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KENZER AND
COMPANY
Knights of the Dinner Table #96
SUGAR AND DICE
S U G A R AND DICE
October, 2004 THE KODT DEVELOPMENT TEAM IS
_________________________
Copyright 2004, Kenzer and J OLLY R. B L ACKBURN B RIAN J ELKE
Company, All Rights Reserved.
Knights of the Dinner Table mag- S TE VE J OHANSSON D AVID S. K ENZER
azine (ISSN 1526-307X) is published
monthly by Kenzer and Company, TA B L E O F C O N T E N T S
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Back Issues: Back issues and related On the Bloody Session After . . . . . . . . . . . . .8
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for writers guidelines.
Legal Notice: Knights of the Dinner Table,
D T was accidentally created by Jolly R. Blackburn way back in 1990
ABLE
HackMaster and Kingdoms of Kalamar are regis-
tered trademarks of Kenzer and Company. Sugar
and Dice, Cries from the Attic, Table Talk, KODT,
K NIGHTS OF THE INNER
as filler for his small press magazine, S It was something of a creative burp and Jolly
HADIS.
really didnt give it much thought. Perhaps thats why he was just as surprised as anyone that soon
Retro-KODT, Hacklopedia of Beasts, Off the KODT was overshadowing everything else hed ever done and that the created was now controlling
Shelf, Tales from the Table, Adventurers for Hire,
Summon Web Scryer, GameVine, Weird Petes the creator. Fortunately, writing and drawing KODT strips isnt the lonely job
Bulletin Board, Back Room at the Games Pit, it was in the past. Hundreds of fans have contributed to the beast over the
Brians Small Press Picks, Disks of Wondrous years and since joining the ranks of KENZER AND COMPANY and the formation
Power, The Gamers Eye on the Movies/TV, of the KODT D-TEAM, the Knights have gone far beyond anything Jolly or
Parting Shots, Hard Eight Enterprises, One-Two 1997 1998
Punches, Gary Jackson Files, SpellJacked, fellow D-team members, Steve, Dave or Brian ever imagined. Its been a wild
GameMasters Workshop, All Things Magic, ride and the D-Team looks forward to seeing where the gang takes them next.
Players Advantage, The Good, the Bad and the
Ugly, Rustlers of the Night , the Kenzer and
Company Logo, kenzerco.com and all prominent
characters and likenesses thereof are trademarks of
Kenzer and Company. Dungeons & Dragons and
D&D are trademarks owned by Wizards of the 1999 2003
Coast, Inc., a subsidiary of Hasbro, Inc., and are
used by Kenzer and Company under license.
2004 Wizards of the Coast, Inc.
CRIES FROM THE ATTIC
T HE L ORD OF C R E D ITS
S TEAM R ETURNETH PUBLISHER
r emarkable
emarkable thing Kenzer and Company
A took place at
GenCon Indy a
few weeks ago. I ran into a

EDITOR-IN-CHIEF
Jolly R. Blackburn
jolly@kenzerco.com
legend from my distant
past. ASSISTANT EDITOR
Well..., at least a legend Barbara Blackburn
Barb@kenzerco.com
in MY book. And it hap-
pened right at the PRODUCTION MANAGER
KenzerCo booth. Steve Johansson
I was signing copies of SALES AND MARKETING
KODT when a tall gentle- Jennifer Kenzer
man with a kind face Dale Nitro Adams jennifer@kenzerco.com
walked up to me and announced, Hi, Im Dale
Adams. ADVERTISING LIAISON
Dales brief and bloody session two decades ago Jonathan Albin
Something in his voice suggested I was supposed was in fact the inspiration for the tough-talking leader 303-588-8335
know who he was. He seemed to be waiting for a of the Black Hands. And yes, I did lift his nickname
reaction. But neither the face nor the name meant SUBSCRIPTION SERVICES
(its just a kewl name). orders@kenzerco.com
nothing.
If nobody recognized the person who inspired STRIP WRITING
I stood their blinking as he added, I ran a game Nitro Fergueson in KODT its understandable.
of D&D for you once. Jolly R. Blackburn
Dale isnt black and he doesnt have a flat top, Brian Jelke
I tried to clear away the cobwebs. Who was this bulging biceps or tattoos that suggest a stint in the Steve Johansson
stranger? military (at least no visible tattoos). David S. Kenzer
This might help. I used to be known as Nitro After getting over my initial shock I asked, Youre
when I used to game in Muncie. KODT STRIP ART
not upset are you? Jolly Blackburn
My jaw literally dropped. Nitro? Like most of the characters in KODT who were
Wait a minute, I stammered, Youre the guy
COVER ART
initially inspired by real people and events, Nitro has
who ran Umber Hulks that ran sixty miles per Chris Moreno
taken on a life of his own over the years. It occurred
hour... to me that Dale might not be amused. CONTRIBUTING ARTISTS
Yes. he answered proudly. Peter Delgado, Jr.
Actually, its pretty cool. He replied.
Brendon Fraim
Youre the guy who ran the adventure with the Dale explained that until recently he hadnt gamed Brian Fraim
duck who pushed a +5 hot dog cart? for years and that he had always wondered if Nitro The Brothers Grinn
That would be me. was somehow based on himself. Craig Zipse
Of course in the summer of 1980 he didnt even Dave Reeder
Those who were milling about as we shook hands Kent Clark
paid no attention at first. They assumed I was just know my name (nor I, his) and had no idea if our
Jerry Duginski
talking to an old acquaintance. The truth is, Dale and paths had ever crossed. He seemed genuinely pleased
I had only met once before and that was for a few that his suspicions had been confirmed. CONTRIBUTING WRITERS
brief hours at a gaming table on the campus of Ball Barbara Blackburn
Of course as luck would have it, two of my old
Jolly R. Blackburn
State University twenty fours years ago. gaming buddies (Lew and Joel who incidentally Noah J.D. Chinn
Now that I had a frame of reference it came racing inspired the characters Bob and Brian) were at the Tony DiGerolamo
back to me. It WAS Nitro standing before me. Sure con. They had lost characters as well that day under Mark A. Hart
his hair was a bit grayer but in my minds eye I the hand of Dale. But they were nowhere to be found. The Brothers Grinn
could suddenly see him standing behind that GM I had hoped for a brief reunion/photo op. But it was- Rick Moscatello
screen (yes he did run the game standing) laying nt to be. Kenneth Newquist
waste to our party as he flipped through what seemed When I joined them for lunch later that same day John ONeill
to be a ream of hand written notes and home-brewed I told them Nitro had stopped by the booth. Ladnor Burry
rules. Normie Salvador
The guy with the sixty mile an hour Umber Scott W. Roberts
A few people standing nearby began to wonder Hulks?!!! Joel immediately blurted out. M. Gallagher
why I had an enormous fanboy grin on my face as I Anyway it was a blast running into Dale and put- Noah Antwiler
talked excitedly with the mysterious figure. And when ting a real name to GM who has been haunting my Eric O. Costello
I asked if I could get his picture the tongues really memory all the many years. And it was good to hear Blaine L. Pardoe
started wagging. Shane Cubis
hes slinging dice again.
Brian Jelke
Whos Jolly talking to? The guy definitely made an impression.
I think that might by Dave Arneson... I heard Game on folks!
someone say. CHARMED PERSONS
Jolly R. Blackburn Kevin Vance
No..., I think thats the guy who drew Wormy in Jack Grayson
Dragon. September 22nd, 2004
2 Issue #95: Sugar and Dice

Our Readers Talk Back!

chance well be seeing it made into a poster? Or at This brought back fond memories of our forays
least a pdf that we can print out and affix to the in to the abandoned trolley line and aqueduct that
front of our GM screens? runs under our city of Rochester NY. It was very
It would be the perfect reminder to my players exciting going on a krawl using glo-sticks and hear-
that The GM is always right on those nights they ing the steam hissing in the background. there were
get out of hand. many rooms and ruins to explore. there always was
the possible wandering monsters like homeless peo-
Keep up the good work. Fan for life here.
ple, city workers and rats. the city hopes to develop
Richard Dickerson this area some day. it will be a great loss when it is
turned into another mall.
I enjoy your strip very much since I dont get to
play paper AD&D very often.
Brian the Barbarian
EDITORS NOTE: The mail just never seems

to stop. While we make every effort to read
each and every letter, it is not always possible
to give a personal reply. So even if your letter isnt pub-
lished or if you dont get a direct response, rest assured
you ARE being heard.
Remember, KODT is an interactive magazine. We
want you, the reader, to be involved. So keep your sug-
gestions, thoughts and opinions (constructive and oth-
erwise) coming. Opinions expressed by readers are not
necessarily shared by the editor or Kenzer and : KODT ROX in Maine
Company.
Please be aware that due to space considerations,
C ongrats on your upcoming 100th issue. I've
been enjoying your work since my brother
Rick (left) introduced me to you in Dragon
some letters have been edited and/or trimmed. Jolly Magazine. My collection of KODTs is nearly com-
plete, and the few gaps are on my wish list for Xmas.
: The Best Keeps This May I went to the Dept. of Transportation

and got my 1st vanity plates. I only had 7 letters to
Getting Better... work with. It was either this or HUDY HOO. I
ssue 94 and 95 were without a doubt some of think I made the right choice.
I your best work yet. You guys are really crankin up B.A., Bob, Dave Sarah and Brian have each made : New Wurld What...?
the action. Ive been sitting on the edge of my seat.
It was so nice to see Brian finally get whats been
us feel their moments of joy and frustration. Thank
you for making them come to life. O kay, Im stumped. I usually love the titles you
give to each issue. I like finding B.A. hidden
on the cover. I like Vrbanics sense of humor. Hes
coming to him for a good long time. Keep critting the hits! one of the best cover artists you guys use.
What the hell is Tom Perrys problem anyway? Elizabeth McCullen
[Backroom at the Games Pit #95] He admits hes But issue 94, New Wurld Order through me for a
Rick Florey loop. Ive studied it over and over and Im dont get
not a fan of KODT yet feels the need to write a
lengthy letter explaining WHY hes not a fan just so Wow! Now THAT truly rocks, Elizabeth. Way to the connection between the cover and the title.
he can challenge you to run it? I thought it was a spread the word about the Knights. I appreciate it. Tell Im assuming its something clever thats simply
joke. Thanks for running it. ya what, drop me a note with the issues, Im missing. I over my head. That or a reference to a movie Ive
think a deed like this deserves some recognition. I may never seen. Its driving me nuts. Could you explain
He does realize that Brian is a cartoon character not have the issues you need but I may be able to fill a it to me?
and that comedy works best when dealing with hole. My way of saying thanks. Jolly By the way the cover of issue 95 was awesome. I
extremes? Having a well behaved, rational Brian
love Chris Morenos work. Any chance youll be
might make Tom happy but it would be boring as using him again?
hell to read about month to month. : Urban Adventuring...
Keep the good stuff coming.
Loved the cover of issue 95 by the way. One of
the best covers yet. Any
I just had to respond to the sign I saw in Weird
Petes store issue 92. "Steam Tunnel Foray has
been canceled."
Jordan Porter
HOW TO CONTACT US
: Via ONLINE FORUM Just pop over to www.kenzerco.com and visit our discussion forums.
: via E-MAIL Send your strip ideas, reader mail, back room fodder and questions to mailbag@kenzerco.com.
: via SNAIL MAIL Or write to us at KODT c/o KenzerCo, 511 W Greenwood Ave., Waukegan, IL 60087.

: KODT HAS KODT for my monthly dose of laughs. Not to be
BEEN FARKED!! reminded of my 7th grade gym teacher who ended
up serving ten years for doing things I wont men-
D ont know if you ever

visit fark.com but you
might be interested in
tion here.
If B.A. is on crack please send him to rehab. I
demand an intervention.
knowing the Knights of the
Dinner Table has been Shaken in Detroit
farked. The cover of issue 95 sparked a LOT of reader feed-
I found the characters in back most readers seem to have loved it. But others
a spoof ad for the Real Life seemed disturbed (and even upset) about it.
now THATS a reality Something about the eyes one reader wrote.
show Id tune in to. Frankly Ive been a little surprised about all the
I think its considered an fuss. My version of B.A. in the strips was never that
honor to be farked. pretty Jolly
Congratulations, guys.
Mark Simmons
This may come as a surprise to you, Jordan but : FINALLY AN ISSUE OF
ummm, we screwed up. the WRONG title was placed
on 94. The title George Vrbanic was given to illustrate
: IS B.A. ON CRACK...? PLAYBOY YOU CAN BRING
was From Muncie with Hack.
W hat the hell is with the cover on issue 95?
When it arrived in the mail today I nearly
TO THE GAMING TABLE
I have to confess -- that cover had me scratching my
head as well until our art director pointed out the
screw up.
jumped out of my shoes. Damn scary stuff there
guys.
C heck it out. The October issue of the Playboy
features video game characters posing in the
nude!! Im not making this stuff up. The nude
As for Chris Moreno, yes. We will be using him B.A. looks like hes on the verge of crack-
images were created by game companies.
again. In fact weve asked him to do character portraits dementia. I mean he really looks disturbed. This has
of each Knight for covers. Look Sara on the cover of 96. to be one of the darkest covers youve ever ran. Hopefully the purists wont get too bent out of
Jolly shape. This is just the next version of the pinup,
I hope its not the start of a new trend. I look to
said Playboy senior editor Scott Alexander, who
This Months Focus:

am writing to suggest my FLGS for your store spotlight that is regularly featured in KODT. I
Challenge Games
2711 W. Jefferson
Stadium Plaza
I am submitting this CHALLENGE GAMES because of the many stores I have gamed at I have never
met such a wonderful group of regulars and owners who legitimately care about their cus-
tomers. It has been run by the same owners Chris Fell and Forest Brown for almost ten years.
Joliet IL 60435 Highlights of this store are the wonderfully built terrain tables and ample amount of gaming space
815-729-1332 and well stocked shelves. This store has over 12 gaming tables available and is always available for
bring and battle games. They stock not only numerous roleplaying games, but tons of Miniature
Hours: M-Sat 10am-9pm war gaming lines including Warhammer, Micro
Sun 10am-6pm Armor, Warmachine, and LOTR. There are also open NOTE: FLGS is a special corner of the mag-
table for Role Playing and Board games. They do have azine where from time to time, we shine a
spotlight on a Friendly Local Gamestore.
Snack Factor: High a well stocked pop machine and sell numerous bags of This feature is reader-driven. If you have a
Game Room: Yes. See text. chips and candy bars. In addition there are at least 3 favorite game store take a few pictures, write
restaurants within 5 minutes walking distance. it up and send it in.
Knights of the Dinner Table Magazine October, 2004 5

developed the project.
According to Playboy, The computerized mod-
els are part of the magazines video game preview,
titled Gaming Grows Up. The five-page section
starts with a topless image of the half-vampire, half-
human title character from BloodRayne, a
leather-clad woman who fights with three-foot
blades attached to her arms.
Also featured is is a full-frontal, two-page fold-
out of a character named Luba Licious from
Leisure Suit Larry, which is about a shrimpy guy
who travels a college campus courting impossibly
buxom coeds.
Hippety Jippitey does this mean gamers are
kewl now? I hope this doesnt mean well someday
be seeing nude centerfolds of Sara and Bridget
showing up in Playboy.
Dan Ritter
: Thank you, Behold the worlds FIRST postage stamp based

on a gaming-comic character.And yes its legal postage
Steve Jackson courtesy of Stamps.com and the governments
ow that the GENCON and DRAGONCON
N madness is done for another year, I want to
new much-abused pilot program, PhotoStamps.
publicly thank Steve Jackson Games and their staff
for the generosity they showed to my players at gible for official HackMaster tournaments? After
GENCON.
: Gary Jackson Stamp
all, their Garweeze Wurld is no longer the same one
ve been waiting for over a year for you to update
I was an independent Game Master running 5
games based on the television show, Stargate SG-1.
other players are in.
If B.A. can keep Brian away from loopholes, it
I the Gary Jackson postage stamp that appears on
the first page of the Letters Page.
I was using the SJG's GURPS system because I should be interesting to see the Knights work their As the Gawdfather of Hack and the Sultan of
find it more liberating than the new D20 version. way up e.p. by e.p. Of course, B.A. has offed Crits, Gary deserves to be a full stamp. Im talkin
While I was running my games during the conven- Knuckles, El Ravager, and Teflon Billy before, only the thirty-seven cent variety. Not this lame thirty-
tion, representatives for SJG came to my table and to have Brian find a way to bring them back four cent nonsense you keep running.
gave me 10 game books and accessories to give to So how bout it?
The Imaginary Girlfriends item doesnt sur-
the two top role-players per game. That has never
prise me at all. There have been eBay auctions Terry Marx
happened to me at GENCON before, and I was
where someone will sell their service as a pretend I can do better than that, Terry. After reading
floored. I really appreciated that.
boyfriend/girlfriend supplying background, about a prank on thesmokinggun.coms website, I
Thank you for allowing me to use your maga- romantic letters, and even photographs for a few decided to see if I could slip a Gary Jackson stamp
zine to thank them. months, followed by a tender breakup later on. I through the approval process at Stamps.com. To my
Darrin Kleyla Tipton, IN have no idea how many of these work, or how much surprise they approved it almost immediately.
No problem, Darrin. Im told Steve reads the mag- people pay for them. If youre not familiar with the program, the gov-
azine so Im sure hell see it. Sounds like theyre doing a I wonder why Tom Perry bothered to write in ernment is running a pilot program that allows anyone
great job supporting their fans. Jolly (and, to a lesser extent, why you ran his letter). to upload a photo and make their own legal postage
stamps.
KODT has run plenty of negative letters, from
: The Lynch Report - 95 characters and storylines people dont like to com- Once approved the stamps are mailed to you. The
plaints about the language in the issues. Heck, in program was intended to allow customers to purchase
ow the final, epic showdown between
WJustina and El Ravager I was impressed at this issue GM WesterMeyer listed several com-
plaints/concerns about elements in the ongoing sto-
stamps with images of their kids, dogs, etc. However a
lot of folks (ahem) have found more creative uses for the
the tension, from Daves rolls to notice Sarah to program. (Such as The Smoking Gun putting photos
Justinas final mad dash to end the threat forever. ries. of third world dictators and serial killers on stamps).
The battle was unusually serious for the Knights The big difference is that GM WesterMeyer was
except for Brian and Bob trying to replay the whole Needless to say the programs approvers have their
critical (explaining why he felt that way, as a means hands full trying to sort it all out.
battle and Brians Well, thats certainly a selfish
attitude response to Saras outrage at his death. to see it corrected or improved) while Tom Perry After receiving the Gary stamps I attempted to
was merely negative (saying, in essence, I hate the order some Brian Vanhoose stamps but alas they were
Kudos to B.A. for not minimizing the impact of book, I hate the characters, I hate the features, and quickly rejected. So it looks like the fun may be over.
the Doomsday Pack an aptly-named menace if I dare you to print my hatred). There are lots of
there ever was one and for not letting the Knights So the good news is Gary has been immortalized on
comics I dont like, but I dont feel the need to write a legal stamp (although only 20 exist). Ive been tempt-
go back 175 years later to loot their last characters to them just to say so. I think criticism should be ed to actually use them but well probably use them as
bodies. made/printed with the goal of improving the book, a prize for a reader contest down the road Ill kep
I hope that his executing the Knights charac- not just to say I hate this. you posted. (no pun intended) Jolly.
ters with their own curiosity at Meat Grinder Rock
And the more I see of HeroScape, the more I
will give him a bit more control over the games. (I
really hope issue #96 doesnt start with the Knights
want it! Conversely, the more I hear about the : KODT Kewlness...
Dungeons & Dragons movie sequel, the less I plan
really kewl aspect about KODT that Ive
wielding Tremble/Carvin Marvin because they
send player after player there until they finally
on seeing it. Ever. A noticed recently is the inclusion of things
won.) And wont the changes from time and the Keep em rolling, encountered by the Knights in the strips.
Doomsday Pack make the Knights characters ineli- Jim Lynch One Armed Sven, the Mimic, the Ring of
Scarabs, are all examples of the meta-aspect of gaming - allowing players to use the
same things as the Knights. I'm a-hoping to see the Ear-ring in next months All
Things Magic, but...
Just thought I'd say how brilliant the latest bits have been, and please keep
them going! I'd love to have players run into some of the same PC's and see how
THEY react.
Face77
: The KODT Writing Process
wanted to know about your influences on writing KODT storylines and how
Iyou go about actually doing it. I remember once seeing a post where you said
that you use a story arc software (the name of that software would be great) but
that is all I have seen. Could you give us a little bit about your thought process in
how you create long term story lines, have you taken any classes/workshops in this
area of work, what/who helped form your process, your recommended reading list
for this area, and anything you think fits in here. I have started researching this
sort of thing from my favorite writers and am relying mainly on biographies, but
as far as I know there is no biography of Jolly Blackburn I can go out and buy.
Thanks for taking the time to read this, and for everything that you care to share.
Matt Metcalf
Hey Matt, I cant speak for Dave, Brian or Steve but here's my basic process.
First off my writing process isnt all that organized. When working on a story arc
I like to mull things over in my head for days or even weeks before committing it to
paper. I find once I've started the writing process I get locked into a particular mind-
set or plot line --- avoiding the writing process as long as possible simply works best for
me and results in a better story. It seems as though that one GOOD idea that defines
the story always comes to the table at the last possible moment.
So I like to compile notes and ideas for as long as possible. The most useful thing I
do is to ALWAYS have my nets cast for story ideas Im talkin 24/7. If you've hung
around me at all you'll eventually hear me say, "That's a good idea for a strip" as I pull
out my laptop or PDA to jot down some notes. I must have said it a dozen times last
weekend at Troll Kon in Little Rock.
Someone would come up and start a conversation and invariably I would find my
self pulling out a scrap of paper to jot down line of dialogue or an idea. I sometimes feel
like a pick pocket working a party. Most people dont even realize theyve just inspired
a strip.
I keep a running compilation of such notes in a file I call Idea Broiler These
include quotes, story ideas etc. Stuff Ive been collecting since 1993 or so. Last count file
was over 132 pages long. Whenever Im strapped for an idea or need inspiration Ill sit
down and read through it. It also includes notes taken during brainstorm sessions with
the rest of the D-Team.
Many of the ideas on the list seem funny at the moment -- but later when I review
them it's obvious it's the "you had to be there kind of humor and is quickly deleted.
Fortunately other material holds up and is archived or added to later.
Im constantly calling Dave or Steve to brainstorm ideas and share thoughts.
Nothing helps a strip more than sharing it with another writer and getting their
thoughts/suggestions. (which is why Dave, Brian and Steve have been so critical to
KODT's success).
When I've finally settled on a path for the story arc the hard part REALLY begins.
I usually start writing a strip and then force my poor wife to serve as my audience as I
read the dialogue to her over and over -- tweaking the text while doing so. As far as Im
concerned, reading the strips out loud is where the real magic begins and the most
important part of the process. That and rewriting and rewriting until Im personally
satisfied with the results (much to the annoyance of the deadline monkey looking over
my shoulder).
I feel like the BEST strips are the ones we've gotten mad at and had to rewrite sev-
eral times. The pay off always seems to be with those strips that were the most stubborn
and the most difficult to pull together. The Grudge Match strip, the Bag Wars arc and
the recent Carvin' Marvin strips fall in this category. We literally pulled out our hair
working on those and they went to press with me thinking they were the worst strips
EVER. If I dont hate an issue when it leaves my hands I then I didnt put enough work
into it. And to be honest my LEAST favorite issue is ALWAYS the last issue weve done.
I'm sure Dave, Brian and Steve have their own approach/take on the process -- but
for me it's always been about taking notes, brainstorming and then literally beating a
strip into shape.
Not sure if that answers your question but that's pretty much the process from my
end. Now, if youll excuse me I have a strip to beat... Jolly

On the Bloody Session After... by jolly blackburn
RECAP : Last issue we saw the UTTER sorry, bob. upon REFUSING to BOW DOWN and serve, CARVIN
demise of the UNTOUCHABLE TRIO 1 at + MARVIN the sword COMMANDS you to CUT your own throat.
the hands of TREMBLE THE TERRIBLE.
upon rolling up new characters the PLAYERS

coerced their way back to MEAT GRINDER you fall to your knees and FEEBLY clutch
ROCK in hopes of retrieving the TREASURE at the SPURTING jugular on your neck.
their old characters had LEFT behind.
they quickly discovered CARVIN MARVIN *

you hear the bitter MOCKING
was now guarding the treasure and were
laughter of the sword as he
greeted with QUICK and BLOODY deaths.
TAUNTS you.
they also learned, MEAT GRINDER ROCK
had become a place of GREAT amassed
treasure as victim after victim has been theres only ONE WAY
lured to their deaths among the rocks. to stem that kind of
bleeding...
we rejoin the group after their TWELFTH
attempt to PLUNDER the MEATGRINDER...
and thats with a

TOURNIQUET.
-sigh- we came a LONG WAY just
to have our ENTRAILS strewn
you feel a sudden compulsion to loosen your across a bunch of rocks.
belt and tighten it around your neck.
your last minutes freakin

of life are spent SWORD!
painfully
ASPHYXIATING
yourself.
that frickin sword is

a MOURNFUL wind HOWLS through the standing rocks
KICKIN our butts, dude.
and TUGS at the folds of your BLOOD SOAKED
clothing as the sun sets on yet ANOTHER
FOOLISH ATTEMPT to clean out the MEATGRINDER. yeah, and
\m gettin still cant believe
TIRED of it too. he made me cut
off my own
MARVIN is HAND and EAT it.
its almost damn. that took
ha ha, REAL really startin
as if the ALL of ten minutes.
funny, b.a. to CHEESE me off. that was
WIND is
saying, just WRONG.
NEXT!!
* As the reader will recall, Carvin Marvin was transferred to the sword Tremble when Dave took possession of both swords. After a melding of the
souls, Carvin took control of Tremble (as well as its Vampiric Magic abilities).

ya know....
PA-LEEZE!! what the hell are you two BOO-HOOIN about? huh?
maybe in his own
BURNT SIENNA LOTUS got the WORST of it.
SUBTLE way, b.a. is
trying to tell
us something.
oh big deal -- so you got \ had a SPEECH prepared and
TURNED inside out. \ had to EVERYTHING -- didnt even get in a
CUT my own frickin THROAT. HOWDY DO or a word in EDGE WISE.
yeah..?
and
whats that?
oh..., \ dunno. that maybe trying to get at the TREASURE in MEAT

