G O LIGHTLY

ROUND THE GLOB E

BY

G O LI G H TLY
!

G . L
P
M. O R R I LL
a st o r of

Pe o ple

s Ch u rc h , Minne apo lis Min n , , U S A
. . .

Sk e t c h e s an d Ph o t o s b y

LO WE LL L MORRI LL .

M . A . D ON OH UE CO .

CH I CA G O
 CO PY RI GH T, 1 9 1 3, B Y

G L M ORRILL
. .

FEB

CLA3 6 1 9 8 0
 G . L M O RRILL
.

A T I P T O TH E RE A D E R .

G olightlyRound the Globe is a r a cy account of

s ome globe trotters from st a rt to nish

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If y o u are
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looking for geography history an d guide book informa

,
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tion y ou are o n the wrong t ra ck G 0 t o the book stalls

,
.
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for it .
 A U T H OR OF

T R A C KS O F A T E N D ER F O O T

P A RS O N S P I L G R I MA G E

A MU S I C A L M I N I S T ER
D R I F TW O O D

MU S I N G S
T H E M O RAL I S T

P E O PL E S PU L P I T

F I RE S I D E F A N C I E S

E A S T ER E C H O E S

U PP ER C U T S
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 C O NT E N T S

PA GE

We stw ard 1 62
A Priz e F igh t 2

F risc o 3 M o gi 64
T h e S t a rt 4 T h e J a p a n e se

N o ah s A rk 6 J ap B ai e rs
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t 66
Wa it e rs 7 t
A C a n o n N igh t m a r e

T h e U n pa c i c 8 S a vin F a c eg
75
A n E a r t h ly P a r a dise 9 M a c a o s J o in s t

76
R ag Dan c e s M a k in O pium g 77
A l oh a 14 A J o ss H o u se 78
A n a nia s Clu b 15 Fir e c r a c k e r s 79
S h ip B o re d
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16 A P t d P t
e r se c u e oe 80
A H ot Pa c e 19 t t
H o spi a li y 81
M y J ap A lp h a b e t 20 H on g K on g 82
Yok oh am a 21 L o st 84
D oll s F e stiv al

24 Jo h n Ch in a m a n 86
A T a l e o f T w o C o u n t ri e s . 25 M a nila F rie n d s 88
Jap a n s Ch in a

28 I n J a il 91
S h op p in g F e v e r
- 29 0 0 1 N u t ty
. 93
A G ia n t G o d 30 T ab l e M a n n e r s 94
Sl e e py R e l igio n Cro ssin g t h e E qu a t o r 94
L u c k y E n osh im a Ja v a 95
T o k io 33 B an do ng 97
Missi on s 34 1 01
E du c a t i o n 35 S in g a p o r e Sig h t s 1 02
G e ish a G irl s 38 T h e Sa c k of Joh o re '

1 04
Yo sh iw a ra 39 A M o o n lig h t E c u r sio n x . . 1 05
M ik a d o s B e ll

40 P a ga n P e gu
42 S h w e Da g on 1 09
T h r e e M o nk e y s Rang o on L ife
'

44 . . 1 111
N a ra 45 C a l c u tt a 1 14
g t
A N i h in O sa k a 47 Bu rnin g G h a t s 115
p
T e m l e T o w n Kyo o t A ro u n d T o w n
_

116
t gt t
A l o e he r B a h s . 53 VD a rj e e lin g 118
t g t
M is a k e s o f a N i h 55 g
Ti er ill H 1 22
Kob e 58 T h e G ol e n d P
a l ac e 1 23
I nl a n d S e a . y
Ce l on
N a ga sak i Silh ou e tt e s 60 B e as l ty B
e n are s 1 25
 CO N TE N T S

PA GE

Su p e rs tition s 1 30 g t
N au h y N a le s p 1 64
O n t h e G a nge s 132 A R om a n B an qu e t 1 65
Br a v e L u c k n ow 1 33 Fl or e n c e Flir t a io n s t 1 67
Ca w n p o re Cru e l ty 1 35 A P e e p at isa P 1 68
Do in g De lh i 1 37 C a m e ra Cu rse 1 69
V
.

M y N a t iv e B a t h 1 39 T h e C a r niv a l o f e n ic e 1 72

J aipu r Up t o Da t e 14 1 t
Th e L a s S u pp e r 1 73
A D e se r t e d V ill a g e 14 3 Sw iss Ci ie s t . 1 74
A l l A b o u t A g ra 1 45
d
M a e i n G e rm a n y 1 77
T h e T aj 148 I t
n qu isi io n M e m o rie s 1 78
B om b a y 1 49 d
O l d H e i e lb e r g 1 79
Fire w o rsh ippe rs 1 50 t
G oe h e s Ho m e

O O O O O O O O O O O 181
Impr e ssions 1 52 d
A Ri e o n t h e R h in e 1 82
C arn a l C a v e s 1 53 N o iso m e C ol o n e g 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 1 84
C a pt a in Cu p id 1 55 Ha m b u r g 1 85
R e d Se a 1 56 T h e T ipp in Ha b i g t 1 86
E gypt A g ain 1 57 d
H om e w a r B ou n d 1 88
A T ru e L o v e S t o ry 1 60 T h e L an d
of

r omi se P 18 9
A T o u gh T ow n 1 61 p
H a s a n d Mish aps 1 90
1 62 T r a v e l a nd I t s B e n e s t 1 92
O ld L an dm ark s . 1 63
 G o lightly Ro und the G lo be

W E ST W A R D

T ired of sad f un erals and mad W eddings ; sick of bad

men and fad women ; surfeited with sermon s and
speeches I wanted t o get 0 11 the earth into the middle
,

o f the sea On e J anuary morning found me at the

.

d epot with mus o n my ears and bags in my hand ready

t o put a gir dl e round the globe and do it in four months
,

instead of Puck s forty mi nutes

.

Bunyan s Pilgrim met the tight wad Mr Money Love

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but at Kansas City I fell in with Col G oodrich w h o .
, ,

when he learned of the tour I w as makin g said : Here s

a hundred I forgot t o send y ou last Christmas See the .

canyon for me It was an oasis in the desert and
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through the t w o ciphers of his gift I was able t o se e the

biggest an d brightest o f G od s masterpieces on the easel
o f nature the G rand Canyon of the A riz ona
,
Wh at a .

chasm of colorit w as like riding through a rainbow .

My mount was a big T eddy mule w h o had carried ,

my friend T R some time before Wh en w e started

. . .

down the steep icy trail his hind feet slipped and he
,

gave my body and soul an awful jolt ; later he gazed

o ver the clif and into space as if wondering whether he

had not better throw me OE and make for the log stable
2 G OL IG H T L Y R OUN D T H E

G L OB E

miles distant, where he w as t o get his noonday feed . On

we went to the Colorado river where all lunched Here
'

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is room where the Creator could judge the Universe

Poet and painter cannot describe its gloryo nly the
.

advertising agent can do it justice .

T hat w as a marvelous impre ssion o f mystery and

might and I w as foolish enough to miss a supper for a
,

sun set in what our trai n porter called the T itan of -

sch asm s .

Westward Ho over hill and plain whose century sleep

,
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is broken by the roar o f the train we rushed on to Cali ,

forn ia where su n sand and owers are gold

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.

A P R I Z E FI G H T

We over at L os A ngeles where I w a s enter

st e pp e d ,

t ain e d by my actor friend Dick Ferris He and avi ator

,
.

B each e y were going to a prize ght and since I w as a ,

m inister they asked me t o go along If St Paul attended . .

the Marathon races and ghts and used the contests for
Christian symbolism surely a Minneapolis preacher
,

might follow his example So I jumped into an auto .

,

Dick drove like Jehu which made B e ach ey say his spirals
,

were tame co mpared with Dick s curves and reached the

,

arena .

Here I found a big good natured crowd Th e sun and

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fresh air came in through the open roof and we had a ,

ringside seat Soon the referee ghters and th eir

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,

attendants came in .

Fro m what I had heard o f prize gh t in g I imagined -

it to be the bloodiest and most brutal sport o f all but it ,

 G OL I G H TL Y ROUN D

TH E G L OB E

w as a calisthenic exerc i se i n a Y M C A hall compared . . . .

t o Spanish bull ghts where I had seen bulls and horses

,

k illed and matadors have narrow escapes ; and t o o u r own

g ridiron football games where the object w as t o kill the
,

pla y er instead o f kicking the ball .

T h e st ic affair was brawny brainy and n ot brutal , ,

and as I looked on I wished every minister could do the

same in self defense during the week if necessary and
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, ,

o n Sunday in the pulpit give the Devil an uppercut and

k nockout blow .

F R IS CO

From the city of A ngels through a Parad ise o f ,

f ruit and owers between hill and sea , w e cam e t o San

,

F rancisco the P aradise Lost to much its patron saint

,

h ad taught it .

B ut w e admired the e nterpri se o f t h e city which had

r isen Ph oenix like from its ashes saw the beauty spots
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b y d ay and were ofcially conducted t o plague spots by

,
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night which the city fathers not only permit but seem
,

t o be proud of .

Next day after these unsightly sights and anxious ,

t o see some art we asked a policeman to dire c t us to a

,

g allery .He threw up his hands and with a curious smile

s aid : You ve got me ; nobody ever asked me that ques

tion before T hen we tried a drug store where they
.
,

s old paint and the clerk said the galleries were de stroyed
,

e xcept at the G olden G ate but if we went t o G umps h e ,

w ould show us some nice pictures and ne curios from

China and J apan .

So w e three chumps went to G umps A n affable little .

4 G OL IG H T L Y
ROUN D TH E GL OB E

n ian showed us around and when he found I k new Mr

, .

Walker and B radstreet of Minneapolis he had Vi si ons

o f selling me j ades vases and other rare j unk for my
,

art gallery and asked for my autograph While writ .

ing I said I had a letter from B radstreet whereat Mr ,

.

G ump himself appeared on the scene and said : B rad
street s rating is n ot necessary ; w e will take you at your

ow n. You see there are B radstreets and B radstreets .

So we all laughed at the mistake and he proved himself ,

to be a good fell ow by inviting us to his Chinese room ,

where he seated us at a table and showed us the wonder

ful glazed A pple Vase It was the apple of my eye I
. .

wonder that China ever let it go .

TH E S T A RT

Wh at a difference between the primitive dug out raft -

,

or sailing vessel such as Columbus or M agellan had and

, ,

the Hamburg A merican steamship Cleveland
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which ,

tugged at her ropes by the dock impatient to repeat h e r

twice round trips from G olden G ate to Hell G ate .

Dr J ohnson felt being in a ship was being in jail
.
,

with a chance o f being drowned but he never saw the ,

Cleveland staunch and steady ready to dare the deep
, ,

and wrestle wind and wave .

She had on a new traveling coat of fresh paint w a s ,

decorated with ags and pennants o f all nations and ,

ve hundred and fty admirers were leavin g their happy

h omes to journey with her around the world .

She was t o be ou r home with no place like it and so

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attractive that when we left it on a foreign shore we were

 G O L IG H T L Y ROUN D

TH E G L OB E 5

glad to get back to it It was a place to eat d rink and

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,

sleep to read and rest t o li sten to music and lecture s

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to dress and dance t o promenade an d i rt make friends

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and enemies just as if we were in a city at or big hotel

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.

We k new the steamer for we had often seen its pic ,

ture and were just as sure o f the number of ou r state

,

room but to locate it in a boat two blocks lon g sixty v e

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feet wide and nine stories high w as about as easy as t o

nd a needle in a ha y stack However a willing steward .
,

piloted the way another shed ou t ou r trunks and put

,

them under ou r bunks after which we made a center ,

rush for the head steward to get sittings at the table t o ,

the bath steward for salt water plunge and t o the deck ,

steward for a good spot for ou r steamer ch air T h is .

seems very simple but when half a thousand people are

,

doing the same thing at once and each wants the best the
resul t is a confusion of tongu es a loss o f temper and ,

some words that don t look good in E nglish o r G erman
print .

A t last we came up on the deck crowded with passen ,

gers and their friends w h o between G ood bye and ,

G od bless y ou were o e rin g candy and fruit with sea ,

sick reme di es for fear their gifts would be thrown over

,

board B ut now the loud whistle drowns the soft words

.

o f love the call all visitors ashore separates hands
,

and lips th e gang plank is lifted the cables thrown off

, , ,

the screws turn and w e begin t o bore ou r w ay into the

Pacic Hearts throb eyes grow dim the wharf crowd
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, ,

cheers hats canes and handkerchiefs wave the G erman

band tries t o play something comfortingthe 1 9 1 5
, , ,

Panama Committee sail near us to get a moving picture

6 G OL I G H T L Y R OUN D T H E

G L OB E

and there is a wild scramble to be prominently in it .

T hen with uttering ags and whistle salutes of ships

that pass us we head acros s the ba y for the G olden G ate
t o meet the Pacic who immediatel y proceeds to give
,

us a swell time so that many hurriedl y retire to their
,

cabins feeling My native land good night
, ,
.

N OAH S AR K

Th e ship was a second N oah s A rk for it carried all

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kinds o f animals Some came in two b y two others

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singl y but soon mashed and mated

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.

T here were man y lions who roared o f money society

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and honors .

Some bears sore headed who growled with jealous y

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.

Th e hog famil y was well represented b y d iamonds ,

p imple s and a desire t o have the biggest and best of

everything and ever y body .

T here were occasional boars who showed their tusks ,

and grunted and rooted for foul stories and scenes .

We had a herd of mules that kicked and asses that

brayed at the ship the cruise the service the meals
, , ,

because the y didn t get twice as much as the y paid for

.

T here were a few old cats spiteful and slanderous ;

wise old owls who kn ew it all when it came to travel ,

but blin ked and stared and couldn t say much ; some

birds of passage that ew high ; doves of peace carrying

olive branches between ofcers passengers and R eise ,

bureau ; lambs in the smoking room that were frequentl y

e e c e d sheep on deck that went astra y on shore ; wild
goats ; dogs that snarled if you happened to sit in their
 G OL I G H TL Y ROUN D

T HE GL O BE 7

misplaced chair ; butteries , pretty and painted itting ,

all over the boat with foolish youths in pursuit ; some

wolves who prowled and preyed at night ; serpents that
hissed gossip with venomous tongues ; stinging gnats
and wasps ; lazy hookworms ; spiders Spinning nets to
catch the unwary ; croaking ravens ; chattering magpies ;
repeating parrots and geese that cackled old hens ,

roosters and birds o f ne feathers and many other ani

,

mals I cannot mention for fear they may resent their

comparison with mankind and sue or pursue me for
criminal libel .

E ngland quarantines for a month all animals that

are brought from abroad but this was a G erman ship
, ,

and all this collection was to be let loose on shore .

W A IT E R S
At the table I occasi onally had wild boar before me
and always a tame bore beside me T hree times a day .

the most important man on the ship is your waiter .

B eginni ng at Frisco I had a little bald headed G erman -

t o whom I gave my order in the tongue o f the Father

land mixed with a little E nglish and used my n ger
, ,

as a pointer on the menu card T h e result was surpris

.

ing M onths later I d ecided rst impressions were la st

.

ing for whether I ordered or n ot B aldy always
brought
, ,

morning noon and night some more o f the

,

s ame .

Th e motto of the B lack Prince Ich dien w as highl y
, ,

h onorable but t o most of ou r servants very onerous T h e

, .

trip w as long the work laborious the passengers

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3 G OL I GH T L Y R OUN D T HE

GL O BE

fussy the waiters slept when and where they could
, .

During the heated days when w e had all we could do to

,

exist they had to sweat and smile and their only pastime
, ,

w as to swear at and swat each other My place at t h e .

table g ave me a good view while waiting for m y meal of

, ,

some O f their boxing bouts in the corridor when they ,

juggled plates or used their contents for facial and shirt

front decorations T his was the only labor strike that
.

occurred so far as I know and even then they were as,

Peace Convention delegates compared with the Zulu dis

po sition we would h ave shown in their place .

THE U N P A CIFI C -

It was on t he Pacic that I was initiated in the club

of high rollers We had an ofcer s room and it seeme d
.

so homelike to sit at a desk with a drop light that I tilte d

b ack in my chair when that peaceful ocean caught me
,

Off guard and set me bowling down the long stateroom ,

measuring m y length three times and landing me head

rst under the sofa with my heels in the air When I .

got up I asked my wife w h y she didn t catch me and ,

she replied she might as well try to catch a whale with

a bent pin hook
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.

L ife on the ocean wave is beautiful to painter and poet ,

from the shore and there are times on shipboard when
,

w e appreciate the glory of rising o r setting sun the ,

splendor o f cloud moon and star the blue mountain

, ,

waves and yeasty foam and diapason of the deep but

, , ,

alas, all this is lost when y ou lurch u nlu n ch turn green , ,

with envy toward those at home wonder w hy you spent ,

10 G OL I G H T L Y ROUN D

THE GL OBE

women to put on a holoku invented b y Mother Hubbard

, ,

who set the example of wearing something even though

her cupboard was bare .

O nce in time if never in eternity I was not only near

, ,

but o n the throneif seeing m y picture is believing .

Calico was king here as Cotton is king down in
Dixi eand in the B ish Op Museum we saw his
coat made o f feathers robbed from the rare M anna bird
, ,

just as other kings wear velvets and j ewels for which

the Common People are forced t o pay .

We had as sweet a time as bees in clover when we

drove through sugar farms banana and pineapple plan ,

t at ions and drank the juice which cheers and not in

,

e b ria t e s ; passed b y native huts in a modern E den wher e

chi ldren appeared in gle af fashion ; went to the A qua

riu m with the strangest shaped oddest striped and
,

brightest colored sh in all the globe T heir ns furrow .

and ash until you think you have taken some of D e

Quincey s Opium or are with A lice in Wonderland

.
,

Here was a short stout and sweet souled mother as

,
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a e ct ion at e as any colored mamm y in the South pointin g ,

out the shes to her little boy Kalu and telling him ,

to be good or the Devil sh would get him and he would

-
,

go to jail and wear black stripes like that big sh sw im

ming over yonder .

It would be Hamlet with the Pri nce left ou t to leave

Honolulu w ithout a visit to Waikiki beach Like tur .

tles on the sand or porpoises in the waves the tourists ,

were sporting or disporting themselves But the climax .

thrill was to get in an out rigger boat mann ed by giant

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swarthy B uck ,the prize surf rider and swimmer of
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 G OL I G H T L Y ROUN D
THE G L OB E 11

the islands w h o paddled us w ay out to a mountain

,

wave down whose foaming side we tobogganed till Spilled

off on the sandy shore Here modest o ld and immode st
.

youn g ladies criticized or admired B rooks A pollo form

and my t o f clothes as w e di d their clinging di a , ,

p an ou s d rapery
h T here were many exposures t o sun
.
,

wind wave and by treacherous bathing suit and u n

,
-
,

timely time exposures by the kodak which t h e M orals

-

Commi ssion has censored from this book .

Of course there was something good t o eat on an

, ,

island discovered by a Captain Cook and named S an d

wich after his patron So under the shade o f on e or
.

more o f t h e six die r e n t palm trees w e sat down t o

mangoes papa y as pineapples and sweet potatoes ; a/t e
, ,

sh and po rk wrapped in leaves and baked on h ot stone s

'

in the sand drank water coffee and poi cocktail a la , , ,

T eddy made o f milk chipped ice and several t able

, ,

spoonfuls o f poi Poi is the native staff of life It is

. .

mad e from the root o f the taro plant pounded t o a ,

powder mi xed with water and allowed to ferment

,
.

When it is ready for the table you ill ustrate the p r ov

erb that ngers we re made before kni ves and forks
, ,

and j ab your nger into the publ ic d ish like a naughty

little boy stealing cr eam or preserves It looks like a .

combination of wall paper paste and o il emulsion and

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tastes just about as bad the natives like it but then ,

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,

there is no accounting for tastes .

T h e apple in t his E dento tempt a M other E v e woul d

be a pineapple large fragrant luscious combinin g
, , , ,

both food and drink Next t o the volcanoes it is t h e

.

biggest thing in the islands We not only saw it cu l . .

12 G OL IG H T L Y R OUN D T H E

GL OB E

t iv at e d ,
but went to the factory where it i s canned and
bottled for the world Jove would have given a barrel .

o f O lympian nectar for a bottle o f pineapple juice such

as we absorbed Having lled ou r stomachs the man

.
,

ager loaded our pockets with the bottled goods which , ,

in later days of storm and heat with sleep was to be , ,

ou r chief nourisher in Life s feast
.

A big dictionary isn t necessary for this country its ,

religion art and science are so simple A ll they ever

, .

needed w as a fe w adjectives that would describe thei r

owers sweethearts and surroundings and so I cannot
, ,

help but think that one o f their visiting ancestors came

to this island and could only express his intoxicated
.

d elight by saying Ah ! O ou ! ,
so often
that it has been calle d O ahu ever s1n c e
'

T ime and Christianit y have brought changes The .

real hula hula i s now tabu ; the women wear holok us

-

which cover everything and t nothing like some o f ,

the theories which are advanc ed for their mental and

moral improvement ; the men wear a cotton shirt and
jean pants in place o f a smile and a suit of tan ; no
longer does the native priest strip himself look into a ,

bowl of water where oat a hair or nge r nail of the -

victim and pray him to death
,
that is left to the ,

Christian minister who in his long prayer Sunday , ,

morni ng prays his people t o his twin brother sleep

,
-
,

if not to d eath .

Hawaii s Kapiolani w ould be a surage tt e martyr were

sh e l iving today She is in the class o f Vashti and

.

Joan of A rc w h o dared and did what n o man could or

,

would .I have stood on Mt Carmel where E lijah .

,
 GO L IG H T L Y R OUN D T H E

GL OB E 13

mocked the priests o f B aal an d s1n c e that far away time

,

and place I know of nothing sublimer than her Chris

tian courage at Kilauea when she deed the wra th of
the re godd ess Pele and in the name o f J esus Christ
-
,

plucked the forbidden berries from the sacred tree and

ung them into the bu rning crat er .

The natives are ne entertainers .

A t the reception ball on the roof o f the hotel there ,

was a dance and the Hawaiians not only played but ,

sang an accompaniment suggesting ou r darkies in Dixie .

We heard them recite give their history lesson in song

,
-
,

play the ukelele and at a theatre saw a censured hula

hula dance but it was so denatured that in spite o f the
,

government s prohibition some of the tourists went ou t
,

o f town where th ey sa w the real thing .

I have seen the dances o f the O ld World an d the

O rient the contortions of E gypt the suggestion O f
, ,

Naples the excitement o f the
,
hula hula the u n -
,

spiritual d ance i n Indian temples but they are all ,

tame modest and d e cent compared with some recent

,

rags where the G string of modesty is all that is

left of Virtue s robe .

T h e Devil would blush at and hesitate t o introduce

into hell the erotic and su ggestive rag o f today .

Childr en are post graduates in rag time tunes and

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dances before they can sing a hymn or repeat the Lord s
prayer .

T he T urkey has trotted over the T en Command
14 G O L IG H T L Y
ROUN D THE GL OB E

ments and t h e Grizzly B ear has hugged the life out
o f G ospel ideals .

T h e animal world is libeled Mr B ear and Mrs . . .

Turkey were never guilty of such antics and must look ,

with surprise and shame at the dances which bear their

name .

T h e dance h as degenerated from devotion and diver

sion to dissipation and d ebauchery .

On with t he Dance though the waist be dislocated
, ,

the oor mopped and the partner half pulled ou t of -

clothes .

Th e T urkey T rot ought to be relegated t o the barn

yard the ,
B unn y Hug to the alfalfa patch the ,

Crab Crawl under the waves and the G rizzly

B ear to the tall timbers .

T h e d ancing whirlpool of societ y is drawing into its

!

d rowning depths many o f the best craft that sail life s
sea .

Holbein s Dance of Death should be painted over

many dance halls and parlors .

Life is a masquerade ball and the time comes when

we throw off our di sgui ses Lights grow dim music .
,

moans owers fade speech gives way to sighs the scarf

, , ,

is exchanged for a shroud and the painted musk scented ,

-

skeletons in the dance of death glide into the grave .

A L O HA

Happy Hawaii ! Ou r nation s fairest island p osses

sion G lorious o u r ag which oats in its skies !

.

A t the home of our hostess Mrs E mmaus we heard ,

.
,
16 G O L IG H T L Y ROUN D

TH E GL OB E

G ulliverlook like thirty cent pikers We were allowed

-
.

three mi nutes in which to give ou r impression o f a

recent visit If anybody w as original and interesting
.

he was punctual ly rung down ; however there w as a ,

special dispensation extended to any on e w h o w a s u n

usually dull or had cribbed a lot o f dry statistics from

,

guide book and folder o r as Sir O racles unrolled a long

-
,

paper short of ideas and tried to make it plain that they

,

had a better brand o f p oh t ics and religion than the

'

natives were yet acquainted with We usually left t he .

club with a headache feeling language w as intended

,

to conceal any possible thought they had .

SHIP B O RE D -

I k new an old Kentuck y colonel who went to E urope

and said a lot of good land between New York and
Liverpool had been wasted with A tlantic salt water
when it might have been devoted to the raising o f mint
o r tobacco but what would have been his judgment o f
,

three thousand ve hundred miles of salt water between

Honolulu and Yokohama .

N eptune must h ave Spied some Jonah on ou r boat ,

for w e had a stormy time all the way across because

there was no providential whale back into which he -

could be unloaded .

B etween sea sick seco nds some tried to improve the

-

time and others to kill it but it soon happened there

,

w as no time to do either because as w e crossed the

180th meridian we lost a whole day and it took a few
days more to explain how it happened .
 G OL IG H T L Y ROUN D
TH E GL OB E 7

Ou r watches were put back like Capt Cuttle s h alf ,
.
,

an hour every morning and about another quarter to

wards the afternoon and so often that they were

ek a ll e d by few and excelled by none .

We rounders had one continual round of pleas

ure round the world O u r motto on the boat was eat
.
,

drink and be merry for tomorrow you may be sea

,

sick .

Here s a sample page of a daily diary :

B ugled ou t of bed ; sneak half robed through the -

corridor ; take a good salt plunge called B ad ; dress ,

and shave if you can ; constitutional walk ; breakfast ;

,

listen to the waiter band ; have some broth and biscuit ;

read about what y ou didn t see at the last place and

what y ou don t want t o see at the next ; boat whistle ,

wild scramble for luncheon ; quiet snooze below or hur ,

ricane sun bath orchestra concert in the salon where

-
,

the splendidly executed program is appreciated by

people w h o read rustle leaves fumble pictures munch
, , ,

crackers sip tea chatter play cards or bridge and then

, , ,

applaud n ot knowing whether the selection was from

,

Chopin or Cohan ; gyrate in the gymnasium ; broil and

blacken in sun and soot playing ring toss and sh ufe board -

inn ocent kindergarten games ; color meerschaum

and nose with tobacco and b ooze in the smoker with its
,

j oker and red h ot poker ; on deck stare the setting sun

-

out of countenance ; blow bugle blow sets wild tourists

, , ,

ying t o dress for dinner ; agony in full dress and full -

stomach ; promenade all in d ress and undres s like so ,

many animated models from fashionable window fronts ; -

18 G OL IG H T L Y
ROUN D TH E GL OB E

high brows go to the lecture in the A dining room ; low

-

b rows to grill to gormandize guzzle and gloat ; no ,

;

brows to the hurri cane d eck to stare at the sky until

m oon struc k they sacrice head for heart an d hand
-
,

a n d the tired captain from his room underneath sends

up word all hands below .

Lest we should forget G o d home and native land , ,

a n d that the G o d of ou r Fathers might be with us yet ,

p ious services were held every Sund ay morni ng and

evening and patriotic ones on the o ccasion o f Lincoln s

and Washington s birthda y T h e former were conducted

.

by Dr G e o A Hough who directed us to the heavenly

. . .
,

l and where his soul dropped anchor before our ship

reached New York Christian s y mpathetic humble and
.
, ,

helpful he was the loved and trusted favorite of all

,

o u sh ipboard ; when w e learned o f his death

'
water ,

salter than the sea Splashed into ou r eyes

Februar y 12t h and 2 2n d were not lost from our cal

e ndar .B usts o f the Savior and Father of o u r country
were d raped with A merican a gs there were big ban ,

g uets in their honor after which souvenirs were dis

,

tributed and we adjourned to the salon c abin for a

special patriotic program of music and speeches to ,

be fo llowed b y a dance on the upper deck which with ,

bunting lights and ags offered such strong competition

, ,

that many did not attend exercises and others begrudged ,

t h e time assigned me o n both oc c asions

.
O f course we .
,

A mericans had boasted of our country and applauded

o u r ag but when it came to a showdown in a public
,

meeting there were more enthusiastic foreigners pres

e nt to laud the name o f Lincoln and Washington .
 G OL I GH T L Y ROUND

T HE GL O E B 19

A HOT P A CE

Some female passengers thought it w as a slow voyage ,

but I d oubt whether any ship could keep up with the

pace they set .

T oday A spasia o f A thens Poppe a o f the R oman court

,

a n d Pompadour o f the time o f L ouis ! V are outdone .

by many society mothers and daughters .

Th e fabled hell rag is fair and attractive com
-

pared with the mere society woman prematurely old ,

powdered and painted with e mpty mind withered heart

, ,

and d iseased body hurrying t o t he grave where she b e

c omes a poor banquet for a hea lthy worm .

Her funeral has many owers and carriages but fe w

mourners .

Society women often have a large monument bu t it

takes fe w words to describe their virtues .

T heir epita phs should read Here li es a suicide,
.

Died before her time A victi m o f Social Dissipa

t ion
.

T hey have more time and inclination than other women

to live fast be fast and go t o the grave and hell fast
, ,
.

In autos with gravestones for milestones they rush

, ,

by laws of G o d an d man to roadhouse and club de

bauch .

In dress Fashion s hand restrains their life s func
,

tions makes nude and invites to pneumonia and hobbles

,

feet in French fashion that stumble all throu gh life .

G odless rich women often have foul fatal diseases ,

whi ch were never heard o f by their Christian poor

sisters .
20 I
G OL G H T L Y ROUN D

TH E G L OB E

C i garettes redden their eyes late suppers dig their ,

early graves the d ance drags down in the maelstrom

,

o f shattered nerves games for money unhealthfully

,

stimulate the heart bad books pictures and plays scale

, ,

w ith moral lepros y while Death blows fascinating b u b

,
r

bles from his champagn e glass .

Many society women not only kill themselves but in

respect to prenatal murder outherod Herod in their

slaughter of the inn ocents .

Who can nd a virtuous woman ? For her prize
is far above rubies
SO we birds of passage ew across the Pacic To .

some it was an emetic to others a sedative some thought

, ,

it beautiful others a bore but she didn t care a ripple
, ,

whether we loved or hated her she had been there ,

before we came and would stay long after we had gone .

So we bade goodbye to her smile and her frown her ,

melody and her moan packed ou r grips devoured Mu r

, ,

ray ou J apan visited the boat money changers w h o

,
-
,

gave us sens an d yens for our bright gold tens and were ,

rocked to sleep in the J apanese cradle o f the deep to

dream of the wonderful things we were to buy so cheap ,

but which afterwards alas proved to M emory so d e ar

, ,
.

M Y JA P A LPH A B E T

the country is a pretty stor y book and Na

Japan , ,
-
,

t ure s alphabet is easily understood in sky sea bird

, , ,

tree and ower but when you come to the people and
,

their language that s a very d i e ren t and di cul t

,

matter .
 G O L IG H T L Y
ROUN D TH E GL O B E 21

I learned a few words and phrases necessary for

travel the guide my ricksha boys and hotel but that
, , ,

w a s all . Japanese sounds nice is easy to pronounce,

and hard to read because the old language has been

we ighted down with several thousand Chinese charac .

ters which y ou must r st learn by heart and sight .

I invented an alphabet of my o w n or rather took my ,

o w n alphabet making each letter stand for a word

, .

N ow I have twenty six ideas o f Japan which t h e reader

-

if he wishes I gave them t o .

travelers club as we left Japan and here they ,

you .

N ikk o
B B ab ie s
0 P Polit e ness
Q
E R
Fuj i yama - S Sme ll s
G G e i sh as

I V Variet y
Jinrick sh aw s Work
K Kindne ss
L Landscape Y
M

Y O KO HA MA

Japan is divided into three parts t o one w h o

never been there T h e r st is inh abited by th e G eisha
.

the second cohabited by the Yoshiwara and the ,

third occupied by Fuj i yama only this and nothing

-
,
22 G OL I G H T L Y
ROUN D TH E GL O BE
more B ut when y ou arrive y ou nd this and a lot
.

more which y o u can t nd anywhere else

.

When we waked in the harbor that drizzly morning , ,

the rst thing I saw was a little junk and after I left ,

I had a lot of junk that would have been better in th e

harbor than in m y trunk O n this dirt y junk boat
.
-
,

which the owner might have cleaned with his scrub

brush of bristling black hair as he paddled sat a little ,

boy warming his brown hands over an hibachi or re

p ot . He looked up t o us said Ohio and held out a
,

kind o f tennis rack net to catch the oranges I threw as ,

well as the refuse food spouting out of the side o f t h e

vessel from the kitchen A s soon as we docked the
.
,

oi c ia ls o f the cit y came on board and if ou r male ,

tourists thought they were well dressed they had noth
-

ing on the J apanese delegation with their Prince A l
berts patent leather shoes and plug hats T hey wel
,
.

comed us with kindest word s pinned silver badges on

,

us which were passports to courtesy and friendship

ever y where in their island and a license to pay t h e
highest possible price for everything we bought Her e .

and throughout the land the Japanese ag was inter

twined with O ld G lory making us feel we were at home
, ,

among those who respected and loved us even if som e ,

scare headline editors and J ingo j ack out of

-
the box - - -

politicians were shrieking there was and could be no

p e ace unless we cut each other in pieces .

