Israel Nzala
great summary of your piece, but it did not say how the
Professor Agosta
UWRT 1101-006
05 February 2017
New Life of an Immigrant
You cannot marry her; she is not from our tribe! Said in French, my father, sixty-eight
years old man, to a twenty-eight years young man, me. I remember, since my teenager age that
was the first commandment of our father to all of his four sons. Two of my older brothers did
met his expectation; it was now my turn, the turn of the the revolutionary, a nickname given to
me because of my analytical mindset. Multiple times, my father was exasperated with me when
antagonizing his non-funded instructions. In fact, during my passage at college: major in
Sciences and Electrical technology for two years in a European School system; speaking fluently
French and two other Africans languages. I learned to find justifications on ANY THING
while passing lines in mathematics problem solving. I adopted the same principle of problem
solving in the human daily life basis; when individual actions resulting from a systematic
thinking can provide better outcome.
Human life can be comparable to a sinusoidal function, where amplitude and angle
modify its values. 2011 was a year of high amplitude; better Job career, in Kinshasa town with
decent life, enjoying my six months of marriage with my wife (the one my father was opposed
to) after I persuaded my parents that marriage cannot be based on cultural, or ethnic selection but
in personal values. Motivated by the conception of increasing my knowledge, I made an
important decision in my life: move alone to US America, which I was convinced was the land
of opportunities.
Commented [AR1]: Israel, your cover letter gave me a
writing of it went. Im not sure which parts you struggled
with (if any) or which parts you want feedback on.
Commented [AR2]: Because teenage already has age
in it, you can change this to my teenage years
Commented [AR3]: Very interesting opener we see this
piece of dialogue which speaks to a deeper story (we
assume).
Commented [AR4]: What does this mean here non-
funded. My first thought is that he might instruct someone
to do it but not support them in doing it through money, but
I wonder how this applies to the example of marriage
above.
Commented [AR5]: Is this supposed to connect?
In fact, during college.I learned to find the justifications. If
so, change the period into a comma after languages.
Commented [AR6]: What Im getting from this is that you
were able to argue back with your fathers ways of life
due to your studies in math. It was a little confusing for me
to read, perhaps because it doesnt seem to circle back to
the initial commandment, but maybe more so because I
dont understand the non-funded comment. I see below
that you address your wife, which does make sense. Hm.
Commented [AR7]: Okay, so Im thinking about why you
might be telling me these stories. They illustrate where you
came from and ways of thinking, as well as how you push
back at those ways of thinking/doing based off of reasoning.
I wonder (hope) that these ties to home will keep coming up
as you move onto the next subject, as that will help solidify
the purpose of these stories early on.
 However, my dreams become a nightmare just in the first hours after our airplane landed

at JFK International Airport. I realized my illiteracy in English language while I was standing in

front of the border agents. The basic English knowledge from my College was totally insufficient

to make myself understandable to a US border Officer. I need a French translator I told him in

a barely English with Africans accent., You dont need one, He he responded. I had to back up

on some clues to figure out what he was asking me to do. After this first test, I had another one;

he asked me to go print at the computer station my boarding pass. I used signs to notify him that

I my misswas not understanding to what he was saying. To facilitate the comprehension, he

wrote the word boarding pass on a paper, which I was able to read. My English reading and

computer skills assisted me to understand and complete what was ask to me. As you can see, in a

gap of ten minute my sinusoidal curve went up and down, backing myself in some rapid Commented [AR8]: I thought this was a great anecdote.
You tell us about this moment of illiteracy, and you go on to
show it: what you struggled with, how the person reacted,
reflection, how to solve this communication problem? Mmy reading and computer skills were
what you used as back up knowledge to get through the
tasks, etc.
the only trustworthy resources I could use to work out the problem. This, was just a beginning;, I

faced more other challenges.

As an Immigrant in America, without any family members, I had the green card1. My

older brother concluded a deal with one of his friends who was leaving in North Carolina state;

to allow me stay in his house for six months. Hoping that, I would be able to get my own

apartment in that time. The fact was, I had five hundred dollars in total, not enough to support

myself; all my saving was spent for the trip and some left to my wife. I get got my first job in Commented [AR9]: Did you come with a specific plan for
work, or was the goal to come and then figure out
work/learning etc.
America after one month, and it was a manufacturing work: lifting, packing, As in many

warehouses, this one was also full of black Americans speaking slang. It was terrible, I was like a

deaf and mute, on the other side, threating to be fired for lack of communication. For me, this Commented [AR10]: What kinds of things were you
being asked to communicate about? With who? You
mention the slang how were they using it (for the job or
job meant many things, I had five months to find a place to leave memory.
for friendly conversation)?
1
Green card: it is the resident permanent card, given to an individual when obtained the permanent resident status
 I felt confused, like the sky was coming down on my heard, a literate man becoming

illiterate in another country. While I began to question myself, make some reflections on the

issue, a friend of mine came to ask me to help his sister. I know you are smart, an intellectual

guy, and you are able to help her, he said, and added she still struggling to complete her online