GRINDER ROCK is CHARACTER SUICIDE..? VENGEANCE??
that MAYBE we should be pursuing that ADVENTURE

HOOK he gave us for THURSTONS PLUNGE.
dont kid yerself -- this is
all about the TREASURE.
\ dont like where this give up HELL!
is headin MISSY -- are you
suggesting we just GIVE UP? too much LOTUS blood
has been SOAKED UP by
that HALLOWED GROUND
to just WALK away.
my PEOPLE cry
out from the
GRAVE for
VENGEANCE!
besides -- who are you going to get...? youve pretty \ KNEW tonight would get BLOODY.
much BURNED through the ENTIRE lotus family tree.
thats why \ used my HACKMASTER
CHARACTER GENERATOR to CHURN
heh -- \ got a WHOLE ream of out a FEW extra characters.
LOTUS characters here just
waitin in LINE and CHOMPIN at \ wish youd SAID
the bit to AVENGE their KINFOLK. something, BIG GUY.
\m getting \ve got some

BLISTERS down GREAT ones here.
here rolling up
NEW characters.
tap!
tap!
Knights of the Dinner Table Magazine September, 2004 9

look guys, how many times are we going to all we want to do is MOVE
TRY this? we roll up characters, send them in in, grab the TREASURE and
for the TREASURE and MARVIN just kills them. MOVE out -- right?
only MARVIN seems to

those rocks are CHOKED
with dead bodies as it is.
NOW have the ability to
COMMAND anyone in close
PROXIMITY to pick him up.
never figured
DUH! we keep okay, lets you for a
TRYING until we get REVIEW the facts... not to mention he has a near
QUITTER, sara.
the GOODS, sara. INEXHAUSTIBLE supply of dead bodies
to raise as ZOMBIE guardians.
things get a little
ROUGH and you
wanna BAIL? whats yer
point?
given MARVINs ability to COMMAND others and BEND their will,

ANIMATE THE DEAD and his VAST array of OFFENSIVE and DEFENSIVE
my POINT? spells..., not to mention hes NOW a HACKMASTER PLUS TWELVE...
my point is were
HOPELESSLY
outmatched!
just get to the point, \ dont think a group of
sara. were burning FIRST LEVEL characters can well THATS
GAME TIME here. take on the MEATGRINDER. a DEFEATIST
attitude.
look sara, the UNTOUCHABLE TRIO PLUS ONE may be DEAD,

but their SPIRIT still lives on -- they wouldnt let a
little thing like LEVEL DEFICIENCY stand in their way.
just when things look
their BLEAKEST the RIGHT
damn straight! yeah! \ll sit here
all things are CHARACTER comes along...
when the going and DIE all
night if \ have to. POSSIBLE in
gets TOUGH the HACKMASTER, sara.
TOUGH kick ASS!!
you know that.

take BRICK RED LOTUS here for example.
JOIN YOU? hell, friend,
FRESH out of MAGE SCHOOL and looking \m ALREADY there
for a few STALWART STOUT-OF-HEART
types to JOIN him on his difficult quest... count me in!
good lord.
theyre yeah --
trying it me too!!
out to AVENGE AGAIN...?
the death of
his KIN by
MARVINS blade.
anyone
care to
JOIN me?
that is just as SOON as \ can roll up a NEW character.
-sigh- can somebody

\m gonna really hand me another
TRICK this one out. CHARACTER sheet? \ got a really \ll BREAK EM,
GOOD FEELING dammit. as GAWD
hell be INVINCIBLE. about BRICK. is my WITNESS,
damn, \ \ll BREAK em.
got a NINE
for STRENGTH...
shooka! scr
shooka! scr ibble!
ibb
le!
ONE HOUR FORTY-FIVE MINUTES LATER...
dave, after SPLITTING bob in TWO with a MIGHTY

okay, guys. time for a REALITY check.
well placed BLOW, marvin then TURNS on you and
forces you to IMPALE yourself on his blade.
dont you think youve wasted
ENOUGH time with this NONSENSE?
it is a SLOW and PAINFUL death

filled with TAUNTS and INSULTS
from MARVIN who MOCKS your its getting a
WHIMPERS and CRIES of anguish. little RIDICULOUS.
another character
oh, BIG HERO -- your bowels sheet WASTED. as MUCH as \ enjoy
reek of your INNER FEAR!! killing off your
characters ONE
after the OTHER....

its all getting a little TIRING. forget the MEATGRINDER -- turn your attention
to something you can HANDLE -- like the NICE little ADVENTURE \ prepared for ...
are you NUTS?

damn! \ REALLY thought
the MOTHER of ALL treasure hordes is just SITTING okay, guys.
out there FREE for the ASKING and you wanna we had im THAT time.
throw some CRAPPY first level adventure at us?
lets HUDDLE!!
geezus, guys -- how many
PCs have to DIE needlessly
before you see the LIGHT?
obviously putting ALL your building yeah, FAT lot of good it did us.
points toward raising your INTELLIGENCE
and CHARISMA scores was it only PISSED him off MORE than usual.
a BUST -- sorry about that. MARVIN has the EGO of a MINOR GAWD now.
look, you need to get CREATIVE when

my bad -- \ was rolling up your NEW characters...
hopin ONE
of you would get n-new characters?
LUCKY and make your were going in AGAIN?
EGO CHECK of course.
against MARVIN.
one way or ANOTHER were \ dunno, BIG GUY. \ hate to throw in the towel but \m
gettin that TREASURE, sara. beginning to think SARA was right. were burning through
CHARACTERS like a MONK through TWO-FOR-A-PENNY INCENSE.
eventually well find
the RIGHT combination
of attributes and MARVIN just keeps making us
skills to pull it off. PICK him up and KILL EACH other.
dont WUSS out on me.
that or well yeah. we cant RESIST im.
EVENTUALLY wear down, one of us ALWAYS crAcks. HUNKER DOWN for
b.a.s resolve and crying out loud.
hell let us PREVAIL.
were
CLOSE -- \
can FEEL it.

its like, \ said.
so lets get CRACKIN.
AGAIN...?
we need to get CREATIVE -- \ havent seen
go ahead and roll up NEW
start thinkin OUTSIDE the box. a body count
characters. were wasting time here. like this since
KILL BILL
THIS time \ want VOLUME ONE.
you to pull out ALL the
stops -- PUSH the envelope. easy for YOU to say.
you brought a
REAM of pre-gened
characters with you.
hey, my need for

VENGEANCE
runs deep!
an HOUR later...
okay guys -- times up. lets

it FINALLY dawned on me
just RUN with what youve got.
that weve been going
ABOUT this all wrong.
only were going to do things DIFFERENTLY this time.
differently?
thats right.
by RUSHING in all at the SAME

TIME weve just been FEEDING
o-one at a time...?
meat to the MEAT GRINDER look, THIS way we
DEPRIVE marvin of the
you mean ALONE?? GRATUITOUS kills.
marvin TAKES OVER

one of us and then THAT
person SLAYS the OTHERS. he has to
whoah..., now THAT TAKE us one
dont sound right. ONE at a time instead
of using ONE of us
its SUICIDE!! to DO IN the others.
this time we go
in ONE at a time.

gee..., \ dunno -- goin in ALONE?
we IMPROVE our chances of SUCCESS!
against MARVIN?
if ONE of us gets LUCKY and makes his EGO
CHECK that person can LOAD UP the loot and \m tellin ya itll work! we just keep
bring it out to the others and we SPLIT it. throwing a CONGA LINE of characters
at him. yer character DIES -- you roll up
a NEW one while the NEXT guy goes in.
make a conga line meanwhile, \ll take NOTES and
sense?? of death? gather DATA -- figure out
what works and what doesnt.
ME first? how come | gotta go first?

okay, bob -- well... if \
youre up FIRST. GOTTA go this is the
why not DAVE?
CHARACTER to GO with...
\ think \ve
whatcha got? CRACKED the NUT
coz its a CONGA LINE you dope! this time, BIG GUY...
were goin RIGHT down the line.
now step up
to the plate.
you know how MARVIN occasionally lets one of saaaay, \ LIKE that!!
the HIRELINGS live so he can go TELL THE TALE?
just the kind of
BELOW THE RADAR
well, \m usin that thinking \ was
AGAINST his ass. youre playin TALKING about, bobby boy.
an NPC?
check it out -- \
q
rolled up a ZERO
LEVEL PACK BEARER.
zero level...?
his name
is PETEY!

SIX MINUTES and TWELVE SECONDS LATER...
yeah, if \ can STUFF my pockets
with LOOT before he sends me on
the four ZOMBIES tug on peteys BLOODIED BODY
my way, \ll be set for LIFE!
like ROTTWEILERS fighting over a SOUP BONE.
theres an AUDIBLE POP and

LIFE? as a frickin NPC? a SICKENING rending sound as your
TORSO is TORN from your lower body...
dude, thats not LIVING.
a scrawny VULTURE sits on a ROCK

who cares. \d be the good job, bob. nearby hoping to feast on any SCRAPS zero level
FIRST person to EVER character
but MARVINs laughter frightens a BUST...
get over on the MEAT- lets see the poor creature and it FLIES away.
GRINDER. think of the how he does.
BRAGGIN RIGHTS. scribble
scribble
-sigh- so much for PETEY. \ rolled up a STRAIGHT hack-jockey

with TWEAKED out STRENGTH
poor little guy -- \ had HIGH HOPES for him. and DEX -- full B.P. expenditure!!
only hes got no HANDS -- \

well..., lets see how took the DOUBLE AMPUTEE FLAW.
STUBS STOUTHEART does.
not
FOLLOWING
start rollin up a hey thats umm, er.. the logic, dave.
stubs..? NEW character, bob. say again?
n-no HANDS? care to fill
youre up, dave.
me in?
wad!
wad!
HAAA! \ not only

THOUGHT outside
the BOX -- \ so it doesnt matter HOW much he screws
DANCED a frickin no, but \ve
with my HEAD and tries to make me.
jig around it!! got HOOKS.
my plan is RUN in and scoop up
\ cant PICK up \m sure \ can SNAG
as MUCH treasure as \ can
MARVIN if \ something good
and then HAUL ASS outta DODGE.
got no HANDS. if \ let my arms
dangle JUST so.
SCOOP...? with what?
thats youve got no HANDS, idiot.
no plan.

A WEE BIT LATER....
okay, okay, \ SEE what yer going for.
go ahead and send him in

-- lets see how he does. \ TIRE of
your DANCING,
monkey boy!!
having no HANDS wont do
any good against any
UNDEAD guardian-types no, but it might provide
marvin might THROW at him... some USEFUL data for
frickin A!!
SEVENTEEN my charts.
for DEX... you
suddenly
BORE
me!
scr were dealing
shooka! scr ibble! with DAVE
ibb
shooka! le!
LOGIC
here sara.
for your PUNISHMENT and my ENTERTAINMENT you will NOW so whats your ANGLE?
bang your head on a SHARP STONE fifty times!!!
did ya come up with anything good?
what the hell...??!! but he promised

hes let me GO to tell the TALE
if \ did the LITTLE TEA POT DANCE!
\m running a
DEAF-MUTE
fool! promises, like BONES, get ready sara -- named AUGGIE.
are made to be BROKEN! youre up NEXT.
great. a deaf mute?

now BLEED
for me, SLAVE!! shooka!
shooka!
its all \ could think come up with.

so \ can DEPRIVE marvin of the PLEASURE of
well..., \ figure if \ cant HEAR marvin hearing me SCREAM if it doesnt pan out.
he cant COMMAND me to pick him up.
probably not
a bad idea.
say, that just
but what about might work.
the MUTE part?
scribble
scribble
shooka!
shooka!

A WEE BIT LATER STILL...
you feel strange THOUGHTS weaving through your MIND, sara.

like FINGERS combing through the matted hair of a DEAD dog.
come my PRETTY -- pick me up and FULFILL your destiny!!
so much for
THAT idea. hmmmm....
you feel TELEPATHIC
COMPELLED uh oh.... abilities....
to obey!
scribble
scribble
later as AUGGIEs destiny is fulfilled... hours later as the CONGA LINE OF DEATH continues...
sorry brian. playing dead doesnt seem to work.

after forcing you to PIERCE your own LIVER
with his BLADE, marvin commands to retrieve
TEAL LOTUS is DRAGGED out of
a blank journal from a dwarven corpse.
the BODY PILE by his boots as a circle
of ANIMATED CORPSES surround him.
he speaks in your THOUGHTS.
transcribe the tale of the
HORROR that is MARVIN and oh...., \ have a SPECIAL so much for
of his FABULOUS TREASURE! pain for COWARDS!! says LOW CRAWLING
MARVIN, and DEATH will your way in...
grow WHISKERS before \
let this tale be published RELEASE you from it...
so that LEARNED PEOPLES
fear this place!
dont worry, brian. \ got a character here

with some REAL PROMISE. if \ can just.... whadda ya MEAN its over?
aaaah... dont bother.

just what, \ said.
were finished.
look guys, \ve been going
over the NUMBERS here...
say again...?
its OVER!!

oh really....?
\ dont think we didnt \ say that FORTY-THREE

can beat MARVIN. player character deaths ago? damn, big guy.
not with FIRST LEVEL \ was sort of expecting

characters... a BRIAN MOMENT here.
well yeah..., but now \ have

the DATA to back it up.
were
quitting?
well thank, GAWD.

sorry, guys.
\ was beginning
\ did my best. to think this would
go on FOREVER!
but what about beyond our GRASP

the TREASURE...? for the moment...
\ was THIS
then its
close
REALLY over...?
to losing
my mind.
aaaah, man. we BLEW it.

so thats it? youre FINISHED?
he was about to CAVE IN any moment.
what...? you wanna rub SALT

what are you talkin about? in the WOUND? is that it?
MARVIN was moppin
the FLOOR with us, dude. \ said its OVER! you won. alright?
\ was talking
would it be too much to ask
about, B.A.
for you not to GLOAT about it?
yeah right.
\m not gloating. not MUCH.

he set us up BIG
so wadda ya say -- next week everyone comes TIME -- and
PREPARED to run through the ADVENTURE \ prepared. we FELL for it.
talk about your

hrrmmpphh -- \ suppose yer gonna RUN OFF P.C. DEATH TRAPS.
you just
to tell all your GM BUDDIES how you KNOW he will.
SCREWED over your players - is THAT it? did you notice how
he SLYLY prodded
us to our DOOM?
now why would \ do that?
you guys REALLY take the

cake -- you KNOW that?
maybe we should just call it a NIGHT before
\ get MAD and say something, \ll regret.
you think \ got nothing
BETTER going on in my life
then to HANG around a
bunch of OTHER gms and they didnt mean
alright, alright, anything by it, b.a. fine! well play
BRAG about EVERY time
no need to be so your CRAPPY
a PC dies in my campaign?
TOUCHY about. theyre just UPSET. first level
adventure.
LATER THAT SAME NIGHT....
hey guys..., sorry, \m late.
frickin HILARIOUS -belch-
EARL!! youve GOT to BEE-YAAY, -hic- tell em the PART

where do about how you turned
hear this. b.a. really
guys come BRIANs character INSIDE OUT!
laid some HURT on his
up with
players tonight...
this stuff? HAR HAR!! \ WUV dat part!!

Size Matters by jolly blackburn
oh...,
the FOLLOWING
afternoon...
hey, EARL...\ didnt
know YOU were
working today...
Its HERE!!!
is PETE
hey stranger... around?
OPEN RENT-TO-
OWN
24-7 GAMES
| BUY OLD GAMES!! PARENTS: THIS AINT

Im not yer NO PUBLIC
BABYSITTER LIBRARY!!
naaaa, \ sent the heh, since WHEN was

OLD MAN home. pete ever OKAY?
-sigh-
\ WORRY about
after HAWGS closed up last night yer talkin about a man
him sometimes.
he and the OTHERS came back here who stuck his FACE in a
for some late night TEXAS DRAW. fan at the CHRISTMAS
PARTY last year on a DARE.
found him PASSED is he
OUT on the SAND TABLE OKAY?
downstairs when \ came in. just a
HANGOVER.
-- hell
be fine.
hey, do me a favor will ya? ANNIE...? those two

-- keep an EYE on im. divorced TEN YEARS ago. *
dont tell me hes still
PETE gets a little BLUE
carrying a TORCH for the TRAMP.
every year just about THIS time.
oh yeah...? all \ known is his

whys that? SPIRITS seem to DIP
this time of year.
oh, his and ANNIEs
wedding anniversary and \ wouldnt call her
falls in OCTOBER. THAT in front of PETE.
* See BLACKHANDS SPECIAL #2: The Pinch Hitter for more table-chatter about Annie.The love of Petes life left him for a modular home
salesman in Ann Arbor, Michigan. Later she took up with the drummer of a Kiss cover band and moved to Toledo.

he HAS been CRABBY lately.
when \ told him BOB whats that...? BOB

wasnt coming in tonight he isnt comin in tonight?
practically reached
through the phone and
RIPPED me a NEW one. A DATE....?!!!
why? is he sick?
like its MY
fault he has to
come in tonight.
naaaa, hes
no WAY \m got a DATE.
workin a
DOUBLE SHIFT.
were talking about BOB here - right?
MY BOB? on a DATE? w-w-with a GIRL?

SHIELA...??!!!
sure -- where the
HELL have you been?
he and SHIELA have been

datin for SIX WEEKS now.
SH-SH...
GEESH -- whats the BIG DEAL?

-sputter- were talkin about BOB HERZOG.
\ve known BOB since the
right? ROBERT SAMUEL HERZOG? SECOND GRADE -- hes NEVER
dated ANYONE before.
thats the guy. never...? but the guys

bob and
shiela... gotta be pushing 30.
why the KNEEJERK?
dating...?? NEVER! his mom DID

make him take his
voluntarily? SISTER to the
PROM that one
time -- but that
doesnt count...

youre not pullin my leg are ya?
its a real DATE -- as in BOY-GIRL?
oh..., \ dunno.
theyre not just HANGING out or anything...
maybe coz he knew
youd FREAK OUT over it.
look, the man said he had a

DATE. \ didnt QUESTION him.
good point.
\ wonder why he
didnt SAY anything...?
damn -- its gonna
take a while to WRAP
my head around this.
oh ummm, the,
REASON \ CARVIN MARVIN....? oh..., ummm, sure -- no problem.
came in was
to see PETE... just LEAVE em with me -- \ll see he gets em.
\ wanted to
RETURN the
NOTES on with you..?
CARVIN MARVIN
he loaned me. oh, ummm, \ dont think
\ could do that, EARL.
no
offense.
yeah, yeah, whatever.

why the hell not...? pete made JOHNNY just tryin to HELP is all.
and me sign a NON-
\ll just toss em DISCLOSURE on these. makes no diff to me.
in back on his DESK.
you know
how he is. if ya see, PETE
\ wouldnt
let im know
wanna leave
\ll swing these
em with
by TOMORROW.
ANYONE else
without his
CONSENT.
\ll be sure
to do that.

by the way -- that REMINDS me. you mean that hacked piece of frickin
crap churned out by DEXTER MILES?
\ DID have ANOTHER reason for coming in...
\ spoke with pete at HAWGS last night -- he why \ wouldnt give well..., ummmm,
said hed put aside a copy of UK-R5 for me. that DREK the space
on my TRASH HEAP!! PETE recommended it.
UK-R5? why the hell would

you want THAT?
DEMISE OF
THE GREVAN FIVE? thats
the one.
\ told him \ was looking for something look, b.a. -- \ dont

REALLY special to kick off the NEW CAMPAIGN. mean the OLD MAN
any DISRESPECT...
the guys are all a little DOWN about their old
characters being dead -- \ wanted to surprise em. he MEANS well
and all -- but DAMN!!
with UK-R5? what the hell did
they do to deserve THAT? well..., er.., youve got
pete sure to remember hes
\ wouldnt wish that TRAIN seemed to a BUSINESSMAN.
WRECK of an adventure think HIGHLY
on my WORST ENEMY. of it.
thought \d
give it a try.
his HIGH PRAISE of a product goes up in youre looking for something SPECIAL you said?
DIRECT PROPORTION to the number of copies
he has sitting gathering DUST in INVENTORY. well maybe youd be interested
in considering an ALTERNATIVE.
petes got SIXTY-

EIGHT copies of that an alternative...?
GARBAGE sittin \ dont think,
in the warehouse. PETE would
steer me wrong... thats right. sounds to
fact is he me like you wanna do
ordered BOB and RIGHT by your players.
me to PUSH em.
most definitely
heah!
-- \ DO. why
WOULDNT
\?

good, then theres still hope. LISTEN -- do yourself
a FAVOR and pay HEED to what \m about to say.
is it THAT bad...?
U.K-R5 is little more than a COMPILATION of some are you even LISTENING?
GLORIFIED fans DRIVEL taken from HACKJOURNAL U.K.
is it
THAT bad??
what DEXTER did to HACKMASTER
is a CRIME. no RISK VS.
TREASURE considerations.
POOR treasure placement.
a WHACKED incentive award
system, poor editing,
a rigid LINEAR ADVENTURE...
\ SWEAR to gawd, GARY would roll over

dammit, \ REFUSE to sell something
in his GRAVE if he saw it. thank GAWD
to a FELLOW gamemaster \ cant endorse.
the mans dead - it would KILL him.
sorry -- if you want it -- youll have

in fact, its SO BAD, \ REFUSE to sell it to you. to come back when BOB or PETE are
working the counter.
say what....?
you really feel THAT
strong about it?
you heard me.
DO \? if DEXTER MILES were
\m NOT gonna sell standing where YOU are..?
it to you -- CANT DO IT!! but.. \d BEAT him to DEATH with
a copy of his OWN book.
SQUIRRELY, grab a HAND TRUCK and fetch waitll ya

ummm....,
me a copy of XJ-57 from the WAREHOUSE. see this, b.a.
you mentioned an
q
ALTERNATIVE...? just came in
grrrr...!! on the TRUCK
last night..
jess DO it!

x
FIVE MINUTES LATER...
what the hell IS

that thing?
an ENCYCLOPEDIA?
gr
un
t!! t!
pan
W
HO
e! M
wheez P!
!
that my friend is module XJ-57 --

the BIGGEST damn dungeon EVER!! kinda says it
ALL doesnt it?
geeze loueeze, THATS a module?

its frickin HUGE. what player wouldnt
give his LUCKY DIE for
what the hell is it called? the BRAGGING
RIGHTS of having run
the BIGGEST
\ done told ya -- THE DUNGEON CRAWL ever?
BIGGEST DAMN DUNGEON EVER!!
thats the
NAME? good lord! \
t!! pan
pan t!! had no idea...
sweet isnt she?
thats right, you have NO idea. check it out -- this its incredible. there are FOURTEEN
dungeon has 1,634 levels!! 22,000 encounters!! character labs where players can
stop and earn BUILDING POINTS
every MONSTER from the HACKLOPEDIA OF BEASTS and modify their characters before
has been placed as an ACTUAL ENCOUNTER. moving on to the NEXT level.
no way!! are
you CRITTIN me? 105 special TEAR-OUT
coupons that players can
find in the DUNGEON and
and get this -- EVERY magic
REDEEM online for
item from the TOME OF MAGIC
CRIPES!! SERIALIZED magic items
is IN there as a PLACED item.
and ONE-OF-A-KIND relics.
youve GOT to
be kidding...

WOW! sounds awesome, but ummm, its not one of those MONTY HAUL dungeons is it?
thats awfully HIGH.
all those MAGIC ITEMS have me kind of worried.
what LEVEL is this
adventure for anyway?
the CARROTS that BAIT the trap my friend.
my guys will be
starting out
dont worry. theyll have
at FIRST LEVEL.
to WORK or DIE for EVERY e.p.
oh theres no
even the HMA saw fit to slap an suggested
83 percent PC LETHALITY RATE 83 LEVEL rating.
on it -- their HIGHEST rating ever. percent?!!
this is part of
why thats the XJ series.
FOUR points
higher than
TEMPLE OF
HORRENDOUS
DOOM!
you know -- JO JO ZEKES new alright..., youve got my INTEREST.

TAKE IT AS YOU FIND IT format.
supposin \ wanted to take it HOME with me.
it uses a CHOOSE YOUR OWN PATH OF LEAST what would the DAMAGE be...?
RESISTANCE device that allows players to avoid
those challenges that prove TOO GREAT while at
the SAME TIME allowing them to MOVE on. look, b.a. you cant really put a
allows parties of DIFFERENT levels to feel out PRICE on player CONTENTMENT.
their OWN parameters. its quite INGENIOUS.
this will keep your players

say, thats BUSY for months -- even YEARS...
those who take RISKS and
FACE the challenges head not bad -- the
on reap GREATER rewards. guys were how much, earl?
GRIPING
about doing a
straight
first level
adventure..
what the hells

-sputter- T-TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS??!!!
WRONG with those
two hundred guys up at
bucks and TAX. HARD EIGHT?
look, BEFORE you CHOKE on the price
tag just CONSIDER the fact that...
TWO HUNDRED
DOLLARS??!!

HUH??!! they make all this KEWL product \ just
HAVE to own and then they PRICE it out of reach? look, EINSTEIN,
this book is 2,257
pages in length.
\m not made of money ya know.
my poor wallet has been
your average
SQUEEZED so hard its been BLED white. oh, \m lookin module is what...?
at it from ALL
sides -- right- forty-eight pages?
youve got to look at now \m
this from ALL sides... lookin
at it from the
side the POOR
HOUSE is on.
that comes out to about FORTY-SEVEN modules.
correct? and your AVERAGE module

goes for what...? FIFTEEN BUCKS? um..., did you say SEVEN HUNDRED BUCKS?
big deal. TWO thats right. hell, you wont

it would cost you SEVEN HUNDRED. SEVEN have to buy another
HUNDRED BUCKS to buy HUNDRED. its MODULE for FIVE YEARS.
this much MATERIAL. STILL more than \....
yer SAVING money in the LONG run.
gee, that IS a
pretty good deal...
wow! its like wow, the guys

theyre LOS- so wadda ya say...? are gonna FREAK.
ING money should \ ring it up? \ wonder how HARD
on the deal.
EIGHT keeps comin up
KA-CHING!!
with this stuff.

how can they
afford to \ suppose \ could put it on
DO that? my moms card until \
get my CHRISTMAS MONEY...
you
got it.
NEXT ISSUE:
the BIGGEST
DAMN DUNGEON EVER!!

