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I've got yer BACK ISSUES Cae TL TALES. FROM -THE VAULT baer fr y2 Bs Mi : in 8 4 FSS ed 6 Bho, Bi Ba a f oe KOOT Tales From The ult vl | $995 KODT Tales From The aut vol. 2 3995 HOOT Tales From The Vase vol 3 $1295 KODT —Aunde of Trouble 995 «, KobTee shire $1995 KoDT Miniatures Bob Horzog,Dave Bozwal, Sara Felton Bran van Hoose, BA Felton Johnny Kinski $350 KoDT Miniatures: Black Hands Victor “Nitra” Ferguaton Newe Forager Gord Sheckberry, ak” Jack Monty." Bter” Sel van Hose, “Weir” Pete Ashton $350 04 CChack ou BACK ISSUE svalbity on our website store ‘Al merchandise shown here and mere) canbe purchased tha website: http://www.kenzerco.com DID YA KNOW KNIGHTS OF THE DINNER TABLE HAS BEEN AROUND SINCE 79907? HERE’S YOUR CHANCE TO GET: TALES FROM THE VAULT: THE COMPLETE COLLECTION OF EARLY KODT STRIPS AND DRAGON APPEARANCES THROUGH 9236 TALES FROM THE VAULT VOL. 12: A COMPILATION OF DRAGON & OTHER MAGAZINE STRIPS THROUGH 1998. TALES FROM THE VAULT VOL. #3: A COMPILATION OF DRAGON & OTHER MAGAZINE STRIPS THROUGH 1999 (INCLUDES COLOR STRIPS//) OR 4 COMPILATION OF THE EARLY ISSUES: BUNDLE OF TROUBLE VOL. 11 COVERS ISSUES #7 - #3 BUNDLE OF TROUBLE VOL. +2 COVERS ISSUES #4 - #6 BUNDLE OF TROUBLE VOL. 43 COVERS ISSUES 47 - 49 ‘BUNDLE OF TROUBLE VOL. +4 COVERS ISSUES 470 - 412 BUNDLE OF TROUBLE VOL. 16 COVERS ISSUES ¥6 - 118 ‘BUNDLE OF TROUBLE VOL. 47 COVERS ISSUES 1/9 - 27 BUNDLE OF TROUBLE VOL. ¥8 COVERS ISSUES 922 - 124 Copyright 2001 Kenzer and Con red, oT fm he Vl, Bundle of Teuble, Knights of he [PLEASE ADD ShirrinG ANG HANDLING CHARGES Ae FOLLOW Si-s999 $200 $300 $500 $10-$1999 $400 $500 $800 $20-$3999 $500 $700 $1200 H0-$5999 $500 $900 $1800 séor $800 $1200 $2800 ‘A onoes rn 2 WK THE XEON OF MRO, Mat =r Cus Ox Por Cnc a OVA OREN A ET ARAL We acter Para TaDUce UR Pl ADORE UNENZERCOACOM, AND YOU CAN USE MC, Dscown ano Arehcay Exmas 1 PHONE AK OM KAL,OR YOU CANA A CHECK HOP Kenzer & COMPANY 25667 Hitiview Courr Munpetein IL 60060 Prone: 847/540-0029 Fax: 847/540-8065 PCs De Knights of the Dinner Table 2nd Printing: Jub, 2001, © Copyright 2001 Kenzer and Company, Al Rights Reserved Knights ofthe Dinner Table" magazine (ISSN 1526-307X) is published monthly by Kenzer and Subscriptions: Aone yea su ‘crption (12 iss) only $3200 (US $36.00 in Canada and US $64.00 Ovene. Note: Bundle of Trouble Volumes are not included with To subveibe, send a check or money nde (made payable 0 Kenvet and Company) to: KODT Subscriptions ‘Mundelein, I 60060 AmEx or Discover cad numb, your signature, cad type and expiration date us at Back Issues: Back sues and seated merchandising ae aso valle, Se inside cover of hi bok or our website for deals Inert: jlly@kenzerc.com (etal inguites onl) ot questions @henzerco.com ll ater ingutes). World Wide Webs hp kennercocom Submisions: We accepr submis sions for strip ideas, jokes, cr toons, et. We ae inerested in ‘running anything that ‘gamers and fans would enjoy. Check out our website for writes ug Note: igh ote Dine Tb DT, Rew KD, Sande of Table MEN THAT HACK, 4 ae ful of Die hoy HacMae, Parting Shot, Han Eig Emery, Gay aon Fl the tendon e Keno Capa Eat ‘The KODT Development Team is Jolly R. Blackburn, Brian Jelke, Steve Johansson and David S. Kenzer Cover Art by George and Jackie Vebanic TABLE OF CONTENTS Cries from the Attic 5 2 ISSUE#13; MEN THAT HACK A License to Hack .. ¢ { ‘The Shakedown Misson 9 Internally Yours... 16 Prying Eyes aL ISSUE#14: A FIST FULL OF DICE AND A BAD ATTITUDE! ‘The Barringer Rebel 6 Go Figure 31 Best Little Warhorse ee 57 Judgement Day..... . 0 ‘The Summons .... 46 ISSUE#15: MAMA TOLD ME NOT TO PLAY Supply and Demand ....... : 50 The Trouble with Bob ... 9% ah 53 The Gary Jackson Files: A Sufe Thing 58 The Tangled Web ...... a2 For the Love of Knuckles 6 The Gary Jackson Files: Return to Sender 9 BONUS SECTION: ‘Troll Story 72 Hazardous Waste ee £ 76 Privacy Required ..... 1 et Oa Aili i ont Kogs of te Din Ti as cate yl iba ay akin 1990 ile oh al pe maga a (ich pug ut of pred Nie a ac: be nian raw and writ seis for de mowshly Knights of he Dice Table” aparne Wrieg KODI apt neal the only ibs a re, Sg ef es nl Cnty ed Gama of KOU Dee Team, che Kright hive gone fr yond anhing jelly o the other developer eve imagined Along the way: hes made some re Get od cate te oy se , . PC Cn CHS i ee Editorial of a Madman “Dude, when youre at a con, what do you do with the money?” Jolly R. Blackburn jor some reason Pentacon, a tiny one-horse con in Fort ‘Wayne, Indiana, always seems to have a great impact on Kenzer and Company. In 1996, the worst snafu in Kenzer and Companys brie history happened (aside from chasing a Willie Wonka the COG license, but that’s a story for another time). Atthe con, Ray Vancilburg, the airbrush T-shirt guy at GenCon and other various cons was going to meet us to drop off a painting slated for a Kalamar product cover. Ray had alteady painted a cover for us that really rocked (the cover of Secret Temple of Adajy. one of the kewlest pieces of cover art I've ever seen). Well ‘we lost Ray’ original painting; it as taken from our booth area while we loaded up our pickup aftr the con. We never even had a chance to shoot film from the at so we the cover was os 10 us early. Not only that, we had to reimburse Ray forthe paint- ing itself. Fortunately, che con wast a complete loss, because that was the Pentacon when Jolly and I reached a handshake deal or Jolly to join Kenzer and Company. We met late at night, inthe dark nes of Jol living room ae che other two guys were asleep. Jolly asked me some of the oddest interview question, lke: “When you'e ar a con, what do you do with the money?” Now, I'm usualy a fairly confident negotiator, but of Jolly really had me bafled and wondering what sort of trick question this was, Siting chere in the dark stumped, I think I now know what Bilbo must have el like when Gollam asked his final rid- dle. After a moment of silence, | stumbled over my response, “Ummm... we ub. puttin the. uh. cashbox?” Which is, of ‘course, what we do. He seemed satisfied with my answer. After we shook on the deal, [asked him what the heck he was ‘getting at with his odd line of questioning. He reluctantly ‘explained hac some of his former’ partners used to run the cash box at cons out of their pockets (literally, Jolly found out that most of that cash never made it into the company coer, hav- ing mysteriously vaporized. Most of it ended up at the dog track, con drinks while smoozing with other companies and other so called ‘busines expenses. Joly just wanted to make sure we ran an honest business. Luckily, he didn't ask me about our shylock business or protection rackets. In 1997, I once again drove out to Jolly’s house to go to Pentacon, One of my goals when I left Illinois was to help Jolly get KODT back on schedule. (At she time, I didn't realize being late for shne o four es afer GenCan was to become a KBC tra- dion), What actually oecurced was a complet surprise tous all Jolly and I cranked out some of the funniest damn material Five fever seen or read. The amazing part was the volume. We leaghed joledand’doodled through: the whole. con, Unfortunately, ninery-percent of our material was never even recorded, The pare we did manage to save became the majority of sues 14 and 15, reprinted here for your reading pleasure. The comic pat of the wo issues was mainly completed in one weekend, in- Perween hawking produc at our boot and dscusing plans for ceurtent and future product lines. Of course, the whole gang tinkered and refined issues 14 and 15 after the con. We added memorable pices like more stuff for the Bag of Hefty Capacity in “The Barringer Rebellion” (in cer- tain Steve added the muddy boot), or the "onus strip that Brian wrote for the gaming section - our first baby step toward maga- zine-hoad - as well as Brians very cteative scenario “Adventurer Summoning” which ran in isue 14 as well. So I don't want to leave out Steve or Bri (pronounced like brick without the “c’) Tacidenuly, along scp writen by Steve and Bri was the inspira- tion for the whole onc halo ue 13 a wel. Te gat hing about having such an awesome stable of in-house writers is, that at any given time, someone is abvays producing something funay oF inspiring Looking back, | have to say chac working on the three isues you hold bundled in your hands represents not only some of the funnest moments [ve ever shared, but also a big slice of friend- ship. Thank you, Bri, Steve and Jolly, Thank YOU, our readers and fans, for supporting us. Thank you Pentacon for supplying a great strip-writing environment. And a great big “THANK YOU" to the guys with the cash-box pockets 7 hab by David S. Kenzer February 1, 2000 ao (OK 808, YOUR ATTEMPT TO WHACK RED ‘THE SHAMROCK’ PICKENS | HIS HOME IN FULL VIEW OF HIS GRANDKIDS FAILS - APPARENTLY HIS DERBY DEFLECTED THE BULLET AND I'M AFRAID YOUR HIT-MAN GUIDO FLIPS ON YOU. DAVE, St (ON NAJEEB’S NECK SEEMS TO WORK & HE FINALLY COUGHS UP THE 12.65" IN PROTECTION MONEY FOR HIS HOT D0G CART. SARA, YOUR VARIOUS GAMBLING. OPERATIONS BRING IN $0,000 THIS WEEK. AND BRIAN, YOU'RE EARNERS HAVE SET A NEW BENCHMARK FOR MOVING HORSE THROUGH. NEW ENGLAND. ACK, THE IRISH MOB‘S GONNA BE ALL OVER ME. | OUDE, You GOTTA LOAN ME ‘SOME SOLDIERS. SORRY 808, ALL MY EARNERS ARE OUT MAKING COLLECTIONS, 'BA, I POCKET THE 12.65 AND LOOK FOR MANUEL AT THE PICKLE ON A STICK CART. USE IT TO SETTLE THE LONGSHOREMANS LABOR DISPUTE BOB CAUSED. EXCELLENT. I USE THE MONEY TO BUiy A CHOPPER, 497 CHINESE AK-475, AND A FREAKIN’ TOW MISSILE FOR MY HUMMER. GET READY TO H ‘SAY HELLO TO My Lime FRIEND RED! KENZER AND Peed Knights ofthe Dinner Table #13 “Men that ck” Orgy Published: November 197 © Copyright 1997, 2000 Kenzer and Company, All Rights Reserved Knights of the Dinner Table™ magazine (ISSN 1526-307) is published monthly by Kenzer and Company Subseriptons: Aone year sub- scription (12 issues) sony $32.00, (US $3600 in Canada and US $50.00 Oversea) ‘To subscribe, send a check or money onder (made payable to Kenaer and Company) to: Kenner and KODT Subser 830 W. Main Street PMBIIA Lake Zurich, 1 60087 ‘or fax a valid Visa, MasterCard, American Express or Discover ‘card name, your signature, card ‘ype and expiration date 10 us at (47) $40-1970, Back Issues: Back issues and colher KEL KoDIT stuff ae also available. See our website for etal Internet: jollyrh @aol.com (editorial inguiries only) or KenzerCo@aolcom (all other inquiries). World Wide Web: ‘bup:nembers.ao.convrelkin/ken ‘etvohtm! Mailing Address: Kenzer ax Company, 830. W. Main Stet PMBI14, Lake Zurich, IL 60047 Submissions: We acept subis- sions for stip ideas, jokes, car toons et. We ar interes in un ning anything that other gamers and fans. would enjoy. Send. a S.ASE. foe witer’spuielines to the adress fisted above oe E-mail restin@ao.com, gad Noe Kgs fe Dine ae, oD Ran RT, Bale Troe MEN THAT HACK. Ait it Da Bad Atil!, Maa Tol Me Na Pay cdi, Paring Shots, ad ih Tams, Gary Dek Fl, be Kener an} Copan Lipp dal owint e fe an eos we tak of eran Comps. “Men that Hack” The KODT Development Team Jolly R. Blackburn, Brian Jelke, Steve Johansson and David S. Kenzer Cover Art by George Vrbanic We are the thin veil, who hold back the night!! We are the men who hack, turning wrong to right" NSB Academy Cadence Song A License to Hack BY JOLLY @ BLACKBURN DAMMIT SOVIRRELY! (QUIT PLAYIN’ WITH THE MOP FOR A BUC) Seat AET'S HEREST Is REALLY HERE??? OK THANK GAWD, PETEM WE WERE WORRIED. IAN GAMES PIT, soney WERE CLOSED! GKMASTER NEWSGROUP THAT THE SHIPPING DEPARTMENT WURY WHATS THAT? OH HELLO, B.A. READ ON THE WAN ‘YEAH.. YEAH, YOUR ORDER ARRIVED LATE THIS AT HARD EXGHT ENTERPRISES WENT ON STRIKE. | WAS AFRAID MY ORDER APTEENOOA. | TOOK THE LIBERTY OF BREAKING WOULD BE WN LINBO! YEAH, YEAH. THANKS. LL BE OVER FIRST THING IN THE MORNING! THE SHIN WRAP TO MAKE SURE EVERYTHING \WAS THERE. YOU CAN PCK IT UP THE MORNING, WACKNOZA’S ENFE WHAT AceLIEF! MMMM. ity ICANT WAIT TO GET MY HANDS ON A CHARACTER SOURCES HAVE NEVER ‘DOSSIER AND START WORKN ON AY CHARACTER! BEEN WRONG BEFORE. THEY MUST HAVE AWESOMEP! | ALREADY ‘SETTLED THE STRKE, HAVE A NAME FOR MY NOMeT Mast (CHARACTER PICKED UT, ThA | IM GONNA KICK-ASSI?! IVE BEEN READING THOSE FBX CORRESPONDENCE COURSES: iE | SIENED UP FOR WHEN MY OAD GOT SUSPICIOUS ABOUT THOSE INTERVIEWS | WAS SLPPOSED TO HAVE.* A WHIZ ON TNVESTEGATEVE PROCEDURE ANo Coverr SKILLS! OKAY, ILL PICK UP WAGKNOA ANo FoR CHARACTER DOSSIER PAGKETS In THE MORING. YOU GUYS CAN PICK LP YOUR DOSSIERS TOMORROW AFTERNOON AND START WORKING ON YOUR. (CHARACTERS SO THAT THEY ARE READY FOR NEXT WEEK'S GAME. EXCELLENT AND SARA SAID "NO GOOD EVER COMES FROM A LIE | BELIEVE N BAD AJOKUY {and the game was Not really ke Paranoia. But since we sent issue 12 out with a Sor ot aa ll a aren at red th an ort and uti ack ‘Kidding, obviously! - Dave 4 Issue #13: Men that Hack™ THE FOLLOWING WEEK. WELL, | SEE EVERYONE HAS THEIR OFFICIAL "MOOO-ENHANCING DARK SUNGLASSES ON, LOOKS LIKE WERE READY FOR CUR FIRST DIVE INTO HAGKNOZASF? YOULL BE HAPPY TO KNOW THAT | TOOK TWO DAYS OFF WORK THIS WEEK SO | COULD HAVE SOME EXTRA TIME TO ‘DEVELOP TONIGHT'S ADVENTURE, | REALLY GOT SWEPT AWAY. | THINK THIS WILL BE ONE OF THE BEST ADVENTURES IVE EYER RUN! ‘BEFORE WE CAN START, | NEED TO REVIEW YOUR CHARACTERS AND BACKGROUNDS. BOB, WHY DON'T YOU GO FIRST??- [MY CHARACTER IS KILLER, DUDEN! WIS NAME IS LUGER. KRINGEF? IM AN EXNARNE APACHE HELICOPTER PILOT. ‘NY MILITARY TRAINING GIVES ME THE MUNITIONS ino SMALL ARMS SKILL PACKAGES. |ALSOHAVE AN ZNTEMEDATLON PRESENCE FACTOR pu TO SOME RESEDVAL MILITARY GEARING. | TOOK BRIAN'S ADVICE AND LOOKED INTO CHARACTER FLAWS MY WEAPON OF CHOICE ISA GOLD PLATED, AS A WAY TO SQUEEZE SOME ADDITIONAL BUILDING PONTS. BUREAY- "MODEEEWD. 9MM LUGER WITH LASER- 110K GHRONEG-INDIGESTION As 4 MAR SIGHTING AND A or MUZZLE-SABERI? FLAN - WORTH 675 ADDITIONAL BUILDING POINTS. AND | HAVE THE ABILITY TO MOVE ABOUT THE UPPER SOGIAL GLASSES | TOK LAGTOSE-EN'TOLERANGE AS 4 MINOR AT EASE. | LOVE FINE WINE, FAST CARS AND CLASSY WOMEN, FLAW FORI50 BUILDING PONTS. | USED THOSE PONTS TO | HAVE Sik TOPOF-THE-LINE FINELY TAILORED ARMAM SLITS NY WARDROBE. PURCHASE A BURLY BODY BUILD Wuich aves NE AN BBY CHANCE OF OCKING DOAN AKY WHORKIKICKASS gop Jog, gony ——«—«‘YA SBE? CHARACTER DOORWAY OR PORTAL! (CHARACTER, BOB \ FLAWS RULE! MY CHARACTERS NAME IS TERBANGE BRIGKI2 | WAS RAISED ON THE ‘kAY B08, SOUNDS: STREETS OF CHICAGO WHERE | EVENTUALLY BECAME A GANG-BANGER. LUKE A FAIRLY REASONABLE AFTERI MADE A "HIT" ON A RIVAL GANG-LORD NY OWN GANG ‘CHARACTER. LOOKS LIKE BETRAYED ME AFTER CUTTING DEALS WITH THE D.A. YOURE NEXT, DAVE. | WAS FACING 95 TO LIFE IN STOLE AND NOT A SHRED OF HOPE OF EVER SEEING THE LIGHT OF DAY AGAIN! TOUGH BREAK, DUDE. HOW'D YOU | FROM LIFER TO YOUR OWN GANG BETRAYED YOU??? ‘SOUNDS LIKE MOVIE OF THE - DAMN, THAT was \ WEEK MATERIAL! PEEEA MTL Wisiadlavef Cranible” Volume Fo —— WELL, ONCE | WAS ON THE INSIDE, MY GANG-BANGER BACKGROUND ArTRACTED THE ATTENTION OF THE TONAL SECURITY BUREAU WHO WERE ATTEMPTING TO TENFELTRATE THE GANGS. | WAS GRANTED A FULL PARDON IN EXCHANGE FOR MY COOPERATION, ‘THE OPERATION WAS SO SUCCESSFUL THAT | WAS INDUCTED NTO THE NSB. ENOUGH BACKGROUND! youre WOW DAVEE THAT's TAIT IO OW WHAT EARTHY sorcery "BLES YU ARE STREET-PUNK BACKGROUND, I'M IMPRESSED, SNITCHTT CEE, DAVE, | DUNNO. YOUR CHARACTER SEEMS KINDA WEAK. OUR CHARACTERS ARE TOTAL OPPOSITES. IRAFRAD THEY WONT GLIGK. WHAT ARE YOU PACKING AS FAR AS WEAPONS?? | MAXED OUT MY SKILLS W STREETWISE, GANGLAND CULTURE BLACKMARKET SAVVY, te SLANG AND HAND-TO-HAND COMBAT WITH IMPROVISED WEAPONS. | TO ENHANCE MY CHARACTER 1-TOOK THE MAJOR FLAW, ALLERGIC TO POULTRY. | USED THE EXTRA 275, BUILDING POINTS TO PURCHASE “DEAD AIM’ AS ONE OF MY ADR ABILITIES, TRULEY ‘A MATCHED PAIR OF SAWED-OFF a WELL THATS AERETTY PEE WELL... CANT TELL YOU TOO MUCH ABOUT MY CHARACTER. MY NAME IS. eevee JAMIE DAWN W0IMAGLASS THREE OPERATIVE TC Reon ee Cue FOR THE NSB. | CARRY A STANDARD ISSUE 38 REVOLVER. MY BUREAU RECORDS HAVE BEEN SEALED BY ORDER OF THE DIRECTOR. ALL YOU Ler Have Ir, missy! KNOW IS THAT | WAS RECENTLY TRANSFERRED TO THE CHICAGO OFFICE. WHAT IS IT THIS TIME? REPENS HUH??? WHY ALL, te HMMM, WHAT ARE ‘A FORMER | ‘A FARNCAID VOLUNTEER?? Pete TR ARAN POLITICAL ACTIVSTE? 