Like a wolf on the fold the Chinese tailors came

down in our state rooms before we could get ashore
, ,

and offered to make clothes and bargains which no on e

else could duplicate . B ig T om measured me for
24 I
G OL G H TL Y ROUN D

THE GL OB E

this it w as only seen on silk ivory and Dam o scene ,

- -

postcards .

Some of our readers have alread y accused us of wast

ing our time here and elsewhere because we did not
sh Op rst last and all the time but where we had time
, ,

w e didn t have money and where we h a d money w e,

di dn t have time so we left those wh o had both to shop
,

in the most wonde rful stores in the world while w e

hustled around to get a few things money couldn t buy
.

DO LL S FE ST IVA L

I went to a Doll s house that Ibsen hasn t described ,

,

and saw dolls which if not big were beautiful to the

little Jap girls who were having a festival in their
honor A fter my friend Mit tw e r had u s served with
.

tea in a room that had been occupied b y the late J P . .

Morgan he took us downstairs pulled aside the screen

, ,

a nd we saw a room full of girls in their b est k im o n a s

sitting on the oor Th e side o f the room was arranged

.

with shelves like steps and on the top shelf were dolls
to represent the emperor and empress under them came ,

the courtiers then the common people and working

,

class A t the tables were dolls carr y ing owers and

.

parasols riding l n rickshaws as mothers with babies on

, ,

th eir back and every other dolly thing that could de

,

light the heart of a child We became children again .

and were served with potato balls covered with various

colored frosting bean curd cut in queer shapes sh
,
-
,

a n d noodles and many oth er things w e had never seen

 G O L IG H T L Y ROUND

T HE G L OB E

or heard of A a t faced girl played o n a samisen and

.
-

sang about the egg that would n ot t into a square hole .

She kept very sober but the others laughed aloud and
,

we knew it must be funny For once in my life I could .

not talk an d had t o do my part of the entertainment by

acting in a way that recalled what my father said when
I graduated as a minister that a good end man was -

spoiled and I should apply t o J ack Haverly at once for

a position I made them laugh until they cried and said
.

they didn t know any people could be so silly .

A T AlL E O F T W O C O U N T R I E S

In Yokohama I met Dr Nakahama the son of a man .

,

famous not only in Japanese but A merican history , .

T hey say men may come and men may go but a man s ,

mother in law takes OE her things and makes herself

-

at home M ine did and was most welcome and from

.
,

her lips I heard the story of this international hero ,

who was her schoolmate .

In 1841 Capt W H Whiteeld of Fair Haven Mass

. . .
, , ,

w as cruising around in his Whaler in the sea of Japan

when he saw a signal o f d istress oating from a ba rren
rock He sent a boat to investigate and the sailors found
.

seven Japs and a boy o f ten or twelve years o f age .

T hey were nearly famished and had had nothing but the
esh of wild gulls which they had caught with their
,

hands T h e men were brought on board the ship John
.

Howland and Offered food but were afraid t o take it , ,

yet recognized th e tea an d were willing to drink it if

t he captain rst tasted it B y the time the vessel .
26 G OL IG H T L Y ROUN D

TH E GL OB E

reached Honolulu her rst port, the b oy whom they

,

called J ohn Mung had become so attached to t he
,

captain that he woul d not land with his friends, but

was willing to go on to A meri ca When the y reached .

F air Haven John was put in school and learned rapidly .

He had a great liking for mathematics and studied navi

g at ion In a short time he learned all the y could teach
.

him and so w as sent to High Sc hool at New B edford .

In 1 8 49 he got the gold craze and went to California ,

where he made his fortune not as a miner but as cook

, .

On e day he boarded a vessel for Honolulu where he ,

met his Old fri ends and asked them if they would return
with him to J apan but they were a fraid for Japan
, ,

had not Opened her ports and d id not allow her citizens
to return if they had visited other countries B ut John .

wanted t o see his mother so h e bought a d ory a small ,

ocean boat an d with it took passage in a ship which

,

lowered him and his little boat as near Japan as t h e

captain dared .

J ohn landed t o nd that he had forgotten his mother

tongue but m ot ion ih g to the natives that he was hun

,

gry they brought him rice an d he found h e could use

,

chop sticks as well as they

-
.

News spread t o the Mikado that a Jap had landed w h o

c ouldn t talk the language so the Mikado ord ered him

t o be brought t o Yeddo under a guard T here he w as .

watched and l n a short time his l anguage c ame back to

him and he told of the wonderful things he had learned
in America how w e sailed ou r ships and then showed
,

a copy of B owditch s book o f navigation which he h a d

To pr ove that he was not lying the Mikado ordered .

 G OL I G H T L Y
ROUND TH E G L OB E 27

him to translate it into Japanese which took ,

a year
or tw o .

It was about this time that Commodore Perry was .

negotiating for the opening o f the ports of Japan Dur .

ing a private interview with the Mikado John w as ,

hidden behind a sliding screen When Perry left John .

veried all he had said and later what was Perry s
surprise to receive a letter written in E nglish from him ,

saying that his message was believed and that from the :

kindness he had received l n A merica he knew Perry

meant nothing but good will and fairness t o the J ap
anese people
T o John M ung more than any on e else is due t h e
credit of this rst peace overture between J apan and
-

A merica T oday J apan is grateful that United State s:

.

O pened her ports t o civiliz ation and would like to return,

the same kind of a compliment to California ports whose ,

unfair u nkid u n Christ ian un A mer i can l and bill

, ,
- l
,
-

seeks to close .

A fter this Perr y interview John took his rightful

family name o f Nakahama Mu n girothe family name
,

bein g used rst F ollowing this he was enn obled by

.

the Mikado put in charge of their navy and visited

, ,

A merica with the rst Japanese embassy He wore a .

button on his hat which showed high rank and think

ing more of his old friend than new formalit y he paid ,

a visit t o Capt Whiteeld remembered the children with

.
,

whom he had gone t o sch ool and gave them his auto
graph and a gold coin t o wear as a charm .

He died rich in years and honors leaving two sons , ,

on e a commander in the navy w h o di ed in the late Jap,

28 I
G OL G H T L Y R OUN D TH E

GL OB E

Russian war and the other the learned pro fessor of

,

T okio Dr Nakahama whose t ea room was put at ou r

, .
,

disposal and who with his daughter A j a dined with

, , ,

us on the Cleveland at Yokohama one Sunday afternoon .

Th e father and daughter were most d elightful com

pany well traveled highly educated and able t o speak
,
-
,

ve langu ages Ou r memory of Japan has a personal

.

interest which has been continued since ou r return for ,

w e have received pleasant letters and gifts from th em .

JA PA N S
CHIN A

The best of China is found in Japan at the Royal

porcelain factory of Mak uzu Kozan T h e place w as -
.

packed with prize pieces o f porcelain of every color and

shape It makes me melancholy to think what a bull
.

could do that came here to shop and got mad at a pur

chase We sat down on Chinese chairs at a Chinese
.

table and were surrounded by a great wall of china and

the only Japanese thing was a waiter who appeared when
we clapped ou r hands and served us with tea and ,

sponge cake as if we were at home

-
We lled our stom .

a ch s with food as we had our souls with the visions o f

the beautiful crockery about us Instead of paying a .

set pri ce for this bill of fare w e dropped some coins ,

in a tea cup as we left the table We went into the .

factory and saw the workers turn out the nest things
in clay since A dam was fashioned From a piece o f .

d irty clay a vase was transformed delicate as an egg ,

shell an d shining like the sun B etter than any chin a .

dolls on the shelves was a little live Jap baby the ,

 G OL I G H TL Y ROUN D

TH E GL OB E 29

d aughter of the proprietor When she saw me sh e

.

grabbed her mother s dress and hid her face but the ,

mother comforted her told her I wasn t the awful
,

B ogie she had heard of I d ropped some small coins t o

her she dropped on her k nees and pick ed them up and
,

kept me busy until all my small change w as gone .

SH O PPIN G FE V E R

Man w as made t o mourn for many reasons and one

, ,

o f them is that his six days hard earned cash is so easily -

spent by his shopping wife and daughter in an hour .

T h e tourist shopping fever which showed slight sy mp

toms at Honolulu rose t o the high temperature of 1 04
in Yokohama which was only checked by the ri sm g
,

prices of what was oe re d for sale Here are shop s .

lled with things that have made Japan famous t h e

world ove r Y ou could buy embroidery and ilk for
.

your best girl porcelain souvenirs for the kitchen maid

, ,

lacquer work ivory and wood carvin gs for the children

,

in the nursery, bronze paper weights of devils and -

d ragons for the dear pastor and many other heavy, ,

hideous costly curios for the junk peddler w h o will

,
-
,

think y ou have robbed him when he is forced to pay y ou

a quarter of a cent a poun d .

I couldn t get what I wanted but what I didn t want

,

w as thrown at me I wanted a cherry tree in blossom ,

.

but it w as March and there were none t o be had ; a look

at the sun ; a view o f Fuji yama that wasn t streaked
-

with rain ; tw o great bronze guardian dogs t o scare

away the tramps from the back door ; a temple torii for
30 G OL IG H T L Y ROUN D

TH E G L OB E

my front yard to festoon with rambler roses o r string

b eans ; a few of their native gods to keep comp any
w ith an E gyptian mummy ; a skeleton and a pair of
c ocoanut shell heads in my study .

O riental shopping is a great gam e exciting as roul ette , ,

a nd like it in the long run the house gets the best o f

you .

Still what is on e man s p0 1son i s another man s food ,

a n d shopping w as a god send to some w h o didn t know
-

what else to do with their money but like Flo ra Mac ,

F lim se y just plan something nice to wear

, .

A G IA N T G O D

An hour s ride on a railroad brought us to the pretty
Vi llage of Kamakura once the big capital of E astern
,

Japan ; today a place of peace yesterday a scene of,

slaughter .

Here a devout people built the temples o f Kwann on

and Hachiman and near b y grows the mammoth and
,

M ethuselah Icho tree B ut the big show is the Daibutsu

.
,

a s famili ar to us by photogr aph as the Statue of

Liberty .

T his bronze image was built over six centuries ago

by order of Y o rit om a the Napoleon o f his da y A tidal
,
.

wave swept away the great temple in which it stood

leaving a roof o f sky and aisles o f trees mirrored in the
n ear b y pond
-
.

Daibutsu is a dull deity heavy faced sleepy eyed sit

,
-
,
-
,

tin g with crossed legs and folded hands on k nees He .

l ooks as if he had had a big dinner and w as drowsy ,

32 G OL IGH TL Y ROUN D

THE GL O E B
ball u mpire when y ou ignore the tariff political parties
, ,

and religious denominations have no choice of a neck ,

tie are unconcerned whether your wife wear s last year s

,

E aster bonnet or not or your daughter votes or your

, ,

son runs you in debt for an automobile whether your ,

doctor s and church bills are paid your neighbor throws

,

ashes in your back lot whether you get a headlin e in the

,

daily paper or no whether you are called godly or a

,

grafter are to have a small or swell funeral or your
, ,

body is to be buried or burnedin n e when you care ,

for nothing and people care nothing for you you belong
to the blessed bunch of B ud dh ists and are t o reside
forever in the peaceful state of Nirvana .

Seriously the B uddh ist oracles are dumb ; the T able

,

o f the Five Commandments like the last half o f ou r ,

T e n are only a nominal rule of conduct a negative

, ,

don t hate G od o r man without a positive do love ,

both .

T h rough mist of cloud and falli ng rain I bade fare

well to Daibutsu with his calm face and closed eyes so ,

unl ike the majestic Sphin x with open eyes forever

toward the rising sun .

L U C KY E N O SH I M A

We took a troll ey from Kamakura for E no sh im a ,

something broke and we got ou t and hiked through

sand ankle deep rested at the house o f a lone sherman

-
, ,

watched some women gathering shells and tried to get

a picture of a naked b oy w h o missed my camera shot ,

a n d found refuge under a bridge .

B enten the G oddess of G ood Luck who yesterday

, , , ,
 G OL IG H T L Y
BOUN D TH E G L OB E 33

today and forever will always be popular with some

people has her headquarters at E nosh im a T his pic
, .

t u re squ e place w as a peninsula the d ay w e blew over

the sandy isthmus on a rickety bridge to the rocky point ,

and almost an island with the rising tide when w e blew

back We climbed up the main street on both sides
.

of which were little stores where the Si mple natives sold

sea coral and shells ; rested in tea houses tarried in

- -
,

temples circled roads climbed b lus l oked over sea

, , ,
o

and harbor slid down t o the high sounding sea clung

,
-
,

like goats t o the wet rocks then crawled along the frail
,

little bridge that led t o the mouth o f the sacred cave ,

where w e would have been swallowed up by the dark

ness had it not been for the candles w e bought and
lighted Long a go a d ragon lived here w h o devoured
.

little child ren but the most ravenous thin g w e saw

,

w as an old beggar w h o took all the coin he coul d get .

Sea surf and win d made this a second edition o f the

,

Cave o f the Winds at Niagara and w e felt lucky t o get

,

away without a sprained ankle or being blown into

shreds On ou r w ay back w e met many queer looking
.

pilgrims w h o were bound for this cave the most sacred ,

spot in the sacred island From the time of this visit

.

un til w e left Japan I had su ch good luck that I half

believed that B enten had something t o do with it .

T O KI O

T okio is the hub and the hub bub of Japan Th e -

.

Se iy ok e n Hotel the nest in Japan w as our home

,
I , .

can t forget the A merican ag ice cream and pie which

,
-

were se rved or the head waiter w h o called me by name

,
 34 G OL IG H T L Y ROUND

TH E GL OB E

a nd was from my own native town It was my good .

fortune to have him take me to a fortune teller for the -

,

J apanese like some others believe in gilding a palm

, ,

which can push aside the veiled curtain o f the future .

S o B en Uti my hotel and home friend took me to the

, ,

n oted professor It was rainy and cold and we took Off

.

o u r shoes
!
as Moses did on holy ground when we e n
, ,

t ored the m y stic place but used the hibachi to warm ou r

,

t oes instead of ou r ngers T h e professor came in .

,

k neeled before a table unfurled his fan and had us ,

kneel opposite He took a large magnifying glass in

.
,

sp e c t e d my wife s e y es teeth and ears then examined

, ,

h e r head with his handn din g ou t j ust how much

store hair she wore and solemnly s aid -
You are a
very lucky lad yfor you will outlive your husband
,

.

T urning to me without a magnify ing glass he said You ,

eat too much y ou could live twenty years longer if you

,

wouldn t
. I said the world would be empty without
a full stomach and I would hurry home for dinner
,
.

T hen he looked at my s on s ear and said

Y ou are ,

y our mother s second boy

I asked him how he knew .
,

he said ,
by the ear marks If he meant dirt the
-
.
,

o cular proof was soon gone for the boy made a beeline

for the wash basin as soon as he struck the hotel

-
.

M ISSI O NS
T hrough
the kindness of the well k nown writer and -

m issionary Dr Deering we visited a Mission School

, .
,
.

It was spacious Simple sanitary scholarly and spiritual

, , , ,

a good investment for ou r alms pra y ers and tears If ,

.

C hristianity had nothing to offer for the eternal future

 GO L I G H T L Y
R OUN D T H E GL OB E 35

b ut only for the temporal present in medicine for the

body education for the mind orphanages fo r the home
, ,

less it w ou ld more than pay for every cent invested

, ,
.

Don t believe the l ow browed p e anu t sh e ll e d soul ed

- e

knocker who says that missions don t paythat t h e

,

heathen are worse than they were before fo r he is gen ,

e r ally a tourist critic w ho k nows nothing gives noth , .

ing appreciates nothing or on e who has lived away from

, ,

E urope or A merica a long time and has been rebuked

by some decent Christian mi ssi onary for his profanity ,

dishonesty gambling and licentious life among the na

,

t iv e s O n e feels here as Franklin did among the French

.

skeptics who reviled the B ible that if people are so ,

wicked with it h ow much worse would they be wi th

o u t it .

I know someone w h o d oubts this He asked a Mission .

scholar what he thought of ou r religion and the J ap

replied : T o hell with J esu s Christ I am learning .

E nglish He Seems t o have been an apt pupil T h e
. .

words are all right but used in the wrong pla ce I

,
.

think he must have overheard some profane tourist

shopping b y day or slumming by night .

E D U CA T IO N
A Japanese friend had given me a letter o f int ro du c
tion to Count O ku mo I felt it would be an honor t o
.

visit the distinguished count but my call was of n o ,

account he was not in so I gave the gate keeper a ag

, ,

a nd my card which were Sesame and admi tted us t o

,

his private park and garden F or beauty and variety .

o f tree shrub and ower it compares favorably with

, ,
36 G OL IG H T L Y ROUN D

TH E G L OBE

the greatest public gardens of the world What a pa ra .

dise for a botanist or b u g to live in T h e count is not .

only a politician but a philanthropist and public

,

educator .

Don t say the age of miracles is past A s We left

.

the garden I o e re d the Japanese guide and attendant

some money for his kindness he refused it with a b ow ,

and thanks but grabbed the A merican ag I o ere d him

,

as a hungry trout does a y .

Near the count S home w e saw his pet fad the Waseda ,

University but passed it up for a visit to the Imperial

,

University imperial not only in name but in the nature

, ,

of all its appointments More attractive than th e out

.

side of the build ing w as the inside Class rooms library .

-
,

o f books up to d ate and ou t o f date rarest Chinese vol

, ,

umes and Max Mueller s Splendi d library

.

T h e Jap more than anybody else believes in a sound

mind in a sound bodyh e is little but lithe every inch , ,

a physical king We saw them run leap jump rush

.
, , ,

over a big campus in a game that is a cross between

baseball and cricket ; fence fast and furious with masks
and sword sticks yells and calls thumps and thwacks
-
, , ,

dressed in a funny apron in front and nothing to speak

o f behind ; j iu
jitsu each other in a w ay so simple and
skillful that if our home police and amusement bouncers
were up in the game they could put down any rough
necks that started a rough house A s we left the Gy m . .

w e passed by the bath room wher e some students were -

enjoying a hot water bath of 1 1 6 degre es a number of

-
,

degrees less than the temperatur e of the embarrassed

ladies w h o saw them .
 G OL IG H TL Y ROUN D

T HE G L OB E

City parks are lungs for th e c ommon people and ,

large and breezy as ou r Coneys an d Wonderlands

as .

T h e wise Jap combines his religion and pleasure mostly ,

pleasure A temple i s i n the p ark Here he comes t o

. .

pray but remains t o play T he tem ple w as empty the

.
, ,

s ide Shows and picture mov i es crowded

- -
.

H ow t o get her e there an d everywhere in a little ti me

,

w as a big problem King Richard w as willing t o run

. .

up a big livery bill and give his kingdom for a horse .

What would he have given for the auto w e had when

there were only three i n tow n ? T okio h as
p eople spread over what seems t o be as many miles
,

t o a lost tourist Mr Morik ub o w as the man with the

. .

m achine A letter of introduction from his Minneapoli s

.

brother brought him t o ou r hotel in his buzz wagon T h e -

.

best passport one can have is a bunch of such letters .

He took us everywhere the wheels could go and wh en ,

w e were tired if th ey weren t stopped at t h e leading
, ,

tea house where w e were feasted with raw sh bam

-
,
-
,

b oo sprouts chestnuts bean curd and many other deli

-
, ,
-

cacies which W ere washed down with t ea an d saki .

Next w as T okio s big bazaar It reminds on e o f th e

.

B ible pictures of the T ower of B abel with it s c ircular ,

stairways in around up and down T here w as a con

, ,
.

fusion of tongues between the native sellers and tourist

buyers and a confusion o f all t h e articles th at one ever
saw or might dre am o f I had corkscrewed myself .

through these narrow aisles and stairways till I w as

dizzy and w as glad t o unwind myself when I stepped
down and out on the main street with souveni rs galore .
38 G OL IG H T L Y
R OUND T HE B
GL O E

G E I SH A G I R L S

I thought more of the G eisha dancers than the dance ,

and that wasn t much Th e word G eisha means
.

ac complished one and there are schools for their edu

,

cation in music and the be autiful arts People visit them .

more for pleasure than for prot and since they are ,

on e of the institutions o f Japan w e went on e night t o ,

a tea house to see them

-
.

Making ourselves as comfortable as possible on th e

oor a screen door was slipped and in came a pretty
,

G eisha girl w h o touched her head t o the oor thr ee

,

times sat down and looked at each one o f us N ow

, .

uttered in three more and made the room look like an

O riental bird cage T hey sang for us in a tone that

-
.

suggested an ungreased axle o r a nail drawn across a

piece o f glass played on the samisen and koto which

, ,

nothing but the geni us of a Wagner could appreciate ,

went through a fancy fan dril l and proved th emselves -

good entertainers but felt Iem b arrasse d be c ause w e were

,

not familiar and indecent T hey acted serious and .

spoke to one another and I asked the guide what w as

,

the trouble He replied they didn t know what to make
.

of us as the aver age tourist w as pretty usually hoister

,

ou s d runk and rough

,
.

THE Y O SHIW A RA

Yoshiwara is the red lantern district of Japan

Th e - .

One night w e formed a stag p arty t o visit the Yoshiwara -

,

but w e coul dn t shake lth e dears, w h o were as anx

40 G OL I G H T L Y
ROUND T HE GL OB E

he r absence However the place often becomes a matri

.
,

monial bureau and the girl is met courted and selected ,

by some Jap as his Wi fe .

In ad dition t o segregation there is such a supervision ,

that the inmates can t leave even for an hour except at
the consent of the police J apan teaches a lessonbest .

for her and worth our consideration

, .

Sex sin will exist as long as there are men and women
-

in the world If the church does not regenerate the gov

.

e rnm e nt must segregate A n O pen foe is better than a

.

sneaking assassin ; a wide cavern one sees and may avoid

is safer than an abyss covered with owers into which
he i gnorantly drives ; a se gregated district or a licensed
and medically inspected resort is less abhorrent than a
city wide spider w e b of Si n i n w hich youth are ensnared
- -
.

M IKA D O S B E L L

Japan has big and beautiful bells for it s B uddh a

worship I never tired of seeing them or striking them
.

with a big mallet t o hear them sound deep and far away
among the hills .

Here at T okio the home of the emperor I h eard a

, ,

pretty little legend of h ow the wonderful palace bell

w as made .

Centuries ago the Mikado ordered a bell maker t o cast -

the best bell ever heard It was to stand in the pala c e .

tower and that it might be clear and sweet and sound ,

for a hundred miles away gold and silver were t o b e ,

m i ngled with the brass .

 G OL I G H TL Y ROUN D

T HE GL O BE 41

Into t he melting pot the metals were placed th e big ,

re builded but the metals would not min gle A gain

,
.

and again he tried but with no success ; there w as no

,

bell Th e emperor growing weary and angry at the

.
,

delay sent nal word that unless the bell maker suc
,
-

c ee de d h e must die .

Now th e bell maker h ad a lovely daughter Sh e h e ard

-
.

t he Mikado s threat against her father and w as broken

hearted One night she wrapped herself in a cloak left

.
,

the palace, went t o the shrine and asked the oracle h ow

sh e could save her father T h e reply came
. G old and ,

silver will not melt and mingle until the blood of a vir

gin is mixed with them in their fusion .

Once again the O ld bell maker was r e a dy to c ast th e

-

bell He thought he w as alone b u t his daughter stood

.
,

near and suddenly threw herself into the melted metal .

It fused the bell w as cast and found to be the most

,

perfect and wonderful ever made .

T hat was long ago but e ven now it hangs in the tower
,

o f the palace and its tones are the sweetest heard round

about for a hun dred miles B lood sacrice mingled with

.

gold and silver gave the bell its ma rvelous tone .

T his Japanese legend rings ou t a lesson to us in

A merica far across the seas
,
Life makes no Sweet and
.

lasting music until sacrice mingles with ou r offerings

in love s altar res O f all classes between the mother
.

in the private home or the martyr at public stake Christ s ,

words are true F or whosoever will save his life Shall
,

lose it ; but whosoever will lose his li fe for my sake t he ,

same shall save it .
42 G OL I G H T L Y
ROUN D TH E G L OB E

NIK KO

Nikko whistled the engine hummed the wheels , ,

said the smiling student cond uctors whispered the wind ,

and trees as we Sped by rice paddies through little vil -

,

lages over hill and dale till at last the giant cr y ptomerias
, ,

waved their welcome to the sacred shrine N ikko g lorious , ,

in nature and art .

We reached Nikko at night T h e rickshaws with .

,

their painted paper lanterns swarmed about like re ,

ies Jumping in we climbed a steep r o ad bright with

.
,

res ags and faces From the oldest grand pa to the

,
.

youn gest baby came the cry O hio
,
I shouted back .

M innesota we all chimed in with B anzai and kept
,

it u p as we went up until our noise was drowned by the

rush of the stream whose banks we followe d and then
left for the rocky path to the hotel our temple in the , ,

land of temples for the night ,

.

We were in the mountain district where everything

seemed t r an sgu r e d and remembering how long ago
, , ,

the Disciple Peter fell asleep when he Should have been

most awake I agreed to keep my e y es open knowin g
, ,

I could go to bed at any time T h e G eisha maid with .

,

the hotel proprietor and the leader of ou r part y trie d ,

to stop m y climb by sa y i ng beware the mountain ,

pass but E xcelsior was my motto
,
.

It was d ark the roads were heavy and the rickshaw

,

men didn t care to go in the beginning or continue after

starting but by extra tips gettin g out and walking and

, ,

climbing half the w ay we managed to get along until ,

Nature took pity on u s lifted the clouds threw out a, ,

 G OL I G H T L Y ROUN D

TH E GL OB E 43

handful o f stars and hung up a big yellow moon like a !

monstrous Japanese lantern B y this light we climbed .

through rocky ravine , forded foaming streams wer e ,

g i v e n a shower bath by a silver cataract and got a glori

-
a

ou s glimpse o f snowy summits T h e s cenery made m e .

drunk and drowsy so my rickshaw boy trundled me in

,
.

his little patrol wagon to the hotel where I slept soundly ,

until the sun was up and a daughter of Japan came

into my room t o build the re .

Nik ko is Nippon s Westmin ster with roof of Sky archi

, ,
~

tecture of hill and mountain aisles of cryptomerias , ,

music o f cascade and pine and tombs o f Ieyasu and h is

grandson those Sh o guns w h o have slept in this show
,
-

place for centuries without going of:
I n harmony with these s acred and solemn surround
ings we pilgrims were waltzed by bronze lante rns slipped ,

over old stone and moss covered steps dragged t o a nd

-
,

from gold lacquer and carved temples before w e could

,

get on or off our shoes were rushed by carved monkeys

,
.

and stone dragons as if t hey were in pursuit until w e

, ,
'

Sought refuge at the door o f the temple but wer e ,

stopped by a dancing gir l We put some coin into a .

little b ox on the platform and like an old music bo x ,

that squeaks a tune when y ou drop a nickel in the slot ,

a withered female fantasticall y dressed appeared like

a gh ost danced like a dry corn s talk in the wind
, ,

squeaked like a rat until she was tired out and we wer e

Securing the gu ide s of the night before w e rode b y

Sacred B ridge but were not G ranted to cro ss and
, ,

along the b ank with its de faced stone faced images ; wer e -
44 G OL IG H T L Y ROUN D

THE G L OB E

hauled up hills by pretty gardens dry rocky river

, , ,

beds misty mountain tops and fall s whi ch we took in

, ,

with the sandwiches we brought along T here was no .

time for an after dinner nap and like the famous men
-
,

w h o marched up the hill we had to march back again ,

for the train like time and tide waits for nobody A s
, , .

we approached a mountain hut I sighted a little woman

in a big pair o f Dr Mary Walker pants She wouldn t
. .

stand for a picture but ed and I went to the old

, ,

fashioned well and drank long and deep from the old
bamboo bucket Prowling around I came to a little
.

mound o f e arth and stone where there were evidences ,

of worship . Here I found a little clay god built on the

lines of St Nicholas though instead o f a pack o f toys
.
,

he carried two sacks of rice I fell in love with him at .

S i ght and since there were so many o f him in J apan I

took him and left the little woman housekeeper enough

to buy a dozen deities Virgil found the descent easy
.

to A vernus and I did to the Clevela nd party at the

,

depot who wondered where we had been and half

, ,

wished we had been left behind when we told them they

might as well have never come to Nikko as to have m i ssed
what we had just seen .

T HR E E M O NKE YS
We left Nikko the place of piou s pilgrimage and of
,

both B uddhist and Shinto Shrine whose elaborate and ,

artistic wood carving of red and gold lacquer work are

unsurpassed .

A mong the man y gures we saw o f lions tigers winged , ,

 G OL IG H T L Y R OUN D T H E

GL OB E 45

an d scaly dragons and a blind cat there were the thre e ,

ori ginal famous monke y s made over three hundred ,

years ago by a celebrated artist T heir names are .

Mizaru Kik aza ru and I w azaru

, .

O f these marvelous monke y s on e sits with h is ,

paws over his eyes another covers his ears and a third
,

his mouth ; over eyes that he may see no evil over ears ,

that he may hear no evil and over mouth that he may,

speak no evil Though carved long ago and by a

.
,

heathen artist they teach a n ow much needed lesson

, .

I have seen trained monkeys in circuses wild m on ,

keys in India and South A merica but these wooden ,

monkeys in J apan are o f more interest than all the

others .

Wh en any one tells y ou n ot t o make a monkey o f

yourself ask what he means ; he may be gi vi ng y ou bad
,

advice for the three monkeys at Nikko s temple are

,

always and everywhere wor h y of imitation Let u s t .

all be Nikko monkeys .

NA RA
Nara may be the Happy Hunt ing G round for t liose

whose way through dusky death w as lighted by stone

lanterns but while the park is lle d with deer there is
, ,

no open season for hunters T h e animals are sacred .

and at call o f v ow s and horn will com e and eat out of

your hand the rice cakes prepared for them Like all
-
.

sacred animals m an or beast they are l azy an d fat

, , .

Scatt ered through the park are ston e lanterns like -

,

so many mushroom s and a long row of them leads to

,
46 G OL I G H TL Y
ROUND THE GL OBE

a temple where girls i n bloomers with black hair l led ,

with bright owers and faces daubed over Wi th white

lead give a holy Hulu dance keep i ng time to a sacred
, ,

a ccompaniment sung and played by amorous priests .

A t M oscow I wasn t permi tted to strike the big bell

,

a s broken and useless as the hearts and lives of many a

Russian but here every time for the ring o f a coin I

,

g o t t h e ring of the bell by pulling a rope which swung

a beam like a battering ram against its n i ne i nch thick -

b razen Side Later I went out from a museum of

.

d eli c ate and d ead things t o the sturdy life o f the park ,

w here bo y s and girls and men and women were Sitting

a stride of a big log suspended b y chains and swinging

to and fro like the pendulum of a giant grandfather s

c lock

Speaki ng of trees recalls the botanical freak of seven

trees twisted into on e trunk T o this o dd tree frantic
.

lovers come write down their heart throb wishes on a

,
-

piece o f tissue paper and tie it in form o f a curl paper

,
-

a round the twigs with the thumb and little nger o f

o n e hand as d ifcult to t ie as the G ordian k not Wa s

,

to unt ie Judged by the number o f bandages around

.

it many love Sick sweethearts had been here

-
.

Wh ile some were having a public reception with the

'

O fcials w e had a private unofcial meeting with a

B uddha bigger than any image since t he time of Nebu
c h a dn e zza r nestling on a lotus leaf like a toad on a
,
-
.

s tool . T his diety under his dark roof loo ked like a
d emon in his d e n and inspired about as much repose as

'

Pagodas ourish in China as watermelons in Georgia
, ,
48 G OL IG H TL Y ROUN D

TH E G L OB E

ever he let me have his bread and coffee ham eggs and
, , ,

pie and went ou t to get a duplicate order for himself

, .

C a n you beat it ? Not with the golden rule in U S A . . .

A s usual men and women were very social ; every

,

w here you went in public or private they were or came

, ,
.

I would like to tell of one encounter in a dark shed

b y a canal but think it better not to publish it 0
,
.
,

d on t miss O saka for like its native drink saki it ascends

, ,

me in the brain and l ls me full of funny ery and fra ,

g rant memories .

T E M PL E T O W N KY O T O

Did you ever Vl sit a city tourists gush over ? If

not make a sentimental journey to Kyoto where if
, , ,

your gusher hasn t already given out it probably ,

will over the castles palaces museums bell gods more

, , , ,

n umerous than Paul found in idola trous A thens and ,

so man y temples that the piety you may have felt at

J erusalem Moscow and R ome will all ooze ou t and in

,

its stead leave a profane word sticking in your dry

throat .

From the guide book one would think the Nijo castle
-

w as a menagerie with heron sparrow and tiger room ,

.

B ut they were beauty and beast decorations whi c h

didn t bother me at all I entered on e of its corridors

.

that creaked and squeaked as if it were a poor piece

o f carpenter work but learned it was an alarm signal
,

for any foot pad or assassin w h o might try t o sneak

-

l n late and unawares .

I am not surprised that the Mikado moved away from

 G OL IG H T L Y
ROUN D TH E G L OB E 49

Kyoto if he had to live in the Imperial palace we were

'

permitted t o ramble through There seemed t o be as .

many rooms as cells in a honey comb I buzzed around -

.

l ike a lost bumble bee and the M ikado king bee w as

. , ,

lucky to nd his way out .

