Gurdjieff & the Further Reaches of Self-Observation

Self-observation is a powerful method not only of self-study but also of self-change.

First introduced to the West by G. I. Gurdjieff, the remarkable teacher of psycho-

spiritual transformation, as part of his overall system of work on oneself, self-

observation is best approached not as a technique but rather as an entirely new

relationship to oneself as a living, breathing being. Self-observation as described by

Gurdjieff is an intimate pathway into ones own mind, body, and spirit. It allows us to

experience new levels of self-awareness, and by so doing to live more conscious,

harmonious lives.

Gurdjieff & Identification

Gurdjieff believed that because of our conditioning and education most of us live our

lives as unconscious automatons. Oblivious to our own real potential, our essence,

we are totally identified with our personality, our self-image, and with whatever

thoughts, feelings, images, daydreams, or sensations capture our attention at the

moment. Because we so quickly and mechanically say I to each impulse as it

arises, says Gurdjieff, especially those impulses that support our self-image, we

believe we are masters of ourselves, seldom noticing our own inner fragmentation

and our lack of will and choice as a result of this fragmentation. We lose ourselves at

every moment in one or another aspect of our lives, out of touch with the remarkable

wholeness that is our birthright.

Whether or not one agrees with Gurdjieff, his approach to self-observation and

awarenessas described by P. D. Ouspensky in his book In Search of the

Miraculoushas had a huge impact on many Western psycho-spiritual teachings,

and provides an excellent starting point for anyone searching for a deeper

understanding of herself or himself. Whats more, as Gurdjieff points out, since

certain processes cannot take place in the full light of consciousness, self-

observation is itself the beginning of real change.

My First Experiments with Self-Observation in the Gurdjieff Foundation

I first started trying to observe myself seriously in 1967 in a group under the direction

of some of the leaders of the Gurdjieff Foundation, especially Lord John Pentland,

president of the Gurdjieff Foundation in America. Our fundamental effort in various

special conditions of the Gurdjieff Work, specially organized conditions of stillness,

discussion, listening, movement, manual labor, and craftwork, was to see ourselves

as we were, trying to witness, to be present to, whatever was taking place at the

moment. Using various methods handed down from Gurdjieff, we were to attempt to

discover in ourselves an attention that could record whether what we were

experiencing at the moment was a thought, a feeling, a sensation, or some

combination of these or other functions. We were also to attempt to observe our

identification with our various habits, including daydreaming, imagination, inner

talking, and so on, and to verify our own lack of inner unity. In attempting to observe

ourselveswhich often required going against the momentum of our habits in order

to see them more clearlywe were reminded to try not to judge or analyze what was

seen. According to Gurdjieff, judgment and analysis would simply draw us back into

the vicious cycle of identification with the contents of our awarenessespecially with
our own inner reactions to what we sawconsuming what little free attention might

be available for continuing observation. If judgment or analysis occurred, however,

which it often did in spite of our best intentions, we were to simply include it in our

observations. In short, the Gurdjieff Work asked to be scientists in relation to

ourselves, with our own being as the object of our observation.

It soon became clear, to some of us at least, that to be more than mental or

psychological note taking, self-observation as described by Gurdjieff must, as far as

possible, embrace the actual processes and energies of our bodies. Through our

own ongoing experimentation, we began to get glimpses of what Gurdjieff meant

when he said that it is only by grounding our awareness in the living sensation of our

bodies that the I Am, our real presence, can awaken. Though we were told that

full, complete self-observation ultimately depends on being open to a higher energy,

a higher consciousness, we were also told that it begins with voluntarily putting

whatever attention is available to us on our own somatic state at the moment.

Gurdjieff makes clear that it is only when our ordinary attention is actively occupied

with experiencing the present moment that the higher energy of awareness can

appear, an awareness that relates us simultaneously to our inner and outer worlds.

For those of us wishing to study ourselves by means of Gurdjieffs method of self-

observation, the starting point must be the overall sensation of the body. It is through

this sensation, a kind of three-dimensional perceptual backdrop, that we can discern

the various movements and energies of our own inner functions. Without the stability
of this sensation, our efforts at self-observation will quickly turn into identification with

whatever thoughts, feelings, daydreams, and so on are occurring.

