERRY
Write down Master Gentleman Conrade.Masters, Write down Master Gentleman Conrade.
15 do Gentlemen, are you good Christians, and do you
you serve God? serve God?
CONRADE, BORACHIO CONRADE, BORACHIO
Yea, sir, we hope. Yes, sir, we hope so.
DOGBERRY DOGBERRY
Write down that they hope they serve God; and write Write down that they hope they serve God. Oh,
God and write God firstfor God forbid we put these
first, for God defend but God should go before such criminals before God!Gentlemen, its already
20 villains!Masters, it is proved already that you are been proven that you arent much better than lying
little criminals, and soon well know almost for certain.
better than false knaves, and it will go near to be How do you both plead?
thought so
shortly. How answer you for yourselves?
CONRADE CONRADE
Marry, sir, we say we are none. Honestly, sir, we say that we are not criminals.
DOGBERRY DOGBERRY
A marvelous witty fellow, I assure you, but I will go Hes a marvelously witty fellow, no doubt, but Ill
about outmaneuver him.Come over here; Ill whisper a
25 with him.Come you hither, sirrah, a word in your word in your ear. Sir, I tell you we believe youre
ear. both lying criminals.
Sir, I say to you it is thought you are false knaves.
BORACHIO BORACHIO
Sir, I say to you we are none. Sir, I tell you that we are not.
DOGBERRY DOGBERRY
Well, stand aside.'Fore God, they are both in a ale. Well, okay.I swear to God, both their stories
Have match. Have you written that down, that they arent
you writ down that they are none? criminals?
SEXTON SEXTON
Master Constable, you go not the way to examine. Master Constable, youre going about this all
30 You wrong. First, you have to speak to the watchmen
must call forth the watch that are their accusers. who accused them.
DOGBERRY DOGBERRY
Yea, marry, thats the eftest way.Let the watch come Yes, good idea; thats the eftest way. Bring the
forth. Masters, I charge you in the Princes name, watchmen forward. Gentlemen, I order you in the
accuse Princes name to accuse these men.
these men.

This man said, sir, that Don John, the Princes brother, This man said, sir, that Don John, the Princes
35 was brother, was a villain.
a villain.
DOGBERRY DOGBERRY
Write down Prince John a villain. Why, this is flat Write down that Prince John is a villain. Why,
perjury, thats flat-out perjuryto call a princes brother a
to call a princes brother villain. villain.
BORACHIO BORACHIO
Master Constable Master Constable
DOGBERRY DOGBERRY
Pray thee, fellow, peace. I do not like thy look, I Be quiet, you. I swear, I dont like the look of you.
40 promise
thee.
SEXTON SEXTON
(to Watch) What heard you him say else? (to the watchmen) What else did you hear him
say?
Marry, that he had received a thousand ducats of Don That Don John had given him a thousand pieces
John of gold for wrongfully accusing the Lady Hero.
for accusing the Lady Hero wrongfully.
DOGBERRY DOGBERRY
Flat burglary as ever was committed. Thats burglary, that is.
VERGES VERGES
45 Yea, by Mass, that it is. Yes, by God, that it is.
SEXTON SEXTON
What else, fellow? What else did you hear?

And that Count Claudio did mean upon his words to I heard that Count Claudio meant to disgrace Hero
disgrace Hero before the whole assembly, and not in front of the whole wedding party and refuse to
marry marry her.
her.
DOGBERRY DOGBERRY
50 (to BORACHIO) O villain! Thou wilt be condemned (to BORACHIO) Oh, you villain! Youll be
into condemned to everlasting redemption for this!
everlasting redemption for this.
SEXTON SEXTON
What else? What else?
This is all. Thats all.
SEXTON SEXTON
And this is more, masters, than you can deny. Prince (to CONRADE and BORACHIO) You cant deny
55 John this, gentlemen. This morning, Prince John
is this morning secretly stolen away. Hero was in this secretly snuck out of Messina. Hero was accused
manner accused, in this very manner refused, and exactly as the watchman described, and died on
upon the the spot from the grief.
grief of this, suddenly died.Master Constable, let Master Constable, tie up these men and bring
these them to Leonatos. Ill get there first and tell him
men be bound and brought to Leonatos. I will go what we found out.
before
and show him their examination.
Exit He exits.
DOGBERRY DOGBERRY
60 Come, let them be opinioned. Come on, lets get them opinioned.
VERGES VERGES
Let them be in the hands Let them be in the hands
CONRADE CONRADE
Off, coxcomb! Get off me, you fool!
DOGBERRY DOGBERRY
Gods my life, wheres the Sexton? Let him write down Honest to God, wheres the sexton? He should
the write down that the Princes officer was called a
65 Princes officer coxcomb. Come, bind them.Thou fool. Come on, tie them up. (to CONRADE)Youre
naughty varlet! a nasty little stinker!
CONRADE CONRADE
Away! You are an ass, you are an ass! Get away from me, you ass! You ass!
DOGBERRY DOGBERRY
Dost thou not suspect my place? Dost thou not How can you call me that? Dont you suspect my
suspect my office? Dont you suspect my age? Oh, if only the
years? Oh, that he were here to write me down an sexton were here to write down that Im an ass!
70 ass! But Gentlemen, remember that I am an ass; even

masters, remember that I am an ass, though it be not though its not written down, dont forget that Im
written down, yet forget not that I am an ass.No, an ass. Oh, youre a rotten bastard, you are. Im a
thou wise man and, whats more, Im an officer of the
villain, thou art full of piety, as shall be proved upon law and, whats more, Im a householder and,
75 thee by whats more, Im as handsome a hunk of meat as
good witness. I am a wise fellow and, which is more, any in Messina. And I know the law, damn you,
an and Im rich enough, damn you, and I used to
officer and, which is more, a householder and, which have more, but I still have two robes and lots of
is lovely things.Take him away!Oh, if only the
more, as pretty a piece of flesh as any is in Messina, sexton had recorded that Im an ass!
and one
that knows the law, go to, and a rich fellow enough, go
to,
and a fellow that hath had losses, and one that hath
two
gowns and everything handsome about him.Bring
him
away.Oh, that I had been writ down an ass!
Act 5, Scene 1
Enter LEONATO andANTONIO LEONATO and ANTONIO enter.

