2016 is over; 365 days have passed

In this time you have overcome great obstacles, and experienced wondrous delights.
You have continued to survive. You have continued to thrive.
You have grown and blossomed, and you have seen darkness and light.

You have created a year of color a year of mystery and adventure, a year of self-discovery and change. You
have been vivid and bold, and other times quiet and soft.

Whether this year was tainted with sadness, or painted with joy, you, my friend, have made it.
And for this, you are a fighter. You are a warrior.

You have made it through 365 days of uncertainty; you have stumbled courageously through hours and
hours of unknowns.
And you have made it because you have held onto light you have nurtured hope.
Rather than falling down in the face of fear, you have bravely stepped forward.
You have daringly tried again, time and time again.

Take a minute to let that sink in; to thank yourself for your incredible strength.
Take a moment to appreciate yourself.
You have continued to persevere through the hard times, and you have continued to step forward when
your gaze ahead was clouded with uncertainty.
Appreciate the way in which you have bravely stood up, again and again, even when facing adversity and
anxiety.

Remember how far you have come.

In these 365 days, remember how many forward strides you have made.

You are a new person, yet the same.

As you move forward into the new year, remember that for every hardship you have faced, you have also
been blessed with grace.
You have made mistakes, you have learned.
You have fallen down, you have risen back up again.
You have experienced heart break, you have loved.
You have spent days in bed, you have spent nights out in town.
You have found your weak spots and flaws, you have discovered that these are your virtues.
You have cried tears of sorrow, you have cried tears of joy.
You have said goodbye, you have said hello.
You have been breathless.
You have seen miracles.
You have lived.

Words: @colleengeorgeee

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This is for the girl with the sensitive soul,

The one who finds herself caring for people just a little too much, putting the ones she loves before her own
desires, wanting so desperately to keep those who matter to her from experiencing any pain. When she
speaks, her lips express only quiet kindness. When shes around others, her heart is open wide and shes
listening, hanging onto every word. She cares. She wont ever stop caring.

The one who finds herself loving the wrong people, giving everything she has and not seeking anything in
return. She falls headfirst into relationships, never once questioning others intentions but believing in the
goodness of their hearts. She loves passionately, opening without caution. She lets people in and isnt afraid
to, all the while holding onto the hope that the one she loves will do the same.

The one who cries in the heartbreak scenes of movies, who gets emotional during fights, who loves
everything small and fuzzy and would nurse any animal she found back to health. This is for the girl that has
a heart for everythingfrom the abandoned newborn puppies to the stranger begging for coins. She feels
everything, feels it in her chest. She has always been aware of, and invested in the thoughts and
experiences and lives around her, and always will be.

The one whose heart breaks for those in need, who takes in the ache of the world and internalizes it within
her own body. The one who gets hurt and takes time to repair herself; the one who gets timid in the face of
pain and sometimes loses herself in an extreme wave of emotion.

The one who cant seem to stop loving the people who hurt her. She finds a way to see the good, the hope,
the healing, even when shes standing there, brokenhearted and alone. Shes the one who keeps trying,
even if the battle is lost before she begins. Shes the one that fights, even if shes fighting on her own. She
keeps giving, keeps opening because that is who she is. She feels emotions deeply, differently.

The one who is regarded as soft, but in her vulnerability is actually so strong. The one who finds the courage
to stand, even when she is hurt. The one who is never guarded, but continues to open, to trust. The one who
is tender, who feels, who cares, who loves. The one with the pure heart.

Be proud of your sensitivity. Be proud of how it has shaped you, how it has brought positivity and lessons to
you, how it has blessed the people around you and made you powerful in a world of bitterness and hate.
Celebrate your emotions, your uniqueness, your big heart and fearless spirit.

You are a woman with a sensitive soulbeautiful, and bold.

Words: Marisa Donnelly

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When youre the girl whos always smiling
people dont care to ask if youre okay
they always assume that youre fine
because your smile fools them every time.

They dont know that sometimes a smile

is the only way to hide your pain
and sometimes its the only way to show
that youre not broken inside.

When youre the girl whos always smiling

people think you dont feel anything
they think youll always forgive them
they think youll always forget

But they dont know that you remember everything

that even the meaningless jokes get to you
that your smile is a sign of your sensitivity
and the vulnerability youre trying to curb

When youre the girl whos always smiling

they dont know that behind your smile
flows a river of tears and
a river of painful stories

People think that youll always smile

no matter what happens to you
but they never go home with you
and watch how you cry yourself to sleep.

Words: @ranianaim

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12 Things You Dont Realize Shes Doing Because She Feels Worthless

1. She cant take a compliment. When someone comments on her eyes, she shakes her head. When
someone comments on her little black dress, she mentions how she hates the color on her. She wont accept
the fact that shes beautiful.

2. She enters toxic relationships. She feels lucky whenever someone shows interest in her. Even if he cheats
on her. Even if he breaks her. At least shes not single

3. She reads all the time. Or binge watches television. Or replays a certain album over and over again until
shes sick of every song. Its escapism. A way for her to forget about her crappy life and pretend shes
somewhere else. That shes someone else.

4. She takes forever to text back. Shes lonely. But when a friend tries to reach out to her, she doesnt
respond. She feels like she has nothing worthwhile to say. Like shed only bring the other person down.
Depress them.

5. She posts, and then deletes. She was excited about a certain selfie. But then no one liked it. But then she
felt silly for posting it. So she deleted it before even more people could come across it and judge her.

6. Shes quiet during group conversations. She doesnt want to brag about her promotion, because shes still
working at a movie theater while her friends are all at their dream jobs. She doesnt realize how well shes
doing, because she keeps comparing herself to everyone around her.

7. She lashes out. When a friend comes to her with good news, its hard for her to give congratulations. Her
jealousy takes control. It consumes her. She views every good thing that happens to someone else as
something bad thats happening to her.

8. She has an unhealthy sleep schedule. Shes up until four or five in the morning, so she doesnt wake up
until noon. And she likes it that way. There are fewer chances for her to interact with people when shes a
night owl.

9. She covers up her body. She wears baggy clothing whenever she leaves the house not because theyre
comfortable or make her feel pretty because she doesnt want anyone seeing her shape. She hates what
she looks like. She wants to hide herself away.

10. She contacts her exes. They cant make her feel any worse about herself than she already does. She
might as well talk to them to pass the time.

11. She stays off of social media. Everyone else is posting pictures of their engagement rings and statuses
about their fancy degrees. Even if shes excited about an accomplishment, that excitement doesnt last long.
She feels like it pales in comparison to her peers. Like theyre years ahead of her and shes lagging behind.

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12. She gets drunk. She feels a little better about herself when theres alcohol in her stomach. Of course,
that happiness fades away as soon as she wakes up with a hangover. Then she feels even worse about
herself.

Words: Holly Riordan

I know Im loved. I know I have strong friendships.

I know I have everything. But that doesnt stop me from feeling alone.

I feel alone, because I recover from happiness all too quickly.

Even if Ive just returned home from a party, the loneliness drops over me like nightfall, the change sudden
and harsh.

I feel alone, because social media has a way of tweaking my thoughts.

Of convincing me that Im not popular enough, because I dont have enough likes.

I feel alone, because I dont leave the house more than necessary.
I stay inside, because my anxiety has wrapped chains around me, tethering me to the place where I feel the
safest.

I feel alone, because Ive convinced myself that no one else understands what Im going through. That, if I
revealed all of the things Ive been suffering from, they would nod and smile in the moment, but go home
and tell their roommates about what a mess I am.
About how they feel sorry for me. Pity me.

I feel alone, because I actually prefer being alone.

I prefer having the house to myself having time to myself so I can choose between reading a book or
listening to music or walking my dog.
Most of the time, Im comforted by isolation. Nourished by it.

But then there are those rare days when I want someone to text me, just to ask how Im doing and to see if
Im free that weekend.
Someone to remind me that theres more to this life than routine.
That its okay to break out of the ordinary cycle of the week and do something exciting.

Most of the time, I prefer being alone. But I dont want to be alone all of the time.

And I never want to feel alone I dont think anyone ever really does.

Words: @hollyyrio

5
To The Man Who Loved MeIm Sorry I Couldnt Love You Back

There were two things I wanted to tell you: Im sorry and thank you.

We were not on speaking terms anymore and it was a decision I made that I knew would be the best for the
both of us.

It wasnt a good ending, because you wanted to push through and wait for me, even though I told you
countless of times that friendship was the only thing I could offer; but I stood firm with my decision. I knew
you didnt want us to end this way because you always told me that losing me was the last thing you wanted
to happen, that wed rather be friends than for you to lose me. I knew you hated me for doing this, but I
hope that one day, youd be able to understand.

This was all for you.

I didnt want you to be stuck with me; I wanted you to be happy. I wanted you to find someone who would
be able to love you in return. That same unconditional love you so willingly gave me, which endured all the
pain and conquered all of the challenges. That same passionate love that begged to be felt, appreciated and
acknowledged.

That love which I took but wasnt able to give back.

This is me saying my sorry.

Sorry that I was too selfish. Sorry for putting you through so much pain. Sorry if there were times that I took
for granted your feelings for me. Know that I didnt want to intentionally hurt you. That was why I made the
decision to stop all contact from you. This was my last attempt in saving you from me.

I also wanted to thank you.

Thank you for all the things you did for me, but most especially for showing me what it felt like to be truly
loved. You always put my happiness first before yours. You showed me you were sincere and serious no
matter how much I doubted you for your intentions. You took your time to know not only me but also my
family. You were always there to listen to my ramblings no matter how silly they were. You put up with my
craziness and my mood swings. You didnt judge me when you saw my imperfections yet loved me even
more.

Thank you for showing me that I was worth it. For erasing all of my insecurities and reassuring me. For not
letting me doubt if someone loves me or not. Thank you for showing me that I shouldnt accept half-assed
love.

Lastly, thank you for loving me with all of you.

Thank you, thank you so so much.

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Before I end this, I want you to know that I miss your corny jokes, your cheesy pick-up lines, but most
especially, I miss you. Every single day.

Words: Karri Maxine

This year,

Say goodbye to the ones who didnt appreciate you, the ones who didnt answer your calls or your texts, the
ones who didnt love you or treat you with respect. Let them go and find the ones who are worth your time.

Say goodbye to the moments you messed up and the mistakes you made along the way. Its how you learn
and how you grow.

Say goodbye to the tears you cried over the ones who didnt deserve you, say goodbye to everyone who
made your year a little harder.

Say goodbye to your fears; the ones that stop you from living your life, the ones that stop you from
dreaming and the ones that stop you from trying.

Say goodbye to staying when you should leave. Know that youre always allowed to leave and you should.

Say goodbye to all the unanswered questions, to all the hows, whys and what ifs. Theyre only going to
clutter your mind because sooner or later, youll know why things happened the way they did.

Say goodbye to the tough times of 2016, the bad memories, the sleepless nights, the heartbreak but take
the lessons with you. Say goodbye to saying that 2017 is going to be the same and start saying 2017 is
going to be my year and believe it.

Words: @ranianaim

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Shes Tired Of Being The Nice Girl

She desires the kind of love that makes her heart pound heavily in her chest. She wishes for the type of
romance that causes her blood to run wildly throughout her body. She craves the attention of a mischievous
guy who will to take her to all places and liberate her, helping her seize every second of the present.

She wants to lose herself in the deepest love; she wants to dive head-first into wild adventures that will take
her breath away.

It gives her a thrill, plotting an act of disappearance with a dangerous man who convinces her to run away in
a directionless journey.

Loving him is a scandalous secret shes hiding. Hes the man shes not supposed to be with, and this is the
absolute reason why shes lighting up inside. She has a smile that never fades from her lips whenever she
floats her fingers out an open car window as they drive recklessly in the middle of nowhere.

She finds comfort in the intense kisses, tipsy night dances, and dizzy mornings laying her head on his chest.
She has satisfaction in her soul, knowing with him, she doesnt have to worry about tomorrow can instead
just live in the moment.

She risks it all for a taste of trouble.

She plays a game she cant win.
She flirts with disaster.
She loves a little bit dangerous.
And nothing frightens her anymore.

Because shes tired of living up to someone elses expectations. Shes so used of being the goody-two shoes
student with straight As on her report cards and perfect attendance. Shes so done having the reputation of
being the best employee who does repetitive tasks that dont challenge her. She doesnt want to be the
stereotypical portrayal of a girl whos sheltered and spends all her life reading books, painting her nails, and
watching Gossip Girl. Shes exhausted climbing up the ladder, achieving the next title, being the ultimate
responsible daughter, and proving her worth to society.

She wants to have fun, to live boldly, to fall in love fearlessly, to smile widely, to laugh tirelessly, to adventure
dangerously.Even if that means a burnt spirit, shattered heart, cracked soul, time wasted, stupid mistake,
and lost opportunity in the end.

She is a risk taker. She is brave. She is a warrior.She likes it a little bit dangerous because being perfect is
boring, and she likes to learn her best lessons in hopeless situations, and own up to her every scar.

Words: Angelo Caerlang

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Loving someone doesnt have to come with the expense of losing yourself.
But I get it. I get you.
Were only humans and sometimes, when we love someone, its all or nothing.
We want to make them feel appreciated and understood.
We want them to know that they are cherished and held above all else.
And sometimes you wont get that in return.
Sometimes someone wont want to give you the world, wont want to make you feel like the most special
person in the room.
It hurts. Its the kind of ache you never knew you could feel before.
But here is the lesson there is no one to blame, because people love differently.
So yes, they may love you, but not the way you want them to.
And you cannot lose yourself in that.

You cannot change your heart.

You must walk.

So to all the girls who love someone or who have loved someone and lost themselves in the process, you
can find your way back again.

Remember:
You do not need that kind of love.
You do not need him.
You dont need him to feel beautiful.
You dont need him for self-validation.
You dont need him in order to grow.
You dont need him to know that you are worthy.
You dont need him to know that when you love, you love too much and theres nothing wrong with that.
You dont need him to like you or love you more.

All you need is yourself, and sometimes thats exactly what you needed all along.

Words: Katreena Dei Gauiran

9
To the Girl Who Thinks Shes Better Off Alone

I know youre busy and might not have time for a relationship.

Youre not one to make relationships your priority. Maybe because youve done it before and it didnt work
out and you realized not to make the same mistake twice. So youve filled your life with other things that are
more important.

But I also know those are excuses you tell yourself.

Despite how busy you are or how much you have on your plate, you and I both know something is missing.
Emotionally people are conditioned to need others but I know how much that scares you.

It scares you to let someone in.

Like if you put your guard down and someone finds out all these things about you, theyll either reject you
or leave with every secret. Youre afraid of letting anyone but your friends that close so you push people
away.

But I know deep down you really want to.

But the only reason youre pushing people away and running away as often as you do is because you want
someone to overcome the challenges you put before them. You want someone to work and prove they
deserve you.

I know how much you fear getting hurt

Youve let your guard down easy in the past. Youve trusted the wrong people. Youve cried too many tears
over people who werent even worth it. I know you dont want to get hurt. I know you see vulnerability as
weakness. I know how strong you are because there was a time when you werent.

But how you also hate sleeping alone at night.

You toss and turn through the night, reaching over in a bed too big for one, not even remembering the last
time you had someone next to you that you wanted to stay. A vital component is missing in your life and its
okay to admit that. To say you want to meet someone and have a relationship is not a sign of weakness.

Its a sign youre human.

And I know what its like to put up a front like it doesnt bother you.

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But you wont ever admit it. Because as much as youre trying to convince others that youre better off alone
or youre really into your career right now, youre trying to convince yourself too.

But every couple that walks by, you look at with a bit of envy.

You look forward to the day when thats you but you also cant even picture it yet. It kind of feels like
everyone else is in a relationship but you and youre doing everything you can to be okay with that.

And youd rather be alone than in the wrong company.

If the past has taught you anything its to not settle. And you never will again. You remember what it was like
being with someone and feeling alone right next to them.

But if theres one thing I can remind you

You deserve love more than anyone I know.

One day youre going to meet someone and regardless of how much you push him away or run or try and
actually mess something good up, hes going to stick around. Hes going to break through these walls you
build up and youre going to let someone in again. Hell see you at your worst and hes going to stay. Youre
going to fight and he wont walk out but youll resolve it. One day youre going to realize needing someone
doesnt mean youre weak. Youll meet someone and their love will give you strength. One day you are
going to meet someone who is deserving of you.

One day youll learn to love again and youll open

your heart and only then it will heal.

Words: Kirsten Corley

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Things between us wont always be clean or easy.
There will inevitably be days we fall out of sync, step on each others toes, or miss a few beats, but every slip
and stumble will be a new learning experience.
And so with every moment of conflict or discontent, the spaces between them will grow vaster and wider as
we begin to understand how each other works.

For instance, when I am brooding and distant, you will soon learn neither to be concerned nor saddened.
There are times where I just dont like myself all that much and I pull away and get caught up in my own
self-loathing thoughtsyou will learn that when I disconnect it is not because I have lost feelings for you, but
because, in a way, I do not feel deserving of yours.

Likewise, with experience, I will endeavour to read the differences between your every shade of mood and
need. That look, hunger. That tone of voice, something I said.

I will learn to know when you need space and when you need to be enveloped in warmth and affection and
care.

Yes, some of this may come easily, without effort or fuss, while some of it will call for much patience and
hard work, but with a healthy perspective, and commitment, and trust, every moment of growth throughout
our relationship will be rewarded and, before long, we will fall into a beautiful rhythm together.

Words: @beautaplin

12
The next chapter of your life is about your own well-being.
Its the beginning of a new year and hopefully a chance to start over, a chance to let go of certain parts of the
past and a chance to focus on who you want to be and what kind of life you want to be living.

The next chapter of your life is about your heart.

Its time to heal it, its time to take it back from those who broke it and its time to collect all the scattered bits
and pieces that were lost along the way of loving.

The next chapter of your life is about your mind.

Your complex and limitless mind. Its time to start thinking that you can have whatever you want, its time to
start saying that you deserve those things instead of doubting yourself.
Its time to stop settling for thoughts that belittle you and stops you from moving forward.

The next chapter of your life is about your soul.

Its time to bring peace back to it, its time to nourish it and if you havent already, its time to find it. Its time
to be still and quiet with your thoughts and not fear them, its time to go to places and be with people who
make your soul glow.

The next chapter of your life is about rewriting your story.

The next chapter of your life is about you because youve been trying to be so many things and please so
many people that youve forgotten who you are and where you belong.

The next chapter of your life is about finding yourself and that doesnt mean that you have to alienate
people or spend all your nights alone, you can let as many people as you want in, as long as youre the one
holding the pen.

Words: @ranianaim

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In this new year, I hope you tell people how you feel.

When you love them, you tell them.

When you want them to stay, you ask them not to go.
When youre missing them, you express that.
When youre hurting, you let them see the innermost parts of your heart.
I hope you stop pretending.
I hope you stop acting like youre okay when youre cracking on the inside.
I hope you stop telling yourself you dont need anyone.
And I hope you become strong, but soft.

In this new year, I hope you love with passion.

There are no rules for love.

You dont have to act a certain way or say a specific thing.
You dont have to follow the guidelines of those around you, or fit into a mold of the man or woman youre
supposed to be.
I hope in this new year, you break away from those expectations.
I hope you love with fullness, love with passion, love with everything you have.

In this new year, I hope you are bold.

I hope you love fiercely.

I hope you give people your heart and you let them hold yours.
I hope you share your mind.
I hope you believe in the future.
I hope you quit measuring yourself and your relationship to those around you and find happiness on even
your most difficult days.
I hope you fight for things and people that you love.
I hope you look back and know that you lived your life exactly how you wanted to, with the people you care
for by your side.
But most of all, I hope you are fearless when it comes to matters of your heart.

Words: @_marisadonnelly

14
Fall In Love With Your Life Again

Let go of the weighing negativity in your life. Stop saying yes to things you have no desire to do. Stand up
for yourself and tell the world how you feel. Throw away all of the unnecessary drama and never look back.
Its time to renew everything about your life and find yourself again. Breathe in and breathe out everything
that consumes you and finally kiss it goodbye.

Slowly fall in love with your life again. Only make choices that will better you. Take adventures that make you
feel alive again and keep that feeling close to you. Wake up with your eyes sparkling to new possibilities
and smile at the end of it. Live in every single moment and pay close attention to the little things. If you take
the time to look around, life is beautiful and you need to be present for it.

This year is for you. Leave everything and

everyone else behind.
Reach for the stars and dont settle for anything less. Its going to be a year full of magical beginnings and
endless opportunities. Make this year the best one yet and become the person you have always wanted to
be. Trust your gut, follow your heart, and keep your eyes wide open. See everything, do everything and
please do not miss a single second of it.

You deserve to be happy every single day of your life. Remember that nobody has enough power over you
to make you feel anything, but that. This year is not about settling. Its about making it everything you want
it to be. Be bold and take risks. Speak loud about your dreams and strongly pursue them. Dont let anything
or anyone stop you along the way. Show everybody who you really are on the inside and completely
embrace it.

This is your life and your life only. You have every right to live it the way you want.

Take the road less traveled and get used to being alone in your own company. Go in the direction your heart
takes you and just keep going. Your destination will be where you were meant to be all along. Its time to
take that first step into the New Year and do nothing, but live beautifully.

Words: Madolyn Rataezyk

15
To The Friends We Met This Year Who Will Remain In Our Lives Forever

Thank you.
Thank you for being there when you didnt have to, thank you for supporting me when you werent
obligated to, thank you for building a new life with me, thank you for embarking on a new journey with me
and thank you for reassuring me that it doesnt matter how long weve know each other or how we met, all
that matters is how genuinely we love and care about each other because thats what makes all the
difference.

Thank you for all the new memories you made with me, thank you for the times I opened up to you and you
didnt judge me and thank you for trusting me to hold your deepest secrets as well. Thank for making the
journey a little less lonely, thank you for walking the same path with me and not because you have to but
because you want to.

Thank you for making the road easier, the music louder, the darkness lighter and the bumps smoother.
We may not know everything we need to know about each other but we know enough. We know that we
both share the same feelings, maybe the same dreams or maybe were total opposites but we connected
and we bonded over the smallest and biggest things and one way or another your friendship made me a
better person and a better friend.

You reminded me how to let someone in again, how to call someone a friend even if we havent been in
each others lives for that long, you reminded me of how good friendships start and how you get that feeling
in your heart that it will last.

You reminded me that its never too late to make a new friend and let someone see the parts of you that you
only show to your closest friends and you reminded me that some people come into our lives to make it
better, to teach us something, to show us what we were missing and to remind us that sometimes people
can hear us when we dont say a word and they can understand us more than people weve known for years.

So thank you for being in my life this year and Im sure you will be for years to come because the truth is, the
friends we meet later in life become our friends by choice, we werent put in the same class in school and
our parents werent best friends who forced us to become friends, we chose each other, we chose to be more
than colleagues or acquaintances or just temporary friends. We chose to be closer, we chose to spill some
secrets, we chose to travel together, we chose to support each other through hard time and celebrate with
each other the good times.

Our friendship was a choice, and out of all the choices I made this year, youre my favorite one.
Thank you for being in my life. I love you.

Heres to many more years to come and many more memories to make.

Words: Rania Naim

16
Its Time To Let Go Of What is Not Yours

We all hold on to that person who changed our lives in every way the one we didnt expect to meet when
we were out exploring the world, discovering ourselves, learning about the people around us.

Its not every day you come across one of those individuals. The ones who youre drawn to, whether by a
physical attraction or a spiritual force seemingly beyond your control. The ones who take you on late night
adventures in Italian streets, getting lost at 4 am amidst the smell of fresh bread and the sounds of drunken
laughter. The ones who you stay up all night talking to, discussing music and philosophy, relationships and
life goals. The ones who lie in bed with you until 2 pm because your bodies fit together like a finished
puzzle; all you had to do was walk into an apartment in Italy in order to find the missing piece.

The ones who make time stop.

You feel as though youve struck gold. How can you be so lucky to have found someone you connect with on
all levels; spiritually, emotionally, physically and intellectually? How is it possible for someone like this to
exist in real life? What are the chances of running into this person halfway across the world?

Of course, life is not that simple, and you both know that time doesnt stop for anyone. When its finally time
to part ways, you hug goodbye, kiss one last time and promise to let each other know if youre ever in the
same city. You dont know when youll ever see each other again. You pack your bags with a heavy heart,
because youre not only leaving a place you may never return to, but a place you will always remember as
the Italian city where you met him.

Time has flown by, and youve moved on with your life. Youve accepted that although there was
nothing wrong with your relationship, timing really is everything, and its not often that time is on
your side.

But sometimes you still find yourself wondering. He travels across your mind when you least expect it, like
reading a quote you know hed appreciate, or running your fingers along the lining of a beanie you know
hed wear. Sometimes, you hear a song that reveals forgotten memories of red wine and dancing. If only
you could hold him again, whisper in his ear that you still love him despite all the time thats passed.

On bad days, you fantasize about what could have been if only you were not leading separate lives, running
in opposites directions instead of running together. You wonder what would happen if your paths crossed
again, if the world wrapped into itself and two paths merged into one. What if you were given a second
chance at a love truer than any love youve ever experienced before?

Perhaps you should have made different decisions when the time came to part. Maybe you should have
kept in touch, gave him a call, admitted that I still love you despite all the time thats passed. Maybe it was
a mistake to let him go in the first place. But this person is not yours.

He was never yours to begin with.

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We often romanticize the people we cant have. We romanticize the good memories, the stirring in our
stomach at the sight of the one we love, the sleepless nights in European cities, the spontaneity of falling in
love in a foreign country. We never consider what would happen if we fall too hard.

In the end, hes the one who got away. No matter how much you loved and danced, explored and
transformed, he was never yours to begin with. Whether he walked away or you ran, whether he stopped
talking or you stopped responding, time doesnt stop for anyone. Timing is everything, and in that moment,
the timing just wasnt right.

This doesnt mean you should forget that person, or the parts of you that have changed because of him. This
doesnt mean that he didnt love you or that you didnt love him. Dont waste away the hours wondering
whether or not you should have ended up together. What ifs and what could have beens do not matter.

Let yourself remember that he was never yours to begin with. Let yourself think about him, to look
back on all those memories fondly; what you had together is an irreplaceable experience. But
understand that he got away for a reason. Dont let your life fly by for someone who was never
yours.

Perhaps time is on your side and youre with him now. Perhaps youre not.

In the end, you cant change the fact that he became a part of who you are today. Even if the relationship
didnt work out, youve changed because of that person.

Let him go, but never let go of who you are because of him.

Words: Erin Siu

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Love is scary, but usually the things in life that dont scare you dont change you. They dont allow you to
grow, or learn. They dont allow you to mess up. And you will mess up, especially in love, but the mess ups
lead you to where you are today, and they mysteriously guide you long after theyve already happened. And
thats a good thing, a very good thing, because messing up means you did the one thing that every one else
was too scared to do, you tried.
There is a love that is meant to change you, and fear only prevents it from happening. Fuck the fear of love.
Feel every feeling, follow every intuition, every passion and interest, every curiosity. Live in love with all
senses present, ready, and open. Live in love without fear.

Words: @tarkoffn

I hope you silently thank the people who walked out of your life this year. For one reason or another, not
everyone stays- not just romantically, but in friendships too. Not every person you expect to stand by your
side ends up coming through. Some people werent intended to be in your story for the rest of your years,
but temporary characters woven throughout your stories- to teach you lessons and make you a better
person. And if they left your life, I hope you dont beat yourself up and carry it with you- but be grateful for
the times you had together, and wish them well.

Words: @laceypaigeramburger

Learn to forgive yourself. You are flawed, just like everybody else. Sometimes you do not get want you want,
no matter how hard you strive for it. Maybe it is not for you, maybe it is. Maybe it is all about timing. You will
never find out if you cease trying. So set your eyes on the prize, even if this might be the last time.

Your greatest enemy is and always will be yourself. This is the same person who whispers in your ear the
biggest lies about yourself. Do not let your insecurities bring you down. You are more than your fears. You
are more than your shortcomings. In this very moment, you are enough.

I hope you find reasons to begin again. More importantly, I hope you learn to love yourself once more.
Because when all else fails, the person whos going to be there for you, is you.

Words: Erika Dequilla

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The day you left, I realised you were a rogue planet.
That you didnt orbit around anyone or anything.
That you had no solar system
and you found your way into mine, into my orbit,
to stay with me for just for a little while.

I couldnt keep you.

You werent meant
to be a part of me.

Our love was like the sun,

ninety-nine percent of this solar system,
but not nearly enough to keep you.

Some things are more beautiful

because they dont belong
to anyone or anything.

That is how I would like to remember you.

As something too wild for me to keep,
rather than a thing that threw the sun away.

Words: @nikita_gill from her book, Your Soul Is A River

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This is How People with Anxiety Show Their Love

At first they will love with anticipation.

They will commit with a fear that the metaphorical other shoe may drop at any moment. This isnt to say
they dont believe in you, or the bond youve built. Its simply a product of their nature, and sometimes, it
may take awhile to kick.

They are thoughtful (sometimes to the point of overanalyzing).

To put it simply, they care about everything in their lives with an incredibly deep sense of investment. They
find joy in bringing their partner happiness, but also inherently fear doing the opposite. As a result

They may be liable to respond from a place of emotion, rather than logic.
Remember that metaphorical shoe? In times of stress or disagreement, they tend to fear it is finally falling.
The gravity of small situations can feel a lot larger when operating under the assumption that the worst case
scenario is occurring. At times, this reaction may even result in a self fulfilling prophecy, leading to
heightened tension and anxiety.

They deeply fear disappointing others, especially their partners.

Innately hard on themselves, anxious thinkers are constantly on watch for ways they can do or be better. This
can make feelings of security especially challenging to achieve. However, in some ways their concern also
fuels their behavior, proving them to be some of the most loyal and dedicated partners.

They often require time to recharge.

Anxious minds have a tendency to feel hectic, and at times, understandably tiresome (which is why the
ability to disconnect for a night in or a few hours of alone time can be incredibly valuable). Constant
socializing can leave them feeling especially depleted, and in need of respite. This isnt to say they dont
enjoy time with their partner or family and friends, but rather crave some quiet to re-energize. Finding a
person who is willing to join in on that time or respect their occasional need to reboot is everything.

They arent afraid to put in the work.

As human beings, each and every one of us has our own list of idiosyncrasies that inform who we are. Sure,
when it comes to love there will always be room for improvement. However, in the grand scheme of
offenses, Id say concern is hardly the worst. While anxious minds may scrutinize conversations or have a
propensity for overreacting (which when unaddressed can be a problem), theyre also hyper aware of the
things that matter most. Their tendency to evaluate situations (though sometimes to their disadvantage)
forces internal exploration. This analysis not only makes anxious people more self aware (this includes both
their strengths and their flaws), but also more sensitive and sympathetic toward those they love.

Words: Sam Maracic

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Youre Difficult to Love but Youre Worth Every bit of Struggle

Its far from easy to love someone who keeps on shutting you out, only to come back and leave the door
slightly ajar, just so youd know that he has never completely closed it, that you can always come back
inside, make yourself at home.

He wont demand you to leave; he never admits it but he likes being with you. But his welcome wouldnt be
as warm; he never really figured out how to make someone feel at home when he himself had never
understood what home meant.

It always feels like a tug of war against yourself. Should you stay? Should you leave? Your mind tells
you to never return, but you know your heart has never left his side.

He is difficult to love, and you have bled over and over. Everyone tells you to just walk away. This is not worth
breaking your heart over, they insist. A part of you believes that theyre right, and God knows how many
times you have tried to just let go.

But the pain isnt enough to break what you feel. You
cant just give up when you still believe that he is worth
every bit of struggle.
They may never come to understand but you chose him. You chose to fall for him. And he is worth waiting
for. If one day, he musters up the strength to figure things out and decide that it has never been you, he
would still be worth it.

Perhaps this is love: when it feels worth it, and you have no regrets.

Words: Elizabeth Ruth Deyro

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You will meet him when you are 25 and when your life doesnt make sense. He will love you completely and
you wont understand why.

Youll ask him seriously, at least three times a week, Why do you love me? And hell answer through a
laugh, Because I do. And, what he wont realize is that youre not joking. You want to know. Because you
dont understand.

You dont understand what he sees or what he feels or what he thinks when he looks at you because when
you look at you, you dont think you deserve someone like him.You cant believe in his love even when hes
next to you every night and hes saying, I love you, so sweetly and sincerely.

You will start to notice the patterns, the way you push him away. Not because of him, but because of you.
You will notice the ways your heart plays tricks on your mind, the way your lack of worth and love for yourself
spills over into every conversation, every kiss, every moment with him, and you will want to change. You will
want to get to the core of who you are and why you feel so broken. You wont want to lose him.

And eventually, the day will come. Slowly, but surely, it will arrive it always does when you try to love
yourself, when you try to beat your mind. You will take a leap, you will trust him. You will become more and
more aware of how you held yourself back from happiness. You will learn to regard yourself with love and
kindness and you will believe in your own worthiness. You will start to see how much you are worth loving.
You will think you are piecing yourself back together, but you will then realize you were never fractured.
And, soon, you will let yourself feel his love as completely as he had been giving it for years. You will be able
to accept the love he has because you accept your own love.

Words: @jamievaron

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I imagine it like all my favorite dreams rolled into one including the ones where I screw up. Including the
morning breath and messy hair, residual dark lipstick stains left on coffee mugs. A familiar hand rubbing the
small of my back. Love is gentle like that. Doesnt jolt me out of bed. Lets me slowly wake up instead.

I imagine it like a jug of water under a Texas sky. I can never get enough. Fills me up, but not to the point of
being stuffed or tired. Feels sustainable. Satiates me. This love is an oasis, even in the midst of a desert.

I imagine it like laughter from bellies, you know? The big kind. Doubled over in hysterics. Howling. Hyenas
full of giggles and ridiculous joy. Slips out every mouth. Cant keep it under control. Just loud. And excited.
This love, so enthusiastic.

I imagine it like poetry. Not poetry like this. Not trying hard. Not asking for attention. Not shouting at the
moon and expecting it to say something back. Just honest. This love sticks around. This love loves right back.

Words: @arieastman

If youre feeling stuck, ask yourself What do I want? Its that simple. And then once you know, go get it. Yes,
you still might feel unsettled, being that getting what you want isnt as easy as it sounds, but let yourself
bask in that unease and soak it in. It will probably be there for the rest of your life. Learn to embrace it.

So be uninhibited. Life is short. Move wherever you want to live. If that fails, move somewhere else. And if
that fails, move home and start over.

Do exactly what you want to do. If that involves dropping everything to move across the country, do it. There
is always time to start over, but you wont know until youve tried. Take advantage of the opportunities you
are given. Be uninhibited with your life, but especially with your emotions. Start your search for whatever
youve been looking for and do not settle until you know youve found it.

Words: @aliciablack

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Stop settling for friends who make you feel like you cant be yourself, or that you have to change a large part
of who you are in order to be good enough for them.

Stop settling for a life of sitting still, of watching other people go after what they want while you sit back
because youre too afraid to try.

Stop settling for toxic social environments. If youre invited to a dinner outing with a group of gossipy and
judgmental people, politely decline. If you have to go because its a work thing or because you need to
support your partner, go for an hour and leave. Dont ever give more of yourself and your energy than you
need to.

Stop settling for being an okay friend. If a friend is going through a bad breakup, show up to their
apartment with beer and cake and dont leave until theyre ready for you to leave. Show up for the people
who show up for you.

Stop settling for the idea that fear is always something that should be avoided. If your heart starts pounding
when you think about applying for that job or signing up for that acting class or trying to make amends with
that one friend, listen to it. Embrace the fear. Fear is a compass.

Stop settling for a life of being on autopilot. Of commuting to work like a zombie, of playing on your phone
instead of being fully present for movie night with your friends, of thinking about what youre going to say
next when youre talking to someone. Just let yourself relax, and be there. Something will always come
afterwards, just trust.

Stop settling for the idea that happiness is a milestone to attain instead of a state of being. At some point,
you must grasp that if you just keep chasing and chasing, there will always be something new to want. But if
you start focusing on the joy of being, simply being, youll have a much easier time finding happiness. After
all, its already there. It's always been there.

Words: @kimquindlen

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Fall in love with someone who sees the wars within you and not only chooses to stay, but chooses to stand
by your side and help you fight them. Strive to find someone who cradles your dark, who embraces your
light, someone who always wants to be your best when you yourself are not your best; someone who
reminds you of every strong thing you are whenever you feel feeble.

Fall in love with someone who does not make you feel like you are hard to love. Give your heart to someone
who does not call you weak for feeling so deeply, someone who adores the soft creature you are, and who
fights to protect it in a hardened world.

Fall in love with someone who challenges you, who inspires you to think and feel. Fall in love with someone
who ignites a wildness within you; someone who grows your mind just as much as they grow your heart.

Fall in love with someone who respects you for changing because they understand that it means youre
growing. Dedicate yourself to the person who stands in awe of how you bloom, how you flourish; someone
who loves you not only for who you are, but for who you have the potential to be.

Please, do not ever settle for less. Keep waiting. Keep learning about yourself, keep trying and fighting for
the heart within your chest. Keep growing and nourishing your wants, keep discovering your needs. When
the time is right, you are going to fall in love with someone who will appreciate everything you stand for,
who will compliment you in ways you never imagined. When the time is right, the love you have always
been worthy of will flower within your life, and you will finally, finally, understand why you had to wait so
long.

Words: @rainbowsalt

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Im proud of the heartbreaks Ive endured.
Of the fact that Ive left toxic people in the past instead of dragging them along to my present.
Im proud of the self-worth Ive obtained.
That I no longer accept half hearted love or laziness or lack of effort.
That I realize Im a worthy of affection.
Worthy of greatness, in life and in love.

Im proud of the knowledge Ive acquired.

There are things that my hands and heart are capable of doing now that I never thought possible as a
teenager.
Things that seemed unachievable that I somehow proved possible.

Im proud of the friendships Ive made.

Of how Ive turned complete strangers people that couldve walked by without making a tremor in my
world into lifelong friends.
That Ive found people I can count on.
That I can truly trust.

Im proud of what Ive decided to do with my life.

I havent reached full success yet, but I finally know which direction Im planning on taking.
I know what I want.
And I know Im going to get it.

Im proud of how much Ive grown.

That Im no longer the shy little girl riddled with questions.
I still experience stress.
I still suffer from anxiety.
But I have a better handle on my emotions.
A better grasp on my reality.

Im proud of my appearance.
Ive learned to accept my body, just as Ive learned to accept my soul.
Im proud of where I came from.
Im proud that my heart is still beating.
There was a time when I never thought Id make it this far into my future. T
hat I was a victim, not a survivor.
But Ive proved myself wrong.
Ive proved that Im strong enough to withstand whatever pain Im brought.
That I belong in this twistedly beautiful universe.
Im proud of where I am.
Im proud of who I am.

Words: @hollyyrio

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I hope this is not the end. I really hope its not.

But if it is, this is how I want you to remember me:

I want you to remember me lying next to you, skin to skin, listening to the sound of your heartbeat and
embracing every inch of you. Remember me opening up to you more than anyone else before, no matter
how terrifying it was. Remember me wanting to know every single thing about you. Remember me
laughing at your jokes, even the stupid ones. Remember me when I was an absolute mess for no reason
because I couldnt control my anxiety and in tears because one time I made you upset with me and I was so
sad you might not ever forgive me. Remember me brave, the times you held my hand when I was battling
through my mental health and didnt think I was going to get through it; remember me scared and gentle
and delicate and breakable only for you though, only for you.

Remember me happy, and all the silly things I would do just to get you to smile. Remember how much I
love skittles. Remember the time we slept in a blanket fort for weeks. Remember me trying to learn Italian
and how funny you thought it was, but how you couldnt stop smiling with your mouth and eyes.
Remember the way I was too stubborn to talk to you when you knew something was on my mind and how
absolutely insane it drove the both of us. Remember how we met, and all the firsts and how they were so
pleasing we went back for seconds and thirds and fourths. Remember all the plans, all the dreams, and all
the goals we both talked about including each other.

If it comes to it I dont want you to remember the ending.

Remember the beginning. Remember the first time you knew.

Words: Samantha Johnson

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Growth emerges out of struggle. Change is born from dissatisfaction. And sometimes, in order to welcome
in the best things in life, we have to clear out the good things that are occupying their space.

We have to let go of the jobs we just like, in order to find the ones wed love.

We have to let go of the relationships were complacently comfortable in, to find the ones that would
challenge and change us.

We have to let go of security to find opportunity.

And we have to let go of our pride to find fulfillment.

In order to find the great things in life the things that are capable of ripping us wide open and showing us
to ourselves we have to first be willing to be emptied.

We have to be ready to let go of our defenses, to lay down our pride, and to accept that whats coming next
may not be easy or comfortable but it will be worth it.

The truth about the great things in life is that they show up only after weve displayed the courage to let go
of the good. The okay. The comfortable. The easy.
The great things are there as a reward for those who are brave enough and ready enough to go after them.

And for those who are bold enough to believe that their lives dont have to peak at good enough.

Words: @heidipriebe

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And I think the greatest thing I ever did for myself was to cut the bullshit. I wanted to be happy but I
surrounded myself with people who disappointed me, who did not inspire my mind. I wanted to experience
real, pragmatic love, but I kept putting my heart into the hands of men who fumbled with its weight, who
wanted something lighter, something easier and less full of fire. I wanted to be free, but I kept limiting
myself, thinking that my past had built within me foundations I could not change, hurts I could not release.

The best gift I ever gave myself was the courage to reach out and believe that I could curate my own
existence, that I could write my own story; and everything changed the moment I did. Everything changed
when I picked up the pen.

Words: @rainbowsalt

This year has taught me that life can be kind. That it isnt something I have to outsmart, that it isnt
something I have to control at all times. This year has taught me that life can be soft, even when it is not,
even when its edges are rough and its messy all over it can still hold a lesson, can still grow me from the
inside. See, this year has taught me that life doesnt always have to be cruel, that circumstance can kick you
down, but it can never hold you down if you choose to rise. This year has taught me that good things can
happen to good people, that life has a way of working out, has a way of piecing itself together
if you just give it time, if you just trust in it's process.

Words: @rainbowsalt

Dont fall in love. That was the one rule I gave to myself.

It was the coldest of winters when I broke that rule. The spring had left a hollow shell of empty promises that
I rolled into my sheets and wrapped myself in whenever I felt like feeling. It was then that you came to me,
gathering your breath within my ribcage in order to keep my core warm, you laced your beauty between my
palms and wove me my own hope. You were tender and unguarded and I knew that you wouldnt know the
brutality of broken things even though you loved one.

I am in awe of everything you refused to give up on. We had passion and opportunity and I
almost convinced myself that we were the winners in the war of winter. I held you like nostalgia in the
middle of my mind, taking a moment to flutter my eyelashes over the heat of your skin, immortalizing you
in my memory before I plucked away at your faultlessness like flower petals at midnight.

Just know that you discovered me. We were so close, but like the ghosts of my past I felt
you at my throat the minute you questioned the hesitance of my heartbeat. Im writing this to say Im sorry.
Im poison the way I love, so this is my confession. This is a blueprint to the mysteries I tucked into my pores
whenever our matchstick frames came together. This is the goodbye you never got.

Words: @rainbowsalt

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For the Girls who Feel Theyre Too Much or Not Enough

Im always too much. Or not enough.

Im that Sunday summer afternoon with a high of 95 and humid; sweat dripping down your temple
because the ac in the car is broken. Even in the evening when the sun goes down, the asphalt driveway
still feels warm under bare feet and you go to bed with the windows open and fans on full blast, to save
money on your utility billand slowly through the night take off your clothes piece by piece until you wake
up naked to that burning hot sun shine climbing in through your window. Too much.

Or Im that night where the cold seems like its settled in your bones and no matter how many
layers you bundle yourself up with, you still shiver. Two layers of socks, a cup of warm peppermint tea,
and a heating blanket resting over your shouldersyou still feel cold. The heat in your apartment isnt
working. The hot water runs out in five minutes. The winter wind sounds like its going to blow down your
thin apartment walls. You go to bed hugging yourself as if you are holding your rib cage together from
falling apart, trying to keep what little heat you have inside from escaping into the night air. Not enough.

I dont know if Ill ever find someone who doesnt complain when its too hot outside and the ac in their
car is broken. They just roll down the windows and smile because they can still blast their radio as loud as
they want and the faster they drive the more of a breeze they feel rushing through their hair. Someone who
may hate the hot sidewalks but loves the feel of freshly cut summer grass on bare feet. Or someone who will
recognize the hot summer nights as an excuse to get naked together, sweaty and all.

I dont know if Ill ever find someone who stops on their walk to their apartment from their car after a
long day of work just so they can catch snowflakes on their tongue and laugh at the fact that they can see
their breath freeze in the air. Cold apartments just mean more chances to try new tea combinations.
Someone who hates how the hot water runs out so fast, but knows its all the more reason to shower
together. Or someone who will recognize those cold winter nights as an excuse just to hold each other
closer.

I compare myself to these extremes because that is truly who I am.

Im too much when I talk about how I care for you, because Ill lay it all bare. It may take me a beer or
threebut when my feelings surface they are intentional and intense. Holding back is not in my nature.
When I kiss I kiss hard. When I love I love hard. When Im angry I can see nothing but red. Curse words roll
off my tongue as if I was born a sailor at sea. When Im sad Ill cry, I dont care where or when or who is
around. When Im happy Ill have the loudest, most distinct laugh in the room. And maybe Im over dramatic
but Ill probably decide that every night we lay in bed together and laugh will always be the new best night
of my life.

Im not enough because Im selfish. Sometimes on the days you just may really need me I may not know
just how to love you. If I decide I want to be alone Ill turn my phone on do not disturb for days and speak
only to my mother (in one word sentences) I will always feel that everything Ive done in my life isnt quite
enough. That theres more to be found. That Im somehow always lost in a way. That theres someone you

31
could love who would be smarter, more graceful, less reactive, more beautiful, and who wouldnt steal your
covers at night and wake you up at 3 am when shes having nightmares. Someone who could give you
more.

I just want someone who will embrace the too much. And still love the not enough. Who sees the
good in the bad. Who sees the good in me. Because Im too much. Or not enough. Because anything
in between is foreign to me. I dont know how to be any less intense of a person.

And even if I could turn myself downturn myself upIm not sure I would want to. Im guess just waiting
for someone who looks at life as much of an adventure as I do. And will see the same adventure in me.

Words: Maressa Moseley

Love Someone That Makes it Easier for you to Love Yourself

I love you, because of the questions that come at the end of my sentences. You make me feel like my stories
are important. Like Im important. Like I have something worthwhile to say.

I love you, because of the way you treat me around your family. Around your friends. You still put me first,
even in a roomful of people. And if Im not there, youll text me to let me know you wish I was there. That it
feels like a part of you is missing when Im not by your side.

I love you, because I know that my effort isnt going to remain unnoticed. If I squeeze into a new pair of
jeans, I can be assured that youll stare at my ass with lustful eyes. If I dye my hair a different color, I know
youre going to fuck me with extra oomph.

I love you, because of the silly texts that fill my screen when I check my phone in the morning. They arent
the same good morning texts day after day the type that you feel obliged to send. Theyre always
different. Personalized. Special.

I love you, because I dont have to work for compliments. I dont have to stuff myself into the skirts and crop
tops I know you like, because you think Im pretty, even when Im in pajamas. Even when Ive just woken up
with flaky skin and unbrushed teeth. You remind me that Im beautiful even when Ive forgotten.

I love you, because you know the real me. You arent in love with an enhanced version of myself that I put on
to impress you. You know how clumsy I am. You know how messy I am. You know about my anger issues and
my jealousy. But you still love me. Not in spite of those things. Because of those things. Because they make
me me and Im the only one you want.

I loved myself before I met you, but it was hard. It was a constant battle I fought every time I glanced in the
mirror or took a selfie. My self-worth was there, but it was always teetering. Always threatening to crumble
beneath my touch.

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But now, even when I hate what my reflection shows me, I know youll still say Im beautiful. Even when I
want to spend the entire day in bed, I know youll give me a reason to rise. Even when I feel worthless, I
know youll only see my value.

You make it so easy for me to love myself. And I love you for that.

Words: Holly Riordan

My dear,
I know how lonely you get at times and how it feels like your ribcage is caving in. Its tough,
walking down the street and you see the lovers with their blushing cheeks trying to sneak a kiss.

Its even worse at night when your thoughts have time to broadcast all of your insecurities.
But boyfriends and falling in love is not the end-all, be-all. I promise. Youre only nineteen and youve only
just begun to witness all that life has to offer.You are still a child of the earth.

Youre going to graduate college, youre going to live out on your own, youre going to get a job
you hate and you will get a job you love. Youre going to travel and meet people. Youre going
to look into the mirror and see yourself the way youve always wanted people to see you.

Youre going to see sunsets and sunrises. Youre going to celebrate birthdays and Christmases and Fourth of
Julys. Having a boyfriend is wonderful but its just one experience out of the many you will have.

Just wait, you will find someone one day with whom you can share all of these wonderful
experiences that youve had and theyre going to love you even more for it. Because your life
does not begin and end with them.

Words: @tinatranpoetry

Fall in love with an old soul, the kind of person who thinks and loves deeply and intensely. Fall in love the
introspective type whose experiences have weathered their hearts, but left them equipped with the type of
knowledge that usually only comes with age. Fall in love with an old soul.An old soul will remember the
little details about you, about your relationship.Theyll remember the favorite part of your favorite movie,
even if you havent watched it together in some time.Fall in love with the person who will remember your
favorite foods and be ready to bring them to you when youre sick or had a shitty day. Fall in love with the
person who knows exactly what it is that will make you laugh, and be the shoulder to cry on when you need
to.See, when you fall in love with an old soul, be prepared for a deep relationship, one that prioritizes
passion, compassion and communication. Be ready to share a love with someone so true and raw that you
will never be able to compare to any other like it. Know that you will be staying up till 2 AM some nights,
sharing your thoughts on the universe and beyond it, conversations that reveal parts of you that you
thought you could never share with anyone, but with them they feel safe. With them, these parts of you are
welcome and cherished. Because an old soul realizes that weve all been through pain that others will never
truly understand. An old soul has enough compassion to know that everyone hurts and has ugliness that

33
they hope no one will ever see, flaws that we like to bury deep so that we keep others around. But after
enough times, these parts of us show and when they do, it will make them love you even more. So when
youre finding someone to spend your little moments with, when youre looking for a partner who will
support you and love you wholeheartedly and cheer you on, who will empathize with you, find an old soul.
Not only will you know you are lucky, but they will know just how lucky they are too.

Words: @mollyburford

Its okay.

Its okay if youre lying on your bed right now, staring blankly at the ceiling, about to cry.
I know youre scared.
Youre scared because you think youre never good enough.
Youre scared because you see other people your age already doing well and youre not even halfway there.
Youre scared because you think about what others will say about you.
Youre scared to end up failing.
Youre scared, and I understand.
But let me tell you this: Youll make it. I swear, you will.
So if you feel like crying right now, its okay, go ahead and cry.
Its okay to feel lost.
You will eventually find your way out.
Its okay if right now you feel like youre not the person youre supposed to be, because I know that youll
figure it out one day.
Its okay if you feel like youve let yourself and the people you love down a lot of times already.
One day, after all the trials and errors and breakdowns, youll finally make it.
And youll see that the people who love you never lost their faith in you.
Please, right now, as you are I am asking you to not give up.
Your heart may feel heavy and your mind may have thousands of thoughts inside, but you have to keep
going.
You have to, no matter how scary and much of a struggle it may be.
I am proud that you found the strength to read this because that means that youre trying to tell yourself
that you can do this through all of these words.
So if there are times that you feel like youre about to just turn around and give it all up, remember this:
You are not a failure.
You are on your way.
You are on your way.

Words: Kayla Camacho

34
I want to dance until my stomach aches from twisting and twirling and spinning.
I want to feel my mind melt into my hips and legs until I am free.
I want to drive on desert roads with a seldom smoked hand-rolled cigarette, a blazing sun
through the roof, a song that pushes the tears from my ribcage and a bare foot on the gas pedal.
I want warm wind blowing through my hair, and dark coffee that pulses through my veins.

I want stars.
Stars that fall on me and envelop every orifice until I become a part of the sky.
I want warm clean socks inside of my sleeping bag and a good soft hat over messy hair that
smells like summer.
I want to say yes to adventures that spark out of madness and I want them to lead to more yess and nights
of bold plans that may never happen.

I want music.
I want music that carries the weight of everything this world bears down on it and turns it into beauty.

I want poetry.
I want the moon and the setting sun over the canyons and the ocean and the smell of the redwoods and the
wet ferns in autumn.
I want to love without borders and lines and compartments.
I want to never hurt but always heal and, if I cannot do that, I want to at least try and do no harm (but take no
shit).

I want to inspire and be inspired.

I want to swim low into the depths of myself without the fear of getting lost.
What do I want? I want to live every moment.

Words : Jillian Prendergast

35
If you have forgotten what you deserve let me remind you.
You deserve someone asking you to slow dance on a weeknight in the street.
You deserve someone unapologetically pouring their heart out to you.
You deserve flowers sent to your office.
You deserve being a part of their entire world, not being their best-kept secret.
You deserve Sunday morning where they want you to stay.
You deserve to never feel badly for saying what you think and feel.
You deserve someone who wants to be there, not someone who is bored.
You deserve sleeping next to someone who leaves you whole, not lying next to a stranger that
makes you feel lonely.
You deserve someone who wants to go to the ends of the earth to be with you, not someone who makes you
go all the way alone. Because relationships are 50/50. Remember that.
You deserve to have someone helps carry the burdens life throws at you. Because life struggles
were never meant to be endured alone.
You deserve someone drying your tears, never causing them.
You deserve all these things. You just have to be brave enough to ask for them.
Please, my dear, life is too short and you are too young, you are too beautiful, you are too worth it to settle
for anything less than extraordinary.
And I know you question if its out there, but it is.
Its waiting for you.
Listen soulmates are real, and love is something you can believe in.
Promise me that you will believe in it.
Promise me that you will never settle.

Words: @kirstencorleywriter

36
To my best friend in 2017 this is what I hope for you.

I hope you see things that take your breath away, things that make you feel like you have never felt before. I
hope you travel to the places you have always wanted to explore, I hope you catch the sunset at the perfect
time on a random Tuesday drive and have your whole chest expand with gratitude. I hope the night sky is
always beautiful wherever you rest your head.

I hope you drink good coffee and stay out late with someone who enlivens you. I hope your bones are tired
and your hair is messy and your heart is full of stories. I hope someone who makes your whole damn face
light up kisses you the way you have always wanted to be kissed, that they hold your hand and take care of
you when youre sick and bring you flowers just because.

I hope you fall so deeply in love with your life that your happiness is undeniable whenever someone looks
at you. I hope your days are filled with people who inspire you, and that you kiss their faces and let them
know just how much you appreciate them. I hope they do the same for you. I hope you connect with your
moments, the ones that make you feel like youre doing something right, the ones that happen quietly in
the middle of a conversation when everything stops and you truly realize just how lucky you are to be alive.

I hope you are reminded every single day why youre special. I hope you are reminded that you make
people feel heard, that you make people feel understood and accepted. I hope you believe that that you
have purpose, that youre a good person who deserves beautiful things and rich moments in life, that you
mean something to someone.
But most of all, I hope you look back on this next year and smile. I hope it becomes the year you leapt the
year you started living.

Words: @rainbowsalt

37
Heres the stark truth about the person who is right for you: They want the same lifestyle that you do. How
do I know this? Because that is, by definition, what makes them right for you. To be with someone whose
eyes light up when yours do, whose heart races when your blood also pounds, who is enticed and inspired
by the same forces that drive you forward, is a gift many of us never truly get to experience.

Because we settle. We settle for the person we love over the person who could push us to be bigger,
stronger, greater versions of ourselves. We tell ourselves that love is enough. That it conquers everything.
But we forget that love shouldnt be the thing that conquers our lives we should be. And we should do it
deliberately, triumphantly, by the side of somebody who shares all of our joys and successes.

So how do we meet such a person? Thats simple we do more of what we love. We give ourselves up to
uncertainty, to searching, to pursuing what we want out of life without the certainty of having someone
beside us while we do it. We throw ourselves wholeheartedly into the things that we love and we
consequently attract the people who love what we love. Who value what we prioritize. Who appreciate all
that we are. We throw ourselves into the heart of possibility instead of staying comfortably settled inside of
certainty. Because we owe it to ourselves to do so. We owe it to ourselves to live the greatest life that were
capable of living, even if that means that we have to be alone for a very long time.

At the end of the day, love is wonderful but it isnt enough to make up for an entire lifetime of
compromising your core values. You dont want to spend forever gazing into somebodys eyes expecting to
find all of the answers you need inside of them. Wait for the person who is gazing outward in the same
direction as you are.

Its going to make all of the difference in the world.

Words : @heidipriebe

38
I loved you for the way your laugh erupted out of you. The corners of your lips would start to curl into a
smile, and all of a sudden, your body would lunge forward and this booming laugh
would come pouring out. I adored that booming laugh.

I loved you for the night you made me a cup of blueberry tea while I worked tirelessly on a term paper. I
snapped at you for making jokes, because you were making it hard to focus, but you just gave me that big
goofy smile and kissed me softly. Now, I cant focus at all without your little interruptions.

I loved you for the way you looked in your plaid pajama pants, curled up in my lap. You were
sick, and you were embarrassed to call me when you didnt know how to make soup. I held you while you
watched your favorite movie and apologized for ruining my day. When I leaned down to kiss you, you told
me I would get sick, but I kissed you anyway. I got sick, but I didnt care.

I loved you for the way you treated your baby sister on the first night we babysat together. I
helped her put her thick hair into a ponytail, and you held her while she cried after a nightmare.

You put her back to bed, and the moment you whispered that you loved her, I knew that I loved you.

I loved you for the way you made me ignore all of the red flags. Not even your demons and your addictions
could scare me away. A trail of smoke and broken hearts followed you around, but I loved you so much that I
knew I would be the one to fix you.

I wasnt.

I loved you for the seven years we spent together, and I loved you for the night you said
goodbye. I cried in the front seat of my best friends truck, while my brothers friends brought
me daisies and marshmallows. I ran away to Texas to get over you, because being in our
hometown was the hardest thing Id ever had to do. Every building, every backroad, every
familiar face held a memory of you. You taught me how it feels to lose everything. And I love
you for that.

Words: Taylor Brooks

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I Wont Let You Break Me

I bet youre trying to figure out another way to break me, but Im sorry, its not going to work anymore.

No matter what you do, you are not going to hurt me again. Because I am a girl who felt the pain of love in
every way possible and still survived.

I still dont know whether your love was a blessing or a curse, but
the one thing I do know is that it made me a better person.
I dont know why you expected me to be so perfect when you were not even close to perfection. You were
the drug I was addicted to, but now theres no one around, except myself.

At first, I was scared to leave the house, worrying that I might see you and burst out crying, but now I dare
you to walk in front of me and watch how I pass you by like a total stranger.

Ive realized that I cant water a dead flower and expect it to grow again, so Ive finally let you go. If you think
this imperfect girl is never going to feel loved again, its okay. Im willing to wait for the right person.

The love I had for you was my biggest weakness. Try using it to
break me again and you will see how strong Ive become.
Today, I looked at the mirror and saw how beautiful my smile is and realized how ugly you made me look for
the past year. You took away the most precious thing Ive ever had, my self-respect, but now I have it back.
Now I shed tears not for missing you but for being happy and free.

Ive started loving myself to the extent that I loved you and realized how much I miss being loved. Thats
why, despite what youve done, Im going to take a chance at falling in love again. Im willing to take the risk
of being heartbroken again. But this time, I promise to take care of myself.

Im grateful for the pain you put me through every single day. Im thankful for the sharp words and the lies.
But the memories are not important to me anymore.

Im sorry if seeing my smile is going to disappoint you, because if thats the case, you are going to get
tortured every day.

Thank you for all the times you made me feel so small, so useless, so worthless. Thanks to you Ive learned
how to live.

Words: Sarah Benedict

40
Tell me about the hands that broke you like tree branches. Tell me about the heart that made you a home,
the barren soul that used your dry bones like kindling in the middle of winter. Tell me about the house fire,
the ashes which you rose from. Tell me about your resurrection- but dont you dare tell me that you are not
strong enough this time, dont you dare tell me that you cannot rise again, and again, and again.

Words : @rainbowsalt

Love, like a weathered star, does not disappear when it has met its dying day. Instead, it swells within its
boundary, it surges and it builds until it is simply too painful, too vast, to ever be contained within a human
heart. No, love never leaves. It ruptures within you, like a thousand year old sun, like an ancient
constellation, leaving parts of itself scattered across your ribcage, leaving memories tucked beneath your
skin.

Words : @rainbowsalt

It took me a long time to realize that you can do everything right and still end up unhappy. You can say all of
the right things, do exactly as you are told, follow in the footsteps of all the people who swore by their
success and their strategy surrounding it, and you can still end up displaced because you didnt ever
choose to simply listen to yourself.

The best thing I ever did for myself was simply listen to what I actually wanted. I drowned out the
guidelines, the advice, the shoulds. And I messed up. I made mistakes that Ill never forget. I hurt people I
loved, and I got hurt.

See, self discovery isnt this comfortable, miraculous thing. It can get ugly, it can get confusing. It's gritty, it's
hard. Its difficult to confront yourself sometimes, it's difficult to be the person who does things differently,
who doesnt settle.

But it's the greatest gift you will ever give yourself. It will push you towards figuring out what your own
personal version of happiness looks like; and when you grow on your own terms, when you figure out what
actually matters to you, and when you carve out your own path, you live on your own terms. You love on your
own terms. You become the person you have always wanted to be, rather than the person you were always
told to be, and that is beautiful. Because when it comes down to it life is about making yourself proud on
your own terms. Its about finding a happiness that works for you.

Words : @rainbowsalt

41
I have made homes out of so many people.
I used to never be able to inhabit my own skin.
But now, my body is a motel,
and out on the lawn theres a sign that flashes
no vacancy.
The windows have cracks and the floorboards squeak
and it is the most beautiful place
I have ever been.

Words: @tinatranpoetry

When youve been best friends with someone forever, there comes a time when you move to different
states, go to different schools, and sometimes lose touch. But when you return, youre still as weird and
dysfunctional as ever before.

When youve been friends with someone forever, you dont even need to get to the punchline anymore,
theyre already laughing. You really do start acting like an old married couple. Youre not afraid to bicker, and
honestly, youre probably too attached to each other to stay mad for long.

When youve been friends with someone forever, you get comfortable with silence, arguably the most
awesome aspect of any relationship. You can go on trips together or even just hang out without feeling like
you need to fill every second with words.

We all know that the Snapchats get uglier as the friendship deepens, but people who have been friends for
years take it to a new, grossly indescribable level.

When youve been friends with someone forever, youve stopped keeping tabs on who owes who what in
terms of drinks bought and money spent. At the end of the day your only thought is eh, itll probably even
itself out eventually.

When youve been friends with someone forever, youre the one their significant other really has to win
over.

Truthfully, when youve been friends with someone forever, they have literally been your therapist for too
many years to count. They are always there for you. Always.

And now, youre nearing that part of life when youre starting to do the things you always sat in your room
and talked about doing, like getting jobs and finishing school and getting married, and though its crazy
bittersweet, its crazier that theyre still here to witness it just as you spoke about it before.

Words: @briannawiest

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Promise me that well always be silly.

Promise me that well play with all the bouncy balls in the toy aisle of the department store. That youll twirl
me around in the middle of the street like were on the cast of some beautiful dance movie and this is our
big scene.

That when we eat ice cream, well smush at least a little bit of the cone in each others faces. That well play
wrestle, and that youll throw me over your shoulders sometimes.

Promise me that well never grow too old or too serious.

That well prank each other and lick the cake batter straight from the spoon and have water
balloon fights in the middle of the summer.

We are kids. And always will be at heart.

No matter where we go or how much we grow or even where we end up five, ten, twenty years
from now, please promise me that well always be laughing.

Yes, I want us to be smart, to work hard, to be responsible adults in all the ways we should. But I still want
those childish grins spread across our faces. I still want to see that mischievous smirk on your lips, that little
bit of something up your sleeve.

I want us to always appreciate each other and our quirks. To appreciate life.
Promise me that well never be too old for cones from the ice cream truck, for lying in the grass and making
animals out of clouds, for squirt gun fights and pillow forts and talking in strange accents.

Promise that youll grow old with me, but never grow up.

Words: @_marisadonnelly

43
Youll know that someone loves you because theyll remember the little things about you.
They know that you put only half of a sugar in your coffee and that your least favourite time of the week is
Tuesday morning.

Youll know that someone loves you when they go out of their way for you.
They dont only want to be around you when its simple or convenient they bend and stretch their schedule
to accommodate yours.

Youll know someone loves you when they take the day off work to take care of you when you are sick.

Youll know that someone loves you when they dont need you to always be at your best.
Theyre patient when youre struggling, encouraging when youre uncertain and accepting of the fact that
you cannot always be at one hundred percent.

Youll know that someone loves you when they take your side.
This doesnt mean they agree with everything you do but it means that they dont disappear when its time
to work through something tough.
When someone loves you they share in all your joys and your pains without being asked.

Youll know that someone loves you when you go into every battle with an unspoken backup.

Youll know that someone loves you when they want whats truly best for you.
Someone who loves you knows when you are selling yourself short and they arent afraid to tell you that
they think so.
Someone who loves you doesnt shy away from uncomfortable conversations.
They want you to become the best, most fulfilled version of yourself more than they want to always be in
your good graces.

Youll know that someone loves you because theyll show up to your life.
Tell you how they feel, and they will love you in a way that doesnt leave room for uncertainties or questions.
When somebody loves you they want to give you something concrete to hold onto.
There are already so many uncertainties in life.
Someone who loves you will not ever want to be one of them.

Words: @heidipriebe

44
Darling,
I am going to be there in those dark hours when you just want to throw in the towel.
Im going to be the strength to get you back to you.
Im not going to quit on you or find someone better.
You are the best for me.
And I cant promise you perfection, but I can promise you something real.
Something that wont feel like a chore.
Something that wont make you feel like youre second.
Because youll always be my first.
My first choice.
My first priority.
My first real love.
You have to trust me.
You have to let go of who hurt you.
You have to release your demons.
You have to believe in me, because I believe in you.
You have to fully give me your heart and
know that Im not going to break it.
Just like Ive given you mine.
Just like my future is with you, you have to have faith that yours is with me.
Because Im not going anywhere.
Youre kinda stuck with me.
Im never going to let you down.
Im not going to feel like Im ever missing out on someone else.
Im not going to turn my back on you and tell you to leave.
Im going to love everything about you that your past deemed unlovable.
Because your past is your past, but I am your future.
And Im going to love the shit out of you.

Words: Alexandria Brown

45
A girl who loves too much will bring incredible positivity to your life.
Her love shines through her normal, everyday existence and it will be so bright and positive that every
single day you will be encouraged.
A girl who loves too much will never let you feel empty.
She will continually fill you with her love on bad days, on tough mornings, after incredible loss, during the
most difficult times.
With her, you will never feel unsatisfied, never feel lonely.
She will be all in, and more.
A girl who loves too much will teach you forgiveness.
She will forgive the evils done to her, and in her example, she will teach you.
She will show you how to release your grip on the tiny, painful pieces you cannot control.
She will show you how to pull the hurt from your bones and toss it into the wind.
A girl who loves too much will be fiercely loyal to you.
She will never run out of love for you.
She will value you, so much so that she would never do anything to hurt you.
Shell open your heart to emotions.
She will show you the raw, unedited version of herself and in turn, you will do the same, learning to love in
the most beautiful way.
A girl who loves too much will always love your darkest places. The unforgivable places.
The places and memories and regrets and thoughts you keep hidden in the shadowy corners of your mind
she will love those.
Her love will be the light that breaks through that darkness, cleans the cobwebs from what youve shoved
away and tried to forget.
She will love you and all that you come withyour past, your insecurities, your fears, and your evils.
She will always choose you.

Words: @_marisadonnelly

46
Its Important To Embrace Your Pain And Remember What It Taught You

Nobodys perfectthats the usual words we often say when we make mistakes. We all have our own fair
share of mistakes which we have done in our livesmistakes that we thought we are never capable of. And
just because we make mistakes doesnt mean that we are bad or terrible people. It only means that we
arent perfect. We are flawed human beings who werent handed a life manual when we were born into this
world.
Its hard to admit when we are at fault. Our mistakes will haunt us for the rest of our lives.

Karma is a B*tch. And I am terrified of it.

In these moments, we tend to shut ourselves off from people. We never talk about it. We choose to let these
mistakes consume us and define us. We just want to bury it with the hopes that it will go away.

But the longer we ignore and try to forget it, the more it will haunt us. We have to acknowledge it. We have
to own up to it. We have to forgive ourselves for these mistakes and we have to seek forgiveness when we
have hurt someone.

Saying sorry is the hardest thing to do but we have to do it before its too late.

Who would want to live life full of regrets and what-ifs? You wont have peace of mind. It will eat your
brain.

2011 and 2013 were one of the not-so-good years of my life. And yes, I still allow the memories to haunt me
every day. I still cry whenever I think about everything that Ive been through. Its hard to forgive others
but its harder to forgive yourself.

This year serves as a chance for me to correct my mistakes, heal wounds and find closure to most of the
things which kept me awake at night.

Most, if not all, of my questions were answered. All the assumptions were corrected. I have explained and
cleared everything from my side.

I was living all these years in fear and guilt. I dont want to be happy or Id rather suppress my emotions
because I feel like I dont deserve happiness.

If you are lucky enough to get a second chance at something, dont waste it. Everyone deserves a chance to
clean up their mistakes.

Nobody is a lost causeevery day is a new beginning to begin again.

47
If I meet my younger self todayI would want to tell her that life is not about rainbows, butterflies, fairy tales
and happy-ever-afters. And that skinned knee is incomparable to the pain that she has to endure for her to
live life.

But, no. I wouldnt tell her that.

I want to tell her that she will commit a lot of mistakes along the way and its going to be okay.

I want her to strongly believe in fairy tales and never allow pain to ruin it.

Because after almost thirty years in this world, the universe knows what I would give just for me to view life
through my younger eyes again.

But then again, theres nothing that I can do about it.

The only thing that I can do now is embrace all the pain and turn it as my greatest strengths and remember
what it taught me.

Words: Glorie Kris Quilicot

Love Should Conquer Distance

Distance. 8 letters used to describe an enormous amount of space between him and I. Space that was
suffocated and blue. Space had made showing affection to one another hard and it made me think of how
much admiration I had for couples who could weather long distant relationships.

I was 1,450 miles from him and it felt like worlds away, like we were on the phone and could only hear static
as we went around on a metaphorical carousel. A lot was being said but neither of us could hear the other
speak. Wed fight about missing each other and schedules and making time to visit.

He and I were building empires for ourselves. We were trying to set ourselves up for success. College, work,
all very clich. The books and movies make it seem so easy but we rapidly found that it was no walk in the
park.

I think our biggest issue was that we were so focused on our own progress that we never noticed that he and
I, as a couple, were becoming regressive.

I still havent come to peace with the fact that there is no saving what we had. I knew the second that I saw
him that I would love him even though others told me I was too young to know love. He and I were no
Bonnie and Clyde but we were Allie and Noah from The Notebook. It was what everyones first love should
be like. It should be a combination genuine happiness and passion and intimacy.

48
As time passed, we created our own goals and stopped accommodating one another. We had lost the fire we
once had.

Timing wasnt right. I was meant to find him years later. I know that. I can feel it in my bones. The way that I
still love him even after all that has happened, all the time that has passed. We will reunite either later on, or
in another life, but I know that his heart and mine are meant to be. Maybe not now, but one day.

Words: Ashlee Valentin

One Day Someone will Sweep you Off Your Feet

Youve grown so good at convincing yourself that you will never get the love that you deserve. Youve been
too preoccupied by your doubts that you cant help but be unaware of icing-out anyone who comes near
your personal bubble. Youve been looking down at your feet for so long that you fail to see everyone
around you.

You have mastered the comfort of solitude, independence, and contentment.

But someday, someones going to suddenly pop-up in your life out of thin air and will try to get to know you.

Someones going to bombard your inbox with text messages and voice mails that greet you good morning
or ask how your day is.

Someones going to annoy you, telling you stories, bother you to share a piece of yourself with them, and
still persevere in talking to you despite your turn-downs.

Someones going to passionately prove themselves to you just to win you over through their hard-work and
patience.

Someones going to make you bite your cheeks on the inside because youre attempting so hard to suppress
a smile whenever they surprise you.

Someones going to make you roll your eyes for their cheesy, romantic punch lines and undying words of
affection.

Someones going to make you sing and dance in the shower and become the reason for you to use the most
aromatic body wash in your bathrooms cabinet that youve been ignoring before.

Someones going to create an effort to make a long distance relationship work and have your confidence
that they will never cheat on you regardless, of the mountains and oceans that separate you two.

49
Someones going to tell you I love you and while
you cant believe it, they will look you in the eyes and
promise you that its for real.
Someones going to care about your deep philosophies late at night and listen to your irrelevant rants about
that rude passenger you sat with this morning.

Someones going to pull you off on your deadliest poison, whether its 2 packs of cigarettes per day or 2
bottles of red wine per night.

Someones going to encourage you to do your best at work or to get a high score on your final test or to
focus on improving your art or to finish that project you started or to simply be kind to the strangers you are
going to meet today.

Someones going to inspire you with his or her monumental faith and gigantic love for Allah or Buddha or
God and help you keep your belief stronger.

Someones going to make you appreciate the lyrics in every love songs you hear and romantic lines in every
movie you see.

One day someones going to make you realize that leaving

or being left behind is in the past, and no longer matters
anymore. One day you will no longer have to worry about
growing old alone.
One day you will not fear rejections any longer because you know youll receive acceptances from that
someone, no matter what. One day someones going to kneel in front of you, ask you to become their
missing half for better or for worse, and sweep you off your feet.

Someday, someone is soon coming your way to change everything you believe in. So be ready.

Words: Angelo Caerlang

50
An introvert craves your time. We dont need much, just bring us your heart. Just bring us your closeness,
your unhinged ribcage, your dreams and your aspirations. Bring us the key to the world you hold within
you, and we will explore it. We will always explore it.

We crave your understanding. We crave the ability to be who we are the over thinking, daydreaming,
messy hearted human beings who have the loudest thoughts tucked beneath their skin.

We crave your distance. Trust me if we love you, we love you, but we crave your compassion, your space,
because moments alone with our hopes and our dreams are just as important as the moments we spend
with you. They are our strength. They are our comfort, our fuel.

But most of all, we crave your knowledge of us. We crave the way you see the small things we do as
declarations of our love. See, when we do extroverted things with you, when we come out with you and
dance with you and laugh out loud with you, we want you to know what that means. How we love seeing
you happy. How it makes it all worth it, even if it makes us weary.

And when we invite you into our heads, when we show you our favourite dog eared books or cry in front of
you while watching our favourite movie, when we share with you these extensions of who we are, and what
shaped the very foundation of our souls, we want you to know what that means. How hard that is for us.
How we try for you. How we will always try for you.

Words: @rainbowsalt

The Truth About Guarding Your Heart to Avoid Heartbreak

The truth is you want to be loved and you want to love again. The truth is you think about it a lot more than
you admit. The truth is youre lonely without it and you feel like something is missing. The truth is you
thought about people you used to love and maybe you miss them but you dont want to let them know
because whats the point? They hurt you.

The truth is youre not afraid of love, youre afraid of heartbreak. Youre not afraid of texting someone first or
calling them, youre afraid they wont respond. Youre not afraid of saying I miss you, you just dont think the
other person cares to know.

Youre not afraid of falling in love and feeling all the highs that come with it, youre afraid of it ending,
youre afraid of another temporary high that leads to a permanent fall. Youre afraid of what happens after
the fall especially if youre the only one who fell.

The truth is you think about love a lot more lately, wondering what went wrong, wondering if its you or the
choices you make, wondering if its just fate or something deeper you need to fix and you keep wondering
why you always somehow end things before they even begin.

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And its because youre scared of breaking your own heart because then theres no one to blame and theres
no one to hate it was all you. Youre the one who handed your heart to someone who broke it and youre
the one who loved someone who couldnt love you back.

So you claim to be over it, you claim that you dont see it the cards for you anytime soon because you have
better things to do and bigger things to worry about it, you claim that youll wait for the right one because
you have a tendency to fall for the wrong ones.

But when youve been falling for the wrong ones all your life, you wont be able to recognize the right one.
Because youll always wonder if thats another lie, if thats another game, if theres someone else theyre
trying to forget, if youre just a rebound and if its only a matter of time before they forget you and find
someone else.

So you sabotage your relationship with the people you like because youre scared to love again, but youre
not scared of love, youre scared of heartbreak, you dont want to be alone, you just dont want to be with the
wrong person again.

The irony of love though, is that it still breaks your heart even when youre single.
Loneliness breaks your heart, the past breaks your heart, reminders break your heart and memories break
your heart.

Moral of the story: you cant escape heartbreak even when you do everything you can to avoid it.

And thats why maybe you should just keep falling in love with those who move your heart because one of
those days, it will not end in heartbreak and one of those days love wont scare you because it will feel like
the safest place on earth and one of those days, it will feel like home.

Words: Rania Naim

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Let Me Let You Go

Oh how many times have I thought of apologizing and telling you to take that goodbye back! Your okay.
Goodbye. Have a good life felt like the beginning of a bad life. For a few months, Im going to want to text
you and apologize. I will want to take my words back. I will want to rewind and tell you how it hurt to keep
yearning for you, knowing yearning is all itll ever be and yet wanting to let it be that way. I will want to take
my words back even if this hurting will get worse.

I will not do that though. Im supposed to be the strong, independent and determined woman who has no
place for this kind of love. Im not even sure if it is love. If it were, I wouldnt be able to ask you to cut me off,
right? The pain in the left of my chest would have been severely unbearable. If Im able to think, make sense
of what is good for me, Im still not at that border line love that makes one jump the cliff. I do know that If I
didnt make you cut me off now, Id be there soon though.

Hey you, I need to tell you how irresistible you are to me. But then, you probably already know that. With the
list of countless women telling you that already, I will save my pride and let your list have one less. You
wont even notice. I almost wish there was no feeling describable as envy. I wish you never had told me how
I was just one of those countless women who felt the same way I felt about you. It makes my emotions feel
like dirt, like particles of sand that are so many that a single one of them holds no value, that even if it
slipped away from your fist, wont be noticed. I dont want to be one of them. If I cant be the only one, I will
gladly take being no one to you. Well, not really gladly, but preferably.

You, with that combination of your brain and body are a soul like no other. Your charms are easy to be
wooed by. Our first banter was longer than most my conversations in the last decade but I knew that came
easy to you and happened often for you. You are a talker. Your words and voice can alone captivate a barren
heart, I am still after all a woman who has been struggling to subside her emotions but is far from the finish
line. I keep slipping down that steep hill knowing you wouldnt catch me. Your brutal honesty is more
enticing though I do wonder if you know this trick works best. It certainly did work to draw me towards you,
gave me the thrill of the chase. I still wonder if it has been this thrill all along and that Im tired now of not
getting anywhere in this chase. Maybe, this is what is making me want to be cut off. I dont know. All I do
know is, it hurts.

You, your hands have the tender magic. I keep wanting them every now and then. That every now and then
has been happening too often. My thoughts wander off to the unattainable land far away. If my being could
be satisfied with just these thoughts, Id have been content. If just your touch could have been enough, Id
have been content. But nothing is enough about you. You make me helplessly greedy, the kind of greed I
couldnt conquer no matter what I did. I feel helpless with desire and Im yet to learn to be comfortable
being helpless. I crave your mind more than the you that is made of dust. I crave to tell you how my day has
been. I crave to tell you every new reason I think of to explain things that have been unreasonable to me for
the longest. I crave to tell you how many times people pissed me off. I crave to tell you my dreams and my
aspirations. I need you to tell me how people will always be piss offs. I need you to tell me I need to aim
higher. I need you to tell me how Im enough for me, but hey! you cant tell me that when I need so much of
you.

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You, please know I have to ask you to cut me off. I could do that myself but without you knowing that this is
to happen I risk jumping every time my phone beeps. I risk feeling the all too familiar shiver running down
my spine when your text tempts me to want your cuddles. I risk knowing more of you and wanting all of it. I
cant risk knowing you anymore than I already do. I cant bear to know you anymore.

So hey you, while I am still away from the border line that can make me jump off the cliff, please cut me off.
Please cut me off and let me fly away.

Words: Zahra Hajyani

If You Cant Love Me, Ill Make You Miss Me

One day youll search for me in everyone you meet but I wont be found.

I dont know when the day will come. Maybe Ill be holding the hand of someone, so consumed by the
attention of another. I wont even notice when we cross paths. That is until you say my name. Ill be brought
back to the memory of you and all we were but more than that all we werent. Because you never gave me
the light of day. You gave me bits and pieces of some half-hearted love story that left me nothing but
confused. Some love story where I loved someone who couldnt love me back.

But one day my name will come up and youll realize how much you miss me.

Youll miss the little conversations where we used to only talk about you. Youll miss the texts you used to
ignore followed by double one. Youll replay voice mails just to hear the sound of my voice. Youll find
yourself looking at my pictures remembering when you were a main character in my life or at least I wanted
you to be. Youll remember how I told you every detail of what was going on. And youll miss having
someone to tell those things to. Someone who genuinely cared about your well-being and happiness. So
much so, I put it before my own. Youll miss the messages that popped up during a busy day. Youll miss the
snaps late at night saying, I hope you got home safe. Youll miss someone caring even though it wasnt
reciprocated. Youll simply miss someone being around that you took for granted. And when those moments
of missing me hit you like a ton bricks, what youll regret is not realizing what you had when you could have
had it. Not giving me the chance I probably deserved.