Gurdjieff, Self-Observation & Sittings

One of the foundations of the Gurdjieff Work in recent years is what is called

sittings, a profound form of inner work that is passed down orally from teacher to

student. Though the various exercises that Gurdjieff passed on to his students are

not readily available to the general public, the basic approach has been described in

some detail in Jean Vaysses excellent book on Gurdjieffs teachings, called Toward

Awakening. Though it is important, of course, eventually to learn how to observe

oneself in any circumstance, it is helpful to begin by sitting quietly for at least 20

minutes at the beginning of each day with ones eyes closed and ones spine erect

but supple. As one begins to relax more and more into this very simple posture,

allowing ones attention to gradually occupy the whole of ones body, one will begin

to experience a new, more comprehensive sensation of oneself. It is this sensation

that makes it possible to see, hear, and record our thoughts, feelings, intuitions,

postures, and so on, and how these various functions influence one another in this

complex machine that one calls oneself.

Self-Observation & Levels of Sensation

Though it wasnt until many years after I left the Gurdjieff Foundation that I

understood and formulated much of what follows, it is helpful to realize from the very

beginning of self-observation that sensation can be experienced at many different

levels, depending on ones degree of relaxation and attention. Though Gurdjieff

himself does not define these levels of sensation, at least not in any of his published

works, they become quite clear in a deep, sustained work of self-observation. These

levels include the automatic sensation of aches and pains; the deeper sensation of

muscular tensions and contractions; the more subtle sensation of temperature and

movement: the uniform prickly sensation of ones skin; the living, breathing

sensation of ones internal organs, bones, tissues, and fluids; and the integrative

sensation of the bodys energy circuits, connecting all the organs and functions of

ones being.

Those who continue the work of conscious relaxation through a deepening contact

with their own bodies may eventually come to one more level of sensation: the

profound, all-encompassing sensation of space and silence that lies at the heart of

our somatic being. Though this was seldom discussed in the Gurdjieff work, it is,

based on my own experience, an important stage in the work of self-observation. It is

only through the experience of sensation as both space and silence that our

awareness can embrace and welcome the whole of ourselves. It is this embrace, this

welcoming, that is the beginning of self-transformation.

For many who undertake the inner work of self-observation, however, observation of

their bodies seldom goes beyond a mental projection of sensation. For others, it

involves only the sensation of their skin or their most superficial tensions. This is

understandable, since to go deeper into our organism means to open ourselves to

the contradictions and confusions of our inner life, to the real forces, the animals,

as Gurdjieff has said, that move us. These forces include not only our deepest
aspirations and desires, but also the traumas, fears, anxieties, worries, and other

emotions buried in the complex interrelationships of brain, nervous system, skeleton,

muscles, and viscera that we call our body.

Though Gurdjieffs method of self-observation is a powerful tool of self-study,

learning to open ourselves to ourselves in this way takes far more than the

application of exercises and techniques. It also takes great knowledge, sincerity, and

sensitivity. We have little direct awareness of the operations of our brain and nervous

system except as they are reflected in the tissues, structures, and movements of our

bodies. Whats more, in actual practice our attention, which is generally rather weak,

can seldom reach beneath the most superficial layers of tissues, organs, and

muscles conditioned by years of unconsciousness, negativity, and misuse. Based on

my work on myself and with others both within and outside the Gurdjieff Work, it is

clear to me that our bodies, especially our viscera, have gradually become storage

vaults for undigested experiences and impressions too charged or painful to confront.

In the name of homeostasis and survival, our nervous system closed the doors to

these experiences through a kind of organic amnesia. But keeping the doors to the

vault locked consumes an enormous amount of energy and creates disharmony at

the very deepest levels of our being.

The Work of Self-Sensing & Listening

In practicing self-observation, it is important to see where ones attention seems to

stopwhere it can go no further. This is possible through what I call self-sensing, a

kind of inner organic seeing and listening in which one starts with the sensation and
receptivity of ones eyes and earsincluding the impressions they receiveand

allows this sensation and receptivity to expand gradually throughout the entire body.

This expansion must include our voluntary muscles and skeleton, as well as our

heart, lungs, diaphragm, digestive organs, genitals, and other organs. For it is in

these locations that the deepest patterns of our energiesthe real springs of our

behaviorare maintained. And it is usually in these locations that the physical

manifestations (especially the unnecessary tensions and contractions that Gurdjieff

says consumes the energy we need for inner work) of our own individual barriers to

wholeness are most clearly reflected. Through sensing these manifestations, opening

them up, as it were, to the reach of our attention, we can begin to see and transform

those experiences and impressionswhether from the past or presentthat are

locked out of our awareness.

