Kelly Powell

Professor Enos

ENGW 1111

March 15, 2017

Context Note

This assignment was originally supposed to be two letters, but I discovered that I had

much more to say than originally anticipated. I began typing, and I found myself unable to stop.

I found myself writing with so much emotion behind the words that I knew that my words had a

purpose, and I needed to put them onto paper. I have had a person extremely close to me go

through an ordeal over the past 6 years of abuse. The person involved within her relationship I

have an incredible amount of disdain for which I found was what fueled my persona in this

letter. I wanted to do a personal letter because I wanted to state the purpose of my letter

directly which is to convey to her that she is not alone in this fight and that I will be by her side

no matter how many bumps she hits in the road along the way. The last thing that I ever would

want for her to feel is as if she were fighting this battle alone.

It is difficult to try to save a loved one who does not necessarily want to be saved, or

even trying to save a loved one when they do not know that they need saving. Because of this, I

wanted to use a website that had validity to it to show her that although I am not an expert on

the subject of domestic abuse, there are those that are experts, and what she is going through

is the epitome of domestic abuse. This is why I used information from an article that was
written by authors, Smith and Segal, that have attained their M.A. in psychology (Dr. Segal and

Smith), and their Ph.D. in sociology (Segal) that would add validity to the letter itself.

What is existent between my family member and the person who chooses to abuse her

is anything but love. In fact, it is the furthest thing from love. Love certainly is not having

complete control over a person. I know that my family member going through this experience

has been able to cope by relying on her faith that she learned while growing up. The excerpt

about love from the Bible is there to remind her what love is, and how she knows what love is

by seeing it within my grandparents. It is my belief that her faith is the only reason that she

continues to have hope in that she knows that there is a greater plan for her than what is

occurring in her life. Due to her having no filter in the event of telling me information, I know

that she feels guilty especially in regards to those that have passed away, and she feels as

though she lets down those people that she loves when she continues to be victimized in this

relationship.

This brings me to the exigency for this letter. The exigency for this personal letter is due

to her revealing that she continues to be manipulated and controlled by him, and I instantly

could not help breaking down. From my point of view, I want to rescue her more than anything,

but it has to be something that she can overcome which will be one of the most difficult things

she will do.

Dear Wounded,

You are immensely beautiful. You are the kindest and funniest person I know. You are so much
powerful than you could ever imagine, but you do not know it quite yet. Yet. You need to
believe it to truly see it. I know the impact that he has had on you makes you feel trapped. I
want you to know that the day will come when you will not feel this way anymore, and the
freedom that you will feel will be indescribable.

There are so many things I would like to say to you, and this letter is something that will not be
easy for me to write nor for you to read. There are many thoughts and feelings that I have been
wanting to say, but have not known how to, therefore I hope that I am able to say them
through written words. It has been difficult to watch you struggle running on your never-ending
hamster wheel. It has been even harder to watch a man sociopath become your puppeteer
over you controlling every action, thought and emotion. I want you so badly to hate him just as
much as I do. People say that the word itself, hate, is a strong word. But there are some other
words that come to mind when I think of him.

Disgusting.
Narcissistic.
Cowardly.
Manipulating.
Disgusting.
Disgusting.

These are just a few thoughts in my head when I think of the man criminal who has taken over
your life. Disgust.

Ive watched this man villain come into your life; I did not watch as I was only told stories. You
were together for four years. Four years. In those four years it was never necessary to introduce
this person monster to your family. Why? Why is that? I believe that you know why. You know
that you were involved with a manipulator who did not want to meet your family. 4 years.
Thinking about how much you love your family, my heart tightens and I hold back tears thinking
about how that conversation happened, imagining your face as he told you that your family did
not matter to him, and he had no interest in meeting them. I know you loved love this
sorry-excuse of a man, but it was is not love.
 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does
not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of
wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects,
always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. (BibleGateway)

Love:
Patient.
Kind.

Love does not:

Envy.
Boast.
Dishonor.

It is not easily angered; it does not delight in evil.

Evil.
Disgust.

Love always protects. Protects? My stomach twists as I write that sentence. I will never forget
the day I received that phone call. I dropped the phone and stood back in a daze trying to digest
what I had been told. Im unsure if I even hung-up the phone. All the words float around in my
head like a bad song you cannot rid your head of.