O n e morning I went t o the G olden Pagoda with its

Phoenix cupola It looked like a celestial hen coop with
.
-

a prize rooster on it Here we fed the golden carp with

.

rice sh balls drank rare tea that looked as if it had

-
,

been skimmed off the top o f a frog pond and entered ,

a garden that harbored a ship which from stem t o stern

and mast to keel was a tree with uttering leaves for
sails
. I was entertained by a B uddhist monk who
showed me his books garden and temple and whom I
,

thanked and left feeling the only thing we had in com

m on was a bald head .

I made a tour of some time eaten and deserted temples

-
,

and on e where a straggling worshipper clapped his

hands rang a bell threw a coin into a hay rick looking
, ,
-

collection b ox and made known his request I fear .

that a contribution box of this size in Christian lands

would drive the worshippers from the altar to the woods ,

G od s rst temples with free sittings Near by I saw .

a kind of wood bo x lled with bamboo sticksI picked

-

up one as a souveni r It proved to be a prayer written

.
, ,

not e xt e m pe rane ou s but I didn t oe r it there o r here
,

fo r I didn t k now what it me a nt and on e must always

be careful o f h is petition and k now what he wants

before he asks for it A round me were some sad and
.

sour visaged idols and I don t wonder because for ce n
-
,

tu rie s they have been targets for spit balls Japan would -
.
 50 G OL I G H T L Y ROUN D

TH E GL OB E

bea paradise for some bad A merican school boy w h o

would make a juicy spit ball and blow it through a bean
-

I
s hooter with the idea that if it stuck to the im a e he
g
would be luck y and get anything he asked for I fear .

i f he d id this he would be unlucky and get some things

he didn t want for here spit ball throwing is a religious
,
-

r ite You write down a prayer on a piece of soft paper

.
,

p u t the paper in your mouth and chew it roll it in the ,

form of a ball and re it at the god If it is moist and .

sticks you may look fo r an answer but if it is dry like

,
, ,

many of ou r tearless petitions it will fall OE and be ,

o ffered in vain .

A t the temple o f M ercy I called on gods and

l eft on e card and contribution to be divided among them
a ll T hese upright gods with extended h ands looked
.

l ike so many bleacherites after an umpire s rank de
c ision .

T ired
and sick of all this I went up hill and through
s treets lined with stores l led with dolls and gourd

p ottery to the temple o f Kwannon the goddess w h o ,

c ares for the sick and sad Here I met the p atron god
.
,

Dr B inzu ri wooden worn weatherbeaten and over

.
, , ,

worked B elieving it would help them I saw natives

.
,

rub the place on his body which corresponded to the

s ick or lame o n theirs When it came my turn I placed
.

my hand on his head and then on mine b u t am bald

'

as ever and if I had not been lucky I might have

'

received some other scalp things I did not care to h aVe .

My faith was weak or he w a s a faker Refreshed .

,

however by the smell s and sound o f the pines and a

, ,

d rink from the dragon mouthed fountain I strolle d -

,
 G OL I G H T L Y ROUN D

THE G L OB E 51

o ver to the shrine of the Lover s god most unlovely , ,

w h o sits behind wooden bars covered with knots of

paper tied with the thumb and little nger o f sweet
heart hands A fter these lovers marry they may visit
.

t he nearby shrine of Jizo w h o loves children here and

, ,

beyond the g rave protects them fro m t h e old hag

S h ozu k a .Here were offerings o f caps bibs and toys ,
.

T his world is a cemetery and the tombstones o f the

d ead are the milestones o f life s journey I saw no .

public funerals in J apan and while there are private

,

burial places in and near the homes there are few public ,

o nes. I groped through on e noting the peculiarity of

,

the head stones decorations and inscriptions which I

,

suppose were just a s attering as some lying epitaphs

e lsewhere that d isgu r e and blacken white mar ble T his .

reminds me .On e day I bought some c u rl os from a

J ap merchant which pleased h im so much that he asked

me t o step in and see his father s shrine O u r mer .

chants generally take their customers t o a variety show .

We were entertained with a tombstone T here in the .

e n d of the room stood a little shrine in gold and lacquer .

E very evening candles were lighted fresh rice and wine ,

w ere placed before it fo r the departed Heathen .

a ncestral worship you say but to me a beautiful sight
, ,

o f lial remembrance and regard In Japan Honor .

thy father and thy mother is observed in life and after

death while in A merica children talk about the old
,

man and old woman hasten their death hurry up
, ,

t heir funeral throw a wreath of unpaid owers on the

,

g rave and scrap l n the hack on the w ay home t o see

w h o will get the most o f what is left .

52 G OL I G H T L Y ROUN D

TH E GL O BE
In T okyo I had my picture taken standing by a devil ,

but he was a little shrimp compared with the whale o f

a devil here so that among all the legions in horrid
,

hell there was none to top him D o we worship what .

we love or fear ? It must be the latter here and how ,

any real devil could be more fearsome I can t imagine

.

I think he must be the Prince of Dark ness for he can

scare all the other d evils away .

Higashi H ongw angi is the profane sounding name for

J apan s biggest and most beautiful temple It only .

cost but holds something more precious than

all its gold lacquer ornaments metal lanterns and
statue of Buddha with gold furnishingstwent y
, , ,

nine ~

long coils of rope T hey look like hawsers or cables

.
, ,

and were not made in Manila T hey are brownish .

,

black and fuzzy as if they might be a switch o f hair

from a big B uddha s wife A n d hair it is black brown

.
, ,

and white from the heads o f women young and old , ,

who had it cut Off and made it into ropes with which
they hauled giant timbers to Kyoto and lifted them in
their temple places H ofs many women workers in
.
r

Christendom would sacrice their crowning ornament

and sing like saints while working like oxen ? Shintois m
with its patriotism and B uddhism with its ceremonialism
may deca y and be classed with the dead religions of
the past but so long as Charity is greater than faith and
,

hope the story of this temple built by women s unselsh
,

love like the devotion of Mary who used her hair for a
,

towel to wipe her Saviour s feet will be remembere d

,

till the end o f time .

Israel worshipped the golden calf like some of us , ,

54 G OL I GH TL Y
R OUND T HE GL OB E

to a p! b lic bath A t last I discovered one and sent th e

. .

guide a l ead to reconnoiter He said Come I passed
.
,
.

the w ord along and the ladies came but wished they ,

hadn t We entered and I became a looker on at
.

Venus in the bath and not one but many who made the
, ,

painted females in the U fz i look like chromos or Mrs .

T hey e y ed us with an indifferenc e

J arley s wax works .

that made us blush and look through our ngers for

shame With the c ase that only a model for the al
.

together possesses they posed before the mirrors arr an g

ing their black hair or poised like maids of the mist by
,

the steam tank T heir type of beauty is di e re n t Jap

. .

beaut y is in angles the A merican in curves ; Nature

,

made on e with a ruler the other with a compass A s a

,
.

rule the baths for men and women are divided by a

wood en partition at the end of which sits the proprietor
or his wife on the lookout Formerly there was no .

privacy and the fastidious foreigners insisted that the

sexes should be separated T his was accomplished by .

placing a bamboo rod between them but even that now ,

is discarded in some sections E verybody gets into t h e .

swim thus beautifully illustrating the proverb
,
E vil ,

to him that evil thinks O tempora O mores !
.
,

T h e Japs are mild in their looks manners and lan ,

guage During t w o weeks o f trying travel I saw n o

.

evidence of anger and heard no profanity from t h e

natives except one monosyllabic word which a ricky boy
had learned from a careless tourist of the former party .

T h e wor st curse here you can hurl at your most hated

enemy is to make a face at him point your n ger and ,

say Your navel is twisted
,
.
 G OL IG H TL Y
ROUN D THE B
GL O E 55

M I ST A KE S O F A NI G H T

An Inn is an indicator of the ins and outs of a coun

t ry s life T h e average A merican glob e trotter thinks
.
-

he isn t having a good time unless he stops at a hotel

w hich is a little better than anything he has at home .

If bed board and a luxurious time is all he might as

, ,

well have gone to New York and been waited on by a

J ap bell h op -
.

Since ou r vocabulary w as limited to Ohio Say ,

o nara ,
Kum B ow w ow ! hello good afternoon and ,

n ight ! w e asked ou r guide t o n d us a native Inn and

make all the arrangements .

T h e rst place was full and they only had a m at

a n d a half left whatever that might mean

,
B ut they .

s erved us with tea and sent a servant t o another inn

k eeper to see whether he could accommodate us While .

d rinkin g tea w e were conscious o f many bright k im on as ,

and black eyes p e e pm g from behind the screen with ,

suppressed giggles at A mericans drinking tea with their

s hoes o n .

T h e servant found a place we g ot in ou r rickshaw , ,

s plashed through the mud and arrived at a wayside inn ,

where the master rec ei ved us and asked us t o remove

ou r shoes which we did though the place didn t seem
, ,

very holy A little live Japanese doll n ow appeared

.

bowing her black head t o the oor an d we all took tea , .

T hen we Went on a tour of insp ection t o see whether

o u r roo ms would suit Not liking a hallway between
.

t h e different members of the party I stumbled around ,

f ell into a room no bigger than a wardrobe slid a screen ,

56 G OL I G H T L Y
ROUN D TH E G L OB E

to one side asking w hy I couldn t have that room and

,

,

soon learned for there sat a J ap on his knees by a little

, ,

table eighteen inches high studying by an electric light

, , .

T h e stranger seemed unmoved and he certainly w as , ,

for the proprietor said he had been there sixteen years .

A fter that I didn t slide any more screens

B ut if .

you re curious it isn t necessar y ; y ou have onl y to wet
your thumb and thrust it through the wall paper to get
as many views as Peepin g T om had o f Lady G od iva .

T his hole privile ge is however only claimed by t h e, ,

tourist who has n o respect for the holy o f holies at inn

o r temple .

Finally we discovered a room and hungry with the ,

exertion asked for something to eat What was our sur

, .

prise when after all ou r effort to get away from every

thing A merican or E nglish we were served with an
A merican dinner by an E nglish speaking cook Soup .
,

sh beef potatoes rice A merican white bread tea and

, , , , ,

cake was the menu Like a doubled up jackkni fe or

.

Daibutsu we sat on ou r k nees on little silk mats It .

seemed easy at rst but soon we were in agony I was

,
.

so fat I had to straighten my legs and succeeded in ,

upsetting the table and so broke up the feast A bout .

half through the master o f the house with his wife

-
, ,

daughter and cook all came in and saluted us with low

,

bows T h e cook spoke t o us in good E ngli sh
. I am .

the cook ; I can speak a little E ngli sh How did y ou .

enjoy your dinner ? If I w a s surprised at the good

meal I w as more surprised at ou r linguistic cook wh o , ,

continuing said : I am through with my work and
,

the master sa y s I may be your guid e for the evening if

 G OL I GH TL Y ROUN D

TH E G L OB E 57

y ou wish. He put on a silk kimona w e pulled on ou r ,

shoes cli mbed down the fragile stairs tryi ng not t o k nock
,

the paper walled house down and tucked in ou r rick

-
,

shaws were off for the theatre through mud ankle deep .

Th e cook proved t o be a re g ular Cook s guide for we ,

wove in and ou t dark streets and alleys till we came to

the lighted broadway thronged with people splashing
and clattering by We stopped an d entered what proved
.

t o be not a theatre but a moving picture show and from ,

the seats in the gallery b ox we saw the latest in n s

silly stu from A merica and historical Japanese reels .

T h e native orchestra uttered shrieks and groans that

suggested cemeteries and torture chambers E xcept for -
.

the hungry girl usher w h o shoveled down three platefuls

,

o f boiled rice in as many minutes t h e passing show ou t ,

side was more interesting .

Wonderful to relate ou r gu i de for economical reasons

, , ,

h ad dismissed the waiting rickshaws and for ten minutes ,

w e trotted after him in the mud ; he on raised stilted

shoes had dry feet while ou r shoes were soaked and

proved the J ap s understanding better than ours Finally .
,

like a rat in a hole he darted in a little d oor cut in a big

,

door o f the hotel We followed bumping and thumping

.
,

o u r way to ou r rooms Th e Japs sleep on on e mat but

.
,

they gave us three so ou r beds were quite comfortable

,
.

T hat night it rained cats and dogs and some o f the ,

cats prowled and yowled over ou r heads T owards morn .

i n g I had fallen into an uneasy catnap when I was

awakened by some one walking softly between me and

the window With visions o f burglars I waked to nd
.

my cook guide who asked what I w anted for break

,
53 G OL I G H T L Y
ROUN D TH E GL O BE
fast and whether I preferred a bath or a blind masseur .

If a bath please not let the water out for w e use it

, ,

again So I ran a M arathon to get there rst
. Th e .

bath was a room with a tank about twelve inches deep

in the oor with little chairs on the side T h e m an there .

before me had an attendant who put a heavy bath towel ,

-

over his shoulders and poured boiling water on him from

a tea kettle He didn t seem t o mind it in the least but
.
,

later I did very much feeling as A rtemus Ward when

,

he jumped up as if biling water had been squirted in

his ear Parboiled and red as a lobster I went back t o
.

bed I thought the scene would make a good lecture

.

slide so I had o n e Jap maid at my head and another at

,

my foot while my wife w h o insisted on being present

, , ,

took my picture .

T h e maids returned t o the kitchen and said the i r p1c

tures had been taken This raised a riot o f j ealousy and
.

envy, and once more the cook appeared who had m e ,

take the picture of the daughter o f the house since sh e ,

w a s considered on e of the faire st maids o f Kyoto We .

breakfasted paid ou r bills were presented with hand

, ,

painted souvenirs and with a lot of bowing and scrapin g

said Sayonara .

KO B E

Kobe as I remember it is some town bounded in
, , ,

front by a big beautiful harbor dotted with shi pping

, ,

and with a ba ckground o f hills covered with trees High .

up at on e point the forests have been cut down in such

a way as to leave the shape of an immense anchor in
h on or of N ogi s naval victory over the Russians

T he .
 G OL I G H T L Y
ROU N D , TH E G L OB E 59

most unreliable guide in J apan live s here He led me .

a devious route to a high plain where he pointed 130 a ,

monument in memory o f G eneral Venus It proved .

to be in memory of n o man but o f Venus whenshe made

a memorial transit for a party of scientists w h o came

here t o watch her Would tha t I had list en ed to n o
.

further fairy tales from my i magi native guide He .

promised t o take me t o places and people which I never

came t o or met Like Mary s little lamb I followed
.

,

him over hills d own steps be y ond city outskirts t o the

, ,

Kobe falls and tea house His so called short cut had
.
- -

taken us t w o hours of hot hard climbing whereas if we

, ,

had come in the regular roundabout way it would have

taken fteen minutes A las it w as only when we left
.
,

him that I found a curio shop where I bought a hand ,

carved money cane that I longed to wear ou t on him .

We were so late at the tea houses that those w h o had

come long before had left little but leaves in the cup but ,

they couldn t drink the water of the falls or buy the
beauty of rock forest and cascade sc e nery
, .

B eautiful tortoise shell is sold here but their shell ,

game put us in no mood fo r shopp i ng though w e did ,

take a chance on a lunch at the hotel t o vary the ship

bill o f fare and it w a s very poor and so were w e when
, ,

w e left.

IN L A N D S E A

The Inland Sea is worth seeing O ver it s wide or nar .

row expanse dart skip and skim boats like so many

,

strange water bugs We pass by many and various c ol

.

ored islands and o ur b ow like a needle threads th em

,
60 G O L IG H T L Y
ROUN D TH E G L OB E

like so many colored beads upon th e white unrollin g

string of its wake T here are little vi ll ages which cling
to the cliffs like limpets on a rocknative peasants as
.

industri ous on their heights as the lads in the land of

the Midnight Sun T his w a s one of the best m ovm g
.

pictures of the trip and I had all the thrills I have had
,

in the St Lawrence and Columbia rivers and Sitka

.

harbor B ut the real th rille r was t o be on a G erman

.

ship in Japanese waters and see a boat with the C h ine se

, ,

name Mon goli a oating the A m eri can ag .

N A G A S A KI SILH O U E T T E S
Nagasaki left a charcoal sketch on the walls of my
memory and some maps o f darkest A frica on my face
and white duck suit Y o u see there is an island near
. .

here lled with soft J apanese coal ; they needed the

money and we needed the coal So barges l led with .

fuel and natives bumped ou r boat and like so many ,

pirates men and women threw rope ladders o n ou r decks

, ,

climbed them forming a human chai n and like the old

, ,

re bucket brigade passed on and up baskets o f coal

-

with the speed of grain elevator buckets until the coal -

lockers were lled and the mate cried hold enough ,

a n d blessed and not damned was h e w h o thus o fficially

c ried for we passengers too had t aken on a cargo of

, , ,

coal dust all day Made from dust every night half
.
,

d ead we returned to dust We emerged from our cabins .

in the morning looking like stokers, unbathed went to

breakfast where t he e ggs were seasoned with salt and
,

d ust ; trod Over decks as dirty as those in the card room ,

and unlike Pinafore passengers were glad t o seek the

62 G OL I G H T L Y
ROUN D TH E GL OBE

KI T E FLYIN G

I took a y er at Nagasaki in the form of a kite In

'
.

Japan the children have more to entertain them than

anywhere else in the world G rown ups also enjoy this
.

pastime and they arranged a contest for ou r pleasure

, .

We saw and shared this innocent daytime amusement .

T h e Japs powder the kite string with ground glass -

and when the rival s kite is ying high the y cross this

string and with a sudden sawing cut it and the kite falls
t o the ground A man o f leisure as you could tell from
.
,

his ne silk kimona and sandals cut down six kites and , ,

then was good e nough to let me hold the line and see
how it pulled and tried t o teach me the art but before ,

I could learn my string had been crossed and cut and the
kite uttered away into the hands of a little boy w h o ,

caught it before it touched the ground .

T here are many kinds of kites the favorite one being ,

a big carp that they run up on a pole as we oat a ag .

T his sh is an obj ect lesson which the parents wish the

boys t o admire It is strong swims up stream and full
.
,

o f pluck and push .

HI G H LI G H T S

Th e Y M C A here meant Y ou may call again
. . . .
,

and I want t o if they can serve another such program

as they gave us Th e society doesn t have to hire a hall
.

,

because its large and lively members ow n one If .

mental and moral growth have their roots in a strong

body we may look for both by the way they cultivate
 GOL IG H TL Y R OUN D THE

GL O E B 63

t h e manly art of self defense in fencing and jitsu wrest

-

ling We were pleasantly surprised to hear a Jap girl

.

warble Sc otch ballads and we tortuously craned ou r

necks t o take in Th e Crane and the T o rt oise Dance
which a dozen dainty damsels d id .

One night a ery d ragon t w o miles long dragged its

, ,

jointed length along the mountain side and harbor It .

proved t o be a lantern parade given in our honor and

n ot a demon produced by Nagasaki sake I w a s a boy .

again onl y instead of carrying a Halloween pumpkin

,

j ack o lantern or waving a paper on e t o the home com

- - -

ing veterans of 65 I bought a Japanese lantern from
,

a little b oy rushed by saloons lled with E nglish

,

sailors drinking the health of the king and their sweet

,

hearts dived through dark streets till I headed off the

,

procession and waving the lantern aloft fell in line and

, ,

yell ed B anzai at the t op of my voice We were .

hilarious and happy and had the triumphal p roc e ssmn s
o f A lexander and Pompey beaten t o a frazzle because ,

their motto w as war and ours was peace such peace
as G eneral G rant had in mind and heart when he planted
a tree in the nearby hillside parkthe object o f pride
and plea sure t o all the citizens .

Nagasaki exports raw silk cotton tea porcelain , , , ,

lacquer ware textiles paper goods and rice and manu

-
, , ,

factures tortoise shell ware and enameled pottery

-
.

During ou r stay in the city I found a college with

studies planned on E uropean lines ; a M ethodist school
for boys and R oman Catholic school for girls .

T h e Japan climate was genial and the many red faced

,
-

babies with their hearty Oh aios proved that Naga
, ,
64 G OL I G H T L Y
ROUN D THE G L OB E

saki w as a good health resort We saw the big campho r .

trees went shopping and after s eei ng a number o f tem

,

ple s visited the most famous Shinto shrine known as ,

t he B ronze Horse T emple T h e horse stands on a
.

pedestal and is a Rosinante nag compared with his
bronze brothers in Venice stabled over the entrance t o
Saint Mark s Cathedral Job and Carlyle would have

.

found inspiration for a new paragraph on this Jap

galled jade .

MO GI

Mogi is a malodorous little shing village out from

Nagasaki with so large a smell that a blind man could
,

easily nd it by following his nose Coleridge the poet .

, ,

whose business it was to rely on imagination rather than

on fact , counted sixty well dened and several stinks

at Cologne He would have been overpowered here and

.

called for the help of a professor of higher mathematics

to enumerate the volume and variety of odors w e e n coun
t e re d from Nagasaki to this town .

A well made road lassoes the intervening foothills

-
,

which are covered with cultivated elds ; the peasants

were all busy the children were happy and more so
,

when w e threw them peanuts instead of pansies for

thoughts Me n women and oxen were carrying various
.
,

loads but the common one was a bamboo bucket affair

,

b alanced on both ends of a bamboo pole These buckets .

were n ot lled with milk o r cheese or vegetables , but

with a human fertilizer which they had assiduously col

lec t ed in accordance with the Scripture G ather up the ,

fragments that nothing he los I can never forget

 GO L IG H TL Y R OUN D T HE

GLO BE 65
'

the ascent or the descent t o Mogi From rock y road .

,

through pretty forest b y picturesque ravine we reached

,

the sh e rm en s huts with their nets by the shore and

beach where bathing mermaids can only be caught and

,

carried home in a camera .

Here ou r rickies rested w hile we went down t o the
Wharf bargained for a barge shaped boat and its lon e
,
-

sherman who looked like Charon and smelt like carrion

,
.

He paddled us out t o a pretty promontory overlooking

the Inland Sea where we snap shotted ad libitum I
,
-
.

had hea rd and read N o pictures here because o f the ,

fortications but wondered at such lack o f artistic

,

appreciation for there were many pictures here and in

, ,

spite of the mounted ofcer, w h o patrolled t he shore I ,

got some of t h e best eve r .

THE J A PA N E SE

Japan is longer T h e Land of the Rising Sun
no ,

but an empire o f meridian splendor .

She has made more progress in fty ye ars than E urope

i n ve hundred .

Permanent a dvance is seen not only i n mi litary naval .

, ,

political and comm ercial lines but in ed ucational social

, , ,

moral and religious life as well .

Her people are polite patriotic lial msth e tic sto ic al

, , , , ,

generous and self sacricing

-
.

Politically Japan i s a factor t o be recognized now ,

and in the future dealt with in all international prob

66 G OL IG H T L Y ROUN D

TH E G L OB E

As Fuji yama lifts his snow crowned head above the

- -

plain, even so the late Mikado rose above all form er

rul ers .

He w as a progr essive spirit in science art and educa ,

tion the popularizing of government and the overthrow

,

o f China and Russia Superstition reverenced him as

.

a god and common sense revealed h im a g reat human

soul .

New problems confront the new emperor If he is .

to realize his father s plans the individual must be given
his rights and woman must be elevated for government
, ,

can only be in public what society is in the home .

T h e young J apanese may admire the stoic sacrice of

G eneral Nogi but will prefer to live and work than di e
,
.

T h e cities of Japan welcome d us with ags and friend

shi p and their mayors and Ofcials spoke of commerce
,

not carnage and emphasized love and not hate

,
.

Japan acknowledges and appreciates the United

States T h e Pacic ocean no longer separates but unites
.

us Her back is turned on A sia and E urope but her

.
,

hands in sympathy are extended to A meric a .

JA P-
B A IT E RS

T he California alien land bill w as something that

would have disgraced hell i n its palmiest days .

It was a piece of political p erdy and rotten states

rights o f proverbial buncombean d of a race and re

ligiou s bigotry that made the O riental he athen a Chris

tian saint in comparison .
 G O L IG H TL Y ROUN D

TH E GL O BE 67

The alien and undesirable citizen i s not the patient

J ap but the labor jingo politician w h o loudly protests
,

of loy al ty to the United States but is more di sloyal and

,

with less reason than the South ever w as .

Th e Pacic states may well be j ealous o f the Jap ;

o ften his muscle is hard er his mind keener his mann ers
, ,

p oliter and h is morals less vicious .

It makes one ashamed t o be an A merican I have .

boasted of Old Glory s liberty equality and fraterni ty

,

t h e world over and gave away hundreds of ag stick -

pins in J apan b ut California stained its red white and

, , 7
W
blue and made the dear ag a dirty rag
T h e Jap is ou r brother by creation P ,

redemption ; we are his keeper and woe t o us if we act

,

the part of Cain and are branded with the w ar red mark -

o f fratri c idal murder

.

A C A N T O N NI G H T M A R E
.

Canton was the city w e were forbidden t o peek in

when we reached Hong Kong A pirate held a p rom on
.

tory on the Pearl river and t o make an international

r ow threatened t o shoot up t h e Cleveland party In .

addition hundreds of revolutionists in Canton and

 How to get away from Hong Kong and my wife now
w as a diplomatic question T hat night I told h e r w e
.

would go ashore and see a show How ever she thought .

,

it strange that my boy should take a kodak when all w e

needed was an Opera glass She was suspicious for when
.
,

we were in the lighter she said A r e you two going to ,
,

Canton ? I said NO ,
and L ,
Yes in the same .
,

breath whereupon she dryly remarked
, You two bet ,

t er agree before you attempt that trip We did she .
,

to return t o the ship we to strike ou t for the steamboat

,

wharf T h e captain o f the B ritish boat refused to take

.

us not that he personally objected to having us shot

, ,

but he was Of cially restrained SO we went to t h e .

French boat whose captain greeted us as cordially as

,

Lafayette did Washington He politely led us by th e .

hold full of traveling Chinks lying on their bellies like

sardines in a box and chaperoned by a m ildly murderous
looking man who stood over their iron barred door
,
-

loaded with gifts for them in the form of a belt of car

t ridg es a sword an d dirk and a bloody looking gun
,
He .

then took us t o his cabin where he ent ertained us with

,

a description o f the friendly reception his boat had

received the night before and when I seemed incredulous
,
.

he took me to my room on the uppe r deck where I had ,

Iago s ocular proof and left me T h e marks of alfe o .

tion were bullet holes in t he door T hey were u nne c e s .

sary for ventilation for it was a cold rainy night I

, , ,

was half frozen with fear and the scant drapery o f m y

-

couch brought me no pleasant dreams on the contrary ,

I imagined the de ath by the seventy two cuts and -
,

w as brought back to life by Heck o f Pittsburg wh o with ,

70 G OL I G H T L Y R OUN D T H E

GL O E B
t e re d
the city it would take another Dante t o describe .

We were told to follow the leader and that if our ,

hats were knocked off or we were struck by a brick had

, ,

a dead cat or rat thrust under ou r nose o r a bucket of ,

an ill smelling uid thrown into ou r face we were to

-
,

smile turn the other cheek and say thanks T his was
, .

good advice for we were unarmed the city was under

, ,

military law soldiers were at every gate and crossing

,

patrolling the streets G uns had just raked the walks

.

and we were willing t o hoe ou r own row T o the reader .

wh o says Pooh bah there was no danger
, ,
had he ,

been there he would have been ou t of sight with th e

terried Women and children .

Cum led the way T h e advance couriers gave a Si gnal

.

cry like a dog baying the moon and the crowd parted
like the R ed Sea before Moses Th e streets were so nar .

row and the show windows so near that I could have

been a shoplifter with both hands and there was a ,

variety of stock to select from silk and embroideries , ,

carved wood and ivory gold silver jade and feather

, , ,

work ; o r if hungry there was a free lunch counter ex

tending along the streets with tea and rice live sh and ,

whitewashed looking fowls glazed ducks gory pigs a , , ,

choice assortment of fresh entrails some dead dogs and ,

rats crates of yowling cats huge cauldrons of slimy

, ,

soup thickened with animal vegetable and other matter,

that would m ake the Witch s cauldron in Macbeth look

like a cup of consomme in comparison .

T o aid digestion apo thecary shops O e re d old orange

and lemon peel dried herbs and bladders and if this
, ,

proved unavailing on the way to the cemetery there

 G OL IG H TL Y ROUN D

TH E G L OB E 71

were many opportunities to select a sui table box in which

t o shufe off your mortal coil Now and then w e passed
.

a j aded looking fellow carrying big blocks of jade as ,

if it were so many paving stones ; in a rickety O ld build

ing with rudest tools men carved a dozen ivory balls on e ,

within another ou t of a single piece ; I made no pur

chase because solid ivory pin heads are very common
,

in A merica ; at a j eweler sh Op I had a Kingsher feather

stickpin made which a New York thief later ew away

with ; there s a thread needle street in London and one
-

devoted to tailors here Why so many I couldn t see

.

,

because in winter time the Cantonese onl y wear a pair

o f pants and in the summer only half of that

A t the temple o f the ve hundred G enii where the ,

p rayers of the holy had given way t o the harangues o f

the politicians we saw a gilded statue big as life of the
,

rst E uropean globe trotter to China M arco Polo

-
,
Such .

a traveler was a novelty then but n ow is a nuisance

,
.

We went by old wall s whose painted dragons the new

Chin ese had wiped ou t ; by temples whose only occupants
were a few second hand gods and bats ; took time t o visit
-

the water clock tower where drops of water instead of

,

grains of sand mark the time o f China s millions toward
the grave ; passed through gates of the old city wall to
the hillside where h undreds had beenshot and the R evo
lu t ion ag w a s yi ng ; looked into the cemetery where

t h e poor common people rest after li fe s tfu l fever ,

while the restless rich who shunned them in life lie

, ,

apart from them in the City of the Dead visited by ,

r elatives w h o o e r fruit an d owers to their departed

spirits .Like mummi es i n a museum they sleep un buried

72 G OL I G H T L Y
ROUN D TH E GL O BE
in their rich caskets and await the grafting geomancer ,

that oriental undertaker w h o promises the relat ives to

nd some place in the ground undisturbed by the G reat
Dragon .

By the religious milestone of the ve storied weedy -

,

seedy pagoda where the oracles are dumb we headed

, ,

fo r the E xecution groun ds in the potter y district where ,

"
the sharp sword had sent many a man back to his orig
i nal clay China is becoming civilized n ow and stands
.

her criminals up against a wall and shoots them .

Th e execution groun d was remote and in the riot dis ;

t ric t but Cum w a s willing to risk it and where he led

, ,

we followed Down by bullet riddled streets and through

.
-

cu rious crowds we came to this modern A c e lde m a Here .

w a s a narrow alley lined with earthen pots covered with

mats un der which were e sh le ss sk ulls O n e o f them
,
.

seemed to look imploringly at me and I picked it up ;

alas some poor Chinese Yorick I was anxious t o se e .

the man w h o struck the fearful blow and Cum c alled the
executioner w h o c ame ou t with a kni fe estimated to
,

h ave cut OE three hundred thousand heads in thirty

years Like O thello his occupation was gone and so t o
.
, ,

please him I gave him a piece o f money and kneeled

.

down while he lifted the razor edge o f the sword over -

my bared neck to give me a close shave T h e photo .

shows the movement o f t h e k nife as if he moved it from

force of habit or w as moved t o do it b ecau se my neck
,

looked so inviting When I throw a slide of this in my

.

lecture the audience sadly sighs Wh at might have ,

been . B y this time a large crowd had come to see t he
'
unusual thing of a foreigne r losing hi s head though in ,
 G O L IG H T L Y
ROUN D THE GL O BE 73

p rivate and public I have often been in that predica

ment Cum made a Si gn to a nearby soldier showed his
.
,

badge and the of cer d ispersed the crowd with a two

minute spe e e c h which translated meant T here s noth
.

,

in g doing So we came saw and got away
.
, .

In an ivory factory where the men were at rest w e

, ,

retired to a back room and worked ou r ivories on a

light midday lunch o f chicken mutton beef pork eggs , , , , ,

pickles brea d cake and a fe w other tit bits B ut some

, ,
-
.

h ow the air outside and the cobwebs in side d idn t mak e
us ravenous so we invited the coolies in and they
,

shoveled it down in a w ay that reminded me of a time

whenI had forgotten the furnace and then hurrie d and
piled in the coal .

I went t o the home o f a wealthy m andarin w ho h ad ,

hastily left at the approach o f the R evolutionists T h e .

former living room w as n ow a store room for the dis

play and sale of beautiful silks but there was something ,

more attractive t o me than this his pretty garden with ,

trees palms owers lanterns and statues A friend

, , , .

gave me a cigaret to smoke but there were enough vile ,

odors and I didn t want the city t o blow up with spon
t an e ou s combustion O n the way t o the bund and the
.

boat we met a political procession carrying ags and a

banner inviting the people to come ou t t o hear a big gu n
make a report on some burning issue B uild ings along .

the bund bore bullet marks o f recent date soldiers were

-
,

th ere and the people moved up and down with looks of

anxiety not k nowing at wha t m
,
oment the soldiers might
reduce the city s population by another ve hundred

.

Cum left us at the boat We paid him a good price for .

74 G OL I G H T L Y
ROUN D TH E G L OB E

his service but were well paid in return If you want

,
.

to see Canton he is the man w ho kn ows an d I gladl y ,

add tribute t o the golden opinions which he and h is

family have won from worldwide travelers Th e boat .

was steaming up but there was a little time left I

,
.

asked the captain where to go He said If you re Wi se .
,

you won t go anywhere ; just hang around the wharf

.

I did .

Near the shore there was a dum p heap and crawling ,

over it a something I couldn t distinguish as man or

b e ast G oing down to investigate I found it was both

. .