Missing people in their absence is the worst way to miss someone. It haunts you really.

The what-ifs creep up on you late at night when youre laying in a bed alone or worse laying there next to
someone who makes you feel alonesomeone who treats you the way you treated me.
And maybe youll text me just to see how I am. Maybe youre simply curious if I still care. I probably always
will. The difference between the two of us was I meant everything I said while you fumbled through
confusion trying to figure out how you felt about me. You didnt want to care but you did. I could see it. I
never had to wonder about you, though. I never had to question it. And I never made you question how I
felt. I looked at you with the same confidence I hoped would be returned.

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But I couldnt keep waiting for that. I couldnt keep hoping and wishing and wanting and working for
something I wasnt getting. Even the best people get tired of trying.

And you might of hurt me initially but in the long run, Ill move on and get over you. But Im the type of
person people miss even if it takes a long time to get there. Im the type of person people dont quite forget.

One day your phone is going to go off and youll wish it was my name across the screen. One day youll hear
songs you used to like until you think of me when you hear them. Then youll find yourself changing the
station on the radio. One day I swear youll miss me and when that day comes Ill be gone.

Words: Kirsten Corley

Maybe I Still Have A Lot To Learn About Love

I wake to the sound of my dogs heavy breathing,

his little back pushed against mine, warm
and soft. And I feel safe.
He turns his head, reaches his face towards mine,
stares at me with those tired, glassy eyes;
awake, simply, because I am awake,
pushing his cold nose into my cheek
as if to say, you ruined my sleep and Im tired
but I love you, still.
My dog makes me think
about consistency, dependency,
what it means to unconditionally
care for someone, whatever the weather
or storm or brokenness clouding their heart.
To wake up in the middle of a good dream
and still know, in the fuzziness of half-sleep,
I am his human. His person. The bearer of treats
and happiness. And maybe love is just overcomplicated
by our human desires to be selfish. Maybe I am too stubborn,
stuck in my own independence to see love
is letting go. Allowing someone to take care of you
and enjoying the freedom
in being held. Maybe this little beating heart,
four paws, tiny ears understands
more than I give him credit forlove
is letting someone lift the load from your shoulders,
even if the burden is what youve built
your foundation upon. Love is learning

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you dont have to carry everything yourself,
even if your strength is what defines you. Love isnt losing
yourself. Love is finding who you are
in the arms of another person. Love is wet noses,
shared beds, synchronized, sleepy breaths. Simple
and pure.

Words: Marisa Donnelly

Im Slowly Learning To Just Let Things Be

Im learning not to force things to happen.

Im learning to just let them be, to let them align with my life when the time is right, to the let the universe
bring them to me without having to run after them; because if you have to run after something, it means
that it doesnt want to stand still, it doesnt want to be caught, it doesnt want to stop at your door. Im
trusting God that whats meant for me will eventually find me no matter where I am. Im not going to be
passive but I also wont fight a losing battle.

Im learning to let love find me.

Im learning to stop decoding messages and mixed signals and signs and wait for the clear message, the
message that is so obvious and easy to understand, the message that doesnt make you question or second
guess anything and the message that youre truly waiting for.

Im learning to let those who dont want me in their lives go, I might even hold the door open for them
because I dont want temporary visitors anymore, I dont want to share my bed with someone who doesnt
want to spend every night with me and I wont share my heart with someone who doesnt want to protect it.
Im learning to let love find me when its real, when its simple, when its mutual and when its passionate.

Im learning to be patient with myself.

Im learning to take it easy on myself and my plans. Im learning to be kind to myself when I slip-up and
patient enough to make my dreams come true. Im learning to forgive myself for my mistakes and let them
be memories instead of labels. Im learning to let these mistakes prove that Ive tried for things that werent
right for me, that I didnt always play it safe, that I went for things I was unsure of and that I took chances.

Im taking the wisdom I got from all these mistakes; the wisdom that taught me that mistakes often happen
because we are forcing something that is not meant for us and we are trying to get something we probably
shouldnt have.

Im learning to stop trying so hard to control my life.

Im learning that it is okay if I dont have all the answers or if Im not where I want to be. Im learning to let
life take its course instead of trying to steer the wheel in another direction. Im learning that I wont always
get what I want but life will give me what I need. Im learning to treat life as a friend; trying to understand it,
trying to love it when its being difficult, trying to accept it even when its frustrating me and trying to

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appreciate the experiences it has provided me with, the memories it gave me, the laughter it brought me
and the sadness it put me through just to grow.

Im learning to let things be and Im learning to look at life as a person; a person who is also still trying to
figure it out, a person who is flawed and a person who wants to be better on most days but falls short on
other days like everyone else.

Im learning to let the force of life move me instead of forcing it to stop.

Words: Rania Naim

Heres The Kind Of Love You Should Settle For In 2017

Settle for the kind of love thats extraordinary in all of its ordinariness. Find the person who makes you feel
excited to spend Saturday doing nothing, as long as youre doing nothing with them.

Settle for the kind of love that makes you unbelievably happy to sit there and spend your Sunday night
sending work emails, or folding your clothes after pulling them out of the dryer, or chopping up vegetables
while you make your meals for the week as long as they are sitting next to you and keeping you company.
Because no matter what youre doing, no matter how boring the task, its still so wonderful if you get to be
near them while you do it.

Settle for the kind of love where you feel like you can just talk to them. Like you dont have to be funny or
clever or entertaining enough to earn their attention. You can just talk to them and say the things that are
on your mind and admit if youre stressed about work or that youre missing your mom and you wont
worry about boring them or chasing them away with your uneventfulness, because the two of you have
formed the kind of bond that strips away all expectations of being interesting and fascinating and cool all
the time, and instead just lets you be your damn selves.

Settle for the kind of love that simultaneously makes you feel accepted for who you are but also makes you
want to be a better person.
Find someone who encourages you and supports you and loves you for you. But also, find someone whom
you admire so much and respect so much and like so much that you instinctively just want to be a better
person, every day, because you feel safe and supported enough to try for it, even if you fail.

Find someone who looks at you and sees you. Someone who puts their phone down, not just when youre
upset, but even just when youre there, in front of them, and they want to show you that you matter more to
them than a bunch of things happening inside of a little rectangle that will still be there in five minutes
from now. Find someone who looks you in the eye and makes you feel seen and hears you but also listens to
you. Find someone who makes you want to do the same for them.

Settle for the kind of love that is hard, and challenging, and so worth every ounce of effort and sacrifice and
joy that you put into it. Settle for the kind of love that is rare in its everyday sense of happiness and

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contentment, the kind of love that grows out of little, tiny moments of affection and thoughtfulness and
tenderness and warmth. Settle for that kind of love, and you wont be settling for anything.

Words: Kim Quindlen

2017 Im Ready For You

This year:

I want to learn to embrace the parts of myself that often make me feel alone, that often make me want to
isolate myself further. This does not accomplish anything. So, this year, I want to let myself be seen. I want to
give people the option to love me, exactly as I am. If I can learn to embrace the pieces of myself that are
usually kept under lock and key, perhaps the rest of the world can to.

I want to take risks. Big ones. I want to challenge myself beyond belief. I want to set goals and chase them,
not for any other reason but because I am willing and able, because I have the utmost belief that I can
accomplish anything I set my mind to.

I want to love fully. This encompasses myself and others. I want to experience an entirely new dimension to
love, the kind that is freely given, and wholly received. The kind that does not judge or question, but lives
with arms flung open. Not out of desperation or convenience, but solely based on a true and deep
connection.

I want to build relationships with new people. I want to build better relationships with people I already
know. Strangers. Family. Acquaintances. Co-workers. Neighbors. People that challenge me, people that stir
excitement in my belly, people that understand the place that I am in and the place that I want to work
towards.

I want to find peace. I want to feel contentment in the pit of my stomach when I close my eyes at night. I
want to feel so utterly complete that there is nothing that can deter me from the path ahead of me.
I want to help others achieve this peace as well, which is to say, I want to spend the year encouraging and
uplifting those around me. I want to make sure that, at the end of the day, I am helping to nurture kindness
in all of the people around me, and in turn, nurturing that kindness in myself.

2017. I am ready for you. Bring on all of your detours, all of the inevitable challenges, all of the sleepless
nights, and whirlwind days.

I am turning all of my wants into plans. I want but I also plan to do. And this year, that will make all of the
difference.

Words: Alison Malee

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I Hope You Live A Little Louder In This New Year

In this new year, I hope you do things that challenge you.

That trip to India that you have been dying to take, that side job you know will push your limits, or that
coffee date with a loved one you havent seen in years. I hope you do things that frighten you, like kiss the
person who makes your heart flutter, or send that risky text, or reach out to an old friend and repair a broken
relationship. It is in these hard moments that you grow the most, that you strengthen your heart, that you
learn who you are and who you wish to become. So I hope you decide to challenge yourself in this new year.
You mind and your body are more powerful than you think.

In this new year, I hope you say yes.

Say yes to that date, say yes to that slice of chocolate cheesecake, say yes to that girls weekend in Las Vegas
or the boys softball tournament in the city. Say yes to that new project at work. Say yes to something you
never thought you would. Say yes to something thats probably going to end up terribly, but is still worth it
for the experience and the lessons. Say yes because yes gives you opportunities. Say yes because saying yes
is infinitely better than wondering what could have happened.

In this new year, I hope you let go.

I hope you stop holding onto people that have hurt you, or negative memories. I hope you learn to forgive
those who have wronged you and try to see the good side in every situation, even if it looks like there isnt
one. I hope you take a deep breath, then exhale all that isnt building you, strengthening you, or helping
you become something better. In this new year, I hope you learn to heal. Because you deserve that.

In this new year, I hope you go after what you want.

Life is too short to wonder what could have been, or to waste time chasing the wrong things. If its a job you
want or a person you love, if its a future youve believed in or a dream youve been craving, go after it, fully
and completely. I hope this year is one for selfish pursuits and confidence. I hope that all that you take steps
forward where you were hesitant. I hope you stop holding back.

In this new year, I hope you are fearless.

I hope you stop second-guessing and questioning your decisions. I hope you stop wondering what if and
playing it safe. I hope you always use your head, but I hope you follow your heart, too. I hope you stop
overthinking and analyzing all the results and instead just go forward. I hope you learn that fear is holding
you back from who you could be, and you dont allow it to anymore.

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In this new year, I hope you smile.

I hope you stop hanging onto negativity or letting darkness cloud your skies. I hope you find reasons to be
happy, big or small, and carry those with you wherever you go. I hope you stop worrying about things you
cant control or people you cant change. I hope you speak words of kindness to yourself and to others. In
this new year, I hope youre happier.

In this new year, I hope you live louder.

I hope you laugh more. I hope you sing at the top of your lungs. I hope you drive with the windows down
and let the wind rustle through your hair. I hope you hug. I hope you kiss. I hope you surround yourself with
people who make you feel alive. I hope you become the type of person that brings good energy wherever
you go, and the type of person people want to be around. I hope you speak whats on your mind, that you
raise your voice for injustice, that you tell others that you love them, instead of waiting until its too late. I
hope you live louder, shine brighter. This is your year.

Words: Marisa Donnelly

Hate To Break It To You But You Are The Reason Your Life Sucks So Much

If you think your life sucks, it probably does. If you think the world is out to get you, it probably is. If you
think you deserve more, you probably do.

The only thing in the world holding you back from achieving greatness
is in fact you.
If you think the world is out to get you its because you have a shit attitude towards life youre looking at
everything the wrong way. Youre using the negatives to fuel you instead of the positives. Youre letting the
negatives control your mind and in turn youre allowing them control of your life. Youre letting the bad
things win.

You will never amount to any form of greatness if you spend your life working some boring desk job that
just drains you of your energy because youre too lazy to get out and search for something more fulfilling
that is no ones fault but your own.

You will never travel the world and see Paris if you keep making excuses for why you cant go. Just buy the
plane ticket, pack a bag and go. Let the world shape you and open your eyes. Let it challenge you and
frustrate the hell out of you. Struggle with language barriers and get lost. Surrender the control you possess
in everyday life and just go.

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You will never lose weight if you dont change your eating habits. You will never improve your health if you
dont eat more vegetables and exercise. You will never get smarter or broaden your horizons if youre
unwilling to learn from others and read.

You will never be happy if youre constantly looking at the negatives. You will never reach happiness
in your life if youre constantly surrounding yourself by people and things that drain you.

You are the reason you are unhappy, you are the reason youre stuck in a rut and your relationships are poor
and youre constantly criticizing others and looking for more. Thats all on you.

Theres no way to sugar coat it. You are your own worst enemy; you are the only one who is standing in the
way of your goals and your success.

Life doesnt owe you or anyone else anything, so dont expect it to. Dont expect a million dollars to show up
at your door, dont expect to wake up with a rocking body, dont expect to get your dream job if you dont
ever put work into it.

If you want something you have to work hard for it. Not a half-assed hard either, I mean you need to work
your ass off. You need to make sacrifices and push through even when things get messy and complicated.
You need to keep going when everything in you is telling you to give up because thats the only way youll
ever amount to anything great.

If you think your life sucks it probably does, its just like the quote, he who says he can and he who says
he cant are both usually right.

Dont stand in the way of your own life, dont give up when things get hard because quitting will never get
you anywhere. Instead work harder and work smarter.

Believe in yourself when no one else does so you can look

back and say, I told you so.
No one will believe you can do it until you do, so you have to want your own dreams. Others can want your
dreams for you but youre the only one who can make them happen and youre the only one who can
succeed or fail in reaching them.

Stop doing things that dont fulfill you, stop blaming others for your problems and stop thinking life owes
you something because it doesnt. If you want your life to get better then start living like it. Start doing
something positive in the right direction and dont stop until you get there, then keep going.

Words: Becca Martin

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Im Going to Leave you Behind in 2016

If I were to leave this year honest,

Id admit that a part of me is still wishing you would come back.

Not forever, or for years or even for one night,
But maybe just for a cup of coffee.
We could sit in the corner booth beside frosted cafe windows and just talk for a little while.

Id remember one milk and two sugars, and how your chin creases when youre trying not to smile. Id take
note of the way you still run your fingers through your hair every time you get nervous. Id listen closely to
the rhythm and cadence of your voice as you talk lightheartedly about the past year, and I would label that
song something like Peaceful Nostalgia at Last.
I would put it on repeat until it no longer ached my bones, then once I knew all the words, I would break the
record in two.

See I would like to hear your laughter as nothing more than simple laughter. I would notice how it fills the
room, not in its once ever-expanding universe kind-of-way, but rather as a lovely, simple noise.
I would like to breathe it in deeply, letting it fill my lungs like a drag from the last cigarette before a
midnight resolution. I would like to exhale your happiness one last time to prove to myself it has no control
over mine.

I promise we can keep our glances at a safe enough distance.

When the icy blues in our eyes collide, I want to make note of how weak the gravitational pull has become.
I want to feel the fluttering weightlessness of gazes that once fell deep and heavy.
I want to break the intimacy and feel next to nothing.

Because this new year will be the first in so long that does not know you at all. You will not be a name that is
wrapped into its slow, brisk Spring mornings or hazy, drunk Summer nights. You will not wait up until
midnight to wish me a happy birthday or to call me when the ball drops.
So if Im being honest,

I want to sit there with you for just a moment. Id like you to tell me about your family and school and how
your dreams have shifted shape since we last spoke. I want to have a conversation that doesnt become
consumed with the melancholy of our relentless failure to love one another right.
I want to know you at the end the way I knew you at the start, so pure and untainted.
I want to remember you here.

I would like to meet with you one last time to see you as a person, not my person, just a person, in a caf at
the end of a beautifully heartbreaking year. And this, my old friend, is where I would like to leave you,
wrapped in peaceful nostalgia- at last.

Words: Lauren Hurst

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Let 2017 Be Your Selfish Year

Let 2017 be your selfish year. The year you stop listening to the screaming insecurities in your head, the year
you stop listening to the whispers of everyone else around you, and the year you stop trying to please
everyone but yourself.

Let 2017 be the year you stop telling yourself you cant do it. The year you stop telling yourself that you
arent worth that job, or that boy, or that life.

Let 2017 be the year you decide that you are worthy.

Let it be 365 days of focusing on you. 365 days where every minute and hour can be spent turning off your
negative thoughts, even when times get tough. Let it be the time where you can look at yourself in the
mirror every damn day and appreciate your body for surviving, and for working. And it let it be the time in
your life where you can look at yourself and say yes, I am something to be seen and I am someone worth
being looked at.

Let 2017 be the year you stop being so afraid of shining your own light. Let it be the year you start listening
to your gut instincts, instead of ignoring how you truly feel. Let 2017 be the year you start putting yourself
first in line. And let it be the year you shut out the echoes of your past, telling you you arent good enough.

And let 2017 be the year you become deaf to negativity.

Let 2017 be the year you do what you want. Let it be the year you drop everything and travel, let it be the
year you move to a new city and start your life over, let it be the year you kiss girls and boys without any
hesitation, let it be the year you start a new job with glowing confidence, let it be the year you tell those
people to get lost when they point out your flaws, and let it be the year you tell the people who have always
been there for you, that you adore them.

Let 2017 be the year you raise your middle finger high in the sky at everyone that calls you trash.

Let 2017 be the year you wash away your regrets from years before. Let it be the year you finally can begin
again, awaken your dead bones, and restart your heartbeat. Let it be the year you stop looking back, and
start looking forward.

Let 2017 be the year you do things for yourself. Let it be the year you walk strongly and loudly towards your
goals, and towards a better life. Let it be the year you stop your doubts from even entering your mind as you
rise to new occasions and new challenges. And let it be the year you climb that mountain, without fear that
you will fall.

Let 2017 be the year you make mistakes and learn from them. Let 2017 be the year you fail, but never ever
stop trying. Let 2017 be the year you stop being so afraid of messing up, and let those mistakes become
days of regrowth and rebirth. Let 2017 be the year you look at mistakes as new opportunities to succeed.

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Let 2017 be the year you let go. The year you let go of self-hatred. The year you let go of that one person who
wont ever love you like you love them. Let it be the year you let go of your self-shame and body insecurities.
Let it be the year you let go of broken promises from the past, and let go of those people who were never
there for you.

Let 2017 be the year you learn how to love yourself. Let it be the year you can look yourself in the eye and
see the beauty that everyone else sees in you. Let it be the year you treat yourself how you truly deserve to
be treated.

And let it be the year you truly live, for yourself. Not anyone else. Just you.

Words: Lauren Jarvis-Gibson

Let 2017 Be Your Year Of Healing And Redemption

Let 2017 be the year you will let go.

The year you will let life be what it is designed to be. Let go of every expectation, of every undying plan
and just let it be. Let go of the unshakeable desire to achieve life in perfect detail of how you want it to be
and just be able to allow it for what it is.

Let 2017 be the year you will learn the real concept of acceptance.

The year you will have the heart to accept that the reality of life will be totally different from what you
foresee. Accept every failure, every loss, every negative circumstance, every struggle, every heartache, and
every tear. Let this upcoming year be the year we will accept that life can be harsh, can be kind, but above all
can be real. Let this year be a year of acceptance of every single pain, and knowing that every single
moment that will happen will be in accordance and in purpose of making us better versions of who we are.

Let 2017 be the year you will take it easy on people, on things.

The year you will lose all kinds of expectation from people and just grant them the freedom to be who they
are and who they want to be. Permit them the space to grow, to find themselves, to discover their passion,
their people and their places here on Earth. Let this be the year you will have the heart to understand that
people grow at different pace, people grow apart, and that you cannot keep them forever. Let this year give
you the grace to comprehend completely that these things happen and its out of your control. The only
control you have is over detaching yourself from people, even the closest to your soul. Let this be the year
you will realize that we all need time on our own, away from certain people, certain places and certain
things.

Let 2017 be the year you will dwell on the beauty of self-discovery.

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The year you will come to meet the new and improved you. The year you will create new things, explore new
passions, visit places you never thought of visiting. The year you will remain in the things that excite you and
fire up every cell in your body. The year you will finally live. Fearless in the pursuit of what ignites your heart.
Not frightened on new possibilities, on new opportunities. Brave enough to risk and take a leap bigger than
you, resilient enough to welcome major changes. Looking positively to the things that may happen.

Let 2017 be the year you will fall in love with yourself.

The year you will come to know the things you like, the things you dislike and being perfectly okay with it.
The year you will learn more about yourself, about your flaws and shortcomings and be able to have a heart
big enough to accept all of you and have the courage and the strength to love it for all of what it is. The year
you will embrace your imperfections and realize that these are all the parts that makes you uniquely
beautiful. Let 2017 be simply the year you will work hard to love yourself, truly.

Let 2017 be the year you will open your eyes to the richness of life and of people.

The year you will treasure life despite all of its awful parts, depressing moments and horrible situations. The
year you will be certain that without all these, life will never be the same and life will never be this great,
amazing learning adventure. Without all these, life will definitely be incomplete. Let this year be the year
you will cherish the goodness in other people despite their flaws and imperfections. The year you will look
deeper, deeper enough to see the goodness in them, the things that are admirable, the things that are out
of the kindness of their heart. Let it be the year you will assuredly appreciate them for the times they tried,
the times they did their best; the year you will get a grasp of the fact that they are enough even though they
fall short of your expectations, they are sufficient even though they cant fulfill your desires, that they are at
their best version and you are just blinded by your expectations to honor it. Let this year be the year you will
veritably recognize the things they do for you, the qualities that make them incredible and just love them
for their humanity and softness.

Let 2017 be the year that you will be compassionate and delicate to everyone you meet.

The year you will completely comprehend that everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about. A
battle that is altogether hard and painful. The year you have to be mindful on the struggles of other people;
that you are not the only person on Earth that is in need of a friend. Let it be the year you will ask How are
you? I hope youre doing well instead of expecting and waiting around people to ask how you are. Let this
year be the year you will be able to understand that they have needs like you, they have priorities, they have
problems; may we understand that our job is to be present, and be there for them instead of always being
the one they need to attend to; let us be the ones to attend to them. Let this year be the year you will truly
love, love to the point that you will be selfless enough to put the needs of others above yours, for the first
time.

Let 2017 be the year you will finally heal.

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The year you will rise above every heartache, sorrow and loss. The year you will mend every battle scar and
open wound. The year you will gather all the broken pieces of your heart, of your soul, of your life, putting
them altogether and bandaging every crack, until it becomes whole again. Let this be the year you will
realize that its okay to be broken, to cry, to grieve, but its not okay to stay like that forever. Let this year be a
year of hope, assurances that there will be better days for you, that there is a joy set before you, after all
these mourning. That the sun will rise and the storm will cease, and the aftermath will not be as messy as
the calamity but it will be beautiful, it will be a glorious. Let this year be the year you will realize that the
ruins are magnificent. Let this year be a year of utter healing. Healing over every physical, mental, emotional
and spiritual pain and suffering. A year of regaining all the lost strength and courage, a year of admittance
that we are broken, that we need healing. A year of just taking your time to heal, no matter how slow, as long
as you are healing. A year you will no longer fake strength; but just be honest with whats going on inside
you. Let this year be the year you will be whole, again.

Let 2017 be the year you will redeem yourself.

The year you will recover from everything that damaged you in the past; from every defeat, every pang of
pain, every wave of weeping, every single thing that wrecked you. Let this be a magical year where you will
reclaim yourself and wind up above all these things. Let this year be the year you will boldly walk on waters.
Knowing who you are and what youre made of. Defying all kinds of limits and overcoming whatever life will
throw at you.

Let 2017 be the year you will realize that you are created to survive.

Words: Dian Tinio

2016 Im Ready To Let You Go

Im ready.

Im ready to let you go. Im ready to say goodbye to my favorite parts of you, the special memories, the
moments I wish I could rewind. Im ready to let them go, Im ready to loosen my grip and welcome new
ones. Im ready to let the moments I loved slip through my fingers and go make new ones.

I learned.

I learned the lessons you were trying to teach me. I learned from the pain, from the heartbreak, from the
betrayal, from the tears, from the mistakes and from my own shortcomings. I learned the hard ones; you
were hard on me sometimes but Im thankful for the lessons because I hope Im a little bit wiser, a little bit
stronger and a lot more resilient because of them.

I forgive you.

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I forgive you for putting me through hard times, I forgive you for not making the good times last longer, I
forgive you for being stubborn, for not turning things exactly the way I want them to and I mostly forgive
you for all the lonely nights. In a way, they made me fearless, in a way, they taught me how to enjoy my own
company and in a way, they made me unafraid of loneliness.

I love you.

I love you for all the blessings you gave me, for the times I spent smiling, for the all the times I laughed with
my friends and the times I stayed up talking to someone I love. I love you for the moments when you made
me feel invincible and for the moments you made me feel alive and for the ones that will live me with me
forever. I love you for being so memorable, so unforgettable and so breathtaking.

Ill miss you.

Its strange, because you werent perfect but you still had a special place in my heart. Something about you
was pivotal, something about you was comforting, something about you felt safe, like coming home after a
long time, like Im finally on the right track, in the right direction. Unlike all other years, you left an impact,
you felt right.

2017 Im ready.

I dont know what to expect, I dont know what you hold for me, I dont know if youll be better or worse, but
I know Im ready for you. I know that I can handle the bad moments and embrace the great moments. I
know that Im open to learning and appreciating why things wont turn out the way I wish they could. Im
ready because Im letting go of the past and willing to start over with you. Im ready to buy a new book with
empty pages so we can write the story together. Im ready for you to give me a wonderful story to write.

Take my hand and take your pen and lets work together as a team, for the first time, Im on your side and
Im willing to work with you.

2017, I havent met you yet but Im already in love with you.

Words: Rania Naim

In 2017 Do Whatever The Hell Makes You Happy

This is your year the year you stop making everyone happy besides yourself, the year you know you matter
and the year you let your voice shine. This is the year of you.

This year dont do things like 2016. Dont surrender your happiness in order to make someone else happy
while youre miserable. Dont give into peoples requests who would never lift a finger for you. Dont say yes
when all you want is to say no. Dont put yourself through that self-inflicting torture anymore because you
matter you fucking matter.

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If youre working a job thats making you miserable, a job that literally makes you want to break down in
tears before you go because you hate it so much quit.

Dont do anything that doesnt inspire you to live a better life. Dont do anything that drains you more than
it fulfills you.
If you hate your job that much then there is no point in continuing to do it. Look for another job, look
anywhere else that you think would make you happier.

Your happiness is important; you shouldnt constantly put it on the back burner for a paycheck or to make
others happy.Your happiness and your mental health go hand-in-hand. Dont put so much pressure on
yourself that you fail to take care of yourself, that you wind up sick and mentally drained. Dont torture
yourself in this way because no amount of money is worth this self-inflicting pain.

Find the things that make you smile and keep doing them. Cherish the things that make you feel loved and
dont ever let them go. Hold on to the moments that make your stomach ache from so much laughter and
dont ever take them for granted. Life is good, life is so good as long as you allow it to be.

In 2017 dont dwell on the negatives, laugh off the disasters and turn your attention to the good. If it wont
matter a couple years from now its nothing to stress yourself out about even if it feels like the world is
crashing down at you in the moment, just know it will pass.

Just do what makes you happy this year. If that means cutting all your hair off or admitting to yourself and
the rest of the loved ones in your life that youre bisexual or homosexual or trans, do it! If that means
breaking up with your partner who you feel is holding you back, let them go. If that means quitting your job,
moving across the world, getting a divorce or stepping out of your comfort zone for the first time, please do
it.

Life is meant to be lived, its meant to be enjoyed because there are millions of things to be seen and happy
about, but we often only experiences a sliver of them. So make 2017 your year, make it the year that makes
you happy, let it be your best year yet.

Dont be afraid to try something new because the worst that happens is you fail, but at least youre trying, at
least youre doing something to better yourself.

This year dont focus on anyone else. Dont focus on your parents or your friends or your coworkers focus
on you.

Make yourself the center of your world and care for yourself the way you care about the people you love. Go
the extra mile youve gone for so many other people in your life, but this time go the distance for yourself.
You deserve that.Every new year you tell yourself this is going to be your year, but this time really mean it.

Words: Becca Martin

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You Dont Know Me Half As Well As You Think You Do

People dont want to hear the truth, because they dont want their illusions destroyed. This is the saddest
part of being human. We tend to think inside the box, when in fact things are so much better outside of it.

Its okay. You can judge me. Its your prerogative.The thing is, you dont know what Ive been through, what
Ive failed to do, what Im planning to accomplish, and what I am currently into right now. All you know is my
name, what is written in my bio, what you saw in my feed, and what others told you. If you think thats
enough for you to disturb my serenity, go ahead. But know that I wont stoop down to your low level. And
also know that youre terribly wrong, funny, and desperate.

Just because I dont react, doesnt mean I didnt notice. Not saying anything is the best response, for silence
can never be misquoted. Stay away from toxic people. They comment on the smallest flaw or perceived
imperfection. They drag up your past and wont allow you to be different. They act as if they are fabulous and
never make mistakes.

They leave you feeling guilty and ashamed of who you are. They are critical, they are controlling, and they
dont think about your needs. They leave you feeling beaten, wounded, bruised, and torn. They dont care
about your feelings and they like to see you suffer. Its always about them and what they think, what they
want, what they feel. These people are helpless and should be ignored.

Nothing in life is random nothing is accidental. Everything happens for a reason and things happen when
they have to. You dont have to fight that. The less you respond to negative people, the more peaceful your
life will become.

When I was younger, I used to admire intelligent people. But as I mature, Ive realized that kind people are
worth admiring more. Oftentimes, we need to be stepped onto and to be hurt in order to grow. Some
lessons are actually learned best through pain. Not everyone will understand you, but the ones that do are
enough.

Be careful who you open up to. Only a few people actually care. The rest want something to gossip about.
Listen, youll end up disappointed if you think people will do for you as you do for them. Not everyone has
the same heart as you. You cant please everybody. A little less judgement and a little more kindness will
make you more attractive.

After all, nothing is permanent, so dont stress yourself too much. No matter how bad the situation is, it will
pass and it will eventually change.

Darling, please do yourself a big favor. Dont shrink who you are to make other people comfortable. Dont let
anyone manipulate you or judge your lifes decisions. Dont lower your standards to fit in. Find courage from
yourself and keep going.

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Finally, say this out loud: I put zero weight into anybody elses opinion. I respect their freedom of speech,
but will avoid their pathetic judgement, because they dont know me as much as I do.

Words: Christy Rose Agris

Ill Never Understand Why Youre So Good At Letting Go

I had a drawer in the house I grew up. Sabrinas Drawer my mom called it. It was in the kitchen, in a large
entry table, and I stored all my random stuff there. Old papers, certificates, prizes, candy wrappers, markers
every knick knack you could imagine, in complete disarray. It was as stuffed as my belly after Thanksgiving
dinner. At times Id have to pry it open with all my might. Thats whenId finally take every article out,
organizing the keepers and painfully, occasionally, throwing away the trash. Within days, itd return to its
chaotic mess. Sabrinas Drawer.

I didnt want to say goodbye to any of its contents out of fear Id need them again.

On the other hand, my bedroom was immaculate. Bed made as soon as I got up, clothes folded on shelves
and on hangers. But here, this drawer, was my place to be messy, to not have to say goodbye to anything, to
let everything have the chance to live out its full potential.

Im not good at letting go. I hold onto things.

When I was younger, it was material items in my drawer. Now its mostly people. If I get in a disagreement
with a friend, Ill get over it pretty quickly. I rather talk it out and then move on, go back to being friends and
enjoying each other. If a romantic interest says hes too busy or not ready to date, I practically refuse to
accept that as truth. Youre wrong, youve made a silly decision is what I say to myself and sometimes the
guy. That never goes over so well.

It took me years to learn to let go of physical thingsthrowing out and giving away old clothes, especially
those with holes. Like the white dress I bought at 19 from Lucky that I wore all over Southeast Asia and
Europe and still had until a few weeks ago when I told a friend packing my Austin home to throw it out. I
said it hesitantly, in fear, wondering, Am I making the right decision? Im discarding something that holds
invaluable memories.

Years ago, in fact maybe even just a few months ago, I wouldve kept it, shipped it across the country and let
it sit in my closet except for the one day Id wear it, remembering an hour later why I hadnt in so longthe
strap had been broken for years. Id looked half homeless. Id then place it back in my closet until that one
day happened again, a year or so later. But not this time. This time, I said goodbye. Now I want simple.

But when it comes to people, I struggle to let go.

I still think about my exs, even though Im no longer in love with them and even though its been years
since they were mine. I simply miss the way I loved them and they loved me.

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I hold onto crushes. I overanalyze why things ended, why I wasnt enough, what could I have done
differently. I dont want to say goodbye. I want the chance to have something in my life that makes sense,
that I want. And I want it all. Especially romantic love that makes your heart almost hurt with joy.

I may still be a hoarder like my younger self, but not of thingsinstead of experiences and people.

Why do you care so much? my friends ask when Im upset about a guy.

Why dont you care? is my rebuttal.

I dont understand how losing someone and the chance at becoming something great doesnt cause people
to fall apart inside a little bit. Everything in my body and mind screams to not let go, to not let a chance at
connection leave. I know what true, deep, gut-wrenching loss feels like. Its painful and dark and lonely. And
I dont want it anymore, but I find myself back in that space at times. Especially the past few years being
single, mini grieving episodes, each time Im disappointed a romantic fling has ended.

Im ready for something that stays, something that doesnt make me fearful itll disappear on me. Someone
thatll willingly let me stuff him in my drawer for keep sake, and let me organize him when we get messy,
and then, all over again, get messy, together. Because thats just what I do.

Words: Sabrina Must

The Honest Truth About Why You Stopped Hearing From Me

You might think I wasnt interested or I simply stopped caring. Maybe it was a fluke. Maybe I met someone
who wasnt you. But the truth was I cared deeply for you. I wanted you and only you. In fact, for a long time, I
turned down a lot of people because there were moments I thought you looked at me and felt the same
way. Maybe it was all in my head but I thought I felt something there I couldnt let go of.

That is until I had to.

I thought if I gave you the time youd come around but I realized it was like waiting for a train I wasnt even
sure would be coming. I was waiting for someone who wasnt there all the time. Maybe physically you were
but emotionally you kept me at arms length. Wed look at each other and it was like you wanted me to be
someone else. I was always so happy around you but you made me feel like I was an inconvenience.
Suddenly I was flustered and confused and questioning myself and the moves Id make. You made me
completely frozen with fear of doing something wrong. I feared losing you but I realized you werent even
mine to lose in the first place.

I couldnt keep emotionally investing in someone who couldnt reciprocate everything I felt. I couldnt keep
going to bed wondering if I was enough and what more could I do.

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The truth was I never stopped caring. But I did get tired of caring too much.

I got tired of trying so hard.

So days turned into weeks where you didnt hear from me. I dont know if you even noticed or just carried on
like the ghost you appeared to be, going through the motions.

The honest truth was I didnt want to bother you in the event I was.

The honest truth was I didnt want to keep reaching out and not hear anything.

The honest truth was I didnt want to keep staring at my phone hoping youd be the one to text me first.

Something in you changed. And maybe it was in the way you saw me.

Maybe there was something you were going through.

Maybe you just werent interested.

But the honest truth is I was scared of putting my heart on the line for someone who was so unsure
themselves.
I enjoyed the play by play in your life but I wanted to be a part of it not just some spectator on the side.

The honest truth was I cared entirely too much for you, all with the best intentions but even the best people
cant keep trying for someone who is unsure how they feel. You put me through a trial and error of being hot
one day and cold the next. Your uncertainty drained me because I was so sure of you and I hadnt a single
doubt about how I felt.

It hurts me and of course, I miss you but I know what would hurt more is continuing to try so hard for your
time and attention. So I guess what Im saying is Im waiting for you to miss me back. Im waiting for you to
care. But more than that Im waiting for you to show it because I just cant be the only one. And maybe that
day will never come and maybe I have to accept that and move on.

Its a confidence booster knowing someone loves and cares for you but on the other end of those feelings
not reciprocated is a feeling of complete defeat like your best isnt good enough.

I couldnt keep being every first hello as I was left wondering when youd say goodbye for good. So I beat
you to it. That hurt me a lot to just get up and leave. I didnt want to cause a scene or make a thing out of it
so I said nothing. But it did hurt me walking away from someone I cared very deeply for.

Just know I hope you find whatever it is you youre looking for.

Word: Kirsten Corley

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This Is What Depression Feels Like And This Is How You Beat It

If I had to describe to people what living with depression is like I would say is its kind of like watching a
movie reel of someones elses life. And youre waiting for something good to happen. Youre always
waiting. Always watching. Always wanting something you dont have. Its that happiness that seems to come
so easy to other people.

Its struggling to go to sleep at night because your mind takes you to all these dark places and never shuts
off. Its like no matter how tired your body is physically, mentally, you dont stop. Its finally getting to sleep
at 3 am and it physically hurting opening your eyes at 6 am.

Its waking up and you lay there for a moment because for a few seconds youre kind of mad you had to
wake up. Its like youd rather be in a dream state then have to face the realities of what awaits you for the
day.

You muster the strength to get up and put yourself together, the best you can. And no matter how good you
look that day, in your heart you know youre kind of lying to the world about how you feel. Because if you
dressed the way you actually felt people would know.

Depression is about the art of deception.

Its smiling when you feel like crying. Its cracking a joke and brining joy to others, even though you cant
bring it to yourself. Its being positive and upbeat on the outside because you know what its like to be in
darkness. Its being kinder to everyone than normal because you know they too could be putting up a front.
Its knowing defeat and watching the world knock you time and time again but never staying down. It kind
of feels like there is the dark cloud over you and everyone is out to get you. Its knowing struggles you dont
speak of but silently fight every day. Its knowing loss. The loss of yourself as youre trying to figure out who
you are while struggling to accept the parts of yourself you dont like and cant seem to change. Its wanting
just to be normal but you dont even know what that is.

Its appreciating the little things A kind word from someone or a smile. Its clinging to the good days
because those are few and far between. Its looking forward to something on your calendar even if its
something thats not that big of a deal. Seeing it written there gives you something to work towards and get
to. Because if you fight through three really bad days maybe that fourth day wont be as bad.

Its understanding people and being overly observant. Its looking at someone smile and knowing they are
having a rough day. Its being the light for them that some people have been for you. Its having
compassion and sensitivity at a level that seems not normal to most.

Depression is getting handed really shitty cards and learning to play the best f*cking game you can.
But its also that feeling like you are always losing. Like everyone is happier and winning and one step
ahead and all youre trying to do is keep up.

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Depression is standing in a crowded room and you just want to be as happy as everyone appears to be.

Temporary highs with drugs, alcohol and medication are only that. It makes the pain subside but it never
makes it go away for good.

Depression is going through a newsfeed and comparing yourself to everyones highlights and your good
moments just arent enough.

Depression makes you feel inadequate. It makes you feel weak. It makes you feel like part of you is missing
and youre trying so hard to find anything to fill that void. You try anything to not feel so empty.

Depression does not discriminate. It does not tell you when itll sneak up. It can stay hidden within shadows
but in your heart you know its there, lurking waiting to ruin your next best moment. Waiting to ruin another
night of sleep. Waiting for you to break down in tears at 2 AM because youre never felt so lonely. And you
look at reflection with bloodshot eyes you dont even recognize.

Depression tries to turn you into someone you arent while convincing you this is your fault. And while
depression tries to take you deeper you fight it. You try and go back to sleep and wait for the morning. Wait
for that alarm that tells you, we have another day to fight but its a battle even on your worst days you wont
give up.

Depression hurts. Its a pain that most cant see. Its a struggle many who suffer cant quite understand why
they are.

So how do we beat it?

Through love and people and through connections. Depression is wanting to be alone but you know its in
that moment we need people most. Its looking for those certain people we come across that spark a little
life into our dull and sad eyes. Its finding those that understand without words the battles we face daily. And
without saying it, its a hug, a nod, a smile that says me too.

Depression can be beaten. Its just one of those battles you have to fight every day.

Words: Kirsten Corley

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Strong Girl, You Dont Need Him

You dont need him.

Ive learned the hard way that you can love someone and be blindsided by your strong attraction to them
and eventually mistook it for love. I was beginning to latch onto an idea of someone up to a point where it
became unhealthy. I would always think of that person and think of how hes doing every day. Thats normal
up until all I do all day is think more of how can I be attractive in his sight that I began to lose my own
identity.

I know how it feels. I know how it goes. I know how youd overthink and overanalyze scenarios in your head
before they can happen even before they do (but most of the time they dont).

I know how much you want to learn to speak their language, how to cook their favorite food and even try to
eat it even if it upsets your stomach or how you eagerly want to watch their favorite movies just so you can
relate whenever he talks about it. I know how you would lose sleep or wake up in the middle of the night to
check if theyre online so you can talk to them. And I know how you make those little efforts of making them
little gifts, or buying them souvenirs from your recent trips, or even surprise them just to make them smile.

Doing these things can present new experiences and growth if handled carefully but if youre obsessing
over that person, this can be damaging. Especially if you feel that youre the only one trying.

Loving someone doesnt have to come with the expense of losing yourself. But lets admit that were only
humans and sometimes, when we love someone, its all or nothing. We want to make them feel appreciated
and loved, but what if you dont get that in return? What happens when you realize you dont mean as much
to them as they did to you? It hurts, doesnt it? But there is no one to b lame because people love differently.
They may love you, but not just the way you want them to.

So to all the girls who loves someone or who has loved someone and lost themselves in the process, you can
find your way back again. Remember: YOU DONT NEED HIM.

You dont need him to feel beautiful.

You dont need him for self-validation.
You dont need him in order to grow.
You dont need him to know that you are worthy.
You dont need him to know that when you love, you love too much and theres nothing wrong with that.
You dont need him to like you or love you more.

All you need is yourself, and sometimes thats more than enough. Love someone but at the end of the day,
love yourself more because when all else fails, you still have yourself. The world may come crashing down
and it will put you down on your knees but only you will have the strength to get back up and begin again.

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Dont blame love, its a beautiful thing. Its just that sometimes life happens and things doesnt turn out the
way we want them to. But hey, thats okay too. And should you ever feel that no one will ever love you in the
future, dont go there. There is someone out there who will be strong enough to brave our storm and will
stand by your side while you fight your demons.

Strong girl, you dont need him. You may want him but you dont need him.

Words: Katreena Dei Gauiran

Losing You Didnt Kill Me

I was dumped via a text message, right after my girlfriend had spent two days in my home where she slept
in my arms. Apparently were too different the same reason she told me she liked me in the first place. It
was such a humiliating experience. But I have already forgiven her for that.

I agreed to the breakup immediately. I was in shock; I wasnt thinking straight.

What followed was hell. I cried. And cried some more. I couldnt get her off my mind. I kept thinking back to
our time together. What could I have done better? Was my love not enough? Did I love her enough? What
did I do wrong? Is she serious about this breakup?

Two days later I wrote down all I needed to ask her, and all I needed her to know about me. The things I
thought were the reasons behind the were too different line. I felt better after I sent it. The clutter in my
mind was cleared, and that allowed me to finish off an overdue report for work. I felt great. I told myself that
whatever her response was, I would be okay to accept it.

I prepared myself for her response. I read articles online about peoples breakup experiences. I listened to
Etanas I rise, such an empowering song. I prayed. I said God, whatever her response is, please help me to
accept it.

She replied about 12 hours later. The tone of her message was full of hate, anger, contempt. In her mind the
relationship had finished. Apparently for her, the relationship finished a very long time ago.

I was angry, I was hurt. Was it all a lie? Was I imagining her role in the relationship the past three months?
All those I love yous, all those kisses Why? How do you look a person in the face and tell them you love
them knowing deep down you dont? How do you return someones kiss with such passion, knowing very
well it meant nothing to you? How do you let someone hold you so close, knowing very well you will leave
them for good the next day?

I dont get it. All I know is, its painful. It hurts so so much. Why? How could you? Am I such a terrible person?
Did I deserve this?

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I re-read her message one more time. Yep, it really is over. She wanted nothing to do with me. I sent her an
acknowledgement reply. I told her I appreciated her response, and I will now leave her life. I purposefully
didnt tell her I was letting her go. No. My mind was, but my heart wasnt ready.

I couldve begged her to reconsider. I couldve sent her angry messages. I couldve told her mean things to
hurt her. But I didnt. I just sat there and stared into space.

I took one last look at her Facebook profile. I went through our pictures. I went through her posts about me. I
looked at her face. Her beautiful face. I wanted to feel it one last time, the softness of her skin. I wanted to
hug her, kiss her, hold her and never let go. But I couldnt. Its over. She doesnt want you back, I reminded
myself, shes made her decision, respect it.

With tears streaming down my face, I clicked the Blocked button. Its over. Theres no hope. I accepted it.
And then I cried. I kept crying. I didnt know what to do. I just sat there and cried. Then I remembered God:
Lord, please help get through this. I cant do this without you.

Suddenly, in the midst of all those tears and the pain I found respite. I was hurt, but it felt beautiful. I felt
proud of myself for crying, for sitting there and allowing the emotion to take over me. I didnt want a quick
fix, I didnt want an escape. I just wanted to sit there and feel the hurt. I didnt want to rush it. I just wanted it
to take its course.

You see, Ive been here twice before. The first time I literally felt an emptiness in my stomach. I remembered
how much I wanted to scream, but couldnt. I wanted air; I was suffocating. My whole world was dark. I
hated it. I wanted it to end. I wanted a quick fix. Eventually I gave up and moved countries.

The second time I was here, I felt the same dark cloud surrounding me and the pain in my chest. I cried a lot,
most probably after every 5 minutes. I looked for him in all the people around me. I missed him terribly. I
missed his love, his affection. I missed the way he looked at me, the way he held me, the way he kissed me,
the way he made love to me. I missed his skin next to mine, his breath, his taste. I missed his text messages.
I missed how he would have a smiley face for each emotion he wrote. I missed how he would double text
me if I didnt reply.

But I missed our conversations the most. We talked about our dreams, the things we would do, the places
we would visit, and our beautiful kids that would have my smile and his beautiful eyes. The eyes I loved
the first time I looked into them. The eyes that drew me in and showed me a glimpse of his soul, that I
eventually loved. I miss him, even til this day I still think about him. But we cant be together, it wasnt right.
They were right, sometimes two people can be so right for each other but time wont allow them to be
together.

I left him and moved countries. I couldnt bear the thought of living in the same country as him and not
being able to have him. I still remember the day we said goodbye. We cried, we kissed, we hugged, we let
go.

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He will always be in my heart, and Ill always be in his. We will look for each other in the next life, and we
will fall in love again, only this time we wont have to let go.

My current breakup tears, lots of tears. Some dark moments, but they faded away quickly. There was no
physical pain. There was no emptiness, no suffocation. Just beautiful tears and a sense of relief. It hurt, but it
was a beautiful kind of hurt.

I was proud of myself. I was proud of the way I loved her when we were together. I was proud of the way I
supported her when she needed it the most. I was proud of the way I opened myself up to her, despite
knowing she may not feel the same way in return. Now I know she didnt, but thats okay. I was proud of the
way I handled our conflicts, I never once put her down with hurtful words. I was proud of the many times I
fought for our relationship, trying to make it work. She was worth it. I am proud of myself for the way I
handled our breakup. I was angry, I was hurt, but again, I never put her down. As soon as she said it was
final, there is no future, I told her I will let her leave. I am proud of myself for all of these things because it
shows character, respect, and dignity. I did the best I could, but sometimes it just isnt enough.

I dried up my tears, smiled at myself, and welcomed the rest of the day and all the days ahead. I changed
the sheets and the pillow cases that had her smell from the previous 5 days when she slept in my arms. I
opened all the windows to let her smell out. I cleaned the house to remove any remaining traces of her.

Afterwards I walked out of the house and into the bright sunny November afternoon. I welcomed the new
air. I welcomed the beginning of a new chapter in my life. I was ready to channel all this pain into my work.

My dearest third love, thank you for allowing me to love again. Thank you for the heartbreak. Thank you for
giving me the inspiration to do my work to the best of my abilities. My heart is now ready to let you go. I
want to free up the space for someone deserving of it. I wish you well, my love.

Love has no guarantees. Adele was right, sometimes it lasts in love, and sometimes it dont. I will always be
proud of myself for being vulnerable. To quote Brenee Brown:

Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. It is the source of
hope, empathy, accountability, and authenticity. If we want greater clarity in our purpose or deeper and
more meaningful spiritual lives, vulnerability is the path.

To feel is to be human. I want to feel love again. I am ready

Words: Peyton Zayne

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You Were The Best-Worst Thing That Ever Happened To Me

When I met you I had this dumbfound belief that love could overcome anything. I thought if you love
someone hard enough and work at it just maybe they will love you back. Just maybe itll all work out for the
better. I thought giving the best of myself would result in it reciprocated. I thought I could love you into
liking me and maybe wed be together. I thought that would be enough. There was no doubt I fell in love
with you in the moments you were good to me. I fell in love with the person I knew you would be one day
and I thought if I loved you hard enough youd become him fully. But the result of giving the best of myself
to someone who didnt deserve it, not only hurt me but it tainted what I defined as love.

I couldnt dismiss the fact there was another side to you. The you that ignored every call only to return it at 3
am. The you that made sure your read recipe was on, just so you knew it would get to me. The you that
would know exactly what to say and when to say it, just to ruin a night out that hadnt even started yet. The
you that kept me walking on eggshells. The you that kept me close but not close enough to be yours. The
you that always ended things but how can something end if we werent even together? The you snuck
around like I was some best-kept secret. The you that needed to control me because there were factors in
your life you couldnt.

I became this punching bag of yours when all I did was try to love you. Screaming and fighting and tears
and you putting me down inflated your ego. You thought how far can I push her? What can I get away with?
When will she crack? And it might have seemed like I was weak tolerating such mistreatment but it was
really strength. Strength because I still saw good in you. Strength because I still believed in you. Strength
because in the moments you tested me I never once raised my voice. I never once cursed. I never gave you a
taste of your own medicine. Instead, I held onto the belief that if I just keep trying and loving
unconditionally that maybe it would be enough.Because despite how much pain you put me through, I
never stopped believing love could save you. I never stopped trying to be enough.What I didnt realize was I
was enough for someone but that someone wasnt you. What I realized was no matter how badly I wanted
you and loved you and tolerated your shortcomings, the cost was complete self-destruction in the process.
You took pieces of me to make you whole and it left me empty.

You were the best worst thing that ever happened to me. You taught me how far Id be willing to go for
someone. But more than that you taught me what Ill never do for someone again. You taught me exactly
what I didnt deserve and what Ill never tolerate again. You showed me that as much as we fall in love with
someone, its isnt some magical thing weve come to believe watching movies and T.V shows. Love is a
choice but you cant be the only one making it. You taught me to only ever go half way for someone. But
more than that you taught me to love myself. You taught me to put myself first. For all those things, I thank
you. And it seems a little odd to be grateful for what seemed like a whirlwind relationship, gone so wrong
with a little bit of right but I walk away with confidence and strength that I gave my best. I walk away
knowing not everyone deserves that. I walk away loving even harder, believing in it even deeper and
knowing the love I gave to you, will one day be mine.

Words: Kirsten Corley

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I Know Better Days Are Coming, Even Without You There

There is nothing more painful than finding your once happy life being shred into a million tiny pieces,
where only the dead of the night can help you find peace and comfort to get your shit together. Minutes
turn into hours, days into weeks, but every second still hurts like hell. You decide to forget everything, but
there are pictures to remind you of people and memories that you just cannot shake off your mind, and you
then find yourself lost again lost in the thought that you still cannot smile wholeheartedly despite the
love you get from everyone around you.

Its funny how people tell you things to make you feel better. The thing is, you will still feel a void in your
heart no matter how much support you get from your family and friends. That void that you are feeling is so
deep, and it hurts so much. And then, you will finally become numb not because you are over it, but
because you finally got used to the pain.

I know sadness more than I make myself believe I do. I may claim that I am okay, but deep inside I know I
am not, and will never be any time soon. The walls or corners may keep me safe from harm now, but I know
it can only do so much as to make me sane when I feel like breaking down again.

But today is different. It has to be.

Today, I choose something far more different than what I am used to. I will not wallow in desperation. I will
not cry and break down into tears, because I know I have control over myself. Today, I choose joy.

I choose acceptance. These past few days filled my heart with anger, but I am trying to let it all go. I made
myself believe in trust only for it to be taken for granted, but I have to accept the truth that I have no control
over anybodys feelings.

I was mad. I was broken. I was lied to. But today, I am no longer the victim. I know I will still wonder about
the what-ifs what if I stayed, what if I listened, or what if I made myself believe in some silly and lame
excuses again? But I have long since reconciled over the idea that it is better to wonder than refuse to leave
somebody just because you feel that it is still the right thing to do.

I finally learned to accept the fact that nothing is ever going to change him, and I am now teaching myself to
accept that it is okay to walk away from someone who can no longer make you feel loved.
I choose joy. Life is too short to be anything but happy. It is really a clich, isnt it? But I will not let anybodys
lie hinder my chance to become truly happy. I will sigh and I will smile, I will jump and I will laugh, and
most importantly, I will breathe. I will not lock myself up in my room and choke about a love gone wrong
because I know doing so will just make my life a mess. I will sing a song of praise because I feel alive now
more than I have ever had before. And I will let anyone who dares to listen hear my voice. I may sing off key,
but I will sing nevertheless.

And I choose love. The moment I found out about the truth that the person I loved the most lied to me, I
became color blind. I felt like the sky lost its vibrant shade of blue, my skin turned pale, and the trees looked

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dryer than ever. I thought to myself that it was the end, but then a sudden gush of wind pulled me back to
my senses. I may be color blind now, but knowing that my heart is still beating gives me the assurance that I
am still alive. I probably will not have the love I wanted from someone I once cared for so much, but I know I
will find that there is too much love in the world that I just have yet to discover. I am choosing the love from
my family, my friends, and even from strangers who will just smile at me for no reason at all. Today, I will
love the air, the silence, and I will accept the love from people around me.

I know that when the sun kissed the moon goodbye, the stars began to lose their shine and they
disappeared in the emptiness of the sky slowly, painfully, and their screams were drowned by voices that
sang a tune of praise for the sun has finally returned after a deep, long slumber. The sun is back, but the
stars have died, and only darkness witnessed how the moon cried for her childrens lives. I may be the moon
as of this writing, and the stars are my feelings, but I know that the moon will return once more together
with her stars, and I will paint the sky with colors of love and hope. I will shine brighter, and I will live once
more.

I know better days are coming. I just have to wait, and while I am at it, I am choosing to be different because
thats what finding happiness is all about.

Words: Yves Ferrer

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Never Give Up on Yourself

And you ask, What if I fall? Oh, but my darling, what if you fly? Erin Hanson
Silly child, stop doubting yourself. Dont you see? The world is full of endless possibilities. If at first you dont
succeed, try again. Dont you know that it took Thomas Edison 1,000 trials before he successfully made the
light bulb? Dont you know that Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team? Dont you
know that nothing works out perfectly on the first try, or maybe even the tenth try?

But honey, dont you ever stop trying because the moment you give up is the moment youre about to strike
gold. To the child who doesnt believe in herself, I wish you would listen to the words of those around you. I
wish you would take a moment to clear your glasses and see yourself through the eyes of those around you.
I wish you would be open to the support and love that you get because youre so deserving of it.

I hope that one day you see yourself the way your loved ones see you. I hope that one day you realize the
radiance in the room is coming from you. I hope that one day you realize that the sun may not rise and set
on you, but the stars certainly do.

To the child who doesnt see his worth, I wish you would see that your purpose is so clearly laid out. I wish
you would realize that you do belong here, right now and in this moment. I wish you would stop harming
yourself with such ugly words of self hate and self disgust, and I wish that you would begin to paint a
picture of beauty with the colors from your soul.I hope that someday you learn to trust others and trust their
words and their love and their tender touch. I hope that one day, one day soon, you see that you are needed
and you are the sunshine in someone elses tornado. Maybe you dont feel it now, but you are so important.
I promise.

Oh silly one dont you know? Theres a whole world out there beyond your dark cloud thats blocking your
view, hanging over you and weighing you down. Dont you know that although so are small you are mighty?
You have the power to control something incredible, its something called your life. You have the power to
take advantage of each day and make a difference in someones life. You have the power to create
something incredible and make an impact on society. You have the power to get your name in a history
book.

You have the power to save a life, you have the power to love a life, and you have the power to create a life
right now. I beg you please, get up and stop listening to sad music. I beg you to please give today a whirl, try
and smile a little bit more, because it really isnt so bad. Maybe its hard, but each day gets easier. Try and be
thankful for something different, try and love as much as others love you because I promise they do. Try and
absorb something, anything positive. You give off so much light; dont be afraid to take some in too.

To the reflection I see in the mirror, please follow the words you write.
To the reflection I see in the mirror, practice what you preach.
To the reflection I see in the mirror, stop hiding behind your words and start living them.

Words: Megan Rule

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What It Truly Means To Fall In Love With A Girl Who Is Beautifully Broken

The thing about broken people is they arent looking to being fixed. More than anything they want to be
loved, as tainted and as flawed as they appear before you. Theyve given away pieces of themselves to the
wrong people and they know they wont ever get it back. Theyve given their best and it didnt get them
where they wanted. But they havent given up and they never stop trying. They spent countless nights crying
on the bathroom floor, looking at their reflection, analyzing and beating themselves up for falling too
quickly and hurting too easily. But more than that, for letting their guard down. With every trial and error,
theyve learned. But of the things they learned most is to proceed with caution when it comes to love.
Maybe even push people away when they get too close. You see, someone who is beautifully broken doesnt
really have much to give other than the broken pieces of their heart they hope is enough.

So when you find yourself falling for someone like this, there are a few things you should know about her.

Shes rare but shes doesnt see herself as anything different. Shes genuine because she doesnt want to
treat anyone the way people have treated her. Most people would turn cold going through some of the
things she did. But its made her warm and caring and compassionate at a level that seems unreal.

And ironically the lack of love in her life has made her believe in it more. Because she knows the heartbreak
shes experienced isnt love but rather a lack of it. So under the layers and behind the walls she puts up is
hope that love will be hers one day.

Shes unbelievably guarded.

She is not going to trust anything you say. In the past people have used words they didnt mean to gain
something from her. Shell look at you trying to figure out what you want from her. Shes going to assume
its all about something physical. And as shes reading you, youll try figuring her out too. But there are a
million pieces to a puzzle youll never put together until you gain her trust. Be patient. Shes terribly scared
of letting anyone that close to her.

Shes blunt.
Shes going to say it like she sees it. She doesnt want to waste your time and enough people have wasted
hers. Shell be honest with you to a point where it might make you uncomfortable. Shes not afraid of the
things that have happened to her, shes not afraid of telling about it. The only thing shes afraid of is the past
repeating itself.

Shes going to overthink everything.

The thing about broken people is they know how to read others. Shell notice something as simple as a
change of tone in you. Shell notice if your responses suddenly become delayed. Shell even notice if you

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become slightly uninterested even before you realize it yourself. Shes looking for any warning sign that
something is wrong and you are going to take off just so she can be ready for it. Shes prepared every worst-
case scenario in her mind. Shell analyze every conversation you have and remember even the littlest of
details of the things you tell her. Shell do one thing and second guess herself. Shell apologize for more
than she should, for things that dont even require the words, Im sorry. Just take it with a grain of salt. Tell
everything is okay.

She fears vulnerability.

She associates vulnerability with weakness. She has this idea that when you see her at her worst, youll want
to take off. While vulnerability is a key component to forming emotional connections between people, she
fears that connection as much as wants it so badly. Shes been programmed to protect herself. Shes learned
to only need herself. While it is a great strength of hers, it too is a weakness. She knows such strength only
because shes been weak and people have taken advantage of it. Shes only learned her worth because of
the people who treated her like she wasnt worth anything. Through unkindness and mistreatment and the
lack of love others were able to provide for her she learned to give all those things to herself.

She fears falling in love.

People are conditioned to need an emotional relationship in their lives to function. Its a part of the human
condition. But there is a risk that comes with love. A risk a beautifully broken girl has taken and regretted in
the past. If you want someone like this to fall in love with you follow her lead, even when she takes off
running. Sometimes people run just to see if someone cares enough to follow. Sometimes people put up
walls just to see who cares enough to climb over them. The key to her heart doesnt come easy. But all great
things in life never do and her love is no exception. Her love will change you. Because as much as she fears
love, what she really fears more is people leaving taking the bits of what is left of her broken heart.

But more than anything she respects love.

She knows love is the very thing that can heal her. So she takes these chances hoping for the best in people
despite what shes seen. The people who dont see love often know to value it in its entirety when it does
come. She practices love the same way shed like to receive it. Shell give her best time and time again.
Shell love harder than anyone youve ever met. Shell do anything for people. Because shes not so much
afraid of love, the real fear is her love not being reciprocated.

And when you fall in love with her and she brings out the best in you, the only thing youll wonder is how
anyone in her past didnt see what they had when they had it.

Words: Kirsten Corley

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For The Girl Who Wants God To Write Her Love Story, But Finds Herself Stealing The Pen

Ever been here?

Im talking about that place where youve said, with hands thrown up in the air in exasperation, Okay, God.
I trust you with this part of my life too.

And you know what part of life to which this statement is referring, dont you? Yes, thats right. Your dating
life. Your love life. Your romantic life. Your romantic love life. Whatever kids call it these days.

If you havent been here, then join me as I recount my experience being in this exact spot.

Because its one thing to say, God, I trust you. Its another thing entirely to actually trust Him.

Ive been there. I am there. And you can bet that more often than not, I find myself itching to grab that pen
right out of His hands so I can write my own story.

I seem to believe that I could write a much better story. Id add a few paragraphs here. Omit a sentence or
two, or nineteen there. Use some whiteout and re-write a chapter or two. I think Id make for a pretty good
author of my own love life. Right?

Wrong.

Honestly, at anytime I could and believe me, Ive tried change the story on my own. Simply grab that
ballpoint pen, press down and smile as the ink dried on what would probably turn into the worst love story
ever. I like to think Im pretty good with words. I could make things sound really nice on paper.

Hes 67. Loves Jesus, obviously. Has like, 2 dogs. Loves traveling and has a degree, good credit, an
impressive, yet also socially conscious job, can cook and Need I continue?

It all looks great no, perfecton paper.

Which is exactly why I hope I never get ahold of that pen.

I think of J.K. Rowlings masterpiece of a series that is Harry Potter. Her work is magical. Its amazing and
mesmerizing and just, plain good. From beginning to end, the series had a goal, even if she didnt realize it
at the start. She still had a semblance of the goal in mind as she wrote. Her characters were strategically
placed in the storyline at the proper time, in the proper places. Trials and conflicts were effectively set up in
order to spur character development and growth. Plot twists were ingeniously sprinkled throughout the
series to capture the readers attention and draw them in deeper.

Nothing she wrote in that series was unintentional. Every decision a character made, every thought they
mustered up and action they took, had a reason behind it. Every potentially problematic situation that

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Harry, Ron and Hermoine faced, was another stepping stone, leading them closer to becoming the victors of
the story.

Thats how I hope my story is being penned. More specifically, thats how I hope my romantic love story
whatever it looks like is being penned.

God the Author, is intentional. Every pen stroke, confident and

moving towards the ultimate goal.
As an author, its important to know where youre going with your story. What things need to happen to get
you there. And most importantly, why youre going where youre going in the first place. Again, intent.

You see, Im not exactly what youd call patient, at least not by nature. Okay, Im just really not good at
waiting! And because of this, on more than one occasion, Ive tried writing my own romantic love story. It
wasnt pretty. There was a lot of confusion, chaos and ultimately a few tears shed by characters who were
merely casualties of my destructive authorship.

It was with a bruised heart and a downcast spirit that I reluctantly handed Him back the pen. I didnt know if
I completely trusted Him with my story just yet after all, it was very precious to me.

But there was no way I trusted it with myself either.

Ive said it before, and Ill say it one million times more, Im sure: The hope and the truth that I choose to
cling to is, even though its hard to wait and see the bigger picture, Id rather leave it all in the
hands of the One who knows me, loves me and protects me the best.

Even though I enjoy writing fictional, romantic stories of my own design, my real romantic love story is
much more precious. And to be completely honest, try as I might, I just dont think Id get it right.

Thankfully, I dont have to.

If youre here, reading this, and you relate to this in some way or another, take heart. Gods not finished with
you yet. Trust in His timing. Seek His will and ask for His wisdom in ALL again for those in the back, ALL
things. He will give it to you, and generously (James 1:5).

Words: Leighann Blackwood

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The Brutal Truth About Why You Havent Found The One Yet

Lets talk about finding the one you know that magical person that is your soulmate. Your other half. The
one who completes you. The one that you will run in slow motion through a field of sunflowers to and when
you kiss fireworks will go off!

Okay so you probably detect a bit of sarcasm. And the sarcasm isnt there because I am jaded or dont
believe in love. I LOVE romance and love.

What I dont love is the some of the misunderstandings around soul mates and the pain many of us endure
when it comes to romantic relationships.

Why are romantic relationships everything from the pursuit of them to being in them to break-ups so
painful sometimes?

These are the questions I answer in this weeks podcast episode with Michael as well as share one of my
personal experiences with seeking the one.

Do you relate to any of the following:

1. Are you longing for a soul mate so much so that it is causing you to suffer?
2. Do you keep dating the same person over and over again with a different face?
3. Could old issues from your childhood, specifically unmet needs from your parents, be impacting who
and how you are dating?
4. Are you in a fantasy-based relationships? Could it be time to take off the rose-colored glassed?

I will leave you with this: When you truly fall in love with yourself and know you are the one you have
been looking forward, you will see that everyone is a soulmate and the only one that completes you is you.
And when you truly know that, you can draw in a relationship based on your values and where you are
headed, versus your issues and where youve been.

Words: Christine Hassler

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You Are More Than Your Failures

You have faced rejection at some point, and you do not want it to happen again. So you push yourself too
hard and avoid mistakes as much as possible. You cannot fail this time. Not now, not ever. Every action must
be perfect, every decision must be correct. You do not want things to be just goodyou want them to be
great. You cannot settle for less. Not anymore.

You know the pressure more than anyone else. You understand every bit of it. Thats what makes you crave
for success even more. The pressure gives you purpose. It propels you to places you have never been before.
It motivates you.

But it also rips you apart, tears you down. It breaks you into pieces. Because nothing is more painful than
not getting what you want despite giving everything you got.

You have spent sleepless nights working on it and there were so many that you lost count. You devoted
every minute of your life for the purpose of achieving it, and maybe you have sacrificed far more than you
should have. Because you believed that at the end of the day, good things come to those who work hard for
it. Your blood, sweat and tears will be all worth it.

But it wasnt.

Deep down you know you are not alright, but you act like you are anyway. You do all sorts of tryingtrying to
comprehend what happened, trying to convince yourself that you are okay. You want to feel numb, but you
feel these emotions all at once. You want to make it stop. You want the world to come to a halt.

You find yourself asking what went wrong. What could you have missed? What could you have done better?
Then you begin thinking of if onlys. If only you have seen that coming. If only you have practiced better. If
only you have read it thrice, or maybe even four times. If only you have known what would happen. It feels
horrible.

And you know you cannot blame anyone but yourself.

Because more than anyone else, you know how much you want ithow much you need it. Whatever it is that
you are trying to attain, it gives you validation. It is a way of congratulating yourself for pushing through, for
fighting for what you believe you deserve. Because at the end of it all, it is you who worked hard for it, it is
you who wanted to prove them wrong. And you were almost there. You were that close to the sweetest,
grandest thing you ever wanted. But all of a sudden, you are not.

And now you are so exhausted of hoping, because you discovered that expecting has the power to turn
dreams into nightmares, to transform desires into aches. And you learned the hard way.

But slowly you learn to let go, to accept. When you fall, you rise upno other options. The light inside might
have stopped for a while, but you are still working. Sometimes we need to repair ourselves, because not all

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steel are unbendable. You have gained incredible strength and spectacular courage along the way to
conquer all your obstacles, so who says you cannot do it again?

We know perfectionism has its limits, and one of them is that it can only be so good until someone gets
hurt. And thats you. In our quest to greatness, sometimes we forget that we are allowed to make mistakes,
and that we are allowed feel bad about ourselves. It is normal to feel down after a defeat, because what is
important is how you pick up the pieces after losing. Do not lose sight of yourself, and do not look at the
world through someone elses eyes. Do the things you love simply because you love doing them. Your
journey is only yours to take, and people can only watch from the sidelines. Remember, this is your life.

The path to victory is not easy, you know that. That is why you are willing to give it your best shot. Do not
stop. Do not be scared of trying, and continue being the warrior that you are. Keep fighting your battles even
when it gets rough. You will always need your fighting prowess, because the combats will get harder and
harder each day.

Remind yourself that you are allowed to feel weak, and that you are entitled to your emotions. You tend to
push people away when you want to be alone, because grief is not exactly what you decide to share to
anyone, or at least not right away. You need to express your sorrow one way or another, so do not be
ashamed when you find yourself spilling your heartaches to someone who might understand. If you are not
ready to talk, find an outlet that will let you convey pent-up emotions. One of the worst feelings in the world
is being disappointed in yourself, and the only time that your heart can mend itself if when you let it.

One more thing; learn to forgive yourself. You are flawed, just like everybody else. Sometimes you do not
get want you want, no matter how hard you strive for it. Maybe it is not for you, maybe it is. Maybe it is all
about timing. You will never find out if you cease trying. So set your eyes on the prize, even if this might be
the last time.

Your greatest enemy is and always will be yourself. This is the same person who whispers in your ear the
biggest lies about yourself. Do not let your insecurities bring you down. You are more than your fears. You
are more than your shortcomings. In this very moment, you are enough.

I hope you find reasons to begin again. More importantly, I hope you learn to love yourself once more.
Because when all else fails, the person whos going to be there for you, is you.

Words: Erika Dequilla

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For Love Of The Journey

We imagine things in grandeur, then the reality falls short and were deflated by the dissonance. But we
shouldnt be. That dissonance, its motivation. Its the great agitator, setting us in motion to rally reality to
the potential we conjure in our mind. Its the unspoken pressure always to keep climbing.

Its the angst of dissatisfaction; an itching, nagging sensation as if you cant find a comfortable position in
your skin or your own life. You have to take pride in it, and be protective of your possibilities. The distance
between where you are and where you wish to be is a challenge; its an occasion waiting for you to meet it at
eye level. If you dont step to the distance, the gap, the expanse between seeds and full blossom, it will all
disintegrate. Like unused muscles, your potential will atrophy, dissolving back into your body, lost in your
blood stream.

Work for it every day in some way even if some days all that means is a frustrated acknowledgement that
youre not where you want and need to be. Love the distance, and youll learn to love the journey. I think the
journey is an experience based on reciprocity; it will not give to you if you dont give to it. Go all in, press
forward, embowered by every footprint you leave, strengthened by every painstaking inch you earn, more
committed for every callous you acquire.

A rush to the finish will get you there faster, but not better. Plus youll miss a lot along the way. The journey
gives you gifts some of them in a form you may not welcome at first. The path may grow thick with thorns,
debris, luring caverns eager for you to fall in, enemies who wish to block your way but the determined
will soldier on. Arms scraped, morale bruised but not budging these are the reinforcements to the
scaffolding of your being; you cannot emerge unchanged, even if only in a small way. The small strengths
add up, though, and coalesce into a crescendo, a rallying cry to inspire you when it is inspiration you need
most, and cannot seem to summon. So when you finally make it to the finish line, youll find youre
prepared to be there; dream-chasing takes dedication, and triumph can be simultaneously consuming and
deflating if you dont take the time to build yourself in your pursuit of it. If your purpose centers around a
certain achievement, you have to make sure you curate other forms of purpose for yourself in your pursuit,
otherwise the elation of success will be undercut by the looming feeling of what now?

Keeping the horizon in sight is important its the compass that guides you and the magnetic pull that taps
into some undeniable, automatic energy but you have to witness the steps along the way too. There are so
many insights strewn along the climb to the top. And on the worst days, when you feel most like giving up,
and collapsing on the spot, succumbing to the gravity of exhaustion it will be a balanced vision that saves
you: it will be seeing the end goal and remembering what it means to you, and it will be seeing the small
step and knowing that all you have to do is put one foot in front of the other. The balance is essential,
otherwise the distance ahead of you can become insurmountable, and the steps along the way can become
insignificant and monotonous, as crushing in their multitude as the distance is in its magnitude.

The journey is a gift it may be trying, exhausting, frustrating beyond belief. There may be times when every
centimeter of your mind and body seem to be pulsing on the verge of implosion, and on the cusp of a stoic
resignation to defeat. Maybe there will be days when your purpose feels insignificant, not more than a silly

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fantasy and you, a fool, for being so devoted to it. There will probably be moments when you feel detached
from yourself a hostage of your own cause, tricked into finding compelling that which suddenly seems
nothing more than the offspring of abstract thoughts and mundane aspirations. There will be times when
you want to scream until your crack the exoskeleton of the universe and exorcise yourself of the desires
inside you. There will be times when your passion and your hopes are painted as delusion. There will be
moments where defeat feels heartbreakingly inevitable.

At all of these moments, look down just one more foot forward, once more, and once more, until the storm
passes. In these moments, you wont know what you gain what you earn until you persevere past them,
through them, onward with them on your back. In these moments its most crucial that you remember to
engage with the journey, to lean into it, to throw the best youve got at it, to rise to the challenge, to carry on,
to demand the respect of the journey. If you can do that, youll end up with so much more than you
imagined.

Words: Corina Lubin-Katz

When youre damaged, you learn to take whats given to you and be grateful for it. You learn that love is not
a game, and cherish it. You learn how to appreciate the smallest things people do for you. Because when
people have gone through wars that have left them broken, they understand how fragile life is. They
understand how they must make the most of it. And most of all, they understand how important it is to
always be kind.
Nikita Gill, Lessons I Have Learned From My Damage

Im saying, for your own sake, for the sake of your future happiness, you have got to look away from it to
start your journey forward.

Once you do, your life will change. Its not going to be overnight. Its definitely not going to be momentary.
But one day, you will wake up and find the heaviness on your chest has been lifted. All because you have
chosen to stop looking back.
Nikita Gill, Stop Looking Behind You

Do not let their opinions about you change who you are.

You were made to fit a you-shaped hole

in this world that no one else can ever fill
because you and only you are the perfect fit.

And dont you dismiss your flaws, either.

They could change the world one day.

Nikita Gill, via www.instagram.com

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Forgetting The Details

It is the hardest thing in the world to be close to a person and then not to be. To know all the little things you
can know about a person, how hot they like the water when they shower, whether they want their breakfast
sandwich on an English muffin or sourdough, the way their voice sounds when somethings wrong and they
arent telling you. The things that they love and the things that make them laugh and the things that piss
them off. Random details from all the stories theyve told you, from the past theyve shared with you. To
know all these things, and to keep knowing them long after they are relevant to you. The strange dissonance
of knowing all of the details of someone who is no longer as important as knowing those details conveys.
And it is there, in that space between what was and what is, that the pain lives.

Your brain often fails to play catch up, still alerts you to things you see that remind you them, that you want
to tell them or show them because its something that they would think was interesting or funny. Your brain
keeps pointing these things out to you long after you have the ability to share them. It snows or you read an
article about Cosmos, you drink a particularly delicious IPA or hear Ira Glasss voice, and within seconds you
are elated and then empty. Driving in winter storms makes you think of Valentines Day and the trails by
your house are where they first told you they loved you and you have to skip every Typhoon song that comes
up on shuffle. And each time this happens, each time you see or hear something and you think of them, it
serves as a sharp reminder of the change, of the shift in what you were and are to each other.

It feels like when you wake from a dream with your arm extended, your hand trying to reach something that
isnt there. What you thought you were grabbing does not exist, but your hand hangs there still,
outstretched, reaching, hoping to make contact. And no matter how desperately you grasp at the air,
nothing will appear. What you are clutching at is gone.

You see them and it feels like some sort of dismal parallel universe where they are them and you are you
and yet nothing is as it should be. Nothing is the same. You still know their details and they still know yours
and yet there is a space between you, an invisible, gaping space that seems to grow with each day, a space
that was never there before. All you want is to eliminate it, to make it stop aching, to go back to what existed
before, but you cant. You are standing feet away from each other and the space between you is this massive,
gaping chasm. They are right there and yet the distance is impassable. It is not the past or the present that
makes it hurt, it is the difference. The palpable, glaring, expanding difference. It sucks the air out of your
lungs.

You start to want to forget all the details, to make them a stranger. To un-know all that you know and forget
all that you remember. To turn away from the distance. You want to do this and you cant. All you can do is
wait. Until it burns a little less. A little less, and then a little less.

Words: Carolyn Highland

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Heres To The Endings That Break You And The Beginnings That Rebuild You

Heres to all the endings.

The bittersweet closing of chapters that feel like perfect bookends to our stories. To the endings that tug at
all your heartstrings and make hot tears run down your cheeks, watering the dry flowers as you leave.
Cheers to all of the goodbyes that make our hearts sink with uncertainty and sadness that only lovers can
feel.

Raise a glass to all of those endings. Because even though it ended, even though they ended, or that ended,
it doesnt mean it wasnt worth it. It doesnt mean that it wasnt glorious or wonderful.

Because with every ending, comes something new. With every great ending, comes an even greater
beginning. With every single closing of a door, comes a new doorknob to pull open. And with every
beautiful whisper of goodbye, comes a new bright hello. Cheers to those endings, those heart wrenching
endings, that are as sacred as any beginning.

Heres to all the beginnings.

The spark of a new opportunity and a new hand to hold. The butterflies flying and stomach dropping feeling
of something new. Heres to the miracle of a beginning that makes every other ending grow more distant.
Heres to the simple hellos that result in future I love yous. Heres to the simple glance at a party that
results in future I dos.

Heres to the beginnings that fog up your endings in your rearview mirror. Heres to the beginnings that
erase your endings completely, and heres to all the beginnings that make you smile like you never have
before.

Raise a glass to the thrill of new life altering moments, and to the feeling you get inside of your heart that
makes it hard to breathe because you cant contain your excitement any longer. Heres to those beginnings
that leave your sadness and loneliness on the ground behind you. Heres to the beginnings and the do-
overs and the starting overs.

Here is to all that you havent discovered yet. Heres to the beginnings that havent begun. Heres to the
endings that will break you and heres to the beginnings that will build you right back up again.

For all the endings we never thought we would recover from, thank you. And for all the beginnings we never
thought would happen, thank you for the hope regained.

Words: Lauren Jarvis-Gibson

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This Is How We Break Our Own Heart Without Even Realizing We Are

The risk of finding the one we love comes with a road full of dead ends and heartbreak. What we fail to
realize sometimes is that we break our own heart along the way.

We break our own heart giving attention to people to who ignore us.
We break our own heart by giving away love too easily to people who dont deserve us.
We break our own heart by missing people who we arent even a second thought to.
We break our own heart investing time in people who arent even giving us the light of day.
We break our own heart giving the best of ourselves to people who havent yet proved they deserve it.
We break our own heart by going the extra mile for people who dont even want to meet us halfway.
We break our own heart chasing after people who wouldnt even watch if we walked away.
We break our own heart by choosing the wrong people.
We break our own heart trying to keep the attention of someone who is focused on another. By competing
with others when the right person would let us win with a landslide.
We break our own heart by thinking if we love someone enough and show it, theyll change their minds.
We break our own heart by not reading the signs but reading the ones we want to.
We break our own heart every time we ignore those red flags and warning signs.
We break our own heart by falling for people we know wont catch us.
We break our own heart envisioning a false but unrealistic future with someone who doesnt even want us a
part of their plans.
We break our own heart by answering that text even though he didnt answer three of ours.
We break our own heart not cutting people off and giving them one more chance to hurt us.
We break our own heart answering that call even though its 3 AM. By settling for some one-night stand,
when all we want is more but were too afraid to admit it.
We break our own heart by conforming to what society says is normal dating but it hurts.
We break our own heart participating in this game we swear we hate but cant seem to quit.
We break our own heart by loving the wrong people, all while convincing ourselves they are right.
We break our own heart falling for the bad boy because we want to be the one that changes him.
We break our own heart turning down that nice guy and swearing there was no spark. By not giving him
that chance that could have been the love of a lifetime.
We break our own heart in a relationship that isnt defined as one because that person doesnt care enough
to commit and we allow it.
We break our own heart sticking by these people who are almost everything we want and need. The key
word there is almost while we live painfully in a place called limbo
We break our own heart by picking people who dont pick us.
We break our own heart because were used to it. Because if we are feeling pain at least we are feeling
something.
We break our own heart because were afraid of being happy. Were afraid of suddenly having something to
lose.
We break our own heart by not saying things when we have the chance because we fear rejection. So we
stay silent and allow that to hurt us.

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We break our heart by not leaving when something is over. By clinging to the past and letting it interfere
with our future. By wishing that person was the one they used to be, without taking into account who they
are today.
We break our own heart reliving the breakup and analyzing what we did wrong. By rereading old
conversations and not deleting the pictures, we hurt ourselves.
We break our own heart trying so hard to get them back.
We break our own heart when we call him just to see if hell answer. Then it hurts, even more, when he
doesnt.
We break our own heart trying to fill the void he left in the beds of people we wish were him, instead of
learning to love ourselves.
We break our own heart by not learning the most important love story is the one we have with the person
looking back at us in the mirror.
We break our own heart by settling and not listening to that voice inside our head that tells us we deserve
more than what we are getting. We arent patient and we hate waiting. Instead, we take what we can get.
We break our own heart time and time again.