Assault.
Bruised.
Burned.
Overdose.
Murder.
Assault.
Assault.

You are alive, and everyday I am grateful that you are here to live another day as you and I both
know that cold day in April could have ended with a drastically different ending. The truth of
the matter is, I know youve chosen to forget the events of that day. For me and everyone that
genuinely loves you, we will never be able to choose to forget that day despite that evidence
left on your body. The bruises on your face like the black-eye that you covered-up will never
leave my head. What about the cigarette-burn marks on your skin or the choke hold marks
around your neck? I think about how anyone can be that big of a monster where they can
attempt to strangle a person while attempting to murder them by an overdose of cocaine. This
is not a man. This is a villain, a sociopath, a psychopath, a monster. This is evil. Disgust.

It is hard to view yourself as a victim in a domestic abuse relationship. But wait, I am not in a
domestic abuse relationship, you would say to me. That is interesting that you say that:

Domestic violence and abuse are used for one purpose and one purpose only: to gain
and maintain total control over you. An abuser doesnt play fair. Abusers use fear,
guilt, shame, and intimidation to wear you down and keep you under his or her thumb.
Your abuser may also threaten you, hurt you, or hurt those around you. (Smith et al)

The tears that were cried for months and months over the incident that happened. The tears
that were cried by not only you, but those that are closest to you. When your heart physically
aches for the person that hurts, this is love. I am grateful that he is no longer in this country
anymore because if he were still here, I am not sure that you would be. What kills me is that he
still has control over you despite the fact that he is physically not present in your life. He has
you asking him for permission. He puts you down. He blames you for everything that happened
to the extent that he forces apologies out of you. He guilts you into sending money and photos
to him. Then he calls you baby, and he tells you that he loves you which makes everything
okay again. What about the times when he calls you, and criticises your hair, clothes, shoes,
makeup and every possible thing that he can think of? Lets not forget the time you were
headed to the beach with your friends, but he had a problem with that so you sat in your
apartment by yourself? This is not a man. This is sickening. Disgust.

I need you to understand that this is not a normal and healthy relationship. I need you to
understand that there is a cycle of domestic abuse, and he is completing the cycle over and
over again. Even though he not physically here, he is still able to use emotional abuse by
reaching out to you. I know he tells you that he misses you and that he loves you only to control
your every move. He may make you believe that you are the only person who can help him,
that things will be different this time, and that he truly loves you. However, the dangers of
staying are very real (Smith et al). When he forced you into thousands of dollars of debt, he
blamed you for that, but he felt no concern when he guilted you into sending him thousands.
He uses dominance, isolation and denial and blame to continue to control you (Smith et al). He
is able to reach you when you are isolated, and he continues to keep you within his grasp,
despite being miles away, by limiting your actions and blaming you for the way everything has
turned out.

It is unacceptable for anybody to be treated this way. You are NOT an object that belongs to
somebody. You do NOT need permission to go somewhere or do something with friends. You
are NOT someone who is dependent on this man psychopath. You do NOT owe him anything.
Anything. What does anything include? This is money, photos, explanations, apologies, phone
calls, good thoughts and thoughts in general. Disgust.

The day will come when your past will be in your past, and you can begin to work on your
future. The scars that are left on your body are reminders of your past that you will carry with
you, but time will help carry that load. There is nothing that any of the people in your life want
more for you than happiness along with your freedom that has been taken from you. You have
the strength and the intelligence to surpass this of which you will do one day. I know you are
fearful about the opinions of others, but wasting time and energy on that will not help you
overcome this challenge. You need to believe in yourself in that you are so much more than he
will ever know. He does and will not ever have the privilege of seeing the wonderfulness of you.
You will walk away from this. Yes, you will be wounded, but the important aspect is that you
will be the one to stand back up and walk away.

Love always,

A Hand to Forever Hold

 Work Cited

"BibleGateway." 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 - - Bible Gateway. Web. 15 Mar. 2017.

Smith, Melinda, and Jeanne Segal. "Domestic Violence and Abuse." Domestic Violence and
Abuse: Are You or Someone You Care About in an Abusive Relationship? Web. 15 Mar. 2017.