KODT MINIATURES?? IT'S ALMOST TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE! ! THEYRE AVAILABLE NOW FROM KENZER AND COMPANY OR ASK YOUR LOCAL GAME STORE TO GET THEM FOR YOU! TO PURCHASE YOUR VERY OWN SET OF KODT MENXATURES 02 BLACK HANDS MINEATURES(EACH SET IS £19.95 + #3 S/H), SEND A CHECK (0 MONEY ORDER (MADE PAYABLE TO KENZER AND COMPANY) TO THE MAIL ORDER FULFILLMENT ADDRESS LISTED ABOVE OR FOLLOW THE INSTRUCTIONS FOR PLASTIC. (MINIATURES SHIP UNPAINTED) To purchase your very own set of KODT MENXATURES ($19.95 + $3 s/h), Tales from the Vault, Tales from the Vault vol. 2, Tales from the Vault vol. 3, Bundle of Trouble #1 - #7 ($9.95 + $2 S/H each), or KODTee shirt ($19.95 + $3 s/h) send a check or money order (made payable to ys KODT™ Kenzer and Company) to: THREE DESIGNS TO CHOOSE FROM! el ta i, Nee a, ase Kenzer & Company MiG i nT al Order Pulttieerits 830 W. Main Street, PMB114 Lake Zurich, IL 60047 mec ee ot fax a valid Visa, MasterCard, American Express or Discover card number, card type and expiration date to us at (847) 540-1970, call (847) 540-0029 or E-mail the same information to us at kenzerco@aol.com Style BHands #1 BlackHand Shin. website: http://www.kenzerco.com syle xoor na CHECK OUT BAGK LSSUE joo AVAILABILITY ON OUR WEBSITE'S STORE. iene ALL MERCHANDISE SHOWN HERE (AND MORE) CAN BE PURCHASED THERE. ‘© Copyright 2000 K Lega Nice: The Keres demars of Kenzer and Ci [als fom the Va, Bune of rebl, Knights of th Dinner Table un al ponent charvies and heneses dof aePea) Ct ‘Knights of the Diner Table ‘Bundle of Trouble: Volume It “Third Printing July, 2000 © Copyright 2000, Kenzer and Company, All Righs Reserved. serpton (12 sues) is only $32.00 {US $3600 in Canada and US $50.00 Overseas) Note: Bundle of Trouble ‘Yolunves are not include ith subscriptions. “To ubsebe to the nomily mag. tin, senda cesk ox money oder {(muade payable to Kerzer and. Gotan) to: ‘Kenzer and Company KODE Subscriptions, £830 W, Main Street PMB 114, ‘Lake Zuri, 1160047 ‘oF fax a valid Visa, MasterCard, AMES or Discover card number, NELSON ALways says, “THEYILL HANG NE FOR SURE. BUT FIRST THEY HAVE TO ‘CATCH ME” FAGTORS Age STILL AT LEVEL SIX FOR THE PU Ue Se 'AS YOU WALK DOWN THE BUSY MAIN STREET OF MUSKEEGIE YOU ARE BEARING WELL. ONE THINGS OBVIOUS. WITNESS TO THE BIRTH OF A BOOM-TOWN IN FULL SWING, THE HILLS WHICH JO FO ZEKE 's BORDER THE TOWN ON THREE SIDES ARE TEAMING WITH ACTIVITY AS HUNDREDS STILL WRITING THE FLAVOR (OF MEN INFLICTED WITH GOLD FEVER ATTACK THE EARTH WITH PICK AND SHOVEL. TEXT FOR GARY JACKSON. GOLD EH? GOT TO GET ME SOME OF THAT (OH THERE YOU GO 'THICNIKLING AGAIN! YOU KNOW WHAT THEY ‘CALL THINKERS IN THE WILD WEST? DEAD! BOOTHILL Is WOE TD DESAI AND: FILLED WITH IDIOTS WHO SHOULD HAVE BEEN DRAWING THEIR ‘BREAK IN YOUR BUNKS AT THE ‘ . COLD JAIL HOUSE, BUT HERE'S GUNS BUT WERE CAUGHT GETTING A FEEL FOR THE TOWN, ‘AN IDEA TO CONSIDER. BRIAN?? PLEASE HOLD ON GNARLED BAT. | THINK BUFFALO JANE a BE RIGHT. WHY DONT WE LAW LOW AND GET A FEEL FOR THE TOWN FIRST? TM SURE THE ~\@ LAW HERE IS GOING TO BE FAIRLY TOUGH WITH GOLD FEVER RUNNING SO HIGH. Bundle of Trouble” Volume I~LET'S NOT FORGET HOW TeDHE ri GAME IS. Liberal THE FOUR OF US, WE ROLLED UP 69 CHARACTERS DUR THE DESERT GORGE CAMPAIGN. LET'S GET OUR BEARINGS FIRST. THEN WE KICK BUTT ’ eee HEAR THAT GUYS? THEY HAVE A BANKII WELL, THAT'S REFRESHING. YOU GUYS ARE OFF TO A GOOD START. NOW THEN, THE MOST PROMINENT AND GABBY'S GENERAL STORE. 0...WHERE DO YOU WANT TO 607? UH, LET'S 60 TO THE KA-CHENG!! ‘SALOON FOR A DRINK! THE IRON MULE SALOON IS PACKED WITH DUSTY PROSPECTORS, CARDSHARKS AND DRIFTERS. THERE MLIST BE A DOZEN GAMES OF POKER BEING PLAYED AT VARIOUS TABLES. A PIANO PLAYER IS PLAYING ‘OL. SUSANNA’, YOU NOTICE THERE ARE FOUR ENPTY BARSTOOLS AT THE BAR. WE'LL GRAB THE STOOLS. I'M ORDERING A DOUBLE SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH A HAIR IN IT, IM TAKING A GOOD LOOK AT A ae THE PIANO PLAYER. DOES HE SRS elas HAVE RED HAIR? WHY YES, HE DOES HAVE READ HAIR. AND HE'S WEARING A GREEN DERBY AND A SILK NECKERCHIEF. GAAAARHAR!!! 11's HIM! THE DUDE THAT MADE ME DRINK FROM THE SPITTOON. AA! | HAD A GUT FEELING (OH HOW COULD | HAVE FORGOTTEN? Meet CURD Y” ——_ THEPINOPLAYERDAVE AND iD GURI PICKENS*!! ‘BOB HECKLED ONCE. | GOT & SCORE TO SETTLE WITH HIM, YEAH. HE'S ONE TOUGH HOMBRE. Iisue #4: Have Dice Will Travel"OH IT'S GONNA BE NO IWANT HIM TO SEE WHO SWEET GETTING — PULLED THE TRIGGER. HE KILLED REVENGE LETS My CHARACTER WITH A HURLED ALL SHOOT HIMIN THE —SHOTGLASS. AND ALL | DID WAS UH ACTUALLY DAVE, YOU ATTEMPTED TO STEAL HIS TIP JAR. UNFORTUNATELY & DANCEHALL GIRL NOTICED YOU ‘AND PISTOL WHIPPED YOU WITH A DERRINGER. BACK AND RUN FOR IT. ‘ASK HIM IF HE COULD PLAY RED ONLY HURLED THAT SHOT "SMOKE ON GLASS AT YOU BECAUSE YOU AND ‘THE WATER."* BOB SPIKED HIS DRINK WITH TABASCO SAUCE. INCIDENTALLY, YOU MAY WANT TO KEEP IN MIND THAT YOU HAVE A BOUNTY ON YOUR HEADS. THERE'S ‘A GOOD CHANCE RED KNOWS THAT. ‘OKAY BOB, YOU HIT LUKE THE BARKEEP IN THE SHOULDER WITH YOUR BOWIE KNIFE BUT HE MANAGES TO TAKE OFF YOUR HEAD WITH HIS SAWED-OFF SHOT GUN BEFORE DIVING FOR COVER. DAVE, RED HITS YOUR CHARACTER WITH ANOTHER SHOTGLASS FOR IB POINTS OF DAMAGE. THE DANCEHALL GIRL YOU PUNCHED IN ‘THE FACE AND DECKED GRABS YOU BY THE SPURS AND CAUSES YOU TO STUMBLE, YOU CRASH INTO A TABLE WHERE A POKER GAME WAS IN PROGRESS. BRIAN AS YOU ATTEMPT TO RIDE YOUR HORSE INTO THE SALOON WITH BOTH GUNS BLAZING - YOU HIT YOUR HEAD ON THE DOOR JAM AND KNOCK YOURSELF OUT. OH, GANGING UP ON | GRAB THE CASH FROM THE ME ARE THEY? REGISTER, DOWN MY DRINK AND HEAD FOR MY HORSE DAMN! HAND ME ANOTHER ‘AFTER THE DOC FINISHES SEWING DAVE AS YOU ARE SNEAKING UP ON RED ATTEMPTING TO STAB HIM IN THE BACK, HE MY WOUNDS I'M HEADING FOR THE NOTICES YOUR REFLECTION ON THE BRIGHT SHINY KEYS OF HIS PIANO. WITH GENERAL STORE. LIGHTENING REFLEXES HE SPINS ON HIS PIANO STOOL AND EMPTIES A COLT DRAGOON INTO YOUR CHEST. YOU ONLY HAVE FOUR HIT POINTS LEFT AFTER THE PUMMELING ‘YOU TOOK FROM THOSE DISGRUNTLED POKER PLAYERS $0 | EXPECT YOU'RE DEAD. BUY A SHOVEL AND ‘COME PROSPECTING DAMN YOU TO WITH ME, HELL RED! a7 '™M LOW-CRAWLING UP BEHIND THE PIANO. DID HE NOTICE? Dts oe Ceo ea em ok orae te rs midale of a rather guitarist, calmly handed his guitar to the drummer, jumped off the ple myo ia serslas, Clty bac ons ay the ler kod ard aa ‘Smoke el Joly BRMAIE oT WBE Volpe IeeeOKAY MY NEW CHARACTER IS READY. OKAY BOB, RED FORCES YOUR CHARACTER TO DRINK FROM THE SPITTOON HIS NAME IS KNUCKLES NICKERSON. ‘A THIRD TIME. ROLL VS. NAUSEA. AND NO, YOU FAIL TO BREAK THE GRIP HE'S BAT'S BROTHER AND HE WANTS THE TWO DANCEHALL GIRLS HAVE ON YOU. SARA THE NUGGETS YOU TO AVENGE HIS DEATH. FOUND ARE APPRAISED AT 300 DOLLARS, 75 DOLLARS AND 260 DOLLARS. POOR MOTHER KNICKERSON. SHE'S LOST SO MANY SONS. OH I’M HOPPING OKAY BRIAN THE STOREKEEPER FINALLY RETURNS AND SAYS HE MANAGED TO GATHER TOGETHER ALL THE AVAILABLE NITRO GLYCERINE IN TOWN. HE PACKED IT'IN WET HAY AND IT'S SITTING IN THE STABLES ACROSS ‘THE STREET. BOB AS YOU WERE BLOWING CHUNKS IN FRONT OF THE SALOON THE MARSHALL WAS RIDING BY. HE HALTS HIS HORSE AND STARES HARD AT YOU. HE RECOGNIZES YOUR FACE FROM THE WANTED POSTER. TM POSING AS A PIANO TUNER UH BOB, YOU INSISTED CALICO NO WAY DUDE! THIS IS A NEW CHARACTER. NO BOUNTY ON MY Hap, 52! CAN GET CLOSE 0 RED. BOB WAS THE IDENTICAL TWIN TAL NOCSE-BOLNN ED TOOK A BRIAN WHAT'S WITH THE NITO? ID LIKE TO POINT OUT THAT OO Ta craouetc Tense” OUT FOOL AROUND. WERE GOA. IVE MADE FIVE GRAND GES CFG GALE STEIN HAVE TO BUST BOB OUT OF JAIL. PANNING FOR GOLD WHILE YOU'VE ONLY MANAGED TO RACK UP A BODYCOUNT FOR [PAYER CHARACTERS, Issue #4: Have Dice Will Travel”A WEE BIT LATER. BRIAN YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING IT'S THE MOST LETHAL ‘ABOUT NITROGLYCERINE. WEAPON IN THE BOOK SARA. WHAT THEY HAVENT BUILT A JAIL THAT CANHOLD TRAX voy) perree peTHINK THIS. ELSE D0 1 NEED TO KNOW? IM DUST NELSON. ..£e | MEAN CALICO BOB. TAKING RIED OUT FIRST, THEN | RATTLE MY TIN-CUP ON THE BARS REAL HARD. DOES THE MARSHALL GET A HEADACHE?? HANG IN THERE BOB. prieer WELL GET YOU OUT. NO BUT YOUR CELL MATE, HOSS GRANGE Doss. ROLL FOR INITIATIVE, UH...OURE THROWING THE SATCHEL?#? THE SATCHEL THAT CONTAINS FORTY-SEVEN (2 OUNCE BOTTLES OF NITRO? ‘ARE YOU SURE THAT'S WHAT YOURE DOING? OKAY | STAND UP AND ACT LIKE I'M STRETCHING MY ARMS. TLL EVEN YAWN TO MAKE IT LOOK GOOD. THEN 1 SUDDENLY GRAB THE SATCHEL UNDER THE TABLE AND WHILE YELLING "FOR GNARLED BAT AND TRAIL DUST NELSON!!!" | THROW IT AT THE PIANOM! v4 veprr DIDNT EXPECT THAT DID YA? OH AND ILL DIVE MOMENTS LATER NOW THAT'S HOW ‘THE SHOCK WAVES ARE FELT UP TO 75 NILES ANAY IN RAPIO SPRNGS. AT FIST ITS REPORTED THAT YOU LEGHT UP MUSKEESIE WAS STRUCK BY A GOMET - <0 GREAT WAS THE DEVASTATION. THE SALOON, JAL AND HUNG Macs, «A TOWN, LLALNDRY ARE VAPORIZED ALONG WITH EVERYONE IN THOSE BULDNES, MOST OF THE TOWN IS LEVELED BY THE 3 INTIAL BLAST. THE OTHER STRUCTURES BURN DOMNIN THE GONFLAGRATZON. THir rons, © ADZOS RED: YEAH, YEAH, ENOUGH WHOAHI! SO MUCH GUESS YOU GUYS WONT FLAVOR TEXT. | WANNA FOR THAT TOWN KNOW IF | SURVIVED! ‘SUPPLEMENT.The Old Guard Strikes Back BY JOLLY P, BLACKBURN EVENING BOYS AND GIRLSII B.A. ASKED ME TO STAND IN FOR HIM TONIGHT. HE'S OVER IN KOKOMO SITTING IN ‘ON A PLAY-TESTING SESSION OF NITRO FERGUESON'S NEW ROLE-PLAYING GAME, LATED DEVASTATZON!! HAY GAWD SAVE HIS SOULI! | ADVISED HIM TO ABORT AND BAIL BUT YOU KNOW BA. OH..UK..ER.1 FORGOT. YOURE RUNNING THE GAME TONIGHT? | HAVE AN APPOINTMENT WITH COWARDSII UK..1 DONT THINK FM MENTALLY UH. .Y VOCATIONAL COUNSELOR. WEIRD PETE ISNT PREPARED FOR THIS. 50 BAD. CONSIDER / ee IT A CHALLENGE, OH THAT'S RIGHT. | FORGOT. THIS IS A GROUP FOR SISSIFIED GAMERS WHO CANT CUT REAL ADVENTURE!!! ‘60 AHEAD AND PLN AWAY. WHAT DO YOU CARE IF YOU MISS OUT ON AN ADVENTURE PACKED WITH ENOUGH EP POTENTIAL TO CATAPULT YOUR CHARACTERS THREE TO FIVE LEVELS IN A SINGLE SESSION. EE TA FEVE LEVELS??7? OH GREAT! THE TESTOSTERONE / TOTeN WEE TM INU Pee LEVEL eee sae ie THE TO REFRESH YOUR MEMORY | USE THE HELL, | GUESS 1 CAN KNUCKLE UNDER FOR ONE NIGHT. DEMERET SYSTEM TO KEEP AFTER ALL THREE TO FIVE LEVELS OF ADVANCEMENT!!! ORDER. AND THAT MEANS ZLERO- Te uae NO SWEATI OKAY WEIRD THIS SHOULD BE SLMS aR! PETENILET'S GAME! INTERESTING, : Issue #4: Have Dice Will Travel”HUM? WHAT DID YOU SAY BRIAN? OKAY HERE'S THE DEAL. THE GAWDS OF GARWEEZE WURLD Age ‘MIGHTY PEED OFF, THEYRE FED UP AND THEY'VE DECIDED TO WIPE OUT HERE, IT'S MY CHARACTERS HUMANITY AND START OVER, WELL. THEY WOULD HAVE DONE JUST THAT LAST WILL AND STRAIGHT OFF BUT OL LUVXA THE WUSS GAWD" INTERVENED TESTAMENT, IF ANYTHING ‘ON THE BEHALF OF MORTALS. THE GANDS WERE FURIOUS. THERE WAS A BIG HAPPENS MAKE SURE MY WISHES FIGHT OVER IT. ZEUS AND THOR STRANGLED EACH OTHER. MARKOVIA THREW ATENIA INTO A VAT OF LAVA, LOT'S OF CASUALTIES. LOT'S OF GASVALTIES!!! THE GROUND RUMBLED! THE SKIES SPLIT APART, YOUR PATHETIC CHARACTERS QUAKED AT THE KNEES AND WERE JUST ABOUT TO KISS THEIR SORRY BUTTS GOODBYE WHEN A TRUCE WAS DECLARED. THE GAWDS DECIDED TO HAVE A CONTEST TO DECIDE THE FATE OF MORTALS, ARE EXECUTED. don fr THAT'S WHERE YOU GUYS COME IN. YOUR CHARACTERS WERE CHOSEN BY LOT TO REPRESENT ALLL MORTALS IN THE CONTEST. ‘THE GAWDS HAVE CONSTRUCTED AN. ENORMOUS DUNGEON IN THE BOWELS OF THE EARTH. AND IT'S POPULATED BY SOME VERY ‘SPECIAL CRITTERS. IT'S FILLED WITH EVERY MONSTER, MAN, WOMAN AND DEMI-HUMAN YOUR CHARACTERS EVER KILLED. B.A. AND | SAT DOWN FOR THREE HOURS LAST NIGHT COMPILING THE LIST OF THE DEAD. OH IS THAT ALL? HELL WE ‘OH MAN THIS IS A GIVE-AWAYI I DISBELTEVE!! KILLED THEM ONCE. | SUPPOSE PETE YER TOO KEWL. T DISBELTEVE! WE CAN DO IT AGAIN, I DISBELTEVE!! ‘SORRY BRIAN! IT'S NOT AN ILLUSION, G00 REACTION THOUGH. 25 EXPERIENCE POINTS FOR QLICK THINKING. NOW LET ME BURST THE BEG BALLOON, THERE ARE RULES TO THIS CONTEST. YOURE NOT HERE TO FIGHT YOUR OLD FOES AGAIN. HOW REDUNDANT. IN FACT IF YOU INITIATE COMBAT, EVEN ONCE, WOU INSTANTLY LOSE THE CONTEST AND MANKIND IS WIPED OUT. TO SAVE YOURSELVES AND YOUR FELLOW MORTALS YOU MUST EACH WIN THE ALLEGIANCE OF FIVE - COUNT EM FIVE OF YOUR FORMER FOES. THAT'S TWENTY TOTAL FOR THE GROUP BUT EACH OF YOU MLIST PERSONALLY WIN OVER YOUR QUOTA OF FIVE. HAR HAR HAR - NOW THES IS ROLE-PLAYING. HAR HAR. NO KILLS? CAN OH PETE, ‘AAAAH, A THINKING NO.COMBAT#? WE pUMNEL? | LOVE YOU. MAN'S GAME, KEWL! By) Ne fen) THAT'S LAME \. IN i mi i _ * See Tales from the Vault p. 14 BlinallS Gp Tom BLE Volpe hae gy808, 10 DEMERS FoR CRITICIZING THE PROPOSED a $$__________ nee ADVENTURE. SARA, 25 EXPERIENCE POINTS FOR THE VOTE OF DENER CONFDENE A THE SARE POE YOU BO, OH.ER-UH-ASIWAS UST TO KESS-UP 10 THE ABOU TO SAY, | THINK THE GH DAVE. | HATE THAT. PREMISE FOR THIS ADVENTURE 1S NOTHING SHORT OF GENIUS, CAN | HAVE SOME SCRAP PAPER? BETTER KEEP A TALLY. / ‘YOU SURE RUN A TIGHT GAME PETE, We ee ed) OKAY AS YOU KICK THE DOOR IN YOU FIND IT'S A WINE CELLAR. THERE'S A DWARF LEANING ON THE WALL AND HE AIN'T LOOKING TOO HEALTHY IF YOU KNOW WHAT | MEAN, HE'S KINDA GURGLING AND FROTHING AT THE MOUTH. UPON CLOSER INSPECTION YOU SEE HE HAS A ‘SUCKING CHEST WOUND’. HE LOOKS AT YOU WITH EXTREME HATRED AND ‘MOANS, "I REMEMBER YOU. | BEGGED FOR MERCY BUT YOLI ONLY OFFERED TORMENT AND PAIN."* TM GOING THROUGH GUYS!!! Age you DOES HE HAVE ANY nn | GOLD TEETH? HIS POCKETS. ‘STUPID 08 WHAT??? ‘SHE MAY BE RIGHT. IT WILL BE A SNAP WINNING THIS GUY OVER. ALL WE GOTTA DO |S GIVE HIM A SIP OF HEALING POTION. HE'LL BE EATING OUT OF OUR HANDS. TORTURED THIS PATHETIC HEY THIS CONTEST MAY NOW YOU'RE USING (CREATURE EVEN AS HE NOT BE SO DIFFICULT ‘SHOULD BE TRYING TO MAKE AMENDS. WE EACH —~ HAVE TO WIN OVER FEVE OF OUR FORMER FOES o Issue #4: Have Dice Will Travel”in 3 BOB, AS YOU EASE YOUR HAND BEHIND THE DWARF'S HEAD AND LIFT HIM UP TO SIP FROM THE POTION BOTTLE YOU FEEL A ‘SHARP STINGING PAIN IN YOUR SIDE. THE DWARF HAS STABBED YOU IN THE KIDNEYS WITH A POISONED BLADE. YOULL TAKE THIRTY POINTS OF DAMAGE PER ROUND UNTIL YOU EITHER SAVE VS. POISON OR DIE. oy OH THAT LITTLE LOW-LIFE. ei hespesc a TAKE MY AXE ‘AS LONG AS WE DON'T INITIATE. x rake ov no Te THE | AO WERE TIN COMBAT WELL BE OKAY. BASTARDI! TOHELP HIM. ao Reo lel Re a3 HOW BIZARRE! IT APPEARS ALL THE RULES HAVE BEEN THROWN ‘OUT THE WINDOW. WE'D BETTER BE CAREFUL. OKAY DAVE, AS YOU OPEN THE DOOR YOURE SMACKED RIGHT DAB IN THE FACE WITH A SHOTGLASSIII YOU TAKE 26 POINTS OF ACTUALLY SARA THE FERST EDETION DAMAGE, YOU ALL HEAR A MANIACAL LAUGH AS A VERY LIVELY RENDITION OF ‘BUFFALO GIRLS" BEGINS PLAYING ON A PIANO. ee ee eee | SPUTTRRARR,! WHAAAA2® WHAT'S HE cn035-91 orn ADYKNTURENG. FOLLOWED US INTO raneee oe “our THEY WERE NEVER BESONDSD. PAENAeRY BOC ee Dt ba el OKAY, IT LOOKS AS THOUGH THERE ARE ABOUT 5,000 ORGS IN THE GROUP. THEY SPLIT INTO TWO LONG COLUMNS AND THEY FORM A ‘GAUNTLET’. THE BANSHEE‘.ORD FORCES YOU TO REMOVE YOUR CLOTHES DOWN TO YOUR SKIVVIES. YOU ARE INSTRUCTED TO “RUN, THe GAUNTLET. IF YOU SURVIVE THE BANSHEE LORD SAYS HE WILL OFFER HIS FRIENDSHIP. HEY MY CHARACTER ISN'T 50 DAVE 1S NAKED?? 2007 | NSH DOG AL THOSE GRATUETOUS ORG KILLS WEARING ANY SKIVVES. GREAT, NOW IT'S A WOULD rts mac TO HAUNT NE, jf HORROR GAME Bleedls op THoublimVoleme p= agPUA ess et THE OLD MAN IS USING BOB'S DEAD BODY AS A SHIELD TO PROTECT HIMSELF FROM THE BLAST OF YOUR FIREBALL VOLLEY BRIAN, HE TAKES THE FLAG OF TRUCE BOB WAS CARRYING AND USES IT TO MAKE A WICK WHICH HE SHOVES INTO AN OIL FLASK. LIGHTING THE WICK OFF OF BOB'S FLAMING BODY HE HURLS THE FLASK AT THE GROUP. EVERYONE TAKES 80 POINTS OF DAMAGE. OH, | ALMOST FORGOT ~ DAVE PUT DOWN TEN MORE DEMERITS ON YOLI2 TALLY FOR ATTEMPTING TO WARN BOB'S CHARACTER THE OLD MAN WAS PACKING A SWITCHBLADE. | SAW YOU PEEKING AT MY NOTES WHEN | WAS IN THE RESTROOM. LAST TIME | USE THE ty ue Ut TM EARNING MORE THAT OLD MAN HAS SOME Lap DE ee DEMERITS THAN PITCHING'ARM THERE. WHAT LOY. SHES EXPERIENCES POWNTS. WAS THAT, 200 YARDS? CAREFUL SARA, YOURE 3 DEMERITS AWAY FROM LOSING ALEVEL. WELL BRIAN, IT'S UP TO YOU TO SAVE HUMANITY NOW. THE GORGE-GIANT PICKS UP DAVE'S DEAD BODY JUST LONG ENOUGH TO PULL HIS +12 HACKMASTER FROM HIS BELT, TOSSING DAVE ASIDE. HE BEGINS TO CHUCKLE LOUDLY AS HE APPROACHES YOU. ‘SINCE YOU'RE TRAPPED IN A CUL-DE-SAC AND YOU ONLY HAVE TWO HIT-POINTS LEFT, LL LET YOU HAVE INITIATIVE, WOW! THANKS FOR LETTING ME PLAY THE YOU LITTLE TRAITOR WE PART OF THE GORGE-GIANT PETE.!WAS HAD IT MADE, ALL YOU HAD GETTING BORED JUST SITTING HERE WITH TO.DO WAS ACCEPT OUR ‘MY DEAD CHARACTER, OFFER OF FRIENDSHIP. ‘AWH CRUDIL I'M OUTTA, ROCs rata AS HEY PETE. | THINK IT WORKED. | RAN A'GAME LAST NIGHT AND THE MAGK-W-SLASH RATZO XS DOWN (65% THEY EVEN VOTE NOW AFTER EVERY CONFLICT TO DECIDE WHETHER OR NOT IT WAS A ‘GOOD KILL.” | CANT BELIEVE IT. | JUST TAUGHT THEM TO HAVE A LITTLE RESPECT FOR NPCS AND ‘MONSTERS, THAT'S ALL, IT'LL WEAR OFF SOON. — ENJOY, ENTOY. 14 Issue #4: Have Dice Will TravelThe Gawd Complex BASED ON A STORY BY CHRISTOPHER HEATH ‘AS YOU FLEE FROM THE LARGE BAND OF GOBLINS PURSUING YOU, YOU FIND THAT DEATH WAND IS A MIGHTY YOUR ESCAPE PATH HAS SUDDENLY BEEN CUT OFF. YOU'RE STANDING AT THE HANDY THING TO HAVE. IF YOU EVER END OF A DEEP GORGE. FACING A STEEP CLIFF FACE. WANT TO SELL IT - | GOT FIRST DIBS. TLLUSE THE DEATH WAND KELL TLL START SEARCHING THE OF KANDEER To SLAY BODIES. GOOD WORK BOB. ‘THEM ALL INSTANTLY. | CAN DO Ff NOW JUST A DAMN MINUTE!!! HOLD iT eicHT THERE, BOB! WE JUST STARTED THIS CAMPAIGN LAST WEEK ‘AND WE'RE ONLY ON THE SECOND SESSION. WHERED YOUR FIRST LEVEL RANGER GETA MAJOR ARTIFACT? REMEMBER THAT ELVEN KNEGHT | PLAYED = ALL REGHT! THis THREE YEARS AGO? WELL, THIS RANGER IS HIS COUSIN." CAMPAIGNLL BE A TIM POSITIONING MY PALADIN SINCE THE KNIGHT IS RETIRED, HE'S GIVING ALL HIS BREEZE EARLY ON. BEHIND BOB'S RANGER FOR ITEMS TO MY RANGER, INCLUDING THE +> GENSU DEFENSIVE PURPOSES, BLADE OF SHARPNESS. 7 | DON'T CARE IF YOUR RANGER IS RELATED LAST WEEK MY COUSIN GOT A HALF THE CLOTHES | OWN ARE TOHOOKNOSED WALLACE! NEW CAR STEREO AND GAVE ME WOnE DONG FROM A RICH UNCLE, THERE'S NO WAY I’M ALLOWING YOU TO HIS OLD ONE. IF IT CAN HAPPEN ‘START OUT THAT POWERFUL! IN REAL LIFE, IT CAN HAPPEN IN ‘A GAME, DUDE, TM SIDING WITH BA. ON THIS ONE. WHY D0 | ALWAYS GET THE SHAFT?#@ YOUD | aaa DENY ME MY INHERITANCE? Bundle of Trouble” Volume = — 5YOURE MISSING THE POINT, GUYS. 'M NOT SAYING BUT | HAVE THE FAMILY TREE ALL DRAWN IT'S IMPOSSIBLE. I'M NOT ALLOWING IT SO | CAN OUT BA, IN BLACK AND WHITE! THE TWO PRESERVE GAME BALANCE. BEGINING CHARACTERS ARE CLEAPLY RELATED. Kea CHARACTERS SHOULONT BE TOTING AROUND A ae ok CCART OF THEIR RELATIVE'S MAGICAL ARTIFACTS! IF BOW'S GOT AN ACCURATE FAMILY EXCELLENT TASTE TREE, ITD BE WRONG NOT TO LET THE NFASHOL RANGER HAVE THOSE MAGIC ITEMS. 