Weapon of Choice by jolly blackburn
okay, gurls -- now that our LAST C-PEE session ENDED with NEWTs character
the GROUP DUES have FOOLISHLY getting himself GUNNED DOWN while attempting to
been collected and the flee from a farmers ORCHARD with an armload of wormy APPLES.
PIZZAs been ordered...
FOOLISHLY? -- HEY!! that FARMER
whadda ya say we only had a SINGLE SHOT rifle --
turn our attention \ was BETTING hed WASTE it by
that was some kind of FUNNY, newt.
BACK to our going with a WARNING SHOT.
CATTLEPUNK campaign?
OLD MAN WIDMEYER blew yer
that WAS a warning head off before you could even
shot, son -- it just TASTE those JONATHAN REDS.
happened to be in
the BACK of your skull.
yeah, well that old man has some are you KIDDING me? PEA-WIT over
PAY BACK coming -- theres there got KILLED stealin APPLES?
SOON to be a RECKONING.
yeah, and we wasted FOUR
HOURS twiddling our
for him AND his dog. THUMBS while nitro ran him
through his little SOLO-CAPER.
whatta ya got
against DIXIE? he almost made it but
he got his BRITCHES apples...? why the hell
hung up on some was he stealin apples?
that MUTTs BARBED WIRE.
wait -- \ MISSED
YIPPING gave
that session...
me away.
coz \ rolled a TWO for besides --the world doesnt OWE you a living, RAG-HEAD!
STARTIN MONEY thats why -- \ didnt
even have two nickels to rub together. this is CATTLEPUNK - the world of HARDENED LEATHER and
CRUEL COLD STEEL-- you have to make your OWN way here.
\ was losin TWO stinkin HITPOINTS a day due thats right -- you do no FAVORS
its GRIT IN YER for the RUNT of the litter by SPOON
to STARVATION -- not that these TWO cared.
TEETH realism -- FEEDING his ass -- sooner or later
not CANDY LAND. hes gotta FEND for hisself.
thats not true, newt.
STEVIL SAID hed

LOAN ya the money. sure he is.
nobody can carry
say, youre not
a GRUDGE
yeah RIGHT! hey its 1875 -- STILL upset are ya? like newt can.
at 53 percent there are no USURY
INTEREST! LAWS on the books.

yeah, well GET OVER IT! you tried to screw me, stevil -- my HONOR wouldnt every time you
allow me to be taken ADVANTAGE of so BLATANTLY. ARGUE like this
\ OFFERED to it ends up in
loan you the money -- JACK QUIMBY was a PROUD man who WALKED TALL. GUNPLAY
you TURNED it down. he chose to DIE with honor rather than DEAL with you. breaking out.
shyaright -- stealin PRODUCE and

good thing for ME in gettin SHOT by some DIRT FARMER so...? wadda
hindsight -- DEAD MEN with a SQUIRREL GUN is your idea YOU care?
dont make PAYMENTS. of an HONORABLE death?
hey -- theres ENOUGH \ll SUBSCRIBE to

pay back to go around. coz \ usually
that magazine -- get KILLED by
bring it on, TWIRP! a STRAY SHOT.
you WANT some?
cmon
guys!
okay, THATs it!! BACK to the business at hand -- did you ROLL
up a NEW character like \ told you NEWT?
enough with
the TRASH TALK.
y-yes sir -- \ did.
\ came to run a game -
not play REFEREE to yer his name is JASPER QUIMBY --
SCHOOL YARD squabbles. the younger brother of JACK.
big surprise -- tell uh oh -- better

hey your LAST
us about him -- watch yer
character was a
and make it QUICK. BACK, stevo.
QUIMBY BROTHER...
yes, sir. great...
wake up, GORDO -- ALL of NEWTs inbred DAMMIT, NEWT!

characters are BLOOD RELATED --
you BETTER what did \ JUST get
its his LAME way of CIRCUMVENTING be scared, through saying about
the out-of-character knowledge SQUAB-BOY!! the TRASH TALK?
restrictions in order to get REVENGE.
PAYBACK
is comin er.., sorry, sir.
then petes right -- you
better WATCH yer back. and hes JASPER is young
you think? actually the riding a and brash with a
\ bet hes still SORE AVENGING BROTHER DARK HORSE! HAIR PIN temper.
about you givin him gee, \m PLOY is a time
that SHANGHAI WEDGIE. QUAKING in honored PLAYER TACTIC.
my boots. jes get
ON with it.
right!

JASPER QUIMBY is the son of a highly \ wear my fathers old CITADEL-ISSUED SLICKER
decorated UNION CAVALRY OFFICER -- the and ride a one-eyed BRIAR BELLIED RANGE PONY
late GREAT colonel JOSHUA T. QUIMBY! named GENERAL JEB STEWART. \ smoke green
CUBAN cigars, quaff KENTUCKY aged-in-the keg
BOURBON -- and \ like to BARE KNUCKLE BRAWL.
he and his SIX brothers were raised to
be HARD AS STEEL helping the OLD MAN damn yankee!
carve out 160 ACRES of good post \m also considered a
LADIES MAN. in fact so what kind of
war arkansas BOTTOM LAND and WOODROW WEAPONS are
one of the reasons \ headed
transforming it into a HORSE RANCH. BEAN hates WEST was to avoid the you CARRYING
NORTHERNERS. ALTAR-MINDED intentions there, MISTER
horse ranch? hey, can of a well-to-do BLUE BELLY?
you get me a GOOD DEAL \ DESPISES LITTLE ROCK socialite who
on a TEXAS SADDLEBRED? them! carries my BASTARD child.
bastard
lame.
child...? kewl
no!
UNFORTUNATELY \ rolled really CRAPPY on the

STARTING MONEY TABLE again -- \ only had TWENTY dollars
and THIRTY-TWO cents to work with -- not enough to buy a gun.
NEWT!!!
but then \ got LUCKY and rolled a NAT what the HELL are
hundred on the INHERITANCE TABLES. you tryin to pull..?
\ inherited my dads hand-me-down GATLIN GUN.
x GATLIN GUN...??!!! sweet!!

sir...?
a GATLING GUN??
b-b-but why would \ LIE? \ was honest
you got some real not very about my poor roll for sTARTING money.
GALL tryin to slip LIKELY, son.
something like that by me.
\ SERIOUSLY
but sir -- \ doubt a GATLING
ROLLED it. GUN is listed on
those tables. actually its on there,
honest. nitro. \ve just never
seen anyone roll it.
on the
INHERITANCE
TABLES? yeah, it was one of
the sections TIMMY
JACKSON worked
on in 2ND EDITION.

sorry, newt. DREAM ON! oh...., you wanna WHINE about it do ya?
not going to ALLOW it. FINE! how bout this -- you get the GATLIN GUN but
finding AMMO for it is IMPOSSIBLE. its in SHORT SUPPLY.
go ahead and ROLL again.
thats no problem. the FOOTNOTE on the

listing indicates it comes with 4d1000 rounds.
say what..?
youre DENYING yeah and the book

oh for the... ERRONEOUSLY lists the
me my that damn,
BIRTHRIGHT? GATLIN GUN as using standard
WINCHESTER .45 cartridges. TIMMY.
okay then the GATLING b-but why would my dad leave me a BUSTED up piece of JUNK?
GUN isnt FUNCTIONAL. that aint right sir. besides, \ spent all my MONEY on a ONE-
EYED PONY that was TRAINED to pull a harness -- JUST so
the barrels are WARPED \ could PULL my GATLIN GUN around on its CARRIAGE.
from OVER-FIRING,
the CRANK MECHANISM coz yer DADDY didnt
is jammed and LOVE you --THATs why.
the GEARS are shorn. take the RE-ROLL
you aint gettin a newt. before he
GATLIN GUN so drop it. RESCINDS the offer.
put THAT footnote
on the TABLE.
thats not true. are we playing
want me to PENCIL COLONEL QUIMBY loved CATTLE PUNK or is
it in for ya? ALL his sons. he this the DAYS
was a STERLING father!! AND LIVES OF THE
QUIMBY FAMILY?
-sigh- okay, on second ONE ROLL LATER...

thought sir, \ WOULD
like to reroll. an EIGHTY-SEVEN?!! HEY!!! \ got a BUFFALO RIFLE!
thats great, son. sir, would it be okay if \ took the

smart thinking. BUFFALO RIFLE as a weapon proficiency
THAT, \ll allow. -- you know, as a FREEBIE?
just be
QUICK about it. my argument is that as a CHILD \
would have PRACTICED shooting it
under my fathers watchful eye.
yes sir, THANK
YOU, sir. mmmmm,
BUFFALO
meat!

while theyre doing
that, ABIGAIL is
sure, why not? gonna check
on her GIRLS.
anything to get the game moving.
as \ recall, last
good! MISSISSIPPI time we played, \
kewl! oh, SWEET -- SLIM is hitting the had JUST taken
it comes with two DIAMOND SPUR SALOON. on a NEW girl.
boxes of AMMO....
\m going to run a few games of and \ wanna make
FARO and MILK the crowd. WOODROW sure shes
oooo --and oh, and \ wanna TALK to will be settled in.
a SCOPE... HERNANDEZ about UPPING servin as
my percentage of the HOUSE. his SHILL.
freak!
le!
ibb
scr ibble!
scr
newt, well just ASSUME ummm, did \ mention \ have an

you came in on the NOON HERNANDEZ puts you
EIGHTEEN PERCENT in DENTISTRY
STAGE and found your way on SPITTOON-DETAIL.
and a TWENTY-PERCENT skill
to the DIAMOND SPUR. level in ANIMAL HUSBANDRY...?
empty em TWICE a day and
\m gonna INQUIRE about
you can WORK your way UP
getting a ROOM in exchange -- you get FREE eats and make sure you SWISH a
for work. \ll take ANY- a BEDROLL in the little SAND around in the
THING. \ have ACCOUNTING, SMOKE HOUSE out back. SPITTOONS when you
BUSINESS MANAGEMENT, hey,
EMPTY em -- helps
BARTENDING, CIVIL ADMIN... DERANGED
SOAK up the SPITTLE.
DAN sleeps
in the SMOKE
can you SWEEP? and dont be
HOUSE --
EYE-BALLIN my MISSUS.
\ have GOOD work youll be
ethic too -- \m BUNK MATES.
er, y-yes, sir. --
out to IMPRESS.
\ mean NO, sir.
A WEE BIT LATER...

TWENTY...? really? ummm, okay --
just as LONG as \ can buy
cmon, MISSISIP -- spot me some CHIPS already. \ it BACK for the same
SAID, \d put up GENERAL STEWART as collateral. price with my WINNINGS.
sorry, YANK. \ got no USE for a ONE-EYED PONY. for YOU? sure. why not.
but \ might spot you TEN for that BUFFALO RIFLE. \ll even give you 24
hours to settle up with me.
oh no -- \m not good call, newt.

puttin up my DADDYs throw in the AMMO that seems FAIR.
gun. NO WAY! youll wanna and SCOPE and \ll
HANG on to that. make it TWENTY. okay, its a deal.
wish you hadnt done!

DONE that, newt.

SHOCK...?
-snigger- oh man, you walked RIGHT into it \ RELISH the look
THIS time, STEVIL. you made it soooo EASY. of SHOCK on your on MY face..?
face as the SUDDEN
REALIZATION
hits you that it is SHYA-RIGHT -dont
JACK QUIMBYs FLATTER yerself --
heh --yer about to get SPANKED with yer OWN money. brother who sits MISSISSIPPI SLIM
across from you. doesnt RATTLE.
as \ sit down at your TABLE and begin counting
out my CHIPS, \ formally INTRODUCE myself. \ got POKER
FACE and NERVES
OF STEEL. oh, \
REACT -- but
youre not sure if
its a YAWN or
just a SMIRK of
INDIFFERENCE.
you may not be showing your cards NOW but sir, \ have a THIRTY-FIVE PERCENT skill
you will -- my brother WROTE all about you in rating in FARO. according to the rules \
a LETTER he sent me. how you tried to take can apply up to HALF that toward CHEATING.
ADVANTAGE of him and how had him that should improve my chances of WINNING by..
DUNKED in the TOWN WELL and then
TARRED and FEATHERED for VAGRANCY...
whoah son, BACK UP.
look, this is a FARO TABLE -- not a only the DEALER can CHEAT in
YACKING TABLE. you wanna SIT FARO -- hes the ONLY person
in that chair youre gonna who HANDLES the cards. uh oh...,
hafta LAY DOWN your chips.
FINE! \m puttin TWENTY say again...? you BLEW

oh man -- hes
on the field -- \m it, newt.
risking it ALL?
BACKING the queen.
no WAY -- \ wouldnt have placed that S-SIR....?

BET if \d known that -- \m pullin my but NOTHING.
CHIPS and only bettin TWO BITS. can, \ get a RULING
here? hes not being... you RAN yer mouth and
LAID down yer CHIPS.
oh no -- at MY table the PUNT stays
on the table once PLACED. and \
your gonna have to PLAY
got TWO bouncers to back me up. FAIR...? em and SUFFER
the CONSEQUENCES.
is THAT what you
t-t-thats not fair -- were about to say?
someones about to
were CO-WORKERS. nitro, \m putting
get SPANKED alright
\ was under the HALF my DEALER
- but it AINT me.
impression this was give me a break. ability toward
a FRIENDLY game. CHEATING -- \ll
hey, you
reveal the QUEEN
might get as the SODA CARD. *
but sir...
LUCKY,
newt.
not too har!
bright, newt.
* Note:The Soda Card is the first card revealed by the Faro Dealer and represents the losing card. Any markers played on that card are lost and go to
the house.

one roll later...
the HELL they dont -- \m not losing my daddys gun to HIM! \m
okay, sTEVIL -- you ACCUSING him of CHEATING!! in front of the ENTIRE bar. \ create a RUCKUS.
manage to SLIP the
QUEEN you palmed
onto the TOP of deck
HERNANDEZ offers you a
undetected and REVEAL it.
DRINK on the house
and SUGGESTS damn. hes BIG STOMPIN
you QUICKLY drop yer HONOR. you gonna
you announce the QUEEN let im get AWAY with that?
the matter or ELSE.
as the SODA CARD and
no one CHALLENGES you.
he can KEEP his drink. \m
no -- \m
callin SLIM a LIAR and a
NOT actually.
CHEAT. \ TRASH his rep.
nitro, \ NIP this little its also

DEMONSTRATION right in \ remove the WHITE COTTON GLOVES CUSTOMARY for
the PROVERBIAL bud. from my SASH and SMARTLY strike, the CHALLENGED
MR. QUIMBY across BOTH cheeks. PARTY to choose
his WEAPON
of preference.
being the SOUTHERN
GENTLEMAN that \ am, SUR, \ DEMAND satisfaction --
theres simply NO WAY \ CHALLENGE you to a DUEL. so what will
\ can allow my HONOR
it be...?
to be BESMIRCHED.
a duel? SABERS..?
as the CHALLENGEE, FLINT LOCK
000--ooo, weve you are OBLIGED to PISTOLS...?
never HAD ACCEPT or lose
one of those. HALF your HONOR.
cant we
talk this
over?
oh man -- he is SO dead.
cmon, SPITTOON BOY -- whats it going to be?
like shootin a three-legged
BOB CAT chained to a POST. name your WEAPON of choice so we can
SETTLE this -- \ gotta GAME of FARO to run.
\ cant lose. \m a MASTER hey, can \ have your

in SABER FIGHTING as heh, \ almost PONY? \ PROMISE to
well as a DEAD SHOT with feel SORRY for take good care of it.
cmon, cmon.
a PISTOL. MOMMA QUIMBY.
shut up, WEAPON OF CHOICE!
GORDO.
thisll be the
THIRD boy of
hers youve
sent back in a
PINE BOX to
LITTLE ROCK.

\m still TRYIN to decide...
BUFFALO RIFLE...?!!!!
\ aint GOT no SABER or FLINTLOCK. oh..., then its a
NO BRAINER. -sputter- you cant
so what happens if \ pick a choose BUFFALO RIFLE.
weapon \ cant AFFORD to buy? \ choose
BUFFALO
RIFLE!! hey, you said
dont worry about it. it was MY choice.
\ll PROVIDE you one.
now QUIT stallin. ho, ho --

well done, buffalo rifles?
NEWT.
-snicker- at TEN PACES?
well DONE.
whats the BIG DEAL -- you can take PIPPY

oh no -- were LONGSTOCKING over there with yer EYES closed.
sorry, stevil.
doing this the
RIGHT way. hes got you.
\m not PROFICIENT with a
you gotta pick a you have to ACCEPT his BUFFALO RIFLE you moron.
TRADITIONAL choice or risk losing
dueling weapon... MOST of your honor. \m not PROFICIENT
with RIFLES period.
ummm, you think you

this should could pay me that FIFTY
be interesting. in gold you owe me
before the DUEL...?
a WEE BIT LATER at TEN PACES... \ hate to say it but it

looks like the
newt your shot finds its MARK and strikes SLIM right in the HEART. kid BUFFALOED you..
he drops to his KNEES with the DEATHLY LOOK of a GHOST on his face HAR HAR!!!
as he SQUEEZES off his RIFLE -- the ERRANT ROUND goes into the
crowd of ONLOOKERS who have gathered striking..., lets see..., BUFFALOED.
ummm, striking ABIGAIL in the FOREHEAD and killing her INSTANTLY.
get it?
how many E- shut up,

damn,
PEES was he FAT HEAD!
stevil...
worth, sir?
GAAAA!!!
-snicker-
-FINIS-

by Noah J.D. Chinn

TO THE HILT
Crafting a Better
Intelligent Sword
by Scott W. Roberts
oo often, an intelligent sword is treated by player-
T characters as just another magical item. This

approach is unfortunate and flawed on two counts.
Firstly, it deprives the group of the dramatic possibilities
inherent in a talking weapon. Partly this is the game mas-
ter's fault, for not playing a non-player character to full
effectiveness. Secondly and related to this point, treating an
intelligent weapon as equipment and not anon-player char-
acter denies recognition of a sentient individual within the
milieu.
It should come as no surprise that the quality of role-play-
ing experienced by the group is reduced by this action. After
all, it is easy to become jaded when accumulating magical
treasures. If your 8th level fighter (lets call her Fred) owns a
suit of Chain Mail +3, Gauntlets of Swimming and
Climbing, a Dagger +2, and a few assorted potions, the
addition of a Bastard Sword +2 that speaks Ogre and can
Detect Pit Traps will probably go without comment.
extends only so far.
Especially if this is the thirtieth such character youve
played, with magic items either straight from the rules or If your character Fred (remember her?) encounters a
duplicating spells youve seen the groups wizard cast a hun- sword-swinging ogre, you act and react as if the ogre was a
dred times before. If the game master has been doing his meaningful individual. At the back of your mind, you know
job, you could use that talking sword to translate for you in it is only a collection of statistics printed on a page,and that
a plot-relevant encounter. But once that plot device has been your GM normally says more intelligent things than smash
utilized, are you even going to remember the swords name? little human now. You dont stop to consider whether the
sword the ogre is swinging may in fact be the one calling the
There is a better way to play. shots.
COMPONENTS OF The recognition of a fellow sentient being is a problem
SENTIENT INTERACTION that the human species may one day have to face for real. It
may occur on a distant world,trying to puzzle out why a
An intelligent item is more than a collection of special
specimen of xeno-fauna is mimicking the spacemans actions.
abilities and personality traits. Like anything else in the
It may be a lot closer to home, in the form of artificial intel-
campaign, it should have a history behind it and a reason for
ligence.
interacting with the characters (both PC and NPC) it comes
in contact with. More than that, it deserves to be respected In the Stanley Kubrick film 2001, there is a sixth member
as an entity in its own right.When the royal wizard sends his of the Discovery-1s crew. His name is Hal. It may simply
familiar to guide the party to the meeting hall, that is fulfill- be that the HAL-9000computer is an extremely sophisticat-
ing a plot requirement. ed machine that goes awry due to a few lines of bad code. As
he points out, human error. However, in terms of dramatic
When the royal wizard complains his familiar beats him at
structure Hal is effectively a character. He has his own agen-
chess too often, that is colour text. But when the fluffy cat
da,motivations and interests. He also possesses decision-
walks down the middle of the table and leaps into a player-
making processes that lead him to commit very human
characters lap - and the player mimes petting the cat - that
errors.
is good role-playing on all sides.
Hal makes a conscious decision to place the success of the
We are used to the idea that a cat is a living creature with
mission above the lives of his fellow crew (Im sure you know
an agenda and personality of its own. We call a dog good
of at least one player-character who at some point has done
boy when he fetches something for us. However it is only
much the same). He commits murder, partly out of self-
a vestige of superstition that compels us to swear at our car
preservation. It may also be argued that he temporarily goes
if it breaks down. The personification of inanimate objects

insane. Knowing a fighters level,strength and the damage dice of her
No wonder Hals death scene is so tragic. main weapon is one thing. Getting inside her mind helps
you play those statistics more effectively. You can bet your
In Hal, we have an example of how an intelligent inani- lucky dice that knowing the same things about his non-play-
mate object behaves.Hal may be used as a model of how an er characters helps the game master play them better.
intelligent weapon may be used in a fantasy role-playing
campaign. It is neither necessary nor desirable for a sword to Does that include - it?
possess its wielder and go on a killing spree. The lesson of I have a name, puny one.
Hal is to treat an intelligent item as a character in its own Quiet, you two - Im trying to write here.
right.
If you find yourself in possession of an intelligent sword,
In a good campaign, there will usually be a collection of dont write it down under equipment. Record its name
NPCs whom the players become attached to in some way. It somewhere else on your character sheet, such as the list of
might include (for example) the gnoll stableboy, the people met or fellow player-characters. Pay atten-
depressed princess and the dog-sized scorpion famil- tion when the game master delivers the swords
iar with a devil-may-care attitude. Often, on some spiel about how it seeks to return to the Ogre
level, the party respects these characters as people shrine in which it was born. Not only is this
in their own right. These characters matter to polite,and a good way to catch any plot infor-
the players, who show an interest in their wel- mation the game master wants you to pick up,
fare. Even years after the campaign, they may it is good role-playing. Just as the fluffy cat
ask the game master if the Lost Lizard-Man purred contentedly curled up in the player-
Patrol ever found its way home. characters lap earlier, dont be surprised if
That is what we want to happen in the case you find yourself discussing combat tactics
of an intelligent sword. with your sword (hopefully not in the heat of
battle, though).
As with any magical item, only experi-
CRAFTING A BETTER SWORD
mentation will reveal the full range of its
My name is Steeltongue, for I am a talking powers. Given that the sword is intelligent,
sword. A thousand years ago,the greatest dont be surprised if you find yourself bar-
shamans of the Ogre peoples beseeched the gods gaining with the sword. I mean, you dont
for aid against the growing human menace. From say I use the party wizards Haste spell now
the blood of sacrificed prisoners I was born. To do you? Besides, if you found your character
the cause of bringing humans under the ogre heel I possessed by an intelligent sword Im sure you
am sworn.Wield me and obey! would want to keep acting as if you were an
integral part of the team. Otherwise Fred might
Whoa, whered Mister Attitude come from? If have to hit you.
I were Fred the Fighter right now, Id be slowly back-
ing away.
THE FINAL CUT
In 2001, Dave Bowman doesnt control the ships life
At the next gaming convention you attend, you just
support systems, or the pod bay doors. Hal does. Dave
know therell be some guy who wants to tell anyone he
has to ask Hal to open the pod bay doors for him.
can pin down all about how many dragons his charac-
Similarly with an intelligent sword, any special abilities
ter has killed and how many magic items he has. Well,
that the sword has may in fact be under the swords con-
your character anecdotes are going to be more interest-
trol. Im sure that ogre thought he was in control, calling
ing than that. Your game master is going to get a con-
out the command word to detect any pits dug by sneaky
fidence-boost out of overhearing you tell fellow gamers
little humans to trap any big strong ogre who happened to
all about how you learned to speak Ogre from a sword
be walking by. You and I (and Steeltongue) know better. If
that thought it could throw its weight around like The One
Fred the Fighter has a decent intelligence score, she probably
Ring.
knows it too.
Then theres the time you provoked the sword into lectur-
Hey! Stop treating me like Im a paper golem. Im more
ing you on Ogre mythology so you could identify which of
than just a name and a measure of combat prowess. Why,
the ogrish holy symbols carved on the wall was a fake, and
you dont even know me.
therefore the secret door trigger. Or the time it lost at chess
My apologies, Fred. Youve as much right to a history, per- to the royal wizards familiar. Nor can we forget Steeltongue
sonality and agenda as that sword does, and I hope your vowing to avenge Freds death if the vampire killed her (luck-
player has the dice to play you that way. ily it didnt -right?) Looking back, youll be surprised how
More than a few game masters ask their players to write quickly that sword became a valued member of the adven-
up a character story for their player-characters. Even if only turing party.
to weed out those who dont have what it takes to role-play. All because you treated the intelligent sword like a person.
Knowing where your character comes from, what she wants Or, to be more precise, because you and your game master
out of life and how she goes about getting what she wants realized that rules and statistics are but a starting point, and
helps you the player get more out of the experience. not the whole of the game.