0 Issue #13: Men that Hack™ HEY, HEY, MEW.P2 WHAT THE HELL'S EON ERE EEE A TESM ‘SORRY GUNS, AS FAR AS YOU THERE ARENT ANY SECRETS HERE, PASS THIS SEALED ARE CONCERNED (M JUST BETWEEN MEMBERS OF ATEAM! — jyoTER FENALE AGENT - A IT ON THE ATTRACTIVE SIDE, NAYBE, ‘AND PERHAPS OVERLY INVOLVED NEAL COWE ON, SARA, WITH HER CAREER BUT YOU GOTTA TELL USYOUR —— woyLower Wome ABEL I SARA'S RIGHT GUY'S. UNDER THE RULES OF TERKS!? CET OVER ITI AS FAR AS MAGKNOZA SHE'S ALLOWED TO WITHHOLD. ——___youe cuARACTERS KNOW, SARA HAS TOLD CHARACTER INFORMATION FROM OTHER MEMBERS OF 1 IKE ADVENTURING YOU EVERYTHING THERE IS TO KNOW. THEPARTY FOREXANPLE, DAE, CUDONT HAVE To. MELLON LE AEN (LOOKS, LKE YOURE UP, BRAN, TELL EVERYONE YOU WERE AN EX-GON, WHO HAgBOR SEGRETSP? T 01. ase MIN FULL SUPPORT OF TIN GONNA SUBPOENA HER ‘SARA ON THIS ONE, GSI! PECORDS AND GET TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS FIRST COLLIMN, SIXTH PARAGRAPH, LINE FOUR STATES THAT, (MY CHARACTERS NAME IS NIGEL MOLENSKE. “THE WORD OF HACKNOIEA Isa WORD OO WTR SDI REALLY BEAT MYSELF UP WITH MALO AND MNOR FLAWS SO FIGURES, UNCERTANTY, PARANOIA AND UNANSWERED CLESTIONS, THERE | COLLDGAN AS MCh STEALTH, LEADERSHZP 00 NLL BE SITUATIONS WORE ITS PRUDENT For 4 PLAYER ONLY TO ASSASSIN SKILLS As POSSIBLE. AMONG OTHER THINGS, REVEAL AS MUCK WFORRATION 170k HACKING COUGH, CLAUSTROPHOBEA, 10 ABOUT MS CHARACTER AS HE HAS )1 ERYOWS TIEG FORA TOTAL OF 75 ADDITIONAL BUILDING PONT, TO- RYT To FELLOW scans ‘SOME THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT ME; CARY A 9AM MAKAROV SELF-LOADING PISTOL 1A MASTER. OF DESGULSEP! | cAaey &COL OF NUNBER 9 GLITAR STRNG N-MY POCKET AT ALL TIMES. OTHER THAN THAT I'M A VERY PRIVATE PERSON AND | NEVER SOCIALIZE WITH ANY OF YOU OUTSIDE THE CONTEXT OF A MISSION. Bundle of Trouble Volume ¥&_ $7 AGAIN WITH THE SEGREGY GRAPE? DUDE, WEVE GOT TO STICK TOGETHER | THINK THOSE TWO HAVE WORKED UP SOME KIND OF CONSPIRACY AGAINST US. HERE SARA, PASS THIS DOWN TO BA. IT CONTAINS CONFIDENTIAL INFORMATION REGARDING MY CHARACTER EEEEENWHWWII A MAN (OF MYSTERY, EH?? THINK YER RIGHT HY CHARACTER LOVES FLL WATCH THE STRONG, SILENT TYPE! YER BACK - ‘YOU WATCH MINE RP... HEEZE. ‘HOLD ON THERE, BAN LUGER YEAH! AND WY CHARACTER AGEN'T BRICK, IS GOING TO BREAK INTO GREATINON THAT ALLTHE AQRENGEISALITILE LEERY THE BUREAU PERSONNEL OFFEGE W00 Lon Ar Thee SHARACTER MTRODUCTINS is CONPATROTS.| WANT TO ‘SEALED RECORDS..50 YOU NIGHT AS WELL JUST HAND ME: THOSE d INVESTIGATE THENMH CM GOING TO ENVELOPES THEY GAVE YOU SO | CAN READ THEM. EADY TO BE BRIEFED FOR WIR FRET MISSIN ‘CORNER BRIAN IN THE MENS RESTROOM AND PRY’ FEW Uk OH BRIAN | TAKE BOB'S CONFRONTATIONAL "ANSWERS OUT OF HIM. WE BETTER ATTITUDE AS A PERSONAL THREAT. ‘TEAM UPtL IM USING MY PEPPER. SPRAY TEE CLEP ON HIN! BLO 'MUSNG THE SEGUBETY GUARD ASA HUMAN SHIELD. 'IM GONG TO TRY AND SHOOT THE LOCK OFF OF THE FILING CABNET ONE ‘MORE TIE BEFORE FLEEING THE PERSONNEL OFFICE?? HEY BA, DED WOU HEAR METT |'SAID (M DROPPING THE EXPENDED LAW ROCK! BE AND PICKING MY LOOKS LIKE YOURE NOT NECESSARILY. |AK-47 BACK LP, Ke TST 'N THE DOOR TO DEEP KIMSHEE, Ben! [NY DESK IS EQUIPPED WITH BREAN'S OFFICE AD004 KIRK N \YMORE MENE SHOULDER ROLL Ano CONE UP BLAZING AWAY. bay ist PANELS! Issue #13: Men that Hack” The Shake-Down Mission BY DAVID S. KENZER, BRIAN JELKE AND STEVE JOHANSSON OKAY, IVE THOUGHT IT OVER AND THIS IS MY DECISION. LAST Nees NO lida Ay, Vig HAPPENEDI? 'HNOT LETTING 30-PLUS HOURS oF ADVENTURE DESIN IY. YOU IDIOTS ACCOMPLISHED NOTHING BUT DESTROYING THE FIFTH FLOOR OF THE NATEONAL, ‘StOURETY BUR BUREAU'S ApwnsTRATIVE (OFFICE BUILDING AND KILLING FORTY OF YOUR FELLOW AGENTS. SO WERE STARTING OVER AT GROUND ZERO. YOU WILL RECEIVE ‘YOUR MISSION BRIEFING FROM THE DIRECTOR AND WE WILL MOVE DIRECTLY INTO THE ADVENTURE! 00 NOT PASS Ol UNDERSTANDTS START OVERTTS THES SUCKS!) ‘BUT | WAS MAKING GOOD HEADWAY ALL THAT WORK BARRICADING IN HY INVESTIGATION OF SARA AND BRIAN. 'AYSELF IN MY OFFICE WASTEDIN 6000 CALL, BALLAST WEEK WAS A TOTAL DISASTER! OKAY, YOUVE ALL RECEIVED ORDERS TO APPEAR IN THE MAN FM SHOWING UP AT THE MEETING THIRTY MINUTES EARLY. (CONFERENCE ROOM AT 9:00 A.A. ON MONDAY MORNING FOR YOUR TIN GOING TO CHECK FOR BUSS AND SURVEILLANCE DEVICES, MISSION BRIEFING BY DIRECTOR HEADLEY. sNCE TLL REPLACE ANY | FIND WITH THOSE OF MY OWN. ‘THIS 1S YOUR FIRST OFFICIAL. MISSION, YOU MAY WANT TO MAKE (tS tnruiscy smu \\ war sirwmiau Asya area iE REA FIVE MINUTES LATE ONE OF ‘MORONS? YOU SHARE MY PERSONALITY TRAITS IS sre OKAY, DERECTOR HEADLEY INFORMS YOU THAT SOME STRANGE GROP CERGLES HAVE RECENTLY APPEARED IN SOME WHEAT FIELDS OUTSIDE GALGARY IN THE ALBERTA PROVINCE. HE DOESNT WANT TO COMMIT HIS NORE EXPERIENCED AGENTS TO SUCH A MUNDANE ENVESTEGATION 50 YOU ARE BENG ASSIGIED, BIAN WILL BE THE TEAM LEADER. YOU ARE GIVEN PASSPORTS, AIRLINE TICKETS AND 000 DOLLARS FOR ANY UNPLANNED EXPENSES, DE TO THE [FACT THAT YOU ARE INEXPERIENCED AND THIS IS A SIMPLE INVESTIGATION, WO WEAPONS WILL BE AUTHORIZED! CALGARYTT niars Dever WoRey GUYS. WaT THE BRASS NO WEAPONSIT ITSW.CAWDA : THIS IS AN OUTRAGE! SET ALEC CONTE ‘YOU wir (DOESN'T KNOW, WONT HURT THEM! N LETS JUST SAY WELL HAVE A FEW PERSONAL UFFECTS: ‘PACKED AWAY IN (OUR CARRY-ON BAGGAGE! HAR HARI? Bundle of Trouble” Volume V HEY?! HOLD OW A MINUTE, BABA LOUIE? | HAVE A LIST OF SPECIAL. EQUIPMENT AND WEAPONS I'M GOING TO NEED FOR THIS MISSION. I'M GOING DOWN TO SEE GUE IN OKAY, HE DISMISSES YOU. YOUR AIRPLANE LEAVES IN TWO MISSION SUPPLY AND OUTFETTING?IF HOURS. YOULL NEED TO PACK YOUR BAGS AND MEET BACK AT THE AIRPORT AN HOUR BEFORE DEPARTURE. LESTFE WenerT youLisTENNG? THSISA SHAKE-DOWN MISSION, youloor! | MLN? NO WEAPONS OR GADGETS | DONT THINK THE BUREAL! WIGH-TECH GOODIES 1S GOING TO FULFILL YOuR WESH LEST? [WYSELPA | THINK FLL. 660 WITH YOU, BOB. -THINK YOU'RE FORGETTING THE PERSUASIVE PONER OF MY RESEDVAL MILITARY BEARING. | THNK CLE SHOULD HAVE TO A FEW MOMENTS LATER, AFTER STORMING PAST CUE'S SECRETAI ‘SORRY BOB. CUE INFORMS YOU THAT THIS ISAGLASS VX MISSION: MINEMAL BESK TO AGENTS. no SPECIALIZED EQUPNENT WILL BE ALTHORZEDI COME ON GUYS WE HAVE A PLANE TO CATCHI! (KAY, FORGET THE BE t MINIMAL RISK WERE CONG TOCRENADELAUNCHA Cuiitiecreerne — TOCALGARY FRcwos Suen / ry ror wr wrenet KEVLAR TRENCH GOAT WD GALOSHES wir EHND THE FREAKN IRON CLRTANE TO DOWNLOAD ANYTHING | CAN FIND ON CROP CIRCLES. CONCEALED TOE DAGGERS! FOR GRYENG OUT LOUD? You MANAGE TO POCKET A wea. ‘STAPLER 0 AHAOFU. OF PAPER GLEPS. TO GET OUT OF WS OFFKCEM HES BUSY, HUNTT MAYBE HE'S REALLY ANNOYED. HE EVEN ASKS ‘TOO BUSY TO NOTICE IF | POCKET YOU FOR YOUR NANES AND BADGE. a pee 000 GONG 808, THEY'LL CONE NUMBERS AND JOTS THEN Soiled nllones HOODY-HOOHT? yi ceAL HANDY IF WE RLN NTO DOWN ON A PEGE OF PAPER Soe apy | WONDER WHAT THEY 0022? SOME HEAVY COLLATING! LO ETRE ON) (LET'S HAUL BUTT, DUDE! UE a RMS WAY Dow You Diy 10. Issue #13: Men that Hack™ LATER AS THE TEAM TOUCHES Die BL RTS CREPES DUDE, RELAX? OKAY, AS YOU EXIT THE PLANE YOU ARE DIRECTED TOWARD ALMIGHTY?? WEREN'SB AGENTS! GUSTOMS. YOU BEN WALKING DOWN A LONG CORRIDOR - AT CUSTOMS?? AND WERE WERE GANDS TO THESE RENT:A‘COP TYPES! ‘THE END YOU CAN SEE A LINE OF UNIFORMED GUARDS LOADED FOR BEAR! WHAT: GHEGKING LUGGAGE AND PASSPORTSI! ‘ARE WE GONG TO D0? DAVE'S RIGHT, JUST FLASH YERBADGES NO ACT COL. > a {TOLD YOUTHS WAST ; : ‘AOD IDEA, * et » o é eo Cy ASS ae OKAY, I STROLL CONFIDENTLY UP TO ‘UH-OHI TM QUICKLY CROTCHING REST aie MOFISHM — ORENADE Dome MAETBONG NOT WT ESE INTEMIDATION SATE, oe FACTOR 1 HNO OF NOMS warn Wen FM DROPPING BACK SO TCAN COVER BF THE GUARD ASKS YOU TO \ ANYTHING GOES WRONG, WALK THROUGH THE METAL DETECTOR WHILE HE OPENS ‘YOUR LUGGAGE. i- Pate De GAAAARPS irs 4 serpu YOURE RIGHTIY AS DAVE PASSES T RO METAL DETECTOR (72LOUT WYLUGER SOMEBODY TOLD THEM WEWEZE YW FRNGA TEAR-GAS THE GRENADE HE ceoTCHED Re LN Ne, COMNGITHAKK GAND WE DONT == GANILSTERP? THEN RE GREMADE NE CROTCHED SUPPRESSING FIREFY FALLFOR THAT NO WEAPONS’ RAPH ——GenLcHING EHND THE XEAY DOZEN SECLRITY GUARDS COME MACHINE AND DONNING MY RUNNING OUT OF A SIDE-ROOMIN DAMN! | HIT THE DECKIH JANITOR'S OISscurstr: Bundle of Trouble” Volume V ul LESTEN UP GUYSI! As TEAM LEADER | HEREBY DECLARE THIS MISSION A BLAGK-OP FY NO WITNESSES!!! OKAY YOU MANAGE TO PILE UP YOUR LUNE TO FCEHA IUSNG MY 9 XRON CAMCORDER DEFENSIVE WALL CAE OFTHE SECURE TY 0 VOEO TAPE THs ENTIRE NCIDENT SO WE GUARDS Pus our A ‘HAVE PROOF WE WERE AMBUSHED! = “OSURRENDERI? GRAPE? THINGS ARE ree ewepopy’ REALLY GETTING OUT OF |YELL BACK, “WERE NSB, TEAM LEADER YOURAT BASTARDS!? WE NEVER SURRENDER” THE ONLY OTHER PERSON YOU SEE IS (OKAY YOU TOSS THE A TANXTOR APPARENTLY GRENADE DOWN THE MOPPING LP THE BLOOD. WAXT... THAT'S NO HALLWAY AND WIPE OUT JANETOR!Y THEENTIPE UNE OF GREATER I THOUGHT TANETORYYE WHERE THE SWAT. ‘WE WERE GONERS. HELL DID HE COME FROM??? OFFECERS, TQUCKLY LOOK AROUND. | MAKE A CALLED SHOT ANYMORE WITNESSES? ‘TO THE HEAD! SN ~$ HEY, YOU IDLOTI#! THAT FANLTOR Lust HAPPENS TOBE MEF#? I MINDISGUISE- REMEMBERTY ‘SORRY BOB, AIMING THE STAPLER AT THE GUARD AND SQUEEZING IT HAD NO, DISCERIABLE EFFECT. DAVE'S Ui. SORRY DUDE. YOUR DISGUISE _REGARDLESSI WHY WAS UST TOO GOODIF WN THE HELL WOULD (DION RECOGNIZE YOU Sorat, Sertts. 12 TTT Issue #13: Men that Hack™ Sean ae ee a ie mS (IM SURE THESE SEWER TUNNELS WILL EVENTUALLY (OKAY, | LIFT THE MANHOLE COVER AND LEAD US OUTSIDE THE CITY. FROM THERE WE CAN POP MY HEAD UP. D0 | SEE ANYTHING? FIND CUR WAY TO THE CROP CERGLES AN TRY TO SALVAGE OUR MISSION. GEEZE LOVEEZEN?) ‘CAN YOU IMAGINE HAVING TO LIVE (OH YOU SEE SOMETHING ALRIGHT! WA POLICE STATE LIKE THIS? TM DOWNING NY LUMBERJACK THERE ARE POLEGE CARS DIESGUESE i we cer mA pncH ‘ON EVERY CORNER AND | SHOULD BE ABLE TO PASS MYSELE HELICOPTERS OFF AS A LOCAL. Oe ee ‘OKAY, YOU GUY'S SCOUT OUT THE PARKING LOT OF BILLY GOAT KIESTER'S ROADKILL CAFE AND FMD A948 INTERNATIONAL HARVESTER PICK-UP TRUCK WITH THE KEYS IN THE IGNITION. DO YoU NOTKE Hs ACTON WHEN ADE THOSE RE ne oe CROPGERCLLS wh MASHED Lonkebsucptaen | POTATORSFY HE DeFNTELYnoWs ee: SORETHIGR! MY ASSIT OO YOU THINK STEALNGA © REMIT? AND VEHICLE 'S WISE?? WE HAVE LEAVE A PAPER ‘CASH. WE COULD RENT A TRAIL?# TOLD You SARA =| DECLARED A eee EXCELLENT L005 LE THE iT PLACE FOLKS, DAVE D0 A VIDED CAPTURE OF THE Bo ag rhe heppaddan AREA WITH YOR § ZRON INFRARED CAMCORDER. BOB, YOULL. ANEYE-IN-THE-SKY. RADIATION LEVELS ano TAKE SOL SAMPLES. SARA, SATELLETE LENK. your | WANT YOU TO USE YOR COMPACT MIRROR LASER OPTIC SURVEY COORDINATES ARE VERIFIED - YOU ARE (UINET TO GET SOME ACCURATE MEASUREMENTS. LET'S GET TO IT FOLKS!! AT THE CORRECT STE ACCRDNG TO f BADEATION LEVELS? — "MONIT! CROP CERGLES - 4 TERRANCE BRICK WHEAT PROS PARE LING Tow, ONT KNOW IF SHOULD BE PRODUCTION. COMNG TO A THEATRE NEAR YOU! RG PECKENS NESSNGAROLND WITH RADUTION- WHAT ATH MY ULCERS AND ALL. Bundle of Trouble” Volume ¥ $$$ 73 OKAY, AS YOU ARE BUSY WITH YOUR INVESTIGATION YOU. SUDDENLY HEAR ALOUD NOZSE COMING FROM ‘THE HORIZON. LOOKING UP YOU ARE SURPRISED TO SEE A HUMONGOUS COMBINE Novis THeOUsH DESTROY THE EVIDENCE! THE CONMIES ‘MUST HAVE GOTTEN TO HIM! WEVE GOT TO STOP WEIMP? 1M ASSEMBLING THE PIECES OF WALTIY HES JUST A HARMLESS FARMER" WE DONT HAVE TO KILL HIM! THE WHEAT TOWARD THE GROP GXRCLES. THE MENEATURE-MORTAR Nv APPARENTLY THE FARMER IS HARVESTING “NY SHAVING KIT [HAMMAM SHE MAY BE RIGHT, DAVE. ‘HIS WHEAT CROP. WE MAY WANT TO TAKE HIM ALIVE FRINTERROGATION HUNEE THE BASTARD IS TRYNG TO corer rr nae WITHOUT HITTING THE CAB, A a a ee YOUR THO MORTAR SHELL STRIKES THE THRASHING BLADES OF THE COMBINE, DAVE. A HUGE BILLOWING CLOUD OF ‘SMOKE RISES UP INTO THE AlR AS THE FLAMES FROM THE EXPLOSION SETS THE WHEAT FIELD ON FIRE ‘THE CAB DOOR FLIES (OPEN AND THE FARMER LEAPS FROM THE 'AS A WALL OF FLAME SWEEPS TOWARD YOU SHOTS SUDDENLY RING (LT. BOB YOU ARE HIT FOR IS PONTS OF DAMAGE! A VOICE CRIES OUT, ‘HOOT MON?! DATS WA PREZED COMBINE yA DESTROYEDI! ’M A GONNA MAKE YA PAY WIT YER LIFE.” WAT A NNUTE.. THAT LAME = IT CANT BeHNo —WHODID HE SAY ACCENTEE | WAYINHELLY = ONNED TH IT ALMOST SOUNDS LKE_. FAR AGAWE? POs (WITH A SQUIRREL GUN RED GURDY PECKENS#??* DAMN xP? Tere GONG TO DESTROY THE Ne Ae EVIEDENGE ANO We WoN'T BE IN SLApPW’M ABLE TOCONPLETE THE NISSINH NOT RED ROY, BUT. REN. ANOTHER TH (5 GING TO BE A BLEWISH GURDY PICKENS? ant ‘wk Aine OV AY RECORD. CRAPPFP “Sore™ meee ohio | TOAGAA SHI GRENI AT HIM! £ \ * See Bundle of Trouble Volume Two (KoDT #4) “Streets of Muskeegic™ 14 Issue #13: Men that Hack™ GURDY Nauces To sHooT You IN THE HAND, BOB, BEFORE YOU CAN AY, BUT YOUR BURLY BODY BUZLD ust N THE HAND 608, REFORE YOU CAN Apso HALE THAT OAMAGE WITH MY ena eee eee YouR FEET KEVLAR-HEP WADERS TE DAMN, BOBP? x cURDY PEALLY pape OTHER HALE LL NULLIFY BY ‘ TAKE MOTHER 50 POZNTS SCREWED YOU OVER NOW YOURE LUST A OF DAMAGE?! COPENDNE 0 PORTS OF STIENETH 8 \WINe WITH BLEEDIV' ULCERS! EXOUANGE FR A LUCK PONTE LET'S TAKE THIS vs rt Qs HAY-SEED OUTIL (OKAY DAVE, AS YOU ARE LOWCRAWLING TRYING TO THROUGH THE SHOKE YU SEE cURDY PLANING FOR A FARAHOUSE INTHE QUTFLANK GURDY YU SUDDENLY FIND YOURSELF NOSE-TO-NOSE wrk Hs Pir BULL, NICE DOGGIE? DISTANCE. HE'S GOT A GOOD START ON YOU. GNAWBONEP? P01 For aTATIVE! NIECE DOGEEU? ay wy eens (SH FRED! UNI! HE'S GONE TO TIN RELOADING KY LUGER AND ATTENPTNG TO \ ‘CALL FOR HELP CORCLE AROUND INTHE OPPOSITE DIECTIN. OKAY BOB, AS YOU ARE SEARCHING THE MIAWLOFTT YOU ARE SUDDENLY SURPRISED BY REX GI PIGKEN SP? HE WAS WEARNG AN ZMPROVISED BUNGEE-SUIT MADE OF STRAW SO YOU ‘BRIAN, THIS 1S ROICLL.OUS. THE COULDNT SEE HIM. HE GETS YOUN A MIANHELM GHOKEHOLD AND MANAGES TO DISARM YOU. HE (ROP CIRCLES HAVE BEEN ‘THEN PROCEEDS TO PH: WHIP YOU SENSELESS Witt Your OWN LuGER. DESTROYED. THERE'S NO PONT IN STOR ie Sem BENG HERE, WE SHOULD GET OUT OF DODGE? GARAP? ILL ATTEMPT 10 IM SETTN THE BARN ON FRE TO GOUGE HIM W THE EYES WITH eS a YOU HAPO-OF HEARING??? NY FINGERS fe -n THIS IS A BLACK-OPt! XN / NO WITNESSES! Bundle of Trouble” Volume V. 15 Internally Yours BY JOLLY R. BLACKBURN AND DAVID S. KENZER OKAY, YOU MANAGE TO SET DOWN THE HIJACKED CANADEAN AZRLINER ON THE WATERS OF LAKE FAGE THE MUSIGT? HERO'S WELCOMETT MICHIGAN. YOUR LIFE RAFT IS EVENTUALLY PICKED UP BY A YOU HEAR THAT?? THEYRE YOU IDIOT! WE KILLED 132 RECREATIONAL BOATER WHO TAKES YOU BACK TO SHORE. PLANNING SOME KIND INNOCENT CITIZENS = OF HERO'S WELCOME! CANADIAN CiTiZens Ar THAT WELLE? ARE YOU GUYS GONG BACK TO NSB ae HEADOVARTERS ‘THERE WERE NO LISTEN UP GUYS, TOFAGE THE WITNESSES WHILE WE WERE Tc ON THE PLANE hie ReNeNGer? | SCRIPTED & COVER OKAY, HEADLEY ENTERS THE OFFICE AND HE REALLY LOOKS WPISET. His SUIT IS DISHEVELED, HE HSA THREE DAY GROWTH OF BEARD, HE LOOKS LIKE HE HASNT SLEPT SINCE HE LAST SAW YOU. HE SITS DOWN. AT THE TABLE. YOU NOTICE HE IS CCLENCHING HIS FISTS SO TIGHTLY THAT HIS FINGERS ARE TURNING PURPLE. YOU CAN ALSO HEAR HIM GRINDING HIS TEETH, AFTER A LONG PAUSE HE CLEARS HIS THROAT AND IN A VOICE QUIVERING WITH RESTRAINT HE CALMLY ASKS, "CAN | HAVE YOUR MISSION REPORT?" Wace eS ANH MAN, DON'T YOU SEE? HE BATTEN DOWN REMEMBER - EVERYONE ete Hn Tus WAS WORRIED TO DEATH ABOUT THE HATOHESHt STICKS TO THE ene US? | THINK HE LIKES US. / COVERSTORY. WE GOT Tl ‘A CORONARY NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT! EXPENSE REPORTTE NOBODY SAID ANYTHING ABOUT EXPENSE REPORTS?2 | WANT REIMBURSEMENT FOR MY MEDICAL EXPENSES THEN. | BLEW A B16 WAD ON TUMS AND PEPTO. COME TO THINK OF IT-| WANT TO BE REIMBURSED FOR THAT CHEESEBURGERU OH..UH...B.A, BEFORE WE JUMP INTO THE DEBRIEFING WANT TO MAKE SURE HEADLEY GETS MY (AHEM) EXPENSE REPORT | WANT TO BE REIMBURSED HEY, DO YOUR OWN FO@ THE MISSION, | WANTED FOR THE 95 STITCHES EXPENSE REPORTS THEN. TO HAND MY (AHEM) REPORT | PAID FOR OUT-OF-POCKET TOHIM PERSONALLY“ FoR THOSE DOG BITES!! 