But I think as the New Year begins, we should try and do something different. Lets try not breaking our own
heart and letting it heal for once.

Words: Kirsten Corley

This Is What Its Like To Date A Man, Not A Boy

Its Saturday night, and you spot a fine-looking gentleman across the room. Maybe you plan right then and
there to find any excuse to talk to him, or maybe you just let things unfold naturally and see what happens.

You talk. You dance. You exchange numbers. Maybe you kiss goodnight. You leave.

Its Sunday evening and your phone rings. Its him. Part of you was hoping he would call right away, and
another part of you expected not to hear from him for at least a few days. Deep down, another part of you
expected to never hear from him at all.

He called because hes interested, and because he wanted you to know that.

He didnt want you wondering if he would call, and he is confident enough to express interest without
fearing he will come off as too eager or thirsty, or any other cousin of desperation.
He wants to know what your plans are for the week because he wants to see you. He wants to get you know
you. He wants to see you outside of fun, wild, and possibly drunken night out. He wants to see what kind of
chemistry the two of you have. He wants to see how you are in a normal setting. He wants to see you.

He offers to pick you up not because he wants to know where you live, but because it feels odd not to do so.
He knocks on your door or rings the bell because no self-respecting gentleman would dare honk the horn or

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send a, Here, text and then expect you to meet him in the car. He opens the car door for you not because
youre fragile and may chip a nail on the handle, but because he was raised to do so.

The check comes at the end of the date, and he casually reaches for it in the middle of your conversation. He
slides his credit card in without hesitation, closes the book, and places it back on the table.

Subconsciously, he was watching you.

He was watching to see if your arm flinched to reach for it. He was watching to see if you motioned towards
your purse. He was watching to see if you moved at all.

Subconsciously, he was judging you.

He was never going to let you pay for the check, for your half, for dessert, for the tip, for anything but he
wanted to see what your reaction was when the check came.
If you were motionless and carried on the conversation without addressing the bill, theres a chance he
might feel used. He might feel like youre only out with him for the free food and drinks. He might feel this
way, but he will never acknowledge it in the moment.

If you reached for the check, he snatched it before you could get to it. If you voiced your offer to pay part of
the tab, he politely declined your offer. The intent was all he was looking for. It shows him you were raised
properly, and that you didnt assume this was going to be a free night out (even though he knew it would be
before he left the house).

When you arrive back at your place, he walks you to the door. Once there, he leans in for a goodnight kiss.
He is not expecting you to reciprocate, but he is hopeful you will. He is not expecting anything more, nor
would he judge you were anything to happen beyond that kiss.

This was one date, but it was a microcosm of what a relationship with him would entail: he will call, not wait;
he will have conversations with you, not just talk to kill time; and he will treat you right because its who he
is, not who he thinks he needs to be.

When you date a man, he will be honest with you in good times and bad.
He will tell you the things most other guys were too afraid to bring to light, and he will express any
displeasure with you in a respectful way that is not insulting or demeaning.

A boy will shelter his emotions and make you feel inadequate. A boy will never accept responsibility for his
own wrongdoing. A boy does not know how to maturely address a matter that makes him upset or
uncomfortable. Men can have discussions, while boys throw fits.

When you date a man, he will work to keep the relationship fresh, strong, and healthy. A boy will let the
good times run their course and bail at the first sign of struggle. A man will continue to pull for the
relationship if he feels it is worth saving, while a boy will let go simply because it is the easiest thing to do.

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When you date a man, he will want to establish the relationship so that you are both on the same page. He
will do so because he wants to know he is the only man in your life, and you are the only person in his. A boy
will wait for you to set the parameters, avoiding any form of commitment for as long as possible.

A boy wants to have his cake and eat it, too, while a man knows what he brings to the table and isnt afraid to
eat alone.

Words: Mike Zacchio

A Letter To The Love Ive Been Waiting For

Dear Future Husband,

I waited so, so, SO, long to meet you. Oh the nights I spent hugging my pillows, wishing you were lying next
to me. All those nights I felt lonely and wanted you to hold me tight and tell me everything will be ok.
Theyre all in the past. Because, now, even when you are away and are not next to me, my soul is at peace.
My soul feels yours, because now I know you. I know what love is. I finally understand love songs.

I want you to know that I will have days, maybe even weeks, where I will be unbearable. Where I will argue
with you even when you try your hardest to make me feel happy. And that is why I love you. You have always
seen past my flaws, my imperfections.

There might be days when I ask you to leave me alone; please dont. Dont let my insecurities, my
shortcomings, my fear of love, my fear of letting you get close to me, my weakness, push you away. There
will be moments where I want to scream my own head off and pull all my hair out; it wont be because you
ate the last slice of pizza. Its most probably because I bottled everything up and then lost it all. Im sorry for
correcting you; Im sorry for coming across as arrogant when I do. Thank you for understanding that when
Im overly quiet, I need a minute. Thank you for seeing me for who I am.

You make me so happy, even when Im mad at you and tell you I hate you. You always try to bring out the
best in me, even when Im a raging, angry, gremlin. You know I will always hit the snooze button. You know
that I will always need an extra 15 minutes to lay in bed before I get up. Youre used to my impulsive
decisions, but, you know when to tell me to stop youre my missing rational and logical mind. Youre not
scared of telling me when Im wrong, and you know it truly irritates me but that I am actually thankful for it.

From the moment our souls were reunited, I knew life was going to be different. I knew I wanted to take less
risks; I now think twice before jumping out of a plane. Because, there is a world out there I want to see with
you, I have seen most of it, but none of it will be the same when I see it with you.

Words: Arma Mirzaei

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You Dont Need To SettleSave Your Love For Someone Who Deserves It

Dont settle just yet because you deserve someone who is sure of you and knows what he couldve had
when he has you. Dont make the first move, not again, because you should know that if he wanted
something to happen he wouldve looked for a way to make it work and make it last.

You stopped asking questions not because you werent interested but because you knew he was making
you question your self-worth more than find answers for the questions you already have.

It is not your fault that you never said something because you didnt want to put him in a position where he
had to lie.

He said he missed you and God knows you miss him back but love, he wouldve done something if he
meant it. Words wont take you anywhere because you deserve someone who can prove it even in the littlest
way just as you would have, had he took his chance on you.

Youre too independent to risk losing yourself just to have him and that could never be wrong, the right one
would love the way you wouldnt depend on him to be happy because you are strong on your own and
thinks that youre even stronger to let him have your back sometimes.
If you wanted different things and it just doesnt feel right to give up something that matters to you, dont
go through it because most of the time what youre about to give it up for isnt meant to stay.

Yes, he made you happy. He makes you happy but youre holding back thinking, knowing that it would not
last. It just doesnt seem to last but thats what makes happiness even more valuable. Makes you even more
fragile.

But then again you were right, werent you? It felt like it was too good to be true and it was. He wasnt so
sure of you and neither were you of him but you were willing to compromise just to give him a chance to
win you whilst denying the truth that he already had hence you turning others down.

It crossed your mind a couple of times but still you didnt consider letting him in on how much he mattered
to you because you had a glimpse of his side where he was too preoccupied to focus on just one, he
couldve had the best had he valued you and fancied how intricately exquisite you are.

You were too afraid to move up, too afraid to ruin what you already have for something that can possibly be
just temporary and you blame yourself for it. You try to go through the motions to salve your own guilt by
drowning yourself of thoughts and endless possibilities that never could have happened no matter how
badly you wanted it to because reality is, You shouldnt be grieving the loss of something that wasnt even
trying to earn his keep to you.

Until you woke up one day and started questioning his mixed signals, ignoring the fact that indecision is a
decision too. You set everything in pause and held back because you cant fathom thinking about what

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would happen if it started getting real between you two or even just for you. You had to stop because you
were too afraid of falling and you knew at some point, he just couldnt be the one to catch you.

What you needed to do was stop giving him chances because instead of trying to win you over all he ever
did was confuse you more and compromise your worth. You dont deserve that.
Now you finally let him let go of you because while you were starting to put him first, he taught you that you
only came second and you know damn well youre worth so much more than just that.

Its not your fault, love. He lost you and the possibility of ever crossing the lines between you two not just
because you now know your worth but also because if he really was meant for you, he wouldnt have let
anyone even have the slightest chance to win you.

He matters and you care but no more. You may take some time but you have your heart all on your own and
know that at this very moment, its all yours.

Save your love for someone who deserves it, your mind for someone who is fascinated by your complexity
and your heart for someone who can love you like you do. Dont hasten to change or abandon anything that
makes you you, and start recognizing the fact that you will always be perfect for the one who deserves and
appreciates just how you are a balance of both cold and beautiful.

You were fighting for the wrong side and he almost had you but he didnt for a reason.

Now start fighting for YOU.

Words: Kamelle Delfin

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This Is The Beauty Of Finding Yourself Again

Youve been doing this for months. Its the same routine every day. You wake up, look over at your
nightstand, and stare into the amber colored plastic. Two pills left. Thats two days left in the month. You
contemplate not getting the prescription refilled, but you tell yourself you should; that its better to live the
same days over and over again than to deal with any sort of day-to-day differences. You reach over, grab your
stale glass of water, swallow the pill. Begin the cycle. Shower, get dressed, go to work.

At work you stare at the same computer screen for the same amount of hours each day. You answer the same
phone, eat in the same lunchroom, and clock out at the same time. You come home, flip on the tv, and fall
asleep. This is the routine. Of course, in between, you glance at the pile of unfinished paintings, the dust on
your of half-read books. You ignore them, and you tell yourself routine is good. Ill tell you one thing:
routine is not always good.

Dont get me wrong, schedules are great for many things. Theyre good for keeping track of your schoolwork,
deadlines, appointments. But theyre not always what you need. They can make you feel trapped, bored,
lazy. They can suck the creativity right out of you. Dont let routine put out your light.

I used to read five books a month. Being able to submerge myself in another world, another life, with new
and unknown people, places, and things gave me life. I used to love doing yoga. I would connect my mind
with my heart, the earth, the day. It fed my soul. I used to draw and paint. I had stacks of artwork that I
always had the intention of framing, selling, or gifting. That all went away when I was swallowed by the
throes of depression and pumped with medication.

All it took to diagnose me with depression was one 20-minute meeting with a therapist who knew virtually
nothing about me. I was sent off with a prescription in hand, and was told that with one little pill, all my
problems would be solved.

Id be able to walk into a party without feeling a pinch of anxiety. Id be able to get out of bed each morning
and sleep through each night. I would be attentive and efficient at school and work. I was all these things,
but it came at a cost.

I stopped reading, doing yoga, painting. I didnt socialize as much as I used to. My art sat unfinished,
collecting dust. The pills didnt solve everything. They took away the things I loved most and replaced them
with routine. Sure, they helped me deal with the day-to-day bullshit, but they hardened my soul and
smothered my fire. After months of taking the pills and living by the cycle, I began to notice the difference in
who I had become, and I was determined to get my old self back.

I locked myself in my room, turned on an old playlist, and started the process. I threw paint at canvas, slid
the pen across paper. I dug out all of my half-read books and made a mental list of which ones I would finish
first. When I was finally too tired to do anything more, I lied on my bed and closed my eyes.

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I thought about how great it felt to be creating things again. Breathe in, breathe out. I could feel the fire
burning in my chest. It felt good.

I rolled over and saw the orange plastic bottle. Two pills left. Tomorrow Ill take it. Ill shower, get dressed,
and go to work. Ill stare at the same computer screen, answer the same phone, eat in the same lunchroom,
and clock out at the same time. When I come home, Ill keep parts of my routine, but Ill be sure to feed my
soul. Ill grab a pen and paper and doodle. Ill take a bath, listen to music as loud as I can. Ill order take-out,
maybe watch a movie. I will not ignore my dog-eared books. I will stray from the cycle to keep myself alive,
and Ill do it for me.

Words: Krisin Dvorak

When Youre In Your Darkest Hour, Read This

You might be alone in your room thinking if things could get any worse than it already is.

Youre right.

It could be worse later, tomorrow or maybe a few weeks from now. Nobody knows maybe the earth will
suddenly shatter into pieces or a meteor might hit and wipe out our existence. Nobody knows. Nobody
knows if you are meant to do the things youve always wanted to do or if youll fall in love with someone you
didnt see coming. The world as it is mysterious and unpredictable; messed up, yet absolutely worth living
for.

And thats why if youre reading this, dont give up on yourself.

For all your worries, fears, hopelessness and heartache will be replaced with feelings that will make you
forget what it felt like to fall helplessly into the never ending anxiety that creeps in from time to time.
Dont give up on yourself. For all the times you felt like youre never good enough, you will someday
discover what your heart beats for. You will feel passion for the things you do not because youre good at it,
but because it makes you feel like youve finally found something to remind you that you just need self-
discovery. We all have something were not good at, but you shouldnt forget that we have other things
were good at too.

Dont give up on yourself. Those times when you look at the mirror and start to question why you look, act or
even exist because all that you can think about is how sh*tty you are. Those times when you tried to change
to fit the standards and expectations of society for the fear of judgements that not only hurt you, but give
you even more reasons to hate yourself. Just dont give up on yourself, by giving up meaning letting
negativity get to you and hate every part of you because youre too tired to keep going. Someday maybe not
today, you will find courage to embrace every flaw and love the pieces that make you whole and that will
be your power because no one else is you. They say you shouldnt hurt the people you love. The question is,
will you still get hurt the moment you learn to love yourself?

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Dont give up on yourself because at the end of those days when you felt all of that, youre all alone. You are
your own hero. The strength you have left the moment you close your eyes before falling asleep is all that
you have and frankly, the only thing that can save you the next day you wake up.

Dont give up on yourself because the beauty of life isnt only about blissful days. Its the thrill of not
knowing whats to come.

But how will you know if all these good things will happen? Simple.

Every time you feel like giving up on yourself; get up, focus on bettering yourself, build the right mindset
and hope for better days even if it burns you a little thats the only way to keep going.

Again, the world as it is mysterious and unpredictable; messed up, yet absolutely worth living for. Thats
why you shouldnt give up now.

Words: Kyla Fallorina

This is Why I Cannot Love You Right Now

When was the last time you fell in love? You ask me this, and I dont answer you. I dont want you to see
my dark and empty life, like the night sky without the stars and the silver moon. I know you are capable of
being my happiness, but instead of answering your question, I leave you with a silent sigh.

Because one thing that Im certain of is that people always leave, that people are temporary, that we should
never let our happiness depend on someonesomeone who is not concrete.

Dont ask me about the last time I fell in love because the last time I fell in love with someone is right now.
Right now, shes talking to me. Right now shes asking me a question that I dont want to answer. Right now,
she wants to know who the last one who broke my heart was. And Im too scared to answer her.

As much as I want to love her and give her my whole heart I cant.

Because this world has taught me to become a thunderstorm; it has taught me that people love to break
hearts rather than heal them.

And now I am a thunderstorm that is made of cumulonimbus clouds. I produce gusty winds and heavy rain.
I want the world to know I can destroy a country in hours. I want them to know that I can flood them with my
tears and let them be drowned by it. I want them to see that Im not weak; Im stronger than their thoughts.
Im brighter than sun and I deserve to be loved more than anything else.

But you came to my world; you completely changed my perception of life and love. My blood has turned to
bright red again, my eyes sparkle like fireworks on the evening of January first. And the day that you asked
me that question was the day I told myself to stop being rude. To forgive and forget. To let love in again.

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But Im scared.

Because I know what it feels like to be left, to be broken, to have pieces of you all thrown around and having
to collect them.

I have grown cold. I have let the hatred eat me instead of using my experiences to mold myself as a new and
better version of myself. I have let my fears and sorrow grow a monster inside of my lungs that cause me to
breathe heavy every time I try.

I was a victim of unrequited love, one-sided love. I was ghosted by someone I thought who would be there
for the rest of my life but I was wrong. And it hurt so much that I isolated myself. I let myself be destroyed.

So, Im sorry I cannot answer you. Im sorry I cannot love you right now, although Im starting to learn, day by
day.

I cannot love you right now because I want to make peace with my past first. I want to be sure this time
around.
But thank you for loving me despite of the bad weather Ive shown you.

Words: Martin Manuel

Maybe This Is Why Shes Scared To Love You

Its not that shes guarded, but shes been down this road before. Shes had these feelings bubbling in her
chest a time or two before you. Shes found herself laughing at silly, little jokes. Shes stared at her phone,
waiting for that text. Shes wished for someones arms around her, or for that warm body to lay her head on.

Love has a funny way of creeping up on you when you least expect it.

She was going about her simple existence; she was just minding her own business when you came along.
And suddenly her emotions, her decisions arent just hers anymore. Suddenly shes all wrapped up in you,
and maybe shes not quite ready for that.

Maybe shes scared to love you because this is all happening so fast.

One minute she was her own. She was Saturdays in her pajamas and country music on full blast in the
shower. She was tacos for one person, and nights sprawled across the bed watching reruns of old favorite
shows. She was selfish, and happy.

And now theres you, and maybe thats wonderful, but maybe you happened too quick, and shes still trying
to catch up.

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Maybe shes scared to love you because shes not ready to let someone in.

We all carry our baggage with us, dont we? As hard as we try to let go of the past, we still harbor those
feelings in our chesthow it felt to be heartbroken, to be cheated on, to be betrayed. We try to let go, but
that pains still there, still aching just a little. Like a bruise, where if you find the right spot, will still hurt,
even if its no longer fresh.

Maybe her hesitation isnt really about you at all, but about her past, about her pain, about how falling for
you feels all too familiar. Feels like the last time she lost her sense of self and ended up empty.

Maybe shes scared to love you because love feels like letting go.

Letting go of her insecurities. Letting go of the walls shes built around her heart. Letting go of all the ways
shes been single and independent, and making room in her heart for someone else. Maybe the timing is
off, or maybe this is a big decision she feels she needs to question one too many times before deciding.

Maybe love feels like a choice, rather than something she just falls into. And maybe she just wants to make
sure that youre the right one for her.

Maybe shes resisting with all her strength and that resistance just messing everything up. Maybe you
represent all that she wants, all that she needs. Maybe youre standing there in all your imperfection and
she knows, beyond a doubt, that she could fall in love with youand thats whats holding her back.

Maybe for the first time in so long, shes confronted by a man who wants to change everything shes focused
on, everything she built around her single self. Maybe shes giving herself time to feel if this is right, if you
are right, even if she already knows in her heart that you are. Maybe, suddenly, this choice to move forward
isnt just her choice, but shes holding out, pretending that shes the one in full control.

Maybe she knows that she should love you, but shes just making excuses.

Maybe shes scared to love you for a hundred little reasons. Maybe they dont make sense. Or maybe they
do, theyre all part of learning to shift your life for another person, learning that love isnt the same with
everyone you meet, learning that people are not always going to treat you like the people of your past,
learning that trusting someone else is okay, healthy even.

Maybe falling in love takes time. Maybe she shouldnt be rushed. Maybe youre a good person, but shes
hesitant because shes being careful with her heart this time. Maybe shes letting you in slowly, and slow is
good.

Maybe this is just the right pace.

And you both need to take a deep breath and let love happen.

Words: Marisa Donnelly

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I Want All Of You, Even The Broken Pieces

My love, thank you for finally answering the many questions my heart has been tirelessly puzzling over. It
enlightened me what really was in your heart; it was more than I expected. You have so much pain, so much
sadness in you, that should not have been kept secret from me.

I could answer your message and explain to you all the misunderstandings that are making you hurt, but I
realized I can explain, and explain, and explain, but it wont change a single thing if your heart is not ready
to love me.

Learn from this relationship, so that your next one never has to end the same way again.

Be open, my love. You are capable of so much love to give, and Im blessed to have crossed paths with you
so I can learn the ways of love too.
Youre right, this hurdle just came all of a sudden but really, we had it coming. Now, you have all the time in
the world to heal. I promise.

I wont be there for you anymore when youre done being messed up, because thats not the relationship
that I want. I dont want to be the person you come back to when youre whole again. I want to be the person
who helps you be whole again. And since youve already made your decision not to let me, and I respect
that, I know youll respect my decision too.

I refuse to be in a relationship where I only get the better half of you. I refuse to be in a relationship where
Im not the one who fixes you, because I want to be more than your happy ending. I want to be more than
your better beginning. I want to be there in the middle of your chaos, in the midst of your heartbreak.
Thats the love that I can offer, thats the love that you taught me, but thats not exactly the love you need
right now.

Were quickly outgrowing each other, and theres too much baggage embedded in you that you wouldnt let
me fix. Someday, someone else will give me the love that I crave, the love that will never give up, the love
that will never ask me to leave him in his sadness and recovery.

Hell be someone you will never be, as your next will be someone I can never be.

I cannot stress this enough and I will say it again for the happiest years of our lives, we loved each other
the way we needed to be loved. Now its time for someone else to love us the way we need to be loved.

I know you need time. Im giving you that. I needed reassurance. You didnt give me that. You didnt want
me to wait for you, to be there for you. You said you were pressured. Darling, in love, there is no pressure.
Ive explained this already, but for the last time Ill say it again. Its never unfair to ask someone who loves
you entirely to wait for you.

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The fact that youre pressured by the thought of me holding on to my heart and keeping it for you and only
you, just means youre so damaged to the point of me not being the cure for your heartbreaks anymore.

Im not the one you need. Not anymore.

I was your heartache, so I wanted to be your pillar too, as you were for me. I wanted to be the one to heal
everything thats hurting you, especially because Im the cause. My love transcends all the pain, all the hurt
that you have caused me. All of that amounts to nothing when I look at you and know deep in my heart that
all I have is love for you.

But were not in the same phase, and you wont even allow me to teach you the way you taught me. I was
the one down that road before, but you never gave up on me. I gave you a chance to go through the phases
of redesigning my life with me. You didnt even give me a chance.

From this day forward, you are just a memory. A really priceless one. Im letting you go, once and for all. I
know youll find your cure, its just not me anymore. Dont take this against me. You gave up on me first
when I was clinging to you the most. I would have clung to you as long as you wanted me to, but again, you
dont. You set me free. Now Ill be learning, slowly, step by step, how it is to be free from you indeed.

Words: Nicole Delos Reyes

To The Girls Who Fall For Boys Who Dont Know How To Love

To the girls who fall for boys who dont know how to love, stop asking why you continue to give your heart to
someone who doesnt understand it, stop wondering why you cant find the person who loves you the way
you love them, stop asking questions that have answers youll search endlessly for, but never find.

Stop all of these things that make you feel like you were wrong for falling. You werent wrong for falling, and
youll never be wrong for opening your heart, for exposing the most fragile parts of yourself to someone in
hopes that they wont break them.

Your vulnerabilities arent wrong, theyre courageous.

And sometimes it feels like the people who do end up breaking our hearts are stronger than us. Because
they left, and they left us with something were often reluctant to admit that were afraid of, ourselves. The
ones who break our hearts remind us what its like to be alone. And that solitude makes us feel weak,
because although we still have moments in our life to look forward to, they dont seem as exciting when that
person isnt there to share them with. And as we think about the time it takes for our broken hearts to heal
we wonder if the person who left has any healing to do at all.

We feel like they got the easy way out. We feel like they made us for fall for them. Like they had this scheme
planned all along. Make her fall for me and then Ill leave. But you werent his scheme. You werent really
his anything, you werent his. He didnt make you fall. You chose to fall. And the decision of falling wasnt

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the wrong one. You decided to share your heart with someone who didnt know how to love, someone who
wasnt ready to love, but your heart is yours and its still yours even when you share it with the wrong
people.

If theres one thing you demonstrate while falling for the boy who doesnt know how to love, its that youre
capable. Youre capable of giving love, of feeling love, of being completely destroyed by it and somehow
surviving. Youre capable of change, of welcoming people in and out of your life like a revolving door and
knowing that it happens, that not everyone is meant to be permanent, that you are able to cherish moments
with the people in your life who make you happy, and youre able to let go of those who dont.

To the girls who fall for boys who dont know how to love, you are more powerful than you realize. Your
falling proves youre strong because the strength it takes to fall is the strength it takes to overcome the fear
of trying. And youve tried what feels like one too many times, but please continue to fall. Please continue to
be strong because one of these days youll fall for the boy who does know how to love, and that love will
change you.

Words: Nicole Tarkoff

Heres Why You Need To Let Yourself Be Vulnerable In An Almost Relationship

You know those relationships that arent even technically a relationship? You know the one- its the one you
want to work out more than anything in this world and you dont know how to go about doing it.

You play it cool and you let it ride out, hoping that one day that person will realize youve been putting your
effort into them and hoping that they see straight through the lie of you being okay with just being friends
theyre the ones that you hope will turn around one day and tell you Ive been loving you for the longest
time but, it never seems to work out that way, does it? These non-relationship- relationships have the
ability to cause the most heart wrenching heartbreak and its the worst kind too its the kind you cant
really be upset about because you werent dating that person, right?

Ill admit, recently there was someone who broke my heart and I mean he tore it to shreds. We never dated
and he broke my heart more than someone I dated for a multitude of years. The situation was unique, we
spent a great deal of time together, we went through some personal things together, we had mutual
friends, etc etc etc. Although a lot of this was a situational type of thing, for months on end that was my
person that I talked to day in and day out. I will never forget the day I realized our situation was officially
coming to a close, the day I realized that I wasnt going to be talking to him day in and day out, the day I
realized that one day Id have to face seeing him with someone else.

With the way Im talking, you would think these feelings would be two sided, right? I mean what kind of
person can feel so strongly for someone who does not feel that way towards them? I wish I knew the answer.
Its hard to be on the feelings side of things, its hard to be the one who can see things so clearly, its hard
to have your heart occupied by someone who has no idea that theyre all you think about. Its even worse
when your non-relationship- relationship ends because:

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1. These things never really have a clear cut ending, most of the time they just fade and you spend your days
wishing things could be different, wondering if maybe you gave up too soon.

2. Youre stuck dealing with a broken heart that you cant explain, you cant talk to that person about it
because you never had enough courage to tell them they had to ability to break it to.

In a situation like this, it always seems to be that were frustrated with that person because THEY didnt see
what you were seeing. But did you ever think, maybe they did and you were both too scared to talk about it?
I have to wonder how many great loves have been passed by or postponed because of our inability to talk to
others about feelings.

I know its scary, I know its vulnerable theres a chance that it is really one sided, Im not saying that its
always going to turn out in your favor, and Im honestly in no place to give advice on this topic. But, I know
that at this moment, my heart is broken in a way that breaks me to my core and Id give anything to tell this
person just how important they are to me.

A lot of the time, when youre the one with the feelings, its because youve seen something in this person
that you know a lot of other people havent seen. Its because this person has opened up a unique part of
themselves to you , this person has allowed themselves to be vulnerable around you.

Once youve seen that part of a person, you cant unsee it, it will forever be engrained in your memory of
what kind of person they CAN be. I have to wonder; did they show you this because theyre testing the
waters of opening up to you?

If youre anything like me, vulnerability is just not something that happens. I do not vocalize my feelings if I
think theres even a slight chance that theyre one sided. Ive been told that I have my guard up so high that
I wouldnt know how to let someone in if I wanted to.

I disagree, I think when the right person comes around, that guard comes down. Thats what happened with
me, anyways, I let my guard down and this person has probably seen me at my most vulnerable. So why was
I able to let him in, yet not communicate how much he meant to me? Ill never know the answer to that and
most likely, this is something Ill be thinking about for a while.

If you have someone: someone that you know is a part of your life for a reason, someone that just gets you,
someone that youre not afraid to apologize to when youve screwed up, also someone who is forgiving
when youve made a mistake. If you have a person that has stolen your heart, tell them. Dont end up, sitting
up at 12:30 in the morning, missing someone so bad that it hurts. Be honest, be vulnerable, say what you
feel because guess what? In the end, you cant say you didnt try.

Words: Julie Bloebaum

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The Ugly Truth About Almost Relationships And Why Ill Never Do It Again

I never thought I could get myself into an almost relationship, one that starts out fast, and ends fast. And I
never thought that an almost relationship could also break my heart.

The thing about almost relationships is that there is potential for an actual relationship. It could bloom into
one, right? And thats the exact downfall about it. You keep hoping and praying that its going to turn into
something beautiful. You keep thinking that it will until he texts you that he has changed his mind.

You keep thinking that itll turn into a love story, until he really does change his mind and walks out.I was
positive it was going to work out with this guy. I got giddy when I saw him. My heart beat out of my chest
when I was with him, and I felt breathless in his presence. I introduced him to my friends. I slept over at his
place. I told him my deepest secrets. I kissed him like I could only kiss a boyfriend. I gladly, let him walk into
my life.

And I never expected him to walk out.You never expect people to let you down when you feel strongly about
them. You never expect yourself to fall for someone who has the audacity to do that to you. But sometimes,
people blindside you.

People change their minds in a day. People walk out. People leave. I thought it was my fault, truth be told. It
seemed like he had done a 360 degree turn. One day he was kissing me and telling me I was beautiful, and
the next he was saying goodbye with no remorse. I thought it was me that was the problem. Could I have
done something to change his mind? Could I have said something wrong?

But it wasnt my fault at all. It was his. He wasnt ready. And he found another pretty little thing to play with
soon after.

With almost relationships, there are always going to be questions. But its not your fault if it goes awry. If he
walks out, it isnt you. It isnt what you said or what you did. Its just him. Its his issue and his loss.

Almost relationships can be incredibly heartbreaking. Even more so than a breakup from a significant
other. Why? Because it can happen suddenly, without warning. And it can end badly. Usually, more often
that not, its going to end badly.

Dont put yourself through it. Dont give your heart to someone who isnt ready. Dont let an almost
relationship break your heart. Dont welcome someone into your life, without even asking him what he
wants or what he sees in his future. I made the mistake of not asking. I made the mistake of falling. I made
the mistake of trusting someone, who I thought would never want to break me. Turns out, I guess I didnt
know him well enough.

People do shitty things. And it doesnt mean that they are bad people. It doesnt mean that they dont have
hearts. It just means that they sadly were on a different page.They werent ready for the light you shined so

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brightly. They werent ready for your brilliance.It will sting when they leave you. Its going to knock the wind
out of you, darling. Thats the thing about almost relationships. They always will knock you down.

Words: Lauren Jarvis-Gibson

How Can You Still Love Me When You Hurt Me Like This?

Do you know how much I love you? he said to me on that rainy day. The weather was weird that day. The
rain was falling lightly at first, and it picked up speed and then it ceased to exist completely until the cycle
started over again. Kind of like us.

His car was packed up, his eyes were rimmed red. Time was standing still and ticking so fast at the same
time. I wanted time to stop forever and I wanted to fast forward to a time when the pain would be gone.
Everything about my life was a paradox. But we werent in a place for going forward.

I love you. I said. There was nothing else I could say but everything. I looked at him, his beautiful hair. His
golden green eyes. When you are about to lose someone you love, you drink in their every moment, you try
to solidify a picture of him in your mind because you know in just a few minutes, they will drive away and
you will be left with nothing but memories.

I love you too. I am sorry for hurting you.

Hurting me? I thought his love would always protect me from hurt. But his love was the reason why I was
hurting. He wasnt hurting me, he was destroying me. My body, my heart, my brain no longer felt connected
to each other. Instead, they were floating out in pain grasping at anything that would make me feel better.

Go. I kissed him goodbye on the lips and ran out of the car, into the rain and into my house. I watched his
car pull away from the kitchen window. I looked the spot where his car was parked, praying and hoping that
he would turn his car around and make a big proclamation about his love like in the movies and he would
stay with me and we would be happy forever. I stood at the kitchen window for a very long time.

The rain stopped.

Words: Erica Kriscenski

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Why Its Hard To Break Up After A Long Term Relationship

When you open a calendar and see that another anniversary of your relationship is coming up, some might
think that you get excited. But well, the excitement was present on the first year, second year, third year
but sixth years? Seventh? More? Are you still excited, or are you panicking?

Every person who has been in such long lasting relationships can understand that. The feeling of long term
commitment and the existence of all those amazing memories. But together with it comes a splash of
boredom and desire for something new.

Theres no doubt that in all those years youve changed. No one stays the same. Everyone becomes more
mature and experienced. Mentalities change, as well as goals and dreams. And so changes the relationships
and the way we look at them. Theres no way that you love your boyfriend the same way you did years ago.
And theres no way that you can change it to the way it was in the beginning. Its kind of like the same desire
as wishing to be a kid again. To be irresponsible and secured. But we cant be that way anymore, can we?

Because of being an optimist and because of appreciating that person and the memories you created with
him, you try to fix the relationship by trying to be better; more attentive, more romantic, closer and kinder
than before. Sometimes, for some people it works out. But other times, nothing you do rationally can
change how you feel.

You cant make things work if you dont feel like it. You cant make yourself fall in love with him again
because you feel bad for him and everything you will lose.By doing so, you only live in a lie and slowly
destroy both of you not just together, but also separately. Your mind thinks that there is a problem to solve,
while your heart refuses to follow its lead. It causes depression and anxiety.

So, dont torture yourself, its not worth it.

I know that the biggest fear is not only the loss of precious memories and all that time you wasted on each
other, but also the fear of losing a friend. The fear of not seeing him or hearing his voice every day. The fear
of not being able to talk to him about everything. The fear of not having someone who will hold your hand
and make you feel safe.

But it doesnt have to be that way. If you have been dating for that long, theres a good chance that your
friendship will last while your relationship wont. You will still be able to talk and hug, and create great
memories in the future. THAT you CAN work on! Thats what you SHOULD work on.

We dont know why this happens, why, for some reason, we feel like starting something new and
committing to it for years and then, all of the sudden, start questioning things. But that is life.

And one thing that we all get to know as we grow up is that everything changes. Nothing stays the same. So,
do not blame yourself for feeling how you feel. Its natural! And remember that ending a long term
relationship is not the same thing as Giving up. Its more like Moving forward.
Words: Marina Babayan

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This Is The Very Simple Truth I Wish I Had Known When I Was Looking For Love

I fell in love a bunch of times in my life.

And then, one day, I fell in love for real.

All of the others always seemed real at the time. Like when my long-term boyfriend and I decided to move
in together. And when I vowed to help my next boyfriend overcome his pain and addiction. Or that time I
got dumped and sank into the depths of despair, certain that part of me had died.

I loved with all my heart. This is why, when friends tell me that they love their inattentive, cheating, lying, or
just plain disappointing partners, I believe them.

Sometimes, you find yourself in a complicated love story. I have been there, too.

But then one day, I met my husband.

It felt different right away, and it felt exciting. Im a lifelong music fan and hes a musician. Suddenly, I was
going backstage at concerts and going home with the hot guitar player. Everyone who knew me the
person who keeps a passport just to follow my favorite band said we were perfect together. I was
breathless with delight when I told my parents that I was in love.

My dad said something I didnt understand at the time. Maybe youre in love, he said. But youll know it
when it gets boring.

I couldnt imagine this hot, exciting relationship ever getting boring. I thought my dad was just being a dad
telling me to play it safe, when all I wanted to do was dive head-first into a fit of passion. Who wanted
boring?

But now, whenever I watch people I care about rake their hearts over the coals of bad love, I see what my
dad meant.

Good love can be exciting, sure. But more than anything else, good love is easy.

By the time Billy proposed to me, I was madly in love with him. Our courtship and wedding were a dream.
Billy was and still is unlike anyone Id ever dated, for a million different reasons.

But to my surprise, that became even more clear after we were married. When the excitement became
routine, and suddenly, we were faced with: A mortgage. Taxes. Chores. A tragic accident that killed our dog.
Grief. Ailing parents. Work. Traffic and brutal commutes. Bad days. PMS. Stress. Surgery. Anxiety. Mistakes.
Shitty moods. More bad days.

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Our love was this naked, vulnerable thing that could either crumble under the weight of it all, or shine
brighter than everything else.

It was when I was at my worst that Billy showed me true love.I thought I was good at loving because I was so
used to offering up my heart. But Billy taught me about good love.

Good love is when making your partner happy makes you happy.

Good love is when you trust your partner to do the right thing for you and your family every time.

Good love is comfortable.

Good love is mutual.

Good love is something you protect and honor. And when times are tough, you draw strength from it.

Good loves makes a murky situation clear: you do right by your partner, and everything else falls into place.

When I look back on past loves, they feel very, very different. I had love that made me feel comfortable (like
a bad habit). I had love that made me feel excited (sometimes, despite my best judgement). But those love
stories came with twists and turns and false starts. They were difficult. They werent right. I wish I could have
seen it at the time.

Good love is easy.

Life is hard enough. Good love makes it easier.

Maybe your love story got off to a rocky start. Maybe it came with divorce, depression, debt, a disapproving
parent, a bitter ex. Whatever youre coping with, Im not here to tell you that your love story isnt real. Maybe
it is.

But I do hope your love shines and makes it easier. Good love makes a complicated situation so much
simpler.

Good love makes you put each others needs first. So if your so-called soulmate is in the midst of a great
battle, I hope love drives them to make the right choices: to pick you, and your well-being, over everything
else.

If they love you, it will be easy to do.

I wish you good love.

Words: Jolene Miklas Schneider

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To The Girl Who Replaced Me, Please Love Him With Your Whole Heart

To the girl who replaced me, I know I dont know you. I dont know what your hobbies are or what you like to
do on lazy Sundays. I dont know if youre athletic or creative, and to be honest I dont really care. All I care
about, is that you take good care of him.

I know you will. He wouldnt just pick anybody to be with. Hes smart, and Im guessing you are too. So, Id
like to believe you already know how special he is.

And Id like to believe you know how lucky you are to have
someone like him in your life.
He is the kind of person who loves hard. He loves with his whole being and his whole soul. I hope youre
that kind of person too, because I would never want his heart to break like it did with me. So, I beg of you,
please dont cause his heart harm. Dont break that beautiful organ of his. He already has scars and wounds
that were caused by me. So I hope you take good care of them, and patch up what I left him with.

He is the kind of man who is sensitive. Hes not going to show it all the time, or say what is bothering him
every single day, but dont brush it aside when he voices his opinion. He is strong, but he needs your
strength too.

I hope you can be the one to give him faith and hope when he has lost it all. I hope you can be the girl to
change everything for him, and to make him believe in love again. But, if you arent that person, dont give
him false hope. Dont make him believe something that isnt there. Dont get his hopes up just to bring
them down again.

He has already been through so much. He has already found

love and lost it. So, dont be the one to let him down. Dont be
the one to crush him.
Be the one who makes him smile his biggest smile. Be the one who makes him giddy when he wakes up,
just knowing he has you. Be the one who holds him when he is suffering and the one who puts him in his
place when his ego gets too high.

Please dont be like me. Dont break him. Dont let him down.
Dont cause him pain.

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To the girl who has replaced me, you are incredibly lucky. You have hit the jackpot and the lottery all in one
sitting. Youve won the game when it comes to love. So dont screw it up. Dont mess this one up. Or else
youll be just like me, and forever regret the day you ever said goodbye to a man like him.

Words: Lauren Jarvis-Gibson

The Cold Hard Truth About Relationships

Relationships.

When were not in one, we crave one and sometimes when we are taken, we find ourselves struggling to
decide if we want to be or not.

I was 22-years-old when I entered my first real relationship. With that said, starting around high school, I
spent years waiting and wishing for a relationship. All of my friends had been in and out of them, and I felt
as if I were missing out or that there was something wrong with me. I craved a love like some of them had
or wished I had someone to cuddle with and hold me as I fell asleep. Some nights I felt alone and held
higher expectations on certain guys I talked to, looking for something different than what they were
seeking.

However, looking back on it now I understand why all of my friends told me not to underestimate being
single and all of the perks it had.
Relationships can be great. There are moments filled with love, laughs, sparks and fireworks. They make
you realize how great life can be, how wonderful it is to have a strong support system to get you through any
struggle, and make you wonder how you ever made it this far without that person.

But in some relationships (or periods of time in all of them) they leave you with mascara running down your
face as you cry yourself to sleep or so furious leaving you wanting to scream and pull all of your hair out.

My first relationship is how I learned that relationships werent everything that I had ever imagined them to
be. I knew that there would be hard times, but I always assumed they could be fixed within a matter of
minutes. I know how nave that seems and am embarrassed to admit it, but there was a time when I held
relationships up on a marble pedestal, a place where they really didnt belong.

The truth in relationships is that there are fights, there are tears, mistakes are made, and some can never be
taken back. Hurtful words are said when they are undeserved, trust issues and jealousy can crawl out of the
cracks at any given moment, and sadly love can be lost when you never thought a life without them could
be imaginable.

In some degrees, relationships can add a huge weight of worry, anxiety, and fear into your life on top of all
the other struggles we have to face in our daily lives.

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Some relationships arent meant to last. Some are painful lessons learned, whether youre the heartbroken
or heartbreaker. Some cases you are left heartbroken and in others you have to break the heart of someone
you will always love because in a twisted way of fate, you know that they are better off without you.

I learned that its not easy for either person, whether youre the one left broken or the one doing the
heartbreaking. Ive been broken by someone else and Ive also broken my own heart by having to break his.
And in the end Ive learned from each of those experiences that Ill never be the same again.

But heres something else Ive learned. Relationships can be amazing and some can make it through
anything. Im young and I havent found the one yet. But Ive seen love and I know what I want. Ive seen
my parents, after 35 years of marriage, act like theyre still in the honeymoon phase of their relationship.
Ive seen one of my friends go through hell and back with her boyfriend, and somehow theyve made it
through. After all of the trials theyve been through, I can see their love so strong just by the way they look
at each other.

So being single, is not that bad. We need to learn to be by ourselves, have fun, and appreciate the moments
with our friends and family because sometimes being in a relationship isnt all its cracked up to be.

So enjoy the ride, the ups and downs, and when its time and we find the right person, you can make it
through anything.

Words: Robyn Crean

Dont Waste Your Time With Someone Who Makes You Question Your Worth

I know what its like to think youve found the right guy. Its like you build someone up in your mind as
feelings grow within your heart. You see them and only them and you think thats it. You take every good
moment dismissing the bad ones. You judge them for the good you wish they would posses all the time and
in return, you give your best hoping your best will be good enough. But what you arent seeing is youre
giving your best to someone who doesnt deserve it.

Then suddenly as youre falling harder and faster; there is the slightest shift within him. Those texts that
used to be answered really quick you finding yourself waiting for minutes that seem like hours. The times
when you never had to think about what you were going to say, you now find yourself censoring things or
overthinking things. You replay scenarios in your mind as he begins to pull away all youre left with are
these questions you dont have the answers to. Because it makes sense to you how you feel but he left you
wondering if those feelings can even be reciprocated or if you simply made this all up in your head.

You find yourself tossing and turning at night because you remember a time when things werent so
complicated.

Its like one second youre sure he likes you then the next minute its an entirely new story you arent even a
part of.

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And you give your best friend the play by play hoping youve missed something, hoping that maybe its just
a fluke. But you know they are confused too because the only thing you can make sense of is the fact that
none of this makes sense.

But the one thing no one is telling you is if he liked you and was interested in you then there wouldnt be an
ounce of confusion.

Then technology only adds fuel to a confusion fire because hes looking at your snap stories but not opening
your snap. Hes read your text and started to type only to delete it, and youre watching as nothing is sent.
Because he knows he has you. He liked your last post but ignored your last call. And its like youre doing
this dance to a song you didnt even agree to. And hes calling every move because he can and youre letting
him.

But if I can tell you anything about relationships or this game everyone seems to be playing and no one
wants to be a part of, its this: if someone even for a second makes you question your worth, it is them who
isnt worthy of you. Even if someone for a moment ignores you then dont give them any more of a heart
they dont deserve. If someone allows you to go to bed upset because you havent heard from them, dont
answer in the morning when you finally do. But most of all if someone walks away dont chase them. Dont
try and prove you deserve them. Dont try and be good enough. Dont try and make them jealous. Dont play
their game. Just quit.

I can bet you dont want to give up. I can bet you think with one more try maybe theyll turn out to be the
person you know in your heart they are. And I cant sit here and argue that hes not a good guy. But what I
can say is anyone who treats you less than you deserve isnt good for you. And theres no justifying that.
Theres no trying to tell me about his good moments compared to the bad. Because the right guy will fill
your life with only goodness and never doubt.

If anyone makes you question your worth, they arent sure of you. You dont want to waste your time with
someone who isnt 100 percent sure 100 percent of the time that they want to be with you and only you.

Hes out there but you wont find him trying to turn someone who isnt worthy of you into that guy. Hes a
guy that cant be created. Hes a guy that will cross your path and youll simplistically know. And when you
find him and when everyone sees you happy getting what you deserve, itll be in the moment that person
you thought was, Mr. Right will realize what he lost. But the real person worthy and deserving of you wont
need all that time to realize it. Because the right guy wont play games with you. The right guy will take your
hand and you wont look back and youll know in that moment youve finally won.

Words: Kirsten Corley

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To The Girl Who Deserves Better (From A Man, With Love)

Now now, baby girl. Look at you, youre a beautiful mess. Sure the ending wasnt the one you wanted, but
we can blame the movies, the fairy tales and the make-believes for getting our hopes up and believing in
the ever-so-popular cliche of happy ever after.

Keep your head up, princess, youre stronger than that. Let the tears flow, but dont let your tiara fall.
This isnt the end of your fabled love story. In fact, its a new chapter.

In a world where reality will slap your greatest fantasies, perhaps this is a wake-up call. A wake-up call that
youre better than what you are now, that you deserve someone better than that frog you kissed that never
turned into a prince.

Its time to write a new story, one that youll be proud you flipped the page on and turned into something
legendary. And now is the right time, my dear. You have to believe that you deserve better.

Forget the guy who took you for granted. Forget that sorry ass of a man for not treating you the way you
deserve to be treated. Its his loss, and someday hell realize what he had, but its a little too late now.

Listen carefully my dear because this is very important. In order to believe you deserve better, you have to
make sure that the next man wholl walk into your life deserves you. Its about knowing your self-worth. Who
you are, what you can do, and how much you can give.

This is the perfect time to rebuild yourself. Go out there and explore the world.
Do what makes your heart flutter. Learn from the past mistakes and gain wisdom
during the process so that the next time a man comes to sweep you off your feet,
you wont fall. Youll stand up, head-high and proud of who you are and what you
have become.

Live your dreams, dont lose sight of what you really want, focus on what really matters, and let time heal the
past scars. All I can say is that time almost always heals all wounds. Dont rush it girl, youve got this.

It is you and only you who entirely knows what you deserve. And Im sure once youve realized your self-
worth, you wont even bother trying to settle for less like you did before.Hes not worth your tears, the 3 a.m.
thoughts, hell he doesnt deserve a place in your palace.So pick yourself back up again and believe me, the
right guy will come along and prove to you why he not only deserves a chapter in your book, he deserves to
be the title.

Sincerely,
Someone who believes that you deserve to be happy.
Words: Arvin Faustino

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This Is How You Compliment A Strong Woman

Talk about her eyes.

How they show determination. How they can pierce through your most guarded exterior, or soothe you
when your mind is conflicted. Talk about their fierceness. Talk about their kindness. Talk about how those
eyes are a window to her soul, how they tell her story, how they share so much about who she is with a
single look. Talk about the color, the brightness, the power. Talk about how those eyes empower you,
fascinate you, and make you want to learn more.

Mention her smile.

Tell her that it is not her looks that make her beautiful, but her smile. The way it brightens even the darkest
of rooms, or how it unconsciously makes a grin spread across your own face. Talk about how that smile can
change the direction of a conversation, can make an angry heart lose its bitterness, can make something
broken feel whole again. Tell her how that smile drew you in; tell her how it was that smile, most of all, that
showed her strength.

Tell her you love the way she carries herself.

See, for a strong woman it is never about beauty. It is never about her exterior, her physical self, or her looks.
It is about the way she stands, about the way she presents herself, about how she walks and speaks and
interacts with others around her. Tell her you love the way she stands tall. Tell her you love how she walks
with her shoulders back and her head high. Tell her you love that she is self-assured and confident, never
cocky, but always classy and poised. Tell her you love the woman she is, because she is proud of her.

Admire her sass.

She is level-headed and opinionated. She is vocal and perseverant. She speaks with boldness, and she is
sometimes sassy. Admire this. Tell her you love the way she doesnt back down when she knows shes right.
Tell her that you love the little crease in her forehead she gets when shes fighting fiercely for someone/
something she loves. Tell her you admire her resilience, the way she doesnt let herself get walked over, and
how she speaks up for what she believes. Tell her that you love her sass because it makes her, her.

Tell her that she is strong.

Mentally. Physically. She is empowered by her ability to be her own person and to be able to take care of
herself, and you recognizing that is important. Tell her that you admire how she has gotten through tough
times in her life and still managed to keep her head high. Tell her that you love her physical strength, how
she pushes herself and sets her own goals. Tell her that you admire all that she is and stands for. Let her
know that her strength in no way intimidates, or outshines yours. Let her know that you can be strong
together.

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Appreciate her independence.

She has built a life based on her own sense of self. She can do things on her own. She can manage herself
well. She doesnt need someone to take care of her, but of course she might want that, at least a little.
Recognize this. Recognize her passion for being her own person. Recognize that she loves to be on her own,
to do her own thing, and to sometimes be selfish with her time and attention. Tell her that you love this
about her. Tell her that you admire her ability to be independent. And remind her that you want to take care
of her, too.

Admire her mind.

Her best characteristic is her strong mind. She is guided by both her heart and head, but it is the way she
thinks that is the most powerful thing about her. She thinks more deeply than mosttell her you love this.
Tell her you love unfolding all the layers spinning around in her head. Tell her that shes not wrong for
overthinking. Tell her you love the way her mind works; that you find her brain the most attractive thing
about her.

Tell her you love her passion.

Her passion is beautiful. She is wildly passionate about the things and people she loves. She is emotional
and in tune with those emotions. She has no fears about being herself, expressing herself, or giving love.
Show her that you love this about her. Show her that you see her passion, and you are willing to give that
same passion in return. Show her that you admire her big heart and strong mind. Love her in spite of the
fact that she may be too much at times. Love her because she might be too much sometimes. Love her
because she is a deep-thinking, emotional, good-hearted, strong woman. And show her that she should
never be ashamed of that.

Words: Marisa Donnelly

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A Letter To The Person Who Didnt Give Me The Love That I Deserve

I will not fall for you all at once. No, I will fall for you graduallyfalling for the little things. Like the way you
laugh mid kiss sometimes, and look at me like you cant believe what is happening. Or the way you reach
over in your still sleep-fogged state and pull me close to you as if you cannot keep me close enough. Or
simply the way you look at me when we laugh; laughing with you is my favorite. Its like looking directly
into your core and seeing how truly vulnerable you can be; laughing with me yet hoping I wont break your
heart. But what you dont know is that I could never break your heart, because it is the most beautiful thing
about you.

I remember the day you asked me my top pet peeves before listing yours. You said these were your only
deal breakers. They were off the wall and nothing close to what I expected, but they were yoursthey were
part of youthey made you who you are. Opening up to reveal your vulnerabilities says a lot about you. I
always saw the fierce uniqueness burning brightly in you, but your list illuminated that even more. I was
hooked.

What I so badly wanted you to see is that I am the girl who will be there for you when you need reminding
how amazing you are, because life has you convinced otherwise. The girl who will cherish any time spent
with you, simply because it is a chance to be near you. Im the girl who will make you homemade chicken
noodle soup from scratch when youre not feeling well. Im the girl who will believe you when you say you
want to take things slow to give us the chance at having something real. But Im also the girl who will
stand up for herself instead of being walked on.

I guess no answer is answer enough. Im not important enough to warrant a simple, quick text saying youre
not up for hanging out? Im not important enough to stick around and wonder where this is going, because
the answer is clearly a resounding nowhere. It echoes off the walls built by the silence you have placed
between us so many weeks ago now. Im done waiting for a response, convincing myself that somewhere
even in the far back of your mindis a thought of me that will ring through as if someone tapped a
fingernail on a crystal glass. A clear sound to ripple to the front of your consciousness and remind you Im
standing by but Ill stand by no more.

I deserve to be happy but so do you. Waiting around for something to never happen only promotes the
stagnation of life, progressionit halts the future and what it has in store. What so many others our age
forget to remember is this: love isnt simply choosing to spend your life with someone. It is waking up every
day and making the daily choice to spend the rest of your life with them. Love isnt passive, its an actiona
daily choice. Its perpetual.

But the most important kind of love is the kind we most often neglect: self love. I gave that up in my
desperate search for love from you, and I lost sight of who I am and what makes me happy. So instead of
sitting around waiting for a text from you that will probably never come, Im choosing myself every day. To
wake up and remind myself that I am strong, and worthy of being loved the way I wanted to love you.
Someday, I will get that kind of love from another person, someone capable of allowing me to love them.

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And so since I know you will never read this letter, I hope someonesomewhere is able to learn from my
misgivings and at the very least, love themselves again. I hope it as much for a stranger as I wish it for you.
But I also hope that you remember being forgotten, like me, by so many potential lovers before me. Please
love yourself again.

Dear reader: youre beautiful, amazing, and worthy of so much love. Please dont ever forget that but if
you do, I hope you also remember to love yourself first. Because nothing will make you happier than doing
what is best for yourself. Be happy. Be free. Be loved.

Words: Elaine Bradford

I Care So Deeply For You, But I Wont Cross Boundaries

You are another womans man.

This is of utmost importance.

No matter the depth of my feelings, no matter the tug at my heart, no matter the silly faces you make that
get me to laugh without tryingthe simple fact that you are loved by someone else is the most important
thing.

I believe in love.
I always will.

I think love is involuntary sometimes, that you just meet someone or see someone cast in a new light, and
you cant help itsomething about the way they smile or laugh or look at you, or maybe not even look at you
but look at lifejust makes you start to fall.

It was like that for you, I guess. Maybe proximity, maybe chance, maybe weird fate that now Im forced to
fight against.

But I wont be that woman. The woman that breaks hearts just to appease her own.
I see the way she looks at you, the way you look at her when Im not looking. I dont know if what you share
is love, but truthfully, I dont deserve to know. What matters is if she can make you happy. Even if I believe I
could make you happier, it doesnt matter. Because youre content with her. Youre smiling, youre laughing,
youre living a good life. And I cant, I wont interfere.

Im not a girl that crosses boundaries.

Whats hers is hers. Whats mine is mine, and I wont fight to get something I dont own. Not when its
already someone elses, wrapped up in their arms, their touch, their kiss.

I wont be selfish.
I wont be greedy.

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I wont try to take you away just because I want to love you. Because truly loving you means letting you be in
love, even if its not with me.

Im not bitter. Of course if I could change things, I would. But I cant. And thats okay.
For now Ill smile, Ill laugh, Ill listen. Ill be there for you when you need me, pick up the phone when you
call. Ill be everything Im supposed to beyour friend and nothing more.

Words: Marisa Donnelly

When You Fall In Love With Someone Who Cant Love You Back

Everything is going to hurt.

Everything.

You think maybe its from sleeping on your Craigslist couch every night. Seriously, its fucking
uncomfortable. Youll consider going to your bed, but theres something too official about it. Your bed
means youre going to try to sleep. And you know you cant sleep these days.

Pain will radiate from your back, spreading itself like tree branches into your chest, your arms, your legs. You
will turn on the TV to distract yourself and one of those fucked up depression hurts, but you dont have to
commercials will come on. You will want to throw your water bottle at the screen. But you hurt too much for
the energy that would require. You hurt all the damn time. You think that maybe you should get a
prescription for Cymbalta.

He has used the word friend towards you 10 times in one night. You are his friend. You are his buddy. You
are his bro. You think you might throw up. You havent thrown up since you were 6 years old, but your
stomach feels like its being repeatedly punched. You are like a rat in a psychology experiment. You are
becoming conditioned to feel sick at the word friend. Friend. All you start to hear is end. There is no
beginning to what you want. Its already the end.

You sit on the bottom steps outside your apartment building as he drives away. You are holding a flower he
gave you. It didnt mean anything. None of it ever does. You think about how much you wanted to kiss him
and start to silently cry alone, on those bottom steps. You must look like a college cliche. You are tipsy, crying
because you like a boy so much. You hate yourself a little for how easily the tears stream down your cheeks.

Dont convince yourself he looks at you the way you look at him. You can feel yourself inch closer in your
seat and lean so hard on your elbows to be near him, that you wake up the next day with bruises on them.
He goes to bed with bruises on his heart from the woman he still loves. You dont even know her, but you
kind of want to hate her. You hate that you hate a human being youve never met. You hate that hes ever
cried over her. And you still cry over him.

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You will practice what to say to him. Maybe start with, Hi, I think Im falling hopelessly in love with you and
the idea of just being friends actually makes my body physically hurt.

No, that wont work.

You try, Heyyy, buddy! Quick thing, could you maybe actually stop calling me buddy? Because every time
you do, its like little pieces of my heart are breaking off. Okay, greaaat, thanks!

You want to laugh at how pathetic you seem. You are some melodramatic romantic comedy. But you cant be
promised your happy ending. You make a joke to yourself about massage parlors. If I hurried, I could get a
happy ending right now! You dont even laugh. You used to laugh at the quirky running monologue in
your head, but your chest feels too heavy now.

Someone once told you that love is as much about timing as it is about who you fall in love with. But you
hate timing. Youve never had enough time. You run out of time with everything you love. But maybe thats
just part of life. You wonder if it would be stupid or symbolic to throw away every clock you own. You decide
probably just stupid.

You look at his name in your phone and try not to see his perfect face alongside it. You hover above the
delete button and wonder if it would make things easier. Would you delete him from your life with one
click?

You dont. You cant. Instead, you re-read text message threads and think about sending him a message.

After holding your heart in your throat for about 20 minutes, your fingers break the silence for you. Youve
never really noticed how large the gaps in between them feel before. Hes closed those gaps once before
with his fingers. You cant remember what it felt like now.

You finally construct the perfect message. The one that will say everything youre burning to tell him. The
one that will lift this heaviness from your chest, this breathlessness from your lungs.

Hey.

Words: Ari Eastman

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Never Look For Healing In The Person Who Broke You

Dont even think about putting your heart back into the palms of the person who broke it. You might think
they can help you heal, that they can help you mend it back together, but Im telling you they cant.

They did the damage and I know youre missing them, but going back to them wont solve your heartache. I
know its hard living without them after all this time. I know you want to go back, you want to send them
that message, you want to call them and tell them they are all thats been on your mind, but dont.

Please, dont. The pain isnt worth it.

You might not feel it right now, but youre stronger without them.

You dont need the one who broke you in order to feel good
and whole.
You dont need them in order to heal because youll be better off without them.

In order to heal on your own you need to let them go.

Dont lose yourself in a weak moment. Dont reach out when youre feeling alone and vulnerable. Dont
drunk text him because you think reading their words, if they even respond, will help you find comfort.
Dont think theyre as good as it gets, because things will get better.

By reaching out, by going back, by convincing yourself theyll be better the next time around is only setting
yourself up for a heartbreak. Maybe not right away, but eventually it will come. They will make you question
why you gave them a shot in the first place. You will feel low again and the damage will only increase.

I dont want to see you crumble and fall.

I know you want to see the best for them, you always want to see the best for the people you care about
most, but Im telling you the best thing for you might be to walk away from them in order to protect yourself
from more damage.

I know you want to believe things will be different this time around. I know you want to believe them when
they tell you things have changed, that they have changed, but have they? Have you really seen them
change since youve been together?

The first few months of any relationship are blissful and new, theyre sweet and kind, theyre exciting and
happy, but after the first few months thats when things get real. Thats when a person starts feeling
comfortable below their exterior and starts opening up about their demons and showing their true identity.

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Can you handle all that, again? Can you handle what comes after the blissful beginning following the Im
sorry, it wont happen again and I promise Ive changed? Because the demons come back out to play after
things settle back down to normal.

I know its a hell of a lot harder to walk away from someone you love, especially in a period of feeling so
vulnerable, but its for the best. You might not be able to see it now, but you will grow bigger and stronger
from walking away before allowing the person you love to break your heart again.

You owe it to yourself to leave, to love yourself, to find your

own happiness without them. I know its hard and I know you
miss them terribly, but you cant find happiness in a person
who doesnt bring out the best in you.
Dont give them that power over you back. Know your worth; know what you deserve and how you should
be treated. Never be with someone who continuously drags you down, you deserve much more than that.

Words: Becca Martin

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You Have To Love Yourself, Even When He Cant Seem To

Quite possibly one of the hardest thing in life to deal with is when the person you love, doesnt love you
back. Maybe you guys broke up a long time ago and you still are holding onto him. Maybe hes the guy
youve had a crush on forever, but has a girlfriend. Or maybe, you guys hooked up and the next day, he told
you it wasnt anything serious for him.

Whatever the case may be, you have to love yourself even
when he cant seem to.
But, its easier said than done. This takes hard work, of course. And lots and lots of time. Its not going to
happen in an instant. You cant just wake up and decide to love yourself again. You cant just decide to be
happy. You need to give yourself time and space to heal that hurt. You need to be gentle with
yourself, and not put a time limit on your heartbreak.

I remember watching Sex And The City after a bad breakup. Charlotte York, one of my characters on the
show said something I will never forget. She said, It takes half the total time you went out with someone to
get over them. And I call total bullshit. You should never time your healing process. You should never
expect to feel magically different over the next few weeks.

Your heart just doesnt work like that. Love doesnt work that
way.
If you truly loved someone who is unable to love you back, it is incredibly painful. No one is going to say
words that will take that hurt away. No hookup will take that pain away. No amount of nights out are going
to take the sting off.

Its ultimately up to you and time to heal.

So, what do you do? How do you get over him? How does one let go? Truth be told, I dont know. I dont
have a magical list of things to do that can help you heal. But I can tell you my story.

My first heartbreak didnt take six months for me to heal. And it didnt take a year. To be perfectly honest,
Im still healing as I write this. And its been three years. I refuse to believe that you can heal completely
from someone not loving you back. I refuse to believe that someone can magically be perfectly fine after
that hurt.

You cant just bounce back up. Its impossible.

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I think that as time passes and as your heart starts to stitch itself back together, youll learn how to cope with
the pain. Youll learn how to survive. But its never going to go away completely. Sure, youll be able to move
on from him and youll be able to love things about yourself that you thought youd never love again.

But, you are never going to be the same.

And I think thats what make love so beautiful. Its accepting that the pain you feel is always going to stay
with you. And as years pass, youll still feel a little bit of it no matter how much you have grown and have
moved on. And as time passes, its not so much pain as it is reminiscing and remembering.

It might sting from time to time, but as the years pass, youll
start to be grateful. Grateful for that love you felt. And grateful
that your heart has the capacity to love that strongly. To feel
that much. To love so powerfully.
So you see, this love that you feel is gone now? Its never going to leave you. Its always going to be held in a
tiny fraction of your heart. And as time passes, the hurt youre feeling now is going to become less. Its going
to bloom into something better. Its going to turn into happy memories, into transformation and into self
love. Its incredible that you have the capacity to love as much as you did. And even though he hurt you,
youre going to be ok. Youre still surviving and breathing arent you?

And guess what? The love that you felt towards him, someday, will grow into love for someone else. And its
not going to be another boy.

Itll grow into love for yourself.

You are going to fall in love with yourself. That hurt will turn into recognition that you are a powerful and
beautiful source of love. And you can turn all that hurt into something beautiful.

No matter how much you love him and no matter how much you feel like shit now, its going to get better.
Youre going to grow. Youre going to get stronger. Youre going to start learning how to love yourself.

And instead of jumping and falling like you did in the past,
youre going to jump and soar.
Words: Lauren Jarvis-Gibson

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Youre Giving The Best Pieces Of Yourself To The Wrong People

I know what its like to look at your reflection and the only thing you see are flaws. And you dont want that
to be the case. You think if nothing is wrong with you, why do you keep getting hurt? Why does everything
end the same way? You give your best, yet it doesnt seem like its ever enough.

So what more can you do if your best isnt enough? What factors can change if you continue to get the same
result.

You can change and try to be something youre notbut that didnt work right?

What you have to realize is it isnt you that is the problem its the people you are choosing that is.

Youre giving the best of yourself to the worst of people. But

you have to realize there are a lot of people out there who
dont deserve your best.
Save it. Until someone proves they are worthy of you in your best form, hold back. Stop trying so hard. Stop
trying to prove its you that deserves them. Because the reality is its them that is worthy of being in your
presence.

But that starts with believing it.

I know you arent arrogant or pompous or conceited. If you were even a little of those things you wouldnt
find yourself so hurt.

They say you gotta love yourself before someone can love you, but it isnt just about that; the truth is you
gotta just get to a point where you look at yourself in the mirror and think youre worthy of the best kind of
love.

Then have enough strength and self-worth to walk away when

someone doesnt give that to you.
Ill tell you what you dont deserve. You dont deserve someones half hearted love. You dont deserve pain to
feel normal. You deserve someone who is going to enhance your life in such a way it leaves you feeling
whole, not someone who makes you feel empty as you wake to a either no texts or a call at 3am.

You have so much to offer someone, yet you dont see it because you give so much, so soon, you dont have
anything left for yourself.

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Be a little selfish when it comes to love. In fact be very selfish.
Because your heart and your emotions arent something
someone should fuck with.
But more than that, you shouldnt allow them to.

I know what its like to look at your phone and just be happy they answered. I know its like to settle. But love
is the last thing in your life you should settle for.

So start now. Promise yourself now, only give your best to people who have taken the time to prove
they deserve it.

I challenge you to let go of everyone in your life, and when you do the worthy ones will still be holding on
for dear life.

Those are the people who deserve you. Those are the people who deserve your best. But the person who
deserves your best most of all, is that reflection you keep analyzing.

Words: Kirsten Corley

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You Deserve So Much More Than The Half-Hearted Love Hes Giving You

I know youre going to say he loves you, but I know thats also going to be followed by doubts, even if youre
afraid to admit it to yourself.

Because he does loves you, but only when its convenient for him, only when it doesnt interfere with what
he wants to do.

He makes you so happy when its just the two of you and things are going well he makes the world stop.
He makes you feel things you didnt know were humanly possible and it makes you crave him even more.
When its just the two of you nothing feels like it can go wrong, you feel safe and desired.

Thats all everyone wants anyway, right? Someone to love them; someone to make them feel safe and
desired?

But then he leaves, he gets angry over nothing and he blows up.

He goes out with his friends and he doesnt text you back. He doesnt come home and he makes you feel
shitty. He decides maybe its not the best to be together or maybe you just are too uptight. Maybe you just
shouldnt worry so much and stop being so controlling. Maybe you should just let him be and do his thing.
Maybe you should just stop getting in the way of his life.

He turns everything into your fault, every time he does something wrong. He makes you feel shitty and you
end up apologizing. He makes you feel hurt and he doesnt care because you interfered with his fun, you
caused him some inconvenience and he didnt like it.

He holds you to double standards. He wants you to change everything while he changes nothing. He just
expects you to do things for him while he does nothing for you.

He wants you to give things up for him, but he isnt willing to do the same for you.

Thats not okay.

It leaves you feeling empty and hopeless because you dont understand how someone who claims he loves
you could make you feel this empty.

So you try to do better and you try to do more.

You try to go the extra mile to make him happy and make him appreciate you, and he does. He does for a
little bit, he does for long enough for you to feel loved and appreciate again before he does something
hurtful again.

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Its a vicious never ending cycle of constantly and continuously giving pieces of you to him, but pretty soon
hes going to have all of you and hell still want more. Youll find yourself not having anything left to give
and it will destroy you.

Some people are selfish and you cant see past it because you love him, youve seen the good sides to him
and you want to believe the good outweighs the bad, but does it really? Do the good times make the bad
times worth it? Or does it leave you wondering how long it will stay good before it goes bad again?

You deserve more than that. You dont deserve his mediocre, half-assed love. You deserve someone who
doesnt make you feel guilty for his actions and someone who doesnt constantly take from you without also
sacrificing pieces of himself.

You deserve more than that.

You shouldnt be in a relationship that leaves you feeling like youre not good enough. You shouldnt be in a
relationship where youre walking on egg shells hoping not to upset your boyfriend over something simple.

You should be with someone who makes you feel fulfilled and whole. Someone who brings out the best in
you and inspires you to be better. You should be with someone who doesnt take their angers and
frustrations out on you. Love yourself enough to see that and please dont settle for a half-hearted love
sweet girl, you deserve so much more than that.

Words: Becca Martin

Date Someone Who is Just As Weird As You

Dating a weird person is not a bad thing. In fact, its a really really good thing. Because, lets face it, youre
weird as f*** too.

You dance in your underwear alone while singing into your hairbrush. You like to talk in different accents
every two seconds. You talk really loudly in restaurants when its dead silent. You like to wear mismatched
socks. You prefer silly faces over the popular duck face. You fall. A lot.

You arent exactly the picture of perfection.

You like to eat pizza with a fork. And you dont care that you still cry when you listen to the Jonas Brothers.

We are all weird in our own ways. We all do things out of the norm. And we all make some people
uncomfortable. So, instead of shying away from our weird tendencies and weird personalities, I think
its about damn time we embrace ourselves.

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Some people tend to date people who control their weirdness. They are cool, collected and unbothered.
They say thank you and please in every other sentence. They sip tea with their pinky finger. They never
say or do anything outrageous. They despise loud, obnoxious people who have their own opinions. They
follow the crowd.

And maybe dating this type of person is your thing. Maybe you really are an alien too. But for us weird folks,
we cant be with someone who cant make fun of themselves. We cant be with someone who tries to pull in
their weird habits, and who tries to change according to what society deems as acceptable. These people
might be perfectly nice. And you might even like them for a bit.

But they are oh, so boring.

I mean, come on. Do you really think you are going to last with someone who is cookie cutter perfect in
every way? Do you think you are going to fall in love with someone who cant even embrace your
personality? I really dont think so.

Date someone who is just as weird and obnoxious as you

are.
Date someone who has ugly face contests with you. Date someone who likes to yell at the type of their lungs
just for fun. Date someone who has his own signature dance that makes every body stare at him in awe.
Date someone who accepts your weirdness. And who laughs at himself as much as you laugh at yourself.
Date someone who wont be uncomfortable when you do something completely crazy at a party. Date
someone who joins you dancing on top of tables. Date someone who wont let go of the true you.
Who loves you for you.

Dont date the nice guy. Dont date the boring guy. Dont date the one who only tries to please other people.
Date the guy who lives for himself. Who loves people. And who loves other weird people.

Date the guy who will love all of your weirdness for better or for
worse.
He will never judge you, or tell you how to behave. He will never boss you around and try to mold you into
something that society can accept. He will just love you. And thats all you are going to need.

Words: Lauren Jarvis-Gibson

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If He Wanted To Be With You, He Would Be With You

Its a hard pill to swallow. But the truth is going to heal your heart a lot faster than simply letting it break
over and over until you finally face what you knew all along anyway:

If he wanted to be with you, he would be with you.

There are a million possible scenarios here. Its easier when hes an asshole selfish, only thinking of
himself, using you to make someone else jealous, using you in general, treating you poorly, crushing you
thoughtlessly, whatever. But its a lot harder when hes a good guy, and you still have to let him go. When he
tells you that youre an incredible person, but he just doesnt feel the same way that you do. Or when he
really likes you, but doesnt think youre the one. Or when he just doesnt feel as strongly as you do and he
wants to be honest. Or when he cant seem to make up his mind and feels confused, which he doesnt yet
realize just means that hes afraid of hurting you, that feeling confused just a softer way of eventually
saying no. If he wanted to be with you, he wouldnt have had to make up his mind in the first place. It
would just be an answer that he felt deeply in his gut.

But regardless, whether hes a wonderful guy or an asshole or somewhere in between, this is about you,
moving on. Because no matter what the situation was, no matter how well he treated you or how much fun
you had together or how well you got along, he doesnt want to be with you. And thats the truth. And thats
going to be your life raft for the next several weeks or months, no matter how much you dont want to grab
onto it. It is what is going to eventually help you come to peace with the end of your relationship, or the
fizzling out of your fling, or the no more talking after you guys spent so much time talking. It is the truth,
and as ugly as it is, it will be the only thing that can help you move on:

If he wanted to be with you, he would be with you.

Its easy to try to soften the blow. He needs time, or he just needs a little space, or hes just afraid of
commitment and I just need to reassure him, or he builds walls and its my job to kick through them.

But think about the way you feel about him. How easy and natural and obvious it feels. How you dont even
need to question whether or not you should be with him, because it just feels right in your veins. How, even
if you were scared of committing to someone or getting hurt or opening yourself up, you were still willing to
do it, because your heart had already made up your mind. You wanted to be with him, so you were. The
decision was simple. It really wasnt even a decision at all.

Now can you imagine feeling all those things but choosing not to be with him anyway?

Thats why your heart is broken. Because he didnt feel those things. He didnt feel that same certainty that
you did, deep in your bones. And you cant change that, and you cant fix yourself, and theres nothing you
did wrong. Its just the truth. His heart didnt make the decision for his brain, because his heart is in a
different place from yours. And that really, really sucks. And you just have to accept it. And that sucks even
more.

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Maybe youll get over this in weeks, maybe months. Maybe longer. It will hurt, some days will be horrible
and some will be okay. But the smallest of silver linings is this: you can let your heart break once instead of
breaking it a million times by convincing yourself that hes making a mistake or he probably misses you or
you should call him. Love yourself enough to be hard on yourself:

If he wanted to be with you, he would be with you.

Words: Kim Quindlen

When to Say What You Actually Feel

They say that to be honest to what you actually feel is the most wonderful thing you can ever give to yourself
and to other people. They say that when you say whats on your mind, say if you like somebody or hate as
well, then you free yourself from regrets and possibilities that will never happen when you keep your mouth
close and you just let things be unsaid.

But what if youre honesty was construed as lie? What if your attempt at saying what you actually feel
becomes dishonesty for the person youve said those words? Below are some situations where you ought to
really say what you actually feel.

When you know youve sorted out your feelings already, youve considered the other persons feelings too
and youve understood the current situation and what has actually transpired.

Before you say anything else, think. Stop before responding. Pause before actually saying anything else.
Words may just be a few percentage of how you express your feelings but words linger in a persons mind,
stick to people either like a drug or a poison and something that can either build you as a person or break
you as well. You might say that theyre just words but they can affect you in ways you never imagine it
would.

If you cannot be totally sure of what you feel, the least you can do is to stand true to what you said. Avoid
recanting your words. Consider other peoples feelings. Before taking any action put yourself first in their
situation. Think and act like them. If you feel like what they ought to do should be the one you think they
should, then tell them about it. But if you tried putting yourself in their situation and your perception
changed, maybe you have to think it through first analyze what actually happened.

Lastly, take time recalling what happened and how it happened. Try to understand why it happened instead
of pointing fingers immediately. The best thing you can do in situations where there is argument is to
provide benefit of the doubt to other person while understanding the consequence of what happened.

When your limitation was reached and you cant bear it any longer. A famous quote says, Patience is a
virtue. And while some say that patience is just a waste of time, patience develops in us that ability to be

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more conscientious and understanding of every situation, event and people, in general. It allows a person to
comprehend more on what took place and not make any rash decisions.

There are people who are impatient, who want answers and actions right away. But sometimes, theres a
need to invest time for things that are intangible, things that are more valuable, things that money cant
buy, no matter clich that line sounds. Taking action almost immediately is good, in fact it makes life easier.

However, situation call for that need to take our time slowly, especially on making decisions that are matters
of the heart. But also remember that you have to set your limitation. You have to know when to say
Enough because what happens for others is just the limits get extended several times, you lose your
control over yourself eventually.

When youre ready enough to face the consequence and accept it no matter what happens. When saying
what you actually feel becomes detrimental to the future that you have envisioned for yourself, and if saying
what you really feel becomes necessary and not just something that you would like to do because it would
save you from some guilt that kept you occupied for some time already, then it becomes a need to actually
say what you feel. Honesty requires courage, especially when its the matter of the heart.

So if you feel like you can already stand by for what you believe is true and real, let it out and stick to it.
Everything will have their own consequence. Accept it. Embrace it. Some matters of the heart might be too
painful, but you just have to face reality and move on with it.

Those are probably just few of the circumstances where there is that necessity of telling people what you
actually feel. Its good to be honest with your feelings. But because were humans, we are emotional and
sometimes, unreasonable and irrational. With this, we have to pick the right time to admit, to confront and
to arrive at a mutual decision.

It would not be easy but thinking about the things listed above, you might find yourself in an environment
that fits each other perfectly and complements them the say too. It will be a challenge but its something
that we all should ponder about and think thoroughly about.

Words: Debres Grace Rosal

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Your Emotions Are Valid, Dont Be Afraid To Feel Them

As we get older, the way we express our feelings change too.

It is expected that you cant complain about things that actually are bothering you a whole lot.

Youre expected to swallow the hurt and the pain with a smile.

Youre supposed to have learned by now that youre the only one who is never going to leave you, even in
the direst circumstances when all you have are strangers and enemies around you, and all your friends, who
swore theyll always be there in the haze of drunken hours and late night conversations, are absent and
have sailed away into the sunset with their fortune-filled pockets.

Youre supposed to never give up easily on things because of what people might think, even if
theyre toxic.

They kill you slowly with things you need and ask why you are afraid of going after things you want. The fear
of society keeps us between careful drawn lines; we cant dress outside these lines or were indecent, we
cant talk in a certain way because its vulgar or too childish.

Our emotions are repressed to such a degree that the only outlet we get to have is when we drink alcohol
and do other recreational drugs. WHY do you think people are drawn to these things even with the
knowledge that these things are very well capable of killing them? Hm?

BECAUSE thats the only way they can feel something or be numb enough to not feel ANYTHING anymore.
Theyre a way to dull the senses so the deprivation of actually expressing their emotions in a healthy manner
can be gulped down with the bitter taste of alcohol and the haze of recreational drugs.

If a child injures his/her hand or falls down and injures his/her knee, nobody tells the child to stop crying
because its childish. If an adult falls down and hurts their knees or palms or elbows, they have to brush it
off as NOTHING. They feel the exact same pain, no?
Where is the boundary when youre allowed to cry and after when does it become a necessity to hide your
pain? And why is there a boundary in the first place?

TOO MANY horrible things are happening because were losing touch with our emotions. Were all
trying to turn ourselves or at least pretend to be as far away from them much as possible.

You know whats scary? That ironically humanity in the human race is vanishing at the speed of light. What if
one day every human that exists is just a sociopath or a psychopath? What if feelings are banned
altogether? I saw some books and movies already developing on that concept.

This isnt a solitary thought anymore. And it scares the hell out of me. The insensitivity of people, the
paranoia, the shaming of emotions, both for men and women, I mean, when does someone say ENOUGH.
Im not suggesting that you turn into a whiny adult-child. Im not suggesting to put everything youre

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feeling or thinking out there (we already do that via all the social media anyway) but we dont communicate
the ESSENTIAL emotions that we feel. (To others, and even more to ourselves. We dont let OUR OWN SELVES
feel what we want to feel.)

Like Charles Bukowski said, We dont even ask for happiness, just a little less pain.

If I ask you, What do you feel when the sun rises? What do you feel when it starts to rain? How do you feel
when you see your best friend/lover look into your eyes across the room and smile? How do you feel when
your parents are laughing together at some old memory? How does it feel when you see leaves and flower
petals blowing in the wind and settling on the delicate ripples of the quiet lake or river or swamp? How do
you feel right now? What will you say?

I feel nothing. Or I dont know. Or I feel empty. Or I feel lost. Or I feel incomplete/insufficient/
trapped/suffocated/suppressed/underestimated. Or I dont feel like Im alive.

How many of you will say the following?

I feel hopeful. Or I feel content. Or I feel determined. Or I feel amazing. Or

I feel loved. Or I feel important.

If you do, awesome, but if you dont remember when was the last time you said that or thought that, please
reflect where it all went to hell and find your way from that point again, but this time a different approach. A
new one.

There is NOTHING AT ALL wrong with being sad. Ill even say good that youre feeling sad, it makes
you humble, but dont get stuck in it. Sadness is addicting, so is happiness but we all know which
one kills us faster.

Dont force yourself to be NOT sad, but try little by little to live without relying on the sadness, okay?

Then people will usually say, Well, we have no problem in trying to communicate like that, but we have this
feeling that nobody in our life really cares that much about us to listen to our deepest thoughts.

If its like that, you should start first. Take the first step to save someones life whilst saving your own in the
process. See how that relationship blooms, and see the dreadful, boring, painful and drawn out
conversations that lasts for 10 seconds disappear.
And if you still have nobody like that in your life, ASK YOURSELF these questions.

STOP RELYING ON OTHER PEOPLE TO COME AND SAVE YOU. NOBODY IS COMING. YOURE THE ONE YOURE
WAITING FOR.

Save yourself. Like right now.

Words: Oshin Ahlawat

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This Is How I Say Goodbye

I dont remember how I agreed. It was a bad idea from the very beginning. I didnt want to play the part of
the other woman, even in the remotest idea, when I used to be the only one. But you mentioned the word
closure. Something I was always guilty of depriving the people who loved me. So here I am, and we are at
this point.

I laid down the rules and you were as kind and understanding as I remembered you to be. I dont want
trouble, I said. And I would never want you to lose what you already have and deserved. The beautiful things
your God gave you. The life that I can never show you.

Your back was on me so I saw you first. I didnt have the jitters I thought I would have. But lately it seems
that feeling has been alien to me. But still, I would have thought this one would trigger a comeback. You
turned around and that smile I know so well. We eased into the conversation like old pals. Jesting and just
talking about life. Yours and mine. Separate and different from one another. Did you find it weird that were
talking about our lives this way? I did. When the last time we talked in person, your life and my life were one
and the same. That was years ago, but this is surreal.

You asked me questions and I gave you my honest answers. Answers I wouldnt have provided years ago
before circumstances forced me to grow. I wouldnt know how to answer you back then anyway. I didnt
know myself then the way I know myself now. Out of respect, I tried not to turn the conversation about her
as much as I can. A senseless sentiment, I know but what can I do? Its an instinct that my conscience forces
me to follow.