O F F I C I A L M AG I C
ITEMS FOR YOUR
H AC K M A S T E R C A M P A I G N
Balgruns Whetstone
EPV: 1,000 found that he could continue working long before suffering from any effects of
GPV: 15,000 well after his fellow dwarves grew weary fatigue. The weapon becomes lighter and
and that his tools were always well-sharp- easier to wield because of the magical
algurns Whetstone can be a very ened. properties of the stone. Also, weapons
B deceptive magic item. It appears to

be nothing more than a typical
sharpening stone unless a Detect Magic
When other dwarves started noticing
Balgurns lack of fatigue they became jeal-
ous and wanted to find some of the same
sharpened by the stone get +1 to hit and
damage for eight hours after the weapon
has been sharpened.
spell is used. The stone was discovered by stone for themselves. Balgurn was all too The whetstone is also useful for sharp-
Bal Balgurn, a dwarven miner working happy to share his secret in order to fur- ening tools. Any dwarven tool sharpened
the silver mines outside of Riz. As he ther the health of his clan, but a terrible by Balgurns Whetstone is able to help its
struck the stone with his pickaxe he accident occurred. About 20 of Balgurns user get whatever project hes working on
noticed that not only was his axe getting co-workers rushed into the mine at once done twice as fast as normal. Also, it
sharper, it was getting lighter and easier to find the source of the magical stone. enables the wielder to work longer before
to swing. After digging the stone out of Unfortunately, with the frenzied digging becoming tired.
the mine, he took it with him and began for magic rocks, the caverns walls were
using it to sharpen all of his tools. He Any non-dwarves who try to use the
weakened severely and there was a cave whetstone find that they are cursed. The
in. All 20 miners were buried alive and stone curses the weapons of non dwarves
no one has dared try and find the making the cursed wielder of such a
source of the magic stone since. sharpened blade twice as likely to fumble
Balgruns clan was devastated. as usual. This is due to the fact that these
Balgurn was so distraught at the loss weapons become twice as heavy. Non-
of his comrades that he retired and dwarves with weapons sharpened by this
refuses to enter a mine ever again. He stone will also become fatigued one
has since sold all of his possessions to round earlier than usual.
survive. The whetstone brought him There may be other magical whet-
very little money, for the purchaser stones in existence which benefit non-
had no idea of its magical properties. dwarves, but their existence and locations
The whetstone has since apparently are shrouded in mystery.
exchanged hands quite a few times Balgrun has since withered away and
since Balgrun sold it. It seems, howev- died, but his whetstone is still out there
er, that the stone is only useful for somewhere, ready to bless the tools and
dwarves. Any dwarf who uses the weapons of dwarves everywhere.
whetstone to sharpen any of his
weapons can use that weapon twice as

GAMEMASTERS
The GOOD...
WO R K S H O P
Northwind
Occupation/Class: Longsword. This sword is the
embodiment of a defeated, but just and honorable deity.
He imbues the sword with clerical knowledge.
Skills/Talents: Int 18, Wis 22, Cha 17, Ego 16.
Northwind can read Common and he speaks to his
owner telepathically in any language. He has a +1
enchantment. See below for more.
Motivation: To rule and create rulers to mete out
justice.
Weaknesses: Overly strict, obsessive. Paranoid.
Alignment: LG
Gold Piece Value: 25,000 gp
Experience Point Value: 3000
Background: Northwind is a one-of-a-kind intelligent
sword that pulls no punches when it comes to meting out
swift and painful justice to those of less than pure and
honorable heart
Northwind is said to have once belonged to a long for-
gotten warrior-cleric defeated during the War of Twilight accomplish this purpose. Northwind adds +5 to the
Last. The finely crafted sword was the clerics instrument honor of anyone who wields it, for instance. It also adds
for meting out judgement to those who opposed his +10 to hit and damage against all evil foes. It will add +6
alignment. to hit and damage against neutral foes and +5 against any
It is said when he was defeated, he imbued the other opponents. It has spell capabilities as well. It casts
Northwind with the last waning strength of his own spir- the spell No Fear on its wielder once per day. It also
it. Only the most honorable and noble of heart can hope allows its wielder to cast Lightning Bolt once per day. It is
to wield this sword. Anyone attempting to wield also imbued with the Light spell which can be invoked at
Northwind who doesnt have honor in the optimal range, will by the wielder. This spell is dispelled by a command
and who isnt lawful or neutral good, will suffer severe from the wielder. He also gives his wielder his own immu-
consequences. nity to cold attacks, and grants its wielder one free lead-
ership skill, or roll of the mastery die, per level. It raises
The sword will release an icy blast of 10d20 points of the wisdom of his wielder by one point, as well.
damage to anyone who is unworthy and attempts to use
the Northwind. This icy blast is known as the Judging This sword has not been seen for several decades, but
Wind. there are rumors that an elderly cleric of Benyar has a
map that leads to the swords last known resting place. It
Anyone who hopes to wield this sword must keep his is said the sword may have been buried with its last
honor in the optimal range and his alignment infractions owner, a hero of the Shadlurian Kingdom.
to no more than two per week. Otherwise, the Judging
Wind will be unleashed. Northwind is gifted with the power of speech although
he rarely does so. When he does speak it is usually in
Also, any companions of the sword wielder must whispered cryptic one or two word sentences that are
beware that they too are subject to the judgement of the open to interpretation.
Northwind. Once per week, the Judging Wind will be
released from the sword, and anyone within 100 meters Northwind has one known weakness and that is the
of the sword who doesnt have his honor in the optimal fact it is paranoid suspecting those who wield it (and
range and his alignment isnt lawful or neutral good, will those around him) of wishing the sword harm or attempt-
suffer the full effects of the Judging Wind. ing to lead it astray. There is a 10% chance during any
encounter of the sword withholding its powers and act-
The purpose of this sword is to rule alongside its wor- ing as a normal blade.
thy master and so it has several powers that will help it
By Barbara Blackburn

the bad...
Slaughterrule
Occupation/Class: Longsword. Since the sword
contains the soul of a former powerful fighter, he also
has general knowledge of combat techniques, armor,
weapons and many common sports.
Skills/Talents: Int 10, Wis 17, Cha17, Ego 13.
Slaughterrule speaks and reads the Common tongue
and can see and hear up to 120 feet away with
infravision (darkvision). He can communicate tele-
pathically with his wielder. The sword has a +1
enchantment. When used in a contest, Slaughterrule
grants his wielder the following benefits, +10 to ride
checks, +10 to skill checks involving Strength, haste
once per day and a +2 enchantment.
Motivation: Winning and gloating about lt. Also
note that Slaughterrule considers itself superior to
any character which often leads to personality con-
flicts if the possessor does not always agree with him.
Weaknesses: Slaughterrule finds it difficult to
resist a challenge or competition that pits two or
more contestants against one another. For example, if
someone challenges his wielder to a duel, it forces an Background: Slaughterrule was crafted hundreds
immediate personality check for control (Will saving of years ago for a powerful gladiator named Jarnak
throw). If Slaughterrule wins the check, he accepts the Sorbento. Sorbento always felt the need to win at
duel. Otherwise, the wielder may accept or reject the any cost so much so that if he ever feared he was
duel of his own volition. Furthermore, if Slaughterrule losing in a bout he would resort to cheating in order
or his wielder is ever in a competition and he loses to win.
or it becomes obvious that he is about to lose, he will
Eventually, just winning wasnt enough for Sorbento.
attack his opponent until his adversary is slain, though
He began to feel the need to outshine his competi-
the wielder may make a a personality check (Will
tors in every way. It became a matter of pride for
save) to avoid this effect. Except for chess, he prefers
him. He became obsessed with inflicting humiliating
to avoid intellectual challenges by simply fighting his
defeats by a large margin in sports such as jousting,
opponent instead.When Slaughterrule slays an oppo-
swordplay, running, chess and dwarf tossing.
nent, he forces his wielder to make a personality
check preference to all other actions. if no suitable When he became old and feared losing his com-
enemies are available, former colleagues will satisfy petitive edge to the many young upstarts who sought
the sword just fine. to slap him down a few notches on the honor scale
he made a pact with a wizard to enchant his trusted
Alignment: NE sword. The sword was to carry on in his footsteps
Gold Piece Value: 15,000 gp when he was physically unable. When Jarnak
Sorbento eventually met his better and was slain on
Experience Point Value (Hackmaster): 1840 the field of combat, his soul was thrust into his sword
gp and so was born Slaughterrule, perhaps the most
competitive intelligent sword ever seen in the known
realms.

...AND THE UGLY
Simon the Spud
Occupation/Class: Mace +3, +4 vs. followers of
Navinger and any creature of comeliness 14 or higher.
Skills/Talents: Speech, Intelligence (14), Detect
Magic in a ten-foot radius, detect evil in a ten-foot
radius.
Motivation: To find a committed and respectful
wielder, who appreciates him for his powers and does
not judge him by his looks.
Weaknesses: Depression, low self-esteem, enmity
towards beauty.
Alignment: CG
Gold Piece Value: 500 gp
Experience Point Value: 500
Background: Simon is a bitter and depressed
mace. From his warped handle to his malformed head,
he has never been a shining weapon of power and
prestige like Doomsaker or Yiderfury. Those few who masculinity of the Navaros, and Navinger himself. The
have deigned to wield Simon, taking advantage of his followers of the Smith were not interested in wielding
not inconsiderable powers, usually feel obliged to apol- a misshapen lump of crap like the Spud, and he was
ogize or explain away their ugly, bent implement of palmed off to a thrifty paladin named Franco at the
destruction. His self-esteem has never been high, and first opportunity.
recent events have done little to lift the maces spirits.
Simon thought he had found his place in the wurld,
Simon was meant to be a weapon of beauty, a testa- bludgeoning and cracking heads for goodness, until
ment to the glory of eunuch gawd Navinger. His maker, Franco discovered a beautifully crafted longsword on a
the Navaro zealot Canesk the Hunter, unfortunately dungeon crawl near Badger Falls. Despite the blade
had too much wine to drink on the final night of being less powerful than Simon, and unpossessed of
Simon's creation. Navinger, unimpressed with the intelligence, the Spud was replaced. Franco donated
apparent lack of seriousness Canesk was taking in the the mace to his church, where Simon has been left to
creation of objects designed to honor him, twisted the rot in a chest ever since.
magic of the final ceremony. Simon was granted all the
powers Canesk had intended, but was born an object The mind of the unfortunate mace has become as
of abject ugliness. twisted as his form. He blames Navinger for his
depressing existence, and has turned away from the
Canesk, a hopeless alcoholic, awoke the next morn- gawd he was created to honor. Lying in his dark chest,
ing with a splitting headache, and full awareness of his alongside a few gemstones and a shield, the Spud
insult against The Hunter. He resolved to wield Simon hopes to be picked up by a creature as ugly as himself,
as penance for his lapse in proper devotion, although preferably a follower of PRakeke or Mangrus.Then he
he refused to engage the newborn weapon in conver- intends to wreak vengeance on all the beautiful people
sation. Considering the mace's head to resemble a of the wurld, beginning with followers of Navinger.
spiked potato, Canesk began referring to Simon as 'the
Spud'. Others took up the practice, and to this day By Shane Cubis
Simon bears that name, which he loathes.Three years
after Simon's creation, Canesk the Hunter was killed in
a brawl with followers of Skraad, who questioned the

their prey moves within 20 feet they will flex the muscles along
their back, forcing the spores that grow there to burst open
and dust the area in a mist of poisonous, yellow, pollen.The
pollen covers a 20 foot diameter area for 1d6 rounds and
requires a saving throw vs. poison for every round a victim
remains in the pollen mist. Failing a saving throw induces a
deep, sleep that cannot be broken by any means, even pain.The
effects of this sleep last for 1d4 minutes.These beetles have
built an immunity to the poisonous effects of the pollen as they
spend their entire life around it.
While their prey lies on the ground helpless, the beetles will
use their pincers to quickly whittle their opponents down and
hopefully slay them before awakening. If the poisonous spores
do not affect their prey then they use their acid spray and pin-
cers to attack still-standing opponents.The beetles acidic spray
is produced from glands in the back of their throats; it has a
range of 15 feet and inflicts 1d6 points of acid damage.The
acidic spray attack can be used once every 4 rounds.
HABITAT/SOCIETY: The spore-laden cavern beetle always

lives underground in rocky regions where its natural camou-
flage can be made of use.They prefer damp and humid climates
with an ample water supply and at least minimal plant-life.
These creatures generally travel in groups of 3-8 and settle
down in one location for years on end if the area is to their lik-
ing. An area with at least small amounts of travel from animals
Spore-Laden Cavern Beetle or other living creatures is a must, as the spore-laden cavern
beetle feasts upon the decaying meat of its prey.
AKA: Sleep Pollen Bombs
Hackfactor: 3
ECOLOGY: Mating season usually occurs once every 2-3
EP: 75
years.The female beetle once fertilized will hold the eggs inside
Climate/Terrain: Underground
her body until they have hatched and then give birth to larvae.
Frequency: Common
From there they transgress through their normal metamorpho-
Organization: ?
sis from larvae to pupa to adult. Each batch of eggs will normal-
Activity Cycle: Any
Diet: Decaying Meat and Plants ly yield 5-8 children, once old enough some or all will break off
Intelligence: Low Intelligence (5 - 7) forming their own colony.
Alignment: Neutral The diet of these beetles consists solely of decaying meat and
No. Appearing: 3-8 plants.They savor the taste of decaying meat and will only set-
Size: S (2 x 3) tle for plants if they are unable to find the latter.The stench of
Movement: 12 a currently rotting foe can tip off other prey that are passing
Psionic Ability: Nil through the area, however, these beetles rarely attack when
Attack/Defense Modes: Nil/Nil they already have food in the process of decay.Creature Field
Morale: Half-hearted (9) Researched by Christopher Loss
Armor Class: 3 Medicinal: Nil
No. of Attacks: 1 Spell Components: The eyes of the spore-laden cavern bee-
Damage/Attack: 1-4 tle can be used as a replacement component for a sleep spell.
Special Attacks: Acidic Spray, Spore Using the eyes as the component for the spell increases its
potency, making it effectively one level higher than the caster for
Pollen the effects of duration.
Special Defenses: Camouflage Hide/Trophy: The shell of the beetle can be used to make
Magic Resistance: Nil ornamental armor, helms, and shields with no additional protec-
tive affects.
DESCRIPTION: These overly large beetles are 3 feet in Treasure: P
length, 2 feet in width, and a foot in height.Their hard exterior Edible: Nil
shell has a blend of brown and gray coloring mixed with the Other: Unbroken spores can be sold for 50gp per 5.The
texturing of rough, pitted rock, which provides them with a nat- average spore-laden cavern beetles carries between 1-4
ural camouflage in cavernous regions. Adding to their camou- unbroken spores after being slain. Any unbroken spores
flaging ability is the layers of tiny spores that can always be
can be collected and used to make sleep pollen projectile
weapons. Ten unbroken spores in a glass flask can be
found growing along their shell.
hurled at an opponent, having the same effect as stated
above with a somewhat weakened effect, victims making
COMBAT/TACTICS: The spore-laden cavern beetle will a save against this effect will gain a +2 to their saving
generally use its camouflaging ability to blend in with its sur- throw roll.
roundings until some form of prey moves into range. Once

his issues trap was submitted by a reg-
T
ular contributor. However, we DO
use reader submissions. Thanks go to
those readers who have sent us so many clever
traps. Remember that this column will keep
its momentum based on freelance submissions. Got an idea for
a trap? Write it up and send it in. Well pay you five cents a
word. Please include a simple sketch showing how the trap 1
works so our art-monkeys can bring it to life.
1. Haa! This looks easy -- I use to be

SWING N STAB Master of the Jungle Gym back in nursery school.
AKA: Caltrops Roulette
INTENT: Death MECHANISM: Weight and Pressure
LETHALITY: Medium-High ENGINEER: Normie Salvador
SUGGESTED DAMAGE: See Text
Jack Blackjack Calketrappe was the descendant of Robert Calketrappe, the
developer of the device that bears his name, the caltrop. When Blackjack was of age,
he did what was expected and entered the family trap-making business.
In his formative years, Blackjack developed a close relationship with a particular
mentor, a former jungle-temple explorer. She regaled the young Blackjack with tales
of headhunters, cannibals, wild beasts, long-forgotten temples, crazed clerics, narrow
escapes, and fist-sized jewels and gold idols. She even showed him souvenirs of her
exploits: spearheads, arrowheads, dried poison frogs, and exotic flowering plants. It
was no surprise then that young Blackjack became the apprentice to a jungle-temple
security-systems designer.
The Swing n Stab was one of his first designs and perhaps the most successful. 2
It fits into a standard corridor of 10 in height and 10 in width and has a minimum
length requirement of 30 for the 5 deep pit (the longest Swing n Stab still in oper-
ation is 120 in length). The ceiling and floor of the pit are pierced with holes 1 in 2. One mississippi, Two mississippi, Three.... YEAHOOW!!
diameter and that are 3 apart, creating a grid of 16 holes per square foot (9600 holes
at minimum). Suspended from the ceiling, through 1 hole per square foot, are 1 long
lengths of heavy chain that terminate at a solid iron ring. These chains, while seem-
ingly placed at random, are equidistant from each other (a space of 2) and the outer
chains are 1 from the wall. An adventurer has to swing from chain to chain to cross
the corridors length. Ten to thirty-three percent of the chains are trapped; any weight
will trigger an individual winch concealed in the ceiling, letting out 15 of chain,
dropping the adventurer to the pit beneath. After a round, the winch retracts the
chain to its original length, this also switches that chain to off (non-trap mode), but
switches another random chain on (trap-mode)
The 5 deep pit below mirrors the ceiling with 16 holes per square foot. In alter-
nating holes are javelins (1d4 + 2) and their firing mechanism. Simply tossing dead
weight into the pit causes the javelins beneath the triggered plate to jut out half their
length, impaling anything above, and retract after a round. The trigger for the true
nature of the trap is in two parts, part one is the winch in the ceiling dropping the
adventurer down; part two is the floor, which is made of pressure plates, a square foot
in size. The amount of weight that will trigger a pressure plate is 5 lbs. Note that the
iron ring and 15 of chain are more than 5 lbs. and can trigger adjacent plates. Weight
on a plate will trigger all the javelins (1600 javelins per 10 x 10 square). The aver-
age adventurer is impaled by 1d4 +1 javelins per trigger of the trap. Note a discard- 3
ed javelin (one pulled out of an adventurer and thrown away) is enough to trigger the
trap again. The spring of the firing mechanism is so strong that the javelin can pass
though a limb, but not the torso of a creature. With such a short distance and verti-
cal trajectory, the javelin will shoot into a receiving aperture and fire once more if the 3. Better luck next time, Joe...
pressure plate is still depressed. An average javelin will criss-cross the corridor 4 times
before resetting. Spray (nozzles that shoot out a villains choice of gas or liquid).
Any adventurer surviving the trap after it is set off must make a morale check A rather grisly bloodsport has risen from this trap. There are places where a slave
(with a penalty equal to the number of javelins that injured the adventurer) to con- is made to swing through the corridor, and if successful the slave is awarded freedom.
tinue. Another morale check is needed after every additional triggering of the trap, Gamblers place bets on which chain will trigger the slaves near-certain death, simi-
the penalty increases by -2, cumulative. Future encounters with Swing n Stabs lar to placing a bet on a roulette table.
require a morale check (with a -2 penalty) to even attempt to cross. For those that
cannot afford the javelins, alternate versions of the Swing n Stab are the Swing n
Dip (evil overlords choice of acid, poison, or gelatinous creature) and the Swing n

Three Shiny
Tweaks
for D&D 3E
by Ladnor Burry
While not allowing class change more than a normal Cleric8 (on aver-
seems limiting, it's really not. Want to age). Which means the GM only has
create a fighter-mage? Under standard to throw slightly more powerful mon-
multi-classing rules, a prestige class of sters at PCs in order to make sure
some sort is pretty much required. But things are not a cake-walk (although
when using dual-classing rules, noth- the PCs will also be able to generate
FIRST TWEAK: ing much is required. Simple start off more average damage per round; keep
as a wizard, and pick fighter as your this in mind when creating encounters
DUAL-CLASSING. secondary class, or start off as a fighter, for dual-classed PCs).
and pick wizard as your secondary While dual-classed PCs wont have
veryone is aware that D&D
E Third Edition makes multi-

classing a very simple proposi-
tion. You want a level in another class?
class. Done. By 10th level, a PC will
be either Wizard10-Fighter5, or
Fighter10-Wizard5. Either build is a
potent and fun combo.
extremely high hit points, generally,
their versatility will be greatly
enhanced, make no mistake about it.
Just take it. In order to get certain Almost any dual-classed fighter build
archetypal builds, in fact, multi- Obviously, dual-classed PCs are not will have more skills and skill points
classing is the only way to go. A swash- balanced against non-dual classed than a vanilla fighter; almost any dual-
buckler might consist of a Rogue2- builds. They are not supposed to be. classed wizard will have access to more
Fighter6, while a martial cleric can be So, if dual-classing is used in your varied types of weapons. Typical
constructed with Fighter4-Cleric4. campaign, Id suggest all PCs begin class restrictions are therefore loos-
Prestige classes are available to further and end their careers as dual-classed ened, and in my experience, strange
tailor a PC, or to allow for mechani- PC's. and very fun PCs spring up out of
cally challenging builds (Mystic The How does dual-classing work nowhere (ever seen a Cleric6-Monk3
urge, for example, solves the multi- mechanically? Very easily. On any in action before?).
classed spellcaster problem, kinda). even level (i.e. when a dual-classed PC Dual-classed PCs work particularly
However (and anytime a however gets abilities from two classes), take the well in a low-magic settings (with
crops up, look out!) - however, what if better of the two abilities. So a many PCs selecting Rogue or Monk as
instead of taking a different class with Wizard2-Fighter1 will gain, upon hit- primary or secondary classes), or set-
each level (multi-classing), PC's were ting second level, the d10 hit die of the tings that downplays the importance
instead allowed to take two classes fighter, the +1 BAB of the fighter, the of equipment vs. PC ability. Dual-
every even level (dual-classing)? For +2 Fort save of the fighter, the spell- classing allows fighters to be fleshed
example, an 8th level dual-classed PC casting ability of the Wizard, the out with a good skill set, without dilut-
might have the abilities of an 8th level armor and weapon proficiencies of the ing their fighting edge. Wizards can
Wizard and a 4th level Rogue. The PC Fighter, etc. Similar class features do dabble with thievish skills, and Bards
would have leveled up as follows: not stack, rather, they overlap (the can take advantage of a Ranger's class-
Wizard1, Wizard2-Rogue1 (at second Wizard2-Fighter1 does not gain d4 + based feat trees. Best of all, almost
level), Wizard3-Rogue1, Wizard4- d10 hit dice at level 2, simply the bet- every fantasy archetype can be built
Rogue2 (at fourth level), etc. up to ter of the two). That's it. Done. using the core Players Handbook
Wizard8-Rogue4. NOTE: Dual classed characters use races and classes - no more prestige
the best save of the two classes. For classes required.
First off, why bother? The answer
example a Wizard12-Fighter6 will
is: simplicity. Allowing for dual-class-
have a +6 Fort save (from the Fighter6)
SECOND TWEAK: CONVERTING
ing obviates the need for Prestige A PREVIOUS-EDITION FIGHTER-
and a +4 Reflex/+8 Will save (from the
Classes and multi-classing. In fact,
Wizard12).
MAGE-THIEF
one of the rules of dual-classing is
this: Thou shalt not change classes. There will be almost no archetypal Many people played Fighter-Mage-
Meaning, as soon as a dual-classed PC build that can't be achieved through Thief combinations in previous ver-
takes their secondary class at level 2, dual-classing using the core classes. sions of D&D. However, this type of
thats it. The Wizard2-Rogue1 in the And while dual-classing does give a character is rather difficult to emulate
above example will end his or her significant power-up to PC's, their in D&D 3e. You wind up with
career as a 20th level PC with the abil- overall survivability is not greatly strange hybrids like Rogue2-Fighter4-
ities of a Wizard20-Rogue10 (if very, effected; after all, A Cleric8-Fighter4 Wizard4 which, as a 10th level charac-
very lucky, that is). will only have four or five hit points ter, is pretty weak. Skills are not up to

snuff, nor fighting ability, nor spells. power, rivaling those 8th and 9th level example attack, 5' step, attack, 5' step,
By level 20 it's even more dire. spells that the fighter's wizard and cler- attack, is a legal sequence).
Rogue6/Fighter6/Wizard8 comes to ic pals are throwing around. The fol- 5) ARMOR AND SHIELD MASTERY
mind, and pales in comparison to any lowing six feats are suggestions, and (prerequisite = Fighter level 15). The
20th level core class. Its not really a indicate the appropriate power level base bonus granted by heavy armor
viable build. (which should be significant). This is increases by 3, medium by 2, and light
The solution? Simple. Throw the not an attempt to balance a Wizard20 by 1. Similarly, the base shield bonus
following ingredients into a bowl: with a Fighter20; that's never going to increases by 2 for a heavy shield/tower
happen. It is, however, an attempt to shield, by 1 for a light shield or buck-
1) Take one Bard class. reward a dedicated fighter for, well, ler. Thus, full plate grants a base +11
2) Remove all special Bardic abilities staying a fighter instead of multi-class- bonus to AC, and +3 full plate would
(music-based and knowledge-based). ing to another fighting class (barbar- grant +14 bonus to AC.
3) Retain all other Bard features ian, ranger, prestige class, etc).
6) IMPROVED REACH (prerequisite =
(spellcasting, spellcasting progression, Fighter level 16, Spring Attack). Add
class skills, save progression, etc.) High Level Fighter-only Feats: 5' to the effective reach of the fighter's
4) Add sneak attack capability, at weapon any time the fighter has an
this rate: an additional +1d6 at levels unobstructed path to an opponent.
1, 4, 7, 10, 13, 16, and 19, for a total 1) HIT-EM-AND-HURT-EM (prerequi- With this feat, for example, a
of +7d6 sneak attack dice at level 20. site = Fighter level 14). Three times longsword has 10' reach and can hit
per day, the fighter may make a full any opponent standing 10' away (as
5) Add the trapfinding ability of attack after a charge, instead of a stan-
Rogues, plus Search and Disable long as there is no friend of foe stand-
dard attack. All attacks gain the +2 ing between the fighter and the oppo-
Device as class skills. charge bonus.
6) Add fighter weapon and armor nent). This represents the fighters
2) SHRUG-IT-OFF (prerequisite = ability to make a number of darting
proficiency, and fighter bonus feats at Fighter level 12). Once per day, the
levels 2 and 4. movements into and out of surround-
fighter can re-roll the last roll just ing squares during an attack, effective-
Done. made, be it for a saving throw, failed ly extending the fighters range.
What you end up with is a Bard attack, etc. The idea behind these feats is to give
without any Bardic abilities, but who 3) SURE-THING (prerequisite = fighters some high level wow abili-
has instead _ spellcasting, _ BAB, and Fighter level 16). Three times per day, ties. Taking two 5' steps during a
_ sneak attack progression. In other the fighter can guarantee either a hit, melee is something no other combat
words, a serviceable (but not great) or apply maximum damage from a class can accomplish; while not as
spellcaster, who retains the benefit of rolled hit (or both simultaneously, if showy as a Time Stop, it will proba-
having a high caster level. A reason- two uses are burned up). The guaran- bly be used every melee, and can grant
able sneak attack threat, although teed hit is never a critical, however. impressive tactical synergies. Similarly,
missing evasion and other rogue-ish 4) TACTICAL-MASTERY (prerequisite a high level fighter should be able to
abilities. And lastly, a competent = Fighter level 18). The fighter is able hit automatically a few times a day,
fighter with higher-than-average num- to make an additional 5' step in com- despite great odds. It's what high level
bers of feats, but rather low hit points. bat. In other words, whenever the heroes do, after all!
It makes for a very simple and very bal- fighter is allowed to make a 5' step (for
anced combination, and in my experi- Its my hope that, with this modest
example, during a full attack) the tweak, the most rare of all classes
ence retains the flavor and charm of fighter can make instead two 5' steps.
the old-school fighter/mage/thief. might soon again make an appear-
As usual 5' steps do not provoke ance the single-classed Fighter20.
attacks of opportunity, and in addition
THIRD TWEAK: the 5' steps may be separated (for
MAKING FIGHTERS MATTER
Its tough being a high level fighter
in D&D3e. Tough, because all you
get is feats, and most feat trees are
achievable early in the fighters career.
Moreover, feats simply don't scale very
well. At high levels (14+) wizards start
getting very scary spells, some of
which are of the insta-owie variety,
while fighters get feats. Many
times, fighters are forced to pick feats
at level 18 that they could have select-
ed at level 8. And once a feat is chosen
(unlike a spell), its benefits are general-
ly static. They don't improve when
the PC improves. (One notable excep-
tion is Power Attack, whose limit
improves as the PCs BAB improves).
What is truly needed are high-level
fighter-only feats of significant

Generic dungeons and floorplans for the GameMaster to run with.
By Craig Zipse
copyright 2004 Craig Zipse
CRAVING MORE MAPS? For more of Craigs work pop over to www.kenzerco.com and visit our discussion boards.
Each month, Craig posts a Bonus Map for members of the boards to download. Come check out the magic.

