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Welcome Table of Contents
Dear Friends,
All across this country and around I. A NEW DAY BRINGS NEW
the world, lesbian, gay, bisexual, QUESTIONS
transgender and queer (LGBTQ)
people are having important
conversations about the role of
faith in our lives. Im proud of II. A WOMANS JOURNEY TO SELF
the contribution this document
makes to that conversation,
particularly as it relates to Muslim
communities. I especially want to
III. MOVING OUT OF ISOLATION
thank the advisory team of leading
Muslim scholars and activists who
helped shape and hone this work. IV. A TRANSGENDER STORY
Their expertise made its wisdom
and inclusive message possible.
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EVERY STORY UNIQUE, EVERY PATH PROFOUND
There is not one clear and direct path for LGBTQ individuals
seeking a rich and meaningful relationship with Islam. There
are as many paths to embracing a Muslim identity as there
are people intent on doing so. With that in mind, this guide
draws on a range of personal stories likely to resonate
In the Name of God, with people seeking to integrate their sexual orientation,
the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful gender identity and Islamic faith. Included are the insights
of scholars, LGBTQ Muslims young and old and leaders in
the movement toward a more inclusive understanding of the
I. A New Day Brings Quran and its teachings.
3| 4|
II. A Womans Journey to Self The Safra Project in the
Noor grew up in rural Ohio, but her family maintains close
ties to relatives in Jordan and Palestine. My upbringing was United Kingdom has
religious, she says, but it was more about the traditions,
about the roles for men and women. We went to the mosque
been working on issues
but it was more like, We are Muslim. We are Arab. These affecting lesbian, bisexual
are our ways. In high school, Noor went through a religious
phase, studying the sacred Islamic texts. An early clash with and transgender Muslim
her parents came when she insisted that historical Islam was
more inclusive, that it showed greater respect for women
women for over a decade.
and for people outside the norm. I was more religious than Learn more at safraproject.org.
the rest of my family, she says, but I was also a socially
progressive person always a liberal, always a feminist.
5| 6|
The discovery of her sexual orientation mirrored Noors AN INDEPENDENCE OF THOUGHT
journey from being religious to agnostic to atheist. That,
The pressure to conform is so much worse for women,
however, altered few of the challenges that lay ahead. While
Noor explains. Men are seen as independent but women
her father had passed away shortly after her marriage, she
your ideas, your perspective, who you are are seen as
still had to consider her mother and siblings. I took my
something to be molded. Being gay is assumed to be the
girlfriend home for Thanksgiving, she says. I was hoping
result of your environment of corrupt America so youre
my mother would figure it out slowly, but after two days she
supposed to push it away, or hide it, or give it up.
was saying, Tell me it isnt true. In addition to naming Noors
relationship haram, sinful, her mother was concerned about As a result, lesbian women often keep under the radar. They
family perceptions in both the United States and Jordan. might date, Noor says, but they dont come out to their
parents, they dont push back. She admits that her financial
She didnt talk to me for about three months, Noor says of
independence makes her struggle a bit easier. I come at
her mother, who insisted her daughter was going through a
this a little bit privileged, she says. I try to go to parties and
phase. I dont want her to get her hopes up, so I bring up my
events just to make people see that there are Arab lesbians,
girlfriend whenever we talk. She gets really upset and cries,
to make it more normal.
then it kind of passes and we cycle back. Most of Noors
siblings remain in the dark about their sisters Asked for advice from women in similar circumstances,
sexual orientation. Noor returns to her early study of scripture. A lot of Islam
is muddled up with culture, she points out. Clerics make
statements that are not reflective of the Prophet. Look at
the text from a historic perspective, rather than accepting
SOME REACTIONS FROM YOUR PARENTS
what an imam or a sheikh at a mosque might be saying. She
YOU MAY WANT TO PREPARE FOR:
subscribes, always, to an independence of thought. Use your
own judgment, she says. Dont let your views of your religion
n They may cry, get angry or feel embarrassed.
or yourself be dictated by your parents or anyone else.
n They may feel honored and appreciate that you
have entrusted them with an important piece of
truth about yourself.