'BOB, ’M SORRY YOU TOOK THE TIME TO DOCUMENT A FAMILY TREE. NO MATTER BOB, YOU'RE WAY OUT OF WHAT YOU SAY, I'M NOT GOING TO RULE FOR YOU. SCRATCH OUT THAT DEATH WAND LINE. BA. IS OUR GM. AND ANYTHING ELSE YOU MIGHT HAVE ‘INHERITED’, AGAIN, I'M SORRY. WHO ARE YOU TO PLAY GOD? — WHOA! SOUNDS LIKE BOB FOUND YOU MAY BE THE GM, BUT | CONTROL MY HIS MISSING SELF! YOUVE LOST ‘CHARACTER! MY RANGER IS NOW THE OFFICIAL OWNER OF THOSE ITEMS, SO DEAL WITH IT. i THUNDER GRACKS AS 4 HUGE LIGHTNING BOLT FALLS FROM THE SKY, SIZZLING BOB'S RANGER IN THE PROCESS. THE MAGIC. ITEMS THEN DISAPPEAR INTO ODIN'S HANDS. NOW ODIN OWNS THEM, SO DEAL WITH XT. Issue #4: Have Dice Will Travel”The Gary Jackson Files™ By JOLLY R. BLACKBLRN ONE MORNING AT THE COMPLAINT DEPARTMENT AT HARD EIGHT ENTERPRISES YOU SAY YOU WANT TO RETURN A CASE OF GATTLEPUNK 2ND EDITION??? WHAT SEEMS TO BE THE PROBLEM MR. ASHTON? (OH GEE | DONT KNOW. MAYBE I'M A BIT UPSET BECAUSE PEELED OPF THE LITTLE ‘ZND EDITION" STICKER ON ‘THE TITLE PAGE AND IT READS “IST EDITION" UNDERNEATH. PUT ME THROUGH TO GARY JACKSON. LATER IN THE BOARD ROOM. YEAH, YEAH!! WELL LA‘DE-DA YOU MANAGED TO PEEL OFF A STICKER. IM HAPPY FOR YOU. ‘MAYBE YOU WANT TO RECONSIDER RETURNING THE PRODUCT, HUH? (0 D0 WE NEED TO WE GOT BIG PROBLEMS WITH THE CATTLEPUNK LINE. WE NEED TO GET SOMETHING INTO PRODUCTION QUICK OR ‘SOME OF YOU MAY BE EATING YOUR CHRISTMAS DINNERS IN ‘A REFRIGERATOR BOX ON MAIN STREET. DISCUSS YOUR 8000 BAAAHHHHIl! THIS DAMN X-GENERATION. WHO IN. DOLLAR TAB ON THOSE ‘THE HELL CAN ANTICIPATE WHAT THEY WANT?? PELLS, Sane des a CATTLEPUNK IS A SOLIO GAME OVER-ORDERED. HUH SIR, THE INDEX NEEDS WORK eae PAL??? HELLO? BUT IT'S SOLID. HELLO? \ THINK SOrr | KNOW YOU SHOT THIS ONE DOWN ALREADY, GEE-JAY BUT | THINK [MY DICE-ROLLING CORRAL IS A HOT IDEA. WE JUST TAKE SOME IT TOOK ME YEARS TO PULL THIS CREATIVE ATHLETIC PROTECTION-CUPS, LINE THEM WITH GREEN FELT AND THINK-TANK TOGETHER. YOURE THE BEST IN THE SHRINKWRAP IT WITH SOME POLYHEDRONS, THE GAMERS HAVE BEEN INDUSTRY AND IT'S TINE TO EARN YOLR PAY SCREAMING FOR SOMETHING TO ROLL THEIR DICE IN FOR YEARS. CHECKS. SO LET'S HEAR SOME IDEAS. | LIKE ITll THE GREEN FELT GIVES IT A \VEGAS-FEEL. THERE'S SOME POSSIBLE ‘CROSS-MARKETING POTENTIAL THERE. Bundle of Trouble™ Volime [[ 37WELL GEE-JAY, IT TOOK A VERY SEVERE BEATING FROM THE PETER, YOU DUE FOR COLLECTIBLE CARD GAME CRAZE. | PUT MY HEART AND SOUL PSYCH-LVAL?? OU USED TOBE NY NTO SPELLTAGKED: SERIES FOUR BEST IDEA MAN. GAWD, WHAT'S HAPPENED TO THROUGH NINE THis INDUSTRY CAN BE SO CRUEL YOU? WHERE'S THAT INNOVATIVE SPAT YOU USED TO WOW NE WITH? AAAHH! YOU WERE JUST TOO FAR AHEAD OF THE re ee ee eee WHAT? YOU GOT QUITE A TRACK TUNES, PETER. | THOUGHT YOUR PANT -B¥AUMBER COLLECTIBLE CARD CONCEPT WAS PURE GENIUS. Eee | HAD A BLAST PAINTING MINE, ‘SODA-REPELLENT DICE... | WAS AFRAID OF THIS, SO THE WELL IS 1 KNOW IT's Nor Dery OH? OKAY, WE FALL BACK TO 24 WOURS??? UH.BUT..GAAAA..sie, Weve OnLy READY. YOU THINK TM LAW B. EDMUND I PULLING YouR r AN|DIOT#? THAT'S GAME FROM PLAY-TESTING AND PUSHING CORPSE U0 SLAY TESTO Seer Oo WHYTN CVG YOU ARTWORK HAS BEEN ASSIGNED, THERE ARE STILL SOME TT TO THE FRONT OF THE PRODUCTION 14 HOURS. DESIGN CONCERNS AND, AND, | REALLY DON'T THINK T'S UNE YOU HAVE 24 HOURS To cer EADY TO 60 TO PRESS. NOT BY A LONS SHOT. MEA FINAL MANUSCRIPT WITH : Bere et Te WELL WE BETTER GET FLASH COLBY ON THE PHONE. HE'S THE ONLY ARTIST IN THE BUSINESS WHO CAN CRANK OUT LINE-ART ON SUCH NOTICE. AND HE'S WELL WITHIN THE 200, 7 POLAR ART BUOGET ON THIS PROUECT. SiR, DON'T GET ME WRONG. | REALLY BELIEVE IN ABE, BABES AND ROLLERBLADES. | THINK 17'S A WINNER. BUT..BUT..1| JUST CANT PULL IT TOGETHER IN 24 HOURS, etn ay '™M AFRAID THE KID MAY BE RIGHT GEE-JAY. THE INITIAL FEEDBACK FROM THE PLAYTESTERS INDICATES THAT [BY-AND-LARGE THEY ARE CONFUSED AND BEWILDERED ABOUT THE PREMISE OF THE GAME. ‘CONFUSED? WHAT'S SO DAMN CONFUSING ABOUT PLAYING ‘A CHARACTER WHO LACES UP A PAIR OF HIGH-TECH ROLLERBLADES AND TIME-TRIPS? THIS NEW GENERATION OF GAMERS ARE A BUNCH OF TECH FREAKS SIR, THEY WANT TO KNOW HOW EVERYTHING WORKS. THEY HAVE TROUBLE ACCEPTING THAT ROLLER-BLADES ENABLE TIME-TRAVEL. 18 Issue #4: Have Dice Will Travel™LET'S JUST PUT SOME TECHNO-BABBLE EXPLANATION IN THE DESIGNER NOTES. | KNOW | SAW A SHOW ON THE SCIENCE CHANNEL ON BUGK'Y-BALLS!! | DoN'T KNOW WHAT THEY 00 BUT WE COULD JUST SAY THE ROLLER-BLADES HAVE BUCKY-BALL REACTORS IN THEM. HUH?? WHAT DO YOU THINK? HUH? ‘YOURE IN WAY OVER YOUR HEAD 0-JO. YOURE [MIXING YOUR ALCHEMY WITH YOUR PHYSICS. F BUCKY-BALLS HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH "TM CONFUSED. AINT BUCKY-BALLS BREACHING THE TIME BARRIER. THOSE CHEWY CARAMEL CANDIES THAT JOLLY-POACHER PUTS OUT? OH | SEE THOSE REFRIGERATOR ‘BOXES LINING UP! WHY ROLLER-BLADES?7? WHY NOT BUNGIE-.LIMPING?? NOW THERE'S A HOOK FOR YA. THAT SUDDEN SNAP AT THE END OF THE JUMP COULD RIP THE FABRIC OF IMEI! IT'S A SURE WINNER ‘THESE GENERATION: waa i XERS HAVE BUNGIE JUMPING ON THE BRAIN. THEYLL FLIP OVER IT. i ‘OKAY I'M GONNA BREAK MY OWN RULE AND OFFER A LITTLE INCENTIVE FOR YOU EDMUND. IF YOU MAKE MY 24 HOUR DEADLINE ILL GIVE YOUA 12 POXNT BY-LENEI? HOW'S THAT GRAB YOU? PICTURE THAT ENORMOUS 12 POINT HELVETICA FOR ALL THE WORLD TO SEE!! TWELVE POZNT?F Acc YOU SERIOUS??? WOW!! TOP-BELLENG? NEVER THOUGHT I LIVE TO SEE THE DAY. | CAN'T BELIEVE YOURE ACTUALLY GIVING ME CREDIT FOR WRITING MY GAME. THANK YOU SIR. THANK WOW. | CAN'T WAIT TO.TELL MY PARENTS. MAYBE NOW MY DAD WILL FORGIVE ME FOR DROPPING OUT OF SPWEY-TECH. WTO REN eT JUST A DAWN MINUTEW! HOW IN THE HELL | DION'T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT TOP AAAH, I REMEMBER” ou vou) JUSTIFY GIVING THE KIO’ A IZ BILLING SON. 'M BUMPING KY OWN MY FIRST t2 POINTER. POINT SCREAMER??? BYLINE LP TO 18 POXNT. 7 Bitedle of Toe bla Valse @ Tl IDM HAVING TROUBLE HEARING YOU DOWN HERE PETE. BY THE WAY, WHAT'S YOUR PREFERENCE? MAYTAG, KENMORE OR FREDGIDAIRE??” YOU HAD YOUR DAY WITH 12 POINT - REMEMBER? IF YOU DONT WHY NOT TAKE A STROLL THROUGH THE WAREHOUSE. I'M SURE YOULL SEE YOUR NAME ON ONE OF ‘THE 75,000 PAINT-BY-NUMBER ‘STARTER DECKS GATHERING DUST IN THERE, DANN! | WAS HOPING WE COULD SNEAK THOSE THROUGH. WAIT A FEW DAYS AND WELL BATCH THEM WITH THE DEGE BAG BUDDIES TRADEMARK PAPERWORK, OKAY, MEETING ADJOURNED. GOOD LUCK EDMUND. ILL BE AT MY WINTER CONDO IN WABASH IF YOU NEED ME. ‘24 HOURS HUH?? OKAY, ILL GIVE IT MY BEST SHOT. 20 OKAY LET'S GET THE BALL ROLLING. WHILE EDMUND CARRIES THE BALL THE REST OF US WILL WRAP UP THE LEGALS AND START PLIMPING UP ADVANCED SALES. THAT REMINDS ME BOSS THEY KICKED BACK OLR TRADEMARK APPLICATIONS FOR ‘ABRAHAM LINCOLN’ AND ‘GEORGE PATTON’. BUT HEY, WE MANAGED TO SLIP ‘ROLLERBLADES' AND SURE THING, “TIME-TRAVEL By THEM. GEE-JAY!! JUST KEEP THINKING OF THAT [2POINT SCREAMER, SON. PUN EDMLNDI! UN LIKE THE WIND spr OUR LITTLE 2 PONT 7. WONDER-BOY! oS S Issue #4: Have Dice Will Travel™Temptation of the Ring at BRIAN AS YOU ARE SEARCHING THE GUARD'S BODY YOU FIND A RNG orp PASS THROUGH WALLS?! ‘AWWH MANII| THAT MAGIC ITEM WOULD BE PERFECT FOR MY THIEF! ‘MUCH BETTER USE THAN YOUR HEY BRIAN, FOR THE GooD OF THE NO WAY BRL EA DETTER ——GUMGALLS TERE GUYS IVE BEEN WORKING ONG WIM MY STEALTH. YCIULD SHEA NTO ROHS COLLECTION NOW CAN APeLY TO THE THIVING ABILITIES 1CAN PUT IT ro. AND GAIN THE INITIATIVE ON GERGLE OF THE ALL KINDS OF NASTIES, BY JOLLY R. BLACKBURN 'T WOULD BE EVEN BETTER SUITED FOR MY FIGHTER AS HE TAKES THE POINT OUT FRONT, SIGH! | KNEW | SHOULD HAVE SEARCHED THAT BODY. HOW COULD YOU HAVE AT LASTIIl | HAVE EVERY KNOWN THAT A COMMON OFFICIAL MAGIC RING ‘GUARD WOULD HAVE: LISTED IN THE HACKMASTER ‘SUCH A RELIC?? PLAYER'S GUIDE!!! SEQUESTERED MACECKS!! WELL | GOTTA USE THE RESTROOM. TM NOT GIVING UP MY RING SO JUST ACCEPT IT AND LET'S GET ON WITH THE GAME, BE RIGHT BACKIt! il Bundle of Trouble” Volume II OKAY WE DON'T HAVE MUCH TIME SO HERE'S THE PLAN BA. MY THIEF WILL ATTEMPT TO PICK BRIAN'S POCKET EVERY ROUND UNTIL HE SUCCEEDS. JUST USE THE PHRASE, "MY-OH-MY" IN A SENTENCE WHEN | FINALLY ‘SUCCEED. THAT WAY YOU WON'T TIP BRIAN OFF TO WHAT'S HAPPENED. HE'LL GET OVER IT. BOB ‘OH COME ON BOB! IS JUST PLAYING HIS ‘YOU KNOW BRIAN IS ALIGNMENT AND CHARACTER coe ie CLASS AFTER ALL. Sgt POOR BRIAN, ‘STEAL HIS RING! 2122 EZ OKAY YOU GUYS ARE CONTINUING DOWN THE CORRIDOR GOOD JOB BOB | KNEW YOU COULD PULL ‘T OFF. UH....| MEAN..NEVER MIND, AND UH... IVAW -OW-IMLY THERE SURE IS A LOT OF DEBRIS ON THE FLOOR. (AHEMAHE! GIGGLE ~ OH YOU GUYS ARE GOING TO DESERVE i Last WHAT'S COMING TO YOU. TMEAN. £2... \ 5 DEBRIS HLH? B.A. A USING MY WAND-OF-SCRYING AND TM ASKING IT THIS QUESTION IVE WRITTEN ON THIS NOTE. SARA PLEASE Pi On eae THE IIG LS UP?”” THIS TOBA. 'S WISE TO MU! WADDA IDO? WADDAL 007?” THE FACE OF FEAR IS NOT PRETTY. RUN LETTLE BUDDY!!! RUN LEKE YOU'VE NEVER RAN BEFORE!!! ge {IM SORRY | STOOD YOU ON YOUR OKAY THIS LITTLE FEUD HAS UH YEAH. M REALLY SORRY| STOLE pay, you HAVE LASTED LONG ENOUGH GUYS. [M HEAD AND USED YOU LIKE A YOUR RING. | REALLY WISH | HADNT GLAD YOUVE NALLY ASREED DONE. ANDI WISH MY ACCOMPLICE, ~My No TO BURY THE HATCHET. BOB, | BELIEVE YOU HAVE SONETH! POGO-STICK. AND I'M SORRY DAVE, WOULD HAVE HAD THE GUTS TO TO SAY TO BRIAN? MADE YOU SWALLOW ALL CONFESS TO HIS PART INIT, TO SAY TO BOB? THOSE FOUR SIDERS. OH AND’ SORRY | THREW YOUR MOPED OFF THE HIGHWAY OVERPASS. LET'S “JUST CALL IT EVEN OKAY? Issue #4; Have Dice Will Travel”p Uh...Where Was 1? BY JOLLY e BLACKBURN HEY GUYS, | WANT YOU ALL TO MAKE A SPEGEAL EFFORT 10 HELP KEEP THE GAME MOVING TONIGHT. THE LAST FEW ‘SESSIONS HAVE BEEN EATEN UP WITH A LOT OF XBRELEVANT GHATTER AND SMALL TALK. (0 REALLY LIKE TO GET THIS CAMPAIGN WRAPPED UP IN THE NEXT FEW WEEKS. | GOT A REAL GOOD HUNCH MY MOM KICKED IN THE 47 BUCKS FOR HAGKMASTER: BAR ROOM BRAWL £02 MY CHRISTMAS PRESENT. SO IT WOULD BE NICE TO COME BACK AFTER THE HOLIDAYS AND START UP A NEW CAMPAIGN USING THAT SUPPLEMENT. OKAY NUFF SAID. LET'S SEE LAST WEEK WE WERE... WHAT IRRELEVANT WERE HERE TO GAME! A HUNCH’ HUH? MOMMA, FELTON MUST STILL BE HIDING THE PRESENTS IN / oh \ THEDEEP FREEZE. ss Thy ep SS) HEY BRIAN! REMEMBER BACK IN ‘86 WHEN REMEMBER?? HOW COULD | FORGET? WHO WOULD HAVE GUESSED BA'S MOM BOUGHT THE DELUXE STARTER THAT FROZEN POLYHEDRONS CAN SHATTER LIKE GLASS?? | HAD TO RACE BA SET OF MOOD DIGE? We TALKED TO THE HOSPITAL. HE GOT PEPPERED WITH DICE-SHRAPNEL. BAA. INTO SNEAKING THEM OUT OF THE FREEZER FOR A QUICK-LOOK-SEE?2 WOWTHATS MATICAL A cient CRITICAL ROLL. SNICKER, YOURE KIDDING, UH..GUYS? CAN WE ~ MOVE ALONG? COME ON GUYS. THIS IS HOW IT GETS STARTED. SOMEONE SAYS SOMETHING LIKE, “SO-AND-SO OWES ME SLICH-AND-SUICH” AND A WHOLE SIDE CONVERSATION ERUPTS THAT LASTS FOR FIVE OR TEN MINUTES. SAVE THE CHATTER FOR AFTER THE GAME. OKAY? HEY BOB, THAT REMINDS ME. YOU GEE | HATE MENTIONING IT BUT TALK ABOUT JOGGING THE OLD YOU ALL OWE ME TWO BUCKS BEAN. DAVE YOU OWE ME SEVEN OWE ME TEN BUCKS, | NEED IT. MY PACER IS RUNNING ON FUMES. FOR THAT PIZZA LAST WEEK. ‘BUCKS FOR THOSE BLACK: BORDERED SPELL JACKED CARDS, HUM? OH UH. ER. a Ss Es < Bundle of Trouble” Volume I 23YOURE GONNA RUN ME DOWN FOR OWING A, DAMN FiFTy-CeNTs? SOME NERVE!!! / WELL AS LONG AS WERE TALKING ABOUT DEBTS, YOU'RE ‘ALL BEHIND IN DUES, BOB YOU OWE FOUR BUCKS, DAVE YOU OWE A BUCK. BRIAN OWES FIFTY CENTS AND UH. ‘SARA, YOU OWE FIVE BUCKS, ESPECIALLY AFTER | ALMOST THREW A ROD IN MY VAN RACING 7 TONE Hosea YEAH, | GOTTA SAY IT's PRETTY PETTY OF YOU GRUNBLE..£2ee.. TO RUB A PUNY DEBT IN OUR FACES. | THOUGHT De Ee | DION'T EVEN GET A, 1 WAS GAMING WITH FRIENDS HERE eT me PROPER THANK-YOU, A CARD, FEET, FREAKING q oe” wwe \ te TO GAME. TLL CLEAR MY DEBT BOB, INSTEAD OF PAYING ME RIGHT NOW. BOB JUST PAY THE FULL SEVEN BUCKS THAT ee ene ae DAVE OWES ME, DO THIS: GIVE TWO DOLLARS TO SARA ‘TWO BUCKS TO SARA AND ANO GIVE FEFTY GENTS To THROW THE REMAINING THE CARPETBAGGER DOLLAR AT B.A. FOR MY BEHIND THE SCREEN. THAT DUES. THEN ILL BE FREE CLEARS MY TAB AND YOU'LL OWE AND CLEAR. ME FOUR-FIFTY. ee Will Travel”OFF EVERYONE'S DEBTS. EVERYONE COMES OUT IN THE CLEAR BUT IMME!!! UH..WHERE WAS I? \ IVE BEEN SABOTAGED!!! Now IF | DON'T PAY BACK THAT TEN BUCKS | GoT EVERWONE HOUNDING ME INSTEAD OF JUST DAVE. IT'S NOT FAIR ‘50 WHAT YOU'RE SAYING OKAY, BACK TO THE 1S..YOU WEREN'T PLANNING GAME FOLKS, (ON PAYING ME BACK?? WELL, ILL FOLLOW SUIT. BOB, JUST GIVE DAVE'S TWO BUCKS AND BRIAN'S TWO BUCKS TO BA, THEN GIVE ME ONE DOLLAR OF THE TWO YOU OWE ME TO B.A. THEN YOU'LL ONLY OWE ME ‘A BUCK AND ILL HAVE MY DUES ALL PAID UP. DAMMIT!!! THis ANT FaIR.tM paying CHILL OUT DUDE! SETTLE HIS DEBTS AFTER HEY, | THOUGHT WE CAME HERE TO GAME? LET BOB THE GAME. (OT FAIR??? YOU WANNA TALK UNFAIR? LET'S TALK ABOUT THAT LITTLE STUNT YOU GUYS PULLED LAST WEEK WHEN YOU VOTED TO GIVE ME HALF SHARES on EXPERIENCE POINTSIII JUST BECAUSE ONE OF MY FIREBALLS BACK-BLASTED. YOURE GONNA SEE SOME PAY-BACK TONIGHT. ‘OOOOH, | CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WENT. THERE BRIAN. ANY EDIOT KNOWs YOU DONT LOB FEREBALLS: DOWN A TWENTY FOOT STRETCH OF PASSAGE WAY WHEN YOURE STANDING Witt YEAH LET'S TALK ABOUT SOME PAY BAGK IN THE GAME. HOW ABOUT FORKING COVER THE 1000 GOLD PIECES TO REPLACE MY GLOAK Ne OF STALKING you TOASTED? YEAH AND I THINK YOU SHOULD PLACE SOME FRESH-CUT FLOWERS ON THE GRAVE OF MY FIGHTER, ROUGTUNDA\ IF | WOULDVE MADE MY POLTERGEEST-ROLL | WOULD HAVE HAUNTED YOUR STUPID MAGE TIL THE END OF TIME, IT WAS A MAJOR BLUNDER, BRIAN. I WOULDN'T HAVE BROUGHT IT UP. BUT YOU WERE ALL IN THE LENE OF FERE!! | 9 BLS AP TRB SER TD 2 iS esWHOOOOOAAAAAAAHHHHH!!! HOLD ON THERE, HACKMIESTER | NEED TO BLY SOME SUPPLIES. AND | WANT TO TAKE ANOTHER CRACK AT IDENTIFYING THOSE STRANGE DAGGERS | FOUND LAST WEEK. ‘AND WOULD IT BE TOO ‘NUCH TO ASK IF WE MADE A TACO RUN? | ATE SOME YOGURT THAT TURNED BAD FOR LUNCH FOR CRYENG OUT LOUD!!! THis Is EXACTLY WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT! CAN WE PLEASE, PLEASE ET ON WITH THE GAME??? HUH??? ‘SHEESH! NOW... WHERE N Wie IN THE HELL WAS 17 320) SS YOU WERE JUST ABOUT TO LEAVE TOWN FOR THE DUNGEON WHEN.... HEY BEANHEAD, DOT FORGET THAT | WAS THE ONE WHO FOUND THose NEVA HOE MARNE A HOE Se DAGGERS, IF THEYRE MAGICAL | WANT THEM BACK. AND THAT LAME" n ayty wat ygrss7?| GOT A CRAVING FOR A HEALING POTION YOU SOLD NE DIONTT DO ANYTHING BUT MAKE ME you E-THICk PEANUT BUTTER-ORANBERPY SHAKE. SPEAK GNOME-GIBBERISH FOR TWENTY MINUTES. ‘BRIAN? YOU WERE HOLDING THAT GNOME: UH, COULD WE GIBBERISH POTION FOR NE. | GAVE IT TO YOU JUST MOVE ALONG WHILE | CLIMBED UP THAT SHAFT. GUYS? SIGH. Ue HEY, HAVE. (COM-ARTIST AS A / Sno 7 HEY BA MY CHARACTER WANTS 0...2772 (OH MY! | HAVEN'T SEEN B.A. LOOK SO MAD SINCE NOW WHERE THE HELL DID HE GO?” ‘THE TIME YOU AND DAVE SHAVED HIS CAT. WHAT A JERK! | D20VE ALL THE WAY NOT LIKE HIM TO LEAVE IN THE __ OVER HERE ON EMPTY TO GAME ANO WHAT DOES HE ‘MIDDLE OF A GAME, WONDER 07 BAIL ON US. THES BLOWS. WHAT'S BUGGING HIM? 26 Issue #4: Have Dice Will Travel”A Hole Lot of Trouble STORY BY PETER LOYD-LEE OKAY, THE BLACK DRAGON CRASHES INA BLOODY WOW, I'M KINDA SORRY TO SEE THE OL’ BOY GO. HE WAS THE MOST HEAP. HIS GREAT LEATHERY WINGS TWITCH FOR WORTHY ADVERSARY I'VE EVER RAN ACROSS. DID YOU SEE HOW HE SEVERAL. SECONDS AS HE DIES IN AGONY. TOOK BLOW AFTER BLOW FROM MY HACKMASTER s12?2 | THOUGHT MY PARLEY WITH HIM WAS GOING WELL. UNTIL ICANT BELIEVE IT! ROTGUT THE OBBED THOSE FLAMING FLASKS WYRM [S FINALLY DEAD. | NUSTVE SUNK ” rea THIRTY BOLTS OF SLAYING INTO THE BASTARD. i COME ON BA. START READING WELL OL’ ROTGUT HAD BEEN HOUNDED SO MUCH OVER THE YEARS SINCE HE BURNED AQUATANIA TO THE GROUND THAT HE WAS CONSTANTLY RELOCATING HIS LAIR. SO HIS HORDE ISNT EXACTLY AS HUGE OR VARIED AS YOU MIGHT EXPECT. STILL, IT'S QUITE A PRIZE. ONE MELLION GOLD PIECES!!! HE KEPT HIS HORDE INA PORTABLE HOLE A PORTABLE HOLE??? HOW CONVENENT. WELL. MILLA MILLION. WOW GUYS. THIS IS A LOT OF MONEY. ‘JUST GRAB IT AND HEAD BACK TO TOWN. 1 WANT TO SWIM INIT. LET'S SPEND IT WISELY. LISTEN UP GANGIt! 'VE BEEN WAITING A LONG TIME TO GET MY HANDS ON A PORTABLE HOLE. WITH A LITTLE PLANNING AND FORETHOUGHT WE COULD BE SET FOR LIFE. GREAT IDEA BIG GUY. OKAY WE HAVE ONE MILLION LET'S MAKE A LIST. GOLD PIECES TO SPEND AND THE HOLE HAS 282 CUBIC FEET OF SPACE TO FILL. vhs WE LOAD THIS HOLE ‘UP WITH ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING WE COULD POSSIBLY NEED IN FUTURE WOW. IT'S LIKE HAVING A WAREHOUSE IN YOUR POCKET. ADVENTURES. YOU WITH ME? IBRERAUIGF THOBES VOR TD a geLATER THE GROUP ARRIVES BACK IN TOWN 2 TWOROW BOATS, 8 1000 CROSSBOW BOLTS, 2000 OKAY FN BUYING A3 IN PICKING UP 100 TORCHES, ARS, 4 TENTS, 20. ARROWS, 6 OF EVERY WEAPON IN \KONTHS SUPPLY OF IRON 200 FLASKS OF OIL, 1) HOODED WINTER BLANKETS, A THE PLAYER'S HANDBOOK. NO, aoe - eer LANTERNS, 10 BULLSEYE 60 FOOT EXTENSION MAKE THAT 60 DAGGERS. | CAN LANTERNS, L500 CANDLES... ete oe \ LADDER... THROW FOUR PER ROUND WHEN i MW HASTED. Ome Sas Ue De aed WE'LL WRAP ALL THE SHARP STUFF IN BLANKETS SO THEY DON'T CUT THE HOLE. WE'LL THROW IN 100 10 FOOT WOODEN PLANKS, A SACK OF NAILS, SAW, HAMMER AND A MANUAL ON CONSTRUCTING SMALL FORTRESSES AND DEFENSE WORKS. HELL, 'M PUTTING MY ENTIRE LIBRARY OF SPELL MANUALS IN THE HOLE AS WELL. UH GEE GUYS, AS YOU GO TO RETRIEVE THE PORTABLE HOLE FROM DAVE'S BACKPACK YOU CAN'T SEEM TO FIND IT. REMEMBER THAT BEGGAR WHO BUMPED INTO YOU AT THE CITY GATE?@? IT WOULD APPEAR YOU'VE BEEN THE VICTIM OF A PIGK-POGKET, (SNICKER) WHEW THERE. THE PORTABLE HOLE IS FULL. LET'S 60 TO THE DUNGEON. LOWE YOU B.A. THANKS FOR NOT TIPPING THEM BOY AM | STEAMED. BOB COULD HAVE PUT MY EYE OUT WHEN HE PI SBE PEL LETRA HURLED THAT TWENTY-SIDER AT ME, DID YOU SEE THE DENT IT PUT IN THE WALL?? AND SARA..MY OWN COUSIN. SHE ACTUALLY HELD ME \ DOWN WHILE DAVE GAVE ME AN ATOMIC WEDGE. | HOPE YOU KNOW WHAT YOUVE PUT ME THOUGH. Issue #4: Have Dice Will TravelDetour Down Memory Lane BY JOLLY, BLACKBLEN WOW, | WAS SORTING THROUGH MY OLD ADVENTURE NOTES WRONGO! BOB, YOU SEEM TO HAVE LAST NIGHT AND | CAME ACROSS ALL MY PAPERS ON THE FORGOTTEN THAT IT WAS MY YT HALLS OF THE MOUNTAIN MAGEF CHARACTER WARSEGK THE was uy y FREEZE STRONG WHO TOOK THAT SPELL THAT ‘CROSSBOW AWAY FROM A STONE (GIGH) | REMEMBER THAT ADVENTURE WELL. GOLEM AFTER A HORRENDOUS LDA WLE eu THAT'S THE ADVENTURE MY CHARACTER, DEATH-DUEL. | GAVE YOU THAT == HACKED AT HIM SHADOW-PETE FOUND His CROSSBOW AS A GIFT. DAVE. GROSSBOW OF DOOM. NO WAY! SHADOW-PETE FREEZE SPELL! SNEEZE SPELL! YOU'RE WHACKED. ae 10 eee USED HIS STEALTH AND CUNNING YOUR CHARACTER, TEFLON -BXLLY WAS HIDING ne TTORCH:LIGHT IN| TO STEAL THAT CROSSBOW BEHIND THE TORCH-BEARER SIPPING ON A VIAL OF HEALING eee 0 READ THE BEFORE YOU EVEN ENGAGED HIM. POTION. WARS XCK THE STRONG Was FORCED ‘SPELL FROM A THAT'S THE ONLY REASON HE ‘TO SAVE THE PARTY SINGLE-HANDED. SCROLL WAS DEFENSELESS. SHEESH! | SAVE YOUR BUTT AND YOU \ YOU BALD-HEADED FART! SHADOW-PETE WAS FAMOUS FoR HEDENG-EN-SHADOWS UNTIL THE FIGHTING WAS OVER. ONCE THE DANGER WAS OVER THE LITTLE COWARD WOULD MOVE IN TO POCKET ANY GOODIES TO BE FOUND. LIKE A HYENA FEEDING ON THE SCRAPS LEFT BEHIND BY THE LION. HAAA! YOU CALLING SHADOW- BA. IS RIGHT. IT'S ‘SHADOW-PETE WAS FAR WORSE COME ON GUYS! PETE 4 COWARD? HUH ‘ALL ANCIENT: THAN A COWARD. HE WAS A ITWAS ALONG == NIYIMIB-DITGEz77 are yar? HISTORY. TRAITOR HE STOLE MY WAND TIME AGO! a (OF BOLTS THAT ONE TIME. Bundleof Touble®-Volame Fe en ena ee eeTRAITOR??? youre YOURE ABOUT THREE SECONDS ON THIS SIDE OF A CALLING SHADOW- BUTT-WHUPPEN’ CUEBALL!! NOBODY CALLS TEFLON PETE A TRAITOR?” BELLY A TRAITOR AND GETS AWAY WITH IT. YOU'D BETTER HE ONLY STOLE THAT WAND COMMENCE SOME SERIOUS BEGGING! 