A n ol d man half blind and ragged was using his talon

-

ngernails as lunch hooks for stu E a well bred pig would -

never touch T h e sight was touching He touched m e

. .

for a piece of silver and L kodaked the scene I h a d

read and heard of that peculiar form o f warfareh ow
. .

the Chinese hurl stink pots at their enemies and over

-

come them ; it seemed strange then but I understand it ,

now T here must be a shop near by where they manu

.

facture tin cans bottles and earth en jars ll them with

, ,

Canton smells and ship them to the front .

Th e misnomered Pearl river before me was dirty ,

covered with old boats and driftwood sampans man y o f ,

whose occupants are born live labor and die without , ,

ever c oming ashore T here were men lounging o r pol

.

ing roosters crowing women cooking and children

, , ,

fastened by ropes to mother waists or posts to keep
them from being drowned T hese houseboats are .

famous Th e ower boats used to be infamous with

.

their deviltry and disease but the Vice Commission h as ,

put them ou t o f business .

76 G O L IG H T L Y
ROUN D TH E GL OB E

M A CA O S
J O INT S
Th e river ride to Macao was beautiful the settin g ,

sun turned the Pear l into a G olden river the pagodas ,

and elds into a landscape picture with a golden frame

and o u r thoughts to the supper table with its golden
butter oranges eggs and cakes which w e were glad to
, , ,

exchange for gold We were to reach Macao at mid

.

night and leaving an early call took a short sleep

, ,

after ou r long day s work T h e wh istle waked us and
.

going out on deck we were surprised to nd o c ers on

the wharf embracing the coolies as if to relieve them of
their hard won spoils o f fan tan which they had won
-

durin g t h e night but the honest ofcials were onl y search

,

ing for concealed arms but found only those which

,

Nature had allowed and provided .

We were in the old Portuguese town of Macao once ,

noisy and busy nOW st ill and sleep y as the night around
,
'

us and livened only by o u r stumbling up the stony

,

streets the howl o f a dog and the halloo o f a drunk

,
.

Lured by will 0 the wisp lamp we walked from pillar

to post o f one hotel to another before we could get any

body to understand that w e wanted to get something to
eat and drink and have a mi dn ight serenade from lady
musicians who sing and play A fter bribes and e n .

treaties we had a limited entertainment Ou r applause .

to the fair dames screeching squeak ing and scraping

,

brought up the servants to share the sport and brought

down the malediction o f the older people w h o won ,

dered what pirates were looting the house T hese Por .

t u g u e se did all they could for our entertainment but the

,
 G OL I G H TL Y ROUN D

TH E GL OB E 77

talent was poor and the time was tame compared with
some nights I had spent in Lisbon .

G ambling next to loa n g and the manufacture o f

,

opium is the pri nc i pal occupation o f the youn gest and

,

oldest inhabitants We hied away hiked through dark

.
, ,

ch oin g streets to where a rst class fan tan game w a s

- -

in progress M acao is the oriental Monte Carlo B acked

. .

by the government it gets back a certain percent of the

earnings which it i nvests i n hospitals asylums and cheap ,

lodgings for the people who have been beaten at the

game You could gamble at the big table d ownst air s
.

o r drop into the game by lowering your money in a

small basket from the balcony above T ired of the game .

y ou could eat thirsty get a drink or if sleepy take t h e

, ,

Opium pipe train of thought to where every day is

Sunday A ll I lost here w as time and sleep so I made
.
,

haste to get back t o the boat which was t o be my hotel

,

till eight the next morning when a Christian Portuguese

,

guid e was to show me the proper way o f seeing the town .

M A KIN G O PI U M

He came bright and early ; w e followed him alon g

the shore which had an ancient and sh lik e smell ;
,
-

by pyramids o f fresh sh that loo k ed lik e pearl and

other sh like dry piles of sand t o the world famed ,

-

O pium factory that supplies so much of the sleepy

drug . We entered a lo w ceiling room fwh e r e men
-

were stri pped t o the waist lik e blacksmiths at their

forge T hey picked up the crude opium shaped like
.
,

a c ocoanut shell scooped out its cho colate looking

,
78 G OL I G H T L Y ROUN D
TH E G L OB E

subst ance threw it in a kind of brass wash basin

,
-

under which roared the re until it steamed and blub ,

bered like a pot o f hot mush o r molasses T hey darted .

here and t here lik e imps with these pans T hen the
, ,
.

liquid was pour ed in porcelain b oxes o f various sizes .

T h e whole place seemed like the sto k e room of some -

infernal suburb o r the Devil s smithy shop where chains

were being forged for lost souls T h e odor was p e c u .

liar and penetrating I must have absorbed some o f

.

the dope for I felt di zzy and w a s glad to get outside

,

in the fresh air I wanted t o buy some t o take home

.

as a souvenir ; it w a s against the law but there w as ,

so much smuggling I knew I could get some in my

home town Lik e Saul and David drink hath slain

.
,

its thousands and Opium its tens o f thousands A n .

occasional De Q uincey or Coleridge i s t o o high a price

to pay for the terrible habit .

J O SS H O U SE
'

However some people prefer tobacco and so w e

,

visited a factory where little children and ol d women

were at work sorting tobacco leaves I t w a s a sorry .

sight but it w a s ab out the only reputable thing for

,

them to do in this semi Christian town o f gamblin g -

and opium smok ing A fter O pium and tobacco fac

.

tories it w a s ab out time to attend religious services ,

so w e headed for a Chinese temple T h e p ort als w e r e .

decorated by acrobatic sh w h o stood on their heads ,

and for j oy I was almost willin g to do the same t hin g

1

when I learned I could enter without taking O E my

 G O L IG H T L Y ROUN D

THE G L OB E 79

shoes Here I saw an elderly woman seriousl y ipping

.

fortune sticks into the air T h e position they fell
-
.

into showed whether she w a s t o have goo d o r bad lu c k .

It w as long before they landed just right then sh e ,

smiled and made an o E e rin g of a tray full o f solid

food an d desse rt t o a wooden dyspeptic looking g o d , ,

which would have feasted a lab orer and his family for
several d ays She lighted some j oss
. sticks stuck .

them in the sand and left the temple a s happy as

some of her Christian sisters o n E aster morni ng w h o

rememb er nothin g o f the pastor s sermon and every
thing O f the ne w style which knelt b efore them and ,

hurry home happy in the thought that by next Sun day

they will hav e something just like it or a little b etter .

Later in the day w e saw the earthquake ruin of t h e

o l d J esuit church o f San Paulo A t the hotel I asked .

w h y it had not b een rebuilt and an intelligent looking

Chinaman w h o spoke E nglish said : We n o need it
w e come here rst they make religion like ours w e
, ,

jus t as good .I s m iled said nothing but thought a
,

good deal as I had a t other times and places when

the same problem came up in a diE e r e nt gu ise
, .

FI RE C R A C KE R S
'

Sin c e this w as ou r guide s native town he k new ,

everybody and c ould take us every where From publi c .

park along the road he led us t o private park with

garden and pond in the center o f which w as a rest
,

pagoda and th rough the house roya l and rich in fu r

, ,

nishin g . T hen ou r rickies rolled along the avenue

drive w here instead of lake w a s a b eautiful bayon
80 G OL I G H TL Y ROUN D

TH E G L OB E

by lighthouse and up slope to re cracker factori es -

,

where men women and children were walking barefoot

,

among the powder rooms or in the near b y houses were ,

-

doubling and rolling the red paper and inserting the

fuses and pac king the re cra ck ers by the million so ,

t here would b e enough to frighten away the evil Spirits

there and mak e glorious our Fourth of July trans
, ,

lating the word libe rty into light noise and powder ,

s mell except where such celebration had been crowded

o u t by a long visit to the cemetery listening to a ,

dead oration carrying a paper ag eating peanuts

, ,

and qu afn g pink lemonade T hen we rode a long the .

highway to Canton as far as the boundary gate between

t h e Portuguese an d Chinese territory and watched the ,

weary travelers O ddly dressed and heavily loaded with

,

h ousehold goods disappear in the distance toward the

,

hills beyond which lay Canton the end o f their j ourney ,

.

We hadn t been to a gambling place since midnight
and passing a large s k ating

rink lik e loo k ing building -

which was a lottery w e j ammed ou r w ay through the

door Where we saw thousands o f natives watch the
,

big wheel go round and their fort unes up and down

with it O n e hand of the government turns this wheel
.

and with the other tak es enough of the gambling

money to support the city the home church and for ,

e ign missions .

A P E R S E C UT E D P O E T
Th e next thing on the program w as the grotto o f

Camoens Portugal s greatest poet who was banished
, ,

h ere fo r writing a satire that showed up the graft of

 GO L I G H T L Y ROUN D

T HE
'
GL OB E 1

some Portuguese O fcials T h e sixteen years dreary .

night of his banishment her e brought o ut the stars of

his genius wh ich shine in the Lusiad
, h is nation s ,

greatest epi c T here is little po etic inspirat i on i n

.

M acao now ; there w a s when he w as there but it ,

winged its ight when the poor man returned t o Lisbon

and died i n a public hospital .

T h e Portuguese is a difcult and almost impossib l e

language and when the tourist tries t o read or trans
,

late some of Camoens verses i nscribed on the marble ,

in the grotto his bust just above it seems t o smile an d

,

say, If you want to b e happy don t w rite o r read

poetry . We were taken t o the hotel to be served ,

on the balcony look at the qui et bay and the lOl y

,

islands a n d the Cleveland party ste aming in rush

, , ,

for rickshaws trail along the beach like a sea serpe nt

,
-

and try to see all that w e h ad in two short hours b e

fore their boat whistled all ab oard .

A fter dinner mi stak i ng a private residen c e f or a

,

public club my knock w a s answered by the owner

, ,

w h o instead o f setting his do gs on us welc omed us in

, ,

broken E nglish showed us his owe r garden and c ol

,

lections o f boo k s paintin gs and por c elain When I

, .

op ened the piano and played he opened a bo ttle o f

something th at perfumed the whole room and tasted

like more Had I been his prospective ri ch son i n
.
-

la w he couldn t have done mor e fo r me and so after , ,

taking pictures o f his attractive home wife and chil ,

'
82 G OL IG H T L Y
R OUND TH E GL O BE
dren w e took our leave I lost my umbrella and he
, .

summoned servants t o look for it and personally

brought it t o me n ot b ecause it w as not worth keeping
,

,

but maybe you ll want it before y ou get home Th e .

Portuguese are great discoverers so w as I t o discover ,

o n e man in the world W h o would return a good

umbrella .

O nce on the boat and headed for Hong Kong w e ,

were besieged by ou r tourist friends w h o looked at ,

ou r Canton revolutionary badg e s and asked us h ow w e

d ared g o without them T h e truth seemed stranger

.

than ction when I told them some things I have

a lready written and oth ers I have neither time space ,

nor inclination t o print T hey looked surprised and

.

s k eptical as if they wished I had never gone there or

,

had n ot escaped alive Sour grapes are t o o fre
.

q uent diet with many tourists O nce away from this .

madding throng of questioners and where that Sunday ,

afternoon I could commune with my heart and b e

still I felt that if J ohn the Divine had been aboard
,

the scenery would have suggested a new description

o f the R iver and T ree of Life .

H ON G KO N G

John Milton w a s called th e celestial thief and ,

J ohn Bull tried to imitate him by drugging J ohn China

man with O pium When he resisted and fought for his
.

life John B ull grew very re d in the face pushed his ,

l ow crowned hat over his forehead and like B ill Sikes , ,

with bull d o g and cane slug ged him and grabbed the
,

s wag Hong Kong which he c all s
, ,
indemnity .
84 GO I H
L G TL Y ROUN D

TH E G L OB E

gentleman i s t o nd a watermelon He pointed with .

pride to the little boat o f which he w a s engineer told .

of u p river China trips and encounters with pirates

-

that made my few hairs porcupinish and that this same ,

boat once had as ballast bags o f gold taken from a

,

Spanish cruiser in the late w ar .

A t ni ght the city from bay to peak and along the

streets sparkled with electric lights as the stars over
head T here was to b e a star performance at a Chi
.

nese theatre and w e left the glory o f the outside for

the glare o f the inside T here w as a full house so
.
,

w e were seated on the stage T h e play was m e l o dr a

.

matic and in places quite rotten T here were no .

women on the stage except the tourists b ecause the

Chinese actr e sses are men T h e orchestra at the back
.

of the stage pla y ed a timeless tuneless thing which ,

probably incited the performers t o commit murder and

suicide so often T h e thing that caught me more than
.

play or pla y ers was the audience T hey sat through .

it all laughing and crying smoking cigarettes drink

, , ,

ing tea eating rice and sweets much as some soc iet y
, ,

people do in ou r theatres to keep awake be social and ,

ll up the emptiness of the performance .

L O ST

When my Hong Kong guide dies he will go t o the

limbo o f liars and I wanted t o send him there that

night Leaving the theatre w e ask ed to see the sights

.
,

o f the town He said there were none and tried to

.

hustle us to the ship T h e party wanted to see the

.
 I
G OL G H T L Y ROUN D

TH E G L OB E

p alatialChinese clubs and resorts He said the ladi es .

could n ot go and trie d to compromise on a bazaar al ,

ladies with a Sikh policeman to show them around

w hile we rushed down the hill and entered the exclu

sive Chinese club house and gardens where wealthy
native s were eating drinking smo kin g and telling the
, ,

girls stories T here was some c lass if n o character to

.

this club b ecause n o white man could spend a dollar

,

i n it . R eturning to the bazaar w e met the ladies o f ,

the party and told them our experienc e and asked

theirsit was just lik e ours fo r they had visited a ,

S i milar place near by

Starting bac k o u r c olos sal idiot guide without tell

, ,

ing the co olies where he w a s going simply sai d F ol , ,

l ow me . T his was di fcult the streets were dar k w e
, ,

got in a m i x and smash up my coolie had his leg cut

, ,

and nally limped away and left me alone Lost in .

London was nothing to this and befor e I could get ,

another coolie o u r party had disappeared From twelve .

till t w o a m I went t o places and took in sights that

. .

were n o t included in the itinerary In the meantime .

the guide and the rest of the party had landed at the
pier and when Mrs M as k ed where I w a s he consoled
,
. .

her by sayi ng : He went into a saloon to get a drink .

My wife stoo d up for me and said I didn t drink and

,

that if I did I wouldn t g o alone and get a drink , and
that he had lost me and I might b e robb ed and k illed .

B y this time I was tired o f my joy ri de for he had -

,

even taken me t o the fort I w as so furious he .

thought I ought t o b e in the guard h Ou se Noth ing .

86 G OL IG H TL Y ROUN D

T H E GL OB E

r emained b u t the wharf and as I was a foreigner and

,

ought to be shipped home he headed for the pier .

When I appeared in the distance under an electric

light I heard a very familiar voice T here he is ! ,

Yes I w a s the kidnapped husband had returned I

, ,
.

began t o roast the guide where she left O E then w e ,

roasted h im together and ende d by telling the low

browed B riton that for ways dark and tricks vain
he w a s worse than any Heathen Chinee dead or alive ,
.

Feeling relie ved I went to my boat and b ed a sadder
, ,

and a wiser man

to dream that some people are as
,

bad as they look but this guide w as a great deal

,

worse .

J O H N C HINA M A N

China s history runs back t o the twilight of un c e r
tainty and the night o f forgetfulness Her people are .

as numerous as the sands of t h e seaher mines are

lled with mineral wealth and her forests abound in
the most valuable woods ; her religion i s ancestral and
literary harking back t o the time of Confucius ; her
,

education includes philosophy art and sci ence ; her ,

inventions O f chart and compass printing and powder ,

are among the greatest and earliest .

T h e Dragon o f O ld China has b e en slain by th e angel

o f R epub li can i sm

T ennyson s couplet is revised t o
.

rea d , B etter fty years of Cathay than a cy cle of
E urope China has ma de mor e progress in customs
.

a nd laws education mi ssi ons railroads ships and news

, , , ,

papers in a decade than in many previ ous centuries .

Instead of beheading she cuts OE queues ; no longer

88 G OL I G H TL Y
ROUN D THE GL OB E

four hun dred millions are awak e and have set out on a
m arch that will ultimately a E e c t the destiny of E urop e
and A merica .

M A NI L A F R I E N D S

You might as well hang a d o g as give it a bad name ,

and this was about true of the natives of those island s

which were called the Philippines after Philip II of
Spain the bigoted butcher who tried to sail his soul
,

t o heaven on seas of Christian blood T hey may still .

have a bad name but they have a better nature In

, .

legislation education sanitation and toleration they

, ,

have made more progress in ten years under Uncle

Sam than under Spanish misrule in centuries .

I felt mo re at home in M anila than anywhere on

the trip Th e waves O f the bay said
. Hello ; O ld ,

G lory clapped her starr y hands ; and before I go t

ashore m y friend E ast h a ge n O f Minneapolis met me at

the gang plank with a Hello G olightly pushed m e
, ,

into an auto for a ft y mile ride over A guinaldo battle

-

elds where he had fought ; by public schools lle d

with native children who cheered and scrambled for
the ags I un g them ; by a convent Dewe y used as
target and an other that had served as a war barrack s
,
-

but now was a peaceful reform school ; b y wallows full

o f big horned mild e y ed c a rib o o and villages swarmin g
-
,
-

with nak ed children whose mothers were work in g har d

,

to clothe them to the tune of Singer machines .

B aseball is A merica s national sport Spain s a bull

,

ght and a cock ght the Philippines If his b ut .
 GO L IG H TL Y ROUN D

THE GL OB E 89

w as burnin g up a Filipino would try and save the pr i ze

ro oster before he did his wife or b aby In M anila the .

rooster is a rara avis w e had heard so much ab out

him and his feats that I wanted t o see him in action ,

so I adj ourned to a churchyard wh ere a co ck pit w a s

,
-

improvised in front o f the cathedral do or and so l ,

e m nly lo oked on at a prize rooster ght -

Th e ne .

points o f the game that most appealed to me were the

long spurs and the sharp b eaks but as I w a s chicken
,

hearted and didn t want any bloodshed I called the ,

thing O E .

In the evening the A rmy and N avy Club gave a ball ,

Shriners and E lk s entertained and all the passengers

had a good time n o on e had a dry time and in the
, ,

early morning I helped on e of them up the gang w h o

had gang agley and found grief and pain for prom
ised j oy A s usual the ladies were captured with brass
.
,

buttons and dance d and irted t o their heart s delight
,
.

T hey say a lion is a terrible thing among ladies but ,

when it comes to breaking hearts the soldier is the

c onquering hero and king beast .

Speak ing o f M anila hospitality I want to mention ,

an A merican named Maddox whom I met by accident .

He ran a livery and garage just t o be a good fel

low ; although the weather was warm and he w as fat
he walked long distances with me went sight seeing ,

and when I w a s thirsty he gave me a drinkof lemo

nadeand his auto on a rush order for Mrs M t o
, , . .

have a tooth pulled E a st h a g e n and M addox were a

.

sample of the hospitality which the city of Manila e x

tended the Cleveland party despite the oral statement
,
90 I
G OL G H TL Y ROUN D

TH E GL OB E

of any b oat o fcer or paid correspondent o f the cruises

t o the c ontrary Manila not only o E e re d us the glad
.

hand o f welcome but dug down with the other t o pay

,

the bill fo r entertainment ov e r and above that included

in the cruise G ladly and generously merchants shut
.

u p their shops opened their homes and at a sacrice

,

of tim e and money said there wasn t anyt hing too good

for an A merican Judge E lliott then gov e rno r o f the

.
,

islands n o w in Minneapolis told me the city s enter

, ,

t a in m e n t of the to u rist w a s paid from a fund voted !

for the purpose and that any o n e w h o denied it w as -

either mistak en or mali cious .

T h e G reen R iver on which y ou are guaranteed a

,

sail without a headache seems t o have man y tribu
,

taries all over the worldhere a big sign on the river

bank said G reen River but the geography says the ,

Pasig B oth rivers seem t o be much in use the former

.
,

for dr inking purposes and the latter as a chaser .

We la un ched by warehouses factories and thatched ,

h uts standin g on stilts to k eep dry with a background ,

of bamboo ; by women washing their hair their chil ,

dren o r the family clo thes ; by boys swimming ; by

,

t h e water loving caribou w h o deserts driver and load

and plun ges in the river where he hides all but his
nose One o f them stood in the water with a girl on
.

h is back lik e E uropa and the bull while natives dredged ,

the river by using their feet as shovels t o scoop the

mud up in buckets which they dived down to lift up
and un load
When y ou visit the M anila hospital y ou almost wish
y ou were sick It beats some seaside resorts and is so
.
92 I
G OL G H T L Y ROUND

TH E GL OB E

G arro t m g w asan O ld Spanish form o f punishment .

T h e victim sat in a chair while the photographer look -

ing executioner adjusted a rest at the bac k of his nec k ,

ask ed him to smile and look pleasant as if he were ,

about to have his picture tak en turned the screw and ,

snapped his neck If this seemed positively cruel
.

there was a negative result I sat in this grim c hair

.
,

native prisoners just arrested had a front seat t o the

, ,

show E ast h a g e n adjusted the neck rest and L

snapped mewith the kodak Th e garroting c hair is
.
,

second hand furniture n ow and has been succeeded by

-

the modern electric chair H o w many people have

.

been roc k ed t o eternal sleep by these two chairs T hey .

are bad chairs to fall asleep in Let us b e good and .

keep awak e .

F rt M cKin le y is on e of the biggest and b est army

posts in all the world and is a tting memorial to the
mind and heart of the martyr president whose prayer

for benevolent assimilation has been answered .

A fter the rive r trip we came back to the city By .

the shore was the little boat Can D O which at
tempted to do what the Cleveland had done but was ,

wrec k ed O E B orneo the wild graveyard coast where lie

,

t h e sk eleton ribs of many a gallant ship .

T h e cit y was a hive of industr y and the stores lled

with ever y thing you want or don t want to wear to ,

eat or to drink ; you dodge caribou in the street as a

matador does a bull ; on the corners j ostle men w h o
seem to have nothi ng t o do b u t wear white suits M anila ,

hats carry a cane and smok e M anila rope ; ogle t h e

,

dark haired blac k eyed Filipino girls wearing bright

-
,
-
94 G OL IG H TL Y ROUN D

TH E GL O EB
T A B LE M A NN E R S
It w as hot as Hades as w e neared the equator O ne .

day at lunch my table neighbor appeared in a natty

s ilk shirt with sleeves rolled up B efore he could wet
.

h is lips with water or soup the chief steward came

and asked him t o put on his coat Doctor Mo ck e tt .

wanted to k now why a lady could sit with low neck -

a n d short sleeves but a man had to wear a coat Th e .

s teward answered It is the style T hat settled it
.
,

he put on his coat and shut up It is t o laugh A man

. .

boasts of freedom but woman takes some lib erties
,

he is not allowed When c k le Fashion sways her

.

s cepter woman takes O E some wraps and man wraps

h imself up in more .

O urs was alway s a well bread party Pillsbury .

d id his best and Fleischmann could always make a

raise
.

C R O SSIN G T H E E Q U A T O R
T h e equator is an imaginary line but I m not lying

,

when I sa y I was nearly d rowned in crossing it Nep .

t une boarded the boat the night before and said we

would have to wash up before we entered his domain ,

and that he would send somebody to do the j ob T h e .

next day strange men climbed over the boat with rope
whiskers and sea weed in their hair fantastically
-
,

garbed snorting like sea monsters and to the aecom

,
-

p anim e nt of weird music sat down to a tribun al erected

o ver a big canvas tank o f seawater Certain persons .

wh o seemed to need a bath more than others were

s elected I was one and w as asked whether I d have a
.
,

shave or haircut I pulled OE my white d uck suit t o

.
 G OL I G H T L Y R OUND TH E

GL OB E 95

the amusement of the spectators and a moment later

they gasped t o see me shed my underwear an d the c ap ,

tain was about t o stop this Mary G ard en disrobing act

when he discovered I had on a bathing suit underneath .

O pening my mouth t o answer a question it was lled

with a bucket o f soapsuds a barrel stave razor w as
,

drawn over my face and I w as pushed backwards an d

fell into the hands of some Neptune villains w h o ducked ,

me three times until my face w as black as their bodies .

If death is the absence o f breath I w as nearer t h e need

o f an un dertaker than ever before In the struggle for
.

life a heavy ring was torn from my n ger but when I ,

got my breath and ring back I used the one as a brass

k nuckle and the other t o object t o burial in a watery
gr ave T hen I w as politely kicked through a canvas
.

tube drenched with a hose and came out christened with

,

the tting name of B oot Ma r and later given a cer
-

t ic at e which entitle d me t o sail all the seas without

further scrubbing A s a B aptist I had taken my medi
.

c ine and the F aedo B aptists w h o had laughingly wit

-

n essed the ceremony suddenly bec ame candidates for

sprinklin g A re hose which h ad looked like a torpid
.

snake became active and hissed a stream of water ove r

h ats waists coats and kodaks and I w as the best man

, , , ,

for I laughed last .

J A VA
Y ou can t beat the Dutch in hom e gove rnment in H ol

~

land or colonial government at J ava

,
T h e fact is that .

the best w e have in A merican civilization i s but a

h omeopathic preparation of Holland Dutch dop e -
.
96 G OL IG H T L Y
ROUN D TH E GL OB E

Java is an island where most of the mountains and all

O f the men smoke Its canals reminded me of Am ster
.

dam and the other profane named cities of Holland -

.

Here the transplanted Dutch thrive like tulips in their

native land T hese Java burghers eat big meals smoke
.
,

long pipes take many naps and the circumference of

,

their waist line would do for illustrations in spherical

-

trigonometry T hey are hearty and happy but seemed

.
,

haughty to some o f the tourists because they didn t rush

down t o the boat kiss them and oE e r them a pipe of

,

Peace M ein Herr is so prosperous that most of his time

.

is spent in counting his guilders without waiting on the

tourist to get a few more .

We were called bright and early and it only took

a bout half a day to make the landing a couple miles

away T h e Dutch are proverbiall y slow ever y little

.
,

boy s name is loaded with all the letters o f the alphabet

,

and the towns require some additional vowels and con

s onants B ut as a diamond represents a load of char
.

coal even so the Dutch name B atavia includes T andjong

Priok and Weltevreden .

From sea port to capital palace the train wheezed

-

by little grass houses perched on poles like martin boxes

in a forest o f foliage and owers A t the station we .

were dumped into a dos a dos a two wheeled sulky cart - -

,
-
,

a n d sitting back to back like pouting lovers were jolted

by park palace street store and canals which the little

, , , ,

brown skinned people use as public baths and laundries

-

and where nothing oE en ds the critical eye or nose o f

those who pass by .

B ut it was diE e re nt at the big Museum where the ,

98 G O L IG H T L Y R OUN D T H E GL OB E

a high sounding name I bought some fruit from a pretty

-

J avanese girl w h o w as very anxious t o sell

, It was a .

bunch of ram b out ans that looked like a round red

c ushion lled with nee dl es and w as as tempting as the

a pple E ve gave A dam B ut appearances are deceitful ;

.

instead of vegetable it w as a carnivorous diet for the ,

fruit was the meeting plac e for J ava ants and all their
c ousins Just then the w aiter came in with a call for
.

d inner He saw my plight brushed the pests from my

.
,

face hands and clothing and said the y had something t

,

t o eat in the car just ahead I followed T h e fare was. .

o f high quality including the bill

, .

Th e chugging whistling little train pulled us by rice

,

elds c oE e e plantations where they raise ne tea shady

, ,

c lumps o f bread fruit and banana trees ; up hills crawl

-
,

ing over spider w e b trestles leaning over lovely valleys

-
,

w atered by silver streams ; past tiny villages with tre

m e n dou s names; through thickets once the haunt o f
rhinocero s and tiger now driven far away by the scream
,

o f t he locomotive till w e at last me t the courie r cloud s

,

w hich had been j ourneying towards us and were ,

among the mountains where peaks of extinct volcanoes

,

g lowed as if alive in the red rays o f the setting sun

until put ou t by a second Deluge whic h made us look ,

about for some A rarat on which t o land Th e lightnin g .

lightened the thunder thundered and the rain rained

,

till the trainmen feared th e roadbed would be swept

a way and the train toppled over the side t o the valley

b elow B ut the rainbow promise held good and over its

.

a rch w e bridged ou r w ay in safety to B andong the ,

Pre an ge r Washington wh ere both Dutch and Javanese

,
 G OL IG H T L Y R OUND T H E

B
GL O E 99

h uman race ocks t o as in London or Lexington On .

t h e w ay t o the hotel w e saw t he alo on aloon and missigit -

,

in plain E nglish a big square and mosque Ou r wire .

had been received and though th e Pre an g e r hotel w as

full w e were given a big Dutch dinne r and then escorted
t o a nearby bungalow with wide veranda wh ere the ,

n ative s could camp and Wat ch u s as w e took a plu nge

in a tub sunk into the oor like a toy cellar or climbe d ,

into a high Dutch bed covered with a mosquito barred -

c age through w h ich savage mosquitos tried t o enter an d

,

a roun d before w e closed Ou r eyes T here wer e broad .

Sapolia cleaned streets inviting h omes and gardens ;

,

farther on a moving picture show which w as packed to ,

the doors so we strolle d t o the market where under the

, ,

glare o f a little torch sitting on t h e sidewalk a greasy

, ,

cook was toasting brown as his body a chop su ey med

, ,
-

ley o f meat and table vegetables which though he care

,

lessly seasone d the hun gry laborer ate as if it were a

,

banquet for the gods T wenty four hundred feet above

.
-

se a level o n e can eat anything .

R elying more on Yankee alarm c locks than Java

na tives to wake u s early for ou r tra in w e walke d over
their prostrate bodies t o the street where th e carri age ,

met us and rumbled through the sleepy town t o the

s tation , where w e had t o wait fo r the agent and engineer

t o get out of b ed Once started there w as an ever

.

rolli ng panorama t o B uit enz org T he washouts o f t he

.
1 00 I
G OL G H T L Y ROUN D

TH E B
GLO E

night before storm ha d been repaired and w e rode around

volcanic peaks above which rose ri ngs of mist like

s moke from a giant D utchman s pipe ; over bloody

muddy looking torrents where the battle o f storm had

,

ra ged the night before ; through miles of green and

glorious and gigantic gr owth and by s tations with ,

names that made the engine shriek and madly rush on

. .

crates of live goats thronged with natives who heighten

,

their stature with comb ornaments and brighten their

-

brown color with painted sarongs and handkerchiefs .

O nce I got ou t and bought some sticky sweets from a

sweet little girl and I was so stuck o n her that I took her
picture andbut the bell rang and she w as added to
the long list of girls I left behind c More checker .

board looking rice e lds water b u E alo a n d natives more

,

beautiful than Naples bronze Suddenly i n the suburbs

.

o f a town w e turn the shoulder of a landscape hill a n d

see on the veranda of a hotel a table half a square long

sp read with empty plates and dishes a sure sign that ,
.

after hours o f separation w e are at home among ou r

tramp friends again Last here we wer e rst at th e
.
,

table and it didn t take much to satisfy our appetite
, ,

for there wasn t much here except beautiful gardens and

scenery which made me think there might be some

,

method in the madn ess o f setting the table where we

could just fea st our e y es T here w as a little side show
.

o f Javanese dancers w h o moved t o sad melody as lively

,

as ies in a barrel o f New O rleans molasses Some wore .

masks and I wanted to T hey were as ugly as their

.
 I
G OL G H TL Y
ROUN D T HE G L OB E 1 01

T A KE A C H E W

T here is a Paradise of a botanical garden here , but

Satan had entered and named the plants, lake em ,

bowered walks and marvelous collection of orchi ds .

Y ou can t beat the Dutch gardening any w here and here

,

it seemed as if a hundred Hollanders had sailed in some

n ew Half Moon around the world and robbed its E dens
-

o f ten thousand forbidden fruit a nd ower trees Th e .

c oE e e plant was once successfully raised in J ava but the ,

industry was stung by an insect so that now a cup ,

o f real J av a c oE e e is as hard to get as a cup o f tea in

Ceylon My guide gave me a cane fo r a gul den ! forty

.

cents ! and I asked him t o smoke it instead o f the awful

,

p ipe with which he polluted the heavenly atmosphere .

B ut the good leaf is exported the stringy stem left and , ,

it was that or nothing In A merica we smoke or chew

.

t obacco here they smoke rope or chew a b etel nut that

,

grows on a nutt y palm called areca k at e ch u Y ou can .

get a chew alread y prepared or make it yourself T h e .

modus operandi is t o smear a leaf with lime and scrape

some betel nut on it then roll it up till it looks like a
,

sq uashed worm i n a leaf with two ngers you put it ,

in your mouth as you would a piece o f cabbage on a

fork and begin to chew In a few minutes something .

h as colored your tongue and teeth and oozed ou t at the

corners o f your mouth making you look like the king of
,

the cannibal islands who has just eaten a missionary rare

and not well done .

T h e H and A itinerary managed t o leave ou t some

. .

o f the bigg est and best things in the world A t Hawai i .

102 G OL I G H TL Y ROUN D

TH E GL OB E

it w as t h e
volcano in J ava the B uddhist temple of B oro
,

B oe dor We wasted enough time at unimportant ports

to have looked in the hell hole of the one or at the m
.

ar

velons masonry of t he other T o travel so far and miss

these t w o wonders is as ridiculous as t o go t o E ast A urora

and n ot se e E lbert Hubbar d .

SIN G A PO R E SI G H T S

along a glassy sea on the w ay to t h e Straits

G li ding ,

we p a se d Sumatra an island like Manhattan once ruled

, ,

by the tiger .