ANTONIO ANTONIO
If you go on thus, you will kill yourself, If you keep on the way youve been going, youll
And tis not wisdom thus to second grief kill yourself. Theres no point in adding to your
Against yourself. grief.
LEONATO LEONATO
I pray thee, cease thy counsel, Stop advising me; your words pass through my
Which falls into mine ears as profitless ears like water through a sieve. Dont counsel me.
5 As water in a sieve. Give not me counsel, Only someone whos been wronged as I have can
Nor let no comforter delight mine ear comfort me. Find a father who loved his child as
But such a one whose wrongs do suit with mine. overwhelmingly as I loved Hero and askhim to be
Bring me a father that so loved his child, patient. Compare the length and width of that
Whose joy of her is overwhelmed like mine, mans sadness against my own; match up all the
10 And bid him speak of patience. complaints and strong emotions that run through
Measure his woe the length and breadth of mine, our bodies. If a man who has suffered as I have
And let it answer every strain for strain, gave me advice the way you dosmiling and
As thus for thus and such a grief for such, stroking his beard, telling me to toss away my
In every lineament, branch, shape, and form. sorrow, giving speeches when he should be
15 If such a one will smile and stroke his beard, wailing with me, trying to heal my grief with little
Bid sorrow wag, cry hem when he should groan, proverbs, spinning my head around with
Patch grief with proverbs, make misfortune drunk philosophythen I would take his advice and be
With candle-wasters, bring him yet to me patient. But that man doesnt exist. You can try to
And I of him will gather patience. comfort a man who feels a pain that you have
20 But there is no such man. For, brother, men never felt, but once you feel it too, your sober
Can counsel and speak comfort to that grief advice will also turn into passion. You cant treat
Which they themselves not feel, but, tasting it, madness with rules or bind up insanity with little
Their counsel turns to passion which before silken threads or cure heartache with hot air or
Would give preceptial med'cine to rage, lighten agony with pat phrases.
25 Fetter strong madness in a silken thread,
Charm ache with air, and agony with words.
No, no, tis all mens office to speak patience Every man thinks its his duty to advise those who
To those that wring under the load of sorrow, are overwrought with sorrow to be patient. But no
But no mans virtue nor sufficiency man is so moral or so strong that they can endure
30 To be so moral when he shall endure the same advice when they themselves are
The like himself. Therefore give me no counsel. grieving. So dont advise me. My sorrow is crying
My griefs cry louder than advertisement. too loudly to hear what you have to say.
ANTONIO ANTONIO
Therein do men from children nothing differ. Well then youre no better than a child.
LEONATO LEONATO
I pray thee, peace. I will be flesh and blood, Please, leave me alone. I intend to be flesh and
35 For there was never yet philosopher blood, not airy philosophy, for there has never yet
That could endure the toothache patiently, been a philosopher who could endure a toothache
However they have writ the style of gods patiently, even though they all write as if they had
And made a push at chance and sufferance. risen above human suffering and misfortune.
ANTONIO ANTONIO
Yet bend not all the harm upon yourself. But dont take all that pain on yourself. Make sure
40 Make those that do offend you suffer too. the ones who have wronged you suffer too.
LEONATO LEONATO
There thou speakst reason. Nay, I will do so. Now youre talking. I definitely will. In my soul, I
My soul doth tell me Hero is belied, believe Hero has been falsely accused. And Ill
And that shall Claudio know; so shall the Prince make sure that Claudio, the Prince, and anyone
And all of them that thus dishonor her. else who helped dishonor her know about it.
Enter DON PEDRO andCLAUDIO DON PEDRO andCLAUDIO enter.
ANTONIO ANTONIO
45 Here comes the Prince and Claudio hastily. The Prince and Claudio are hurrying this way.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
Good e'en, good e'en. Good evening, good evening.
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
Good day to both of you. Good day to both of you.
LEONATO LEONATO
Hear you, my lords Listen, my lords
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
We have some haste, Leonato. Were in a bit of a hurry, Leonato.
LEONATO LEONATO
Some haste, my lord! Well, fare you well, my lord. A bit of a hurry, my lord! Well then, good bye, my
Are you so hasty now? Well, all is one. lord. Youre in a hurry, are you? Well then, dont
bother.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
50 Nay, do not quarrel with us, good old man. Come on, dont quarrel with us, good old man.
ANTONIO ANTONIO
If he could right himself with quarreling, If its fighting he is after, some of us here should
Some of us would lie low. run and hide.
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
Who wrongs him? Who has wronged him?
LEONATO LEONATO
Marry, thou dost wrong me, thou dissembler, thou. Indeed, you have wronged me, you liar. Dont
Nay, never lay thy hand upon thy sword. bother trying to intimidate me by putting your hand
55 I fear thee not. on your sword. Im not scared of you.
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
Marry, beshrew my hand Curse my hand if it ever threatened an old man
If it should give your age such cause of fear. like you. Really, I had no intention of going for my
In faith, my hand meant nothing to my sword. sword.
LEONATO LEONATO
Tush, tush, man, never fleer and jest at me. Damn you, dont mock and sneer at me. Im not a
I speak not like a dotard nor a fool, doddering old fool who brags about the things he
60 As under privilege of age to brag did when he was young, and what he would do
What I have done being young, or what would do now if he werent so old. Claudio, Im telling you
Were I not old. Know, Claudio, to thy head, right to your face that you have wronged me and
Thou hast so wronged mine innocent child and me my innocent child. I am forced to lay aside my old
That I am forced to lay my reverence by, mans respectability, and with my gray hairs and
65 And with gray hairs and bruise of many days my aching body I challenge you to a duel. You
Do challenge thee to trial of a man. have ruined my innocent child. Your slander has
I say thou hast belied mine innocent child. broken her heart, and now she lies buried with her
Thy slander hath gone through and through her heart, ancestors in a tombancestors who had never
And she lies buried with her ancestors, been tainted by scandal until you caused one with
70 Oh, in a tomb where never scandal slept your wickedness.
Save this of hers, framed by thy villainy.
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
My villainy? My wickedness?
LEONATO LEONATO
Thine, Claudio, thine, I say. Yours, Claudio, yours, I say.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
You say not right, old man. Youve got it wrong, old man.
LEONATO LEONATO
My lord, my lord, My lord, if he dares to accept my challenge, Ill
Ill prove it on his body if he dare, beat him and prove hes guilty. Ill beat him despite
75 Despite his nice fence and his active practice, his fancy fencing techniques and all the practicing
His May of youth and bloom of lustihood. he does, despite his youth and manliness.
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
Away! I will not have to do with you. Not a chance! Ill have nothing to do with you.
LEONATO LEONATO
Canst thou so daff me? Thou hast killed my child. You think you can get rid of me that easily? You
If thou killst me, boy, thou shalt kill a man. killed my child. Take on someone your own size: if
you kill me, boy, youll have killed a man.
ANTONIO ANTONIO
80 He shall kill two of us, and men indeed, Hell have to kill both of us, and indeed were both
But thats no matter. Let him kill one first. men. But let him start off easy by killing one of us.
Win me and wear me! Let him answer me. Come onkill me and brag about it! Let me at
Come, follow me, boy. Come, sir boy, come, follow him. Come on, come after me, little boy. Come on
me. and get me. Little man, Ill be right in your face
85 Sir boy, Ill whip you from your foining fence, with my sword. I will, as surely as I am a
Nay, as I am a gentleman, I will. gentleman.
LEONATO LEONATO
Brother Brother
ANTONIO ANTONIO
Content yourself. God knows I loved my niece, Quiet. God knows I loved my niece, and now shes
And she is dead, slandered to death by villains deadslandered to death by cowards who would
That dare as well answer a man indeed just as likely fight a real man as I would grab a
90 As I dare take a serpent by the tongue. poisonous snake by the tongue. Boys, fools,
Boys, apes, braggarts, jacks, milksops! braggers, scoundrels, babies!
LEONATO LEONATO
Brother Anthony Brother Anthony
ANTONIO ANTONIO
Hold you content. What, man! I know them, yea, Hold your peace. I know their kind, I know them
And what they weigh, even to the utmost scruple exactly. Theyre petulant, disrespectful, fashion-
95 Scrambling, outfacing, fashion-monging boys, crazy boys who lie and cheat and mock, defame
That lie and cog and flout, deprave and slander, and slander. They walk around in outlandish
Go anticly and show outward hideousness, outfits, pretending to be brave and wild and
And speak off half a dozen dang'rous words saying a few inflammatory things about how
How they might hurt their enemies, if they durst, theyll hurt their enemiesand thats all they do.
100 And this is all.
LEONATO LEONATO
But brother Anthony But brother Anthony
ANTONIO ANTONIO
Come, tis no matter. Dont, its no big deal. Dont bother with it. Let me
Do not you meddle. Let me deal in this. deal with this.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
Gentlemen both, we will not wake your patience. Gentlemen, we wont stay here and anger you
My heart is sorry for your daughters death, further. Im sorry about your daughters death, but
105 But, on my honor, she was charged with nothing I swear our accusations were true, and backed up
But what was true and very full of proof. with proof.
LEONATO LEONATO
My lord, my lord My lord, my lord
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
I will not hear you. I dont want to hear any more about it.
LEONATO LEONATO
No? Come, brother; away! I will be heard. No? Come on, brother! Im determined to be
heard by someone.
ANTONIO ANTONIO
110 And shall, or some of us will smart for it. And you will be, or some people here will suffer
for it.
Exeunt LEONATO andANTONIO LEONATO and ANTONIO exit.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
See, see, here comes the man we went to seek. Look, here comes just the man we were looking
for.
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
Now, Signior, what news? Whats up, mister?
BENEDICK BENEDICK
(to DON PEDRO) Good day, my lord. (to DON PEDRO) Hello, my lord.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
Welcome, Signior. You are almost come to part Welcome, sir. You just missed a fight that was
115 almost a barely
fray. avoided.
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
We had like to have had our two noses snapped off We were about to have our noses snapped off by
with two two
old men without teeth. old men with no teeth.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
Leonato and his brother. What thinkst thou? Had we Leonato and his brother. What do you think? I
fought, I doubt we should have been too young for think
them. if we had fought, we would have proven too young
and
strong for them after all.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
120 In a false quarrel there is no true valor. I came to Theres no bravery in an unfair fight. Ive been
seek you look-

