Alice Heinrich Unit Two

Researched
Argument
Concerns Grading Criteria Advanced Success

The transition to the Develops and The first paragraph

section on ethical clearly expresses a explains the
behavior and sensible argument, importance of
stakeholder theory staking out a corporate governance
feels a bit jarring. position on the by describing the
issue(s) you are Sarbanes-Oxley Act.
addressing.
Kant does not appear Defines these The first paragraph
in the bibliography. issues and supports provides a useful
your argument with definition of corporate
evidence based in governance. The
comprehensive second paragraph
research on the positions ethics within
subject in your the discussion that
field, relying the first paragraph
primarily on began.
scholarly articles.
Works with a Page two identifies
minimum of 5 two key concepts
scholarly sources. that the essay goes
on to explore in detail.

The writers tone

remains assertive
throughout the essay,
identifying, for
instance, the
problem of the
financial system as a
whole. Reliable
sources back up these
bold assertions.

The essay develops its

argument in more
detail, in moments
like this:
Indeed, we need
to focus on the
basic incentives
first and then on
the personal
behaviors
behind those
incentives. I
believe a
personal
transformation
of the
leadership and
the leaders in
this industry is
necessary if we
want to make
things right
concerning
ethical
 behaviors. To
accomplish that,
we have to
separate the
rule aspects and
the behavioral
aspect of
finance.
Works with sources
that you have
evaluated for
credibility and
timeliness.
The essay appears to Models your essay Clearly labeled
have two titles. on the accepted subsections help to
forms for an guide readers through
academic essay in the essay.
your field.
Works effectively The essay uses
with the research sources well. For
you have gathered example, the Sean
by quoting directly, Hagan quote on page
paraphrasing, and one illuminates the
summarizing. breadth of the
Maintains your own problem of ethics. The
voice as the central paragraph then calls
voice of your Hagans statistic a
essay/article. terrifying number,
making the writers
perspective clear.
The essays Uses the proper
formatting doesnt citation and
seem to align with formatting system
MLA or APA style. for your discipline.

Use italics for book

titles, such as The Big
Short.

Other Notes:
Grammatical error:
It became a pressing issue following the 2002
introduction of the Sarbanes-Oxley Act in the United
States, which ushered in to restore public confidence in
companies and markets after accounting fraud
bankrupted high profile companies such as Enron and
Worldcom.

The problem of the financial system as a whole is that it

does not focus on the basic incentive that is long term
capital and compensate with a complex regulatory
system.

Some minor changes could make the essays argument sound

more assertive. For example:
Original:
I do believe ethical conducts are possible in finance, as
long as people want it. However, I do not have faith in the
will of people to change, and I think regulations should
both encourage ethical behaviors in finance and oblige
financial professional to keep high standards of morality.

Revised:
 Ethical conducts are possible in finance, as long as people
want it. However, people dont always desire change, and
so regulations should both encourage ethical behaviors in
finance and oblige financial professional to keep high
standards of morality.
Because your name appears at the top of the essay, readers
will know that the essays opinions come from you. We can
usually remove the phrases I believe, I think, and I feel
from formal esays.

Unit Two grade: A-/A

Alice,
Though this essay contains some formatting issues, it develops
a lucid argument advocating stakeholder theory.