Its funny how the years seemed to not have made a difference. Were still the same people, maybe wiser,
maybe older. The old dynamic is still there. You were a part of me for the better part of my life. And I in yours.
But pretty soon, my son will turn 7 and he will be officially the longest relationship Ive had, hence will be
mostly my identity now. And as for you, your years with her are piling up going straight to forever. That is
why we know it will never be like how it was between us. Everythings the same, and everything has
changed.And so we part ways, Id like to think, as good friends. Though I know that will never be. I hope I
gave you what you were looking for. I hope I helped you hold on to that happiness you worked so hard for. I
hope you will find the peace that has probably eluded you like how it has with me.

I watched you walk away, almost exactly how I saw you again for the first time in years earlier today. As the
dim parking lot slowly took you away, I mentally patted myself on the back for handling this one well. Days
will turn into weeks and weeks to months and years. I file this under case closed in my mind and itll be just
a distant memory like all our other moments together. I searched myself and found nothing but happiness
for you. There were no sparks, no chemical reactions. No anxiety or panic. No fear or shame. No
awkwardness, not even embarrassment. There is even no giddiness or romantic thoughts or anything of that
sort.Only one thing. It felt like I was home. But that home is no longer mine. And this is where I finally say
goodbye.

Words: Jaclyn Bajar

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You Deserve The Type Of Love That Makes You Feel Like You Matter

You deserve someone that makes you feel like you are loved. Someone that makes you smile without any
effort. Someone that doesnt forget to message or call you not someone whose attention you have to
repeatedly beg for.

You deserve someone that you can eat pizza or fries with in your PJs and watch Harry Potter with all day
long. Someone that always makes time for you, no matter how busy he is. Someone that randomly gives
you flowers, because he knows you love them not someone that doesnt realize a year has passed and you
still havent received even a single rose.

You deserve someone that holds doors for you. Someone that will watch your favorite Youtube videos with
you. Someone that tags you on Facebook when he saw something funny, because he wants you to see it,
too.

You deserve someone that randomly surprises you just because, and also because you love sweet surprises.
Someone that makes an effort and is not just all talk. Someone that wouldnt make you feel like youre only
in his life for him to learn more about women so that his next relationship will be better than yours.

You deserve someone that remembers and appreciates little things not someone that says, Those are just
small things. Whats the big deal? Someone that truly cares about you and asks you every single day how
work went. Someone that you can hold onto when times get rough. Someone that tells you what is right
instead of telling you the things that you want to hear.

You deserve someone that loves every bit of you all of your flaws, all your imperfections. Someone that has
seen you at your worst and still sticks by you. Someone that makes you feel like youre not an option, but
one of his priorities. Someone that loves you unconditionally, no matter what problems the universe has
thrown at you.

You deserve someone that makes you feel like you matter. Someone that you can get excited with about the
future, because you see each other in it. Someone that makes you look forward to what life has yet to offer.

Because we all deserve to feel that kind of love and happiness. No matter who you are or what youve done,
you deserve to have someone that truly gives a shit about you. Someone that wont leave.

You deserve someone that makes you experience pure bliss.

I hope we all find that special someone who gives us that kind of love. Someday. Somehow.

Words: Amielle De Torres

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You Deserve To Be The Most Important Person To Someone, No Matter What

You deserve to be the first thing someone things about in the morning. You deserve to feel completely and
truly wanted. You deserve someone to eat pizza and ice cream in bed with you when youre having a rough
day. You deserve someone to pull the car up to the curb when its pouring rain, even if that means they get
soaked. You deserve someone who actually, truly and completely gives a shit about you. Someone who
returns your phone calls and answers your texts, not someone whose attention you have to repeatedly beg
for.

You deserve someone who thinks about you, all the time. You deserve someone who cares about you
enough to worry when they havent heard from you all day. You deserve someone you can count on and rely
on when things get tough. You deserve someone to watch your favorite TV shows with. You deserve
someone who is committed to you. You deserve someone who thinks youre sexy in sweatpants. You deserve
someone who genuinely cares how your day went.

You deserve someone who will hold the door open for you, but still smack your ass as you walk by. You
deserve someone who will whisper sweet words into your ear, but also talk dirty to you. You deserve
someone who wants you in every way imaginable, who loves you unconditionally and is head over heels in
love you with. You deserve to be the most important person in the world to someone. You deserve to be the
person they couldnt imagine living without.

Because everyone, and I mean everyone, deserves someone to keep them looking for tomorrow.To keep
them looking forward to better things and keep them excited about life. Everyone deserves that type of love
and happiness. I dont care who you are or what youve done, but you deserve to feel like you matter and
you deserve to have someone give a shit about you.

Life is hard and life can surely suck sometimes, but its a hell of a lot better with someone you can count on
by your side.Love makes the world go round, love is the strongest force to reckon with and love is the most
powerful weapon.You deserve to be the most important person to someone because life isnt meant to be
tackled on your own. Life is meant to be filled with laughter and kindness, generosity and hope and a
passion for others.

Everyone deserves to be someones yes, instead of someones maybe. Everyone deserves to be pursued and
to feel wanted. Everyone deserves to be a priority, not always an option. Everyone deserves all this and more
because life is meant to be shared with those you love and cherish.

There is no such thing as too much love. If you love someone tell them, they deserve it. They deserve to
know how much you care about them and what youre feeling. Even if youve told them a thousand times,
tell them a thousand more because they deserve to hear it.

Everyone deserves love. Everyone deserves to feel important. Everyone deserves to feel like they matter. And
everyone deserves to be the most important person to someone.Everyone deserves that magic.
Words: Becca Martin

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You Dont Deserve Someone Who Comes Back, You Deserve Someone Who Never Leaves

I used to wonder about people coming back after theyve decided to leave. I used to wait for the day they
come back and realize that they messed up or realize that life is miserable without me. But then I realized
that better than all this mess is someone who never leaves.Someone who never leaves when you hit bumps
in the road, someone who never leaves when the rain starts falling down on you, someone who never leaves
no matter how many other people are trying to get their attention, someone who chooses to stay every
single day.

You deserve someone who never leaves when you tell them about the things you did that youre ashamed
of and the things that happened to you that you promised not to tell anyone. When you tell them about the
things you really dont like about yourself and the things you hated about your past. You deserve someone
who never leaves no matter how dark it gets.You deserve someone who never leaves when you tell them
how much you love them, how much you really want to make them happy and how they make you feel
something no else made you feel before. How they are special to you and how you really just want to spend
your days looking at them and spend your nights sleeping in their arms.

You deserve someone who stays no matter how passionately you

display your love and how fearlessly you show your emotions.
You deserve someone who is not afraid of the way you love
them.
You deserve someone who never leaves even if they found a better job or made more money or bought a
fancier car. Someone who never leaves when theyre at their best, when they can get anyone they want but
still choose you, when they dont even care about exploring all these other options to realize your worth
because they know what they have and they know that you are one of a kind. You deserve someone who
makes you believe that some people can stay.You deserve someone who never leaves when things are not
that exciting, when life becomes overwhelming for you to handle, when you are tired all the time, when
youre lost and confused and dont know what to do next, when you keep doubting yourself and your
capabilities. You deserve someone who reminds you of how you survived, someone who reminds you of
your strength, someone who reminds you of your greatness and someone who reminds you that even
though you can make it on your own, they want to be there, they dont want you to be alone this time and
they want to fight your battles with you.

Even though we all have that one person we wish could come back, what we really should wish for is
someone who never leaves. Someone who left before could leave again but someone who couldve left but
decided to stay is exactly the kind of person you need to be with is exactly the kind of person you deserve
to be with.

Words: Rania Naim

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To My Fellow Women, This Is How You Deserve To Be Treated

Somewhere along the way, weve all become guilty of accepting much less than we deserve. And instead of
this standard we once had that was so high, we find flattery in not being treated like shit. Weve allowed
immediate gratification, to screw with our heads. Weve accepted way less than weve deserved. Weve
allowed people to talk to us, in a manner thats demeaning. And as long as they say sorry after we cry, we
forgive them. Weve succumb to peer pressure and pleasing others without asking someone for something
we want. Weve been made to feel guilty for even asking. Because somewhere along the way someone has
told us we dont deserve that, and we foolishly believed them.

But Im here to tell you, you never deserved any of those things. Because the things you want are out there,
and the person who will treat you well and with respect is wondering where all the people who deserve it
are. Weve allowed ourselves to alter our perception, of what we are looking for and its messing with us.

But you shouldnt settle for average or mediocre.

Because you deserve more than that. Because I know exactly what youd be willing to give someone else,
and thats what you deserve.

You deserve every fantasy to become reality. You deserve those cliches you watch in movies, to come to
reality before your eyes and not just on a screen.

You deserve someone asking you to slow dance on a weeknight in the street.

You deserve someone unapologetically pouring their heart out to you. Not just you being the one to say I
love you and someone reply thank you.

You deserve a radio being played outside your window. Not songs that make you cry as you find the
company in heartbreak.

You deserve flowers sent to your office. But if he knows you, hell know to send chocolate first.

You deserve being a part of their entire world, not being their best-kept secret.

You deserve Sunday morning where they want you to stay.

You deserve to never feel badly for saying what you think and feel.

You deserve texts to always be answered fast. And not leave you confused.

You deserve actual phone calls because hes had a bad day and just hearing your voice make it better.

You deserve someone who wants to be there, not someone who is bored.

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You deserve sleeping next to someone who leaves you whole, not lying next to a stranger that makes you
feel lonely.

You deserve long car rides where you dont know where you are going, but theres a confidence in the
person next to you, because no matter where that might be, youll get there together.

You deserve someone singing you your favorite song, even if it took them weeks to learn.

You deserve someone who wants to go to the ends of the earth to be with you, not someone who makes you
go all the way alone.

Because relationships are 50/50.

You deserve kissing without asking. Because they want to.

And making love, not just having sex. Because there is a difference between sleeping with someone and
doing it with someone you love.

You deserve to have someone helps carry the burdens life throws at you. Because life struggles were never
meant to be endured alone. You dont deserve someone who is making things more complicated.

You deserve someone drying your tears, never causing them.

You deserve all these things. You just have to be brave enough to ask for it. Because its there, youre vision
though has been made blurry with tears.

Please, my dear, life is too short and you are too young, you are too beautiful, you are too worth it to settle
for anything less than extraordinary. And I know you question if its out there, but it is. Its waiting for you,
but you are fixating upon these men or boys that are temporary highs. Thats all they will ever be. But when
you meet the right person that temporary high you get addicted to, will last your entire life.

Because soul mates are real. And love is something you can believe in. I need you to trust. Trust it blindly
until it becomes a reality.

Words: Kirsten Corley

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Why We Need To Remember To Respect Ourselves

Ive noticed a disconcerting trend among my 20-something friends: a lack of respect for their bodies and
themselves. With the creation and growing popularity of apps like Tinder (for those of you lucky enough not
to encounter it yet, Tinder is more or less a hot or not app for 20-somethings), the typical conventions of
dating are becoming even less frequent. More and more, my friends are allowing themselves to be used
and tossed away by people who arent even worth the time of day people that they would never have gone
for before. And its frustrating and disconcerting, because determining your self-worth in someone elses
eyes is just a recipe for disaster.

1. We deserve more. Its simple: no one deserves to be used for sex and tossed to the side like garbage.
Weve heard the lectures from our health teachers, moms, or other guardians since we were children. We
know, somewhere deep down, that we deserve way more than some hormone-crazed crush that says pretty
things for approximately two days before disappearing back into the woodwork. Whether you believe it or
not, you are actually worth something outside of the bedroom.

2. Were slowly breaking ourselves. I cant count the number of friends that Ive seen break down in tears
because they really thought that some guy was different. I cant count the number of friends that Ive
heard beat themselves up for being so stupid, or for falling for it again. The more we beat ourselves up
and hold ourselves accountable for the way someone else treats us, the more were going to feel like we
deserved to be treated that way (see #1).

3. Were smarter than this. Ill be honest, Im definitely guilty of adopting the aforementioned Im so
stupid mentality from time to time. And, in reality, we are being stupid when we fall for the same nice
words and cute smiles over and over again. Were smart enough to know when someone is just using us
we just might not want to see it. But, if your best friend can see it, trust them. They know what theyre talking
about.

4. Were going to break our trust bone. Okay, so we dont actually have a trust bone. But, if we did, wed
certainly be fracturing it. You can only give your trust away so many times before you become convinced that
you should never trust again. Someday, somebody will come along and be worthy of our trust, and we dont
want to be too scared to realize it when that day comes.

5. Were not really going to be alone. I think a lot of 20-somethings (myself included) are overwhelmed by
the amount of engagements/marriages/babies popping up on our Facebook newsfeeds. A lot of us become
so convinced that, if we dont meet the one tomorrow, were probably going to die alone, surrounded by
cats. Think about it realistically: there are over 7 billion people in the world. What makes you think that
youre going to be special enough to avoid the drama of love and make it out alone?

So, remind yourself that youre worth more than you think. You deserve more than youre accepting. As one
of my favorite quotes says, If you dont love yourself, youll always be chasing after people who dont love
you either.
Words: Meagan Pittelko

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One Day, Youll Spend Christmas With Your Forever Person

One day, you wont be alone on Christmas. Youll roll over, before your alarm clock even rings, and snuggle
into his chest for a few blissful minutes before your excitement takes over and you cant wait any longer to
give him the gift you picked out months earlier. The gift that contains all of your love wrapped up with a bow
and an address label that says his silly nickname across it.

One day, youll have someone to kiss beneath the mistletoe. Someone to sing crappy holiday songs with as
they play over the grocery store speakers. Someone to finish off your eggnog when you know youve had
enough. Someone to debate whether you should watch Nightmare Before Christmas now or if you
shouldve watched it back in October.

One day, your forever person will help you hold the shopping bags as you wander around the mall. Hell
give you suggestions on what you should buy for each family member, even the cat. And when you get
home, hell wear the elf hat you bought for him and let you take selfies, even though he knows how
ridiculous he looks and that the pictures are going to end up plastered across Instagram.

One day, youre going to be excited about December, just like you were when you were a kid, because youll
get to experience the old traditions again. Youll decorate gingerbread houses. String lights around the tree.
Make sugar cookies in the shape of reindeer and snowmen (and probably a penis or two).

One day, youll unwrap your presents and you wont get an ugly pair of earrings or a generic scarf like your
exes gave you. Youll get something personalized. Something that proves that your person really knows you
and exactly what would bring a smile to your soft lips.

One day, Christmas wont feel like a materialistic day. It wont be about the presents or the sales or the
holiday bonuses. Itll be about the fact that you get to see your forever person with their family. Hugging
their nieces and nephews. Helping their grandparents take the turkey out of the oven. Getting on the floor
to play with their childhood dog.

One day, youll have someone special to bring home to your own parents someone that swaps jokes with
your cousins and compliments your aunts cooking. And if your family has already fallen apart, if time has
eroded your love of Christmas, then you wont be as disappointed as you used to be when the holidays roll
around, because youll have a new family. A family with your forever person.

One day, youll end up spending Christmas with the love of your life. And every single year after that, youll
get to do it again.

Words: Holly Riordan

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This Is What I Mean When I Say I Have Trust Issues

When I say I have trust issues, I dont mean that Im unwilling to take a chance on love. That Im going to
refuse to date, because Im too terrified of the potential that Ill get hurt. That I believe Im better off on my
own and am never going to give relationships a shot.

I mean that Ive watched so many different relationships collapse that I dont see how any manage to stay
standing. I mean that Im a realist who understands how often people lie, how often people cheat. I mean
that Im scared, but I will take the chance. I will let myself love. It just wont be easy for me.

When I say I have trust issues, I dont mean that my paranoia has complete power over me. I dont mean
that Im going to restrict you from hanging out with female friends or burst into tears when you fail to notice
my new haircut.

I mean that Im wary of being replaced. That I dont think as highly of myself as I should. That Im worried
about you finding someone that gets you better than I do, that treats you better than I ever could.

When I say I have trust issues, I dont mean that Im going to invade your privacy. That Im going to search
through your bedroom drawers and try to crack the code to your iPhone. I dont mean that Im going to be
suspicious of everything you do.

I mean that Im going to expect open and honest communication. That Im going to ask you questions about
work and your family and your exes, so I feel like Im in the loop. That Im going to come to you when I have
doubts about us, so we can work things out instead of letting my fears fester.

When I say I have trust issues, I dont mean that Im going to unfairly accuse you of cheating on me. It
doesnt mean Im going to act irrationally and spark needless fights. It doesnt mean that Im giving myself
permission to be an asshole and treat you like a liar, even though youve done nothing to betray me.

I mean that there are going to be moments when my insecurity overshadows my intellect. When a pretty girl
walks by and I get quiet, because Im comparing myself to her. When we have a fight and my crying is
uncontrollable, because Im worried youre about to leave. When I doubt our relationship for silly little
reasons.

When I say I have trust issues, I dont mean that Im against the idea of marriage and children and moving
in together. I dont mean that Im going to keep my secrets to myself and completely shut you out. I dont
mean that Im going to act like a stranger, instead of your teammate.

I mean that Im going to prepare myself for a life without you. That I wont let myself rely on you to pay every
bill and wash every dish. That Im going to sustain my independence, just in case things end. Just in case I
end up on my own again.

Words: Holly Riordan

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Its Time To Let Go Of The One That Got Away

We all hold onto that one person. The one that (we think) was perfect. He is the one that we still think about
today the one that crosses our minds in moments when we least expect it. We wonder if he still thinks
about us. When we think about him, those feelings of what if and why resurface. Of course we still
wonder if he still thinks about us if he still remembers how good we had it. And even if we try to hide it, he
is the one that we still picture in our fantasized future, flawless and unscathed.

He is the one that got away.

Now that hes gone, we wonder how we could have let him go. Why did we let him gowhat were we
thinking? The couldves and shouldves eat away at us and our thoughts begin to move in circles. Could
we have fought harder? Should we have stayed together? Why didnt we realize what we had when we still
had it? As we go down this road, we start to wonder should we reach out again? Maybe he was worth
fighting for.

We romanticize him because we cared for him in a way that we hadnt cared for someone before. We
romanticize him because we are only remembering the good parts the butterflies, the button down shirts,
and the late night walks and phone calls. We remember what we fell for and how our hearts felt. We
remember feeling that he was our forever boy.

But we dont like to remind ourselves of the reasons why things didnt work out.

We try not to remember all of the things that couldve been better, and all of the ways that we werent
meant for each other. We brush these realizations aside because these are more painful. These dont bring
us back to that same warm and safe place. Instead we just focus on the good times. We forget about the way
our connection slowly died. We forget about the way he closed himself off, little by little, then all at once. We
forget about the ways we became distant, and the ways our lives began to split into our own separate paths.

Whether we think about the good times, or we think about the broken times, nothing changes in
the story.

Whether you let him go, or he let you go, he still got away. No matter how it ended, something changed or
something was missing. Something happened. Maybe you truly felt like he was perfect for you. Maybe you
still loved him long after it ended. But you have to remember the truth and the facts. There was something
that got in the way something that was stronger than the relationship. Something just wasnt meant to be.

You see, hes the one that got away for a reason. He was never here to stay.

No matter what, he was never going to be the one. If he was really meant to be in your life, he would be.
As simple as that. He wouldnt be the one that got away he would be the one that stayed. He wouldnt be
the one in the past, he would be the one in the now. Whether he left you or you left him, whether the timing
just was never right, or whether one of you fell for someone else, he still left. Or you still left. Whether he

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fought for you or whether he walked away, he still stopped fighting. Or maybe you stopped fighting. But
either way, he still got away.

This doesnt mean that you cant still think about him, or that you cant love the parts of him that changed
you. This doesnt mean that you need to forget about him he became a part of who you are today. This
doesnt mean that he didnt love or that you shouldnt have been together. You dont need to be torn up by
regret.

But it does mean that you can release your sadness and relieve your regrets. In the moment, the situation
was perfect for you. But now you are in a new moment. Now you are in a new stage. And he is no longer for
you. He wasnt the one for you.

You see the one for you is still out there.

Maybe youre with him now, or maybe youre not. The one that is worth it is the one that stays; the one that
you hold on to. The one that is worth it is the one that is worth fighting for and the one that thinks you are
worth fighting for.

Let yourself remember the one that got away, let yourself think about him. But understand that you dont
need to delve back into the past you dont need to try to do it all over again. He got away for a reason. You
dont need to pine for him or wait for him to come around again. He got away because he isnt your forever
boy.

Wait for the one that is.

Wait for the one that stays.

Words: Colleen George

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Why Closing Yourself Off Is A Bad Idea, Even If Youve Been Hurt

I was sitting here trying to write about how apps are ruining modern dating and how maybe its social
media we have to blame until it dawned on me that maybe Im the problem.

When I say that, what I mean is that Ive had my heart broken so many times and Ive become jaded as a
result. I am so afraid of getting hurt that I end things before I get too attached to avoid disappointment. A
good friend once told me that the best way to avoid heartbreak is to pretend that you dont have a
heart, and I may have taken his advice a little too seriously.

I first realized that I might be the problem the moment I noticed how often I have to apologize for my erratic
behavior in a relationship. Whenever I start to have feelings for someone, I end up sabotaging the whole
thing subconsciously. In no way do I find this funny, nor am I proud of my behavior. I am actually quite
embarrassed by it. I tend to act up, overthink, pick fights, pursue other people, say things I dont mean, and
send mixed signals. Ultimately, my erratic behavior drives the other person away. I guess its just
easier to push someone away than it is to deal with real emotions. The more I like someone, the
more I push.

The funny thing about being self-protectiveabout avoiding real relationships and the feelings they come
withis that you still get hurt in the process. You also end up hurting your potential lover, which is probably
even worse. Heartbreak is inevitable for everyone, but just because your heart is broken, doesnt
mean you need to break theirs too since youre too confused or immature to figure out what to do
with it.

I definitely have moments when I get scared that I am going to end up alone. I tell myself that maybe
relationships arent for everyone. That maybe I just havent met my match. That my day will come. That right
now its better to focus on my career. Deep down inside, though, Im sad and worried that my time might
never come.

Recently, I was hanging out with a couple friends in the entertainment industry. The three of us agreed that
dating would be too distracting and that wed rather be alone. But the truth is, there were three broken
hearts in that room. Each of us had a pretty bad past relationship experience that left us wounded
and closed off.

It makes perfect sense that every relationship is bound to failuntil you find the right person. But here I am,
alone, sabotaging every relationship before it even starts, preventing myself from giving the right person a
chance to show up.

What is wrong with me!?

I write jokes about it, I laugh it off, I reassure myself about how great it is to be single. But all I secretly
want is to come home to someone who loves me and wants to hear everything about my day.

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Growing up, I didnt have an emotional connection with my father. I wrote about the root of my daddy
issues in my first blog post. There were so many moments when I wanted to hug him and tell him how
much I loved him, but we just didnt have that type of relationship and I was scared of rejection. I know it
sounds stupid to feel scared of being rejected by your own father, but he just wasnt the kind of dad
who showed his emotions or welcomed them in return. He wasnt raised that way, so neither was I.

When I was young, I had so much built up anger towards my dad. I would scream things like I hate you or
leave me alone all the time, pushing him farther and farther away. What I probably meant to say, was:

Hey dad, I wish you would tell me that you love me more often. Its almost been a year since you last said it.
Yes, I keep track because you only say it once a year, on my birthday. Im jealous that youre always so proud
of my sister and that you treat her differently. I know my sister is better than I am at everything, but I still
need you to love me and reassure me that Im enough just as I am. Youre always so hard on me and quick to
point out my flaws. I know thats your way of showing your loveby pushing me to be my best selfbut dad,
Im just a kid and I really need you to hold me like Im your little girl and love me back unconditionally.
Youve broken my heart so many times and I dont know how much more I can take.

And there you have it. My first heartbreak happened long before I dated any guy. My dad broke my heart
before anyone else did. He and I have since repaired our relationship, hes my hero and I love him with all of
my heart, my whole family is very close. Weve gotten to the point where we no longer hold our feelings
back, but it seems like I am still struggling. I have commitment issues, Im terrified of rejection, and I
get angry and/or push people away instead of saying how I truly feel about them.

But this blog isnt about blaming anyone for how I turned out. This blog isnt about asking for pity because
daddy didnt hug me enough growing up, or because my ex cheated on me.

No. The purpose of this blog is to say that Ive had my heart broken a lot, but Ive accepted my past and I
finally feel ready to move on. This blog is about acknowledging what Im doing wrong and explaining that I
know why Im still single. Its about recognizing my flaws and pledging to work on myself. Most of all,
its about sharing my experience because I hope that some of you will relate and maybe take a step
forward in bettering yourselves as well.

Its easier to blame your inability to accept love on an ex or a painful past relationship than it is to look
inside yourself and face your demons. When I finally stopped blaming my ex and my father for my
commitment issues and set aside my ego to take a long hard look at myself, I didnt like what I saw. What I
saw was an insecure girl who hadnt yet learned how to love herselfwho was clinging to the wrong guys
and rushing into things just to fill a void. I saw a girl who wondered why anyone would like her because she
didnt always like herself.

Letting someone in is scary. But when you close yourself off

completely, you miss out on some amazing opportunities.

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I believe that you truly grow up when you stop blaming others and start taking responsibility for the things
that dont work out in your life. In my case, theres no reason to blame social media, online apps, my strict
Russian upbringing, or any of my lame, unfaithful exes for the reason Im still single.

Today, I am fully aware that until I change, my relationship status is destined to stay the same. I
need to come to terms with the fact that I attract the wrong people and destroy my own chances at finding
true love. I have to let go of the pain I am holding onto and forgive those who have wronged me because
there is no longer any room in my heart for that kind of baggage. But first most of all, I need to work on
myself and love myself before I can love anyone else.

Words: Violet Benson

Why Saying That You Have Trust Issues Will Hurt You In The End

Do you want to know the worst thing you can say to someone youre dating? I have trust issues. Seriously,
thats like giving the crown to the wrong contestant and then turning around and saying, My bad, you
didnt really win. (I know, I still cant believe that really happened).

Anyway, you get what Im saying. Here they are basking in the thought of a beautiful relationship with you
and there you go ripping away that reality with your trust issues. Honestly, it isnt fair. Not to them though,
to you. Youre selling yourself short every time you allow ANYTHING from a past relationship to hinder the
potential of a new one. Thats for another day though. Here is whats its like for the person on the other end
of your trust issues.

I know you dont trust anybody, but you can trust me [seriously].

Usually the person on the other end of your trust issues wants nothing more than to assure you that you can
trust them with your heart. When you choose to pursue a new relationship in spite of your current trust
issues, it is unfair not to give your new partner the opportunity to be someone who can earn your trust. You
should want to overcome those issues for the sake of your relationship anyway. After all, if you dont have
trust, you dont have anything.

If you let me in, I can show you how to trust againbut you keep blocking me out.

One of the hardest parts of being on the other end of your trust issues is the lack of (much needed)
communication. As a result of trying to guard your heart, you have a tendency to block people outeven the
people who care about you most. Its hard to be in that position, especially when that person wants to be the
person you feel safe enough to trust. They are usually willing to go above and beyond to show you how to
trust again. At the same time, it hurts them a lot to know that even though they will do whatever it takes for
you to feel safe trusting them, that you wont take the risk and do just that.

Should I be patient or am I wasting my time?

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When the person on the other end of your trust issues is trying to show you that you can trust them, they
already have to approach the situation knowing that its going to take a great deal of patience. While they
exercise patience though, the goal is to see some form of progress with you; otherwise it feels like wasted
time. Again, it isnt fair to be in a relationship with someone that you have no intentions of trusting. Dont
waste your time or theirs.

I understand that they hurt you and broke your trust, but I AM NOT THEM.

Another very difficult part of being the person on the other end of your trust issues is having to pay for
actions that arent your own. What most people with trust issues fail to realize is that just because one
person betrayed your trust doesnt mean that everyone else will. If you get into a new relationship after the
one responsible for your trust issues, leave the past behind you. Dont treat your new partner like you know
they are going to betray your trust or worseas if they already have.

If you wont let your guard down and trust me, this will never work.

Bottom line is, without trust the relationship will fail. If you feel completely unable to trust the person on the
other end of your trust issues, you should let them go. Understand that it hurts just as bad as it did when
your trust was betrayed to learn that someone youve worked so hard to prove your loyalty to doesnt have
any intentions of trusting you. When you give your best and it isnt enough, that is really damaging. Trust
me; Ive been there.

Ultimately, its worth working through. If you know you have trust issues, stop using that as a warning. Its an
excuse not to overcome the problem. Deal with it and move on from the previous situation that caused the
issue in the first place. Let it go!

Words: Isis Nezbeth

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You Think You Got Away With Breaking My Heart, But All You Did Was Make Me Stronger

I know you think you got away with it purely by how you talk to me today. God, even the fact that you think
you have the right to talk to me today, years later, as though the deep gaping wounds you left behind
healed over without a mark to be seen.

No. You gave me scars. Theyre not pretty ones, either theyre puckered and puffy and people can see
them. They see them in the way I always question if Ive said the right thing, the way Im always comparing
myself to everyone else in the room. The way I have to ask, over and over again: Am I enough?

Yeah, you think you got away with it. You walked off into the sunset after assuring me that no, I was not
enough, what we had was fun but you needed something real. You said those words to me. You said a lot of
words to me.

Did you ever consider that I thought we were real? That

maybe, just maybe, by telling me you loved me, you made
me think such a thing?
Sure, there were the little digs here and there. The color of my skin, the size of my breasts. You would quiz
me on which Billy Joel song was best (note: its NOT Piano Man, as I learned) and the meaning of certain
poems (note: my answer is NEVER correct, as I learned.) I was young and full of hope and I thought this was
the way it was supposed to feel, the sudden flash of pain followed by a small comfort. A hand smacking the
back of mine only to gently rub the red, stinging skin there.

You think you got away with it because I let you get away with it for so long.

You think you got away with it because you think, in your wake, you left me broken.

Well, fuck you. Fuck the sunset you walked off into. Because you
didnt break me. You scarred me. Theres a difference.
I love each and every one of those scars.

They remind me what I dont deserve. They remind me that while I may make mistakes and yes, those
mistakes may have lasting consequences they dont have to hurt forever. Making mistakes is okay.

Yeah, I question whether Ive said the right thing, and I learn from it. The next time will be right.

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Yeah, I compare myself to everyone in the room, and I learn from it. Everyone has something I can observe
that can make me a better person.

Yeah, I have to ask if Im enough. Now the answer is: yes. I am enough. I was just not enough for you.

And you know what? Thats okay too.

You broke my heart but you didnt break me. You made me stronger.

But no, I will not say that you got away with it. The scars you gave me will always be a reminder; I will never
be the same since you walked off into that fucking sunset.

Maybe I should thank you for that.

Words: Amber Mortenson

To the Guy Who Never Chose Me

You are my person. You told me I was yours too. You are the one I always wanted to tell my stories to. You are
the one I always wanted to see each day. In every single thing, you are my first.

People keep telling me that youre poison.

But, no; you are my sanity. You are my savior. You pull me up whenever I wallow in darkness. You are
enough for me.

But you are also tiring. Every now and then, I question myself if everything that Im doing is worth it; I think
to myself that I have given more than I shouldve. It was practically like I lived for you. I prioritized you over
myself to the point that your sanity comes over mine. Ive been there for you through thick and thin
through every breakdown youve had.

But you were never there for any of mine. You are always the first one I want to talk to when it feels like the
world is crashing down on me; when if feels like everyone else is walking away. It was always you. Yet not
even once have you been there for me.

I do believe that people love differently. We cannot expect others to love us the way we expect them
to, or want them to.. but youre too much.

You are confusing. We became close. I thought of you as my best friend. Then people started pointing out
how different youve been treating me; how special they believe I am to you that we might be something
more than friends. That possibility never crossed my mind until almost everyone brought it up.

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Little by little, I might have reciprocated every sweet gesture youve done for me. I enjoyed every night youd
text me that youre coming over and wed stay up late talking about all sorts of things, just enjoying each
others company, or just singing our hearts out. Somewhere along the way, I might have started to fall for
you.

But I reached my limit. I confronted you. I wanted to establish what we really were. I wanted you to tell me
that Im not the only one feeling this way. I was right. You told me that Im different from everyone else. You
told me you treated me differently. But I was also wrong. You told me youre sorry for the confusion for
crossing the line. You told me Im just your best friend. Youre too much.

Little by little, reality started to unfold right before my eyes.

I wasnt your person. I was merely a safety net you clung onto. I was merely the person who made
herself available to you. I was merely the person you needed when you feel down because I listen to
you; because I try to understand you.

I wasnt the one you wanted to tell your stories to. I was merely the one willing to listen to you.

Youre only there when you need me. You left me hanging. They were right. You are poison. Ive been too
blinded to see that I was tearing away a piece of me every time I tried to patch you up.

If you ever come across this, I hope you do realize that its you. Ill never admit it to you if you ask me
though.

I know that youll tell me that its not what you intended to do. But you always made me feel this way. I
made excuses for you. I rationalized for you.

I know youll tell me that youre damaged, thats why. But I also am damaged. We both are. But I was the
one who always gave more. Rather, I was the only one giving until I had nothing left for myself.

You were right. Ive done more than I should. And it ends here.
You never chose me. And now Im choosing myself.
You arent worth it.
I am finally walking away. I am finally saying goodbye.
I will always love you. I know that a part of me will always do.

Farewell.

Words: Tris Langit

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This Is Why Its So Hard To Lose Someone Who Was Never Yours

Just when I accepted that things were going to be bleak, you came. You were that one person I didnt expect
to majorly turn things around for me. To be honest, I thought our first date would be our last because you
were a bit quiet; which made me think you werent enjoying my company. Little did I know, that it was just
the beginning of the happy moments that are now just memories etched in my mind.

We were total opposites but our personalities jived greatly. While you were mostly reserved, you never
failed to make me feel that I was wanted. Your texts were consistent, you made sure we saw each other
regularly, you constantly held my hand, and always kissed me when I arrived and before I left. I appreciated
that even though we never talked about what we really were, you always made me feel special. I always
marveled at the effort you put into us, and I am very grateful for all of it.

At some point I started feeling genuinely happy again.

Having you in my life made me hopeful that I might have
another shot at happiness.
I still had bad days, but knowing that you were there made everything bearable, because I knew I had
something good to look forward to. You were my happy pill; just the thought of you in my life made me
smile. Thinking about us always made me feel like everything was going to be okay, and I truly believed we
were going to end up somewhere great.

But now Im back to square one. You left me when things went glum. I cant completely blame you because
the situation was frightening, but I wish youd stayed. I know things went insane, but I was willing to do
everything in my power to keep you safe. But you made me feel as if I wasnt worth the risk, even though I
took every chance for you. I put my guard down for you in spite of my fears of being hurt, because I believed
you were worth it. I also understood your fears. I know it wouldnt have been easy, but you didnt even give
me another chance to prove that you were safe with me. You didnt trust me enough.

Despite all this, I miss you so much. I miss your texts, the way you hold my hand every chance that
you get, the way you put your arms around me while I wait for the bus or the car, your tight hugs
that say everything you cant, the way you rub your nose against mine, and the kisses that never
failed to make me smile. The two months we spent together were amazing.

I know maybe thats too short of a time to be feeling this

way, but I guess this is really how it feels when you lose

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someone who was never really yours. You get eaten up by
the what-ifs and the what-could-have-beens.
You will always be left wondering how things would have gone had the situation been different.

Its difficult to get used to days without you again. I wanted more time with you, I wanted more memories
with you, but now I just have to be content with what we had. I still hope youll come back and take a chance
on me, but I know its all just wishful thinking at this point. It hurts so badly, but I still want to thank you for
everything. Thank you for making me see that I can still be happy again. Thank you for making me feel
special. Thank you for the opportunity to be with someone as wonderful as you. I never thought Id get this
chance again but now I know, there are still good guys left in this world.

So I guess theres nothing else to do but to move on. Its going to be a rough road ahead, and there will be
times when I will stumble and fall, but Ill have to force myself to keep moving. I have to believe that
somewhere, there is that one man who will be brave enough to climb my walls, take my hand, and never let
it go, no matter what obstacles well have to go through. Its hard but I have to keep the faith that somehow,
everything will fall into its place.

Words: Deianira Jae P. Fabi

I Cant Wait For The Day I Care As Little About You As You Cared About Me

I remember how tender you were with me, how gentle. You were always so busy, but you almost always
texted me back. We worked together to build inside jokes and mutual laughs. You told me how important
our snapchat streak was to you, implying that I was important to you. You talked about how much we would
hang out, and how awesome it would be.

I pulled off a chunk of my life and gave it to you, but maybe you never noticed? I slowly started to realize
that you made me happy. Talking to you made me happy, sending tiny jokes to each other made me happy,
thinking about you made me happy. So I finally let myself be happy let myself be happy with the idea of
you.

And then one night you came back to my place, worming your way through my heart and then my pants.
You whispered honey about how beautiful I was, about how clever I was, about how special I was to you.
When we woke up the next morning you promised to text me (you didnt), that you would text me soon (you
didnt), and that our time together was special to you (it wasnt).

I had once dreamed that more than once I might wake up next to you, but instead I began waking up next to
an empty phone. I had once dreamed that I meant something to you, but apparently I was just flimsy trash. I
had once dreamed that you would hold my hand, but apparently you only wanted to hold my ass.

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And I moved on. I bucked up. I kept going to class, going to work, hanging out with friends. I didnt let
myself cry over you. I did okay.

But Im still carrying you.

Im still carrying every inside joke, every playful tease, every laugh I exhaled.

Im still carrying all your texts, snapchats, and promises of care.

Im still carrying the incredible heaviness that comes from unrequited affection. I fell for you. I never wanted
to at times I actively fought it but I did. And at the exact moment I surrendered myself to you, you cast
me away used and unneeded.

I dont think about you all the time, anymore. But when I do, it still stings. Like a tiny wound someone
obtains, but then forgets about, almost always out of sight. But every once in a while, we bump that bruise
against something that feel intense pain. Like when I see my friends in happy, easy relationships. Or when I
see your tweets about someone newer somewhere better than me.

And every day, the bruise gets better get smaller. And I cannot wait until the day that I care as little about
you as you cared about me.

Words: Jacob Geers

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This Is Why You Never Knew I Liked You

You never knew I liked you, because I had no idea how you felt about me. I refused to reveal my feelings
when I wasnt sure if you would return them. Instead, I tried to dissect your every move, your every text, to
figure out if you liked me, too. But when I came up with nothing, I gave you nothing.

You never knew I liked you, because Im terrified of getting hurt. Every time I found myself getting close to
you, I drew myself back, because I was afraid of what would happen. I dont know if I was more terrified of
getting rejected by you or of starting a real relationship with you, but it doesnt matter. Not anymore.

You never knew I liked you, because my idea of flirting is so subtle and delicate that you mistook it for
friendliness. Whenever I threw you a cute little smile or found the bravery to message you first, you thought
I was just being nice. You never realized I wanted something more than camaraderie. So much more.

You never knew I liked you, because I tried to convince myself that I didnt like you. To push back my
feelings. To destroy them. I denied how I felt about you until you became nothing but spec in the back of my
mind.

You never knew I liked you, because instead of calling you up to tell you how I felt, I complained to my
friends about how stupid you were or wrote poetry in my journal or just listened to music with lyrics that
reminded me of you. But I never considered letting you in on how I felt. Not once.

You never knew I liked you, because I didnt want you to get confused about my intentions. I didnt want you
to sleep with me and then leave the next morning, assuming I wanted a meaningless fling with you. I didnt
want to become another one of your one-night stands. Another name in your phone youd ignore if I called.

You never knew I liked you, because I enjoyed our silly back and forth conversations. Our banter. Our
teasing. I didnt want to ruin what we already had, even if it meant losing out on something that couldve
been better.

You never knew I liked you, because I knew how many other people liked you. That I didnt stand a chance.
So instead of trying to win you over, I gave up before even entering the race. I left room for someone else to
slip into your life, because Id rather lose by surrender than by defeat.

You never knew I liked you, because you were too blind to really see me. Even if I wouldve confessed my
attraction to you, you wouldnt have jumped at the chance to be with me. Or maybe you wouldve. Maybe I
read you completely wrong and its my fault were not together.

But thats the thing, were not together. I dont know if we ever will be, so Im going to learn to live without
you. I have to, because even if it killed me to be apart from you, youd never know.

Words: Holly Riordan

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Im Terrified Im Going To Fuck This Up And Lose You Forever

Im not worried about you cheating on me or leaving me for someone prettier. I know you wouldnt do that.
If anything goes wrong with our relationship, its going to be my fault. Thats why Im terrified Im going to
fuck this up and lose you forever.

Im not used to serious relationships.

Im used to men flirting with me for months over the phone, and then ghosting me without giving me a
reason why. Im used to going out on a few dates, finding a red flag thats impossible to ignore, and then
moving on to the next guy. Im used to immense disappointment and pushing people away. Im not used to
boys like you. Youre the type of guy I want to keep around and honestly, I have no fucking idea how to make
that happen.

The couples around me are bad influences.

I dont want to be the couple who vows to spend the rest of their life together, only to get divorced the next
year. But I dont want to be the couple who feels obliged to stay together, even though theyve grown to
hate each other, either. I want the endangered type of marriage that Ive never actually seen. One thats so
packed with love and lust that theres no room for resentment.

I have insecurities that mess with my mind.

If the line about needing to love yourself before you can love someone else is true, then Im screwed. I have
a lot of issues with my personality and appearance. I realize Im far from perfect, and Im working on
improving myself, but I still have my down days. No one wants to be with the girl who refuses to take
compliments and has meltdowns for no reason, but thats me. I dont want to push you away by acting like a
psychopath, but I dont know how to be sane.

I assumed Id be alone forever.

I came to terms with being single a long time ago. But now that Ive found you, someone I intend on
keeping around, I have to change my plans for the future. Ive never actually thought about moving in with
a man or having children or getting married. Those are all adult things that Im way too immature to
handle. I know Im fun to sleep with and drink with, but I dont know if Im really girlfriend material.

Im an impulsive person.

Ive made mistakes in the past that Ive learned to accept, but I could never accept losing you. Im terrified
Im going to spontaneously start a fight with you or break up with you or say something that I can never take
back. Im not sure what Im capable of, which is why Im so scared of ruining this amazing thing that weve
created together.

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I like you. A lot.

When I screwed over my exes, I didnt care, because they didnt matter all that much to me. They were just
around to keep me happy until I found a relationship that was the real deal. But you? I couldnt stand
hurting you. I like you more than Ive ever liked someone before, which is why Im getting paranoid. The last
thing I want is to mess this up. I want us to stay together forever.

Words: Holly Riordan

I Only Want Forever Relationships

Im a forever kind of person because if Im going to invest in something I want to wholly invest in it. Im not
a half ass two things kind of person; Im a whole ass one-thing kind of person because if you dont put your
whole heart into something then there is no point in pursuing it.

I dont want mediocre relationships that will fizzle and fade. I want realistic relationships that will last
forever, not even only pertaining to love, but with friendships and relationships in general. I want to be
surrounded by people who make my heart pound and skip a beat because their presence makes me so
happy. I want to be around people who inspire me and make me want to be better and do better. I want to
be around people who I know will be there for me forever through the thick and thin because I will
absolutely be that person for them. I want to be surrounded by people who actually want to be around me
and dont leave me wondering where I stand with them.

I want to be the old couple one day sitting on my front porch swing looking at the man next to me knowing
this is my forever and knowing that I wouldnt have wanted it any other way. I want to fall in love with him
over and over until were old and gray. But I dont want to stop doing things for each other, even when were
80 I still want to love like were 30.

I want to be head over heels, and I know its possible because Ive seen it. Ive seen a man order his wifes
favorite food even after shes passed because he couldnt stand eating alone and her meal made him
remember her. Ive driven past the couple who spent every single summer day in their yard swing together
rocking back and forth talking about life. Ive seen old men still carry their wifes tray and pay for her meals.

I know that forever kind of love exists and I want it.I want to be old and gray and still talk to my friends from
childhood or college. Even though we wont be as young and reckless as we once were I still want to
reminisce over the good times. I want to laugh at the hungover kids that walk in our favorite coffee shop on
the weekends talking about all they did the night before, like weve all done so many times before.

I dont invest in relationships I know wont last because to me there is no point. When I want something I
want it for good and I want it forever. Maybe thats why Im still on my own in terms of my love life.Ive had
people come and go, but no one I could really see a future with and to me that isnt worth investing in. I
dont want to wind up getting my heart broken if I know it isnt going to last, if I know he wont be rocking
beside me in the future.

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I want people in my life that make forever seem too short. I only want forever relationships because when
Im old and gray, I want the people by my side who have been there for everything. That is when it matters
most.

Words: Becca Martin

I Cant Wait To Meet Someone Who Feels Like Home

I cant wait to find someone who is going to look past all the bullshit I sell to the world about being strong,
because as strong as I am I also have moments of weakness.

Someone is going to know when Im lying to protect myself and break through the walls Ive so strongly
built to protect my heart.Someone is going to look me in the eyes and not walk away, even if I question
them because they know they are loving a girl whos been broken in the past.

There will be a connection that is out of this world, it will feel like everything feels good and everything feels
right and that will worry me because Im not used to thinks being so great and working out. Usually if its
too good to be true, it is, but not with you, not this time.

Things wont blow up, things wont end and you wont disappear because youre in this for the long haul.

When we fight you wont walk away and if you do it wont be long before you turn back and we sort through
the issue together because if were being honest no relationship is perfect and everyone fights when their
hearts on the line.

But as reserved and guarded as I might have been all this time before Ill let you into my world because
youve let me into yours.

Well talk about why things are the way they are. Well discuss why Im so guarded and why your heart is still
so full. Well talk about our scars and bruises and you wont flinch when I touch them. Well explore each
other and say things we never imagined admitting to another human out loud.

You wont let the brokenness inside my chest hold me back anymore; youre going to love me through it
because Ill love you through your damage, too.
Youre going to break me down and make me realize its okay to love again, youre going to climb the walls
Ive set so high and youre going to tear them down. Youre going to make me feel things I didnt know I was
capable of feeling because Ive been so careful all this time.

Youll teach me it doesnt matter if Im not perfect, youll love every imperfection about me and you wont try
to change or control me. Youll simply accept me for who I am and Ill no longer have to worry about being
good enough for you.

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Youll be the person who I pour my heart out too, the one who makes me feel loved despite all the walls Ive
built to keep people out, despite the damage Ive suffered and scars I still wear.
Youll be the person who I can laugh in front of and cry in front of, youll be the person who makes me feel
everything while simultaneously making me feel like Ive found the place where I belong, Ill finally feel like
Ive found home.

Youll be the one person I never even knew I was looking for, youll be the one who helps me plant some
roots because where ever you are is where I want to be.

Words: Becca Martin

This Is The Love I Want To Give Someone

I want to find the person who makes me feel like I found the piece of myself I never knew was missing. I
want the nerves and all the good vibes associated with falling for someone new, and when I find that person
I have so much love I want to give to him.

I wont be hesitant, I wont try to be someone Im not and I wont try to impress him. Ill just be me, because
if hes the right person that will be enough. Once I find that person I want to give him all the love in my
heart, despite any prior heartache Ive felt.

Because I want to give the right person everything I have in

me, through the good and the bad.
Ill love you with all my heart and make sure you know youre the only one I care about. Ill make you feel
safe and secure around me, like when were together the world cant touch us. Ill always keep your
promises and wont wager your trust. I want you to know you can always count on me to be there. I can
always promise Ill be the last person you see at night and the first person you see again in the morning, as
long as thats what you want.

Ill learn your favorite meals and cook them for you when youve had a long day. Ill make your morning
coffee with mine and cook your eggs exactly the way you like them. Ill become an expert at cooking your
favorite dessert, just like your mom does, and if Im not an expert Ill try until I am. Ill always smile like a
fool when you make me happy. And Ill always cheer you on when youre trying to accomplish something
youve been working for.

I promise Ill try to learn everything about you so I can do the

little things every day to show you how much I care.

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I want to surprise you with little gifts because they made me think of you. I want to send you a funny
YouTube clip because I know it would make you laugh. I want to leave notes around that tell you why I love
you or tell you what I want to do to you.

I want to go out of my way to make you happy because your

happiness is in fact my happiness.
Ill always offer you the last piece of something and kiss you good morning. Ill always let you share my food
with me and tell you I love you even when you already know. Ill always ask you about your day and listen
your response. I promise to always laugh at your jokes, even the ones that really arent funny. Ill always try
to make you laugh and pull you back in the rain to kiss me even though were both getting soaking wet. I
promise Ill sit through your TV shows I hate and will try not to complain. Ill make you soup when youre sick
and bring you medicine.

I promise the adventures will never stop and we can continue to explore for as long as we live. Ill never tell
you there is a mountain too high for us to climb. Ill always say yes to road trips and be okay with getting lost
because you claimed you knew where you were going. Ill love you through all the ups and downs, and
bumpy roads we will face.

I wont expect you to be perfect because I know youre not. I know youll screw up, I know youll do things
that make me want to rip my hair out and Im positive Ill do those things to you, too. I know we will fight
and struggle through hard times because thats life. But on top of all the struggles we face I promise I will
always face them with you. I promise that I wont quit on you when things get hard. I promise Ill still work
through things with you and wont run away from our problems. Ill face them head on with you by my side
because thats the only way things will get better.

Im not saying Im perfect, but I promise I can be worth it because Ill always give you all the love I have in
my heart and love you unconditionally.

Words: Becca Martin

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To The Next Guy Whos Willing To Brave My Storm

Storms never last do they baby, bad times all pass with the wind, your hand in mine stills the thunder and
you make the sun want to shine.

First off I cant promise you that the journey youre about to embark on is going to be easy, but I can promise
itll be worth it.

Nothing thats worth while is ever easy. Remember that.

-Nicholas Sparks

I dont know when Ill meet you, thought I can tell you Im looking forward to it. Dont be alarmed if I seem
guarded and uninterested, Im just tired of dealing with guys who cant handle the love that I have to offer.

Ive been introduced to all the wrong guys, the ones who let you fall with no intention of catching you, or
worse the ones who prove that its hard to find someone thats willing to be loyal to just you. From a young
age Ive known guys that have abused, used and played with my emotions.

I need to tell you a few things before you jump in head on. If you invest your time in me, Im going to invest
mine in you. Im going to love you with everything I know, and Im not going to half-ass it either.

My walls are built high, with a moat around it. Its unfair to you that I automatically judge you to be just like
the people of my past, but its to protect my heart that so easily clutches onto the idea of love.

Im the girl who loves with every fiber in me and I do it the

right way. A lot of guys dont know how to handle or accept
the kind of love I have to offer.
My heart has been broken in the past but it doesnt mean the right person cant help mend it. Im braver
because of the heartache, because not only am I willing to take chances on people, Im willing to give
someone else the chance to get the love I think they deserve.

Finding someone who can love me the way I can love them is something Im looking for and Im willing to
work for the relationship that not only I deserve but that you deserve as well. Its a partnership, Im looking
to grow and enjoy lifes adventures with. Its a chance that is terrifying, because I could end up heartbroken
again but Im willing to try and fight for love.

Ill let you in on my past, because for us to have a future well need to start at the beginning. Ill reopen the
wounds and the pain because I trust you.

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Everyone has a past, but thats just it. Its in the past. You can learn from it but you cant change it. -Nicholas
Sparks

Ill take you on the good days and the bad. When youre ready to tell me about your demons, Ill face them
head on with you. Ill never be quick to judge because I know how it feels and if your past troubles you, Ill
work to help make it a little less troubling.

Our generation has lost sight on love and romance, but I can tell you Im not that girl. Im a hopeless
romantic thatll remind you daily that youre important to me, even in the smallest gestures.

As Im asking you to not take my heart for granted, I promise to never do the same to yours. This isnt a game
of who can break whose heart first and if you open yourself up to me I promise to cherish everything you
share, and the memories that we make.

Im asking you to be patient with me. Its not going to be an easy task for me opening up to you right away.
If you put in the work and the effort, I promise my heart will show you the loyalty you deserve. Once I love
you, Ill love you in ways you never thought imaginable.

All the reasons your past relationships didnt work out wont matter to you anymore; Ill show you what was
wrong with those girls and raise your standards to what a real relationship should be like.

Ill love you with my whole heart, because thats all I know how to do.

I vow to help you love life, to always hold you with tenderness and to have the patience that love demands.
To speak when words are need and to share in silence when they are not. To live with in the warmth of your
heart and always call it home. The Vow

Words: Audi Anderson

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One Day Youre Going To Meet Someone And Everything Will Make Sense

One day youre going to meet someone, and everything will make sense.

All of the sleepless nights, heartbreaks, rejections, unrequited crushes, moments that made you doubt
yourself and doubt love and doubt everything in between. It will all dissolve the moment you meet them,
the moment they wrap you in their arms and you think, This. This is what I was waiting for.

Because you were waiting for them, for that moment, for that feeling.

And when you find them, youll just know.

And youll know, because everything will make sense.

You wont be sitting there full of I dont knows and questioning the validity of your feelings. Because your
feelings will be unquestionable, and your feelings will be nothing but sure. You wont be sitting there
wondering what love feels like, if butterflies are real, if its possible to meet a person and feel your souls
saying, You. I was waiting for you.

Because those butterflies will be there, youll have no other word but love to describe it, and your souls
will be saying just that.

One day youre going to meet someone, and everything will make sense.

The times when you were defeated, when love was ripped away from you, when people couldnt and didnt
love you back. They wont even matter. They wont be a blip on your radar. All of those hard times and bad
times and rough times will feel like a distant memory because all youll be able to focus on will be them.

This person, who loves you so completely and wonderfully, will be all that matters.

Because they love you the way you deserve, the way youve wanted.

And once youve found them, youll know.

And youll know, because everything will make sense.

Instead of looking like battle scars, those heartbreaks will look like stepping stones that led you to them.
Instead of being painful reminders, those breakups will look like life lessons that make you a person who
they could love. Instead of focusing on your past, youll simply be excited for your future.

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Because those battle scars will have faded away, those heartbreaks wont be on your mind, and all youll
want to look at, to think about, to be with, is them.

One day youre going to meet someone, and everything will make sense.

Those love songs you rolled your eyes at will have you singing along, those poetry books will have new
meaning, even text messages will make you smile at times you never thought possible because youll be in
love. Youll be in love. And youll be in a love so pure and so magical that everything you previously found
unrelatable will start to look like your life.

Your mind will be at ease, your heart will feel like its found home, youll finally be able to say youve found
your person.

Because when you meet that person, everything will be calm. Everything will be good. Everything will feel
like its been leading up to the moment when you stopped, laid eyes on them, and your life completely
changes.

One day youre going to meet someone, and everything will make sense.

You just have to be willing to wait to meet them.

Words: Claire Windsor

One Day Youre Going To Meet Someone And Understand Why Nothing In The Past Worked Out

Its easy to get discouraged in life. We get our hearts broken, our hopeful futures dont turn out like we
hoped.

And it gets hard. It gets hard to keep putting yourself out there when nothing seems to work out. It gets
hard when all you want is lasting love, but love is the last thing on the menu.

There will be days when you want to give up. There will be days when you curse the world and how unfair it
can be. Youll be hurt and confused and wonder why it hasnt happened yet.

But it will. And when it does, youll know why things didnt work out in the past. Youll see every broken
relationship led you here, to the right person.

One day, someone is going to love you and there wont be any conditions to it.
You wont feel this emptiness. Youll be filled with such strength and security, youll realize the love you
always wanted is finally here. Its right in front of you and finally, its yours to cherish and appreciate.

One day, someone is going to see you and not want to change a thing. Theyll accept your flaws and love you
even harder for them. It will be everything you hoped existed, and guess what? It does.

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We think fairytale love is made up. And in some ways, it is. But that feeling? Meeting someone and feeling
understood and seen? That exists. 100% that exists.

One day, youre going to feel it. And all the hurt from before will make sense. You were meant to get here, to
this moment. One day, it wont be so hard. And Darling, I cant wait for you to know that kind of happiness.

Words: Kris Miller

Some People Will Only Love You When You Stop Loving Them

Some people wont appreciate you until youre gone. When you no longer provide them with the
support they took for granted, when you no longer send the sweet messages they ignored, when you no
longer welcome them with open arms every time they knock on your door in the middle of the night and
when you no longer wait by the phone for their call.

Some people wont realize how much you loved them until they find nobody else who can love
them just as much. When they cant find someone who loves everything theyre ashamed of, who looks at
them like theyre the only thing theyve been wishing for or someone who makes them feel like theyre
home safe and protected from all the chaos and noise of the world.

Some people will only try to get your attention once you stop giving them yours. When you stop
being their biggest fan, when you stop liking all their posts, when you stop calling them in the middle of
the day to say how much you love them, when you stop buying them things they mentioned they wanted in
a random conversation and when you stop dropping everything to be there for them when they need you.

Some people will only try to win you back after they lose you. When they remember that you have
options, when they remember that someone out there will treat you better, when they remember that youre
not going to accept being an option forever, when they remember how selfish they were the whole time and
how they never made you feel like you matter.

Some people will only miss you when you forget them. When you forget to call on their birthday, when
you forget their favorite song, when you forget their secrets and when you throw away their memories.
When you forget the way they made you feel.

Some people will only respect you when you walk away. When they realize that you compromised
yourself for them, when they remember the number of times you went out of your way to please them,
when they recognize that youve forgiven them time and time again, and when it hits them that you walked
away because youve had enough because they confused your patience and understanding with
weakness, and confused your vulnerability with passivity.

Some people will only love you when you stop loving them. When you no longer miss the touch of
their hand or the sound of their voice. When they can see that youve changed and you dont look at them

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the same way you used to. When you no longer think about them before you sleep or drive by their house to
make sure that theyre okay. When they are finally ready to open their hearts to you after they broke yours
into pieces. Some people will never get a chance to love you again because your heart will belong to the
one who doesnt need to lose you to learn how to keep you.

Words: Rania Naim

Because I Cant Make You Love Me If You Dont

It seems so simple and so easy, just love hard and it will all work out. Just give it your best. Just hold
nothing back. Be brave. Be vulnerable. And everything will work out for you.

But you know that isnt always the case sometimes. Because sometimes you can love someone with
everything you have, and you can still get it wrong. Sometimes it doesnt work out.

So why do we take these chances? Why do we risk heartbreak and tears and sleepless nights, if we
know we could get it wrong?

Because on the other side of rejection, on the other side of that moment you question if you should say
something, there comes bravery from within that allows you to continue with words you might regret. But
under the surface is hope. Under the surface you wonder, can they reciprocate these intense feelings you
have?

So you take a chance and you go for it. Because the regret we have more in life, isnt for the words we say
but rather the words we repress, always wondering what if.

If you dont love me or feel the same way, thats one thing. But theres something that tells me this could be
something. Theres this feeling that Im blindly trusting and holding onto I cant just walk away without
giving it my best.

I know you felt it too. The intense exchange of looks, where I know your heart was beating as fast as mine. I
could feel it as I laid there on you. Cause it wasnt just a kiss, it was the right kiss. And every moment we
were together, I want to know if you felt the time frozen too. Like it was just us.

Im never one to beg or plead or ask for attention. But this could be something. We could be onto
something great here. I know you might be as scared as me. I know a lot of things can go wrong. I know you
dont want to get hurtagain. I dont either.

But theres something about you I believe in. Theres this feeling within me that is my only guide.

I cannot make you love me. I cannot make you feel things. I cannot force something if it just isnt there. But I
think you know it too. And I think thats why this is as scary as it is.

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Because the only thing scarier than getting it wrong, is getting it so right you suddenly have
something to lose.

You might not be willing to make the first move, or admit what is feels so obvious that we can something.
But here I am standing in front of you, asking you to take a chance on loving me.

Because Ill give you my best. Ill love you the way others havent. Ill show you what youve deserved this
whole time. Because you deserve the best. You deserve someone to love you the best they can. You deserve
someone who enhances your life and makes it better. I want to be that person.

So Im asking you as I sit here pouring my heart out. Pick me. Choose me. Love me.

Because here I am picking you. Here I am choosing you among the many people that are around. Because
sometimes all you need is one to change your belief. Love me, because I think even if you break my heart,
Ill still love you with every broken piece.

I dont want to be the only one to want this thing. But if for a moment you question maybe you should turn
back around and not walk away, Ill be here. Ill be ready to take your hand, and Ill be ready to fall with you.

I dont have any intention of hurting you. I dont have intentions of backing out. Im all in on this one. But if
youre not, if you keep walking, Ill start with thank you.

Thank you for teaching me, this heart of mine has the ability to beat again even if its a little bit broken.
Because while I cant promise you a whole heart. I can promise to love you with every broken piece. TC mark

I could make you happy, make your dreams come true. Nothing that I wouldnt do. Go to the ends of the
Earth for you, To make you feel my love. -Adele

Words: Kirsten Corley

Dont Be Afraid To Take A Chance On Me

You might be scared to ruin this friendship we found in each other that you are so careful with every move
you make, or every word you say. We all know that tinkering with this very fine line between friendship and
love is usually an all-or-nothing situation, but, dear, dont be afraid to take a chance on me.

Dont be afraid to ask me out. It doesnt have to be in an expensive Italian restaurant with violins playing. A
coffee or hot chocolate on a cold day will do. As long as I can spend time with you and get to know you more,
it would be lovely. Ask me out because I will say yes. Take a chance on me.

In a very ordinary day, send me a flower. Dont be afraid to give me the red, red rose you spotted in that
flower shop. I will take it, put it in a lovely vase and display it on my night stand so I could look at it before I

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sleep and remember how you made my day special. I will take care of it so that it will not wither quickly.
Dear, dont be afraid to take a chance on me.

Dont be afraid to hold my hand while were walking side by side in the park, arms and knuckles brushing.
Slide your fingers in between mine, because I will do the same. Hold it tight as if you dont want to let go. I
will feel the warmth of your hands in mine. Dont be afraid to take a chance on me.

When youre tired, dont be afraid to lay your head on my lap. I will sing you a song or hum you a melody
and brush your hair until you fall asleep. I will watch you quietly as you take a rest. My mind will paint you in
my memory, so that I can always remember the peaceful look on your face. Dear, take a chance on me. Dont
be afraid.

Dont be afraid to wrap your arms around me, when I, trying to hold back tears, tell you about the very good
book or sad movie I just finished. Allow me to cry on your shoulders until I regain myself. Dear, hug me tight
because you are the comfort I need. Dont be afraid to take a chance on me.

If there is really something between us just like how you are making me feel, then reach for me,
dear. Dont just stand there, staring. Dont just look into my eyes with those piercing sweet orbs.
Plant a kiss on my forehead after walking me home. Dont be afraid to take a chance on me.

Most of all, if you love me, tell me.

Do not be afraid to ask if you can date me, because Ive been waiting all this time just to hear it from you.
You dont know how I much I think about it every night after your good nights and sweet dreams. Dear,
take a chance on me because I feel the same way about you.

Dont just let the time pass. Dont just let someone take me away and regret it later. I wont need fancy
surprises and candle light dinners. I will just need to hear your sincere heart put into words. No, you will not
look silly. Dear, you will be wonderful. You are wonderful.

So dont be afraid to take a chance on me, because I might just be waiting for you.

Words: Cian Kim

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Im A Complete Mess, But Im Worthy Of Love

I know Im a lot. Being with me can be a rollercoaster and I understand your frustration. Sometimes I get
upset with you about something someone else did, because Im afraid youll do it too.

I pull away when I get too vulnerable. I over-analyze every word you say and, yes, everything you dont say. I
assume the worst, because it seems easier to expect disappointment than to be caught off guard by it.

Ive never been with anyone who wanted to hang around before
so its hard to believe that you do.
I expect to say the wrong thing or be too affectionate or care too much and make you run away. Im nervous
to truly be myself or to feel too safe with you, because thats when people have pulled the rug out from
under me and I dont want to get hurt again.

I have anxiety that exasperates me twice as much as it does you, trust me. I spiral once I get a single
negative thought in my head. If I could prevent my anxiety from latching onto you and obsess over
something else, I would.

The thing is, though, I have no control over you and I. Its
scary.
Logically, I know I should be able to calm down and trust in you. More importantly, I know I should be able
to trust myself. I should be trusting enough to believe what you say. But Im not. Please be patient with me
Im working on it.

My depression will creep up on both of us when we least expect it. Something small will trigger it.
Sometimes nothing at all will make me cripplingly sad and it will take a lot for me to break out of it.

I get embarrassed when it shows up. Ill feel fragile and broken and useless. It means I wont understand
why you want to be with me and Ill try to talk you out of it. Ill be incredibly cruel to myself. Please be kind.
Hold me while I cry. You cant fix it. It just is.

Im far from the perfect woman. Ive got some baggage and
its not always easy to deal with that.

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But you arent perfect, either. Sometimes youre sullen and surly. Sometimes I annoy you with my questions
and my constant need for attention and affirmation. Sometimes it baffles me how much you dont need
those things.

But I wont hold a grudge when Im angry. Ill always tell you how I feel, sometimes to a fault, and Ill respect
how you feel. I am radically understanding. Give me the benefit of the doubt.

I promise you that for every challenging moment we have I will love you twice as hard as any other woman
would. Ill make you laugh and give you warm fuzzies. Ill surprise you with your favorite candy and learn
every word to your favorite song.

I want to know everything about you and I will always be an

ear to listen and a shoulder to lean on. I wont go anywhere.
Yes, I want to meet your mom. I want to see your face light up when you tell me about that weird fandom
you secretly love. I want to wear stupid couples costumes to Halloween parties and matching ugly sweaters
for Christmas. I want to laugh at inside jokes with you and hold your hand in the grocery store. I want to
cheer you up when youre sad, but Ill understand if I cant.

I might hate your cargo shorts, but I wont tell you to change your style unless you try to wear them to a
formal event. Ill cheer you on and believe in you twice as hard as you believe in yourself.

Ill love fiercely and unconditionally. I want you to love me the same way, as messy and fantastic as I am.

Words: Kat Pace

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Im Not Easy To Love, But Ill Always Love Hard

Ill be the first one to admit that Im not easy to love. Im too loud. I talk too much when Im nervous. Or Im
too shy to even give you a glance. Im awfully awkward. I laugh at things that arent funny. I say jokes that
most definitely arent funny.

Im the worst at first dates. They kind of make me want to throw up. I dont know how to do small talk. I
constantly worry about things no normal person worries about. I sometimes have panic attacks. I take anti-
anxiety meds. Im kind of just one big of a mess of a person.

But if you love me, Ill be your big mess. And youll be mine.
I have to let you know though, Im super sensitive. I can cry at the drop of a hat if I hear a hint of annoyance
in your voice. I get scared. I fret about my future. And how my future will look with your future in it.
Sometimes, I will be so annoying, that youll need to take a walk. Sometimes, Ill cry for no reason at all.

But, the thing about me is, I will love you so incredibly hard.
I will listen to your anxieties and your worries. I will listen to you when you yell about whats bothering you
at work. I will listen to you when you tell me you need your space. And I will listen to you when you tell
me that you love me.

Im never going to take your love for granted. If theres one thing I know in this world, I know that love can
leave. Love can fall apart. Love can go away. So for the time when we are together, I will love you with all of
the cells in my soul. I will cherish your company, and will always let you know that Im not going anywhere. I
will let you know that I am yours for taking.

I am hard to love. I am impossibly crazy. But I know, that when I do love, I will give you my all. I will
always give you 100%. I wont let you down because I know what its like to get let down. I wont let you g
because I know what it;s like to be let go of.. I wont let you change your mind about me.

Because I know, that you deserve big love. You deserve the biggest love in the world.
And despite my flaws, I can give that to you. I can give you what you need and what you want. I wont always
do the right things, or say the right words, but I will always know that I love you. And I will always know that
if Im with you, then Im ok. And Im a little more stable. And a little more sane.

I will always love hard. And I wont apologize for that. I wont ever apologize for loving too much. This world
needs a little more love in it. We all do.

Words: Lauren Jarvis-Gibson

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For All The Times Im Wrong, And I Know It

Relationshipsmy relationshipare like a goodies-filled jar thats sealed too tight: if both parts arent
movingin opposite directions, towards the same goalthat shit will stay shut. Its a bleak, admittedly
wobbly metaphor, but entertain it with me; picture that stubborn jar of delicious jam thatif you can
manage to unfasten the toppromises to upgrade your dry, rapidly cooling toast to a wet-with-strawberry-
rhubarb goddamn breakfast pastry.

If the jam is sweet (and the toast dry) enough, most days, youll expend the required elbow greaseyoull
sweat a little to unlock it. Other days, though, youll give up before you reach for a rubber gloveyoull settle
for the toast sans rhubarb, because youre too self-satisfied to break a tiny, extended sweat.

Im equal parts romantic and, like the jar, stubborn. And there are daysthere have been, there will be
when Im most inflexible with the people I most love.

***

Yesterday, my love-accomplice (trying to coin some hip terms for boyfriend/girlfriend/partner/heart-fucker)

imparted some relationship theory:

Whats shitty about relationships, I think, is that when youre in one, its easy to stop trying to woo that
person

He was quick to add a clarifying appendix.

but Im still trying to woo you, dont worry.

Hes partial to Excel, less so to Word.

But sometimes, he crunches them numbers and puts em all in a big ol spread sheet and his analyses are
solid, if bare; relationships do breed complacency, right? Dont they inevitably engender some toxic brand
of comfort that, if the love-accomplices in question arent careful, might imperil long-term love-crime? Isnt
it true that sometimes, when you love somebody a lot and you know that they love you, you too-trust that
theyll be around for the foreseeable always? So that on those days when youre too lazy to break that
proverbial sweat, you dont?

Or is that just me and mine. (I think not, but aint no such thang as a stupid question.)

***

So, for all the times I amhave been, will beguilty of taking you, for lack of a hipper idiom, for granted: I
love you, and you make me happy. And since we define here by differenceby the ways in which here is not
thereI know that I want to be with you (here), because I dont want to be not with you (there).

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Yes, I know that I fuck up, tooI know when Im short, myopic, defeated, orlike the jarimmovable, and too
vain to own or fix it.

I know I accuse more often than I concede.

I know I amhave been, will beguilty of all the things I dohave, willguilt you for. I know when Im self-
indulgent and smug and no, I dont know which parents (more) to blame for my truculence (good word).
No, I dont know why Im apt to perform anger when what Im feeling is sadness. Yes, Im consumed with
self-ownership and no, I dont know why, sometimes, Im happy to meet your request for a glass of water
and, other times, I respond with the spleen of a thousand disenchanted housewives. Emotions are lawless.
You know how it goes.

And yes, if I think of a satisfying return to the jar metaphor, Ill put it in the appendix.

Words: Tatiana Prez

She Overthinks Because Youre Constantly Giving Her Mixed Signals

She overthinks because when you stare at her, you always look so puzzled. She questions why you have no
excuse to text her until the sun rises but during the day theres always a reason not to see her. She worriedly
laughs off how someone who memorized all her habits by heart can make her feel like a stranger.

She overthinks because the girl who broke your heart is still in your life. She wonders why she spends so
much time mending your heart yet, you spend so little time trying to win hers. Shes nervous that she is only
temporary, a healer, and once she fixes the heart another girl broke she will be left with a broken heart of
her own.

She overthinks because you kiss her slowly but are in a rush to not let it linger. She doesnt understand how
you feel about her because you dont understand it, either. She contemplates about finally cutting you out
of her life until you send another 10:15 PM text pulling her right back into yours.

She overthinks because she is curious if you will ever talk about her the way you talk about your ex. She tries
to understand why you still hang on to your exs memories but claim to have moved on from the past.

She overthinks because you close all doors when you call her your friend but open an unexpected window
when you hold her hand. You blur the lines of all the boundaries but refuse to stick a label. She worries that
you are making unspoken promises. You leave hints of defining a hazy picture, but refuse to spell the words
to describe it.

She overthinks because you tell her youre busy with no money however, you spend your weekends
drinking at bars with your friends. She is forced to hold back a frustrated sigh when you text her a happy
birthday, but dont make any plans to celebrate it.

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She overthinks because you said you will be there for her yet hesitate when she tries to make plans.

She asks herself what could she be doing wrong when you pull her into your arms but dont try to keep her
there.
Youre not ready for something serious so she prepares herself for all the excuses.

She overthinks because she hears the words you didnt say to her more loud than the words you did. She
wonders why you open up your past to her but dont say anything about wanting her in your future. She
wonders why you tell her you like her, but dont ask her to be your girlfriend.

She overthinks because shes falling for you, and finally realized that she read too much into the signs that
made it seem as if you were falling for her too.

She overthinks because you make her think too much about what she means to you, instead of just telling
her the truth.

Words: Mariya Hoque

I Am A Girl Who Wants Heartfelt Moments, Not Games

The idea of being in love makes your heart beat a little faster. It drives you mad. It makes you say ridiculous
things, do things out of the norm, and makes your brain get flustered. Your hormones are at an all-time
high. You will find yourself making your happiness dependent on the other person. This is possibly the
worst thing you could ever do to yourself. You will find yourself laughing, crying and frustratedand if youre
not talking to that certain someone you begin to feel worried. Does he not like me anymore? Or who else
could he possibly be talking to? Is he with another girl?

You start to overthink and analyze. You have never felt like this before, so all of a sudden you are becoming
this senseless and irrational woman who doesnt even know why she is worrying about this.

Having a crush isnt what it used to be. You need to be ready to play a game of epic strategy. Youre going to
be in a battle field, and the one that falls first loses. You are expected to act smart and interesting but not
too interesting because youve got to leave a little to their imagination. You have to constantly be busy or
out of reach. You have a certain amount of time you have to wait before even thinking about replying to
their message. But are you even allowed to use emojis? You start to become this person that you arent.
Youre now pretending to like what they like because you feel that will make them fall for you more. It will
make you seem more attractive. Every. Single. Word has to be properly analyzed and your best friend needs
to proof read before pressing send.

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Its exhausting and to be honest its fucking stupid. I dont
want to play games and quite honestly I cant be bothered
keeping up with the lies and silly persona that youre
supposed to put on.
So, youve gone through the bullshit and youre finally with this guy. In person. Together. Not as boyfriend/
girlfriend yet, but you both seem to (maybe) like each other and this is it. He is rough around the edges,
always eats takeout food and loves to smoke. He is sweet but just enough to keep you intrigued. He plays
records that you dont even know and listens to music you hate. First impression is hes my type, but not
someone I would take home to my dad. You go back because theres something about him that makes
what youre doing feel wrong but the thrill feels so right.

Thats it. Youve lost. You are head over heels for him and
you cannot seem to get him out of your head. But of
course, he cant know this. He cant know youve fallen first.
You eventually discover a relationship is not what he intended and you were playing a game without
knowing you had lost before it even started.

This isnt my failed attempt to fall in love. I watched a friend I adore go through this pain. I was there
through all of it. I was there when she met him, I was there on the phone listening how their first date went,
and I was there when she tried to convince herself she didnt like him. I watched her cry, I watched her
analyze her messages. I was the one proof reading making sure she was saying the right thing. I was
excited for her. She was someone who never let anyone in and when she finally did, the experience broke
her. She lost all self-confidence she ever had. You only had to look at her the wrong way and she would feel
like she wasnt good enough. BUT SHE IS. She is good enough. When are we going to learn that what
other people think we are doesnt determine who we are?

Wearing your heart on your sleeve isnt easy. Being let down and mentally neglected is tough to bounce
back from, and from a best friend perspective, she still isnt fully healed. I wish that eating donuts and ice
cream and having the best girly nights ever could fix her broken heart, but most of all her dignity.

Sometimes you just have so much love to give and no one to give it too. Hold on to it the right person will
come (at least thats what people tell me) and youll be glad you didnt give it out so freely. Be yourself
100% of the time and baby, anyone will fall for you.

Words: Olivia Cooney

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The Painfully Honest Truth Behind Breaking Up With Someone You Still Love

Not for a second will I let anyone think Im leaving because I dont love you. Not for a second will I let
anyone think that Im choosing to close this door because its something that I want to do.

Not for a second will I pretend this is the outcome that I wanted. Not for a second will I pretend that this is
how I thought things were going to be.

It was supposed to be me and you. For as long as I looked into my future I pictured doing it with you. I
pictured the perfection. I pictured us as best friends.

I pictured an amazing life that I could deal with anything thrown my way as long as I had you.

Well, guess what, it didnt work that way. I didnt get my happy ending. The fairytale didnt end with me and
you.

Instead, it ended numerous times with me gasping for air as I cried in my car and sent you paragraphs
wondering how you could do this to me, again.

You continued to let me down. Every single time things got good between us again youd let me down.
Every single time things started getting back to me and you that I fell in love with, you let me down.

I have put you first for as long as I can remember. I have put your wants and needs before mine for far too
long.

I got so caught up in loving you and what it took to try and get the happy ending that I wanted that I forgot
the most important part; how to love myself.

I lost myself in loving you. I wasnt tending to my own wants and needs. I wasnt doing what was best for
me. I began doing whatever it took to hold on to the idea in my head that things would end with me and
you.

But its time that I wake up.

Its time that I wake up and realize that the person I fell in love with isnt there anymore. The person I fell in
love with who made me the center of their world and bent over backward for me left a long time ago.

In the meantime, Ive been fighting for someone who isnt there. Ive been fighting so hard to get the old
you back, that I lost the old me in the process.

I stopped loving myself. I stopped doing things for me. And its time that changes.
Its time I learn to love myself again. Its time I get the old me back.

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So, no. Im not leaving because I dont love you. Im leaving because its time that I learn to love myself
more.

Words: Christie Lynn

To My Future Soulmate: This Is How I Will Love You When I Finally Meet You

It feels like I have waited for you for FOREVER. Sure, I had my fun in college, and maybe even some years
after. The single life was great, but now Im ready to settle down. All because of you. I am ecstatic we have
finally met and that I am home at last.

Soulmate, now that we are together, there are some things you must know about me. Youll have to deal
with my messiness, my anxiety and my loud mouth. Youll have to learn how to shut me up when I ramble
(and trust me, I go on and on and onyou get the point). Soon enough youll get used to my moodiness at
that time of the month, and my moodiness NOT at that time of the month.

I drink out of the milk carton. Oh, and my family is a little nuts. By nuts I mean overly protective and
paranoid. My sleeping habits will be another thing to get used to. By that I mean I barely sleep.

But above all of these things, I absolutely, positively promise you that loving me is worth it, because I will
make your heart happy.

I hope that we fill each others lives with laughter and joy. I
hope that we make each other better people, and inspire
each other to do well in life.
I hope that seeing my smile makes you want to do good acts in the world. I hope that you like the rings of
fried calamari, because everyone knows the tentacles are my favorite. I hope you are good at math, because
I am so extremely awful at it. Numbers and I arent friends. Words have always been my thing, anyway, but
somehow you still leave me at a loss for them at times. I hope that we travel afar, explore the world, eat
spectacular food and overall live life. Together.

Lastly, there is just one thing you must always remember: I love you. I have waited for you, I have found you,
and I love you more than you could understand. I love you when we bicker, argue and are pissed off at each
other. I love you when your parents insult my cooking, and even when YOU insult my cooking. I love you
when you steal all of the covers in bed. I love you when you leave your smelly laundry in the middle of the
floor. I love you when you look into my eyes, my heart and my soul. I love you when you ask me whats
wrong, because you always know when something is wrong.

Soulmate, I will always love you, in any situation, because we are meant to be.
Words: Cassandra Pellegrino

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It Doesnt Feel Like Christmas Without You In This World

It doesnt feel like Christmas now that youre gone.

It doesnt feel like Christmas without an extra present placed under the tree, one clumsily wrapped with my
unskilled hands and labeled with your nickname the one that only we know.

It doesnt feel like Christmas when Im forced to hang all of the ornaments, even the ones with your name
splattered across them, instead of handing them to you so you can pick your favorite spot on the tree.

It doesnt feel like Christmas without watching you tear open the wrapping paper, swearing that I didnt
have to get you a present and that I shouldnt have wasted the money, even though the look on your face
tells me that you appreciate it more than any other gift youve been handed.

It doesnt feel like Christmas without you asking me about my love life about what my boyfriend bought
me, or if Im single at the time, when Im going to finally find a boyfriend.

It doesnt feel like Christmas without the scent of your cooking filling the house, spreading from the kitchen
into the living room where everyone is chatting over the sounds of the yule log.It doesnt feel like Christmas
without hearing your voice sing carols for an entire month leading up to the holiday, and then playing some
irrelevant music maybe Johnny Cash or even Eminem on the twenty-fifth.

It doesnt feel like Christmas without you referencing Santa and the reindeer, like Im still young enough to
believe in the magic, like Im still a little girl.

It doesnt feel like Christmas without you scrambling around, trying to make everyone happy to make sure
that everyone is having a fun holiday, even if that means youre going to needlessly stress yourself out.

It doesnt feel like Christmas without you trying to hug me, trying to snap pictures of me, trying to
remember where you stored the gifts you bought me. It doesnt feel like Christmas when everyone is
swapping their favorite holiday memories of you, but youre not there to laugh along with us. Youre not
there to defend yourself, to tell your side of the story, even though you were just there the other year to tell
the same tale.

It doesnt feel like Christmas when Im bringing a bottle to my lips, trying to wipe away the past. To forget
that things used to be different. To forget that I barely recognize my own family, because were so different
without you.

It doesnt feel like Christmas when Im wondering if your ghost is in the room with us. If its senseless to
miss you, because really, youre right there. Right there. That youre silently celebrating along with us.