T he Singapore reception committee came out in

canoes and extended h ands of welcom efor money to
dive for T hen the ship slipped into the dock and w e
.

at once slip ped some more m e zu m a to a crowd of poly

glot peddlers w h o assailed us with their wails and wares ,

beads mats and shells

,
.

Th e post impressionist is n ot crazy He Vi sited Singa

-
.

pore put its colors on his p alette and proceeded t o paint

,

every town red he came to T he scientist comes here .

and sees a v ariety o f skulls that would stock an e th n o

logical museum and the theological professor nds so

,

many religions that he would waste the whole Sunday

deciding between a Protestant Church a Mohamm edan ,

mosque a R oman Catholic cathedral a Chinese J oss

, ,

House o r a Hindu temple I herein perceived a divided

.

duty and went t o a Wesley mission which extended a ,

traveler s palm of welcome t o me I remember the mean .

temperature of this place not so much by the heated ,

mark of the thermometer as by the cool trick of the

104 G OL I G H T L Y
ROUN D TH E G L OB E

v e n ie n c e of
the tourist pilgrim the place o f the sad
fall is marked b y the Rafes Hotel and Museum .

THE SA CK OF JO H O RE

T here wasn t much to detain me here so I put on ,

a pai r o f seven league b oots and stepped over tiger

-

jungles and a lak e into J ohore to see the Sultan ,

Father I b raih am His palace was barred not only t h e

.
,

door and windows but to every member of our party

because an A merican heathen the year before had
compared his royal nibs t o G od s image done in ebony

and called him negro spelled with two g s But though

.

the Sultan s skin was dar k the gray matter o f his hea d

had been B ritish trained so I b r aih a m locked the front

,

door threw the key in the la k e and said he w as not

,

at home to visitors We tried to atone for this lese

.

m aj e st e by visiting his Mohammedan mosque but when ,

we got there the marble loo k ing outside w a s white

washed plaster the inside wall was bare and there
, ,

w as no O pportunity t o pray It w as a pity for the

.
,

would b e worshippers ordered their coolies to hustl e

-

around the royal prese rves hurry to the hotel and ,

get something to drink 0 ye G ods ! E verybody w a s

.

hot and thirsty and wanted to be served at once T his .

was impossible and knowing that heaven helps them

,

who help themselves they seized pitchers an d glasses

from the frightened waiters crossed the bar brok e , ,

Open store rooms and ic e chests grabbed everything ,

in sight and cleaned ou t the establishment T h e b e .

wildered proprietor pul led his hair and w rung h is

 G OL I G H T L Y ROUN D

TH E G L OB E 1 05

hands calling in vain on A llah for help A few gen

,
.

e r ou s people paid fo r the i r self served drin k s while -

,

the majority left him e mpty bottles an d tables He .

proted by this loss for when the next day s party
,

came the drinks were all locked up and only se r ved

when paid for in advance This is a tale o f a wayside .

inn that doesn t look goo d in print but that s why I

,

tell it A minister should always tell the truththough

.

he w h o says what he likes will hear much he dislikes .

A M O O N L I G HT E ! C U R SI O N
Did you ever drive through a cocoanut grove by

moonlight ? It is a Great White Way that man can t
imitate We took a trolley w a y o u t Of town and
.

were met by coolies w h o set us in their wide rickshaws

double like alm onds in a shell whi ch is nice if y ou like ,

your company T heir soft shod feet made no noise

.

as they sped over the sand under the trees t o t h e

shore splashed with foam w ay to the palms In the .

distance o n a point of land running t o the sea w as

Singapore with its many lights softened by the full
,

moon A missionary fr iend entertained us with stories

.

o f native life and told a b oy we were hungry and

,

thirsty He jumped from our side climb ed a co coanut

.
,

tree like a monkey up a stick and c ame down with ,

it meat and drink a bill o f fare which is always ready

, ,

to serve A contrast to this outdoor quiet w as in

.

the hotel nearby where w e saw E nglish of cers danc

ing under punkas with pretty women while on another ,

oor w e were sho wn ro oms where y ou overturn the

bath tub on the o or to let the water run O E
-
As .
1 06 G O L IG H T L Y
ROUN D TH E GL OB E

Diana at her bath w as surprised by A c t e on so here one ,

of the women o f ou r party w a s paralyzed by a China

man w h o walke d in from no one kn ows wh ere or w hy ,

and as suddenly vanished This w as one of th e sights .

I missed On leav i ng w e got into the wrong rickshaws

.

because all coolies looked alike t o us and were pur ,

sued by o u r former co olie s with yells and sticks an d

were forced t o get back in their rickshaws when w e ,

were in turn followed by the other forty thieves look

ing gang to the station where they said they had b een
,

robbed In dark ways with vain tricks the pecul iar

.

Heathen Chinee is foun d under th e moonlit palms o f

Singapore .

PA G A N PE G U
At R angoon one i s as anx ious to get the rst golden
glimpse of the Shwe Dagon Pagoda as he is of th e
pyramids at Ca i ro Like the fabled loadstone that
.

pulled the ship t o pieces the shrine dragged us ou t o f

o ur bunks before sunrise Holding o ur clothes to .

gether in one hand and the eld glass in the other w e

beh eld in the distance tinted by the ri sm g sun t h e
, ,

obj ect o f our dreams We couldn t sail fast enough
.

and at last turni ng a b end in the ri ver there burst

into viewwhat the distance had enchantingly pain t e d
as a pagoda a huge o il tank What a falling O E w as
,
.

there my countrymen and indeed for John D didn t
, ,
.

ow n it ; he can t tank up here for they hav e canned

,

him On and on the Irrawaddy with its shacks and

.

stacks as i f on the Mi sissippi w e reached Rangoon , ,

the end o f the B urma journey t o some but the b e ,

1 08 G OL I G H T L Y
ROUN D TH E G L OB E

were halted in our j ourney by the sleeping beauty

G autama o n e hundred and eighty one feet high with
,
-
,

shoulders forty six feet across, and feet so big that it

-

made M iss T heiss the Chicago girl happy

,
T his , .

giantess for short w a s called Sch w e t h ay aun g Her face .

w as powdered white her lip s painted red hair and eye

, ,

lashe s bla ck her hands m anicured and nger nails

gilded ; she wore a day and night rob e a nd the soles

o f her feet resembled t w o mosaic walls o f multic olored

glass Wh en you remember she had slept for unkn own

.

years under a small mountain of dirt and trees that a ,

railroad contractor had dug into fo r tr ac k material ,

she was l ooking pretty well preserved N ow she re .

clines under a shed and has many admirers w h o make

love pilgrimages t o bring her owers and burn c andle
incense T hink of losing a thing that size and that
.

thing your G o d A fter a brief party call w e bade her

.

good b y left o u r cards and started for the station

-
, .

B oys and girls in their best clothes which weren t very ,

mu ch stopped to gaze at us as we rattled by in the

,

awful heat and dust How our driver did make that .

little white pony run I hope he has g ood care and .

pasture here but I want to do something for him on

,
'

the other side Like G autier I would build him a sta

.
,
.
.

ble of marble W i t h an ivory manger and ll it with

gol den corn and have an angel groom pat him with

hands soft as cygnet s down An imals seem s o kind .

and human compared with ou r brute companions that

a stable is often better than a sitting room and in ,

heaven I know o f some horses w h o would be more

companionable than some humans .
1 10 G OL IG H T L Y ROUN D

TH E GL OB E

umbrella dome and rung by spi rit ngers of passing

breeze
B ack again t o the hotel and dreaming o f this celes
tial vision I w as wakened by a quartette of crows
,

perched upon a branch just ab ove my window that

truly cro aked Nevermore N evermore ,
for when I ,

returned to the Shwe Dagon at midday there was all

the diE e re n c e between it and the night b efore as be

tween beauty in a ball room and the next mornin g

-

greased and curl papered in her b oudoir Th e crows

-
.

were prophets of evil M oney changers and hucksters

.

shouted their wares up the temple stairway The .

chapel looked tawdry and the big and little Buddhas

,

about the base of the big pagoda were festooned with

faded owers and glistened with candle grease De .

v ou t worshippers came and went T h e only incense I.

burned w as a cheroot a foot long an inch thick made , ,

o f paper leaves and tobacco wrapper and smelling li k e

a glue factory I did this in retirement k neeling by

.
,

a big jar with no one t o look on but a sacred b ab y

elephant With a prayer for light in darkness love
.
,

in hate law in disorder and life in death to the count

,

less dead and livin g Buddha worshippers I left Shwe , ,

hurried down the stone steps glad to escape the t w o,

lion monsters whose open j aws guarded the gate .

In the religious Marathon here Buddhism has been

left behind by Christianity and M ohammedanism .

From man y mosques the Muezzin calls to prayer but ,

the Christian missionaries point to o n e whose preach

ing and practice were ever pure to woman honest to ,

man and kind t o childhood There was a man sent .

 G O L I G H TL Y
ROUN D TH E G L OB E 111

from God whose name w as A doniram Judson and with ,

the love of John in his heart and the labors of Hercules

in his hand aided by his heroin e wife he h as done more
, ,

to Christianize and civilize the heathen than any man

since the apostle Paul T hough dead his works follow
.
,

him in the scholarly and spiritual lives of forme r c ol

lege classmates of mine w h o are no w preachers and
t e achers in th e R angoon B aptist co llege .

R AN GO ON L I FE

Lent closed the public shops and o fces but lent a

charm to t he native street life Fathers and families
.
,

numerous and gorgeous as a ower garden were on the ,

street What seemed t o b e the Christian holy day w as

.

the native holiday We followed various groups and prO

.

cessions and on e led t o a lar ge corner residence wher e

they w ere celebrating a wedding I not only looked .

like an An cient Mariner but w as made a wedding
,

guest fo r they invited me in t o look around t o eat and
, ,

drink and j oin the girls in pufn g at a whacking white

cheroot On the illustrated page of oriental history
.

the B urmese woman makes a pretty picture with petite

gur e sweet face and a rainbow colored sarong that
,

clings and is modest and therefor e the despair of Pa

,

risian dress makers

- w h o confuse the nude and lewd
, .

Th e girls were j ewels wore j ewels and like Corn e lia

, , ,

regarded their children as j ewels whom they carried ,

on their h ip dressed in the wealth o f a bracelet on th e

,

arm and a ring on the toe .

O E the Strand pagodas are thick as pebbles on t h e

1 12 G O L IG H T L Y ROUN D

THE GL OB E

beach A s Chaplain o f the A ctor s Church A lliance

.

,

I kn ew Nat G oodwin but didn t know that Nat
,

lived in the Sule pagoda and was the guardian of the

big Shwe Dagon As usual there were many women
.

aroun d lifting big and little wishing stones with light -

o r heavy heart and just outside o n e wearied had fallen

,

asleep at the foot of an idol .

T here was a circus in to w n with big tents and side ,

shows just like our own but Ra ngoon itself was o n e big
,

circus the streets l led with performers T h e elephants

, .
,

instead o f balancing on their t w o forelegs or like some ,

G O P ones prancing on their hind ones piled big

. . .
, ,

black teak timb ers or pulled and rolled the logs through
t h e mud with an industry intelligence and delity that
,

shamed the lazy natives there or some labor agitators

here However I saw one gang o f workers in the street
.
,

tugging at ropes which pulled an immense tree and all ,

the while singing as they worked It preached the lesson .

to me of not only doing with my might what my hands

found to do but to smile and sing at the same time
,
.

Scripture asks how much better is a man than a sheep ?

but in this country it is How much better is a cow

than a man ? A man may be poor hungry tired and , ,

sick and be left to get well or die but the cow revered ,

in life is more sacred when sick I entered a Spacious .

ground and saw a large building and thought it mu st

be some great philanthropic institution It w asfor a .

cow a hospital where bossy could have all the milk for
-

herself when hollow horned while the poor man whose

-
,

stomach was hollow could go OE by himself and di e .

Isaac Walton woul d be disappointed here for while ,

1 14 G OL IG H TL Y
R OUN D TH E GL O BE

You r guide I turned t o him and inquired if th e

.

B rahmins used whisky Oh n o he said Th e Mo
, , , .

h amma den ? It s against his religion

Well y ou use .
,

it what are y ou ?
, I am a Christian Th at settled .

it and I paid the bill .

L CU T T A
CA E

We entered India by the back doorCalcutta after of ,

sneaking through the dangerous and horrible back yard

of Diamond Harbor and the H o o gly R iver I found .

the city like R achael weeping for her children because

her capital w as n o t and had been removed to Delhi .

This City of Dreadful N ight appears beautiful by
d ay with magni cent government buildings wide ,

streets splendid parks drives and statuary

, ,
Th e .

E nglish have put the mark o f London here in palace

and garden even t o a Hyde Park Maiden E splanade .

Calcutta is named a fter a religious slaughter house

p resided over by Kali the blood thirsty goddess w h o
-
,

always gets the Hindu s g oat She has the charm of .

t h e charnel house and O ld Charon would b e delighted

-
,

t o give her a canoe ride on the Styx beca use she is ,

ornamented with the skull and bones o f the dead he

ferried over On e such gory goddess with her godless
.

rites would b e too many for the universe and yet I

found t w o other places consecrated to her worship ,

over in the Monkey T emple at B enares and the other

a t the deserted city o f A mber

I saw the B lack Hole of Calcutta eighteen feet ,

s quare where on e hundred and forty six E nglish pri s

,
-
 G OL IG H TL Y R OUN D T H E

GL O E B 1 15

o ners were dumped like so much garbage on a h ot June

night and from which the next morni ng but tw enty
,

three skiddooed the others being sq cat e d T h e o nl y

,
.

thing black a bout the hole now is the white stone built
o ver it and t he bla ck fen c e and natives a round it .

B U R NI N G G H A T S

On our w ay ba c k t o the B urnin g Ghats w e passed

a long procession o f carts c arry in g refuse drawn by

white trotting bullock s big horned c arib o o and ne

,
-

looking ponies with docked tails I a sked w h y such .

g ood h orses carried garbage and learned they were

worn out polo ponies
- T o what base use may w e re
.

turn Horatio !
,

T h e sun w as h ot enough t o cremate us before w e

g ot t o the burning ghats where human like vegetable
,

refuse is burned Under an archway sat a young man

.

bellowing with grief over the half burned body o f his -

grandmother smouldering on green wood It w as .

necessary for the stoker t o stir up the re and throw

t h e remains into the river t o mak e w ay for the next

w h o c ome up like patrons t o a barber s chair T hr ough .

d azzle o f heat and dust of ashes a woman in white

watched the slow burni ng o f her h usband on the c ord
-

wood fun eral pyr e Mingled with the sad w as a gla d

.

look in her fa c e b ecau se he w a s gone and she didn t ,

have t o j ourney with h im in this chariot of r e and ,

w a s at last free .T h e h eat smoke r e cinder smell

, , ,

a n d sound m ade it a h ell I took some pictures an d

.
,
1 16 G OL I G H T L Y ROUN D

TH E GL OB E

more of the white sheeted dead that were b ei ng brought

-

in an d re turn e d t o the hotel for dinner Th e waiter

,

.

served me with some long pale aspara gus on burnt

toast but it look ed so much lik e what I had just seen
,

at t he burning ghat that I passed it up for something

I was sure I could keep down .

A R O U ND T O W N

I visited a branch o f the E den Clothing Co which .

,

was a big banyan tree and a small forest in itself ; it

may have been the prime evil on e under whose shade
A dam irted with E v e and whose leaves furnish ed t h e
,

material and pattern for most of the modern styl es .

T his g leaf fashion w as widely advertised and mad e

-

popular by a Mr John M ilton who ran an ad in his

.
, .

Paradise Lost which reads Leaves broad as M a
, ,

zonian targe together sewed t o gird waists
, ,
It was .

evident from the pictures o f the naked native children

I took here that the knowledge o f the E nglish classics
had been shamefully neglected .

When I was a little b oy B arnum led me by the hand

to see some o f his wonderful caged animals A trip to .

the zoological garden made me thin k he must have

b een here a long time ago to get ideas fo r the biggest

show on earth .

O f more interest was the Jain temple the p rize gem ,

in the collection of its owner who is a royal j eweler .

J a i n i sm i s supposed t o b e a little b etter brand o f re

lig ion than orthodox Hinduism or even Christianity ,
118 G OL I G H T L Y
ROUN D THE GL OBE

D A RJ E E L IN G

O nce in the back door India I wante d t o climb of

up on its roof the highest in the world I only g ot u p

, .

t o the eaves at Darjeeling but saw the gable Kinchin ,

j unga and cupola E verest .

Leaving Calcutta w e crossed the H o ogly lle d with

masts as marsh with reeds O ver a big bridge whos e
, .

crowds suggested the London G alata and B rooklyn ,

bridges I reached the big n ew depot where I found a

,

ft y year O ld dwarf hardly as tall as a child o f ve

- -
, ,

heavy set dark c aste m arked and turbaned We ap

-
, ,
-
.

p e ar e d t o like if n o t love each other at sight and if

, , ,

I had been in the show business he would have made

a head liner -
.

When your brai n i s baked and your body threatened

with bubonic plague you hike to the Himalayas G od s ,

gr e atest and grandest work Scarcely had We ex .

cha nged the city for the country and jute factories ,

for farms and forests when w e wer e held up by a ,

young cyclone o f wind and rain that took ou r peace

o f mind soaked us tried t o run away with huts t o
, ,

which the natives wildly clung and then as suddenly ,

left and escaped to the hills Later the watchful stars .

led us to the G anges where w e b oarded a ferry boat ,

ate on upper deck while n atives Mark T w ain e d th e
river depth w ith poles till w e reached Sara Gh at where
,

a train waited us I w a s soon buried in sleep and dust

.

and dead to the world until in t h e morning the engine s
whistle blew like resurrection trump awoke me at Sili ,

guri where I w as revived with tea and toast and

 G OL I G H T L Y R OUN D T H E

GL OB E 1 19

c hanged cars for a seven thousand fo ot c limb to Dar

j eeling .

O u r tiny train with t w o foot gauge gave us little -

cars a foot above the tracks which traveled like a

slow moving platform so that w e might step on and
-

o ff at pleasure

T h e tiny engine pulled us through jungles full o f

tigers and elephants past panther traps a few feet
,

from the track and b y giant tre e ferns with vulture s

,
-

sailin g far over he ad For hours the train twi sts

:
,

loops the loop zig zags switches back squares th e

,
-
, ,

circle and crawls along precipices over which we

,

dangle our heels T h e temperature has changed so h a s

.
,

the vegetation so has your early morning stomach

,

a che but only fo r the wors e and y ou gladly stop at a

, ,

station to get a cup o f Darj eeling tea the highest ,

priced in the world because it grows o n the Hima

,
;

layas We are in a n e w sphere It looks diE e re nt

.

.
,

feels diife re nt instead of naked Hindus there are

,

heavy clad N e p aule se and T hibetans G angs of women

-
.

carry rocks for road b eds ; ab ove are yellow moss

-

c overed forests b elow vast valleys ribboned with

,

rivers A ll day the track had been a J acob s ladder ;
.

w e h ad climbed from its earthly round a n d were

a nxious t o n d the heavenly t op on which it leaned

but it was lost ; what we saw was the gloomy town of

G hoom and its crippled dwarf until roundin g the last
curve w e slid down into Darj eeling where I am met

at the station by four cut throat looking villagers w h o -

c arried m e in thei r dandy wallah a chair ham mo c k ,
-

s tretcher to the Drum Druid Hotel

,
.
120 G OL I G H T L Y
ROUND TH E G L OB E

It was well namedthere were plenty of bare stones

round about where tourist prisoners were sa c ri c e d
but there w a s no r e worship I called it the Bum -
.

Druid until my kick opened another door and with ,

a cup o f tea and a cholera band to k eep warm I ,

went to bed I begrudged the time up here b u t

.

didn t want t o come down with cholera When I .

a w oke the sun w as shining so I sauntered ou t t o ,

se e the town and people reserving the mountai ns for ,

the next morning Yellow skinned a t faced wild

.
-
,
-
,

haired horse blanketed b ead loop ed Tam o shanter
,
-
,
-

capped creatures passed by There were E nglish kept .

shops stocked for visitors and native b ooths where one ,

could buy tiger skins furs prayer wheels brass m on

-
, ,
-
,

keys and rosaries Down in the market bazaar all w as

.
-

bustle .Women loaded lik e pack mules merchants ,

building pyramids of gra in butchers sorting goats , ,

men o n street corners selling glass beads and brace

-

lets to o ld women young girls and b abies All this

, .

and more w a s a specimen of native high lif e b u t ,

rather tame to us and as it was grow ing damp and

,

chilly w e went t o the hotel where t h e management

had provided a typical ghost o r devil dance Th e -
.

dress the din the dance and general devilment wer e

, ,

as w ild as anything Faust saw that Walpurgis night .

No earthquak e o r landslide j arred ou r program ,

there were no pretty beauties on the Mall so I went t o ,

the fountain and drank t o the memory of Sir As hley

E den strolled through bright gardens to St A ndrew s
,
.

church then t o the ridge to the Llama shrine and

, , ,

the Buddhist stupa an open rock pil e before whos e, ,

1 22 GO L IG H T L Y ROUN D

TH E GL OB E

E xpectant as a child the ni ght before Christmas I

went t o bed early and left a call for 2 a m t o saddle . .
,

o ut t o T iger Hill .

T IGE R HIL L

B ut rain drops and not rein deer woke me Hur ry .

ing down stairs I w a s met by the manager w h o said ,

I m sorry y ou can t see anything this morning .

Lo ok out I said and with a wave o f my hand I
, ,

dashed into the dining room swallowed some tea and ,

a sandwich and went out into the nigh t where my

half drowned guide and pony were waiting Giv m g

-
.

t h e former a tip and the latter a clip w e splashed O ff .

Dark and rough up and down w e t and slippery w as

, , ,

the ride Like spectre horseman through forest with

.
-
,

red owers like signal lanterns along the brink of ,

bottomless precipices throu gh witch ridden G hoom I

,
-

w as carried by my faithful animal t o the t o p of T iger

We had outraced the storm blue sky and bright ,

stars were overhead the valley b elow w as like a b owl

,

o f soap sud clouds ; in front rolled away a dark sea o f

-

hill valley and ridge t o the shoreline o f the sky where

, ,

it broke in the Himalaya snowy surf ve miles high ,

.

N ow old Sol arose from his cloudy couch kissed ,

Kinch injim g a till she blushed like a bride darted a ,

glan c e at M ount E verest and hi s sister peaks while ,

w e stood lik e the disciples on the Mount of T rans

guration in the presence of the Most High Like .

t hem w e descended and at the hotel found those w h o

,
 G OL IG H T L Y ROUN D

THE G L OB E 1 23

h adn t b een waked or who remained on a ccount of

,

the storm lled with the evil spirit of disappoint

,

ment and distrust Dr Steele and I had stolen a march

. .

on them and had seen E verest .

M oral : Th e man who can go to Darj eeling and

come away without telling a lie ought t o lie by
G eorge Washington at Mount Vernon .

T H E G O LDE N P A L A CE

With M oun t E verest ri sm g lik e a great sn ow c la d e

chimney twenty nine thousand feet I recalled the

-
,

sto ry of the G olden Palace .

O n e da y the ruler A hmed gave a big sum of money

to his chief builder Y a k o ob and sent him to the moun
tains of the snow t o erect the nest palace ever se en .

G oing there he fo und many o f the people dying with

famine so he added his money to the king s and spent
it all for food for the st arv m g Later A hmed came .

to see the palace and nding none sent fo r Y ak o ob .

T h e builder told of the famine but his master w a s ,

very angry and throwing him into prison said To ,

morrow t hou shalt die fo r thou hast robb ed the

,

T hat night Ah med had a dream ; one seemed t o c ome

t o him and s a y Follow me
, Up from earth and .

far ab ove the clouds they soared until they came t o

Heaven s gate and entering found a palace of pur e ,

gold larger than any of earth and more splendid than

,

the sun A hmed blinded by the glor y turned to his

.

guide and asked Wh at palace is this ? He answered
, ,
1 24 G OL IG H T L Y ROUN D

TH E G L OB E

T his is the Palace of Merciful Deeds built for the e ,

by Y ak o o b the wise and its glory shall endure when

, ,

a ll earthly things have perished T hen the ruler u n
.

d e rst o o d t hat his builder had done the best thing with
his money .

T h e story preaches a sermon O ften to the min ister

.

at home and mission ary abroad the teacher in public ,

o r moth er in private it seems that much time money

, , ,

prayer and energy are wasted T h e world hurried .

,

and busy does not gi ve much heed to those w h o make

,

the sacrice o r honor them with storied urn or am
,

mated bust but G o d sees and knows
, .

T h e cup o f cold water i s larger than the ocean ; the

b ox of ointment more fragrant than earth s gardens ;
.

the widow s two mites richer than mines of gold O f .

such are the blessed who are laying up riches r e ,

nown and reward in the G olden Palace not made with ,

hands eternal in the heavens , .

C E YL O N

From Calcutt a many went down to Ceylon while

w e crossed India Mr s M and L went to see B uddha s

. . . .

tooth F or the length o f time it h as been preserved

.

in Kandy I am sure it is a fak e In this island of .

t e a they found it very difcult to get a cup at any price .

A t Colomb o there was a cute little man with brown

g re ased body black hair held on top of his head with
,

a big comb ,w h o loo k ed at my w ife with suc h lustrous

eyes t hat she fell in love with some little trinkets he
o ff ered her When she ask ed the price he said it was
.

according to the dictates of your conscience .
 G OL IG H T L Y
ROUN D TH E GL OB E 125

L went up t o An ar a dh apura and w as charmed by
the sna k es moonstone and dagoba temples L izards
, ,
.
,

natives and elephants were splashing in the King s and
Queen s bath cobras twined round broken stained

columns ; the sacred B o tree tenderly nourished with ,

milk for so many centuries had grown o ld and its ,

bent and withered limbs were pro pped up with

crutches ; the rock temple was infested with priests
in yellow robes T w o o f the Clevelanders stopped here
.

to pray while L drove eight miles through j ungles

.

in a bullock cart t o M ihintale climbed up the stone ,

cut steps t o the roc ky couch o f the prophet w h o had

snored for so long on its int .

B E A S T LY B E N A R E S
B enares is wash e d b y the G anges the worshippers ,

are washed in the G anges and though every day is ,

washda y the city and people are dirty and need a new
,

Hercules to turn the G anges through its A ugean stables

lled with s acred bulls, holy fakers anointed priests ,

and pestiferous pilgrims .

It is called the holy city o n the principle I sup ,

pose that In religion what damned error but some
, , ,

sober brow will bless it and approve it with a text ,
.

A s well call ice h ot vinegar sweet o r vice virtue

,
.

T h e city lies o n the bank of the crescent shaped river -

.

A t the water s edge rise temples palaces and mosques

, ,

while steps lead down to burning and bathing ghats .

I w as quartered at Hotel de Paris and expected some

French se rv me but had to crowd over elephants and
,

camels in the yard snake charmers on the porch and an

,
126 GO L IG H T L Y ROUN D

T HE G L OB E

army of souvenir sellers l n the hall before I could

-
,

reach the desk to register .

A hotel i s a good place to get away from in the

.

da y time and so I started ou t to see the city We drove .

through shopping street Chank with muslin silk shawl ,

-

and brass shops saw A nnie B esant s Hindu college

,

,

where natives are expected to combine athletic with

mental and m oral culture A ccording to recent report
.

the moral phase has been exchanged for a post

graduate c ourse in corrupting practises which led the
government to censure her and withdraw her b oy
pupils.

A t the M onk ey T emple monk ey loo king priests and -

priestl y loo king monk eys put out their paws with a
-
,

look of G iva the monk a ve cent a I f they could .

coin the scents o f the place it would riva l R othschild s

bank account This red temple with its daily goat

.

sa c r ic e is dedicated to Durga o n e of Klu Klux Kali s ,

manifestations T h e sides o f this temple monk ey cage

.
-

were lined with chambers of horrors o f dreadful deities

and at the main entrance was a room lled with bass
drums Can y ou b eat it ? I didn t b u t the priests do
.

,

when they summon the men and menagerie to worship .

B etween priests and monk eys I prefer the latter and

think they re more moral .

It w as at Sarnath o ld B enares that Buddha tired

, , ,

o f wife and home started 0 E li k e some modern lec

,

t ur e r s and set up a platform to ventilate h i s Vl e W S .

Probably to get the crowd he cut 0 E his hair just as

n ow some wear theirs long Like some of his imi .

t at or s he rubbed the name of G o d o his slate as if

1 28 I
G OL G HT L Y ROUN D

T HE GL OB E

and paper I have often im agined our yellow n g e re d

.
-

dudes imported it for cigarette purposes at any rate ,

it smells so I got a picture of his royal B ullsh ip He

. .

is every inch a king even having attendants who keep

,

the ies o ff him with a punk a Lik e another ill fated .

-

G ul liver in the l and of giants I slipped around in the

lth to get a shot at him with my kodak and in do ing ,

so accidentally stood in front of the red idol G anesha ,

he o f elephant trunk silver hands ears and feet His

, ,
.

jabbering worshippers gave me a rude j ostle which ,

led me to o e r an apology throw them a piece of money,

and beat a hasty retreat T

hey didn t lik e me I .

di dn t like them T his mad mob of dirt devotees
.

loo k ed as if they would show me ab out as much con ~

sideration as a famished wolf does a fat lamb .

We go out by burning bodies weeping relatives and ,

pilgrim worshippers and see umbrella awnings under

-

whi c h priests are preparing the candidate for his bap

t ism or anointing and striping him with paint after
,

he is pure T alk of blind superstition ! I saw a man

.
,

seated o n a pedestal staring at the sun which directly

,

a b ove and indirectly from the water b eneath was burn

in g ou t his eyes He w as another Patience sitting

.

o n a monum ent smiling at grief I snapped him and .

he never wink ed a lash Poor fellow to think that .

,

human pain would give divine j oy I n the same self .

c ru c ixion class w a s the man w h o lies down on a

spik ed mattress or another w h o toasted himself on
,

b oth sides between two res or his brother w h o made ,

a yard stick of his body to measure the distance b e

tween his birthplace and the river .
 G OL I G H T L Y R OUN D T H E

G L OB E 129

A Hindu s heaven is an eternal sleep with no bad
dreams He believes that he has lived before and
'

will live again eight million four hundr ed thousand

,

times unless h e can d o some worthy thing that will

hurry up matters so that he may be absorb ed into t h e
innite as the river becomes on e with the sea
,
.

I saw many a fakir who thought his soul might

crawl as a snake bloom as a ower roam as a tige r

, , ,

writhe like a demon or re i gn as a god Fearing that .

at death he may be morally bankrupt a Hindu tries t o

have something good put to his account j ust as I
fear some rich roues do in Christian lands w h o on ,

their death beds try t o atone for past deviltr y by

donations to some hospital orphanage o r church ,

charity
T hat he may exist i n a better world than this the ,

Hindu bathes in the G anges builds temples feeds and

, ,

fees the B rahmins is kind to sacred cows and mon

,

keys frees captured birds gl v e s sugar t o ants digs

, , ,

wells an d hires a B rahmin with earth pitcher and ,

brass cup t o pour water into the hands of the thirsty

-

passers by .

O n e found it eas1 er here t o get some th i n g to e at

than to drink T here are many wayside wells where
.

the oxen draw up the water in big leather buckets ,

but frequently these and the city wells are foul b e

cause so many lthy people bathe themselves with
the water they allow t o run back again A s if this .

were not bad enough a well is a favorite pla c e for

,

women to jump in and commit suicide .

Some people worship whisk y and w m e bu t the

130 G OL I G H T L Y
ROUND TH E GL OB E

pious Hindoos revere the G anges T hey thought it .

w a s so holy that the river goddess would not allow it

to b e bridged but it was and then b e lie v m g it would
, ,

b e a sacrilege to walk over her the y compromised ,

b y removing their shoes at the same time keeping their

,

feet cool and saving their soles .

I had a Christian guide from the mission who told

me that when the water works were rst put in the
-
,

superstitious natives said they wouldn t use the holy
G anges water which came through pipes made and
laid by heathen hand o f Moslem and E uropean When .

told the water was so holy it could purify the pipes

they rushed t o the hydrants nearby t o get water to
drink co ok and bathe
,
.

T hey claim a purity for the G anges only found in

a dvertisements for some soaps and baking powders .

SU PE R SIT I T I O N S
Th e Hindu is superstitious of evil if he sees a snake

cross one s path ; a crow c aw on a decayed tree ; o r

meets a widow and a cat It s a good sign to meet with
.

a dancing woman b ecause she will never marry and

so never b e a widow ; t o see a dead man being carried

along without any mourner ; and see a crow sitting on

a dead body oating down a river .

Here are som e Hindu sayings as true as preaching

and more so than the average high priced pulpiteers : -

If your heart b e pure the G anges is in your tub

, .

T oday s egg is better than tomorrow s hen

.

T o swallow the camel and choke at the tail .

1 32 G O L IG H T L Y ROUN D

THE G L OB E

the longer y ou stay and t o a few other cess pools

, .

Native desperation and perspirati on mingled with

offerings of owers B el leaves and sweet meats made
, ,

all these place s smell like bilge water so I procra s ,

t in at e d till a more convenient season .

O N T H E G AN G E S

A fter the day s j ourney roun d this dung hill o f a -

city I was dying t o tak e a dip and I got an in t e lli ,

gent Christian guide to ta k e Doc H olzk l aw and me .

in a din ky ferry across the G anges to the side re

served as a limbo for lost souls G iving my friend the .

kodak I stripped plun ged in the muddy waves and

, ,

was took I t o o had a brass cup and poured the
.
, ,

saving water upon my bald head which deserves a

crown if the waters o f the J ordan the N ile the T ibe r , ,

and the G anges are e f cacious Yea verily in Spite .