16 Issue #13: Men that Hack™ rao tae ume DUR Qa FORTY FIVE MINUTES LATER RE ae TO OUR SHOCK WE DISCOVERED OUR RESCUERS WERE ACTUALLY IT WAS AT THIS PONT THAT THE ALEUTIAN MENBERS OF AMELETANT FRINGE MORMON FREEDOM FEGHTERS réLeasey AMEND SECT YET UNIDENTIFIED BY THE NSB. THEIR AIM, FROM WHAT ALTERING NEURO-GAS INTO THE PLANES | GATHERED THROUGH MY LIMITED CONTACT WITH THEM, 1S TO VENTILATION SYSTEM. BY THE TINE WE HAD LANDED AT CALGARY | | LTBERATE UTAH AND ESTABLISH A FREE AND INDEPENDENT THE PASSENGERS HAD BEEN DRIVEN UTTERLY AND NATION. WE WERE SIMPLY UNFORTUNATE ENOUGH TO UNKNOWINGLY GOMPLETELY MAD?? FORTUNATELY, OUR INTENSE NSB | | DISRUPT THEIR CALGARY BASE OF OPERATIONS - THE FARM HOUSE TRANING ALLOWED US TO RETAIN OUR SANITY AND WE TRIED OUR | | WHERE THE CROP CIRCLES HAD APPEARED. BOUND AND GAGGED, BEST TO MANTA ORDER, WE | | WE WERE PLACED ON THE HIJACKED AIRLINER. THEIR PLAN WAS WATCHED IN HORROR AS THE | | TO DROP OUR BODIES ON THE UTAH EMBASSY STEPS IN CHICAGO TO PASSENGERS, NAMVO)B | | RAISE AWARENESS OF THEIR CAUSE. FORTUNATELY, WE WERE ABLE FRENZY, RUSHED TO BREAK FREE AND WRESTLE CONTROL OF THE PLANE FROM. THE CUSTOMS STATION WHAT FOLLOWED WAS A BLOOD BATH. | (CHOKE) DONT THINK TLL EVER GET OVER THE SIGHT OF.. FINALLY, BREAN CONCLUDES HIS REPORT iO: Does THE WHEAT A Male ‘YEAH,IN THE FUTURE YOU SHOULD WARN CHANGING DEPARTNENT22 | GOT STUCK WITH EADLE} AROUND THE TA ISYNGEAGNOR YOUSSrea Lom. ASATSABDU TNELLNG BHD, APOEET FLL OF CHADIAN COS “SOP HE ASKS TAPPNG HIS FIcees © CUSTOMS XS A BITCHIY SOMEBODY JUST REMEMBER ‘ON THE TABLE TOP, ‘IS THERE ‘SHOOT ME! GUYS - STICK TO ANYTHING ELSE ANYONE WANTS TO / THE STORY, ADD TO THE REPORT?7" at eds HEADLEY IS FET TO BE TLEDP? He UNLEASHES A TORRENT OF ABSOLUTE VENOMOUS RAGE AGAINST YOU! THE VEINS ON HIS FOREHEAD ARE VISIBLY THROBBING, THE POOR MAN IS LITERALLY FROTHIEING AT THE MOUTH. YOU ARE FORCED TO ENDURE HIS VERBAL ATTACKS FOR NEARLY FORTY MINUTES AS HE TALKS ABOUT WAR WITH GANADA BEING NARROWLY AVERTED, THE PRESIDENT CHEWING HIS BEHIND, CONGRESSTONAL COMMITTEES BEING FORMED.. ENOUGH FLAVOR — WHAT THE HELL Wow HES srt RUC TENTH! Are WE READY TO STHIS GUYS RENCE LED WERE NO WITNESSES! TALK PROMOTIONS AND PROBLEM? EXPERIENCE POINTS YET? _ Bundle of Trouble” Volume ¥ 17 (OH YEAH, ABOUT YOUR “STORY". HEADLEY OPENS A REPORT AND READS THE REAL’ DETAILS OF YOUR BUNGLED INISSION. HE HAS ALL THE FACTS - THE MASSACRE AT THE CUSTOMS STATION, THE GUN BRAWL IN DOWNTOWN CALGARY, EVEN THE 40,000 MISSION FUND Bos reported LOST BUT POCKETED. AS HE'S READING THE REPORT HE BEGINS ‘SHAKING SO BADLY WITH ANGER THAT HE HAS TO PAUSE AND ‘as WIPE THE SWEAT FROM HIS FOREHEAD. ioe HE INFORMS YOU THAT YOU ARE ALLON PROBATION - WITH THE EXCEPTION OF SARA. THE REST OF YOU WILL BE ASSIGNED DESK JOBS AT NSB HEADQUARTERS UNTIL THE INVESTIGATION IS COMPLETED. HEADLEY DISMISSES YOU. OH, SARA, HEADLEY SAYS HE HAS SOME QUESTIONS ABOUT (AHEM) YOUR EXPENSE REPORT. HED LIKE YOU TO ACCOMPANY HIM TO LUNCH TO DISCUSS IT. OH... (BLUSH)...| KNEW 1 FUDGED RY MATH ON THOSE TOTALS. YES, 'D BE GLAD TO HAVE LUNCH WITH HIM. HOW THE HELL DID HE BREAK OUR CCOVER-UP7? WE ALL STUCK TO OUR STORY! HEY WHY IS | BET THAT DAMN SARA OFF STAPLER Was ‘THE HOOK??? ‘SOME KIND OF BUG OR LUNGHTT YEAH, WHAT'S UP WITH THAT SARAZ2 YOU PLAYIN’ ' SMELLIN Tr KOOCHTE-MAMA ARAT IN THE JAMIN | DAWN?? FOR HEADLEY OR SOMETHING? NESTH WE TRUSTED YOU AS ONE WHAT GEVESTT OF OUR OWN! AWK THE HELL WETH ET? BA. BLEW MY COVER ANYWAY. NEWS BULLETIN FOR YOU GUYS! JAMIE DAWN Is A NEMBER OF INTERNAL AFFAIRS?! | WAS ASSIGNED TO THIS TEAM TO HELP WEED OUT CORRUPTION Ano INCOMPETENCE. NOTHING PERSONAL, BUT IT WAS MY JOB TO REPORT THE TRUTH. THANKS TO YOUR LITTLE “BLACK-OP* | EXPECT TO BE PROMOTED AT LEAST TWO SKILL LEVELSIN! 18 OF COURSE. YOUR. CHARACTERS DON'T KNOW THAT.. AND YOU... YOU...CAN'T ACT ON THAT KNOWLEDGE... YOU KNOW THAT? RIGHT? GUWSEFF \ GUYSTTT Issue #13: Men that Hack TRAITOR??? BLAM? BLAM? BLAM??? THREE CALLED SHOTS TO SARA'S HEAD. BLAM? BLAM? BLAM? THREE CALLED SHOTS TO HEADLEY'S HEAD! [IM SORRY SARA. BOB'S ATTACK COMPLETELY CAUGHT YOU AND DIRECTOR HEADLY OFF GUARD. YOU'RE BOTH DEAD. YOUR BRAINS SPLATTERED AGAINST THE WALLS, DRIPPING DOWN THE VARIOUS CHARTS AND... ROT IN HELL YOU RAT BASTARDSI! SHUT UP? JUST SHUT UP, BAI?! SHUT UPF | oNT Want TO HEAR A LONG DESCRIPTION ABOLT NY BRAIN-GOO RUNNING DOWN THE WALLS#?? Ive Hap IT Ue TO HERE WiTH You! YoU BUMBLENG eae taatapt ie LDLOTI FF! YOU. (SPUTTER) YOU..(SPUTTER) YOU BLEW MY COVER! et arte AMLSR WORSE YET - YOU LET... (SPLITTER) YOU LET THESE ZMBECELES ACT ON KNOWLEDGE THEIR CHARACTERS DEDN'T EVEN KNOW. |. (SPUTTER) |.. SSPUTTER). | AM NO'T A HAPPY CAMPER RIGHT NOW!" ‘Jolly drawing of Bob pretending to fre @ gun happens to be my personal favorite KoDT picture, laughed outloud the fs ime I saw it. - Dave ie ee move ale ie Note the two panels where the guys aren't saying anything. ‘We were once again playing with timing, by forcing the read to pause as the reader moved on to the next panel. Bundle of Trouble" Volume ¥—________________— 19 OKAY, WE ARRANGE THE BODIES SO IT LOOKS LIKE THEY BEFORE WE CALL SECURITY [M SHOT EACH OTHER. 'M PUTTING MY LUGER IN SARA'S TILL GRAB SARA'S SHOOTING MYSELF IN THE ARM HAND, THEN WE'LL CALL SECURITY, WELL TELL THEM — REpORT AND DESTROY WITH BOB'S GUN) | WANT IT TO SARA WAS A SPLRNED LOVER AND SHOT ITM NOW NOBODY LOOK LIKE: | TRIED TO TAKE A HEADLEY BEFORE KILLING HERSELF! KNOWS NOTHIN! BULLET FOR HEADLEY BY @, recLne TE, THROWING ee eW THE LINE ‘SARA SHOT HERSELF IN THE HEAD THREE TLMES?? 7 Hey BAGK OFF JACKIY WHOAH... THAT'S A DAMN GOOD IDEA! gu Gear YOU TWO COME OUT SMELLING LIKE 1 IT WAS MY IDEAL! T00 SOMEBODY SHOOT ME IN THE ABDOMEN! — 4 eqsen YOU TOOK A BULLET FOR THE BIG GUY! ene = WHAT ABOUT MEZ? I GOING TO LOOK LIKE A ECOGNITION FACTOR FREAKIN’ COWARD SITTIN’ HERE WITH NO WOUNDS. iF WHAT I ‘SHOOT ME A COUPLE OF TIMES, WILLYA?? TOURS NEATL AEN: F course, the guys haraly miss a beat. 20. sue #13: Men that Hack™ Prying Eyes BY JOLLY R. BLACKBLIRN AND DAVID S, KENZER OKAY, THE BUREAUS SPECEAL ZNGUIRY COMPLETES ITS INVESTIGATION. YOU HAVE ALL BEEN CLEARED OF ANY WRONG DOING. YOLI ARE REMOVED FROM PROBATION AND PLACED BACK ON THE ACTIVE AGENT LIST AND ELIGIBLE FOR FIELD ASSIGNMENTS ONCE AGAIN. GREATP! NOW THAT MY BLEMISHED NAME HAS BEEN | TOLD YOU GREASING A FEW PALMS WITH HAAAAP? saga 5 ferienes THAT TEN GRAND WOULD DO THE TRICK! MISSED OLIN are OKAY, THE NEW DIRECTOR, WARKOWSKT, SUMMONS YOU FOR A MISSION BRIEFING IN HIS OFFICE. HE TELLS YOU HE |S GIVING YOU ‘A VERY IMPORTANT ASSIGNMENT - ONE THAT COULD POSSIBLY DETERMINE THE FUTURE OF THE NSB ITSELF. THE LIVES OF YOUR FELLOW AGENTS ARE AT STAKE, DURING A RECENT XN-HOVSE EVALUATION, EVIDENCE WAS UNCOVERED THAT A MOLE HAS INFILTRATED THE RANKS OF THE NSB. YOUR JOB IS TO FIND OUT WHO THE DOUBLE AGENT IS AND TO ELIMINATE HIM. A MOLE? THES SUCKS?! ANYONE COULD BE IN OUR RANKS 222 THE MOLE! WE CANT TRUST ANYBODY! LEAVE IT TOUS, CHIEF WELL | WISH YOU HADNT SNIFF THAT PIG-006 KILLED AMEE _7_ DAWN, DUDE. SARA'S 6000 AT SOLVING MYSTERIES AND STUFF. WARKOWSKE NICE WORK, NUMB DICE!! WE JUST GET LOOKS VISIBLY SHAKEN aust Waar Tak SSOReY DUDE, | DIDN'T KNOW HE REINSTATED AND NOW WARKOWSSK! 1S WHEN YOUSAY THAT PRATT YOU'RE —_WASLLISTENING,I WAS Just ABOUT TO BLOW THE WHISTLEN WERE DAVE HE TURNS A DOINGTIT THINKING HOW BADLY WE couLD GONG TO HAVE TO TAKE HIM OUT! LITE PLE ND USE SARA RIGHT NOW i ‘QUICKLY EXCUSES FERST I GOTTA HIMSELF. WET THE GAN?! Bundle of Trouble™ Volume ¥V¥—$—_______—_ 21 OH, © SEEP? IT's MY FAULT SARA'S DEAD?2? IS THAT 117? WELL SHE'S THE ONE WHO WAS GOING AROUND RATTING ONUS.OR DED YOU FORGET THAT HER AND HER LITTLE SEGRET NOTES 10BA."! | KNEW SOMETHING WAS FISHY WHEN SHE WOULDN'T TELL US EVERYTHING THERE WAS TO KNOW ABOUT HER ‘CHARACTER. IT WAS A DEAD GIVE AWAY - WE SHOULD HAVE KILLED HER ON THE SPOT! E_AGREGPS iF IT HADNT BEEN FOR BRIAN STICKING UP FOR HER AND THROWING THOSE ULES IN OUR FACE ABOUT NONDISCLOSURE OF CHARACTER INFORMATION | WOULD HAVE THROWN A HISSY-FITH IT JUST ANT RIGHT. PLAYERS SHOULD STICK TOGETHER | AMEN BROTHER!?! WHAT SURPRISED THE HELL OUT OF ME WAS THAT EVEN BRIAN WOULDNTT TELL US EVERYTHING ABOUT HIS CHARACTER. HE KNOWS BETTER THAN. YEAHW TALK ABOUT NOT BEING ABLE TO TRUST ANYBODY! uicktt LET'S “Gee Le Us NOT BREAN?! ANYONE CHARACTER SHEET BUT BRIANI! WE GOTTA BE SURE WHILE HE'S IN THE JOHN JUN 1 THINK ‘ABOUT THIS. LET'S NOT MAKE BRIA TS THE MOLEF! ANY HASTY CALLED SHOTS TO THE HEAD O® ANYTHING. Issue #13: Men that Hack™ THIS CALLS FOR A LITTLE DAMN?! can you STEALTH AND WITH! COVER FOR BELIEVE THAT?2? HE TOOK ——_HElll'M GOING TO HIDE UNDER IT WITH HIM?? THAT NAK IT DOESN'T MEAN THE TABLE. SSSHAHHMHHI! (CLINCHES ITI! SOMETHING |S ATHING. HE ALWAYS HERE HE COMES!" DEFINITELY GOING ON! TAKES HIS CHARACTER Ny SHEET TO THE CAN. HEY BA, YOU NEED TO PUT OUT ANOTHER ROLL. OF TOILET PAPER IN THE BATHROOM. YER ALL OUT. SO... ARE WE READY TO TAKE OUT WARKOW... ney2727 WHERE THE HELL DED BOB GOT? HE... UH... HE WENT OUT TO GET SOMETHING FROM HIS CAR. HE'LL BE RIGHT BACK. Cin ne TL ‘THE BROWNING GP OF COURSEI! IT'S H.. HEY BRIANU| (GULP) YOU PROBABLY KNOW THE NINE MILLI NOMAD I (GULP) WELL, AS SOON ANSWER TO THIS. UH... ER. WHICH PISTOL. HAS MORE OTAGO AS BOB GETS BACK PUNCHING POWER - THE BROWNING GP WEAPON. THINKING OF CHANGING FROM... UH. HIS CAR.. 35 0g THE BROWNING NOMADTT YOUR WEAPON OF CHOICE? Bundle of Trouble™ Volume ¥Y¥_—+_____________———- 23 NO... UH. (ACKKID) HELL, THERE ARE LOTS OF PEOPLE WHO |. UH. UH... WAS JUST ‘SWEAR BY SUCH THINGS AS SWITCH CURIOUS, THAT'S ALL. SAY, BLADES, GARROTES, STUN-GUNS, WHAT WOULD YOU (GULP) WHATEVER. BY MY RECKONING, HOWEVER, UH... RECOMMEND AS FAR NOTHING BEATS THE RAW NAKED POWER OF ‘AS A GOOD CLOSE THE HUMAN FESTIV DEFENSE WEAPON??? N WOULDNTT YOU AGREE... BOBBY-BOYTT \ AFEW MINUTES LATER, WHOAH DUDEP?? DEJA-VUW! YOU LOOK EXACTLY LIKE YOU DID WHEN YOU ACCIDENTALLY PEED ON THAT VOLTAGE METER BEHIND THE MALL! (GROAN) WELL... AT LEAST | PROVED BRIAN WAS THE MOLE. BRAVO! BRAVO!? WELL DONE, BALI! THAT WAS THE BEST DAMN ADVENTURE YOU EVER RANI! LL TELL MY KIDS ABOUT THIS ONE! BRAVO!!! We spent a lot of time rewnting and redrawing the final story in this issue, Prying Eyes. The final panel is one of my favorites. If you ook back at the close-up of BA on page 4, you'l see how the whole thing wraps up nicely full circle. The moral: fun adventures are all ‘a matter of perspective. Kudos KoDT Development Team. - Dave 24 Ist #13: Men that Hack™ ; C4 ‘ sas Dee Knights ofthe Dinner Table #14 At Pal Dice od Bad Aide” Original Published: December: 197 © Copyright 1997, 2000 Kenzer ‘and Company, All Rights Reserved. Suseripions: Ane year sub scxipion (128m) is only $3200 (US $3600 in Canada and US ‘onler (made payable t0 ao ‘Keer and Company KODE Sobverx ereotm Company, PMBILA, Lake Zrich, I. 60047 “A Fist Full of Dice and a Bad Attitude!” The KODT Development Team is Jolly R. Blackburn, Brian Jelke, Steve Johansson and David S. Kenzer Cover Art by George Vibanic The Barringer Rebellion BY JOLLY R, BLACKBURN WITH DAVID S. KENZER, BRIAN JELKE AND STEVE JOHANSSON (OKAY, AS YOU REACH THE TOP OF THE SAND DUNE WELL...WERE OBVIOUSLY LOST#F SU MEARTS SEMK. ne SATAN BI fa ered TANG We SHOULD Fone ABOUT THE D WASTELAND rors FAR saga ais veer FoR SECRET TEMPLE’ 10 starr RS we EVE CAN SEEN a ec pre Wore ABOUT SURVEVALE A. CHECKING OUR WATER SUPPLY = HOW IS IT? SECRET TEMPLE MY ASSPP rank THAT OLD Fer / DAA NOW TAT TEHPLE IS AT THE BAZAAR RIPPED US OFF ‘OUT HERE SOMEWHERE, WITH A FAKE MAP! BY AY CALCULATIONS YOU HAVE JUST DIDN'T ITELL YA TO QUIT GIVING THAT ENOUGH WATER TO LAST ANOTHER DAY. STUDIED GOW ALL THAT WATERIZ? WELL, WE BETTER START RATIONING (NO TLOOSS LXE 0) HE ENDL NOW WERE SCREWEDIY THE WATER AND MAKE IT LAST AS FOOD TO LAST TWO DAYS, LONG AS POSSIBLE! TT LOOKS PRETTY BACK OFF JACK?! CHELSIE GRIM, FOLKS? ISNT TAKN THIS DESERT HEAT TOO RELAX GUYS? \WELLi! SHE'S WEARING HERSELF OUT THINK YOURE SIRO HTH NSH FETT SMEG ME MetreNe Pur tFORSOT ALL ABU THATH TWAS A 15 RIGHTIN WE PUT ALL KINDS OF Ceapn MATOR: SPOT AFTER BRIAN THEREA! TRIED TO STEAL IT FOR HIMSELF. | DONT EVEN PEMENBER WHATS NIT ANYMORE! WE STILL HAVE THAT BAG OF HEFTY GAPACETY WE T00k FeOM OL ROT ” REMENBER?? WE SPENT A FORTUNE FILLING THAT BAG WITH ALL KINDS OF SUPPLIES. a WELL..LET'S NO PROBLEMO! ee 1 HAVE AN TNVENTORY LEST WHY BRIEFCASE, | @ “The flavor text BCS ee art Tn Bed er a paar ee re ee ‘Kalamar. The KODT Development team had just completed wnting ita couple of months prior to the publication of this issue, - Steve “See Bundie of Trouble Volume Two [KODT#4] “A Hole Lot of Trouble” ‘Alot of waders single out Barringer’s Rebellion as one of he lvore sips. The story was originally inspted by one of my old players (Michael Osman) trogen ae yr von mer sas ra aye 8001 focused his attention on other conquest. Several weeks alr we wore siting arcund te table and Michael and the oer players were buying provisions ‘before heading forthe cungeon. “Oh my go” he suddenly screamed out, stl have 24 merr-at-ams in my Bag of Holding!” When the laughter ded down 1 id some and announced that sinc four mons of gamete had transpired, onty one solder was sil alve and he was very pissed It tumed ut, Ire that he was the sole survivor ofa "Donner Party’: — Joly 26. ——___________——_ [sue #14: A Fistful of Dice and a Bad Attitude!!™ LET'S SEE WHAT WE HAVE HERE...HMMMMN... 2077 ARROWS, ‘CANDLES, TWO RONBOAT ‘6 0F EVERY WEAPON IN THE PLAYER'S HANDBOOK, 6! DAGGERS, “NETS Actor x oe ess TWENTY. bed td HAY, ere ee ey AND BOLTS, A SET OF MAHOGANY FURNITURE (INCLUDING ant Ee Soe THO ABO] A CANGTER OF FLENTURE POLIS, 2 CP or DOOMBRINGER, SIX SUITS OF +4 PLATEMAIL (TAKEN eran iN PEWTER SALT “on pn 8 TETILES OF GEEK FR ONE TO CASES OF YE WHISKEY TEC OF GRAN ACOROL 25300 a ANELTLES Ce EEK BAKED BRICKS, 220 BAGS OF MORTAR, 6? BAGS OF SAND, LED) OE DOSE OF DAW LAREYS AGICAL-CURE-ALL-TONIC (GUARANTEED TO HEY, | THOUGHT 1 CALLED HEADACHES, CATHEACTS: SYPHLIs ULOEES ND DBS ON THOSE BOOTS AGES (OTHER COMMON HOUSEHOLD AILMENTS)... 60, WHAT GIVES? DUDE, THOSE BOOTS ARE OGRE-SIZED | emia ak FIVE GREEN TOWELS’, A SILVER TRAY WITH TOENAIL cen, «THREE MONTH SUPPLY OF IRON RATIONS FOR EACH OF US, 50 ‘A STUFFED CAT CARCASS, A ROCK‘, 1000 TEN-FOOT SKINS OF THE FINEST WINE, SEVEN BARRELS OF WATER, SEVEN WOODEN PLANKS, 5 SACKS OF NAILS, A HAND SAW, FOUR CLAW ‘MILES OF STRONG ROPE, 100 TORCHES, 200 FLASKS OF OIL, 10 HAMMERS, A MANUAL ON CONSTRUCTING SMALL FORTRESSES | | jOODED LANTERNS, 1D BULLSEYE LANTERNS, A SNAKE SKIN, TWO ear ae ac Lon ete WAR DRUMS, A BOX OF DUNGEON DEBRIS, A BAG OF CHALK, A EMPTY PARROT »ADLOCK, ‘SPOOL iN WHEEL Mi - (STOLEN FROM THE TOWN PLAZA IN GREEBLY), A RUSTY FORK... SESE OL NRT AT AMR ISAS HOODY-HOOFF? ——uewi was | WAS THE ONE WHO SUGGESTED FOOD AND WATER WORRED, THE HAND SAW - REMENBER?? SETING " | | Gs eae aera ree ‘A COPY OF CRIMSON LOTUS’ JOURNAL, A BEAVER TRAP, A ALETTLE PROGLEMI? FUNNY-LOOKING STICK, A TURTLE SHELL, AND... ER... y Uh-Oh?! UH-0H222 WHAT 00 YOU MEAN UH-OH?? BRIANT? WHAT UH‘OH?? WHAT'S WRONG? | S90 Bundle of Trouble Volume Three [KODT#7} Five Green Towels" 800 Bundle of Trouble Volume One /KODT¥3] 7 Got a Fook” 880 Bundle of Trouble Volume One [KCDT#1) “Lair of the Gazeobo" ‘nian’ of what was inthe bag got passed around and revised rurerous tines among the KODT wring ta. Ihave fond memorios of working ont and ‘ooking o see what had been added each time i came around. One of my contibutions fo the exchange above was Dave's ine, “1 was the one mbo suggest ed the hanksaw- remember?" which was actualy my attempt o poke fun at ourselves when we sometires ty to recall who came up wih which nesideas 1 the stip. The sausage grinder and Dave's fresh sausage ine gos referenced agai in the bonus sip, “The Summons, on p. 46. - Joly & Dave Bundle of Trouble” Volume V. 7 PROBLEME WHAT PROBLEM? GS WHERE'S THE PROBLEMET TW THE BAG#?