Remember that your
n They may need to grieve the dreams they had
for you, before they see the new, more genuine parents grew up in a
life you are building for yourself.
time when some of
n They may ask where they went wrong or if
they did something to cause this. Assure them
the stereotypes about
that they did nothing wrong. LGBTQ people were more
n Some may call being LGBTQ haram or attempt prevalent than they are
to send you to a counselor or therapist in the
baseless hope that they can change you. today. Also parents may
n Some parents may already know youre LGBTQ initially reject their children
or they might have an inkling. They may have
been waiting for you to tell them, and will find
out of a misguided belief
your doing so a relief. that they are keeping them
n It may take time for a parent to absorb or come safe from something they
to terms with the information. Good or bad, their
initial reaction may not reflect their feelings over do no understand.
the long term.
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III. Moving Out of Isolation LGBTQ Muslims who want to respect and honor their family
and cultural traditions may need to explain how LGBTQ
Friends Sahib, 23, and Hafiz, 35, grew up deeply involved people fulfill the many traditional roles valued in Islam. Ive
in their religious tradition. Both families were immersed in taken it slow, Sahib says. I introduced them to Modern
Islamic culture, observing salat and Eid celebrations, and Family and my mom loves it. Its important for them to see
studying the Quran at weekly classes. Sahib explains, Its that LGBTQ people are teachers, doctors, lawyers just a
not just a religion, its a way of living your life. There are the part of society. Its crucial to slowly introduce them to the
jumuah prayers, the hajj, the percentage of your income that truth of the whole community before coming out.
is donated, the fasting.
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Acceptance of LGBTQ people has risen among Muslim
youth. Today, almost half (46%) of Muslim Americans age
IV. A Transgender Story
18-29 say that homosexuality should be accepted.1
For Maya Jafer, who was assigned male at birth, the decision
to transition to living authentically as a woman constituted
AGE 18-29 AGE 30-39 both walking away and coming home. Raised as a boy in
a strict Muslim family in southern India, Maya struggled
for decades to understand her transgender identity. The
46% 35% femininity that she expressed naturally as a child had been
punished severely.
else gets to dictate your If you experience a hate crime or an incident of violence,
call your local law enforcement agency. Learn how to take
relationship. If you action to end hate online at muslimadvocates.org.
want to be a little
spiritual, be that. Hafiz addressed these issues by seeking out a nationwide
community of LGBTQ Muslims and participating in an
If you want to annual three-day retreat hosted by the Muslim Alliance
for Sexual and Gender Diversity (MASGD). There were
be religious and Muslims of every breed, he recalls. I felt like the hardcore
fundamentalist because others were so left. We would pray
spiritual, do together. Sometimes a woman would lead. It was Islam
that. Be true to through a different prism; inclusive and welcoming. I ran into
a kid Id grown up with. I hadnt seen him in seven years,
yourself. Be and there he was. It was a connection to my past, but in an
entirely new setting.
joyous. Live
You are not alone. To learn more, visit
a full life. lgbtmuslimretreat.com.
The retreat helped Hafiz fuse his gay and Muslim identities.
It brought me a little closer to where I was before coming
out, he says. Some of us get together and hold iftars at
Ramadan. I know a gay couple raising a child, whom I met at
the retreat, and I went to the wedding of a friend I met there.
13 | 14 |
VI. Sacred Texts as Islams diversity of thought and practice is reflected in the
myriad approaches to the Quran and its interpretation.
Challenge and Reward One approach begins with the idea that the Quran itself
treats diversity as a blessing to humanity. Kugle opens
Muslim religious practices found at the LGBTQ Muslim Homosexuality in Islam with this verse:
Retreat and other similar organizations are based on
progressive interpretations of the Quran and hadith (the
teachings of Prophet Muhammad that were gathered
following his death). While many traditional Muslim O people, We created
scholars believe that the tradition of ijtihad the scholarly
interpretation of sacred texts ended somewhere between
you all from a male and
the tenth and fourteenth century, progressive Muslims female And made you into
believe the spirit of inquiry is ongoing.
different communities and
Hussein Rashid, a Muslim scholar and professor of religion
at Hofstra University, stresses that scholarly interpretation is different tribes So that you
most effective when paired with real-world experience. The
combination of knowing scripture and knowing people is the
should come to know one
key, he says. So the coming out process becomes central another Acknowledging
to progress. As with many aspects of this complicated issue,
cultural background plays a key role. Some people are that the most noble among
raised to read the Quran on their own, Rashid points out,
and to interpret it. Others are not. There is a need for role you Is the one most aware
models in this work not to mentor but simply to show that
its possible.