, ,

o f what swam in it and the carcasses that oated

o n it ,I took a mouthful and rinsed my throat ; not

falling dead I grew b old and drank the physical and
spiritual health of India s millions from t h e over

owing brass cup .

R efreshed and dre ssed I went on deck where I

listened to stories from the South from my genia l
companion as the Hindu boatman rowed us up t h e
river to R am an g ar where w e visited the Palace o f th e
Maharaj a He was not in, but across the river w o r
.

shipping but left instructions that we were to see

,

his pala c e strongly built and splendidly furnished

,
.

When w e left we saw a big crowd up the hill around

a building Curious I went up and look ed i n an d
.
 G OL I G H T L Y
ROUND T HE GL OBE

I saw the s ym b ol of the two sh the mausoleum ,

o f A saf rid Daula-

and the marvelous big mosque
-
,

J ama M asjid ; vi sited the college missionary s chool , ,

umbrella domed palace and bazaars ; watched the na

-

t iv e s mak e pottery shawls gold and silver embroidery

, ,
.

I was interested in the cantonment of soldiers bun ,

g al o w s and g ardens but most o f all in those ragge d

,

walls which tell o f the blood and tears of the Sepoy

siege .

T hough the R esidency is in ruins it lives in song

and story b ecause of the memories o f the mutiny ; of
shot and shell ; o f the hell o f horror and Indian heat ,

and of the long promised and dela y ed relief from

July 4 when Lawrence died to November 1 7 when
, , ,

Colin Campb ell entered .

I went into the room where J essie B rown t h e ,

crazy girl watched waited and heard the pibroch

, , ,

T h e Campbells A r e the Scottish slogan

which brought j oy to the bereaved and the be
le a gur e d .
I

In the nearby quiet cemetery rest two thousand of

the brave wh o died in 1 857 A white cross rises towards .

the clear sky suggesting reward and immortality I .

have stood by tombs of the world s great heroes but ,

nothing ever so impressed me as the marble slab over

the remains o f Sir Henry Lawrence It is plain b u t .

beautiful and grass vines and owers tenderly creep

, ,

across makin g it attractive

, .

It is said that when thi s old Christian warrior w as

being buried the ghting w as so severe the ofcers
could not leave their posts so the soldiers carried ,
 G OL I G H T L Y ROUN D

TH E G L OB E 1 35

him t o his grave but b efore they lowered him they

,

lifted the covering from the face o f their loved

leader and tenderly kissed his forehea d O n the white .

marble not so white as his memory i s i nscrib ed the

, ,

words he asked to have written on h is tomb

f
Here lies Henry Lawrence w h o tried to do his ,

duty ; may the Lord have mercy o n his soul .

E ngland is in India to stay until kicke d o u t and ,

I don t know a b oot big enough t o d o it T h e Hindu .

is better ruled today every way than he ever was So

, ,
.

let the heathen rage and the London calamity howlers -

im agine a vain thing Th e hour B ritain leaves India

.
,

India goes back t o barbarism Th e little island that .

is itself a w orld rules the world in many ways Th e

,
.

traveler nds E ngland s hand everyw here ; it is not
a blac k hand but a white hand and a true A m erican
,

is always glad t o give it a f riendly shake .

C A W N P O R E C RU E L T Y

Cawnpore is from Kanh which means black , ,

and that s the way I appeared after a fty mile ride -

from Lucknow T h e G anges looked inviting in spite

.
,

o f the leather factories near by S ome o f the rst na .

t iv e s we met were watermen for India like some , ,

E uropean countries thinks more of what it drink s than

,

eats water is the sta ff o f life Th e Bhisti or .
,

heavenly man i s a M osle m an d carries water in a

, ,

goat skin ; the skin lasts ab out half a year and when
-
,

it breaks he mends it Th e other water carrier is a

,
.
-

Hindu w h o would rather b e skinned alive than tou ch

1 36 G OL IG H T L Y ROUN D

I H E GLO E
r
B
a n e w goat sk i n or mend an ol d on e He used t o .

carry water in a small earthen or brass j ar but no w ,

it is a co al oil can We may criticize J ohn D over

-
. .

here but east of the Suez he is a patron saint who

,

divides the honor with Buddha as the Light of

A sia , and in many ways pours oil on troubled waters .

In religion the Hindu has a T riple A lliance B ramah ,

the creator Vishnu the preserver and Siva the d estro y er

, .

Vishnu w ho ma k es avatars o r j ourneys t o set the world

,

right is the patron deity o f Cawnpore but she must

, ,

have been away making a visit in June 1 857 for Siva , ,

usurped the throne and struck down men women and ,

children in merciless Sepoy mutiny .

Nana Sahib is the Hin du Judas o f cowardly b e

t ray e rs A fter o E e rin g terms o f surrender to nearly
.

ve hundred B ritish w h o had survived the mutinous

attack promising safe conduct to the riverside and
, ,

boats t o tak e them down the G anges he had the bugle ,

sounded the native rowers leave the boats in the mud

, ,

while the Sepo y s shot the defenceless in cold blood .

Some were burned in the b oats others were drowned , ,

a n d one hun dred and twenty v e wounded a n d half -

drowned women and children were carried back to

the city crowded in a little house i nsulted then sho t
, ,

at and butchered and their dead and living b odie s

thrown into a well .

E ngland made the high caste Sepoy soldiers pay dear

-

for their deviltry ; soak ed the dry groun d with their

blood ; blew their b odies from the cannon s m outh
,

an d polluted the sacred river with their carcases .

T hat well o f Marah bitterness i s n ow a fountain o f

1 38 G OL IG H T L Y
ROUN D THE GL OB E

either side and a stream of water r un ning through

the center doubtless for the rest and resuscitation of
,

those who have been held up by the Hindu mer
chant Th e man with limited intellect or pocketbook
.

should pray Lead us not into temptation before
he gets here o r some beauty of ivory miniature gold
, , ,

and silver cloth or Cashmere shawl will lead h im

astray .

It was a pity to b e too late for the Durbar pageant

and I roamed over its grounds with the feelings of a
little b oy who has missed the circus of the day b e
fore and wanders among peanut shells and empty saw
dust rings .

Still there were many other things which made t h e

,

visit to Delhi a delight .

In strik ing contrast to the T a j Mahal tomb of Shah

Je h an s wife is the humble grave o f his dau ghter

, ,

w h o loved him as Cordelia did Lear and lovingly ,

shared his prison darkness .

If o n earth there b e an E den o f bliss it is that
palace of J ehan in the Fort with Pearl Mosque ,

A udience Hall and a bird of a Peacock T hrone Mr .

N adir ew away with If he hadn t some Mr Morgan

'

. .
,

might have bought this royal perch for at .

auction .

An audience of a thousand at church or ten thousan d

at a ball game is called some crowd but b oth are ,

empty benches compared with the Jama M asjid mosque

where every Friday twenty v e thousand Moh amm e -

dans meet Our visit w as on an o ff day nobody w as

.
,

there but some begg ars and priests and most priests ,
 G OL I G H T L Y ROUN D

TH E G L OB E 1 39

are beggars ; one o f the latter took me to a corner

booth where a fanatic native showed me relics as sacred
to him as fa k e nails thorns and splinters o f the cross
,

are t o some Christians I saw a red hair from the

.

b eard o f Mah o m m e t that would dull a good razor and

,

was bright enough to use for a danger signal at s e a ;

a M edina parchment over a thousand years o ld that
, ,

lo oked recent for the amount of dirt collected on it ;

a footprint on stone that I would rather have there
than o n my anatomy and a slipper big enough to
'

have kept Cinderella and her family in shoe leather

for the rest of their lives .

T h e river of time may wash away most o f my Delhi

m emories but there is on e thin g that will remain as
,

long as I livethe royal bath and its time pla c e ,

and girl .

M Y N AT IV E B AT H

B athing has not only b een a fad with me but an

article of faith A t home I tak e a cold plunge every
.

morning and o n shipb oard it is the on e thing I look

,

forward t o with pleasure A country is known by .

the baths it gives and in Constantinople Moscow and ,

B udapest I learned that every little movement had
a meaning all its o w n B ut the bath that like M oses
.

rod swallowed up all the others w a s the on e at D elh i

where cleanliness is not always next t o G odliness .

India is a h ot and sticky place for eshy people ,

and like Falst a I w as larding the lean earth as I

walked along A fter hours of dusty driving and hard
.

sight seeing I asked my guide if I could get a bath and

-
1 40 G OL I G H T L Y ROUN D

TH E

G L OB E

he said Yes Durbar B ath
, ,
I had missed the royal .

pageant but hoped t o get the splash so w e drove 0 E ,

the crowded street t o a building which invited us with

its shade walks and owers T h e proprietor ushered .

me into a shady room and handed me a napkin I had .

been in India long enough t o know what to d o with

that square of linen so I used it for a loin cloth,
-
.

When I stepped into the bath I w as horried to n d

a beautiful M ohammedan maiden stand ing in her birth
day clothes plus a bracelet In agitation I rang the .
,

master came and I said I didn t want that woman

there with the bath He seemed surpri sed becaus e she

.
,

w as part o f it shrugged his shoulders ordered her

, ,

ou t and beckoned t o t w o stalwart natives T he y .

se i zed me threw me down on the marble put a wooden

, ,

pillow under my head and then splashed massaged , ,

pounded twisted and kneaded me worked my arms

, ,

like a windmill rolled me lik e a log used me as a

, ,

punching bag went through a whole course of gym

, ,

n a siu m exercises o n me then grinned and said Not , ,

n ished I felt I was when back came the
. sweet

sixteen smiling like spring I sprang up but sh e .
,

grabbed a towel and basin and laid me low then soused ,

me and began t o put o n the nishing touches In .

broken E nglish she tr ied t o tell me all her physical ,

mental and moral virtues which I admitted because , ,

she w a s a woman but I knew her Koran didn t square

,

with my O l d T estament so thank ing her I ed like , ,

J oseph from Potiphar to my room where Kim cam e
,

t o the re scue help ed me dress and rushed me t o t h e

,

tra i n or I might have b een there yet

,
.
 G OL I G H TL Y ROUN D

TH E GL OB E

and tribesmen in all style s and shades of dress look like

a circus procession Here you may visit shrines and
.

temples but the morning market life is of far more

,

interest How human we all are when it comes to

.

what we are t o eat and wear M erchants and money .

changers are on the curb and carry o n the 1r wheat and

b oard of trade occupation in the open .

O n the way t o the M aharaj ah s palace w e saw the

marble halls of the college where students dream o f

,

the time when they have made their mark in the world
and their name will b e written not in ink but inlaid
blac k marble His Highn ess was not in the palace and
.
,

if he had been in probably would not have been in
t o us
. I heard some music here and on inqu i ry learned ,

it w a s from the women of the harem w h o may have ,

b een j oyfully celeb ratin g their lord s absence If there

.

were any tears they were croco dile s tears which re ,

minds me that when w e went do w n t o the lak e and

had the natives call the crocodiles to feed them with
large chun k s O f raw b eef we were told that long a g o ,

when his Maharaj ah maj esty was tired of a wife and

couldn t shak e her he cut down his butcher bill by

,

feeding her to the crocodiles .

T h e palace garden w as a Lincoln park of shade ,

fountains and owers ; birds sang peacocks strutted ,

ab out and the natives single o r married were having

, ,

a good time I expected to visit sleepy A mb er by ele

.

phant and when I learned they were all engaged for

,

wedding ceremonies for M arch is the Open season for

,

m atrimony I w as almost as provoked as the mad ele

,

phant w h o w a s chained in an enclosure b eyond t h e

 I
G OL G H T L Y R O UND

TH E GL OB E 143

royal stables ; he amused himself and terried us with

the twist of his tail the stamp of his fo ot the swing
, ,

o f his trun k and h is trumpetin g loud enough for a

cornet obligato .

A D E S E RT E D VIL L A G E
Th e deserted village o f A mb er w a s the ancient and
popular capital o f R ajpu tana and known by the as
t r on o m e r Ptolemy a thousand years a g o T oday it is .

interesting for its O ld and picturesque ruins where a ,

fe w natives wander lik e prehistoric cave dwellers -

.

A pass is required t o g o t o J aipur and require s

twenty four hours notice but B alke and I were late
-
, ,

and in a hurry and managed t o get there j ust t h e

,

same We rst rode by carriage to the city limits ,

.

where a bullock cart awaited us M y friend sat ov er .

o n e whe el and I over the other and the native driver

b etween on the cart tongue hol ding and twisting t h e

, ,

tails o f the t w o white b ul locks much as a driver might

the lin es over the b ack o f a trotting horse .

So on t h e pink painte d town w a s b ehind us and w e

-

were j olting across the dusty plain m e asu rm g the mile s ,

by ruined temples dry fountains and deserted p alaces

, .

O n w e went between battered tooth like ba t tlements -

toward the gorge at the end o f which w a s a vall ey

,

shut in by hill s on the highes t of which silent and

,

sent inel like stood the fort while on the low ridge rested
-
,

t h e deserted village of Am ber .

T h e once pretty little lake w a s dry so w as I and , ,

went into a small shop t o get some soda T h e courier .

1 44 G O L I G H TL Y
ROUN D TH E GL OB E

had brought along some ice ; it sparkle d lik e a diamond ,

w a s almost as small and c ost as much H er e w e walk ed .

over the wall and up a cobble rock hill t o a point

where w e could see ruins o f former beauty and great
ness on every hand O ver miles of hills stretched the .

v illage loo k ing lik e the ruin s o f a Pompeii with nar

, ,

r ow streets rooess houses and leaning gates

, I visited .

the temple dedicated to the worship of the gory goddess

Kali Human sacrices are n o longer O ff ered here but
.
,

the sand is red with blood o f goats sacriced every

mornin g by the priest T h e big stained knives lay .

near by and the smell o f incense and blood recalled the

,

line Fee fo fum
, Yonder where the busy mar
, , , .
,

ket once stood peacoc k s strutted and shrie k ed like

,

s ouls o f the lost .

Th e big palace o n the hill w a s the chief O bj ec t O f

interest It w a s built in sixteen hundredwith domes
.

and walls that res e mble a fortress more than a family

home But the rulers needed it with its back to the
.
,

hills and its stone st like towers extended in deance -

,

t o keep them and theirs i n safety T h e palace has .

endless halls and arc hes of white marble and delicate

design though c overed in many places with a dirty
,

kind of stu cco Here the M aharaj ahs ruled in lux ury
.

and splendor until Je y Sing w earied o f it all o n e day , ,

moved away with his family and people taking wealth , ,

elephants and horses t o the ne w capital leaving A mber ,

t o thieves j ackals the dead and d ying

, , .

A mber is surely a dead tow n a sepulchre of silence , ,

a ruin of archit ecture T h e sacred enclosure o f the .

Zenanas where the black eyed b eauties were guarded

,
-
1 46 GOL I GH TL Y R OUN D T H E

GL OB E

buil t to defend it so far from withstanding a Trojan

,

siege o f ten years would fall in ten minutes before a

,

modern siege gun .

It is pathetic to read of some other buildings here

that Je h an g ir commenced the palace and erected
Sicu n dr a the mausoleum o f his father A k bar and the
, , ,

tomb O f I t mad u d Daula his father in law A ll of the

- - -
,
- -
.

M o t im a sj id and the Ja m am a sjid are monuments O f

J e h an g ir s son Shah Je h an When you can pronounce

.

these names trippingly on the tongue you will b e able ,

to get the meat out O f a hazel nut without ask ing your
neighbor to pass y ou the nut crac k er -
.

T here are some people w h o li k e water A kbar w a s .

o ne ,
so he left F at e hpu rsik ri to pitch his tent on the
b ank s of the Jumna T O O bad he folded his tent and
.

stole away before the Jumna was b e au t i e d by the

T aj M ahal and the tall smo ky chimneys O f shoe and
sugar factories .

All mosques loo k alik e to me except the Pearl which , ,

is marble . I went to the Hammar b aths but the ,

nymphs had ed though there was no running water

,
.

I took a glance at the M irror palace ; my face w as r e

e c t e d in a thousand stucco mirrors and I never felt
stuck on one In the copper covered G olden Pavilion
.
-

m y Lady s chamber was empty and the niches in the

,

wall that would b e good spy holes fo r Peepin g T oms -

were slots into which the li ttle lady slipped her little
hand and left her j ewels knowing that no big h anded ,
-

thief could steal them .

If you haven t a taxi you ll overtax your horse like

,

Sheridan to get out to F at e hpu rsik r i twenty miles

, , ,
 G OL IG H TL Y ROUN D

TH E GL OB E 1 47

a way T h e town w a s built by big unbigoted A kb ar

.
,

because Saint Shaik Salim lived there T h e town is .

dead though the holy m an 1 s well planted in a marble

,

tomb with brass ebony and pearl trimmings .

A kbar was the big Inj un ruler of the Mogul s
.

He was a goo d mixer o f races and religion He told .

the M ohammedans and Hindus t o shake hands and get

together ; his palace w a s a kind o f Pantheon decorated
with a general assortment o f gods ; he promoted c om

merce and culture and was well called Guardian of

Mankind T his man w h o w on golden o p1n 1 o n s fr om
.
,

a ll nations is appropriately buried in a gold co fn and

,

his spirit doubtless walk s in surroundings t o match the

golden streets His name shines in the dark sky o f the
.

heathen past lik e the Kohinoor diamond that so long

lay by his side reecting th e sun and the stars until it ,

was swiped by the Persians in 1 739 and later fell into

the possession of Queen Vic t o r1a whose glorious w om ,

anh oo d paled its ine ffectual res .

It weighs 1 02 carats is v alued at and may

'

be seen in the treasury house o f the London tower

-
.

My guide who was a converted Hindu told me an

, ,

interesting story ab out the Kohinoor It is a Pers 1an .

word which means m oun tain o f light and the gem ,

was given t o Lord J ohn Lawrence for safe keeping .

Bu sy with many things o f state he put it into his vest

,

pocket and forgot all about it Half a year later the

.

Queen ordered the j ewel to b e sent to her at once .

Lord John did not know where it w as and calling his ,

s ervant asked if he had ever found a little package

, .

Yes Sahib ; I found it and put it in your little b o x
, .
1 48 G OL IG H T L Y
ROUN D T HE B
GL O E

It w as brought the wrappings were removed and there

,

like a mountain of li ght shone the diamond Sir J ohn .

w as overj oyed but the servant simply said
,
T his is ,
.

nothing Sahib but a piece of glass T hen he told him

, , .

its great value and it w as carefully guarded till it was

s ent to the Q ueen to shine in her crown of j ewels .

T H E T AJ

Th e camels were coming and goin g but w e fell in ,

with a donkey and goat process ion t o the T aj Mahal .

We stopped at the Fort where J e h an garrisoned his

four wives in apartments tted up accor ding to their
native homes in Burma and E gypt ; he w a s a good liver
and imported delicacies .

T h e J asmine tower w as fragrant with memories .

Shut in here J ehan looked across the river at the

,

T aj tomb he had built fo r his favorite wife A pr i son .

and palace on either hand he bridged it with his sighs,

.

It was a dusty ride t o the T aj We brushed by ele .

p h ant s saw the camel cart bus line which only r un s

-
, ,

here in A gra and real colored moving pictures of native

,

life T h e p y ramids are in the Sahara de sert but there

.
,

is plenty to drink Th e T aj is o n a river that was

.

nearly dry while I w a s altogether so ; then t o o the

, , ,

attendants were working the fountains weren t play ,

ing ; since there were no par k refreshment stands ther e

w a s nothing left but t o drink in the scen ery .

T h e tourists were reading p osing and ta k ing pic ,

tures ; peacocks as if envious o f the beaut y o f the T aj

, ,

sought to divert the attenti on o f the visitors to them

 GOL IG H T L Y RO U ND GL OB E
'

1 50

THE

N O, but loving the Union Jack next to the Stars and
Stripes said if he needed any arms he thought he could
lend him a hand T h e city is not only India in m1n1a
.

ture but some other towns as well When I saw its .

stores and public buildings I thought I was in London ;

the commercial wharves in N ew York and the factories , , ,

in Chicago I stopped at the T aj Mahal and never h ad

.

so much attention in my life White turbaned brown .

-
,

skinned Spider legged servants were willing to do every

,
-

thing but eat with me because I was unclean com , ,

pared with them and yet I d idn t sit on my haun ches
,

like a monkey chew betel nut and paint m y face with

,

caste marks till I looked like a blackboard covered with

'

colored cra y on .

Strolling ar und the city y ou see a depot that looks

o
like a parliament building .

Y ou don t have t o go t o Mississippi t o n d a cotton

mill t o E ngland for a park to B abylon for a hanging

, ,

garden or Persia for re worshippers for they are all

,
-
,

here .

FI R E W O R SHIP E R S

B ombay was b list e rm g hot but I saw Parsees on B ack ,

B ay beach w h o were worshipping the sun T h e re never .

goes ou t on their temple altar and the smell of burning ,

sandal wood always lls their home Some of us were .

twice the guests of an intelligent wealthy Parsee He .

threw O pen his house spread his table showed us books , ,

and souvenirs wife and family with their rare robes

,

and gems He didn t attempt to prosely te me but ther e
.
,
!

w as on e autumnal haired and frec kled faced girl whom

- -
 G O L I G HT L Y R OUN D T H E

G L OB E 151

h e m1 ght have been persuaded t o include as an Obj e ct

o f his worship or adoration .

While he looked at her I looked the other way at some

O f t h e Parsee ladies T hey were small sweet face d d a rk
.
,
-
,

eyed demure dressed in a bright colored di aphanous

, ,
-

d rapery wound about their bodies with one end thrown ,

veil like over their heads Th e Parsee like the Je w h as

-
.
, ,

been persecuted but has been loyal t o his religion and ,

proved that godliness is protable for he is rich and , ,

n ot only that but philanthropic and highly respected

, .

Happy in life he believes that the g o d of good will over

c omes the god of bad To help and hasten this victory
.

pork and polygamy are prohibited He is hopeful fo r .

t h e fu ture believing the little light of his life will b e

,

a bsorbed into the eternal sun .

A t death his body is n ot buried or burned but car ,

ried to the T owers o f Silence placed on a gridiron table

, ,

where it becomes a banquet for hungry vultures which ,

p ick it clean to the bone .

T hese white washed oil tank looking towers have kept

- -

their silent secret for centuries T h ere hadn t been a .

funeral for some hours and one ol d vulture eyed me with

,

a n inquisitive T o be and my reply was not t o be
,
.

I left him and climbed t o a point on Malabar hill, where

I could see the far away ocean the nearby islands and
-
,

t h e great city lying at my feet .

A glance at the Hanging G ardens, and I drove down

t h e hillside and listened t o the band concert and mixed -

with a crowd O f a ll sizes and sorts O f people made up O f

E nglish so ldiers in red and white ; Hindu women brightly
d ressed and veiled ; proud Parsee fathers with th eir
1 52 GO L IG H T L Y
RO U N D THE G L OB E

square glazed caps and their famili es ; jugglers with b as

kets of cobras an d a mongoose and monkeys on sticks , .

I M PR E SSI O NS
I reverse the proverb and say last imp ressions are ,

r st when I recall the last night in B ombay and the trip

,

t o the native quarter O f the city with its ant hills of ,

humanity d ingy stores crowded walks musk smelling

, , ,
-

oil with which they anoint themselves after bathing and ,

the odor o f those whose ablutions had been postponed .

Late r w e visited the b y streets where w e could no -

,

longer d rive and could scarcely walk because of the

dead asleep w h o were lying side by side as pauper dead
-
.

T here they were by thousands in their scant soiled work ,

clothes and that their only covering It w as pitiful ;

,
.

home they had none ; men women and children tired , ,

sick and starved ground between t h e upper and nether

,

millstone of yesterday s and tomorrow s Fate .

Light hearted I had started ou t for a good time b ut

-
,

I left feeling that I had eaten a half dozen sinker bis -

cuits If Dante in imagination saw anything as bad and

.

sad as I did in reality that night I am sorry for him

and hope B eatrice gave him an extra soul kiss -
.

T here may be a hotter place than India thi s side of

Dives xed residence but I can t imagine it Th e sun

,

.

s corched the wind blew blazes and the sand sizzled

,

through the w e t grass mat doors and windows Ice was .

at a premium ; everything without it tasted stale and

at and t o make a pot of tea y ou could use the win dow
,

sill as a stove O ften the only way I could keep cool w as

.

t o ask an E nglishman a question when I received in ,

1 54 G OL I G H TL Y R OUN D TH E

GL O E B
and married I looked her square in the eye and reeled

it Off as if it were an E dison record T hank you she .
,

said ,
It is alwa y s well to know about religion from a

priest .I told her I was no priest and this was no

religion and she said T hank you again T here was
, ,
.

a pool of clear water here in which frogs big as turtles

were standing on their hind le gs and with folded arms ,

and e y es wide Open with amazement as if they were ,

more shocked at what I d said than at the suggestive

statues and symbols roundabout If I had been alone .

I would have d ivested myself o f all baggage but my

trunks and plu nged in to keep them company .

I am not surprised that Christian Portuguese and

heathen Mohammedan became iconoclasts and smashed
and defaced some o f this rock temple furniture -
.

Whether an honest man is the noblest work O f G od ,

or an honest G o d is the noblest work of man I leave

Pope and Ingersoll to d ebate Here both gods and men .

were dishonest and ignoble .

In the comparative stud y of other religions I could

always nd some sweetness and light but Hinduism ,

is darkness and dirt If what does good is good then

.
,

apart from theory Hinduism is bad for its votaries are ,

vile and their lives a lie T heir gods are deied beasts
.

and their d evotees are beastly depraved E nglish poet .

ical paganizers and visiting native proselyters have tried

to steal Christ s crown and put it o n Buddha s head and

to substitute the Vedas for the Sermon on the Mount .

B y their fruits ye shall k now them .

Caste child marriage Obscene worship Nautch girls

,
-
, , ,

ignorance superstition poverty and plague prove Hindu

, ,
 G OL IG H TL Y R OUN D T H E

GL OB E 1 55

ism a hell on earth that d iseases dwarfs ,

and damns

man s body mind and soul
,
.

CA PT A IN C U PID

Captain D e m pw olf the Fatherland w as the big

of

bodied and souled man w h o fathered us until we landed .

A brother Shriner and I were glad to pass the fez for

'

a set of silver suggestive of the bright an d v alu ab le

service he had given O ther assistants were nobly
.

remembered for the assistance they had rendered .

B ut Cupid was commander in chief and got most O f- -

a ll
. Love makes the world go round and s ome passen ,

gers grew very d izzy as if riding on a giddy go round

,
- -
.

T hey changed n ot only sky a n d sea but other essen ,

tial c on dit iOns O ne fair chape ron forsook her g irls in

.

charge t o cross India with an E nglish o c er When .

she came back one O f h e r A merican Mis ses had become

a Mrs on shipboa rd t o a G erman aviator who do ubtles s
.
,

wooed and won her with the serenade Come take a ride

in my airship .

There w as another poor girl who fell in love with a

reputedly ri ch R an goon e r T h e re of sun and senti
.

ment was so erce that in a melting mood she made a

hasty return from Calcutta t o marry him .

T here were G rand Salon irt at ions by day and soun ds

o f revelry by night from the grill room spooners We -
.

poor mortals who tried to sleep on ou r little cots or mats

o n deck with sheets and paj amas were often stumbled
, ,

over by late lovers retiring in the very early hours of the

morning Ye G ods and little shes ! Some of u s saw
.
1 56 G O I
L G H TL Y
ROUN D TH E GL OB E

and heard thing s which would not be believed if Joh n s

angel wrote it with a gold pen .

It is a question whether Cupid or cupidity mates and

marries people a question hard t o answer right T here
, .

are M idsummer night s dreams on sea as on land when

,

Re ason and love keep little company together Human .

and decent people sooner or later bend the kn ee at

Cupid s shrine feeling with T hackeray It is best t o ,

love wisely no doubt ; but to love foolishly is better than

,

not t o be able to love at all .

R E D SE A

O ceanlife w as h ot and happy all the w ay t o the Red

sea . T his red lett er body o f water m ust have been
-

named by the same col or blin d man w h o christened tw o

other seas B lack and Yellow A ll three prove there is .

nothing in a name but as the R ed sea was on the map

,

between A sia and A frica w e had t o sail it .

During ou r four day s cruise to Suez B ible students

kept asking the ofcers just where Israel crossed over

on dry ground and Pharaoh had been drowned O ften .

the profane reply showe d little regard for G o d or geog

r aphy . B ut a G erman s oath is die re nt from all others

,

and his A ch G ott as natural as a cholic cry t o a baby .

O ften those w h o had broken most o f the T e n Command

ments were anxious to k now h ow far away Sinai was and
h ow high .

We passed the land o f A rabian days and nights en ,

chanting to lovers o f literature and students of sacred

and profane histo ry On e e ve n1n g the setting sun made
.

the se a red like a bloody tongue between rows of ragged

1 58 G OL I G H T L Y ROUN D

THE GL OB E

return Rameses stony stare and then have your reveri es
broken by the whistle o f the engine that is t o whirl you
from B a drash e in to Cairo .

T here is an A r ab proverb that the Chinese are gifted

with hand the Hindu with brain but the A rab is cun
, ,

ning with his tongue and my guide proved it true He

, .

Spoke ve languages from the time I left the pyramids ,

when he hung to the tail o f my dromedary and urged

h im on in the race until we stopped at the rest house
,
-
,

a t e a picnic lunch and drank cool wa ter ltered through

t h e sands .From start t o nish he b egged for bac k

s heesh, asking if I had had a good time I replied he . .

had been a good guide to which he said : ,
T hen Sir , ,

I would enjo y something from your hand Reminding .

him I had given him a tip at Sak k arah he said O h , , ,

that was for the dromedary Sir We want t o make a ,

.

s trong,
ne animal of him I gave him something .
,

a lthough I thought his nerve was strong enough for both .

I found E gypt more interestin g than when I v isited

it in 1 900 and wrote my T rac k s o f a T enderfoot im
pressions I didn t know whether I would come again
.

or,
if I did be able to say any more but E gypt is a
, ,

eld o f endless discovery and whether your name is ,

Micawber or Marie tta y ou won t have to wait long

,

f o r something to turn up .

T heb es had b eer signs o n her seven gates ; E di son had

W i red the tombs O f the k ings and thrown light on dark
subj ects ; Ku rn ah runs a scarab factory for the tourist
trade o r will furnish you with an antique hand o r foot
for your home museum It was here that L and
. .

Coldslaw decided to make purchases but the Doc ,
DA M A G E D G O O DS
1 60 G OL I G H T L Y
ROUN D TH E G L OB E

which his soul had passed shoul d be kept in repai r , .

I wanted t o ask him a few questions but knew he w as ,

in n o mood for reply so I left h im e mbalme d in rags

,

a n d silence .

Th e E gyptians lived died and were e mbalmed,

The .

biggest ceremony o f a man s life was his funeral T O

.

day we have live dead ones embalmed by self and u n

b uried ; mummies ro y al and pleb eian dead and rotten ,

a t heart though robed in purple and ne linen who

, ,

would not b e t as fuel for Mark T wain s engineer on

t h e E gyptian railroad .

A h ot time is alwa y s appropriate t o Cairo On the .

street at the Fish M arket and in cafe chantant one

,

n ds men smo k ing and drinking with gaily dec k ed and

painted dames o r listening to performers o n the stage
,

playing instruments while others sing and dance in a

,

w ay that ma k es it unne cessary to attend the gym

n a siu m .

To o ffset such Vi c i ous inuences various Christian

m i ss i ons O ffer the gospel o f the clean life Sunday .

night I visited the mission and Spoke in the chapel ,

w hose walls had echoed to the preaching and teaching

o f my un cle His O ld servant w as so pleased that the
.

next day he took me to the A merican cemetery in

O ld Cair o where rests his master who after forty
, ,

years work rests with heaven s Well done .

A T RU E L O V E S T O RY
Gulian Lansin g w as the name this uncle whos e of ,

n ame I bear and I have O ften heard hi m tell the ro

,

m antic story of B amba his poor little pupil who b e, ,

 G OL I G H T L Y ROUN D

TH E G L OB E 1 61

came a princess by marrying Mahara j ah D hul e p Sing ,

s o n o f the Lion O f Lahore whose w a rli e growls caused

,

the B ritish lion so many ghts .

D hu le p was educated in E ngland and returning t o ,

India t o bury his Hindu mother visited the mission ,

school Here h e fell in love at sight with the b right

.

eyed B amba Sh e of the little feet I know they were

, .

little for on e o f her slippers has b een on ou r parlor

,

whatnot as long as I can rememb er .

On D h u le p s return t o Cairo from the funeral he

w as marri e d t o B amba according to ritual and took

his bride t o E ngland where he w as very popular and
,

stoo d high at court Tw o daughters were born o f thi s

.

love match, but its glow soon went ou t and he claimed

his ri gh t as an Indian prince to have as many ames as
he wanted so long as he could pay the re insurance .

T h e little mother and her t w o girl s returned to the

mission their onl y home My uncle felt that j ustice
, .

should b e done and a divorce granted In person he .

saw Q ueen Victoria told the whole story and through

,

her command the separation w as allowed and D hu le p ,

made to sing another song T h e strong hand o f the law

.

compelled him to hand over yearly hundreds of pounds

for the support o f B amba and her children .