* | UseD TO FEED EM AND STUFF, AND YOU MEAN TO TELL ME YOU'VE BEEN SPEER GEES raser HONE Corso "SF RY StonASC GER, Fu PACKD | OWN MADMAN WILLIE ND WIOWKS THERE? THEY USED TO BE PRETTY THESE MONTHS?7 USED TO RIDE GOOD TRACKERSH! MAYBE THEY CAN SOKOALUALL ME THESE DUTY. SAKEP? LEAD US OLY OTs sent HEY AD ALOT AND YOU SAY YOU "USED" TO FEED THEM??? TM AFRAID TO ASK THIS QUESTION, BUT HOW LLONG HAS IT BEEN SINCE YOLIVE FED THEM?2 WHO CARES, SARATE THEYRE JUST rane EAE NPCS FOR GAND' SAKE! eee THINK OF ALL THE MONEY WE *See Bundle of Trouble Volume Three [KODT#8} “Balance of Teor” 28 —_______________ Issue #14: A Fistful of Dice and a Bad Attitude!!™ "SB FSG ATF OH MAN, SOMEBODY MUST HAVE WAL EAP LEACERT FOR A SWITCHED BAGS WLS. WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO WITH A IT'S EMPTY SMALL FORTRESS ADE OF T RE MORE ND OMEN FLANS: STUPID FORTRESSIT WHAT THE HELL IS GING NZ? TM REACHING NTO PULL THE RUB? WHAT THE HELL spa FORTRESS OUT AND.. HAPPENED TO ALL OUR STUFFIT \ TAKE 24 POINTS OF WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON Rumeainorn | eaten ‘Same TOOK BOULDER TO THE FACEM! TWELEGHT ZONE? | NN Ey ice eae OF THE ESOGUTE HN BARRENGER'T = QUA SUPPLILSI? ‘SEEMS TO BE GIVING ORDERS. YOU RECOGNIZE HIM SERGEANT BARRINGER!!! YOUNEAM ACL OUR MEX aN THEYVE BUILT A FORTRESS BUT HOWD THEY BASTARDS!! SURVIVE ALL THIS THEY HAVE ALL OUR TIME WITHOUT ANY ‘STUFFIIN! MY SPELL. FOOD OR WATER? BOOKS! MY MAHOGANY FURNITURE! MAY \ ARMOIRE? Bundle of Trouble Volume V. YOUR FRONTAL ASSAULT 's Quickly EPLILSEDIM AS YOU CHARGE TOWARD THE KEEP A SHOWER OF ARROWS AND CROSSBOW BOLTS 2ANN DOWN ON YOU. YOU RUN OLT OF THE BAG, BARELY ESCAPING WITH YOUR LIVESI cart NOWAYE WELL pesTRoy ALL Fil EVEN GET CLOSE i ee OF THEI LET'S (NO WATERY BURN THEM OUT! ANNU THAT SET \ THEY GOT US OVER A BARREL GUYSI!| WE NEED THAT FOOD AND WATER OR WERE DONE FOR! | THINK WE SHOULD NEGOTIATE! NEGOTEATEST ‘YOU MEAN PARLEY?72 | AGREE BRIANE! FOR OUR OWN STUFF? WE SHOULD TRY TO NO WAY! REASON WITH THEM. WELL SEND HAVE YOU No PRIDEZ? KNOBBY THEYRE JUST NPCS FOOT LnoeR FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! 1K FLAG OF TRUCE TO NEGOTIATE WEKILL THEMALL-'TO THE LAST MAN? YEW AD ITLL BEA | Binue DN Re soe ‘SLOW AND PAINFUL HEAVY HANDED GUYS. DEATH TOO! OKAY, KNOBBY FOOT PELUCTANTLY AGREES TO GO IN FOR ‘YOU. HE MARCHES UP TO THE GATE OF THE FORTRESS AND THEY LET HIM INL YOU WAIT... AND WAIT... ASD + FORTY MINUTES Bee Pen ores FEGURK crane FROM THE FORTRESS AND HEAD TOWARD POM THE ONG AND YOUZEALZE rs KNOBBY. a ay HES BEEN TARRED-AND-FEATHERED!? HE SAYS SERGEANT BARPINGER SENT ‘CUTE, VERY CUTE! | STICK MY HEAD IN THE BAG ‘AND SCREAM REALLY LOUD, “YER ALL GONNA DIE IN THERE OKAY, YOU HEAR A chTAPULT OW IMPORTA THAT FIRED!? TE ® ARMOIRE WAS TO BRIANII ‘YA BETTER BREAK OUT THE BATTLE-BOARD AND GUMMY-BEARS BA! CALISE AS ‘SOON AS WERE OUT OF THIS DESERT... WERE GOIN TA _WARIEE SO Issue #14; A Fistful of Dice and a Bad Attitude!!" Co Figure! BY JOLLY R BLACKBURN ‘AND DAVID S. KENZER FUL FLANKING MANEUVER ON \IpaZino Tie pes AT THE SAME TIME BOOT STRAP": GOORDENATED ATTACK. CAN YOU Mo DAMN IT?! HOLD ON A MINUTE! THOUGHT THE GUMMY BEARS: REPRESENTED OUR MERGENARZES?? =e BARRINGER'S PHALANX EMERGES FROM THE SOUTH CORNER OF THE FORTRESS T0 EXECUTE ON YOU. UH_DAVE, CAN YOU MOVE "S ARCHERS 10 THE NORTH LAUNCH A IVE THE Mia's rose SuIVES TO Ie SOUT NO, THEYRE THE GHOGOLATE COATED CASHEWS?! | THOUGHT THE RAXSENETTES: THE GUMMY BEARS nu WERE THE ARGHER ST? THE CASHEWS ARE OVR MERGENARIES?? DAJAN, | THOUGHT THEY WERE JUST ANOTHER SMACK. (VE BEEN -MUNCHIN’ ON EM PRETTY HEAVY DOWN HERE. THOUGHT We WERE WAIT A TAKING SOME HEAVY MINUTE? THEN ‘CASUALTIES ON THE WHO DID YOUCAST THAT UH... ON THE LEFT FLANK. WHAT —MASS:HEALING SPELL ON -M&M'S OF WERE YOU LAST ROUND?? COURSE. THINKINGT? THAT'S ZTIP 1M MOVING KY CHARACTER BACK TO THE REAR SO | CAN KEEP AN EYE ON YOU. | DONT WANT YOU CASTING ANYMORE SPELLS UNLESS... HEY, WAET A MENUTET? WHAT HAPPENED TO MY CHARACTER? ETS THE TOLLY-POACHER. SWEET-N-SOUR CANDY!) THAT WAS YOUTT NO, BRIAN THE BOTTLE I THOUGHT YOU WERE THE CAP. RIGHT BRIAN?? BOTTLE cAP?? SORRY? / NO, A FOURSIDER, GOME ON GUYSI? YOUVE BEEN TRYING TO CONQUER THE BAG OF HEFTY CAPACITY FOR FOUR. pevaare fe you cor ME CONFUSED. IF THE GHOGOLATE 6 CASHEWS REPRESENT THE IMURCENAREES 9 mah wee ne HELL IS FERRET-FAGE FREDDIE'S PEKE BATTALIONTE WHO THE HELL GARESTF pave ATE ANY JOLLPOACHERI OH | REMEMBER, THE RED MEM'S Are PIKE SOLDIERS Ano THE GREEN MEM'S Ac GATAPULT GREWS!! SAID | WAS: sony! / (Oops! YOU BETTER SCRATCH AA FEW PIKEMEN, BAL! | HAVE A WEAK SPOT FOR THE RED ONESI! \ a / WHAT A GOOD IDEAL! IT WOULD BE A WONDERFUL. OPPORTUNITY TO SHOW OFF WE NEED TO GET OUR HANDS ON or fata, SOME FEN. HOeSro'GbooNees YOUR MINIATURE PAINTING SILLS, BRAN ‘SASTE LEAD MINZATURES! EVE BEEN BULONG LP BRAN KY MAN MAX, WHY DOT YOU TOTHS BATTLE FO THREE ae CURE URES No WAY I HELL WERE TOTAL chAOSry — COLLECTEON no an nex YOU WUTSEY neve Won OES ARTI YOU DONT PLAY WITH THEM! WOULD YOU ASK DA VINCI IF YOU COULD PLAY WITH. THE MONA LISA?? WOULD YOU ASK MICHELANGELO IF YOU COULD PLAY IN THE SISTINE CHAPEL?7? DON'T THINK SOI! MY FIGURES ARE FOR SHOWN! ‘THEY WILL NEVER BE TOUCHED BY HUMAN HANDS!!! \ id LP J WELL THES TOTALLY SUCKS!!! | SAY WE USE THE GROUP TREASURY AND INVEST IN A FEW MINIATURES AND PROPS FOR FUTURE BATTLES. LOOKS LIKE A | AGRE MAJORITY VOTE HERE, HERE! VOTE FOR WE SHOULD MAKE YOU GOT MY ‘MINIATURES! ALIST OF WHAT WE WANTIL OKAY, | HAVE ONE HALFLING TORGH BEARER, oc HUMAN FIGHTER, ONE FEMALE BANGER (FULLY CLOTHED), ONE GRAND WIZARD With BROWNIE FAMILIAR, § RANDOM ASSORTMENT OF ORCS, GNOLLS, GNOMES, LEZARDMEN ETC. One COW - LOOKING, IF THEY HAVE ONE), AND..WHAT'S THIS ‘AGAIN BOB? | CAN'T READ YOUR WRITING. 32 ‘A DINARVEN THIEF-FIGHTER WITH A BRAIDED BEARD BRANDISHING A (CROSSBOW AND WEARING STUDDED LEATHER ARMOR. HE SHOULD ALSO [HAVE A HOODED CAPE. OOH OOOH, IF YOU CAN, FIND ONE WITH A RING (ON HIS LEFT HAND, MIDDLE FINGER. THAT WOULD ROCK! WARE sume MY FckTER ow BROTHER GENTS WO HAS A HUGE SWORD! THE GAME! Issue #14: A Fistful of Dice and a Bad Attitudel!” Ste ISN'T SHE BEAUTIFUL.?? bonosaita ND KELP? i ND Ki Ger your CHARACTER “TATTOOS THs 'SATURDAMI Includes Toy Shop Assault and Rebel Claus!! ITBALL cunswust pecuetay AT COUNT FIFTY NNE BUCKS AND TAX AND SHE'S ALL. YOURSIN LL EVEN THROW IN A BAG OF 100 Deeucrzvert DEFECTIVE HAGKMETAL FIGURES! DARN, | WAS GIVEN A ~~ _ THERE'S HARDLY ANYTHING WRONG LIST OF SPECIFIC WITH THEM, THEY JUST DIDNT PASS MINIATURES TO GET. ‘QUALITY CONTROL. THAT'S ALL. mr ms sau \L. HMM OT AASTHE HELL WITH IT, THE GUYS ARE GOING TO LOVE HAVING A DIORAMA TO PLAY WITH. FLL TAKE ITI WELL AT LEAST HE HAS CLOTHES ON. MINE'S. yar wormmesrer con ARETE ED OT nA WHAT THE HELL XS THES PACKHAROS! AND HES GOT BREASTS. HE'S GOT TWO LEFT HANDS AND NO BEG ONES!? / MINE JUST LOOKS LIKE A FACE! 1S THIS SOME KINO OF JOKE? pics rs Pete obviously nps-of B.A. here. Interesting how B.A. ponders the sale in a lack and the Beanstalk-ike manner. Bob's rst tne in ‘panel 3 says ial. - Dave Bundle of Trouble™ Volume V¥————___________——— 33 NO WAY THIS BIMBO IS UGGGHHH?? DUDE, STOMP ON ‘GOING TO REPRESENT THAT THING AND PUT IT OUT OF ITS " MISERY IVE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING SO cane DOG-BUTT UGLY?! | KINDA FEEL SORRY FOR IT. LIKE THAT TWO-HEADED GOAT THEY HAD WHAT THE HELL TS AT THE FOURH FAIR LAST YEAR. THES#® NAYBE IT's A SHAMBLING MOUND SLEEPING \ IN THE FETAL POSITION. ALL RIGHT, YOU GOT SOME EXPLAINING TO YOU MEAN YOU BA, HOW IN THE WORLD 0, BA WHATS THE DEAL?? WHAT'S PAID FOR THESE?? ID YOULET PETE TALK WITH THE CRAPPY MINIATURES? WITH MONEY? — YOUINTO TAKING THESE (FF HS HANDS?? MAYBE IT'S A WATER LOT AGREAT DEAL LEA AL OY ON THEN GUYSI | HAGGLED SQUISHED. POOR PETE DOWN TO NEXT iH ew ieee ne A NASER THE HELL L Gi WITH THIS! GOING DOWN TO WEIRD wi vousws ur KEEPER? WHO GIVESA ooesicr wave aeeasTsy PETE'S AND PICKING OUT MY OWN FIGURE. WHINING ABOUT THE ge PACS iceepey HEY BRIAN, YOU WADA FIGURES? LOOK AT THIS Kerr TRADE? GREAT KEEP We HAvem THIS FREAKIN’ MINIATURE A DISEMBOWELED ~~ DOESNT HAVE A FACES? / VELLYFISH?? 34 —________________ Issue #14: A Fistful of Dice and a Bad Attitudel!™ AFTER FORTY MINUTES OF COMPLAINING. ALL RIGHT ALREADY. fn TLL MEET YOU THERE DAVE. ALL RIGHT? DEALI? 1 cons HEY, BRIAN, WOULD YOU BE A DEAR AND LOOK GUYS, THERE'S STILL. TO PICK OUT A PAINT OUR MINIATURES FOR US? 25 BUCKS LEFT IN THE MINIATURE WORTHY YEAH, IM GONG TREASURY. WHY DONT YOU OF REPRESENTING DOWN TO WEIRD SURE, YOU WANT SLOP-NN-GO, JUST DIWY IT UP AND GO PICK KNUCKLES PETE'S FIRST THING TABLE-TOP 0x MUSEUM OUT YOUR OWN LOUSY THE SIXTH?! INTHE MORNINGH! QUALITY? | HAVE A PRICING MINIATURES?! WiLL BROCHURE IN MY BRIEF CASE. TAT MAKE EVERINE HAPPY? / OKAY, ILL GIVE YOU A TWENTY PERCENT DISCOUNT AND THROW IN A FREE ANNUAL, TOUGH-UP ANo THREE COATS OF DURO-SHEEN?? PRICING TT? WERE YOU'RE FRENDS... YOU. YOL. YEAH?! CHESELER!!! WERE NOT STRANGERS OFF THE STREET YA KNOW! ITSRON EARL SLAGKMOZER’S rexsons Roa SWOIRt TPs Soule COLLECTION. | HAD TO PAY A PRETTY PENNY FOR T, JUNE GOT A WSTORICAL PELE FIGURE, BOB! WHERE ON BUT WAS WORTH IT_ITS AN AUTHENTIC (OF WORK THERE BOB. DONT THINK EARTHDD YOUFNOIT? —-_- METALRAGE FEGURE HanocearTED W978 YOU SHOULD BE SUBUECTING IT TO BEFORE THEY WENT UNDER. T'S AWESOME?! THE RIGORS OF PLAY. (0000000HHH, MPR aOUSt BEAUTIFUL! | Here we see some insight ino Brian's dark side. He never lets the bonds of tendship get between him and a profi. Kinda ike Pete. Perhaps Brian has a future retall career ahead of him! - Dave Bundle of Trouble Volume V WHAT'S THAT YELLOW DISK ON KNUCKLES’ BASE? 0, SOUPED HIM UP A Br; | GLUED A DISK-SHAPED PENCIL SHARPENER Ky TOHISBASE SONOWILE BEANSPY NEVER BE WITHOUT & SHARP PENCIL AND KNUCKLES CAN'T POSSIBLY FALL AND CHIP! PENCIL ‘SHARPENER/ MINIATURE ‘BASE?? MAN, GOOD IDEA, LET'S SEE YOURS DUDE! GANAS? WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?? T'S FURBW #2 OH...’ ust COTTON FEBERS THAT GOT STUCK IN THE PAINT. | WENT WITH THE SLOP-N-GO COATI! HUH? THAT DOESN'T EXPLAIN THE COTTON FIBERS. ‘YOU GET WHAT YOU PAY FOR! SLOPNGOS GET PAWNTED WITH A @-TEP SWABIE CANEL HAR BRUSHES ANT CHEAP! ‘Note how Brian steals Bob's pendll sharpener idea. Inconel Racer WTAE Oi Seon oh te boa 0 ee ‘miniatures with pencisharpener bases. | think we even sold a few. - Dave OKAY, OKAY, T G/VE UPI! I HAVE NO FRICKIN’ IDEA HOW MANY TIMES I MISSPELLED Ts IN HACKMASTER 2ND EDITION! rest ELEVEN IF YOu COUNT THE GM —| SCREEN! lieve it or not exhibitors at game conventions lead real- y uneventful lives. They love nothing more than to have folks come by their booths to harass and liven up their day. Next time you're at a con, be sure to visit the exhibitors’ hall and try some of these suggestions. 1. Pick up his latest product, skim through it and say, ‘Oh... I had this idea 15 years ago.” 2. Pick up his latest product and comment how beautiful the cover is. Start to pull out your money as if you are going to buy a copy and then say, “How the hell did you get Elmore to do a cover for yout” When the vendor informs you the work isn't Elmore’, look disappointed and, say, “Oh,” Walk away. 3. Ask to meet the designer/author, then hang around the booth all day and when anyone approaches the booth, proudly announce, “Hey! I know these guys!” 4, Tell him all about your really cool Paladin-Assassin. 14 Ways to Annoy a Vendor at a Game Convention 5. Closely inspect a product for flaws and rub the paper through your fingets as if co imply that itis cheap, Then ask, “Is this what the final version will look like?” 6, Tell him, “Wow; that’s a great idea but heres what you should have done.” 7. Interrupt his lunch by asking detailed questions every time he tries to take a bite, 8, Sie down at one of his demo'tables and start playing a competitor's game. 9. Tell him there's a really good game of {his system] going ‘on in the men’s room. He should go check it out. 10. Eat a gyros or burger with raw onions. ‘Then hang around his booth and talk to everyone continuously mak- ing sure to get realy close to their faces. LL. Keep him at his booth lace by talking and asking stupid questions. When security asks you to leave tell them that you are with him. 12. Insist on calling him “Suzie Sweetcakes” and repeatedly ask him what time he gets off. 13, Ask for a demo of his game. Just as he is explaining the rules to you, put your hands in your pockets and abruptly walk away with no explanation. 14, Walk up to a game designer who you recognize and ask, “Who are you??!” When he tells you, look disappointed and say, “Oh... you're nobody.” 36 Issue #14: A Fistful of Dice and a Bad Attitude!!" The Best Little Warhorse BY JOLLY BLACKBURN AND DAVID S. KENZER ‘OKAY, AS YOU ROUND THE BEND INTHE TRAIL, A SMALL VILLAGE COMES STILL CANT BELIEVE SHE DIDNT INTO SIGHT. WISPY-STREAMS OF SMOKE RISE Fan Te aha Ei MAKE THAT SIMPLE JUMP. DAMN! HALF-DOZEN BUILDINGS. THERE APPEARS TO BE A SMALL GENERAL. STORE, A BLACKSMITH SHOP AND OF COURSE AN INN EAD LEO DOACENA ‘75000 GOLD PIECES, SIX TAPESTRIES AND A [MAYBE THE BLACKSINITH HAS A HORSE TO FAT DWARF COULDNT JUMP A GORGE! SLATE OTD A THERE MUST HAVE BEEN SAAN e POe STORY HEADWND hk SURE KY ‘CALCULATIONS WERE CORRECT. YOU SEE WHAT APPEARS TO BE A SMALL MULE?! ‘TWO STABLE BOYS ARE BUSY TENDING TO IT. ONE IS BRUSHING DOWN THE MULE'S COAT. THE OTHER STABLE BOY IS HOLDING A ‘BUCKET FILLED WITH OAT'S WHILE THE MULE EATS FRON IT. ‘THE BLACKSMITH NOTICES YOU LOOKING TOWARD ‘THE MULE AND QUICKLY STEPS IN FRONT OF YOU. Okay, THE BLACKSMITH TAKES YOU OUT BACK AO SHOWS ARE TWO PENS. ONE TO THE itt 7 Ao TO TO THE THE RECHT, THE BLACKSMITH (RS YOU QUICKLY TOWARD THE RIGHT. THERE ARE FOUR 0R FIVE RATHER ORDINARY LOOKING HORSES ‘MUNCHING ON A PILE OF STRAW. \ ORDINARYET | waNr SONETHNG x Ww SPECIAL, SAY HE SEEMED PRETTY QUCK 2 aN ‘oT WTA PX WORTH AWAY FROM THAT PEN ON THE TOA NL TO LEAD ME LEFT, WHAT'S UP WITH THAT#? IM LOOKING SOMETHING! ‘OVER IN THAT DIRECTION. WHAT DO | SEE?? WOULD LIKE TO PICK OUT A HORSE OVER HERE..” HELLO#? SOMETHING IS DEFINITELY GOING ONHERE. THIS JERK REALLY DOESNT © THANK YOURE ONTO —GLIYS..IT'S JUST A MULE Look RoW RES WANT ME LOOKING AT THAT MULE HUH?? SOMETHING, BOB. STILL.....THIS GUY IS ACTING PAMPERING IT. 'M MARCHING PAST HIM TOWARD THE MULE. DONT WORRY, I'VE VERY SUSPICIOUSLY. MUST BE A PRETTY HE FRATICALLY Bees YoU ee SPECIAL MULE?! TO INORE THE MULEM HE \ ‘SAYS IT'S NOT EVEN WORTHY OF YOUR TIME OR ATTENTION. ") B.A.'s obviously pushing Bob's buttons, Also, Door Stop got robbed, dude. - Dave Bundle of Trouble" Volume V AT FIRST, THE BLACKSMITH DENIES THERE IS ANYTHING SPECIAL OKAY, FM LOOKIN THIS MULE OVER PRETTY GOOD. (ABOUT THE MULE. FINALLY, HE GIVES IN AND WITH A HEAVY: WHAT'S SO SPECIAL ABOUT HIM?? HUH?? WELL... | DON'T THINK YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS REGARDING MULES OR THEIR QUALITIES. FROM YOUR LAYMAN'S POINT OF VIEW HE'S JUST AN ORDINARY, RUN-OF-THE-MILL MULE. WOULD =~ THE ANIMAL FOR WHAT HE TRULY IS.” \ sig “1SHOULD HAVE KNOWN z. THAT SUCH A GRAND WISE OKAY, | GUESS WE 00 THIS THE HARD WAY. | GRAB THE BLACKSMITH BY THE COLLAR AND DEMAND HE TELLS ME WHAT'S UP WITH THE MULE!" \ UH HUH JUST AS |. (SPUTTER).GURT, DING... OH WOW!’ DUDE!!! IVE NEVER HEARD OF A A DWARVEN NOU FO OLE ODOC CARER FOB tric CERTANLYNOT LISTED WARHORSETY me st ANY OFFECKAL THIS GUY IS A SCAM ARTIST. : (OH YES SIR. | KNEW YOU HAD AN EYE FOR QUALITY, SIR. BUT (4 "AFRAID HE'S NOT FOR SALE. TWENTY MINUTES LATER... WANT THAT. WAR HORSE AND I'M NOT LEAVIN TYE BLACHSWTH SCRATONES HS OAM FEA HOMEAT WITHOUT HIMU EM OFFERING Your OFFER. 