50 THAT HE COULD USE IT FOR THE GOOD OF THE OH YEAH? WELL YOULL BRIAN, CALM DOWN, PARTY. GROW A ee YOUR FACE IS TURNING YOU HEAR Eb \T CERTAIN SHADE OF ‘TEFLON BELLY Was PETE BEG a ED GAN. GONNA SELL IT AND KEEP THE GOLD FOR HIMSELF YOU'D NEVER TALK TO WARLICK NOW THERE'S A THE STRONG THAT WAY! TRAITOR! \ FOR CRYING OUT LOUD GUYS! We RAN THis ADVENTURE SIX YEARS AGO. IT BREAKS MY HEART TO THNK THAT THE ONLY MEMORIES YOUVE TAKEN "Ta MMA cu HOW Ol Cave aN AWAY FROM THAT SESSION ARE PETTY ARGUMENTS AND ‘OVER CHARACTERS YOU HAVEN'T BRUZSED EGOS. WHY IN THE HELL DO YOU BOTHER GAMING AT ALL? PLAYED FOR YEARS. VE NEVER SEEN SUCH A PATHETIC, BITTER GROLP OF GAMERS. DAMN! HEY | STILL PLAY NOT BITTER, THESE ERIN THAT GOLEM WAS A TEFLON BELLY! CLOWNS JUST HAVE PROUD MOWENT: NO ONE IS THAT DUDE IS A SURVIVOR SELECTIVE MEMORY, TAKING THAT AWAY FROM ME. THAT'S ALL. YOU CALL TEFLON BILLY A SURVIVO8?? HAL YOUHAVE nw wea TRY TING A VOLLEY OF INE SLATERNG BLOWS FON HOW HARD IT 1S TO Ae ea ae Be on LID, AND TM STILL HERE TO TALK ABOUT IT. GOLEM?? IT'S REALLY VOLLEY OF BLOWS??? YOU JUST DON'T GET TOUGHI\! THOSE GLYS IT D0 YOU? HE WAS IMMOBILIZED | TELL YOU! HAVE EARS LIKE (MY FREEZE SPELL SAVED THE DAY. 30 sue #4: Have Dice Will Travelsgh of the Die ale #5 “Master ofthe Game? Lake Zurich, IL 60047 or fax valid Visa, MasterCard, Ametian Express or Discover ‘ard number, your signature, cand co to usa ack, Issues: Back issues and ther KEWL KoD'T suff are also sealable See our bate fr “tea Internet: jollyrb@aol.com itor init only) ot all other | inguities) World. Wide Web: Ig/lwwoekeneteo.com | Adres: Kener and Goat, 130 W Nain Soe ‘PMBII4, Lake Zurich, I, 60047 _ peta Wea din stip ideas, jes, cat: ee running anything. that_othet seat ins woul ene. heck out our website for writer “Master of the Game” By Jolly R. Blackburn Cover by Chris Adams ROLE-PLAYING DEAD?? HAR HARI! WHY B.A, I’M SURPRISED AT YOU, WHAT IN THE HELL WOULD PUSH YOU OVER THE PROVERBIAL EDGE, THE DOOM-SAYERS HAVE BEEN PREDICTING THE DEATH OF RPG’S FOR YEARS, PERSONALLY, THINK THOSE JERKS AT WAR-ROOM GAMES ARE BEHIND IT. WELL... BRIAN HAS MISSED TWO CONSECUTIVE GAMING SESSIONS, GOOD GAWDI!!! NOT BRIAN/// DAMN/ T DON’T WANT TO GO BACK TO STUDENT TEACHING.CRIES FROM THE ATTIC )\ ditorial of a Madma C= This issue of Knights of the Dinner Table mic (KODT) marks a tuning point in our usual for mat, Weve decided to expand the offering over the next few months and artempe ro bring more fun stuf’ to our readers. Dont worry - well be going slow and easy fiom month to month so we can gauge feedback from our fans and ensure wee cn the sight wack. We want the KODT comic to be a publica- tion that reminds us all why we play games: because thee fun, ‘entertaining and bring friends closer together. So, in addition to the KODT stips, we will be bringing gamer-related humor ‘where everitcan be found. Well ako be pointing readers toward any fun and exciting beer and-prevel games or products we have sumbled across. Tinvite you to help usin our ques for such materia, IFyoute susin’ the net, hanging out at your favorite game shop o simply playing your favorite RPG and you come across something you think other gamers would find amusing or fanny - send it our Some of you may have noticed a strange new logo gracing the cover of issue #4 as well as the issue you hold in your hand. Recently, [sold my mind, body and soul to a strange group of gaming-finatics in Ulinois known collectively as Kenzer and Company. Tim simply going to run the press-release that announced the union since it has all che details: R. Blackburn Joins the of Kenzer & Company (and There Was Much Rejoicing) Palatine, IL - December 9, 1996 Kenzer 8 Company is proud to announce that Jolly R. Blackburn has survived the brutal initiation rituals imposed on him by the Chicago-based company. The initiation was the last step in KenzerCos stringent screening proces. By surviving, Jolly has been offically indoctrinated and may now sic with the other shareholders ar the abe. Dehydrated and fatigue, Jolly wept with joy when the news aurived thar he was now an oficial member of the KenzerCo team, ‘There was some speculation that Jolly would be disqual fied when it was discovered he had accepted medical treatment during his tral by ordeal. ‘A Yak-Hunter stumbled across me,” cxplained Jolly. "He offered to sew up my wo bite wounds and accepted his help. I dice cealize such aid was prohibited dur- ing the ordeal”, "A majority ofthe sharcholders overlooked the transgpession because Jolly later ripped his stitches open aftr tumbling down a wall of glacier ice while fleeing a Kodiak Grizaly Bean" said David $. Kenzet, Chairman of the Board of Kenzer 8c Company. Jolly R. Blackburn is pethaps best known as the creator of Knights of the Dinner Table comics, the comic books that spoofs role-players. His comic strip ofthe same name currendly runs regulaly in Dragon, Jolly is also the founder of AEG (llderac Entertainment Group) and Shadis Magazine. He was the editor of Shadis for six years and nurtured the magazine from its lowly fs print run of 50 issues to an award-winning publication, “Tm very excited about this union!” said Jolly as generous amounts of Peruvian Llama Cheese were applied t0 the rope bburns on his wrists and ankles. “The KenerCo team has abways impresed me with thei ‘go get ‘en attitude and with the qual- ty oftheir products. They also make areal mean Lemon-Sprite.” Jolly comes into Kenzer & Company as Vice President in charge of the Kingdoms of Kalamar role-playing products. Jolly replaces thelist VP, James Martin, who mysteriously disappeared while shopping for a gcbo with his wife. “Partnering with a well-respected industry leader and experienced editor like Jolly demonsuates Kenzer & Company's commitment to support and expand che Kingdoms of Kalama line of role-playing sup- plements in 1997,” explains Brian Jeke, Vice President. Kenzer & Company also plans to release a new Knights of the Dinner Table comic book every month in 1997. Issue number 4 is set for release in January. Additionally, KODT collateral products, as well as new Monty Python products are expected throughout 1997, Well, that should update you on what’ been happening around here and where we are heading. Before I close; Pike to encourage you co send usa lete, or e-mail, and let us know what you think of each isue. Wei also like wo know what youl like to sein frre issues Enjoy the issue and until next time, Happy Gaming! d Jolly R. Blackburn February 15, 1997 ‘THE DUNGEON” HERE, YOU HOLD THE " WHEN ARE We GOING ‘TRY RUBBING ae He TO TELL HIM THE caer Gprevou ace AGAIN exe WANT TO See Whar RUTH ABOUT HIS IT WOULD BREAK : ms ‘STUPID COWP COW! REFUSES TO SEEMED TO ‘THIS COW CAN 20/ His HEART. FOLLOW YOu INTO LIKE THAT, ) / Issue #5: Master of the Game™Spaced Out BASED ON A STORY BY ANTHONY GALLELA HEY GUYS! AS WE AGREED LAST WEEK, WERE GOING TO PLAY SPAGEHAGK FOR AWHILE. AFTER YOU BADGERED AND BUILLIED ME, | FINALLY AGREED THAT YOU COULD ROLL UP YOUR OWN CHARACTERS AT HOME. BUT IF YOU ‘GOT CARRIED AWAY I’M NOT GOING TO ALLOW YOUR CHARACTERS AND YOU'LL HAVE TO CREATE NEW ONES. r- VA, OKAY BOB, LET'S START WITH YOU. TELL ME ABOUT ‘OH, WELL, HE'S WAY KEWL. HE HAS EXCEPTIONAL STRENGTH, LNGAWDLY WISDOM, AND CYBERNETICALLY ENHANCED STEALTH CAPABILITIES. HE'S 24 YEARS OLD, HE'S A GRADUATE OF SPACE LEAGUE ACADEMY. HE WAS AWARDED THE IMPERIAL STAR-LEGION MEDAL OF BRAVERY. HE OWNS TWO SMALL MOONS IN THE SYSTEM OF KALABRA. HIS DAD IS SOME RICH DUDE WHO LEFT ALL HIS MONEY TO MY CHARACTER. OH...AND | HAVE A DOG NAMED KILL JOY. HE'S FULLY CYBERNETICALLY-ENHANCED INCLUDING LASER-GUIDED NEVER-STOP PERSONAL COMBAT MISSILES. ‘OH, | ALMOST FORGOT, HIS NAME IS MAJOR MAT MURDY. KEWL HUH? |BOY, | DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY BOB, oe WAS LUCKY. | ROLLED A NATURAL 100 ON MY GENE POOL ROLL. HAVE ROLLED PRETTY GOOD NUMBERS ON IWASAGHELD PRODEGY. ENTERED THE ACADEMY AT THE AGE OF PRE-EXPERTENCE TABLES. Oe 12, GOT A MEDAL FOR THAT SOMEWHERE ON MY CHARACTER SHEET. ‘SMALL PROBLEM. YOU SAY YOU'RE ONLY 24, STAR LEAGUE ACADEMY IS A 12 YEAR SCHOOL. WAY TO GO BOB GEESH | DIDNT EVEN KNOW SOME THAT CHARACTER OF THOSE THINGS WERE IN THE a LEN / TABLES. i AS STERLING LURGE. HE WAS A STARRANGER, TWICE DECORATED UNTIL HE WAS ‘A MORDELIAN BLASTER. HIS BRAIN WAS SALVAGED AND A TEAM OF IMPERIAL SURGEONS WELL, YOURE ecco iT N AFULL CYBORG-MILITARY COMMANDO ARMORED BODY. NEXT DAVE. CHECK IT OUT DUDE - I'M STAINLESS STEEL. HALUST WAIT TIL YOU WAVE IMPRESSIVE TO REPLACE ONE OF THOSE (OH OWI! YOU GOT CHARACTER DAVE! ‘SERIES 920X POWER CELLS IN THE CYBORG BODY? THAT ARMOR DUDE! GAWD | WANTED THAT SO BAD. \ Bundle of Trouble” Volume IT 33‘AY CHARACTER IS KINDA BLAND COMPARED TO YOURS, GUYS. IM PLAYING A SPACE-ROSUE LET'S GET THIS OVER WITH. NAMED, VERA GRUZSE! | HAVE A GOVERNMENTSSUE LASER-PISTOL, A SACK FULL OKAY SARA, LET'S HEAR ‘OF SPACE-FOOD STICKS AND A GOOO-CONDUCT DISCHARGE MEDAL. ABOUT YOUR CHARACTER, (GNICKER) WE CANT ALL BE YOU SHOULD HAVE JUST ‘GNARLY ACADEMY GRADS, STARTED OVER AND ROLLED A YOU ALRIGHT BA? YOU oa NEW CHARACTER THANKS SARA. WELL | OPTED FOR CHARACTER -GENERATION METHOO D: BUILDING POINTS. | GAVE UP 12 PONTS 1 THINK YOUR OF INTELLIGENCE, SIX POINTS OF STRENGTH AND NINE POINTS OF DEXTERITY. THAT GAVE ME 750 CHARACTER IS [ADDITIONAL BUILDING POINTS FOR A TOTAL OF 1395 | ALSO TOOK A CHARACTER FLAW WHICH JUST FINE. GAVE ME AN ADDITIONAL 300 BUILDING POINTS. USING THOSE POINTS | WAS ABLE TO MAX OUT OKAY BRIAN, LET'S ‘MY PROFICIENCY IN ALL 50 BASIC STARSHIP SKILLS, H DIFFERENT WEAPONS AND 4 MEDICAL HEAR ABOUT YOUR SKILLS = INCLUDING TELEPATHIC-HEALING-TO-SELF. THAT'S GREAT BRIAN, BUT YOU SAY YOU GAVE UP 12 WELL | ORIGINALLY HAD IS INTELLIGENCE. POINTS OF INTELLIGENCE? THAT'S A HELL OF A | GAVE UP TWELVE SO THAT WOULD LEAVE ‘SACRIFICE. HOW MUCH INTELLIGENCE DID ‘ME WITH A THREE INTELLIGENCE, ‘YOU ENO UP WITH? es 34 Issue #5: Master of the GamTHREE ENTELLEGENGE??7? BRIAN ARE YOU! INSANE? HEY, LL MAKE HIM MY CABIN BOY, WITH SUCH A LOW INTELLIGENCE - GOOFED UP. HE'S SOREW HOW DO YOU EXPECT TO FUNCTION IN Nee bo Sher ane ‘A STAR-FARING SOCIETY? IN FACT, “GRAVITY-BOOTS, YOU HAVE TO HAVE AT LEAST A 9 BRIAN? IT'S NOT LIKE YOU INTELLIGENCE TO EVEN POSSESS TO MAKE SUCH A MAJOR BLUNDER. MOST OF THOSE SKILLS YOU MENTIONED. - HA HAL! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? MR. RULES-LAWYER AND WHAT ABOUT YOUR STRENGTH AND DEXTERETY?? ‘YOU SACRIFICED A LOT OF POINTS ON THOSE ATTRIBUTES AS WELL! You cot GREEDY!!! | EXPECT THAT FROM BOB AND DAVE BUT YOU! BRIAN! DUDE! FEEL EMPTY INSIDE. THE YOURE THE MASTER OF BIG GUY HAS LOST HIS EDGE. THE GAME!!! youre I NEVER THOUGHT ID SEE LOSING IT MAN! THE DAY! \ BRIAN WAS ALWAYS THE GLY WELL GUYS, THIS IS WHO COULD FIND A LOOP-HOLE / SPACE HACKI! IT'S NOT IN THE RULES, EXPLOIT A (OUR NORMAL GAME. MISTAKE TO THE FULLEST. BRIAN JUST DIDNT HAVE TIME TO MASTER \ THE RULES YET. GEE GUYS, HAVE ALITTLE FAX'TH IN ME HUH?? IT'S ME, BRIAN, HERE! SHEESHIN! INTHE KENG OF RULE-LOOPHOLES. THE PRENGE OF SHODDY-RULE EXPLOITATION. Bundle of Trouble” Volume I — | DID MENTION | TOOKA GHARAGTER FLAW!! WELL | JUST HAPPENED TO HAVE CHOSEN FLAW NUMBER 17 ON PAGE 23 - DRUG ADDICTION! NOW THEN, APPENDIX C STATES THAT A PLAYER MAY ‘CHOOSE’ THE CHEMICAL SUBSTANCE HIS CHARACTER IS ADDICTED TO OFF OF TABLE 44 ON PAGE 23.1 CHOSE ITEM NUMBER FIVE ON THAT LIST: RYTHIAN-BLLIE. IF YOU CHECK ISSUE 23 OF HACKMASTER MAGAZINE YOULL FIND AN ARTICLE BY NORMAN BOWZER WHICH DETAILS THE AFFECTS AND PROPERTIES OF RYTHIAN BLUE. OH, | MIGHT ADD THAT GARY JACKSON HIMSELF APPROVED THIS ARTICLE AAS ‘OFFICIAL’ SPACEHACK MATERIAL. WELL, ACCORDING TO (NR, BOWZER'S ARTICLE, RYTHIAN BLUE RAISES INTELLIGENCE PERMANENTLY BY 1D8 POINTS. | ROLLED A 7. odTHAT GIVES ME A MODIFIED EN'TELLEGENGE OF 10. SO THAT SOLVES THE INTELLIGENCE ISSUE, NOW, AS FOR MY STRENGTH AND DEXTERITY... STAR LEAGUE ACADEMY GAVE ME A MEDICAL DISCHARGE BECAUSE OF MY LOW ATTRIBUTES. ACCORDING TO PAGE 29, "ALL MEDICAL DISCHARGES FROM THE ACADEMY RECEIVE 50,000 CREDITS FOR ‘SEPARATION PAY." AWFUILLY GENEROUS OF THEM. | LISED MY SEP-PAY TO PURCHASE A TOP OF THE LINE POWERED SUIT. +5 TO STRENGTH, +5 TO DEXTERITY. IN SHORT GENTLEMEN | SACRIFICED 27 TOTAL ATTRIBUTE POINTS, TOOK A MAJOR CHARACTER FLAW AND ENDED UP WITH A CHARACTER WITH ABOVE AVERAGE STATS, 64 MAJOR SKILLS MAXED OUT, A POWERED ARMOR SUIT AND SOME POCKET CHANGE. £S THAT KEWL OR WHAT??? 1 hOODY-HOO! LL TELL MY KIDS ee / LL NEVER DOUBT YOU AGAIN BIG GUY! A LETTLE LATER WELL LA-DE-DA!! AND THANK YOU MR, BOWZER FOR ‘YOUR CONTRIBUTION TO SPACEHACKI! FINE! LET'S JUST GET ON WITH THE GAME. SHALL WE??? ‘OKAY, THE FUEL. GALIGE ON YOUR SHIP HAS BEEN MALFUNCTION. APPARENTLY DAVE'S LASERBLAST TO THE CONSOLE DID SOME DAMAGE AFTERALL! YOU BETTER LAND YOUR SHIP IMMEDIATELY ‘OR YOLIRE IN DANGER OF BECOMING A DRIFTING HULK! ‘SORRY GUY'S! IF | COULD HAVE KILLED THAT BILGERAT WITH ONE ‘SHOT INSTEAD OF THREE | WOULON'T HAVE HIT THE CONSOLE. DAMW!! (LL ‘LOOK FOR A PLACE TO SET HEY WHAT ABOUT THAT PLANET WE GOOD IDEA UST PASSED? FLL SCANITI ‘OKAY. IT'S A WATER PLANET. THERE'S NO SPACEPORT LISTED (ON THE CHARTS. THERE ARE ONLY STAGE 2 DEVELOPMENTS (ON THE SURFACE. YOUD BETTER LAND SOON THOUGH, YOU'RE STAGE 2!! CRUD! RUNNING ON FUMES. THAT'S PRETTY LOW, WE HEY WAZT A MAY BE STUCK HERE FOR A. MINUTE! War EASY THERE BoBH WHILE GUYS. KINO OF DRIVE 1S ON THIS TLL TAKEUSINTO A LOW poy FORGET TO PUT sHiPe? (ORBIT = LOOKING FOR A THE LANDING GEAR ay: PLACE TO LAND THIS BAYT DOWN THIS TIME. - os Issue #5: Master of the Game™LET'S SEE..UH IT'S WELL DUH!!! NO PROBLEM GUYS. THAT DRIVE IS EQUIPPED WITH A STANDARD R75 ‘A STANDARD STAR COLLECTION SKIMMER. ALL WE GOTTA DO IS SKIM THE OCEAN SURFACE AND LEAGUE HYDROGEN WE HAVE ALL THE HYDROGEN WE NEED. WERE BACK IN BUSINESS. CRXPES!! DRIVE. WHY? | WAS WORRIED THERE FOR A MOMENT. ITM GLAD YOURE ON YEAH!!! GO DEFINITELY GONNA TELL MY ‘OUR SIDE, eee it |AS SCIENCE OFFICER. BRIAN GO!!! kins ABOUT YOU SOMEDAY. i ea HEY WAIT A HYDROGEN TSAVERYRARE ARE YOU KIDDING?” MINUTE! YOU ELEMENT!’ YOU CAN'T JUST SKIMIT DOES Hz SOUND FAMILIAR? THE GAAT DO THAT!!! —— OFF THE WATER LIKE CREAM OFF A CUP OF WY STANDS FOR HYDROGEN, BA. HOT CHOCOLATE! SLEEPING IN CHEMISTRY 10l WERE WE?? HELLOI! SCIENCE TO mee BAL! COME INI | BE NICE. THIRTY MINVTES LATER HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF THE PERZODZG TABLE OF LOOK! JUST BECALISE, YOURE GANEING UP ON ME: THE ELGIMENTS?? HUH? HYDROGEN IS AT THE TOP. IT'S THE DOESN'T MEAN YOURE RIGHT. HYDROGEN IS RARE, 'NOST COMMON THING IN THE UNIVERSE. REALLY! 'M NOT LYING TO YA. IM NOT GOING TO LET YOU TRICK ME JUST $0 YOU CAN HAVE YOUR WAY, ete BA. THEYRE RIGHT. EVER HEAR THE EXPRESSION GAME TIME. LET'S MOVE ON. THE ONLY THING MORE COMMON THAN HYDROGEN IS STUPIDITY? Biealaop Trouble” Volime fac i gePs OKAY, YOU HEAR A STATIC-HUM AND THE PIRATE CAPTAIN OKAY, THE PIRATE CAPTAIN AGREES TO BEAM OVER TO YOUR | | BEGINS TO MATERIALIZE ON THE BRIDGE, YOLI NOTICE THAT... ‘BRIDGE. HE SAYS THAT IN THE INTEREST OF PEACE HE WILL TRUST YOU TO KEEP YOUR WORD AND ALLOW HIM TO FREELY LEAVE IF THE TALKS DON'T GO WELL. WHILE BOB'S DOING THAT (M LOCKING THE SHIP'S TBLASTHEM — RAIL-GUNS ON THE PIRATE WITHMY SHIP AND LETTIN’ EM RIP PULSE- REFLE!!! | GUESS | SET UP THE CONFERENCE ROOM FOR NOTHING, HUM “6 FOOLSIl| AS | WAS ABOUT TO SAY, AS THE PIRATE CAPTAIN BEGINS TO MATERIALIZE ON THE BRIDGE YOU SUDDENLY REALIZE THAT THE FORM TAKING SHAPE IS NOT A HUMAN AT ALL BUT A TEBELLIEAN-NUGLEAR DEVICE. YoU HAVE JUST ENOUGH TIME TO SEE THE COUNT-DOWN METER CLICK FROM 30 2 TO | BEFORE THE BOMB'S BLAST TURNS YO AND YOUR SHIP INTO A BRILLIANT FLASH OF THERMAL ENERGY. how foe HEY WAIT A SKC! THAT DIRTY ROTTEN DID | TAKE? NO WAY THAT COULD HAPPEN CHEAT 1 KNEW WE ON HY WATOH! COULDNT TRUST HIM. WELL ACCORDING TO THE SPAGEWAGK TEGHNZGAL MANUAL, PAGE 23, ALL SPACE LEAGUE (OH? AND TRANSPORTERS HAVE STANDARD SAFE-GUARDS BUILT INTO THEM. THE TRANSPORTERS WILL AUTOMATICALLY WHY SHUT-DOWN IF IT DETECTS NUCLEAR MATERIAL WHEN ATTEMPTING TO SEND OR RECEIVE A TRANSPORT-BEAM. * WAY TO GO BRIAN! CLOSE. YOURE ‘MAN THOUGHT WE BOUGHT THE FARM THAT TINE. 38 Issue #5: Master of the Game*SORRY B.A!! YOU SAID IT YOURSELF. THAT BOMB DAD BLAST XT!!! | HATE THs STUPID GAME. TOO MANY VARIABLES, FIDE, FICNVE!! THE PIRATES’ HAD THREE SECONDS LEFT ON THE COUNTER. ATTEMPT TO BEAM THE BOMB ONTO YOUR SHIP FAILS. A WHEN THE TRANSPORTER SHUT FEW MOMENTS LATER THEY KICK IN THEIR JUNP DRIVES TCE Otte 1 TICKING ON THE PIRATE'S ‘TRANSPORTER PAD. DON'T YOU MEAN A FEW MOMENTS LATER THEY BLOW UP!!! THOSE GUYS ARE DEAD! KABOOM!! WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT??? GOOD TRY!! FORGET THE STUPID BOMB. | MADE A MISTAKE. THE PIRATES WOULD HAVE KNOWN IT WOULDN'T HAVE WORKED SO IT NEVER HAPPENED. OKAY, SO THE PIRATE SHIP JUMPS OLIT OF SYSTEM AND... NOWAY!!! YOU IF BRIAN HADN'T CAUGHT YOUR MISTAKE WE'D YOU'RE BEING DON'T DISGRACE GOTTA LIVE BY ALL BE DEAD RIGHT NOW. | SAY THOSE UNFAIR BA. THE SCREEN, YOUR CALLS THE PIRATES ARE DEAD OR | GO HOME! x BAL! ADMIT TO SAME AS WE DO! YOUR MISTAKE. OH COME ON! NOW WE'VE DONE IT! LAST BRIAN, MAYBE YOU SHOULD YEAH, AND MAYBE FLEP THE TIME WE GOT TO HIM LIKE CHOKE IT DOWN AND LET BA. COULD SUCK & TABLE, THROW THIS HE DESIGNED A DUNGEON WIN EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE. IOSIDER THROUGH A foe Bee WITH SPIKED PITS IN EVERY 10 SODA STRAN. QUIET IW THE FOOT SQUARE, NOT! MIDOLE ‘ne A * / Bundle of Trouble™ Volume 1{______________—__—_ 39Conquer and Deny BASED ON A STORY BY CHRISTOPHER HEATH AND NED ALLEN WELL, | WAS SURE HEY GUYS | THOUGHT WE'D GIVE ROLE-PLAYING A REST THIS WEEK AND DUST OFF THE OLD RILSGUE GAME WHAT DO YOU SAY? ee RESOVE EN?? AnH WE'VE PLAYED THAT A HUNDRED YEAH, WHAT NEXT? THE MEMORIES. I'VE YET TO TIMES, BA. IM SICK OF IT. IF GANDYLAND?? (MEET MY TACTICAL EQUAL. | WANTED TO PLAY A BOARD GAME | RETIRED FROM THE GAME 'D BABYSIT MY SISTER'S KIDS. / IN '89 UNBEATEN. WELL, IT'S LIKE THIS, WE CAN'T GO FIVE MINUTES PLAYING HACKMASTER WITHOUT SOMEONE ‘ARGUING OVER A RULE CALL. HALF OF GARY JACKSON'S RULES CONTRADICT THE OTHER HALF. Syst roe THe Recor: BIESQUE Is SIMPLE, TRIED-AND-TRUE AND BEST OF ALL, | CAN PLAY TOO. I NEED A BREAK. ‘ONLY 23 PERCENT OF 1. (SIGH) FLL GO THE HACKMASTER WELL, IF YOU NEED A BREAK | GUESS ‘ALONG WITH THE. RULES ARE CAN PUT UP WITH RESOUE RasouEY — dowrapnee ——_oMTADETOR FOR ONE NIGHT. epee, 7 GREAT! 'VE GOT A FEW SURPRISES FOR YOU THOUGH. I'VE SPRUCED UP THE GAME A BIT BY ADDING = 4 pay BUT INTHE ‘THE CONTINENT OF ANTARCTICA AND ATLANTIS. THE LATER CONTINENT FLOATS AROUND THE BOARD. {ALSO THERE'S NY HONE-BPEWED DECK OF BLUE CARDS YOU GET TO DRAW FROM AT THE START OF eee YOUR TURN. THEY CONSIST OF NUKES, MUTANT ARMIES, PLAGUE AND FAMINE, ETC. HANDICAP MYSELF. TM ONLY TAKING 50 HEY! | ALWAYS PLAY BLACK. NO po ery NOKES??77 BLACK ARMIES - WALK! GAWD STARTING ARMIES. Issue #5: Master of the Game"Pa ee TN LET ME CHECK ON THE CAT THINK HURRY UP THEN. | DON'T LIKE ANY INTERRUPTIONS ONCE WE START PLAYING. IT DISRUPTS MY STRATEGIC MIND-SET. UH HUHIt YOU SEE THAT? THEY ALITTLE LATER. Bundle of Trouble™ Volume If OKAY, LOOKS LKE WERE ALL READY TO PLAY, LET'S ROLL TO SEE : ? WHO GOES FIRST, UACTUALLY, UH BEFORE WE ce STagre, SHEARS. Cav PLAY MSOUE WITHOUT THE OL ‘MUST THINK WERE STUPID OR THEYRE GOING TO TRY AND CATCH US IN A CLASSICAL PINCER MANEUVER! DUDE, ‘SOMETHING, LOOKS LIKE A LITTLE WE'VE GOT TO FORM A NOW-AGGRESSEON PAGT! THE TWO OF US UNDER-THE-TABLE WONT ATTACK EACH OTHER UNTIL EITHER BRIAN OR BA. HAVE BEEN ELIMINATED. AT DIPLOMACY 10 NE. THAT POINT THE PACT IS NULLIFIED, AGREED?? THAT'S THE FIFTH TURN WELL THAT MAKES IT MY TURN. FLL CONTINUE MY YOUVE JUST BUILT UP ‘AMBITIOUS SWEEP OF ASIA. LET'S SEE I'M ATTACKING OKAY, FLL BUILD UP IN DEFENSES! THE NAME OF ‘THE UKRAINE FROM KAMCHATKA! JUST ONE MORE JALASKA AND REINFORCE IN THE GANE IS RESOUE ‘VICTORY AND I'LL CONTROL ALL OF EUROPE AND ASIA! MEXICO. THAT WILL Nor CAUTION!!! THAT'S TWELVE ADDITIONAL ARMIES PER TURN! COH..UH..WHILE YOURE DONG THAT BAA. 'M GOING TO RUN OUT TO MY VAN AND GET MY..UH..MY LUGKW SE%- HE'S OUT OF WATER. LUCKY SE%-SEDERS?? AccoROING TO THE RULES YOU HAVE TO PLAY WITH THE DICE THAT CAME IN THE BOX. KNEW THEY WERE UP TO SOMETHING. LOOK WHERE THEY PLACED THEIR ARMIES! YAVOL MINE COMRADE ILL DUCHY! AGREED! HAR HAR! TASTE MY WRATH!DUDE YOU GOTTA BREAK OUT OF AFRICA AND TAKE SOME TERRITORY FROM BRIAN! HE'S GETTING TOO POWERFUL. ‘TELL YA WHATIL'M CASHING IN. MY CARDS FOR 50 ARMIES NEXT TURN, WITHORAW YOUR TROOPS FROM WEST AFRICA. THAT WAY CAN PUNCH THROUGH JAFRLIECGA AND HURT BRIAN. [ARE YOU KIDDING?? LOOK WHAT HAPPENED IN EUROPE HE PULVERIZED ME. | LOST 150 MEN TRYING TO HOLD ICELAND. WHAT? ALLOW FOREIGN TROOPS ON MY SOIL?? | DON'T THINK SO. WHAT'S TO KEEP YOU FROM SWEEPING AFRICA IF | DID THAT? WELL | CANT GET TO HIM. M TRAPPED HERE \ i Me aa eee aeersware, et loot mow DOWN MY NECKI D NEVER BREAK A. TM WITHDRAWING ALL. YOU COULD CASH PACT WITH A ‘MY TROOPS FROM N YOUR CARDS STAUNCH ALLY! WEST AFRICA. FOR ARMIES. fan oy fp YEP! Bea YOU DIRTY ROTTEN TRAITORIH! YI HAVE 75 ARMIES IN WEST AFRICA, A QUIET HUSH | KNEW | COULDN'T TRUST A COMMIE BASTARD! SETS AROANO THE NORLD AST WATS FOR THE ED YOU'LL WEVER LEAVE AFRICA ALEVE!!! ‘SCOURGE TO ATTACK THE EVIL GREEN EMPIRE OF BRIAN! ‘BUT WAIT WHAT'S THIS?#? THE RED SCOURGE TURNS SOUTH INTO THE SOFT UNDERBELLY OF AFRIGA!! 7 THROW DOWN SOME DICE DAVE! YOURE BOOM BABY BOOM!!! THREE et ed SEXESi! TAKE SM OFF WA! AFRIGA ZS NEARLY BROK' DOREHENGATN DOOM BABY UMMMFF CHUKA-LUKA, BOOM!!! TARK EM OFF UMMMF GHUKA-LUKA!! sa) WHAT THE — WHY'IT'S THE RED SCOURGE VICTORY SONGII! HELL IS GET USED TO IT!! CAUSE I'M GONNA BE SINGING THAT? IT OVER YOUR GRAVE IN A FEW MOMENTS. ERRRRR! BACKSTABBING LITTLE... ERE IT 7 hth eh ay 42 Issue #5: Master of the Game™brea met IK CASHING IN MY CARDS FOR 125 ARMIES! AND THEN MY BLACK ARMIES OF DEATH ARE LAUNCHING THEIR BLETAKREEG!! (ATTACKING SOUTH AFRICA FROM MADAGASCAR! / Se wo are WAL SORRY DUDE! I ROLLED FEVES AND SEXES! YOUR LITTLE BLITZKRIEG JUST FIZZLED!| TAKE OFF SIX ARMIES. NO PROBLEM! MY LEGIONS: OF WRATH ATTACK AGAIN! DEATH BEFORE DISHONORI! ROLL AGAIN!!! TOO BAD YOU GUYS ARE FIGHTING IN VAIN! (MY GREEN EMPIRE IS ‘STEADILY MOVING TOWARD AFRICA. VES!!! MY WELL TRAINED, CRACK TROOPS ARE HOLDING. | PUT THE PERUVIAN DICE-INX ON YOUR ATTACK! TINK! TINK! JINX! ONE'S!! JINX!) ROLL ONE'S! oe 4 BIG SIXES!!! cee ane SIMES!) ——| HEY | TOLD You TO CUT HA! TAKE EM) THAT OUTII! THAT WASNT OFF!! THAT WILL TEACH FAIRt! YOU CANT JINX YOUTO.. GAAAA!! ANOTHER MAN'S DICE! DEMAND A RE-ROLLII HEY COME ON GUYS, BREAK IT UP.!! : ee Bundle of Trouble” Volume II WELL THERE'S NOTHING IN THE RULES ABOUT JINXING DICE. IF YOU CAN'T HANDLE IT DAVE, | CHUTES AND LADDER: (CROCK'S PRE: TAKE IT LIKE A HEAR THERE'S A GAME OF 5 GOING ON DOWN AT MOTHER SCHOOL! 