D h u le p w as India when he wooed and Iceland when

he w e d B amb a learned in the circle o f a few years
.
,

Oh ! h ow many torments b e in the small circle Of a

wedding ring .

A T O UGH T O W N

On ou r w ay t o Port Said w e rattled by t h e wonder

ful canal whose history and c ost the guide b ooks ar e
,
-
1 62 G OL IG H TL Y ROUN D

THE GL OBE

full of To one w h o has seen the Panam a dit ch it l ooks

.

like a li ttle gut ter, where guttersnipes sail boats after

a rain .

Port Said is said to b e the portal to Hell but I ,

d idn t nd it so Perhaps I went in the morning b efore
.

the Devil hadn t wak ed up from his last night s de

bau ch Five of us piled in a carriage and in as many

.

d iE e r e n t languages ask ed the driver to Show us the

bad but he couldn t make good E ither there was a
, .

new mayor with a new lid o r the wickedness of t h e .

place had been overestimated o r ou t of respect t o the ,

s pirit o f De Les seps they were afraid his statue would

s tep O E its pedestal and put them all in j ail .

THE B A L L!
T he wave s rolled the ship rolled and the masked ball
,

rolled round on the night before w e reached Naples .

Paper costum es were furnished for all w h o were t o take

p art T hey were various and striking but the m ost
.
,

c omplete change a ff ected was that o f Doctor Cold

S law w h o appeared in a clean collar a bosom Shirt
, ,

attached and a pair of shined shoes T his doesn t
,
.

s eem much but the weather w a s warm

,
.

I had b een t o o busy t o dress and when I came on

d e c k Ofcer Kruse said Oh doctor I am disap , , ,

pointed ; this is the rst time y ou failed me I re .

plied B ecause my costume is in your cabin
,
GO .

and put it on, he said I hurried t o his room donned .
,

his cap c oat and buttons and w as su rprised t o nd

,

h ow much I resembled him, though he had a must ache

a n d goatee T his w as ea sily remedied for I went down
.
,
1 64 GO L I G H T L Y ROUN D
TH E GL O E B

N A U G H T Y N A PL E S

At last the land O f Dante and chianti welc omed us

'
.

Dr Johnson said the man w h o hadn t been t o Italy

.

was always consciou s o f inferiority but I felt superior ,

b ecause I had b een there before I w as dying to se e .

Naples again and bidding the Cleveland crew and

.

cruisers good bye stepped ashore and was directed t o a

-
,

hotel by a policeman in tights and cock ade w h o looked ,

lik e a second edition of Napoleon Here we hired a .

guide for four days and nights and Showed h im the

town He ordered wine for breakfast dinner and sup
.
,

per g ot sick a t the B lue Grotto and played out before

,

he reached B arbarossa castle .

A t Sorrento the house where T asso w as born h as

,

been changed into a hotel Th e walls within are all .

scribbled over with poor writing and caricature that

must make the pious poet lam e nt and pray for another
deliverance R eally the guide was unnecessary but I
.
,

made the most of him while I had him A t 3 a m I . . .

haule d him ou t t o B aie the ancient R oman Newport ;

took him t o Lak e A vernus and felt like pushing him

down the easy hell descent ; called at the Sibyl s cave
an d only received the echo of my voice for answer .

I burned my ngers in the So lfat e ra volcano till I

could sing the scales lik e Caruso and loo k ed into the ,

deadly dog grotto where the sulphur air put s ou t the

,

light of a match or the life of some poor Fido who is ,

sacriced for the tourist S love o f science and pleasure .

I had no d o g and wanted t o try it On the guide but he ,

yelled Cave c an e m
,
and ran away ,
.
 G OL I G H T L Y ROUN D

TH E G L OB E 1 65

O f more interest than church , park and pala c e is the

museum I saw all an d some things th at all don t see
. .

I guess that the evil communications with Pompeii by

day corrupt the good mann e rs of some of the m irror
dancers by night
Pompeii is a live city an d not dead ; its streets are
not deserted but noisy with mad tourists led by crazy

guides Th e to w n gr ows instructive with every click O f

.

the spade and will always b e popular with the blas !

,

sightseer T hey had just discovere d s ome ne w cafes

.

and dives with the na mes of owners and p atrons thus ,

teachin g us t o b e careful where w e g o and h ow w e

register Next t o the carvings of the beastly B enares
.

gods w h o felt complimented with their outlined sins ,

a re so me o f t h e p ic tures o n Pompe iian walls I think .

the devil c ame with brush an d re d paint fresh from

hell and painted some of the scenes he had witnessed
there .

Ve suvius w as pa ss ed up for its j aws of death a n d ,

mouth of hell climb were not forgotten but L took , .

m y place and came back with the report that h is nag

spent as much time tryin g t o th row him O E as it did t o
c limb up .

A '
R O MA N B A N Q U E T

Our R oman feast w a s spoiled by Co ok so that it w as ,

n ot a howling success T h e gui de always starts l ate

.

after breakfast then hurries y ou back t o lunch and din

,

ner th ough y ou haven t seen h alf the sights billed on
,

the itinerary Of c ourse a meal is the main thin g w ith

.
,

a Cook On t h e fourth day he drove us t o some o f t h e

.
1 66 G OL I G H TL Y ROUN D

TH E G L OB E

places w e had taken in the rst day This resulted in a .

wordy row at the Pantheon between L and him un .

til this bandit wanted the police to arrest him but ,

they knew a Cookie when they saw him and didn t .

T h e guide t urned to Mrs M and said Z e youn g A mer
ican tin ks he know it allI am ze guide You know
,
. .

him ? Yes he s my son
,
Ah zat is t o o bad .
,
.

Moral : Don t use Cook in R ome unless you want to b e

cheated out o f your bill of fare .

O n e day when the Pope blessed rosaries w e went t o

, ,

the little shop by the foun tain and bought them by the
dozen as souvenirs Ou r names were left and w e were
.

to call the next day but w e were with another party

,

and the little pack et was done up with only my card

tied t o it I Slipped it in my pocket and never Opened
.

it till reaching the hotel that night when I discovered ,

it contained all the rosaries and that w e were leavin g

town and could no t nd the owners Some disap .

pointed purchaser must be singing Neven s Rosary
O h memories that bless and burnO h barren gain
,

, ,

and bitter loss .

I prayed in St Peter s orated in the Forum rub

.

, ,

b ered in art galleries rattled against bones of saints in

,

cloisters and anointed my c lothes with candle greas e

in the catacombs ; motored along the A ppian w ay ;
'

groped through dry Caracalla baths ; made my face

Sloppy at the graves O f Shelley and Keats ; splashed in

public fountains ; climb ed R ome s seven or fourteen

hills ; gave three cheers at G aribaldi s statue with its
Masonic emblems ; photoed the new Victor E mmanuel
monum ent ; trolleyed by triumphal arches and watched
1 68 G OL IG H T L Y
ROUND TH E G L OB E

At the clos e o f a bus y day and just before the train

left we remembered Donatello s lion caged in a queer

looking building T h e place closed in fteen minutes

.
,

but we ew there and paid the price O f an all d ay admis

sion to the surprise of the guard T here were many art .

Objects but the big thing in th e show was the funn y

,

shaped lion that crawled ou t of Donatello s artist brain

years after the night when as a little boy he had sneaked

in under the circus tent .

I used to work on a farm and knew cheese from the

time we milked the cows strained the milk let it thicken
, ,

or curdle into fresh o r harden into Dutch cheese To .

this boyish information I had added the knowledge of

Swiss limburger and other choice varieties o f cheese in
,

later years but the advanced stage of its composition

,

o r decomposition was reached in Florence where I asked ,

the waiter for some of his best cheese He brought .

something in under cover I lifted it and if I hadn t

,

been stronger than the cheese and stabbed it with a fork

and held it until the waiter carried it away it might have
crawled OE the plate and done me personal violence .

Shades o f the departed ! It w as another diet of worms .

A PE E P AT PIS A

Pisa s leaning tower hadn t fallen yet A former

.

time I leaned over the top and swung iik e a pendulum

between time and eternity T his time I tipped the bell
.

ringer w ho let me pull the rope an d I m sure the O ld

, ,

pile tipped over half an inch T h e B aptistery may not

.

have a leanon the tower but it was Sunday and I know

,
 G OL IG H T L Y ROUND

TH E G L OB E 1 69

a lean and hungry mendicant looking as fantastic as ,

Malvolio who got a lean on my purse as the pric e of

,

kodaking him Some of these beggars over here ought

.

t o be shot instead o f canonized T he most interesting .

thing in the b i g church is the pendulum that swun g

G alileo beyond the sta rs and more beautiful than the
,

B aptistery is the he avenly echo that draws tears from

your eyes and money from your pocket for the custodia n .

He strikes the notes and sings a few silver tone s that

come back in echoes from the city whose streets a re gold .

T h e ce metery is called C ampo Santo because of holy ,

sac red that bodies planted in it will come up sooner and

,

mo re be autiful than if buried in Missouri river mud Or ,

back lot ashes I d oubt though as a former resident of

,

S t Louis I am open t o conviction and willing to b e

.

Shown I found Pisa a bad plac e for amateur ph o t o gra

.

phy O ne evening I met a young girl who complained

.

that she had to tilt her kodak in or der to g e t the tower

CA M E RA C UR SE

If it isn t an E gotist it isn t a kodak .

A kodak is an infernal m ach l n e which a end carries

around t o Shoot OE In Moscow I must have come under
.

this head for when I took a shot at the Kremlin an arm

,

o f the law grabb ed me and t h e machine and tried to put

me in the dark room of the local prison with the hope

that since I loved travel I might be put over the road
to Siberia I w as bald smo oth sh a ven well fed and in
.
,
-
,
-
1 70 G OL I G H T L Y
ROUN D TH E GL OB E

no way resembled the lean and hungry looking Cassius -

,

and h ave alwa y s wondered w hy I w as classed with the

long h aired stubby whiskered wild eyed assassins w h o
-
,
-
,
-

light their pipes at burni ng cities and try t o blow them

selves by dynamiting the Czar Yet before and sinc e .

then in addition to carrying weighty responsibilities

,

and the added one of my heavy self with propriety away

from church and home I lugged a kodak and made a
,

pack mule o f myself .

A fool and his money are soon parted because a good ,

camera lens is expensive and to this you add lms

-
, ,

developments and prints When y ou think you have an.

interesting Obj ect some one bobs up and says T ake ,

me . T h e roll always runs out when you have a chance
to take the best picture or t h e authorities prohibit y ou ,

till hunting for subj ects y ou grow desperate and make a

shot that develops a likeness you might fall down and
worship since there is nothing like it in the heavens
,

above the earth beneath or the waters under the earth

,
.

T h e amateur kodakist like the heathen he tries to get

,

a picture o f is a law unto himself He will wake a

,
.

native asleep o r stop him awake ; snap him dressed or

, ,

nude bathing Shaving or pra y ing in the temple and

, , , ,

then go OE without giving him a tip or a thank .

T his end delights in exposing the elderly woman !

asleep in h e r steamer chair with mouth wide Open as th e

-

hatchway the apoplectic faced merchan t w h o advertise s

-

his wealth by a diamond on shirt front and a carbuncle -

on his nose ; the happy Newlyweds or quarreling lovers ;

o r the adventurous suitor w h o gives his arm or steals a

kiss ; giddy girls wh o carelessly climb the hurri

1 72 I
G OL G H TL Y ROUN D

TH E GL O BE

T H E CA R NIV A L O F V E N I CE

Th e Campanile and St Marks glowed with a million

.

electric lights as ou r gondola glided through the c anals

like a black snake We were soon stabled near the four
.

bronze horses and so near we could pat them Th e .

square below was lled with people not pigeons com , ,

ing and going in gala dress ; B engal lights blazed l ike

infernal torches ; soldiers were practicing the arts of
love and not w ar ; everybody was happy except the
caterers who had run o ut O f cakes and ices ; the bands
were blowing themselves t o prove that nonsense is easily
set to music It was the carnival of Venice and h er
.

chivalry and beauty had gathered to celebrate the com

p le t ion o f t he new Campanile the old one having been
,

knocked d own and ou t by former visits O f heavy weights ,

my ow n O f t w o hu ndred pounds included A t the stroke .

of twelve the little iron man came o u t o f the clock with

a hammer and gave a knock that meant good night for
the long continued celebration Suddenly all lights went
-
.

out a big B engal glare shot from the Campanile and the
,

crowds vanished T h e full faced moon looked down on

.
-

the empty scene and up there my lucky star was shining ,

for had I come a d ay later all this would have been

missed .

Next day the carnival w as over but no one ever h ad ,

a dry time in Venice You may sail with the gay gon
.

d olie r uncover and plun ge in the Liddo be soaked by

,

the guide when visiting gallerie s prisons and pa lac es, ,

or chug by steam launch t o the Rialto where thieves most

-
,

do congre gate to get big pric es for small souvenirs B u t .

 I
G OL G H T L Y
ROUN D TH E GL OB E 1 73

it is worth all it costs t o be in the cit y of the sea with

its churches and paintings ; t o visit T itian S tomb ; t o
cross the B ridge O f Sighs not so very big and enter
, ,

the dung eons with the guide w h o cheerfully informs y ou

,

how the poor victim was accused tried by a council of ,

ten t o on e against him h ad his throat cut was put in a

, ,

bag pushed through a hole in the wall carried o ut to

, ,

the deep and dumped T his g uide combined the low

.

comedy of broken E nglish with the high tragedy of

drawing his hand across his throat t o describe the deep
deviltry of the Doges .

B ut Venice can t be described until you visit it and

,

then it is indescribable Ruskin gives us the Stones of

.

Venice ; T urner its sun sk y and sea ; Shakespeare

, ,

R ogers and B yron its poetry and tragedy and Nevens ,

its music but these gift ed men have not exhausted the
,

city s charm On e thing has been overlooked though I
.
,

am n ot equal t o its description I refer t o the smells .

that rise far above the concert pitch of the sentimental

serenader and linger long in one s nose a nd memory .

TH E L A ST S U PPE R

M ilan is the Paris of Italy We arrived at midnight .

and it was d ifcult t o beli eve that the t w o masterpieces

o f Christian art and architecture T h e Last Supper ,

and the great Cathedral had so little moral inuence on

,

the inhabitants T hings looked brighter next mornin g

.
,

and after an early drive t o the end of the Napoleon arch

and amphitheatre where they start the w ar balloons we
, ,

stopped at the church refectory of Th e Last Supper .
 1 74 G OL I G H T L Y ROUN D

TH E GL OB E

B ut it w as only ni ne o clock and though we b anged the

,

d oor the custodian was unwilling to Open up until he had

breakfasted on all the macaroni necessary to brace him
for the police duty o f guarding the picture on the wall
from being cut ou t in slabs by souvenir vandals worse

than Napoleon s horses which once were stabled here
and chewed OE the legs o f the table and apostles .

I never tire o f the wonderful picture and its lesson ,

o r cease to marvel at Da Vinci the artist w h o pushed , ,

a head in SO many diE e r e n t wa y s and helped us do the

same by inventing the wheelbarrow T h e poor know .

little o f art and it has been said that art Should never
,

try to be popular but Da Vinci would be the most p opu

,

lar artist in the world if the many w h o wheel a barrow

knew the name of its inventor .

Milan was hot but its cathed ral w as frozen music
, ,

and I kept cool by stayin g below while L climbed the .

biggest o f its icicle towers where a profane party w as

,

having a communion picnic lun ch of bread and wine .

He had a view of the Jungfrau for his t rouble while I ,

was troubled with the Old frau who insisted on buying ,

a cameo breastpin at the very doors of the cathedral .

SW I S S CIT I E S '

B eyond Italy lie the A lps Napoleon crossed them .

in snow and we in the rain Y ou see th e time was ou t o f

.

joint and the granite hills were mist Nature often .

seems modest and veils her beauty from the ubiquitous

! tourist for whom an ugly hotel or pension annex has

,

been built on every hill and by every pretty lake .

1 76 G OL I G H T L Y ROUN D

TH E G L OBE

castle is inspiring ; it pa y s t o kee p up the legend so Old ,

stones are replaced with new ones the walls carefully ,

whitewashed and W everything made ready for the next

season s credulous crowd

.

I nterla k en is more interesting t o approach and leave

than to remain in Still if you get O E the noisy thor
.

o u g h fa r e with the big hotels and go bac k t o the Ol d

town with narrow streets cloc k spire overtopping hill ,

-
,

a n d rushing water you can get a view of the Jun gfrau

on a sunlit morning or moonlit night that will make

y ou feel happy even though you wear no headlight
,

diamonds pla y n o roulette and know your hotel bill

,

costs as much a day as it should a week

If I could visit but one city in Switzerland it would
b e Lucerne Life sports on the promenade ; death
.

dances o n the pictured rafters o f the old bridge ; the

player strikes the lip of the church organ until it tells
the shine and storm of Shepherd life ; stone marbles are
in the pockets where the glaciers rolled them and the ,

T horwaldsen lion though stone dead guards the lilies

, ,

o f France If th is doesn t please y ou and you aren t
.

a fraid o f breakin g your neck you may climb the Rigi ,

Kulm o r Pilatus sail the lovely lake and stop at T ell 8

,

chapel and recall the brave man who gave G essler the
S lip ,
telling him that if he had shot his inn ocent b oy
and not the apple he had another arrow up his sleeve
,

which he intended to put through him using his A dam s ,

apple as a target .

Last but n o t least was Zur ich with factory museu m , ,

park and c ozy inn where on e could drink delicious

,

m ilk eat the sweetest o f chocolate and get cheese lled

,
 G OL I G H T L Y
ROUN D TH E G L OB E 1 77

with larg e a iry rooms But I w a s hurrying ho m e and

.

gh ting t h e inn idea o n e meets n ot only in E pi c tetus ,

b ut here and all through life It is as if he says , ,

a man j ourneying home a n d nding a ni ce i nn on the

road and lik ing it were t o stay forever at the i nn ;
,

man thou hast forgotten thy Obj ect ; thy journey was
,

n o t t o this but through thist o get home t o d o your ,

duty t o your family friends and fellow countrymen
, .

S O I took the schnelle Zu g a n d left for G ermany the ,

land of be er and B eethoven philosophy and pipes , .

M AD E IN G E R M A NY
On e sees many us eles s churches I n Italy that when
SO

he gets t o G ermany h e says with O mar Khayyam Let ,

us make up in the tavern what w e have wasted in the

3

Munich is the G erman Milwaukee and the high brow -

and low brow go t o the H o fb rau that has ma de h e r

-

famous Here King G ambrinus rules and thousands

.

drink his health in the dark colored high collared uid -

,
-
.

T hey co me in singles and pairs sometimes peaches and , ,

whole families spend the evening over big steins which

they have selected accordin g to the Si ze ornament or ,

sentiment on the sides T h e wall mottoes suggest cheer

.
,

and from cellar with poor laborer t o upper oor with

banker or think er everybody eats laughs smokes sings , , ,

and tells stories It is said t o b e very good beer I

. .

suppose it is or so many would n o t drink S O much but

, ,

as often as I went there and it was several times t o see

,

the crowd I failed to see anyone full though tha t

,
'

wasn t b ecause they couldn t get enough

.
1 78 G OL I G H T L Y ROUN D

T H E GL O E B
Th e city w as in holiday attire looked nice and b e ,

haved well A ll o f us entered into the T euton spirit

.
,

listening to bands that played real instead o f ragtime

music even i n restaurants It has art galleries O ld and
.

New and I rememb er o ne O f them b ecause it is about

, ,

the only one in E urope I was luc ky enough to get in on

a free day .

T h e Mu e n ch ne r can be original or imitate when he

tries He takes a little outin g comes home and builds
.
,

Paris arches G reek temple s Florentine loggias Venetian

, , ,

clocks and a g poles and New York statues It may

-
.

shock one w h o has seen the originals making him feel ,

they are out of place but it informs and cul tivates the
,

t aste o f the stay at home and is the sincerest form of

- -

attery t o the arts and countries he has imitated .

Here s a H ofb rau prosit t o all my Munich friends

.

IN Q U ISI T I O N M E M O R I E S
Once upon a time Nuremburg w as the quaint Old town
where Santa Claus made his cak es and toys Perhaps .

h e does n ow but I couldn t nd the place for the big
, ,

factory chimneys were telling a diE e r en t story Th e .

rubbernec k wagon b oun ced us over narrow c obbled

streets across little bridges and beside the big walls
,
.

We three had the G erman spieler all t o ourselves and ,

he did try to make us un derstand all about the big

c hurch with curious carvings the G ooseboy fountain ,

a n d the shop and house o f the poet Hans Sachs and

A lbrecht Durer He earned his money and when w e

.
,

s top ped at the historic kraut and sausage Shop I lled

him and his glass to overowing .
1 80 G OL I G H T L Y R OUN D THE

GL O B E

government controls the trains though owned by a ,

private corporation In the United States w e control

.

the government and curse the corporations .

O l d Heidelberg O ld Heidelb erg is the j olly song
, ,

o f that roc ky o l d place b eloved by so many students ,

whose diploma is a sword scarred smo k e clouded beer -

,
-
,

col ored face From historic churches and building s we

.

climbed to the famous castle T h e lady guid e had a .

G erman party but generously included us and I w a s

, ,

just as generous Perhaps the most awful and awesom e

.

thing here is the big ale cask full Once in its history ,

but n ot o f late Then it w as like a b eer reservoir an d

.

the servant went to the master for the drink N o w .

the G erman feels he is his ow n master and b eer is pipe d

as freely as if it were water .

We did full justice to the noble ruins SO well known

in history song and story It is b eautiful fo r Situation
,
.
,

and the sight o f the Rhine and valley far b eneath and
away thrills the heart o f every true Fatherl and son I .

have a good G erman friend in Minneapolis Fritz W ,

w h o w as a student here He n ever quite forgave m e

.

becaus e I had b een t o G ermany without visiting his

city T his time I sent him a postcard o f the castle
.

and tun o f beer He welco m ed me on my return spoke

.
,

o f the card and was happ y b ecause I lik ed his clear

Heidelberg Ima g ine my surprise the next day on re

.

turning from a funeral to nd a case O f Schlitz on
m y front porch which a b eer wagon had left in full
,

View of my horried temperance neighbors in Spite of

the servant s protest that I didn t drink and hadn t

ordered it .
 GO L IG H T L Y R OUN D T H E

GL OB E 1 81

G O ET H E S H O ME

Frankfort is famous It divides honors as the.

birthplace of the glorious G oethe and a greasy sausage .

O f the t w o the latter perhaps is the more popular but

, ,

t astes diE e r .

Frankfort o n or in the Main is quaint and aristo

-
, ,
-

c ratic lik e o u r Philadelphia

,
T here are solid buildings .

and Splendid parks A rt is n o t wanting and if you

.
,

want a form Of it you have only to visit the Pink

Lady A riadne she O f the marble he art who seems
, ,

t o blush when y o u turn h e r aro un d and put her in t h e

light A t the same t i me it is a town o f high thinking
.
-

a n d ideals and since G oethe s death Z e p pl in h a s risen

,

farther than an yone else I say this without fear of .

d enial because o n e morning at the town square I heard

,

a strange whirring noise and looking up over the hall , ,

s a w a blackbird big as a building It w a s the airship .

,

a n d I w as sorry that I didn t h ave an e xtra fty dol

lars for a two hours sail from Frankfort to Cologne .

See t h e printer G u t e nb u rg s statue but don t fail ,

t o visit the house o f G oethe the writer I had t o g o ,

.

twice b efore I g ot in but it was w orth while T h e

,
.

building isn t big or ne but O h m y it s interesting as

, ,
,

Shakespeare s house at Stratford It was the family

.

h ouse and as sacred to the porter housekeeper as any

,

t hing in Palestine He Showed the room O f Goethe s

.

birth the play room with crude feminine silh ouettes

,
-

that showed his early love for girls ; h is study and b e d

room and the little back door through which the w ay
ward genius Slipped in and ou t nights when the good
1 82 G O L IG H T L Y R OUN D

TH E GL OB E

parents were snoring and d reaming he w as asleep and ,

the books whose contents he had tasted chewed sw al , ,

lowed and digested Happy man t o die before some G er

.

man books were prin ted that would have put his teeth on
edge and given him stomach ache ; ponderous pedantic
b ooks with no n e w facts only leaden fancy ; books that
,

o n e fears to pick up falteringly reads and lays down

,

with fati g u e .

G oethe w as handsome and his bump of genius well

developed but h e looked cross eyed at several of t h e
,
-

T e n Commandments, limped where he should have

walked upright and kne w B yron well enough t o d o
,

him justice .

A R ID E O N T H E R HINE

A bout the only water a true G erman likes is th e

Rhine and that Simply for commercial and bath pur
,

poses When he visits the Rhine he ex changes beer for

.
.

wine Th e proper thing t o do on boarding your bo at

.

is t o make a grand rush for a table order a bottle o f ,

win e then talk and smoke We thought it would b e

, .

nice to eat o n deck when passing hist oric points SO I .

ordered Rhine wine brown bread and cheese and ,

bologna sausage but with an E nglish accent and the

, ,

waiter returned with tea white bread and cold b eef ,

.

I protested ; he w as in despa ir almost tears and turn , , ,

ing t o Mrs M said . Y ou no drink the tea ?
.
, ,
H is
ac ting w as t oo mu ch H e had t ouched her heart and
.

she replied Yes I ll drink the tea
, ,
He replied .
,

Das iS besser
That s always the w ay at home o r
.
1 84 G OL I G H T L Y ROUN D

THE GLO E B
I stood on a bench waved my O ld G lory ag and gave a
, .

dry toast to which my G erman friends responded with

,

s ome w e t ones .

A miel said the G ermans oppressed instead of kindled

h is spirits If he wanted Wine fully made wine which
.
,

would sparkle in the glass he should have been ,

with us .

N O I SO M E CO L O G N E

Th e rst view o f Cologne was thrilling I saw the .

cathedral spires in the distance and Z epplin s airship

between them like a bologna on a t w o tine fork If t h e -

.

rened reader thinks I resemble Hal with the most

unsavory similes let him send for a bottle of eau de
Cologne water made and sold just opposite the cathedral .

It would take almost as much time to tell the history of

this church as it did to build it and we must hurry I t

.

is a mountain o f stone one climb was enough for me

, ,
.

Th e bells of the city are as noiso me as its smells : We

were waked up very early by a big clang that was echoed
by little clangin gs from a dozen spires Cui bono this .

infernal racket that breaks the stillness of early hours

and ding dong dangs good people into despair while it
- -
,

drives the bad Ones into telling the church to go to a

place it pretends t o keep people out of 2 .

T h e Colne rin os are not only proud of their church

and c ity but delight in the ghastly chapel o f St U rse lin
,
.
,

ll ed with the skull s of hundreds of virgins Th e attend .

ant showed u s female Yori cks of many s izes and shapes

piled propped pushed packed and placed in all the
, , ,

E uclid forms imaginable Y ou k now the story of t he

.
 G OL I G H T L Y
ROUN D TH E GL O BE 1 85

back number My rst thought w as these girls had been

.

d riven t o suicide by t h e sleep murdering bells I had -

already he ard .

A fter w e came out of this martyr morgue tw o boys

approached us saying : D o y ou Spe ak E nglish ? Want
,

and said sh e had overheard them practicin g th es e same

question s on e ach oth er during our absence T hey h ad .

earned the penny and I p aid it for th eir little E nglish

d ialogu e E ng lish is bound t o be the universal langu age
.
,

for we A merican E nglish Spe ak ing people are t oo lazy

-

t o learn other languages Forei gners must learn ours

.

a nd I want t o encourage t h em .

G rand Opera w as in sea son and we went t o hear t h e

T roubador something ne w w e thought but met our
, , ,

Old friend 11 T rovatore Still it w as a novelty t o
.

rid ors for be er salad and sandwic hes We remained

, ,
!

through the prison scene and then made w ay for liberty

t o get ou r train A ll that nigh t the coach wheels played
.

t he anvil chorus on t h e rails as I sighed t o rest me .

H A M BU R G

At Hamburg w e prodigals returned to ou r ship home ,

the Cleveland that w as t o complete the globe circuit
,

and land us at N ew York B efore it sailed w e did th e

.

O ld st eak town brown glancing at the medi ocre art gal

,
v

w as t o b e p erform ed at the opera

B eethoven S F i delio
1 86 G OL I G H T L Y ROUND

TH E G L OB E

house for somebody s benet not ours for we tried t o , ,

buy and bribe the doorkeeper on ever y oor but without ,

success T o think these people could hear such music

.

at any time for little or nothing and we strangers w h o ,

were willing to pay the price o f a box seat for standing ,

room in the galler y o f the gods had our money refused ,

and were turned away I think if it had been anywhere

.

else I might have managed to get in .

On e man s loss is another man s gain and what wasn t

,

spent for tickets was used in tips .

T H E T IPPIN G H A B IT

Johnson told B oswell that nothing had been contrived

by man that produced so much happiness as a good
tavern o r inn B ut it may be unhappiness when a man
.

stays there instead o f going home at night while abroad ,

it is O ften a torture chamber where y ou take little

-
,

ease unless you tip right and left giving halves for ,

poor quarters .

In Pickwick s time it was Half a crown in the bill

if you look at the waiter now it s little on your plate
,

if you don t and that little is something where indiges

,

tion waits on appetite and sickness on both You pay .

the house and the house is supposed to pay the waiter .

Th e supposition is contrary to fact ; y ou pay both waiters

a n d house. T hey demand and you deliver T h e more .

you give the more th ey want You are not stingy per .
,

haps not rich and can t a rd the hold u p yet there y ou -
,

are and wish you weren t .

Th e tip fear keeps some good folks home embarrasse s

-
,
1 88 G OL IG H TL Y
ROUN D THE G L OB E

Amo d ern ma n o f business y o u may do what y ou will

for him put him in E de n give him the elixir o f life ;

, ,

he h as still a aw a t heart he still has hi s busine ss

'

,

ha bits .

T h e G ermans have a great co untr y and are a g reat

p eople Inte lligent an d pra ctical t he y p os sess i n any
.
'

ple asant and peculia r c haracteri stics Until I visit the .

Fathe rland again A u fw ied e rse hn
,

H O ME W AR D BO U N D

At Cuxha ven we rejoined the Cleveland A ny .

bo dy w h o would be dissatised with t h e t re at m en t she .

had giv en us would d oubtles s nd something t o grumble

at in heav e n if he were so unfortunate as to land the re .

We sailed so far South to avoid the T itanic iceberg s
that w e might have hit a chunk o f A ntarctic sno w but ,

happ ily avoided both .

When the T itanic went down the White Star

became the black Wormwood star of Revelat ion ;
and the name of the star is called wormwo o d a n d the ,

third part o f t he waters became wormwood and many

me n d ied o f the waters because they were made bitter .

T hi s was no mysterious Provid ence of G od but ,

the murderous work o f m an prompted by the hell of

haste SO racing with death in spite of oating ice and
.
,

repeated warning o f icebergs from other vessels the ,

Titanic struck hard on death and m ad e sharp

lightning ; s eeking the blue ribbon she wa s rewa rded
wit h a pi ece of black crepe .

O ver t h e h aunted spot where t h e T itanic sank the ,
 GO L I G H TL Y
ROUN D TH E G L O B E 18 9

Shroudle m dead arise and with voice sa dd er tha n waves

Sh a nting the ir re quie m c ry ou t

T hou sha lt no t kill ,
.

0 rest ye b rothe r mariners w e will not wande r mo re

was the way we felt when B artho ldi s b ig st atu e beck

o ne d us fro m the Old t o the N e w World I want ed t o .

take the liberty o f giving her a hug but c omp romised ,

b y throwing he r a kiss .

We walke d the plank with the gang a nd so on passed

t he b agga ge inquisition I h ad made out a truth ful
.

James inv e h t o ry a nd w a s not caught in any smu ggler 8

lie .I n truth my bag gage cont ained n othing worth

lying abo ut so I got OE ,
.

THE L A N D O F P R O M I SE

Wh en Socrates was aske d his country he rep lied I ,

am of the world If living tod ay it is a safe bet he
.

would say I am an A merican which means the same
, ,

thin g because all the world is here or on the w ay

,
.

In A merica w e have room e nough to turn around with

o u t having some on e st ep on ou r heel s o r breathe in our

face and say Sorry .

'

Our natural r e sources a re so great tha t the po o r

Lazaru s o f other nations may sit at the rst t able and
give the crum bs t o the d ogs .

"
In Scenery we have such sublime mount ains canyons , ,

ri vers fa lls for ests and i c eber gs tha t Nature used What
, ,

wa s le ft over to furnish E uro pe with a fe w resorts .

T here are all kinds of climates You m ay dress in .

furs e at blub ber and pick your teeth w ith icicles p r slip
,

o n a ba na na p eel drink or ang ea d e and be fa nne d With

,
1 90 GO L I G H T L Y ROUN D

T HE GL OB E

In religion a man is free to choose a new faith e v e ry

day if he does not use it as a club on h is neighbor or as
a burglar s jimm y o n the public treasury

.

O u r public schools are the educational shop that turns

ou t good citizens though they have no titles o r ten c ents
,

to their name .

G overn ment is the great A merican game we all have

a hand in T here are no kings and queens and the vote
.

of the laboring man who has a heart and Carries a spade

coun ts just as much as the man with diamonds .

B reathes there a man this round world over who de

sp airin gly says A merica is not my native land I wish ,

it was ? If such there be my hands are extended across
the sea in loving welcome Come over and be natural .

ize d . T rue y ou can t be the president but you may
, ,

become a ward politician or trust magn ate .