The ORCS STRATEGY
Putting Game Time to Good Use ORCS strategy (Seek). Otherwise, have specific questions ready for the ref-
eree when your turn arrives and be prepared to announce an action. For
By Mark A. Hart example, if you need to know the distance across a crevasse, be prepared to
make the appropriate skill check (e.g., Jump) if the distance is reasonable, or
have another plan in mind if the crevasse proves too wide to jump.
hink back to your last role-playing session. What did you do between
T
At other times, a change in the game situation demands a change in char-
your turns? Did you consider your character's next action and check acter actions. For example, when a party member suddenly requires healing,
on a rule question in the books? Perhaps instead you wandered out to your character may decide to change his action. You should always plan a
the living room and watched TV? In every game session, the down time couple alternative actions in case your primary action proves unworkable; for
between character turns - when your character is not in the spotlight - instance, if the monster your character planned to attack dies, have another
remains inevitable. How would you like to speed up the game, enhance the target in mind. Game situations change quickly - another reason to pay
fun for everyone at the table, earn the GMs gratitude, and get the most enjoy- attention to the game and avoid outside distractions.
ment possible out of every adventure? With a little creativity, some planning,
and the ORCS system of game time management, you can turn those spare If you have rules questions or concerns, or if you need to read the details
moments into pure gaming gold. of a specific spell, seek that information first. Once you have your character's
next action planned, including a couple back-up plans, consider doing some
ORCS is an acronym for a strategy that puts game time to the best possi- role-playing amongst your fellow players.
ble use. The acronym stands for Organize, Role-Play, Compose, and Seek.
Each step of the strategy described below contributes to a better game expe- ROLE-PLAY ON THE SIDE
rience for all participants. If every player at the table uses these techniques,
the rewards for everyone involved grow proportionally. Some of the greatest fun in any game session comes from character to
character interaction, especially in the heat of combat or similar situation.
ORGANIZE These brief moments of role-playing add atmosphere and pathos to the game
and help define the characters. Imagine in your past games when a character
Organize your characters coming actions before your next turn. Although made a flip remark, uttered an unforgettable phrase, or shared a brief word
game situations, such as combat, often change moment by moment, plan with an ally. These are memorable pieces of gaming gold.
your character's next action as early as possible. If you wait until your char-
acter's turn begins before considering what to do, you delay the game for Even when your character is not in the spotlight, role-playing opportu-
everyone and slow the action to a halt. The less time each character's turn nities abound. Between turns, two or more players have the chance for char-
requires, the faster the game goes and the less frustration everyone experi- acter interaction. At these times, characters share information, plot strategy,
ences. bemoan their impending doom, and otherwise relate to one another. Anyone
engaging in role-playing between turns should consider two caveats.
There are times, of course, when your characters next action depends on
a rules question, interpretation, or clarification of the situation. As much as First, role-playing on the sidelines should never interfere with the main
possible, find the answers on your own, as discussed in the fourth step of the interaction between the referee and another player. Avoid talking too loud or

drawing attention to sideline interactions. If necessary, the players should Referee: (Head slams into table repeatedly.)
leave the table to discuss plans and interplay requiring more discussion, but On any given turn, a handful of rule questions take a minute or two to
only with the referees permission. answer. Over the course of a game, those delays add up and slow the game
Second, sideline role-playing should remain quick and focused. For the to a feeble pace. If your group saves just five minutes per hour of game, over
most part, all members of the group should discuss important, complicated, the course of an evening you gain an extra half hour of play time.
or involved discussions together. If participants leave the table too often, they
risk disturbing others and interfering with other players turns. Each player must assume responsibility for knowing his characters abili-
ties, powers, and skills. If your character possesses a talent, you should write
Unfortunately, limited room or large groups of gamers may prevent side-
down the details for later reference. Few people boast a perfect memory, so
line role-playing. The referee may discourage sideline interactions if the noise
the best tactic is to write everything down. If you know where to find miss-
level becomes excessive or if the game suffers disruptions. Players and the ref-
eree should discuss the possibility of sideline role-playing before the game and ing information, save everyone the time and look it up before your characters
clarify questions or concerns ahead of time. As an alternative, players could next turn. Each player should take responsibility for knowing rules impor-
interact by passing notes to one another, although only with the referees per- tant to his character. Thus, players running fighter-type characters should
mission. familiarize themselves with combat rules, while spellcasters should learn
everything possible about the magic system. If you notice another player
COMPOSE struggling to find information, help him out between turns.
A players journal provides an effective, timesaving tool during the cam- Obviously, there are times when a player cannot answer a rule question, or
paign. Between turns, spend time recording events in your journal and a situation requires clarification. Even so, do your best to have rule informa-
updating past entries. As the campaign progresses, your journal helps remind tion ready or within easy grasp.
you of past adventures and refreshes your memory concerning clues and plots.
In addition, a game journal serves as an invaluable aid in keeping track of THREE THINGS TO CONSIDER
character names and details. Organize your journal however you choose;
chronological order often works best. Include sketches of maps, symbols, and Politeness, consideration, and commitment are all important to any role-
runes. Keep track of days and months throughout the campaign. Keep copi- playing session. A good game depends on its participants to work together
ous notes concerning which character owns what item. Even if your charac- and focus their energies on the adventure instead of outside distractions.
ter might not maintain a journal, a written record helps the players sort out Players and referees alike should consider the three steps described below to
the game world and avoid confusion. If you possess an artistic flair for draw- ensure everyone at the table has a good time. These common sense actions
ing, create images of the things your party encounters. If you feel creative,
help enforce the value of the ORCS system.
write your journal from your characters point of view.
First, focus your attention on the game and on game-related activities.
With a bit of effort, a campaign journal often proves worth its weight in
dice. Few players remember everything their characters see, hear, or learn. Avoid picking up the latest comic books (Knights of the Dinner Table exclud-
What was the fourth line of that ancient prophecy? What command word ed, of course!) and reading at the table. Likewise, avoid paging through mag-
controls the staff your wizard discovered? What was the kings name? With azines, drawing the latest issue of your home-brewed comic book, or playing
your campaign notes, such questions pose few challenges. Often, other play- with your favorite mechanical pencil at the table. Giving too much attention
ers start to rely upon the journal keepers records to jog their memories, too. to these outside distractions is both rude and inconsiderate. Inevitably, when
Ultimately, any type of journal serves the purpose. If you feel like spend- your attention focuses on these extraneous activities, you miss important
ing the money, buy a fancy bound book with parchment pages. Otherwise, events in the game. For example, if the enemy wizard begins to cast his
a spiral notebook or ledger book works fine. doomsday ritual, your character may want to interfere. If you miss important
information from another player or the referee, your character and the rest of
SEEK the party suffer. If you follow the ORCS strategy outlined above, you should
Ideally, a players turn begins with his declaration of action. have plenty to occupy your time between turns.
Unfortunately, players often start their turns with a barrage of questions and Second, respect every person at the table. In the heat of play, everyone has
hesitation while they decide their next action. To speed up the game, consult an idea to share or action to discuss. As a result, everyone talks at once and
the rulebooks between turns whenever you have a rules question. For exam- no one hears anything. Whenever possible, avoid interrupting another play-
ple, if you need to know a spells duration or range, or if you forgot a weapons er. Give each person the opportunity to speak without intrusion or distrac-
damage rating, look the information up before your turn. If your cleric plans tion. If one player asks the referee a question, wait your turn rather than
to cast a healing spell, make certain you know how much damage it heals. If clamoring for attention. At times, players crowd over each other in their
possible, find the answer to your own questions so your turn takes as little
enthusiasm. Do your best to promote a smooth flow of ideas and informa-
time as necessary. Few things bog a game down or frustrate the referee more
tion between players and between players and the referee. Sometimes, the
than looking up rules information.
game functions best when people take formal turns rather than talking at will.
Imagine the following exchange at the gaming table:
Finally, if you find yourself too tired, cranky, or ill to remain awake, civil,
Referee: Okay, Rick, your turn. What does your character do? and involved during the game, avoid inflicting your misery on your fellow
Player: Uh, I cast magic missile at the dragon. Am I in range? gamers. At times, the best strategy is to stay home and get some rest or work
Referee: (Checks the rules.) Yes, you are in range. Go ahead and roll your through your foul mood. People play games to have fun, and you should be
damage. honest with yourself about your mood and health. Likewise, if you find your-
Player: Uh, how much damage does that spell do? self growing angry or frustrated, walk away from the game for a moment and
collect your thoughts. When tempers flare, sometimes the best solution
Referee: (Sighs.) Each missile does 2-5 points of damage. You just cast that
spell last round! involves a short break from play. The other players will thank you for your
mature consideration.
Player: Wait, you're right. I change my mind and cast a fireball. Am I in
range? How you use the time between your characters turns plays a role in how
much fun you and other players have. The players who spend this time read-
Referee: (Sighs.) Yes, you are in range.
ing comics, watching TV, playing solitaire, or making jokes only detract from
Player: (Rolls damage.) I did 23 points of damage. the game and lessen everyones enjoyment. If you put the ORCS system to
Player 2: Wait! Rick, we talked about that already. The dragon eats fireballs work, the time spent between character turns enhances the game for everyone
for breakfast. Use a lightning bolt instead. involved. After putting these strategies into play, you are likely to discover
Player: Oh, I forgot about that. Okay, I cast lightning bolt. Am I in range? role-playing more involving, more interactive, and more entertaining.
Wolf Pack Tactics
A Guide to Cooperative
Combat in D&D 3E
By Mark A. Hart
actical combat is often a central the target; some tactics
T element of a good D&D adven-

ture. Each combat brings the
opportunities for risks and rewards. Despite
require two or more
attackers. A support
character makes no direct
the danger involved with every fight, the typ- attacks, but instead pro-
ical adventuring party approaches combat in vides assistance or a
a haphazard, individualistic, and unplanned resource to the attacking
manner. Each character does his own thing character. Finally, each
and contributes to the fight as he chooses. tactic lists suggestions for
Characters tend to fall into stereotypes dur- feats and special abilities
ing each battle as fighters engage in melee, useful in improving its
rogues sneak to the rear, arcane spellcasters outcome.
launch offensive spells, and divine spellcast-
ers boost and heal their allies. As a result, the B ULL RUSH /A DJACENT
PCs win most of their battles through a com- ALLY
bination of brute force and simple luck. Attacker #1: The char-
Unfortunately, this approach to combat is acter launches a bull rush
expensive in lost hit points and expended attack against the target. Attacker: An arcane spellcaster who can
spells. Each fight wears down the party more cast levitate.
than necessary, leaving the adventurers weak- Attacker #2: The character is adjacent to
ened before the next fight. the target and forward of attacker #1. Other: A bagful of alchemists fire vials.
The following article describes ten differ- Description: This tactic requires the Description: This tactic requires plan-
ent tactics for use in D&D combat with the characters to be in an L shaped pattern, ning and placement before combat begins,
3.5 edition rules. Each tactic involves a dif- with a character at each end and the target in perhaps as part of an ambush. A few minutes
ferent scenario, and each tactic has its own the middle. Attacker #1 makes a bull rush before the arrival of an enemy, the spellcaster
requirements and end results. In some towards the target. The goal is to push the places a bag of alchemists fire on the floor of
instances, the goal of a tactical scenario is to target through a square threatened by attack- a pre-planned spot. The spellcaster casts lev-
inflict as much damage on the target as pos- er #2. If the bull rush succeeds, the target is itate on the bag and levitates it 10 feet or
sible. Other tactics counter an ability or item pushed 5 feet back. Attacker #2 makes an more over the target square.
possessed by the enemy. attack of opportunity against the target. When an enemy enters the ambush and
Many of the scenarios described below fall Suggestions: If attacker #1 possesses the stands in the target square, the spellcaster dis-
into the category of wolf pack tactics. Improved Bull Rush feat, he can make a bull pels the levitate (a standard action). The bag
When a wolf pack attacks its prey, the wolves rush without provoking an attack of oppor- drops on the target square and, with a suc-
attack from different directions at the same tunity. cessful touch attack, immolates that square in
time. This tactic forces the prey to divide its fire.
defenses and leads it to panic. Many of the FEINT ATTACK/SNEAK ATTACK Suggestion: Other materials can be sub-
tactics described below are designed to offer Attacker: A character with an above aver- stituted for the alchemists fire. For example,
the rogue opportunities to make sneak age Bluff skill score. a tanglefoot bag or a thunderstone could be
attacks. Other scenarios require a spellcaster Description: The feint maneuver is dis- used.
(i.e., divine or arcane) or a specific feat. cussed in the Player's Handbook (pg 155).
One of the best feats available for tactical A rogue can use this tactic to gain a sneak MOUNT SPELL/MOUNTED FEATS
combat is Combat Reflexes, and many of the attack against his target. First, the character Support: An arcane spellcaster able to
wolf pack tactics take advantage of this feat. feints against the target. If the feint succeeds, cast the mount spell.
In essence, an attack of opportunity is a free the target loses its Dexterity bonus to AC and Attacker: A character with an above aver-
attack, and PCs should take advantage of is vulnerable to a sneak attack. age Ride skill score. The character should
them whenever possible. Several of these tac- Suggestions: This tactic is most useful also possess the Mounted Combat feat and
tics also involve flanking the enemy. When when the attacker possesses the Improved perhaps other related feats (e.g., Ride-By
two characters flank a target, they both Feint feat. With this feat, the feint is a move Attack, Spirited Charge, Trample).
receive a +2 attack bonus. Flanking an oppo- action and the attacker can sneak attack in
nent also provides a rogue with the opportu- Description: Mounted combat provides a
the same round. The higher the characters variety of options and tactics, yet it is rarely
nity to make a sneak attack. Bluff skill score, the better his chances of a part of D&D combat. Indeed, few adven-
Each tactic describes the participants successful feint. turing parties are willing to drag a horse into
involved and the resources necessary. The the dungeon. Adventurers often find them-
attacker makes some form of attack against LEVITATE/ALCHEMIST'S FIRE selves in places where mounts are more of

hindrance than help. There are occasions, mon monster or summon nature's ally. A monk and a rogue working in concert are
however, where the right terrain and combat Attacker: A character with the sneak perfect for this tactic.
situation allow a mount to be an asset. attack ability.
With the 1st-level wizard/sorcerer spell Description: The spellcaster summons a TRUE STRIKE/DISARM
mount the party can summon a horse or monster and has it appear on opposite flank Attacker: An arcane spellcaster who can
pony as a standard action and take advantage with the attacker. When this occurs, both
of the opportunities provided by mounted cast the true strike spell.
the summoned monster and the rogue
combat. For example, a mounted PC can receive the +2 flanking bonus against the tar- Support: Although not essential, another
overrun an enemy with a trample, or charge get, while the rogue can make a sneak attack. combatant to keep the target occupied.
the enemy with a ride-by attack.
Suggestions: Summon monster and sum- Description: There are times when
Suggestions: Several mounted combat mon nature's ally require a full-round action
feats are available in the PHB. The terrain to cast. The spellcaster and the rogue should adventurers desperately need to strip a villain
and combat situation dictate which feats are consider this delay. The summoned monster of his magic sword, wand of megadeath, or
useful. For example, in combat against a need not be powerful for this tactic to work. mystical necklace. On those occasions, this
Huge-size creature, a trample attack is a poor tactic is a gamble but possibly worth the risk.
choice. In combat against a group of medi- TANGLEFOOT BAG/SPECTRAL
um or small creatures, however, a trample First, an arcane spellcaster casts true strike on
HAND SPELL COMBO
attack is powerful and effective. himself. The spellcaster makes a half move.
Attacker #1: A nearby character with a The next round, the spellcaster attempts to
The attacker should possess a high Ride good throwing attack and a tanglefoot bag.
skill score to improve the effectiveness of this disarm (or grab) the offending weapon or
tactic. This tactic can be combined with a Attacker #2: An arcane spellcaster who item. The true strike grants the spellcaster a
paladin using his special mount for impres- has cast spectral hand and is able to cast
another touch attack spell. +20 bonus to his disarm attempt. If the
sive results. attacker attempts to grab an item other than
Description: Although this tactic requires
READY ACTION/SPELLCASTER DISTRACTION preparation and time to set up, it can pro- a weapon, he gains a +4 bonus to the
duce impressive results. First, the arcane attempt. To gain the benefit of the true
Attacker: A character with a readied
action. spellcaster casts spectral hand. That same strike, the wizard/sorcerer must make the dis-
round, attacker #1 throws a tanglefoot bag at arm attempt before the end of the next round
Description: There are times when the the target creature. Because the bag is
PCs need to disrupt an enemy spellcaster after the spell was cast or the spell is wasted.
thrown as a ranged touch attack, it usually
from completing a spell. The target may be has a better chance to hit the target than a As is evident, this tactic is hazardous and
preparing his climactic destroy everyone normal attack. If the tanglefoot bag success- should be considered an act of desperation.
spell, or he may be casting a spell to complete fully entangles the target, the spellcaster casts
an evil ritual. On these occasions, one of the This scenario puts the spellcaster in harm's
a touch attack spell of 4th level or lower and
PCs should wait in reserve with a readied uses the spectral hand to attack the target. way. Even if he reaches the target without
action. When the enemy spellcaster begins Not only does the spectral hand grant +2 to being hit, his disarm attempt provokes an
to cast his spell, the PC attacks and forces the spell touch attacks, the tanglefoot bag inflicts attack of opportunity.
target to make a Concentration check. The a -4 Dexterity penalty on the entangled tar-
more damage the attack does, the harder the get. This combination gives the spellcaster Suggestion: Although unlikely, it is help-
Concentration check DC is (10 plus the an improved chance of hitting with his touch ful if the spellcaster attempting the disarm
amount of damage dealt by the attack). attack spell. has the Improved Disarm feat to avoid pro-
Unless the enemy spellcaster casts on the Suggestions: Good choices for the touch voking an attack of opportunity.
defensive (which requires a Concentration attack spell include chill touch, touch of idio-
check by itself), spellcasting provokes an Although not critical to this tactic's suc-
cy (especially against spellcasters), ghoul
attack of opportunity. If a rogue with a read- touch, vampiric touch, or enervation. cess, it is advisable for a divine spellcaster to
ied action is within range of the target, the cast sanctuary on the attacking character.
rogue can make a sneak attack, potentially TRIP ATTACK/FLANK SNEAK ATTACK This spell can help protect the attacker from
forcing the target to make a difficult Attacker #1: The character flanks the tar- damage en route to the target.
Concentration check. get and makes a trip attack.
The tactics described above only touch
STUNNING FIST/SNEAK ATTACK Attacker #2: A character with the sneak the surface of the possibilities available to
attack ability. He flanks the target opposite
Attacker #1: A monk or other character attacker #1. clever PCs. Hundreds of tactical possibilities
with the Stunning Fist feat. are possible through the right combination of
Description: First, attacker #1 makes a
Attacker #2: A character with the sneak trip attack against the target. If the attack spells, feats, and combat positioning. With
attack ability. succeeds, the target is prone and suffers -4 to practice, PCs can create their own repertoire
Description: A successful stunning fist AC and -2 to attacks. To stand, the target of tactics based on the ones presented here.
attack leaves the target vulnerable to a sneak must take a move action; doing so provokes As the party becomes skilled at identifying
attack. This is another tactic where a monk an attack of opportunity. When the target
tactical opportunities, the better they work
and a rogue form an excellent combination stands, attacker #2 launches his sneak attack
in combat. with an improved chance to hit. together and the deadlier they become
against their enemies. In the end, tactics are
Suggestions: This tactic works best if
SUMMON MONSTER/SNEAK ATTACK attacker #1 possesses the Improved Trip feat about gaining the advantage, and adventurers
Support: A spellcaster who can cast sum- to avoid provoking an attack of opportunity. need every advantage they can find.

BAIT &
BAIT: to lure, tempt, or entice.
TACKLE: to knock an opponent to the ground.
ait and Tackle presents a series of brief adventure hooks that a GM can
TACKLE
B take and flesh out on the fly. They can be useful if the GM finds hes
short on ideas when preparing an adventure, or finds his group has out-
paced the nights adventure and he suddenly finds himself having to improvise.
Generic Adventure Hooks
and Encounters for
the GM to run with.
Each hook is presented in a simple three-part format.
SETTING: This is simply a tag identifying the setting or type of adventure Compiled by Jolly R. Blackburn
hook, i.e. wilderness, city, subterranean, etc.
BAIT: Exactly that the situation or carrot used to lure or bait the play- days.
ers and prod them in the right direction.
TACKLE: This is the hammer or twist that makes the situation dangerous, If the party do not attack immediately, the goblinoids
exciting, or challenging. Without the tackle whats the point? may attempt to bargain with them: the unicorn's horn
As with other features in the magazine, readers are encouraged to submit for all the food, water and other supplies the party
B&Ts of their own. Hooks should be generic in nature and brief.
carry. The horn is distinctively chipped; the tip was
broken off in a tree trunk decades ago. An elven her-
CRYSTAL STATUE ISLAND mit, with whom the party may have to deal if they
Setting: Sea, River or Lake. By Scott W. Roberts become lost in the forest, will recognize the horn and
BAIT: While sailing from one location to the next, a may accuse the party of murdering his friend the uni-
mist brews up. No landmarks are visible. An island corn.
suddenly appears out of the mist, and the ship is The goblinoids consist of several weaker types (eg gob-
beached. lins or orcs) led by a few tougher types (eg bugbears or
Tackle: The island is small and grassy, with rocky edges ogres.) A low-level shaman may be added to spice up
and a small copse of trees. At the heart of the island is the challenge. The elven hermit is a wizard or druid of
a clearing. A circle of six crystal statues stands in the equal level to the party and possessing intimate knowl-
clearing; each is nine feet tall. The statues resemble edge of the forest.
various NPCs the party has met on its travels. HAUNTED FOREST PATH
The island may be an obscure clue placed in the party's Setting: Forest By Scott W. Roberts
path by the powers that be, or an elaborate trap. BAIT: The most direct route between two towns cuts
Touching a statue - or speaking aloud a secret the NPC through a forest. A road built along this route gener-
represented had shared with the party - may confer ations ago has fallen into disrepair. According to local
healing, information, minor magical ability or a curse legend, the road is haunted.
at the GM's whim. Attacking a statue may cause it to Tackle: The area of forest that the road cuts through is
animate. Trying to figure out the relationships home to isolationist pixies. Low-level spells such as
between the represented NPCs may keep the players Audible Glamour, Dancing Lights, Improved
stumped long enough for the GM to improvise the Phantasmal Force, Spook and Scare have been woven
next encounter. into the trees lining the road. The magical process is
After 6, 12 or 24 hours (GMs choice), the island dis- similar to that of a cursed item. Each turn the party
appears and the mist dissipates. Any character still on spends on the road, there is a cumulative 1 in 6 chance
the island may be teleported at random to the resi- of triggering a spell effect. If the party continue, a
dence of one of the NPCs mimicked by a statue. pixie scout will invisibly trail them amid the trees.
If the party leave the trail for whatever reason, wraiths
UNICORN'S HORN
and shadows may attack them: former victims of the
Setting:: Forest By Scott W. Roberts pixie road. If the party persist, the pixie scout will sum-
BAIT: A goblinoid band of raiders are butchering a uni- mon a larger band of pixie archers with sleep-enven-
corn at their campsite. They wear the uniform of a omed arrows. If they are lucky, the party may simply
powerful evil wizard or ruler in the campaign. find themselves outside the forest the next day.
Tackle: The goblinoid band of raiders are in fact
HEY HERO GOT A BAIT & TACKLE OF YOUR
deserters; while morale is low, they fear capture by OWN TO SHARE?? WELL, WADDA YA
their master more than the party. Crazed and weak- WAITIN FOR? AN ENGRAVED INVITATION??
ened by hunger, they may attack the party for food.
The unicorn represents their first substantial meal in
SEND IT IN ALREADY!!

