Stefan Wandtke

Comm 2110 Interpersonal Communication

April 19th, 2017

Final Report
Relational Change Project

Introduction
My goal with this project is to address the negative perception I have in my communication
habits with my younger siblings. I adopted several strategies and I have learned throughout the
semester. This included becoming other-oriented, looking at perception, and managing conflict. I
was able to look closer at all my relationships and analyze the costs and rewards not only for me,
but to see what it would cost others to have a relationship with me, and hopefully see greater
rewards for my relationship. I approach situations, conversations, and relationships a little more
different because of this project. I dont overanalyze everything, but I do try to consciously think
of how I can make every interaction, conversation, and relationship as good as I can within my
control.

Unwanted Communication Pattern

I am known to have a short fuse on certain topics and with certain people. I also have my own
perception of what I think is common sense or common knowledge. When people seem to ask,
common sense questions I become a little short with them. I had pretty high expectations of
people. I am a generally really laid back person, but when I had some people close to me tell I
can be kind of intense in these scenarios, I knew this project was perfect to see what things I can
observe about myself and learn from.

Two Examples of what I wanted to address:

This type of example unfortunately has occurred on too many occasions Im afraid to
admit. I have a handful of younger brothers that I want only the best for. My second
younger sibling made a simple mistake at work, but it was something that was clearly
common sense in my mind. I became very sharp with my words and used a tone that
would indicate that I was mad (though I thought I was just wanting to help). People make
mistakes, but I didnt feel like this one should have been made and I let him know what I
 thought about it. I have a few things in my mind that I guess make me feel entitled to give
such a lecture. One, I am the oldest sibling and I genuinely want my brothers to be better
than me at everything and learn from my mistakes. I just tend to go about it in a pointed
manner that in reality isnt very well received by my brothers. Number two, I probably
made the same mistakes and I know how it made me feel and I dont want my brothers to
feel that same way.

I had some minor tweaks in my project that prompted this next example, which I will
mention later in the report. This example comes from a significant other who I am much
more patient with that pretty much any other being on the planet. Being a significant
other also means a lot of together time and discussion about life. My significant other
likes to talk about problems at work to get it off their chest. I try my best to be other
oriented, but sometimes I reach my limits. When the conversation seemed to go in circles
I would start to get short with my responses and ultimately brought things back to what
did my significant other do or not do, to prevent the communication disaster at work.
This is something that I have improved greatly, in managing conflict in my relationships.

Strategies
In my initial proposal, I wanted to analyze my self-perception, how others perceived me, and
how I could make my interactions more positive in my everyday life. I had some experiences
with several individuals during this project that helped solidify this desire for the project.

Perception is something I wanted to look at a lot more closely. I heard the phrase from a relative
Perception is Reality which hit me in a way. I wanted to know first, if that was a true
statement. Two, what is the reality of my relationships and communications with others. Chapter
3 in the text (Beebe, 2014, p. 63) gave a great overview of perception and how it we experience
the world. As the course went on I got more into the meat of what I wanted. Chapter 7 (Beebe,
2014, p. 211) addresses perception checking and three steps to check perception. This included
observe nonverbal cues, interpretation of nonverbal behavior, and asking to check if the
perception is correct. This was good for me to look on my own mode of communication, but to
also make sure my communication with others was a little clearer. Looking at this list and
relating it back to perception is reality help me to realized communication is much more than
verbal. It also helps me to realize that the intentions in my mind can be perceived differently by
another person, making their perception of what Im doing and saying their own perceived
reality for good or bad. I need to consciously think of how I could be perceived as an older
brother and effective businessman in the workplace.

My proposal included the concept of control and habitual communication. I slightly changed
these during the course of the project, as we learned more in the class. I became very interested
in Conflict and Conflict Management styles (Beebe, 2014, p.234). I have long held the belief that
communication is the key to an effective work environment, relationships, and just the day to
day. Effective conflict management fit right in with this belief and gave me broader insight to the
topic.
Being able to manage conflict is essentially the answer I was looking for, for this entire project. I
wanted to make my communications and perceptions more positive. Being able to manage
conflict would without a doubt be the key to this report.

Constraints
I had a few constraints going into this project. At the beginning, I limited myself to the
interactions between only me and my siblings, which I ended up changing to all interactions I
have. This made the encounters outside the home available to my study, which in turn, has
helped most if not all my interactions with others more positive and I believe Im perceived more
positively.
The only other real constraint I had was gauging how I was perceived by others. I couldnt
exactly ask how all individuals felt about me, but I could tell for the most part the interactions
were positive. I based this on how conversations were ended and how the nonverbals given
suggested the people I talked to left on a positive note.