of God. Quran 49:13
A FRESH, SCHOLARLY STUDY OF THE QURAN With this text as his foundation, Kugle argues that humanitys
differences are its strength, and that no group should be
raised above another. He explains, Progressive Muslims
Most Muslim Americans extend [the verses] implied meaning beyond its explicit
wording, to condemn also male sexism, gender injustice and
57 percent say there is social stigmatizing of homosexuals.
more than one true way to For a quick read, learn more about sexual diversity
interpret the teachings in Islam at mpvusa.org/sexuality-diversity.
of Islam.1 Kugle and other scholars agree that such passages far
outweigh the Qurans only direct reference to homosexual
acts, which is conflated with the act of rape depicted in the
story of Prophet Lut .
Author Scott Kugle is at the forefront of the progressive
interpretation of sacred Muslim texts, with a particular It does not address homosexuality as a sexual orientation
emphasis on sexuality. His books, such as the scholarly or homoerotic relationships as expressions of emotional
Homosexuality in Islam and the more personal Living Out commitment and care, Kugle writes in Living Out Islam. Since
Islam, lay the groundwork for a reading of the Quran that such relationships are not addressed in the Quran, he argues
focuses on its inclusive and accepting passages. Other that principles must be drawn from the Quran to guide ones
discussions of gender are taking place in Muslim spaces, as behavior . . . just as principles are drawn out to apply to any
in the work of Amanullah De Sondy and his recent book, The host of new situations that Muslims now confront.
Crisis of Islamic Masculinities.
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FACT: Terms such as homosexuality, bisexuality VII. Embracing Traditions
and heterosexuality did not exist until the late
19th and early 20th centuries and do not appear While alternatives have become available, many LGBTQ
Muslims continue to embrace the traditional communities
in the Quran.
that have shaped their lives since birth.
17 | 18 |
Professor De Sondy, author of The Crisis of Islamic
Masculinities, explains that the general public holds an
VII. Choosing Islam
inaccurate perception of Islam, one that allows for little The Muslim community in the United States is extremely
nuance or complexity. The most important thing, he says, is diverse, encompassing many sects and cultural backgrounds
to recognize that one size does not fit all. People take many and is gaining a growing number of converts. Rosanna,
different paths to their own piety. 30, grew up in a liberal Protestant home and identified as a
lesbian at an early age. A deeply spiritual young woman, she
Regarding LGBTQ Muslims in mosques, he explains, Theres
studied Buddhism and yoga, and read widely about different
often a dont ask, dont tell approach. It can be harmful to feel
world religions. I met a Sufi community, she remembers,
that you are being silently pushed away but it also works for a
and felt instantly at home with them. I converted to Islam
lot of people who may not want to make that open expression.
and started practicing while I was in college.
Many mosques and Muslim organizations are struggling with
how to respond to changes in cultural attitudes. Theyre not Rosanna embraced her chosen religion. It came with a new
quite sure how to proceed, De Sondy says. They cant accept world vision, she explains, a new idea of human health and
[homosexuality] within the fold of Islam but they are not human society that was quite different from the liberal ideas
dismissing those individuals who are LGBT. Id been raised with. One of those differences, though, was
in sexuality. When I converted, I became part of a community,
Hassan notes that few who attend the mosque successfully
and a religious and cultural system, in which same-sex
follow all of the Qurans teachings. The guy who has
relations werent part of the picture.
committed adultery or had a drink doesnt avoid the mosque,
he points out. Everyone sins. That doesnt mean youre At first, Rosanna chose to avoid relationships altogether,
excommunicated from the entire structure. For Hassan, or tried to form them with men, often at the urging of
being grounded in traditional Islam has great value. Im not well-meaning friends. After many years I fell in love with a
going to change religions just because I find it doesnt jive woman, she says. With that, I started a very difficult path
with my identity, he says. I might choose to break the rules of trying to figure out how I could reconcile my faith and my
or look for other interpretations but I need to know what the practice with being in love with the person Id chosen.
rule actually is first.
