Johana Sellers

Professor Miss

UWRT 1104

February 6th, 2017

Rhetorical Analysis

I chose a paper from my Introduction to Business course to analyze. The essay is titled

Cultural Awareness and the purpose of this paper was to elaborate on an experience that had

taken me outside of my comfort zone. My comfort zone consists of individuals who have the

same interests and goals as I do. A few of my goals are graduating in four years, meeting new

people and becoming more comfortable in my secondary discourse community. In this paper, I

analyze an essay where I was forced into my secondary discourse community. My secondary

discourse community is the socialization into a new institution. Going from high school to

college placed me into a new academic community.

When analyzing the essay, I realized I referred to myself too often. I presented myself as

a conceited individual with that simple action. I believe differences make individuals unique. I

will continue to treat others the way I desire to be treated. (Sellers) The quote tells my audience

that I longed for more content to inject into the essay. The sentences do not reflect college level

writing. This demonstrates one of many weaknesses. When writing, I believe I do not have

many strengths. I cling onto my weaknesses because that is what I am use to.

In addition to referring to myself too often, I also lost who I was as a writer. I presented

my paper in a way that I felt my professor preferred. My professor had a strict guideline for

what should be written in each paragraph. The paragraphs are extremely structured and left little

room for the writer to put their personality in the paper. For example, Cultural Awareness is the

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foundation of communication and it involves the ability of recognizing cultural values, beliefs

and perceptions.(Sellers) We were required to put the definition of cultural awareness. There

were several requirements expected of us. All of the expectations motivated me to mushfake the

entire paper. The paper contained elements that were not authentic. For instance, I believe this

experience helped prepare me for what it will be like in the business world.(Sellers) In reality, I

had no idea how that experience impacted my life. I was fearful of my professor noticing the

lack of knowledge I had on the paper and topic.

I let the fear of failing prevent me from reaching my full potential. I allowed myself to

blend in with my peers instead of standing out. My paper remained at the surface level and

never went further than that. I believe the most efficient way to consider others perspectives

and point of view is to be less judgmental.(Sellers) The point of the quote was obvious. I

would have rather kept my essay safe, than push the limits of my writing. I asked my peers of

their opinion and viewed their papers before submitting mine. Rewording their sentences

became second nature to me. For instance, Although I was uncomfortable, I was able to look

past their differences and truly see them for who they were, (Sellers) was not my oringal

thought. I did not use my peers work word for word. I constantly fought an internal battle that

my work was not worthy enough for a passing grade.

As soon as I read my paper, I noticed how narrow my vocabulary was. I did not use

complex words or develop complex sentences. For example, I stated, Through cultural

experiences I have grown to love and respect others differences. I feel more comfortable around

people who do not look the way I do.(Sellers) That was a very generic answer. I feel as though

my primary discourse is very simple and to the point. Once I attempt to inject a more advanced

vocabulary, I feel uncomfortable or that my message is unclear. I relate to the woman in the Gee

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article who has an informal word choice because she exemplifies everything I am. She uses

simple words to get her point across that she is suited for the job she is being interviewed for. I

immediately connected with the way she presented herself, because I gathered so much of myself

within her.

The strengths in this paper are that I remain on topic and I get to the point. Some may

say that is a weakness, but that is a strength for me. I stated I believe the most efficient way to

consider others perspectives and point of view is to be less judgmental. Everyone is judged for

one thing or another in their life. I truly believe if society as a whole has more of an open mind,

great things will happen. I was asked what the most efficient way to consider other peoples

feelings. I answered the question and moved on. I did not put a tremendous amount of emotion

in the paper, but I did stick to the point.

I do not engage in my ethos when writing. I am personally not an emotional person and

do not show my emotions often. I received that characteristic from my father because he is

extremely tough and believes that showing emotions is a sign of weakness. This carries over into

my writing because I do not writing from the heart or what I feel. For example, I was interested

in this event because I believed I would be introduced to a wide range of people. This quote

lacked emotion. I do not write from the heart because I do not live my life displaying my

emotions. I keep my thoughts and feelings to myself. This is a simple way for me to stay on

track and remain within my primary discourse.

My primary discourse is simple, funny, and to the point. I do not have a large vocabulary.

I believe that is because I do not enjoy to read. I will read a book every now and then, but

nothing that will enhance my vocabulary. I stated, Cultural experiences have shaped my own

perspectives in a extremely positive and beneficial way. Through cultural experiences I have

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grown to love and respect others differences. In my mind, this sounds fine for the paper, but I

was told by my professor that I needed to enhance my vocabulary. I was told to step out of my

comfort zone. There are various different ways I could have said those few sentences. I have

reached the point where if I desire to enhance my writing, I need to polish my current skills and

develop new ones.

Works Cited

Sellers, Johana Grace. Cultural Awareness. 2016. Belk School of Business, Charlotte,

NC.

You do a great job integrating primary and secondary discourses and mushfaking into
your paper. Your honesty was refreshing, and I learned a lot about you as a writer and as a person
and reading it. Good job! Some paragraphs remain undeveloped either in textual support or in
really specific how and why explanations. There's also a lack of coherence between paragraphs
so the paper is a bit choppy. I would focus on coherence for the revision and on developing some
of your body paragraphs either through evidence and support or through better explanations. A
good first start!

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