Lowrance 1

Alexandra Lowrance

Professor Miss

UWRT 1104

March 31, 2017

Rhetorical Analysis

Learned and acquired knowledge - both weave through our written work and impact what

we say and the way in which we say it. I define writing as the ability to communicate our

thoughts by transforming them into written words. I often feel overwhelmed because I find

myself walking away several times before I am able to finish a written work. While writing my

college application essay, my mind jumped from the essay to acceptance to my dream school to

scholarships to every other aspect of leaving home and experiencing college life, a life that

would feed my secondary discourse. As I explore and observe my essay after months of not

reading it, I notice things I was not aware of when I first wrote it. The essay addresses the

prompt, Who do you raise your voice for? I spoke of how I raise my voice for teenage girls

through my extracurricular activities. I hope to better understand myself as a writer after

analyzing what I view as one of my best works.

From a very young age, my family, known as my primary discourse, instilled morals and

ethics in me that I would not realize until I was older. As I read about my work to reduce teenage

pregnancy, I realize my primary discourse included recognition that not everyone has the same

opportunities and resources as me, and I know I carry a responsibility to help remove barriers for

others that I never had to experience. Underrepresented and exploited groups, such as African

American teenage girls, exist in every community and college campus. These groups are often

invisible to those who have the power (Lowrance 2). I know others should not be judged based
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on one action or situation, thus, I suspend judgement and use the power of my privilege to

identify solutions and reduce teenage pregnancy. Looking back to high school, I realize

mushfaking was and still remains an excellent skill of mine. I used this skill throughout my

essay, but particularly in my last sentence when I said, I aspire for the opportunity to be that

voice on UNC-Chapel Hills campus (Lowrance 2). I wanted so badly to be admitted to UNC-

Chapel Hill and I acted as if I would continue to be an advocate for teenage girls while I was in

college. Although I attend UNCC rather than UNC-Chapel Hill, I do not see myself holding true

to these words no matter where I chose to attend school.

Analysis of my essay shows I mushfaked my way through by tailoring my words toward

the intended audience, the reviewers who would read my essay. While my involvement with

Teen Action Council helped me relate to the prompt, I focused on it for the majority of the essay.

I should have been more focused on myself rather than trying to stand out compared to other

applicants. Similarly, in Gees article, Literacy, Discourse, and Logistics (6), two women are

interviewed for a job, and one uses improper grammar while the other expresses the wrong

values needed for the job. I relate to both potential employees in that I do not express my true

values as a person in my essay. I also do not use my own language or the appropriate language

for this setting. I simply depend on my involvement in the community to gain acceptance. I

elaborate on past experiences, such as Teen Action Council, in an effort to address the prompt.

Going forward, I hope to be less concerned about grammatical correctness and more concerned

about authentically expressing myself. I grew up in a home where my parents constantly

corrected my grammar, which instilled in me a hypersensitivity for grammatical concepts such as

subject-verb agreement. Perhaps the admissions office would have liked my own language,

rather than the same old language they always read.

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Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., in his letter to his fellow clergymen from the Birmingham,

Alabama jail, used biblical illusions in an effort to relate and encourage them to practice what

they, quite literally, preached. He sought to persuade and, in doing so, used intentional language,

as did I in my essay. While exploring my essay, I noticed that I focused primarily on myself and

my leadership roles rather than focusing on what the prompt asked in my college essay. I start

my second paragraph with, I am Vice President of Teen Action Council (TAC), the youth

leadership arm of our local Department of Health & Human Services (Lowrance 1). I now

realize I was too focused on the audience and simply wanted to stand out. I went on to focus on

what I did well and described television interviews and my officer positions in two other school

organizations. I wanted to impress those who would read my essay with my involvement and

vocabulary rather than getting my point across. As I focused on teen pregnancies within different

races, I used binary oppositions in saying, ..the African American teen pregnancy rate dropped

20%, dipping below the White rate (Lowrance 2). I compared white versus black to show my

knowledge of rates in different races and identify the correlation of the pregnancy rates. Looking

back at my essay, I noticed that I was very biased toward the white community. Although the

black community had the highest teen pregnancy rates, I suspended judgement toward them as a

whole. My purpose in writing this essay was to gain admission to UNC-Chapel Hill, but more

importantly, I wanted those reading my essay to know and believe they have a voice. Your voice

and ability to stand up for others along with your ability to write can be so powerful.

The power to persuade is often illustrated through ethos, pathos, and logos; however, I

primarily used ethos and logos in my essay. I find myself using ethos by appealing to the readers

ethics, again based on my assumption of what they were. I began my essay by stating and

explaining why African American girls of low socioeconomic status with poorly educated
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parents are most at risk for teenage pregnancy because they are more likely to experience, poor

living conditions, unsafe neighborhoods, institutional racism, and discrimination (Lowrance 1).

I chose a topic and adapted my essay to meet what I believed would appeal to the reader and

convince him/her of my character and worth. My goal was to persuade the reader that I have the

potential to excel at their University. In his Birmingham City Jail letter, Dr. Martin Luther King

Jr. used ethos when he told the reader, ...since I feel that you are men of genuine good will and

that your criticisms are sincerely set forth, I want to try to answer your statement in what I hope

will be patient and reasonable terms (1). He believed the reader would approve of patience and

reason similarly to how I believed the reader of my essay would approve of my recognition of

societal inequities. In addition, I use logos throughout my essay by providing statistics to evoke

reason. For example, I stated, Led by TAC, the community joined in and the teen pregnancy rate

in my county decreased 12% overall, from 2012 to 2013 (Lowrance 1). The use of these

statistics pointed out the extent to which Teen Action Council helped my community and related

back to ethos, where I tried to convince the reader of my worth through my knowledge. As I was

writing my admission essay, I believed providing statistics would make me look more intelligent.

I strived to know more or at least pretend I knew more than the average applicant.

In the future, I hope to grow more confident in my secondary discourse and academic

community. I have been criticized in previous years due to my writing, which made me

uncomfortable and focused on perfection rather than making my voice genuine. However, I feel

as if I am accepted in college and I am becoming more comfortable. I want to be more confident

using my own language, and I believe that comes with practice. I should not have to worry about

impressing my audience to the point that I stray from the prompt. College is a place to grow, and

I am excited to explore how I will flourish in my writing abilities.

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Works Cited

Gee, J. P. (1989). "Literacy, discourse, and linguistics: An Introduction." Journal of Education,

17, 5-25.

King, Martin Luther Jr. Letter from the Birmingham Jail. In Why We Cant Wait, ed. Martin

Luther King Jr., 77-100, 1963.

Lowrance, Alexandra Faith. College Application Essay. 2016. Gastonia, North Carolina.