GED classes, can you do something for her? Yes, I said without hesitation if you dont take

back the books, they can be given to me as salary. We concluded the deal: my job was to read,

and study all her class materials, comprehend them then explained to her in more easy ways. In

this, I can demonstrate that, doing the tutoring session to her was so important to me. Using my

reading resource could help her, at the same time I help myself. I had to increase my English

communication; to do so; I need vocabulary, verbs, grammar, and more practice. Since we have

to work only once on material; I had to provide her all the information to help her succeed in her

GED program. After two months of working, I read almost hundreds of books, she graduated

with As grades.

Moreover, on my side I was astonished, it was like I a completed translation from French

to English of many sciences, mathematics, and other academic knowledge I had, I came out as a

new man, new vocabulary began to come to my mouths, my reading, comprehension skills

increased, writing skills began to get sharp. For instance, I could have seen the difference was

only in term of word but science, and concepts remained the same. In mathematics, for example,

in French we say theoreme in place of theorem in English; puissance in French, Power

in English; in physics, la vitesse dun corps in frech French velocity of a body in English; in

French we say la chute libre dun corps de masse donne sans vitesse initial linstant donne

in English it means the Falling object with mass at any time with initial conditions. This,
experience was my turning point in term of motivation, perseverance, self-teaching, and push me Commented [AR11]: I think this is a strong paragraph
because you show that your knowledge in these subjects
gave you a grounding to understand the differences in
to another level.
language to describe the same truths/ideas.

The new level was more exciting. After six months of my arrival date, I get got my own

place. I decide to register to ESL program2, where I met a wonderful teacher MS Janet from Commented [AR12]: Edit to stay in past tense

Japan, an immigrant like me. She shared with me, her personal experience in this term: found

yourself a place, where you can practice every day with Native American, she added
regardless any mistakes you can made in your literacy process, practice will sharp you. Once
in the lab, she introduced me to some software like Rosetta stone and other. This experience had
Commented [AR13]: To an American reader, this would
be a particular kind of American Native Americans are
those who lived here prior to English settlement. Domestic
Americans or perhaps even native Americans without
native being capitalized could get to what you mean here.

strong impact in my English learning, after spent forty hours in the lab; I was tested, and passed

the test with high grade. The grade obtained, implied to be enroll to a new program EFL3, more

efficient academically. I decided to do not attend the program but to transfer associate degree to

one of the university.

Before beginning the university career, I set up two goals improve my academic English

and bring my wife in America. The first goal was accomplish during the FOEFL4 preparation.

TOEFL test was required as first steps for transfer from aboard studies. To do so, I changed the

job, working now as receptionist. In this job, I was able to accomplish the two goals; while

working for money, I was preparing for the test. The job provided professional trainings; I was in

permanent contact with native English speaker form all over the country. I accomplished then

my goal and Ms Janet advice. I passed TOEFL test; today, I am together with my beloved wife;

we have two beautiful sons Abishai and Elijah.

Above all, as immigrant in America from French literacy language, illiterate in English

language, experienced challenges when learning English as second language. Using reading

2
ESL: English as Second Language
3
EFL: English as a Foreign Language
4
TOEFL: Test of English as Foreign Language
ability, gained from previous school education as my starting resource. The power of adaptation

motivated me, implementing solutions from rhetorical thinking. Assisted by multiple forms of

sponsorships: from self-motivations, tutoring others, teachers, books to trainings; I was able to

change my English ignorance to English literacy. English knowledge a key for my success, open

many doors and set met in different level. Today, I am transfer student at University of North

Carolina at Charlotte; I feel more confident when reading, writing, and speaking and listing

English. I am proud of myself, helping other new immigrants in my community who are facing Commented [AR14]: Very strong ending.

I thought your paragraphs from the airport scene to here all

the same experience.
flowed very well. I understood the timeline of events. I think
there are some places where you could get more detailed:
the work atmosphere with slang (did you pick any of it up
and use it?), what you studied with the GED prep work, for
example.

Id like you to revisit the first two paragraphs. You bring up

this idea of your father, I think, to show that you are
resistant and use reasoning/math. You then go on to say,
better outcome.
Human life can be comparable to a sinusoidal function,
where amplitude and angle modify its values.

You used the idea of amplitude right after, but you never
addressed angle modify. Your use of math and reasoning
did not extend past the first page.

I think these are interesting themes/metaphors/connections

that you could draw on more throughout your essay. If you
choose not to, you might rethink your opening and the focus
of those two paragraphs, as they lead me to expect more
discussion of these topics than what occurs.