both. ing for you two.
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
We have been up and down to seek thee, for we are Weve been looking for you, too. Were really
high- depressed. Will you tell us some jokes to beat our
proof melancholy and would fain have it beaten away. sad-
Wilt ness away?
thou use thy wit?
BENEDICK BENEDICK
125 It is in my scabbard. Shall I draw it? My wits in my scabbard. Should I unsheath it?
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
Dost thou wear thy wit by thy side? You wear your wit next to you?
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
Never any did so, though very many have been No one carries their wit next to them, though
beside their some
wit. I will bid thee draw, as we do the minstrels: draw people are beside their wit. Come on, draw your
to wit,
pleasure us. just as musicians draw their bows across the
instru-
ments: draw for our pleasure.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
130 As I am an honest man, he looks pale.Art thou Look: Benedick is so paleare you sick, or
sick, or angry?
angry?
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
(to BENEDICK) What, courage, man! What though (to BENEDICK) Buck up, man! Care may have
care killed the
killed a cat? Thou hast mettle enough in thee to kill cat, but you are strong enough to kill care. Lighten
care. up.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
Sir, I shall meet your wit in the career, an you charge Sir, dont even try to beat me in a battle of wits. Ill
135 it meet all your attacks, even if you come charging
against me. I pray you, choose another subject. at me
with a lance at full gallop. Choose another tack.
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
(to DON PEDRO) Nay, then, give him another staff. (to DON PEDRO) That was poor, Benedick! Give
This last him
was broke 'cross. another lancethat last one got broken in half.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
By this light, he changes more and more. I think he Lord, he seems to be getting paler by the minute.
be angry I
indeed. think he really is angry.
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
140 If he be, he knows how to turn his girdle. If he is, thats his problem.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
Shall I speak a word in your ear? Can I have a word with you privately?
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
God bless me from a challenge! God forbid he wants to challenge me!
BENEDICK BENEDICK
(aside to CLAUDIO) You are a villain. I jest not. I will (speaking so that only CLAUDIOcan hear) You
make it are a vil-
145 good how you dare, with what you dare, and when lain. Im not kidding. I challenge you however you
you likewith whatever weapons you choose, and
dare. Do me right, or I will protest your cowardice. whe-
You never you want. Meet this challenge, or Ill say
have killed a sweet lady, and her death shall fall that
heavy on youre a coward. Youve killed an innocent
you. Let me hear from you. woman,
and youre going to pay dearly for her death.
What do you say?
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
Well, I will meet you, so I may have good cheer. Ill be there, and Ill enjoy myself.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
What, a feast, a feast? What, are we having a feast?
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
150 I' faith, I thank him. He hath bid me to a calfs head Yes, we are. He has invited me to have a calfs
and a head and a capon. He says if I dont carve them
capon, the which if I do not carve most curiously, say up and serve them elegantly, hell declare I have
my no skills with a knife. Should I go get us a
knifes naught. Shall I not find a woodcock too? woodcock, too?
BENEDICK BENEDICK
Sir, your wit ambles well; it goes easily. Sir, you have a very slow, rambling wit.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO

Ill tell thee how Beatrice praised thy wit he other day. Benedick, Beatrice praised your wit the other day.
155 I I said you had a fine wit. True, she said, a fine
said thou hadst a fine wit. True, said she, a fine little one. No, I said, a huge wit. Right, she
little said, a hugely awful one. No, I said, he has a
one. No, said I, a great wit. Right, says she, a good wit. Exactly, she said, its good and mild;
great it doesnt hurt anyone. No, I said, Benedick is
160 gross one. Nay, said I, a good wit. Just, said wise. He is certainly, she said, a wise
she, it gentleman.No, I said, he can speak many
hurts nobody. Nay, said I, the gentleman is wise. languages: I can believe that, she said,
Certain, said she, a wise gentleman. Nay, said I, because he swore one thing to me on Monday
he night and took it back on Tuesday morning. He
165 hath the tongues. That I believe, said she, for he spoke two languages then. She turned all your
swore virtues into vices just about an hour ago. But in
a thing to me on Monday night, which he forswore on the end she sighed and admitted you were the
Tuesday morning; theres a double tongue, theres handsomest man in Italy.
two
tongues. Thus did she an hour together transshape
thy
particular virtues. Yet at last she concluded with a
sigh,
thou wast the properst man in Italy.
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
For the which she wept heartily and said she cared She cried a lot at that, and said she didnt care.
not.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
Yea, that she did. But yet for all that, an if she did not That she did. And yet for all that, if she didnt hate
hate him to death, shed love him to death. Leonatos
him deadly, she would love him dearly. The old mans daughter had told us everything.
daughter told us all.
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
170 All, all. And, moreover, God saw him when he was Absolutely everything. And, moreover, God saw
hid in Benedick when he was hid in the garden.
the garden.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
But when shall we set the savage bulls horns on the But when exactly will we see Benedick married?
sensible
Benedicks head?
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
Yea, and text underneath: Here dwells Benedick the Yes, with the sign underneath him that says:
175 married man? Here lives Benedick the married man?
BENEDICK BENEDICK
Fare you well, boy. You know my mind. I will leave Goodbye, boy. You know what I intend. Ill leave
you now you now to chatter and gossip like an old woman.
to your gossip-like humor. You break jests as The wit you flaunt is like a blunt swordit cant
braggarts do hurt anyone, thank God.My lord, I thank you for
180 their blades, which, God be thanked, hurt not.My your many kindnesses. Im leaving your court
lord, now.
for your many courtesies I thank you. I must
discontinue
your company.
Your brother the Bastard is fled from Messina. You Your brother Don John the Bastard has run away
have from Messina. The three of you have killed a
among you killed a sweet and innocent lady. For my sweet, innocent woman. Lord Babyface over there
Lord will meet me in a duel, and good luck to him then.