In undertaking this work of self-sensing it is important to approach ourselves with

both gentleness and compassion. It has taken many years for us to become what we

are today, and it is virtually impossible to either see or break through our barriers

(what Gurdjieff calls buffers) to wholeness by effort or willpower alone. Nor is it

advisable, cautions Gurdjieff, since getting rid of these barriers or buffers all at once

would be an intolerably painful experience (for we would have to see ourselves as

we actually are) that could easily throw our lives into chaos. What is required instead

is openness without force to what we can see at any moment, a deep inner

movement of welcoming whatever appears. It is my experience that at the moment it

seems impossible to go any further in our awareness of a barrier, we can back off a

bit and allow our sensation of this barrier to deepen. When we bring our attention
back to a previous sensation of ease, the sympathetic nervous system can relax its

vice-like grip and some of our tensions can begin to dissolve seemingly on their own.

We can also try letting our attention move to parts of ourselves that are freer and

more relaxed. Then we simply allow that sensation of ease and comfort to expand

into the parts of our bodies that are more tense. As some of the more superficial

tensions begin to dissolve, it is possible to observe deeper organic levels of tension

within ourselves and to sense the emotions and experiences associated with them.

Those of us who undertake this work of self-sensing in a serious way will eventually

see that the real key to both self-knowledge and self-transformation lies in our

feelings and emotions. Gurdjieff makes clear that our feelings and emotions are the

horses that drive the carriage of our body. And it is our feelings and emotions that

most clearly shape and reflect our relationship, our attitudes, to ourselves and the

world. As we continue the work of self-sensing, for example, we will see that certain

kinds of feelings open us, allowing our awareness to move freely throughout our

organism, while other kinds close us, locking awareness and impressions out. We

will also become convinced that the real observation and study of emotions is not a

mental or psychological process, but rather a physical one.

Self-Observation & Breathing

As we are called from our own inner being toward a deepening of the work of self-

observation, we will begin to see, as Gurdjieff points out, just how difficult it is to

observe emotionsespecially those that we have long practice in avoiding, that we

have never thoroughly digested. Fortunately, however, our body gives us a direct
entry into our emotional life. Though this is not discussed by Gurdjieff, at least not in

any writings I have seen, this entry, I have found, is our breathing. Our breathing not

only connects us with the outer world, but it also connects our body, mind, emotions,

and spirit, and will always show us, if we can be receptive to it, the various forces

acting at the moment. Our breathing can even help show us where the experiences

and impressions that we are unable to face are resonating in our bodies.

Gurdjieff warns us, quite rightly, that any attempt to manipulate or change our

breathing without sufficient knowledge of our organism can over time cause many

problems. It is crucial, therefore, especially at the beginning of the work of self-

observation, to learn to sense, to follow, our breathing without attempting to change

it in any way. To my knowledge, Gurdjieff does not discuss this in his writings, but

the actual practice of following the breath is an important part of the sittings as they

were handed down to us. The reasons for this are many, but two are paramount as

far as I can see: first, by following our breathing we actually stabilize and strengthen

our inner attention; second, our breathing as it takes place at any particular moment

reflects everything else that is occurring in and around the organism and thus

provides a powerful tool of self-observation.

In my own approach to working with breathing, an approach which has developed

not just through my experiences in the Gurdjieff Work, but also in various other

traditions, one starts by simply follow the air going in and out of ones nose. Later

one can follow the actual movement of the air into and out of ones lungs. One can

also sense where ones breathing seems to take place in ones body. Does it take
place in the shoulders, the chest, or the lower abdomen? Do my shoulders go up

when I inhale? Does my belly go out or in? Do I feel my breathing in my ribs, my

back, my pelvis? As I sense my breathing, do my inhalations and exhalations take

place evenly and harmoniously, or do they seem to pull in one direction or another?

What tensions do I feel? What does my breathing sound like? As I sense the

location of my breathing, do I feel peaceful, agitated, angry, joyful, sad, bored,

willful? Am I being stubborn or rigid in my thinking? What am I feeling and thinking?

And at the more advanced levels of this work with breathing, one can even sense a

certain quality of energy that seems to enter with each breath, and one can follow

the movement of this energy in ones body. The purpose here is simply to observe

not to analyze, judge, or manipulate. As we said earlier, without sufficient awareness

and self-knowledge, any effort to change our breathing can, as Gurdjieff warns,

cause many problems.