43OKAY, IT'S PAYBACK TINE. I’M PLAYING THIS BLUE CARD ON YOU! DIERT'W-NUKE!!! YOUR EXPEDITIONARY FORCES SUSTAIN 50 PERCENT CASUALTIES! DIRTY NUKE?? WOW! SO NOW SOUTHERN AFRICA AND EACH BORDERING TERRITORY IS UNINHABITABLE FOR THE REST (OF THE GAME! HA! UNLESS YOU JUST HAPPEN TO HAVE THE BLUE CARO, NUKE-RETARDAN'T!!! AY ARMIES ARE IMMUNE TO RADIATION WELL IT AINT OVER YET CUE BALL! IF IT'S GOING TO CAUSE GUT??? Dip ROMMEL QUIT BEFORE | SACKING THE KREMLIN | a WELL, IVE SECURED ASIA, ELROPE AND AFRICA. WHERE TO | WAND ON FROM HERE?? SARA'S SITTING ALL NICE AND SNUG IN aLouvoen Packt up canna ‘AUSTRALIA = NOT REALLY MUCH OF A THREAT AT THIS POINT. AND GO HOME BEFORE ARGUE AANO BOB AND DAVE: ARE TTOPPLING THE NING WHTOR. =o SLUGEING IT OUT FOR SOUTH DYNASTY2? | DON'T AMERICA, WOULD HATE TO THINK Ot! DISTURB THEN, SORRY BAL! THE TIME HAS COME FOR OUR TREATY TO BE SHATTERED! TWO TURNS LATER THERE'S NO STOPPING THE BIG GLY NOW! ‘ALL WE CAN DO IS FIGHT TO THE LAST MAN THAT WAS BRUTAL! ‘AND DIE WITH HONOR GRUD!! | ROLLED Twos HE'S LIKE A GREEN SLIME AND THREESI! YOU TAKE OOZING ACROSS THE GLOBE! WELL, LOOKS LIKE IT'S FINALLY ‘MEXICO AND i OUT OF THE Jt TIME TO LEAVE AUSTRALEA, Issue #5: Master of the Game™SORRY BRIAN!! LOOKS LIKE YOURE GOING TO GET THE FULL BRUN'T OF My BREAK-OUT FROM AUSTRALIAII NOTHING PERSONAL. BODY OF ITS PREY, IT IS BECAUSE OF TIMING.” HUH?2 OH.UH_RIGHT SARA. TMCASHNG NTWO NOTHING PERSONAL. BUT | WARN SETS OF caRDSH THAT YOU I AINT GONNA, ‘SHOULD GIVE ME 115 ARMIES. OH, AND I HAVE THIS BLUE CARD, “NOBLE CAUSE” WHICH DOUBLES THE VALUE OF MY CARDS 50 THAT'S 360 ARMIES IN ALL YOU LOSE FEV ARMUZES...cREATII| OWN ALL OF ASIA AND EUROPE NOW. GUESS ILL KEEP YOU ON THE RUN ‘AND MOVE INTO NORTH AMERICA. YOU KNOW, THIS GAME IS ACTUALLY FUN! I THINK | SEE THE ATTRACTION NOW. MERCY! LOOK ATTHAT! AS NOTHING BUT A \ 2 ‘SHE'S SLAPPIN’ HIM AROUND LIKE STRAW GIANT! A REDHEADED STEP CHILDI! THATE THIS STUPID GAME!!!/ ARRRRGGGHHH!! ‘YOU KNOW, VIN THE FOG OF WAR You Never ‘SEE IT COMING!Beating the Odds STORY BY HAL MCKINNEY MAN, IVE BEEN LOOKING FORWARD TO YU BET! | THOUGHT ID ACLERIC?? BUT THEN BOB'S PLAYING A PUNNING THIS ADVENTURE. LET'S GET pay aCLERIC THIS TIME OURPARTY WONT HAVE CLERIC? THIS ‘GOING! UH, BOB, YOUR CHARACTER, OUT. HIS NAME IS ATHIEF. WE JUST GOTTA | GOTTA SEE. LETTLE LEFTY WAS KILLED NICKY THE HAVE A THIEF, LAST WEEK. DO YOU HAVE A NEW MONK. (see Kon ‘BOB, WE GOT TO TALK ABOUT THIS NEW CHARACTER. FIND IT A LITTLE STRANGE THAT THERE ARE WO STATS UNDER 8. iF THAT WEREN'T ODD ENOUGH YOU ALSO HAVE 800 STRENGTH!!! YEAHI I’M TELLING YOU | WAS REALLY FLOORED AT ‘MY INCREDIBLE LUCKI! IMAGINE THE ODDS, HUH? / BOB HAVE SOME TACT! EVERYBODY CHEATS ON A STAT OR DONT WANT TO EMBARRASS YOU THIS SUCKS"! | HAVE AN FROM TIME. ‘OVERBOS BOB BUT | DON'T THINK | WOULD. NNGREDBLE sTaeax op TNOFROM TIME 1 TIME BUT YOU or Pas CALL THIS A CASE OF YOU JUST GOOD LUCK AND YOU ‘ASSUMING YOUR DICE HAVE BEING ‘LUGKY”. ‘ACCUSE ME OF FAIRLY TRUE EDGES AND GHEATING?? YOU'RE ROLLING ON A FLAT 7 gO UAT, ‘SURFACE, LOIS6 x 10 TO ONE WOULD BE A FAIR ESTIMATE.DID | EVER TELL YOU ABOUT MY FIRST CHARACTER, TAR. MARKVAR?? HE STARTED OUT A LOWLY THIEF WITH THE MOST PATHETIC STATS YOU EVER SAW. BUT LITTLE TAR WENT ON TO BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH... WELL THERE'S BEEN A RASH OF ‘LUCKY STREAKS’ LATELY AND T/M FED UP WITH IT. | THOUGHT THE HONOR SYSTEM ON CHARACTER GENERATION WOULD SPEED UP THINGS AND GIVE US MORE TIME TO GAME. FROM NOW ON ALL CHARACTER GENERATIONS HAVE TO BE WITNESSEDH 'HATE HIS STORIES ABOUT TAR MARKVAR!! HE ROLE-PLAYS A WIMP CHARACTER ELEVEN YEARS AGO AND HE ACTS LIKE A MARTYRII HE NEVER TELLS THE STORY HOW IT'S TRUE BA. BOB ROLLED TEN NATURAL 16'S TT ¥ IN MY PRESENCE. | WAS TRULY ASTONISHED! BOB??? ALL 19'S??? oe WERE VOT ND Hr | MEAN. WHAT CAN YOU SAY?? WOW! FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, GIVE ME _NY WITNESS $0 IT'S ALL ABREAK HUH? OFFICIAL. DAVE WAS THERE sobs ALITTLE EBWY ‘AND HE EVEN SIGNED OFF ON OH BROTHER, NE. BUT THEN AGAIN, MY CHARACTER SHEET. / RUE WT AND WHAT'S THIS? DAVE'S NEW CHARACTER? WHY LOOK AT | OLED SO MANY TIMES THAT BLISTERS? THIS, ALL BSI! WHAT A SURPRISE! OH, BUT SEE IT'S | HAVE BLISTERS ON MY HANDS. YOU SHOULD SIGNED OFF BY BOB, SO IT MUST BE KOSHER. YOU GUYS ee i Maga USE MY REALLY TAKE THE CAKE YOU KNOW THAT? CHARACTER | GUESS YOU WANTED THOSE GENERATION HONEST B.A.l! WE USED UP 18S PRETTY BAD THEN. PROGRAM. TWO REAMS OF PAPER AND A BOX OF NUMBER 2 PENCILS.——y YOU GUYS DON'T KNOW THE FIRST THING ABOUT ROLE-PLAYING! IT'S NOT ABOUT HAVING THE MOST POWERFUL RELIC OR MAXIMUM STATSI| WHAT POSSIBLE SENSE OF ACCOMPLISHMENT CAN YOU GARNER FROM THAT#? TRUE ROLE-PLAYING IS TAKING THE RAW MATERIAL THAT'S GIVEN TO YOU - THAT STREAM OF NUMBERS AND STATS ON THAT PIECE OF PAPER YOU HOLD AND TURNING IT INTO SOMETHING NOBLE AND HEROIC! | WISH | COULD MAKE YOU UNDERSTAND THAT. TAKE MY LOWLY THIEF TAR. IMARKVAR!! HIS STATS SUCKED. EVERYBODY TOLD ME TO SCRAP HIM AND ROLL UP A NEW CHARACTER. YOU WERE THERE BRIAN = REMEMBER THAT? BLT | TOOK THAT LITTLE GUY AND WENT ON TO BLAH, BLA... JUST SMILE AND GREAT! ANOTHER IF! EVER RUN INTO THAT RUNT IM GONNA RUN HIM THOUGH FOR eg HAVING TO LISTEN TO STORIES ABOUT HIM ALL THESE YEARS. tiOA 1p Op HELL ‘LESSON ON MARKVAR \ | JUST DONT GET IT! WE ROLE-PLAY SO WE CAN BE WELL, SOME GUYS JUST AREN'T CUT OUT TO BE PLAYERS. POOR HEROES AND KICK THE BUTTS OF DRAGONS, ORCS AND SAPS ARE RELEGATED TO BEING SPECTATORS OR WORSE YET, BEASTIES. B.A. ROLE-PLAYS GEEKS AND LOSERS! GAMEMASTERS. [AND THEN TAR SAID TO THE KING, THAT'S ITI! 'M DOING MY ‘TRUE, THE GAMEMASTER “WHY? DID YOU LOSE ONE?” HA HA, AND THE STUPIO KING DIDN'T GET IT. SO HE THREW TAR IN THE DUNGEON BLAH... Issue #5: Master of the Game'Can't Buy Me Luck STORY SUGGESTED BY RICHARD BARTLE OKAY SCTE GRTOR Era PA-LEEZE. IT'S JUST CONFRONTED WITH ALONE ORS. A SCRANNY OBC! HE'S BRANDISHING A SMALL AXE. SNCE YOU nee ee MOR hue ne eriaie fcr BEEN WORKING AGAINST YEAM BUT BOB'S BEEN ON AN YOU ALL NIGHT. UNLUCKY STREAK FOR TWO. WEEKS. HE FUMBLED 8 TIMES [LAST WEEK AND Four TIMES 1 GONG TO WASTE HIM WITH TONIGHT. THAT SWORD | JUST FOUND!! SECONDS LATER. OH MAN. WASTED BY ‘TALK ABOUT BAD LUCK! . HOPE IT ISNT CATCHY. |1UH...WHIMPER)... UH, ROLLED A ONE. | FUMBLED. _ So aren ‘OF DEATH? ‘OH MAN AND THE OR ROLLED A RESURRECTING THAT CRITICAL ITH! ACCORDING TO CHARACTER WOULD BE THE CHART HE JUST ‘AN ACT OF CRUELTY! DECAPITATED you. qi @ & WELL HE WONT BE SEEING ME AGAIN ANYTIME DON'T WORRY BOB! 'M SURE THINGS = ‘SOON, 'M GOING TO LAY LOW AND PLAY IT SAFE WILL TURN AROUND FOR YOU. NEXT WEEK OKAY THE RESURRECTION WAS UNTIL THIS UNLUCKY-STREAK GOES AWAY. ‘SUCCESSFUL. IF THIS CLERIC GAVE OUT GREEN ‘BOB'S BEHIND ME#? STAMPS YOU'D BE ABLE TO GOOD IDEA BOB! I'LL TAKE THE WATCH THOSE TRADE IN FOR A STEREO POINT. YOU GUARD OUR BACKS. FUMBLES STICK-BOY!) ‘SYSTEM OR SOMETHING BY NOW.| | | A LITTLE LATER. AAS THE GROUP IS MOVING DOWN THE commooe YOU HEAR A sceapnc sono GAAMARL! Xn casy aoa you CaN o0 i BOB YOU SPIN AROLND TO DEAD MAW: YOU NEVER MISS WITH FROM BEHIND. VILL LET LOOSE WITH MY YOUR CROSSBOW! SEFOUR KOBOLDS ENERNG Cre sOW oF DOOM! are JUST THINK HIGH NUMBERS!!! vou. "AW Be ROLL 1 TO HOLD ON BoB! FOCUS AIT BOB!!! HELP |S ON THE WAY!! a i ] CAN'T 00 IT! DAVE, YOU ROLL. FOR ME. FOR CRYING OUT LOUD | ROLLED A ONE! DAMN! THE TORCH-BEARER i WAS NORE EFFECTIVE AS A NO WAY!!! THATS BAD KARMA. | |” as you TRIED TO RAISE FIGHTER THAN BOB! NOW WERE ST PEER SOE SAD CK, ‘YOUR CROSSBOW YOU REALLY HURTING THANKS BUT HO THANKS. YOU ROLL : FUMBLED. ONE BOLT HITS BRIAN'S CHARACTER ‘DUDE! YOU INTHE BACK THE OTHER / KLLLEDLITTLE Spe DaMace ou Y ONE KILLS THE KNOBB' TORCH-BEARER. Foor! vee YOUR OWN DICE! FIRST WE ENPTY YOUR DICE BAG OLIT ON THE TABLE. EACH ONE OF US ROLLS EACH DIE UNTIL WE EACH GET A MAXIMUM RESULT EAC DIE SIND, WE PLB ENG DE ACESS GARY JACKSON'S SIGNATLRE IN MY AUTOGRAPHED HAGKMASTER: PLAYER TIPS At AND TACTICS. AND FINALLY, WE PUT ALL THE DICE BACK IN THE BAG AND SHAKE IT 100 TIMES TO REDISTRIBUTE THE LUCK. YEAH, THAT'S WHAT. Pearce HE NEEDS. A GOOD ‘OLD FASHIONED, ‘MISFORTUNE PRESSING DOWN DICE-CLEANSING. ‘THAT'S ITM INTERVENING. BOB, WEVE GOT TO PURGE YOU OF YOUR BAD LUCK. LET'S GO DOWN THE CHECKLIST.Agent of Evill! OKAY, YOUVE MADE IT TO THE FINAL CHAMBER OF THE LABYRINTH OF VECTRA!!! youre STANDING IN FRONT OF TWO LARGE BRONZE DOORS EMBOSSED WITH \VECTRA'S SEAL. A STERN WARNING READS, ‘ONLY THOSE WHO] ‘SERVE THE DUKE OF EVIL. SHALL ENTER THESE DOORS!" 50 WHAT D0 YOU DO NEXT? ‘STORY BY CHRISTOPHER HEATH AT LASTIITHE ENFAMOUS INNER CHAMBER OF VECTRAY!! Ano YOU SAY THE SEAL |S STILL INTACT##? OM MAAN. IVE BEEN WAITING A LONG, LONG TIME FOR THIS. CAST A BASH-DOOR SPELL | A LARGE CIRCULAR ROOM IS REVEALED WITH A ETS EVEL! «= WHAT??? You DONT . DOMED-CEILING. IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROOM IS BRIAN WAS RIGHT! SAY WE DESTROY DESTROY THE SINGLE AN ALTAR. MAGICAL FLAMES DANCE FROM EACH I'S THE (TW BEFORE IT'S ‘MOST POWERFUL CORNER OF THE LARGE MARBLE BLOCK. LEGENDARY TOO LATE. RELIC IN THE LYING IN THE CENTER OF THE ALTAR ON A VELVET HAND OF HAGKMASTER'S: PILLOW ISA SEVERED HAND!!! iT Is VECTRA! GM GUIDE! /ADORNED WITH DOZENS OF RINGS AND BRACELETS. | en RAND No: ENCE | r Fete | OFF MY. | TH SHAN 52 CLO: MY AXE AND HACK NOWAY!!! DM SER. BA X GRAB OFF MY HAND. THAT ARTIFACT IS GOING ON THIS ‘BLOODY STUB RIGHT HERE BUD!! GHOPPETY-GHOP!! Issue #5: Master of the Game™WELL, IF THAT'S THE WAY IT'S GONNA BE, DAVE AND BRIAN WILL HAVE TO ROLL THEER OWN HAND THe QUICKEST. BRIAN GETS A +2 BONUS FOR USING AN AXE, DAMN!!! ALL HAVE IS THIS STUPID | SOMEBODY MY HAND IS CUT OFF TOO!!! 'M GOING TO WRESTLE WITH THE BIG OAF FOR ITI THAT HAND IS MINE!!! BE HEY DONT FORGET (M USING y STER st INITIATIVE TO SEE WHO CAN HAGK OFF Lal iy YOURE ACTUALLY DUELING ‘TO SEE WHO CAN NAIM, THEMSELVES FIRST? \ OKAY WESE GUYS!!! WHICH HAND DID YOU EACH CUT OFF? THE REGHT OR WON THEROLL!! TWON THEROLL!! DAVE |S STILL SAWIN’ AWAY BUT MY HAND IS ALREADY LYING ON THE GROUND! HARHAR - LOSER! UH...UH...BRIAN, WH! (STHEAANDOF WATS HO, VECTRA?? (SIT A LEFT ee HAND OR A RIGHT HAND. Bundle of Trouble Volume II- UH..UH..| CUT OFF WY REPT HAND! No, My RicHT. WAXT, NO, THE LEFT. DAMN. UH.ER.OKAY, HAR HAR!!! YOU BLEW IT ‘BUDDY!!! OR SHOULD | SAY, ‘STUBBY!! TM AFRAID THATS A LEFTY ON THAT ALTAR. SS[BRIAN'S RIGHT, DAVE. THE HAND IS USELESS TO YOU!!! LOOKS LIKE YOU GET THE HAND BRIAN. THAT HAND IS AN EVIL RELEG! ITS POWERS CAN ONLY BE USED TO FURTHER EVIL! MY CHARACTER IS LAWFUL GOOD AND HAS TAKEN A VOW TO FIGHT EVIL DRAW MY SWORD AND ATTEMPT TO ___ STOP BRIAN! SARA?? WHAT IN THE HELL. —————___ ARE YOU DOING?” BRAN DONT TAKE PERSONALLY. rmaust AMY COME OW YOURE STANDING PLAYING MY CHARACTER, IF YOU ATTACH NEVER RAISED ARMS AGAINST ME??? HUH?? THAT HAND TO YOUR STUB YOU'LL BECOME AGAINST EACH OTHER. AN AGENT OF EVEL. ‘STEP ASIDE, UH, THOSE OF YOU WITH SEVERED ar Er Tana HANDS LOSE 5 HIT POINTS PER ROUND. iy pack you uP \ ick er. SARA AS SOON AS HEY BA. WHILE THEY ARE FIGHTING I'M GONNA, (GRAB THE HAND. | | OL ‘ BOB, LL GIVE YOU 6000 G'S IF WHILE YOU WERE BUSY CHOPPING OFF YOUR HANDS LL GIVE YOU 4900 GP'S | INO BERG |caeD THE WO LETS .41 4 EE aa YOU DESTROY IT eichT NOMI! LITTLE GAME - SHALL WE?? IT'S CALLED, BOB'S yy MAGIC COW*, | ARTIFACT AUCTION!!! THE HAND GOES TO HERES ABI MY FEST THE HIGHEST BIDDER. BIDDING STARTS AT 5,000 GP'S. | IN YOUR FACE | BOBBY-BOY!! HAND | HAMM | \ i Cy NTBRESTING. | °°? R OVER THAT HAND - NOW?! 54 —— — hsuce #5: Master of the Game™HMMM...1 GOTTA GO WITH DAVE'S BID. SORRY SARA, BUT IVE ALWAYS HAD MY EYE ON THAT COW. THROW IN THE ENCRUSTED MAHOGANY DIAMOND- YOKE AND THE SOLID-GOLD BELL AND IT'S A DEAL DAVE, DAVE, BRIAN, BOTH OF YOU GUYS ARE STILL BLEEDING PRETTY BAD. 4 DAVE, THINK ABOUT WHAT YOURE DOING! TM TELLING YOU THAT HAND IS EVIL. : IT WILL DESTROY YOU! eae GE IT UPL i ‘TAKIN’ DAVE'S SWORD AND HACKING HIS HAND OFF. Eee NO PROBLEM! IF WELL, YOUR CHARACTER ISNT PROFICIENT WITH A 2:HANDED ‘SWORD BOB SO I'M GIVING YOU A~4 MODIFIER. | MISS THE FIRST TIME, ILL JUST TRY AGAIN. 0H, IVE GOT TO EASY THERE BOBI! STOP THIS. BUT MAKE IT A CLEAN | HATE ATTACKING OMY TEAM-MATES! ‘HOLD UP ‘SARA. | HAVE PLAN. BE PATIENT. DAMN!! T ROLLED A ONE! A FUMBLE. ‘AT THE WRIST, YOU MISSED OKAY, INSTEAD OF SEVERING DAVE'S HAND ‘AND TOOK OFF His ARM AT THE SHOULDER.YOU STUPID JERK!!! you poy Lh ON PURPOSE WHAT Us "HE eee GONNA DUDE, RELAX! 'M PICKING UP VECTRA'S HAND AND ‘ATTACHING IT TO YOUR SHOULDER. IT'S (MAGICAL, ANT IT?? MAYBE IT WiLL (SIGH) ANOTHER GOT NO HANDS! GROW ANEW ABM FOR YAI eae COMING UP, WELL DO SOMETHINGH! | FEEL EXPOSED HERE. | CANT EVEN WIELD MY YOU PLACE THE HAND ON DAVE'S soeeY DUDEI! ae ene NICE TRY ak oh: fu ae SHOULDER AND IT INSTANTLY VE i AMY AXE AND K: ‘ESHES WITH HIS FLESH. UH, “Or Neep — .COMEON, MAN!! = THAT WAWND OFF OF DAVE'S SORRY DAVE. IT DIONT GROW A ‘your SWORD BACK, FIX Ml! MAKE IT ‘BODY. NOT LIKE HE CAN DO NEW ARM FOR YA. YOU NOW HAVE (GNICKER) RloHTH ANYTHING TO STOP ME. A HAND PROTRUDING FROM YOUR SHOULDER JOINT. | AFEW HOURS LATER. WELL? SOMEBODY PAY THE MAN! | CANT DARN! | REALLY GET TO MY CON POUCH AT THE MOMENT. WANTED THAT HANDI! OKAY, THE HEALER. SAYS HELL MAYBE WE CAN GIVE YOU A GROUP DISCOUNT. AT LEAST WAS ABLE TO puRSLE THAT @UMOR HELL REATTACH THREE HANDS, | GOT DIBS ON DESTROY THEEVILPELIC — apour THE HEAD CONE ARM AND RESURRECT BOB. THE INCENSE!” BEFORE IT DID ANY HARM. = OF VECTRAP? ‘ALL FOR 10,000 GP'S: HE'LL EVEN / THROW IN SOME FREE INCENSE AND / / SOME TEMPLE LITERATURE. P 56 Issue #5: Master of the Game™The Head of Vecna by Mark Steuer ©1998 two groups against each other. Several members of Group One came up with the idea cof luring Group Two into a trap. You remember the Hand of Vecna and the Eye of Vecna that were artifacts in the old D&D world where if you cut off your hand (or your eye) and replaced it with the Hand of Veena (or the Bye) you'd get new awesome powers? Well, Group One thought up The Head of Veena. tryside (even paying Bards to spread the word about this artifact rumored to exist nearby). They even went so far as to get a real head and place it under some weak traps to help with the illusion, Unfortunately, they forgot to let ALL the members of their group in on the secret plan. A Druid fact and went off in search of it himself (I believe to help M: years ago, (back when we all were still playing D8"), Iran a game where I pitted wap One spread rumors all over the coun- in Group One heard about this new ar prove himself to the party members) . Well, after much trial and tribulation, he found it; deactivated (or set off) all the traps; and took his “prize” off into the woods for examination. He discovered that it did not radiate magic (a well known trait of artifacts) and smiled gleefully. I wasn't really worried since he was alone and I knew that there was no way he could CUT HIS OWN HEAD OFF. Alas | was mistaken as the Druid promptly summoned some carnivorous apes and instructed them to use his own scimitar and cut his head off (and of course quickly replace it with the Head of Veena) Some time later, Group one decided to find the Druid and to check on the trap. They found the headless body (and the two heads) and realized that they had erred in their plan (besides laugh- ing at the character who had played the Druid). The Head of Vecna stil had BOTH eyes! “They corrected this mistake and reset their traps and the Head for it’s real intended victims. Group Two, by this time, had heard of the powerful artifact and decided that it bore investigating since, if true, they could use it to destroy Group One ‘After much trial and tribulation, they found the resting place of The Head of Vecna! They were particularly impressed with the cunning traps surrounding the site (one almost missed_his save against the weakest poison known to man). They recovered the Head and made off to a safe area. Group ‘Two actually CAME TO BLOWS (several rounds of fighting) against each other arguing over WHO WOULD GET THEIR HEAD CUT OFF! Several greedy players had to be hurt and restrained before it was decided who would be the recipient of the great powers bestowed by the Head. ‘The magician was selected and one of them promptly cut his head off. As the player was lifting The Head of Veena to place it on it's new body, another argument broke out and they spent several minutes shouting and yelling. Then, finally, they put the Head onto the character Well, of course, the Head simply fell off the lifeless body. All members of Group Two began yelling and screaming at each other (and at me) and then, on their own, decided that they had let too much time pass between cutting off the head of a hopeful recipient and put the Head of Vecna onto the body. SO THEY DID IT AGAIN... (killing yet another player-charactet). In closing, it should be said that I never even cracked a smile as all this was going on, After the y side was hurting)... And Group Two blamed ME second PC was slaughtered, I had to give forall of that.. So let that be a warning to you - don't let your head get cut off unless you really know what you're doing. rs) oe = al w ao --] tee F re ee al | Pe i) =a a Mark Steuer steuerm@nichols.com Bundle of Trouble™ Volume II. 57PARTING SHOTS) For those of you who watch the SIMPSONS you may have noticed in the opening credits, Baris being punished and writ- ing something 100 times on the blackboard. The following is 4 compilation of the various phrases poor Bart has had to seraw out in chalk over the past Few seasons. I will not carve gods. 1 will not spank others. T will not aim for the head. 1 wil not bad unless Tm sick. 1 will not expose the ignorance of he ficuly 1 saw nothing unusual in the teacher’ lounge. J will not conduct my own fire drills, Fusiny noises ate not funny. 1 will noc snap bras. I will not fake seizure. This punishmenc isnot boring and poineless, My name is not Dr Death, 1 will noc defame New Orleans. 1 will nor prescribe medication. 1 will noc bury the new kid. 1 will no teach others to Ay. I wil not bring sheep to as, A burp isnot an answer. ‘Teacher is nora leper. Coffe isnot for kids. 1 will no eat things for money. T will noe yell "Shes Dead” at rll il ‘The principal’ toupee is nota Frisbee. 1 will nt call the principal “spud head.” Goldfish don' bounce, Mud isnot one of the 4 food groups. No one is interested in my undegpants, I will noc sell miracle cures. I will urn the seeing-eye dog. T do not have diplomatic immunity. 1 will noc charge admission to the bathroom. will never win an emmy. ‘The cafeteria deep fiyeris nota toy Al work and no play makes Bart a dull boy. 1 will no say “Springfield” jus o get applause. 1am not authorized to five substitute teachers ‘My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man, I will not go nea the kindergarten cute am not deliciously saucy. (Organ transplants are best left professionals ‘The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with “Hail Satan’. I will no celebrate meaningless milestones. ‘There are plenty of business like show busines. Five days isnot too long to wait fora gun, I will not waste chalk. 1 will not skateboard inthe halls. 