Lackbeard there, he and I shall meet, and till then
peace be
with him.
Exit He exits.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
185 He is in earnest. Hes serious.
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
In most profound earnest, and, Ill warrant you, for the Very serious, and Im sure its because of
love Beatrice.
of Beatrice.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
And hath challenged thee? And he challenged you to a duel?
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
Most sincerely. He did, very sincerely.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
190 What a pretty thing man is when he goes in his What a strange sighta man who has put on all
doublet and his fancy clothes but forgotten his brain at home!
hose and leaves off his wit!
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
He is then a giant to an ape; but then is an ape a A guy like that is bigger than an ape, but the ape
doctor to could be his doctor, its so much smarter.
such a man.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
But soft you, let me be. Pluck up, my heart, and be But wait a minute. Let me gather my wits and get
195 sad. Did serious here. Didnt he say my brother has run
he not say my brother was fled? away?
Enter DOGBERRY,VERGES, and the Watch, DOGBERRY, VERGES, and
withCONRADE and BORACHIO the WATCHMENenter
with CONRADE and BORACHIO.
DOGBERRY DOGBERRY
Come you, sir. If justice cannot tame you, she shall Come on, you. If they let you off, then well have
ne'er to assume that Lady Justice has lost all her
weigh more reasons in her balance. Nay, an you be a power. Since you are a lying hypocrite, we must
cursing look after you.
hypocrite once, you must be looked to.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
How now? Two of my brothers men bound! Borachio Whats this? Two of my brothers men, all tied up!
one! And Borachio is one of them!
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
200 Hearken after their offense, my lord. Find out what theyre being held for.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
Officers, what offense have these men done? Officers, what crime have these men committed?
DOGBERRY DOGBERRY
Marry, sir, they have committed false report; Well sir, theyve lied; moreover, they have said
moreover, things that were not true; secondarily, they are
they have spoken untruths; secondarily, they are slanderers; sixth and lastly, they have falsely
205 slanders; accused a lady; thirdly, they have confirmed
sixth and lastly, they have belied a lady; thirdly, they things that did not in fact happen; and, in
have conclusion, they are lying scoundrels.
verified unjust things; and, to conclude, they are lying
knaves.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
First, I ask thee what they have done; thirdly, I ask First, I ask you what theyve done; thirdly, I ask
thee you what offense theyre charged with; sixth and
whats their offense; sixth and lastly, why they are lastly, I ask you why theyve been committed here;
committed; and, to conclude, what you lay to their and, in conclusion, I ask what theyre accused of.
charge.
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
210 Rightly reasoned, and in his own division; and, by my Nicely done, and organized in just the way hell
troth, theres one meaning well suited. understand. My God, he manages to say the
same thing six different ways.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
(to BORACHIO and CONRADE) Who have you (to BORACHIO and CONRADE) What have you
offended, done, gentlemen? This educated constable is too
masters, that you are thus bound to your answer? brilliant for me to understand. What is your crime?
215 This
learned constable is too cunning to be understood.
Whats
your offense?
BORACHIO BORACHIO
Sweet Prince, let me go no farther to mine answer. Prince, I wont wait for my trial: listen to my story,
Do you and let the count kill me now. I tricked your own
hear me, and let this count kill me. I have deceived eyes. These stupid fools have uncovered what
even your you in all your wisdom could not. They heard me
220 very eyes. What your wisdoms could not discover, confess to Conrade how Don John, your brother,
these prompted me to slander Herohow you came to
shallow fools have brought to light, who in the night the orchard and saw me making sexual advances
overheard me confessing to this man how Don John toward Margaret, who was disguised as Hero;
your how you disgraced Hero when you should have
225 brother incensed me to slander the Lady Hero, how married her. Theyve recorded my crimes, and I
you would rather die than have to retell this shameful
were brought into the orchard and saw me court story. The lady has died because of the false
Margaret in accusations of me and my master. I desire
Heros garments, how you disgraced her when you nothing now but a criminals punishment.
should
marry her. My villainy they have upon record, which I
had
rather seal with my death than repeat over to my
shame. The
lady is dead upon mine and my masters false
accusation.
And, briefly, I desire nothing but the reward of a
villain.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO

(to CLAUDIO) Runs not this speech like iron through (to CLAUDIO) Doesnt this make your blood run
your cold?
blood?
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
230 I have drunk poison whiles he uttered it. His words are like poison to me.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
(to BORACHIO) But did my brother set thee on to (to BORACHIO) But did my brother prompt you to
this? do all this?
BORACHIO BORACHIO
Yea, and paid me richly for the practice of it. Yes, and paid me well for doing it.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
He is composed and framed of treachery, He is made of treachery, and has run away to
And fled he is upon this villainy. avoid his crimes.
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
235 Sweet Hero, now thy image doth appear Sweet Hero; when I imagine you now, you seem
In the rare semblance that I loved it first. as beautiful as you did when I first loved you.
DOGBERRY DOGBERRY
Come, bring away the plaintiffs. By this time our Come, take away the plaintiffs. By now the sexton
sexton will have reformed Signior Leonato of the
hath reformed Signior Leonato of the matter. And, matter. (to CLAUDIO and DON PEDRO) And,
240 masters, do not forget to specify, when time and gentlemen, please do not forget to specify,
place shall whenever it is convenient, that I am an ass.
serve, that I am an ass.
VERGES VERGES
Here, here comes Master Signior Leonato, and the Here comes Master Signior Leonato with the
Sexton sexton.
too.
Enter LEONATO andANTONIO, with the SEXTON LEONATO and ANTONIO enter with
theSEXTON.
LEONATO LEONATO
Which is the villain? Let me see his eyes, Which one of them did it? Let me see what he
That, when I note another man like him, looks like, so when I see another man who
245 I may avoid him. Which of these is he? resembles him, Ill know to avoid him. Which one
is it?
BORACHIO BORACHIO
If you would know your wronger, look on me. If you want to see your deceiver, then look at me.
LEONATO LEONATO
Art thou the slave that with thy breath hast killed Are you the slave who, with your slanderous
Mine innocent child? words, killed my innocent child?
BORACHIO BORACHIO
Yea, even I alone. Yes, I am the one.
LEONATO LEONATO
No, not so, villain, thou beliest thyself. No, villain, but you didnt work
250 Here stand a pair of honorable men alone. (indicatingCLAUDIO and DON
A third is fledthat had a hand in it. PEDRO) For here are two noblemen the third
I thank you, princes, for my daughters death. has run awaywho helped
Record it with your high and worthy deeds. you. (to CLAUDIO and DON PEDRO)Thank you,
'Twas bravely done, if you bethink you of it. gentlemen, for my daughters death. Make a note
of it on your long lists of righteous and worthy
deeds. It was very brave of you.
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
255 I know not how to pray your patience, I dont know how to ask you for forgiveness, but I
Yet I must speak. Choose your revenge yourself. have to say something. Choose your revenge.
Impose me to what penance your invention Punish me through any means you can devise,
Can lay upon my sin. Yet sinned I not though I sinned by mistake.
But in mistaking.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
By my soul, nor I, Me toobut to satisfy this good old man, I too will
260 And yet to satisfy this good old man bear any punishment he gives me.
I would bend under any heavy weight
That hell enjoin me to.
LEONATO LEONATO
I cannot bid you bid my daughter live I cant ask you to make my daughter livethats
That were impossiblebut, I pray you both, impossiblebut I beg you both to tell the people
265 Possess the people in Messina here of Messina that she was innocent when she died.
How innocent she died. And if your love And if your love can produce something from its
Can labor ought in sad invention, sadness, write a poem for her; hang it on her
Hang her an epitaph upon her tomb grave and sing it to her bones. Sing it tonight.
And sing it to her bones. Sing it tonight. Then come to my house tomorrow morning, and
270 Tomorrow morning come you to my house, since you couldnt be my son-in-law, be my
And since you could not be my son-in-law, nephew instead. My brother has a daughter who
Be yet my nephew. My brother hath a daughter, looks exactly like Hero; this girl is heir to both our
Almost the copy of my child thats dead, estates. Marry her as you should have married
And she alone is heir to both of us. her cousin, and I will let my revenge die.
275 Give her the right you should have given her cousin,
And so dies my revenge.
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
O noble sir! Oh, noble sir! Your overwhelming kindness makes
Your overkindness doth wring tears from me. me weep. I willingly accept your offer and put my
I do embrace your offer; and dispose future in your hands.
For henceforth of poor Claudio.
LEONATO LEONATO
280 Tomorrow then I will expect your coming. I will see you tomorrow, then. Now I have to leave.
Tonight I take my leave. This naughty man This wicked man will be brought face to face with
Shall face to face be brought to Margaret, Margaret, who I believe was hired by Don John to
Who I believe was packed in all this wrong, take part in this plot.
Hired to it by your brother.
BORACHIO BORACHIO
285 No, by my soul, she was not, No, she wasnt, and she didnt know anything
Nor knew not what she did when she spoke to me, about it. She has always been honest and good.
But always hath been just and virtuous
In any thing that I do know by her.
DOGBERRY DOGBERRY
(to LEONATO) Moreover, sir, which indeed is not (to LEONATO) Also, sir, this hasnt been put down
290 under in writing, but I should let you know that
white and black, this plaintiff here, the offender, did this plaintiff here, the criminal, did in fact call me
call me an ass. Please remember that when youre
ass. I beseech you, let it be remembered in his punishing him. Plus, the watchmen heard the
punishment. criminals talking about some man
295 And also the watch heard them talk of one Deformed. namedDeformed. They say that he has an earring
They made out of a key, with a lock hanging from it.
say he wears a key in his ear and a lock hanging by it Apparently, he borrows money from people in the
and name of God and then never pays it back, which
borrows money in Gods name, the which he hath angers everyone so much that they now refuse to
used so fund anything in the name of God. Make sure you
long and never paid that now men grow hard-hearted ask him about this.
and
will lend nothing for Gods sake. Pray you, examine
him
upon that point.
LEONATO LEONATO
I thank thee for thy care and honest pains. Thank you for all your efforts.
DOGBERRY DOGBERRY
Your worship speaks like a most thankful and You speak like a very thankful and respectful boy,
300 reverent and may God bless you.
youth, and I praise God for you.
LEONATO LEONATO
(giving him money) Theres for thy pains. (giving DOGBERRY money) This is for your
trouble.
DOGBERRY DOGBERRY
God save the foundation! God save the charitable organization!
LEONATO LEONATO
Go, I discharge thee of thy prisoner, and I thank thee. Go, youre relieved of your duty. Thank you.
DOGBERRY DOGBERRY
I leave an arrant knave with your Worship, which I I leave a slimy bastard with you, your Worship, for
305 beseech you to punish and make an example of. God
your Worship to correct yourself, for the example of bless your Worship! I wish you well. I hope that
others. God restores you to health. I will humbly let you
God keep your Worship! I wish your Worship well. go now, God prohibiting we will meet again in the
God future.Come on, man.
restore you to health! I humbly give you leave to
depart, and
if a merry meeting may be wished, God prohibit it!
Come, neighbor.
Exeunt DOGBERRY andVERGES DOGBERRY and VERGES exit.
LEONATO LEONATO
310 Until tomorrow morning, lords, farewell. Ill see you tomorrow morning, gentlemen.
ANTONIO ANTONIO
Farewell, my lords. We look for you tomorrow. Goodbye, gentlemen. Well see you tomorrow.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
We will not fail. Well be there.
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
Tonight Ill mourn with Hero. I will mourn Hero tonight.
LEONATO LEONATO
(to the Watch) (to the watchmen) Bring these criminals with us.
315 Bring you these fellows on.Well talk with Margaret, Well go talk to Margaret, to see how she got
How her acquaintance grew with this lewd fellow. involved with this worthless man.
Act 5, Scene 2
Enter BENEDICK andMARGARET BENEDICK andMARGARET enter.