It doesnt feel like Christmas without every member of the family here without you. And I dont think it
ever will again.
Words: Holly Riordan

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One Day You Will Meet Someone Who Will Change Your Life For Good

One day you are going to meet someone in your life, that is going to change everything. They are going to
change the way you think about the world, the way you view yourself, and the way you look at everyone else
around you.
This person could be a stranger you meet on the way to another destination. It could be someone you meet
at a bus stop, or at a restaurant standing in line behind them. You could meet this person in another country,
or at another city that you are just visiting for the weekend.

It doesnt matter where it happens. It doesnt matter how it happens. But, one day it will.
It might be a small conversation, a chat about the weather that leads to a chat about life and death. It might
be a tiny moment, a lingering thought and gaze that hits you like cold water on a burning hot day. It might
be a subtle glimmer of hope, that will turn a rainy day into a April sundress day. It might be a small speckle
of words, that will lead into a masterpiece of sonnets and poems.

You may never see this person again. You may never have a conversation like that ever again. You may have
to keep the memory of this person burning bright in your mind when times get dark. You may have to keep
this persons image embedded in every cell and atom in your being.

But one thing is for sure, you will be forever changed.You dont know what it was about this person. Maybe
you were soulmates only meant to meet for a day, or maybe you were destined to end up together. Or
maybe fate would rather you two be great friends.

But the way they smile at you, will make everything ok again. The way they speak to you, will make you
realize how much a part of you has missed being truly looked at. The way they laugh at your casual
conversation will make you want to see the world from a different light.

And this person, this perfect stranger, will make you want to be a better human being. This person, will
suddenly awaken a light in you that has been shut off for so long. This stranger, will make you wake up from
the world that you were missing out on. This stranger, will wake you up to the beauty inside of yourself.

Because the way this person will look at you, is like they have known you for forever. And the way this person
will look at you, will tell you that you are worth everything that you want in this world. And this person, this
stranger you met on the street or the bus stop, will finally make you want to look at yourself in the same
exact way they look at you.

One day, you are going to meet someone who will change your life. Because in the way they smile and talk
to you, you see all your potential in just one look. And in the way they speak to you with careful
conversation, will make you realize that you are worth more than you ever gave yourself credit for.
One day you will meet someone who will re-introduce you to yourself. And when that happens, dont you
ever throw away that feeling of awe.

Words: Lauren Jarvis-Gibson

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What To Look For When Youre Ready To Find Love

Find someone who makes you feel happy and excited, even when everything is boring. Someone who
brings you a sense of pure joy, contentment, and peace when youre around them, long after the addictive
infatuation stage of your relationship is over.

Find someone you cant wait to come home to at night, or to meet up with for dinner, or to willingly hop in a
car with for a twelve-hour road trip. Find someone you feel you could talk endlessly with, even though you
feel just as comfortable together in a trusted, peaceful, happy silence.

Find someone who can make you laugh and who also knows when you need to be serious. Find someone
who will push you to do the things that scare you, even if the thing that scares you is as seemingly simple as
opening up to another human being. Find the person who challenges you not because theyre trying to
change you, but because they know youre not going after what you truly want. Find the person who loves
you as you are and yet makes you want to be so much better than the person you are today.

Find the person who introduces you to parts of the world you wouldnt otherwise have discovered. It can be
as literal as hopping on a plane and journeying to a country you would never have dared to explore. But it
can also mean being with someone who shows you how different the world can be just ten minutes away
from where you live. Find someone who reminds you that there is so much that exists outside of you and
your bubble, that there are so many people with stories that have yet to be heard, that there are so many
ways you can find meaning in your life outside of the things that have brought you no luck thus far.

Find someone who makes you want to choose to love them. Sometimes were conditioned to think that it
should be easy, that our hearts will do all the work, that loving them will be simple because arent we just so
lucky to have found it?! But really, love is hard. Love is really, really hard. It is frustrating, it is a leap into the
unknown, it comes with the chance that you will leave with your heartbroken. It takes work, it takes difficult
choices, it takes the knowledge that sometimes youre going to have to be unselfish. Our guts can clue us in,
certainly, to whether or not a person is right for us. But at the end of the day, love is not something that
happens to us. It is something we choose. You fall in love with someone because they catch your eye, they
fascinate you, they lighten your world, they show you new ways to live. But you stay in love with someone
because you choose to you choose to make the difficult choice, you choose to put the happiness of you as a
partnership above the happiness of you as an individual, you choose to give up your pride. Your heart can
feel it, can ignite it. But it is up to you to choose it, to make it last.

Find the person you want to be unselfish for. Find the person you want to write a life with. Find the person
you want to continue to choose, long after your heart has let you take the reins.

Words: Kim Quindlen

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One Day You Will Meet Someone Who Will Make You Remember What True Love Is Supposed To Feel
Like

One day youre going to meet someone who makes you remember what love is supposed to feel like. And
you are going to meet someone who shows you exactly what love is like. And this time, this love is going to
stay permanent.

One day you will meet someone who wont make you question anything anymore. They will make you want
to shout and scream out to the universe that you are in love. And you arent going to be afraid.

One day you will meet someone who will make you realize that every decision in your entire life has led to
meeting this someone.

And youll maybe start to believe in fate, and in every other magical thing that you used to scoff at.
One day, mention of your first love will make you smile at the memories, but it wont make you miss them.
Because now you have a greater love. Something bigger than you two. Something more powerful than
anything you could ever imagine.

One day, mention of your other exes wont make you wince. It wont make you sting anymore. Because, now
you have found the someone who is greater than any of them combined.

Because now, after searching for so long, you have found the love you have always wanted.
Someday, you are going to meet someone who gives you butterflies in your entire body. And you arent
going to want to shoo them away. Youre going to let them stay and let them grow.

One day, you are going to meet someone who makes you laugh until breathing becomes impossible. And
then youll look up at them, and feel breathless all over again. Because even just one look into their eyes,
sends you flying.

One day, you are going to meet someone who kisses every inch of your body. They are going to adore all of
those parts of you that you tried to hide from previous partners. They are going to kiss you so softly and so
gently, that you will think to yourself, my god. This could be love.

And one day, you are going to meet someone who you will fall deep for. It will happen slowly, and then all at
once. It could happen in a day, or in a year. But you will fall and for some reason you wont be so scared
anymore. Because the way they look at you doesnt make you question how they feel. And the way they hold
you each night, doesnt make you feel scared it will go away.

Because the way that they say your name, and smile slightly at you when you arent looking, says everything
youll ever need to know.One day, you will meet someone who will remind you that love is good. And that
their love for you will never fade.

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One day you will meet the right someone for you. And its not going to end, darling. Its not going to leave.
They arent going to leave you.

Words: Lauren Jarvis-Gibson

How Do You Truly, Wholeheartedly Know When Someone Is The One?

The one.

Its a phrase Ive grown to seriously dislike. Because it makes it seem like love is just something that
happens to you like you should just stand there and let fate do all the work. Like you dont have any control
over your life. Like you should just wait patiently until someone assigns you to the person youll end up
with, after which its mostly a paint-by-numbers sort of game.

And yes, there are a lot of aspects about love that you dont have control over. You can certainly put yourself
out there and keep an open mind and say yes to opportunities to meet new people. But you cant ever fully
control who youre going to meet, and who youre going to be attracted to, and exactly what qualities theyll
have, and how youll encounter them.

But what you do have control over is choosing to continue to love someone long after youve hit the ground.

Theres a certain tipping point where everything changes. The butterflies and the giddiness and head-over-
heels goosebumps glide into a more calm, trusting, everyday sort of love. And maybe it doesnt sound as
dramatic, or interesting, or glamorous. But in reality, its the most romantic thing of all. Because its no
longer happening to you. Rather, youre making a decision. Youre choosing it youre choosing them
every single day.

Thats why I really dont like the idea of the one. The idea of all of us feeling like we need to obsess over
finding the right, perfect, absolute partner. The person who we were meant to be with despite all odds, who
weve moved mountains and oceans for, a love story worthy of the movies because of how absolutely perfect
and flawless and certain it is.

Love isnt like that. Love is scary as shit. Sometimes its fantastic, overwhelming, blissful. But other times its
confusing, or frustrating, or just plain boring as hell. There are periods of intense passion and feeling and
heat, and then random plateaus of an almost terrifying comfort everything is consistent, everything is
standard, everything makes sense. Its a screenwriters worst nightmare.

And we forget all that when we hear about the one. We think that we have to find the person who gives us
heart palpitations, who always makes it impossible to breathe, who makes us feel like were going to go
insane from our desire for them. But thats not love. Thats infatuation, lust, instant gratification. Love can be
thrilling and exhilarating too. And passionate and exciting and fascinating. But its also regular. Its also
everyday. Its flawed. It has bumps, it has plateaus. It has highs and lows. Because thats what is supposed to

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happen when you want something to exist for good. Its supposed to change. Its supposed to have
complications. Its supposed to not always be perfect.

Sometimes love is not a story. Sometimes its just a sweet, simple, everyday occurrence special in its ability
to last a lifetime, rather than the standard 90 minutes. Its steady, and genuine, and true as consistent as
the breathing of the one sleeping next to you every night.

Words: Kim Quindlen

One Day You Will Meet Someone Who Will Make You Realize Why It Never Worked Out With Anyone
Else

One day you will meet someone who will knock out the breath from you.
They will show up unexpected, and when you arent even looking. They will come into your life, like a fresh
breath of air. And they arent going to leave.

One day, you will meet someone who wont ask you to have sex with them on the second or third date. They
will wait patiently until you are ready. They will respect your needs and your wants. They will look at you
while you undress and will hold a steady gaze with you. And you will blush with the way they look at you.

Because for the first time, you are being adored.

One day, you will meet someone who will grab your hand in excitement whenever they are in your
presence. Their face will light up as soon as they see you, because even though they saw you yesterday, it
still felt like a long time for them. They will listen to you talk about your family and friends and past
relationships. They will hold your hand tighter when you talk about the hardships of your past. They will
notice the glimmer in your eyes, and will wrap you up in a hug that only can be described as one thing:
love.

One day, you will meet someone who will tell you about their struggles and obstacles they have overcome.
They will tell you their worries, and their fears. And you will hold their hand harder when their voice starts to
shake. And you will wrap them up in a hug, that makes them feel understood. And that makes them want to
hug you even harder.

One day, you will meet someone who makes you see the world in a new light.

Its brighter. Its more vibrant. Its more beautiful. You will meet someone who will be better because you are
in their life. You will meet someone who will make you better too.

One day you will meet someone who giggles when you dance and belt out Taylor Swift lyrics on a road trip.
They will kiss you so sweetly, that it brings tears to your eyes. They will love you so deeply, that all your other
relationships will seem unauthentic. All your other relationships wont even seem real. Because, one day
you will meet someone who is the real deal.

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One day, you will meet someone who will make you realize why it never worked out with anyone else.

Now, all the breakups and hurt makes sense. It all becomes clear. They never worked out, because you
hadnt met the one yet. They never worked out, because, the universe had better things in store for you.

All those other relationships never worked out because they werent this someone.

And this someone, wont breakup with you. This certain someone. Is yours for life. This certain someone will
be there to stay.

Words: Lauren Jarvis-Gibson

Maybe This Is Why Ill Never Stop Loving You

You were the one thing I couldnt have, so I ran.

I understand it now, as I watch the San Francisco lights dance past this airplane window. I realize that you are
the one man whom I would settle down with, start a life with, build a future with. Theres something about
you, always was. It was those first glances shared across a crowded room. The way you spoke to me with a
smirk. The way I could never explain how I got caught up in youthat attractive danger, the softness of your
lips.

Damn that reckless, stupid heart of mine.

You were the only one I stopped running for, just for a minute. I traded my selfishness for the beat of your
heart. I exchanged freedom for the feeling of your fingertips in mine. And I didnt regret it one minute.

I still dont.

After you left, the open space in my heart grew. It swallowed me whole. I became consumed with dreams
that I never had with you, places I had left to explore, all that I hadnt realized Id been missing.

All the things I never needed because I was already filled in you.

And maybe thats not so bad, to find someone who makes you get lost like a fool in love. To see their smile
and want nothing more than to wake up with that same stubborn face nestled next to yours on the pillow.
Every single day. To hold their calloused hands in your palms, to feel their chest, warm and alive underneath
your head, to kiss those rugged lips and taste home.

To know, beyond a doubt, that this is what youve been searching for all along.And then you find yourself
years later, on a plane, spinning through the sky, listening to a track that aches somewhere deep in your
chest. Pretending. That you dont miss the sound of his voice or the way he touched your skin like you were

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the best damn thing in the world. Like there werent years of life and growing up hiding between both of
your heartbeats. Like maybe the universe was wrong, and you were actually supposed to end up together.
Against all odds.

Because he was the one man you stopped running from. For a minute, you unlaced those shoes and put
your feet up. You rested. You paused. You stopped trying to be anything other than the imperfect perfection
he saw you as.And maybe thats the reason it all crumbled. Because it was too scary to look at him and see
your entire future laid out like a map along the lines of his veins. Because its hard to imagine forever when
youre still so young. Because maybe you knew that he was the one man who would never be yours to keep.
And so you ran.

Because you knew he wouldnt chase you. And maybe thats what love is. Running. Chasing. Wishing on
stars and San Francisco lights as they flit aimlessly across the night sky. Believing, still. After all this time.

Words: Marisa Donnelly

In-Between

She will always exist in that hallowed space we carved out for ourselves.
Where fear was all there was, and so did not exist at all.
Where that black monster, with its deep divots and squirming edges, was constant, and thus, nullified.
Where love truly reigned and would not be contained
Where childish hope waxed and waned in concert with mechanical reality
In a toxic, thrilling dance.

And here I sit, alone as ever, trying very hard to remember and forget.
But failing both, with little hope, I settle for the in-between.
Perhaps this day is last of its kind,
The outer bound perhaps Ive found, of this writhing and wrenching in-between,
Where trapped in the lip of some plastic bubble, her face returns, with searing burns, and cool pleasures,
with nothing in-between.
I search my soul, for some old hole, probing front and back, to and fro, but find nothing in-between.

When will we be united? I enlist the help of silence

But I should know, with little show, each of us lives forever alone, in our own in-between.
I fling my arms, in confessed distress, upwards, towards the heavens in-between.
And just my luck, a toe I struck, of something familiar, unmistakably.
And feeling me, with reflexive glee, she curled her toes, my Emily.
And I, being the child that I am, wrapped my fingers tight.
She pulled me up, and up and up, until I reached a sea,
In shallow waters, with steam and slaughter, rising up from under me.
She was not there, belied my stare, while plumey air rose quickly, now above my knee.
The smoke surrounded, and with hope compounded, I was face to face with my Emily.

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The same but not, different but not, she opened her mouth, at last free:
My love, my sun, you have returned to me.
Dont leave again, well be happier then,
And leave nothing up to the believed or bereaved.
And as her words finished, my torture diminished, she reached out a hand to run down my cheek.
But somehow forgotten, that lesson so rotten, exposed where we were as pitch-black bleak.
Her hand floated through me, gazed at each other truly, and agreed synchronously the fuckin in-between.

We threw back our heads in rip-roaring laughter, then shed tears shortly thereafter,
For we knew now it was not meant to be.

We bid our farewells, but far as I could tell, this would not be the last time Id see my love, my soul, my
bride, my queen, my sweet, sweet Emily.

Words: Ezra Ellenberg

The Truth About Where You Belong

We all grow up a little out of place.

I cant remember a single time in my youth when I was not hell-bent on the idea that as soon as I grew up,
Id figure out where I truly belonged. I mean, it certainly wasnt in my hometown I was a budding creative
and a stimulation-starved extrovert being raised in a small, conservative town. I was convinced that
geography was the only thing holding me back from the life of my dreams. As soon as I got out, Id find my
true place in the world. And Id stay there forever.

This plan had some accuracy to it. Except the problem with escaping the life that you dont want is settling
on the life that you do. For years I roamed around changing cities, changing life paths, changing my ideas
of what I wanted the future to look like as often as most people change shirts. Some things seemed right
for a while Id settle on one city, one partner, one career path but something better always snuck into the
back of my mind. What next, became the mantra. Always where next, who next, what next.

I spent years searching for the place where I belonged. And I wasnt alone. Every new city I travelled to, with
every new plan I took on, I met others like me people who felt eternally unsettled. Wheres home? Wed
ask each other, and shrug as a response. Home had never been a place. Home was a vague, future
destination we were all hoping to find. When we got there, wed know it. That was one thing we always
agreed on.

It took me a long time to recognize the intense veil of naivety under which I operated during that time in my
life. I assumed, like so many others, that home was a physical destination and that its existence did not
require my participation. I simply had to show up and it would be waiting for me. It was a basic game of
Marco Polo. It didnt occur to me that home was a subjective term. That belonging was a relevant experience.
And that my never-ending search was precisely what was keeping me from belonging anywhere at all.

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Heres both the beauty and the madness of it all there is no place in this world where you belong. Not yet,
anyhow. There is no city, no profession, no place where a you-shaped hole has been perfectly carved out in
the Universe. If you are waiting or even actively searching to find this place, you will be waiting forever.
Its not a plane ride away. Its not a couple years coming. Its non-existent. The world has created nothing in
anticipation of you.

This is what you learn when you pass through a thousand different cities when you search places and faces
for years, trying to find a place that begs you to stay. Nowhere is going to demand you. Nowhere misses you.
Nowhere lacks you before you have made your impression on it and therefore you will never stumble upon
any place where you magically belong. But that doesnt mean that all hope is lost.

The truth about the place where you belong is that it doesnt exist because you havent created it yet.

Our mere existence does not necessitate our belonging. But our actions do. We are born with everything
that we need to make a lasting imprint on this world to carve out a place, however humble, that aches for
us whenever we leave it. A place that fits us. A place that grows us. A place where, come hell or high water,
we belong.

There is no shortcut to getting there. The process of making ourselves irreplaceable to anything is a long and
arduous battle one that could take most of our lives. We have to determine what we love. What we have to
give. What we can offer the world or at least some small corner of it and invest ourselves accordingly. It
takes years to build a community. It takes even longer to change one. There is no concrete measure of when
we finally belong to a place but the unarguable first step is to devote ourselves to the creation of such a
place. To stick with one thing for long enough to transform it into something that resembles our own heart
and spirit. Its not a place that we will stumble across people waiting for us with outstretched arms and
open hearts. Its something we will create, through sharing our own hearts and minds with others.

The truth about where you belong is that it does exist, somewhere in the future. But it needs you to bring it
to existence. It needs you to come alive, to bleed yourself into it and to leave your lasting impression. It
needs you to belong to it first. And eventually, you will find that youve created your own home at last.

Words: Heidi Priebe

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Home Is Not A Place

To anyone whos had to leave a city they love, to anyone whos had to stomach an unwelcome goodbye, to
anyone whose dissatisfaction with the present has nothing to do with selfishness but everything to do with
longing, and to anyone whos unfortunate and lucky enough to know the truth behind these clichs:

I know.

I know what its like to leave, come back, and have your body betray your loathing of the present. When
presented with a map, your eyes dart to where youd rather be. Your feet point in the direction youd rather
be walking. Your mouth emits sentences tinged with nostalgia.

I havent known many homes, but Ive lived in enough places to know it always sucks to leave to build a
life in a city only to leave it behind knowing if you ever go back it will never be the same. And I havent
known many loves, but Ive gotten close to enough people to know it still always sucks to leave to care
until you dont, care until you cant, or care so much that you just have to stop altogether.

I know because although globalization says the world is small, I want it to remain big. The chasm of distance
between me and the place I left shouldnt be remedied by a single plane ride or a simple phone call. It
shouldnt be that easy. For the pain that expanse has caused me, that trip should take a lifetime.

Because making a home out of all the places Ive lived has been simultaneously exhilarating and
exhausting. Some days I delight in the fact that my soul is deposited in several pockets of the world. Other
days it makes me feel empty. I wonder if Ill ever be able to retrieve those parts of myself, or if they were
meant to stay there, unbeknownst to all those who come after me.

In the end, I left to go home. Because thats what people do during the holidays. We retrace our paths by
following the string of yarn we have tethered to our backs. We trail the mess weve woven to find the knot
that keeps us anchored. When I returned, the house I grew up in no longer felt like my home. I had pulled
too hard. I hadnt noticed, but my cord had broken off and when I finally cared to look, I was left tangled in
yarn with places to turn to but no discernable dwelling.

I realized that home is not a place. It cannot possibly be a place because if I really had one refuge I could
name by a set of coordinates or a three-line address, you can bet Id be there. Id be there to kiss you when
you wake, push your hair back after you shower, and slice the bananas for our breakfast. Id be there to
argue when you come home, swear when the moment calls for it, and give in when it strikes my fancy. All
those things and more if I only knew where to go. Instead Im left with one long list of destinations and two
empty hands. Because my life is in flux and home cannot possibly be a place.

But home might be an amalgamation of people I have grown to trust, despite my best efforts to keep a
distance.

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Home might be the moment my raveled yarn got intertwined with yours and I couldnt look back without
seeing all our entanglements.

In the past year, the idea of one residence for my soul has become more and more impractical. But if home
has to be a physical space, its area isnt something I could map out if I tried. Any sense of belonging I have
oscillates between being too big and too small to comprehend. For though my home spans oceans, it is no
smaller than the gap between our bodies at night and no wider than the periphery of your embrace.

Words: Ruth Tam

To The One Who Made Me Feel Like Id Never Be Enough, Thank You

You truly had me. I was under your spell for years, fighting for my place in your life. I changed and altered
myself to suit what I thought might squeeze into the gap you were missing, hoping that one day Id wake
up and fit with you like your favourite pair of sneakers.

But I wasnt enough. And for that, I thank you.

Thank you for putting me through a phase of my life where I had to fight for something that there was no
promise of ever achieving. It was here I learned about perseverance and never giving up on things of value
to me. I learned that there may not always be a pot of gold waiting for me at the end of the rainbow, and I
may be rejected more times than I win. But it was also where I learned the art of recovery. I learned how to
spring back from hurtful goodbyes and demolished sights for how I saw my future.

It was here that I began paving my own path; the path that I needed, instead of chasing after an express
lane to instant gratification.

Thank you for teaching me that changing myself and altering who I was will never be the answer.

Because you made me feel like Id never be enough, I was able to be enough for myself.
I was able to find what I wanted out of my life in the midst of a crumbling forever and always.

I discovered that no matter how far you go to be somebodys something, itll never compare to how amazing
it feels to be your own anything.

I can now be myself and stop questioning what others think of it. Simply not being enough for you, showed
me how to be proud to be me. I survived without you, and that was something I didnt see possible a few
years back.

Thank you for the heartbreak. Because without it, I may never know what being appreciated truly feels like. I
may never have had to opportunity to be loved so wholly and genuinely. Without that heartbreak, I may
never have grinned as large as I do now when told Im beautiful.

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The pain of a broken heart showed me the flip side of the scenario, and without it, I may never have
accepted others quite as unconditionally.

While the mornings I struggled to get out of bed were anything but enjoyable, they showed me that I was
strong enough to pull myself up, and to then approach the world with an open mind, ready to ensure
nobody feels the way that I once did.

Thank you for doubting me, because you have given me every opportunity to prove you wrong. I am
confident that you will miss me, and Im not sorry for that. I hope you learn these lessons yourself one day,
because it was the way you knocked me down that allowed me to stand stronger than I ever have before.

Words: Rachel Connell

Fuck Your Rigid Idea Of Happiness

When did everyone become so obsessed with happiness?

It seems like every Guru and kid with a blog (lol, hey it me!) are running this hamster wheel repeating the
same old thing. Were all Googling, How to be happy? and hoping something will stick. Were searching
for some mythical pot at the end of the rainbow. Actually, make it a double rainbow. Yeah, and make the pot
of gold eternal happiness.

Thats what we want, right?

To be satisfied and fulfilled and stop hurting. We want to learn the meaning of life and work the dream job
and have sex with the dream person, and wake up to do it all over again.

Yeah, fuck it.

Errr, sorry, Grandma.
Screw it. That better?

What if real happiness comes when we accept that happiness will never be a constant?

Im tired of looking inward and thinking Im incomplete for not being happy. Im tired of comparing myself.
Im tired of this magical idea that if I could JUST be happy, just be fully happy, everything else would fall
into place.

Happiness is fleeting. It comes and goes. It makes out with us behind the bar and then suddenly ghosts. It
gives us the weekend or week or month of a lifetime, and then has to go back home. It has to leave and you
dont understand why it cant stay with you forever.

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This concerns some people. The idea that something is only temporary can be uncomfortable. Think about it.
Were one of the few species that actively practices monogamy and (many of us) believe in the idea of a soul
mate a forever person.

Nothing is forever. Life is temporary. Therefore, everything within a life is going to be temporary, happiness
included.

Im not saying you shouldnt go after the things that bring you joy. Dedicate time to your passions. Fall in
love again and again and again. Sing in the shower. Whatever, do the things that make you happy.

But realize you wont always be happy. That doesnt mean youve failed. That doesnt mean you havent
figured out this CRAZY, TOP SECRET TRICK that everyone else has.

Today might be a blue day. Or an angry day. Or something lackluster and numbingly mediocre.

Thats normal. Thats okay. Appreciate happiness when its around. But dont drive yourself nuts trying to
hold onto it. Let it come. And let it go. After all, you wouldnt know how special it was if you had it all the
time, right?

Words: Ari Eastman

F*ck Being Happy

Im sprawled out on the couch right now and Im a little tipsy off of some sauvignon blanc I liberally added
to my body while cooking dinner and Im listening to Taylor Swifts 1989 on repeat until my ears bleed and
Im not happy. Fuck being happy. Im sick of trying to be happy. You know what I want to be and what I am
right now? Alive.

Im sick of the maddening sprint toward happiness. Were driving ourselves crazy, ragged, stressed, for
some high, some glimmer of a shininess, of a happiness. Why? Who said we need to be happy? Who said
we deserve it? Who cares? Whats the whole point of it?

Were unhappy because were not happy. Were miserable because were not happy. Were chasing happy,
were choosing happy, were thinking positive! thoughts! Always positive! Always happy! Chase, choose,
chase, choose.

Fuck it. Arent you exhausted? Yes, the answer is yes, you are. Because I know I am. The tireless, fruitless
pursuit to some happy place needs to stop. Were forgetting how to be alive, how to be in pain, how to
suffer. Were glossing over. Were saying were fine when were not fine. Were lying to ourselves and to
everyone else. Were eschewing the truth about who we are and how we feel because we want to appear
happy, we want to be happy, we want our Twitter and Facebook and Instagram followers to think, damn, they
have it all, theyre happy.

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Were filled with paranoia and shame and were pretending to be people were not and were looking at the
greener grass and thinking other people have it better than we have it and were never, ever giving
ourselves a moment to just breathe and be in our lives and just understand that life isnt happiness and life
isnt anything except a devastating and exhilarating collection of moments. We cant live wrong. We cant
even live right. We can only live. There are no degrees of living. But, you can cease to allow the humanity of
it all, to pretend that the constant, relentless search for happiness is the Whole Point. Its not even part of the
point. Its a tiny fraction of the point.

The rollercoaster, the up and down, the growth parts, the healing parts, the boring parts, its all the parts. Its
a million little pieces that add up to a lifetime. Its a million little emotions that make up the moments that
make up your life. Stop trying to define your life by the happiness you have or dont have. Let it go. Truly let
it go. And let yourself be here, right now, in this moment. Let the pain be pain. Let the sadness be sadness.
Let the joy be the joy. Stop trying to make anything besides happiness mean youre doing something
wrong. Youre alive! Its hard! It sucks! Its beautiful and it sucks and its a million things, like I said, all those
million things are what makes up your life. Let them be a million little pieces. Let your life be a million
moments, not a perfectly curated collection of happy moments.

Because, happiness is a part, an emotion, a small fraction of what makes up a life. Yet, in our pursuit of it, we
perceive our lack of it. And, in that lack, we throw ourselves down and criticize and fall into the hole and we
make it harder to be alive. Life is hard enough, lets not add on that shame and that hardness and that
feeling like were doing it wrong or were missing something. Were not! Were alive and its everything
there is. Its all the moments were collecting, these brief and beautiful and passing and everything
moments. Lets dive in to those. Lets be alive today.

Words: Jamie Varon

This Is The New Loneliness

Its a weekday evening and youre feeling restless. Youre texting friends and youre watching Netflix and
youre on your laptop and youre scrolling through Tumblr or Facebook or Instagram or Twitter. Your
attention is in ten different directions, yet theres a tug, a tiny voice in the back of your mind. It asks: what
are you distracting yourself from? You ignore. Scroll again. Click again.

You send a text: Wanna hang tomorrow night?

Sure, I need to leave my apartment eventually, lol

L O L, me too, goddddd. Ok, lets plan tomorrow

Tomorrow rolls around.

You know, can we maybe rain check on plans? Im cozy!

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YES, omg, I totally wanted to bail, too. PERFECT.

Then, you two text all night. Netflix on in the background. Computer on your lap. Scroll. Click. Scroll. Click.
Refresh. Scroll. Click. Text.

Wait a second. What? How is this our new normal? What are we doing with our lives? Making plans with
actual human beings and then canceling in favor of a screen, Netflix, gchat, bullshit, bullshit, bullshit. How
is this okay? How are we accepting this?

How is this a life?

Its not a life, actually. We cannot spend our days hunched over a screen forging a sense of human
interaction. This is not what we were made for. I can guarantee all your best memories live within the
moments with others. Wheres your great memory with the internet? Is this really all there is now?

When you look back on your life, will you be happy by how much Netflix youve watched? Will you be happy
about the graveyard of plans you let fall by the wayside? Will you be happy when youre surrounded by no
one because weve all pushed each other away? Pushed and pushed and pushed and, in favor of what?
What the hell are we pushing each other away for?

Its the weirdest thing: our generation. Were the least and most connected generation ever and yet if you
spend some time on the internet, you see:

depression, undiagnosed, unchecked

anxiety, of the social variety
loneliness, rampant and unbelievable
sadness, like its a lifestyle
homebodies, like never leaving our apartments is healthy
introverts, like connection with other people is a bad thing
hate people! like its cool
cancel plans! like its kind
Netflix! like its a human being

Do people have true mental illnesses? God, yes. Of course! But this isnt about mental illness. People with
diagnosable depression, anxiety, and other mental illnesses dont make a lifestyle of it. They dont make a
home in those diseases. They frantically fight for their life, because they must. They get help. They furiously
chase their happiness.

Our generation of sadness and loneliness is of the unchecked variety. Of wallowing. Of letting ourselves be
disconnected from both others and ourselves. Learning to soothe more than heal. Learning to put a band-
aid on problems instead of working through and solving our problems. If something is not immediate, we
dont want it, even if itll make us stronger. Were not growing as people, not really. Were shoving away

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bad feelings we dont want to face by clicking, refreshing, scrolling until weve numbed ourselves out
enough. Its addiction.

Emotional strength is earned. It cannot be earned by self-distraction. And, thats what all of this is.
DISTRACTION.

Distraction from ourselves.

Distraction from potential pain.
Distraction from our lives, those hopes, those dreams.
Distraction from vulnerability.
Distraction from compassion.
Distraction from kindness.
Distraction from each other.

And, it is making us miserable. It really is. Take a look at your life. Take a look at how you spend your time.
Are you happy? Do you have joy? Whens the last time you sat in front of a computer screen for longer than
2-3 hours and walked away feeling joyous and energized? Whens the last time a computer, a television
screen, an iPad, a phone made you feel alive? Whens the last time you felt you were loved and taken care
of and healed? Whens the last time you felt strong?

Weve taken it too far, thats what is problematic. The internet and these devices are not wholly unhealthy,
but its the obsession, the constant consumption, the way it breeds a lack of connection with real people.
And, it does breed that.

Can all of this technology be great? Yes. But were not using it that way. Were being reckless. Were acting
like none of this matters, that how we spend our days is not how we spend our lives, but it all matters and
how we spend our days is exactly how we spend our lives. It is. It just is.

I think were afraid, but thats the whole point of lifethat facing down our fears provides for a richer
experience. We are not meant to circumvent the process of healing ourselves. We need to face who we are
in order to be who we are. We cannot find true connection and true love and the purity of both of those
experiences while spending our days not caring about others or ourselves. To not care is to be cool now?
Pizza! Netflix! Do nothing all day! Sweatpants! Homebody! Introvert! Hahahahahahahahahah, were all so
sad and hate each other!

But, its not funny. None of this is.This is your life. YOUR. LIFE. Do you get it? This is it. And youre fucking
wasting it. Wake up. Life happens in a blink. Once its gone, its gone. Dont scroll, click, refresh it away. Be
here, now. Show up. Care about shit. Care about others. Care about yourself. Be better than this. Lets all do
it. And, if we all do it: maybe itll be a fucking revolution. Finally.
Im sick of this sadness. Im sick of this loneliness. Im sick of this disconnection from others. Im so sick of it.
Arent you?

Words: Jamie Varon

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When You Live In A Third World Country

Inang Bayan / Motherland

Where I come from

children are not allowed
to be children. At 6
Juan learns the word violence;
pink-faced on the floor,
salt-wounds on the knees. At 7
he learns the word sex, at 8
he sees his first corpse
Uncle some-name-or-other learns the word
desperate, blinks, and ends up with a
body-bag for a Christmas gift at 9
Juan hears the threat
of jail bars rattling, at 10
he tastes his first high, at 10
he feels for the first time what it is to be
full. Since birth all he ever knew was
the word hunger.

I pray for the gay child born

under the poverty line, but
where I come from nobody cares
what you have to say.
Where I come from
God sleeps,
but if you wake Him up Hell tell you

Fathers are not allowed

to be fathers,
mothers are not allowed
to be mothers;
one sells pounds of flesh
for thirteen silver coins, the other
sardine-like rots in prison somewhere for a crime
he may have or may not have
commit.

The big man gets bigger,

the middle man gets less,
the pauper gets

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sewer rats,
disdain,
anger,
bitterness,
exploitation,
maybe a bullet or two if youre lucky
or unlucky and even now
Juan only ever knows
hunger, always hunger. You forgot
about him didnt you?
Its okay, everybody else does
until he breaks the rhythm of a good dream,
until he breaks inside our homes.

Where I come from

none of this really matters.
The sun still rises
in the east,
and sets
in the west.
But the sky bleeds red

even at midnight.

Words: Sade Andria Zabala

201
Be Like Nike: Just Do It!

Ive done it. Ive discovered the secret to prolonged happiness. Yes, its taken me about thirty years and I still
have to remind myself constantly, but Ive figured it out. Ready? Here it isthe secret to being happy:

DO SHIT YOU LIKE TO DO.

Okay, I know this is stupidly obvious. But sometimes the most obvious truths are the most elusive and
overlooked.

We usually discover our passions by following our joy. Whether its writing, or watching movies, or building
products, or fishing, or drawing, or solving algebraic equations, we tend to explore various activities and
then latch on to the ones we like the most. But then somewhere along the journey of growing up, we get
sucked into schoolwork and resumes and bills and jobs and mortgages. Before we get a chance to take a
breath, we realize we cant do the things we like to do anymore. Were stuck. Such is life, right? WRONG!

Stop assuming your life is on a prescribed trajectorythis is the opposite of reality. You are always in control.
When I look back at my life, I realize the most positive and important decisions Ive made have come from
being almost idiotically risky and deliberate when I knew I wanted to change something. In these scenarios,
I went after something new without considering the challenges or consequences that might arise from it.
Whether it was a girl, a job, a hobby, a new friendI just went for it. You have to do this. You have to stop
thinking so much and GO AND GET IT. There are plenty of things that can keep you happy, but you have to
seek them out.

Theres a quote on my desk on a small scrap of paper:

I finally figured out the only reason to be alive is to enjoy it.Rita Mae Brown

I need to constantly remind myself of this, which is why I leave the quote on my desk. Its also the only
quote on my desk. Honestly, what else is there to remember?

Ive spent periods of my lifelong periods, waiting for things to happen because I thought something was at
the end of the tunnel. Guess what? There was nothing at the end of the tunnel because life isnt a tunnel.
Life is an open field. With each moment, we can decide to do anything we want. There isnt a finite end to
the path were on. In fact, there isnt a path at all. The only sure thing waiting for us, despite the direction we
take, is death. Stop telling yourself youre on a path. Youre not. Youre only in a distinct moment, and the
next moment can take you in any direction you choose. Its a scary truth, but its liberating.

We tend to force ourselves into corners and trick ourselves into thinking were not good enough, not smart
enough, not determined enough, too old, too young, too tired, too weak. Or we tell ourselves were already
on a path to something good and that well get there eventually. Its all BS. We conjure up these thoughts
because were too scared to figure out if any of it is true or not.

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I wanted to write for a long time, but felt I shouldnt do it because people in my social and professional
circles might not like it or might judge me in some way. It took a life-changing event for me to finally get the
nerve to start writing publicly. Guess what? Now that Im doing it, it feels amazing. Its like crack. I become
energized thinking about what I might write next and how I can connect with an audience. The happiness
Ive gained from writing is well worth any consequence that may come from it. My nervousness in getting
started was a barrier created from my own self-doubt.

The simple truth is that THERE IS NO REASON NOT TO DO WHAT YOU LOVE.

Whatever obstacle you have in your head is bullshit. Youve fabricated it out of thin air because youre
nervous. Dont have time? BS. Make time. Seriously, watch one less TV show. Doesnt pay the bills? BS. First
of all, you can do what you love outside of work if you make time (see above). Second, you can usually pay
the bills doing something you loveyou just have to be creative, persistent, and go all in. Family members
or friends dont support it? BS. Its not their choice, its yours. Reconsider who youre spending time with if
theyre not supporting you. Sometimes people think theyre helping you because they foresee a potential
obstacle in what you plan to do, dont think its worthwhile, or doubt your ability. These are the same
internal fears you have, reinforced by others. RUN! Its only compounding the issue and digging you into a
deeper hole of indecision.

All of these forces against us are hard to overcome. Believe me, I know. But, plain and simple overcoming
them is worth it. It took me over thirty years to realize this, but its true. Would you rather be perpetually sad
to avoid potentially negative consequences that probably wont ever materialize, or would you rather vastly
increase your likelihood of being perpetually happy? When you look at it from this perspective, the choice is
obvious. Its a risk we should all take.

So, do yourself a favor and start enjoying yourself. Do the thing youre most scared of doingthe thing
youve always wanted to do. Remove all obstacles. End the relationship. Quit the job. Take the class youve
been wanting to take. Spend your nights learning a new craft instead of watching TV. And dont trick yourself
into liking something you dont. Do you really like eating fatty foods to the detriment of your health? Do you
really like your current job, or are you just doing it as a means to an end? Think critically about these types of
things. Its easy to fool yourself.

Remember, the only reason to be alive is to enjoy it. I dont care what you enjoy doing its your life. I care
that you stop thinking about it and start taking action. Be like Nike. JUST DO IT. Youll be glad you did.

Words: Jesse Warren Tevelow

203
Happiness Is A Choice

Its the end-goal of everything we do. Its why we pray, get married, go to college, slave through tiresome
days at the office, endure heartache, buy into fads, and move through (the sometimes unbearable) woes of
everyday life and more importantly, its why we care so damn much about it all. Its why we are so hurt
when our lives dont become what we had hoped they would be. Its happiness, and its at the root of
everything we desire. But what we seem to overlook is that happiness is not an elusive state of euphoria that
we eventually stumble upon once all of our goals are fulfilled. Happiness is a choice, and you are just as
capable of experiencing it now as you will be once your life looks as you think it ideally should.

Yes. Happiness is a choice. And you can choose it right now. Close your eyes and decide: today, I will be
happy. Today, I will be grateful for everything I have, and know that everything I dont have, I dont need.
See, the thing is, happiness is not contingent upon the next great thing you attain or accomplish. Ever notice
that? You work hard for something, you get it, and then the joy of having it fades, just like everything else
you have and dont care about. And youre on to assuming that youll be happy once you have the next
thing. Its how weve been conditioned: to work toward being better, richer, thinner, prettier, happier.

But its not to say that aspiring to be better is bad. The concept of growth is, in my opinion, the purpose of
existence: everything is for the development of our souls. So what if we took the energy we put toward
making ourselves appear successful and happy and put it toward actually being happy, right now. What if
we made the next goal to be happy not in 15 less pounds from now, not in a $15,000 raise from now, not
once we have the person weve been swooning over, not once were better. Just now, just because were
alive, just because were here, and just because theres something in us that the world needs. Because there
is someone, somewhere, who loves us (or will love us) just as we are, right now.

Happiness, if you think about it, is the biggest conundrum we face. The pursuit of it is why we do basically
everything that we do, and yet, none of that effort is necessary: its the simplest choice of changing our state
of mind.But if youre worried that being unconditionally happy for yourself is selfish, consider this. Once
youre happy, youll find that you begin a domino effect. Youll exude peace to others. Youll make the first
impact and the ripple effect of peacemaking will follow. My inner hippie has always believed that peace for
the world around us has to begin within us. Were all preaching and fighting (note the irony) for a more
peaceful existence, and yet were not changing ourselves. So for the sake of your own happiness, for the
sake of the world around you, and for the sake of everybody who you love and care for, be happy. Choose to
fill yourself with love, light and positive energy.

You choose happiness. You choose what success is. You choose your family. You choose your home. (I
personally believe its the person or place you always return to, but thats just me). What you may not realize
is that every aspect of your life is changeable, and more important, beautiful, just as it is because youve
chosen it. You know what you have to do now, and just like more often than not in life, you know what the
right thing is. Its just having the courage to do it. Its easy to sit in your misery and feel sorry for yourself. Its
easy to fall into the trap of thinking that worrying about something will change it. Have the courage to
choose happiness.
Words: Brianne Wiest

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The Truth About Happiness: Its All About The Chase

Think about the concept of happinesssomething we all strive to be every day. A concept that sometimes
feels unattainable, yet we fantasize about when this emotion will fill our souls and consume our bodies. We
are waiting for that fleeting moment where we can just sit back, take a deep breath, and finally say the three
words we so desperately want to feel every moment of every dayI am happy.

But think about your self-growth. Think about the periods of time that led you to be your most genuine self.
What state of mind were you in that caused you to become someone that you are proud of? The truth of the
matter is, we dont improve and grow as human beings during the moments that we are happywe grow
from the obstacles we face during the journey of life.So what was I feeling when my blinders came off and I
realized the kind of person I wanted to be? In that moment I experienced disturbing emotionsI
experienced anger, fear, loneliness, and resentment. I felt lost and became numb to certain people and
certain things. That moment, those feelings, that daywell, it changed everything.

Happiness is wonderful, but it is a comfort zone. We are so focused on reaching this destination that we
forget that it is the excursion that shapes us.It is through your struggles and defeat that you mature the
most.

When I think about my past, the happy moments all seem to be blurred togetherwhat I remember
distinctly are the hard times and tough conversations that were necessary to find my inner peace. Those
moments are so tough to go through, but now you look back and you dont recognize that person anymore,
do you? That person is a stranger to you now, right?

In those moments, you developed qualities that changed who you were going to be for the rest of your life.
You became better, smarter, resilient, and the kind of person you didnt know you could ever bewithout
even realizing it, you became happier.

Do I want to be happy? Yes. Do I want the road to happiness to be easy? No.

As silly as it sounds, happiness is not something that we are meant to feel constantlyits a reward.

I used to believe being happy all the time was the ultimate goal to a healthy life, but I realized that you
should never be ashamed of the scars life has left you with along the way.

A scar means the hurt is over and the wound is closed. It means that you conquered the pain, learned a
lesson, grew stronger, and moved forward. Now I understandthose scars, those moments where you have
hit rock bottom, those are the key to happiness. I finally grasped why happiness is something people are
constantly struggling to achieve some people arent willing to embrace their scars and continue on.
Instead they wallow in self-pity and refuse to get back up. At the end of the day, it is important to remember
one thing; Happiness doesnt teach you to be happysadness, confusion, heart break, and loss does. So my
advice; keep going.

Words: Rebecca Sambursky

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The Art of Self-Love

Self-love. This is a concept that many, today, take so much pride in and have essentially become walking
advertisements spreading this message. That isnt a bad thing, of course. But you see, doesnt it become an
utter conflict to cling to nonsense tips on how to love yourself a little more today and maybe tomorrow
and this coming new year? Man, imagine how many of these new year resolutions and promises to
ourselves will be to smile a little more, live a little more, and risk a little more? But in reality thats every
new year, no?

Love yourself. I was one of those self-loving zombies who greatly believed in this selfish act. This was a
concept I wholeheartedly preached to my family, peers and all colleagues of mine. Its not that I dont
presently believe in self-love because believe me, I earnestly do, but I went about it the wrong way by
following the ONLY way I thought there was to finally achieving such a self-actualizing feeling. Even using
the word achieving gives me chills.. what a terrible perspective to have on such a beautiful concept of self-
love. I adamantly forced self-love onto others only because I was so desperate to find the meaning of it all. I
did this because I couldnt ever find the heart to actually love myself or know how or where to begin.

The Art of Self-Love. This is the thing about the beauty of loving yourself. There is no one way to go about it,
feel it, and live it. You dont just find it or happen to come across it. Sometimes, all it simply takes is
confidence and a strong mind and heart. And other times, it takes absolute self-destruction to realize your
full potential. Shit happens. Life happens. Everyday isnt going to be as perfect as that one girls Instagram
photo captioned, So happy! Lovin life! #blessed. Im sure that girls day probably wasnt perfect to a tee
anyway. But lets keep that between you and me.

There is no The in the art of self-love. There is only Your.

Your Art of Self-Love. Why is it yours? Well its simple, really. Its your own raw and gut-turning experience.
How amazing is that?! Knowing that you and your mind, soul, and heart are the only elements that truly
understand all your situations whether theyre life-changing or not. Thats why there is no one way to love
yourself. Your art of self-love begins when youre ready to fully embrace and accept not only yourself, but
whatever else it is that is hindering your own personal self-development. It starts when youve stopped
comparing yourself to others and know that you are already an awesome and unique human being.

It starts when youve fought the fight of never feeling good enough. It starts with you
and only you can paint today, tomorrow, and the new year with your very own art of
self-love.

So, lets trash all the mental tips on how to love yourself and unkept new year resolutions, shall we? To hell
with new year resolutions! It all starts today and the creation of your own customized self-loving
masterpiece all lies in your heart. Always remember, it is your art of self-love and no one could ever take that
away from you.
Words: Chelsey Grace

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Everything I Want To Say To The One Who Destroyed Me

What I thought was meant to be just turned into another broken heart. I wish that I had been strong enough
to walk away at the first sign of problems but as a natural born fighter, I fight to keep everything in my life. I
want people to know how important they are to me. I will not stop until people feel the love I have for them.
Maybe that was my biggest undoing. I hate the fact that right now I loathe you more than anyone in the
world. While there were many cracks in my heart before I got to you, you managed to shatter the remaining
pieces. A part of me wonders if somewhere deep down, you hated me. Maybe I was too much for you to
handle and instead of walking away, you had to lead me down a path Im not sure Im ever going to come
back from.

I gave you my heart and you had a choice to heal it or break it. You chose the latter. While I had done all of
the hard work to ensure that those little pieces were neatly being placed back together, you managed to
knock all that progress to the ground. I will never understand what happened because I dont think you
even do. When youre constantly looking for the next best thing, the thing in front of you is never going to
be good enough. So when you told me you were leaving for someone newer and shinier, you made it sound
like I should be happy for you. I should be happy that you found a better version of me. Someone whos just
a little more put together.I could never be happy for you and that is completely unfair of you to ask of me.
While I would never wish bad things, I dont wish you well anymore. I dont wish for you to be in pain the
way youve caused me but I dont wish for you to live happily ever after with someone else. Maybe that
makes me spiteful or vengeful but I think it just makes me human. When youre hurt by someone you love
its hard to not feel the anger that boils in the pit of your stomach.

Eventually I will let this go and move on. I will be able to get out of bed and face the universe without that
dreadful feeling like its out to get me. I replay every word you said over and over in my head, trying to
remember if I read into things. I try to think about the fact that maybe I had created some fantasy that wasnt
even remotely close to true but I didnt. I didnt make up the last few months in my head. I didnt make up
you in my mind. I didnt create something out of nothing. You were there the whole time feeding into
everything.Maybe it was stupid of me to believe in the words you said. Maybe it was dumb of me to believe
that you would be honest. Maybe it was my mistake for wanting to believe in you and everything I thought
you had to offer. Or maybe it was just simply that I fell for you in the purest form and that wasnt enough for
you.

Whatever it was that changed everything, I hope that it was worth it. I really truly do because if it was then
the pain that I feel now wont be in vein. If you have found your forever person and I was the obstacle in the
way of that then I really hope it does work out. I cant tell you that I dont hate you because I still fully do. I
still cringe when I think about you. I still want to punch you in the throat when I remember all of the words
you said and how you let me down extremely hard. What I can say is this, you may have hurt me but you
didnt kill me. So whenever you figure out that what you did was wrong, I wont be waiting to hear your
apology. I dont need it. Save it for the next time you fuck up because you will.All I hope is that you figure
out your own shit before you destroy yourself or worse, another person.

Words: Alexandria Brown

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I Dont Know How To Not Love You

I love you and I dont know how not to.

People say I should get over you. They say that I deserve someone better and youre just not good for me.
They say that I will only get heartache after heartache if I continue loving you. They told me to move on but
how can I when I dont know how to?

Our relationship started in the most unexciting way, nothing special, nothing worth storytelling but it was
always my favorite. We were doing so great that it made me think that we could go on forever. We talked
every night about almost everything, the past, the present and the future. No matter how crappy or happy
my day was, at the end of the day I had something to look forward to talking to you. It was as if you made
my day complete. You made me happy, contented, and you made me look forward to the future full of
hopes and dreams. You always managed to make me smile even at my lowest and laugh even at my
saddest. You may have your shortcomings but who cares, I do too. You made me realize that its okay to just
be me, plain and simple, no pretensions, just me. You made me feel cherished and special because you
loved and accepted me.

I thought that was enough, I thought wed be okay, but I got it all wrong.

Its hard to write about you in the past tense because I dont want what we had to be just in the past, I dont
want it to be just memories. I dont want to be just a part of your past, I want to be in your present, and I
want us to be part of each others future. But sadly, those are what we just had memories, those are what it
will always be, memory. Our story may not end up with happily ever after but I felt my happiest that once
upon a time.

We never made any promises. You told me you didnt want to because promises are made to broken and
you didnt want that. But you told me that wed try, that wed do our best. We. And I held on to that. I held on
to every memory, good and bad because I knew it was all I would ever have. I held on to you, knowing that
everything that was happening were just obstacles that we needed to get through.

I hold on even after youve let go.

I tried fighting, fighting for you, fighting for us. I didnt get tired when it comes to you, I never get tired.
But it hurts to see you fighting me while I fight for you. I didnt gave up, I just accepted the truth that what
you want is to get away from me, to be free from me. It hurts like hell but I have to accept it thinking that it
will make you happy. After all, my goal was to always make you happy even if that meant me not being part
of it. I have always been selfish and I always think of myself, but with you, I could be selfless and give
without expecting anything in return. It is as if your happiness had been my priority. That day when you
asked for your freedom, I didnt think twice, I gave you want you wanted. I told myself its for the best, its for
YOUR best. After all, if you really want to be with me, you wouldnt ask for it. Maybe you loved me but you
just didnt want to be with me anymore.

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I want you to know that I will always care for you, no matter how much hurt you gave me that was nothing
compared to the happiness that you brought me. You will always be a part of me that I will never let go. I
may have let you out of our relationship but I will forever hold you in my heart. I know it seems final to say
this but maybe, just maybe, Ill never get over you.

My life will go on but you will forever linger in my memory. Time spent with you will forever be cherished.
Late night conversations with you will always be replayed and relived inside my mind. I know those things
will make it harder for me to move on but I cant help it. Maybe its my unconscious saying that I dont want
to move on from you. Maybe Im still hoping that you will come back to your senses and come back to my
life. Or maybe Im just hoping and waiting and holding on because honestly, I still love you and I dont
know how not to.

Words: KC Leyesa

Although Were Not Together, Youll Always Be The Love Of My Life

I hope this letter finds you well. How are you? I dont think Ill ever get to know, but I hope you are doing
fine. It saddens me that this is the first time in a long time that I wont be spending your birthday with you.
And to be honest, not a day has gone by that I havent though about you. I still watch our videos from time
to time and it still makes me smile, and at the same time it makes me cry.

I will never forget you. Even if the memories hurt, I dont ever want to forget you. Youll always have a special
place in my heart because you were my special love. We had something special. You walked into my life
one day and you made me realize that you were everything that I needed and wanted. I thought you were
the one for me, and I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. You were my lover and my best friend. I
could always count on you. We had everything planned out. After I graduate, Ill move there then well get
married.

But somewhere along the way, we started to doubt our future and we were constantly fighting each other.
We tried to bring back the flame, but it ended burning everything down.

Im sorry. Id be lying if I said I dont miss you. Because even before we ended, Ive been missing you for
much longer than that. I was missing the us when we first started. I was missing the times we would laugh
at each others jokes then suddenly, well get serious and say how much we love each other. I miss sleeping
on your chest. I miss my comfy spot. I miss you kissing me even when were in public cause we didnt have
a care in the world. It was just you and me. I was missing the you that really loved me. And Im still missing
that. And I still think that maybe nows just not our time. We lost respect for each other, and we forgot to
value each other.

I want you to understand that me getting in a new relationship doesnt mean Im replacing you. You loved
me in a way no one else did. You became a part of me, and youre so much more than all of the guys Ill ever
meet. I grew in the love that you gave me, and Ill forever be thankful.

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You are the love of my life. Always will be.

But love doesnt conquer all, and the reality is, not everyone gets to hold on to the love of their lives. But this
doesnt mean that Im giving up on the possibility of us being together again. If were meant for each other,
well find our way back to each other.

I had to let go because we were no longer happy with each other. We were continuously suffocating and
hurting each other. I didnt really have a choice. The tears had to end, and I didnt want to get to the point
where we start hating each other. Although you probably hate me now, Im still hoping that someday youll
learn to forgive me. Im hoping that youll understand why we became to be like this.

Nevertheless, your significance in my life will never change. I love you enough that I would still want you in
my life even if Im no longer your reason to be happy. I thought you would, too. Thank you for the memories,
the good and the bad, and Ill forever cherish them till the day I leave this world. I was lucky to have met
you. After all, not everyone gets to meet their love of the lives, and I know in my heart and mind, that you
were mine. Im sorry for the times I have hurt you and made you cry. I really am.

I wish you all the best and I hope that our paths will cross again. And maybe, when time is finally on our
side, well finally be right for each other. I dont think Ill ever find a bigger, more passionate love than what
we once shared.

Thank you.

I will always love you.

Words: Aneka Tsujimoto

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In This Life / In Another Life

IN THIS LIFE we talk a lot on the phone about meeting halfway between San Francisco and Baltimore.

IN ANOTHER LIFE we shack up in a hotel room on the Kansas/Nebraska border, spend three entire days with
the curtains drawn and the lights off and your mouth on my mouth. We drink and sleep and fuck until we
are both sore. I cant think of anything more important than the taste of you. It almost doesnt matter that
this is Kansas. It almost doesnt matter that we are holed up in some hotel room like people on the run. It
almost doesnt matter that it is only temporary.

IN THIS LIFE we both have dreams about airports and in mine, I am always running towards you; and in
yours, you are always waiting.

IN ANOTHER LIFE we get a big airport scene. Im fresh off a five-hour flight. You pick me up at the arrivals
area. You wear that red, plaid scarf. It feels right, being in your passenger seat. It reminds me of being on the
phone with you, all those long calls youd make from the road. And we are so hesitant to touch each other. I
dont know if I want your hand in my hand or your fingers in my mouth. It is hard to figure out where to
start.

IN THIS LIFE you move to London for work. We stay up nights talking about how it cant end like this, but
how the goal of a long distance relationship isnt adding more distance. You say we owe it to each other to
see this through and I book a ticket to LHR. I pack my bag. I sit through a 10-hour flight. Youre not waiting
on the other end. You call later, say its too hard. You wont tell me what is too hard.

IN ANOTHER LIFE we sit across from each other in a Costa in London. The one in Euston Station. I dont know
my way around that well and I pick something easy. You have coffee. I have chai tea. We spend a lot of time
fiddling awkwardly with our cups. Sugar packets. Napkins. Anything to not talk. It is hard to sit there across
from you and not know the way this conversation is going to go. I want to climb across the table and bury
my face in your neck. I settle for small talk. Hows the job? Hows the commute? Hows the flat?

IN THIS LIFE when you find out that youre sick, you wait for a long time to tell me. You wait too long. We
waste so much time. We spend too many days apart. I dont tell you that I love you enough. I tell you a lot,
but not enough. You are trying to do the right thing when you cut me out. You are trying to cause me as little
pain as possible. You are sparing me long nights spent at the hospital and months of crying and worry. You
say it will be easier this way but it is not easier.

IN ANOTHER LIFE you dont take my choice away from me.

IN THIS LIFE even after we say goodbye, I wait for your call. It never comes. I dont like to think about what
this means.

Words: Trista Mateer

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Airports Are My Happy Place

As I write this, I am on the train to Narita International Airport, and it is all I can do to keep from vibrating out
of my skin in excitement. In a few hours, Ill board a plane bound for Washington, DC via Chicago. It will be
the first time Ive been home in almost a year and a half, and though my emotions are bordering on ecstasy
because of the reunions that are just over the horizon, a good portion of my happiness comes from the fact
that Im in an airport at all.

See, airports are my happy place. Im in love with them. Im the woman who shows up at least three hours
before her flight international or domestic, it doesnt matter just to spend a bit of extra time in the
terminal. I could spend the entire day there and wouldnt get bored once.

I love the anonymity Im afforded in an airport. Aside from the security staff leafing through my passport and
scanning my boarding pass, no one knows who I am. No one has any idea where Im going and why. I could
be anyone in an airport. I usually travel alone, so despite the fact that people surround me, I always feel a
certain measure of privacy. Im guilty of turning off my phone right after Ive cleared security; I like being cut
off and unreachable. An airport gives me freedom from dealing with everyday nuisances and annoyances
that are otherwise always present.

For me, theres hardly a better place to people watch. Peruse the crowds at an airport, especially if its
international, and youre guaranteed to see a huge range of races, nationalities, and social classes. Id once
spent an hour in Heathrow sitting between a Hasidic Jew and a sunny surfer who looked like he could have
been Matthew McConaugheys younger brother. Airports are melting pots.

And I think you can get a basic sense of a persons character when theyre at an airport, too. Do they travel in
comfort, wearing jeans and a t-shirt? Or are they all business, wearing heels or a suit? Are they quietly
reading on a bank of chairs against the gate windows? Or are they typing away on a laptop, trying to get one
last work email sent off before they board the plane? Sucking down a venti latte from Starbucks? Or
snacking on a sandwich they made themselves and brought from home? (For the record, Im the chick who
alternately does yoga in quiet corners during layovers, guiltlessly chows down on an overpriced, huge
burger, or catches up on reading comics on her iPad.)

I love the sounds in an airport. I like the sounds of baggage wheels clacking on the moving sidewalk, a
boarding pass being torn off, and my passport being stamped. All of those are comforting reminders that I
am either almost home or soon to be somewhere new and exciting. (And theres rarely a screaming baby in
an airport. You usually have to get on a plane to enjoy that.)

But the best part about airports lies in what they symbolize. Airports are places of bookends: new
beginnings and long-awaited endings, arrivals and departures, hellos and goodbyes. We start in one city to
end in another hundreds or thousand miles away. You enter from a desert and exit into a blizzard. In from
winter, out into summer. In from familiarity, out into something completely foreign. Or vice versa.

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An airport is a place of transit, and not just geographically. I wish there was some sort of time-lapse to show
how people change between departures and arrivals. When I arrive back home from being away, Im never
the same person as when I left.

And the emotions at an airport youve got the whole range. You want to see human emotion at its most
sentimental and raw? Watch families reunite at Arrivals. Watch them separate before security outside of
Departures. Emotions converge on each other; the pain of goodbyes and last moments are mixed with
anticipation and excitement. The heyday of an arrival is tempered by the comforting feeling that you are
finally home again. Ive gotten the stereotypical, romantic I love you when boarding a plane. The
knowledge that soon there will be thousands of miles between you and your loved ones makes those
moments all the more significant. Airports can cut you deep. But the fantastic thing about them is that as
much as they are host to those moments, theyre also the places to flee from them. As soon as you step into
an airport, a whole new chapter begins.

Words: Alex Brueckner

Its Easy To Forget That Sometimes Love Doesnt Last Forever

When you are seventeen and hopelessly in love, you dont think its going to end. When you are seventeen
and someone promises you forever, you believe them. When you are seventeen and naive enough to
believe that first love means forever love, you never expect it to end.

I never for a second thought we would ever end. We spent years trying to convince other people how serious
we were, but never had to convince ourselves. We spent years trying to tell people that we would make it,
but never had to tell ourselves that.

We just knew. We were always the couple that could

withstand even the worlds harshest tsunamis.
We were the kind of couple that could have fun doing nothing. We just wanted to be in each others
presence, thats all we needed. I remember our first kiss like it was yesterday. It was on Philadelphia street, a
street I try to avoid now. My lips trembled in anticipation, my heart raced as if I had just run a marathon. But
when we kissed, the trembling stopped. The fear ended. And it was just you and me, against the world. It
was always just you and me.

I remember the first Halloween we spent together. We carved hearts into pumpkins and kissed on your front
steps. Simple. But, perfect. I remember the first time I looked at you and knew that you were the one. I
didnt see fireworks, or stars, I only saw you and that smile I could never forget.

And I knew that you were all I needed to see in this whole world.

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A lot can change in three years. A lot can change with distance and time changes. But we never did. I always
met you with tears streaming down my aching cheeks. You always met me with a smile that could burn a
thousand hearts. We always found our way back to one another. And we always found our way home to each
other.

But, sometimes when you are in love, you forget what the real world is. And you forget about how big it is.
You forget other people, and your priorities can dwindle down to only one person. When you are so
intoxicatingly in love, sometimes you lose track of yourself. Youre so caught up in forever, that you forget to
be present. You forget yourself. You forget reality.

Maybe I was always naive. Maybe I was stupid, to think that first love could actually last. Maybe, I was too
dumb to see the truth. Because sometimes, no matter how big the love is, and how strong that bond is, the
world can break it. And the world isnt against you, it isnt out to get you, it just becomes too much.

And everything you thought would last is gone. And everything I

thought I knew, wasnt there anymore.
Its so easy to become numb from reality. Its easy to think that its going to be forever. And in a way, its just
innocence. Its believing in the impossible. Its wanting the best thing youve ever had, to last until the day
you die. Its wanting to believe that the magic will never fade into the dark.

I never thought our magic would end. But at twenty, it did. And at twenty, the thing I loved the most in the
whole wide world, was not something I could count on anymore.

That big love I always believed in, was just another statistic.
Being in love is magical. Being in love is the most powerful thing in the world. Its like being high and drunk
on someone without needing a drop of liquor. And even if it ends, I hope you know that no matter what, it
was beautiful.

No matter what kind of ending that love has, it doesnt make

it any less important.
Your heart still has the capacity to love again. Your heart still beats in perfect rhythm. Youll find that big love
again. Youll find forever, soon enough.

Words: Lauren Jarvis-Gibson

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A Piece Of My Heart Will Always Belong To You

A piece of my heart will always belong to you. As much as I try to pretend that it doesnt, I cant keep lying to
myself. So, Im going to just spill my truth out instead of hiding behind a smile.

A piece of my heart will always belong to you. It doesnt matter that it was young love. It doesnt matter that
it was first love. All that matters is that, it was real love. Truly. It was true love. The kind of big love that
everyone dreams of. That was us.

No matter how many days and years go by, you will always have that piece of me. The piece that was
youthful, full of playful energy, and full of life. The piece that was hopelessly in love with you and that
prayed we would never end. You will always have the piece of me that was overly emotional. The piece that
was unstable, because thats how much I needed you. The piece that was full of joy, but also full of great
sadness. You will always own that piece of me.

And I wouldnt want it in the hands of anyone else.

You will always have a piece of my heart. The piece that was ugly and beautiful. The piece that looked into
your eyes and saw forever. The piece that could never envision a goodbye. And the piece that will forever
think of you as the one that got away.

Im not ashamed of that piece of my heart. Im not going to cover my eyes from it anymore. Because that
piece of my heart, was full of hope. And was full of undying love. It was hopelessly optimistic.

Take care of that piece of me.

Take care of me at seventeen. Take care of that piece of innocence. And know that, that piece of me will
always love you. And it will always belong to you.

Words: Lauren Jarvis-Gibson

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This Is Why Im Guarded

I was once that person who constantly needed some protecting from the world beyond me, I was that
person who always needed to depend my own self and happiness to other people, I was also that person
who was too afraid of being alone and I always needed someone to look out for me. I know Ive been so
emotionally weak all throughout my life that I just got tired of it.

Ive had my heart shredded and torn into pieces; I almost lost myself while slowly picking up the tiny bits
and not even knowing how to make it whole again. Now that Im quite certain that its finally intact and
healed, I just cant risk it being shattered again, I know I just cant go back there!

Ive worked so damn hard to build up these thick walls around me to protect my fragile heart. Ive learned
that being emotional means being weak, once you let people in, once you get attached, you give that
person the power to hurt you, even if its not his/her intention.

What Ive learned is that, people do come and go, even years of cultivated friendship doesnt guarantee you
permanence, no matter how close you both are or how well you know a certain person yet sometimes Life
has its own twisted way of letting you guys drift apart.

I know for a fact that loving doesnt mean that it always has to be a bed of roses, of course there will always
be good times and bad times, loving means that you dont really care if your heart gets ripped out of you
because it doesnt really matter, you are willing to take the risk, you are willing to push through that
relationship, work things out even if you end up getting hurt.

Loving also means that you wholeheartedly accept that person no matter how fucked up he/she is or was.
Love can make you feel like you can move mountains, I know how being loved and in love can be the best
feeling in the world but at the same time it can also be the most excruciating, earth shattering, sickening
feeling. Like all the air has been knocked out of you in just one snap and you cant seem to know how to
breathe again, its like youre witnessing your own slow painful death while youre still living.

But this is not me being broken; this is not me having a stone cold heart, this is not me who got tired of
always loving the wrong person.
This is me being wiser, this is me knowing what I do and do not deserve. This is me who has learned a lot
from the past.

I know in time Ill muster the courage to open up my heart again, but for now, Im content with what Im and
what I have, Im happy and at peace. I know, somehow, somewhere in Gods perfect time love will come and
find me again, but for now theres no need to rush. I know someone out there will eventually be able to
break down these walls and Ill finally be able to set my precious heart free again.

Words: Zhaina Angelica C. Rastrullo

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Were The Generation Confused About Love

If it didnt work out the first time, its definitely not going to work out the second time.

Once a liar, always a liar. You can never trust him again.

Let it go, you guys just arent right for each other.

Every time these words spill out of the mouth of somebody my age, I cant help but to cringe. Im talking
about the age group from 18 to mid-20s. The age group where everyone you meet is still changing,
learning, and growing into the person they are going to become.

I fell in love at the ripe young age of 17. Not the lets hold hands down the hallway so our friends see type
of love. It was more like the oh shit, I think this is the real thing type of love. Being 17 years old, there were
certain things I knew and certain things I didnt. I knew I was in love. I also knew there were things I had to
see and experience for myself in order to grow as a person and be certain of MYSELF, not my love for the
person I was dating at the time.

So, I went my own way for a while and did the things I felt like I needed to do in order to prepare myself for
a more long-term relationship.

Ill pause here.

Oh, she just wants to make sure theres nothing better out there and then come running back to you when
she finds out theres not.

Not the case. Not the truth. For some, it may be. But for me, it wasnt. I was terrified of the way I felt. I knew I
loved this person on a whole different level, and I wanted to experience what I needed to experience and
allow myself to grow and change so that when I was more ready to embark on that long-term commitment, I
was 1000% sure. When its for real, its forever.

The moral of the story: We are in the prime of our lives. We are figuring ourselves out. We are falling and
getting back up and making mistakes and LEARNING. There is a difference between a person who is
learning and a person who is just playing games, dont get me wrong. You have to have the ability and
intuition to be able to tell the difference.

It breaks my heart when I hear people get written off for learning and growing. This is something that
should be encouraged and understood, because even if youre not going through it at the time, Im sure
there was a point where you had to do things for yourself to figure out what you needed and wanted. This
does not make anybody a bad person. It simply makes them human. If you fall in love young, you HAVE to
understand that youre both going to go through a lot of stuff to figure out how to be the person you want to
be. If youre still standing together at the end of the day after all thatI think thats what true love is really

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about; being there and understanding, not pointing fingers and walking away. Taking space to go on this
journey is okay.Theres nothing wrong with it. And, wellif it comes back to you, its yours to keep.

Words: Alexa Faye

Love Everyone Blindly

I used to think that life would make more sense when I grew up. (Heres a secret it doesnt.)

Ten years ago, after an exceptionally cold and rainy track practice, the news reached me. Just another day
turned into one that would rattle me, an entire youth group, a church, a school and a community. It wasnt
pretty. People were confused. Hurt. Angry. Sad. There were tears. There were blank stares from people who
didnt know what to do or say. There were people who tried to hide and people tried to help. And there was a
question:

WHY?

Why didnt we see it coming?

Why didnt she tell anyone how much pain she was in?

Why would God let this happen?

Why would she do it?

And the reality? We dont really know those answers. And they havent come with time. I spent years
speculating, thinking, what if and what could I have done? I knew her. We were friends. I didnt think we
had a deep connection but we did. We were both outsiders in a world that thought we were happy. People
loved us, but we didnt fully love what others saw. We just wanted to be different from the person we were.
We looked in the mirror, or looked inward at ourselves, and saw things we wished were different. There was
this idea that we were flawed. That something was wrong with us.

She called me a few weeks before to ask me to prom. I was a freshman and she was a junior. I didnt really
know what say. Sure, I could go I guess? But wouldnt she have more fun with friends of her own age I
mean, I couldnt even drive! Is a girl even allowed to ask a guy to prom? What should I say? Everything
seemed backwards. And my secret knew Id never want more than friendship.

In that moment I didnt understand friendship comes in different forms I didnt understand loving people
could mean so many things. I had fixed ideas of how the world should work. I was just another young and
confused freshman who was figuring things out about myself. We all were. And thats okay. Because for the
rest of your life, youre going to be figuring things out. There will be twists. And turns. Youll be hurt. Youll
be confused. And some days itll seem your world is crashing down. But youll make it through.

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Eventually I would find out she was going to prom with a group of friends. She had even picked out a dress.
There was hope for a brighter future; I wish she could have seen that. Everyone has secrets and thoughts
they want to keep locked away. But if theyre hurting you, let them out. Tell someone. The ones who really
love you wont run away. You might feel ashamed or guilty, but love is blind to those feelings. Love sees you
as the beautiful person you are even when you cant see it.

Words: Adam Newton

How To Love Yourself (Or At Least Start)

The first thing I knew about self esteem was that I didnt have much of it. Around the time I started growing
armpit hair, I was referred to a special program for kids with low confidence. I dont remember much about
the class except that the programs counselor constantly tried to covering up her smoking habit with an
offensively pungent perfume. I think the program didnt work very well, because, ermm, I guess because I
am writing this.

Not loving yourself occurs when you fundamentally lose sight of your inner beauty. For many years, that is
where I was. I saw myself as having little value, and constantly compared myself to friends who were
infinitely more intelligent, charismatic, and attractive.

Loving yourself requires radical acceptance. It means you have to confront the parts of yourself that scare the
shit out you and bring them all out into the open. You have to give yourself an honest and thorough
examination and accept everything that cannot or should not be changed. I was stuck for half a decade
because I refused to admit that I was gay. I knew I was, but I clung desperately to the fictitious dream that I
had crafted for my life. I bought jean shorts from H&M, but then returned them after trying them on in the
privacy of my bedroom. I would avoid saying certain words or try to inflect my voice differently so I sounded
lessfabulous. I couldnt love my true self, because I ran away screaming from my true self.

I existed in this fantastical imaginary world of me as an ordinary straight person, but it was just that:
imaginary. You cant love the life that truly is if you are too busy lusting after a life imagined. I promise, no
matter how hard this seems, it is not nearly as hard as the unbearable grind of living a life that is not
authentic.

Dont be embarrassed about the things that make you who you are. Dont hide the fact that you are a 17
year old guy who loves to knit. Screw stereotypes and forget the haters. You like what you like and you are
who you are. Pretending anything else is just concealing one part of what makes you a wonderful human
being.

Accept your own forgiveness. Take a broad survey of all the things that you have done wrong, do what is
possible to amend them, and then as if they are leafs peacefully drifting away on a river let them go.
Maybe youve done things that you cannot take back, but as long as your heart beats on, you have the ability
to redefine and change the trajectory of your life.

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Embrace every spontaneous moment to be you. Dont worry about how to fit in or blend into the crowd.
The crowd isnt offering you anything, but on the other hand, you have so much to offer the crowd.

Invest in people who love you. Not just the omg I want to make out with your hot face love, but the I have
no physical attraction to you, but I would lay down on the railroad tracks for you type of love. These are the
people who will sacrifice for you, who will laugh with you, and who will fight for you. These are the people
who will hold your hair back in the bathroom after a night filled with mistakes. These are the people who
will remind you everyday that you have value beyond comprehension. If your friends arent doing that,
they arent worth your time.

Dont be afraid to seek out professional help if you need it. Despite leagues of progress, there remains a
stigma around getting treatment for mental illness particularly among us men. While going to the doctor
for a sprained ankle is perfectly acceptable, it is somehow an unmasculine act of weakness to get help for
our broken emotions (In actuality, given a choice between the two pains, I would easily pick the sprained
ankle). We all have the right to live happy fulfilling lives that our brain allows to to appreciate. If that isnt
happening, we need to correct the thought patterns that are bogging us down.

And finally, be patient with yourself. Physical wounds can take time to heal, and so can emotional wounds.
Dont expect your mentality to take a 180 overnight. Dont rush yourself. Unchaining yourself from
depression, anxiety, and self loathing is an exercise that can be more rigorous than scaling Mt. Everest. If
you are still trying, though, you are more than halfway there!

At the start of last semester I found myself walking with some friends that I had made at a new job. Our
conversations were natural and seamless, and the banter was quick and witty. I made some sarcastic
comment out of the corner of my mouth, everyone roared with laughter, and I caught myself thinking the
words I love myself.

Words: Jacob Geers

Self-Love Before Romantic Love

Love is such a complex thing. It doesnt even have a specific definition, yet it is something that can induce
an array of emotions within one. It is so intangible and iffy, yet it ultimately becomes what our lives revolved
around for a great deal of time. As i watch my friends, one by one, fall in love and get together with
someone, I get this bittersweet feeling. For one, I am absolutely happy for them, and genuinely wish that
their relationships would last. (Is it still naive for one to think that it is possible to have just one relationship
that lasts for a lifetime?) But I do admit that it does get to me that Im still alone and well, still waiting. But I
guess Ive come to terms with this, because I know Im not yet ready for a relationship. I am aware that I have
not yet loved myself enough, to be able to love another person.

To be in a relationship, you have to be able to love someone for who they are, and they have to love you for
who you are. But first, one needs to learn to love and accept oneself before being able to do the same to
others. Im not talking about loving yourself in a way that you convince yourself that youre perfect and all

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that. Its about coming to terms with who you are and what you can achieve, which I feel, can never be
perfection. Nobody is perfect. Everyone has flaws, even the protagonists in our novels and films. We are all
striving to become the ideal person of our dreams, yet the word ideal itself is only an abstract concept. It is
merely something that was constructed to make people feel that they are never good enough. Frankly
speaking, I feel that it is just a tool of marketing, which unerringly prey on our insecurities.

In order to love yourself, you have to accept that you will never achieve perfection. You should learn to
accept what you are, who you are, and recognise that although you cant be perfect, you can still make
yourself a better person. There are things that you can change, and there are things that you cant. This is
why self-acceptance is the first step towards loving yourself. Accept your flaws, and recognise your beauty.
Work on your assets. Its easier said than done, I know. But nobody ever said this was easy. Thats why most
of us I dare say are still struggling to emerge from being victims of our own insecurities.

But do try. Go on and give it a shot. Look at the people whom you envy, look at those who inspire you, those
whom you so badly wish that you trade lives with. Do you think that they were able to achieve what they had
and become who they are effortlessly? No. These people worked hard to achieve what they have become.
Sure, one might say that some people are just more blessed than others, be it naturally in a physical
manner, or with financial capability to help them achieve their goals. But the important thing is that, these
people were willing to look past their flaws, and focus on their positive attributes. That, is exactly what makes
them shine. They are able to stand out not because they are flawless, but because they are able to make
their positive traits stand out a great deal more than their negative ones. And that, my friends, is how you
start your journey towards self-love.

Self-acceptance does not simply imply the acceptance of your flaws, but also includes the will within you to
do something about it. Say you have really bad hair, and unfortunately its natural and you cant keep
dousing it with harmful chemical and heat treatments. Well, accept it. If you cant miraculously get a new
head of hair, then make the best out of what you have. The amazing thing about the world we live in now is
the interconnectivity we are blessed with. With the Internet, we are connected to people all over the world.
Just a few clicks here and there and bam, you are presented with people who share the same problems as
you, and if youre lucky, you may even find solutions to your problems. Im not saying this works for every
single problem that you have. But in the context of bad hair, there are millions of hair tutorials on Youtube,
and Im sure somehow you would be able to find something that would help you in someway. Lamenting
about your problems is not going to solve anything. Taking action is what produces changes and give you
results.

When you are able to accept yourself and love yourself, then you are ready to love others. Romantically
speaking, that is. In a relationship, you would want your partner love you for yourself. But that is not
enough. Part of what goes into this has to be your own effort. If you constantly doubt yourself and continue
to be enslaved to your own insecurities, no matter how much your partner tries to boost your self-esteem,
everything will eventually crumble because you yourself fail to even convince yourself. Additionally, your
self-deprication will only drive your partner away. Nobody would love a person who constantly puts himself/
herself down, at least not for long.

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So before you head into a relationship thinking that you want to find someone who would love you for who
you are, take a step back and ask yourself. Are you first able to love yourself for who your are? Are you able to
come to terms with your imperfections? Are you then able to love someone else despite their flaws, and be
willing to help them bring out the hidden wonder within themelves?

A relationship is about giving and taking. You want to be loved, but you also have to show that you love the
other person too. Its a relationship of exchange. By learning to accept yourself, you will eventually learn to
accept others as they are. We are all but victims of our own minds. If we can conquer our own negativitiy
towards ourselves, then we are ready to help others conquer their inner demons. By helping others to love
themselves, if eventually creates a positive feedback because they are then able to love you too.

But like I said, love is complex. Sometimes the love you give to someone in turn leads to them loving
another person. In such cases, try not to lose hope. And dont start hating yourself for losing that person.
Because then, you would plunge into a downward spiral and return to ground zero in the domain of self-
love. In times like these, you will realise that nothing is more important than the love that comes from the
most precious people in your lives your family and friends.

Love is a funny thing, aint it?

Words: Regina Lim

Im Still Waiting For You (Even Though I Shouldnt)

Do you want to know something funny? I could get all the validation in the world from everyone I know,
everyone I have ever met, everyone who follows me on social media. And somehow the only one that makes
my heart jump a little bit is yours.

I know this is stupid, but when you liked my Instagram picture did the memories come flashing back like a
highlight reel for a movie? Did you smile for a minute before you kept scrolling or was it a double tap and
thats it?

Maybe these are questions that confirm I am an over thinker, but Im simply curious. Is this the end for you?
The end I have convinced myself that it finally is, the end I never wanted to come. Am I hopeful? Sometimes.
Do I have any reason to be hopeful? Definitely not.

Im just a girl hanging on a thin strand of hope thats slowly fraying apart. And maybe that is all Ill ever be,
the girl who tried to hold on for too long. The girl who would have given it all back to kiss you one last time.
The girl who is still dreaming, thinking, and writing about you.

Im the girl whos still optimistic when I have no reason to be.

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Everyone says you must move on, you have to let other people in, and I do. Except that doesnt make me any
less hopeful for you.

Sometimes I wonder that when I look back on these years will I laugh at how hopeful I was. When my
children ask if Ive ever been in love will I say yes and crack a smile as I think about you? Will I end up with
someone whos not you and spend the rest of my life thinking what could have been? Or will you be the one
Ill be with in the end? Who knows.Maybe Im simply waiting for the day to login Facebook and see that
youre in a new relationship. Thats when I will lose all hope, all optimism, and thats when the string will
officially break and stay broken.

I will never be able to fully let you go, and Im coping with that.

Until then, thanks for the validation you give me every so often on Instagram. It makes me think you havent
completely crossed me off your list yet.

Words: Allie Score

Im Not The Girl You Date

Im not the girl you hold hands with while walking downtown. Im not the girl you could spend hours
staring at and never cease to be amazed by the curve of her lips or the way her eyes glimmer and shine
when shes truly passionate about something. Im not the one you text randomly just to say youre thinking
of me. Im not the one you want a relationship with, Im not the girl you date.

Im the girl that you meet at a bar, dancing for hours without inhibitions. Im the girl you buy a drink and
strike up a conversation with, whether it be superficial or meaningful. Im the one who will dare you to take
the last shot, or be the first one to call you a chicken if you dont. Im the girl with the never ending smile
and laughter who doesnt seem to have a care in the world. Im the girl that lives in the moment, the one
who is out to have fun. Im the one who goes on adventures on a whim, the girl who will get a new tattoo or
piercing when the mood strikes. I am the girl that follows her heart and lets the wind carry her.