1 will not instigate revolution. T will nor draw naked ladies in class, 1 did not see Eis 1 will no call my teacher “Hor Cakes’ Garlic gum i no funny. They are laughing at me, not with me. I will not yell “Fie” in a crowded classroom. I will not encourage others to ly I will not fake my way through ie Taris nota plaything. I will not Xerox my butt. Ies porato, not poratoe I ill not trade pants with others, 1 am not a32 year old woman, I wll not do thar thing with my tongue. I will not drive the principal ca, I will not pledge allegiance vo Bar. I wil not sell schoo! property I will noc burp in chss. I will no cut comers Twill not ge very far with cis atte I will not belch the National Anthem, I wl nor sell land in Florida unles I actualy own it I will no grease the monkey bars. I will noc hide behind he Fifth Amendment. I will not do anything bad ever again 1 will not show off I will not sleep through my education, Tam not a dentist Spitwads are not fre speech Nobody likes sunburn slappers. High explosives and school dont mix [ wll not bribe Principal Skinner. will noc squeak chalk I wil finish what Bta “Bart Bucks are not legal tender Underwear should be worn on the inside ‘The Christmas Pageant does not stink I will no torment the emotionally fail Have a joke or cartoon youd like to share? Send it to: Knights of the Dinner Table Parting Shots Submissions 830 W. Main Street, PMB 114 Lake Zurich, Il 60047 Issue #5: Master of the Game™Pea COMPANY _Konighs of the Dinner Table #6 “Plays Well With Others” vigil Pebibd: Ap, 1997 © Copyright 1997, 2000 Kenzer and Company, All Rights Reserved, rights of the Dinner Table” ine (ISSN. 1526-307X) is ele monty by Kener and Company $3200, (US $36.00 in and US $50.00 Overseas). ‘To oe sat Gi or money onder (mde payable Kenver end Comp) Kenzer and Com KODI Subseriptony 830 W. Main Street PMBINA, Lake Zutich, 11 60047 cor fix a valid Visa, MasterCard, American Express or Discover ‘ard number, yout signature, card and expitation: to us at (Bi s40-bo70, Back Issues: Back issues and other KEWL KoDT sulfa aso available. See our website for decal Internet: _ jollyrb@aol.com (editorial inquires only) or KerzerCo@aolcom (all other inquires), Workd Wide Webs hrp//wckermerco.com Mailing Address: Kenzer and Company, 830 W. Main See PMB114, Lake Zurich I. 60047 Submissions: We accep submis: sions for stip ideas, jokes, car toons, ete. We are interested in runing anything that other smers and fans. would enjoy heck out ow website for writes sidelines, ‘Natie: Knights of he Dinner Tale, KoDT Rese KaO'T, Bundle of “Trouble, Phys Wall With Ochers HakMise, Parting. Shots, Hard igh Emeriss, Gay Jaton Fle, Blick Hand “Gaming. Soe. the Keane and. Company Lag. tnd all prominent charters and eneses theo are taal of Keser and Conmpuy. “Plays Well With Others” By Jolly R, Blackburn With Brian Jelhe, Steve Johansson and David S. Kenzer HEYP THE GAME IS ALMOST OVER AND DAVE STILL HASN'T SHOWN UP YET. WHAT GIVES? HE HAD A HOT DATE TONIGHT. HE TOOK SOME GIRL OUT TO A BIG DINNER AND A SHOW// HAAAA!!! WHAT A LOSER! HE MISSED OUT ON 10,000 EXPERIENCE POINTS, DAVE ON A DATE? \ MAYBE THERE'Sy : < bad ob fea = 0 ef re ” - te Q reetings and welcome to another issue G: KODT! I've just returned from GAMA (the Games Industry trade show, held in Reno, Nevada) and from GAME- FEST (held in Calgary, Alberta Canada). It was a great opportunity to talk with manufacturers, distributors, retailers, and most importantly, fel- low gamers about the comic book as well as KenzerCo's other products. also came home with a small pile of KODT story-ideas and submissions for future issues. Ic seemed everyone who came by the booth had a story to share or a comment to make about one of the characters. I think the big news from GAMA is that role- playing games are alive and well. There were lots of new companies presenting RPGs as their flag- ship products. And many old familiar companies who had been lured away chasing card-games the past two-years were back with new RPG products and supplements as well. Even though I've been predicting for the past 18 months that RPGs would make a major come- back at GENCON ‘97, I was very relieved to see so much interest in role-playing products at GAMA. One of the Andon Unlimited reps summed it up best when he said, “You know, 've really missed role-playing games. It feels so damn good to see all these new products on the tables.” ditorial of a Mad ‘Whether or not these new offerings will find a following remains to be seen. Here's my own per- sonal list of games to watch for: + ALTERNITIES, TSR’s new science fiction RPG. This game has been generating a lot of interest. * FILM NOIR. Archon’s flagship product. Beautiful product with a stable of good writers and artists working on supplements and expan- sions. * DEADLANDS. This RPG debuted at GEN- CON 96 and was somewhat lost in the blur of new collectible card games released at the show. Now it seems to be getting the attention it deserves and attracting a good base of players. * BLUE PLANET. Another sci-fi RPG with a twist. It cakes place on a distant water planet where a stranded earth-colony fights for survival. Also at the show were new products from Myrmidon Press, Steve Jackson Games, Five Rings Publishing, West End Games and many other companies. So the next time someone says, “Role-playing is dead!” you can just smile, pat the doomsayer on the back and say, “Sure..sure.” Enjoy the issue! And remember to send in those letters and ideas, Good Gaming! (uly Piet Jolly R. Blackburn April 7, 1997 OKAY BOB, YOU ROLLED A 17 ON THE BACKGROUND TABLE. MMMM... IT SAYS YOU'RE FROM ‘A DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY, YOUR MOTHER HATED YOU AND ‘YOU GREW UP FEELING UNLOVED AND UNWANTEO WHICH EXPLAINS YOUR WHAT DO YOU MEAN MY MOTHER HATED MEP HOW CAN SHE HATE MEP GAWD, LOOK AT MY STATS/ ANY MOTHER WOULD BE PROUD TO HAVE A DWARVEN-THIEF SON LIKE ME, SOMETIMES T REALLY WISH THEY HADN'T PUT THOSE BACKGROUND TABLES IN THE BOOK, THERE ARE SOME PLACES ‘A ROLE-PLAYING GAME GUST SHOULDN'T GO. Issue #5: Master of the Game™Luck of the Macaw THAT Bios Tig capa rol eee ry a WERE GOING TO REVIVE OUR HAGKBEARD, RPG OF PERAGY ON ie HIGH- Shs ‘CAMPAIGN. SO DON'T FORGET TO DIG OUT YOUR OLD CHARACTER SHEETS AND PROPS. HEY LET'S NOT FORGET THAT DIRTY SCALLYWAG, BLAGKDAWG BARTHOLEMEW Is STILL OUT THERE SOMEWHERE! AS CAPTAIN, | WANT EVERYONE TO BONE UP ON THEIR NAUTICAL SKILLS BEFORE NEXT WEEK. THAT'S RIGHT!_AND IF YOU REMEMBER HE SWORE A BLOOD-OATH THAT HED HAVE GUYS ABOUT CREW IS SEA-WORTHY!! OKAY, NOW READY TO WHO CAN TELL ME HOW TO TIE A GET GOING? SHEEP-SHANK KNOT? HEY BRIAN, \, WHAT'S WITH THE GOOFY HAT2? BOB, BEFORE YOU LEAVE, WANT YOU TO APOLOGIZE TO MY MOM FOR CALLING HER A SERVING-WENCH! Bundle of Trouble Volume IL My 'AINH, MY MOM THREW OUT MY PIRATE HAT!!| TRIED TO GET A NEW ONE AT LONG JOHN FISH AND GHEPS ON THE WAY TO THE GAME OKAY, YOU NOT UNTIL THIS SORRY-EXCUSE FORA — BLIT YOU HAVE TO BUY THE DELLINE FUN MEAL TO GET ONE AND | ONLY BY DAVIO S. KENZER, STEVE JOHANSSON & BRIAN JELKE. ICANT WAIT TO UNFURL THE FOLLY ROGER ‘AGAIN! KICKIN’ THE BUTT OF A PORTUGUESE MAIEO-WAR IS ALMOST AS FUN AS STOMPIN’ ORCS! IWAS GONG OVER MY | SOON WELL BE A'HOISTING THE CHARACTER LAST SAILS ON THE OL’ HAGK- NIGHT. | ALMOST FoR: | BETTIN!t! WE'VE BEEN THROUGH GOT HOW AWESOME ‘ALOT WITH THE OL GIRL. NO SCURVY-JACK FINER SHIP - NO SIREE! rousiesr SEA 006 70 JUST GVE ME A TALL EVER TILL'A euDpER IN | SHIP AND A STAR TO GUIDE HER BY. THE SPANISH MAIN! JUST THE MENTION OF HIS NAME MAKES MY BLOOD BOIL! TM LOOKING FORWARO TO THE CHANCE TO LOCK SABRES HIM AND HIS MANGY CREW AGAIN ME TOO! HE | LOST MY HAND TO HIS CABIN BOY, HUMILIATED US IN BARNACLE-TIEMMY!! OUR LAST MEETING! | PLAN ON SETTLING THAT LITTLE Score. HAD A BUCK FIFTY. SO | JUST MADE ONE OUT OF THE SPORTS SECTION. FoRcer THE HAT. WELL IT RUINS THE AMBIENCE OF THE GAME, BOBWHO'S YOUR OH YEAH? WELL. YOU LOOK LIKE AN iplor! LITTLE FRIEND? YOULOOK LIKE A FRY-COOK. AWK! f GCOFY Ha / 61WHAT'S UP WITH THE PARAKEET?? SHE DOESN'T BITE DOES SHE? ARR MATEYSI! IT'S ALL. WELL AND GOOD THAT WE IT'S NOT A PARAKEET YOU MAROON! IT'S MY ACTUALLY, BOB,| THINK WHAT YOU HAVE ave’ A NEW MASCOT FOR ‘AUNT GELGA'S PARROT, MALF-PEN'T! THERE |S A BRAZELEAN-RED THE HACKBETH!" BUT (MAGAW. THEYRE FAIRLY COMMON THE TIDE BE GOING OUT | BORROWED HIM FOR THE NIGHT. AND ARE KNOWN FOR THEIR GENTILITY! ye rungs) agp LET'S THOSE ARE VERY HEY IT TALKS SHOVE OFF SHALL WE? EXPENSIVE BIRDS. JUST TAS OU N s OKAY, LAST TINE WE PLAYED _THE TREASURE CAN WAIT. IT'S PROBABLY A FAKE MAP ANYWAY. | THINK ‘YOU WERE BOOZING IT UP AT WELL JUST SET SAIL FOR DEABLO ATOLL! WELL BE LOOKING FOR PIRATE'S HAVEN! 4 FAT, LOW-RIDING MERCHANT SHIPS ALONG THE WAY THAT WE CAN AMBLISH! DRUNKEN OLD SAILOR SOLD YOU A MAP TO SOME BURIED ‘AHOY MATEYSW IT'S HUNTING TIME! REMEMBER THAT —-MAN-O-WAR?? I THINK THEY ‘TREASURE IF YOU RECALL. IT'S ‘SPANISH MAN-O-WAR WE BEAT INTO SUBMISSION THE WERE SIMPLE PILGRIMS DAVE, ON AN ISLAND CALLED FEAR. LAST TIME WE PLAYED?? WE RULE! NOTHING TO BRAG ABOUT. IT'S A FIVE DAY TRIP FROM are PILGRIMS?” Give ME A BREAK. SARA WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO ACCEPT THE FACT THAT THEY WERE LYING? IF THEY WERE INNOCENT PILGRIMS WHY WOULD THEY BE SO HEAVILY ARMED TO THE GILLS??? HUH? THEY MUST HAVE THOUGHT WE WERE STUPID! JUST ‘ARR! WHO CARES? IT BECAUSE THEY THREW ON A COUPLE OF CHEAP ROBES, AND {DONT THN TWO HUNTS WATTERS NOT, WE KICKED IDANGLED A FEW HOLY SYMBOLS AROUND THEIR NECKS THEY KNIFE CONSTITUTES THEIR BUTTS FROM NOON TO. THOUGHT WE'D BUY INTO THEIR COVER STORY. HA! DO YOU ‘HEAVILY ARMED; DAVE. ‘SUNRISE MATEYS AND WE REMEMBER HOW THEY FRANTICALLY WAVED THOSE WHITE E ~ DIDNT TAKE A POINT OF FLAGS WHEN WE WERE BROADSIDING THEM?? DAMAGE! AARRRR. Q a0 Ss os 62. Issue #6: Plays Well with Others™‘WO HOURS BR. THIS TIME WITH A -5 MODIFIER. Se NAN, THERE SIGHT IT TURNS-ABOUT AND HIGH TAILS IT YAWN, GUYS, FOR THE LAST TIME YOU EALLY SEEMS TO ee Setar neha BEA LULL IN WELL MAYBE PAINTING THE SHIP YOURE RUNNING LOW ON FOOD AND. THESE SHIPPING yr peagitied s WATER, WE'YOU DONT WAKE ANOTHER LANES. BLACK SAILS WASNTT 50 SMART Guys, WANT TO STRKE SUPPLY RUN SOON YOU'LL HAVE TO I ie ROA CREAN CLT AF Vl ENN TOE POLL ON THE SCURVY-TABLES AGAIN. | WE MEET. THIS SUCKS! SIX WEEKS WE'VE BEEN LAYING IN AMBUSH ALONG THESE REEFS EVERY TIME A SHIP COMES INTO AN HOUR LATER OKAY, BRIAN, YOU MANAGE TO CUT THE TIE-DOWNS ON THE DECK-CANNON AND TURN IT ON THE CREW, THEY CHARGE YOU YELLING, ‘DEATH TO THE TYRANTS" BUT THE CANISTER OF GRAPE-SHOT YOU BLAST INTO THE MOB, MOWS THEM DOWN. IT. (7 LOOKS LIKE YOUVE MANAGED TO PUT DOWN ANOTHER MUTINY. WELL, WE'D BETTER GO GET THAT FOOD AND WATER AND RECRUIT A NEW OREW. THESE MUTINIES ARE REALLY CUTTING INTO OUR LOOTING-TIME, WE'VE GOT TO FIND A WAY TO RAISE MORALE SO WE Bundle of Trouble” Volume IL WELL, | GUESS ILL CLIMB UP THE MIZZENMAST AND CLT BOB DOWN. I'LL MIX UP ANOTHER BATCH OF WHALE-OIL_ ‘AND LYE AND TRY TO GET THE TAR AND FEATHERS OFF OF HIM BEFORE TREATING THOSE LASH MARKS. THANKS SARA! | THOUGHT ||WAS A GONER THAT TIME. LET'S ROUND UP THE ‘CAN SOMEBODY SURVIVING CREW MEMBERS LET ME OUT OF AND ADMINISTER A LITTLE THE CARGO NIGH-SEAS JUSTICE! HOLD? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? MORALE 1S GREAT, ‘THE CREW IS JUST FRUSTRATED BECALSE WE HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO FIND ANY SHIPS TO ATTACK! YOURE TOO LAX ON THEM SCURVY JACK! you ‘SPOIL THEM. LOOK WHAT HAPPENED WHEN YOU CUT THEIR) WATER RATIONS - THEY WENT BESERKI! NO DISCIPLINE. WE'VE BEEN FEEDING HEY, THEY GET A STRIP THEM OATS AND _OF SALTED-PORK ON WATER FOR SIX SUNDAY! UNGRATEFULCe AYE, AYE SIR BATTEN BOSUN, TACK 15 ALRIGHT PINE! A CREWMEMBER IN YES! WERE DOWN THE HATCHES! DEGREES TO THE AFT THE CROW'S NEST REPORTS HE HAS REGH! Hoist THE PREPARE TO LEEWARD PORT! SPOTTED A SHIP ON THE HORIZON JOLLY ROGER AND RAISE JTBE! LET'S HOPE THIS WIND HEADING YOUR WAY. IT SEEMS TO BE THE MIZZENMASTI! STAYS AT OUR BACKSI! A MERCHANT TYPE VESSEL AND RIDES POWDER AND LOAD THE LOW IN THE WATER. ‘MAIN BATTERY ‘YOURE MAKING INCREDIBLY GOOD SPEEDII_ THERE'S A GOOD STRONG WIND PUSHING FIRST MATE JUANITAIl! ORDER THE ‘YOU ALONG. YOLI QUICKLY CLOSE THE DISTANCE ON THE OTHER SHIP, YOUR GEN TO THROW GRAPPLING HOOKSt VOLLEYS OF GRAPESHOT Are REALLY HAMMERING THE ENEMY PREPARE TO BOARD!!! ‘SHIP'S SAILS AND RIGGINGS. THEY'VE YET TO RETURN FIRE, HOWEVER. YOU NOTICE THEY ARE WAVENG A WHITE FLAG. AYE Sint! HO HO!) SO THEY FIND THE TASTE OF SCLRVY JACK'S HOOKS AWAYIl PREPARING THE PASSION FOR BATTLE A Birrer BREW EH??? / GANG-PLANKS FOR JUST WAIT TIL WE CLOSE FO BOARDING. DEPLOYMENT!!! STS GtEZE- YOU KNOW THE RULEBOOK LOUKEEZE! MENTIONS THAT PARROTS WERE INCREDIBLE ROLLS BOB!!! you SUCCEED IN DOING " A.DOUBLE SUMNERSAULT FROM THE HACKBETH'S RIGGING, GRABBING ive VEN FERN MARES TE LUCRLOF A ROPE YOU SWING WITH INCREDIBLE SKILL AND GRACE OVER ONTO SUyH LUKAS We MACAW! THE OTHER SHIP WHERE YOU LAND DEFTLY ON THE DECK. : | DUNNO, THESE GUYS TN FIRING A MUSKET WITH MY LEFT HAND AND SWINGING DONT SEEM TO REALLY MY SABRE WITH MY RIGHT HAND. WES!!! WANT TO FIGHT THOUGH, | ROLLED TWO MORE NATURAL TWENTIES!!! Issue #6: Plays Well with Others”BOB YOU KILL THREE SAILORS WITH A HEY YOU DIRTY SCALLYWAG!! LEAVE SOME KILLING SINGLE SHOT FLOM YOUR MUSKET. THEY FOR THE CREW. WE DONT WANT ANOTHER MUTINY ON OU HANDS. 6 DOWN LIKE DOMINOES. YOU ALSO MANAGE TO KILL TWO MORE WITH SABRE-BLOWS. FIVE CRITICAL HITS INA 2022? WOW, BOBH!| DIDN'T KNOW YOU HAD IT IN YOU, HEY BOB, I'M HANDING DOWN (MY TEN-SIDER. RUB IT ON THE ‘YES!!! YES!) IT'S GREAT JOB! BIRD'S TAIL FEATHERS, MAYBE THE LUCK OF SOME LUCK WILL RUB OFF. THE MACAW!!! wm ‘ | IM UNSTOPPABLE! THE REST OF THE ENEMY CREW ARE SO HORRIFIED BY BOa'S TERRIFYING DEMONSTRATION OF BLOOD-LETTING THAT THEY CHOOSE TO JUMP OVERBOARD. THEYD RATHER TAKE THEIR CHANCES IN THE CHOPPY, SHARK-INFESTED WATERS, RATHER THAN FACE BOB'S WRATH!!! ‘YOU HEAR THAT??? SCURVY JACK WELL NOTHING FOR THE REST OF JUST TOOK THE SHIP SINGLE-HANDED! THEY'LL DAMNIL | DION'T Us TO DO BUT SEARCH THE CARGO- BE TALKING ABOUT THIS AT PIRATE'S EVEN GET TO ROLL. HOLDS. WHAT DO WE FIND B.A.?# JAVEN FOR YEARS TO COME. ee FOR A TOHIT. uf SORRY GUYS! NOTHING BUT TROPICAL FRUITSII| YOU SIMPLY STUMBLED OKAY YOU LOOK IN THE HOLDS AND PND THENOLDS ARE ROROSS A COLONIAL SUPPLY SHIP TAKING 60005 TO PoRT. COMPLETELY FULL!!! (UNDREL YEAH, REAL FUNNY! aNieree TS ae WHAT'S REALLY IN THAT EXPLAINS THE LACK OF FIGHTING SPIRIT IN THE CREW. ‘AND. BASKEI BANANAS, GOCONUTS, — THE HOLD?? GOLD? NOBODY WANTS TO DIE FOR A BUNCH OF BANANAS. PAPAYAS ANDGRAPE- —JEWELS?# SPANISH vER?? PAPAYAS?? IS FRUEZT??? WHAT THE eer ae = THAT A KIND OF / HELL |S THEIR ANGLE?? Bundle of Trouble” Volume ILI THENK I'M ON TO THEER GOGONUTS HELL!) 0H, 6000 THINKING DAVE. WE WOULONT LETTLE GAME. THEY'VE OBVIOUSLY 'M LOADING UP THESE WANT ANY OF THOSE VALUABLE PAPAYAS HIDDEN THEIR BOOTY INSIDE THE FRUIT. (MGONG = PAPAWAS AND GETTING PILFERED BY THE CREW. (SIGH) TO START PEELENG BANANAS. DAVE, TRANSFERRING THEM TO WHY DONT YOU START ON THE COCONUTS?# OUR TREASURY, WELL, | GUESS ILL START PEELING GRAPEFRUIT. MAYBE THEY HID THEIR DIAMONDS IN THEM. ‘YOURE GOING TO PEEL 25 TONS OF AWK FRY CEN THES SUCKS!!! | oor THnk BA PUT MUGH EFFORT INTO THIS ADVENTURE. LIKE THEY DIDN'T HAVE ANYTHING BETTER TO OKAY THAT FINISHES OFF (CANT BELIEVE IT, OOTHANMAVL SOME STUPID FRULT AROUND. THE LAST CRATE OF wovnawe???? BANANAS BOB WOU WHAT A FOUND ZIP!!! PATHETIC GUYS, MAYBE WE SHOULD «= ARE WOU CRAZY??? DAVE, YOU MANAGED TO EXCUSE THESE PULL OUT THAT TREASURE WITH ALL THIS FOOD WE CAN TRAGER TIE CAST GUYS WERE FOR ‘NAP WE FOUND AND. SIT OUT HERE FOR MONTHS Ane MERCHANTS. CHECK IT OUT. LOOKING FOR SHIPS TO AMBUSH. A lot of people have o curious as to how of the Dinner Table is brou month. As, Dave Kenzer é tporoachi Joly abbas coming oh bash inh Xomeet an Company we offered a what ght pretty lucrative stock ‘and perk pac | Wis ttre arto wen fi eps dude so Finaly daring weed via to bis beac, Bran hare, thas deli bon wing as old he and a Commodore Vie-20 10 do his layout on the comic book 1 ie ch he bul wnt weal ar bret simultar id just recensly uf our own: computers while se the Moni Grail Card Game so we took a. led out camps ed old Radio Shack TRS % ri i eon Son red ye a get it, When we told bims aver the phone it had. Ping 16K of memory. | think ¥ actually heard hima ‘A week later the contracts were signed received the compiver af his zara tn ths mull : earning het to tap into the ous powers of his new computer 66 $$ Issue #6: Plays Well with Others™Can We Talk? ‘STORY SUGGESTED BY BOB BRETALL OKAY GUYS, YOU ARE MOVING THROUGH THE CAVERNS OF ETERNAL — YEAH THAT WAS EDMUND FINLEY'S FIRST PERIL! YOU NEED TO FIND OUT WHERE THE EWEL DEATH-WEAVER'S FREELANCE ADVENTURE FOR GARY HIDDEN LAIR IS, SNEAK IN, FIND THE CRYSTAL HEART OF JACKSON. IT WAS A VERY WEAK EVERDREAD AND RETRIEVE IT. IT 1S RUMORED THAT ONLY THE OFFERING FOR THE MODULE-B SERIES, FEEBLE-MINDED GOBLIN, ROOFUS KNOWS THE SECRET ENTRANCE INTO THE LAIR, EDMUND GOOFED ON THAT WELL LOOKS LIKE A STANDARD YEAH SOUNDS SIMILAR TO MODULE ONE, THE MAJOR VILLAIN IN-OUT DUNGEON Bb, CAVES OF TREACHERY. WAS SORELY CRAWL WITH THE USUAL, UNDER-POWERED. HARDLY PV eetne te OUEsT- / ‘A CHALLENGE, (YAWN). TRAPPINGS, N\ FORGRYEZNG OUT LOUD!!! WiLL you GUYS PLEASE GIVE THIS MODULE A CHANCE? HUH?? THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH MODULE BG, UNSHEATHING MY HAGK- chossbow OF MASTER +12!!! READY ‘SLAYING! TO RUMBLE HERE! | GOT A COUPLE OF OKAY, AS IT MOVES MAXIMUS -FIRE- CLOSER YOU SEE IT 1S BALLS CONING ON LINE ‘A GOBLIN. HE IS GUYS, JUST IN CASE. SEVERELY WOUNDED ‘AND WEARING A UH...GUYS,.. BLOODY T-SHIRT THAT SAYS ROOFUS!! fy ——_ PEPPER THE 2999 ROOFUSWAVESAND. BASTARD WITH — ¢NMAINGA WA..WA..WHAT???? A VOLLEY OF crossbow —-PECABETATE BOLTS!!! HOOO00- LETTIN’ LOSE TWIN FIREBALLS! ARAAANHH!"! iii Bundle of Trouble™ Volume 1 67- NO FATR!!! THAT wapenr mamas “valnusmrt 6000 700 oust ROOFUS XS DEAD Wo wrk TRECK!! WaT A MAUTE ACEORONG TO PAE 28 | HIM YOUR CHANCES OF EVER FINDING | THE DEATH-WEAVER'S YEAMW | FELT RULES THERE |S A NEW CLERICAL ABILITY SECRET LAIR! THREATENED! FOR SPEAKING WITH THE DEAD. | THINK THAT MEANS SARA COULD CONVERSE WITH OL ROOFUS. OKAY, NOW REMEMBER | || OH,ALL RIGHT. SARA CAN | ATTENPT TO CAST THE YOU ONLY GET ONE SPELL BUT THE RULES WONDER WHO OL’ HH) 4) GUESTION. |_| SAY THERE IS ONLY A ONE ROOFS WAS RUNNING i bee gates PERCENT CHANCE OF am . AWAY FROM? THE SPELL 6000 POINT! LET'S ‘SUCCESS. SO GO FOR ITH! * ‘ WORKS!!! PHRASE THE QUESTION ser \ \ ees | Wek he. A CLOUD OF BLUE SMOKE vou Guys 0000000!" owe APPEARS BEFORE THE PARTY. KILLED ME YOU SUDDENLY THE GHOST OF ROOFUS ——————._ XD KOT!!! sorry THAT WHOSE SIDE ARE YOU ON ANYWAY! |S STANDING BEFORE YOU. HEY ROOFUS-DUDEt! Hee SMe ‘ASK YOUR YOU WERE ALL Boor! aparece meee Y PEAGE™ ¢ HOW DID YOU DIE? ane Ne UNBALANCE THE GANE. HEY ROOFUS! Issue #6: Plays Well with Others™Wherever You Go - There You Are THE I ICK EY, YOU | 'M SURE NOT GOING TO BE. RUS Ne Loi sole ne pi iies > TEMAD- MONKEY! WON tuckeDrAW a MAPPING! | MAP __ YOURE THE PARTY THIEF. LABYRINTH OF WRAITH ~~ Every WEEKANDIM «= THEEVES MAKE THE ‘AND I’M NOT GIVING UP ‘LORD, MONFYR! BETTER GET BURNT. IWANNAKEEP =» BEST MAPPERS, —_—_TRACKING TREASURE EITHER OUT SOME EXTRA GRAPH TRACK OF TREASURE AND EVERYONE KNOWS THAT. PAPER BOB, THIS IS A REALLY EXPERIENCE FOR A GOMPLEX LAYOUT! — cHanse. LET SOMEONE | ENJOY MAPPING! | DON'T ELSE MAP TONIGHT. mre (T BOB NO OFFENSE SARA BUT YOU TAKE COME ON BRIAN, GIVE UP THE NO WAY! LAST TIME SOMEONE ELSE KEPT WAY TOO MUCH TIME MAPPING, TREASURE LIST $0 YOU CAN TRACK OF THE TREASURE WE GOT BESIDES YOU DIDNT BRING YOUR START MAPPING! YOURE SCREWED BECAUSE THEY DIONT ACCURATELY LIST EVERYTHING IWE FOUND, FRENCH CURVE OR YOUR T-SQUARE, HOLDING UP THE GAME. COME ON DAVE. BE THE THE WELL WITH — 4 AN EXCELLENT MAPPER! | KNOW ALL en eeee: MAPPING! | Have an OFFICIAL HACKMASTER MAP SYMBOLS OUT LOUD MAP-MASTER TONIGHT! GUYS, Pick SOME. MTELLINGYAICANT DO —_AKEEN SENSE OF STN ELEN NTS FROM NEES ae ae IT ANYMORE. |HAVE DIRECTION AND RECALL. io eee LITTLE BLUE Geo WE WON'T GET LOST. THAT'S GREAT SARA, ACTUALLY THE GANE. THIS IS SOUNFES PEEHANEN TY sys. COLD CAMPSITE ! INTO MY RETINAS, RIDICULOUS: a WAS ADDED IN THE 320 EDITION. 69 Bundle of Trouble” Volume IIOH NO! DonT EVEN SUGGEST GONG IN We WERE DOING JUST (ON THE BRIGHT SIDE, | HAD TIME TO WITHOUT MAPPING. ewe Mapping By MEMORY AND BRIAN'WAS PAYING LEARN THREE NEW LANGUAGES WHILE {TOLD YOUTHIS WAS A FINE RDP BY MENORY THE PIZZA DUDE WHEN | WAITED FOR YOU TO EMERGE FROM THE CONT TCUARLY yy ORECTIONS FROM THAT eit enemy Fomor a rey on BEND ORC AT THAT THE ROAD. 50 WE | STILL SUSPECT THERE WERE ROADSIDE STAND. IT WAS ENDED UP WITH TWO ‘SOME TELEPORT TRAPS ON THAT THE LAST TIME YOU 415 WHACKED-DIRECTIONS MENTAL MAPS. ROAD. REMEMBER HOW TIME FAILED TO MAP TO THE FOREST CITADEL SEEMED TO FLY BETWEEN MILE Lin sioae! THAT GOT US LOST. / DAVE, YOU BETTER MAP. IF WE DONT AT! MAN, TELLIN YA | DONT LIKE TEE LEAST GO THROUGH A TOKEN EFFORT AT. BENG THE MAP-NONKEY. THE (OOMHRERT A o> ee NAPPNG BAIS GOING TO START THROWING TOXICFUMES FROM THE BLACK MEO OAE: air ware BACK AND | GRUDGE-MONSTERS MARKER MAKES ME GOOFY! mene ) AT US TO PROVE HIS POINT, REMEMBER WHEN THOUGHT SOFS UHM ies rane es ea ) YOUR TEN-SIDER WAS A SPIDER SELF. | HAVE A SPECIAL DARN ZT BOB, | DONT Use PEN-FUMES. DUDL!! | WAY OF DOWN IT, GGRUDGE-MONSTERS. MY ADVENTURES ‘ ! ARE METICULOUSLY PREPARED AND / / CHECKED FOR GAME-BALANCE. NRC te WOOARAHHAH!! DAVE, MAKE SURE YOU MARK THAT PIT ON THE MAP. WE MIGHT OKAY, AS YOU ARE MOVING DOWN eee HAVE TO COME OUT THE WAY WE WENT IN. THE comepon YOU HEAR Loup WEVE FALLEN NTO. CLICK. THE FLOOR BENEATH YOU 1 (MMM. MAKE: ANOTHER PIT??? TH SUDDENLY GWVES WAY AND THE PEATETRAP. WERE Pt ee We UST Lose THEE ENTIRE PARTY PLINGESINTOA —couctayrty CuECKNG LAST INTERSECTION? MORE VIALS OF HEALING TEN-FOOT PIT. EVERYONE TAKES 10 FOR TRAPS. ° POTION FROM THE FALL. POINTS OF DAMAGE FROM THE FALL. = ° AND AN ADDITIONAL 30 POINTS / FROM SPIKE DAMAGE. 