At the heart of Rosannas dilemma was the question of
De Sondy worries that the voices of LGBTQ people who whether she could be both a Muslim and a lesbian. Id been
choose a more traditional form of Islam are seldom heard. told it was either/or, she says, explaining the common
We want neat, clean ideas, he says of modern society. But opinion that one must choose between being Muslim and
sexuality is not a neat idea; it is not easily contained. We identifying as LGBTQ. While struggling with this question,
need to appreciate its nuance and subtlety. Rosanna continued her religious practice, and continued
her loving relationship. Slowly, she says, through love and
through lived experience, it became both/and. I learned that
I can be both a Muslim and a lesbian.
19 | 20 |
That time brought new and rich understandings. Love does
amazing things, Rosanna says, and love provides arguments
VIII. Engines of Change
that trump all others. That period of just living into love was a LGBTQ Muslims who attend colleges and universities often
period of strengthening for me. discover campuses to be an ideal setting for the process
of reconciling faith with identity. Undergraduates are often
Rosanna stresses the unique challenges of coming out as
already in the process of exploring their identities in an
an LGBTQ Muslim. Theres this idea that you should come
environment that is typically more inclusive than their homes
out and be authentic and that its all very empowering. Thats
or communities. In addition, chaplains are likely to be trained
just not the case in every community. You have to be strong
in creating communities that are safe and welcoming, and
in yourself first. And thats on Gods time. Everyones family
doing so in a culturally and racially diverse setting.
is different. Everyones religious community is different. I was
very lucky to have people telling me that its okay, that I dont At the University of Chicago, Rachel Heath, a spiritual life
have to come out now, or in the future. Theres no deadline. coordinator, has learned firsthand the power of gathering a
And finding that personal strength, theres no timeline for small community of people facing similar challenges. We
that either. have an amazing opportunity, Heath says. For students,
its a time of critical inquiry. Theyre asking questions about
themselves and about the world. Its a special time in their
lives, and we try to provide resources that simply werent
COMING OUT OR COMING IN?
available until recently.
One way to think about the pressure to come out is
Heaths students also benefit from vast new resources
to think about inviting someone in or letting someone
beyond the college campus. Thank goodness for the
come in into your life, a term conceptualized by
Internet, she says. There are books now that can be
Sekneh Hammoud-Beckett, an Australian scholar and
ordered or checked out. There are virtual resources that are
therapist of Lebanese Muslim ancestry.
available online. That doesnt lessen the need for community
in someones particular location, but for people without
The term explores a different framework to experiencing
community it can be a huge help to contact Imam Daayiee
authenticity and liberation by way of hospitable sharing.
(see page 25) or read Scott Kugles book. Theres more
By coming in or inviting someone in, you are given a
knowledge, more understanding and less self-hate.
choice to disclose to those with whom you feel safe and
at a time thats ready for you.
PRAYER-FIRST COMMUNITIES
Heaths office has been taking small but significant steps.
Right now, we provide space and support for a group of
students who meet every Friday for prayers, she explains.
Theyre still figuring out what to call themselves. For now its
just Egalitarian Jumuah Prayers. Whats key is that weve set
up a structure so that students can come together to pray
and feel safe.
21 | 22 |
Even those not participating in a campus community might Progressive Values (MPV), is intent on fostering a Muslim
benefit from the university model, says Hussein Rashid. community that offers both a welcoming environment and
The focus could shift, he explains, so that its prayer first, a deeply religious experience. Based in Los Angeles but
as opposed to using the pulpit to dictate behavior. Mosques with a widening influence that includes Unity Mosques in
could be centers of change, like the universities. Atlanta, Chicago, Columbus, New York and Washington, D.C.
MPV provides an alternative that many have embraced.
Progress, Rashid acknowledges, must come from two
directions. Individuals must find their way back, he says, At the traditional mosque, theres a dont ask, dont tell
and the mosque must become a place where the focus mentality, Zonneveld says. Everyone has secrets that they
is on welcoming everyone who comes through the doors. put away when they come through the door. For LGBTQ
He recognizes, though, that such progress is slow to come. people, that experience can be very traumatic. In contrast,
Being okay with your religiosity sometimes means being Unity Mosques feature services that are often led by women
okay with walking away. and LGBTQ Muslims. Their message is one of inclusion, that
all people are part of Gods creation.