Implementation
Obviously, this is where the theory comes in to the practice realm. Being able to implement what
I had learned right out of the gate wasnt a plug and play style of implementation. It took a
concentrated effort to take a step back in my thoughts and realize I was trying to change
something that I did every day and in every communicative instance. That took some work. I
took the broader and easier types of communicating on first. This involved casual conversations
at work and with relatives. This was the segway into the real conversations and interactions I
wanted to make more positive.
There is still work to be done, but this project brought some great insight into my communication
habits. I find myself still on the border when it comes to common sense scenarios (at least my
idea of common sense). I realized that this is not the desired outcome I want with my
communication, and I am able to think back on the discussions in class and see if I can go about
a situation in a more pleasing manner.
I had the opportunity to observe not only my interactions, but the interactions of others and see
the outcomes. I remember one specific example at the financial institution where I work. During
the course of this project I was able to see a client who represents a large company. He comes in
frequently and has the joy of dealing with all the fun legal things that are involved with large
amounts of money. His ability to effectively communicate made life so much better in a work
sense. He approached situations calmly and methodically. His presence was very engaging. I was
able to pick up on nonverbal cues. He was able to maintain a sense of professionalism while
smiling and being mentally present, maintain eye contact, tone of voice was always clear and
positive. He would clarify points and check for understanding. This client was able to make our
jobs so easy because of how he communicated. Every time I had the chance to talk with him I
thought he is the perfect example for an interpersonal communication class. My interaction
with him helped to further fuel my desire in changing my communication habits. It left an
impression that I wont soon forget, that how we communicate with others.
I heard the phrase from several individuals I look up to. I use it quite often in my approach in
communicating with others. The statement goes: People dont care how much you know, until
they know how much you care. Combining this statement with the positive interaction stated
above I can see a definite equation to successful communication that I will continue to use in the
future.
The above implementations dealt more with perception and being other oriented. I was also able
to take some great points from Conflict Management. I would find myself giving advice only to
realize I was basically telling a person to use an avoidance style of conflict management. This
was a good realization for me, because I dont want to be giving that kind of advice!
In my personal life, I am heading toward the path of engagement and marriage. This is really
where the text and in class discussion became a focus for me. I could look at previous
relationships and dissect reasons for the outcomes of those relationships. I took those experiences
along with what I was learning in the class to evaluate my serious relationship that I am still very
much involved in. I applied principles in the text (Beebe, 2014, p.234). These included looking at
all the conflicts I have had and seeing if they fell into avoidance, accommodation, competition,
compromise, or collaboration. After looking at the pattern of where most of my relationship
conflicts were, I felt that my significant other and I were pretty strong and we could get through
our conflicts, which only made us stronger.
Conflict management skills was also something I implemented. I again, took a step back and
looked at how and why a conflict came about. I feel like Ive de-escalated several potentially big
conflicts by consciously implementing what Ive learned during this project.

Results
This project was nothing but positive for me. Like I stated previously I have several beliefs when
it comes to communicating. Perception is reality. Effective Communication is key to successful
relationships, work, and day to day. People dont care how much I know, until they know how
much I care. Ive had these thoughts and beliefs for some time, but this project helped me to gain
greater insight to why these mean so much to me. It has also helped me to realize I can be a
better communicator and I will continue to evolve, implement and be better. I feel I am much
more open in my relationships and my communication in general.
I went into this project with positivity and I feel like I got something positive in return. The text
led me to believe it was possible to achieve a positive outcome and I would stand by that. My
situation and examples provided a positive example that the theory is true. I say this because my
interactions are more positive. I feel that having knowledge of the theory and being able to put it
into practice I have seen the results. I am satisfied with the outcome of the project, and if I have
to do it again, which I might to on my own, I will change a few things and see if I can improve in
other areas as well according to the theory in the text and discussions from the class.
Recommendations
I plan on continuing to review my communication habits and what I would like to improve on
next. I stated earlier that I might do a similar project on my own after the class to improve other
aspects of interpersonal communication because I can always improve and become better and I
want that.
I really want to develop more relationships. I want to be able to look at all the different aspects
and make connections with people that are going to help me grow more. Id like to focus on
Social Exchange Theory (Beebe, 2014, p.270). I think naturally we gravitate to people we like,
but I want to be able to develop healthy relationships that are, as I stated above, going to help me
grow. I want to be able to make connections that are going to have greater rewards and that these
individuals will see great reward having a relationship with me.

Works Cited:
Beebe, Steven A., Susan J. Beebe, Mark V. Redmond, and Lisa Salem-Wiseman.
Interpersonal communication: relating to others. Don Mills, Ontario: Pearson Canada
Inc., 2014. Print.