Im not the girl you date because Im not ready to be that girl. In fact, I dont want to be that girl, yet. Im
young and I want to drift. For now, I want to flow free. I want my soul to be able to wander. I want to find
myself and make myself whole before becoming a part of something. If I dont allow myself to roam, to
explore and adventure as it desires, I cant ever fully combine my whole self with another to create an
everlasting circle. Im at an age where I am able to adventure, to seek new understanding in areas my
parents never had the opportunity to. Im still looking for myself, and until I complete that journey, Im
going to live every moment without inhibition and without concern.I havent met the person thats given
me the overwhelming sense that Im meant for them; the one that Im meant to combine my life journey
with. Once Im ready, Ill be the girl you want to date. The decision to be this girl, however, is on my terms,
and no amount of societal peer pressure can tell me that Im living my life wrong because I want to be
single.
Words: Elizabeth Rick

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If You Know Nothing Else, Know That I Loved You

Sitting on my bed all by myself with no texts or calls from you, I think how did we get here? Where did we
go wrong? What did we miss?

Our love was something that people spoke about, envied and wished they had. The kind of love people pray
for, the kind of love that makes your heart sink because you are completely and absolutely happy with each
other. The kind of love people write movies about.

But all good things must come to an end. And that is what we had, something really amazing. Something
that I can hardly explain with my words. Something I hope everyone gets to experience. We were so much
alike and foolishly in love, invested in something we thought would last. Hoping and praying for the best,
but then again it was too good to be true.

The time we had together, even though it was short was one of the best experiences of my life.

Thank you for showing me how real- love can be, thank you
for pushing me to be a better version of myself, for pushing
me to see how much I can do for myself.
For helping me see the world in a different way. Thank you for teaching me that theres more to love than
physically being together, thank you for trusting in me and investing in me, thank you for loving me.

And lastly thank you for letting me go, for now I am going to pick up the pieces you broke from my already
broken heart, glue them together and restart my journey of finding true love again.

What we had was amazing and completely real, but it wasnt good enough for us to keep going was it?
Maybe someday we would be together again. When the time and place is right. But that day is not today.

So for now Im going to let you be. And let my heart heal.
Im going to focus on making myself a better person. Teach myself how to grow without you and allow
myself to accept the fact that you cannot handle a complicated girl like me. I am going to focus on my
happiness rather than depending completely on you. I am going to focus on being successful and
competent by myself, like how I was before I met you. I am going to find the happiness Ive been looking for
and pray that I find the kind of love that we had- or something better, and I hope you do too.

Words: Keshani Perera

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To The One Who Didnt Choose Me And Made Me Choose Myself

It was a really good thing we had going, even if for such a short amount of time. You, with your calming
presence and joyous laugh, I want to say thank you.

Thank you for teaching me the art of being patient. For building a foundation of a friendship and showing
me how its important to get to know someone in the beginning. As a woman Ive been taught to pounce
onto anyone who shows interest even if in my gut I know this isnt what is best for me. Its still interest
though, right?

My life is a constant slew of, Are you dating?, How do you not have a boyfriend?, Its a shame youre still
single. This bugs me.

Yes, I cannot wait to find someone to share life with. To sit on the floor and laugh with until 2:00am, to make
mundane errands be fun, and to support, love, and be faithful with. This does not in turn mean I have to
settle for anything that comes my way just because it is there.Ive always given more in relationships than I
probably should have. I do not regret this. My goal in life is to make the ones around me feel loved; if thats
what I left you with, my job is done.

Although, Im worthy of love and effort as well and you, without loving me, showed me just that. I deserve
someone who is going to look at me as though Im magic. You didnt do that and for the first time in my life,
I realized that was okay. Just because you didnt look at me like that does not mean someone wont in my
future. You taught me to choose myself instead of choosing another relationship where I carry all of the
weight because Im 23 and if Im not in love, how shameful.

I am in love. I am in love with figuring out the best way to love myself. I have so much to offer this world and
the people in it. You taught me, by the way you didnt act around me, the way I want a man to act around
me. Please know this is no fault of your own and you never let me down, I hope you know this. I just wasnt
your magic and you let me realize how I didnt have to force every slight interest in my life to be my magic.

Thank you for giving me the chance to empower myself. To be a woman who loves herself just as much as
she loves those around her.Maybe in another lifetime you and I were together and it worked. We could have
been something so beautiful; I firmly believe that about us.

In this lifetime, though, we did do something beautiful; we were able to choose ourselves, which is the start
to everything. Thank you for being the man who did not choose me. Thank you for being the man who let
me go and probably will not think twice about doing so. Thank you for choosing yourself and showing me
that it is okay for me to choose myself as well. We both deserve something that is greater than ourselves; we
deserve magic. I pray you find yours because you are someone who is so worth being abundantly and
fiercely loved.

I know my magic is out there and I thank you for letting me go in order to find it.
Words: Brianna Gorman

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You Have To Choose Her Every Day (Or Leave Her)

I spent five years hurting a good woman by staying with her, but never fully choosing her.

I did want to be with this one. I really wanted to choose her. She was an exquisite woman, brilliant and
funny and sexy and sensual. She could make my whole body laugh with her quick, dark wit and short-circuit
my brain with her exotic beauty. Waking up every morning with her snuggled in my arms was my happy
place. I loved her wildly.

Unfortunately, as happens with many young couples, our ignorance of how to do love well quickly created
stressful challenges in our relationship. Before long, once my early morning blissful reverie gave way to the
strained, immature ways of our everyday life together, I would often wonder if there was another woman out
there who was easier to love, and who could love me better.

Every day, for five years, I chose her a little less.

As the months passed and that thought reverberated more and more through my head, I chose her less and
less. Every day, for five years, I chose her a little less.

I stayed with her. I just stopped choosing her. We both suffered.

Choosing her would have meant focusing every day on the gifts she was bringing into my life that I could be
grateful for: her laughter, beauty, sensuality, playfulness, companionship, and so much more.

Sadly, I often found it nearly impossible to embraceor even seewhat was so wildly wonderful about her.

I was too focused on the anger, insecurities, demands, and other aspects of her strong personality that
grated on me. The more I focused on her worst, the more I saw of it, and the more I mirrored it back to her by
offering my own worst behavior. Naturally, this only magnified the strain on our relationshipwhich still
made me choose her even less.

I was too focused on the anger, insecurities, demands, and other aspects of her strong personality that
grated on me.

Thus did our nasty death spiral play itself out over five years.

She fought hard to make me choose her. Thats a fools task. You cant make someone choose you, even
when they might love you.

To be fair, she didnt fully choose me, either. The rage-fueled invective she often hurled at me was evidence
enough of that.

I realize now, however, that she was often angry because she didnt feel safe with me. She felt me not
choosing her every day, in my words and my actions, and she was afraid I would abandon her.

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Actually, I did abandon her.

By not fully choosing her every day for five years, by focusing on what bothered me rather than what I
adored about her, I deserted her.

Like a precious fragrant flower I brought proudly into my home but then failed to water, I left her alone in
countless ways to wither in the dry hot heat of our intimate relationship.

Its torture for everyone.

Ill never not choose another woman I love again.

Its torture for everyone.

If youre in relationship, I invite you to ask yourself this question:

Why am I choosing my partner today?

If you cant find a satisfying answer, dig deeper and find one. It could be as simple as noticing that in your
deepest hearts truth, I just do.

If you cant find it today, ask yourself again tomorrow. We all have disconnected days.

But if too many days go by and you just cant connect with why youre choosing your partner, and your
relationship is rife with stress, let them go. Create the opening for another human being to show up and see
them with fresh eyes and a yearning heart that will enthusiastically choose them every day.

Your loved one deserves to be enthusiastically chosen. Every day.

You do, too.

Choose wisely.

Words: Bryan Reeves

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This Is Me Choosing To Love Myself (Instead Of You)

It has been truly amazing, to have played such a huge part of your life, to be considered a constant in the
span of time that we shared. Oh, how glorious the days were and for that, you gave me enough memories to
cherish for a lifetime.

But this time, while I still can, while I still have this sane part of me, Im choosing myself.

If I dont do this now, I might not want to anymore.

This time, Im saving myself from the potential and inevitable hurt. I cant let myself think of your presence
as permanent when our visions for the future are too different. Sooner or later, well reach that fork on the
road where youll go left and Ill go right. When that time comes, I want to have the strength to take a step
towards my own future, even if it meant the greater possibility of not having you in it the way I pictured it to
be.

This isnt me pushing you away. This is me finally putting my own needs first. Never will I regret the times I
chose your happiness and your emotions over mine. Never will I regret the sacrifices I made, the judgment I
took, the friendships tested. Never will I regret doing those for you because my desire to keep that smile on
your face and in your heart is and will always be stronger than any of those. But I have to choose me now.

As much as I want to be a superhero, I am just a mere mortal like everyone else my heart can only take so
much. Its been broken, repeatedly. Bruised, wounded, sliced, crushed you name it. Its a surprise, even for
me, that its still functioning despite everything it has gone through.

This time, Im choosing to pick up whats left of my heart before it shatters into a million pieces, before it
becomes near impossible to put it back.

I have been so consumed by my desire for you that everything else about me seemed to have drowned. You
were the ocean that I had let myself get lost into. As we made more memories together, I had fallen deeper
and deeper until I lost sight of the shore, until I couldnt remember who I was and where I was before you
happened.

You have no idea how far I am willing to go for you. And it terrifies me what Im willing to trade, how much
of myself I would be willing to hurt just so you wouldnt. I would give you all of me without leaving
anything for myself. When the time comes that we arrive at that fork on the road, how am I supposed to go
my own way when Ive already lost my own self?

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Every decision I made for my life, the entirety of you had
always been taken into account. But how can I build a
future with you when we dont even have the same version
of it?
Believe me when I say this is probably the most difficult and painful decision I ever had to make. It hurts me
to choose myself, and to come to that realization doubles it. When has it ever been wrong and unsettling to
put myself first? Why does it feel like a sin to want to save myself from an unimaginable pain?

I owe myself the humility to accept what can and cant be. But more importantly, I owe myself the honesty to
admit that probably my best days yet were the days we spent together whether we were just exchanging
messages from morning til night, sending funny videos to make the other laugh, giving each other little
gifts, planning our next adventure, or those late night conversations in the car where every secret is safe
from the outside world. There was never a moment wasted on you, even if those moments were composed
of long stretches of silence. Being with you was enough justification.

Lastly, I owe you an apology; Not for my intense emotions for you but for the fact that I cannot handle it with
the current set-up we have. If only it were an ideal world where it was as easy as ABC to separate friendship
from something more, then I wouldnt have the need to choose between loving myself or loving you. But
this is reality and no matter how hard I try, I just cant.

If this decision hurts you, please know that its a hundredfold for
me. If this decision makes you sad, please know that its devastating
for me. But I need to be strong because after everything Ive put
myself into, I deserve to have that strength.
All Im asking is for you to understand why Im doing this, and not to blame yourself for anything. This is all
on me because I chose to love with you, without any regrets.

But this time, this time, Im finally choosing to love myself.

Words: Lorie Abing

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If Someone Forces You To Choose, Choose Yourself

Ive got the biggest bleeding heart. Seriously, its nauseating how much I believe in romantic love. Ask
anyone.

Ive written books about my dalliances in the unrequited camp. I stay stuck on boys with dimples and
freckles far past a point that I should. Call me loves biggest champion, shouting from the rooftops that we
should give it a chance. Ive always thought we should fall deeply, fall quickly, fall without fear of what could
happen when we land.

And I still believe that. Really, I do. But theres something I failed to consider.
What if this whole time the best person you could ever fall in love with is yourself?
I preach self-love like its my birthright. And not because its trendy or millennial narcissism. People who cast
it aside as another buzzword are missing something crucial.

Self-love is necessary because it gives you the tools to survive in this lifetime. And its something you can do
on your own. You dont need to depend on anyone else to give you your worth or value. You hold all the
power, and in a world that you cant control, thats an empowering feeling.

Of course, its always easier said than done. Choosing yourself isnt something that naturally comes easily.
Its a beautiful thing to want to do things for others, to choose them. Selflessness has its place, absolutely.
And ideally, youd learn to strike a good balance. Sometimes, you choose others. Sometimes, you choose
yourself.But if someone puts you in a position where you are constantly doing everything for them and its
barely reciprocated? Thats not love. Thats not healthy or a recipe for happiness. All that does is build up
resentment and a false idea that youre not good enough.

I spent so much wasted time trying to convince people I was worth it.
I broke my back bending for people who would never be flexible for me. I cried so hard, I was sure my self-
loathing, my sabotage, and my belief that I was always the one waiting would eventually drown me. And
maybe if I kept going with that mentality, it would have.

I had to bury this storyline that Im just supposed to be the one with my arms outreached, ready to catch
whoever needs a soft landing. Thats not the life Im looking to create. Thats not the outlook I want.I choose
myself. I choose myself because Im the only guaranteed one to do the job correctly. I choose myself for all
the times someone made me merely an option, not a priority. I choose myself so that when someone
wonderful comes along, Ive done the proper work to be loving to both of us. Relationships require give and
take. Its okay to recognize when you deserve a little take.

If someone bruises your heart, dont give up on love. Dont close yourself off from future opportunity. But
choose yourself. Learn how all these things can coexist. You can be an ooey-gooey romantic and still make
sure your feelings are considered important. Because you matter. Even if youve momentarily forgotten.
Even if someone has you tricked into thinking otherwise. You matter. I promise.
Words: Ari Eastman

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I Like You, You Moron

You pull me close, then you push me away. You lie to me. You tell me that everyone is better than me. Then
you pour your soul out to me and thank me. You are the definition of mixed signals.

We connect on so many levels, and you frustrate me on so many others. Every time I hear of your conquests,
I think of your lips on mine. Do you brag about me too? Oh wait. Were not supposed to talk about it.
Because, you know, it wasnt right. Then why did you try to kiss me in the first place?

You pinch my cheeks, you ask me to move away. You envelop me

in a hug, you untangle my arm from yours. I get it. Youre
disgusted with yourself for leading me on. But did you ever
think of how youre breaking my heart?
Youre supposed to be my best friend. Best friends dont cause so much pain. Enemies do. Youre allowed to
brag about all the girls youve slept with. Im not allowed to show any attention to my little brother. You act
as if youre so jealous of him, but when I want to love you more, you push me away.

Keep pushing me away, and Ill go.

But then again, how can I? I live for your glances, for your calls. Youre not the type I usually like and we fell
into friendship so easily. Now youre just like every last one of them. Why is it that every boy thinks if a girl is
single, shes hitting on them? When an in-a-serious-relationship girl gets comfortable with you, thats okay.
It doesnt mean anything. But, you know, every single girl is interested in you.

Some days youre warm like pancakes, other days youre cold as ice. I like you, you moron. More than any of
them. But so help me God I dont know how to make it any more obvious. Unless of course you dont like
me back, then in that case stop leading me on.

Im so sick and tired of feeling like a loser. So frustrated that every guy I meet so quickly friend zones me.
Why cant I be the object of affection for once?

I show you love, and you walk all over me. I show you pain, and
you think Im being difficult.
What should I do? Youre smart you tell me. Waiting is painful, letting go is painful, not knowing which to
do though is the worst kind of suffering. So God, maybe this is an open letter to you then. What do you

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suggest, you know, in your humble opinion? Cause I need help. No, Im begging you for help. I hate this
feeling. Im so incredibly lonely. Again.

I want to feel your gaze. I want my hair to stand as I feel your eyes search my face. The thrill of being
watched. The joy of knowing someone gives a shit. Until you come over. And point out the girl you really
want. Go for it, I say. Inside, my heart breaks into a million pieces.

Tonight, I make the decision never to put it back together again. Ive done it too many times. Its not worth it
anymore. Im surrounded. I laugh at the jokes. I fake it. Maybe you think its real. Maybe I should show you
the pain I am going through so you know. But alas, I cannot bare the thought of your eyes full of pity. Of the
discussions you will have with the boys. With the boy that invented the torture that breaks my heart. You will
talk about my vulnerability. My lack of sexiness. You will compare me to my best friend and how you wish
she was single instead. Sometimes I wish I wasnt so smart. Being smart just hurts too much.

I cant tell anyone how I feel. The awkwardness is still so raw. I still feel the sting for so shamelessly putting
myself out there once. No. This time, I will suffer in silence. This time, I know better than to think anyone can
help me. If someone has to help its not meant to be at all. If you wanted me, I would know. I know. I guess
my heart is just a little slow in catching up. So please forgive me. But today, I start to push you away.

Words: Anonymous

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To The People Who Are Never Picked

I promise you this does not and will not define you. Its difficult going about your day knowing that the one
person (or multiple people) that you invested your time and heart to did not choose you. Trust me, I know.

Knowing that every kiss, every longing look, and every moment that stopped your heart and set it in
overdrive wasnt as real to them as it was to you. You will ask yourself the same question over and over again
that its meaning will be an imprint on your heart.

Why not me?

You may be starting to notice that you are never the first one in the eyes that you truly desire. And thats
okay. There are other friends and family that matter more than me.

You want someone to look you in the eyes and tell you how much they are glad to be with you. How much
they wish they could call in sick just to hold you for a little bit longer in the morning. How much they care
about your hopes and dreams almost as much as you do. How much they cant imagine a life without you
relationship or no relationship.

You probably feel so lonely and you hate it. You dont know what to do because you know life would be less
painful without them involved in yours but you cant bring yourself to do it.

Your heart aches my love, and I feel it. I know that your tears drench your pillow and I know your palms are
getting bruised by the ball of your fist. I know youre pain and I know how undefeated you feel right now.
Nothing matters anyway right? You will always be second to the better version.

And Im here to tell you youre wrong. You are the best version of you that you will ever be.
You will find someone who cherishes the ground you walk, someone that will drive hours on hours just to
see you for thirty minutes, you will meet someone who will love the way you cover your mouth when you
laugh. He will be so invested in trying to convince you to laugh without having to hide your smile so much
that you will begin to love it. You will love yourself just a tiny bit more.

You are a beautiful soul that is more powerful than you can ever imagine. Because through your experience
of not getting the most out of a relationship your heart is ready for a new exciting path. A path that will be
worth the risk.

Youll get that girl who greets you with a kiss at the door when you come home, and youll get that guy who
sends you a text throughout the day just because they saw something funny that reminded them of you.

That love will be fierce and deep and meaningful and I promise you, you will be treated in such a royal way
you wont even bother to remember ole whats-theirname.

Words: Shonelle Huggins-Turner

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This Is How You Lose A Strong Woman

You lose a strong woman by not saying hello to her. She may be different, unique, intimidating, fascinating,
but there is nothing more heartbreaking than losing a strong woman because you didnt take the chance to
introduce yourself to her.

You lose a strong woman by playing hard to get. A strong woman doesnt have time to chase other people
because shes chasing her dreams. She isnt looking to waste time with someone who doesnt want to truly
waste their time with her. Shes not being rude, shes not being arrogant, shes just being protective of her
heart. Its been hurt thousands of times before, so dont lose her before you even have her.

You lose a strong woman by holding back your emotions. She doesnt think youre strong because you keep
everything inside. She thinks youre the most beautiful when you arent afraid to expose yourself and be
human. She doesnt want to guess how you feel, she wants to be immersed in everything you have to offer.
She is so deeply connected to life, and she needs someone who is, too.

You lose a strong woman by treating her like a woman and not the force of nature she is. A strong woman
knows she is equal, she is mighty, and she can move mountains without anyones help. A strong woman
isnt necessarily an overbearing feminist, but she knows her worth and her capabilities, and she wont let
anyone take that away from her. She also knows when she is being taken advantage of for being a woman,
and she will not be remembered for her gender.

You lose a strong woman by belittling her. A strong woman has worked endlessly to build her self-esteem,
her career, and her relationships. She isnt going to stand for someone who wont stand for her. She may not
tell you this directly, because she is conscious of how others feel, but she isnt one to be close with someone
that doesnt see what shes accomplished.

You lose a strong woman by disrespecting her. She knows what silence means and she knows backhanded
comments. She knows how to respect herself, and she wont tolerate anyone else that cant.

You lose a strong woman by begging for her. She isnt looking for someone who will beg for her. She wants
someone who will fight, who has a determination as forceful as hers, who knows exactly how to ask for
forgiveness and how to give it.

You lose a strong woman by simply letting her go. Shes not like other woman. She wont come crawling
back to you. She wont cause drama with you. If you expect her to be like other woman, she wont be, and
she will watch you let her go.

So once you have a strong woman, dont let her go.

Words: Liz Rae

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This Is How I Promise To Take Care Of Your Heart

I realize I dont know you yet. I dont know the one person who I will love for eternity, the one person who I
will write vows to, and who I will cherish until our laugh lines are permanent reminders of the life we shared
together. I dont know you yet, but when I meet you, this is how I will take care of your heart.

I will know that your heart is a sacred organ. It provides your body with the oxygen you need to kiss, to love
me, and to need me. I want you to know that my heart is yours to take if yours cant work as hard anymore.
And I want you to know, that I will do everything in my power to hold your heart in the light when you cant
find your flashlight in the dark. And I will kiss your heart over and over so you can feel my love being
washed all over you.

You will be my person. And you will make my heart beat faster just by knowing that I found you and you
found me.

I promise to make your heart beat faster and to fill your stomach with butterflies even after thirty years of
being together.
I promise to clean up all the scars and cuts that other women have put on it. I will bandage up the memories
from broken promises and wasted tears. I wont let the broken past that you rarely talk about weigh you
down anymore. I will lift all of that weight off of you, so you dont have to be haunted anymore. And I
promise to love your new heart just as much as the one that was full of ghosts.

I promise to dance with you in our living room, chest to chest, and kiss you softly. And then I will feel your
heart race when I chase you to the bedroom and hear it beat boldly. I will make sure to make your heart race
with anticipation, lust and love for all the years of you and me. I promise to keep your heart safe in my arms.
And when it is time to check in for the night, I promise to whisper I love you while you snore softly next to
me.

I promise to be gentle with your heart. Your past left you sensitive and your lungs, weakened by people who
ran over your every word. So, I promise to listen to you when you are angry. I promise to shower you with
kind words, and never make you wish you never had met me.

I will lift you up, and hold your hand when you are reaching for nothing but air.
A piece of your heart will always be a part of me. And mine will always be apart of yours.

And the thing about your heart is, it makes me happy. I promise to make yours happy too. And I promise to
never break it.

Words: Lauren Jarvis-Gibson

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Ill Never Forget You, No Matter How Much I Want To

Missing you is a thing I have gotten used to. Its a thing Ive been forced to get used to. Its a shame because
its so easy to forget the people in your life who you knew never cared about you. But to forget those who
used to love you? No. You cant forget that.

I dont love you anymore.

At least, not in the way I used to. It used to be a 24/7, till death do us part, you are going to have my kids
type of love. Now its a sometimes I smell you in the air, and sometimes I miss the way you held me type
of love. Its not filled with substance. Now, its just filled with silence, with old Facebook pictures and a hey,
how are you? every few months.

Isnt it mind boggling to think that a few years ago you shared every single thought that popped in your
head to someone that is now frankly, a stranger? How does that happen? At what day did it all change?

Was it in the morning when you saw the sun and knew that I wasnt yours anymore? Was it in the evening
when you saw the moon and thought it was more beautiful than me? I guess Ill never know.
I dont have false hope about us anymore. I know its over. Its done with. It is just footprints on the dirt that
has been covered up by the seasons many rain falls. And guess what? Knowing that doesnt make me bitter
anymore. It makes me happy that at least once I got to experience something worthwhile. It makes me
happy that my heart knows how to love.

But I cant forget you. Not now and not ever. I think a part of you is stapled onto my heart forever. Or maybe
youre painted on it. Permanent brush strokes that make me happy and sad at the same time. Its weird how
time can get you accustomed to missing someone. Its almost like Im content with it. Because I know Im
surviving and that my heart is still beating even with the paint brushed on it. And thats all that matters.

I am reminded of you only some days now as opposed to every second of every minute. Its kind of nice.

I see a kid with lanky legs and I smile because I see him in you.
I see a couple kissing on the street and I laugh because I see us in them. Its haunting. But, maybe its a nice
ghost instead of a scary one.

I guess this is called acceptance. I am finally accepting all of it. Im accepting that I will never forget you. And
that trying to forget you would just rub salt on my wound. Ill always share a crack of my heart with you. And
I think that crack is painted Red because its the album we listened to all the time together.

And its nice. Youre always with me even though you never will be. Its nice to know, Ill never forget you no
matter how hard I try.

Words: Lauren Jarvis-Gibson

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The Hardest Thing About Love Is Falling Out Of It

Truth be told, its the falling in love part that isnt hard. Thats the easiest part of it all. Love happens out of
the blue one day, when all of a sudden, your lips cant wait to scream it out loud. Adrenaline pumps
through every one of your veins and you feel like you are going insane. Which you kind of are, because
thats just how crazy love can be.

The hardest thing about love, is falling out of it. And its not because you want to do it. Its because you have
to. Maybe someone just broke your heart, and you have to move on by yourself. Or maybe your partner did
something really awful and even though you still love him, you cant forget and forgive what he did.

No matter what the case may be, falling out love is absolutely heart wrenching. Not only are you in it alone,
but you cant go to the person you love for comfort anymore. You cant confide in them like before. You cant
lean on them for support. Falling out love also takes time. You cant snap your fingers and magically feel
better. You cant hook up with a cute dude a week later, and magically feel more more stable.

Because if you really loved someone, then its going to take a hell of a lot more than a cute guy and alcohol
to get over them.If it was a true, once in a million type of love, you arent ever going to forget them. And you
will always hold a special place in your heart. Love is always talked about in a positive light. In a life
changing way. But love sometimes, is anything but magic. Its difficult. Its challenging. It can knock you
over. Sure, falling in love is incredibly amazing, but its the falling out that messes you up.

It especially messes you up, if you werent the one who suggested it. Or if youre the one who gets
blindsided when your partner tells you they dont feel the same as you anymore. What are you supposed to
do then? Beg for them back? Try to make them change their minds? Put on a hot outfit in an attempt to win
them back? No. You have to survive by yourself now. You have to stay sane and keep afloat even if the water
is begging for you back. Even if it kills you in the process, you have to at least try to keep on walking. I know
its painful. I admit, its worse to feel that way than to break any bone in your body. And I know you wish you
could have a broken neck instead of a broken heart.

But, if everyone in the world died from broken hearts, no one would be left to tell their story.
No one would be left in the world at all. You see, this happens to most everyone. Sometimes, falling in love
doesnt mean its going to be forever. Sometimes, it isnt going to be permanent. And sometimes, falling
out of love becomes your reality. And now is your chance to not die in the process. Dont sink down from the
loss. Fall in love with life instead. Fall in love with how the sun shines in the summer. Fall in love with the
way the breeze provides you relief from the intense heat.

Fall in love with how your dog lays by your side every night. Fall in love with the little things.
Theres too much falling out in this world. Theres always too much fall out. Its much nicer to do the
opposite. And it doesnt have to be with another person. It can just be with something as simple as a flower
in the soil, or a particular sunset on the beach. Fall in love with the little things, and suddenly, falling out of
love wont seem that impossible anymore.
Words: Lauren Jarvis-Gibson

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You Deserve A Love That Changes Everything You Thought You Knew About Forever

You have to wait for the love that makes you heart stop.

That shakes you to your core, that you feel emanating in your fingertips and your toes. That takes your breath
away and keeps you up at night. That gives you butterflies and palpitations and makes you question your
own sanity. That makes your mind race and your adrenaline pump and causes you to do things like answer 2
AM texts and run towards someone in airports.

You deserve a love that makes you wake up. That makes you restless. That ignites you.

A love that makes your entire body remember what it means to be alive.

You deserve a love that challenges you.

That has back and forth, and static, and heat and passion and everything that keeps you on the edge of your
metaphorical seat. That keeps you guessing in the most exciting ways and pushes you to be better, to be
more, to be someone who you both are proud of. That is never stagnant or complacent, or boring or average.

You deserve a love that feels like magic. That feels like an adventure. That feels electric.

A love that is worth fighting for, and that is incredibly exciting every day to do so.

You deserve a love that makes you believe in the good.

That makes you relate to love songs and smile for no reason when walking down the street. That makes you
see poetry in simple things like holding hands and falling asleep side by side on the couch. That warms your
heart and your soul and turns you into a person who you never thought you would be. A person who loves
the idea of how in love they are.

You deserve a love that makes you see things in a tint of rose and be unapologetically happy. That makes
everything youve gone through before feel distant, unimportant, and like a memory you can barely recall.

A love that makes anything other than the good completely and utterly irrelevant.

You deserve a love that you dont have to question.

That you are certain of, that you believe in 100%. That you never fear losing and you dont see obstacles and
instantly see its desolation. That you see as strong. That you see as sure. That you see as steady.

You deserve a love that doesnt ignite thoughts of panic, of uncertainty, or questions.

A love that never makes you unsure of where you stand.

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You deserve a love that changes everything youve ever known before.

That takes everything you thought you knew, and flips it upside-down. That spins you out of control and
makes you realize that real love, true love, meaningful love is unlike anything you ever thought you would
see in this lifetime. That makes you painfully aware that everything youve ever considered about love
before was misinformed. Or cynical. Or tainted.

Or just plain wrong.

You deserve a love that changes everything you ever thought you knew about love before.

A love that makes you a new person.

Because that love with change you for the better. And it will change you forever.

And its the love that you truly, wholly, and fully, deserve.

Words: Claire Windsor

This Is The Kind Of Love Worth Waiting For

Is the kind thats hard to find, something that you dont get to pick in an app where youll swipe em left or
right; it is well-written by the author of love, and suited not just for your wants but also for your needs.

Because the love that you deserve should reciprocate the love youre trying to give to everyone else.
You deserve the love that makes you feel appreciated and valued despite the imperfections marked all over
you, that even though there are times you screw things up, you dont have to be sorry because youre
accepted as you are and forgiven as you will be.

You deserve the love that never keep scores or lists of wrong doings because you know for sure that
relationship is a commitment, a bond between two people, and not a competition of who will win or lose.

You deserve the love that gives you the satisfaction of being respected not just because you are a woman or
man by sex/gender but because youre human driven with principles and beliefs that they should
understand.

You deserve the love that can make you laugh much as you do to your colleagues and friends. Youre the life
of the party and you yourself is not exempted from experiencing the fun. A simple effort of dropping a corny
joke in a gloomy day is worth it, I promise you.

You deserve the love that makes you feel wanted and cherished. Try to think of this, a person capturing your
smile, your ordinary day look, your stop there, thats perfect moment, and everything that amazes them,

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isnt that wonderful? Feels good, right? It boosts your confidence knowing that someones impressed by
who you really are no matter what the day is.

You deserve the love that doesnt take up your whole life. You get the chance to grow as an individual with
choices, dreams, and passions to pursue. Yes, youre a team but that doesnt mean you have to allot your full
self to them; youre a team because you support each other, keeping in mind that both of you has their own
lives to live.

A love that is genuine, true, and real. Thats what you deserve.
Youll get hurt and you cannot avoid that. It might sound weird but you deserve the love that hurts real hard,
seeps inside, making every nerve in your body ache, because thats the manifestation of genuine, true, and
real love. It kills you and ironically makes you feel alive.

But you dont give up. And the person you choose as a partner, as someone worth the fight, they dont
surrender easily either, because they know youre worth more than anything, and you deserve that.

You deserve the love that fights for you, keeps you and stays with you whatever happens.
You deserve the love that doesnt change you just to become right for them. You were you before they came
into your life, you are the same as time goes by, and you will always be you until the end of time.

You are enough and you deserve the love that knows that in the very first place. Wait for that.

Words: Nicole Phreeman

You Dont Deserve A Chill Kind Of Love, You Deserve Magic

You dont deserve random texts every now and then.

You deserve beautiful long messages that cant be sent to anyone else because it describes all the little bits
of you, the beautiful details people fail to notice and the little specifics that you fail to notice about yourself.
You deserve words that warm you when its cold and heal you when youre tired. You deserve words that
make you smile every day and words that remind you of your value, of how deeply loved and cherished you
are and you deserve words that make you believe in love and in yourself.

You dont deserve casual dates catching up.

You deserve long uncensored conversations about whatever is on your mind and you deserve to be taken on
all the dates you really desire. You deserve dates that actually mean something to you instead of catching up
over coffee or hanging out at the bar. You deserve someone who wants to do everything with you and
someone who is not afraid of showing you off in front of their friends or give you the label you want. You
deserve a relationship and you deserve commitment.

You dont deserve love that is only expressed with likes and snapchats.

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You deserve love that is real, that goes beyond double taps and likes and emojis. You deserve a sensational
kind of love that soothes your heart and calms your mind. A love that doesnt leave you guessing or
questioning or wondering, a love that doesnt make you doubt if your partner might leave you. You deserve
to sleep every night certain that there is no one else but you, that you are the only one and that you will
never be replaced. You deserve a love that keeps you up at night because of how spectacular and magical it
is not because of how unsteady and blurred it is.

You dont deserve to be half-loved.

You deserve to be loved wholeheartedly. You deserve someone who is willing to fight for you, someone who
doesnt use lame excuses for their lack of attention or someone who is always too busy to make time for you.
You deserve to be someones time, someones treasure, someones reason to believe in something,
someones reason to tear down all the walls they built against love and someone who is not afraid of getting
closer.

You dont deserve someone whos unsure of their feelings.

You dont deserve someone who is confused about you or someone who thinks the timing is not right or
thinks theyre not ready for something serious. You deserve someone who keeps coming back for more,
someone who cant help but be ready for you, someone who cant help but fall madly in love with you and
who only loves you more as time goes by and someone who makes you realize that love is not always
torture that love can be magic.

Words: Rania Naim

You Deserve More Than The Half-Hearted Love You Keep Accepting

Once I got dumped and just did not know how to deal. I felt like I had failed the relationship, my boyfriend,
myself. I thought I didnt really deserve to fall in love again like I had missed my chance.

And time and time again I was thrown into dating scenarios where everything I thought after that break up
was confirmed. I was treated poorly. I treated people poorly. I had no sense of I deserve better than this or
I can be better. I didnt think those things, I accepted the insults and the cheating and the lies. I
reciprocated them happily. I accepted the horrible treatment because I felt like a horrible person.

Even when I came around to realizing that Im not a horrible person, the dating scenarios never changed. I
became happier and better only to still not have the wholesome relationship that I had been missing ever
since the initial break up. But just because people treat you poorly, it doesnt mean you deserve it. If you
want happiness, happiness will find you. But if you accept those sucky people and their half assed love,
thats all youll keep getting.

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You dont have to settle. I know it kind of gets to a point where you assume all people are just bad people
and youll never have a good relationship but thats not the case. There are unicorns.There are people who
will prove all of your other relationships wrong. They are the ones that will show you what you deserve. And
its just around the corner if you stop giving the bad people a shot just because youre lonely.

Its hard, we cling to the people who give us attention. We cling even harder to the people who give us the
attention then cruelly snatch it away. But no matter who you are, what you have done, or where you have
been stop accepting the bad love that you think you deserve.
You deserve better.

Words: Rosie Kelly

I Want You To Grab My Hand When I Try To Walk Away

If I try to walk away I want you to fight for me. I want you to grab my hand and pull me back; I want you to
tell me you cant let me go.

I dont want you to let me walk away without a word because I dont deserve someone who tries to win me
back; I deserve someone who never lets me go in the first place.
We all deserve someone who never lets us go.

We deserve someone who will fight for us, someone who knows what they have while they have us. We
dont deserve someone who lets us go then comes crawling back after the fact, after theyve realized how
much they screwed up.

I deserve someone who knows they cant let me go, someone who knows just how important I am and
cherishes me before they lose me. I deserve someone who makes me look forward to tomorrow, to waking
up in their arms and making me feel like no matter what happens today it will all be okay because when I
come home they will be there.

We all deserve that comfort and love.

I deserve someone who will stick by my side and fight with me until four in the morning if that is how long
it will take to go to bed no longer angry at each other. I deserve someone who will tell me Im being
irrational when I am. I deserve someone who will support me when things get hard in my life because my
problems in turn are their problems.

I deserve someone who will have my back even when we cant stand each other at the moment because
thats what loving someone means. It means to defend them no matter what because you want what is best
for them and you cant stand to see them hurting even when you cant stand them.
We all deserve someone to fight for us even when youre fighting your own battles against each other.

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So when we are fighting and I try to walk away, when I tell you I want to be alone, when I tell you that I cant
stand to look at you know that in that very moment I probably cant, but more than anything I dont want
you to let me walk away. When I turn my back to walk away I want you to grab my hand, I want you to pull
me in and tell me that you cant live without me. I want you to not give me the option to walk away because
after the heat of the moment cools down, I know there is no where else Id rather be than in your arms.

So please dont let me go, I deserve someone who doesnt let me go when things get hard.

We all deserve someone who doesnt let us go when things get sticky and difficult and hard.

And yes, I do deserve this kind of person and this kind of love, as do you, as does everyone because when
you love someone with all your heart you deserve to have someone love you back just as much.

If you spill your heart out and fight for someone they should fight for you, too. Love is not a one-way street it
doesnt work that way. Everyone deserves someone who makes them look forward to tomorrow, everyone
deserves to miss someone and have them miss them, too. Everyone deserves to give love and receive love
because in a world full of hate the only thing that can truly change people is love. Everyone deserves love, to
be loved and to give love, because love is not selfish. Love is kind and giving and genuine.

When you truly love someone you love the despite how angry they may make you, so please when we fight,
dont let me walk away. I want you to grab my hand and tell me you wont let me go, tell me you wont ever
let me go.

Words: Becca Martin

I Dont Care How Fucked Up You Are Because You Still Deserve Love, Effort, And Respect

I dont care if you consider yourself forever alone. If youve never had a real boyfriend only a series of
almost relationships where the kisses never became official. Where you were led on and tricked into
believing that youd become a couple and then felt like a fool when it all fell apart.

You deserve more than an almost. You deserve a real relationship with a real man that puts in real effort. You
deserve someone that introduces you to his parents and texts you every morning and invites you over
during the holidays. You deserve true love instead of an imposter love.

I dont care if you have anxiety or depression. If you have trouble leaving the house, because your brain is
warning your body to stay inside. If its hard for others to understand your changes in mood, because your
mind works in a different way than everyone elses does. If you feel alone and scared and hopeless.

You deserve to be loved by someone that understands your illness doesnt make you weak. It gives you a
unique type of strength. If you can get through the day with your disorder if you can get through life with
your disorder then you can find love with your disorder. And your forever person wont even mind it. To
them, itll be a tiny piece of you not what defines you.

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I dont care if you feel like youre lost. If youre unemployed and cant figure out which career path to follow.
If youre stuck between going after your dreams or your practical aspirations. If you dont know what the hell
youre doing with your life.

You deserve someone you can figure out the future alongside. Someone that appreciates that youre a work
in progress. Someone that listens as you rant about how confused you are and helps you make the best
decision possible. Someone thats there for you.

I dont care if you grew up with parents that were fueled by toxic love. Parents that were incapable of sitting
at the dinner table without sharing awkward silence and exchanging subtle insults. Parents that made your
fingers shake whenever their voices raised, because their fights werent normal couple spats. Those fights
got bad.

You deserve someone that reminds you what healthy love looks like. Someone that holds your hand during
an argument, because they arent yelling just to yell theyre trying to compromise with you so your
relationship can stay strong. Hold out for that person. For someone that proves you arent destined to
become your mother or your father.

I dont care if every single one of your exes cheated on you. If youre so used to being used, being discarded,
that the disappointment doesnt even phase you anymore. When boys sleep with you, you dont expect
them to stay the night. And when they ignore your texts, you shrug and text them again. You dont find it
unhealthy. The pain has become normalized.

You deserve someone that looks you in the eyes, swears hell remain loyal, and actually follows through on
his promise. Someone that shows you that monogamy is real. Its possible. And its beautiful.

I dont care if you have serious baggage. If youre dealing with lingering grief over a death. If you have
jealousy issues that youre unable to control. If you have trouble falling asleep at night and cant pull
yourself out of bed in the morning.

You deserve someone that will help shake you out of your misery. Someone that will convince you to stop
playing the victim and to move on with your life. Someone that will make you realize theres more beauty in
the world than pain, as long as you train your eyes to see it.

I dont care if youre fucked up beyond repair. You still deserve respect. You still deserve effort. You still
deserve love.

Words: Holly Riordan

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Ill Never Be That Girl

Ill never be that girl, the one who will catch your attention, the head turner. That girl, who you praised for
being fair skin and all pretty. That girl, who you watched so closely while she tumbled and turned on the
mats. That girl, who gave you butterflies in your stomach and sparks in your eyes. That girl, is everyone else
who is not me.

Ill never be that girl, the one who was there for you when I told you that I needed to go. That girl, who can
take you out to lunch without any hesitation. That girl, who you dont need to feel awkward with. That girl,
who youre perfectly comfortable talking to. That girl, who can be with you without any hindrance. That girl,
is not me.

Ill never be that girl, the one who you would choose without thinking twice. That girl, who you can say that
you love endlessly. That girl, who would love you unconditionally. That girl, who is willing to give you
everything. That girl, will stay even when you push her away. That girl, who will promise to be with you until
the end. That girl, is standing right in front of you but you choose to look somewhere else.

Ill never be that girl because even if Ill do everything that it takes to be that girl. Ill never be her, because
youll never love me for being that girl. Youll never love me.

In the end, I will never choose to be that girl because I wasnt made to be her. And maybe you werent made
for me.

Words: Nadine Hocson

Youre A Strong Woman, And You Deserve A Strong Man

My dear, its okay not to be okay. Youre lost, lonely and sad. You feel as if there is no one in the world who
can understand you. As if theres no emotions left but sadness and emptiness.

I understand, weve all been there. Miserable and sad.

Its a roller coaster of emotions. Sure, he makes you laugh, but that doesnt mean he makes you happy. He
makes you want more of him, but that doesnt mean hes yours. He makes you giggle like a child, but that
doesnt mean he ignites that fire in your heart.

And then, he makes you so unhappy that youre starting to question if the happiness was real in the first
place.

If this relationship is worth it, if this is what you really want. He was the love of your life, or so you thought,
and that hurts so much. It hurts when he doesnt call you at all, it hurts when he doesnt buy you flowers on
Valentines Day, it hurts when you need him but he isnt there, it hurts when he doesnt post special things
about you on social media, it hurts when he doesnt hold your hand in public.

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But it hurts more when hes mad at little things and hes telling you that youre a waste, youre a piece of
crap, youre worthless and youre stupid. And you start believing it too. That hurts the most.

My dear, its time to wipe those tears away. Its time to stand
up like a strong woman. Because you are.
You are a strong woman who can love someone deeply. Youre not stupid and youre not worthless. You are
great, you are amazing, and you are definitely worth fighting for. Its not your fault that a boy cant
appreciate you. Its not you whos the problem here. But him.

Hes the one who cant see whats right in front of him someone whos ready and willing to give him all the
love he doesnt deserve to have. So stand up, pick yourself up, and let go of that boy. Because youre a
strong woman, and you deserve a strong man.

Words: Margaux Balaoing

Its Time To Decide To Save Yourself

Have you ever blamed yourself for something wrong or bad that had happened? I know, I do. I know
everybody else did, too, at least once. We tend to blame ourselves when there is no one else we can point a
finger to; we judge ourselves; we criticize ourselves. But know that judging or blaming yourself will do no
good to you. The truth is, it will only grow roots to where you are standing; blaming yourself will only hold
you down, it would not make you move on because you do not let yourself move on.

We all have our fair share in regards to failed relationship, lost love, unrequited feelings, hidden affections,
fell out of love, you name it. We all have lost in a game or two; gave up in battles and raised the white flag.
Those were not really the important events, it was what comes after those overthrows. Realizing you have
lost is bad by itself, what does judging yourself do good in you? Not only you could not move on, you are
also torturing your mental state by saying things to yourself which only make sense due to your pain.

You cannot always hold a grudge to yourself. Things would not make sense even if you force it to. Stop
punishing yourself; stop asking the question why for you know you will never have a definite answer that
will give you peace. She chose to leave, then let her, especially when you know you have done everything
that is there to be done; especially when you have given everything you could give. Stop doubting yourself
if you have had shortcomings. There is nothing you could have done if leaving you was part of her plan all
along.

Look at things on the brighter side, look at things with positivity. Look back and reminisce the good things
you shared with her. Learn the lessons from what has happened. Not everything will always be in your favor,
life will not adjust by your standards neither will people. Nobody will ever want to be hurt so you cannot let
your guard down by being so confident with what you have right now that you think will last.

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Stand up, suck it in, and try again. Stop blaming yourself and taking all the credits for what
happened wrong. Stop holding yourself in one place, move on. There is nothing left worth holding
on now. Let go.

Know that there was nothing you could have done if she has already fixed her mind on a decision, even if
you ended up staying together, best chances are you will only stick together again for months or maybe
more but you will always have the same ending, one will always leave. A relationship once broken could
never be restored to its perfect state as it was before. Stop destroying things over and over again by forcing
it. Accept the fact that you were not destined in the first place. Do not revolve your world around a single
person, you do not know for sure if things are for good. What if she ended up leaving you? Your world would
crash down hard, your world would stop turning for it has lost its axis, and would leave you blaming
yourself.

Learn to live each day as a new one, do not let your past chain you down, do not let your guilt imprison you.
You did what you thought was right, you did what you knew would make you happy. Never be afraid to try
again, to stand up after you fall. Yes, be more careful, but do not shut your door to the world. Never stop
yourself from taking risks, never stop yourself from living. After all, a kid never stops playing even after a
bruised knee.

If it helps, be careless just so you could care more about yourself. Nobody would take good care of you other
than yourself. Alcohol could only do so much. Not every time you will get lucky to have something or
someone to rely on when things get ugly. You need to be on your own, depend on yourself alone. Man up
and own you. Run your own life, do not let anyone be the director of your own movie.

Words: Dyn Lagrimas

You Will Find Someone

We are all bound to lose someone. Not everyone who stays will be there forever but you will find someone.

You will find someone who will make snarky remarks about and will roll your eyes at your lame jokes but
will end up laughing at it, just to ride along with you and your lameness.
You will find someone who is willing to stay up all night, listening to you rant about everything from shitty
people to that bad service at this one restaurant.
You will find someone who will go through a chick flick with you, no matter how cringe-worthy it is.
You will find someone who will give you hugs at random times, most especially when youre feeling down.
You will find someone who will drink alcohol with you until youre stumbling on your words and until youre
making no sense anymore.
You will find someone who will spoil you with chocolates when you have your period or when youre feeling
sad, then would laugh at you because you managed to finish the whole box in just one day.
You will find someone who is willing to go through the rain, and you will find someone who youll scold
because he went through the rain just for you.

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But then, you will also find someone who wont laugh at your jokes anymore because he no longer feels like
doing it.

You will find someone who will bid you good night in the middle of ranting about everything from shitty
people to that bad service at this one restaurant, telling you to just get over it.
You will find someone who will go on his phone in the middle of movie night, and would spend the hour
doing so.
You will find someone who will be the reason why you have been drinking and stumbling over your words
until you make no sense anymore.
You will find someone who made you sad, making you eat that box of chocolates youve been storing in the
cupboards.
You will find someone who will make you run away in the rain, because youre hurt and you dont mind
getting sick anymore.
Youll find someone over and over again, because thats how the world works.

Words: Marian Aurora

Date The Man That Can Handle All Your Crazy Meltdowns

Date the man that would never call you crazy, even if you come home crying over something insignificant
that happened at work. Even when he doesnt understand why youre upset. He doesnt need to understand.
All he needs to know is that youre hurt and that he wants to be the one to cheer you up. He wants to be the
one to make you feel okay againto make you feel better than okay.

Date the man that calms you down when you scream at an inanimate object, like your phone or computer,
instead of laughing at you for getting upset over something so silly. The man that will help you fix your
problems instead of standing by the sidelines and watching you suffer. The man that will remind you that
its okay to ask for help. That youre not alone. That you can always rely on him.

Date the man that would never be stupid enough to accuse you of being on your period when you get
emotional. The man that appreciates the fact that you express your emotions instead of hiding everything
inside. The man that values your willingness to be open with him, and knows that the only reason youre
telling him the truth is because youre completely comfortable with him.

Date the man that answers your texts, even if youre freaking out over something ridiculous. The man thats
willing to work out the problems you have with him instead of turning off his notifications and acting like
the problems dont exist. The man that puts all of his effort into your relationship, because he actually gives
a damn about you. Because he wants your relationship to work for the long-term, and not just for the time
being.

Date the man that would never make you feel shitty about suffering from anxiety or depression. The man
that would never make you feel like a psychopath. Like a crazy girlfriend. Like a bad girlfriend. The man that

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understands that, even though you are responsible for your actions, you arent always in complete control of
your emotions. Sometimes, your anxiety takes over and makes you freak out over things you wish werent
bothering you.

Date the man thats comfortable letting his emotions loose in front of you. The man that will let you see him
cry, whether its after hes lost a loved one or after hes watched a rom-com with you. The man that doesnt
think hes any less manly for sharing little pieces of his soul with you. The man that actually wants you to
know him, the real him, flaws and all.

Date the man that doesnt have any limits on his love for you. The man that thinks youre beautiful, even
when you break down crying. The man that makes it his mission to clear your tears away, because youre the
love of his life. Because youre all hes ever wanted and moreso much more.

Words: Holly Riordan

Date Someone Who Loves All The Things Youre Insecure About

Date someone who actually gets upset when you call yourself ugly, because he doesnt understand how
someone so beautiful could have such a warped perception of herself.

Date someone who gives you a newfound appreciation of the moles and birthmarks that you grew up
hating.

Date someone who encourages you to sing along with him in the car, even if your voice sounds like
complete crap.

Date someone who loves your push-up bras, but doesnt understand why you wear them, because he thinks
your breasts are already the perfect size.

Date someone who makes you feel comfortable, and even confident, leaving the house without a single
scrap of makeup on.

Date someone who isnt embarrassed when you stumble over your own two feet or say something
completely crazy to his friends, because he finds your awkwardness adorable.

Date someone who compliments your natural hair whenever you step out of the shower.

Date someone who never puts a filter on the photos you take together, because he thinks you look
absolutely gorgeous just the way you are.

Date someone who thinks youre ber intelligent, even though hes seen you spill beer on yourself and use
fam unironically.

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Date someone who thinks you look just as cute in your glasses as you do in your contacts.

Date someone who loves your stupid jokes, even if they arent funny in any conceivable way, because he
thinks you look adorable when you tell them.

Date someone who still calls you beautiful, even when you wipe your makeup off and reveal a face full of
scarring and pimples.

Date someone who doesnt care how high you score in bowling or how quickly you finish a marathon,
because having fun with you means more to him than winning.

Date someone who wont let you delete the pictures you look ugly in, because he thinks youre dead
wrong and wants to save the memories.

Date someone who doesnt just deal with you. Date someone who feels like theyre blessed to be with you,
even during your outbursts and crying fits.

Date someone who looks at you with genuine confusion whenever you claim you look like a mess.

Date someone who always asks to keep the lights on during sex, because he wants to see every inch of your
spectacular body.

Date someone who doesnt think you need a scale in the bathroom, because your stomach is one of his
favorite things about you.

Date someone who never criticizes you when he talks to his friends. Whenever he talks about you, hes
always bragging.

Date someone who still wants to have sex with you, even if you havent shaved your legs in weeks.

Date someone who kisses you on your cellulite and tummy fat, because he thinks every area of your body is
beautiful.

Date someone who makes you worry about your insecurities less than you ever have before, because you
actually feel beautiful (and successful and intelligent and loved) when youre around him.

Date someone whose opinion you trust more than the mirror.

Words: Holly Riordan

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To All The Broken Ones, This Is What I Wish For You When You Find Love

I hope you find the one who makes you feel home, whether youre laying right next to them or just thinking
of them from a thousand miles away. I hope that their voice spreads a tingling warmth throughout your
body, that even the sound alone has the power to make you feel safe and peaceful.

I hope you feel an intense joy explode throughout your body just from feeling them breathe in and out,
from knowing that youre close enough to feel their chest rise and fall and that at least in this moment, they
are very much alive. I hope that the knowledge of their health and safety and proximity to you brings you a
gratitude stronger than anything youve felt before.

I hope that they make you feel whole again. Not because it is
their job to fix you or that you are incapable of saving yourself,
but because its just easier for you to put the broken pieces of
yourself back together when you have someone standing by
your side, handing you super glue or encouraging words when
you need them.
I hope that they love you all the more for your jaded edges, that they want to know how you got each little
cut and bruise so that they can ensure your story is no longer being carried on your shoulders alone.

I hope you find someone who finally makes you feel like you dont have to pretend. Someone who loves you
for your bright spots but is just as happy to be with you on the dark days. And I hope you find someone who
shares their dark days with you too, so you can understand how easy it is to still love someone despite their
so-called imperfections, so that you can see how quickly you look past these bumps and love them even
more for sharing them. And that hopefully, after doing that, youll be able to process the fact that they feel
the same way about you.

I hope you find someone who makes you feel a connection stronger than youve ever felt with any other
human being in your life, even when you havent spoken a single word to one another. I hope you find
someone who, from a single glance or a touch of the hand, conveys to you that you truly are the opposite of
alone.

I hope you find the one who makes you feel like a thousand pounds have been lifted off your chest, even
when they havent fixed your actual problem at hand. The one who makes you feel better simply for
knowing that there is someone out there who hears what youre going through and understands whats
keeping you up at night. Someone who, although they cant shelter you from your problems, can at least
make you feel like you have the support to get through them on your own.

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I hope you find someone who makes you laugh again, who
reminds you that humor can still twinkle lightly even in
the heaviest of moments.
I hope you find someone who opens your eyes to the stories happening all around you, who shows you that
you are not the only one who feels like theyre barely keeping their head above water.

I hope you find someone who listens instead of just hearing, who looks you in the eye, who does what they
promise theyre going to do, who tells you the truth instead of telling you what is easy, who carries you
during your rough patches and knows youre just as capable of taking care of them. Someone who tells you
its okay to be sad but doesnt give up until theyve made you smile, who expects the best out of you
because theyve seen what youre capable of, who turns to you for advice and gives you their own when you
need it, who always makes you feel like you have a partner, no matter what.

And most of all, I hope you find someone who is just as broken as you, so that they can help you understand
just how easy you are to love.

Words: Kim Quindlen

Date Someone Who Lets You Leave

Sometimes, relationships dont work. No matter the effort one might make, or the sacrifices one tries to
make, sometimes the other person isnt going to be all in.

And that doesnt mean the relationship wasnt beautiful. That doesnt mean it didnt matter. It just means
that for some reason, the relationship isnt working. It just means that for some reason, the relationship isnt
going the way it should be going.

So, date someone who lets you go when you need to be let go of. Date someone who lets you go when you
say you need to leave. Date someone who lets you go, even if its the hardest thing they have ever done.

If that person ever truly cared about you, then they would let you
leave.
And its not because they want you to. Its because they want you to be happy, and if walking out on them
makes you happy, they will let you.

Date someone who leaves you alone. Who doesnt try to beg for you to stay. Who doesnt text you and call
you everyday, trying to convince you to come back to them.

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Date someone who lets you be. Who lets you do what you
need and want to do. Even if it hurts them in the process.
Date someone who respects you enough to watch you walk away, and to not run towards you. Date someone
who loves you enough, to let you follow your heart. And date someone who will let you go if that is what you
truly want.

Date someone who wont second guess your decision. Because they respect and cherish you enough, to not
question you.

Date someone who doesnt doubt you. Who believes you when you say you have moved on. Who believes
you when you have said that you dont want to be with them.

Date the person who believes in every single part of you.

Even if it emotionally kills them in the end.

Date the person who knows you would never purposely cause them harm. And date someone who realizes
that you wouldnt hurt them just in spite of everything. Date the person who knows that you need to leave.

And date someone who understands that when you say you
have to go, that you mean it.
Date someone who never second guesses your honesty. And who will break down while watching you leave,
but will have enough dignity inside of themselves to not scream out your name.

Fall in love with the person who knows your heart.

And fall in love with someone who knows how special and sacred your heart is. And after you fall and you
realize it isnt right, fall in love with someone who accepts the fact that you have to go. Fall in love with
someone who can be man enough to let you go. To let you leave.

Because they will know, that if its meant to be you will come
back.

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And if its not, they will thank you for not prolonging their hurt.
Date someone who lets you leave. Even if it hurts in every bone in their body. Date someone who
has the strength in themselves, to let you go.

Words: Lauren Jarvis-Gibson

Date Someone You Dont Have To Impress

Date someone you can be goofy with. Someone who can embrace your silliness, someone who joins you in
your absurdity and someone who doesnt ask you to act in a certain way or speak in a certain manner so you
can attract them.

Date someone who is impressed by originality, by authenticity

and by how real you are.
Date someone you can be too honest with. Someone you can trust with all your secrets and feel comfortable
telling them about all the crazy stories that you held inside. Someone who listens and tries to understand,
someone who tries to understand without judging and someone who doesnt expect you to have a spotless
life or a spotless past. Date someone who doesnt make you afraid of sharing your personal secrets or saying
you dont know something. Date someone who is not afraid of teaching you and who is willing to learn from
you too.

Date someone who doesnt care about status. Someone who doesnt care about titles or labels or big names,
someone who is humble enough to realize that these things dont matter and they shouldnt. Date someone
who is over impressing people with who they date, someone who knows better, someone who gets it and
someone who doesnt think of people as trophies and date someone who knows that having you by their
side is enough.

Date someone you dont have to impress because theyre

already impressed by you and who you are, by being with you
and by loving you.
Date someone who reminds you that you can be yourself and still be loved, that even on your worst or
weakest days you still mean the world to them.

Date someone who still thinks youre hot when youre tired and pale and barely speaking, date someone
who finds your quirks endearing.

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And finally date someone who doesnt make you feel like dating them is a race you need to win, that you
have to compete for their attention, that you have to work on your resume so they can accept you, that you
have to learn more skills so they can approve of you and date someone who thinks youre overqualified to
even participate in these ridiculous games. Date someone who doesnt even want to play because the game
ended the moment they met you.

Words: Rania Naim

Date Someone Who Makes It Impossible To Date Anyone Else (Not Even Yourself)

Date Someone Who has proven to be a popular formula, so heres my take:

Date someone who knows you, perhaps, even better than yourself. Date someone who can tell your mood
by the twitch of your face, or a fleeting side glance. Date someone who knows your every little or big secret,
and still loves you anyway despite knowing damn well what hes getting into (that you could have a
personality disorder or some mental health risks. No biggie).

Date someone who can make you happy, on days when you simply cant. Date someone who tries, and still
gives you the butterflies even when he isnt really trying. Date someone who knows the best ways to make
you smile, and the worst. Date someone who remembers the little things that you dont expect him to, like
the brand of your favourite childhood snack, your moms birthday, or the dress that you fell in love with at
the shops display window.

Date someone who tells you its all worth it to invest his time, effort and money in exchange of a big
genuine smile on your face. Date someone who makes you want to be the person who loves more, even
though its gonna be a tough competition.

Date someone who turns your insecurities or flaws into strengths. That youre not quiet, youre thoughtful.
That youre not insecure, but needs more love and assurance. That youre beautiful, if only you could see
through my eyes.

Heck, date someone who is delusional enough to think youre the most attractive human being hes ever
met. Not just on the outside, but the inside too. Date someone who notices when you have curled your hair,
or splurged on a nice dress to go on a dinner date. Date someone who laughs at your jokes, even when
youre aware that they are like, really bad. Date someone who listens, and understands even when the
words dont match your feelings.

Date someone who shares his attention, circles of friends, or even an apartment together. Date someone
who doesnt mind your quirks and habits, or even describes them as adorable (seriously? *burps*).

Date someone who celebrates you, and together, us. Date someone who is there for you in every milestone
in life: your first job interview, a performance concert, or when you finally learned how to cook spaghetti

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Bolognese from scratch (yay!). Date someone who doesnt mind holding silly little celebrations of your love
too: first kiss, monthly anniversaries or a favourite love song that is the best to cuddle to.

Date someone who still keeps a secret stash of your favourite food, even when youve been complaining
that its time to go on a diet!!!!! #eatclean #lovedirty

Date someone who spoils you. Maybe a little too much, sometimes.

Date someone who respects your personal ideas and beliefs, even when he represents the complete
opposite. Date someone who doesnt try to change who you are, and understands that youve lived a life
before him. Date someone who accepts your family and friends too, including your loud, overbearing mom
or that girlfriend who loves to gossip a little too much (ahem, girls will be girls).
Date someone who makes you feel excited about the future, knowing that hell be right smack in it.

Date someone who makes you do crazy things that youd never have done before too. Like watching a bunch
of sweaty men chasing after a ball, or learning how to cook despite never setting foot in the kitchen before
this, whole relationship thing. (In his defence, he probably had to sit through a chick flick or carry your
handbag when youre busy shopping too.)

Date someone who takes you through all sorts of days. The high, the low, and the mundane in-between. At
the end of the day, youre just grateful to have someone to go home to.

Date someone who makes you understand, finally, what is love. Because thats all that counts. The magical
four-letter word that is now unconditionally linked to him. Date someone who makes even the wildest of
you to believe in love, and practise it, day after day.

Above all, date someone who makes it impossible to date someone else. Because quite frankly, no one else
would ever measure up.

Words: Tiffany Leong

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The Real Difference Between A Forever Guy And A Just For Now Kind Of Guy

A forever kind of a guy and a just for now kind of guy are vastly different people. A forever man will make
the effort. He will actually want to get to know you and will do everything it takes to be with you. Meanwhile
the just for now guy will be sitting on the sidelines texting other women and not giving a damn about you.

Here is exactly what a forever guy is. A forever kind of guy is a man, not a boy. He is kind, but not in a
sickly, fake kind of way. He is incredibly down to earth and humble. He will not force you to do anything you
wont want you to do.

He is not prince charming, but he is pretty darn close.

Of course he has his flaws, as does everybody. But, youll love every piece of him, flaws and all. Hes not
going to do everything right. Hes not going to be perfect. But, he will fight for you when you feel like giving
up. He will make sure you feel safe in his presence and will do everything in his power to make you happy.
He doesnt just want a few months with you. He wants forever. And he will make that crystal clear.

A just for now kind of guy is someone who has you marked as his plan B. He will string you along and
make you believe that he is 100% genuine, when in reality he is anything but that. This is the type of guy
everyone thinks they want. He is cool, charming and incredibly smart.

He will make you fall hard for him. He will say all the right
things. He will do all the right things. But, will he mean
them? No.
A just for now kind of man is not the man you would ever let your future daughter date. He is always going
to look for the next best thing, and when your time is over and he finds another pretty little thing to play
with, he will leave you.This kind of person wont have any remorse when they go. He isnt going to apologize
while watching you cry before he leaves. He is going to walk away and never look back, because to him, you
are nothing. A man like this is someone you sadly cant trust with your whole heart. He is cruel, with an ego
of a thousand suns. And you deserve someone who truly loves you with his whole being and whole
authentic self.

Dont let this guy fool you. Dont let a charming personality throw you off course. Trust your gut. Trust your
instincts. Believe you deserve a forever kind of man instead of a guy who will walk away whether you want
him to or not.You deserve a man who you can trust. You deserve a man who you see a future with, and who
sees you walking down the aisle towards him. You deserve a forever man. A man who wont ever leave no
matter how hard the wind blows and no matter how big the storm can get.

Words: Lauren Jarvis-Gibson

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Dont Chase Him If He Doesnt Respect You

People are not scratching posts. They are not places to sharpen your claws, or to press up against when a
particular need arises, only to be disregarded after the itch is satiated.

The proliferation of online dating has exacerbated a culture of emotionally immature and or broken people
simply rubbing up against each other virtually, and in the flesh. People do this to fulfill primal needs for sex,
attention, or self esteem. The consequences seem vague and nebulous. We can rationalize that it doesnt
hurt someone if we swipe right, engage, and then ghost. We can assure ourselves that modern day dating
affords us the luxury of flirting on the rebound, or sexting on the side of our marriage beds. Why not, we ask
ourselves? Who am I hurting?

As a woman searching for true intimacy and connection, surrounded by best friends who are also looking for
the same, I can tell you that we are the people you are hurting. We have steady jobs, and beautiful homes.
We have children who we support and care for, and hobbies that we love. We are stable and secure. We
know who we are. We dont give our bodies or our attention to just anyone. If we give it to you, honor it. Be
ready for it. And, if you are not, do not pretend like you are.

We are the women who still believe in happy ever after. You are the men who believe in fun right now.
Please stop presenting yourself as options, when you are simply speed bumps in the way of our journey to
arrive at our fairy tale.

Ive been back on the dating scene for six months. I have encountered a host of men who have no business
using an online app. They are still entangled with ex-wives and girlfriends. They are looking for easy sex
outside of their supposed monogamous relationship. They are sorely lacking in financial stability and self-
esteem, and yet, there they are posting flattering pictures and inviting me out on dates. Why? My guess is
they are afraid to do the work it takes to become wholly self-actualized while being entirely alone. That, and
easy sex does not hurt.

My advice to women is to never give away sex easily. Unless casual sex is something that benefits you or
that you want, make men wait. Using sex to garner love is the easiest way to wreck your own self-esteem.

The way to avoid getting entangled with a scratching post man is to have super-high standards. If a man
texts all the time but doesnt ask you out, ignore him. If a man talks incessantly about his ex-wife or
girlfriend, move on. If a man does not invite you on a second date immediately after the first one, he is not
that interested in you. If a man asks you to be casual and you know you are looking for more, do not bother.
You cannot change these men. It is futile and exhausting and you are too beautiful, too smart, too worthy to
wait for anyone.

Modern day dating sites have made women fearful. We are constantly told that we have to act like we do not
care. We cannot appear needy. I agree that neediness is a huge turn off for either sex. But, when did we start
accepting less in order to maintain half-ass behavior from men. When did we start to equate neediness with
our own fair and simple desires getting met by men? This needs to change.

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The only people we can change are ourselves. If we are so fearful of being alone that we allow scratching
post men to feed us scraps, while we sit starving waiting for our perpetual banquet of love, we are no better
than they are.

The best way to guard against the type of heartbreak and frustration that these men bring into our lives is by
having self-love. Do not be afraid to be alone. Do not be afraid even if its been six months, or two years, or
10. Cultivate you own inner world, your interests, your hobbies, your friendships.

I am a firm believer that I will meet a man someday and it will be easy. There will be no need to play games.
He will call, text, and ask me out immediately. I will not chase him. He will not chase me. We will simply
stand still, eye to eye, heart to heart.

Until that day, I accept no less. I am not a scratching post, a way to feed a mans ego, a piggybank, some
warm, hot hole. Im a beautiful, intellectual woman. If you cannot say the same for yourself, pull yourself off
the dating site, and do that work.

Words: Kelly Russell

In Order To Heal, You Must Forgive

Forgiveness is hard enough, but when youre the person you cant forgive, its even more challenging. We
are our own worst critic and in order to heal we must forgive ourselves. How can we learn to forgive
ourselves?

Write it out take out a pen and paper and write down everything you feel about the situation.

Get honest with yourself about your behavior. Where did the behavior that led to your resentment come
from? Was it from a place of selfishness, insecurity or fear? Did someone or something challenge your ego?
Were you being judgmental of someone or something? Were you in fear of losing someone or something?
Get brutally honestsometimes we have to get below the surface to find the real reason for our actions.

When were judgmental of others, its because we see something in them we dont like about ourselves.

It may not be something about our character today, but based on a character defect we used to possess or
one that were in fear of possessing because it reminds us of something we havent dealt with. Learn to
accept others for who they are, who they were and who theyre becoming. The only thing we can control is
our own behavior; therefore it should be the only thing we concern ourselves with.

We do all kinds of stupid things when were living in fear (Or, maybe Im alone in this one?!)

Especially if were in fear of losing someone or somethingbeen there! Our ego is in constant fear of
death. Itll do whatever it takes to win and winning sometimes means clinging. Clinging, and trying to

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control someone or something, can appear as passive aggressive or some other form of manipulative
behavior. Unfortunately, when we use manipulation to get something we want we set expectations. When
our expectations arent met, we act out in frustration and end up hurting people in the process; inevitably
losing that which we feared. In essence, we create what we fear the most just by living in fear.

Did someone or something challenge your ego?

Maybe the situation ensued because you were trying to protect your ego? I lived in this place for a LONG
time and its still a struggle at times. When our ego is challenged well say or do things we dont really mean
to protect it. We dont need tonothing we, or someone else, says or does changes who we are on a deeper
level. When we realize this our ego is no longer running the show and we see that we have nothing to
prove. People challenge my character to this day. It doesnt change who I am unless I allow it to.

Now that you know the cause of your actions, take action and correct it.

Apologize to the person you hurt; asking for forgiveness is an act of compassion. When you make your
apology, be sure its coming from a genuine place and youre truly empathetic. Be frank about what you
discovered to be the cause of your behavior. People can sense honesty, integrity and vulnerability. Its easier
for someone to forgive you if they can feel that you really mean what youre saying.

If apologizing isnt an option, decide now that youll correct the behavior moving forward. As time goes on
youll begin to forgive yourself through changing the way you live and getting back to your core values. This
is a process and takes time, but I promise if youre diligent in changing youll start to love the person you
are. Self-love is imperative to forgiving yourself.

Getting brutally honest with yourself isnt easy, but it does get easier.

If youre apology has already been accepted and youre still having a hard time forgiving yourself, be
patient. Bringing the cause of your actions to light takes vulnerability. Vulnerability allows you to see that
youre not a bad person, you just made a mistake. We are human and were allowed to make mistakes!
Without them there would be no growth. If you can see that every perceived failure is an opportunity for
growth youll start to appreciate the lesson, instead of beating yourself up for the mistake. When you have
compassion for who you were in that moment it becomes easier to forgive yourself for your actions.

Continue to check your intentions on a daily basis. When Im going through a particularly difficult life
situation, I sometimes have to do this hourly, but its better than constantly living in regret for the same
mistakes. Remember, the lesson repeats until learned. The more you practice self-honesty, and continue to
check your intentions, the easier it becomes until eventually its just natural.

Also, if youre having a hard time forgiving yourself it means your actions werent in line with your core
values and beliefs. It may be hard to grasp, but thats a good thing to be aware of. See that you are an
amazing human being full of love and compassion. If you werent you wouldnt feel the guilt, shame and
regret.

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Give it away and itll come back. When you treat others with love and respect, youll start to love the person
you are. When you love who you are its easier to let go and forgive yourself. Its a cycle that starts with
having compassion for others and comes right back around to having compassion for yourself. Its much
better than the cycle of poor decisions, regret and shame. Like a friend of mine so eloquently says sit in
your shit, or change your diaper.

Words: Dawn Turner

This Is How Our Generation Falls Out Of Love

We do it loudly. We do it without a second glance back. We do it unapologetically. We are messy, careless,

and selfish.

And I dont think thats the bad part at all.

We are a generation of people who know our worth. We know what we deserve. We know if something is
wrong. We know we need to follow our gut. We need to listen to our hearts and think with our minds. We
are fueled by our independence. We are fueled by our strength that lives within us. We are fueled by our
own fire, not anyone elses. And thats bad ass.

But we need to be careful with our actions. We tend to forget that our actions, affect other people. And
sometimes, our actions, can break someone else. And no matter how ok you are, it doesnt mean someone
else isnt dying right beside you.

And when something important is happening like a breakup or a first date, all we do is run.
Why do we stare at our phones instead of in another persons eyes? Why do we glare at our screen when we
are angry, instead of stating the actual problem. Why do have text chats instead of dinner dates? What even
happened to proper dating? What even happing to proper break ups?

When did our generation become so scared to talk to one another. When did our generation become so
obsessed with ourselves, instead of with our connections. What was the point in time when we picked up
our phones and dropped our heads down. We constantly over analyze what we type in a message instead of
actually analyzing the true feelings we have.

Our generation, is so used to not communicating, that any other thing other than texting scares us. We dont
like phone calls. They give us sweaty palms. We dont like dinner dates. What if there are awkward pauses?

But I wish we werent so scared about the awkward pauses.

I wish we werent so scared about the nervous smiles and the shaking legs under the table. I wish we could
realize how much beauty there can be in a first date. And how much beauty there can be in a break up.

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We need to feel things. We need to start letting things out. And we need to stop being so frightened of the
little things. Because unlike our iPhones, and our computers, we cant hit the reset button. We cant put
ourselves to sleep for days. We cant decide to freeze and reload. We cant power off.

We have to live deeply. Its the only way we will get to experience a true, full life. Its the only way we will get
to say, we lived with no regrets.

Words: Lauren Jarvis-Gibson

This Is How Our Generation Ruins The True Meaning Of Love

Listen, Im not trying to knock our generation down a notch. I love this generation. And I know not everyone
is ruining what love truly means. Millennials are smart, intuitive and most importantly passionate. But with
passion, comes a lack of understanding when it comes to our relationships.

The truth is, we dont know how to communicate anymore.

And Im 100% included in this. Our generation is so scared of confrontation, that we dont even have human
decency to talk to others face to face.

We are so caught up in our own feelings, that we forget to

acknowledge the other person that we care about.
We forget to listen to how they feel. And we just listen to our fight or flight instincts.

Theres nothing wrong with being scared of confrontation. But, there is something wrong when we cant
have a hard conversation face to face, to try to explain our feelings for another human being. And this isnt
just about breaking up. This is about falling in love too.

When our generation falls in love, we dont shout it to the rooftops. We dont send heartfelt letters declaring
our love to someone anymore.

No, we just change our relationship status on Facebook.

We Instagram a cute picture of our significant other for a Man Crush Monday post. And then when it
comes to telling that person we love them, we get scared. And we put it off. We run.

Love deserves more than the lies. It deserves our whole hearted truth. It deserves to be shouted, instead of
whispered. It deserves our undivided attention and our full, open hearts.

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Why cant we just say how we truly feel anymore?
Why do we hide behind alcohol and keyboards? Why do we question the power of love now? Look, I believe
whole heartedly that we all want love. And I believe that we know what real love truly feels like. We arent
just a bunch of dumb kids incapable of emotion. But, we need to stop pretending we love someone when
its not true. We need to stop breaking up with people through our phones. We need to stop breaking
someone down just because we are unsure of how we truly feel.

I know that our generation is smart. And I know we know how to love. But, we need to start communicating
in the right way with one another. We dont have to write letters, or think of grand gestures to surprise our
loved ones. We just need to believe our truths.

We just need to say how we feel, when we feel it. We need

to say I love you to someone, when we truly believe it,
and when we have no fear.
We need to spend time with the people we love, instead of just liking their pictures on Facebook. We need
to stop stalking our Instagram accounts for a moment of validation.

All we need is more human to human contact. More face to face conversations. And we need honesty.

We need to finally give love the recognition it deserves.

Love, is the only thing that we have at the end of the day. Its truly the only thing that matters in this world.
So please, give the definition of love some justice. And if you feel it, say it. And if you dont feel it, then say it.
Its time to stop hiding our feelings in fear, and its about damn time we give love a chance.

Words: Lauren Jarvis-Gibson

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There Is Someone Out There Who Will Never Ask You To Change For Them

This is not a guarantee that there is someone out there for you. I do not have the power nor the omniscience
to be able to promise you that. But it is a promise that you will always deserve better than to settle for
someone who is incapable of loving you as you are. It is a guarantee that someone who asks you to change
your very essence will never, ever be the right person for you, no matter what you try to tell yourself. Its easy
to try to convince yourself otherwise, to tell yourself that its understandable that you need to change for
them because at the very center of our core is an instinctive craving to love and be loved. Its in our nature,
its wired within our drive for emotional survival. When we catch even the slightest whiff of the possibility of
love, we latch on tightly. Weve grown to understand that love is a rare and precious commodity in quite a
disconnected world, and the loss of it even if it is still just a possibility is not something we want to risk.

But sometimes we are so mystified by it, so scared of losing love or just never finding it at all, that we lose
our ability to see things rationally. We accept truths we wouldnt normally accept, we make excuses for
people who treat us badly or shred our hearts consistently, because we think we need to convince ourselves
that this is the best its ever going to get. So rather than standing our ground, rather than loving ourselves
enough to walk away, we water the seed thats been planted within us by another, by the person who has
made us believe that we can never be loved as we are. That we must change if we will ever have any hope of
making our so-called true love happy. And that right there is the only sign you need in order to know that
this is not real love at all.

Real love brave, pure, genuine love never involves one person needing
another to change. Real love is exactly the opposite; its loving every single
piece that makes the other person whole.
Its accepting their flaws and insecurities and annoying habits unquestioningly, because those things are
just as much a part of them as the things we so desperately love their humor, their intelligence, their
kindness, their confidence, or whatever else pulls us to them. That is how we are truly, deeply wired to love.

Anything else that tries to disguise itself as love is not love. Someone asking you to change for them, even if
they try to camouflage it as being in your best interest, is not in love with you, and they never will be. Even
if especially if you do change. It doesnt matter. They are not in love with you. They are in love with the
idea of you. They are in love with the person they crafted out of pieces of you the one who has similarities
to you but better suits their needs.If there is a right person out there for you, it is someone who will never
ask you to change. They may challenge you, they may encourage you to go after something you typically
wouldnt because they believe in you. But they will never ask you to change the very things that make you
who you are. They will love you, not their ideal version of you. They will look at your vulnerabilities and only
see pathways that will bring you closer together. They will see opportunities to take your closeness to a
deeper level than you would go to otherwise. They will love you bravely, purely, genuinely. Because thats
the only way they know how.

Words: Kim Quindlen

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Read This When You Feel So Incredibly Alone With Your Depression

27 pills.

I count them twice. I then calculate how many Id have to take in order to not wake up. The deeper I go down
my depression the more I wonder why the hell Im still here. The pills that are supposed to make me feel
better can only work if I believe they do. I had stopped believing in their powers weeks ago but I dont want
to tell anyone that.

Every day I wake up and I think to myself, Fuck. I dont want to wake up anymore and still be trapped in a
mind thats so sick it is literally calculating how many pills it would take to overdose. I dont want to be that
burden on my friends and family who even though they say Im not draining them, I am. I can see its not
only emotionally gruelling, but its physically and mentally exhausting trying to convince someone theyre
OK.

I never used to be this person. The one who counts the hours until they can be alone again. The one who
does not want to have any conversations with anyone anymore. The one who doesnt want to get her sad all
over everyone else. Unfortunately, this is my cross to bear and explaining it to people who dont get it
becomes a task I no longer want to partake in.

I thought I was alone in my depression. I thought that no one else could understand exactly what I was
going through until I started talking about it. I started to do the things I didnt want to do and admit my
demons. I didnt want people to think about the things that go on in my head as crazy but I, myself, thought
I was crazy. I thought that having invisible angry self-hatred conversations with myself would dub me insane
until I found out there are people out there just like me.

The second I started opening up to people, they started opening up to me. I heard about struggles from
people I had always assumed had it together. I started to realize that even when people think everything is
going well for others, that often times were wrong. Society convinces us that being weak and expressing
vulnerabilities is a bad thing. Its really not.

I wake up most days wondering why Im still here. What could I possibly offer the world that people whose
lives were taken too short couldnt? I still dont know the answer to that. I dont know if my pain and anguish
will lead to something good or to my own demise. I dont know if Ill get through the day without counting
my pills and instead of taking just one, take the whole bottle.

The thing is though that I am still here. I am still here and

have a purpose, just like you.
Even though you dont know where youre heading or what life has in store for you, youre still here. Are you
struggling? Absolutely. Do you pretend that your depression isnt a part of you? Most days. Do you even
really remember the last time you were truly happy? Not really.

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So you get through the day based on what little faith you have left. At least thats what I do. Even though Im
completely bruised. Im completely defeated. Theres still a part of me that has faith in something bigger
than myself. I dont know what it is and Im not here to convince to you believe in something you dont.

All I do know is this, you are bigger than your depression. You are bigger than whatever the fuck has got you
down. You have made it through all of your bad days and you are a fighter. Anyone who manages to wake
up another day and battle through life is a warrior.

So talk about it. Talk about your struggles. Tell people. You will connect with other humans on a level you
didnt know existed. We all go through pain but if you can keep the faith you will prevail.

Words: Alexandria Brown

Stop Acting Like Mental Illness Is Cute And Trendy Its Literally The Opposite.

If anxiety was trendy, why dont people understand it? If its cool to sit at work and watch your thoughts run
away from you, or barely bring ourselves to get up for work in the first place, why are people so entitled to
change the subject (or worse, not talk at all) when you speak on that black cloud thats always above your
head? Why did it become a fad to self-diagnose very real disorders that very real people deal with every day?

I want to make it clear that I am speaking on behalf of everyone with a mental illness that has a stigma
attached to it. Im speaking on behalf of those with medical records in a psychiatric center or documentation
of a diagnosis from a psychologist for manic depression, acute anxiety, borderline-personality disorder, and
on behalf of the mother who gave birth to her baby and cried for 3 weeks straight, to find out on their first
month check up, that she scored high enough on that survey to go see a doctor that specializes in
postpartum depression. I am not speaking on behalf of the people who have a bad day and then label
themselves depressed. I am not speaking on behalf of the people who have a tidy home and call
themselves OCD; because chances are, you dont count the shelves twice or turn the lamp on and off and on
and off

And on. And off again. Count to 12. Thats 13, thats bad luck, start over. You need an even number. On, off,
on, off, on off and then you try not to scream because youre so fucking frustrated that it still doesnt feel
right and you just wish this would go away and you didnt have to the lock the door 7 times before leaving
the house or count the cracks in the sidewalks when you finally manage to get outside.

Our world is torn between shunning those who have a

mental illness, and dressing up our personalities with a
diagnosis we know little to nothing about.

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I know way too many people prescribed Xanax and take it everyday and prescribed a serotonin inhibitor and
take it three times a week and wonder why theyre so miserable. I encourage them to know more about their
diagnosis, and even more about how these medications work.