BENEDICK BENEDICK
Pray thee, sweet Mistress Margaret, deserve well at Please Margaret, help me write this poem for
my Beatrice.
hands by helping me to the speech of Beatrice.
MARGARET MARGARET
Will you then write me a sonnet in praise of my Afterward, will you write a sonnet for me, praising
beauty? my beauty?
BENEDICK BENEDICK
In so high a style, Margaret, that no man living shall Ill write you such a glorious sonnet, Margaret, that
5 come no man will ever be able to come over it. You
over it, for in most comely truth thou deservest it. certainly deserve it.
MARGARET MARGARET
To have no man come over me! Why, shall I always No man will come over me! What a life that would
keep be!
below stairs?
BENEDICK BENEDICK
Thy wit is as quick as the greyhounds mouth; it Your wit is as quick as a greyhounds jawsit
catches. catches whatever it goes after.
MARGARET MARGARET
And yours as blunt as the fencers foils, which hit but And your wit is as blunt as a practice sword, with
10 hurt its dull tip; it hits people but doesnt hurt them.
not.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
A most manly wit, Margaret, it will not hurt a woman. Its just that my wit is very gentlemanly, Margaret,
And and refuses to hurt a woman. Now please, tell
so, I pray thee, call Beatrice. I give thee the bucklers. Beatrice to come out. I admit defeat; I give you
the bucklers.
MARGARET MARGARET
Give us the swords; we have bucklers of our own. No, you should give a woman your swordwe
have our own bucklers!
BENEDICK BENEDICK
If you use them, Margaret, you must put in the pikes Watch out, though, Margaretvirgins shouldnt be
15 with brandishing their bucklers around.
a vice, and they are dangerous weapons for maids.
MARGARET MARGARET
Well, I will call Beatrice to you, who I think hath legs. Ill go get Beatrice for you, who can walk here by
herselfshe has legs.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
And therefore will come. So that means shell come.
Exit MARGARET MARGARET exits.
(sings) (singing)
The god of love, The god of love
That sits above, He sits in heaven above
And knows me, and knows me, And he knows me, he knows me
How pitiful I deserve He knows how much pity I deserve
I mean in singing. But in loving, Leander the good Im really a pitiful singer. But as a lover, well, thats
swimmer, Troilus the first employer of panders, and a another story. Take Leander, Troilus, or an entire
whole bookful of these quondam carpetmongers, books worth of those legendary loverboys,
whose names yet run smoothly in the even road of a whose names sound so smooth and nice in a line
blank verse, why, they were never so truly turned over of versenot one of them has been driven as
and over as my poor self in love. Marry, I cannot show crazy by love as I have been. But I cant prove it in
it in rhyme. I have tried. I can find out no rhyme to a poem. I have tried. I cant think of any rhyme for
lady but babyan innocent rhyme; for scorn, lady but baby, which is a childish rhyme. The
horna hard rhyme; for, school, foola babbling only rhyme for scorn I can come up with
rhyme; very ominous endings. No, I was not born is horna bit off for a love poem. Nothing
under a rhyming planet, nor I cannot woo in festival rhymes with school but fool, and thats a
terms. ridiculous jingle. These are all very unpromising
line endings. No, I wasnt destined to be a poet,
and I cant woo a lady with pretty words.
30 Sweet Beatrice, wouldst thou come when I called Beatrice, have you come because I called for you?
thee?
BEATRICE BEATRICE
Yea, Signior, and depart when you bid me. Yes, sir, and Ill leave when you ask me to.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
Oh , stay but till then! Oh, well, stay till then!
BEATRICE BEATRICE
Then is spoken. Fare you well now. And yet, ere I Thereyou said then. So Ill leave now. But
go, let before I go, let me get what I came for. What
35 me go with that I came, which is, with knowing what happened between you and Claudio?
hath
passed between you and Claudio.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
Only foul words, and thereupon I will kiss thee. I spoke angry, foul words to him, and with that I
will kiss you.
BEATRICE BEATRICE
Foul words is but foul wind, and foul wind is but foul If you had foul words in your mouth, then your
breath, and foul breath is noisome. Therefore I will breath must be foul, and foul breath is nauseating.
depart Thus, Ill leave without being kissed.
unkissed.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
40 Thou hast frighted the word out of his right sense, so Your wit is so forceful, it frightens the very
forcible is thy wit. But I must tell thee plainly, Claudio meaning out of your words. But I will tell you this
undergoes my challenge, and either I must shortly very plainly: I have challenged Claudio, and either
hear hell accept the challenge or admit hes a coward.
from him, or I will subscribe him a coward. And I pray Now, tell mewhich of my bad qualities did you
45 thee fall in love with first?
now tell me, for which of my bad parts didst thou first
fall
in love with me?
BEATRICE BEATRICE
For them all together, which maintained so politic a With all of them at once: they work together to
state of create such an entirely evil person that no good
evil that they will not admit any good part to ever manages to enter the mix. But tell mewhich
intermingle of my good qualities first made you suffer love for
with them. But for which of my good parts did you first me?
suffer love for me?
BENEDICK BENEDICK
50 Suffer love! A good epithet! I do suffer love indeed, for Suffer love! Thats a good way of putting it. I do
I suffer love, because I love you against my will.
love thee against my will.
BEATRICE BEATRICE
In spite of your heart, I think. Alas, poor heart, if you You love me in spite of your heart, I think. If you
spite spite your heart for my sake, then I will spite it for
it for my sake, I will spite it for yours, for I will never yours. I will never love the thing my friend hates.
love
that which my riend hates.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
55 Thou and I are too wise to woo peaceably. You and I are too wise to woo each other
peacefully.
BEATRICE BEATRICE
It appears not in this confession. Theres not one wise Its said that no truly wise man will praise himself.
man If you say that you are wise, its likely youre not.
among twenty that will praise himself.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
An old, an old instance, Beatrice, that lived in the lime Thats an old proverb, Beatrice, from the time
of when neighbors praised each other. In this day
60 good neighbors. If a man do not erect in this age his and age, if a man doesnt erect his own monument
own before he dies, he wont be remembered past the
tomb ere he dies, he shall live no longer in monument funeral bells ringing and his widows crying.
than
the bell rings and the widow weeps.
BEATRICE BEATRICE
And how long is that, think you? Exactly how long is that, do you think?
BENEDICK BENEDICK
Question: why, an hour in clamor and a quarter in About an hour for the ringing and fifteen minutes
rheum. for the crying. Thats why its better for wise men
65 Therefore is it most expedient for the wise, if Don to trumpet their own virtues, like I do. Thats why I
Worm, praise myself, whoif I do say so myselfis quite
his conscience, find no impediment to the contrary, to praiseworthy. But tell me, how is your cousin?
be
the trumpet of his own virtues, as I am to myself. So
much
for praising myself, who, I myself will bear witness, is
praiseworthy. An now tell me, how doth your cousin?
BEATRICE BEATRICE
Very ill. Shes very sick.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
70 And how do you? And how are you?
BEATRICE BEATRICE
Very ill, too. Im very sick, too.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
Serve God, love me, and mend. There will I leave you Have faith, love me, and you will get better. And
too, thats where Ill end, because someone is hurrying
for here comes one in haste. this way.
Enter URSULA URSULA enters.
URSULA URSULA
Madam, you must come to your uncle. Yonders old Madam, you have to go to your uncles. Theres a
75 coil at huge racket going on there. Its been proven that
home. It is proved my Lady Hero hath been falsely Lady Hero is innocent, that the Prince and Claudio
accused, the Prince and Claudio mightily abused, and have been utterly deceived, and that Don John
Don who has run awayis the source of all the trouble.
John is the author of all, who is fled and gone. Will Will you come immediately?
you
come presently?
Exit She exits.
BEATRICE BEATRICE
Will you go hear this news, Signior? Will you come with me to hear this news, sir?
BENEDICK BENEDICK
80 I will live in thy heart, die in thy lap, and be buried in I will live in your heart, die in your lap, and be
thy buried in your eyesand, whats more, I will go
eyesand moreover, I will go with thee to thy uncles. with you to your uncles.
Exeunt They exit.
Act 5, Scene 3
Enter DON PEDRO, CLAUDIO, three or DON PEDROand CLAUDIO enter with three or
four LORDSwith tapers, and musicians four LORDS carrying candles, and musicians.
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
Is this the monument of Leonato? Is this the family tomb of Leonato?
FIRST LORD FIRST LORD
It is, my lord. It is, my lord.
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
(reading an epitaph) (reading an epitaph)
Done to death by slanderous tongues Here lies Hero,
5 Was the Hero that here lies. The heroic maiden killed by slanderous words.
Death, in guerdon of her wrongs, To repay her for her troubles, Death
Gives her fame which never dies. Gives her undying fame.
So the life that died with shame So the life that died with shame
Lives in death with glorious fame. Lives on with fame.
Hangs the scroll (he hangs the scroll)
10 Hang thou there upon the tomb, This epitaph will hang here forever,
Praising her when I am dumb. Continuing to praise Hero after I die.
Now, music, sound, and sing your solemn hymn. Now start the music, and sing the solemn hymn.
(Song) (singing)
Pardon, goddess of the night, Please pardon, goddess of the night,
Those that slew thy virgin knight, The men who killed your virgin knight.
For the which with songs of woe These men now walk around her tomb,
Round about her tomb they go. Singing songs of woe.
Midnight, assist our moan. Oh, midnight, join our moaning
Help us to sigh and groan Help us with our sighs and groaning
Heavily, heavily. Heavily, heavily.
Graves, yawn and yield your dead, Graves, open up and release your corpses
Till death be utterd, Until Heros death is fully mourned
Heavily, heavily. Heavily, heavily.
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
Now, unto thy bones good night! Now I say good night to your bones, Hero. I will
15 Yearly will I do this rite. perform this ceremony every year.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
Good morrow, masters. Put your torches out. Good morning, gentlemen. Put out your torches.
The wolves have preyed, and look, the gentle day, The wolves have finished preying for the night,
Before the wheels of Phoebus, round about and lookthe gentle dawn is rising, dappling the
Dapples the drowsy east with spots of grey. sleepy eastern sky with spots of light.
20 Thanks to you all, and leave us. Fare you well.
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
Good morrow, masters. Each his several way. Good morning, gentlemen. We go our separate
ways.
Exeunt LORDS and Musicians LORDS and musicians exit
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
Come, let us hence, and put on other weeds, Come, lets go and change our clothes. Then well
And then to Leonatos we will go. visit Leonatos.
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
And Hymen now with luckier issue speed s And I hope Hymen will give us better luck than
25 Than this for whom we rendered up this woe. Hero got.
Act 5, Scene 4
Enter LEONATO,ANTONIO, BENEDICK,BEATRICE, LEONATO, ANTONIO,BENEDICK,BEATRICE,MA