H A PS AN D M ISH A PS

I have n o respect for the A m e rl c an who goes abroad ,

waves the ag yells his throat sore pu lls the feathers

, ,

out o f the A merican eagle b oasts he is a citizen of the

,

greatest nation the sun shines on for its room r e ,

sources religion education and government and then

, , ,

when he lands pic ks Uncle Sam s pocket If he has

.

brought home goo ds which demand a duty, let him open

his hand and pay hi s customary duty or shut up his
unpatriotic mouth .

E verything goes in N e w York and I found three ,

things that I h a d wanted an d could n ot nd on the

cruise Th e rst was a morning paper in E nglish that
.
1 92 GO L IG H T L Y ROUN D

TH E GL OB E

Wendell Holmes T h e world ,
h as a million r oosts for a

man b ut only on e nest .

T RA V E L A N D IT S B E N E FI T S

B efore you travel you plead the need of rest and

recreation ; that it is a source o f information ; puts
you in sympathy with the big world ; broadens y our
toleration ; makes n e w friends ; gives you respe ct fo r
g o od wherever you nd it an d teaches you to avoid ,
.

the bad .

So y ou rai se the wind set sail come back w ith the , ,

cargo of fatigue disgust bigotry enemies and may be

, , ,

worse o ff than when you went Instead of learning a .

n e w language you have forgotten your own and talk

in broken parrot sentences You return loaded with .

hotel stic k ers jun k souvenirs postcards odd Jewelry

, , , ,

ill t t in g clothes a habit of saying
-
,
When I was t o ,

B ombay to which is added a wanderlust to go some
,

where else next year T h e feeling that mak es a tramp

.

a traveler is the same that mak es a traveler a tramp ;

o n e is homeless the other is often home less than he
,

should be .

T ravel ma k es a man of one and a monk ey of another .

Y ou will be the same tramp abroad that you were her e

illustrating Milton s

mind is its ow n place and in itself
Th e ,

Can make a heaven of hell a hell of heaven ,
.

Look ou t for the latter for the Devil is a globe trotter

,
-

from way back of Job s day

.
 GO L IG H T L Y B OUN D T H E

G L OB E 19 3

Travel has its benet especially to the touri t

,

age ncies .O nce you swallow the bait o f their folders

and y o u are ca ught T heir trains and boats almost
.

annihi late tim e and space and your ban k account .

They don t travel for health and pleasure if y ou do ,

and often their ways and means make y ou sick and

sad.

T ravel benets those you leave behindsome w h o

fail t o appreciate you an d wish y o u woul d go w ay
,

O E and die A R oman thought it w a s a sweet and

.

ro
p p er thing t o die for his country If an American .

isn t willing t o mak e such a sacrice he can go and

,

bury himself abroad a n d return at E aster when the ,

ball season begin s .

I had such a good time that I want to repeat it .

Perh aps I may fo r after I had b een home a few da y s

,

I received a telegram from Mr Vogelsang manager of .

,

the Cleveland cruise inviting me t o ac cept the position

,

of lecturer and pastor made vacant by the death of

Th e trip was a great benet to me Phy sically sea .

, ,

m ountain and for e st entered my weak frame so that I

feel able to run the lawn mower or shovel snow if I
-
,

can t get someone else to do it ; intellectually I can

,

say,
G ood morning
-
G ive me some bread
,
How ,

much y ou charge ? and G ood night in a dozen dif -

fe re nt languages ; spiritually I beli e v e there are some

,

characters that resemble mine that have not yet attained

perfection .

T here is n o college o r seminary equal to the world ,

and it o ff ers t h e biggest text b ook It means hard work

-
.
1 94 G OL IG H T L Y ROUN D

TH E GL O E B
and study expenditure o f days and doll ars frequent
T h e g o lightl y
, ,

annoyance and privation round the

.
-

-

globe traveler must n o t expect ever y thing to be just

as if he were at home but learn to ma k e himself at
,

home wherever he goes If he does not he better save

.
,

his money and buy a farm work hard during the week

, ,

mak e a trip to town Saturday night hear a c ir cu ml o g ,

lecture g o to a moving picture show or buy the latest

, ,

boo k o f travel .

P S If the reader regrets his loss of time and

. .

money let him smile when he think s h ow much more

,

of both this book has cost me .

T HI S WO R L D I S A B I L L I AR D B A L L .

B A L KE A L WA Y S L E A D S I N
GAM E . IF YOU WA N T
WR I T E H I M G . . L . M .

B ru nsw ic k B a lk e C o lle n d e r
- -

C h ic a g q , I ll . S . A .
 E D MUN D D . B R O O KS
R A R E B O O KS A N D M AN USC R I PT S
M IN N E A PO L IS , M IN N E S O T A , U . s A
.

B R AD ST R E E T I S T H E

HO N C HO D O R I O F A M E R I CA .

SHO P WIT H H I M AT H O M E FO R
AN Y T HI N G Y O U WAN T A B R O AD
G "
. L . M .

JO H N S B R A D ST R E E T
.

I N T E R I O R FU R N I S HI N G S
A N D DECO R A T ION S

E S T A B L ISH E D 1876
.

V
32 7 S O U T H S E E N T H S T R E E T
Minn e apo lis, Minn e so t a U S A . . .
M r s E d w a r d J B lo s s o m
. . C h ic a g o, I ll
M r E D B ro o ks
. . . . M in ne a p o lis M inn
, .

M r W W B a lke
. . . . . C in c inna t i 0 , .

M is s E le a n o re Bu rc h D ub u q u e I o w a
-
,

M r R A G B e ll
. . . . C a lg a ry A lt a C a na d a
, ,

M rs R A G B e ll
. . . . C alg ary A lt a C a na d a
, ,

M r L o u is B e a rw a ld
. Sa n F ra n c i s c o C a l , .

M rs L o u is B e a rw a l d
. Sa n F ra nc is c o Ca l , .

M r J Fra nk B o yd
. . B a ng o r M e , .

Mr Ja m e s C B la c k lidg e
. . Ko k o m o I nd ,

M rs Ja m e s C B la c k lidg e
. . K oko m o I nd , ,

M iss M a rie B la c k lidg e K o ko m o I n d , ,

M is s R u t h B u c h a na n E d in b u rg h S c o t la n d
,

M r G e o rge F B is c h
. . Sp ring e ld I ll , .

M rs G e o rge F B is c h
. . Sp ring e ld 111 ,
.

M r A le x B e t h u n e
. O akla n d C a l ,

M rs A le x B e t h u n e
. . . O akla n d C a l ,

M iss C a t h e rin e B e t hu ne O akla n d C a l , .

M is s A lic e B e t h u ne O akla n d C a l , .

M r T h e o d o re P B u rg e ss
. . B o s t o n M a ss
,

M r A n t h o ny C B a y
. . T o le d o 0 , .

M r P h ilip M B u rg
. . St L o ui s M o
.
, .

M r Ja m e s F B ro w n
. . St L o u is M o
.
, .

M rs Ja m e s F B ro w n
. . St L o u is M o
.
,
.

M iss B ro w n St L o uis M o
.
,

M r H B e rn st e in
. . San F ra n c is c o C a l ,

M rs E liz a b e t h B a l d w in
. U t ic a N Y , . .

M r F ra nk C B u c kle y
. . S up e rio r W is , .

M iss L u c y B B la c kw o o d . O akla n d C a l ,
.

M r Jo a q u im B la nc o
. H a v a na C ub a ,

M r M B e t a n c o u rt
. . H a v a na C u b a ,

M r F re d J B a ue r
. . . C hic a go ,

M r O A H B ru c e
. . . . C re igh t o n N e b ,

20 2
M iss L illia n B e rc a w E a s t o n, Pa .

H e rr Pa ul B ruck C o ln a . G e rm a n y
Rh .
,

H e rr H e rm a nn B a ng H e lsing fo rs, R u ssia

M r H T h o rn C o tt a m
. . . N e w O rle a ns , L a .

M r S a m u e l G C ro ft
. . C am de n , N .
J .

M r Fre d W C u rt is
. . R e a d in g , Pa .

M rs F re d W C u rt is
. . R e a d in g, Pa .

M is s A nt o ine tt e C u rt is R e a d in g, Pa .

C o l J o h n H C u nnin gh a m
. . B o st o n M a s ,
s .

M r W illia m R C a u lkins
. . C a t ha g M o r o, .

M r F ra nk C a rre ll
.
Qu b C a na d a
e e c,

M r s C h a rle s A C o w e n
. . N ew Yo rk Y , N . .

M rs C Sp e rry C a rt e r P o rt
. . C o lb o rn e O nt C a na d a
, ,

M rs E C o h n
. . N e w a rk N J , . .

M r C la u d e C a m b e rn
. R u sh v ille I n d , .

M rs C lau d e C am b e rn
. R u sh v ille I n d ,
.

M rs E lla M C a m p
. . Sa n F ra n c is c o C a l , .

M r Jo h n W C o x
. . N e w Y o rk N Y , . .

M rs Jo h n W C o x
. . N e w Y o rk N Y , . .

Dr . C h ap t n
E . A . o o D e t r o it M ic h , .

Mr s E A Ch p ton
. . . a o D e t ro it M ic h , .

Mr . W illi m E C a st l a . e C hic a g o I ll , .

Mr s W illi m E C a st l
. a . e C h ic a g o I ll , .

Mr .
Jam s M C the s e . a ro r Sy ra c u se N Y , . .

M rs J a m e s M C a ro t h e rs
. . Sy ra c u se N Y , . .

M rs F W C o rso n
. . . B u ffa lo N Y , . .

M iss M a rj o rie C o rs o n B uffa lo N Y , . .

D r I da B C a m e ro n
. . Sa n F ra nc is c o C a l , .

M r K e n t C C h ild s
. .
H in s d a le I ll , .

M rs R A C h ild s
. . . H in s d a le I ll , .

M r H H C a rp e n t e r
. . . R o ckfo rd I ll , .

M iss Flo re nc e Cu nnin gha m C ha rle st o n W Va , . .

H e rr A sse sso r D r A H D o rt e n . . . D u s se ld o rf G e rm a ny,

F ra u H D o rt e n Du sse ld o rf Ge rm a ny
'

A s se ss o r D r A . . .
,

M rs B a rb a ra K D isc h in ge r
. . B ro o kly n N Y , . .

M r s S a ra B y ro n D o yle K no xv ille T e nn '

.
, .

M r O G D e v e n is h
. . . G a lg a ry A lt a C a na d a
, ,

M r s O G D e v e n i sh
. . . C a lga ry A lt a C a na d a
, ,

M is s G ra c e D a v iso n Spo ka n e Wa sh , .

M rs E d it h H D e kke r
. . B e rke le y C a l , .

M a s t e r C ha u n c e y D e kke r l
B e rke le y C a l , .

M r H a rry A
. . B a lt im o re M d , .

M r J P D e C am p
. . . O akla n d C a l , .

M r E F D ie t ric h O a kl a n d C a l

. . . .
,

M iss A nt o ine tt e D e S a ginaw M ic h , .

M iss R o se D o o lin g Syra c u s e N Y , . .

M r G e o I D in w idd ie
. . . F ra nkfo rt I n d , .

M rs G e o I D inw idd ie
. . . F ra nkfo rt I nd , .

M is s A gn e s E a rle y N e w Y o rk, N Y . .

H e rr Ju liu s E p h ra im H a m b u rg G e rm a ny
,

M rs . Geo . E y s se ll Ka nsa s C ity M o , .

Mr F re d E E llio tt
. . St L o u is M o
.

M rs Fre d E E llio tt
. . St L o u is Mo
.
, .

H e rr W o lfra m E sc h e b a c h D r e s d e n G e rm a n y
,

F ra u W o lfra m E sc h e b a c h D re s d e n G e rm a ny
,

M r S M E ise n dra t h
. . . C hic a go I ll , .

M r M o r ris L F isc h b e in
. . A b e rd e e n S D a k
, . .

M rs M o rris L Fisc h b e in
. . A b e rd e e n S D a k
, . .

C o l Ju liu s F le isc h m a nn
. C inc inna t i 0 , .

a n d v a le t

M rs Ju liu s F le isc h m a nn
. C in c inn a ti , O .

a nd m a id

M iss L o uise Fle isc hm a nn C in ti 0

c in na , .

W is .

F ra u A u re lia Frie d m a n H a m b urg G e rm a ny

,

H e rr C h a rle s A F re y . Fra nkfu rt a . G e rm a ny

M rs J S H a rla n
. . . Sa n F ra nc isc o , Ca l .

M r G e o rge H e rrm a nn
. Ch ic a go , I ll .

M rs G e o r ge H e r rm a nn
. C hic ag o , 1 11 .

M rs M a d e la ine R
. . O aklan d , C a l .

M r H e nry H e rp e rs
. N e w a rk N , .
J .

M rs H e nry H e rp e rs
. . N e w a rk N , .
J .

M rs M L H itt le
. . . V ie nn a, A u s t ria
M r G e o F H u gh e s
. . . W a te rb u ry C o nn
, .

M rs G e o F Hu gh e s
. . . W a t e rb u ry C o nn
, .

M r C h a rle s A H u gh e s
. . B ro oklyn N Y , . .

M r E I H o rsm a n
. . . N e w Y o rk N Y , . .

M r E dw a r d H e n c k
. S a n t a B a rba ra C a l , .

M iss A lic e C H nk
. e c S a nt a B a rb a ra C a l , .

M 1: D a nie l V H e ck. P itt sb urg Pa , .

M iss B H e im . . N e w Y o rk N Y , . .

M r M M H e dge s
. . . C h a tt a n o o ga T e n n
,
.

M rs M M H e dg e s
. . . C h a tt a no o ga T e n n
,
.

D r D W H u n te r
. . . N e w Y o rk N Y , . .

M rs D W H u n t e r
. . . N e w Y o rk N Y , . .

M r H e rm a n H a n se n U S
.
, . . N C h ic a go I ll , .

M r s G H a na u e r
. . N e w a rk N J ,
. .

M rs B a rb a ra H ibb in g
. D u lu th M inn
.
, .

M is s M a rie D H ib b ing . D u lu t h M in n
, .

M r W illia m A H o lm a n
. . P hila d e lp h ia Pa , .

M rs W illia m A H o lm a n
. . P h ila d e lp h ia Pa , .

D r C o o p e r H o lz c la w
. C h a tt a n o o ga T e nn
, .

M iss Je ssa l H o lz c la w C ha tt a n o o ga T e nn
, .

M iss S a rah H o lz c law C h a tt a no o ga T e nn

, .

M r s E C H a rt
. . . B uff alo N Y , . .

M r L S H ig h st o n
. . . St I gna c e M ic h
.
,
.

M r E u ge ne F H a nna
. . S a lt L ake C ity U ta h ,

M rs E u g e ne F H a n na
.

. S a lt L ake C ity U t a h ,

M is s H e le n H a nna S a lt L ake C ity U ta h ,

206
e s . S . L . Ho ove r W a s hingt o n , D . C .

M r P P H e lle r
. . . . .

M r s P P H e ller
. . . S a gina w M ic h , .

M r A le x a n d e r H o dg a rt
. C h ic a go I ll , .

Mrs . A le xa n d e r H o d g a rt C h ic a g o I ll , .

M rs L izz ie R
. .
C h ic a go I ll , .

H e rr G e o r g H y g st e r K o e n ig sb e rg G e rm a ny
,

F ra u Ge o r g H y g s t e r Ko e n ig sb u r g G e rm any

M r E d w a r d H u n t H e rz o g
. N ew Y o rk N Y , . .

M rs : E d w a r d H u nt H e rz o g N e w Y o rk N Y ,
. .

Dr . F I sh am
A . .

'

. B uffa lo N Y , . .

M rs Sylv e st e r J u dge
. St L o u is M o
.
, .

M iss A lic e E Ju dg e . St L o u is M o
.
, .

M r F ra nk L Jo ne s
. . I n d ia n a p o lis I nd , .

M iss E le a n o r J o ne s I n d ia na p o lis I n d
~

.
,

M r W illia m J o h n
. Sa n F ra n c is c o C a l ,
.

M rs W illia m Jo h n
. Sa n Fra n c i sc o C a l , .

M r C M Ju nkin
. . . F a irfi e l d I o w a ,

M rs C M Ju nkin
. . . F a ire ld I o w a ,
.

M rs L O U I S J a n s o n
.

B klyn
ro o , N . Y .

M iss A d e lin e J a c kso n E a s t O ra n g e , N .

J .

M r H a rry G K e lly
. . O m aha, N e b .

M rs H a rry G K e lly
. . O rna h a ,
N eb .

M r G e o K re u tz e r S e a tt le W a sh

. .
, .

M rs R u d o lp h. Sa n F ra n c isc o C a l ,
.

M iss A nna K na b e l Sa n F ra n c isc o C a l , .

M r H o ra c e
. Y o rk Pa ,
.

M is s C h a rlo tt e V K e e se y . Y o rk Pa , .

M r T ho s J Ko c h
. . . A lle n t o w n Pa , .

M rs T h o s J
. . .

M r S im o n K a nn
. B alt im o re , Md .

M rs S im o n Ka n n
.
'

B lt im
a o re , Md .
 M iss C a t h e rine K ru g . O m aha N e b , .

M r C h as B K inna n
. . . T o le d o , 0 .

M r A rt h u r B Kl e in C in
.

. . c inna ti , 0 :

M r H e nry B Kin g
. . . A u gu s t a , G a .

M rs H e nry B Kin g
. . A u gu st a , Ga .

M r N W K e n d a ll
. . . . N ew H a v e n C o nn , .

M rs N W K e n d a ll
. . . N e w H a v e n C o nn , .

M r H C Klo c k sie m
. . . D e t ro it M ic h , .

M rs H C Klo c k s ie m
. . . , D e t ro it M ic h , .

M r H J Ku c h le r
. . . St o c kt o n Ca l ,
.

M r Fr e d K n au f
. . C h ic a g o I ll , .

M rs F re d K na u f
. . C h ic a go I ll , .

M iss R o se K na uf C h ic a go I ll , .

M is s E s t h e r K na u f C h ica go I ll , .

M a st e r E d w a r d K na u f C hic a g o I ll ,
.

H e rr F ritz Ko llm e y e r N e u st a dt . . am R u b e nb e rg e G e rm a n y
,

Fra u F ritz Ko llm e y e r N e u st a dt . . am R u b e nb e rg e G e r m a n y

,

M r W R K e llo gg J a m e st o w n N D a k

. . . .
, .

M iss B I K no x . . L o s A n g e le s C a l , .

H e rr A Kle m e nz . Z u ric h S w itz e rla n d

,

Mr O le K nu d s o n
. Sa n D ie g o C a l ,
.
.

M r H A K n o w le s
. . . P e t e rb o ro u gh C a na d a
,

M r E K ing
. . B ake rsfie ld C a l , .

M iss N a nnie O liv e L e e B uffa lo N Y , . .

M rs Je a ne tt e G L e e d s
. . R ic h m o n d I n d , .

M r C u rt is J L o rd
. . C a nd o N D a k , . .

M r s C u rt is J L o rd
. . C ando N D ak , . .

M r V D L o rd
. .
_
. . C a n d o N D ak
, . .

Mr C h a rl e s T L im b e rg
. . L e a dv ille C o i , .

M r E R L a t in
. . . D a yt o n 0 , .

M iss A m an da L a t in D a yt o n 0 , .

M rs E m m a M L a t in
. . C le v e la n d O , .

M iss M a rga re t L a t in C le v e la n d 0 , .

20 8
M is s H e le n .K a n sa s C ity M o , .

M r J a m e s M u llins
. . P lym o u t h M a ss
.
, .

M iss H e st e r L M c E ldo w ne y . Pitt sb u rg Pa , .

Mr G e o r ge M a ie r
. T e rre H au t e I nd , .

M rs G e o rg e M a ie r
. T e rr e H a u t e I n d
, .

M rs F S M a s o n
. . . N e w Y o rk N Y
, . .

M r L B M a r t in
. . . S io ux C ity I o w a
,

M rs L B M a rt in
. . . S io ux C ity I o w a
,

Dr . P . C . Mo c k e t t K imb all N e b
, .

M is s H e le n M o sh e r W a sh ingt o n D C
, . .

M iss A id a B M e y e rs . Wa sh ingt o n D C
, . .

M rs A M e n d e lso n
. . Sa n F ra n c is c o C a l
, .

M is s St e lla M e n d e lso n Sa n F ra n c isc o Ca l, .

M iss H a z e l M e n d e lso n Sa n F ra n c isc o C a l

,
.

M iss M B M c E We n . . O akla n d C a l
, .

M r M M a n t e ro la
. . H a v a na C u b a
,

M r H a rry W M o r g a nt h a le r
. , C le v e la nd 0 ,
.

M rs H a rry W M o r g a n t h a le r
. . C le v e la n d 0 ,
.

M r R a lp h E M o rg a nt h a le
. . C le v e la n d 0 , .

M r C lyd e H M o r g a nt h a le r
. . C le v e la n d 0 , .

Fult o n Ky , .

C h ic a go 1 11
!

M iss B e ll M o rris . .
, .

M r A M o rg e n s t e r n
. . . O akla n d C a l
, .

M r C h a s S M e r e ne s s
. . . L o w v ille N Y
, . .

M rs C h a s S M e re n e s s
. . . L ow v ille N Y
, . .

M r P e rry M a tt h e w s
. E s c a na b a M ic h
,
.

M rs P e rry M a tt h e w s
. E s c a na b a M ic h
, .

M a s t e r I rv in g M a tt h ew s E sc a n a b a M ic h
, .

M r D a n ie l V T e rre H a u t e I n d
M rs D a nie l V M ille r
.
. . ,

. . T e rre H a u t e I n d, .

M r Sa m M c C a ll
. . F u lt o n Ky ,
.

M rs S a m M c c a ll
. . Fult o n Ky , .

M r G ra n t M M c D o na ld
. . N e w Y o rk N Y
, . .

2 10
M r s G ra n t M M c D o n a ld
. . N ew Y o rk N Y , . .

R ev . G Mo rrill . L . M in ne a p o lis M in n
, .

M rs G L M o rrill
. . . M inne a p o lis M inn, .

M r L o w e ll L M o rrill
. . M inne a p o lis M in n, .

M r J W illia m M a y
. . W a sh in gt o n D C , . .

M rs . L . B . N e w e ll M inn e a p o lis M inn

,
.

M is s W ilh e lm ina N e d e r D a yt o n 0 ,

M r E dw a rd N e d e r
. D a yt o n 0 , .

M r J J N a ge l
. . . Sa n R a fa e l, C a l .

M r F S N o rm a n
. . . Sa n F ra nc is c o , C a l .

M is s M a ria N ic h o ls D e t ro it , M ic h .

H e rr A lb e rt O e nh a ue r D e lit z c h
'

G e rm a ny
Mr A D O w e n
. . . F re sno C a l , .

M rs A D O w e n
. . . . . F re sn o Ca l ,

M r C h a rle s S P ills b u ry
. . M in n e a p o lis M in n
,
.

M rs C h a rl e s S P ills b u ry
. . M inn e a p o lis M inn
, .

M r A lfre d P e a rc e
. P hila d e lp hia Pa , .

M r R ic h a r d P e t e rs
. P h ila d e lp h ia Pa , .

M rs R ic h a r d P e t e rs
. P h ila d e lp h ia Pa , ,

M is s E d it h M a c au sla n d P e t e rs P h ila d e lp h ia Pa , .

M iss H o p e C o n y n gh a m P e t e rs P h ila d e lp h ia Pa , .

M r F H P ie rc e
. . . A lb a n y N Y , . .

M r s F H P ie rc e
. . . A lb a ny N Y , . .

M r J u a n A nt o n io de la Pa z
. H a v a na C u b a ,

M r J o h n A Pa pp m e ie r
. . L it c h e ld , I ll .

M r s J o h n A Pa ppm e ie r
. . L it c he ld , 1 11 .

M r W illia m A P h illip s
. . M o u n t C a rm e l Pa , .

M rs W illia m A P h illip s
. . M o u n t Ca rm e l Pa , .

H e rr Frie d P o lko . B itt e rfe ld G e rm a ny

,

M r Wa lt e r L P r ic e
. . S a lt L ake C ity U t a h ,

M rs W a lt e r L P ric e
. . S a lt L ake C ity U ta h ,

M is s E lla Fra nc e lia P u rdy C hic a go I ll , .

M iss Fra n c e s Q u inn O le a n N Y, . .

2 11
M iss E d it h Q u inn O le a n, N Y . .

M r E d w a r d R o dg e rs
. A lt o n, Pa - .

M rs E d w a rd R o dge rs
. A lt o n, Pa .

M is s E th e l H . R o dg e rs A lt o n , Pa .
.

O akla n d C a l , .

M r Fra nk A R u f
. . St L o u is M o
.
,
.

M rs F ra nk A R u f
. . :St . L o u is , Mo .

M r T F R e y no l d s
. . . N ew Y o rk N Y , . .

M rs T F R e y no ld s
. . . N e w Y o rk N Y , . .

M rs A G ra h a m R e e d
. . P h ila d e lp h ia Pa ,
.

M r M a x im ilia n R a h r
. M a nit o w o c W is , .

M rs M a x im ilia n R a h r
. M a nit o w o c W is ,
.

M is s M a rie R a h r M a n it o w o c W is , .

M r H P R o th H o no lu lu H 1

.
. . .
, . .

M rs R o t h
. H o no lu lu H 1 , . .

R e v T J R ya n
. . . D e t ro it M ic h
,
.

M iss S a ra h R itt e r S o u t h O il C ity Pa ,

.

H e rr C a r l R o t h sc h ild C o ln a R h G e rm a ny
. .
,

M r E F R o g e rs
. . . B a rb a ra Ca l , .

M rs E F . . . S a n t a B a rb a ra C a l , .

M iss M a rio n R o ge rs S a nt a B a rb a ra Ca l , .

M r A u gu st us R e im e r
. Phila d e lp h ia Pa , .

M r A lo n z o R a m s a y
. Syra c u s e N Y , . .

M is s E le o no r R e ntz O m ah a , N e b .

M r S o l E Sh e e line
. . . Sa n F ra nc isc o , Ca l .

M rs S o l E S h e e line
. . . Sa n F ra n c is c o C a l , .

M aste r S h e e lin e Sa n F ra nc isc o C a l , .

Mr C E S c h m itt
. . . Sa n F ra nc isc o Ca l ,
.

M r W illia m B S h e pp a r d
. . Ph ila d e lp h ia Pa , .

M r C h a rle s D S h ra dy
. . A lle n t o w n Pa , .

M rs Ch a rle s D S h ra dy
. . Alle n t o w n Pa , .

M r L M S igle r
. . . C le v e la nd 0 , .

M rs . L . M S igle r . C le v e la nd 0 , .

2 12
M iss C a rrie S c h w in g '

N e w O rle an s, L a .

H e rr P ro f D r J o s e p h S c hic k . . M u nic h , G e rm a ny
M r C F S m it h
. . . Sa n D ie g o C a l , .

M r F ra nk St o dd a r d
. L o w v ille N Y , . .

M rs Fra nk St o dd a rd L o w v ille N Y
'

.
.
, .

C a pt W m S h illing sb u rg
. . Ca m de n N J , .

H e rr Pa ul Sc hurb e l B e rlin Ge rm a ny
,

Fra u P a u l S c hu rb e l B e rlin G e rm a ny
,

M iss M a ry A g ne s S im o ns N e w Y o rk N Y , . .

M r C h a s S iko ra
. . Sa n F ra nc isc o C al , .

H e rr M a nfre d St ro h m e ye r K o n st a nz G e rm a ny
,

M rs J o h n St ru v e n
. S a n F ra n c i sc o C a l , .

H e rr Jo s e p h S c h w a rtz C o ln a R h G e rm a ny
. .
,

Fra u Jo se p h C o ln a R h G e rm a ny
. .
,

M r H E S a ye rs
, . . N ew Ke n sm g t o n , Pa .

M r H a rv e y C S m it h
. . Sy ra c use N Y , . .

M r R S h e rra r d S m it h
. . W in t h ro p M as s,
.

M rs R S h e rra r d S m it h
. . W in th ro p M a ss , .

M iss A Fra nk S hu m a rd
. S h e lbyville T e nn , .

M r G W S c o v ill
. . . . . D e c a tu r I ll ,
.

M rs G W S co v ill
. . . . . D e c a tu r I ll , .

M r Wa lt e r W T a lle y
. . T e rre H a u t e I n d ,
.

M iss N e llie M T a lle y -

. T e r re H a u t e I nd , .

H e rr H T e m m e . H am bu rg G e rm a ny
,

M is s H a rrie tt F T e rry . N e w H a v e n C o nn
, .

R e v A P T e rn e s
. . . D e t ro it M ic h
,
.

M r J am e s E m e ry T u rnb ull
. N u t le y N Y , . .

M rs Jam e s E m e ry T u rnb ull

. N u t le y N Y , . .

M rs Flo re n c e F o s t e r Th o mp so n
. C h e roke e Io w a ,

Mr L e e
. Fe rn d a le Ca l , .

M rs L e e T a u b m a n
. Fe rn d a le C a l ,
.

M r H M T a gg a rt
. . . W e no na I ll , .

M rs H M T a gga rt
. . . W e n o n a I ll , .

2 14
M r A G T illo t so n
. . . M ic h ig a n C ity I n d ,
.

M rs A G T illo t s o n
. . . M ic higa n C it y I n d , .

M iss M A n t o ine tt e T h e is s . C h ic a g o 111 , .

M r J T h a lh e im
. . N e w Y o rk N Y , . .

Fra u Dr . B t ha
er T u rkh e im H a m b urg G e rm a ny
,

H e rr H au pt m a nn a . D C H
. . . T h e w a lt , W ie sb a d e n G e rm a ny
,

a nd D ie ne r .

Sr .I g na c io U ra n ga R o sa rio , A rg e nt ina
S ra I gna c io U ra nga
. R o sa rio , A rg e n t in a
Sr .C a rlo s U ra nga R o sa ri o , A r ge n t ina
M r A I U ffe nh e im e r
. . . P hila d e lp h ia ,
Pa .

M r s A I U ffe n h e im e r
. . . P hila d e lp h ia , Pa .

M r T K U llm a n
. . . Fa irm o nt Ca l , .

M rs A rt h u r Va n S ie le n
. N e w Y o rk N Y , . .

H e rr C a rl V o gt I se rlo h n G e rm a ny
,

M r P e t e r C V e rg a
. . C am d e n N J , . .

M r M W Va n S a n t
. . . D a yt o n 0 , .

M iss L illia n W inst o n M in ne a p o lis M inn , .

M r R o b e r t S W a so n
. . B o s t o n M a ss , .

M rs R o b e rt S W a s o n
. . B o st o n M a s s , .

M r M a rio n W e is
.
N e w O r le a n s , La .

M rs H a ro ld M W ilc o x
. . N ew Y o rk , N . Y .

M r E d w a r d W ilde r
. St . L o u is , Mo .

M rs E d w a r d W il d e r
. St . L o uis , Mo .

M r W a lt e r W o rm a n
. D a yt o n 0 , .

M r F re d e ric k E W a llb e r M ilw a uke e W is

'

. .
, .

M r E J W o o lv e rt o n
. . . H am ilt o n O nt C a na d a
, .
,

M r C h e s t e r M W illia m s
. .
N e w Y o rk N Y , . .

M rs C h e s t e r M W illia m s
.

. N e w Y o rk N Y , . .

M a s t e r W in t h ro p W illia m s N e w Y o rk N Y , . .

M a st e r C I rv ing W illia m s . N e w Y o rk N Y , . .

M rs A W hit e . . D e t ro it M ic h , .

M iss N o ra W a lls E d in b u r gh S c o t la n d
,

2 15
Mr . yt on T W hi pp le
C la . Por t lan d Me , .

M rs C la yt on T W hi pp le
. . Por t la nd Me , .

M r E lmer W illiams
. Kansas Ci ty M o , .

Mrs E lmer W illiams

. Kansas Ci ty M o , .

M as t er Presle y W illiams Kansas Ci ty M o , .

M r H enr y W ar d
. T ren t on N J , . .

Miss Mar y R W ilco x . W ashin gt on D C

, . .

M r C B W ol f
. . . D a yt on 0 , .

M rs C B W ol f
. . . D a yt on 0 , .

M r O w en R W illiams
. . Chica g o I ll , .

M r Por t er B W ar d
. . S y rac use N Y
, . .

H err A d ol f We m p e O l d en b u r g i G r G erman y
, . .
,

Mrs Por t er B W ar d
. . S y rac u se N Y
, . .

M iss G race W ar d S y rac u se N Y

, . .

Miss M ill y W ar d S y racu se N Y

, . .

M iss M ar g are t W ells Johns t on N Y

, . .

Miss Ma b el H ornell N Y
, . .

M r W esle y W illiams
. Phila d el p hia Pa , .

M rs W esle y W illiams
. Phila d el p hia Pa , .

B erlin G erman y
,

Mrs W helan
. C . W ashin gt on D C, . .

Mr G W W hi t com b
. . . S an Francisco Cal ,
.

M rs G W W hi t com b
. . . S an F ra ncisco Cal , .

Miss Vy ia n W hi t com b v S an F rancisco Ca l , .

Mr Charles L W oo d
. . C hica g o I ll ,
.

Miss M il d re d W eil C hica g o I ll , .

Mr . A . C W u rm se r
. Kansas Ci ty Mo , .

Kansas C i ty M o , .

Mr . O J W oo d w ar d
. . F resno Cal ,
.

M rs . O J W oo d w ar d
. . F resno Cal , .

M rs . I da M . S an Francisco Cal , .

Mr . I v er C Z a rb e ll . Chica g o I ll , .

Mr . R al p h Zw ic k y B in g ham Can y on U t ah ,

2 16