40,000 ZN GOLD, THE BLACKSMITH $,000 A NEVER EMI EMPTY MEAD TANKARD oN A GOLD PIECES RiGHT OFF PAR OF OPOSSUM-SKEN BOOTS. ‘You THE CUFF eG ae. ip D0 BOUGHT YOURSELF A DWARVEN WARKORSE” SOME HOODY-HOOP? suCKERW WHAT A MAROON! YOU HAGGLING HERE. THOSE OPOSSUN-SKIN Siar WERE WORTHLESSI" HA WAP? 38 sswe #14: A Fistfiul of Dice and a Bad Attitude!f” KEWL? (M.GOING TO NAME HIM MAZES FLL SADDLE HIM UP AND TAKE HIM FOR A DID YOU HEAR THATS? 42 POINTS OF DAMAGE?!) OH YEAH, HELL ROE WAN TO STABT THE BONDING PROCESS Sea e ne Abe i . WARHORSE EVER! HES A SPIRITED LITTLE AS YOU ATTEMPT TO PUT A. USS THAT'S A GQ0D SIGN. te cu Ba eae YOU MADE OUT?! YOUN THE GNADS Fox enna T2PONTS OF DAMAGE! OKAY, WHILE DAVE HOLDS ON TO THE REIGNS, ILL. SNEAK UP AND PLACE THE SADDLE ON MIKE. ILL BE ‘CAREFUL TO AVOID THOSE HINDLEGS THIS TIME! AAS SOON AS NIKE FEELS THE SADDLE ON HIS BACK HE yowr REACHES ROUND AND BITES TM BACKING AWAY! DAVE FOR 8 POINTS OF HE'S DANGEROUS DAMAGE. HE THEN SPINS AROUND AND KICKS YOU AGAIN, BB, FOR 9 POINTS OF DAMAGE. IM HE'S THE Bi RET IVE EVER mee ee GO DEMAND | DUNNO, HE KINDA ‘SCARES ME. oH as te WONDERFULEEE og, rau HOI AS THE GROUP PREPARES TO RIDE OUT OF TOWN. OKAY, ONCE 1M ON MIKE, LL SIGNAL FOR DAVE TO TAKE THE BLINDFOLD CFF. GOT A REAL GOOD GRIP ON THE REIGNS THIS TIME! THIS 1S BRUTAL! HELL, I YOU WANTED THAT MUCEIS SOMEONE TO BEAT THE AAS SOON AS THE BLINDFOLD COMES OFF, IT'S OKAY, Boat | THINK youre KILLING BOB! cAP OUT OF YOU! WOULD LITTLE MIKE IMMEDIATELY MAKES A MAD WEARING HIM OUT. TAKE HAVE DONE IT FOR LESS DASH TOWARD A GROVE OF TREES ON THE ANOTHER SWIG OF HEALING THAN 10000 GOLD PIECES! EDGE OF THE VILLAGE. HE RUNS UNDER A POTION AND CLIMB BACK ON. LOW-HANGING LIMB. YOU TAKE FIVE PONTS (OF DAMAGE AND ARE DISLODGED! how throughout this issue B.A.'s heavly-concealed, but ever-present, Felion Mean Streak (Verted tam hs mere ae, Frou}. Deve Bundle of Trouble™ Volume VY __—________—— 39 Judgement Day BY JOLLY R, BLACKBURN AND DAVID S. KENZER 'AS YOU RIDE UP TO THE CITY GATES OF FANGAERZE YOU NOTICE A BEGGAR STANONG AT THE JUST IGNORE THE D06 SIDE OF THE GATE WITH HIS THREE-LEGGED DOG". THE 006 LIMPS TOWARD YOU AND STARTS GUYSI! | DON'T WANT TO BARKING AT YOUR MULE BOB. MIKE IS REALLY GETTING SKITTISH AS THE DOG NIPS AT HIS LEGS AND TAIL. CAUCE ANY TROUBLE IN GELEAD'S Tow. pam peor x om (OH Now IT'S THAT STUPID MUTT THE CRAP OUT OF KINI AND FOR THE Ae eee ee ERED DOE. LAST TIME MIKE'S NOT A MULE! / WHAT ES THES#E Pick on 808 Daye? DAMN? Ih HOPPING MAD NOW! I'M GOING TO HACK THAT STUPED MUTT 10 Pieces! B08, YOUR MULE GETS SPOOKED By THE D0G AND BOLTS, SINCE YOU WERE TRYING TO KICK THE 006, THE SUDDEN LURGH CAUSES YOU TO TOPPLE FROM THE SADDLE. YOUR FOOT IS STUCK IN THE STIRRUP AND YOU ARE DRAGGED 95 FEET THROUGH yr rate re ea pe at pals OF (IM GOING TO RUN THE DAMAGE Fron Your SKULL ON THE BEGGAR THROUGH WITH MY THE BEGGAR IS BELLY HASTE oan ID COBBLESTONE OVER. AND OVER, AND r WE OVER AGAIN. 0H, AND WHILE Peeing LAUGHS AT MY COMRADE “DA YOULIE STUNNED IN THE GUTTER, IN ARNSHI EVEN IF HE DOES RIDE A ies) Duy (CHOKE) YEAH IT WAS TERRIBLE. OH LORD! NOT KNUGKLES?? I’ SORRY HE WAS FALSELY ACCUSED TO HEAR THAT BOB. REALLY AM THATS A bee MAGISTRATE THAT IT WAS DAVE WHO HAD DONE IT BUT HE WOULDNTT LISTEN. SO FIM STANDING THERE AND. ALL BECAUSE OF SOME ‘STUPID THREE DOG. 50 THEY TA, CAPE. AND IF YOU GOT ONE WITH A RING ON THE MIDDLE FINGER OF HIS LEFT HAND THAT WOULD ROGKII! Issue #15: Mama Told Me Not to Play” 50 AWW, THN MAY HAVE SOMETHING LKE DUMAND ait mIDEWNO. RoaLPPLNT WO THAT IN THE BACK... WHOIAN, DID YOU SAY ‘ONE'S GONNA WASTE THEIR TIME PUTTING OUT A LEGGED? NO WAY YOURE GONNA FIND THAT!! IT 29 ONE-LEGGI (ONE-LEGGED DWARF!! WHO WOULD BUY IT" WHY THE 1 i WELL WOT? NO ONE RUNS A ONE-LEGGED DWARF!! ‘SHOWS HOW MUCH YOU KNOW. 7M RUNNING A ONE-LEGGED DWARE!! I's NoT FAIR! THERE'S GOTTA BE SONEBODY 1ICAN COMPLAN TO! WELL... GUESS YOU COULD CALL THE GARY JAGKSON CUSTOMER SUPPORT LENE. IF YOU MAKE A NUISANCE OF YOURSELF THEY JUST NIGHT ARMED WITH ‘RACK AND DEVELOP ONE, BLT A ONE-LEGSED DWARE?? I'S A LONG SHOT! DETERMINATION AND | OH, FLL CALL ALRIGHT! THANKS PETE, Ae ee Ae ie) eae Biel oe Bel BN ‘SAY, CAN I INTEREST YOU IN SOME HAGKMASTER POCKET PROTECTORS? GOT ALL THE HTK CHARTS PRINTED RIGHT ON EM. ~*~, HOW ABOUT SOME FUZZY DICE? USS ee aA dS et RA et ed ed | LEGGED DWARF SERIES FOR GARY JACKSON'S Nd a aa ea tebe WSR 1D LIKE TO ORDER A ONE-LEGGED DWARVEN MENIA- HARD EIGHT ENTERPRISES! ! "TURE. OH, AND IF YOU HAVE IT, ID LIKE ONE ARMED WITH A CUSTOMER SERVICE, MAY | HELP YOU?? (CROSSBOW AND A RING ON HIS LEFT HAND, MIDDLE FINGER. Bundle of Trouble” Volane ¥ $$ < $$$ $_$£$—$______— 5 YOU DID SAY A 'ONE-LEGGED DWARF’ DIONT YOU, SIR?? WELL WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND PLAYS A OWE: LEGGED DWARF?? THAT'S SO LANE!!! ROLL LP A NEW CHARACTER FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!! AND LET NE TELL YA SOMETHING ELSE IMISTER PEE-OW!!! YOU KNOW WHO ELSE PLAYS A LAME- ‘SIR, YOUR LANGUAGE! PLEASE! ! WHO WOULD PLAY A ONE-LEGGED DWARF?? WHO WOULD PLAY ‘A ONE-LEGGED DWARF? LAME YOU SAY? WELL LOOK ‘YOU STUPID JERK! IT JUST SO HAPPENS THAT IC PLAY A ONE: LEGGED DWARF AND HIS NAME IS KNUGKLES THE SETHE! \ YOU HEAR ME!!! LET NE SPELL THAT Foe You! K-N-U-C-K-L-E-S!! AND HE'S MIGHTY WELL THOUGHT OF HERE N LOCAL GAMING CIRCLES! 'ASS ONE-LEGGED DWARF?? HUH?? YOU'RE BOSS - THAT'S WH0!! GARY HIMSELF!!! EVER HEAR OF STURM DYR- THE DWARVEN PIRATE?? HUH MISTER LACKEY?” Yas weit nave you f ‘SHOULD READ GARY'S NOVEL!! 1's ‘ALL IN THERE!!! \ STURM PYRER? GIVE ME A BREAK, HUH?? MAYBE ‘YOU SHOULD READ GARY'S NOVEL AGAN, TERK! THAT CHARACTER WAS A JOKE! WHY DO YOU THINK GARY KILLED HIM OFF IN THE SECOND BOOK? HUH? UH-O4. | JUST LOST FIVE POINTS FOR THAT® aL HARD ELGHT ENTERPRISES! | CUSTOMER SERVICE, MAY I HELP YOU?? * See Tales From the Vault, page 50 {Familiar #8} 52 HEY DO YOU CARRY ANY ONE-LEGGED DWARVEN [NINIATURES?? UH HUK...YOU DON'T? | SEE. HMM, HEY, PUT ME THROUGH TO GARY WOULD YA?? ILL HOLD. PLL PUT A LITTLE PRESSURE ON. LEAST | CAN DO FOR BOBBY’ BOY AFTER Issue #15: Mama Told Me Not to Play” The Trouble With Bob BY JOLLY R. BLACKBURN AND DAVID S. KENZER KCANTBELEEVE XT! | per IF YOU STARTED DOCKING HIM, BOB IS LATE AGAIN. THATS = EXPERTENGE POLNTS HED THREE WEEKS IN & ROW!! BE HERE ON TINE, T'S JUST NOT LIKE HIM! HES AN EMOTIONAL TIME BOMB 100!! (ONE MINUTE HE'S SNAPPING YER HEAD OFF - ‘THE NEXT MINUTE HE'S IN TEARS. | JUST DONT GET IT WHAT'S TO GET?? IM SERIOUS ABOUT THIS. YM WORRIED ABOUT BOB, 1 TALKED WITH HIM EARLIER THIS WEEK AND HE SEEMED REALLY HAGGARD AND DEPRESSED. | THINK THIS KNUCKLES ‘THING DESTROYED HIS LOVE FOR THE GAME HE HASN'T BEEN INVOLVED NUCH EVER SINCE KNUGKLES LOST KIS: LEG*, HE JUST SITS THERE AND SULKSS. ‘YEAH, B08 HAS BEEN OUT-OF-IT LATELY. LAST WEEK | HAD TONUDGE HIM EVERY TIME IT WAS HIS TURN TO ROLL & ‘TO-WET. AND EVEN THEN HE WOULDN'T EVEN BLOW ON THE DICE. OR SHAKE 'EM REAL GOOD LIKE HE USUALLY DOES. THE POOR GLY. BA SHOULD HAVE DONE THE RIGHT HE'S SO UPSET THING AND JUST HAD KNUCKLES ‘ABOUT KNUCKLES EXECUTED. KNUGKLES IS BEING MAINED. RUINED AND BOB IS TOO ATTACHED ‘TOHIM TO CREATE A NEW CHARACTER [LESTEN UPI! WERE GONUA INTERVENE AND BOOST 08'S ‘MORALE TONIGHT! LET'S MAKE HIM FEEL SPEGKAL!! LET HIS CHARACTER G2AB AN EXTRA HELPING OF THE GLORY IN TONGAT'S GAME. LET KNUCKLES HAVE THE SPOTLIGHT AND BE A HERO. WHAT © YOU SAY? I THINK IT's JUST W WHAT BOB NEEDS TO GET HIM BACK WN THE —— GAME AND BACK IN ‘spre! EXTRA HELPING OF GLORY? WELL, AS LONG AS IT DOESN'T INVOLVE GIVING UP ANY EXPERIENCE POINTS OR TREASURE - I'M INI WELL, IT SEEMS TO 60 AGAINST GARY JACKSON'S ADVICE FOR HANDLING PLAYERS WHO CAN'T GUT ZT AS SET DOWN IN CHAPTER IZ OF THE HAGKMASTER GM'S GUIDE, BUT UH. YER THE BOSS, BA, YOURE A PRINCE...DAVE, ‘YOU CAN COUNT ON NE, BA! *See page 41. Bundle of Trouble” Volume V- 53 ao Lat ‘B08! SO GLAD YOU COULD MAKE IT. TOUGH ADVENTURE TONIGHT! THE PARTY WOULD HAVE BEEN HURTIN' WITHOUT (AHEM) KNUGKLE'S FLREPOWER, ‘SORRY I'M LATE. | WENT DOWN TO WEXRD PETE'S TO FIND A MINIATURE FOR KMUGKLES. NO LUCK!! PETE SAID IF | PESTERED MARD EXGHT ENTERPRISES: ENOUGH THEY MIGHT BREAKDOWN AND RELEASE A ONE-LEGGED DWARF SET. CALLED ALLL AFTERNOON PRETENDING | WAS DIFFERENT PEOPLE. ‘AAAAHHL!! THERE'S SOMETHING | CAN DO FOR BOB!’ OUT IN THE SMALL TOWN OF. MODULE 2-452? Ar LasT!!! ALL RIGHT, TONGHT WERE GON Tye EXCITING CONCLUSION TO THE ‘TO RUN THROUGH MODULE 2-45: TALL OF THe DOOM. AND | HEAR IT CARRIES A HAGKFAGTOR FEVE RATING! ! RAIDERS OFDOOM: —— SAKER EMPIRE SERIES. SAKER STEPPES. IT'S HOT OFF “| cupe WISH KNUCKLES WAS IN ‘BIG DEAL! (YAWN) THE ZULU SERIES WAS NOTHING BUT THE PRESS! YOULL BE STARTING FULL FORM FOR THIS ONE ‘A COLLECTION OF HACK-N-SLASH, NO-BRAINER SCENARIOS LOOSELY WOVEN TOGETHER AROUND A WOW!!! | CAN'T BELIEVE THIS IS THE FINAL INSTALLMENT TO GARY'S ULTIMATE CAMPAIGN-SERIES, RATHER WEAK AND UNINSPIRED GONAN-RIPOFF! EVEN SO, 1 THOUGHT THE INDEXING AND CROSS AS THEADVENTURE UNFOLDS, TWASTE EMWITH MY CROSSBOW?! OH.UH (AHEM), THREE OF THEM EH?? OKAY, DAVE AS YOU KICK THE DOORN YOU SURPRISE THREE TM PULLING BACK THESE GNOME GUARDS: GNOME GUARDS! ! LOOKS HAVE BEEN FAIRLY TOUGH CUSTOMERS SO FAR TONIGHT! 6000 08, B08! LIKE YOU HAVE THE INITIATIVE. IT'S TOUGH KEEPING UP WITH HM WAR HARI! ‘SAVE SOME FOR US 80B!! KNUCKLES IS WREAKING AVOG WITH HIS CROSSBOW 54 Issue #15: Mama Told Me Not to Play” WELL, SINCE BOB FUMBLED, THE GNOMES GET TO ATTACK THEY FIRE THREE ARROWS. TWO STRKE DAVE FOR A TOTAL OF TEN POLNTS OF DAMAGE! ! THE LAST ONE STRKES BRIAN FOR FOUR POINTS OF DAMAGE! ! DAMN! | FUNBLED AGAM!! HEY DAVE, WHAT'S GOING 0N?? ‘YOU GAN'T STAND THE HEAT?? YOURE GETTIN TO BE A NEAVY LOAD TO CARRY YA KNOW? I'M GETTIN TO BEA WHAT?? LUSTEN YOU LITTLE / DAVE?? (AHEM) MAYBE BOB'S RIGHT. OK, YEAH, MAYBE HE IS. SORRY BOB. TLL TRY TO HELP OUT MORE. (GeReR) GIMON YOU SLAGKERS!! | COULD USE A ‘SORRY BOB! WERE LITTLE HELP HERE, SHOW SOME FIGHTING SPIT RIGHT BEHIND YOU ‘AND JUMP IN HERE!! THEYRE JUST FREAKIN (SIGH). GNOMES FOR C2YNG OUT LOUD! & ‘QMOAN) T'S OK BOB, WERE TALKING ABOUT OKAY DAVE, THE DOOM LORD HITS YOU SQUARELY KNUCKLES HERE YOU JUST STAND FAST!! WITH HIS IMAGE AND KNOCKS YOU INTO A COLUMN OF ROLL THOSE DICE AGAIN BG GUY!! YOU CAN Dd Ir!! STONE. YOURE KNOCKED OUT COLD! THIS MEANS THAT KNVGKLES THE THIEF THAT'S RIGHT BOB! WE KNOW YOU CAN ISTHE ONLY ONE LEFT STANONG!! YOU ALWAYS COME 0 IT BOB NO ‘THROUGH I A PINCH! ae ee DAMUN??P | FUMBLED ASAN, / THAT'S THE FIFTH TIME, Bundle of Trouble™ Volume VY ___________—_—_——_ 55 CGEE!! WHAT A TOUGH SPOT TO BE IN. | HAVE TC LOOK, BOB, | HAVE TO BE UPFRONT WITH YOU. DAVE'S Ma ee oe DONT WORRY BOB! NO ONE'S fi wir “etpommrsll cman icumey® || SMSEACKIEL? oesTuo Mo raAT?? CONGO GVE YU Ad FLACK HAVE FOUR HET POLNTS LEFT. YOU CAN mse CaS TOI MW WD SAVE LSELE, OT wat ent OFF ONE NORE ATTACK ON THE DOOMLORD ‘BEFORE HE ATTACKS YOU! BUT YOU CAN'T 00 BOTH. IT's OBVIOUS!! YOU STAND THE HELL WE WONT AND YOULL NEED A NATURAL TWENTY TO EVEN THERE AND FIGHT!! HE'S NOT GONNA LEAVE HIT HIM. YOU MISS, YOU DIE ALONG WITH EVERYONE US HERE TO DIE! ROLL. ELSE IN THE PARTY! THOSE DICE BOB! FM THINKNG | SHOULD JUST HAUL ASS! | CAN ALWAYS COME BACK TO RETRIEVE YOUR BODIES LATER BUT | DONT SEE ANY REASON I SHOULD DIE ~ ESPECIALLY SINCE IVE BEEN PULLING ALL ‘THE WEIGHT HERE TONIGHT! } HAUL ASS?? LOOK YOU LITTLE GEMPI! | DIONT PULL MY UNGHES ALL NIGHT JUST SO YOU COULD RUN AWAY AND SAVE YOUR OWN SORRY ASS AND LEAVE US BEHIND! | WANT TO SEE YOU START (ROLLING SOME DICE AND | WANT TO SEE YOU START ROLLING THEM WOW! ! ‘YEAH! | COULD HAVE TAKEN OUT oie THAT BOOMLORD TWENTY ca UTES AGO HADNT rio DAAPENED HY FREBALLS! EASY, BOB, IT WASNT LIKE THAT. THEY. 56 PULLING PUNCHES?? DAMPENING FIRE BALLS?? L KNEW L WAS RIGHT!! ST CET EaD EL eae aaa accent LOSERS? GET A CLUE SHERLOCK! igi!!! MISTER LET-ME- Pay DAC RO LET NE THE ALL THE = WEFELT SOY FORYOUAND YOUR PULL-BAGK-AND-ASSLSS-THK- : GIMPY-DWARF 50 Ne DECIDED TO STTUATEON!! HAD THE NERVE TO HOLD YOUR HANDS OUT Ler YOU BE THE BIG GUY TONIGHT!” AND ATTEBDOFTHENEIT!LOSERSI! gyal TANS D0 E177 YOU Lasenze wi0 He i TURN YELLOW AND RUN AWAY! == OH AY! CALLIN LoseRe? GINPY-DWARF?? WHERE THE HELL DO YOU Issue #15: Mama Told Me Not to Play™ AFRAID OF A FIGHT?? WHO'S AFRAID OF AFLGHT?? DAVE! MUN? YOU TALKIN TO ME?? HUH?? YOU TALKIN’ TO ML? LET HEM Gol! YEAH DAVE, SAVE YOU HEAR ME?? LET HIM GO DAVE!!! Ao FoR! HEY.WHAA..6RP. LEGO! LE6GO DAVE! (CMON... LEGGO OF ME!! I SAID, "LETHIMGO!!" yas wa \ ws i ae 8 | LATER THAT NIGHT... | IT'S NCE TO HAVE YOU BACK BOB, ‘YOU GOT ANY IT REALLY Is! ASPIRN? Bundle of Trouble™ Volume V¥_____________—————_ 57 The Gary Jackson Files: A Sure Thing! .rcesroer.rsoer WARD EIGHT ENTERPRISES!! ‘'M YOUR CUSTOMER SERVICE REP, TULEY. MAY | HELP YOU?? YES, I WAS WONDERING IF YOU CARRY A ONE-LEGEED DWARF IN YOUR NEW HACKMETAL MINIATURE SERIES?? YOU DONT? WELL YOU CERTAINLY SHOULD!! YOU NIGHT WANT TO PASS THAT (ON TO NR. JACKSON, THANK YOU! Be \ 74 Se? ‘OKAY BRIAN, YOUR TURN! CHANGE YOUR NO SWEAT! ILL LAY MY ERNEST VOICE THIS TIME SO HE BORGNINE INPERSONATION ON DOESN'T RECOGNIZE YOU. HIM THIS TIME. IT'S UNCANNY! HEY! YOU GUYS MAKE A ONE-LEGGED DWARF WITH A CROSSBOW?? HUH?? NO | HAVENT CALLED BEFORE. | JUST THINK ONE-LEGGED DWARVES ARE KEWL!! OH, WHILE | HAVE YOU ON THE LINE, WHAT DO YOU THINK OF A PEMGIL SHARPENER BASE FOR MINIATURES?? | COULD SEND A FEW SAMPLES IF YOU LIKE TO... HELLO? HELLO? ox Fonser ABauT THE RN! LET WAND GEELE LOVEEZE!! THATS 49 REQUESTS FOR A ONE-LEGGED DWARF IN JUST 72 HOURS!!! 1D BETTER TELL MR. JACKSON ABOUT THis! (LOOKS LIKE EVERYONE'S HERE LET'S GET THIS MEETING ‘STARTED GENTLEMEN! WE'VE GOT ALOT OF GROUND TO COVER! Its lunny, but we started issue 14 with this strip idea (suggested by Hal from Thunderbolt Mountain, the same guy that made the KoDT. ‘miniatures...a great fan and friend). In the process of laying a foundation for it, we wrote one and a half issues! - Dave 58 Issue #15: Mama Told Me Not to Play™ FIRST OFF, (M PULLING THE PLUS ON GANGSTA WAGK!! 1 DONT CARE HOW HOT ON IT YOU GUYS ARE, | JUST DONT SEE A MARKET FOR A ROLEPLAYING GAME " ABOUT THE GANGSTA RAP WARS. 50 NPI IT Phe le mr noua 6000 CALL, GEE-TAY! I NEVER AP-SONG MATRICES! EALLY UNDERSTOOD THE CONCEPT! Siz, 1D REALLY HATE TO SEE THAT'S GONNA LEAVE A BIG HOLE GANGSTA HAGK 60! (OUR PRODUCTION SCHEDULE! | JUST LOOKED AT THE LATEST SALES FIGURES AND THERE'S NO CONTEST. NAGKMASTER IS STILL PAYING THE BILLS AROUND HERE. SURE, SALES HAVE BEEN HMMMA, | COULD WORK IN DIPPING THE LAST THREE QUARTERS BUT IT'S STILL THE BEST MOVNG PRODUCT WE HAVE. SO THOSE DOG-PADDLING | THINK WE SHOULD REVAMP THE OLD LADY AND RELALNCH WITH A NEW EDITION! RULES | WORKED LP. NAGKMASTER 4TH EDITION? BUT Sie WE “JUST RELEASED THE 32D EDITION NINE MONTHS AGO!!! MARVELOUS IDEA, AND IVE BEEN WORKING ON WERE STILL GETTING FLACK FROM THE FANS BECAUSE @EE-ZAW!! BRILLIANT!! | SPLITTING EDGED WEAPONS INTO TWAS HOT ON THE HEELS OF 2ND EDITION!! HONED-EDGE AND / / ‘SERRATED-EDGE CLASSES! BARAT! THIRD EDITION FLOUNDERED BECAUSE | LET ‘YOU GUYS TALK ME OUT OF MY "THIRTY-THREG 12 PONT | BELIEVE!!! WE COULD BUAP IT LP TO I4 PONT PERCENT MORE RULE-OF-THUMB’ IT'S ALWAYS AND INOREASE THE LEADING A BI, LIKE WE DID ON ‘SERVED ME WELL. ALL WE HAVE TO DO IS FLUFF THE PAGE CATTLEPUNK 2ND EDITION. THAT SHOULD ‘COUNT UP 331 AND THE FANS WILL EAT IT UP. INCREASE THE OVERALL PAGE COUNT BY 22 PERCENT! HEY PETE, WHAT PONT-SIZE 6000 IDEA! AND WE CAN ADO SIDE- WAS THE BODY TEXT IN 3D ‘BARS WITH REDUNDANT INFORMATION TOGAIN THE OTHER 11 PERCENT! a Bundle of Trouble” Volume ¥—_________—_ 59 "TERE, SEE HOW EASY THAT WAS?? MAKE IT HAPPEN BOYS!! | WANT IT ON THE STREETS IN FOUR WEEKS! NOW THEN, WE HAVE ANOTHER BIT OF BUSINESS, —§ ———___ THAT'S RIGHT!!! JusT ACCORDING TO CUSTOMER SERVICE THERE'S BEEN A RASH OF REQUESTS FOR UKE STURM PYRE ACERTAN HAGKMETAL MINEATURK. TROUBLE IS-WE DONT MAKE THS | GOOD LORDI! THE ONE FIGURE YOU PARTICULAR FIGURE! OVER THE PAST WEEK AND & HALF WE'VE HAD 159 YOU MEAN LIKE... LIKE... MORONS TALKED NE OUT PEQUESTS FORA ONE-LEGGED DWARF FIGURE! ! SOUND FAMILIAR?? (OF PRODUCING!! DONT GET IT! STUMPY WAS JUST ABOUT ONE-LEGGED DWARF? THE LANEST CHARACTER FROM THE YOUVE GOT TO BE KIDDING! AVERKNIGUT BOOKS! ! WHO THE \ HELL WOULD WANT A FIGURE OF HIM?? LAME? GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF YER BUTT PETE!! STURM PYRE WAS A TRAGIC HERO!! ALWAYS KNEW HE HAD A CULT FOLLOWING!! YOU KNOW, A G00 STURM PYRE FIGURE IS JUST WHAT WE NEEDED TO SPEAR- HEAD THE RELEASE OF OU WAGKMETAL LIME. IT'S NOT TOO LATE TO GET WHY | LET YOU GUYS TALK ME INTO KILLING HIM OFF TLL NEVER KNOW. JUST ANOTHER REMINDER THAT MY OWN GUT FEELING IS INFALLIBLE!!! THAT SCULPTOR, WHAT'S HIS NANE?? ROW MICER ON THE PHONE! TELL HIM WANT TO SEE SOME STURM PYRE MASTERS BY MONDAY MORNING! EDMUND, PULL THE SWAGK TRON DRAGON BROOD LINE FZOM PRODUCTION!! | WANT TO START CRANKING OUT STUMPYY FIGS BY THE END OF THE NEXT WEEK! TROY MIER? HES YOU WANT THAT RIGHT AWAY GARY!! THE BEST ALRIGHT! FIGURE WITH OR TULPULLTHE = MONIT, GEE-TAWIE WITHOUT THE BLOOD- SPRING CATALOG AS over W000 PESLES WELL AND GET IT Ler's Me \ Me «— GERTAY? Look ALE! \ AWEEK LATER AT THE HARD ELGHT FOUNDRY, TA TELLIN YA KDMUND, THIS IGA SURE THING! | 00NT THN 10, (UNITS IS GONG TO BE ENOUGH, BETTER DOUBLE THE PRODUCTION eu! «, (Sig | sure Hore YoU KNOW 2 youve oom St ‘OF COURSE TOOW WHAT FA DONGH!! BU ‘THIS COMPANY BY. ACTING ON’MY RAIN INSTINCT AND THAT OL!RELIABLE GUT FEELING!!! ‘ret youl! 60. Issue #15: Mama Told Me Not to Play™ PAs JUST ANOTHER BRILLIANT FLASH OF INSPIRATION THAT CANE TO ME PENGIL LOOK AT WXEM!! He's BEAUTIFUL!!