MARGARET,URSULA, FRIAR FRANCIS, andHERO RGARET, URSULA, FRIAR FRANCIS,
and HERO enter.
Did I not tell you she was innocent? Didnt I tell you she was innocent?
LEONATO LEONATO
So are the Prince and Claudio, who accused her And the Prince and Claudio, who accused her, are
Upon the error that you heard debated. innocent as well, because they were deceived by
But Margaret was in some fault for this, Don John. Margaret is partially guilty, although our
5 Although against her will, as it appears investigation shows that she acted unintentionally.
In the true course of all the question.
ANTONIO ANTONIO
Well, I am glad that all things sort so well. Well, Im glad that everything has been sorted out.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
And so am I, being else by faith enforced Me toootherwise I would have had to duel with
To call young Claudio to a reckoning for it. Claudio.
LEONATO LEONATO
1 Well, daughter, and you gentlewomen all, Hero, you and the other women should all retreat
0 Withdraw into a chamber by yourselves, to a room. When I send for you, come out wearing
And when I send for you, come hither masked. masks. The Prince and Claudio are supposed to
The Prince and Claudio promised by this hour be here by now.You know your job, brother. You
To visit me.You know your office, brother. have to pretend to be your nieces father, and give
You must be father to your brothers daughter, her away to Claudio.
1 And give her to young Claudio.
5
Exeunt Ladies The ladies exit.
ANTONIO ANTONIO
Which I will do with confirmed countenance. Ill do that, without giving away our secret.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
Friar, I must entreat your pains, I think. Friar, I think I need a favor from you.
To do what, Signior? What do you need me to do?
BENEDICK BENEDICK
20 To bind me or undo me, one of them. To tie me up, or to undo me: one or the other.
Signior Leonato, truth it is, good Signior, Signior Leonato, the truth is, your niece likes me.
Your niece regards me with an eye of favor.
LEONATO LEONATO
That eye my daughter lent her; tis most true. She sees you with the eyes my daughter lent her,
its true.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
And I do with an eye of love requite her. And I see her also through the eyes of love.
LEONATO LEONATO
25 The sight whereof I think you had from me, And those eyes were endowed with sight by
From Claudio and the Prince. But whats your will? Claudio, the Prince, and me. But what did you
want?
BENEDICK BENEDICK
Your answer, sir, is enigmatical. Sir, Im puzzled by what you just said. But as far
But for my will, my will is your goodwill as what I wantI want you to give Beatrice and
May stand with ours, this day to be conjoined me your blessing to be married. That, good Friar,
30 In the state of honorable marriage is where you come in.
In which, good Friar, I shall desire your help.
LEONATO LEONATO
My heart is with your liking. Our wishes are aligned, then: I give you my
blessing.
And my help. And Ill help you. Here comes the Prince and
Here comes the Prince and Claudio. Claudio.
Enter DON PEDRO andCLAUDIO, and two or three DON PEDRO andCLAUDIO enter with two or
others three others.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
Good morrow to this fair assembly. Good morning to all these lovely people.
LEONATO LEONATO
35 Good morrow, Prince; good morrow, Claudio. Good morning, Prince; good morning, Claudio.
We here attend you. Are you yet determined Were waiting here for you. Are you still set on
Today to marry with my brothers daughter? marrying my brothers daughter?
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
Ill hold my mind were she an Ethiope. I wouldnt change my mind even if she wereblack-
skinned.
LEONATO LEONATO
Call her forth, brother. Heres the friar ready. Bring her out, brother. The friars ready.
Exit ANTONIO ANTONIO exits.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
40 Good morrow, Benedick. Why, whats the matter Good morning, Benedick. Whats the matter? Your
That you have such a February face, face looks like the month of Februaryfull of frost,
So full of frost, of storm and cloudiness? storms, and cloudiness.
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
I think he thinks upon the savage bull. I think hes nervoushes about to become the
Tush, fear not, man. Well tip thy horns with gold, savage bull who got domesticated. Oh, dont worry
45 And all Europa shall rejoice at thee about itwell dip your horns in gold and make you
As once Europa did at lusty Jove pretty, and youll delight all of Europe, just like Jove
When he would play the noble beast in love. delighted Europa when he was a bull.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
Bull Jove, sir, had an amiable low, Jove came to earth lowing for love. A strange bull
And some such strange bull leapt your fathers cow just like him mated with one of your fathers cows
50 And got a calf in that same noble feat and, voil, gave birth to a calf like youyou bleat
Much like to you, for you have just his bleat. the same as him.
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
For this I owe you. Here comes other reck'nings. Ill get you for that one. But here are other matters to
be dealt with.
Enter ANTONIO,HERO, BEATRICE,MARGARET,U ANTONIO, HERO,BEATRICE,MARGARET,URSUL
RSULA, the ladies masked A enter. The ladies wear masks.
Which is the lady I must seize upon? Which is the lady Im supposed to marry?
LEONATO LEONATO
This same is she, and I do give you her. This one, and I will give her to you.
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
55 Why, then shes mine.Sweet, let me see your Well, then shes the one for me. Sweetheart, let me
face. see your face.
LEONATO LEONATO
No, that you shall not till you take her hand No, you cant do that until you take her hand and, in
Before this friar and swear to marry her. front of this friar, swear to marry her.
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
(to HERO) Give me your hand before this holy friar. (to HERO) Give me your hand. With the friar as
I am your husband, if you like of me. my witness, I am your husband, if you want me.
HERO HERO
60 And when I lived, I was your other wife, And when I lived, I was your other wife. And when
And when you loved, you were my other husband. you loved me, you were my other husband.(she
(She unmasks) removes her mask)
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
Another Hero! Its another Hero!
HERO HERO
Nothing certainer. Exactly right. One Hero died when she was
One Hero died defiled, but I do live, slandered, but I am alive. And as surely as I am
65 And surely as I live, I am a maid. alive, I am a virgin.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
The former Hero! Hero that is dead! Its the former Hero! The Hero that died!
LEONATO LEONATO
She died, my lord, but whiles her slander lived. She was only dead, my lord, as long as her
slander lived.
All this amazement can I qualify I can confirm that all these shocking things are
When after that the holy rites are ended true. After the wedding ceremony, Ill tell you all
70 Ill tell you largely of fair Heros death. about beautiful Heros death. In the meantime,
Meantime let wonder seem familiar, just accept all these wonderful things, and lets
And to the chapel let us presently. head to the chapel.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
Soft and fair, Friar.Which is Beatrice? Wait a moment, Friar. Which one of you is
Beatrice?
BEATRICE BEATRICE
(unmasking) I answer to that name. What is your will? (taking off her mask) Thats my name. What do
you want?
BENEDICK BENEDICK
75 Do not you love me? Do you love me?
BEATRICE BEATRICE
Why no, no more than reason. No, no more than is reasonable.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
Why then, your uncle and the Prince and Claudio Well then, your uncle and the Prince and Claudio
Have been deceived. They swore you did. have been deceived. They swore you did.
BEATRICE BEATRICE
Do not you love me? Do you love me?
BENEDICK BENEDICK
Troth, no, no more than reason. Truly, nono more than is reasonable.
BEATRICE BEATRICE
80 Why then, my cousin, Margaret, and Ursula Well then, Margaret, Ursula, and my cousin have
Are much deceived, for they did swear you did. been very much deceived, for they swore you did.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
They swore that you were almost sick for me. They swore that you were sick with love for me.
BEATRICE BEATRICE
They swore that you were well-nigh dead for me. They swore that you were nearly dead with love
for me.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
'Tis no such matter. Then you do not love me? Oh, well. So you dont love me?
BEATRICE BEATRICE
85 No, truly, but in friendly recompense. No, I dontexcept as a friend.
LEONATO LEONATO
Come, cousin, I am sure you love the gentleman. Come on, niece, Im sure you love him.
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
And Ill be sworn upon t that he loves her, And Ill swear that he loves her. Heres a clumsy
For heres a paper written in his hand, sonnet, in Benedicks handwriting, dedicated to
A halting sonnet of his own pure brain, Beatrice. (holding up a piece of paper)
90 Fashioned to Beatrice.
(Shows a paper)
HERO HERO
And heres another, And heres another poem, which I stole from my
Writ in my cousins hand, stol'n from her pocket, cousins pocketin her handwriting and all about
Containing her affection unto Benedick. her adoration for Benedick. (holding up a piece of
(Shows a paper) paper)
BENEDICK BENEDICK
95 A miracle! Heres our own hands against our hearts. What a miracle! Our handwriting gives away our
Come, hearts. Come on, Ill take you, but honestly Im