Those working with following their breath in this way over a period of time will begin

to have many fascinating and revealing impressions of themselves. And, perhaps

just as important, they will begin, as I said earlier, to develop a stronger, more stable

attention, one that is not so quickly dissipated through emotional reactions. But the

key is to keep observing, using our breathing as a pathway into experiencing the

entire organism. One may observe, for example, as I have on numerous occasions,

how in moments of willfulness, of strong identification (as Gurdjieff would say) with

ones sense of I, ones breathing seems to go noisily up into ones raised

shoulders, ones muscles contract, and ones entire abdominal cavity is drawn

upward. Or one may see, as I have, how in moments of quiet receptivity the breath
centers itself silently behind the navel, the Hara or Lower Tan Tien, and the entire

body seems to relax and breathe.

An Intimate Approach: The Need for Help

This approach to self-observation is a very intimate one, since it gives each of us an

opportunity to learn more about ourselves in the most direct way possible. Whats

more, it begins to alter our very being: the light of consciousness begins to penetrate

into the dark recesses of our being, relax our somatic structures and tissues, and

gradually allow the energy to flow more harmoniously and lawfully. Nevertheless, for

self-observation to bring the ultimate self-knowledge and transformation that is

possible, most of us will eventually need the help not only of an outside teacher or

group such as one finds in the Gurdjieff work, but also of a somatic practitioner.

As Gurdjieff has made clear, authentic outside teachers or groups are needed to

bring the new ideas, perspectives, and special conditions necessary to help us free

ourselves from our own narrow attitudes and to observe ourselves in a more honest

way. Under the direction of a teacher or working with others who are seriously

exploring their own nature, we are bound to receive shocks that will help us wake up

more often from our own wishful thinking and to see ourselves more clearly. During

my own 18 years both as a student and group leader in the special conditions of the

Gurdjieff Work, I was able to observe sides of myself that were nearly impossible to

observe in the ordinary conditions of daily life. Though these observations, especially

those involving my lack of unity, my false sense of pride, and my deep sense of
insecurity, were seldom pleasant, they were absolutely necessary to my own growing

understanding and awareness.

Even in the special conditions of the Gurdjieff Work, however, self-observation does

not always bring to light some of the deepest springs of our behavior and being.

Because of our extensive conditioning by family, friends, education, and society, and

the powerful interrelationships that exist between somatic structure, breathing, and

emotions, there are almost always deep contractions, tensions, and disharmonies in

our muscles, viscera, and nervous system that cannot be sensed except through a

deep, direct work with the body and breathing. In many cases, this will require a

skilled somatic practitioner, or a spiritual teacher who utilizes somatic work, who can

work with us individually to help us experience the ways in which our bodies are not

only reflecting but also maintaining powerful emotional attitudes that we are unable

to observe on our own, no matter how hard we try or how sensitive we are. In many

cases, this work cannot be done only through words, movement, and meditation. It

may also require the art and science of someone elses physical touch to awaken

and guide our deeper organic energy and awareness through the deep tensions,

contractions, and sensory disharmonies of our being.

In my own work of self-observation, I have greatly benefited not only from the

extraordinary conditions of the Gurdjieff Work (conditions that make it possible to see

ourselves more impartially), but also from intensive somatic exploration with several

somatic practitioners and spiritual teachers, including practitioners of the Feldenkrais

structural integration work, as well as of an extraordinary form of Taoist abdominal

massage and breath work called Chi Nei Tsang. In both approachesbut especially

in Chi Nei TsangI was able to experience in only a couple of years many of the

deep interrelationships between mind, body, and emotions that had eluded me for

many years. It is quite clear to me, however, that without my long training in self-

observation through the Gurdjieff work, without learning how to turn my attention

toward my own inner being in almost any circumstance of life, my experiences with

these teachers and practitioners would not have gone beyond some very important

health benefits and interesting psychological footnotes.

If Gurdjieffs method of self-observation is to be an intimate pathway into our being, it

can only do so if we are willing to truly expose ourselves to ourselves. What is

needed, says Gurdjieff, is inner sincerity. But this willingness to be exposed, to be

present to ourselves from top to bottom and from outside to inside, needs the

support of special conditions and people that can help us return to our own real

home on this earthour bodiesand to occupy every floor and room in this home. It

is not enough to learn about our home by shining a powerful spotlight from the top

floor or our favorite room. What is needed is to open the door to every room,

including the basement, and to actually enter the rooms and illuminate them. This is

not easy, but it is possibleespecially for those who remember that it is only through

the living, breathing sensation of the whole of ourselves that we can live conscious,

harmonious lives. This sensation, unrestricted by unconscious emotional attitudes

working through our muscles and organs, is the sensation of life itself, and of the

miraculous space and silence that lies at its heart