I also know way too many people that complain about how bad their anxiety is but cant tell me whats life to
have your chest hurt and your mind go blank and sit in the last stall and cry because you lost your shit in the
middle of the work day, for no reason other than your dad wouldnt text you back.

Car accident, hes disappointed, your sister got hurt, grandma or grandpa died, hes tired of you living at
home and he will probably tell you its time to leave when you get there.

Im not here to denounce anyone who talks about their issues. Im just here to stand up for those of us who
dont- because it isnt that easy. Maybe Im here to tell people to stop throwing around words like anxiety
and depression and wearing them as an accessory. I just want to know when this became glamorous. I want
to applaud the person prescribed Xanax that takes it when they know theyre about to lose it.

And then doesnt touch it again until the next time they are in a crowd of people and
feels like every single person is looking at them the wrong way.

I want to talk to the person who offers theirs to the recovering addict who needs it to feel better but
refuses to see a doctor. I want to ask them why, and I want to tell them to stop.

But you cant affect free will.

Ive had the same people who scoffed at my suicide attempt tweet things like I hate dealing with anxiety.
Maybe a selfie with the caption Anxiety sucks. I cant understand the point of making fun of me for my
struggles and then broadcasting your own in a completely unrelated picture. Youre smiling, youre
laughing, you felt good about yourself today, and you probably only took that picture one time before you
decided it was worthy enough for social media.

This is where it becomes unfair for people to throw these things around. Anxiety and depression are
everything but confident. Well maybe not all. Sometimes being manic depressive is a little different. Maybe
one day, you feel like youre Beyonce and the next day, you are on the verge of tears with shaking hands
wondering why you arent good enough and no one wants to be your friend. Instead of taking a picture in
the mirror, youre standing in front of it wondering if anyone would like you better if you cut your hair, or
lost weight, or didnt talk as much or talked even more because at least youd know how to carry on a
conversation.

Mental illness doesnt need to be worn like this seasons jeans. Mental illness is not an eyeshadow you
put on every single day but dont wear on others. Mental illness is not the lipstick you put on when its
Saturday and need an excuse to drink excessively. You dont wake up and decide you have acute anxiety or
OCD or bipolar disorder. You wake up and you put your feet on the floor, take your medicine and you pray to
God you have a good day today.

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And then, you grab your purse, put on your lipstick and pray even harder that today, the workings of your
mind wont take you away from yourself. You pray that today, you can smile without having to cry.

Words: Jessica Wilson

If Shes Worth Having, Shes Worth Fighting For

This ones for you fellows out there, the guys who had the perfect girl, and for some stupid reason decided to
let her go.

Let me guess.

The timing isnt right.

Youre not in a good position in life to commit to someone else.
Youre trying to focus on your career right now.

Maybe you just are not ready to commit because youve been hurt in the past.

Oh you silly, silly boy.

Heres the thing: relationships rarely happen an ideal moment in our lives. Honestly, there is no such thing
as the right moment; the greatest things come to us when we are not prepared or expecting them.

There are theories out there that believe youll find the right person at a time when youre not looking for
love. Mrs. Right isnt going to show up at your doorstep when youre sitting around waiting for her. Shes
going to burst into your world at a moment when your life is full-blown chaos. She is going to come barging
in and shake up your universe even more.

Good things never come to us at the ideal time. They come to us when we are least expecting them, adding
to the madness of it all. Who know why this is, its just how this world works.

So yes, the timing probably isnt ideal. It is likely you are not ready for a relationship. Oh, and congrats on
the job promotion.

But letting go of the one just because of imperfect circumstances is just plain foolish. Stop with the
excuses and fight for your woman.

Face it; a girl worth having it will not sit around waiting
forever. Once you find her, hold on tight and never let her go.

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If you do, she is going to move on and find someone else, a guy who will actually fight for her. He will be
able to give her everything you should have. Im confident in saying the moment you see her with someone
else, youll realize the magnitude of your mistake. Youll kick yourself and wish you had fought harder for
her.

Speaking from the girls perspective, all we want is for you to love and care for us. Prove we are worth
battling for. Fight for us, instead of with us. We just want someone who we can wake up with every morning
and make us feel beautiful.

Quite frankly, we arent asking for too much. Just be honest and faithful, and the rest will fall into
place. Just love us for everything we are, and we will change your entire world.

Sadly, so many girls in this world already feel unloved and unwanted.

Imagine how it feels to have the person you love, not desire you back. The rejection of the situation is
beyond painful. Its heartbreaking how many amazing girls do not feel beautiful or worthy.

Please, stop with the excuses and bullshit.

In the end, you are only hurting yourself.

So get up, and battle for the women you love. Dont let her go, because you will be the only one left with
remorse. Not only should you do this for her, do it for you.

Because, who wants to live a life full of heartbreak and regret?

Words: Kiana Azizian

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You Are Not Weak For Loving Someone With All Your Heart

Im writing this because I havent been able to tell anyone. For five, very long months. I just want to share
my experience.

We met at work, and immediately we had a very strong connection. I tried to not like him, I tried to put a
barrier up because if there was thing I knew how to do, it was how to choose men who broke me. But I did.
He said the right things, did the right things, and then BAM. I was him. As things usually start, things were
going so well. He was sweet, he was kind, and he made me feel sexier than Ive ever felt. And then things
changed.

Youre not the only one.

I read and reread that message until it was just a blur. When confronted with it the next day, he said it wasnt
true. He was angry that I believed it even as I only asked him. He was so angry, he even went as far to say
that he was done. I felt like I had been hit. The heat on my skin, as well as anger and embarrassment. Who
the hell did he think he was? I didnt accuse him of anything, I had simply asked. And that reaction? It had to
be true. I. Was. Done.

I texted him to leave me alone and then there he was. He pulled me into a hug, telling me he was sorry, that
he was just so mad but not at me and it just came out wrong. I was SO angry, but he was so genuinely sorry,
I couldnt be too mad.Things progressed. We spent everyday together, I went over to his house multiple
times a week and he was always sweet and loving. Always showering me with love and kisses, and
comments like Youre so beautiful, Youre so sexy, Youre so cute,.

It was such a different way of love, a way I never knew before. It was beautiful.

Throughout the entirety of our relationship, we only had about two big fights. That doesnt sound awful
right? The truth is, we only had two because I honestly never brought up how I truly felt. Anytime I started
with how I really felt, he would become even more upset than me. And as I knew that the time we spent
together was growing shorter and shorter, I told myself why be upset with such little time? So I mostly kept
my emotions to myself.

Feeling spontaneous and trying to be a good girlfriend, I decided to buy him some food before going over.
He was so surprised and happy! I couldnt believe what a small gesture like that could make him so happy. I
did that a few times but then stopped as we began to work different hours, and I wanted to spend as much
time with him as possible.

Then one day he texted me and said he hadnt eaten in three days and asked if I could buy him food. How
could I say no to someone I loved when he was hungry? I nodded to myself and digged into my meager
savings. Twenty dollars this one time wouldnt hurt. But then he asked again, and again, and again, and
before I knew it, I no longer had a savings account. He asked again and I told him I couldnt and his reply
was You dont love me, which flared my anger to text him I cant buy you food because I dont have any

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money left. He didnt reply for an hour or so but when he did, he praised me with love and affection and
told me that he appreciated me and everything I did for him. But that didnt completely erase the taste in
my mouth.

Unfortunately as we moved into the third month of dating, reality set in. I was off to school soon and he
picked up another job. There wouldnt be time to see each other anymore. Also around this time, my
birthday was nearing. I remember having this recurring nightmare that he forgot my birthday and we had a
HUGE fight which resulted in us breaking up. I tried to shake it away. He wouldnt forget, I mean he could
remember one simple date couldnt he? A date I had been constantly been reminding him of since we
started datingright?

I wasnt expecting roses and a dying declaration of love. All I was expecting was a two letter text,
and maybe some of his time. That was it, that wasnt asking for too much, right?

Well the week of my birthday arrived and you guessed it, he forgot. I waited all day for him to text me, even
just once, and nothing. Midnight rolled around and he finally texted me, but there was no how was your
birthday? or Happy birthday! He just started with his usual, hey. I was hurt. I was hurt because he had
forgotten my birthday, but I was devastated because deep down I knew he was going to, but I had really
hoped he would prove me wrong. It showed me that he didnt listen to the words I truly spoke.

That pretty much gave me gas for my following comment of I realize you forgot my birthday and that hurt
my feelings. His response? Dont start. Ive had a long day. I was stunned. Are you fucking kidding me?
Dont start?! It was my fucking birthday and all I wanted was a fucking text, but somehow I was in the
wrong? I was so angry because I didnt lose my shit as I had wanted to, I kept it cool and calm and TOLD HIM
HOW I FELT and he completely me blew off. We went on and on, arguing and arguing and thenhe
threatened to kill himself.

Fine, Im always stressing you out, Ill just go kill myself so you can be happy. Im such a fuck up. Ill leave
you alone forever, sorry.

The words ran through my mind over and over again and all I could see was the multiple times I had to pick
my mom off the floor, how her body just felt like it was made of lead, how the panic would cause my breath
to catch in my chest. Tears streaming down my face I texted him back telling him that we had gotten in an
argument but he didnt have to hurt himself because it was just a fight. We were going to get through it.

It took the better part of two or so hours for him to finally relent and say he wasnt going to hurt himself. He
promised me he wouldnt said he had to work, and went to bed. I couldnt sleep a wink. I kept picturing him
cold and lifeless in his apartment, all because of me. That weekend was my birthday weekend but I was so
shaken up I cancelled my plans and just stayed in bed, crying all weekend. Everyone who knows me knows
that I love to have a good time and kick back with a cold beer, this person, this wasnt me. The concern was
growing, making it worse for me because I just didnt know what to say, I didnt know what to do, so I
withdrew further into myself and away from those I loved.

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Another week went on and the light in which I used to see him had changed. He texted me as if nothing
had happened, and for a moment I thought of just letting it go. No need to bring back such unpleasant
memories but I couldnt. So I bought it back up and just like a light switch, he went from being loving to
threatening to kill himself again. Again, I told him it wasnt something he had to hurt himself over, to use
his words, to tell me how he felt, but to no avail. Finally, I managed to get him to calm down and promise
that he wouldnt hurt himself again. I couldnt sleep that night either.

I began to wake in the middle of the night from terrible, haunting nightmares. All of him committing
suicide because of me. His mothers face contorted in agony as she looked down at her baby boy, his father
crying at the loss of his football star, his grandmother glaring at me because it was my fault. I couldnt do it
anymore, but I was so afraid. What if he really hurt himself? I was in shambles, my emotions so raw I felt like
my skin was going to split. But after much thought and much perseverance, I told him we needed to talk.

The day arrived and I was a nervous wreck. I had never broken up with someone before, let alone someone I
truly cared for. But I knew it was something I had to do.

Sitting across from him, he couldnt look me in the eyes. He avoided my gaze at all costs, picking at him
pants, playing on his phone. We both knew why I was here. I wanted to explain why I was making this
decision, I had it all planned out point by point, but he stopped me. He looked at me and whispered Just
say it. I nodded and told him I couldnt be with someone who could threaten me with his life because that
was not love.

He nodded, apologized and said he never meant to hurt me, that it was just something that came from his
past but that it was just because he loved me so much. I told him I understood, but that didnt change my
mind because quite frankly, I was so done with this bullshit. We hugged and I told him to take care of
himself, and then I went home and cried. I cried for two days. Heartbreak, frustration, sadness and more
than anythingrelief.

It took me an entire month to come to terms with this up and down relationship, it took an entire
month to accept that it really did happen to me, it took an entire month for me to find myself. How
Ive missed myself.

Perhaps because he never hurt me physically or my self-esteem, I didnt see it as quickly as I should have.
But in retrospect, I can see all the signs as plain as day. He used my love for him to hurt me. He was
extremely jealous, controlling, always making things my fault, always guilting me into succumbing to his
will, even threatening me with his life.

I never thought I would be someone to say I was once in an abusive relationship, but here I am today saying
I was once in an abusive relationship, and it almost broke me. No one ever thinks they will be hurt by
someone they love but it does happen, and it is NOT your fault.

You are not weak, sad, or pathetic because you loved someone with all your heart. You are not at
fault because you believed in the good of another person.

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Dont let this stop you from loving. Dont let this turn you bitter or angry. You are beautiful, you are worthy of
love and to be loved, and you are so loved by me and by the universe.

Words: Lucy Perez

How Long Does It Really Take To Fall In Love?

It really doesnt take all that long to fall in love. So many people look at such a strong emotion as love in
terms of time. How long have you known each other? How long have you been together? At what point is it
okay to say those three words? Today I think about these things and I realize that love isnt measured in
time. Its a feeling and a strong one at that. For such a small word it has so much power.

I thought that it was insane for me to think that I was in love with this boy. A guy I dated for 3 months. A
relationship that was incredibly dysfunctional. We didnt work, but then again we did. So for the short
amount of time that we were together and to match the incredibly dysfunctional relationship, we had just as
an fd up break up. But lets go back to the timing thingI had no reason to be as hurt as I was. It didnt
make sense that I was reacting to the break up the way I was. Its not like I was IN LOVE with the kid. I
mean.we only dated three months! Although I knew the break up was coming, it didnt hurt any less. I
had fun with him. He said all the right things at all the right times. He knew how to make me laugh in
seconds. He knew how to push my buttons in all the right ways. He challenged me to appreciate myself and
respect myself on a level I have been trying to do for years. He reminded me and showed me how to be the
good kind of selfish. He was everything I didnt even know i needed at the time. So when the inevitable
break up finally did happen it wasnt a walk in the park. I literally felt my heart break. I still feel it now
months later. And as I sit here and listen to certain songs or see certain things I cant comprehend how Im
still in pain, but Ive come up with 2 reasons.

One, I never dealt with it head on. Distractions washed over me from the moment it ended and I havent
stopped looking for more. The second reason is because I was in love.

Yes. I was in love, but not in the way that you are all thinking. I was in love in a completely different way. I
was in love with the idea of him, the idea of us. I was in love with the guy that he has the potential to be. I
was in love with the girl I was when I was with him. I will say that I am definitely seeing the past better than
it was, but now I know why. I tried so hard to be the girl he wanted and I couldnt do that because we just
ultimately want different things. If we are going by the books we are two people that should have never
crossed paths the way we did. We are two very stubborn very bold people that clashed. If you havent
noticed Im not a by the books person. And I challenge everything I see wrong. The sense of loss I am
feeling is yes, of course, the usual loss that you feel after a break up. In addition to that loss, though I am
feeling defeated. I could have been what he needed if he had given me the chance. I know I could have. I
was in love with what we could have been. My heart is broken from something that never was. My heart is
broken because I was never given the chance.

Words: Tiffani Monrea

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Its Not You, Its Me, But Actually

As much as no one wants to have their heart broken, no one wants to be the person doing the heart
breaking, either. At this moment in time, I have now been in both positions.

I dated someone for four years, and then on and off again for a year after that. The first time around, he
crushed me. Cheated, lied and manipulated me. He broke my innocent heart into a thousand tiny pieces
and left me feeling like a fool. Some time passed, and then he started to work his ass off to get me back. Its
actually really impressive looking back on all the things he did to right his wrongs. And although I do
believe he has changed and become a great man the damage has been done.

Ive always wondered about broken love can it be fixed? Is it even worth trying to fix? Well, we tried. We
tested the waters with our relationship again, on and off for about a year. Although we had some great times
together, there were still so many issues. Although he definitely earned my forgiveness for breaking my
heart, resentment was still there whether or not I wanted to admit it. And the resentment came out in ugly
ways our relationship became very one-sided and I felt entitled to do certain things, which is wrong. I also
felt unable to commit to something I wasnt positive about, and then everything started to get really messy
and unhealthy.

He was my first love and my best friend. We have been through so many tough times together and no one
knows me like he does. We are extremely comfortable with each other (maybe even too much), have a lot of
fun together and will always care about each other no matter what. And that is something that is really
fucking hard to walk away from.

But it wasnt working. I love him, and always will, but I am not in love with him. We both tried extremely
hard to make it happen again, but somethings just cant be forced, for whatever reason. It wasnt him, it was
me. I know that is such a cliche, classic break up line but in this case it is the simple truth. I cant make
myself feel how I used to feel. At 21 years old, I cant commit to something that I feel so skeptical about.
And I didnt want to continue being involved in something that was starting to become unhealthy, one-
sided and unfulfilling for us both.

Going back to my initial statement at the beginning of this post, breakups suck. I have always been a sucker
for the whole fairy tell ending phenomenon after growing up with parents who have been together since
they were young teens, but the hard truth is that it doesnt always work that way. Real love doesnt always
succeed.

Words: Alivia Hall

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It Doesnt Matter What Others Think Of You, It Matters What You Think Of You

After a long month, I stare into my tapestry as I open my front door. I cant help but notice the complexity
and exoticness. It is only two shades of color: black and white, no room for grey, with a reoccurring pattern. I
stare long enough to relate it to my own being.

I bounce others words back and forth between the right and left halves of my brain. The logical half
comforts the other, my inner voice quietly trying to drown out the background noise:

What others think about you is none of your business.

Your perception of me is a reflection of you.

The right side of my brain encourages depth, a new journal, and set of ballpoint pens. The overwhelming
buzz and desire to feel understood takes over. I long to justify what is happening inside of my brain to those
I am growing apart from as their words attack my conscious:

Im seeing a different person these days than the girl I used to know.
If you focused on the positivity in your life, instead of feeling misunderstood, things will change for you.

Truth is, people will never recognize what has changed within you, what makes you tick, what sets your heart
and soul on fire, or what causes a rage within your bloodstream, unless they yearn to understand your soul.

I sure as hell hope I am different than the girl you used to know. I hope you are different than the person
you used to be, too. The only constant in this world is change. Progressive growth is essential to character.

Youll never be enough for those whose expectations and perceptions of you are stagnant.
I think back ten years ago to my teenage self: lost within my own surroundings, emotional outbursts that
terrified anyone who stood witness, while I fought for independence and understanding in a world that I
didnt belong to or relate. I am still that imperfect human, yet I have evolved gracefully.

Only those who stick around long enough to see the caterpillar turn into the butterfly actually get to witness
the transformation. Its those whose eyes are so fixated on the butterfly, that they didnt know the caterpillar
existed in the first place.

I stare at my own reflection. For the first time in 26 years, I feel comfortable in my own skin. Validation from
other people is no longer sought after or required. The last few years of my life flash: my lessons, heartbreak,
flaws, yet my passions, goals, selflessness, kindheartedness, and compassion. I think about where I used to
be, and about how Ive gotten to where I am today. I think about the next challenging steps, and what I need
to do to charge forward to accomplish my dreams.

The courage to be yourself in a world constantly trying to shape you is my personal definition of power.
After mentally rehashing others perceptions of me to the point of insanity, I have to agree as to why people
think and feel the way they do. I am a walking contradiction. I want to help others, yet I tend to resist human

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contact. I want to be alone, but I dont want to be left alone. I am curious, but I can be incredibly shy if you
pique my interest. I either completely obsess over a topic, or I am aloof and indifferent. I love coming up
with ideas, but will debate yours if I dont agree with the logic.

Perception does not define reality. If someone is tearing you down, know it doesnt make them stronger. If
someone points out your negative flaws, their attributes dont shine any brighter. When people say painful
words, know it is probably because they are unhappy with themselves, but be aware karma could be
helping you pay for sins you do not remember. I know I am paying for sins I do not remember.

If you feel the need to make someone feel less assured of themselves or have to call another person out,
you may gain a false sense of superiority. Trust me, I know. I am the queen of foot-in-mouth disease. I have
spoken painful words with good intentions, yet the brutal truth caused friction. The struggle remains in
finding the balance between hear me out and I am keeping my mouth shut.

At the end of the day, were all human. I have let the masses paint me in whatever color they choose. I
encourage you to do the same, but maintain self-awareness. It takes being self-assured and incredibly
strong to tune out and block hot needles being thrown at your heart made of gold. Hold your head to the
sunlight and cue the sunglasses, even when its raining.

Wisdom comes from knowing that what others say about you is not your reality. Its their reality.

However, feedback is essential to growth. Be aware of the difference between genuine and faulty characters.
Its hard to tell who is conforming to others opinions and who is speaking out of intellect and honesty to
bring awareness to the people surrounding them. I have always fought to be the latter. The former has
always made me withdraw from society. Never trade honesty for relatability. I am grateful for the people who
have given me a taste of my own medicine. Gratefulness has a way of making it go down that much easier.

Let them paint you in shades of red, black, grey, white, blue
Let them make you their favorite verse to discuss
Let them try to explain your soul to someone who doesnt know depth exists

If you are going through darkness, may you find peace within yourself. If you speak up for others darkness,
may you continue to radiate in the brightest way. Every morning wake up, turn the music on, shake it off,
open the blinds, and plan for a brighter future. Take feedback and grow beautiful roses, dandelions, and
daisies from it.

You can be yourself or you can be what others think of you. At the end of the day, neither will matter to those
who have already painted you in the color they choose to see. But for the ones who hand you the paintbrush
and open up their hearts, paint them in the brightest shades, even in their darkest times.

I am not here to convince anyone of my worth. I am here to remind you of yours.

Words: Kristin Michelle Rivait

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One Day Itll All Make Sense

One day itll all make sense.

The pain you went through as a child, the bullying, the shattered friendships, the people that promised
theyd stay but ran as far as they couldone day youll look back on all that and youll understand. Youll
understand that pain is a natural part of life. That what you go through only makes you stronger. That people
are imperfect.

And maybe one day youll find it in your heart to forgive, to let go.

One day itll all make sense.

The nagging in the deepest part of your soul, telling you to pursue something you hardly believe is
possible, saying that theres something you should be doing, and as crazy as it seems, you shouldnt give up
on itone day youll lean back in your chair, take in the life youve made for yourself scattered all around
you, and realize that you were always called to do greater things. To pursue your dreams. To chase your
passions. To be persistent about what you love.

And maybe one day youll love the life you live, and will celebrate it.

One day itll all make sense.

The broken heart, the betrayal, the person you thought would stay in your life forever walking away when
you needed him/her the mostone day youll no longer balk at the mention of their name, the sting in your
heart wont be so present, the ache in your chest will be replaced by a new person, new love, new happiness.

And maybe one day theyll only live in your heart as a faint memory.

One day itll all make sense.

The jobs you didnt get, the times you failed, the roads you went down, only to find they were dead ends
one day youll understand that life is not a straight path. That you dont, and wont have all the answers and
this is okay. That life is about navigating the unnavigable, and each step forward is important. That each
wrong turn only deepens your beautiful story.

And maybe one day youll see how far youve come, and be proud.

One day itll all make sense.

The prayers that werent answered, the nights you searched the stars for healing but came up empty, the
mornings you cried in the shower, barely able to face another dayone day your heart wont be so heavy.
Youll find hope and happiness in the little things. Youll see that pain brings progress, and that you must
push through in order to reach the other side.

And maybe one day youll realize how strong you are, and youll stand with confidence.

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One day itll all make sense.
Everything youve gone through, all the obstacles, the fear, the heartbreak, the bitterness, the worryone
day youll know that each step, each roadblock, each change, each memory has made you who you are. Has
strengthened you. Has taught you powerful lessons. Has given you a life worth smiling about.

And maybe one day youll see that life is truly beautiful, and so are you.

Words: Marisa Donnelly

The Things We Have To Teach Ourselves

We live in a world where body is attractive and brains are optional. We exist in a place where people want
sex or nothing. The people that surround us make us feel like inferior belongings. Life has forced me to
learn some rough lessons that have undoubtedly made me a better person. Ive had to tell myself time and
time again that I do not belong to anyone but sometimes its too easy to let someone fill your head with
negative self-perceptions.

For me personally, its been certain guys that have made me feel inadequate. Any type of significant other
has the power to either build you up or distort your thinking. If you ever feel unlucky enough to encounter a
person that alters how you view life in any way other than positively, try and learn from it. I did and I now
consider myself lucky that these people played a part in my life.

Things youve told me:

I am not worth your time.

Youll beg me to hang out just to blow me off. You know Ill say yes if you ask enough times.
Your feelings are the only ones that truly matter.
Its not okay for me to be upset that you cancelled our plans hours after they were
supposed to happen. This is mostly because youre too upset about something for my feelings to count. No
one feels emotions as deeply as you do.
My time is best spent when scheduled around you.
If I dont answer your text right away Im ignoring you, and if you need me Ill drop whatever Im
doing to cheer you up. But if Im having a bad day, youre too busy to talk to me.
If I dont sleep with you, Im wasting your time.
I dont deserve a text back if Im not putting out. Having values makes me less
desirable.
Nothing is as great as my ass.
That booty, though, is a compliment and because of the clothes I choose to wear, youre
allowed to stare, talk about, and ask for pictures of my butt.

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Things Ive taught myself:

I am worth my own time.

Wasting time on someone who consistently blows me off is a mistake I wont make anymore. My
time is too important to be spent on someone who thinks so little of it.
My feelings count.
I have bad days, just like everyone else. I also have a life outside of my phone.
Sometimes I need a break from people, and sometimes all I want to do is be around people. You have to
work with me on both days, just like I have to work with you on your good and bad days. Id love to
hear your story, but please do not make my story insignificant just because you think youve been
through a similar situation.
My time is best spent on my priorities.
Im focused on so many things that are important to me. While Im confident in my multitasking
abilities, I know I havent mastered the task. The fact that Im busy isnt something that you should
take personally.
Sex is always my decision.
Just as it is your decision to say no, it is also mine. If we arent both saying yes, its a definite no.
My values dont make me a prude or undatable. If you dont respect me for wanting to wait then I dont
want you to keep texting me.
My ass is not the best part of me.
Just because I have some body part you find attractive does not make it okay to discuss or
stare. What you should really look at is my heart and my brain. Am I a kind person? Do I have
goals? Im sorry if you feel my education ruined us but my brain will get me much further in life than
having a nice ass ever will.

Words: Charlotte Zocco

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The Art Of Overthinking

Overthinking. We all do it of course we all do it. Ive come to the conclusion that it is probably one of my
more hard-hitting habits. I dont even realize I do it anymore; it has become that natural. Overthinking
causes damage, and I mean the its 3am and Im overanalyzing every aspect of my life what Ive done
right what Ive done wrong in the span of my 19 years on this earth kind of damage. And by damage I am
referring to the beautiful 2 hours of sleep I am willingly allowing myself to lose at night. Thats the problem
with overthinking your mind is going a mile a minute. If something is causing you that much distress or
fixation, then its clearly affecting your state of mind and sleep pattern. Innocuous thoughts or not,
something is important enough to you.

My thoughts used to stay scribbled onto the pages of my journals until I started unknowingly overthinking
out loud which basically constituted in word vomit and a lot of it. Maybe thats what makes overthinking so
bittersweet. We overthink things that have caused us hurt or happiness, just to experience it again and
again. Half the time we are so off track with our own thoughts that we simply become a beautiful mess of
feelings, opinions and in some cases, words left unsaid.

Now lets be real, thinking too much about ANYTHING is stressful. Our thoughts (whether positive or
negative) consume us and are constantly on rewind and playback basically dictating whether we are happy
or unhappy. Just stop thinking about it are words voiced at us. We are constantly thinking without even
realizing we are thinking. Our brains are beating us up; maybe they are even essentially out to get us.
Ultimately what Im telling you is that our brains suck.

Joking (kind of). I dont know about you but my brain ever so often loves to team up with that other
fundamental organ in my body to make my life a living hell. You know that my brain says one thing while
my heart says another clich bullshit that apparently to my surprise is actually true? Yeah, thats what I
mean. Its in those situations when I can actually feel the ache in my chest, knowing that my heart is doing
the thinking and my brain is just on standby waiting to be crushingly logical.

Overthinking is a whole other aspect in its own. Its freakishly weird how much we succumb to it as well. If I
go 2 hours without thinking about something in specific that has been on my mind for however long, Im
truly amazed.

More often than not, we distinguish overthinking with heartbreak and every other this is the end of the
world love sob story. Though I am not saying this isnt true (as Ive been this end of the world glorifier) I
dont necessarily think overthinking is at all bad for us either. It is how we choose to act on these thoughts
that is what affects us the most. If you have the power to think about something let alone overthink it, you
also have the power to tell yourself not to. Seems pretty manageable, right?

Maybe overthinking can teach us one of two things. 1. That we are absolutely insane or 2. That we are
experiencing something completely normal. Now unless your overthinking has resulted in you becoming
an axe murderer, I think its safe to classify everyone with the latter. Yes, thinking too much about one thing

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is frustrating and tiring. I cant even begin to explain the numerous times Ive wanted to physically just shut
my entire brain off.

However, overthinking has also caused me to come to a lot of good conclusions in my life. Not every
overthought was an issue that was never there to begin with. Some things need to be thought-out deeply in
order for them to come to the surface and for you to decipher if its worth making your mind vacant to
anything or anyone else. Whether this is with your education, jobs or relationships remember that your
thoughts are your mediators and also your peacekeepers.

So you may be wondering when Im ever going to get to the point of why overthinking is an art. Maybe its
an art because individually, we are all able to have such vivid and creative imaginations. Or simply just the
art of conjuring up problems that were actually never there to begin with. Whatever it is, your thoughts are
with you always and you are the only one that can decide whether you will let them get the best of you or
make them the best you. Overthinking is draining, but it is also helpful in determining how much you are
going to let your mind control your happiness. Dont stop overthinking completely just the things that you
know are not worth your time and that take away from those precious hours of sleep when your head has
finally hit the pillow.

Words: Katrina DiPucchio

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People Dont Realize Youre Struggling With Depression, Because You Do These 16 Things To Conceal
The Pain

1. You use humor to cover up your pain. You make self-deprecating jokes about how you dont have any
friends and about how you want to die. But no one realizes that youre serious, because you always say it
with a smirk on your face.

2. You make excuses when people ask about you. If someone tells you that you look like crap, you wont
admit that youve been under severe stress. Youll say that youve just been tired. Or that your allergies have
been bothering you.

3. You tell yourself youre overreacting. You dont want to complain to your friends about your life, because
youre worried you sound like a brat. Like a baby. Like an entitled little bitch.

4. You leave such little signs. You leave a miniature trail of your depression. You repost articles about
heartbreak and breakups and death. You listen to music about suicide and self-harm. But no one reads too
much into it.

5. Youre in a healthy relationship. If youre in a serious relationship, everyone will assume that youre doing
well. That a happy relationship equals two happy humans without a care in the world.

6. You keep your emotions to yourself. You write out lengthy text messages for friends and exes, but delete
them before sending. Then you write melancholy lyrics and slam poetry, but you never post them online.
You keep your feelings to yourself, even though theyre begging to be released into the world.

7. You wear a false smile. You dont want to be an outcast. You dont want to draw attention to yourself. You
just want to fit in. Thats why you always pretend youre happy. So that no one pays extra attention to you.

8. You arent a stereotype. You dont walk around in all black clothing and thick eyeliner. You wear bright
colors and keep your hair brushed and your body fit. The way you look on the outside doesnt match how
you feel on the inside.

9. You look happy online. You upload gorgeous selfies and post statuses about all the parties youve been
attending. You seem happy and successful online, so everyone assumes that means youre happy IRL, as
well.

10. You refuse to see a therapist. You know you need one. You know it would help. But you dont have the
money or the time or the willpower to actually visit one. So you suffer alone.

11. You casually talk about tragedies. When you actually open up about your issues, you act like theyre no
big deal. Like they dont make a difference to you. Like you havent been crying over them every night for a
week.

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12. Youve learned how to lie well. If someone asks why you didnt answer their texts or attend class, you
dont let them know it was because you spent the entire day in bed. You tell them you were out having the
time of your life.

13. You keep secrets. When you engage in self-destructive behaviors, you do it on your own time. No one
realizes that youve been getting drunk every night after work or have been having unprotected sex with
strangers, because you keep it to yourself.

14. You cry alone. When youre upset in public, youll find a private bathroom to bawl your eyes out in. And
before you leave, youll splash your face with water and adjust your make-up. Your friends wont even know
the difference when they see you again.

15. You put other people first. Even if you have a close friend you can open up to, you wont let her know
about your problems until shes told you all about her problems. And by the time shes finished ranting, you
dont feel like saying anything anymore.

16. Youre fully functional. You still work. You still eat. You still sleep. You still see your friends. You do
everything a twenty-something should be doing, so no one realizes anything is out of the ordinary.

Words: Holly Riordan

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What Depression Means To Me

Its making plans and not being able to fulfill them. Its calling a friend and pretending youre fine for an
hour, only to collapse on the floor crying afterwards theyre going back to their life, imperfect, stressful,
complicated, as it may be. You on the other hand, are just back to your non-life or had you ever left it?

People speak to you and you can hear the words and you can feel the pain of the people around you. You
hear them scream, cry, argue with each other because they dont know what to do about you anymore and
you dont even manage to care for them. You feel detached. Or so you think, as the guilty feeling that arose
when you realised you were the factor to your own destruction sinks a little bit deeper; you know theyre
hurting because of you. Yet another thing youre destroying.

You lie in bed gathering the necessary energy to make this day a good one, and as soon as youve stepped
out of your room the only thing you want is to get back to bed in there no one can hurt you and you cannot
hurt anyone. This is not true of course, you hurt the same anywhere, but at least in here you can be who you
truly are: the shadow of the person you once were, locked up in your own pain and despair.

You feel foolish when asked the reason of your illness, surely something big happened to you. You were well
fed, had a loving family, pursuing brilliant studies, you are twenty and theres so much you could do in your
life. There must have been an awful reason that justifies your current state. But theres not. And even if there
were a reason people could relate to, it wouldnt mean they would understand what youre going through.

You avoid the pain as much as you can. Depression is insidious; when it first starts you avoid it by
performing your daily activities, ignoring your demons that are eager to resurface. Until you cannot any
more. Until you cannot pretend that youre fine. Until the pain creeps through every one of your activities.
You look for other ones, actions that will help you numb it. Not get over it, or get better, just shut the pain.
For a minute, or an hour, even for days. Just ignore it for a while until only a few things can make you forget
(reading? Watching tv? Doing crosswords? All those useless and unproductive activities that will lead you
nowhere but at least keep the suffering out of your mind for a moment). You fight the pain, stress, anxiety
that sinks a little deeper everyday. You fight it until youre out of breath, until its so big you cannot hide
from it anymore. You fight it until it takes over and youre left with nothing but your sorrow.

You cant fall asleep and often cry yourself to sleep. You dont want to wake up, only go back to bed, for it is
in your sleep that your brain tricks the pain the best. You try and fall back asleep hoping that if you sleep
long and often enough, it will make it go away.

Confronted with the incomprehension and skepticism, you sometimes, selfishly and foolishly, wish that you
had a real illness.

You are surrounded by caring people, they talk to you, they write to you, they text you and call you and you
would like to tell them to stop you cant handle it, its too much. Since when has talking to your friends
become too much? You dont know exactly. You dont feel entitled to feel that horrible, because you have no

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good reason to do so. You wish you could just go back, convinced that if you knew what was ahead you
would have done different choices.

Confronted with the incomprehension and skepticism, you sometimes, selfishly and foolishly, wish that you
had a real illness. A tangible one. Something people could see, could relate to. Something that would
make what youre going through real, make you feel like less of freak and more of a person.

But it is real. Depression is an illness. It doesnt need reasons good enough for other people, or even
rational ones. All it needs is for these reasons to be good enough for you. Is it written somewhere that
because youre not starving to death, or because youre smart and have a loving family you have to be
happy? Does this mean everyone who doesnt have those things should be unhappy?

The pain is real. Its not laziness, its not procrastination, its not a caprice. Just like after a hard fall, youre
unable to move. Only, no one can tell you how long exactly it will take for the injuries to be fixed and for you
to move on with your life.

However dark the place youre in may be, never forget that so many people suffer from the same illness.
Depression is real, your pain is real, and it was never said anywhere that you were not allowed to be
unhappy.

Lastly, depression is not who you are. It is an uncontrollable wave of emotions, a disease that is hard to fight
and sometimes makes you wonder if you are made for life, or if there is something profoundly different
between you and the people around you who are not suffering from it. It is hurtful, and violent, and
destructive. But it is not who you are. If you feel like youve lost yourself, you will find it again. If you dont
recognize yourself in your looks, or your actions, it is not because youre becoming someone else, or nobody
at all, it is because depression has taken over all the space.

I try to remember those things every day. My disease does not define me. But it is a disease. I need to stay
hopeful that things will get better. I need to work at it. No matter how bad I feel, the only way I can really fail,
is if I dont even try.

Words: Elise Thereaux

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Date Someone That Makes You Feel Safe

Date someone that makes you feel comfortable in a room full of people you dont know. Someone that
wont leave your side if they know youll only end up standing awkwardly in the corner, staring at your
phone as an escape. Someone that waits until they know youre fully relaxed to release your hand.

Date someone that youre comfortable completely exposing yourself to. Someone that you trust with the
sight of your naked body and the possession of your deepest secrets. Someone that doesnt make you
question whether or not youre making a mistake by opening up your heart and soul to them.

Date someone that you inch closer to during horror movies, because the softness of their touch eases your
fear. Someone that instantly soothes you when their hand squeeze yours or their arm gets folded around
your shoulders. Someone that reminds you everything is going to be okay as long as theyre by your side.

Date someone that has figured how to soothe you when you suffer from an anxiety attack or a bout of stress.
Someone that doesnt let the hard times push them away. Someone that only draws closer to you when you
express your ugliest emotions.

Date someone that makes you feel at ease when youre sitting in the passenger seat of their car. Someone
that doesnt drive maniacally and make you question whether youll make it to your destination in a single
piece. Someone you trust so much that youd fall asleep while they took you on an extended road trip.

Date someone that holds you close throughout the night and nudges you awake when you whimper.
Someone that cocoons you in their arms and makes sure your blanket is snug against you. Someone that
turns your nightmares into the sweetest of dreams.

Date someone that takes precautions to make you feel as relaxed as possible in uncomfortable situations.
Someone that asks their mother to make your favorite food the first time you meet their parents. Someone
that texts to see if youre doing okay when youre in a large group of people. Someone that actually cares.

Date someone that makes you feel safe when youre walking through a sketchy neighborhood. Someone
that you can count on to protect you from any danger you stumble across. Someone that would die if it
meant that you could continue living.

Date someone that would never dream of damaging your heart. Someone that gets more annoyed than you
do when one of your friends or family members hurts you. Someone that cares about your smile more than
they care about their own.

Words: Holly Riordan

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This Is How It Feels When You Love Someone Who Struggles With Depression

Like youre standing in the middle of a concert, bodies jumping and screaming all around you, and youre
desperately trying to push through to grab your persons hand. But you cant. The concert is wild, and youre
getting tossed and pushed around. And no matter how much you squeeze and shimmy and elbow, their
fingertips are just out of reach. Every time.

Like youre running in place. A step up, a step down. Unmoving. Stuck.

Like youre underwater, trying to speak, but your words come out mumbled and off-key and you keep
opening your mouth and it fills with water so you cant speak. And the person you love is just floating,
slowing sinking down, down.

When you love someone with depression your heart becomes achy and heavy. You cannot begin to fathom
their pain, but you try so very hard. You try to hold them, try to package them into a little box and keep them
safe. But you just cant.

You understand that their pain is something you cannot change, but you try anyways. You tell them positive
things, you try to lift their burdens, you do your best to keep them distracted and laughing to the point that
youre physically exhausted and empty. But you love them, so you keep trying.

When you love someone with depression, you get frustrated and bitter. And then you hate yourself for it.
You want to pull that person out of their own head, but its a decision you cant make for them. So you hang
onto their words, hoping, praying that things will turn around. You stand on the sidelines as they get help,
as they take little steps forward, then giant leaps back. You want to grab them and carry them across the
finish line, the happy line. You want to lift them and travel back in time to where they used to be. But you
are powerless. So you wring your hands and cheer from the sidelines and pray.

When you love someone with depression, its like youre driving an open, empty road with no clear
destination. You try to get off the path, to change direction, but youre just not sure where to head, or if the
road will be clear once you make that left turn.

You try to be tender, but not baby them. Try to be normal, but not too normal that you forget what theyre
struggling with. You arent sure what to feel, or how to talk, or what to do. And sometimes you feel like
giving up yourself. Those are the hardest days.

But you dont give up. You continue speak, even if your words fall on closed ears. You continue to comfort,
even if your care seems useless. You continue to love, because thats all you can do. Love and pray and be
there, physically and mentally and in all other ways. Be there. So even if that person doesnt know
happiness, they know theyre not alone.

Words: Marisa Donnelly

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Depression, The Shape-Shifter

Shape-shifter (n.): one that seems able to change form or identity at will.

Depression is not a tangible being that can be outlined by a set definition; it manifests itself in many
different ways, for different people, at different times. Sometimes it presents itself externally, sometimes
internally. Sometimes its something enticing, sometimes its threatening and terrifying. It is an expert
shape-shifter; it knows your desires and your fears, therefore is able to draw you in by creating a mirage of
your deepest yearnings. Once it has you, it manifests into the demons that haunt you, scaring you to death.
This is how it retains its grip. This is how it wins. Although I cannot speak for others, these are some of the
forms that Depression has taken in my life-long battle with it.

Depression is the flood of water that comes gushing toward you, while you are standing in a narrow corridor,
with your back against the wall and nowhere to run. It is the water filling up your lungs as you try to swim,
making it harder to breathe. You start to panic as the water rises above you, knowing that there is nowhere
to go; you are stuck. You are drowning.

Depression is the line of gasoline that leads straight to you as someone lights the flame. You see the match
falling in slow motion; knowing that the fire will inevitably reach you, but you are rooted to the spot. You
watch the flames approach; you feel the blazing heat on your face. You feel the fire burning your skin and it
hurts, but you cannot move. You know that it is only a matter of time until the flames engulf you, leaving
nothing behind except ashes on the ground.

Depression is the dirty mistress. Your partner knows about her, but knows that you will never leave her. They
have to deal with having a third party in your relationship, no matter how much they try to show you that
you dont need her. They will love you until it hurts, thinking that if they loved you enough, you would leave
Depression for good. Depression is the desert that is between you and your lover when you lay your head
down at night. Your lover will reach for you, but you will be too far away. It will prevent anyone from getting
close to you, because this desert is impassable. You are an island that no one will be able to get to.

Depression is the monster hiding under your bed. You can hear it breathing when you close your eyes,
trying to fall asleep. Even though you cannot see it, you know that its there. Its lying in wait, to grab you at
any moment. You pull the covers over your head and try to pretend youre invisible, just like you did when
you were a child, thinking that it will eventually give up. It doesnt work; it never does. Depression is the
collection of skeletons in your closet that keep falling out. They wake you up with a loud crash at two in the
morning. You get out of bed and pick them up, stuffing them back into the closet, knowing that the closet is
just too small to hold them. Using all of your weight, you close the door, acknowledging that they will
eventually fall out once again.

Depression is a screaming child. It wants what it wants when it wants it. If you dont give it your full
attention, it will start screaming until you do. You cannot focus on anything else; you cannot have a
moments peace. It disguises itself as the critical mother, pointing out all of your flaws and telling you that
you arent good enough. Youre a disappointment and a failure. You listen to her and realize that you will

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never be good enough, no matter how hard you try. It can act as the clueless father who tells you that other
people have it worse, so suck it up. You start to feel guilty because you know he is right, and your feelings
are instantly invalidated.

Depression can be a million needles piercing your skin at once. Your body is rigid and youre paralyzed. You
start to bleed and no one notices. You are bleeding from every part on your body but no one can see it. You
need help, you need a bandage, but you cannot speak. Depression is the duct tape over your mouth, as you
scream for help. No one can hear you. You scream until your voice is hoarse, but its no good they cant
hear you. Depression is the blindfold over your eyes that disables you from being able to see things clearly,
from being able to see anything at all. All you can see is blackness. There is nothing ahead of you; no hope,
no future, just darkness.

Depression is the weight sitting on your chest, making it difficult to breathe. Your breathing becomes
shallow as you can feel your ribs breaking one by one. It is the ankle weights that you wear every day,
causing your footsteps to be heavy, making it difficult for you to move. You try to run, but they weigh you
down, until you eventually collapse from exhaustion. Even walking is something grueling and taxing. Every
day routines become fatiguing.

Depression is a hand clenched around your throat, choking you, after feeling the light touch of another
human being. Depression is a jealous girlfriend; she does not want you to have any contact with someone
else. She wants you all to herself and will stop at nothing to make that happen. Depression can be the
abusive husband that hits you and uses verbal and emotional abuse to degrade you, to make you feel like
dirt beneath his feet. Then, he turns around and tells you that he only does this because of YOUR actions. If
you would just learn to be good, to be worth something, he wouldnt have to hurt you. After all, he loves
you. Hes the only one that does.

Depression is the assortment of black rose petals slowly falling from a bush, as you watch from the window.
You cant understand how something that was once so beautiful, is crumbling right before your eyes and
changing into something ugly, something dreadful. Depression can be the curtains being ripped closed, so
that no light can seep in. You can no longer see the world, even from your window, and you are left inside an
empty, dark room.

Depression is a bully that picks on you for no reason; a bully that is miserable and wants you to be just as, if
not more, miserable than he. He will hit you, embarrass you, and take things from you. You are at his mercy
because he is twice your size and no one will step in to help you. Depression is the bartender pouring you
another drink. Just one more he says, enabling your habit. Depression is your security blanket, the one you
have had since you were young. You know you have grown out of it, you know that it isnt good for you, but
it makes you feel comfortable. It is the only thing you have ever known, and even though it is debilitating, it
is all you have.

Depression is the group of vultures that circle above, smelling the death that is inside of you. They are
eagerly waiting for you to finally collapse so that they can swoop down and devour you. It is the black rain
cloud that follows you around wherever you go, even when you can see the bright skies and sun above

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everyone else but you. It is the Grim Reaper that is hovering behind you, following you throughout your
day; the dismal reminder that death is right around the corner. You know your soul is dying. You can feel it
slipping away. You are slipping away.

Its an external being, one that is hell bent on destroying you. Its a shapeless monster that hides in the
deepest caves, in the darkest of corners. You decide to meet its eyes and to finally confront it, but when you
look up, all you see is yourself staring right back at you. Your eyes open wide in horror, as the mirror images
mouth forms a smile. The realization hits: the monster has been you the entire time.

Words: Maureen Townsend

Depression Isnt A Choice, Its A Kind Of Brain Damage

After years of debate, researchers finally determined that persistent depression causes brain damage, and
not the other way around. Neurologists previously had hypothesized that brain damage was a predisposing
factor for chronic depression, but a new study published in Molecular Psychiatry sheds a different light.

The study, which consisted of 9,000 individual samples, collected from the ENIGMA group, succeeded in
definitively proving a causal relationship between persistent depression and brain damage. Magentic
resonance images (MRIs) showed evidence of hippocampus shrinkage in 1,728 patients diagnosed with
chronic depression compared to the 7,199 healthy individuals partaking in the study.

Specifically, the study found that those patients diagnosed with major depressive disorder, showed robust
reductions in hippocampal volume (1.24%) in MDD patients compared with healthy controls. You can read
the full study here.

What is the hippocampus?

The hippocampus is a small area of the brain that is located in the medial temporal lobe of the brain. It is
comprised of two halves, one which resides on each hemisphere of the brain. It is generally agreed that the
main functionality of the hippocampus encompasses the creation of new memories, the formation of long
term memory, and spatial navigation.

Inside the hippocampus resides the amygdala. The amygdala is a part of the brain which has previously
been linked with depression. Studies in the past have suggested a direct relationship between a shrinkage
in the hippocampus and depression, but the sample size of previous studies hasnt been large enough to
yield definitive results.

The hippocampus and depression

Researchers have found that in addition to its importance in forming and maintaining memories, the
hippocampus is also pivotal in controlling emotions. Professor Ian Hickie, a co-author of the study and a

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renowned mental health campaigner, explains the hippocampus relationship to depression, Your whole
sense of self depends on continuously understanding who you are in the world your state of memory is
not about just knowing how to do Sudoku or remembering your password its the whole concept we hold
of ourselves

Professor Hickie further elaborates on the relationship between a shrinkage in the hippocampus and
changes in behavior observed in animals from the past, Weve seen in a lot of other animal experiments
that when you shrink the hippocampus, you dont just change memory, you change all sorts of other
behaviors associated with that so shrinkage is associated with a loss of function.

Those who suffer from depression usually have low self esteem and lack confidence in managing their daily
lives. It is common for those suffering from depression to also have a deflated ego, which simply refers to an
individuals sense of self. This could potentially affect how one forms memories, and how they view
themselves in the past and thus project themselves in the future.

What is depression?
Depression is a seemingly hopeless state of mind where one takes extremely pessimistic thought patterns
as reality. The key word is seemingly. Someone who is depressed generally has a deflated sense of self and
a faulty perception of the world around them and how they view themselves in it.

I believe that the state of depression manifests through repetitively regretting your past and fearing the
future. It is not a singular conscious choice. I believe that it is a consequence of repetitive thought patterns
that results in a negative outlook on life and ones self in it. A negative outlook and thought cycle only leads
to more negative thoughts without some form of intervention. Sort of how like an avalanche only goes
faster and gets bigger when careening down a snow-covered mountain.

These statistics concerning hippocampus reduction are intriguing as one could argue that the reduction in
the hippocampus parallels this change in thought pattern. Couldnt it be harder for someone with even the
slightest reduction to step out of this negative thought cycle without the full capacity of their brain?

Change Your Outlook

From my experience, my journey overcoming this condition started when I accepted what my misguided
thoughts were telling me for what they were thoughts. I found for much of my life that I tried to escape this
state of mind which in a sense gave validity to it.
One simple, but effective tool in breaking free from depression is to get in touch with the present moment.
Meditation and yoga has been essential in my daily life.
Surrounding yourself with positive individuals is also extremely beneficial in overcoming depression.
Sometimes when someone is depressed they simply cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel or find
any hope in their life. That doesnt mean that those around them cant show them its there though!

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Depression in the United States
Depression is not something that should be taken lightly. From 1999 to 2010 the suicide rate in the United
States amongst Americans between the ages of 35 and 64 has increased over 25%. Additionally, a Centers
for Disease Control and Prevention that report that spanned from 2007 through 2010 found that almost
eight percent of individuals 12 or older suffer from depression.

In the past, depression has often been thought of as a lifestyle that people are just too weak to climb out of.
Other people might incorrectly assert that depression is a sign of mental weakness.

This could not be further from the truth.

Whether depression is a disorder or disease doesnt matter. The fact remains that depression is a
debilitating condition that drastically affects the lives of millions of people all over the world. Depression is
not just sadness, nor is it is symptom of weakness. It isnt discriminatory against race, gender or ethnicity.

Most importantly, depression is not a choice.

Words: David Erichsen

Why Saying I Love You Is Never Enough

You say you love me. You say you want forever with me. You say you cant imagine life without me.

But, I know that if you truly love, youll be able to show me. Youll be able to say I love you in everything that
you do. And you wont need to shout it out to me. You wont even need to whisper it in my ear. Because I will
already know.

Saying I love you to me, is not enough.

Its not going to make me run into your arms and weep. Its not going to get me down on my knees, asking
you to marry me. Its not going to magically make me adore you to no end.

See, being in love is a lot more than just being able to say you love someone. Real love is so much more
than those three words. Dont get me wrong. Its a magical feeling hearing those words being said to you.
Its a magical feeling knowing someone feels that deeply about you. Its beautiful.

But if Im going to be honest here, I might as well say it to you straight. I wont truly believe you love me
until its obvious to me that you do.

I wont truly believe you love me until it shows in the way you are and it shows in what you do.

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At the end of the day, words are just words. No matter how pure and real they may be. I need you to show
that you love me, in the way you kiss me. I need you to show it in the way you hold me. I need you to show it
in the way you lace your fingers through mine. I need you to show it in the small things. In the way you
smile at me when you wake up. In the way we argue, and how you never make me shake with fear. In the
way you hold my hand across the table during dinner. In the way you pour me a glass of wine. In the way
you say my name.

I dont need a thousand I love yous.

And I dont need to hear that everyday. Thats not what I need. I just need to believe that its the truth. That
its your truth. I just need to get knocked down when you smile that smile at me. To lose my breath when
you kiss me gently, after a hard day. To lose track of time when I spend an afternoon with you in bed. To hear
myself laugh the loudest when you tell me a cheesy joke.

Saying I love you, is magic. But actually showing someone you love them without having to say it? Thats
what keeps this world afloat.

Words: Lauren Jarvis-Gibson

I Want An I Love You Anyway Kind Of Relationship

I am sick and tired of having relationships where I give more of myself than the other person gives to me. I
am drained from working so hard at something that will inevitably fail in the end. And I am exhausted from
trying to pull teeth from someone who will never love me like I loved him.

I dont want to be stuck in a relationship where I am sweating at the end of the day from trying to wrack my
brain with something clever to say. I dont want to be at a place where I know the other person is just using
me for sex.

And I am done trying things with people who wont have the decency to try back.
Too many times, we enter relationships because we feel lonely, or we feel insecure. But, those relationships
never end well. And they usually leave you feeling defeated, broken and bruised. We think that maybe if we
have some intimacy with someone else, then they will eventually love us back. Or that if we say yes to the
boy who asks you out, then youll maybe start to like him more.

But it never works.

So, Im saying no to relationships that only thrive off of attraction. Im saying goodbye to relationships that
leave you more messed up than you were before you entered into one. Im leaving those relationships with
my head held high, and my feet stomping them down in the dirt where they belong.

Im saying goodbye to I maybe sorta like you relationships and I like your ass type of relationships and
Im finally saying hello to I love you anyway type of relationships.

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This relationship should be about your bond and not about how quickly you get into bed with this person.
Its about honesty and telling the truth even if its difficult. Its about adoring one another amongst all of
your flaws. Its about finding perfections in the imperfections. And its about enthusiastically running to your
partner, not wasting a second of your time together. Its about having water fights in the kitchen and
undressing yourself with no fear of judgment. Its about first kisses and how for the first time in a long time
it feels like real magic.

I want a relationship where I can feel electricity running through my hands the first time he holds my hand. I
want a relationship where he tells me Im beautiful without my makeup on. I want a relationship where he
wont ever cross the line Ive drawn for myself.

And I want a relationship where when he tells me he loves me, he will say it without hesitation in his voice
or a drop of liquor on his tongue.
And when we say I love you for the first time, I want him to keep saying it. And if I crash my car into a fire
hydrant, he will tell me I love you anyways. And if I mess up his favorite shirt by accidentally mixing it in
with my whites, he will reassure me I love you anyways. And when I wake up with the frizziest hair since
Anne Hathaway on the Princess Diaries, he will kiss me over and over again and say, I love you anyways.

And then we will reach a point where just with his gaze, Ill be able to tell that he will love me anyways. And
he will love me regardless of any dumb mistake I get myself in to.

Finding this relationship will be the hardest part. And it will probably take me years. Its going to be a
difficult, long, rollercoaster of a journey. But I can guarantee you, once I find it? I sure as hell am not letting
him go. And you shouldnt either.

Words: Lauren Jarvis-Gibson

The Ugly Truth About Why You Push People Away

The newest trend in the world of dating is, lets end things before they even start. Before a fling can evolve
into something thats real we resist each other until the connection eventually fades away on its own.Weve
convinced ourselves that timing is everything. Everything happens for a reason and you must trust the
timing of your life in order to thrive.

But, its never going to be the right time to fall in love. Theres no scheduled time and date for it. It happens
on its own and it happens without any fair warning. It often happens when life feels chaotic and everything
seems to be out of place. Well continue to tell ourselves that the timing is off and were not ready- but, will
we ever really be 100% ready?

Were deathly afraid to open up to someone new because its scary to let someone see you in your most
vulnerable state. This ultimately gives them the ability to tamper with your emotions, and this is is why we

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push people away. Mainly because were so focused on all the ways it can go wrong that we mutilate it
before it even starts.

Keeping ourselves closed off from the possibility of finding a new potential connection is kind of ideal
because wed honestly rather play it safe. I then ask myself the question, is it better to be alone and miss out
on an opportunity- or to risk a little pain? Pushing people away first is satisfying because its better to know
youre the one who drove them away rather than it being the other way around. To be honest, it seems so
much easier to hurt somebody else before they get the chance to hurt you- and this is where were going
wrong.

Letting people in is a terrifying conception. But, whats also terrifying is missing out on an opportunity to
meet someone who might be life-changing. It doesnt always mean youll end up with that person. Things
might not work out and you might even get hurt in the midst of it all. Dating gives us insight. It gives us the
ability to learn new things about ourselves. Youll break hearts and youll get yours broken. When you let
your guard down and let people in is when you start to truly grow as a person.

Words: Andrea Davis

Its Okay If You Cant Let Go

Memories get branded into your skin; they get stamped onto your heart. They are a weight that only you can
feel, but to the world you feel exposed. Things that were once important years ago arent anymore, but
within a blink of an eye it could feel like yesterday.

You can still see the expression in their eyes; you can hear the way they used to laugh. Someone you were
once close with, but arent anymore. Their existence in your world is diminished, but the memories have
stayed.

We get this perception in our minds that we miss the person we used to be close with, but its the idea of
them that gives us the heartache. It is rather the things we connect them with and the little things that have
etched themselves into us.

Its important to remember that we all have the power to control exactly what controls us.

Now is the time to figure out your life and to hold onto the things that make you happy. If the memories
make you happy, then keep them. Missing them is okay too, but only miss in your mind, not in your heart.
Memories tend to stick with us, but never does it mean that we are bound to the person we associate them
with.

Let go of every part of them and break free from the string that holds you to them. Just close your eyes, say a
silent goodbye, and move on. Now open your eyes.

Words: Madolyn Rataezyk

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Its Okay To Push People Away

Were so used to pushing people away. We drive them away, only to protect ourselves those walls of
imperfection peeps beneath the silhouette of a sturdy barrier. We dont entertain them because were tired
of getting hurt, were tired of letting people in our old, worn out and battered hearts. Worst of all, we keep
them out because we dont want them to get the best of us. We barely let anyone in because we know how
bad it is to have a part of you taken away and this scares us most.

We push people away, because we want a collateral for the damage they would cause that being their
ability to wait and be patient. We slowly test their interest towards us as Time plays its own surprises. We
slow them down, in the hopes of getting to know them better. We stop them, if we should, to tell them were
not easy, because truth be told, were scared and were nave, yet we wanted to take chances. Its like
standing in between liking and rejecting confused and unsettling, like a force field you gravitate towards
to, without any battle plan in mind. Theres this inner voice that urges you to take the fall, yet your brain
doesnt comprehend these signals. With mixed emotions on tow, we resort to the easy way out and that is to
drive them away.

Its okay to drive them away, to see how far theyre willing to stay, because people come and go. The most
important people in your life stay put even at the midst of terror and confusion. They see you at your best
and at your worst, but they never judge the way you do things. They will never question your decisions, nor
pin you down with petty issues because they know you better. Its okay to veer away from them, because we
need our own time to find ourselves lost in a familiar place. We will think and rethink our decisions, find our
purpose and goals in life, because we have to know ourselves first, before we can share ourselves with
others. The best people will allow us to get lost and find ourselves; they will assure us that we can always go
back to the people we find home in. Most important of all, its okay to push them away, because people
with the purest intentions will pull you back in, every time you choose to evict them out of your life. They will
wait for the right time youre ready to share yourself with others, it doesnt matter how long; and until that
time when youve defeated your demons, theyll welcome you with open arms only then can you say that
youre willing to bring your walls down and let them in.

As humans, were capable of loving, caring and destroying, just as much as were given the liberty to be part
of someone elses life or not. We cant just let everyone in, so choose wisely, because theres a reason we
always hold back and that is to protect ourselves and make sure the people who are with us right now are
here to stay for a long while.

Words: Daphne Sze

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Read This When Your Heart Feels Heavy

Its okay.

Its okay if youre lying on your bed right now, staring blankly at the ceiling, and about to cry. For the past
years, all you ever try to do is to figure out how youll go about your life. You think that almost everyone
around you has figured out theirs, and youre just there, trying not to mess up with whatever you have.

You think youre already doing it right and then for whatever reason, something comes up and you start to
blame yourself for it. You know you should have done better, you should have handled it differently, but
then again, of course, you would think that you didnt.

I know youre just scared. Youre scared because you think youre never good enough. Youre scared because
you see other people your age already doing well and youre not even halfway good. Youre scared because
you think about what others will say about you. Youre scared to end up failing. Youre scared that once they
see how much of a failure you are, people will start to leave you, even those who once believed in you.
Youre scared, and I understand.

But let me tell you this: Youll make it. I swear, you will.

So if you feel like crying right now, its okay, go ahead and cry. I know you feel like a mess at this moment,
but hey, everyone messes up sometimes. So hon, its okay to feel lost. Because I know youll eventually find
your way out. Its okay if right now you feel like youre not the person youre supposed to be, because I know
that youll figure it out one day.

Its okay if you feel like youve failed yourself and the people you love a lot of times already. One day, after
all the tries and failures and cries, youll finally make it. And youll see that the people who love you never
lost their faith in you.

So at it this point, I am asking you to not give upnever. Your heart may feel heavy right now and your mind
may have thousands of thoughts inside, but you have to keep going. You have to, no matter how scary and
much of a struggle it may be. I am proud that you found the strength to read this because that means that
youre trying to tell yourself that you can do this through all of these words. So if there are times that you
feel like youre about to just turn around and give it all up, remember this: You are not a failure. You are on
your way. Youll be proud of yourself someday.

Words: Kayla Camacho

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Whatever You Are, Be A Beautiful One

Maybe youre a singer. Maybe youre a pizza chef. Maybe youre a post office worker who sends packages
across the country and brings smiles to thousands of faces every single morning. Maybe youre a
garbage(wo)man. Maybe youre a teacher. Maybe youre a freelance photographer, just scraping by. Maybe
youre an advocate for LGBTQ rights, while hiding your own relationship from your family members. Maybe
youre a mother. Maybe youre an exhausted graduate student who spends all day at the local coffee shop.
Maybe youre a part-time office assistant while you figure out who you really want to become.

Whatever you are right now, whoever you are right nowbe a good one.

Be the best daughter you can be, the most hard-working student, most dedicated father, most responsible
office manager. Put your best foot forward every single day. Smile, just because you can. Say hello to others.
Be on time. Open doors for strangers. Greet each day with a positive mindset.

This world is too broken and this life is too short for average and purposeless. And you are too beautiful to
be anything less than bright.Sometimes we get so wrapped up in the people we should be and should
become. The life we should have. The directions we should take. We tell ourselves there is a certain path to
follow, and we get discouraged when we arent walking on it. And we limit ourselves because of fear.

But the thing is, were all from different backgrounds and life paths. We all have uniqueness, quirks, and
attributes that make us who we are. We all laugh differently, smile differently, approach problems
differently, let people in differently.

We arent the same, so we should stop trying to fit a certain mold and just be. So listen to this, you amazing
humanwhatever you are, be a beautiful one.

Let the sun shine from your smile. Let the days brighten with the words from your lips. Let your presence be
a light and your voice bring hope. Let life become more beautiful, just because you are in it. It doesnt
matter what you do or who you are, but what you bring to the world. You could be working what feels like
the most insignificant job, but your presence still matters, still makes a sliver of this universe go round.

You could be frustrated with where youre at right now, but know that better things are coming if you work
for them. You could be dissatisfied by the taste life leaves in your mouth, but know that you are more than
what you do.

You are what kind of person you choose to become, so become something wonderful.

It doesnt matter if you havent achieved all the goals on the little list in your mind. It doesnt matter if
youve check off every to do. It doesnt matter if youre far from where you want to be, because youre on
the way. And thats what counts.So take a deep breath and stop looking down on yourself. Focus on the
person you wish to become, smile, and walk confidently in that direction.
Words: Marisa Donnelly

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The One Vital Conversation That Will Change Your Relationship For The Better

When Steven gets home from work, his partner Katie asks him, How was your day, dear? Their
conversation goes like this.

Steven: At my weekly meeting my manager challenged my knowledge of our products and told the CEO
that I am incompetent. Shes such a jerk.
Katie: There you go again. Overacting and blaming your manager. When I met her she seemed very logical
and reasonable. Youre probably being insensitive to her worries about your department. (siding with the
enemy)
Steven: The woman has it out for me.
Katie: And theres your paranoia. You really need to get a handle on that. (criticism)
Steven: Forget I ever said anything.

Do you think Steven feels love by Katie in this moment?

Probably not.

Instead of providing a safe haven for him to be heard, she adds to his stress.

Learning to cope with external pressures and tensions outside your relationship is crucial to a relationships
long-term health, according to research by Neil Jacobson.

A simple, effective way for couples to earn deposits in their emotional bank account is to reunite at the end
of the day and talk about how it went. This is called the How was your day, dear? conversation, or more
formally, the Stress-Reducing Conversation.

Like Steven and Katie, many couples have the How was your day, dear? conversation but the talk does not
help either partner relax. Instead it escalates the stress and tension between them because they end up not
feeling heard.

If this sounds like you and your partner, changing your approach to these end-of-the-day talks can ensure
that they help both of you unwind.

The 4 Agreements of Love Talk

Before you start your end-of-the-day discussion, Id recommend making some agreements. Agreements are
what I use with my clients to bring their unspoken expectations into view.

Agreement #1: Agree on Timing

Some individuals want to connect the moment they walk into the door. Others need to decompress on their
own before theyre ready to interact. When this expectation goes unspoken it can create tension and leave

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both partners feeling missed by each other. Agree on a time that will meet both of your needs. This can be at
7 pm every night or it can be 10 minutes after both of you get home.

Agreement #2: Dedicate Your Presence for 20-30 Minutes

Some couples struggle because they dont spend enough time in the presence of each other to allow love to
be cultivated. Take time to truly connect during this conversation.

Agreement #3: Dont Discuss Your Marriage

This talk gives you and your partner the space to discuss about whatever is on your mind outside your
marriage. It is not the time to bring up conflicts between you. Instead, its a chance to truly support each
other in other areas of your life.

This conversation is a form of active listening in which you respond to each others venting with empathy
and without judgement. Since the issues have nothing to do with the marriage, its much easier to express
support and understanding of your partners worries and stresses.

Agreement #4: All Emotions are Welcome

This conversation is an opportunity to unload about irritants or issues, both big and small. If your partner
shares sadness, fear, or anger and it feels uncomfortable, it may be time to explore why. Often this
discomfort is rooted in childhood restrictions against expressing negative emotions. If this is the case, check
out Coping with Your Partners Sadness, Fear, and Anger on page 103 in The Seven Principles That Make
Marriage Work.

Allow this space to be a place of celebration too. If you have a victory at work or as a parent, mention that.
Beyond sharing frustrations, a relationship is about sharing and relishing in the victories of life together.
Thats what makes it meaningful.

7 Steps to an Effective End-of-Day Conversation

Below are detailed instructions for using active listening during the stress-reducing and intimacy building
conversation.

1. Take turns. Let each partner be the complainer for fifteen minutes.

2. Show Compassion. Its very easy to let your mind wander, but losing yourself will make your partner feel
like youve lost touch with them. Stay focused on them. Ask questions to understand. Make eye contact.

3. Dont provide unsolicited solutions. Its natural to want to fix problems or make our lover feel better when
they express pain. Often partners just want an ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on. Unless your partner has
asked for help, dont try to fix the problem, change how they feel, or rescue them. Just be present with them.

Men get caught up in this trap more frequently than women, but it is not the mans responsibility to rescue
his partner. Often trying to save her backfires. In the Love Lab, Dr. John Gottman noticed that when a wife

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shares her troubles, she reacts negatively to her husband offering advice right away. What she wants is to be
heard and understood.

Its not that problem-solving doesnt have its place. It is important, but as psychologist Haim Ginott says,
Understanding must precede advice. Its only when your partner feels fully understood that they will be
receptive to suggestions.

4. Express your understanding and validate emotions. Let your spouse know that you understand what they
are saying. Heres a list of phrases I have my clients use.

Hearing that makes perfect sense why youre upset.

That sounds terrible.
I totally agree with how you see it.
Id be stressed too.
That would have hurt my feelings too.
5. Take your partners side. Express support of your partners view even if you feel their perspective is
unreasonable. If you back the opposition, your lover will be resentful. When your partner reaches out for
emotional support (rather than advice), your role is not to cast judgement or to tell them what to do. Its your
job to express empathy.

6. Adopt a We Against Others attitude. If your partner is feeling alone while facing difficulty, express that
you are there with them and you two are in this together.

7. Be Affectionate. Touch is one of the most expressive ways we can love our partners. As your partner talks,
hold them or put an arm on their shoulder. Hold that space for them and love them through thick and thin.

Here is how the conversation changed after these instructions were given to Steven and Katie.

Katie: How was your day, dear?

Steven: At my weekly meeting my manager challenged my knowledge of our products and told the CEO
that I am incompetent. Shes such a jerk.
Katie: What a jerk! She is so rude. (us against others) What did you say to her?(expressing genuine interest)
Steven: I told her I feel like she is out to get me and its not fair. I am the number one salesman on the floor.
Katie: I completely understand why you feel like that. Im sorry shes doing this to you. (expressing affection)
She needs to get taken care of. (us against others)
Steven: I agree, but I think shes doing it to herself. The CEO doesnt appreciate her telling him everyone is
incompetent but her. Its probably best to leave it alone.
Katie: Im glad hes is aware of that. Its not good and will backfire sooner or later.
Steven: I hope so. I feel like pizza, cuddles, and a movie tonight. You in?
Katie: Of course, love.
If you have this conversation everyday, it cant help but benefit your relationship. Youll come away with the
feeling that your partner is on your side, and thats one of the foundations of a long-lasting friendship.
Words: Kyle Benson

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The One Who Cares Less

Ive often heard that people only start wanting you when they think that you dont want them. Its true; Ive
lived by it. Whether its business or friendships or especially romantic relationships, the person who cares
less always seems to be the person who has the most power. At least thats what it might feel like for the
person that cares more. But I question whether this is true or not.

I have been called the, queen of not giving a shit. One of my many talents is that I am really good at both
not actually caring, as well as acting like I dont care. Just yesterday, some girlfriends and I were talking
about boys and I quoted Almost Famous as my romance mantra, If you never take it seriously, you never
get hurt. And it wouldnt be the first time Ive ultimately come off as cynical about relationships. People
think it stems from really not caring; on the contrary, it stems from the fear of caring too much.

I know how to be the person who doesnt text back, who doesnt call back, who waits for the guy to make the
first move, and who acts like I couldnt care less whether he does or he doesnt. Being this person comes
natural to me because I have convinced myself that being the other person comes with too much potential
damage. And I do think to an extent it does. I may never have truly had my heart broken, but Ive known
people who have; Ive been there for them. And that shit isnt fun. Its depressing and devastating and
oftentimes a really long journey to returning to being okay.

But the thing is I think people who put themselves out there; people who let you know they care a lot I
think that they have the right idea. I think the human heart especially when its young, is really resilient. I
think that the journey to being okay when ones heart has been broken is a journey that is usually worth
facing even when love hasnt done what you wanted. But when youre the one who cares less, who
apparently doesnt care at all, youll go never go on this journey because youll convince yourself that you
dont need to. You convince yourself that youre fine even when youre not.

What people dont seem to realize about the person who cares less or acts like they care less is that theyre
usually the one who ends up being hurt the most. It is human to want love and to want to be taken care of
and to want to take care of someone else. To deny that, is simply to deny ones humanity. Being the queen
of not giving a shit doesnt make one healthier or stronger or wiser or cooler or even happier. It just makes
you feel less human. It makes you feel, less and less.

When its all said and done, even people who are perfectly lonely and perfectly alone still need their
person. Whether its a romantic partner, a good friend, a loyal family member everybody needs a person.
And the truth is if you act like you dont care enough, people will eventually start to believe you. So if you
feel like you care too much or feel too much or love too much, remember that the alternative is worse. We
should all try to seek balance because virtue is that middle ground between any two extremes. But when it
comes to love, I dont know if there is such a thing as loving too much or showing that you love too much.
And if there is, I think its commendable; not something to be ashamed of. Because if you dont tell people
and show people that you do care, that you do have feelings for them, that you do love them, how the hell
are they supposed to know?

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So I suppose you can go through life thinking that eventually someone will break down all the walls that
youve put up, because you dont want anyone to know how much you can care; how much you can love. But
life is short and people are busy. And maybe when the right person comes along, maybe theyll see right
through you. Maybe. But if you keep telling yourself that you dont care, maybe youll also start believing it
and you wont even be able to see your person when you find them. So get out while you can and start
giving a shit; and if your heart breaks, let it break. Because itll be okay. You will be okay.

Words: Kovie Biakolo

Why Being An Outgoing Introvert Is So Much Harder Than People Realize

It is a common misconception I have come to realize throughout my life. Oh, I am outgoing, so I must be an
extrovert. Well thats where I was very wrong. I am an outgoing introvert, and there is a huge difference.

If you are an introvert, then you know exactly what I mean when I say that overstimulation exhausts me.
Sometimes I want to just sit on the couch, and sometimes I want to be around other people, but only for so
long until I get exhausted again. If you are an extrovert, maybe you will have a harder time understanding
that, and thats okay. I just want you to understand that I cant keep up with your lifestyle of constantly
needing to be around others, and I am not ashamed of it.

Dont get me wrong, I love being the life of the party, but
theres only so much I can take before I yearn for the
sanctity that is my bed, and I am perfectly content going
there.
Being an outgoing introvert gets extremely complicated. It is true that extroversion bores me. I find that
extroverts are basic, and that most of our life is spent around others, whether it is work, school, or just going
out for a night with friends at a crowded bar. That stuff gets old really quickly for me. Group projects? No
thank you. Small talk with co-workers? OMG, no. Parties with more than 10 people? Holy anxiety, batman.
But, since I am an outgoing person, I have spent my life adapting to work, school, and a small group of
friends because if I didnt try to put myself out there, I would spend all of my time sitting around watching
TV, drinking wine, sleeping, and being alone, and I dont like that either.

You might have heard someone like me say that they hate people. Well, thats an extreme exaggeration but
there is some truth to that. I actually LOVE people. I love the people that I have chosen to devote my time to.
If you are in my life, you sure as hell better be grateful because I have decided that I want you there, and I
will be good to you. I am proud of the way I treat those I love because I can genuinely say I want them in my
life. I will be loyal to them and love them forever, because honestly, there arent many people I like, and I
wouldnt waste my time trying to get to know someone if I didnt want to.

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Being outgoing, but also having a need for alone time, has proved to be a struggle in most of my
relationships. I have been accused of being a bitch for not wanting to talk to my significant other, being
stand offish for not talking to everybody in the room, or sometimes even being too talkative, or flirty,
because I will spend the whole time at a party talking to one guy if I am interested in the conversation. I
have often found myself defending the way that I act, unable to actually explain it, and making extroverts
feel as though I am not making an effort, or I simply do not care. Now, I am the first person to admit to my
problems and try to work on them, so this is not always a fun thing to hear. I often apologize, or shut down
because I dont have the energy to explain myself and dont know how to.

Now that I am more accepting of my introverted ways and

less insecure, I am able to explain unapologetically, so if you
dont accept it or understand it, then, honestly, you probably
never will.
The truth is, I love dating an extrovert. I feel as though they complete me. They will talk to everyone that I
dont want to talk to, introduce me, and then just keep a conversation going so I dont have to say a word. Its
AWESOME. But dont expect me to sit there and contribute. I am just listening. Yes, I am laughing, making
comments, and most likely enjoying the conversation (I wouldnt stand there long if I wasnt) but I am doing
these things solely in my head. If you make me feel insecure about not being more friendly, I will shut
down.

Being an outgoing introvert is both a blessing and a curse to me. If I want to be with an extrovert, there will
undoubtedly be relationships I am in where I will have to be friends with someone I dont like. They are the
kinds of people who like everyone and want everyone to like them, even if the person, in my opinion, sucks.
But if I am dating you, I already decided I love you, and therefore, I love your friends too. If they are
important to you, then they are also important to me. If you cant see that I am making an effort, or cant at
least understand how difficult these situations are for me to be in, then you probably will get frustrated with
me and move on.

I know that being with an outgoing introvert is frustrating at times, but imagine how frustrating it is BEING
one. I accept that it is who I am though, and I have learned to love it. It may take me a little while to warm up
to people, but when I do, I have nothing but love for them. It is probably easy for me to be regarded as stand
offish, bitchy, and flirty, but I could easily regard an extrovert as over confident, pushy, and simple. I
understand that no two people are the same, so if you want to make it work, you put in the extra effort. It
might take longer to fully adjust, but in the end its worth it.

Words: Brynn Taylor

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Please Be Patient With Me, My Anxious Heart Is Still Learning How To Love

My heart is an anxious vessel full of lonely nights and scribbled pages. My heart is a long narrative of empty
promises and false hope. My heart has experienced the complete euphoria and abandonment that comes
with falling in love. And my heart has fallen and shattered at the feet of the one that I loved so dearly. But
my heart is resilient and it is healing. It is safe and it is getting stronger.

I have pondered what new love will look like. I have wondered if my heart will be able to recognize the next
one who comes my way. And although my heart longs to fall in love again, history is riddled with sad
endings and deep down, I know the journey to new love will be a slow one.

My anxious heart will tip-toe around this new love as if it is a volcano ready to erupt and burn me.

It will be reluctant to believe his words and look for doubt in his voice. My heart will see the end before the
beginning and when I begin to fall for him, my heart will scream not to take the plunge. I want to love, I
want to believe, I want to trust. But my heart is an anxious vessel.

Although my heart is vulnerable and so unsure, to whoever comes my way I ask that you be patient.

Do not mistake my distance for not wanting to know you. I

want that truly, but I am afraid. Do not mistake my
reluctance for an absence of feelings because the truth is, I
am falling for you but I do not want to admit it to myself.
Do not mistake my tears for sadness. No, for my tears will be a realization that this is what love is supposed
to be. A love that is there, that supports me, and values me. Its a love that loves so deeply.

My anxious heart will break when it finds new love because this love will be true. My heart will break
because it will realize how much less it has settled for. There will be a tug of war between my place of refuge
and the uncertainty of following you into the unknown.

But when our souls meet, there will be a sweet happiness that I desperately long to embrace. I just need you
to stay by my side and in time, I promise to love you with all my heart.

Words: Sarah Ghabrial

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Maybe Things Need To Go Wrong Before They Can Go Right

Were so obsessed with getting things right that we sometimes forget that it might be better if they go
wrong, it might be better if we dont know it all, if we dont always say or do the right things.

Maybe this is why we get heartbroken. So we can learn to love again, so we can learn to love better, so we
can learn to differentiate between those who love us for who we are and those who love us for what we can
do for them.

Maybe this is why we lose people we love. So we can learn to appreciate people instead of taking them for
granted, so we can learn to forgive others, so we can learn that life is too short and that people dont always
stay as long as we want them to and that sometimes our fears can stop us from taking a chance that could
change our lives because we dont always get a second one.

Maybe this is why we fail. So we can find something we can be great at, so we can stop settling for things
that are not meant for us, so we can fight for our future and find our potential, find our passion and find
what truly makes us happy. Maybe we fail so we can start over and write a new story with a better ending.

Maybe this is why we make mistakes. So we can learn that well never be perfect no matter how hard we try,
so we can understand that some things will always be out of our hands, so we can stop worrying so much
about the future or lamenting the past. So we can understand that were born to figure things out on our
own and that means making less than perfect decisions and learning things the hard way.

Maybe the wrong things are not so wrong after all. Maybe theyre so right for us but we dont want to
believe it, maybe theyre exactly what we need but not what we want and maybe theyre just reminders that
better things await us and that wonderful things can come out of hardships, out of failure and out of pain.

Words: Rania Naim

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An Open Letter To My Future Husband

Dear Love,
Today marks the seventh day of my thirty-one day prayer challenge and I read Ephesians 5:3-5. As I sat there
praying to God reflecting on what I had just read something wasnt settling with me, and I could feel the
words that just came out of my mouth lying heavy on my heart. But among you there must not be even a
hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper of Gods holy
people For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy personsuch a man is an idolaterhas
any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God. Having read this made my stomach uneasy and my
chest heavy to say the least, how did God see me through His eyes? Is He going to hold these past years of
mine against me? Will He forgive my sins? These thoughts repeated themselves over and over again in my
head as the minor panic attack ensued, until I decided to stop and pray for strength and guidance. That is
when the lines For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord captured my eyes. Ah, yes,
here was the answer to my prayers. The old Rebekah, who not too long ago lived in sin would bask in
darkness; there is no doubt in mind about it. But since recently rising again and committing myself to living
for Christ, He has been shining on me every day.

I continued to reflect on and journal these thoughts, thanking God for showing me His will again and that is
when you popped into my head. I believe God was taking advantage of my eye-awakening state, because
He decided to answer another prayer of mine with an additional revelation. I cannot believe I am about to
confess this, but I am completely and utterly appreciative of the fact that you have yet to enter my life. Now
please dont be upset with me over saying this, because I do need you. But what it comes down to is how
much more of Him I need than I do you right now. I can honestly admit that I am not the woman God
created me to be, but Im on way to be. Each and every day I am falling more and more in love with Christ as
Hes shaping me to be the woman Hes designed. And although He has always been there with me, its still
so early in this new relationship of ours for you to be a part of it. Im afraid that if you were to enter my life
while my relationship with God is still so vulnerable that Id remove Him as the first and foremost love of my
life. It is my greatest desire to have Him as the center of our relationship and if our feelings are only focused
on each other then we risk pushing Him out. Instead, I pray that we continue to unite our hearts with Christ
so that on the day He graces me with the gift of you, three hearts will become one. Im anxious for the day
we do meet though, however I want you to know that I dont expect you to complete me or vice versa. We
will compliment each other, as it God who will complete us.