MPV AND UNITY MOSQUES
We get emails from LGBTQ Muslims who are suicidal
While many LGBTQ Muslims hope to integrate their lives with
because theyre traumatized by the disrespect, the scorn
mainstream Muslim communities, there are an increasing
that they hear, Zonneveld explains. They ask, How can
number of alternatives. Ani Zonneveld, a Malaysian Muslim,
I continue to exist? How could God create me, just to go
straight ally and founder of Unity Mosques and Muslims for
through all this pain? For the devout Muslims, surrounded
by rhetoric that rejects their very essence, the question
becomes more than one of self-worth. It becomes, Why do I
exist? Should I exist? The answer found at Unity Mosques
is a resounding yes.
23 | 24 |
IX. Words of Wisdom
At the forefront of such achievements are champions like
There is no one size fits all in Islam, says Daayiee Abdullah,
U.S. Representative Keith Ellison, D-Minn.,who is Muslim.
an openly gay imam, lawyer, counselor and the leader of the
Ellisons efforts for LGBTQ equality are inspired byhis faith.
Washington, D.C., Unity Mosque. How you approach this
Freedom is essential and core to my understanding of
issue depends on your home life, the culture you come from,
myself as a Muslim, he says. By that, I mean the freedom
your age, when your parents arrived in the United States,
to be true to yourself, to who you are. The rich diversity of
your level of education and your parents level of education.
human experience that is celebrated in the Quran should
Even the idea that younger generations are more open to be embraced, not rejected. Thats why Im in favor of civil
change is not set in stone. Very often the grandchildren are rights for all of us, in all of our differences and complexity.
more conservative, especially if they live in a more isolated Ifavorequality for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender
community, point out Imam Daayiee. Theyre trying to return people not in spite of my faith but because of it, the
to a culture that they feel their parents lost touch with. congressman adds.
25 | 26 |
X. Taking Stock XI. Conclusion
and Taking Steps The idea of Coming Home is a profound and personal
oneeven more so when we consider the words that follow:
For most Muslims, being openly LGBTQ at their mosque
To Faith, to Spirit, to Self. Indeed, a particularly beautiful
will create significant challenges. The same might be true
hadith depicts Prophet Muhammad saying, To know
at home. Patience and careful consideration are necessary
yourself is to know God.
before taking such a momentous step. However, it may be
possible to be open with certain individuals when it is not yet For so many people, faith is central to their identity
possible to be open with the broader community. as important as family, community, gender identity and
expression, and sexual orientation. These pages provide just
Consider whether there is a family member to whom you can
a suggestion of what is possible for LGBTQ Muslims who
talk will be understanding and eager to love the entirety of who
feel distanced from their faith community or from Islam itself.
you are. Similarly, consider if there is someone at your mosque
Faith is an essential element of our lives. In embracing and
with whom you could speak confidentially, without having to
nurturing our faith, we embrace and nurture ourselves. And
face the challenge of confronting the entire community.
when we do that, the opportunities for a full and happy life
open before us.
There are also meaningful steps that can be taken in private
toward a growing sense of community and a decreasing
sense of isolation. Consider pursuing the following on your
own, using the resources listed at the end of this guide to
get started:
Explore recent scholarly works on Islam
and LGBTQ issues
Read personal memoirs of the Muslim LGBTQ
experience
Look for online resources and communities
For all of these options, you will find contacts listed in the Reference:
Resources section at the end of this guide. You can also
1
Pew Research Center (2011). Muslim American Survey.
contact the Religion and Faith Program at the Human Rights
Campaign for advice on starting faith-based gatherings.
Email us at religion@hrc.org. A VERY SPECIAL THANKS to our contributors for so graciously
sharing their experiences. Thanks also to those who generously
Remember, each step forward, no matter how small, opens agreed to let us use their photos in this guide.
a door and broadens the possibility of joining a community
grounded in the core tenets of Islamtenets that stress For more copies of this guide, additional coming out resources
diversity, acceptance and love. or more information on the Human Rights Campaign Foundation,
please visit www.hrc.org/muslim.
27 | 28 |
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and Ani Zonneveld, eds.
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Progressive Muslim Identities. Islam, Sexual Diversity and
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