/ ______________—_ $HARPENER BASES FOR MINIATURES! ! (LOOK AT THE DETAIL!! YOU CAN EVEN SEE (PATENT PENDING). THAT WAY YOU ALWAYS HAVE A THE LETTLE BENG ON THE MIDDLE PENCIL SHARPENER HANDY DURING A GAME AND AT FINGER OF HIS LEFT HAND!! THIS BABY IS GONG FLY OFF THE SHELF TELL YA! ‘SiR, WHAT'S THAT PECULIAR LOOKING YELLOW THING ON HIS BASE?? THE SANE TIME IT KEEPS YOUR FIGURE F0M FALLING OFF AND GETTING DAMAGED, NEAT HUH?? THE OLD MAN STILL. WE EVEN REINFORCED THE SHEER GENIUS GEE-JAY!! T THAT'S WHAT TIS! HAS " Bravo! OF ee el! — |AWH, $0 YOU DID! 6000 JOB PETE! YOU KNOW THIS WAKES ME WANT TO PULL OUT STURM PYRE'S: STAI? WHATS WROWET? CHARACTER SHEET AND PLAY HIM AGAIN, EVERYBODY USED TO LAUGH AT POOR STURM PYRE BUT LOOK WHO'S SPORTIN’ A PEWTER PROFILE! HA HA....KUR? NE'S MESSING THE WRONG LEG! ! STUMPY WAS MISSING HIS. RIGHT LEG NOT HIS LEFT LEG! / Ver —— WHAT THE << _(GULP) SURELY, Sik ea" WELL? IT DOESNT REALLY MATTER ~ PUNE hea OR Lea ae cmt Ln) WELL, IT COST ME A FORTLNE TO START OVER FROM SCRATCH BUT IT WILL. BE WORTH IT | REFUSE TO PUT OUT A STURM PYRE FIGURE THAT'S ANATOMICALLY. NCORRECT! / JF YOU SAY 50, SIR. 1 HOPE = YOUR FANS APPRECIATE YOUR DEVOTION TO DETAIL. 1 stil crack up when [think of what a fan-boy Gary is at heart. Just ike Bob, the miniatures had to be exactly lke his one-legged dwar. ~ Dave Bundle of Trouble Volume ¥— 6 The Tangled Web BY JOLLY R BLACKBURN, STEVE JOHANSSON AND DAVID S. KENZER BOB, YOURE OVER AN HOUR LATE! YOU KNOW YOURE CMON DUDE! YOU CANT CRAWLIN YEAH, BOB! WERE CURIOUS. ‘SUPPOSED TO CALL IF YOURE GOING TO BE LATE! YOUVE HELD UP THE GAME ONCE AGAIN! ! Lapras WHATS THE STORY? AND WHAT THE HELL IS WTH THAT OUTEE'? DD YOUR CAR BREAK DOWN 02 SOMETHING? ‘AND DON'T LEAVE OUT ANY DETAILS. THIS 15 GOING TO BE GOOD, , TTS. A LONG STORY. LET'S JUST PLAY ALL ‘IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT, ol AY THOUGHT | SU KWEW TIE THOUGHT THAT UN HUME YOU SEE THERE?? DIDNT TELL YOU SAN AT Ne MAL STEN WAS YOUR OLD MAN! HE TRIED TO IT WAS BAD KARMA TO LICE TO YOUR DAD, WOW HES SUSPICIOUS! ! FOLLOW ME BUT | SHOOK HIM IN 08? I'S ALL CATCHING LP WITH YOU. HE DRILLED NE FOR AN HOUR TODAY ARCADE PALAGE. THAT STILL WANTING TO KNOW WHERE fA DOESNT EXPLAIN THE FUNNY GET-UP!! SPENDING MY THURSDAY NIGHTS. AMATI WE DINT YOURE SUPPOSED TOBE FACTOR IN A CHANCE BOB'S DEAD RENENBER” ‘DAD WOULD RUN INTO DAVE. | SWEAR IT ON MY LUCKY TEN-SIDER!! RIGHT THERE (ON THE FRONT STOOP!” HE HAD ME SPREADIN' EM AND SO GET THIS, IM LEAVING THE HOUSE TONIGHT AND HE'S WAITING LEANING AGAINST THE WALL WHILE HE DID THE AT THE DOOR FO® ME. WHAT DO WHOLE JOE FRIEDAY ROUTINE ON ME YOU THINK HE Does? HUK?? Go GET OUT OF eo AHEAD AND GUESS!! WE PATS: NO Way! AWH DUDE!!! WERE ME DOWN FOR rae \ On Hi ‘YOU CARRYING?? ‘ae Tae eae en es a ae (Gob tol his Dad he's attending Dave's tunoral 62. sure #15: Mama Told Me Not to Play™ FORTUNATELY IVE BEEN HIDING NY DIEGE BAG IN THE SPARE ‘TITRE WELL OF MY CHEVETTE, IT WAS A CLOSE CALL THOUGH, ‘OKAY, OKAY, BUT CON BOB, YOU GOT THE GET-UP?? US HANGING ON WHAT'S WITH THE EVERY WORD HERE! GOOFY GET-UP? \ SAVED ALL'YOUR — youDo/? BuTTS!! at (ie WHAT ABOUT THAT COVERING FIRE I LAID ON YOU? YOU THINK IT WAS EASY JUGGLING TACTICAL SPELLS AND DETERMINING THE PROPER RANGES AND AREAS OF EFFECT IN THOSE TWISTY, TINY PASSAGESP WAAA...WHATP? YOU COMPARING SPELL-LOBBING 10 FACE-TO-FACE, IN-THE-TRENCHES HACKING ?P// T WAS FIGHTING ALL BY MY LONESOME OUT THERES THE FIGHTING Is REALLY NEVER OVER UNTIL THE BRAGGING RIGHTS HAVE BEEN SETTLED. SHYA’ RIGHT/ THEN HOW DID KILL atonepr(? \. MORE TROLLS THAN YOU? HUH? Now Just A GOSH DERN I CAN’T BELIEVE ‘MINUTE? YOU SAID THAT/ Bundle of Trouble” Volume Y 75 Hazardous Waste 3y BL psi re de SORRY BOB, AS YOU ARE ABOUT TO THROW THE TROLL’S ARM ON THE BONFIRE \T SUDDENLY AN/MATES AND SPRINGS TO LIFE. ITS SHARP NASTY NAILS CLAW AT YOUR THROAT AND RIP AWAY THE FLESH RESULTING IN A HORRIBLE WOUIND/ TAKE OFF E/GHT POINTS OF DAMAGE! et Nat ass i WA MMATCOI CARE YOU — sHiece BRUTES hue HORE DANGEROUS OF THIS CRAP. THAT'S THE DEAD THAN ALIVE! IT’S GETTIN’ KINDA FIFTH TIME I'VE TAKEN OLD TAKING DAMAGE FROM DAMAGE FROM A STINKIN’ NASTIES WE ALREADY WASTED! PIECE OF TROLL MEAT! HOLD UP, Guys! WE KNEW THIS PROUECT WAS GOING 10 BE FAIRLY LABOR INTENSIVE WHEN WE STARTED, WE CAN'T BE DETERRED FROM OUR OBJECTIVE! We GOTTA NEUTRALIZE THESE BOD- JES! OTHERWISE, WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO FIGHT THESE GUYS OVER AND. OVER AGAIN EVERYTIME WE COME OR GO FROM THE DUNGEON. AWEE BIT LATER... OW ALL RIGHT/ I GUESS T CAN TAKE A FEW MORE HITS FOR THE TEAM. BUT FIRST, TOSS ME SOME WEALING-JUICE AND A SEWING KIT! T GOTTA CLOSE SOME OF THESE WOUNDS. BOB, AS YOU RAISE THE TROLL LEG OVER YOUR HEAD TO TOSS IT ON THE FLAMES IT KICKS YOU RIGHT IN THE FACES ITS BIG TOE, WHICH IS AFFIXED WITH A LONG, GNARLED NAIL, GOUGES YOU IN THE RIGHT EYE SOCKET FOR SIX POINTS OF DAMAGE. T/M TELLIN’ YA IF YOu’D JUST COUGH uP THE MONEY TO PAY OFF BARRINGER AND GET ‘TROLL SLAPPER’ OLIT OF THE BAG WE WOULDN'T HAVE TO GO THROUGH ALL THIS. THAT BLADE |S PRETTY SWEET - ON A WIT IT AUTOMATICALLY PREVENTS TROLL FLESH FROM REGENERATING/ GAAAAL!! WHAT THE... WELL I DON’T HAVE THAT KINO OF CASH ON HAND, IN BLIND AGONY YOU BEGIN TO STRUGGLE WITH THE VIOLENTLY KICKING LEG AS YOU TRIP OVER ‘A GRASPING TROLL ARM AND STUMBLE MEAD FIRST INTO THE BONFIRE FOR ANOTHER SEVEN POINTS OF BURN DAMAGE. THEN, AS YOU ARE ATTEMPTING TO BEAT OUT THE FLAMES ON YOUR... C'MON GUYS, B.A. | DUDE, IT’S LIKE THIS TROLL MEAT 1 DOUSE THE MRvING 13 Bebayus. HAS MEMOREX INGRAINED IN IT FLAMES WITH MY we NEED TO PICK UP THE ‘OR SOMETHING. THEY REALLY RING OF WATER pace. ir WE CAN BURN 6,75 THATS Ir SEEM TO HAVE IT IN FOR YOU, SVPHONINGY. BODIES PER ROUND WE 1M HOPPING SHOULD BE ABLE TO MAD NOW! NO NG COMPLETE THE JOB Nu. 76 Bonus Section RONG, MISSY! 1-0-0- / wi 0-0-0-O0H NO! FORGET IT, BRIAN! Rone eer OKAY POP-N-FRESH, JUST WE'RE THROUGH DOING IT YOUR WAY. WHAT 00 YOU PROPOSE WE DO MIP-POINFSFOR Te CAUSE. “GNOTHER WERE GONG TO HAVE en m IN FACT, WE'VE BEEN TO DEAL WITH THEM. LUGGING THEM AROUND FOR THE PAST SIX MONTHS/! IT’S ABOUT TIME THEY EARNED THEIR KEEP. / GUYS, T THINK BR/AN HAS A VALID POINT. We MUST GET RID OF THESE CORPSES BEFORE THEY RE-GEN OR WE'LL JUST HAVE TO FIGHT THEM ALL OVER AGAIN. WHY DO WE HAVE TO DEAL WITH THEM? WHY NOT SOMEBODY ELSEP Ub...MAYBE BECAUSE WE'RE THE ONLY ONES HERE AND LIKE I SAID, 1M, THROUGH WITH i BUT WE THEY'RE IN OUR FACEP? BRIAN’S WAY. CAN'T QUIT NOW! UM WITH BOB ON TyIs ONE. HEY...THAT'S AN AWESOME IDEA/!! CAN YOU IMAGINE? THOSE RE-GENNED TROLLS WILL BE POPPIN’ UP LIKE MUSHROOMS! BAG WORLD WILL BE /NFESTED WITH TROLLS’ T SAY WE CHOP THE TROLLS INTO IDDY. BIDDY PIECES AND TOSS ‘EM IN "THE BAG"? GET A CLUE, SARA/ THE MAN ‘AND HIS PEOPLE LIVE IN A FREAKIN’ BAG OF HOLDING! THERE’S NO “REALM”. YOU'RE JUST BUYING INTO THAT \RIGHT TO EXIST AS A FREE AND _ INDEPENDENT PEOPLE’ CRAP HE LAID ON US DURING THE TRUCE NEGOTIATIONS! WHOAH, GuYS/ BAD IDEA! ACCORDING TO PARAGRAPH Four, SECTION TWO OF THE PEACE TREATY WE SIGNED WITH BARRINGER WE AGREED 10 STOP HARASSING HIS "REALM". LET BARRINGER AND HIS BOYS DEAL ViITH IT. THAT MAY BE, BUT BY SIGNING THAT TREATY WE VALIDATED THEIR CLAIM. IN THE BAGP 7 usar? \ WE VALIDATED, NOTHING! B.A. PULLED A FAST ONE ON us'AND BONED US WITH THAT ‘SO-CALLED, “TREATY” HE FORCED UPON us’ IF HE HADN'T D/STRACTED ME WITH THOSE “DANCING G/RLS” AT THE PRE-SIGNING PARTY THE NIGHT BEFORE T WOULD'VE DETECTED THOSE HIDDEN HEY, 1 WARNED YOU THAT BARRINGER WAS A SHREWD AND CRAFTY LEADER AND THAT YOU SHOULD BE ON YOUR GUARD. BESIDES I THINK YOU WERE TREATED MORE THAN FAIRLY AT THE BARGAINING TABLE CONSIDERING YOU LOST THE WAR AND SUED FOR PEACE. ‘OH, BLOW IT OUT YER EAR, B.A.’ YOUR WESSON O/L TACTICS WERE PRETTY UNDERWANDED DURING THE WHOLE PEACE PROCESS - EVEN FOR A SCRUFFY-FACED SCREEN LIZARD LIKE YOUs WE'RE TALKING ABOUT TEFLON BILLY WAKING UP NAKED IN THE BACK OF CLAUSES IN THE TREATY AND THAT MANURE CART HEADED Ou OF DEMANDED CHANGES. Near Te Ge ae TOWN! He MISSED THE FINAL REVIEW eA ARE, AND SIGNING OF THE TREATY? Diile of Boubll” Vabone V5 oe a: YOU AS MUCH AS ADMITTED THAT IT WAS ONE OF THOSE LEMON-SPRITZER. OH FOR... WE’VE BEEN OVER THIS A WRONG?! WHY? BECAUSE THINGS DIDN'T GO YOUR Way FoR ‘ELVEN FANNY SHAKERS’ ONCE? B/G DEAL! SO BARRINGER GOT THE BEST OF YOU. ATE PARTY ig ok reo Malt BRC ous SoS DEFOE ENS MR SP NEXT THING I KNOW I FIND. BECAUSE IT WAS A BAD GM CALL// ONLY TWO PEOPLE MYSELF HOGTIED ON A KNEW THAT TEFLON BILLY HAD ‘NUBILE FEMALE ELVES’ FAST WAGON TO HAGLEY WRITTEN DOWN AS A MAJOR WEAKNESS ON HIS CHARACTER TOWN WITH A HANG OVER SHEET/ MYSELF AND YOU// IN OTHER WORDS, YOU HAD THE SIZE OF STUTTGART BARRINGER ACTING ON INFORMATION HE D/DA’T HAVES THROBBING IN MY BRAIN. \ \ DOZEN TIMES. HE USED THAT RING OF THAT'S WHERE SCRYING YOU HAD STORED IN THE BAG YOU'RE WRONG! NO TO ROOT OUT YOUR WEAKNESSES, WAY THAT HAPPENED, THAT WAS ae ‘ WRONG sy) 5 —— AND YOU <4 KNOW Tt THAT BING CIDA THANE ANY OH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD’ WE'RE NOT CHARGES LEFT ON IT/ EXCEPT FOR IT’S BASE ‘ABOUT THE VAL/DITY OF THAT TREATY I SAID IT THEN AND T SAY IT ‘NOW = YOU SHOULD / Hi YEAH, WELL, WHILE YOU GUYS ARE STANDING AROUND YACKING ONE OF THE TROLLS LEAPS LIP FROM THE BODY HEAP AND ATTACKS KNUCKLES! YOU GUYS SIGNED IT AND YOU'RE ALL BOUND BY IT. EVEN YOU, METALS IT WAS USELESS! BRIAN, YOU GAVE YOUR FAMILIAR POWER-OF-ATTORNEY AND HE SIGNED FOR YOU BY PROXY. SO LET’S JUST DROP IT. JUST ADMIT YOU WERE THAT'S NOT FAIR’ HODGY WRONG AND REVERSE WOULD NEVER SIGN SOMETHING YOUR RULING? WITHOUT READING IT7 I TAUGHT GOING TO START ARGUING AGAIN. I MADE MY RULING. IM BETTER THAN THAT. 7 ” DAMN STRAIGHT THAT'S racer wees || yRinatenar res, CHUCKING TROLL-MEAT INTO ‘THE IO YAM HOPPIN MARE adpenioen Wis A paos.en wird tr HE. CAN TAKS FT Urs OATH MB AFTER. o edo ee Sn ee ACT. YOU'LL BE BREAKING THe TREATY YOU KNOW. we vou | Vw alonr” " YEAH, YEAH, WHATEVERY THAT'S BEHIND YOU. T'LL QUE SERA SERA/ OH GAWo/ WHAT YOu WANT HOLD THE BAS WE’RE IN B/G 0 00, BOBP OPEN FOR YA. HM WARNING yout un, vine TROUBLE? CONSEQUENCES? / CONSEQUENCES? / GIVE ‘EM HELL, BOBBY-BoY/ LeT LOOSE THE DOGS OF WAR! 78 $$ ksswe #15: Mama Told Me Not to Play” WHAT’S 70 RECONSIDERP I TOLD YOU WHAT I’M DOING. IT SHOULD BE RAINING TROLL-MEAT ON BARRINGER AND HIS CRONIES JUST ABOUT NOW/ SO WHY DON’T YOU JUST FEED THAT INTO YOUR LAME ASS ‘FLAVOR TEXT’ GENERATOR AND READ IT BACK TO MEP OKAY, LET'S JUST PAUSE RIGHT’ HERE FOR A MOMENT. IT’S OBV/OUS You'Re UPSET ‘BOB, MAYBE YOU'RE NOT THINKING CLEARLY. SO WHY -GRRRR- 808, I’M 808, I STRONGLY ADVISE YOU DON'T YOU TAKE A FEW TRYING TO GIVE YOU A TO ACCEPT B.4,’S OFFER, DEEP BREATHS AND FREE TICKET HERE. RECONSIDER YOUR ACTIONS! RECONSIDER YOUR ACTIONS. 1 SUGGEST YOU TAKE IT \COS YOU'RE ABOUT TO MAKE HUGE MISTAKE. CAREFUL, BOB/ I'S A HE’s Up TO TRICK! SOMETHING. LOOKS TO ME LIKE 1 Got YOU RUNNING SCARED! ACCORDING TO THE SECTION OF THE TREATY You REFER TO AS "HIDDEN CLAUSE NUMBER NINE” IF WE VIOLATE THE TERMS OF THE TREATY WE'RE SUBJECT TO THE LOSS OF EXPERIENCE POINTS OR EVEN LEVELS! BOB, I’M AFRAID HE'S RIGHT ABOUT YOU MAKING A HUGE MISTAKE. DID YOU FORGET THAT BARRINGER INSISTED ON EACH OF US SWEARING ‘BLOOD OATH TO OUR PATRON GAWDS THAT WE WOULD WOT BREAK THE TREATY?? \ YEAH BUT 1 NEVER WOULD HAVE SIGNED WELL You DID THAT STINKIN’ PIECE OF AND YOU ARES PAPER IF 1’D KNOWN 1/7 ACTUALLY BE HELD TO IT. T STILL SAY POWER- OFcatronver Tie ouwos DOESN'T COVER THEMSELVES BLOOD OATHS ARE ENFORCING ——~ THE TREATY. 1 TIRED. Cf BARRINGER GETTIN OVER.CN UB YOU KNOW GUYS I HATE TO MENTION THIS BUT YOU TM SICK OF IT, YOU HEAR MEP SICK OF /77 * BROUGHT THIS UPON YOURSELVES, dich areas bee fe SoUn A ne BARRINGER WAS VERY FRIENDLY TOWARD US EVERYTIME WE WANNA TAKE SOMETHING GUT UNTIL YOU STARTED HARASSING HIM AND HIS MEN. ‘OF THE BAG BUT NOW HE’S USING OUR QWN GAWDS AGAINST US? I'M FUMING!/ HARASSING? 1 HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE AND WHERE THE HELL 00 THE TALKING ABOUT/ GAWDS GET OFF STICKING THEIR NOSES INTO OUR AFFAIRS. HUHP YOU DON’T HUH? WELL LET ME REFRESH YOUR MEMORY. Bundle of Trouble" Volume ¥——_____—79 IT MEANT REVISING ALL MY JOURNALS BUT T THINK WE ENDED UP WITH A MUCH MORE ACCURATE RECORD OF THE HISTORICAL CONFLICT BETWEEN OURSELVES AND BARRINGER. BRIAN, DO YOU HAVE A COPY OF BARRINGER’S ‘DECLARATION OF WAR’ \N YOUR BRIEF CASEP YEAH, THAT “SKIRMISH” WAS A BLOOD BATH! I LOST SOME GOOD MEN THAT DAY. -SIGH- OF COURSE, BUT FOR WHICH ONE? BAGWAR ONE, TWO OR THREEP -SPUTTER- THREE? THERE WAS A THIRD WARP?/! HOW'D I MISS THAT ONEP OKAY, OKAY, HOW ‘asour JUST WE Azz O19 1 UPGRADED THE DUDE. THE DICE ANG Noe ‘ARMOIRE FON A SKIRMISH ON Yaar ONE. OF WAR FoR ¥ 2 ‘ON THAT ONE. TO A “WAR” IN MY JOURNALS. BAGWAR 2 THEN. \ / 3 House THE HEAVY CASUALTIES ~——~ ON BOTH > SIDES fo) sustiees wr. YOU GOT IT/ / HEY, REMEMBER HOW LET'S SEE NOW, IF MEMORY KNOBBY FOOT TOOK SERVES IT SHOULD BE FILED AN ARROW FOR ME WHEN UNDER AGREEMENTS T CAUGHT MY SPUR ON ENTERED INTO! INTER- HERE YA GO/ 1 USUALLY THE RIGGING OF OUR DIMENSIONAL. OR WAS MAKE MULTIPLE COPIES $0 HEAVY TREBUCHET? THAT INTERNATIONAL? TeCH- YOU CAN KEEP THIS ONE. NICALLY IT FALLS UNDER BOTH WHY WOULON'T HEP ‘CATEGORIES. HMMMMM, THE LITTLE GUY LOVES You. 1 DIDN'T REALIZE IT WOULD BE SO MUCH UH... THANKS, YEAH, BUMPIN’ UP TROUBLE BRIAN. HIS /RON RATIONS REALLY PUT HIS. LOYALTY MODIFIERS INTO OVERDRIVE? OKAY ACCORDING TO BARRINGER’S OPENING STATEMENT BAGWAR 2 WAS PRECIPITATED AFTER "HAVING LONG ENDURED THE CEASELESS PROVOCATIONS AND UNENDING HARASSMENT WHICH HAVE BROUGHT GREAT GRIEF AND DEEP SORROW UPON MY PEOPLE.” LET'S SEE HE LISTS YOUR ACTS OF AGGRESSION HERE SOME WHERE....OH, HERE WE ARE. AMONG THE ACTS OF HARASSMENT HE HAS LISTED: PEEING IN THE BAG ‘AND USING IT AS A PORT-A-POTTY; CASTING A PERPETUAL MAGIC MOUTH OF TALINTING OVER THE BAG’S OPENING AND COMMANDING IT TO BROADCAST INSULTS FOR 120 DAYS STRAIGHT; HOLDING THE BAG UNDER WATER RESULTING IN THE TRANSFERENCE OF LAKE PLACID FROM GARWEEZE WURLD TO BAG WORLD: TOSSING RANDOM OBJECTS INTO THE BAG SLICH AS LARGE STONES, A CHURCH, FOUR MILK COWS, A SWACK IRON DRAGON, ETC; KNUCKLES |S SPECIFICALLY MENTIONED HERE TWELVE T/MES FOR VARIOUS "CRIMES AGAINST HUMANITY’ FOR WHICH HE WAS TRIED AND CONVICTED IN ABSENT/A/ SOME NERVE TAGGING ME A WAR CRIMINAL. oe YCHOLOGICAL WARFARE? 