LOST GAME
S A FA R I
The Hunt for Out-of-Print
Games Worthy of a Second Look
YACHT RACE
Publisher: Parker Brothers
Type: Board Game
Number of Players: 2-6
Playing Time: 60 minutes
Age: 8 and up
Date Published: 1961
Frequency: Sufficient
Going Rate for a Copy: $30-50
Scouted by: Eric O. Costello
islands and ocean spaces marked out in equal square
grid areas, with individual squares for the marks and
the starting line. In the centre of the board, there is
hen my parents emigrated from Ireland in Wind Island, which contains a compass rose showing
W the early 1961, one of the things they want-

ed to find was something for the parties they
held for friends, a game that was relatively simple and
from which direction the wind is blowing, and in a cor-
ner of the board, an area for the Sailors Luckcards
(described below). There are six die-cast yachts of dif-
balanced, and could be played fairly quickly, yet with a ferent colors for the players. There are 18 spinnaker
definite air of strategy. My father was (and still is) an cards, each player being dealt 3 at the start of the race,
avid sailor, and a then-new offering from Parker and 72 wind change cards, each player being dealt 12
Brothers caught my parents eye, a board game called at the start of the race. Finally, there is a small wood-
Yacht Race. It was expensive for the time, approxi- en triangle, the wind indicator, which is placed on
mately $25, but the cost proved to be a bargain in the the compass rose on Wind Island to show from which
long run; forty years and more later, the game is still direction the wind is blowing.
brought out when the family gathers together for holi- It is worth noting that the materials are printed from
days. I myself tracked down a copy of the game (on very thick, high quality materials, and the yachts are
which, more later), so that when and if I start a family, very sturdy, which probably explains the hefty 1961
I can pass down this tradition. price tag. Our copy of Yacht Race has been in con-
The object of the game is stated simply in the rules: stant use for forty years, as Ive said, and the pieces
[t]he ultimate goal of the players is to be the FIRST show no sign of wear and tear.
SKIPPER to navigate the prescribed course around the Players place their yachts on a set of numbered blocks,
marks (A, B AND C) and over the FINISH LINE. 1 through 6, which are located behind the starting/fin-
Second and third place winners will follow and the race ishing square, the placement to be determined at ran-
may continue until the last boat crosses the finish line. dom. The wind indicator is then placed on north-
The equipment is also fairly straightforward. There is west on the compass rose, and play then begins.
a large folding game board which, when unfolded, Players move in a straight line according to which way
reveals a play area in the form of an ocean chart, with the wind is blowing. Obviously, players cant move in

the same direction from which the wind is blowing ment or getting becalmed, or being forced to recover a
(that is, if the wind is coming from the north, you cant man overboard), or things that might be good or bad
move north). There are six different speeds at which a (various events causing radical clockwise or counter-
player may skipper their yacht. A yacht can be beat- clockwise shifts in the direction of the wind, the other
ing, that is, moving at 45 degrees into the wind (such major way in which the wind can be changed).
as moving northeast or southeast when the wind is The single square that marks the start and the finish
from the east), allowing one square. Reaching is must be passed over directly, from one of the three
when the wind is coming over the yachts side (such as angles marked by small arrows on the grid.
moving north or south when the wind is from the east)
And that, quite simply, is that. The rules cover only
and allows the yacht to move two squares. A broad
four pages in relatively large type, and can be quickly
reach is when the wind is blowing behind the ship at
learned. (My Japanese sister-in-law picked up the
a 45 degree angle. If the wind is from the east, a skip-
game very quickly in a single afternoon, for example.)
per can move his yacht three squares to the southwest
From long experience with the game, blow-outs are
or northwest. Running before the wind, that is,
very rare, as players are constantly changing the wind
moving directly downwind (for example, moving west
(in part to foil the use of spinnakers) or attempting to
when the wind is from the east), will also allow you to
block the wind for other skippers. In a four- or five-
move three squares. Additionally, if there is a boat in
player game, there is a great deal of jockeying about;
an adjacent square, and it is
one of the keys to the
directly upwind (that is,
game is the timely sav-
blocking the wind from
ing, and then use, of
reaching you) at the start of
the wind change and
a skippers turn for
spinnaker cards.
instance, the skipper is
There is an element of
blanketed, and therefore
chance in the game
cannot move. The sixth
with Sailors Luck,
speed comes when you
but the squares are
deploy a spinnaker, which
spread out sufficiently
Ill describe in a moment.
so that it is difficult to
All moves must be able to
move over such a
be completed on the grid;
square deliberately
if a landmass prevents the
without going far off
full use of the move, then
course. Still, in a late
that move is illegal.
game, it is an element
The direction of the wind of strategy to gamble
is not static. It can be on one, last Sailors
changed by a player at the start of his turn, before he Luck card to try to foil another skippers victory, by
moves, through the use of the wind change cards. changing the wind or forcing an unwelcome move.
Each card allows the player to move the wind direc- Games go fairly quickly, and it is easy to play two or
tion, clockwise, 45 degrees. three games in the course of about ninety minutes or
If a skipper is in a broad reach or running before the two hours.
wind, position, that is, if hes moving in one of the The rules do suggest shorter games, such as going
three directions most downwind, he can deploy, at the around just one or two of the marks, or going around
start of his turn, before he moves, one of his three spin- the marks in reverse. The rules, alas, are silent as to
nakers. This will allow him to move five squares, so such hoody-hoo tactics as the use of cannon, ship-to-
long as he is in a broad reach or "running before the ship missiles, smallpox, or boarding parties. My father
wind position. As soon as he is no longer doing this takes his sailing seriously, and I doubt he would appre-
at the start of his turn, or if he cant complete a five- ciate such novel rule suggestions on my part.
square move in a straight line, the spinnaker must
I purchased my copy of Yacht Race on eBay for $30,
come down.
with shipping. I have seen at least two other copies in
There is an element of chance in the game, provided the last year sell on eBay for prices in the range of $50.
by the Sailors Luck cards. A few of the grid-squares I have no information as to how long Parker Brothers
on the map are marked with the Sailors Luck logo, sold this game (this was in the era before it was bought
and if a skipper moves his yacht over such a square (he by General Mills, the cereal makers), but the high price
doesnt have to land on it), he takes a Sailors Luck tag and relatively limited market for yacht-racing
card and follows the instructions. This can involve games must have made sales comparatively small.
good things (a good crew allowing extra moves, a Ironically, the high price tag and the quality materials
favorable wind gust allowing extra speed, fog settling from which it was made probably ensured that more
allowing the skipper to move all the other yachts one copies of this game than usual survived.
move), bad things (losing turns through broken equip-

A Gamers
R a n t on
M ov i e s By Noah Antwiler
Star Wars Rant - Problems Ep3 Wont Fix

or too long, Star Wars Prequel Yes, Im serious. Jar Jar being the instru- Geonosians was just stupid!
F Apologists have tried to explain away

all my rantings about plot holes with
the explanation that Episode 3 will provide
ment of Palpatines ascension was actually a
clever move on Lucas part, but the sad part
is that it wont have any real payoff. Heres
4) Jar Jar, having proven himself as the
ultimately malleable political puppet, is
rewarded by Palpatine with an entire region
all the answers. what could happen but wont. of the galaxy to govern. Palpatines genius is
Yeah, so did The Matrix Revolutions, 1) The oppressed populace of Naboo proven in employing a witless, spineless,
fanboy. becomes outraged at Jar Jars dunderheaded sniveling coward as one of his vassals. The
You honestly think Revenge of the Sith actions in the Republic Senate. Now they live Empires brutality is enough to ensure that
will really solve anything? Well it wont. In under an oppressive, despotic regime com- Jar Jar will not be deposed, and Binks is so
fact, I doubt itll even address them. You manded by the Emperor. Their men and easily intimidated, so completely stupid, so
thought I was done savaging the Holy children are drafted into labor camps and incapable of deceit, and lacking the balls to
Trilogy? Fat chance, not since it became a military service, and their entire industry rebel against Vader, that Jar Jar becomes the
Holy sixtilogy...sixogy...sextetogy...sextol- commandeered to feed the Imperial war ideal pawn. The Emperor needs never fear
ogy...sexogy...Six movies. Strap in, farm boy! machine. Jar Jar becomes the outlet for pop- insurgence from Binks. Even if he tried any-
ular rage and becomes vilified almost imme- thing, Palpie would smell it coming a mile
Jar Jar Binks diately. Riots tear apart Theed and insurgents away.
Ever get the feeling George Lucas is doing invade the palace, where they lynch Jar Jar Yoda
things just to spite us now? Hes gone on with his own pants and pound his bones into
record saying that he doesnt really care what jelly with sticks. Its always been a gigantic plot hole, even
the fans want to see; its all about his vision. before the prequels were even dreamed of.
2) Jar Jar, torn with guilt and remorse over Why couldnt Yoda just confront Vader and
Well Jar Jar Binks is a part of that vision, and handing the keys of the galaxy over to
with an ego like Georgies Id be willing to bet the Emperor himself? Hes the ultimate Jedi
Emperor Palpatine, descends into a spiral of master, isnt he? Why is he hiding out on
that rather than bend to fan pressure and alcohol and death-stick abuse. Filthy,
kill the jammy bastard hell make sure Dagobah huddled in ass-smelling robes and
hideous, unshaven (I mean, more so than eating nasty stew every night? Its even more
that blasted Gungan lives on forever just as a usual), and lousy with alcohol poisoning, he
gigantic intergalactic middle finger to those of an issue when you consider Attack of the
can find no comfort or sympathy anywhere Clones, in which Yodas character was hope-
who would spit on his sacred vision. on Naboo. After a futile attempt to call an ex- lessly slaughtered and replaced with a com-
What? Its what Id do. girlfriend to lend him money for an eight- puter-generated cuisinart ninja booger, who
Anyway, youd better get used to the ball, Jar Jar finally realizes that hes so annoy- is apparently the best lightsaber duelist in the
Binks. He wont have a major role in Ep3, ing and pathetic that even other Gungan galaxy.
but I can guarantee you he aint dying. You women will never touch him in the naughty
place. He tries to end it all by sticking a Yeah, I know, its complete horsesh**, but
wont see any political fallout come down on lets just operate under the assumption that
Binks, no popular outcry against the one blaster in his mouth, but lacks the balls to
pull the trigger. He finally ends up overdos- its true.
man (a term I use only because I must) that
set Palpatine up on his throne with sweeping ing on heroin and valium, and unexpectedly The question remains why Yoda would
power over the entire military. See, you chokes to death on a nerf burger. simply let the Empire rise to power when he
might think that this would be logical writ- 3) It turns out that Jar Jar has been play- could have dealt with Anakin (or Vader),
ing, which is exactly why it wont happen. In ing us all from the beginning, and that he Palpatine, and Dooku at any time he felt like.
this scenario, one of several things could hap- was the mastermind behind the entire He could have stamped this problem out
pen all of them that might provide an scheme to elevate Palpatine to power. He long before it got out of hand. I dont even
actual satisfying justification to Jar Jars exis- even designed the Death Star because you really think you would have had to twist
tence. know, the Death Star being conceived by the Vaders arm all that hard to simply send a

message calling him out for a good old-fash- Grand Moff Tarkin Howard the Duck
ioned swordfight. Palpatine would probably
Theres a line where Tarkie and Vader are His existence might explain away a great
know better than to play fair, but Vader? All
talking about Obi Wan Kenobi, and Tarkie many things if he showed up in Ep3.
youd have to do is throw some childish
says You, my old friend, are all that remains
taunts about his dead mommy at him, call of their religion. This seems to imply that
Ewoks
him Little Orphan Annie and Id be will- Tarkie and Vader have a long and trusting So the clones of the greatest bounty
ing to bet a perfectly hissy-fitting Sith Lord friendship (Tarkin uses the word friend, in hunter and soldier of all time get slaughtered
would be there in under 12 parsecs. Anakin an honest tone). So much of a friendship handily by Ewoks? I barely accepted this
has yet to win a lightsaber duel of any kind- that Tarkie even seems to exert a fair amount when I ignorantly believed Stormtroopers to
or indeed, show any proficiency with of control over Vader, as we see Vader obey-
lightsabers at all. Anakin even tried cheating just be conscripted space yahoos from the
ing such direct commands as Vader, release white-trash areas of the galaxy. Now you
and used two lightsabers against Dooku and him! I strongly doubt anyone else save the
he STILL got slapped around like a school- want me to believe legions of the ultimate
Emperor himself has the clout to even speak
girl in a womens prison. Even better, as in his presence without being addressed, let soldier are getting annihilated by teddy
Vader he fights like an old man with robotic alone COMMAND Vader to do anything. bears? Yub yub indeed!
limbs. Surely hes no match for Ninja Yoda. Lando Calrissian
Why is this a problem? Well its not, I
Darth Vader guess. But its something that will never be Where does Lando get those pimp
Im not sure who to blame for Anakin explained adequately, like Admiral Mottis clothes? Come on, what other man do you
Skywalkers lame and wholly unconvincing apparent amnesia about how long ago the know that could wear a cape? Me, thats who!
moral descent to the Dark Side: Hayden Old Republic was. If only I knew where to shop. What is tiban-
Christensen, whose acting is so wooden and R2-D2 na gas used for, anyway? How do you mine
awkward Lucas would have been better off Maybe well see jawas steal R2s rockets, gas?
replacing him entirely with a puppet from which will explain why we never see them in
Thunderbirds...or George Lucas himself, Androids
the original trilogy. Maybe? Anyone?
who wrote Anakin as a sniveling little man- So wait, Winona was a ROBOT? Thats
baby who turns to the Dark Side because of Mousedroids
just crap. Ugh, damn it, I did it again. Sorry.
mild paranoia and angst over his mommy. What are these used for? Floor cleaning?
Mobile cold beer transport? Space weevil SWK
The problem remains that in Episodes 4-
6, Darth Vader is a relatively cool customer traps? Ive heard theyre used to ferry mes- My momma always told me, Never write
with a vast reservoir of rage at his command. sages around on Imperial ships. I thought we down anything you dont want someone else
had wireless networks for that. to read. I guess same goes for videotapes,
Hes calm, collected, but brutal. Impatient,
but calculating and thorough. How do we The Merovingian eh? You figure Ep3 will provide any sense of
justify the transition from Anakin who is Where in the hell did his character go? closure for the Star Wars Kid, whom I still
a whiny little wuss to Darth Vader, the Wait...wrong movie. feel no pity for? I dont! Might as well learn
blackest mutha in the galaxy? Itd take a mir- Boba Fett to laugh at it, fatty, cause its pretty damn
acle, one which Lucas doesn have. All weve funny watching you do the chunk shuffle.
seen is Anakin mincing about Obi Wan Youd think a guy whose father was killed
holding me back and moping about his by Jedi would be better prepared to kill Believe me, Ive got worse moves than he
mommy. Guess what, ANNIE, you didnt them. You wont see him in Ep3. does. But the difference is that I dont video-
exactly write letters or pick up the damn The Prophecy tape it. Me R smrt.
phone during the TEN YEARS you spent Do you think theyll ever explain how Kenobi
training to be a frigging Jedi, you inconsid- none of the wise Jedi Masters ever figured If Vaders so anxious to exterminate the
erate twerp. You never thought to oh, I out that the prophecy of the one who will
Jedi, youd think hed be looking pretty hard
dont know RESCUE her, or buy her bring balance to the Force meant the little
back from Watto? You dont think that jackass standing in front of you will be for old Ben. If Tatooine isnt the first place
would be your one all-consuming goal, to responsible for either killing you all, or rais- hed look for Ben & Luke, Id be hard pressed
rescue your own mom from SLAVERY? And ing an equal legion of Sith to kill you? to find another likely place to start. Hell,
now Anakins all heartbroken. Gee, Im sad. Heck, *I* figured it out, and Im just a grad- after all the angst Anakin seems to have over
Heres my take. If I were Shmi Skywalker, uate student in computer science. Man, it Tatooine, youd think hed send the fleet
and if Id had the strength in the last would have been cool if Mace Windu had down there to glass the planet from orbit on
moments before my death, Id have lifted my just leapt out of his chair, cut Anakin in half, general principle.
head and spit my last breath into my lov- and sat back down blowing smoke from the
Its the only way to be sure.
ing sons eye. Send a postcard, you jerk. barrel of his BMF lightsaber.
Cocknocker Watto
Princess Leia
Ep3 would be the greatest movie in histo- While Im on the subject of Tatooine, ten
Since Bail Organa is dead, wouldnt that to one says that Anakin never seeks to take
ry if Cocknocker showed up to kill Mace
make her Queen Leia? vengeance on the smelly toydarian who
Windu.
Midichlorians enslaved his dear sweet mother in the first
Lightsabers
They were mentioned once in Phantom place. Hed be first on my hit list, personally.
Honestly, how DOES the lightsaber
Menace, and were never mentioned ever Greedo Shoots First-- er,
know how to go about yea high?
again. Thats a problem that nothing he
Kevin Smith Simultaneously
could do in Ep3 would solve. Well, maybe if
he said that Midichlorians come from the Why am I putting in so many Kevin Seen it. Still sucks. Had your chance.
planet Zeist... Smith references? Blew it. Cant fix it. Not buying.

was pretty quiet first thing in the they ever caught who lit the fire, I
morning when we were the only never heard about it. Scott W.
people in the place aside from the Roberts
fat bearded guy behind the counter.
SAVE THE CHICKEN
We briefly congratulated ourselves
on finally having some peace and One time back in college my
Actual Home-brewed quiet, then kept on playing. roommate at the time got mad at
Legends from our readers. me because I skipped out of some
What's that smell? one of the
games of his for some reason.
players asked, a few minutes later. Before he'd let me back into the
After a pause and much sniffing game for real, he wanted me to
around the table, the consensus was make amends. I proposed to him
reached that the smell in question that he let me play a penalty char-
was that of something burning. acter. Now, keep in mind that this
One of the players thought it might was a GURPS game with a
be paper. I critically failed my per- medieval setting. So I told him I'd
ception check (so to speak) and play anything, even a giant blue
said it might be wiring. Another chicken. Guess what I played?
player asked if we should check to Thats right... A giant blue chicken.
see if anything was wrong. Thats I named him Trowa since it was my
when I made a big mistake. I said third character in his campaign.
WHAT'S THAT SMELL? we should keep on gaming. Now, playing a giant blue chick-
Some years ago, my regular Looking back I cant really say en has some restraints, as you can
gaming group met in a back room whether we were eager to get on imagine. For one thing, Trowa
at our favorite gaming store. Most with the game, or to make good use couldn't talk. Or hold things. Or
of the time I was the Dungeon of the quiet while we still had it. fight, really. I think I might have
Master. The store was good to us, Maybe at the back of our minds we even taken temporal physics as a
and we reciprocated. Towards the knew what was going on, but skill. Anyway, we were fighting
end of our time there, however, I nobody wanted to make it real by kinku shapeshifted into dwarves,
learned an important lesson in the saying so. Or maybe we were so and the battle was not going to
fine art of being a Dungeon absorbed in the game that so far as well. One reason that the battle
Master. You dont just run the we were concerned the rest of the wasnt going too well was that the
campaign: youre responsible for world had just plain disappeared players kept trying to save the
the health and safety of your play- for the day. chicken... I kept saying Guys,
ers. Let me explain. We kept playing. A few minutes cmon! Its a giant chicken. Let the
later, someone appeared in the character die already! But they
The back room we gamed in was
doorway axe raised high. He insisted on continually saving the
furthest from the shop itself and
wore a distinctive uniform and hel- large flightless birds life at the
the stairs down to the basement
met. We fell silent. We stared at expense of taking heavy damage.
level of the arcade. To get to our
room we had to walk past another our visitor, and he stared at us. Finally, Trowa was decapitated.
room that was usually occupied by No, he wasnt a barbarian guard Of course being a chicken, he ran
who had fallen through a rift in the around for a bit before dying.
magic players or wargamers - who
dimensional vortex. He was a fire- Everyone was bummed. I said Its a
back in those days were the rowdi-
man. giant CHICKEN! You fry it up and
er side of the local gaming commu-
eat it now! For crying out loud! I
nity. Do you want us to leave? the
think they had a memorial service
Our group of six learned to role- player nearest the door asked,
for Trowa and then a barbecue...
play over their noise. scooping up his character sheet and
John Aaron Powers
One day we were fully immersed books (interesting priorities there
in the campaign when it slowly when you think about it.)
dawned on us that the other room The fireman look around briefly,
then reassured us the crisis was GOT A TALE FROM THE
wasn't as noisy as usual. In fact,
the whole store seemed to have over. TABLE
gone quiet. Given that it was Apparently someone had set fire OF YOUR OWN TO SHARE?
around mid-afternoon, we figured to the stores toilets. Then the fire- EMAIL IT TO
everyone else had gone for a late man left. KODTSUBMIT@KENZERCO.COM
lunch break. After all, the place And we went back to gaming. If
FIRK DING BLASTIN FAT HEADED SUNUVAGREL MORON CLUELESS FAT COW BETTER TAKE IT
E O
BACK YOU STUPID RAT HAIRED SCRUFFY FACED IDIOT OR \LL KICK YER ASS FROM NOON TO
C FF!
SUNDAY AND THEN ILL RIP OFF YOUR HEAD AND SPIT DOWN YOUR FRICKIN THROAT AND
FA
MAKE YOU CALL ME SALLY COULDNT POUR PEE OUT OF A BOOT YOU MUNCHKIN LOOKINBALD
BUTT FACE OF YERS AND MOP THE FLOOR WITH YOUR FACE YOU GOT THAT FIRK DING BLASTIN
FAT HEADED SUNUVAGREL MORON CLUELESS FAT COW BETTER TAKE IT BACK YOU STUPID RAT
HAIRED SCRUFFY F
TAKIN A POSITION
A ND DEFENDING IT
Note: Each month a question is posed to our audience on our discussion forums at www.kenzerco.com.
The replies below represent the views and opinions of readers and are not necessarily shared by
KenzerCo or members of its staff. Our role is merely to instigate and then step out of harms way.
THIS ISSUES DEBATE TOPIC: Should GMs plan ahead or GM off the cuff?
P LA N , BY ALL MEANS! OFF THE CUFF!
I myself have to plan ahead Indeed, I cant just decide off You cant possibly plan ahead.
the bat, I think Ill send my players here and see what hap- You just have to remember.
pens. Yes, part of the fun is the unpredictability of the players Stuff happens.
and the challenge to adapt to their actions, but I feel the need I had a duo adventure with two of the PCs (8th level) of the
to at least have a number of options ready. If for instance the regular group so they could catch up with the rest of the party
players are at a point where the tide could go either way, I will in xps.
decide ahead of time what would happen if they succeed or fail
First scenario was supposed to be easy: two druids and a sor-
and at least have a skeletal plot of what could and would hap-
pen, depending of course on players individual and party cerer taking on the merchant they were guarding, cumulative
actions. This way, I dont feel lost or scrambling for ideas when CR less than their level.
it comes down to it. I take the task of planning ahead and hav- A half dozen+ summoned hippogriffs later and the charac-
ing things ready as an important responsibility as a DM and ters were running for their lives.
not only to the players, but also to myself. JustACleric Thus, the rest of the planned night, meeting up with the
buyer, rival buyer showing up, fighting out of deal gone bad,
etc, was gone.
Heres my philosophy towards planning where homebrew Fortunately I remembered a series of monsters that the
campaigns are concerned. Personally, I plan things in multiple group had encountered earlier but were too low level to over
stages, on several different levels of detail. come before, so I set it up so they fought them again.
OVERALL, BIG PICTURE PLOT This is the view So, off the cuff, I had to create the bad guys, allies, envi-
from the top, the long haul planning. Where I want to take ronment, random encounters to get there, lair, treasure inside,
this campaign. This usually encompasses eight to ten levels etc.
worth of adventuring when I do it at my table. It usually All while making them think I planned for this contin-
involves a really big bad guy somewhere way in the back- gency.
ground (often not even known about until the characters are Worked out well. Vahktang
six or seven levels down the road)
ENTRY LEVEL PLOT This is the planning I do to get the
characters through the dangerous 1st thru 4th level range. This I always TRIED to plan everything ahead, but had players
is where most character deaths take place, and this is where the who INSISTED on doing something different... My first real
beginnings of the BIG PICTURE PLOT begin to appear campaign, I believe it was five sessions (and at least two char-
on the horizon. acters getting to level 2) before I got the characters to leave the
These are usually really short-ranged, session-or-two at tavern where they met...
most plots that get the party introduced to the area in which In college I gamed with a guy whos idea of preparation was
the campaign is going to take place to look up monsters he wanted to use, draw a map, and create
MID-LEVEL PLOT At this point, I couldn't have pre- one trap. EVERYTHING else was done on the fly.
dicted six or seven sessions ago where the party would be, so I I still never really developed the skill for that until I was
have to keep this one tailored to where the party is currently running a tournament game in Star Wars and the players man-
at, and where I think they'll be in a session or two, and keep aged to COMPLETELY, 100% derail the module in a per-
this all within my BIG PICTURE PLOT. fectly logical manner... Since then I rarely plan out anything
The way I do this is by introducing the BIG PICTURE for my own use in any but the barest map/stats/treasures/over-
PLOT elements bit by bit as they're dealing with them all plot detail. CEBrown
now
So, as you can see, my approach is a healthy combination of
make-it-up-as-you-go-along, worked within a common Plan plan plan. Then be ready to drop that plan at a
theme, planned out in advance. I plan out individual sessions moment's notice.When in doubt, have something mysteri-
in advance, and then I plan out groups of sessions in a much ous occur, and watch your players theorize over why. Steal
more general sense (with goals and character levels in mind the best idea they come up with and retroactively use that
rather than set-in-stone events that happen with critical tim-
ing), with an even MORE general overall plot planned out as the reason - especially if the idea is a hook to further
looking 8 to 10 levels ahead. adventures.