7 ne Pas WO PEE OPSYOU SEE A LOT OF BROKEN SARA, YOU TAKE AN ADDITONAL @PONTS DAMN ZT! | KiEW BA, BEFORE WE GLASS, SOME FRESH BLOOD AND OF DAMAGE WHEN DAVE's 'SHOULONT HAVE LET YOU GUYS CLIMB OUT OF THIS BITS OF DEBRIS. LOOKS LIKE ‘COW LANDS ON YOU. TALK ME INTO BRINGING PITIM EXAMINING Ir, SOMEONE ELSE HAS RECENTLY ‘SORRY, GHELSIZE ITO THE DUNGEON. WHAT 001 SEE? FALLEN INTO THE PIT. LOOKS LIKE WERE NOT THE ONLY ONES SEEKING THE DARK ORB OF MONFYR!! SOMEONE ELSE?” WE NEEDED THANK HEAVENS CHELSIE DIDNT FALLIN A PIT AGAIN. IT'S OKAY, AS YOU PROCEED NORTH THE SURE ARE A LOT ALMOST AS IF SHE KNEW THERE WAS A TRAP HERE. FLOOR SUDDENLY DROPS OUT FROM — OF STUPID PITS IN BENEATH YOU. YOU'VE FALLEN INTO THIS LABRYNTH. ANOTHER 1 FOOT PIT, YOU LAND ON I CANT AFFORD LOCO ATIETLe AVE, THINK YouR COW THE JAGGED SPKES IN THE BOTTOM ANY MORE MAY HAVE FINALLY OF THE PIT. ROLL FOR DAMAGE! DAVE, DAMAGE! UPSET YOU GAVE HER THE De HONSTRATED WHAT ONE YOUR COW SEEMED TO SENSE THERE LAST VIAL OF HEALING POTION. oF IT's SECRET POWERS WAS A TRAP AHEAD AND PULLED | \ ARE ~ DETECT TRAPS, AWAY AT THE LAST MOMENT. <=<-_ i | DAVE ARE YOU GETTING THIS THIS FOR CRYING OUT ONCE AGAIN YOU LAND IN A sucks eT AVES THE LOUD! WonFve WENT BLOODY HEAP AT THE BOTTOM WE'RE SPENDING FREAKIN-BANANAS OF A TEN FOOT PIT WITH ALL OUR TIME HUH. HMMA, WITH THE PTS IN THIS SPIKES, THE FLOOR OF THE PIT FALLING IN THESE WHERE THE HELL LABYRINTH! 1S COVERED WITH FRESH BLOOD STLPIO PITS. ARE WE?? / ° wal PIPER Obi Ui asi rere a 9DEES DAVE DID YOU YM TELLING YOU, PRODDING THE COW TO MOVE OUT INDICATE THAT LAST TURN ON ‘AHEAD OF THE GROUP ISN'T WORKING. SHE'S REALLY THE MAP? AND | DONT THINK HMMM! WONDER GETTING UPSET. IF YOU WANT CHELSIE TO PROCEED (SEE THE SPIKED-PIT SYMBOL WHAT IN THE WORLD DOWN THE CORRIDOR YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO PUSH HER. FOR THAT LAST PIT. SHE'S AFRAID OF? SHE HANDLED HERSELF calveaar uneke: TADEITL (6 pura nex pac PRETTY GOOD AGAINST IN HY BAG OF HOLDING, OH, AND 3E RAVENOUS RATS. THAT? THE COW FM BEING EXTRA CAREFUL eo : DOESN'T WANT TO GO AGAINST ANOTHER HEAD-BUTT. | DOWN THE CORRIDOR. (OKAY, AS YOU PROCEED NORTH THE FLOO® SUDDENLY DAVE YOU DION MAP THAT ‘DROPS AWAY. DOWN YOU FALL INTO A 10 FOOT err LAST HALLINAY. (SIGH). UH_BA. ‘DANAE YOU WOTCE THAT THE FLOUOF TH PT er a Ree IS SPATTERED WITH FRESH BLOOD, BITS OF BROKEN eo ee ‘ARMOR AND EQUIPMENT, ETC. BLOODY HAND AND a FOOT PRINTS COVER THE SIDE OF THE PIT WHERE MOVING EAST#? MAYBE THE COW WAS APPARENTLY SEVERAL. PEOPLE ° TRYING TO TELL US ‘CRAWLED THEIR WAY OUT. ° SOMETHING. THOSE MYSTERIOUS: TRACKS AGAIN! AND | MOMENTS LATER... | YES SARA, YOU FIND YOUR ZNX'TEALS EXACTLY! ‘OKAY, AS YOU PROCEED NORTH THE ———————_ WHERE YOU SCRATCHED THEM INTO THE STONE, Eemaercnes MARRS geese | ON THE WALL OF THE PIT, r¢ FERKIN DING yeT ANOTHER 10 FOOT pr. BA. DO | FIND THEM? Pe BLAST!) THE SAME THAT MAP. | WELL THAT SHOULD JUST ABOUT FINISH OFF MY CHARACTER, Issue #6: Plays Well with Others”PV LOOK AT THIS CRAPtI HE'S GOT His COMPASS POINTS ALL SCREWED LP. “a WHY THE MEE DID HE USE FEVE DIFFERENT SHEETS oF PAPER TO DRAW ue jae THE MAP ON? 2 - Tae < 50 feet w ARE YOU SURE WERE NOT i EMS Y MARTA N 5 INISSING ONE?? + | DON'T SEE ANY OF THE LES £ ROOMS WE FOUND eS "Batensce INDICATED ON THE MAP. Abe his ONG. “al DUDE, DONT TAKE THIS Tyexe's wornine weoné WE NGHT BUY THAT SHORTNAND??? THERE ARE NO PERSONAL. BUT YOUR win My MAP, YOU JusT EXCUSE IF T WERENT MAPPEN' if FOR THE FACT WEVE —_» REFERENCES TO SHORTHAND SKILLS CANT READ IT BECALISE DEE TRAVELING IN MAPPING TEGHNZOUES N SUCK!!! SHORTHAND. CIRCLES FOR THE HACKMASTERBOOKS MISTER. PULL A Cast FOUR HOURS, STUNT LIKE THIS AGAIN AND FLL BE TEACHING YOU HOW TO READ XX \ KNUGKLES. | THAT WAS THE ING OUT JUST KEEP TAKING POINT, CAST OF THE a THIS IS PIT BOY!!! Were OKAY SARA, THIS CORRIDOR IS: SURVEY MARKERS axing 000000 RIGHT BEHIND YOU. EXACTLY 9.75 FEET WIDE AND TIFEET SARA. YOU WANT: LONG TO MAP. THREE INCHES IN HEIGHT. DOES THAT | SHOULD BREAK CANT WE ‘Just ANSWER YOUR QUESTION? OH, AND OPEN A NEW GET GOING? HAS ANYONE SEEN THE FLOOR RISES 3/4 OF AN INCH ‘BUNDLE? MY COMPASS? EVERY IS FEET. Bundle of Trouble Volume II-Silver Things Upon His Chest BY JOLLY R. BLACKBURN IM LOOKING FORWARD TO TONIGHT'S GAME. ERE... RUN? WHAT AZE THOSE SHEN Y THINGS ON Your SHIRT? THEY. THINGS ARE REALLY galley UP. LAST WEEK.AS GAMER ACHIEVEMENT AWARDS WHICH I’M PROPOSING YOU REMEMBER, WE HMMM, HOW INTERESTING. THE BIG GUY HAS FINALLY THERE SURE ARE A LOT OF THEM, HE LOOKS LIKE ADMIRAL GONE OFF THE DEEP END. DEWEY ‘SITTING DOWN THERE. \ if ‘ARE MOCK-UPS OF THE MEDALS | DESIGNED FOR USE WITH MY TOTHEGARY JACKSON ACADEMY OF ROLE-PLAYING NEXT MONTH. THEY ARE DESIGNED TO BE WORN BENEATH CONVENTION NAME TAGS AND AT OTHER FORMAL GAMING EVENTS. EACH MEDAL HAS A UNIQUE COLOR AND PATTERN WHICH INDICATES WHAT TYPE OF MEDAL IT IS. ‘SO WHAT'S OH, THATS A HEROXG SPELL-CAST THE LITTLE MIEDAAL. IT'S AWARDED FOR SAVING ONE OR MORE YELLOW MEMBERS OF THE PARTY BY CASTING A SPELL RIBBON WITH WHILE UNDER FIRE. THE SILVER AND THE BLUE \ BRAID FOR? — ONE WITH THE THAT'S A FAXCTHFUL- STAR? ADHERENCE TO ALIGNMENT BADGE. HEY WHAT'S THE 74: Most BADGE WITH A FIREBALL 08 MAGIC MISSILE — ONE WITH VALUABLE IT'S NOT THE LURE OF SPELL. Font Time Ones PRAYER ACCLAIM AND RECOcN TION XN Khoa peerry, AWARD INA THAT BRINGS ME TO THE HOW ABOUT THE =| poyrr KNOW YET. BUT IT N SINGLE SESSION, TABLE. | JUST WANT TOKILL METALLIC GOLD Wik HaVE TO BE A PRETTY . THINGS! UH...WHAT'S THE eiBeONe? SPECIAL ONE. THEY COST EXPERT MARKSMANSHIP TWO BUCKS TO MAKE. Issue #6: Plays Well with Others”UH..WELL... | ADMIRE THE EFFORT AND DEDICATION IT MUST HAVE TAKEN TO MAKE ALL THOSE MEDALS BRIAN. | WISH YOU LUCK WITH YOUR PROPOSAL BUT | HADN'T THOUGHT OF THAT. MAN, | BET THE CHICKS WOULD REALLY (GO NUTS OVER A GUY WITH A SHIRT FULL OF MEDALS TOO, HUH? WE SHOULD BE GETTING BACK TO THE GAME. WELL, LOOKS LIKE YOU WON OVER BOB AND DAVE ON YOUR IDEA. (MAYBE IT WILL CATCH ON AFTER ALL. GOOD LUCK BR WOW! LOOK AT ALL THOSE MEDALS. IT ATER re WOULD BE NICE TO WEAR THEM AT A CON, YOU WHEN YOU HAVE A CAUSE AND THE STRENGTH OF RESOLVE KNOW ~ IT WOULD HELP US DIE:HARD GAMERS "TO SEE IT THROUGH, YOU DONT NEED LUCK, SARA. STAND OUT FROM THE GEEKS WHO DONT TAKE THE GAME AS SERIOUSLY AS WE DO. SHOULDER OH Na, ov mis DEATE THAT IMA nal eneeanee YOURSELVES MEDALS POR PIBBON |ACK-N-SLASI FOR cRyENG PUAYIWG VETERAN. LE RBOOLWTTHE gees DNA) ove Li oe uy THE CHROMIUM-BLUE MOST DAMAGE ‘CONVENTION FOR EC er. > PAART_OUT. HB HEY GUYS GIVE MEA LIST OF THIRD-WORLD MOST AWESOME SINGLE-BLOW YOUR MEDALS SO | CAN GET DICTATORS ‘THEM ON THE SANCTIONED LIST. IN HERE, MOST DAMAGE DEALT OUT IN A SINGLE BLOW?? OH YES, Do rou LEZE THE EVEL THE INFAMOUS PEBBLE-GASTLE AFFAIR. WE WERE you" Untunan D UPON US ALL LUCKY TO LIVE THROUGH THAT ADVENTURE. INL??? ou FUTURE CONS WILL CONSIST OF LITTLE "NOE THAN GROUPS OF GAERS STANDNG ARNO UM... VERY NICE GUYS. Ue mtn EXPLAINING WHAT ALL THEIR MEDALS ARE FOR VERY NICE. UH..CAN WE LORD VECNAR, NOTHING x YEAH! TSwT GET ON WITH THE GAME?? 2 IT GREAT??? Bundle of Trouble™ Volume II 75bb! wl 5 a bb a i e a -- bi "7 = 7 rae by Jolly R, Blackburn few nights ago Brian stopped by my house, unan: Ace Tcould see, straight off, that he had a dis tant look in his eye. It was obvious there was some- thing on the Big Guy's mind so I invited him to have a seat 1 offered him a cold drink. At first he accepted but then quickly declined whem he learned I was out of Grape Faygo. ‘We ended up talking about role-playing and the state of the game industry (with the latest Hackmaster supplement, JabberHockey being the main topic of conversation). 1 pitched Brian on my Designer Dice idea and suggested it would be a great accessory for his Dice Bag Buddies con- cept. He seemed leery of my offer to collaborate so I backed off, Soon the conversation drifted to the current campaign 1 was running; how somebody lifted Bob’s lucky ten-sider last week; that it seemed Cold for this time of the yest, ete Rather, I should say 1 was talking about such things. For the most part Brian stared atthe Pulp Fiction movie poster on the wall and muttered, “uh huh” and “yeah” whenever L paused or whenever there was a moment of silence. The Big Guy was turning something over in his head - no doubt about it. Still, he didn’t seem to want to talk about it. It seemed as though the weight ofthe world was on his shoul- ders and that he was about to make a very difficult decision Now mind you - I'm just guessing. For te truth of the mat ter is that Brian is a very hard person to read, I's just as likely that he was waiting for the post-movie crowd to clear cout of Tie-Tae Taco so he could make midnight burrito run without having to waitin line If had to summarize Brian in as few words as possible Td have to say, “Eeyore the Mule” from Winnie the Pooh. Put that image in your head and I'd say you'd be able to pick Brian from out ofa crowd of fellow gamers at any con- vention, He's the kind of guy who becomes invisible when 1 gathering of people surpasses his comfort level of five. A small group, say the typical role-playing group is the per- fect environment for him. Throwing a gir in the mix, like Sara involves a whole different layer of complexities to deal with, We'll ignore that for the time being but ask me about it someday. Brian’s famous for some peculiar quirks, He has a tem: per that has to be seen to be believed. He's slow to rile ings that would cause most people to starting failing their fists roll off his huge shoulders like cwenty-siders. Things that most of us would take in stride, however, cause him to go berserk. Dice-pilfering for example, is the biggest button you ean push on the big guy. His eagle eye and that Spock-like com- puter in his brain-pan keep constant vigil over his pile of dice throughout the evening. Once while he was distracted paying the pizza-dude, Bob hid one of Brian's four-siders and a bet was placed with those of us atthe table as to how Jong it would take for him to notice, {think we were all floored with disbelief when Brian walked back in the room carrying the pizza saying, “Okay, Dave you still owe me 3.50 for the pizza, Jolly, the cit got out while I was paying the guy. And....alright, where's my 4-sider’ ‘The other thing Brian is famous for is table-Mipping. For along time he was making weekly payments to my mom on a new kitchen table to replace the one Brian trashed, ‘That litte fit-of-rage was erupted when Brian's character, Teflon Billy bought « pair of cursed boots from Bob's character. After he laced them up his began singing, “I’m a litle tea- cup, short and stout” and then inexplicably ran off a cliff to his death. Brian was motionless as he atempled to stare me down behind my GM’s screen, Well?” he finally murmured, “Do I get a saving throw?” Tunwisely replied, “Yeah you can roll to see if your head detaches from your body on impact and bounces” Scratch ‘one dining room table and a pair of glasses - Brian went berserk, In the years I've known him, I've never seen the slight- est hint ofa smile on Brian’ face. He does laugh occasion- ally, but i's a deep guttural “har, har” that suggests evil intent or reminds one ofthe gloating ofa pirate who has just prodded you off the plank into the maw of a Great White. He only laughs when he’s fired off a joke, lobbed a fireball into an approaching group of surrendering ores or when he’s pointed out a Game Master's failure to grasp the rules (in my campaign Brian frequently challenged my calls with, “You're wrong GameMeister and let me TELL you wh Other than that, Brian is content to show up every Thursday, rulebooks in one hand, dice bag hanging from his belt proudly as if it were a pouch of spanish dubloons. He Lakes his seat, strategically places a tasty beverage to is left and his “Main Battle Line” of carefully hand-picked dice to his right, Rounding out his arsenal is a golden rod tablet. (The yellow paper looks like parchment!” he explains.), three number 2 ‘Weird Pete's Games Pit pencils’ and of course his character sheet. Oh, and 1 should mention Brian never arrives at a game without “The Briefcase” which is famous in Muncie, Indiana gaming circles. I's a large, worn and tattered thing looking more like a Fuller Brushman’s sales kit than a brief- case. It’s huge. Brian picked it up at a Military surplus store though nothing about it suggests it ever wore the uniform, On one end there is a Pakistani Customs Clearance label showing that some guy named, Donald Clarke of Chapel Hill, North Carolina, apparently was carrying the case when he passed through that country on June 3, 1956. In this ease Brian has managed to store everything a gamer would ever ned at the table, Spare dice, change for the vending machine, pencil sharpener, Character sheet archive, the last six issues of his favorite gaming maga- ines. (Including copies of Blue Blood with book marks re erencing the ‘Vampire chicks in Latex’ photos he likes to pull out to make Bob blush.) Most importantly, Brian carries the entire set of Hackmasterrulebooks, supplements and tables with which he can lend support to his challenges on game calls. He keeps the combination forthe lock secret and to my know!- edge no living gamer has ever seen the inside of that case. When Brian has to retrieve something, he places it on his Jap and opens it just wide enough to shield his face as he retrieves the desired item. Over the years the rest of us have taken the opportunity Issue #6: Plays Well with Others™4 to try our best guesses at the combination while Brian is paying the pizza dude, We never stoceerled, We all groaned in uiter disbelief when, ‘as a group, we went to see Pulp Fiction. Remember the scene where John Travolta pulls that mystery briefcase from the kitchen cabinet. Spotting the combination lock he thinks for a second, half smiles and flips the dials to 666 and click. As he ‘opened the case we heard Brian mutter under his breath, “Dann, T guess I'll have to change my combination now.” (It would be interesting to do a survey as to how many people actually use {666 on their combo locks.) ‘As I was saying, in general, I find Brian hard to read unless he’s at an emotional extreme - i. flipping a table or belly-laugh- ing so hard the dishes ratte inthe pantry. T can never tell when he's angry, happy, sad, bored etc. When I first started having him over to game I was constantly asking, “Brian? You ok? Need a drink? Something wrong?” and, a host of other questions attempting to find out why he was silently sitting atthe other end of the table, not having said so much as a single word all night, One night, apparently annoyed at my constant questions, Brian muttered, “Look Jolly, when need something I'll let you know. If 'm not making noise I'm happy. And when T make noise listen to what I'm saying and you'll know what's wrong. Comprende?” ‘That's about as much asdrian’s ever said to me in a single response I've found if he's really upset he leaves a detailed note turned face down behind my screen on his way out, They us ly are concerns with judgement cals, favoritism, group-politics and the like, The next week Brian will always ask, “You read my note?” with a peculiar quality in his voice that’s normally absent, Pm not sure but I always have the impression he’s asking the question forthe benefit ofthe others in the group, Perhaps it's his way of suggesting to the others he's privy to information that they don’t have. I always respond by nodding my head and he flashes a big thumbs up, Brian is a veteran role-player going way back to the days they used “cardboard chits” for dice because Polyhedrons couldn't be purchased in Delaware County. He’s the kind of player most GM's dread - the ones who know just ‘that’ much more about the ‘game than you do. Just enough to find the loopholes in your calls and are able to challenge the GM and make it stick. In the beginning, not knowing Brian that well, 1 would look ‘cross the table and see this enormous pokerface muttering one and two word responses for five or six hours. Knowing that this gentle giant could erupt at any moment turning the room into a Jow-budge reenactment of the Poseidon Adventure, His silence always gave me the impression he was bored to tears with my campaign and that the only reason he was coming week after week was to make a fool out of me by challenging me to rule-duels Night after night he would roll the dice when prompted, Scribble a few notes, sip his soda and as soon as the game wound down he was the first to give a “see ya Thursday” and dart out the door. (I found out later that Brian runs a BBS and that late night Thursday he liked to archive the previous week’s uploads.) ‘Anyway, it really began to eat at me, Finally, I had to know the truth, Did Brian think my GMing sucked wind or was it me personally? One night Brian arrived early before the others and I decided to find the truth, “Brian? How do you like the campaign? I'm curious. I love feedback.” He looked up from the ten-sider he was polishing. “It's okay.” Bundle of Trouble” Volume II There was a pause as he picked up a wax crayon and touched up the numbers on his die, Then he added, “The way you handle resis bogus though: Keeps me from fully getting into my chat- acter.” “Whaa....what?” 1 answered. [had been running a campaign in which a few ore tribes began causing problems for the Emperor by continually raiding the borderlands, Fed up, the Emperor hires the players to talk sense into the orc chieftains. He ‘doesn't want ore-blood on his hands but he can’t tolerate the raids, ‘The orcs resent being told what to do and after several bloody ‘exchanges, the whole thing explodes with hundreds of far lung ore clans rallying together to form an Ore nation bent on bring- ing down the Empire. I thought the campaign was brilliantly laid out and was proud of my ote-handling “You have them banning together in large numbers.” explained Brian, “The rules don’t support it. Ores aren't good leaders. Give ‘em more than 15 to 20 warriors to command and you have chaos, Male rivalry is too instinctual to be overcome by discipline for Ores, Throw a group of males in a situation and the leader-types begin wrestling for control. The Orc tts are doomed to continually grow in population until rivalries and inner strife forces the tribe to split. Then the process is doomed to repeat itself. It's basic Ore nature. So your Ore nation is lame.” I hadn't really expected any criticism of my game. Brian's words caught me like a left hook and I reacted with a kneejerk. “Lame? It's my world, Ores in my world aren't cookie-cutter stereotypes. I decided to be original, put a little work into the ‘campaign s0 you guys would enjoy it more. And you call it Jame? Besides, 1 think this male-rivalry impulse would be over- ridden if a threat from an outside enemy threatened the entire Ore race.” Brian nodded. “Exactly. And that’s how I handled it in the adventure I wrote in 1978 called, “Ores at the Gates”. In my adventure the Overlord was systematically slaughtering the ore tribes with the very clear intent of bringing on their extinction That's sufficient cause for the Ore tribes to unite in force. But You just had a few soldiers raid a local Ore village und we're to believe this trivial incident would cause a mass convergence of all the Ore tribes in Alderac with the singular mindset of bring ing down an enemy which has historically kicked their butts for three thousand years in every single contest?” Brian must have noticed the vein on my forehead rising to enormous heights because he shifted in his seat, took a long sip ‘of soda and added, “But it’s your game, I'm having fun or 1 ‘wouldn't come back each week: 1 decided to let the comments slide and put them out of mind, So what if Brian was a self-professed expert of Ore culture and behavior? The following week when I slid behind the DM's screen and began assembling my notes I was a little miffed to find a signed copy of ‘ORCS AT THE GATES” sitting before me. I shot a look that could kill toward Brian, He was oblivious He sat there flashing me a big thumbs up and a ‘knowing’ nod. a 77The Safety Lecture BEFORE WE WRAP THINGS UP, | WANT TO REMIND EVERYONE TO TRY AND BE MORE SAFETY CONSCIOUS. | WAS JUST LOOKING AT THIS YEAR'S MINUTES AND GAME SES- SION ABSENTEETSM Is Lp 24 PERCENT DUE TO ONLY HURTING YOURSELVES, YOURE HURTING THE GROUP. EPISODE OF SKEPPY ‘STORY SUGGESTED BY CHRISTOPHER HEATH BA. IS JUST POINTING OUT THAT WE'VE HAD OUR SHARE OF GAMING MISHAPS THAT HAVE RESULTED IN INJURY. HEY IT WASNT MY FAULT | BROKE INJURIES, REMEMBER, WHEN YOU ISS A GAME YOURE