80 Bonus Section HEY, SOME OF THAT STUFF WORKED IN THEIR FAVORY LIKE GIVING THEM A LAKE WHICH SOLVED THEIR WATER PROBLEM. THEY SHOULD’VE THANKED US FOR THAT LITTLE WIND FALL? To... HOW DID YOU pur ITP YOU TAKING THEIR SIDE JUST BECAUSE AN ACT OF AGRESSION HAD UNEXPECTED RESULTS DOESN'T NEGATE THE FACT THAT YOU WERE TRYING “DROWN THE BASTARDS LIKE RATS!” | WHAT'S YOUR POINT, SARAP HARASSMENT!" AND BREAK IT ANYWAY/ T CAN'T LIVE LIKE THIS, MY POINT IS THAT THE WAR ENDED WITH US AGREEING THAT WE WOULD "CEASE ALL SAY THAT ‘ANY HARASSMENT AGAINST B4G WORLD” WOULD BE VIEWED AS AN “ACT OF AGRESS/ON” THUS BREAKING THE TREATY! WHICH OF COURSE MEANS WE WOULD STAND TO LOSE EXPERIENCE/ MAYBE WE SHOULD JUST SUCK IT UP IN FACT THE TREATY GOES ON TO FIRK DING BLASTIN’ TREATY! IT TOTALLY FAVORS BARRINGER AND PUTS US AT A DISADVANTAGE. | AND WHAT THE HELL DID WE GET OUT OF THE DEAL? THE RIGHT TO STORE OUR EXCESS POSSESSIONS IN THE BAG FOR A ST/FF STORAGE FEEP B/G WHOOPY T/M TELLING YA WE GOT ROYALLY BONED ON THE DEAL. A rapsrms 1/D BEEN THERE FOR THE SIGNING/ 1 NEVER woul fave LET THIS FLYS OH...1 SEE, SO IT’S MY FAULT NOW. IS THAT ITP LOOK AT THE TIME THOSE STORAGE-CONCESSIONS SEEMED LIKE A PRETTY LUCRATIVE BARGAINING CHIP. DON’T FORGET WE WERE TOTING AROUND 1,457,394 COPPER PIECES We TOOK FROM SWIL GUT THE YOUNGER! YEAH BUT LATER DURING THE 'SKIRM/SH OVER THE ARMOIRE’ HE CONF/SCATED OUR ASSETS AND MELTED DOWN THOSE COINS TO PRODUCE ARMOR AND WEAPONS FOR HIS MEN. NoBoDy COULD HAVE FORESEEN THAT, WHAT AM IP KRESKIN? STORAGE? THAT'S IT/ SO WHAT YOU'RE SAYING IS WE SHOULD STORE THE TROLLS IN THE BAG? HEH, HEH - SHEER GENIUS, BRIAN. Bundle of Trouble” Volume V > WAIT A MINUTE GUYS/ THE ANSWER IS STARING US R/GMT IN THE FACE. WE HAVE THE RIGHT TO STORE OUR STUFF IN THE BAG - SO WHY DON’T We USEITP WE JUST HAVE TO PAY THE FEE WHEN TAKING AN ITEM BACK OUT. AND THE ONLY REQUIREMENT FOR STORING AN ITEM IS THAT IT MUST BE ACCOMPANIED WITH A INVENTORY TAG OR AN ADDITIONAL FIVE PERCENT SHELFING FEE |S TACKED ON TO THE STORAGE RATE. \ SURE WE CAN, IF THEY REFUSE THEY'LL BE IN VIOLATION OF THE TREATY. BRIAN THAT IS TOTALLY AGAINST THE SPIRIT OF THE TREATY. DO YOU ACTUALLY THINK THE GAWDS ARE GOING TO LET You GET ‘AWAY WITH THIS? SpiRIT OF THE TREATY? SARA, YOU SUST DON'T GET IT! 81 THIRTY MINUTES LATER... OKAY, IT’S A DEAL! I PAY THE CLAY-MASTER 500 GOLD PIECES TO SCULPT ME A DISEASED MUCK GOLEMN, BUT T WANT HIM LOADED WITH THE REALLY VIRULENT DISEASES FROM TABLE G-4 ~ NONE OF THAT WEAK STUFF FROM THE A-TABLES. I STRESS THE FACT THAT 1 WON'T PAY IF THE GOLEMN ISN'T TO SPEC. WHERE THE GAWDS ARE CONCERNED THE SPIRIT OF A CONTRACT MEANS SQUAT// EVERYTHING IS TAKEN LITERALLY WHEN IT COMES TO THE WAY THEY INTERPRET THESE TYPE OF THINGS... \ WHICH IS EXACTLY WHY YOU HAVE TO WORD OUR WISHES SO CAREFULLY OTHERWISE IT GETS TURNED ‘AROUND AND USED AGAINST YOU IN THE WORGT POSSIBLE WAY. HOLD ON BOB, GO AHEAD AND ORDER SOON AS HE (ERI CAN IM , sara SEES Tsar incr us scvon oe WK DY) THERE'S NOTHING IN THE BAG! OF THOSE BAD BOYS/ LY THE TREATY ABOUT t Dy WHAT we cawor CAN'T STORE IN THE BAG! WEE B/T LATER. OKAY BOB AS YOU OPEN THE BAG TO INSERT PLAGUE-/NFECTED RAT CARCASS YOU ARE STRUCK WITH A LARGE BLINDLE OF CATAPULTED TROLL FLESH’. TAKE OFF TWELVE HITPOINTS. THERE |S A NOTE ATTACHED TO THE BUNDLE. IT READS, “CEASE AND DESIST ORDER! THE OUT- SIDERS ARE HEREBY NOTIFIED THAT INTRODUCING HAZARDOUS ITEMS UNDER THE GUISE OF ‘STOR- ING" SAID ITEMS WILL NOT BE TOLERATED AND IS VIEWED AS ACTS OF AGRESSION. DELIBERATE. HOSTILITY AND DIRECT VIOLATION OF THE TREATY. A 10,000 GOLD PIECE REPARATION SHALL BE PAID ‘Han Ee TROLL FLESH? IMMEDIATELY ALONG WITH THE ASSURANCE THAT HOLMAN ce THESE HOSTILE ACTIONS WiLL CEASE!" THAT'S RIGHT. IT FOUL! THEY'RE MY ANSWER IS TO THROW AND DON’T CAME FROM WITHIN. | REFUSING DELIVERY? THE BUNDLE OF TROLL Forget MEAT BACK IN THE BAG/ = THE RAT! I REALLY WISH You HADN’T DONE THAT GUYS - 1 REALLY DO. Looks LIke You Just ‘BROKE THE TREATY. \ NOW, IF YOU'D BE SO KIND AS TO BACH MARK OFF ONE LEVEL (OF EXPERIENCE FROM YOUR CHARACTER ‘SHEETS. SORRY B.A/ BUT YOU SCREWED UP! THERE WAS A SLIM CHANCE YOU COULD HAVE ‘SUCCESSFULLY ARGUED AGAINST OUR INTERPRETATION OF THE WORDING OF THE TREATY AND OUR STANCE THAT WE HAD A RIGHT TO STORE HAZARDOUS ITEMS IN THE BAG. I SUPPOSE IT COULD HAVE GONE AGAINST US BUT AT ANY RATE THERE WOULD HAVE BEEN SOME DUE PROCESS INVOLVED AND THE ORIGINAL TREATY WOULD HAVE REMAINED IN PLACE. \ BUT HERE'S THE PROBLEM! BARRINGER JUST FIRED UPON US WITH A CATAPULT, WHAT'S MORE THE ATTACK WAS UNANNOUNCED! THE LANGUAGE OF THE TREATY IS QUITE CLEAR ON THIS -BARRINGER JUST BROKE THE TREATY! THEREFORE WE ARE NO LONGER BOUND TO IT. 82 Bonus Section OKAY, OKAY, BARRINGER MADE A MISTAKE AND HE’S MAN ENOUGH TO ADMIT IT. HE DEEPLY APOLOGIZES AND SUGGESTS YOU MEET WITH HIS AMBASSADOR 10 AMEND THE TREATY AND RESTORE THE PEACEFUL RELATIONS BOTH PARTIES HAVE ENJOYED OVER THESE PAST SEVERAL... NOPE! SORRY! WE WANT A NEW TREATY WITH OUR TERMS OR WE PICK UP ARMS AND SETTLE IT ON THE FIELD OF BATTLE! FIRK DING BLAST? YOU MEAN ANOTHER BAG WAR? NO_ WAY? C'MON GUYS,...LET’S NOT GO THERE - AGAIN/, Cea WELL B.4.? WHAT'S IT GOING TO BEP SINCE BARRINGER HAS BROKEN THE TREATY D0 WE GO TO WAR OR DOES HE S/T DOWN AND HEAR OUR TERMS FOR RESTORING PEACE? WAR??/! BUT IT DOESN’T HAVE TO BE THiS WAY. BARRINGER |S BENDING OVER BACKWARDS 10 AVERT THIS CRIS/S/ WHY DON’T YOU REASON WITH... DO We RENEGOTIATE THE TREATY OR 00 WE GOTO WAR? IT'S YOUR CALL. WELL GIVEN YOUR UNWILLINGNESS TO GE FAIR ABOUT THIS SITUATION T SUPPOSE MY ANSWER IS... AFEW MINUTES LATER... C/MON GUYS! LET'S RECONVENE AT MY PLACE SO WE CAN Discuss OUR STRATEGY - IN PRIVATE. OH, SO THAT'S THE WAY IT’S GOING TO BE, EHP 1’D BETTER CALL WEIRD PETE AND ASK FOR A MEETING OF THE “LOCAL AREA COUNCIL OF GAMEMASTERS" I’M GOING TO NEED ALL THE WAR-COLNCIL AND ADVICE T CAN GARNER. | IF I'S WAR THEY WANT IT’S A WAR TLL GIVE THEM Bua BUNDLES OF TROUBLE VOL: SIX “BAGWAR POUR" rs 83 Bundle of Trouble” Volume V _ Privacy Required BY JOLLY R BLACKBURN OKAY GUYS, T HOPE EVERYONE IS READY FOR TONIGHT’S ADVENTURE BECALISE THIS ONE IS REALLY GOING TO BLOW YOUR SOCKS... Rin UH.» 1/M JUST SETTIN’ UP TO PLAY. WHAT'S THE B/G DEALP THIS AIN'T NO GM SCREEN. It’s , THE NEW PLAYER ADVANTAGE edt’ Dantvar’s PERSONAL PRIVACY SHIELD. WITH THE Gad SCREEN? YOU TRYING ewer HOLY MOLY?! THEY TO BE FUNNYP / FINALLY CAME IN? PR” THE HELL 20 YOU THINK You'Re DONG? ACTUALLY I ORDERED IT DIRECT FROM THE HARD E/GHT WEBSITE, I SPENT THE EXTRA THIRTY BUCKS TO GET THE CUSTOMIZATION PACKAGE. NO KIDDING? 1 GOT ONE BACK ORDERED THROUGH WEIRD PETE BUT I WAS TOLD THERE'S A THREE-WEEK WAITING LIST. 1’ JUST CHOMPIN’ AT THE BIT TO CRAWL BEHIND ONE, $0000... WHAT OPTIONS DID YOU GET? I TOOK THE BASIC THIEF CONFIGURATION AND ADDED \ ‘THE DICE TRAY AND THE PLAYER TACTICAL INDEX ‘asop CARDS. THEY THREW IN THE DRINK HOLDER FOR FREE. 700, OH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, BOB/ YOU BLEW YOUR MONEY ON ONE OF THOSE PERSONAL PRIVACY SCREENS?? CAN'T YOU SEE HARD EIGHT |S JUST TRYING TO GET THEIR HANOS IN THE POCKETS OF THE PLAYERS? WHAT A RIDICULOUS CONCEPT. KNOW WHERE YOU'RE COMIN’ FROM, B.A. I THOUGHT THE SAME THING AT FIRST, BUT THESE BABIES ROCK ASS/ BET Ir Sal THAT ON THE BACK OF THE PLAYER ADVANTAGE INDEED’ YOU KNOW, T READ ABOUT THESE THINGS IN THE WATCH DAWG GAME REPORT. THEY WERE OF THE OPINION THOSE PRIVACY SHIELDS ‘ARE DISRUPTIVE TO THE GAME ANO MAY EVEN UNDERMINE THE AUTHORITY OF THE GAME MASTER. AND HOW THE HELL ARE YOU GOING TO ROLL YOUR DICE? HUH? PRIVACY IS ONE THING BUT 1/M GOING TO INSIST THAT YOU ROLL YOUR DICE IN THE OPEN SO I CAN SEE THE RESULTS, THAT THING IS JUST GOING TO GET IN THE WAY. HOW THE HELL DID THEY COME TO THAT CONCLUSION. WHAT'S WRONG WITH A RELAX! 1 TOLD YOU 1 GOT re 1S THAT A PLAYER HAVING A LITTLE PRIVACY? THE DICE TRAY OPTION. LET'S SEE WHERE'S THAT BUTTON = SUILT IN CANDY THE QUAD-FOLD SCREEN HAS ALWAYS BEEN A SYMBOL OF THE GM'S ABSOLUTE AUTHORITY OVER HIS GAME. HAVING ANOTHER SHIELD AT THE TABLE DIMINISHES HIS STANDING. AH HAY ERE IT IS, SS 84 Bonus Section VOILA! BOX CARS, BABY!! ALL 1 HAVE TO 0 IS INSERT THE PROPER DICE IN THE DICE CHUTE ANG ASH FINE! THAT'S JUST WONDERFUL! 1'M SURE IT WAS WORTH ‘THE BUTTON = ¢WETANT RERULTELT. EVERY PENNY OF THE THIRTY BLICKS YOU SPENT ON IT. / “SIGH- LET'S JUST GET ON WITH THE GAME, SHALL WEP OF COURSE FOR THOSE REALLY CRITICAL ACTUALLY, THE COMPLETE SET-UP COST 68 BUCKS AND 97 ‘SITUATIONS T/LL WANT TO GO "MANUAL" CENTS. OF COURSE THAT DOESN'T INCLUDE THE EXTENDED BUT FOR MUNDANE DICE ROLLING THIS WARRANTY PLAN THEY TALKED ME INTO SIGNING UP FOR. IT BABY WORKS LIKE A CHARM. WAS TOTALLY WORTH IT. NOW I CAN GET THE QUARTERLY PLAYER TACTICAL INDEX UPDATES FOR 25 PERCENT OFF. EXTENDED WARRANTY HUH? PETE eg sucee ret, BOY Phe! DION’T FILL ME IN ON THAT OPTION, THEY SEE YOU COMING. Rael cake FORGETTING SOMETHING? ‘THE GATE"S BEEN BARRED FROM THE OTHER siDe HUH? okay, || WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? TM CHECKING OUT THE WALL. ARE THERE ANY WINDOWS OR OTHER SUITABLE ENTRY POINTS I COULD SCALE UP TOP \ YES YOU CAN SEE AN DRESSED STONEWORK HUHP DAMN/ OPEN WINDOW ABOUT " t GUESS WE'LL SCOUT OUT THE YOUR PLAYER TACTICAL INDEX, DUDES THIS IS THE PERFECT OPPORTUNITY TO USE IT. WHY DON’T YOU CHECK OUT WHAT IT HAS TO FORTY FEET UP. SOUTHERN WALL TO SEE IF THINGS SAY ABOUT CLIMBING WALLS? ror aay 's LOOK BETTER OVER THERE, aaesced sroxeno ican’ yoso up gow, anes || HY YOURE Rew 7 IT’S NOT GOING TO YOU FORGETTING SOMETHING? " BE EASY TO CLIMB. LeT’s See HERE. SIEGE A FEW SECONDS LATER... MACHINES... SKINNING SMALL. LOOKS LIKE YOU GOT SCREWED BoBBY- ACCORDING TO THE INDEX FT BOY/ THE RULES DON’T SAY ANYTHING GAME, SKINNING LARGE ‘ABOUT REMOVING YOUR FOOTWEAR TO GANE, SMALL UNIT TACTICS... || REMOVE MY FOOTWEAR I CAN CIRCUMVENT NEGATIVE MODIFIERS, ee ae SCALE A SEM/-SMOOTH SURFACE , WITH NO DISCERNABLE PENALTY OR eee eae NEGATIVE MODIFIERS, THAT MEANS UMBERHULK-CULTURE, SHOULD TLL UH, YOU BETTER READ THE BACK OF UMBERHULK,-LINGUISTICS, Have A else 72.25 PERCENT THIS CARD, B.A, IT'S STAMPED WITH \VAMPIRES-PROTECTION FROM, CAANGe OF (GUCCESGAALY. THE OFFICIAL HMPA, SEAL OF VENEREAL DISEASES-ORKIN, APPROVAL INDICATING IT’S AN ‘AAAAHH, HERE WE ARE, EONS TT NAb OFFICIALLY RECOGNIZED RULE WALLS-SCALING eur von ‘ADDENDUM TO HACKMASTER, ‘AND CLIMBING. REMOVE YouR SOUND Footwear? wHar | Just Like || RULE ADDENOUMP THE HELL?P BRIAN! Bundle of Trouble Volume V 8s 4 HEY, DO THOSE THINGS COME IN A FIGHTER CONFIGURATION AS WELL? I GOT A TAX REFUND CHECK COMIN’ TO ME. MAYBE I'LL ORDER ONE OF THOSE BAD PUPPIES, (OH C’MON, DAVE/ 8.A,’S RIGHT/ THESE THINGS ARE JUST A MARKETING SCHEME DESIGNED TO SQUEEZE MORE GAMER DOLLARS FROM HACKMASTER FANS. THIS GAME USED TO BE BILLED AS A “PENCIL AND PAPER” GAME - REMEMBER? YOU BET THEY DO/ IN FACT IF YOU GO TO HARDEIGHT.COM THERE'S AN INTERACTIVE WORKSHEET WHICH WILL HELP TAILOR A SCREEN TO FIT YOUR NEEDS AND TASTES - FOR A NOMINAL FEE OF COURSE, BUT IT’S WORTH IT. THERE'S BEEN A DIRE NEED FOR PLAYER SCREENS FOR YEARS!! BUT THE GAMEMASTERS HAVE ALWAYS BEEN A STRONG LOBBY!! YOU HEARD, B.A.! THEY CONSIDER THESE THINGS A THREAT TO THEIR AUTHORITY. THEY'VE BEEN PRESSURING HARDEIGHT TO KEEP THE CONCEPT BURIED! \ WHAT ARE You. TALKING ABOUT? OH PA-LEEZE!! YOU'RE JUST SPEWING SOME OF THE HYPE HARDEIGHT ‘LEAKED’ OUT TO BUILO PRODUCT AWARENESS! YOU MAKE IT SOUND AS THOUGH GARY JACKSON |S ONLY INTERESTED IN MAKING A FEW BUCKS// D0 YOU KNOW HOW LAUIGHABLE THAT 15? A WEEK LATER. OH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!! DAVEP?!! -SIGH- 1 SHOULD HAVE KNOWN YOU'D GET DRAWN INTO THIS NONSENSE TOO. 1/M GLAD YOU HAVE MONEYTO BURN. MAYBE YOU FORGOT ABOUT THAT FIFTY BUCKS YOU OWE ME. IT ONLY COST TWENTY-FIVE BUCKS DUDE! HOW'D TO PLACE A RUSH ORDER. 1 JUST YOU GET YOURS CAME IN THIS MORNING. STILL HAS. $0 QUICKPPI? THAT NEW INK SMELL TO IT. (IT’S BEAUTIFUL, GUYS, IT PAINS ME TO THINK YOU'VE BEEN TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF. NEITHER ONE OF YOU HAVE THE EXTRA CASH TO WASTE (ON THIS KIND OF FRIVOLITY/! BOB, YOU'VE GOT A BAD TRANNY IN YOUR CHEVETTE YOU COULD HAVE USED THAT MONEY ON. AND DAVE I THINK IT’S TACKY (OF YOU TO SHOW UP WITH THAT THING WHEN YOU OWE B.A. MONEY. T.DON'T MIND BUT THIS WILL TOOLING AROUND HELP MY GAME, IN FIRST GEAR. SARA. EVERYONE 1M GETTING WILL BENEFIT, USED TO IT. 86 Bonus Section Read HERE’S MY RECOMMENDATION GUYS, ACCORDING TO MY COMBAT ASSESSMENT MATRIX, WITH OUR CURRENT GM HELL? IM sumouNceD FIREPOWER AND SPELL REPERTOIRE WE HAVE A 83.665 PERCENT BY AN ARMY OF CHANCE OF SUCCESS. I THINK IT’S WELL WORTH THE RISK. \ LAGREE BUT WHAT’S NOT TOO BAD REALLY, WE/RE LOOKING THE RATIO FOR M/T- AT LOSING A NET 77 HIT POINTS FOR THE RULES LAWYERS! POINT LOSS VS. GROUP - PLUS OR MINUS 3 POINTS. EXPERIENCE POINTS SOME OF THAT WILL BE SOAKED UP BY GAINED? THE MENCHMEN AND HIRELINGS. MY FIGURES SAY 19 POINTS BUT THAT’S PRETTY GOOD, DAVE. OH FOR THE. FIRK DING BLAST/ I ORDERED THE DELUXE MODEL. ce FLASH ROM STORAGE AND A vey B44 you cor an ouruer pire Buus eeateek OH, BRIAN, WHOAH!! You Dio IT come NOT YouToo? WENT FOR THE WITH THE CAR PEA-GREEN ADAPTER? METALLIC FLAKE fail kein ecnae His tnt HEY GUYS, HOLD OFF ON ORDERING THAT PIZZA FOR A FEW MINUTES. 1M STILL DOWNLOADING THOSE HACK- ACCORDING TO MY MASTER RULE INDEX UPDATES TO MY SCREEN. PROBABILITY OF SUCCESS MATRIK I SHOULD BE ABLE TO SURVINE 2,75 BLASTS OF FIRE BREATH SO TM CHARGING THAT DRAGON'S ASS! T SHOULD'VE COUGHED) UP THE EXTRA FIFTY BUCKS TO UPGRADE TO A 56K MODEM. I WONDER IF THEY COME IN A PASTEL? Bundle of Trouble” Volume V- 87 _ Kiksumath’s Legacy seve ko yk. — OKAY, ITS STARTING TO GET DARK, YOU'RE ALL VERY TIRED WITH THE EXCEPTION OF TEFLON BILLY WHO IS STRANGELY CHOCKED FULL OF VIGOR. | 0 BE 2 NO KIDDING! THOSE Wer BETTER sisee spe aletennel Tee “ BEEN AFTER US FOR DAYS/ \ / VE GOT THE STAMINA MY SON, \ MAYBE YOU SHOULO HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT THAT BEFORE YOU KILLED TEWNTY-SEVEN OF THEIR YOUNG MEN// YEAH, YEAH. REGULAR WATCH ORDER. DO We GET ATTACKED AGAIN TONIGHT SCREEN MONKEY? YES!! WE CAN FINALLY PUT THAT ADVENTURE —— BEHIND Us. NOT SO FAST! THOUGH NONE OF YOU NOTICED ANYTHING STRANGE DURING THE NIGHT, ONE OF YOUR HORSES IS DEAD, UPON CLOSER EXAMINATION, IT SEEMS TO HAVE BEEN DRA/NED OF BLOOD! DRAINED OF BLOOD? THis STINKS OF VAMPIRES!/ NAH, A REAL VAMPIRE WOULD HAVE FED ON US AGAIN? / BEFORE IT ATE A HORSE/ i This story Is a continuation of another Homebrewed KoDT which appeared in Tales from the Vault Volume Two, 88 Bonus Section ‘THEN WHAT HAPPENED? VLL INSPECT THE AREA AROUND THE DEAD HORSE FOR CLUES/ YOU NOTICE A FAINT TRAIL OF BLOOD DROPS ON THE GROUND, DOES THE BLOOD LEAD ANYWHERE? MAYBE IT = LEFT AN INDICATION OF WHICH DIRECTION THE ATTACKER WENT. Ss APTER A FEW MOMENTS IT BECOMES CLEAR THAT A LEGIBLE TRAIL DOES INDEED EXIST ‘AND If LEADS STRAIGHT TO. Ute | THINK (VE BEEN SET UP Guys, HE CAN/T BE A T CAN'T BELIEVE IT/ TEFLON BILLY ISA MR. ED EATING VAMPIRE! VAMPIRE HE'S BEEN WALKING AROUND IN DIRECT SUNLIGHT a ALL DAYS T COULD TRY AND CAST DETECT UNDEAD ON MYSELF UH... NOT TO FAST SARA. IF K/KSUMATH, THE VAMPIRE ‘THAT BIT ME, WAS A HIGH LEVEL VAMPIRE HE’D BE IMMUNE TO THE EFFECTS OF SUNLIGHT. IP HE TURNED ME INTO A BLOODSUCKER, T WOULD BE IMMUNE Toor ‘SO WE'LL KNOW FOR SURE, \ Bundle of Trouble” Volume V — 89 YOU CAST THE SPELL AND ARE SHOCKED 10 SEE A BLACK AURA SURROUNDING YOUR LEFT LEG// BILLY HAS A ; oo TDON'T RECALL ANY VAMPIRIC LEFT LEG?: RULES PERTAINING TO / UNDEAD LIMBS! wecKee wy eooness. I WASTE IT Walt, WAIT. AE oy, 5M READY. 