I realize my journey of becoming a woman of Christ wont be easy, what relationship is? I may be tempted to
drift, but Im confident that God will pull me back to Him and His word, and He will show me what true love
is; preparing me for when our love story becomes reality. Im ready to leave the empty pursuits of this world
behind and pursue Gods heart for a woman must be so hidden in God that man has to seek Him to find
her, so know that Im praying for you as you pursue the Lord as well. And when you feel alone, or lost and
want to give up remember that every day we live for Christ is one day closer to living the most beautiful love
story He could have ever written solely and uniquely for us.

With all my heart,

Your Rebekah

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Read This If Its Been A Long Time Since Youve Felt Like Yourself

I know the feeling. Better than you might think.

The feeling that your best days are behind you. That your best self is behind you.

The feeling that the person you used to be, the passions you used to have and the life you used to want for
yourself, are hopelessly detached from the person youve become.

You dont feel like yourself anymore.But theres a reason youre feeling that way one that is simultaneously
terrifying and relieving.

You dont feel like yourself because you are not yourself anymore.
You are not the person you used to be the one who loved all of the things you once loved and believed in
all the things you once believed in.

Youve changed. Youve altered. Youve been around the block a couple of times. Youve seen things and met
people and learned things that have impacted you, in irreversible ways.

Youre not the person who you used to be. But that doesnt mean that you are nobody. What that means is
that youre at a very specific stage.

You are not who you have been and you are not yet who you will become. Youre in the in-between. And the
in-between is where all of our most painful challenges spring up but also where the most incredible growth
takes place.

It is the place where all of our insecurities are highlighted. Where all our stumbling blocks come out to trip
us up. It is a place where were facing down all of the troublesome parts of what it means to be ourselves, so
that we might finally overcome.

The in-between phases of our lives are the most difficult and the most agonizing and the absolute most
lonely of all phases. But theyre also the most important. Theyre the times when we finally figure out who
we are. What we stand for. What drives us forward and what were best leaving behind. The in-between
phases challenge us to let go of all the ego-heavy ideals we hold about ourselves and realize who we
actually are, deep down. What we want when no ones watching. How we shine when everythings dark.

The in-between stages of our lives arent there to separate ourselves from who we are theyre there to peel
us away from everything were not. Theyre there to break down our defenses, strip us of our egotistical
identities and force us to remember who we are at our core. Who weve always been. Who we always will be,
when all the noise and the chaos of pretending fades away. The in-between phases of our lives are when we
feel the least like ourselves, but they are paradoxically when we are the absolute most ourselves.

When we are our most raw. Our most honest. Our most uncomplicated. They are there to show us which
parts of ourselves to abandon and which parts to carry with us forward. And we will start to feel like

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ourselves again eventually little by little, step by step. As long as were finally willing to surrender who
weve been, and start taking strides towards the brilliant new person were becoming.

Words: Heidi Priebe

This Too Shall Pass

To everything a season, I have heard that my entire life. For everything there is a seasona time to tear
down and a time to build up. A time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to mourn and a time to dance.

Its one of the many rhythms of life, one of the constants.

There is a dynamic that our generation has been taught. Embrace the seasons. Face them as they come.
Learn the lessons and grow from them. There is always a moral of the story, push yourself to be a better
version of yourself. Always be growing.

The problem comes in when we realize that nothing grows all the time. You can see that in fall and winter.
The leaves drop off the trees. The grass turns brown. Bears hibernate. So if this is true for nature, why would
it be any less true for humans?

I understand the heart behind the principle, dont be complacent and dont get stuck. But what I have seen
for myself and so many people around me is that this creates an intense amount of pressure to be doing
something all the time. We do things for the sake of doing things. We have lost the ability to just be for fear
that we will miss some opportunity or we will be seen as though we are not in control of our own lives.

Let me let you off the hook though. The majority of things we cannot control. Life throws things at us that are
beyond our ability to sway or manipulate. We are miniscule in comparison to this life we live, a drop in the
bucket of eternity.

When we try to make things move by pure force of will, we wear ourselves out. In those moments, when we
scavenge for answers that are not there, we miss the point of those seasons. The point is that it is ok to not
be ok. It is ok to not have the answers. No one knows what to do 100% of the time.

Accepting that is part of the human journey. It is ok to just be for a while without a conclusion in sight. Rest
in knowing that the beautiful thing about seasons is that they always change; they are never infinite, they
come and go. What is today may not be tomorrow. You are on a journey. Some parts of that journey will be
clearer than others, but it is a journey nonetheless. If you are in a season that you dont have the answers for
or dont know how to grow in, it may just be your winter. But know, this too shall pass.

Words: Alex Snow

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Dear God, Thank You

Thank you for this heart.

For this little muscle beating inside my chest. Thank you for its resilience, for its strength. Thank you for
helping it beat, through every Stairmaster workout, through every terrifying scene in a scary movie, through
every kiss, through every morning when I was so so tired, and didnt want to face the world. Thank you for
giving me physical strengthto overcome obstacles, to push myself, to never quit. Thank you for my
emotional strengthto let people in, to forgive, to share love with others. Sometimes I forget how amazing
this muscle is, bringing oxygen to my body, keeping me alive, reminding me that even in my humanness, I
am powerful. And helping me to love, and keep on loving. So thank you.

Thank you for my hands.

Hands to touch, to hold, to hug, to cherish. Thank you for the times my parents have held my hands in theirs,
for the times I could brush my sisters hair, or throw a softball, or reach across a quiet space and place a palm
on the cheek of a lover. Thank you for the ways my hands have healed, for the ways my hands have learned,
for the ways my hands have connected with other hands, and made me see beauty in imperfection.

Thank you for love.

For the capacity to feel, to open, to give. For the ways you have shown me love and given me love from the
people around me. Thank you for my family, my friends, my coworkers, for strangers, for lovers. Thank you
for the times you have shown my heart what it feels like to be cared for. Thank you for teaching me how to
give myself, fully, to others.

Thank you for the pain.

Thank you for all the nights my tears blended with the shower water, the nights I didnt think Id get over
him or when I felt so misunderstood. Thank you for the days I was afraid of my future, terrified of where I
would go to college, or if I would do well on a test, or if my words could actually mean anything. Thank you
for the heartbreak, for the tough lessons, for the exhaustion and brokenness. Because I learned I am whole
in you.

Thank you for the lonely nights.

The nights I stayed up late, watching headlights dance across my bedroom window or the stars flickering
somewhere off in the distance. Thank you for showing me how to heal and how to be on my own. Thank you
for building my strength, day by day, even when I felt I was only getting weaker. Thank you for reminding
me that emptiness is temporary, and that I can always be filled in with your love.

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Thank you for the ones that left.

At the time their leaving felt like a betrayal, and I thought you had turned your back on me. But you were
showing me who was temporary, and who was there to stay. You were showing me that I cannot put my faith
in sinful people, cannot depend on them for the source of my happiness, but can instead must lean on you.
And you wont leave. Thank you for never leaving, and promising to stay by my side forever.

Thank you for the unanswered prayers.

Because this life is not about receiving what I ask for, not about basing my relationship with you on what I
get, not about wishes being granted and having things my way. For your plan is greater than mine will ever
be. And every unanswered prayer was a blessing in disguise.

Thank you for being all that I needed.

For listening when I poured my heart out, for guiding me when I lost my footing, for being a source of
inspiration and trust, for reminding me that I am yours, forever. And that I am loved. Thank you for staying
when the world turned its back. Thank you for reminding me that no matter how harsh this life gets, you will
always be here. Thank you for giving your son to die for my sins.

Thank you for forgiveness.

For forgiving me, for helping me learn to forgive, for the way forgiveness heals and saves and lets us begin
again with new hope. Thank you for building my heart back to its full strength. Thank you for showing me
how beautiful life can be when we let go. Thank you for opportunities, for new beginnings.

Thank you for hope.

Words: Marisa Donnelly

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Dear God, Thank You For Everything

When we have nothing left but God, we discover that God is enough Mother Teresa

Thank you for always guiding me in the right direction and for knowing what is best for me more than I do.

Thank you for the many times you have forgiven me whenever I deviated from your path.

Thank you for always reminding me that sometimes you are the only one I can trust, you are the only I can
talk to and you are the only one who is truly listening.

Thank you for all these blessings that I take for granted on a daily basis.

Thank you for not hating me when I was ungrateful or rude or when my faith was shaken.

Thank you for the times you have inspired me to seek knowledge and know more about the world and
about myself.

Thank you for giving me the spirituality I need to contemplate the wonders of the world and the wonders of
your creation and the magic of your words and your daily miracles.

Thank you for the thousands of chances you have given me.

Thank you for all the lessons, especially the hard ones.

Thank you for the love you have shown me through family and friends.

Thank you for the hardships indeed, every hardship was followed by ease.

Thank you for always being in my heart and embracing me in my lonely nights.

Thank you for sending me all these warning signs through your messengers who were disguised as people
or books or just gut feelings.

Thank you for giving me the strength I needed to endure pain and be comfortable with my loneliness.

Thank you for giving me a reason to wake up every day.

Thank you for giving me people to look up to.

Thank you for sending me people to love.

Thank you for inspiring me to keep trying to be a better person.

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Thank you for giving me that faith I need when there seems to be no hope.

Thank you for being patient with me when I cant even be patient with myself.

Thank you for whispering into my soul when I almost felt dead inside.

Thank you for showing me that this life is fleeting and unpredictable and that I shouldnt take it for granted.

Thank you for showing me that you are the truth.

Thank you for health, for shelter, and for food.

Thank you for healing me when I was broken.

Thank you for being there when no one else was.

Thank you for everything.

Thank you for it all.

I wish I can carry out the message you have for me on this earth right carry it with love and carry with peace.

I wish I can pass the message on and make a difference.

I am writing this for anyone who is feeling lost, desperate, sad, angry or heart broken. Someone who is
going through a lot of hardships or feels betrayed by the world, I would like them to know that you are the
answer and the only guidance.

That they dont have to look outside or find someone else to heal them, all they have to do is look up and
talk to you or just look for you inside their hearts. This is the only way to deal with hardships and deal with
life.

Thank you for always being there and for reassuring me that no matter what, I will never be alone.

Words: Rania Naim

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Live A Life Thats Filled To The Brim With Excitement

Live a life that has you filled to the brim with excitement, a life that youre enthusiastic about when you wake
up in the morning. Live a life you cant get enough of, a life that makes you smile for no reason when you
think about how lucky you are.

Live a life that is filled with your kind of excitement. A life where you dont feel like youre obligated to do
something, that you dont feel like youre only doing something because its required.

Live a life that makes you feel like you have a purpose, a life that makes you filled with happiness because
you cant wait for all the fulfilling moments youll experience that day.
Find something that fills you with excitement and never let it go.

If its jumping out of a plane, go skydiving. If its painting abstract art become a painter. If its sitting in a
bookstore that brings you pure joy, go find a bookstore. If its traveling, pack a backpack and go. If its writing
articles and youve been rejected 20 times, keep submitting, keep improving, but dont let your dreams die
because you get rejected, use it to inspire you to be greater and dig deeper.Find something that makes your
life feel like you found your purpose and never let it go.

Live a life where you are genuinely thankful for what you have, not a kind of life where you dont know what
you have until its gone. If you cant find thanks to give in your everyday life take yourself out of your
comfort zone. Spend a night sleeping on the streets, go on a mission trip and see how others live, feel
empathetic for those who truly have nothing. Change your perspective and realize that you are truly lucky
and that you are thankful for what you have.

Live a life where work makes you feel completed and like youre doing something good. Dont work a job
that pays the bills just because, take some time out of your structured life and just let it go.

Look in the mirror and ask yourself if this life is making you happy, if this life is filling you with excitement
and if the answer is no, change something.Change your job, your routine, your diet, or your relationships,
but change something. Make it better. Never stop improving.

Live a life that you are proud of. Live a life that makes you feel happy to wake up every morning and be able
to start the day. Live a life that makes you smile for no reason.

Surround yourself with people who make you genuinely happy, not people who you pretend to like. People
who make you a better person, that make your heart grow bigger, people that fill you with the utmost love
in this life.

Live a life you are obsessed with, a life that is filled with your type of excitement and happiness. Live your
best life, after all youve only got one shot to make it count.

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Live a life where you dont settle, live a life where you can honestly say youre happy, live a life that brings
you joy and live a life that you are excited about. Find something you love and never let it go.

Words: Becca Martin

When We Meet Again

I imagine meeting you again in a different time, where the wounds are all healed and the scars are too. I
imagine meeting you in the most unexpected of places, in the least expected time because that is how it
must go.

Ill be standing in front of you like Im seeing you for the first time, and youll stare at me like a newly met
stranger no past, no present, both unknown to each other.

Ill smile at you in recognition and youll give me a nod an indication that somehow, you still remember
the girl you used to hold in your arms.

Suddenly all the memories will seem to come back in blurred details. How I laughed while you danced silly
in front of me. How you kissed my eyes and nose and lips and forehead and suddenly, all in the world wass
better. How I came to your door that night and how I cried in your arms one last time.

One last time.

Maybe God fated us to meet again, one last time. May it be for the closure that never was, or for a proper
goodbye, but never for a second chance.

But still, Ill thank God for bringing you right there and then.

I imagine keeping a comfortable distance in between us because anything going beyond the line will go
past of what should be.

Hey, you will say to me. I will remember your voice the one that sang me songs and lulled me to sleep
every night. It was your very spell, your very charm, that once had me weak on my knees and sent butterflies
in my stomach and stars dancing through my head.

Nice to meet you, Ill say, wanting to whisper again, and offering my hand to you. Not the best greeting I
could offer after not hearing from each other for so long, but that will have to do.

Your hand will meet mine and youll give it a light squeeze and perhaps I will remember every detail of your
hand, that hand I loved so much before. The hand that I once prayed to God to never leave mine until it
did.

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Awkwardness is what my friends would call it if they saw us, but for us, it will be familiarity of something
once shared. The feeling of finding something that used to be yours, forever belonging to one another.

Someday, somehow, its going to make sense why I will stand right there in front of you and not beside you.
Why the ring on my left finger was given by someone else who is not you. Why there is only you and me,
and no longer an us.

Someday, I imagine seeing you again, happy in another girls arms, while I run back to one who loves me
the way you didnt. And someday its going make sense. Someday we will both get the love we never had
from each other, the love that we both deserve.
Someday, Ill meet you again, in a different time when all is forgiven and forgotten. When the love lost is
found again in someone elses arms. Someday Ill meet you in the most unexpected of places in the least
expected time because that is how it must go.

And that will answer why we let each other go.

Words: Jo Angeles

Maybe Every Wrong Decision Was Exactly What You Needed At The Time

Were all big on beating ourselves up.

And its hard not to be were only human, after all.

We make mistakes. We have consciences. We look back and see the path we should have chosen. It all
seems simple and straightforward in retrospect.

Except it isnt. Its never as straightforward as it seems.

We look back and see only what may have gone right, had we picked the other option. But we forget about
what may have gone wrong.

We forget about what opportunities that choice would have omitted. We forget that when we picked Path A
the path we later inevitably regretted theres a reason we picked it in the first place. We had a need that
only Path A could have fulfilled.

Maybe that need was something tangible more money or security or recognition. And if Path A failed to
deliver, its easy to assume we ought to have chosen differently. But more often, its something intangible
were after.

Were after happiness. Fulfillment. Adventure. Acceptance. Passion.

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And those needs become harder to measure. Those needs are a gamble, no matter which means we take to
achieve them. Those needs will always underlie important choices and theyll often fuel our greatest
mistakes.

And so its easy to look back and assume, when these intangible needs are not met, that we simply should
have chosen the other option. That Path B was the clearer, better choice.

But heres the thing: You chose Path A for a reason.

Even if it was riskier. Even if it was less logical. Even if looking back, Path B seems like it would have
provided all the things that Path A failed to give.

But it couldnt have provided peace of mind.

You chose Path A because it was what you really wanted (or at least, it offered you the greatest shot at what
you really wanted). You picked it because the truest part of yourself wanted to pick it. Because the core of
you needed to pursue it.

And had you not picked Path A, you always would have wondered.

Even if Path B had given you everything you wanted. Even if you had turned out healthier and wealthier and
wiser than you could ever have imagined, you wouldnt have been able to enjoy it. Not fully. Not entirely.
Because some part of you always would have thought back on Path A and hated yourself for not picking
that option.

What if youd said f*ck it. What if youd put yourself out there. What if you had, for once in your life, gone all
the way with what really matters.

Path A would have haunted you, had you not chosen it. In the exact way that Path B haunts you now.

And the truth is, any choice other than the exact one you made would have been the wrong choice anyway.

We always choose what we need most in the moment. We always choose the thing that gives us the source
of hope we need.

So maybe it didnt work out the way you wanted it to. So many of our big decisions dont.

But that doesnt mean they were the wrong decisions. That just means that they taught us the lessons we
needed to learn at that time.

Choosing the wrong person to love shows us which part of ourselves were still depending on others to
fulfill.

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Choosing security over adventure shows us what our intuitive mind needs to feel safe, before were
comfortable leaving to explore.

Choose opportunity over security shows us what were running away from. Choosing isolation over
connection shows us which parts of ourselves were most afraid to admit to.

Looking back, we may not love the paths weve chosen. But were always, always able to learn from them.

And the lessons we learn arent insignificant. They are not useless.

They are always the exact lesson that we needed to learn at that time.

And whichever path we chose will always have been the one we needed to learn from most.

Words: Heidi Priebe

There Is Beauty In Being Alone

The question, the question, always the question: do you remember? The answer, the answer: how could I
forget?

Somebody touched me once. I dont even need to close my eyes. I can still feel their fingers burning me at
the lightest of thoughts. They werent touching my skin, they were touching my soul. A long time ago there
was a boy who showed me just what a human soul is capable of; we were both just a couple of kids, we
didnt know any better.

How could I possibly ever forget?

It seems like everyones terrified of being alone. Or rather, theyre terrified of being lonely. When youve
lived with someone else under your skin for so long, thats the most frightening thought in the world: being
by yourself again. You dont want it. You shudder. Youd rather live this half-lit, twilight, no-mans-land life
than live like that.

But the thing is, youre human, and you dont have a choice. Our bodies and veins and muscles and
vertebrae are forged to be single entities, its only our minds that we can fuse. At the end of the day when
death greets you like an old friend and you take him by the hand and say yes, I am ready now, youre alone.
You can kick and scream and love and cry as much as you please.

But at the end of the day, youre alone.

And thats the beauty of being human. Thats the thing that makes death peaceful, mortality bearable, this
whole messy affair slide sharply and wonderfully into place. Our bodies are made to be independent but
our hands were forged for holding, our eyes were drawn for seeing, our lips were sculpted for laughing and

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smiling and talking and our armsour arms are just the right size for reaching out. The beauty of being
human is that you can share that person. You can strip back the curtains of skin and bone and lay yourself
bare. Look. See. This is me. This is who I am. Thenonly thencan your soul really know what it is to be
entwined with someone else. Thenonly thencan you look death squarely in the eye and say yes, I am
ready now. I have been alone, and Ill be alone again. But when youve given your whole self to someone
else, are you really alone? Now there are two people who know every last beautiful curve in your soul. Now
there is an imprint of you in someone else that no death, no darkness, can ever destroy. You are eternal. You
will be eternal. Someone else knew, for a time, that your beauty existed. Someone else saw it too. And thats
all that matters.

But how can you ever expect to give yourself to someone else, when you dont know who you are? And how
can you know yourself when theres other people tangled up in your head and your heart? How do you
distinguish them from you, when you dont know what youre looking for in the first place?

Were all searching for the things we dont know. Were all bumbling around, blind and in the dark, hands
held out in front of us, hoping to God we hit upon the light. Sometimes, if youre lucky, you meet someone
who gives you a flash of light. Sometimes they give you a flare. They light themselves up in a peal of
fireworks and flame, they take you by the shoulders very gently but firmly, and they point you in the right
direction.

And someday youll meet someone. Maybe it will take you many, many flashes of light; maybe it will take
you through many twists and turns in the dark and probably youll be alone for much of this. But you have
to understand, all that darkness you went through only makes the light, when you find it, so much sweeter.
You cant give yourself to someoneyou cannot love someone, you cannot let someone love youuntil you
know yourself inside and out, backwards and forwards. And tell me, how can you know yourself when youve
never been alone? How can you ever be happy with someone else when you never took the time to learn
how to be happy with yourself? If you cant be bothered to learn your own nooks and crannies, why on earth
should someone else?

Its frightening and its terrifying, and sometimes the darkness seems so horrible that you think itll swallow
you up but it doesnt. And thats the first thing you learn when youre busy in the process of making your
soul your own again: you are, surprisingly enough, capable.

You can see yourself through these storms alone. Once upon a time you didnt think you could. Once upon a
time, you didnt know the strength that runs in your arms and your legs and your hands. But that was a long,
long time ago, and wouldnt it be fun to see just how far you can run by yourself? Wouldnt it be fun to see
just what you can do?

And some day, you will meet someone and quite suddenly you realize that theyve been there the whole
time, and you just didnt see them. You didnt quite know what they looked like yet. But now theyre here,
and theyre here just at that moment where youve realized how truly wonderful you are, and you will
believe them because you have found what it is to be human. You have picked yourself up. Dusted yourself
off. Tied your shoes again, straightened your shirt, kept on moving and stumbling and dancing through the

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dark. You know yourself. You know what you are capable of. You know what you are worth. You know how to
make yourself happy and in doing so you know how to make someone else happy.

Its possible, you know.

But being alone is an integral part of that, and it seems like an awful lot of people these days are too scared
to take that leap of faith into the darkness, and into discovering yourself. But you do, and you should,
because in the dark there are parts of you which you cant begin to imagine but are the only things that will
ever help you find the light again. And its normal and human and real to be afraid, but when did fear ever
get anyone anywhere?

All that time you spend discovering yourself is worth the fear. Theres a long dark tunnel with a light at the
end. I dont know much, but I know that its worth it.

Words: Moira Warburton

Life Is Meant To Be Lived, So Live It

Life is not meant for mediocre moments. Life is not made for you to stay stagnant, doing the same thing
over and over again. Life is not meant to waste away your time through every sunrise and every sunset.

Life is meant to be lived.

Life is made for nights of star gazing, for nights spent with your best friends sipping red wine in the dark.
Life is made for nights getting ready for first dates, and for experiencing the true magic that is a first kiss.

Life is made for family road trips, for days roaming new territory and new land that youve never seen
before. Life is made for climbing mountains when everyone around you tells you that you cant do it. Life is
made for doing it anyway.

Life is made for falling in love. For the tender touch of a hand that you want to hold for the rest of your life.
Life is made for messed up sheets and delicious touches that send fireworks up your spine. Life is made for
saying I love you and not being scared of the response youll get back.

Life is made for breathing in cool air, for sipping giant mugs of hot chocolate on a December night, and for
snuggling up with your best friend by the fireside. Life is made for March days when the sunshine finally
starts warming up your worn out skin. Life is made for summer, for endless sun rays and moments you can
relive again and again. No matter the season.

Life is made for working hard. For having a dream and following through with it. Life is made for doing what
you love and not apologizing for it. Ever. Life is made for recognizing that you are a star, and knowing that
youll always have a light inside of you despite the weather forecast.

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Life is made for big hugs. For long conversations with your parents about what you want your life to feel like.
For knowing that you are doing your best. And knowing that thats all you can do. Life is made for do-overs,
for rebirths and starting all over again.

Life is made for messing up over and over again, but getting up anyway. Life is made for failing, and
surviving. Life is made for heartbreaks, and new loves that erase all of that hurt in your heart. Life is for
heartbreak and living through that pain. Life is for believing in love even after you have been broken.

Life is made for racing hearts, for running that mile that you never thought was possible, for kisses that stop
time, and for laughing until youre in stitches.

This life was given to you to live. This life was given to you to love. This life was given to you to find out what
joy is. This life was given to you to experience the power of a touch. And this life was given to you to
experience the power of a smile.

Your life is meant to be lived. Are you living?

Words: Lauren Jarvis-Gibson

I Want To Build A Life With You

I want a life with you. I want to fast forward this part, right here, when we are living out our separate lives
miles from each other. I dont want our worlds to only collide by text or to touch your face through a
computer screen, tracing the outline of your jaw and imagining the softness of your hair beneath my
fingers. I do not wish for dates set weeks from now and checking them off on my phone and going to sleep
each night, grateful another day has disappeared.

No, quite simply my love I want our universes to be so tangled, so intricately wrapped that missing you will
only be an option when sleep finds me. I want a life with you, a home with you, a bed and the same four
walls. I want to brush my lips across yours as I leave for work in the morning, knowing that we will be
together when night falls. I want to kick off my shoes and have you rub my feet and tell you about my day,
about my horrible boss and rude clients and for you to say all of the right things at the right time, just like
you always do.

I want late night runs to the grocery store for popcorn and candy before we climb into our matching onesies
and binge watch The Walking Dead and to then lie awake deep into the night, discussing how we would
survive zombie apocalypseyou laughing at my terrible survival instincts before pulling me close into your
chest and telling me Ive got your back.

Because you always have.

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I want those quiet mornings when were both working hard, not speaking but existing in the same space,
taking it in turns to make tea and coffee and I want those days when our passion consumes us and we tear
apart the entire house, like young lovers again lost to each other without a care in the world.

I want D.I.Y with you, building flat pack furniture and arguing over the stupid instructions before collapsing
into fits of laughter and cracking open the wine. I want to feel your hand at the small of my back as we throw
our first house gathering, each of us filtering into the room to speak to our friends but always catching each
others eyes and smiling knowing that we have made it, we are here, this is ours.

So please, let us skip this part, press fast forward, let us return to each other and build our life together. I
want all of those in-between bits, the mundane every day bits when we will get annoyed at each other for
leaving the milk out or not washing the dishes straight away or finding socks at the foot of the bed. I want us
to talk about chores, what we need from the shop and which family event we need to attend this month.

I want that small pleasure at a simple life with you because my love, no day is ordinary with you, no day will
need anything other than your existence, your smile, your gentle touch.
And maybe I am silly for wanting to rush it, maybe I am forgetting that the distance is romantic in its own
way, maybe I should be making the most of this last year of studying before I dive into my writing career but
really, truly, I just want you, no more, no less.

Only you, and us. And our life together.

Words: Rose Goodman

Hold Out For Someone That Handles Your Heart With Fragile Hands

Ditch the men that treat your heart like a rag doll. Youve had your emotions tossed around enough in the
past. Youve had your eyes blurred by tears. Youve had your stomach sickened by loss. Youve had your mind
bloated by regrets.

You dont need a love like that anymore.

Hold out for someone that handles your heart with fragile hands. Someone that realizes youve been
through hell and your heart isnt strong enough to handle any more fractures. Someone that sees youve
been broken, sees the darkness cowering inside of you, and loves you more for it.

One day, youll find someone that respects your mind, your body and your emotions. Someone that will
snuggle up closer to you as youre talking about your issues instead of inching away. Someone that will
encourage you to spill your feelings, even though youve been conditioned to hide everything inside.

One day, youll find someone that endlessly voices their love, so youre never left questioning if theyve
grown tired of you. Someone that whispers affectionate sayings after sex, so you remember youre more

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than warm flesh and blood and bone. Someone that delicately chooses their words, so they never express
something they regret during an argument.

One day, youll find someone that will commit to you in this era of non-commitment. Someone that reminds
you that you dont have to settle for a false love filled with false promises and false intimacy. You dont have
to use sex as a way to grow closer to someone. You dont have to enter a casual relationship to avoid being
labeled as desperate or clingy or weak.

Love isnt what youve come to believe it is. It isnt analyzing his texts and waiting for phone calls thatll
never come. It isnt wondering if his flirting means anything and guessing where you stand with him.

Love isnt uncertainty. Its security.

So hold out for the type of love that you deserve. The all-consuming kind. The stay-up-all-night and stay-in-
bed-all-morning kind. The kind that youre not fully convinced exists yet.

But it does exist. And, if you hold out for someone that treats you like the beautiful soul you are, youll
experience that love for yourself. Itll feel comfortable and complex and right.

And itll be worth the wait.

Words: Holly Riordan

Real Love Is Unexpected

Ive been in love with only one woman thus far in my life. She was remarkable: exotically beautiful, adorably
intelligent, seductively cultured, and powerfully sympathetic. She came into my life unexpectedly and Im
still convinced we were meant to cross paths. We spent hours a day talking about life, love, and the universe.

I was vulnerable with her in a way I had never been with any other human before. It felt dangerously
liberating having my heart so exposed, yet love made everything blissful.

As with many great love stories, however, mine tragically ended. How and why is another tale for another
time, yet even in tragedy love is still incredibly powerful and humbling.

Looking back on my relationship, I am more of a man now having loved and lost. While the pain still
emerges from time to time, the mark she left on my life and the wisdom I gained is worth an
eternity of heartache.

What made my love different than the other girls Ive dated in the past was that she not only knew about all
the joyful occasions in my life, she also knew about all the suffering Ive been through. More important than
knowing, she took the time to deeply understand.

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Many people are impatient and they crave love for more self-serving reasons such as a need to feel
significant and accepted. Ive found that profound love takes time to develop and is cultivated after
discovering and understanding a persons darkest tribulations. People connect in their brokenness, and the
capacity to understand the depths of someone elses pain and darkness is a form of true intimacy one that
takes time and patience.

Yet, time and patience cannot be willingly spent without the presence of loyalty. True love cannot thrive
without loyalty, and loyalty stems from sheer honesty. Being completely transparent and candid with each
other, many times painfully honest with no games or bullshit; this is the only type of honesty that loyalty
and love are built on. Love is not vague, love doesnt play off jealousy and validation, love doesnt cause you
to question each others motives. Love is direct and never hides behind the truth.

Ive learned that true love is unexpected. Those who actively chase it come up empty handed and
disappointed. It is an elusive thread weaving its way through the tapestry of our lives, entwining us at
random moments. True love is a black swan; it suddenly creeps up on you and your life seems profoundly
different in the blink of an eye.

It makes you wonder how you lived before, who you would have been and where you would be had you
never met that person.

It always astounded me as to how easily people fall in love. I believe people love often, but deep love, the
kind that forever changes you and leaves a mark on your heart and soul, only comes a few times in ones life.
The times in my life when I was so desperate to be loved were the times when I was the farthest from it.
Ironically, Ive discovered that all sources of true love stem from first loving ourselves something that can
be even more perplexing than loving another person.

Love is a conundrum: its incredibly simple yet immaculately complex. Its the strongest emotion that can be
felt by humans. Weve waged war in the name of love, written epic novels and theatrical masterpieces, and
composed powerful music. It gives us euphoric pleasure yet has the capacity to send us spiraling into the
depths of sorrow.

I cant say I have it figured out its one of those things that might take a lifetime. One thing, however, is
certain: with all its highs and lows, love truly is what makes being human an exciting privilege.

Words: Sam Saghir

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How To Know Whether Youre Actually Suffering From A Mental Disorder

In my practice and my life Ive helped hundreds of people overcome feelings of depression, anxiety, low
self-esteem and more in usually only 3-6 sessions.

Clients in Toronto, Ontario, and abroad sometimes come to me as their last hope. Theyve been to doctors,
psychiatrists, psychologists, therapists, and other health care practitioners.

These apparent specialists have given these poor people a long list of disorders, illnesses, and clinical
conditions.

Someone has depression, another person severe depression, another major depression, and another clinical
depression. Then theres bipolar, OCD, generalized anxiety disorder, PTSD, and many more.

The client walks in feeling bad, and walks out with a whole bag of negative and disempowering labels.

Whenever I tell people you dont have depression, some of them freak out! What do you mean I dont
have depression!? I always feel down. I dont enjoy anything anymore. And I cry myself to sleep.

I tell them I know that what youre feeling is 100% real. I fully and completely understand how you feel.
Since I understand, you deserve the truth so you can live your life empowered.

The truth is that, generally speaking, anybody can feel depressed, anxious, bad about themselves, and so
forth. The same way that most people can gain weight.

If somebody is 300 pounds, the reality is that they are 300 pounds.

If somebody feels depressed, the reality is that they feel depressed.

The thing to note is that being 300 pounds is usually not a disorder, illness, or clinical condition. Again,
generally speaking, someone who weighs 300 pounds does things radically different than someone who is
fit.

What are you eating? When are you eating it? How often do you exercise?

If someone is 300 pounds but eats well and exercises, then there are different possibilities that can almost
always be cured naturally.

If someone came to you at every lunch with burgers, fries, and diet coke in their hands, and explained to
you that obesity runs in their family, what would you think? Lady, nobody runs in your family.

I honestly and truly do understand why some people embrace their labels. It gives them an explanation and
a sense of certainty when they feel so lost.

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Some people correctly reject medication and choose to visit therapists. But what does a therapist usually do?
They listen to you, and help you cope with your depression, anxiety, OCD, PTSD, etc.

You visit a psychiatrist and they hypnotize you to believe that its a chemical imbalance. They show scans
from studies that show that people who feel depressed fire off less neurotransmitters such as serotonin and
dopamine.

Its like saying people who are 300 pounds crave more white bread and less vegetables. Obviously! Theyve
gotten their body used to that.

Its ones beliefs, habitual physiology, focus, and language which determine which neurotransmitters fire.
Not the other way around! I have to make this so clear.

The challenge is that most of these professionals agree with these limiting and untrue labels, so the client
is left even more hopeless. In their need to have some certainty in their lives, they believe what doctors have
been telling them.

A true expert knows the truth. A true expert changes the cause, rather than chasing symptoms.

In my experience, deep down everybody is happy, strong, and with high self-esteem. I find the underlying
limiting and false beliefs, among other factors, which are currently blocking them from feeling these
amazing feelings. Once we easily change the cause, people finally feel alive again!

Ive had the privilege of seeing client after client wake up and confidently express themselves, rather than
believing an untrue label.

Words: Giovanni Maccarrone

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Im Warning You: Dont Fall In Love With Me

Dont fall in love with me, because I notice everything and overanalyze everything. I will be deeply aware of
the smallest change in your voice, the simple tap of your feet, and the way your eyeballs move when talking
to me.

Dont fall in love with me, because I am not ready to commit. Im not going to be ready, because I have walls
greater than that of China with large blocks of insecurities, doubts, and fears.

Dont fall in love with me, because Im the universes biggest drama queen. You wont understand why I am
misty-eyed over that Nicholas Sparks movie I watched a week ago or why I am so happy to see a random
little child smile at me on my way home from a stressful day at school.

Dont fall in love with me, because Im different. I wear skirts while everybody else prefers skinny pants and
boyfriend jeans. I love large comfy sandals like crocs while everybody else wants to wear those sexy T-strap
flats.

Dont fall in love with me, because I can become obsessed with things. Youll find me in the middle of the
night researching the best mirrorless camera I can get on the market and youll be shocked by how I
sometimes stay awake until dawn comparing Top 10 lists on the internet.

Dont fall in love with me, because Im the most heartless jerk youll ever meet. I have this speciality where I
can tear your heart into a million pieces, just by using my tongue.

Dont fall in love with me, because I get disappointed easily. I do not have high expectations, but
disappointments still come and it sometimes leads to self-deprivation. Youll see me lowering my self-
esteem and not getting my confidence back.

Dont fall in love with me, because I have a fear of the unknown and a fear of uncertainties. I overthink the
future and you wont enjoy staying with me once I start expressing my deep thoughts.

Dont fall in love with me, because Im strong and independent and at the same time crumbly and soft. Our
relationship will be a long battle and I dont know if you can remain calm and cool throughout that.

Dont fall in love with me, because I dont give in freely. Choosing to be with me will give you a lot of hard
times and headaches, because Im going to question everything.

Dont fall in love with me, because Im not pretty. I dont have almond eyes, rosy cheeks, a pointy nose, and
strawberry colored lips. I only have a broad forehead, a blemished face, and an awkward smile.

Dont fall in love with me, because I am hard to be with. Dont fall in love with me, because I am
intimidating. Dont fall in love with me, because I walk out when Im mad. Dont fall in love with me,
because I am broken. Dont fall in love with me, because I cant sleep with the lights on.

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Dont fall in love with me, because this list could go on and on and on.

But if you do love me the way I am and accept my flaws, Ill promise to love you with all my heart.

Words: Jezi Kirsten

I Fell In Love With Your Soul

You werent what I was expecting.You werent the tall, blond-haired, blue-eyed hockey player I thought Id
always wanted. You werent the perfect boyfriend who made my life complete. And you definitely werent
within the 50 mile parameter of my online dating geographical search.

And yet, somehow, you were able to touch my heart from 6000 miles away.
Your sweet, witty message first lit the spark of intrigue, the flame that quickly grew into a roaring fire. It was
your words that enchanted me, the mix of humor and eloquence that laid the roadmap to your soul, the
ensuing rapid-fire online chat that entwined your thoughts with mine.

It got real when I finally got to hear your voice for the first time. I counted down the hours each day until Id
get to sit in front of my computer screen and talk to you, for as many hours as we possibly could. Conversing
with you was as comfortable as the warmth of sunshine on my face. As natural as talking to myself. You said
the reason you kept telling me how beautiful I was, was because you loved the way it made me smile. I
didnt say it, but I was falling in love with you.It happened without either of us meaning to. Feeling so
strongly so fast.Joking about the hypothetical wedding. Naming the hypothetical children. Your good
morning texts made me giddier than chocolate. I couldnt stop smiling. I couldnt bear the thought of
waiting an entire month to see you. All I wanted to do was dance with you. All you wanted to do was kiss me.
We looked at each other longingly through the screen and felt so close, like we were in the same room. Like
you werent a stranger in another country. Like you were my soulmate.

You showed me a glimpse into your soul, and you made me feel at home there.
You loved the darkness in me as well as the light. I could look into your eyes and say anything, and still
know you got me. I gave you my heart, and you held it. You never got to hold my hand, but you always had
my trust. We talked about pain as well as joy, and I could envision living through pain with you. I could
imagine it, our fingers entwined, at the hospital, our half-Spanish baby girl in my arms. I could see us
growing old together, traveling the world after all of our babies had grown up.

I need you like a bird needs the sky.

I miss you like a ghost misses its body.
I want you like a soldier wants to live. Because I dont feel alive when youre gone. I dont want anyone else,
if I cant have you.
I fell in love with your soul. But sometimes, love isnt enough.

Words: Elizabeth Douitsis

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A Letter to My Younger Self: I Am Not the Woman You Expect

Dear 17-year-old self,

I am not the woman you expect. I am not the ideal, successful career woman; the brilliant, beautiful,
ambitious young professional working in a corporate office. I am a recent college graduate; lost at sea, a sea
of societal expectations and pressing decisions about the future. Perhaps I am not the woman you have
dreamt I would be, but that does not negate the wealth of experiences that will mold you into the strong
woman you will become. Your most difficult experiences and the lessons you will learn about life, love, and
womanhood will lead to your greatest successes and reveal you to be far more resilient than you know. I
know that you are incredibly stubborn and that you will dig in your heels, refusing to listen to the life
lessons I have to impart, but please take them to heart, live by them, and grow by them.

You Are Worth More Than Your Body.

In third grade, you heard the first of numerous questions about why youre so thin, and it stung. Since
then, it has seemed to you that people relentlessly comment on your appearance. You feel pressure to have
the clearest skin, to not be so tall and gangly, and to walk gracefully wherever you go. You wish you could
shrink into the crowd and become inconspicuous in a sea of people who look perfectly beautiful to you. I
will be honest with you: You will not grow up to have clear skin, flawless makeup abilities, or perfect teeth,
but none of those traits matter. You are kind, caring, and magnanimous, and your heart will carry you
further in life than you believe. On your twenty-first birthday, a stranger will confront you and tear your
appearance apart. You will not care in the slightest. Those words will sting, but you will recognize pain and
struggle in someone you have never met and will feel deep empathy. You will realize that societys
pervasive whispers that beauty defines womanhood and that kindness, empathy and love are worthless are
a mere notion. I am not the woman you expect. I strive to demonstrate my womanhood through my
character alone, through my heart, and I will succeed in that pursuit.

The Pursuit of Academic Success is Not the Pursuit of Happiness.

You are a perfectionist, and you are likely cringing internally at the notion that success and happiness are
not interwoven. In college, you will believe that the ultimate marker of success, the crown jewel of your
college experience, is graduating Summa Cum Laude in just three years. In the process of pursuing your
goal, you will endure stress that will shake you to the core. The anxiety you will feel over your grades will
consume you for years, lure you away from friends and family, and cause you to feel dejected and worthless.
You will question the importance of grades as a measure of success and begin to prioritize health and
leisure. You will graduate Summa Cum Laude after enduring deep struggle, in the exact timeframe you
planned, but the joy of graduating with highest honors will fade after a mere second, as you realize that you
sacrificed the most important parts of life to reach your goal. I am not the woman you expect. I understand
that success is living life to the fullest, and self-worth should stem from strength of character alone, not from
the indications of success that society prizes.

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Cherish Every Moment You Have.

At age nineteen, you will experience loss for the first time. You will be away at college when you hear the
news, unsure of how to cope away from your familys loving arms. You will feel completely alone until you
realize that grieving alongside your loved ones will heal you. You will come to learn that cherishing life is
not selfish; on the contrary, it is how your lost loved one would want you to live. Living and loving is the
most venerable means of honoring life.

Nearly three months after your college graduation, you will receive news of another loss. You will be taken
aback, stuck in a tailspin. You will need to re-learn how to cope. Your mind will flash back to your college
graduation, the very last time you spent with the person you lost. The memory will leave you with a bitter
taste in your mouth and a sharp, staggering pain in your heart until you realize that you made the most of
that special time and that the one you lost was happy and honored to share in your milestone. You will feel
lighter and happier as you realize that you savored the day and will cherish that time forever. I am not the
woman you expect. I have coped with loss and learned that healing stems from appreciating life, even in
lifes darkest moments.

Vulnerability is Something to Embrace.

You are staring down at a blank Word document, frozen, unable to write. You have no desire to share your
challenges with the colleges to which you are applying. You refuse to open up to others, terrified of feeling
hurt by them. Your greatest fear is losing the acceptance of others by revealing your perceived weaknesses.

At twenty years old, you will receive an opportunity to share your story through writing and it will change
your life forever. You will realize that the gentle whisper of your pen across paper frees you, that writing
strengthens the connection between yourself and the world. You will discover that your words have the
power to draw others closer to you and that your writing has the power to ignite change, breed hope and
foster acceptance. You will embrace your darkest feelings and fears, transforming them into a thing of
beauty. Most importantly, you will find a burning passion and a sense of purpose through writing; all
because you chose to not only let others look through the window of your worldview, but to open the door
to your life. I am not the woman you expect. I have forged a deep connection not only with myself, but with
others, through finding my passion, transforming my struggles into beauty, and embracing my past,
present, and future wholeheartedly.

I am not the woman you expect. I do not base my self-worth on my position in life, but rather, my character
and my personal growth. I am not the woman you expect. I have not only experienced happiness, but also
tears to become the woman I am today. I am not the woman you expect. I am here to assure you that due to
the challenges you will face and the lessons you will learn, you will become far stronger, wiser and more
resilient than you could have ever imagined.

Love,
Your older, wiser self
Words: Kelly Douglas

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Dont Ever Be Sorry For Being The Girl Who Cares Too Much

You will always be too much or too little of something. Too outgoing, too bright, too quiet, too shy, too much.
When I was in middle school, I stumbled across a quote by Danielle Laporte and it was absolutely perfect: If
you round out your edges, you lose your edge.

And that line is so simple, but so true.

Someone will always want you to be a smidge different. There will always be a person who likes you when
youre just a little more outgoing or a little more reserved. You will be encouraged to change, to shift, to
mold, to adapt. And the world will tell you that once you do that tiny little thing differently, youll be better.
Youll be perfect.

But the older I get, the more Ive realized that perfect is boring.

And being you, and all the ways youre too little or too muchthat brings color to your life.

Maybe youre the girl that texts first, who overanalyzes every message before sending, wanting it to say
exactly whats on her mind. Maybe you find yourself falling in love too easily, or giving your heart away like
its a pin attached to the edge of your sweater sleeve. Maybe youre the girl who has feelings for the boy
whos unsure, and you find yourself reading quote after quote about love, wondering if youll ever truly find
it.

Maybe youre the girl that stays up late, just to make sure her friends get home safe, or who spends hours
listening to someone pour their heart out, even though shes dead-tired and has a laundry list of things to
get done.

Maybe youre the girl who has always cared too much,
putting everyone elses heart before her own. And maybe, for
once, you need to stop apologizing for that.
Youre always going to be too little or too much of something. And in your case, you care too much. But why
are we told thats a bad thing? Why are we so convinced that being too much is negative? Because its
vulnerable? Because its strong? Because its incredibly brave and rare in this world where were all too
damn afraid to be our true selves?

In a world thats always trying to change you, you dont have to be sorry for who you are.

You dont have to be sorry for texting first, for calling when you havent heard from him and want to make
sure hes safe, for being the girl that jumps all in, and seeks real love in return. You dont have to apologize

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for writing love poems or buying him little gifts for no reason at all. You dont have to apologize for all the
things you do because you cant help it. Just because you care.

You dont have to be sorry for loving him just a little bit
more, because thats how your heart is, sweet girl. It
doesnt know how to love with any less than all of it.
And theres nothing wrong with being the girl with feelings, the girl with a heart, the girl that thinks about
others and values her relationships. Theres nothing wrong with being the girl that lets people in, that allows
herself to be open and honest, that gives and gives and gives, even when people dont deserve it.

In this world of half-love and fear of commitments, in this world of just talking and having a thing rather
than dating, in this world of people skirting around their emotionsyou are perfectly enough.

And its time you stop being ashamed of your big heart.
And its time you stopped apologizing for giving a damn.

Because the world needs more brave, beautiful souls like you.

Words: Marisa Donnelly

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This Is What Your Friends With Depression Actually Need You To Understand

In a world where we glorify sarcasm and bash on sensitivity, it is getting harder and harder to cope with
depression. People often belittle depression. They seem to associate it with random mood swings. You share
just a little piece of how you truly feel and then you get judged, mocked, and made fun of. People would
often tell you to move on and get over it because its not anything physical. But thats where they are
wrong. Depression involves all aspects of a persons life. It ruins a person emotionally, mentally and
physically.

Let me share with you just some of the things I faced (and continue to face) in my battle against depression.

The suicide thoughts are endless. I think about them every time my brain is not preoccupied. For example,
when I cross the street, I stare at the passing vehicles and I think of how easy it would be to just throw myself
in the center and die. I debate on whether or not I should leave a suicide note. Then I begin to wonder if
people were going to attend my funeral. Were they going to cry? Would they regret the things theyve said
to me? Would they even care enough to come? Then my heart begins to feel a painful squeeze as I imagine
myself being buried without anyone mourning for me. The emotions of self-loathing gets heavier. And then
I feel helpless. And alone. And insignificant.

The panic attacks have the worst timings. They get triggered by the littlest actions and then all of a sudden,
my whole body feels cold. I start to sweat profusely and it gets harder to breathe. I try to think of all the
things my psychiatrist told me. Happy thoughts. Happy thoughts. Unfortunately, those happy thoughts
dont work all the time. I clench my chest and lock myself in the bathroom again. I cant let anyone see me
like this. I cant be weak. People hate it when Im weak. I try to inhale as much air as I can, but its useless. I
feel like everything I try to breathe in doesnt even reach my lungs. Its going to be fine. Im going to be fine.
I repeat this to myself over and over again. I hate depending on medication but my little self pep talk wasnt
working, so I go out of the bathroom and grab the much-hated medicine canister. I take the familiar pill and
wait for it to take effect. I hate myself.

Crying spells at night are a problem, too. I dont want anyone to see me cry because Id be labeled as being
too sensitive and too shallow. They would ask me why Im crying and Id try to explain, but some people
wouldnt and couldnt understand. So I practiced the art of crying silently instead. I let my tears fall
uncontrollably as they soak my pillow. Every night, I cry myself to sleep as I hope that my eyes would
eventually get tired and my body would finally allow me to sleep without nightmares. Eventually, I fall
asleep hating myself for feeling too much. Why am I like this?

Then some days, it gets really, really bad. The pain becomes too much. Everything just hurts and the pain
starts to destroy the little self-love left. I grab the blade I carefully hid and begin to cut. My vision is blurred
by tears but I sense the familiar sting and I feel relief and guilt all at the same time. I knew it was wrong but
at least, this was a kind of pain that I could control. Id make one cut, and then another, and then another. I
continue to cry because I know its wrong to harm myself but I dont know how to cope anymore. I have my
family and friends but I do not feel like they are there for me. I lock myself in the bathroom for hours and

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then I look for a huge wrist band as an attempt to cover the cuts. I go out and act like nothing ever
happened and everybody around me does the same.

Depression can do a lot of things to a person and it can manifests in several other ways other than what I
have shared above. So the next time you meet someone who tells you that he or she is depressed, dont tell
her to get over it, just give them a hug. Make them feel loved and treasured. Abandon the sarcasm and
mean words and replace them with simple gestures of kindness and empathy. Just be sensitive, because
sometimes, thats all a broken person asks for.

Words: Lovely Tesorio

What I Learned When My Depression Followed Me Around The World

Depression follows you everywhere you go. Ive been trying to outrun mine for as long as I can remember.
So when it hit me in some of the most beautiful places in the world, I was left wondering if this was what
happiness felt like.

Maybe life was just a constant grey instead of living in full color.

I spent a full day in bed in Paris, France. Instead of seeing the beautiful sites, I opted to cower under the
sheets in my rental, wondering how the hell I had gotten here. I was wondering what happened in my life
that made me feel like I wasnt worth love.

I hiked up a mountain in Granada, Spain. Instead of looking out at the most amazing view Ive ever seen
with two people I love dearly, I was wondering how quickly I could get down. I was wondering how quickly I
could hide away from the world again. I wanted to sleep. I was just too tired of being in my own head.

I couldnt leave my apartment in Vienna, Austria. I wanted to see the sites. I wanted to see everything that
Vienna had to offer but instead I stayed in the apartment I rented and thought about how unappreciative I
was. I was the worst person for having all of these opportunities and completely wasting them.

I got lost in my own head in Popoyo, Nicaragua. I had to sit with myself in extreme silence and pay attention
to all of those disgusting thoughts I had managed to push away for so long. I heard the deep insecurities
that were plaguing me and I realized there that I was broken. I was broken and I wasnt going to be able to
fix it. I wasnt going to fix it because I really just didnt care about myself anymore.

I thought about how my family and friends would be better off without me in London, United Kingdom. I
just wanted to not be around anymore. I didnt want people to rely on me. I didnt want to care about
anyone elses feelings. I wanted to be completely alone and I didnt want anyone to know what I was doing.
I was retreating inside myself and even though I could see it, I couldnt stop it.

I made major mistakes in Calgary, Canada. It was home but when I took a quick escape from Europe to see
my people, I made old mistakes. The old mistakes led me to remember that I am not a good person. Im

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impulsive and Im all for instant gratification without thinking my actions through. Its because I didnt care.
I just wanted to stop feeling like something was missing.

I tried to heal in Geneva, Switzerland. I tried to let myself think that things were starting to get better. I had
friends. I was starting over. I was getting to a place where I could be myself again. I felt like maybe, just
maybe my hopelessness was gone and I didnt have to worry anymore. I didnt have to worry about being
sad because this temporary relief felt great.

I had a breakdown in Edinburgh, Scotland. After thinking that maybe things were starting to get better, I was
walking through the streets of one of the most beautiful places in the world with two people I love more
than anything and all I could think was, Is this it? I didnt feel anything inside. I didnt feel happy. I felt like
for the rest of my life I was going to live half alive. I was going to just have to deal with that fact that
happiness isnt for everyone. So I cried. And I couldnt stop crying for multiple hours.

I had a major anxiety attack in Bordeaux, France. I felt it build in my chest. I had been on antidepressants for
one week. So when the anxiety hit, I was woken from my sleep in a panic. I started to move around the hotel
room with energy I wasnt even sure where it came from. My brain was bouncing back from telling me to
calm down to telling me to freak out. I felt like I couldnt breathe. I just needed to get out of that room.

I healed, really healed, in Brighton, United Kingdom. After weeks of therapy, weeks of antidepressants,
weeks of not knowing if I was going to overcome my mental illness, I started to feel better. I felt the fog start
to lift. I felt the pain of constantly hating yourself start to lift. I felt that getting out of bed wasnt such a brutal
chore anymore. I finally started finding myself again, with a lot of help from other people.

Ive taken my depression to some of the most beautiful places in the world. Ive let it rule my decisions for
the last while. Depression and anxiety arent a joke. Theyre not something someone pretends to have to be
on trend. Depression and anxiety are real and they hurt.

They take the most amazing things and turn them into
something you fear or hate.
I didnt deal with my mental health soon enough. I should have done it earlier but I also learned a lot about
it over those months and destinations. I know who I am now. I know that depression isnt going to rule my
life anymore. I just hope that if you are where I was, that you know that youre going to be OK. That you
should reach out to someone and let them know where youre at.

You are loved. You will get through this.

Words: Alexandria Brown

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How To Disappear Completely

Depression always strikes from out of nowhere. When it decides to show up it takes over everything and you
feel small, tiny. You want to cry all the time but for no reason in particular. Nothing matters anymore, and
the world is filled with a thick black smoke and you have a lack of interest in anything, not even the things
that normally make you smile. Ive struggled with depression my whole life, but my depression has never
been so bad that Ive ever wanted to take my own life or get on a regiment of drugs that only takes away
your sex drive and makes things worse. And for that Ive been lucky.

Instead I saw a therapist because my college offered free mental health to students, and I thought that
would be a much rounder way of dealing with the depression. Seeing a therapist can be one of the most
frustrating experiences if youve never done it, because youre opening up to a person you dont really
know, and when you talk to them they just sit there and look at you, shaking their head/squinting their eyes
when all you want is for them to tell you that, No, Youre Not Crazy and, Wow, Here Are 15 Things You Can Do
To Change Your Life Right Now. Seeing a therapist is really about you coming to your own conclusions by
talking it out with yourself, untangling your brain on your own accord.

My biggest breakthrough in therapy was when my therapist asked me to describe what my depression felt
like. I told her there were moments I felt extremely confident, where I can instantly turn on and give a
fabulous performance. But there were other, darker times where, virtually out of nowhere, I felt disappeared
completely, where I felt insignificant, listless, invisible, unable, not there.

I told her that the feeling of disappearance always cropped up whenever I entering a room of people Id
never met before, which includes almost every social interaction you could have. I told her that when I walk
into a new space I immediately feel disappeared at the same time I feel judged, like everyone is laughing at
me, pointing, even though theyre likely not paying me any attention whatsoever. And as they laugh, Im
just getting smaller and smaller until I completely disappear. I told her that I feel a dark cloud of shame over
my head every time I walk into a new space, that the cloud of shame was so palpable that it forces me to
hold my head down in a panic of total embarrassment and denial of self.

The feeling of disappearing completely is probably one of the most significant aspects of dealing with
depression. We live in a world of attention, and in those moments you feel like you dont exist, like nobodys
listening, like nobody cares, like youre dug so deep into a tunnel and nobody can come dig you out. But
naming what my depression felt like was a breakthrough moment because I was finally able to talk about
how to shatter that cloud of shame. Naming how I feel when depressed allowed me to be totally aware of
the feeling whenever it hit, so I could actively try to shatter the cloud.

Now when I enter a scary room I try to say to myself, Just avoid the cloud of shame. I know it seems crazy,
but our moods are controlled by how we inhabit and move through the world. I cant say that I dont still feel
like Ive disappeared completely when the depression hits, but at least I now have a way to talk about it that
isnt as abstract as feeling sad.

Words: madison moore

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Depression Is A Constant Tight-Knit Battle Within Myself

Depression is a constant tight-knit battle within myself. Im on medication for my second time, and probably
always will be. Most of the time, I feel good. Most of the time Im content with what I do. I have a stable job,
an amazing opportunity for schooling, a nice family and amazing friends, I give back to the community and
people close to me, I know how to handle situations well, and I have a good home with good roommates. Id
even say Im brag-worthymost of the time. Other times, I go days without even looking at myself in the
mirror.

This is my depression. The unbearable thought of even looking at myself. The sudden burst of tears out of
nowhere, and the undeniable need to stay in bed for forever. People who say that depression does not
define you are wrong. Depression is a part of me. A huge part of me, actually. Ive been told its because I
have such a big heart, that I let so much in all the time, and that its not a bad thing. Im ok with this. You
cant be happy if youve never been sad. But my depression is completely forgetting what happiness is, or
was. It engulfs every part of my being.

It starts on the surface, makes its way through my muscles to the bones, then to my brain and my heart.
Being awake is fine, but not being out of my home, or even out of my bed. Gravity seems so heavy all of the
sudden. Standing up hurts, sitting in a chair hurts, all of my clothes are heavy and my eyelids follow suit.

Sometimes I cry over nothing at all, sometimes over everything in life. I dont ever see the light at the end of
the tunnel, but I always keep walking through the tunnel. I slow down, but I never stop.This is the tricky part
of my depression. I tell people Im close to about it, and that Im on antidepressants and that I see a
therapist or counselor when I can. Without fail, I am asked about suicidal thoughts or actions. Never. I have
never thought about dying any time soon. I never have. Its rare when someone believes that. Depression is
given the rep that if youre depressed, you dont want to live, and you want to kill yourself. Nope. Not even
a little bit. Not ever. I have always wanted to be alive, to make a difference in the world, to have a family and
a house and car and pets. Its just, soheavy.

My depression is the big fleece blanket and soft pillow that wants to keep me in one spot, alone. My
depression is the thing I see out of the corner of my eye that I swear I just saw, but when I turn my head I
cant see it. Sometimes it hides for a couple hours, sometimes for a couple weeks. I cant ever see it, but I
know its there. Like a spider from the corner, it will show face and crawl right in front of me sooner or later.

But it always comes back, unannounced and unwanted. I have tried to smash it, and others have tried to
help. But depression is a part of my definition.

Words: Jenny Brager

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What Depression Really Feels Like

Ive always found it unhelpful to see depression as a mental illness. For me, when periods of depression are
triggered, its with a tightening feeling in the stomach, a fragment of a second where it feels like my heart
has stopped. Then the panic from my nerves which hasnt yet reached my brain: I need to escape this busy
space, this room, this conversation. Only then does it become mental, as the sadness hits me and my senses
malfunction, wildly swinging from being unable to sleep and sleeping all the time, not be able to eat and
horribly overeating, and a whole range of other emotions that dont really fit into the traditional wave of
sadness image: loss, envy and more than anything else blind fucking terror.

Ive suffered from manic depression probably since the age of seventeen, although probably before that- its
difficult to know from that far back what was depression and what was just a bad day for a confused teen.
However, its taken me three years to actually be able to put the experience into words without falling back
on clich or facts about depression that Ive learned from television, films, music and books.

The problem is that its difficult to tell what is part of the disease and what is just an integral part of you,
because no one ever really discusses these things. People are more than happy to tell you about their
current cold, or that summer they nearly died from an appendicitis, but youll never hear an anecdote of
that week where I wanted to kill myself or my summer of self-harm. Then again, I can totally understand
why people dont want to talk about it. No one needs the constant worried looks you get from friends you
play the D card with, the comforting shoulder pat that wasnt there before and the conversation second only
to I see you more as a friend in bullshit awfulness: you know you can tell me anything, right?. Well guess
what: I cant actually, because I know the things that are reverberating within me right now are tiny
insignificant problems, but that doesnt stop them keeping me awake at night sick with misery and despair.
I can already hear the conversation youre going to have tomorrow about me, rolling your eyes with a
mutual friend over how overdramatic I am. I cant, actually, because Im not even sure myself why Im
currently feeling like I do. I cant, actually, because a lot of the reasons I feel like this are because of you,
those tiny meaningless things you do or say that explode inside my head, leaving me paralysed and alone
without really knowing why.

All I know is that if the self-loathing lonely teenager I was had had access to personal accounts of depression
such as the one Im trying to write for you know, I know I could have identified the problem a lot sooner and
sought the help I desperately needed (and still desperately need) much sooner than the three years it has
taken me to find it. Or if any of the boyfriends or close friends I have been luckily enough to have in this
time had read them, they might have been better able to understand why I could be so cruel to them at
times, why sometimes I just had to shut myself away from them, why I could be so volatile. Not being able
to understand why you are feeling the way you do is one of lifes most terrifying moments, and until we start
talking openly its going to continue to terrify our friends, our families, ourselves.

Words: Samuel Spencer

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Depression: A War With Myself (But Now Im A Warrior)

My name is Jasmin Pierre and I am a WARRIOR.

I fought in the heat of a serious battle. I have scars that are internal. Sometimes internal scars are even
worse than physical scars. This battle lasted for seven long years and it nearly took my life. However I came, I
saw, and I conquered. It was not easy in any sense. Let me tell you about a battle I fought called Major
Depressive Disorder.

Major depressive disorder is a serious mental illness. However many still do not see it as such.

If you try to tell someone who hasnt got a clue about depression, they will often times tell you

Youre just going through a rough patch. Think more positive and be strong.

Or they may tell you something like

Dont be weak. People have it a lot worse than you.

What they really should be telling you to do is

GO. GET. HELP.

Many people still dont comprehend that depression is an illness and not just a sadness. They dont know
about how you cant sleep at night. They dont understand how you cant concentrate or even function with
normal day to day activities. They also dont know that depression can also cause physical stress as well. That
people die from this illness every year.

If the stress from depression doesnt give them a heart attack or a stroke they may take matters into their
own hands and kill themselves. After all suicide is the tenth leading cause of death in the United States
(Nami).

When I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder at age twenty I was in denial. I knew I wasnt myself
anymore but the social stigmas of mental illness scared me. People made fun of depression. Many even
deemed those who suffer with it crazy. However, I wasnt crazy. I was your average twenty year old. In
college, working a part time job, looking for love in all the wrong places. Nobody knew how much I suffered.

Out of fear I refused help. I chose to keep suffering silently and alone for years until I could no longer take it.
Darkness swallowed me whole. J.K. Rowling is one of my favorite book authors. If youve ever read a Harry
Potter book you would know about Dementors. Dementors basically look like the grim reaper. A demon
that wants to suck the happiness and life out of everything and everyone.

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In the book people who get around Dementors even describe I felt I would never be cheerful again. This is
exactly what depression feels like. This is exactly how I felt for so long. A week before my twenty sixth
birthday I majorly overdosed on four prescription medications. While I should have died God decided to
keep me here. I spent a week in the hospital.

At this point I was tired. Tired of suffering. Tired of being ashamed and afraid. So finally I decided to get
help. Ive been to therapist and have taken anti depressants in the past. However medication often times
made me feel worse (even though for some people it works great).

I had to find alternative therapeutic methods to get me back or track. Such as writing and exercise. I also felt
better when I talked about what was going on with me instead of keeping everything inside. That was my
worst issue. I would hold everything in until I felt I would explode. That started to change.

I finally started to get my life back on track little by little but it didnt stop there. I never wanted anyone to
feel afraid or ashamed of depression. Help was the answer to recovery. So I became an advocate. I shared
my story on social media. I started posting facts and statistics to prove to others how serious this Illness
really is. It started to get some attention.

People started reaching out to me. One of my videos reached over forty thousand people. As of now I am
starring in a documentary called The mask that grins and lies by Martine Granby. Its about three black
women who have suffered from mental illness and are trying to live their day to day lives while combating
the stigma of mental illness in society. This documentary is actually headed to the Tribeca film festival in
New York this month.

Ive also written a self help book thats now available on Amazon called A Fight Worth Finishing. Its all
about my experiences with major depressive disorder and suicide. Also how I finally started my road to
recovery.

This is why I am a WARRIOR. A battle that tried to take my life didnt kill me as hard as it tried. I now fight for
others still in the heat of the battle. A battle so many feel they will lose. However Im here to tell them do not
give up. Keep fighting because your life is worth living.

Words: Jasmin Pierre

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The Thing About Having Anxiety That No One Seems To Understand

The thing about anxiety is that its the most common neurological disorder, but also the least understood.
When I was 8 years old, I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder (or, at that time, Anxiety-
Depression Disorder). At 15, I was diagnosed with a mood disorder, not otherwise yet specified (most likely
some form of depression). Depression and anxiety are often coexisting conditions, and in my case, being
anxious debilitates me, which depresses me. And then I get anxious about the fact that Im depressed which
depresses me even more. Its a seemingly never-ending cycle.

One of the things I dislike most about being mentally ill is how taboo the subject is. So many people
struggle with some form of mental illness, just as so many struggle with some form of physical illness. Why
do we so often hide and pretend the issue doesnt exist?

Sometimes when I tell people about my anxiety and/or depression, I feel as if I am not taken seriously. I am
worried Ill be laughed at and be accused of making it up in my head. Of course, it is absolutely true that
everyone feels anxious and depressed occasionally, but when you are so anxious and sad you can no longer
function like you are capable of, then theres a serious problem. They can become serious mental illnesses,
and, when not treated (even sometimes when treated), can lead to suicide. I would like to see a day where
physical health is looked at the same way as mental health is.

The spectrum of physical health works the same way as the spectrum of mental health does. Some people
have a chronic physical condition, such as diabetes, and some have a chronic mental condition, such as
bipolar disorder. Some get common colds multiple times a year and for others they are very rare, just as
some fall into depressions or have panic attacks much more often than others do. Mental and physical
health are the same concept, they just affect different parts of the body, thus must be treated differently.
Unfortunately, we know much more about the body than we do about the brain. Somebody who is mentally
ill now may not be mentally ill there entire life. For example, it is possible for one to only have one episode
of major depression in their lifetime and to not have it recur. For another, the mental illness is chronic and
occurs throughout their entire life. I am most certainly one of these people.

When I say, I have anxiety, I do not mean Some days I am anxious about some things. What I mean is
that I am anxious all day, every day. It hangs like a cloud over my patchwork life. It is a familiar constant. I am
too anxious to read or do the dishes. I am so anxious that I can become suicidal. I have full blown panic
attacks, although less often now than I used to. Im talking about heart pounding, vision blurring with tears,
hyperventilating, sweating, clammy hands, racing, irrational thoughts, and sometimes, hitting or scratching
myself. My heart palpitates and I frequently double over in pain. My anxiety has put significant stress on
relationships, nearly ruining them. It prevents me from enjoying life and I have to work as hard as I possibly
can to not let it take everything away from me. At this point, I kind of do feel like it has taken over my life,
like everything I do is controlled by it. I often feel powerless, like Ill never be happy again, but in my saner
and more rational moments, I know thats not true.

I know that I have a life outside of anxiety and that I am incredibly fortunate to have everything I have:
incredible friends, a supportive family, access to education, the basic necessities, financial stability, and

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other opportunities. But despite all of this, the anxiety refuses to go away. Anxiety can sometimes run in
families, as is the case with me, however, the exact cause of it is unknown. Depression runs on both sides of
my family and anxiety is extremely prevalent in all the females on my moms side. My point is that anxiety
can be a serious mental illness. Millions of people, not just me, struggle with it and some much worse than I
do. The thing about anxiety is that it takes every little fear or worry and makes it about a thousand times
worse.

The thing about anxiety is that it never seems to stop.

Words: Isabel Roennfeldt

On Suicide And Thinking About Death (And What It Means For Those Who Dont)

I have a friend who thinks about dying often. Not in an abstract, what-does-it-all-mean way, really, but in a
way that makes death seem as viable an option as grabbing a drink with a friend or seeing a new movie that
just came out. It could happen at any moment, all it takes is the initiative.

Were only 20 years old, and for that reason, we shouldnt think about these things. We should think about
finishing our educations and hanging out with friends and waking up each morning to a bowl of that cereal
our mothers always give us grief for, because its far too sugary.

Were only 20 years old, after all. Our lives have just begun.

Let me tell you a little bit more about my friend. By age 20, he has already dealt with the death of a parent, a
life-threatening illness in the other parent, depression and anxiety, and a nicotine addiction. Just a few short
months ago, he was a teenager, but now here he is, 20 years old, beginning a new decade, and all he can
think about is: not another one.

None of this is meant to scare you or beg for pity. This is just a matter of fact. He is 20 years old, but he cant
imagine making it to 30 anymore than he can imagine what life will be like a thousand years from now. Ten
and a thousand years may as well be the same thing to him.

Let me make this clear for you: I have never been suicidal. I dont wear this as a badge of honor or pride it
is just a matter of fact. Sure, I have thought about death, and I have wondered, on occasion, what would
happen if I left this world. But each time a thought like that occurs to me, I push it out of my mind and focus
on the good in life: hot coffee in the morning, the sound of rain against a roof, the smell of freshly cut grass,
the sound of my family laughing. These things keep me here.

But it is not that hard for me to empathize with my friend and see where he is coming from. I can
understand him when he says that twenty is older than it actually is.

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And now, with news stories like Robin Williamss death reaching the enormity that they do, death and
suicide have become hot topics in the American household. Why would they do it? How could they do it?
How could someone kill themselves?

I just dont understand.

Suicide and depression are sensitive topics. I want to share a quote I read recently, whilst reading about
Robin Williamss death, that I think explains the sensitive nature of this subject perfectly:

Here is the tragedy: when you are the victim of depression, not only do you feel utterly helpless and
abandoned by the world, you also know that very few people can understand, or even begin to believe, that
life can be this painful. Giles Andreae

Not everyone understands, and thats what makes it so difficult. Depression is not something many people
recognize as a disease. For many, it is not the same as cancer or diabetes, but I assure you, it is. It is the
reason my friend, who has the most beautiful mind Ive ever encountered, sits on his rooftop and wonders
about jumping off it. Many cannot accept it, and that is why stories such as Robin Williams death hit us so
hard. Because it is real and it is a disease, not something to be ashamed of, and thats difficult for a lot of
people to accept. Because to some, an injured mind is the not the same as an injured body. I am so sorry
that it is this way, and I wish with all my might that it was not.

I understand that people die every day. I understand that some of these deaths are due to suicide. I
understand that you may be reading this and remembering someone you once knew who took his or her
own life. And I understand that you may be angry, because they didnt get this much recognition. And they
deserved it, didnt they? Im sorry, because they did.

Its unfair, really, how things like this work out. But Ill tell you one thing: though not everyone receives
remembrance on the scale that Williams has, it is through his passing that maybe, just maybe, people will
begin to recognize depression as an illness, and not a passing affliction.

Maybe, just maybe, my friend will make it to 30.

Words: Hannah Gordon

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Suicide Is Not A Sign A Person Was Weak: Its A Sign The Battle With Depression Was Lost

In 2003, I lost a beloved and revered mentor. Much like with Robin Williams, information was initially
scarce: all I knew at first was that he had died the night before. A few hours later, I crossed paths with a
friend and we immediately started talking about what we had just found out. I shook my head and
mumbled, I just wish I knew how he died.

My friend stared at me and said, Abby, he killed himself.

There were some things I did right in the wake of his suicide. I went to his memorial service and I cried on
the shoulders of those who were supportive and I distanced myself from those who werent. I wrote poetry
and I scribbled in my diary to process the unprocessable. I found little ways to keep his memory alive. I
spent hours talking with friends about our favorite memories, his funniest jokes, his most brilliant
moments. Theres a sound wave of an American Top 40 Long Distance Dedication floating somewhere out
there in the universe, with Casey Kasems voice reading my letter about saying good-bye far too soon.

And there were some things I did horribly wrong. I was hurt and I was angry and I didnt understand
depression and I was quick to do what Fox News and others have been doing in light of Robin Williams
passing: I questioned the act separate from the disease and I labeled it all the things you should never label
suicide. In 2003, I had wished for a time machine so I could go back to before his suicide and remind him
just how many people loved him and looked up to him. In 2014, I wish for a time machine so I could go
back to when I was waiting in line at the wake and thinking selfish, over and over and over again to myself
and educate 16-year-old me on what depression really is.

We have a saying whenever someones life ends due to cancer. We say that theyve lost their battle with
cancer. The phrase can be problematic, Ill be the first to admit: it can potentially put an unfair onus on the
patient, as if they succumbed to the disease because they didnt work hard enough. But we never look at
them with disdain, never shake our heads and go, What a coward. They died due to their cancer.

It can strike at all levels and with varying degrees of severity. It doesnt matter how good or bad your life is,
how easy or hard you have it, what youve done or not done to maintain your health.

Perhaps its time we start seeing depression in the same light as cancer. There will always be differences; the
nuances in treatments and behaviors will always vary depending on the disease, the person, the
circumstances, everything. Nothing in life is ever that black and white. But maybe people would better
understand such a misunderstood illness if we stopped viewing it as the crazy person problem and started
viewing it on a more medical level, the same way we view cancer.

Because it can strike without warning. It can strike at all levels and with varying degrees of severity. It
doesnt matter how good or bad your life is, how easy or hard you have it, what youve done or not done to
maintain your health. Its something that doesnt just go away with positive thinking. Its something that
might never go away. Its something that can go into remission, only to resurface years later. And it can end
lives.

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But, most importantly, its something that needs to be treated, and treated without judgment on the moral
character of the patient. It is something that requires an intricate network of support and love, but with an
understanding that support and love alone is not enough to stop the disease. It is something that we cannot
blame the patient or ourselves for, because no one deserves it and no one brings it on themselves.

It breaks my heart every time a life is lost due to depression. Just like it breaks my heart that people can tell
their doctors their family history of physical health issues, but remain silent on any potential history of
mental health issues either because they are ashamed to admit that they have crazy people in their
family, they are ashamed to admit that they might be genetically predisposed to be crazy as well, or
because such information is kept hidden and unspoken, like the worst of family secrets.

Had I known more about how depression works when I was 16, I mightve been able to grieve in healthier
way. It is not cowardly when depression wins out and that person takes their life. But it certainly is tragic.
Maybe we can stop viewing suicide as a way out of anything and start viewing it as a sign that someone
lost their battle with depression. And maybe people who are uninformed about disorders of the brain can
drop the ignorant words and phrases and open up a proper dialogue about mental health.

Words: Abby Rosmarin

I Still Care, But Im Done Being Hurt

Theres no point in pretending I dont care.

My heart still feels heavy whenever your name pops up in conversations, but Ive gained back some control.

See, there was a time when you clouded my mind, when every limb of my body would weaken whenever
you came close. You could have done anything, hurt anyone, and I would have still chosen to be by your
side.

Some called it love, others stupidity, but I think it had a little bit of both.

I still remember the day you left. It only took you five minutes on the phone to let me go. What you didnt
know was that it only took three seconds after we hung up to realize that I was done.

I was done with the pain of always choosing you and I was done with the pain of crying over someone who
never appreciated me. I was done feeling second to everything in the life of someone who had always been
a priority in mine.

I was done with the twisted cycle of letting myself go and letting myself open up, just to get tossed around
when you needed a punching bag to make yourself feel better. I was done being hurt.

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Its sad that it took me three years of my life to realize I deserve better. To realize that I deserve someone who
does not feel the need to yell and insult me, or yell at me in public whenever I was quiet, or treat me like a
child when I was distant and chastise me to snap out of it.

Most of all, I realize now that I deserve someone who loves me for me and not the girl that he wants me to
be. I deserve someone who does not enlarge my body size or base my value off of my body size or the way I
do my makeup.

I deserve someone who does not belittle my dreams. I deserve someone who makes me feel amazing and
invincible.

And with tears in my eyes, I swear this time is different.

So this is a new page in my book. This is the last time you will ever read my words about you, because I am
done with you.

Words: Ivonne Rodriguez

This Is Why You Feel So Fucking Empty Inside

You feel empty, because your appreciation doubles as soon as you experience loss. You dont fully
appreciate your old friends until they become strangers. You dont fully appreciate your boyfriend until your
relationship crumbles. You dont fully appreciate your parents until they drop dead in front of you.

You feel empty, because youre on a mission to be pretty. So you get your eyebrows threaded and you get
your hair dyed. You paint your lips red and line your eyes with black. But it doesnt help. Youre still a mess
on the inside, even when youre supermodel-pretty on the outside.

You feel empty, because youve been taught to value the wrong things. Texts. Emails. Likes. And when you
get them, those things that youve been conditioned to think you want, you realize they arent important.
That you dont feel any better with a phone filled with notifications, because thirty likes arent any better
than three. You still want more, because you think more will help, but it wont. It will feed your temporary
need for attention, but it wont feed your soul.

You feel empty, because youre human. And you have so

much space inside you that its close to impossible to fill it all.
But you can try. You have to try.
All of that emptiness is a product of your confusion. You dont know what the hell you want out of this life,
because youve never sat alone in an empty room, without the television or an iPod or your phone to break
the silence, and asked yourself the question: What do you want?

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Were not talking about what career path you want to take. Were not talking about what kind of person you
want to spend forever with. Forget about those things. Theres more to life than your relationship and your
career. So what do you, as an individual, want? What the hell do you want?

There has to be something. Something more to your life than eating, sleeping, working, repeating.
Something more than the occasional outing to Applebees and annual trip to Florida. Something more than
what youve grown used to experiencing.

Figure out what would make your hands shake, your heart
soar, your soul sing, so you dont die unfulfilled and empty.
Maybe you want to know what it feels like to dance in front of a crowd. Maybe you want to taste ice cream in
Rome. Maybe you want to reconnect with your high school friends.

If you want it, if you think it will bring you even an ounce of happiness, do it. Dont do it next year. Dont do
it tomorrow. Do it now. And if you dont have the ability to do it now, then at least take a step toward it now.
Sign up for the dance class. Research flights to Rome. Search for your old friends on Facebook.

Dont settle for existing for being a body with handfuls of

money, but an empty heart.
Actually live. Give yourself a reason to get up tomorrow, so you dont end up stuffing yourself with drugs or
alcohol or toxic boys. So you dont end up creating an existence youre ashamed of instead of a life youre
proud of.

Right now, you feel empty inside. Completely and utterly hallow. But you can fill yourself up with the right
choices. You just cant be afraid to make them.

Words: Holly Riordan

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What Happens When Youve Been Sad For Too Long

Sometimes I look into the mirror and ask myself how could this happen to me?

The last few years have changed so much. Ive been subject to pain, depression, sadness and every form of
agony that a human mind can experience. Life happens to all of us, but for some people its never the way
we want it to be. A wrong turn here and there and youre stuck in the labyrinth of sadness forever. And when
the anguish surpasses the breaking point, theres no turning back. Youre stuck with misery forever.

If youve ever felt the sense of grief as deeply as I have, you might agree that the aftermath leads to such
consequences as:It gets compulsive. After a point sadness is a sort of habit. You cant really function without
the empty ache somewhere inside you. Somehow, after youve been exposed to such an intense feeling of
grief for so long it feels natural to exist with a tinge of lingering sadness. And its not like you dont laugh or
joke around, life is pretty normal except that theres a customary sorrow that just wont go away.

Everything seems a bit poetic. Yes, thats one of the cool things. Being sad adds a touch of poetry to your life.
It gets perfect when youre in the car with the earphones on and a sad song plays and you stare out of the
window feeling like a tragedy queen. But in fact, being sad is not poetic at all because in the end it only
makes you feel like shit. Its like performing in an empty theatre with no audience to watch you.

You become kinder. A person who has seen pain and sadness up so close can understand other people
better. Most of the people so easily forget that others are human. But one only understands grief when
youve felt it physically. Thats why I believe distress makes a person more humane. Sad people are kinder,
more compassionate and forgiving. They care about other peoples feelings because they know how it feels
when no one cares about theirs.

You become introspective. When youve spent so long wishing for happiness, you do tend to think more
deeply about what makes you happy. And then you just think more deeply about everything. You also tend
to overthink your decisions because youre scared youll go wrong. You cant afford another mistake and yet
another regret.

You appreciate more. You appreciate the small things in life and see beauty where others dont see
anything. Most people just enjoy the music but a sad person understands the lyrics. For us, a rainy day and a
good book are as close as we can get to happiness.

You become a creative person. It is the (to quote the clich) last but not the least thing that happens to you
when youre a gloomy person. In fact, it is the only actually good part. All these years of misery that you have
stacked away in your heart flows out through your creative abilities. Most of the time people dont even
realize it. Youre just writing or painting or singing or whatever to let it all out and eventually when you look
back you created a masterpiece!I guess, in the end were all a little sad. Some scars dont fade away because
they are the evidences of life, of the physical truth that you have lived.

Words: Aayushi Yadav

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You Are So Much More Than Your Anxiety

Repeat after me: You are not your anxiety.

Say it again: You are not your anxiety.

Let that phrase run through your mind the way the thousands of other nagging ideas do, let that phrase
stop those irritating creatures from chewing away at the insides of your mind and tearing holes in your
stomach. Let. That. Stop.

You are not your anxiety you are not the group of people you couldnt form words in front of because you
were too busy thinking, you are not the irrational response you give to social gatherings. You are not the
bills you think will drag you down, or the job you think youre awful at. You are not the future that keeps you
awake at night, or the past you find yourself dwelling on unable to change. You are not the body you think
you see when you look down at yourself at the gym, or the flaws you find in your smile you think everyone
seesbecause those are thoughts. They are not reality.

You are you strong, smart, and courageous because you wake up in the morning and put your feet on the
ground and tell yourself you can make it through the day. You are the happy laughs that others around you
find deep down because youve said something funny without trying. Youre the dimpled smile you find
yourself able to give others even when you dont think youre capable, paired with the reassuring You are
wonderful given to people when you can tell they genuinely need to hear it. You are the key strokes on your
computer that form words youre proud of and wish to give others hope with. You are the goals and
aspirations youre striving for day by day just by trying and achieving small steps at a time.

Most importantly, you are the fight youll bring to conquer those thoughts every single one of them,
because thats who you are, the person who won the fight with their own mind. You are not your anxiety.

Words: Emily Jane

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