P LA N OFF THE CUFF
While at the table, running individual sessions, you never Always let (trick?) your players decide what happens next.
know what to expect from a party though, so no matter how This works best if they are unaware of the process. Never
loosely or tightly you plan things out, theyll still have you hesitate. Learn to Bluff. This is the KEY to running off the
thinking on the fly more than half the time. But if you cant cuff adventures. Kethonas
handle that, you probably shouldnt be behind the shield.
Demosthenes

Off the cuff for the most part...I have Point A and
Z...the rest usually depends on my players. And it pays to
Im a planner. Some games, like Hackmaster, require lots of be crazier than them... Cygnia
prep time. In other games, I still spend large amounts of time
preparing the game, but mainly on the parts that I think are

important instead of just anything the PCs might do. Planning
longer-term plots doesnt work so well, so I have a big picture I usually play off the cuff...with a framework of a plan
plot and a few adventures ready and then start going where the lodged in there somewhere. I have found if you plan too
game is going. much you get players telling you that you are forcing them
The one game I ran that was mostly unplanned prior to
to follow the Story and not do what they will. But without
shortly before the sessions wasn't terrible, but one player really planning you end up floundering if you are not very fast on
disliked it and I think the two players that had fun were just your feet. So I plan the big and let the details take care of
happy they were getting away with ubercheese. The game was themselves. It has worked so far. Rythax
not really what I wanted, but it was o.k. to run since I did get
a little of what I wanted in running a game in the wurld I chose Look, I say why plan when you can procrastinate? No,
for setting. Next time, the game is in that wurld but I will con- all kidding aside, I find GMing off the cuff to be exciting.
trol it a bit more. Im always going to be a planner-but there It keeps things fresh and more interesting. Of course, Ill
are times when you plan too much. Andrew Wayne have a general outline, and a list of NPCs who I can plug in
Franklin to various situations, but its very loose and open to change.
Cause how in the world can you really plan for everything
anyway? Players are always going to be unpredictable. Thats
Well, I know I am anal-retentive, and thus I plan like hell,
then I look at the plan and quote Gene Hackamn, I try to about the only thing anyone can count on after all. Ann
think of someone smarter than me, and say, what would he McIntosh
do?.
I roll out treasure (the reactions were the one time I rolled a
ring of fire protection for a troll encounter. It is also the only
time it has been done), work out how long it will take them to RIDIN THE FENCE
get where they are going with each way of getting there, all
encounters (including random encounters), have dungeons It depends on the group. near by cave they get the
mapped, flavor text readied, character sheets studied for what My home group will auto- same dungeon.
abilities they can bring to the table at any given time (I keep matically turn away from With most other groups
anything that I plan ahead if they tend to even work with
good books. son of an accountant, go figure) the whole nine they have even the vaguest me if they think I'm hinting
yards. Sstryk72 sense that the plot hook may at a direction. With that
have been predetermined or group I reward them by
that I may have thought planning ahead with plot
ahead they will do so just to points NPCs and encounters
STRAY SHOTS keep me on my toes as one and when I run dungeons
said. they are not as tweakable
That reminds me...I still need to think about writing some With them Ill not plan but far more suited to the
notes down for Saturdays game...Cygnia any story but will have pre- plot that the group is cur-
made encounters rolled up rently following.
to speed up combat. I also Really its all a matter of
will do premade dungeons groups. No GM can fully
Yeah you never know when one might bring a video camera that are easily tweakable plan ahead of all the players
to the game after reading some classic KODT within a minute of finding all the time.
SeptumSim out where the players are Plus Im not willing to
going so weather they decid- spend 6 straight hours on an
ed to save the princess or adventure like BA.
blow her off and search a SeptumSim
well CONGRATULATIONS fellas. thanks b.a. as a matter of
once again youve managed to fact i AM proud.
destroy a campaign that i NEXT ISSUES DEBATE QUESTION:
worked on for hours. you must
be pretty PROUD of yourselves..
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OUR DISCUSSION FORUM AT WWW.KENZERCO.COM

By Tony DiGerolamo
SOME COMICS I LIKE AND
WITCHBLADE
y last few comic books from Wizard World Philly and a few I since many of the characters seem derivations of old comic book characters
M picked up at Stormwatch Comics in Berlin, NJ. Let's take a

look:
INTERGALACTIC SUSHI is a free preview from GazeRizer Studios, Mecha
AND it has a retro feel to boot, you have to wonder why Moore continues
to waste his talent on this stuff. I guess he just loves it. I'm choking on
spandex here, Alan. Give me something new.
Zone (www.mechazone.com) and illustrator, David A. White. Binded Army of Darkness: Ashes to Ashes #1 from Devil's Due Publishing,
together like a little book, I.S. is a black and white comic that contains Dynamite Entertainment, $2.99 for 22 color pages. Picking up from
about 20 pages of story and 14 pages of making of material. The story where the movie left off, Ash returns to kick more deadite ass. Most of the
centers around an octopus and a starfish that are given superpowers by alien first issue recaps the events from the Evil Dead movies, but it quickly moves
beings on a scientific expedition to earth. I liked it, especially the part on to Ash and his new sidekick, the old man from the Army of Darkness
where octopus and starfish have turned into monsters, but they don't see movie. I'm a big fan of Army of Darkness. The comic keeps up the fran-
themselves as monsters. Slap a price on this bad boy, David. I'd buy it. tic pace of the movie and uses the best elements from the Evil Dead. Ash
STEVE CONLEY'S BLOOP #1 is a free preview and is about 15 pages of ends up back in time the day before he left. He can now save Linda, his
black and white story. Bloop is about a green, space monkey character that girlfriend, from the Deadites. If you're an Ash fan, I think this book could
appears in Steve's web comic, Astounding Space Thrills. Steve's artwork is be fun.
crisp and pleasant to look at. I can't say I find his strip thrilling, but it is Witchblade #78 from Image/Top Cow (www.imagecomics.com) is
fun in a sorta retro Flash Gordon way. The silent story with Bloop in the $2.99 for 22 color story pages. First, I have to admit, I hate the Witchblade
beginning is the best of the three stories. If you're looking for something comic book so if you're a fan, fair warning, I have nothing nice to say. I
inoffensive for your kids, this is definitely squeaky-clean, family fun. think Witchblade sucks. I mean, I think it's a total waste of tree. For you
UNHAPPY GRAN'MA FREE PREVIEW #1 is from Radbu Productions younger fans, let me point out what I believe Witchblade is a derivative of:
(www.radbu.com) and Tom Van Zandt and his friends. It's an 8-page, black Back in the 80's, there was character in the New Mutants named Illyana
and white preview that shows next-to-nothing of the actual comic. It's Rasputin (sister to Colossus) AKA: Magik. Magik's mutant power was
the creators sitting around talking about gran'ma with gran'ma. The title powerful, but demonic in nature. I don't remember the whole deal, but it
and the premise of an ass-kicking grandma sound funny. It's a shame I did- was something along the lines of the more she used the power, the more
n't get to see it with this. Try again fellas. doomed she became. This was represented visually with a suit of armor
RUULE VOL. 2: KISS & TELL #1 is from Beckett Comics (www.beck- that grew on her body the more she used the power. Additionally, Illyana
ettcomics.com)and creator Jeff Amano (99 cents for 21 color story pages). was a troubled young girl who had a life outside of her New Mutant duties.
It also contains a preview of another Beckett Comic called The Ballad of She was more Illyana than she was Magik.
Sleeping Beauty. I didn't get the preview comic, but I liked Ruule. I don't Witchblade, I think, is like a horrible version of Magik. She looks like
get the name, but the story centers around a massive private eye with the supermodel, but is supposed to be a homicide detective. The armor that
strength of ten men known as the Swede. He kicks ass, hooks up and covers Witchblade manages to tear off her clothes, but somehow never
takes names. Jeff or somebody at the Beckett table handed me this with- manages to cover her. And, unlike, say, the Law and Order TV show, where
out much enthusiasm, but I enjoyed it. Personally, I'd change the title to the beautiful actresses dress down to show that their characters are serious
something like The Swede! or World's Strongest P.I.. I just don't get law enforcement professionals. Witchblade (AKA: Sara Pezzini) shows up
Ruule. It's not bad. For a buck, you can't go wrong. to a crime scene in a mini-skirt and interrogates a subject in a pair of tight
SERIAL VICTIMS Ashcan Edition from Desperate Souls Studios, J. fitting jeans and skin-tight shirt. But wait! There's more! It's not enough
Santana and J. Sicat (free for 12 black and white story pages). Lots of rook- that this issue appears to objectify women. Sara and the other hot women
ie mistakes here. Although the artwork is competently done, the story in the comic (they're all supermodels of course) actually pose in the mid-
makes my head hurt. Look guys, serial killers are not heroes. They kill peo- dle of the story! I'm not kidding. For no reason, Sara stands with her ass
ple. Santana and Sicat promise the blending of suspense, terror and super- to the reader in a pose right out of Victoria's Secret. The art and indeed, the
hero action, but I didn't see much of that in this ashcan. Desperate entire issue, is bereft of soul. The storytelling techniques of a standard
Souls might've worked a lot better as the title. Serial Victims is just comic book story are almost non-existent here. Backgrounds vanish, there
awful. Perhaps you guys might get together with the guys who did this: are too many pin-ups and visually, my eyes are searching where to go. And
TALES OF LUGNOR ISSUE ONE from JAL Comics and Jerrie Lee. (32 the story? Uh, there's a murder or something. Who cares? Look at all the
pages of black and white story) Lugnor has much to offer the science fic- boobies! Please, for the love of Jack Kirby, don't waste your comic dollars
tion reader. Lee creates a strong world with a detailed back-story. on Witchblade.
Unfortunately, his art chops just aren't up to the task and he needs to use One quick plug before I go: Everyone keep an eye out for Chris
computer-letting fonts. If the guys from Desperate Souls illustrated Lee's Moreno's exciting new comic: Dracula vs. King Arthur. I've seen the pages
stories, I think you'd have a pretty interesting comic book. As it stands, the and they totally kick ass. It'll be out sometime in 2005 from Silent Devil
guys at DS need a writing course and Lee certainly needs more art training. Productions. Don't miss it! Until next month fanboys, see you at the con.
TERRA OBSCURA VOLUME TWO #1 OF 6 from America's Best Comics Until next month fanboys, see you at the con.
(www.wildstorm.com) and creator Alan Moore ($2.95 for 22 color story
pages). The stories take place in the ABC superhero universe. Alan Moore Tony DiGerolamo is the writer/creator for The Travelers, Jersey Devil, The
is a genius, but he is also, apparently, a bigger comic book geek than me. Fix and Complete Mafia for d20. He is also a writer for the Bart Simpson
Did you ever read The Tick issue where the Tick arrives in a city so rife with comic book. Don't miss his regular column on www.parentheticalnote.com
superheroes they have to divide the city up into blocks and fight crime dur- called Ask the DM. To see more of his deranged scribblings visit www.the-
ing impossibly slim shifts? Moore has a superhero universe that's so top- fixsite.com. Complaints and comments can be sent to Tony DiGerolamo c/o
heavy with heroes it makes them seem common and dull. Additionally, SJRP, PO Box 839, Hammonton, NJ 08037.

By Kenneth Newquist
LAUNCH INTO 4-C O LOR A CTION W ITH

M UTANTS AND M ASTERMINDS
reen Ronins Mutants and Masterminds d20-based superhero game If youre looking for a way to speed up character creation, check out
G has revitalized the Webs stagnated store of comic book gaming sites.
When I last searched the Web for superhero content two years ago, I
was hard pressed to find more than a half-dozen sites for an equal number
Simpsons Mutants & Masterminds Excel Character Builder. While youll
still need a copy of M&M to understand the character creation process,
skills and the various feats, this tool should help with the actual building of
of games. This time around, I found half again as many for just Mutants the character. Other resources on the site include a Mook Sheet, which is
and Masterminds. No doubt the recent popularity of superhero movies has focused on NPC creation, and a streamlined Character Builder that doesnt
also played a part in this resurgence, but theres no doubt that M&M is use macros and is designed for use under Open Office,
popular in and of itself. Defenders-5 is a homegrown campaign setting based in the fictional
To start things of, I headed to Mutants and Masterminds HQ, Green metropolis of Pacific City. Visitors will find an overview and map of the
Ronins dedicated Web site for the game. I was pleased to see that Green city, a rundown of the sites namesake superhero group, Defenders-5, and
Ronin had created a dedicated an entire site to the M&M, providing it with numerous villains (many of which have character sheets). The sites only
the sort of support the game deserves. about half done, but theres a heck of a lot of information here for people to
The HQ home page features blog-like updates about the game, including browse, and all of the PCs/NPCs have illustrations.
new products, convention appearances, and special contests. Elsewhere Finally, if youre looking for a game but cant find one in the real world,
theres Super-Vision, a new monthly column written by M&M creator check out Freedom City Play By Post Gaming. The forums-based site
Steve Kenson containing new game material and news from Green Ronins includes boards for locating new players and starting campaigns, as well as
publishing partners. Gimmicks Gadgets is home to all of the games various districts for actual game sessions.
downloadable goodies, including the current errata, the FAQ, hero and vil- If you know of a cool RPG web site, or have a subject youd like to see cov-
lain archetypes updated based on the errata, character sheets and a bunch of ered in this column, please e-mail it to me at knewquist@nuketown.com.
other content related to published products. Rounding out the site are The
Atomic Think Tank which contains a heavily-trafficked discussion board
and Mutant Art, which holds fan-submitted illustrations and painted Mutants and Masterminds HQ
miniatures. http://www.mutantsandmasterminds.com
Fan creations, product reviews and M&M news dominate the fan-run E-
Core. Of particular interest to players are the Library, which indexes all E-Core
of the products released for the game and the Downloads area, which http://www.e-core-news.org
pulls together all of the free content from Green Ronin and its Superlink
Arcady's Mutants and Masterminds Game
partners.
If youre looking for inspiration for running an M&M game, check out http://home.pacbell.net/arcady0/MnM
Arcadys Mutants and Masterminds Game. This campaign web site Valdier
includes character build rules for players, summaries of story arcs, PC and
http://www.valdier.com
NPC write-ups, and occasional musing from the Game Master. Fans can
also find new powers, feats and links to useful <em>d20 Modern</em> Heroes and Henchman
resources. http://www.heroesandhenchmen.com
Valdier is home to numerous superhero conversions for Mutants and
Masterminds, including Captain America, Iron Man, Thor from the Simpson's Mutants & Masterminds Excel Character
Avengers, Gambit, Cyclops and Storm from the X-Men, and a few notable Builder
villains, such as Apocalypse, Bullseye, Magneto, and Venom. It also has a http://www.elyzium.net/mnm
character creation tutorial, a guide to buying powers, an M&M power list,
and house rules. Defenders-5
More character creations can be found Kevin Perrines Fun and Games site. http://mecha.com/~conkle/mm/
Conversions include the X-Mens Nightcrawler and Shadowcat (who, Im
happy to note, is detailed along with her pet dragon Lockheed), the Fun & Games
Transformer Bumblebee and a smattering of heroes from Justice League, http://mywebpages.comcast.net/kperrine/inside/Fun_
Fireman Press, Dark Horse Comics, and DC. There are about two-dozen Games.html
or so original PCs and NPCs fully statted out with well-done illustrations.
Heroes and Henchmen is a somewhat sporadically updated fan site with Freedom City Play By Post Gaming
quite a few gems on it. The House Rules section has a modified, more http://www.menefees.net/freedomcity/
tangible version of <em>d20 Moderns</em> Wealth rules, a benchmark
guide for creation new powers for the game, and a compiled list of ques-
tions (and their answers) posed to creator Steve Kenson. Theres also an
interview with Kenson and a handful of product reviews.

By Rick Moscatello
NEW OLD SCHOOL GAMES

his month I have a couple of titles that remind me of the
T games I played years ago, and the first is the biggie weve all
been waiting for, Doom 3. I still have fond memories of
Doom, where Id play with friends, and every room entered was
prefaced with careful, this might be a trap of some sort.
Invariably, the trip panel would be hit, and the monsters would
come aswarming, to be followed by several minutes of nonstop
action. Once the area was cleared, it was time to move on to the
next area, where futilely Id try to avoid the next trap.
Amazingly enough, the key to Dooms success, as far as the single
player game, was the utter lack of story. No pointless cut scenes, or
pages of text to read every time, just good ol fashions demon butt-
kicking, with a satisfying variety of weapons to make the demons
scream in pain.
Enough skipping down memory lane, time to peer at the long
awaited expansion to the Doom series. Since there is no story to
continue, this game is more or less a remake of the original Doom. So, the battles have some issues.
Youre a generic space marine, off on Mars where theyve once again
accidentally opened up a gateway to Hell. Alas, they've tried to All the old favorite weapons are here, complete with original
inject more story elements into things here, and repeatedly youll sounds, when possible. Alas, shooter weapon design has come a
have to stop slaughtering demons to listen to some lame voice mail long way in the last ten years, and the lack of alternate fire on the
or read a touching love letter or whatnot--all in vain, since once the weapons is sorely missed. Still, its good to use the old friends, and,
shooting starts, youre the only human against the legions, you cant much like the original, youll find you'll need to conserve ammo a
even bring a friend to help (thats right, no co-op mode, the high- bit by using each of the weapons from time to time...no standout
light of the first Doom). At least you wont have to listen to them weapons, which is a bit of a disappointment considering how long
every time you play through, as once you learn the passcodes and Ive been waiting for this game. There are a few hand weapons in
whatnot theyll serve no further purpose. the game, but the ol chainsaw is still the best...now if only I could
take out 30 monsters at one time with it like in the old Doom.
I guess its time to bring up one issue that I find annoying...the
game is dark. Seriously, a space marine should have some night The replay value here might not be as much as in olden days, due
vision goggles or light amplification scopes on his weapons. He to the less than stellar level design and anticlimactic fights,
does come with a weak flashlight, but otherwise, its time to creep although there are higher skill levels to make the extra go-throughs
through endless darkened areas. Im not the only one who finds this more challenging. In a deeply unpleasant throwback to the first
annoying, and already theres a duct tape mod (i.e., a user created games, multiplayer is downright weak. Only 4 players at a time,
variant of a game) available for download, where the space marine and very few maps (none complicated), makes for a downright lean
finds that futuristic cure-all, duct tape, and uses it to tape his flash- offering compared to the new standards set by UnReal
light to the end of his weapon so he can finally see what hes killing. Tournament. Hopefully the player community will fix this as well
Anyway, this pervasive darkness problem is made worse by the much as with the duct tape mod, but its still a disappointment.
occasional backtracking through cleared areas to do a variety of In the end, Doom 3 just didnt reach my expectations, but it really
annoying things, with none of the careful, this room might be a is a quite playable game with truly horrific monsters to look at for
trap fun that one gets from exploring new areas. In short, the level a few seconds before you blow them away. Don't be frightened by
design has some issues. the very high end recommended requirements, even my friends
The monsters themselves, while very cool looking, arent nearly as on fairly weak computer systems say the game runs well at the min-
plentiful as they should be. I dont know a single person that reflects imum, and if you missed the original games, or need a refresher on
on Doom and goes yeah, it was great how cool that imp looked for what made them so good, Doom 3 is a good way to spend your
the 3 seconds it lived before I blew it away, and yet, for complete- gaming dollar.
ly inexplicable reasons, the designers decided to crank up the Another game that pulls me back to days of yore is Crusader Kings.
graphics details to insanely high levels...at the cost of turning down Remember playing Risk for hours on end, and thinking Hey, Im
the hackfactor to relatively little. Youll seldom meet more than four actually picking up some crude geography playing this! That's
monsters at a time, and while they still have a tendency to jump out about how it is with any game by Paradox. They're all as histori-
at you in ambush after ambush, once you get the AI's quirks down, cally accurate as possible (or at least, as much as you want them to
youll have little trouble dispatching them since they just don't have be), so you can very well justify playing since they serve as educa-
the numbers to make up for their other deficiencies, and I do miss tion tools, far more so than Risk.
walking through a room filled with the mangled corpses of my foes. The game plays much like Europa Universalis, although it focuses

on the 400 years previous to it. Focus on a 400 year period? Yep,
that's just how detailed it is. The three built-in campaigns start at
the Battle of Hastings in 1066, the Third Crusade in 1187, or the
beginning of the hundred years war in 1337. This isnt a grand
wargame so much as a role-playing game, although your character,
as King, can certainly order troops about, you don't have the god-
like power to maneuver your armies, and thus have no chance to
win against much larger forces by exploiting weak AI. You can play
as any King of the period, from Richard the Lionheart to some guy
nobody outside of Paradox has ever heard of (although I'm sure he
existed for real).
Your character is rated in four attributes, martial (good for war),
diplomacy (good for many things), intrigue (good for assassina-
tions, and avoiding same), and stewardship (good for running a
prosperous kingdom), and, while young, you can procure for your
character an education, generally one that takes advantage of his
best attribute or natural talents. You can also have a host of diseases;
while most, such as leprosy, generally make being a ruler hard, a
schizophrenic actually gets a bonus to intrigue.
When it comes down to rulership, things get tricky. A province is
divided into 4 social casts: peasants, burghers (merchants), clergy,
and nobles. There's just no way to please one class without anger-
ing another, and whatever class you favor has a large influence on
your army. Plan to take on other European lords? Then best favor
the nobles, since knights are the strongest against other Europeans.
On the other hand, if the Mongol hordes are at your door, you may
as well ignore the nobility, since lumbering knights are of little use
against nimble horse archers (heck, not much works against them,
those Eastern horsemen can't be stopped so much as slowed down
a bit).
The main way of influencing the citizens is through laws. Feudal
Contract Law naturally favors the nobility, who reward you with
bonus knights. Popular Law is, well, popular with the masses,
granting more pikemen and archers. Royal Prerogative puts all the
power in your hands...your vassals wont like it, but you'll have far
more control over taxation, making it easier to put down the rebel-
lions.
There is also a plethora of technological advances to pursue. Things
are very primitive circa 1000AD, and even learning how to use
defensive terrain effectively requires effort on your part. Like every-
thing else, you can only influence technology slowly and indirectly,
but over the course of decades you can make a difference, although
youll never make it to gunpowder or anything that wasnt histori-
cally credible.
Because games are intended to last for centuries, you need concern
yourself with producing an heir, preferably a good one. With dis-
ease and accidents fairly common, it's best to have a spare or three,
and best to get to it as quickly as possible. You can, of course, pro-
duce a bastard if marriage is hard to come by (bastards, of course,
get penalties in diplomacy, but nothing that can't be overcome, and
a bastards heir can be legitimate...long term planning is key!).
Much like any RPG, there is no true victory, its impossible to con-
quer the map, on any level. If your empire gets too large (say, the
size of a typical European country), size penalties kick in. Besides,
the time it takes to get to that level, you'll find you'll have little
choice to but fight a blood relative you want more land (I once
ended up surrounded by kin, forcing me to become a kinslayer--
another penalty--if I really wanted to expand).
Granted, this is no easy game to play, it's not by any means for
everyone. If you haven't played any of the Universalis games, you'll
find the beginning hard going. But if you're interested in an his-
torical RPG that you can really sink your teeth into, you can't do
any worse or better, because there's nothing out there remotely like
Crusader Kings.