16 BL T HAVE AN RAVAGER WOULD BE SO KIND AS TO WITH MY VE CHOP MY LEFT LEG OFF AT THE HIP... \ Ray A £ OKAY, BUT T STILL THINK YOU'RE y HOODY HOO'S NUTS! B.A, 1 HACK HIS LEG OFF OKAY, ROLL EAL vER DADDY?? WITH MY MACKMASTER +12, LA (60 LONG, Buoy) |—— 5 WOULD SAY THAT'S A NICE CLEAN CUT/ NIFTY, ONCE THE LEG IS OFF, I DRINK A POTION OF EXTREME FORTITUDE WHICH CUTS THE DAMAGE BY SEVENTY-FIVE PERCENT. NEXT, I/LL DRINK MY POT/ON OF REGENERATION AND CAST HASTE. THIS CAUSES MY LEG TO GROW BACK IN A MATTER OF MINUTES AND HEALS ANY REMAINING DAMAGE, @RILLIANT PLAYING BRIAN. / 1/M NOT DONE YET. / WHOA, DUDES 2X Z 90 Bonus Section WHAT'S THE LEG DOING? NOTHING! T1’S LAYING MOTIONLESS ON THE GROUND... ‘AS T WOULD ASSUME MOST SEVERED LIMBS WOULD// NOT SO FAST/ WE’VE ALREADY ESTABLISHED IT’S A VAMPIRIC LEG, WELL, IF THAT IS TRUE, THEN THERE ARE ONLY THREE WAYS TO KILL IT. ONE WOULD BE EXPOSURE TO SUNLIGHT. ‘SECOND, YOU COULD DRIVE A STEAK THROUGH ITS THE THIRD OPTION WOULD BE TO BEHEAD IT/ HEART. oS IV's A LeGs ALEGI! YOU CAN'T STAKE ITS HEART/ YOU CAN'T BEHEAD IT/ EXACTLY!/ SINCE WE'VE DEDUCED THAT IT IS INDEED HIGH ENOUGH LEVEL TO BE IMMUNE TO SUNLIGHT, IT’S INVINCIBLE’ I CAST CHARM LINDEAD. HOW MANY XPS D0 1 GET FOR CHOPPING OFF THE ARRRRRGGGGH// 2 Heer ME AND MY TWO LEFT FEET HEAD OFF TO LOOK FOR A NEW HORSE. Bundle of Trouble” Volume V- i I FELTON BA. is 30 years old and lives with his par- ents, When he isn't gaming he works part- time in his dad’s dry cleaning shop. B.A. dropped out of college to follow his dream of being a game designer. He sunk $6,000 into his first gaming product, DAWG: the Role-Playing Game”, which was a bomb, B.A. suffered a nervous breakdown and lefe gaming for a few years before picking up his dice bag again. He founded the Knights of the Dinner ‘Table. He's currently employed at Pizza-A-Go Go. HERZOG | | Bob is 26 yeats old and | | | | | | also lives with his parents, He currently works for his dad at the Hoe and Harness Insurance Co. In the past he has had a record of losing his job because of his temper and sharp tongue. Bob was the first dues paying member of the group. He’ from the old school of role-playing and believes it’s all about breaking things and killing people, He made the local papers twice when he got los in the steam tunnels under the Ball State. (The first time for seven days.) | FELTON Sara is 25 years old and is B.A\s cousin. She recently moved back to Muncie, Indiana from Wisconsin and is the newest member of the group. Unfortunately, Sara is albo the only female in the group and fights a lonely battle to bring more role-play into the group's gaming sessions and less hack-n-slash. Sara has decided it is her sworn obligation to bring the other mem- bers of the group around to her style of play. She attempts co do this by example but occasionally has to resort to threats and physical bullying to make her point. 92. VAN HOOSE Brian is 27 years old and lives alone, He manages to make a modest living operating a | local ISP and selling painted miniatures, Brian is typically quiet and utters only three-word sentences unless a rule has been broken or his character has been maligned, Even though Brian can't remember his own phone number, he can recite entire passages of vatious rule books from mem- ary. He used to claim co have a gidlfriend (Alexis) who no one had ever seen, After being confronted by the other Knights on the subject, he refuses to discuss his dating life. And gawd help the poor soul who brings it up. Dave is 22 years old and attends Ball State University where he is studying cultural anthropology. He also has a minor in dance the- ory. (which he originally pursued as a ploy to meet chicks). He was introduced to role-playing by Bob whom he met at a local paintball ournament, (He saved Bobs butt from a double-flanker) Dave is a true blooded hack-n-slasher who becomes bored easily. He often for- gets to bring his character sheet to the game and tends t0 borrow someone elses dice. Dave originally joined the group to take site oh free munchies. BOZWELL KIZINSKI Johnay “Lucky” Kizinski was ‘one of the original members of the Knights ofthe Dinner Table Gaming Club. He was highly respected by the other members for his gaming syle and dedication co the game, He is mostly remem- bred, however, for his incredible luck with the dice and his uncanny habit of coming up with the right results at the right time, Mention his name around any gaming table in Muncie, Indiana and yout likely to hear the sad reftan, “the boy could ply.” Johnny’ story hasan unhappy ending however. One night during power session of CattlePunk, his hick ran out, He fum- bled consecutively FIVE times, fled four saving throws, and rissed ewelve to-hits over the course ofthe evening. As a resule four high level player characters met their demise. Johnny's uulucky streak haunted him in che weeks that followed and he eventually lst interest in che game and hung up his dice bag, He moved out of state and now manages a Big Juices in Wisconsin. Who's Who in KODT™ JACKSON Gary Jackson is fondly known as the “Gawdfather of Gaming” by millions of gaming enthusiasts around the world. His failing wargame company, Hard 8 Enterprises, was about to close its doors for good in 1977 when Gary tossed the dice on a hasti- ly produced role-playing game, The HackMasters of EverKnight™, The first print run was quickly snapped off the shelves and soon frantic distributors were calling Gaty’s three-man shop with pleas of “More!” Gary has been riding Hackmaster spin-offs ever since. For those who want to know what ‘hard eight’ means, it refers to the game of craps where Gary has blown thousands of dol- lars of company money over the years on his frequent trips to Vegas. FINLEY Edmund Finely was once Gary Jackson's paperboy. One morn- ing he was coerced into J filling an empty chair ducing a play-testing session of HackMaster and became ensnared in ‘Gary’s Game’, That was twenty years ago and Edmund has been on the Hard 8 team ever since (though he's only been on the payroll for the past four months). Edmund wears the proud title of | “Director of Research and Development” and | recently oversaw the production of his first work, Abe, Babes and RollerBlades™, described as a “sexy, zany, time-travelling romp through history and fishion” i written no a BROTHERS mh Hard 8 Enterprises ® What do you want to Hack today?™ Jo Jo is one of Gary Jackson's favorite, “yes-men”, When he bought out Battle Cry Games in 1984, Jo Jo Zeke came as part of the deal. For yeats Jo Jo was considered the ‘King of Hex-and- Cardboard-Counter" wargames and has over forty-two titles under his belt. His most famous game design was "The Pope's Panzers’ a ‘what-if’ wargame simulation that rocked war gaming circles around the country. The sequel, ‘V-Rockets at the Vatican’ earned him his first Gamers’ Choice Award for best game design. Jo Jo is now responsible for writing much of the flavor text for HackMaster adventures (something he has a knack for), and crunching rules. It is rumored he lives in his office at Hard Eight Enterprises. Very few people have ever seen the infamous Antignano Brothers. Those who have are usually isluctant to talk about it 1es known that Gary Jackson has kept them on the payroll for years, Their checks are usually anno- tated with the cryptic words, “for various services rendered’. It is said that Vince and Tony Antignano wear grey, pinstripe suits with ewenty-sider cuff links. A few years ago, Nitro Fergueson publicly insulted Gary Jackson at a convention, A few days laer, he Bundle of Trouble Volume V | xed a letter of apology to Gary. Itis rumored the Antignano Brothers paid him a ‘visi’ 93 SKIPOWSKI Pere has been with Gary Jackson since the beginning. In fact they met in college where they used to play epic sessions of MERC ARMOR and BLAZING GUNS. When Gary started his company, Pete came onboard as his first full-time game designer (working for shares in the beginning). In ars the friendship has been strained as Gary's projects have repeatedly over-shad- owed Pete's pet projects. In fact Gary usually targets Pete for his much publicized verbal abuse and ego-bruising, Still, Pete is loyal to Gary and Hard 8 Enterprises and rarely com- plains. ‘Tuley isn’t an employee at Hard 8, nor is he considered an intern, He originally came to the company as part of a Summer Playtester pro- gram, He was tricked into running the compa- ny’s customer service department by being led to believe it was a ‘virtual corporation comput- er game’ and that he was earning points based on how well he ‘played’ the game, which involved answering the phone and working out ‘variable solutions’ to each call, No one has mentioned the ‘game’ in quite some time and Tuley seems con- tent to live in his office, occasionally order out for pizza and man his station. PRISWINKLE Bight year old Timmy Jackson is Gary's youngest son. He is also the chief developer for the SpaceHack sci-fi roleplaying game. He had been responsible for development on the superhero frp Heroes and Zeroes, but was reassigned due to a rash of complaints following the release of H&Z’s Background Tool Chest supple- ‘Waco Bob is one of the original share holders of Hard 8. He really doesn’t do much at the company other than agree with virtually every word that comes out of Gary's mouth. Waco has done well, financially, working with Gary and that seems to be enough to have earned his undying devo- tion. Waco does sit in on every playtesting session he can. But since he seems to love every game he plays, regardless of its flaws, his value as a playtester leaves a lot to be desired. He invariably fills out his playtester evaluation forms with, the “This game is HackMaster!!” next BOWSER Norman Bowser is a role phyer who made good and realized his dream, He started out as a freelancer and began to pump so much HackMaster material into the Hard 8 offices that he was eventually asked to come on board, A few years ago he replaced Earl Slackmozer as the editor of HackJournal maga- zine and has been doing a bang up job of scratching the ‘hack- n-slash ich for thousands of fans. Gary has become so com- fortable with Norman's writing ability that he has sanctioned all of Norman's material as ‘official’ Hackmaster material (even though Gary rarely eads Norman's work as of late). Norman has a long standing rivalry with Bitter Stevi. Norman cut Stevils column from HackJournal soon after taking the helm. JACKSON ewly installed fi ment. Gary, uncharacteristically emotional, felt terrible about this and has promised co make it up to ‘Timmy by bringing his favorite TV hero, Xena the Warrior Princess, to the next HackCon. 94 Who's Who in KODT™ STLE | | | Stevil has a day job adminis- | tering customer warranty | claims. For years he satis- | fied his gaming itch through AN? freelance work for various live-action play and by AA) _.. gaming industry publica- began taking hand picked groups of players on late | tions. However, his divorce a couple of years back night forays’ into the labyrinth of steam tunnels _ freed up time for him to get back into real giltg He beneath Ball State University. After ‘Fergueson’s | met Gordon Sheckberry at work (prior to his unforcu- Folly’ made national headlines (Victor and his group | nate(?) accident] and ‘Gordo’ subsequently introduced were lost for 7 days prompting a massive rescue | him to the Black . He now commutes to search), the steam tunnels were secured and dozens of | Muncie every Friday night from his apartment in sub- entrances were sealed with concrete, There are sev- | utban Indianapolis, eral contradicting accounts of what happened — wesks later on the evening of January Sth, 1987 ut it involved a satchel of C-4 high explosive, a miscalculation of the expected bit sas and a BLACK HAND medical evacuation of the Campus Administration Building which collapsed during an attempt to | Breach the steam tunnels: The inddene exmed | GAMING SOCIETY Victor the nickname ‘Nitro’ and 5 years probation, | Nitro has been president of the Black Hand | Gaming Society for 8 years, taking over from | 3 - Weird Pete Victor Fergueson became known as the Lord of Steam when he adapted the HackMaster rules to “Weird” Pete Ashton is the sole proprietor of a local game store called the Games Pit. He is proud of the fac chat he was one of the co-designers of the cult classic role-playing game, Lynch Mob™. Pete loves to relate the story of how he was burned by his partners and lost “millions”. Pete is always available for advice but oddly seems to be very bitter about the hobby he loves so much, He was a major stockholder in Hard 8 Enterprises but sold his shares mere days before HackMaster was released. Pete co-founded the Black Hand Gaming Society along with Nitro and served as president for the fist four years of the club’ existence. “The backroom of Pete's shop serves as home table for the Society HEY B.A?? WHAT'S WITH wow!! 1997 BALLADE WO STUFF? ROCKED!!! NEVER HAD SO MUCH FUN! This pane! celebrating the 1st year anniversary of KenzerCo picking up KODT originally appeared as part ofthe editorial in KODT#14. Sara's prediction proved true. in the two years since this panel appeared KODT's distribution has soared to almost 20,000 per month, Bundle of Trouble™ Volume V 95 _ ROLE-PLAYING GAMES THAT SHOULD NEVER BE PARTONE “DAS BOOT THERPG |IDONTT CARE IF IT ENHANCES THE REALISM OF NO TIME TO TALK Bfranlein I AR OUEE THE DOUGLAS THE GAME TH OT OLMIS LADER THE FLOOD TORPEDO TUBES 3a 4 DOWN ON YOU - 2000. ‘AND CLOSINGII ‘TABLE EVERYTIME OUR SUB DIVESII! WHILE | WORK OUT A TARGET-SOLUTION FOR THAT DESTROYER DEVEF DEVEF DEVEF HAzo-euover RIGHT 45 DEGREESI! TAKE ME TO 80 METERSIN Ju, Reapiten “This panel originally ran as pare ofthe editorial in KODT#I3. (in order 0 make more rom for NEW material in he Bundle of Trouble’, editorials end Pacng Shon” have been pulled) OHWOWW WOU SNAGGED A GARY = LCTAKEONEAS ey pogpy-poy, FLL CHECK OUT DUDE! = FAGKSON PLZ DISPENSER? §— LONG AS ITS NOT é WANT A PLZ? THOUGHT THEY WERE ALL SOLD OUT! UME FLAVORED! CHS ERASER HEM FOR THE DISPENSER! SATAN? Ot oe ee SE ee i ALREADY!| | DON'T NEED JANET REN Goon SQUAD SHUTTING ME DOWN ROAEN?T WHADYYA MEAN WEIRD PETE IS AT BURRITO BILLY'S see siya ie don eae 96 Parting Shots™ THEN CHECK OUT... Alnichisordy _, oi2ae ( , ‘01 WHICH a JJ BN 7 vf Sle ‘THE UNTOUCHABLE TRIO Bp ' eee a eee TO LIFE. 4. YY ‘ a Y s > IR CLASSIC ayinet ( i ATR) see WAMU id NEW PERSPECTIVE - THEIRS!// AVAILABLE WHERE YOU BUY YOUR KODT// ISBN 1-089162-70-6 ISSUES THIRTEEN THROUGH FIFTEEN OF ii 95, Ww CRAMMED BETWEEN eR “If you've ever been bummed because your dragon was turned into a canary, here’s the book for you.” Wizard Magazis “To enjoy Knights [of the Dinner Table] you don’t need to know any more about gaming than you'll learn from a quick trip through a local comics shop...with panel layouts consi ing of a table with gaming geeks around it, the creators man- age a surprising variety of plots. It’s generous, insightful, text- packed and capable of evoking belly-laughs, even from non- gamers Maggie Thomps Editor, Comics Buyer's Gui “While trading card games have been hogging most of the attention in the gaming industry in recent years, Knights has consistently championed role-playing games. As a crossover product, {between comics and gaming] it also serves as an ambassador to those on the outskirts of the gaming community.” “One (game-related comic] that’s certainly in the running to outperform all others is the : award-winning Knights of the Dinner Table. Joyce Greenbolt : Comic Buyer's Guide 4 “Since opening my own gaming shop, one of the hottest products to come through the do has been Knights of the Dinner Table. Every issue sells off the shelves, and hardly any gaming session goes by where I do not hear, “I waste ‘em with my crossbow!” or “Fireballs coming ine!” It is a great magazine and reminds me why I opened this shop in the first place: because gaming is a really enjoyable hobby and I want to promote it as much as I can. KODT does the same thing. Christopher Torres Paradox Books ee Feaanniett Knights of the Dinner Table Knights of the Dinner Table ‘Knights of the Binner Table Issue #13 Issue #14 Issue #15, (MEN THAT HACK Fist Full of Bice and a Bad Attitude! ‘Mama Told Me Not to Play eas

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