NOT WE DONT HAVE ANY ‘CONTROL OVER MY ANKLE WHILE PLAYING NERF-BASKETBALL WN MY WHETHER OR NOT WE BEDROOM. | TRIPPED OVER SOME Habel GET HURT! ACCENTS | 5757 PRENTER CABLE WE'RE NOT LITTLE KIDS. ARE JUST REAL LIFE (FEEL LIKE I'M IN A BAD RANDOM ENCOUNTERS! if: DON'T GET ALL BENT OUT OF SHAPE OVER IT. I’M JUST SAYING YOU GUYS SHOULD THULIN BEFORE YOU ACT. ALOT OF THESE ACCIDENTS COULD HAVE BEEN AVOIDED. FOR EXAMPLE, BOB'S PAPERGUT! YOU HAVE SOME GALL SITTING THERE AND iy gare ANN FEREBALL GENERATOR® YOU uo yy BROUGHT TO THE TABLE THAT ONE TIME. WOU “Laver Geown BACK IN ‘COMPLETELY. NEARLY KILLED US ALL! YEAH...NELL.THE FUEL MIXTURE WAS A BIT TOO RICH, LL ADMIT. STAGKC!! THAT PAPERCLT —LiVE-ACTION HACKMASTER OUTINGI! PREACHING TO US ABOUT SAFETY, 1 STILL | HAD TO WEAR A HAIR IMANY TWENTY-SIDERS YOU COULD CRAM IN REMEMBER STARING DOWN THE DARREL OF THAT PIECE FOR EIGHT WEEKS! YOUR MOUTH. OH, THE LOOK ON YOUR FACE. WEY LAY OFF ey THERE WERE SIX OF US IN THAT ON MY EYE WAS A FREAK 1S IT MY FAULT THAT ACCIDENT. TEARING PAPER = DERANGED OPOSSUM OUT OF A TARGETED ME FOR ATTACK?2 | WAS NACKMASTER MINDING MY OWN BUSINESSH CHARACTER BINDER Is suppose TO BE A MUNDANE TASK. ACTUALLY YOU KEPT POKING IT WAS | SUPPOSE TO BE WITH A STICK AND_ SAYING WEARING “YOU WANT A PIECE OF ME?" IT APPROVED eve WAS ONLY DEFENDING ITSELF, ‘AND THERE WAS THE TIME YOU NEARLY TOORKCH?? — cHoKED TO DEATH OVER A BET ON HOW YOU WERE ONLY TWWO DICE AWAY FROM BREAKING THE OLD RECORD WHEN WE HAD TO INTERVENE WITH A HEIMLICH MANELIVER. EYEBROWS STILL /YEAH, YEAH. WELL BESIDES ACCIDENTS, YOU GUYS B.A'S RIGHT. THERE'S NO EXCUSE FOR FLIPPING A TABLE IN ANGER ‘TEND TO GET CAUGHT UP IN THE GAME SO MUCH THAT OR THROWING A DIE AT SOMEONE OVER A DISPUTED RULE CALL. NEVER KNOW WHEN A TABLE IS GOING TO BE FLIPPED OR A TWENTY-SIDER IS GOING TO BE HURLED AT ME. (M TALKING ABOUT NAKED AGGRESSION | THINK YOU ARE GREATLY AND PHYSEGAL HOSTILITY. EXAGGERATING, WE DONT eee A FIGHT ANY MORE OR ANY LESS THAN ANY OTHER THEY BRAND YOU WITH THE WHY DO YOU ALWAYS GOTTA BRING UP THAT GROUP. MARK OF GAIN. TWENTY-SIDER THING HUH? SAXD X Z WAS SORRY FOR CHIPPING YOUR TOOTH. Z | | WAS AT WEIRD PETE'S SHOP TODAY AND RAN THAT WAS NO DERANGED GAMER NETRO Is ONE TOUGH INTONZTRO FERGUESON. HE HAD A DUDE. THAT WAS BOB!!! HOMBRE. | CANT THINK OF BLACK EYE AND A DISLOCATED SHOULDER. SAID YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN IT. OL’ BOB ‘ANYONE WHO WOULD WANT: ‘SOME DERANGED GAMER ATTACKED HIM AT WASLIKEA RABED PIT TO TANGLE WITH KIM. HACKCON LAST SATURDAY. SAID HE WAS LUCKY BILL iT WAS AWESOME! TO ESCAPE WITH HIS LIFE. HE EVADED ANY FURTHER QUESTIONS AND LEFT QUICKLY. WEIRD | BOB ATTACKED NITRO? PETE SEEMED TO THINK THAT ONE OF YOU GUYS WERE RESPONSIBLE. IS THIS TRUE? " BOB WAS GREAT!! FIRST HE BLINDED NITRO WITH AN OPEN SALT SHAKER. OHUGE! WHAT WERE YOU THEN HE FLEW ACROSS THE TABLE, TACKLING NITRO AND GETTING HIM IN A, THENKENG?? HE'S THREE TINES MORGENSTERN THROATLOGK. THEY PLOWED A PATH NOLESIZE. ARE YOU STILL ATT FROM THE RPG ROOM RIGHT THROUGH THE SPELL.JACKED TOURNAMENT. KNOCKING OVER CHAIRS, FLIPPING TABLES, TOPPLING OVER SPECTATORS. IT was AWESOME, THE MAN TOUCHED MY DICE! TWICE! HE COTA Lidl WARNING THE FIRST TIME. Bundle of Trouble Volume IT.WELL, NITRO HAD IT FRANKLY, I'M APIPALLED! HOW CAN YOU JUSTIFY ATTAGK ING AN INNOCENT PERSON? COMING | Suppose. AND PHYSXCALLY ENSURING THE Poor MAN! HE KNEW BETTER, WELL, | GUESS THAT'S ONE DIEGE- ‘YOU RULE BOB! WHEN YOU PULLED HIS SOULRREL WHO WILL THINK SHIRT OVER HIS HEAD AND ‘TWICE BEFORE PUTTIN’ HIS PAWS ON. eee SAD ruc SMAGKED HEM With THAT sNAC ANOTHER MAN'S DICK THE eas X SAID THE Texy THE CROWD ROARED! / MY DICE!’ | STILL DONT SEE SARA, YOURE OBVIOUSLY NOT LISTENING TO WHAT BOB IS SAYING, WHY BOB HAD TO THE MAN TOUCHED HES DCE!!! NITRO THAT'S STILL NO CROSSED — EXCUSE FOR PUMMELING THE LENE! THE POOR BASTARD HALF-SILLY! LOOK, MISSY, MAYBE THEY MAN! WISHED YOU COULD HAVE SEEN BOB INACTION. WAR HARI! LEP SUCH THINGS SLEDE-EN THEOUWEWASGLENDED WITH RAGE NR MARE. WESCONSEN BUT NOT HERE TOOK THREE HOTEL RENT-A-GOPS AND HALFA |S IN MUNCIE! CAN OF PEPPER -SPRAY TO PULL 808 OFF WEAPON NITRO'S LEMP BODY. ee WE'RE GETTING OFF THE a SUBLECT GUYS THE WAR HAR! POINT IS... Issue #6: Plays Well with Others‘STORY BY CHRISTOPHER HEATH The Great Intervention WITH JOLLY R. BLACKBURN Bera E AM COME ON BAL! YOU 1 STILL THINGIT TONIGHT THERE'S ALITTLE JUST SPIT pest Tee Suey aetna PROBLEN THAT WENEED TO ET OUT BA. SHORTEST Reese: ‘ADDRESS AS A GROUP, weeor Tocet STRAW. WERE NOT WHAT'S EVERYONE UH..LET'S SEE HOW TO BEGIN? THIS OUT INTHE SONG TO LET YOU BACK TALKING ABOUT? UM..GEE THISIS GONG TOBE OPEN. IT'S GONE. OUT. T'S YOUR 08 TO WHERE WAS | WHEN DIFFICULT. MAYBE THIS SHOULD TOO FAR! eee ‘YOU DREW STRAWS? WHAT GIVES? WAT UNTIL. A LATER... J CONSIDER THIS AN INTERVENTION DUDE. epee es BREAN YA WERE HEAR TO BRING YOU BACK FROM OKAY. HERE GOES. WE'VE LET THIS LITTLE BIG LUG! you -LA LAND. KNOW WERE YOUR 15 He PROBLEM pcre’ FRIENDS, BUT YOU IF THIS 15 ABOUT IS...0H | CANT DO IT. eee oa GoTA BEG wewsr THAT FEMALE- OUT OF CONTROL. LI INT TO CHARACTER TRAN AT GARYCON HELP YOU. LAST SUMMER, IT WAS A ONE-TIME / ‘@ We MTT NT LEN PROBLEM IS WA-WHAT?? YoU PLAYED A FEMALE CHARACTER??? AT GIARYGON? YOU MEAN.LIKE INA GAME? WITH PEOPLE WATCHING? MY GIRLFRIEND? ALEXIS MARIE? WHAT POSSIBLE PROBLEM COULD THERE BE WITH HER? BRIAN, THE PROBLEM IS YOUR GERL- FRIEND. WE WANT TO TALK ABOUT HER WE GOT A BEG PROBLEM WITH HER DUDE. SHE DOESN'T EXZST!! SHE'S ALL IN YOUR HEAD MY LITTLE DAY-DREAM BELZEVER: DON'T BE UPSET BRIAN. WE You Gor 79 Look REALITY IN JUST WANT TO DISCUSS THE THE EYE DUDE! SITUATION - FOR YOUR SAKE. GRAB HOLD OF IT AND DONT LET GO. Bundle of Trouble” Volume II.THE JIG'S UP, BRIAN! WE'VE COME WITH AN OFFER TO MAKE THIS AS PAINLESS AS POSSIBLE FOR YOU. ALEXIS MARIE NOT REAL? ARE YOU KIDDING? THIS IS ALMOST LAUGHABLE. / SMPLY CONFESS ALES MARE 197 PEA. HA HA, | CANT AND WE AGREE TO DROP THE MATTER RIGHT HERE, NO WAIT TO TELL ‘ONE WILL EVER GIVE YOU ANY FLACK ABOUT IT, HER ABOUT THIS TONIGHT. SHES WHY ARE YOU AGAINST GOING TO GET A LEXNY77 IS IT KICK OUT OF IT. THES LS CRAZY! is i THAT HARD FOR YOU GUYS TO IF SHE'S NOT REAL HOW DID BELIEVE SOMEONE AS BEAUTEFUL AND WONDERFUL AS JUST GET OFF THE PHONE ALEX6Z'S COULD BE IN LOVE WITH A GUY LIKE ME?? WITH HER? WE MUST HAVE SHES A FAKE! TALKED FOR AN HOUR, SAY ET! SAYSHE © JUST LIKE THE SO-CALLED WERE NOT SAYING THAT, BRIAN“ poesw'TExIsT, YOU HICKEY ON YOUR NECK YOU WE'RE JUST SAYING THAT YOUR TRTRELEGV GRE REAL RMON YOU WANT: TO... SHOWED UP WITH AT THE EMBRACE THE TRUTH. CHRISTMAS PARTY! oan ‘UA. WELL..THAT WOULD BE Tig TELLING YOU SHE'S REAL. oavievou.usr pNONE OF YOUR IF YOU CANT ACCEPT THAT THAT'S YOUR QAVENOUAST. BUSEMESS? MSA vex, wuch ona PROBLEM. NO LOSS TO ME. wiranee waar was IT OO BEG BA BRIAN, THEYRE NEVER GOING TO SHE HAVE TO SAY? BIG BAD EASE UP ON YOU. TELL THEM PERSONAL? BEKERGHECKS?? ii ey want TO HEAR * YEAH MosT 1-400 HAHA HAR HAR! tPaean TWILL NEVER CONE UP AGAIN.eee ___— SH@SREALDAMMZT!! SHE'S SO WONDERFUL! {LOVE HEARNG ALL THOSE STORIES yee SMES ty aceg ive peeteD ABOUT HER CRAZY ADVENTURES. YOU "YEO fe woe’ CAREFUL. PERHAPS ‘MAYBE FROM WATCHING KNOW, THE ONES. WHERE SHE GETS ‘THAT'S WHY | WAS ATTRACTED TO HER, TELEVESION? SOME OF ae our OF Borer ie THOSE LEXXY-STORIES HAVE BEEN REA PRETTY UNBELIEVABLE! JAMS BY USING COMMONLY FOUND OSS IVATK EYE ta AS ITEMS TO PRODUCE 4 we SHE'S A MEMBER OF AN SPECTACULAR RESULTS? DOUBLES AS A OPERATIC HANG FASHION MODEL? GLIDING TROUPE”? / WHO COULD BELIEVE THAT ONE? WELL...UH..THAT'S NOT SO EASY, SHELIVES OUT SHE LIVES IN...UH..ER.. THE PHELEPPINES! WERE SHIFTING THE BURDEN OF PROOF TO YOU BRIAN. INVITE HER TO THE GAME OF STATE YOU SEE. NEXT WEEK, WELL HAVE seer | PIZZA, TELL JOKES, PLAY SOME CDS, ANYTHING SHE Senter wore THE PHILIPPINES? SHE'S STUDYING PPOLYNESIAN DANCE. WANTS TO D0. OKAY, GOOD BLOCK. Now | COUNTER WITH ANOTHER SHOT. LET'S JUST CALL MMAR ON THE PHONE AND SETTLE THIS. | HAVE A CORDLESS PHONE AND 1 WILLING TO COVER THE COST FOR AN OVER-SEAS CALL, DON'T REMEMBER HER PHONE NUMBER. YOU DIDNT EXPECT | LEFT IT AT HOME. THOSE THAT DID YOU BIG GUY? NOW WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO D0?CONE ON BRIAN! WEVE ALL PULLED LITTLE STUNTS ~ RUBBER-BAND JUST..JUST BECAUSE YOU LIKE THIS, | ONCE MADE UP A GIRLFRIEND MYSELF. WILLIE GUYS LOST TOUCH WITH | TOLD EVERYONE | WAS TAKING HER TO THE PROM. WASN'T REAL??? REALITY DOESNTT..DOESN'T LATER WHEN WE DIDN'T SHOW, | TOLD EVERYONE OUR MEAN. ..HAVE.. LIMO GOT HIT BY A TRAIN ON THE WAY TO THE DANCE. ‘YOU SEE BRIAN, WE'VE Ne ‘ALL DONE IT. YOU JUST - YEAH AND WHEN | WAS A LITTLE TYKE, | USED TOOK IT TOO FAR. TO HAVE A MAKE BELIEVE FRIEND CALLED RUBBER-BAND WILLIC! x | COME OW, BRIAN!!! LOOK!!! He's PLANT THOSE SIZE-TWELVES A cenckNGHTHNKHES «= EMWORACE THE BEG GUY!!! BAY BT! ALRIGHT!!! (SOB) ALeichT DAMN ET!!! SHE LSNT REAL!!! (SNIFF) IS THAT (ee EERE RISER BV CMMI ER TEE CEC E hit heee OETA CRIME FOR ME TO ENGINEER M\ "APE FROM A CRUEL WORLD OF LONELINESS??? (SOB) X‘M A ROLE-PLAYER, DAMW: fre THAT'S WHAT | DOI! SO | CREATED MY OWN LITTLE PATHETIC WORLD. IT'S CALLED BREAN'S LIFE!!! IT'S NOT MUCH BUT IT'S MY WORLD!!! THE HARSH EDGES OF LIFE ARE LITTLE DULLER HERE. HERE | COULD IMAGINE THAT SOMEBODY COULD LOVE AND CARE FORA GUY LIKE ME. BUT YOU KXLLED Z'T!!!(GNiFF) Vide ‘ oe Issue #6: Plays Well with Others™I FEEL SO GUILTY! D0 YOU THINK WE DID THE. (GNIFFLE) IM. SORRY GUYS. ZT RIGHT THING? | DIDNT WANT TO HURT THE BIG GUY. JUST HURTS. ILL EXCUSE MYSELF NOW. I THINK ID LIKE TO BE ALONE AND SORT THINGS OUT. / IT HAD TO BE DONE BA. HE TOLD ME LAST WEEK THAT HE AND LEXXY WERE ENGAGED. AND YESTERDAY | ACTUALLY GOT THE INVITATION IN THE MAIL. YEAH, AND HE ENGAGED??? x ‘OH DEAR. CAN YOU ASKED ME TOBE BRIAN? HOW DID | MISS IMAGINE THE TER- HIS BEST MAN, THAT ONE? RIBLE PAIN HE CAN YOU BELIEVE (MUST BE FEELING ICANT BELIEVE THE BASTARD DIDNT INVITE ME TO HIS DAMN WEDDING!! PBigidlalaf Tob VolimelT (aoe ee agPARTING SHOTS If ever happen to become an Evil Overlord: My legions of terror will have helmets wit clear plexiglass visors, not face-concealing ones. My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through, My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped willbe killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dun- geon, Shooting is not too good for my enemies. ‘The anifact whichis the source of my power will not be kept ‘on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Etemity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. [will not gloat over my enemies’ predicament before killing them. When the rebel leader challenges me to fight one-on-one and asks, “Or are you afraid without your armies to back you up?” My reply. willbe, “No, just sensible.” When I've captured my adversary and-he says, “Look, before you kill me, will you atleast tell me what this is all about?” P'l Say, “No,” and shoot him, 1 will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If itis necessary, it will not be « large red button labeled “Danger: Do Not Push’ ‘The big ed button marked “Do Not Push will instead tr sera spray of bullets on anyone stupid enough to disregard i | will not order my trusted lieutenant to kil the infant who is destined to overthrow me — ll doit myself [will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum — a small hotel well outside my borders will work just as well | will be secure in my superiority, Therefore, 1 will fel no reed to prove it by leaving clues inthe form of riddles or leav- ing my weaker enemies alive to show they pose no threat Twill not waste time making my enemy's death look like an accident — I'm not accountable to anyone and my other ene- mies wouldn't believe it T will make it lear that I do know the meaning of the word “mercy”; I simply choose not show them any. One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. ‘Any flaws in my plan that he is able o spot will be corrected before implementation, Al slain enemies will be cremated, or at least have several rounds of ammunition emptied into them, not left for dead at the bottom of the cliff ‘The announcement of their deaths, 35 well as any accomps- ning celebration, will be deferred until after the aforementioned disposal. My undercover agents will not have tattoos identifying them as members of my organization, nor will they be required 10 ‘wear military boots or adhere to any other dress codes, The hero is not entitled to a last kiss, a last cigarette, or any other form of last request | will never employ any device with digital countdown, IfT find that such a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will set it to activate when the counter reaches 117 and the hero is just putting his plan into operation. | will design all doomsday machines myself. IF must hire a ‘mad scientist to assist me, Iwill make sure that he is suficent- ly twisted to never reget his evil ways and seek to undo the damage he's caused, | will never utter the sentence “But before I kill you, there's just one thing I want to know.” ‘When I employ people as advisors, 1 will occasionally listen to their advice. | will not have a son, Although his laughably under-planned attempt to usurp power would easily fail it would provide a fatal distraction ata crucial point in time. | will nt have a daughter. She would be as beautiful as she was evil, but one look at the hero's rugged countenance and she'd. betray her own father, Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, Iwill not indulge in maniacal laughter. When s0 oceupied, it's too easy to miss wnex- pected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly No mater how tempted I am with the prospect of unlimited power, will not consume any energy field bigger than my head. 1 will maintain a realistic assessment of my strengths and weaknesses. Even though tis takes some of the fun out of the job, atleast | will never utter the line “No, this cannot be! 1AM. INVINCI BLE!” (After that, death is usually instantaneous.) No maiter how well it would perform, I will never construct any sort of machinery which is completely indestructible except for one small and virtually inaccessible vulnerable spot. If Lam engaged in a duel to the death withthe hero and am fortunate enough to knock the weapon out of his hand, I will graciously allow him to retrieve it. This isnot from a sense of fair play; rather, he will be so startled and confused that I will easly be able to dispatch him, 1 will never build only one of anything important. For the same reason I will always carry at last two fully loaded ‘weapons at all times. My pet monster will be kept in a secure cage from which it cannot escape and into which I could not accidentally stumble, Even though I don't really care because I plan on living for ever, Iwill hire engineers who are able to build me a fortress sturdy enough that, if 1am slain, it won't tumble to the ground for no. gow structural reason, | will dress in bright and cheery colors, and so throw my ene- mies into confusion, ‘All bumbling conjurers, clumsy squires, no-talent bard, and cowardly thieves inthe land will be pre-emptively put to death My foes will surely give up and abandon their quest if they hhave no source of eomic relict. ‘Any and all magic and/or technology that can miraculously resurrect a sevondary character who has given up his/her life through self sacrifice will be outlawed and destroyed {will not fy into a rage and kill a messenger who brings me bad_ news just to illustrate how evil I really am, Good messen- gers are hard to come by. I won’ require high-ranking female members of my organi ‘ation to. wear a stainless-steel bustier; Morale is better with & ‘more casual dresscode. Similarly, outfits made entirely from black leather wil be reserved for formal occasions. T will not employ devious schemes that involve the hero's party getting into my inner sanctum before the trap is sprung 1 will not tum into a snake. I¢ never helps. This partial list is Copyright 1996 by Peter Anspach. For the complete lst, E-mail anspach @ aftermath math.uoknoredu Issue #6: Plays Well with Others”BY JOLLY R, BLACKBLRN “The Never-Before-Seen Past Advent: coy Carvin’ Marvin Sy She fntshvs OF she Dinner Tobe” WeW!T WHO PUT THIS LIST BEHIND THE GIM SCREEN? IT's GOT WISHLIST YEAH, THEY SAY IT'S A GOOD WRITTEN ACROSS THE TOP AND HAS A WHOLE BUNCH OF STUFF LISTED ON IT. WAY TO LET YOUR Givi KNOW WHAT YOUD LIKE TO | SURE DONT KNOW. HEY, THERE WAS AN ARTICLE IN SEE IN HIS CAMPAIGN. BUT ANYTHING ABOUT WAG TOURMAL ABOUT WISH LISTS LAST MONTH. DIDN'T TURN ONE IN. NO WISH LIST! \ OKAY, FLL CONFESS. IT WAS ME! IT'S JUST A LIST OF ITEMS | JOTTED DOWN FROM THE HAGK MASTER'S PLAYERS GULDE THAT MY CHARACTER WOULD LIKE TO HAVE. YOU KNOW LIKE A PAIR OF BOOTS OF HIGH KIGKENG, A GAPE OF SHADOW WEAVING, A BEG ASS SWORD. THINGS LIKE THAT! THANKS DAVE! IT HELPS KNOWING WHAT THE PLAYERS WOULD LIKE TO SEE. OF COURSE OH SURE, IT'S ALL FENKAND DANDY — BIG ASS SWORD! ANY ITEMS | MIGHT HAPPEN TO PLACE FROM IF BA, STARTS PADDING THE BIG ASS SWORD! THE LIST WILL BE PROPERLY GUARDED AND ADVENTURES WITH CRAP FOR YOU BUT. THAT'S ALL YOU NOT EASILY OBTAINED. WHAT ABOUT THE REST OF US? HUH? EVER TALK ABOUT! DUDE, YOUVE ONLY BEEN PLAYING FOR SIX MONTHS! YOU GOTTA PUT YOUR TIME IN AT THE TABLE! PAW YOUR DUES! NOBODY'S GONNA HAND YOU OVER THE WORLD! THAT'S WHAT HAGKMASTER IS ALL ABOUT! YOU GOTTA FIGHT FOR IT. HELL, YOU GOT A °2 REAVER (-5 V3. GNOME KIND)! WHEN | WAS A LOW LEVEL GHARAGTER | WOULD HAVE GIVEN ‘OKAY, SO WHEN YOU SAY ‘BG ASS SWORD’ UST EXACTLY WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? BRIAN AND HAVE SQUIRRLED AWAY & FEW CHOICE BLADES OVER ‘THE YEARS. MAYBE WE CAN FILL THE ORDER MY GOLD TOOTH FOR SUCH A WEAPON! | DUNNO. A BIG ONE! a WITH LOTS OF PLUSES COURSE WED sucks! THE REAVER SUCKS! | GUESS | CAN SEE HIS ‘AND WITH RUNES AND | EXPECT TO MAKE A TSE WanreD irl PONT. IEA FEGHTER HAs STUFF ON IT. PROFIT ON THE NO RESPECT FOR HIS WEAPON WHAT GOOD IS HE? Bundle of Trouble™ Volume I] —_—___—_—_—_—_—_—_________———— 87‘MAY | RECOMMEND A -6 BANESIMI'TH? A BEAUTIFULLY ‘CRAFTED PIECE OF WORK WITH AN ENGRAVED BLADE BEARING NORDIC RUNES AND A GOLD ENLALD SCABBARD ‘MADE FROM THE RIB BONE OF A SWAGK TRON DRAGON, REALLY? YOU GUYS HAVE SOME OF THE GOOD ONES PUT BACK? HOODY HOO! LETS TALK. (CMON GUYS! DAVE'S | BOB, RELAX! WE'RE THINKING MY FRIEND. DONT OF WHATS BES'T FOR THE YOU GOT SOME NERVE PLITIN THAT PIECE | EVEN THENK PARTY HERE. WE NEED A OF TRASH ON THE TABLE. YOU FORGET TO ABOUT SCREWIN HIM | WELL -ARMED FEGHTER. MENTION THAT IT'S A GURSED BLADE? OVER ON SON TAKING THE POINT. BOGUS DEAL! WHAT DIO TLL PASS ON ‘ORO YEAH, AND | GOT TELL YA? THAT ONE, a TUST THE SWORD ! FOR HIM. \ WE AGREED TO NOTHING! YOU AND NOW ITT JUST SO HAPPENS THAT IC HAVE THE PERFECT SWORD FOR YOU. | WAS GOING TO USE IT MYSELF BUT UH...ER.. WELL. GER TAIN PROBLEMS AROSE WHICH (BOB DECIDED TO BURY HIM WITH PREVENTED ME FROM DOING SO. BUT YOU? I'M TELLIN YA THIS SWORD'S GOT YER PEGLY THIW-WILLOW NAME WRITTEN ALL OVER IT. | DONT KNOW WHY I DIDN'T THINK OF THIS BEFORE WITHOUT IM CONSENT. REMEMBER? OH YEAH? WELL GIVE ME SOME 2211 1 HOPE YOURE NOT sworo DETAILS. WHAT KIND OF SWORD IS IT? TALKING ABOUT MUARWICA! a eee | THOUGHT WE ALL AGREED TO A ‘CAREFUL, DAVE! HE'S | LET HIM REST IN PEACE! WILL YOU JUST SHUT UB? FM TRYING TO MAKE (MARVILN? WHAT THE HELL ARE THEY TALKING ABOUT? "ADEAL HERE. AND WHO KNOWS? HE MIGHT BE ‘ABLE TO CONTROL. IT BETTER THAN | DID JOnnS OURACTER TRON SWALLOW INTELLIGENT | WOULDNT WISH THAT SWORD USED TO HAVE, THAT SWORD HAD THE EGO sworD? ON MY WORST ENEMY: OF A TITAN! POOR TRON SWALLOW ‘COULDNT CONTROL BAAA!! TELL YA WHAT. e TLL CUT YOU IN FOR TEN PERCENT OF THE TAKE! Bons Sectionr ‘LOOK KID, "M GONG TO BE HONEST WITH YOU, GARW.EN’ MARVIN {5 NOTHING SHORT OF GAWD FURY. TRAPPED IN A BLADE OF COLD DWARVEN STEEL! THINK OF HIM AS A WILD UNTAMED STALLEONT HE NEEDS TO BE BROKEN IN BEFORE YOU CAN BE HIS MAS~ TER. {M JUST ASHAMED TO SAY THAT XROW SWALLOW NEVER HAD THE METTLE TO D0 SO. WHAT WAS THAT BRIAN ‘SAID ABOUT IT MAKING YOU'ALL CRAZY? INEVER SAID THAT! \ \ MARVIN IS (NE 0F THE HAGKMASTER GLASS SWORDS. HE ‘STEALS THE SOULS OF THOSE WHO ARE SLAN BY HIM. THERE ARE TWOUSANDS OF SOULS TRAPPED IN THAT BLADE AND THEY HAVE ALL BECONE ONE SENTXENT CALLED MARVIN! HES INSANE! THE ONLY WAY TO MAKE KIM.DO YOUR BIOONG IS TO MENTALLY WHETP HIM IN A PERPETUAL CONTEST OF THE WILLE WHAT BOB IS TRYING TO SAY IS THAT YOU HAVE TO SUBTRACT YOUR EN TELLEGENGE FROM THE SWORD'S EG. THEN YOU HAVE TO SAVE (DAILY) VS, THE RESULT. UNTAMED STALLION HUH? DAWN! SOUNDS LIKE THIS MARVEN-DUDE IS JUST WHAT IVE BEEN LOOKING FOR. BUT DIONT | HEAR YOU SAY SOMETHING ABOUT IT BEGIN BURIED WITH SOME PIG? THAT WAS PIGLY THIN- WILLOW! HE USED TO BE (OUR TORCH BEARER, JOHNNY KILLED HIM. DURING ONE OF HIS MARVIN-MOMENTS! NORMALLY WE WOULD CHAIN HIM TO A TREE TIL THE NEXT THAT WHAT WE DAY BUT HE MANAGED TO CALLED IT WHEN WIGGLE LOOSE SOMEHOW. TRON SWALLOW FAILED HIS EGO- CHECKS! THAT WAS THE LAST STRAW! AFTER PUMMELING RON SWALLOW SENSELESS, WE TOOK HIS SWORD AND BURIED IT WITH PIXGLY. I'M TELLIN YA DAVE, YOU WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH THAT SWORD. WOW! THAT'S SO KEWL! NOT ONLY DOES THE ‘SWORD HAVE A NAME BUT | HAVE ALL THESE KEWL. ANECDOTES | CAN TELL PEOPLE ABOUT. \ YEAH, THAT'S A FIVE THOUSAND G.P.S LP FRONT AND TEM PERCENT OF YOUR TAKE OF PARTY TREASURE FOR THE NEXT FIVE GAME SESSIONS! YEAH, WE CAN TAKE YOU BACK TO PEGLY'S GRAVE TO GET THE SWORD. Bundle of Trouble” Volume IITHE FOLLOWING WEEK... DOWE DEAL! NEXT WEEK WE CAN HAVE BA, RUN US. (ON AN ADVENTURE WHERE WE GO BACK TO GET IT, ‘OKAY DAVE YOU MANAGE TO PRY TO LID OFF OF PEGLY'S: GOFFIW. THE 0008 OF DECAYED FLESH IS ALMOST OVERWHELMING AS YOU PEER INSIDE. THERE, CLUTCHED IN THE SKELETAL HANDS OF THE DEAD TORGH BEARER, IS A SWORD. YOU KNOW, MARVIN HATED ‘ME FROM THE GET GO BUT FOR CRYING OUT | HAVE A FEELING YOU AND LOUD, DAVE! [MARVIN ARE GONG TO GET WHAT HAPPENED ‘ALONG JUST FINE! 2 ‘UGH! IT KINDA FEELS FUNNY TO HAGGLING' SOMEBODY DIGGING UP ‘YOU REALLY KNEW! THIS IS SICK! GET OVER ET! IT's JUST 6000 GAWD! WHAT HAVE WE DONE? OKAY | GRAB THE SWORD AND RAISE IT OVER MY HEAD IN TRUMPH! CARVIN MARVIN IS MINE! oe Tunic: EASY THERE DAVE! GO AHEAD AND ROLL SUPPOSED TO WAIT UNTIL ! VS. E60, DAVE! PUT THE ANKLE GIVE US & CHANCE GHAN'S ON YOU FIRST! TO STEP BACK A BIT. OKAY DAVE, THE SWORD BEGINS TO WIEBRLATE IN YOUR HAND. YOU CAN SENSE THE AWESOME POWER. WHICH RESIDES IN ‘THE WEAPON. SUDDENLY YOU ARE SHOGKED FOR FIVE POLN'TS OF DAMAGE. THEN A DEEP, HLISKY VOICE FROM WITHIN THE BLADE CALLS OUT, "HOW DAAAARRREEE YOU ATTEMPT TO WIELD ME! YOU ARENOT WORTHY! YOU PILE OF ORC DUNG INFESTED WITH PIN WORMS AND SMELLING GADLY!’ | SEE FOUR YEARS N'A UK..THAT WOULD BE BRACE YOURSELVES! HE'S GRAVE HASN'T TAKEN WHO THE HELL IS THAT? MARVIN! | GUESS LIKE DON RECKLES- ‘THE EDGE OFF HIS FORGOT TO MENTION WITHA MIEGRAXNE! TONGUE! \ HE CAN SPEAK. | 90 Bonus Section'M GONG TO SHEATHE MARVIW. (MAYBE TLL HAVE BETTER LUCK ON MY ‘SAVING THROW, TOMORROW! ‘THE SWORD REFUSES TO GO INTO IT'S SCABBARD! ‘DAMN YOU TO HELL, BUTT WIPE! 10 NOT. SERVE YOU — YOU SERVE ME!" 11M STEPPING AWAY FROM THAT SWORD HAS A BAD ATTITUDE! BUT IM JUST THE AND BEAT IT AGAINST A ROCK. LET'S SEE HOW HE LIKES THAT. WAND AT THE WRIST! "OH POOR IMAN TO KNOCK HIM DOWN. IM GOING TO TAKE THE SWORD ‘SORRY DAVE, THE SWORD HAS TAKEN OVER YOUR BODY! YOU WATCH IN HORROR AS YOU HACK OFF YOUR OWN LEFT UH... THAT WAS A VERY BAD. EDEA, DAVE! HE HATES THAT. BAAAAAY-BEEEEE! YOU BLEED KOCK THE DAVE'S FOREHEAD. HE'S TECHNICALLY DEAD BUT OKAY BOB, YOUR BOLT OF SLAYING L00GES IN OKAY | ROLL DAVE'S BODY INTO PEGLW'S GRAVE ALONG WITH TOHNW'Y AND BRIAN AND TOSS THE SWORD ON TOP. ‘THEN | GUESS ILL FILL IN THE DIRT AND HEAD BACK TO TOWN. MARVIN IS STILL ABLE TO ANIMATE HIS BODY. DAVE CHARGES YOU WITH AN MPALING ATTACK! WHILE HE'S BUSY ATTACKING BOB, 1M GONNA CLIMB DOWN OUT OF THE TREE AND TRY TO RETRIEVE BRILAN'S BODY! | GUESS 1M DOUSING HIM WITH ‘THE FLAMING OIL. THEN, | AFTER THEGAME... | THEGAMK... DUDE, WHAT ARE YOU DIDN'T YOU STOP ME? NO! IM CROSSIN BEG et ASS SWORD OFF HY ALREADY: WISNLIST! WHAT WAS I THINKING? WHY ‘SORRY, THAT TEN PERCENT WENT STRAIGHT TO MY HEAD. Bundle of Trouble Volume II- 91_ B.A. is 30 years old and lives with his par- When he isnt gaming he works part- time in his dad's dry rsd a cleaning shop. B.A. fer ee dropped out of college to follow his dream of being a | game designer. He sunk $6,000 into his first gaming | product, DAWG: the Role-Playing Game”, which was a bomb, B.A. suffered a nervous breakdown and | lefi gaming for a few years before picking up his dice | | | ents, SP bag again He founded the Knights of the Dinner Table, He's currently employed at Pizza-A-Go Go. Brian is 27 yeats old and lives alone. He manages to makea modest living operating a local ISP and selling painted miniatures, Brian is typically quiet and utters only three-word sentences unless a rule has been broken or his character has been maligned. Even though Brian cant remember his own phone number, he can recite entire passages of various rule books from mem- ory. He used to claim to have a girlfriend (Alexis) who no cone had ever seen. After being confronted by the other Knights on the subject, he refuses to discuss his dating life. And gavid help the poor soul who brings it up. nights of che [inner Gifable” Bob is 26 years old and also lives with his parents, Dave is 22 years old and attends Ball State University where he is studying culeural anthropology. He also has a minor in dance the- ory. (which he originally pursued as a ploy to meet chicks). He paintball tournament. (He saved Bobs but from a double-flanker) He currently works for his dad at the Hoe and Harness Insurance Co, In the past he has had a record of losing his job because of his temper and sharp tongue. Bob was the first dues paying member ofthe group. He’ from the old school of role-playing and believes it’ all about breaking things and killing people. He made the local papers cwice when he got lost in the steam tunnels under the Ball Stare. (The fre time for seven dat.) | Sara is 25 years old and is B.A cousin, She recently moved back to Muncie, Indiana from Wisconsin and a is the newest member of the AX Iss group. Unfortunately, Sara is also the only female in the group and fights a lonely battle to bring more role-play into the group's gaming sessions and less hack-n-slash, Sara has decided it is her sworn obligation to bring the other mem- bers of the group around to her style of play. She attempts to do this by example but occasionally has to resort to threats and physical bullying to make her point, 92 else's dice. Dave originally joi group to take advantage of the HAE NTS free munchies, | was introduced to role-playing by Bob whom he met at a local | | Dave is a true blooded hack-n-slasher who becomes bored easily. He often for- gets to bring his character sheet to the game and tends co borrow someone -d the BOZWELL - ea/s7 8 Johnny “Lucky” Kizinski was one ofthe orginal members of the Knights of the Dinner Table Gaming Club. He was highly respected by the other members for his gaming style and dedication tothe game. He is mostly remem- bered, however, for his incredible luck with the dice and his uncanny habit of coming up with the right results at che right time, Mention his name around any gaming table in Muncie, Indiana and you'e likely to hear the sad reffain, “the boy could play!" Johnny’ story hasan unhappy ending however. One night daring a power session of CartlePunk, his luck ran out, He fum- bled consecutively FIVE times, filed four siving throws, and missed twelve toits over the course ofthe evening. As a result four high level player charactets met their demise. Johnny's unlucky streak haunted him in the weeks chat followed and he eventually lost interes in the game and hung up his dice bag. He moved out of state and now manages 2 Big Juices in Wisconsin, Bonus Section= Victor Fergueson became known as the Lord of Steam when he adapted the HackMaster rules to live-action play and began taking hand picked groups of players on late tunnels | Fergueson’s | Folly’ made national headlines (Victor and his group were lost for 7 days prompting a massive rescue search), the steam tunnels were secured and dozens of of st night forays’ into the labyrind After beneath Ball State Universi entrances were sealed with concrete, ‘There are sev- eral contradicting accounts of what happened weeks later on the evening of January Sth, 1987 but it involved a satchel of C-4 high explosive, a miscalculation of the expected blast radius, and a medical evacuation of the Campus Administration Building which collapsed during an attempt to breach the steam tunnels, The incident earned Victor the nickname ‘Nitro’ and 5 years probation, Nitro has been president of the Black Hand Gaming Society for 8 years, taking over from Weird Pete. “Weird” Pete Ashton is the sole proprietor of a local game store called the Games Pit. He is proud of the face that he was one of the co-designers of the \ uaa a) talk damicole-paytig gue; Lyme Mob Pee love | to relate the story of how he was burned by his partners and lost “millions”. Pete is always available for advice | but oddly seems to be very bitter about the hobby he | loves so much, He was a major stockholder in Hard 8 Enterprises but sold his shares mere days before | Elachiiscr wes rlwad Pete co-ed tho Black Hand Gaming Society along with Nitro and served as | resident for the first four years of the club’ existence, | The bkroors of Bert's shop serves wo Nome ie Bi the | Society. ce 1994 rial Pap assault on cry bus armed with water bal ing bus in thean allowed GL Bill while cor for being a formidable play Bundle of Trouble” Volume IT Jack “Flak Jack” Monty is well known in Muncie, Indiana asa caseguen: of shih pub Monty Jack was convicted of aggravated, asl, endanger ing the public and ahalfdoven ober changes eu of is commando syle sons and seer ate equipped paincall guns. Jack was paying a iveaction gare of Urban Asasia™ and was atempring to takeout several pyes who had sought refuge on 2 pas Te judge was not uned ad sentenced Jack tos mons on- finement. The sentence was waived, however, on the condition that Jack enki forces. Jack joined the Army fora two year hitch, DoD cubacks end hs our early and rrurn to Muncie co attend BSU on the cing his mitary obligation in the Indiana National Guard. He joined the Black Hands soon afterwards and earned reputation Stevil has a day job adminis- tering customer warranty dlaims. For years he sat fied his gaming itch through freelance work for various gaming industry publica- tions. However, his divorce a couple of years back | freed up time for him to get back into real gaming. He imei Goxton Sheckherry at work [peior ro fs unforeu- nate(?) accident} and ‘Gordo’ subsequently introduced him to the Black Hands. He now commutes to Muncie every Friday night from his apartment in sub: urban Indianapolis Gordon ‘Gordo’ Sheckberry graduated from Ball State with a Chemical Engineering degree in his back pocket. (Although never proven, it has long been suspected that he cooked up the batch of C-4 Nitro used to level the Administration Building). Gordo was involved in a bizarre industrial accident that seriously impaired his vision and resulted in the loss of TALL his boty bats He b famous for ble bad ape coke tela ay claeee The accident bestowed Gordo with the gift of total lifetime disability allowing him to game almost daily with vatious groups around Delaware county. (Thus he is the envy of gamers everywhere.) Gordo has been a member of the Black Hands for four years, Newe was the only child of a career military couple. He spent his child. vm hood either being dragged around the globe or tossed back and forth berween various uncles and grandparents, Perhaps that’s why Newt has trouble making friends and fitting in. He wet his feet in gaming by playing every play-by-mail game he could track down and earned a bic of notoriety by toppling the five year powergrip of the top player in the PBM game, Tribes of Angst and essential- ly shutting down the game. Later he was introduced to HackMaster through a MUDD on the internet and embraced the game, After running through every Solo- ‘Adventure published he set out on a quest to find a group to play with. Unfortunately he’ finding it difficult to find a group who will colerate his personality quirks. 93gar JACKSON Gary Jackson is fondly known as the “Gawdfather of Gaming” by millions of gaming enthusiasts around the world, His failing wargame company, Hard 8 Enterprises, was about to close its doors for good in 1977 when Gary tossed the dice on a hasti- ly produced role-playing game, The HackMasters of EverKnight™, The first print run was quickly snapped off the shelves and soon frantic distributors were calling Gary's three-man shop with pleas of “More!” Gary has been riding Hackmaster spin-offs ever since. For those who want to know what ‘hard eight’ means, it refers to the game of craps where Gary has blown thousands of dol- lars of company money over the years on his frequent trips to Vegas. co Sn FINLEY me Edmund Finely was once Gary Jackson's Hard 8 Enterprises ® Paperboy. One morn- What do you want to Hack today?" ing he was coerced into filling an empty chair during a play-testing session of HackMaster Jo Jo is one of Gary Jackson's favorite, “yes-men”, When he bought out Battle Cry Games in 1984, Jo Jo Zeke came as part and became ensnared in ‘Gary's Game’. That | of the deal, For years Jo Jo was considered the ‘King of Hex-and- was twenty years ago and Edmund has been Cardboard-Counter” wargames and has over forty-two titles on the Hard 8 team ever since (though he’s under his belt. His most famous game design was "The Pope’ snly been on the payroll for the page four Panzer’ a what-if” wargame simulation that rocked war gaming bike oy on circles around the country. The sequel, ‘V-Rockets at the months).” Edmund wears-the-proud title of | Yacican’ earned him his first Gamers! Choice Award for best “Director of Research and Development” and game design. Jo Jo is now responsible for recently oversaw the production of his first written work, Abe, Babes. and RollerBlades™, described as a “sexy, zany, time-travelling romp through history and fashion”. writing much of the flavor vext for HackMaster adventures (something he has a knack for), and crunching rules, It bis rumored he lives in his office at Hard Bight Enterprises. ZEKE ETRE people have ever seen the infamous Antignano Brothers. Those who have are usually reluctant to talk about it I's known that Gary Jackson has kept them on the payroll for years. Their checks are usually anno- tated with the eryptic words, “for various services rendered’. Its said that Vince and Tony Antignano wear grey, pinstripe suits with twenty-sider cuff links, A few years ago, Nitro Fergueson publicly insuleed Gary Jackson at a convention. A few clays later, he FedExed a letter of apology to Gary. It is rumored the Antignano Brothers paid him a 94 Bonus SectionSK s Pete has been with Gary Jackson since the beginning. In fact they met in college where they used to play epic sessions of MERC ARMOR and BLAZING GUNS. When Gary started his company, Pete came onboard as his first full-time game designer (working for shares in the beginning). In recent years the friendship has been strained as Gary's projects have repeatedly over-shad- owed Pete's pet projects. In fact Gary usually targets Pete for his much publicized verbal abuse and ego-bruising. Still, Pete is loyal to Gary and Hard 8 Enterprises and rarely com- plains, Tuley isn't an employee at Hard 8, nor is he considered an intern, He originally came to the company as part of a Summer Playtester pro- gram, He was tricked into running the compa- ny’s customer service department by being led to believe it was a ‘virtual corporation comput- er game’ and that he was earning points based ‘on how well he ‘played’ the game, which involved answering the phone and working out ‘variable solutions’ to each call. No one has mentioned the ‘game’ in quite some time and Tuley seems con- tent to live in his office, occasionally order out for pizza and man his station. PCN Eight year old Timmy Jackson is y's youngest son. He is also the newly installed chief developer for the SpaceHack sci-fi roleplaying game. He had been responsible for development on the superhero frp Heroes and Zeroes, but was reassigned due to a rash of complaints following the rclease of H8&Z’s Background Tool Chest supple- Waco Bob is one of the original share holders of Hard 8. He really doesn’t do much at the company other than agree with virtually every word that comes out of Gary's mouth. Waco has done well, financially, working with Gary and that seems to be enough to have earned his undying devo- tion, Waco does sit in on every playtesting session he can. But since he seems to love every game he plays, regardless of its flaws, his value as a playtester leaves a lot to be desired. He invariably fils out his playtester evaluation forms with, “This game is the next HackMaster!!” ne Norman Bowser is a role player who made good and realized his dream. He started out as a freelancer and began to pump so much HackMaster ‘material into the Hard 8 offices that he was eventually asked to come on board. A few yeats ago he replaced Earl Slackmozer as the editor of HackJournal maga zine and has been doing a bang up job of scratching the ‘hack- n-slash itch for thousands of fans. Gary has become so com- fortable with Norman's writing ability that he has sanctioned all of Norman's material as ‘oficial’ Hackmaster material (even though Gary rarely reads Norman's work as of late). Norman has a long standing rivalry with Bitter Stevil. Norman cut Stevils column from HackJournal soon aftr taking the helm. a ment. Gary, uncharacteristically emotional, felt terrible about this and has promised to make it up to Timmy by bringing his favorite TV hero, Xena the Warrior Princess, to the next HackCon. Bundle of Trouble Volume II-the Kings Road in Hackwaster scenario, “Jeian expresses Behan expreine rule calle BA. demonstraces his REMOTE Gamemaster System. KODT POLAROID MOMENTS Is Brian’s Girlfriend Real? Shordy afier we ran The Great Intervention story in KODT#6, this postcard (addressed 10 Brian van Hoose) arrived at Kenzer and “Company's Indiana Office. 916 $$$ ss #6: Plays Well with OthersI've got yer BACK ISSUES a a DID YA KNOW KNIGHTS OF THE DINNER TABLE HAS BEEN AROUND et (islnights of the I p Le Bat bY - SINCE /990PP HERE’S YOUR CHANCE TO GET: TALES FROM THE VAULT: ‘THe COMPLETE COLLECTION OF EARLY KODT STRIPS AND DRAGON APPEARANCES THROUGH 1236 TALES FROM THE VAULT VOL. #2: A COMPILATION OF DRAGON & OTHER MAGAZINE STRIPS THROUGH 1998 TALES FROM THE VAULT VOL. #3: A COMPILATION OF DRAGON & OTHER MAGAZINE STRIPS THROUGH 1999 (INCLUDES COLOR STRIPS//) OR A COMPILATION OF THE EARLY ISSUES: BUNDLE OF TROUBLE VOL. BUNDLE OF TROUBLE VOL. BUNDLE OF TROUBLE VOL. BUNDLE OF TROUBLE VOL. BUNDLE OF TROUBLE VOL. BUNDLE OF TROUBLE VOL. 7 COVERS ISSUES #7 - #3, 43 COVERS ISSUES #7 - #9 44 CONERS ISSUES 70 - #12 45 COVERS ISSUES #73 - W/5 46 COVERS ISSUES #76 - 0/8 47 COVERS ISSUES #79 - #27 EACH OF THESE COMPILATIONS /S ONLY $9.95 (EXCEPT TALES FROM THE VAULT VOL. #3 WHICH IS $72.95)ISSUES FOUR THROUGH SIX OF KNIGHTS OF THE DINNER TABLE” CRAMMED BETWEEN TWO COVERS! lhe moment I leafed through: the first few sues that Jolly produced prior to teaming up with us, I knew they were something special. When he became a partner in Kenzer and Company, we really believed in the power of the strips bue were uncertain whether or not the rest of the gaming com- munity would catch on. At this poine I think we can safely say that our faith in those early Kenzer and Company produced issues (#4 = #6] has paid off We really pur alot of thought into those first few issues as we felt we had some- thing to prove as.a new ream. While Jolly had the bulk of issue #4 done before joining us, many of the stories in issues #5 and #6 involved some synergistic col- laboration by the newly formed development team. ‘There are definitely some classic strips among issues four through six. Of course there's the famous “Agent of Evil” bue looking back over them I can't help feeling like “Wherever you go - ‘There you arc” is the one nearest to my heart. was often the mapper of the group. As you read this, I'm sure you'll find your own favorite stories based on one of your personal experiences, That's what KODT is all about; bringing back the memories of good times past and making new ones, Here's to making new ones. Brian Jelke Knights of the Dinner Table Knights of the Dinner Table Knights of the Dinner Table Issue #4 Issue #5 Issue #6 Have Dice Will Travel Master of the Game Plays Well With Others Originally Published: February, 1997 Originally Published: March, 1997 Originally Published: April, 1997 T Hilntgh 5 By