I will have thee, but, by this light, I take thee for pity. only doing it out of pity.
BEATRICE BEATRICE
I would not deny you, but, by this good day, I yield I wont say no to you, but let it be known that Im
upon only doing this after a lot of persuasion and to
great persuasion, and partly to save your life, for I save your life I hear you were quickly wasting
was told away without me.
you were in a consumption.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
100 Peace! I will stop your mouth. Oh, shut up! Ill stop your mouth with a kiss.
They kiss They kiss.

DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
How dost thou, Benedick, the married man? How does it feel to be Benedick the Married Man?
BENEDICK BENEDICK
Ill tell thee what, Prince: a college of wit-crackers Ill tell you what, Prince: a whole university full of
cannot wisecrackers couldnt change my mood today.
flout me out of my humor. Dost thou think I care for a You think I care what Im called? Well, I dont. If a
105 satire man is always afraid of what others think, he
or an epigram? No. If a man will be beaten with wont even dare to dress nicely, because hell be
brains, he afraid people will talk about him. In short, since I
shall wear nothing handsome about him. In brief, intend to get married, I wont hear anyone say a
since I do bad thing about it. So dont go making fun of me
110 purpose to marry, I will think nothing to any purpose for what I said before. Man is a giddy, flighty thing:
that thats my conclusion. And Claudiothough Im
the world can say against it, and therefore never flout sure I would have beaten you in our duelsince
at me youre likely to become my relative, Ill let you go,
for what I have said against it. For man is a giddy unbruised, and love my cousin Hero.
thing, and
this is my conclusion.For thy part, Claudio, I did
think to
have beaten thee, but in that thou art like to be my
kinsman,
live unbruised, and love my cousin.
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
I had well hoped thou wouldst have denied Beatrice, I was sort of hoping you would say no to Beatrice,
that I so that I could have smacked you out of your
might have cudgeled thee out of thy single life, to single life and made you a double dealer. Which
115 make thee youll probably turn into anyway, if my cousin
a double-dealer, which out of question, thou wilt be, if Beatrice doesnt keep you on a short leash.
my
cousin do not look exceedingly narrowly to thee.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
Come, come, we are friends. Lets have a dance ere Come on, were all friends. Lets do a dance, and
we are have some fun, before were wed.
married, that we may lighten our own hearts and our
wives'
heels.
LEONATO LEONATO
Well have dancing afterward. Well dance after the wedding.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
120 First, of my word! Therefore play, music.Prince, No, before! Musicians, play us a song.Prince,
thou art you look sad. You should get a wife! Your royal
sad. Get thee a wife, get thee a wife. There is no staff staff would be so much more impressive if it were
more topped off by a horn.
reverend than one tipped with horn.
Enter a MESSENGER A MESSENGER enters.
MESSENGER MESSENGER
(to DON PEDRO) My lord, your brother John is ta'en (to DON PEDRO) My lord, your brother John was
in flight caught by armed soldiers as he fled. Hes been
And brought with armed men back to Messina. brought back to Messina.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
125 (to DON PEDRO) Think not on him till tomorrow. Ill (to DON PEDRO) Leave him till tomorrow. Ill
devise think of some awful punishment for him. Play on,
thee brave punishments for him.Strike up, pipers. musicians!
Dance They all dance.

Much Ado About Nothing

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Much Ado About Nothing

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No Fear Shakespeare Much Ado About Nothing (by SparkNotes) -1-

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Enter LEONATO, Governor of Messina;HERO, his LEONATO, Governor of Messina;HERO, his

Act 1, Scene 1, Page 2

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meet with you, I doubt it not. with you.

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fashion of affection changes faster than the latest fashions.

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DON PEDRO DON PEDRO

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DON PEDRO DON PEDRO

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which I may go the finer, I will live a bachelor.

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DON PEDRO DON PEDRO

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thou Venice, where the courtesans are famous for

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DON PEDRO DON PEDRO

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Enter LEONATO andANTONIO LEONATO and ANTONIO enter.

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Enter DON JOHN andCONRAD DON JOHN and CONRAD enter.

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DON JOHN DON JOHN

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DON JOHN DON JOHN

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DON JOHN DON JOHN

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Enter LEONATO,ANTONIO, HERO,BEATRICE,URSULA an LEONATO, ANTONIO HERO BEATRICE

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about a cow that is too ill-tempered.

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libertines immoral people enjoy his company, and they like

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