By John ONeill
G IVE O UR R EGA RDS TO THE

ATOMSMASHERS ! W RITERS ON C OMICS
Written & Illustrated: Edited by Sean Howe but in general the pieces were insightful, well written and, best of all, entertain-
Publisher: Pantheon, 228 pages, $24.95 ing.
SIn particular Jonathan Lethem's ruminations on growing up as a comic fan
in Brooklyn just as the most influential comic creator of the 20th Century, the
ewsflash: comics are suddenly cool. Of course, you knew that
N already. You probably knew since the early seventies, when Stan Lee
and Jack Kirby were still weaving cosmic tales of a bald dude on a sil-
ver surfboard (and for those of you thinking, I wasn't alive in the seventies!,
legendary Jack Kirby, returned to Marvel Comics - where he'd co-created
Daredevil, the Hulk, the Fantastic Four, the X-Men, and literally hundreds of
others - serve as a poignant reminder that, no matter how we may choose to
how about you pipe down for five minutes and let grandpa finish his story, benchmark our friendships, it's the shared entertainments that will footnote the
okay?). memories (and, at least in Lethem's case, help to bring those friends together
again). It's just unfortunate, as he candidly points out, that the comics Kirby
Or maybe you figured it out
launched - 2001, The Eternals, Machine Man, and that never-to-be-forgotten
in the 80s, with Howard
classic, Devil Dinosaur - all turned out to be, well, bad. And, at least in the case
Chaykin's post-apocalyptic
of Devil Dinosaur, famously, disastrously bad.
action saga American Flagg, or
Frank Miller's loving tribute to Still, there's plenty to enjoy here for anyone who grew up on Marvel comics,
an aging Batman, The Dark including Geoffrey O'Brien's take on Nick Fury, Geoff Dyer's memories of
Knight Returns. Or the pure- Spider-man, and Andrew Hultkrans' entertaining look at consummate Spider-
bred magic realism of Los Bros' man artist Steve Ditko. It's also great to see some independent artists share some
Love and Rockets (the comic, of the spotlight, with pieces on Yummy Fur, Uncle Sam, Chris Ware, and Jim
not the 80's band that stole their Woodring.
name. Read the history books, I was particularly pleased to see novelist Steve Erickson's appreciation one of
kid). the most influential comics of the 80s, now almost forgotten, Howard Chaykin's
Or perhaps you clued in dur- ground-breaking American Flagg the book that damn-near single-handedly
ing the 90s, with help from Jeff launched the independent boom of the 80's and 90s. As Erickson puts it,
Smith comic masterpiece Bone, Feuding superheroes constantly yelling It's CLOBBERIN' time grew weari-
or Neil Gaiman's Sandman, or some. American Flagg was finally fulfilling the medium's potential, doing
maybe uh... (Somebody help what comics could do that no other form could. It made explicit everything for-
me here. Were any other good comics written in the 90s?) bidden that comics had hinted at when you were thirteen: teaming with sex and
I'm even willing to cut you some slack if didn't piece it all together until violence not to mention wit, cultural satire, a vaguely populist iconoclasm, a
2002, when the Spider-man movie debuted and you were enticed back into your seething indignation that patriotism somehow had been requisitioned by the
local comic shop to try Brian Michael Bendis' excellent Ultimate Spider-man. political right, and a talking cat named Raul.
Or Powers. Or anything by Alan Moore. But my favorite piece is Glen David Gold's heartfelt look at that peculiar dis-
Anyway. The point is, comics have always been cool. You know it. I know ease of comic fans: collecting. Gold is a keen-eyed observer with an appreciation
it. Suddenly though, it's hip to admit that they're cool. So hip, in fact, that the of both the ridiculous aspects of collecting, and the destruction it can wreak on
next time you're in the book store you might stumble across a collection of essays your love of the hobby (not to mention your social life). He's also, alas, an incur-
from some of the most acclaimed authors at work today, all discussing how pro- able collector. As he notes, Year ago, in what shouldn't really be a shocker to
foundly comics influenced them. It's like everyone in Manhattan switched to anyone who has read this far, the accumulation of body blows led me into ther-
the same therapist, or something. apy. He evens admits he wrote the article while simultaneously keeping a com-
The book is Give Our Regards to the Atomsmashers! Writers on Comics, pulsive eye on an $1800 eBay auction for Cerebus cover art. Mothers, don't let
edited by Sean Howe. In introducing the seventeen authors he's gathered - an your children grow up like this.
impressive array of talent, from award-winning novelists like Jonathan Lethem, It's often hard to articulate why we love the things we do. In those cases it's
Steve Erickson, Brad Meltzer and Geoff Dyer, to renowned columnists and cul- a genuine pleasure to find a writer gifted enough to express it for you. If you've
tural critics such as Gary Giddins and Myla Goldberg - Howe notes that, despite ever felt defensive of your love of comics, Give Our Regards to the
the growing acclaim heaped on comics in the past two decades, The truth is, Atomsmashers! will give you all the backbone you need. It's a loving tribute to
comic book fans have been tight lipped about their forbidden love. What sort a vastly popular but under-recognized art form.
of dialogue, then, would be created... if everything that had been quietly cher-
ished could suddenly be discussed? Now go get those comics out of the basement, sit back in your favorite chair,
and tell your spouse you're taking a vacation to appreciate art. You'll be a better
Some pretty good stuff, it turns out. As you might expect from seventeen
person for it.
vastly different writers, not everyone's guilty pleasure is likely to ring your bell (I
really had very little interest in, for example, Giddins lengthy discussion on John O'Neill has 4000 comics in little plastic bags in his basement, money that
Classics Illustrated, or yet another nostalgic look back at Tintin by Luc Sante), doubtless would have been better spent on therapy. He's dangerously unbalanced but
strangely happy. You can reach him at john@blackgate.com
Industry News, Rumors, and More
ArtHaus, which is a close publishing Brotherhood team was not represented
partner of White Wolf Publishing. at all in the Top 8 decks, nor was tra-
Were want above all for Pendragon to ditional Fantastic Four. Instead,
remain true to its artistic roots, but Common Enemy placed four players
because of our position in the industry, into the Top 8, and a YMG designed
well allow even more gamers the Rigged Elections deck was played by
opportunity to see and play this great Craig Edwards to a finals finish. Vs.
game. may be combat oriented, but his
One of the most admired and $24,000 payday proves that decks that
GamingReport.com enduring pen-and-paper roleplaying dont require attacking can in fact win
games of the last thirty years, at Vs.
Green Ronin Snags Pendragon allows players to take on People from all over Gen Con filed
Thieves World License the role of knights at King Arthurs into the hall to marvel at the detail of
Green Ronin Publishing has reached court. Originally developed by award- the judges table, the Batmobile, the
an agreement with Lynn Abbey to winning game designer Greg Stafford, impressive feature match area, the
license the fantasy shared-world series Pendragon has been widely hailed for Batman statue, and the four-sided cen-
Thieves World. Green Ronin will its trend-setting emphasis on morality terpiece with the Danger Room and
publish a series of Thieves World and moving beyond the slay the mon- Daily Planet. Not only is the Pro
roleplaying game books beginning in ster archetype that once dominated Circuit the pinnacle of competition,
the summer of 2005. The books will be fantasy roleplaying. but it also immerses the competitors
the definitive game guides to the world Peter Corless acquired Pendragon and spectators in a stunning environ-
and characters of Thieves World from Chaosium, Inc. in 1998 and pub- ment. For those of you who couldnt
and feature material from both the lished under the Green Knight Press make it out to Indianapolis, the Pro
original and current series. banner. I am very pleased with Circuit will be coming to sunny south-
Thieves World will use the d20 Arthaus desire to carry on the ern California in December. As you
System, thus tapping into a network of Pendragon tradition of excellence in can tell, this is an event that is not to be
game players millions strong. Green roleplaying and trust their dramatic missed. Pro Circuit history will contin-
Ronin tops the list of d20 publishers, vision and business capabilities, said ue to be written this winter with a new
with such acclaimed series as Freeport: Carless. This will allow Green Knight champion, but Kibler will always be
The City of Adventure, Races of to return to focus on other projects, remembered as the first.
Renown, and Mythic Vistas. such as Pendragon OnIine and
Thieves World was the bestselling Pendragon Fiction, while allowing Decipher Rocks GenCon
and first shared-world phenomenon, the dice-and-paper roleplaying game
selling well over a million copies of fans a new source of products.
Indy with WARS TCG
anthologies and spinoff novels detail- ArtHaus has acquired all of Green Decipher presented Gen Con Indy
ing the exploits and intrigues of the Knights remaining backstock of 2004 attendees a sneak peek at the
highborn and lowborn denizens of the Pendragon roleplaying products and upcoming WARS Trading Card
Sanctuary, a fantasy city like no other. White Wolf will begin selling them Game. The new, proprietary trading
TOR Books recently re-launched shortly. card game takes place in a universe cre-
Thieves World with the novel ated by Decipher, which incorporates
Sanctuary and the all-new anthologies Upper Decks First Vs. the mechanics from Deciphers hugely
Turning Points (December 2002) and successful Star Wars CCG.
Enemies of Fortune (December 2004).
Champion Crowned The four day long show was filled
More Thieves World books are Brian Kibler has won the first-ever with opportunities for Decipher to
forthcoming. Upper Deck Vs. Pro-Circuit showcase what WARS TCG had to
Championship Tournament. After offer. The first official demos for
Green Knight & ArtHaus three days of competition and two dif- WARS TCG began just moments
ferent formats, he guided his Fantastic after the opening of the exhibit hall on
Deal for Pendragon RPG Four/Dr. Doom Common Enemy the first day of GenCon and hundreds
ArtHaus Publishing and Peter deck through the Top 8, en route to of demos were given each day. On
Corless of Green Knight Publishing $40,000 - the largest single payout ever Saturday, over 700 people, including
have reached an agreement for given at a TCG tournament in history. players, retailers, distributors, and
ArtHaus to acquire ownership of the Kibler has been embraced by the Vs. gaming media attended a special pres-
Pendragon Arthurian roleplaying community, as he has been active in entation for WARS TCG. A 20-
game. the game since it started. He has been minute video was shown which fea-
Its with great pride that we become practicing and analyzing the format tured much of the original art created
the publisher of Pendragon. This game since Marvel Origins first hit the for WARS TCG, as well as details of
is not only the first roleplaying game shelves, and his dedication, effort and the rich storyline behind it. After the
that emphatically stressed story over passion for the game has paid off. video, a question and answer session
game mechanics, but the game Kibler is now the first Pro Circuit followed with John Howe (conceptual
mechanics themselves are so artfully Champion, and one that the whole artist for New Line Cinemas The Lord
designed that actually add to the story community can be proud of. of the Rings), sci-fi author Michael
and character development rather than The event was surprising for a num- Stackpole, Decipher Chairman and
detract, said Stewart Wieck of ber of reasons. The heralded CEO Warren Holland and members of

from the Games News source, GamingReport.com
Deciphers Sales & Marketing and Knizia, I knew that GameTable anybody else, how to produce, with
Games Studios. Everyone at the pres- Online was the right place to trust with our game masters, epic adventures in a
entation was also given the chance to my masterpiece. virtual world. Our skilled and experi-
win exclusive uncut sheets autographed Tigris & Euphrates is Reiner enced team will, with the precious help
by the panel guests and one lucky Knizia's crown jewel of game design of Gary Gygax, develop breathtaking
attendee won the grand prize, his and considered by many to be his storylines and a powerful RPG dimen-
image on a WARS TCG card paint- crowning achievement (so far!). In this sion.
ed by Decipher artist Kieran Yanner. classic game, players build civilizations Gary Gygax adds : It is with con-
Attendees were given two demo though tile placement. Each player is siderable pleasure and enthusiasm that
decks for WARS TCG, a t-shirt repre- given four leaders and uses them to I delve into the magic and mysteries of
senting one of the five factions in the dominate kingdoms, fight battles and the Alchemic Dream online game uni-
game and instructions on how to par- hold strategic monuments. Only a verse. The opportunity to devise new
ticipate in the first WARS TCG dash of luck is added to the games and interesting stories and situations
tournament, which featured a $1000 mind- bending myriad of strategies for so many dedicated players is excit-
cash prize. That evening, over 200 and play styles. ing to me, and I look forward to the
players (all wearing their WARS GameTable Online is incredibly challenge.
TCG t-shirts) played for the cash prize happy and honored to be the first and Alchemic Dream is a Canadian com-
and the chance to have their image fea- only place on the Internet to offer the pany specialized in MMOG manage-
tured on a future WARS TCG card. official version of this amazing game. ment, support and localization.
This tournament broke Decipher tour- As with all of our other games, well Alchemic Dream manages games like
nament attendance records and was create it absolutely true to form from Dark and Light, Project Entropia,
one of the largest tournaments for rules to artwork. stated Joe Minton
Neocron, A Tale in the Desert and
ANY game company at GenCon President of the online game company.
Adellion, and owns the largest
2004. GameTable Online charges a small
MMOG catalog in Europe. For more
Several hundred demos were given subscription fee for unlimited play, and
information about Alchemic Dream,
of WARS TCG at the Decipher funnels royalties back to the creators -
which serves to strengthen the entire visit the corporate website
booth over the four-day show and over www.alchemicdream.net.
1300 free t-shirts were distributed to industry.
attendees. After Saturday's presenta- Tigris & Euphrates is a major
statement to the gaming community Paradigm Concepts
tion, everyone receiving a demo was
also given two demo decks to take back
that we offer a wide variety of both Has Record Summer
American-style and European-style
to their local player groups or retailers.
strategy board, card and dice games, Paradigm Concepts sales of its
WARS TCG will be officially
stated Kelly Minton, Marketing Arcanis: the World of Shattered
released on October 6, 2004. Decipher
Manager for GameTable Online. For Empires campaign line and attendance
is planning the first organized event
our Eurogames, Tigris & Euphrates for Living Arcanis events enjoyed all-
called First Tournament Weekend
joins the lineup of Ursuppe, time highs for the summer convention
which is scheduled for the weekend of
Condottiere, Vampire and Igel rgern season, bucking the flat trend in the
October 16-17. Decipher Platinum - with more always on the way.
Preferred Retailers will receive free RPG market.
The artwork for Tigris & Euphrates At GenCon Indy, the company
tournament kits to run these events is supplied by Doris Matthus of D &
and kick off organized play for record for exhibit sales was shattered
F Games. Doris has done artwork for due to the release of the Player's
WARS TCG in their stores. three Games of the Year winners,
The next two major events for Guide to Arcanis, Ssethregore: In
and in 1998 she supplied the artwork
WARS TCG include a $10,000 the Coils of the Serpent Empire, and
for the top four winners of the
cash tournament at the Spiel Game Nishanpur: the City of Secrets. The
Deutscher Spielerpreis (Rank 1, 2, 3
Faire in Essen, Germany, October 21- company sold out of the 300 advance
and Child Game Award).
24, 2004. Then, another $10,000 cash copies of The Players Guide to
tournament will take place in Las Arcanis, the must-have guide to play-
Gygax and Alchemic ing a character from Arcanis: the
Vegas, NV just prior to the GAMA
Trade Show. Dream Team Up for World of Shattered Empires, provided
Amazing Adventures. for the show and the other new releas-
Reiner Knizias Tigris & es sold more than a hundred copies
Leader MMOG services provider apiece. Several Paradigm Concepts
Eurphrates to Go Online titles, such as Codex Arcanis, Eldest
Alchemic Dream Inc. and Gary Gygax,
Reiner Knizia and GameTable famous father of the Pen & Paper Role Sons: the Essential Guide to Elves,
Online have reached an agreement to playing Game genre with games like and Lords of the Peaks: the Essential
bring the award winning Tigris & Dungeons and Dragons or Lejendary Guide to Giants also sold out.
Euphrates to GameTable Online for Adventure, team up in order to bring
play. This is the second game from the strong live storylines in the MMOG For more daily news updates, check
renowned designer to be licensed to industry. out GamingReport.com. Thanks for
GameTable Online. CEO of Alchemic Dream Inc. com- Reading and well see you next month
After seeing what a terrific job they ments Gary Gygax has created the
did with Vampire, indicated Reiner RPG genre and knows, better than
GAMEVINE Popular D&D Artist Reported Terminally Ill
This came in just as we were going to press Dave Sutherland III, a longtime
TSR employee and popular artist behind much of the early D&D and Tekumel
product lines, is terminally ill. To pay his medical bills and hopefully leave some-
thing for his wife and daughters, he and his sister are auctioning off many of his
gaming materials and art collection on eBay. Anyone wanting to send donations
or simply send well-wishes to Dave can do so through BigSisTrudy@aol.com
Gamer Movie
Extravaganza
SEND YOUR NEWS
items to: GAMEVINE,
Sundance has nothing on these
c/o kenzerco, 511 w. greenwood
ave, waukegan, IL 60087 or
email jolly@kenzerco.com
Home-brewed Gamer Movies.
hat do you get when you take a digital video camera, some friends, a bag of dice and mix
Wthem together? How about the latest trend sweeping the hobby a Gamer Movie! With
The GAMERS the recent success of Dead Gentlemen Productions, The Gamers a lot of gamer movies have been
popping up in our mail box. Here are a few of our favorites.
2nd Edition...?
Thats right, according to the Dead Gentlemen
Productions website a sequel to their underground GameMaster,
hit, The Gamers is in production. Stay tuned... GameMaster What
Have You Done?
eah, yeah, we know. weve plugged this
Ymovie from Breakfast of Demons (as well
as its sequel) before.Well that was the old VHS
version. Jolly unashamedly loves this flick about
a demon forced to play a Paladin in an RPG.
Now you can get this gamer-classic on DVD
with remastered sound, behind the scenes
footage and more.
Speaking of B.O.D. be sure to check out
their website (www.breakfastofdemons.com).
The trailer of Boglin interviewing Klingons
about Sliders is worth the trip
Delusions of Grandeur
Cthulhu Campaign '04 his interesting flick was handed to me at
Ttwo bumbling cultists Chuck and Dexter as T
his Cthulhu-infested mockumentary follows GenCon and proved to be a very entertain-
ing (albeit disturbing) ride.
they do everything possible to get Great Cthulhu
D&G tells he tale of four fellows who share
elected president. Starring professional comedians
a love of Sci-fi, and fantasy lore. Morlock, Barry
Joseph Scrimshaw (www.scrimshawbrothers.com)
and The Kid are diehard gaming fanatics who
and Tim Uren (www.10000comicbooks.com)
never seem to leave the house until Dean (a
Cthulhu Campaign '04 shows these black-robed
wannabe visionary filmmaker) hatches a plan
cthultists attempting to get a good sacrifice,
for a new documentary and their adventures
debating a reverend on public access television, and
begin.
taking it to the streets as they talk real people into
getting their dead god on the ballot, all with the At press time this movie wasnt yet available
help of their trusty side-kick Mike the Mi-Go brain to the public (something about one of the actors
canister. This DVD includes both the 15-minute being a member of S.A.G. as I recall) but you
Rally Release and the full 40 minute version. can check out www.tmjproductions.com for
updates. Be forewarned this mockumentary is a
See the movie that made Jolly blow coke out his
rather unflattering look at gamers and fandom.
nose! www.forbiddendonutgproductions.com

How to P l a ye r s
Advant a ge
Succeed in
Role-playing
Without
Really Trying
By M. Gallagher
here are two kinds of game masters in any given role-
T playing game: the nice and the nasty. The nasty ones,
those spawn of Satan who cackle with delight at dip-
ping your lovingly-crafted character into a pit of acid like a
corn dog at the state fair, are fairly easy to deal with: bring
your lucky dice, keep your head down, and make every hit a
called shot to the head. to the GMs attempts to be clever or tricky in one of two
Nice GMs, strangely enough, are the tougher to deal with. ways: they will cry foul if the game becomes too complicat-
They try to do the right thing for the game. Some players ed or make fun if it seems too simplistic, rubbing their easy
find it nearly impossible to get what they want for their char- success in the GMs face. The GM is taken as an enemy
acter or themselves (special items, genre adventures, rule rather than an ally. If you do this then youve got to ask your-
calls, etc) because their GM is one of those good natured, self hows that working for you?
well meaning, and disgustingly fair types. But these GMs are If your GM wants to appear clever, let him. Otherwise
actually very easy to manipulate. All you have to do is know he'll get the impression hes an idiot with no dramatic flair,
how. These few simple techniques, can help you get nearly and theres nothing worse than a depressed game master. Yes,
everything you could possibly want out of a game with a sometimes youve got to coddle a GM. Give him his props
minimum of shenanigans or effort. when something interesting or challenging happens, even if
Many players forget this; but GMs want to entertain you you called it very early or you thought it was too out of bal-
let them. GMs exist to provide a rich fantasy world, not ance for the party. But, as with anything, if these become
just for you, but for themselves as well. A good world has continuous, pressing concerns, bring it up with the GM out-
fair and just rules of play, in addition to a dramatic sensibil- side of the game.
ity that benefits everyone. They build a world in which they Lets face it. All the really fun stuff , the best treasures and
would like to play, otherwise they wont have fun GMing, kewlest foes , comes at the end of the game, and sometimes
making a dull game for everyone. Problems occur when a right behind that pesky iron door none of you can seem to
player hates something a GM enjoys, which often leads to get open. Its way too late at night and youre tired (and run-
arguments. For example, your GM may enjoy political ning dangerously low on pizza and Fritos). Its not viable to
intrigue when you just want to get to the hacking. When this run back to town for a locksmith. You just want to get to the
or something else you dislike, occurs in game, run with it.
This doesnt mean letting the GM story tell without any waddaya MEAN dont bother rolling?
player involvement, but if something appears to be a story
hook or plot twist, work with, instead of against it. \ still got ten hitpoints
Remember, its you , not the GM , who controls the course left -- this dude is going DOWN.
of the game, so make it work for you. Give the adventure
no, \ said you took
time to run its course, respond accordingly in respect to your ten HITS. youre wow! hasted
character, and you may just get what youre looking for. Do body was REDUCED to ogres with
MACHETES
not simply slam the GMs tastes. Confronting GMs during a greasy GOO spot on
are MURDER.
the DUNGEON floor.
game play only aggravates them and frustrates the players,
ensuring a lackluster game in the future. Save comments and
requests for after the game.
Another endless struggle is who gets to be the primary
smarty pants of the game. Players want to be the clever ones,
and thats fine. Players should obviously be the ones solving
puzzles and outwitting enemies, but this need not come at
the expense of the GMs ego. Ive seen several players respond

end, and that jerk of a GM put this impassable door here to ning. However speculative, this is a plan, and the GM
taunt you. Well, heres a little secret; your GM wants to get might like it or be impressed with the sheer effort and reward
to the end of a dungeon as much, if not more than you do. you with a dazzling success. Give it a shot.
As I said, all the fun stuff is at the end; your GM knows Some players get so frustrated that none of their favorite
this and cant wait for you to face it, but he wants you to earn items or game elements are in the game that they forget to
EPs. Still GMs are often willing to bend the rules to speed ever ask for them. Your GM wants your input , let him know
things along a tad. If a door needs to be opened and no one what youre looking for. Remember, GMs want to entertain
can open it, work around it. Here are a few tips: you and want you to have a character you love. A heads-up
1 - Get creative. Stick a tuning fork in the lock, have your on what you want to see takes a lot of the weight off their
bard play Shave and a Haircut, have a sit down heart-to- shoulders. Even so, they want you to work for your swag. Put
heart talk with the door, anything! Even if its illogical, a GM a little effort into seeking out the items and goals you want
may reward the effort. for your character, and the GM will at least make sure theyre
available to win. A good GM will meet you halfway, or at the
2 - When in doubt, pray. Play it up, jerk some tears, and very least, make the arduous journey an exciting one. Lastly,
a good GM will open that dang door. Use sparingly, as gawds your GM wants you to be a good sport. Follow these simple
arent your personal Santa Clauses.
rules of gamesmanship and no one gets hurt.1 Dont be a
3 - Blow something up. Seriously. A lot of magic items Mr. Bungle. Dont touch another players dice or gear with-
explode, use them. Two results can come of this: one, you out permission.
blow a big hole in the wall, or two, the GM sees youre about
2 - Dont be a Forgetful Frida. Keep good notes. Know
to bring ruin and damnation on his entire meticulously-
whats happening and what kewl swag youve got on you.
planned world, and believe me, that door will open.
3 - Dont be a Cheating Chester. If your character would-
In every campaign Ive ever GMed, the same thing hap-
nt know something, you shouldnt act on it.
pens. A player is confronted with an obstacle, an interesting
trap, a mouthy NPC, something of that sort. Their eyes get 4 - Dont be a Whining Wendy. Take your lumps and
shifty, they do math in their heads and then they shout out move on.
the dumbest (or most convoluted) and seemingly-unrelated 5 - Dont be a Buddy Backstabber. Killing or stealing from
idea in the history of gaming, like, Im gonna make fun of your fellow party members may seem like fun, but it only
the hill giants mom! I usually respond, as theyre marking ends in corpses; usually yours.
off the hit points on their character sheet, What exactly 6 - Dont be a Paranoid Peter. The DM is not out to get
were you thinking with that? When theyre done cursing you.
my unborn children, they often answer with an offbeat but
brilliant plan I would have loved to have seen played out. Finally, and most importantly, the GM is always right!
The problem is I that had no clue what they were getting at Follow these tips and no reasonable desire should be
in the first place. GMs are not mind readers. If youve got a refused. Some call these tips sucking up, I call it playing a
plan, let them in on it. They might like it and even help you pigeon ready for plucking. Six of one, half dozen of the
out if its interesting enough. Try something more like: Im other. As long as youve got a decent GM and not simply a
gonna make fun of the hill giant's mom. Maybe hell get flus- malicious jerk with a lot of dice and a badge, working him a
tered and drop Ragnar the Moody so he can grip his club little will get you the game youve always wanted. Youve only
with two hands to really nail me Oh, by then Im run- got to know how.
W HAT W E VE B EEN P LAYING

A Play-List of Games Recently Seen on the Kenzer Krew Gaming Table
ROLE-PLAYING GAMES
Aces & Eights (KenzerCo Playtest)
Dungeons and Dragons 3E (Wizards of the Coast)
GangBusters (TSR)
HackMaster (KenzerCo)
BOARD GAMES
Rune Bound (Fantasy Flight)
Pirates of the Spanish Main (Wiz Kids) ***
Hero Scape (Hasbro) ***
Quick Sand (Fantasy Flight)
CARD GAMES
Bohnanza (Rio Grande Games)
Hex Hex (Smirk and Dagger Games)
Bang! (Rio Grande Games)
*** Currently an in-house favorite

A n Opinion
A r ena and
Open ForFor um
s the subheading indicates, this
A is a sounding board where

gamers can give their two-cents
worth on whatever seems to rile them.
So pull back the curtain and come on in
the Back Room. You can leave that
thin-skin at the door but be sure to
bring your opinions with you. Note that
due to space limitations some letters are
edited
Got something to say? We wanna hear
it. Just use one of the following options;
: Via ONLINE FORUM Just pop
2000 Tri Tac Games

over to www.kenzerco.com and visit our
discussion forums.
: via E-MAIL Send your strip
ideas, reader mail, back room fodder and
questions to mailbag@kenzerco.com.
: via SNAIL MAIL Or write to
us at KODT c/o KenzerCo, 511 W
Greenwood Ave, Waukegan, IL 60087.
__
SQUEAKY WHEEL..?
I couldnt help but notice the little
Squeaky Wheel gets the Grease ad in a
recent copy of Knights of the Dinner
Table. A brilliant move on your part The above cartoon is from Tri Tacs classic ashcan comic, GAMERS by
because it demonstrated youre aware of the Doug Blanchard. Used here with the kind permission of Tric Tac Games.
one problem Ive had with KenzerCo and
I even emailed the assistant editor sever- To my great surprise, within minutes I
that you are apparently attempting to fix it.
al times asking about the status of my sub- got a reply from the man himself (Jolly). He
Back around August, 2003 I emailed a missions. When that didnt work I sent a didnt have my submissions and asked if I
half dozen submissions to KODT (A few nasty note hoping to jar someone into could send them again. I did.
Good, Bad and the Ugly pieces and an arti- action. Incredibly he emails me the next day
cle on Fencing). After three months had explaining that hes accepted them for pub-
gone by with no response I figured my serv- No reply. By this time, Im more than a
little angry. I worked hard pulling that lication. Suddenly, Im on cloud nine. Im
er had hiccuped and I sent them again. And not even mad anymore.
again no response. material together. I dont think a simple
email reply is asking a lot. Eventually I let it Im not sure what happened but I just
As the months passed it rankled me some go assuming whoever read my submission wanted to say Im glad you guys recognized
when I kept reading the repeated pleas in simply trash canned it. there was a problem and took steps to cor-
KODT each issue for submissions. Okay, so rect it.
maybe my stuff sucked. I can accept that. Then I saw the Squeaky Wheel notice.
But would it be too much effort to simply Give us a nudge if you havent heard back Im very much looking forward to seeing
let me know? Or to at least thank me for on your submission it said. So I sat down my name in print. And Im currently work-
taking the time to respond to your open call and sent off an email entitled Grease me! ing on another submission I hope to send to
for fodder for the magazine? asking about my submissions. you soon. Randy Day

Thanks for the letter, Randy. Yes, we did industry. Three years ago I talked the wife recent project was substantially more than
recognize we had a major problem with man- into letting me quit my real job and pursue what he usually paid. He went on to tell me
aging submissions (for both the magazine and my dream of breaking into game design. he had made an exception in my case
on our product lines). She gave me twelve months (later extending because he loved my work. Later after com-
We recently shut down and had a manda- it to two years) to make it happen. paring notes with another freelancer I
tory group meeting to address the problem. My plan was simple. I would take the learned Id been paid about half the rate
I dont like people who make excuses so I world by storm by freelancing. Get my other writers received on the SAME project.
wont offer any here. What I do want to do, name out there. Bring in some cash to
impress the wife and let my material serve as When I confronted him about it he said
however is to state that freelancers and sub- I was being difficult and that NOBODY
missions are VERY important to us. They are my resume as I searched for fulltime work. I
wasnt totally unrealistic. I knew medical likes to work with a freelancer who is diffi-
our lifes blood and we want to do everything
insurance and a 401k was probably not in cult (Still waiting for a check from this same
we can to keep those relationships going.
the stars. No big deal. The wife is a teacher. individual by the way).
Many readers arent aware of it but like I figured she could cover us in that depart-
most game companies, KenzerCo has a very The icing on the cake came later when I
ment.
small staff. With only 8 full time employees sat in on a seminar paneled by this same
and only so many hours in the day we often Little did I know however just how individual and he openly complained about
find ourselves juggling a lot of tasks. unprofessional the games industry really is. freelancers being flaky and unreliable.
Sometimes we drop a ball or two (or three). I am fed up. After three years of working When asked by an audience member how
So every now and then we have to stop what my ass off I have nothing to show for it. So one should go about breaking into the
were doing and fix whats broken. With a before I return to a real job with real pay, I
industry his response was, Why would you
small staff we do the best we can do and are wanted to say my piece.
want to? Theres really no money in it.
committed to keep trying until we get it right. When I decided to chase my dream, I
carefully studied the landscape and educat- Excuse me? I didnt know he was so into
Anyone who sends in a submission now via
ed myself. I joined GAMA (at the sugges- doing charity work. Give me a break.
email will be promptly greeted with an auto
response verifying the submission has been tion of fellow freelancer Spike Jones) and I Another company I worked for apologet-
received. joined the GPA (at the suggestion of Mr. ically explained they couldnt afford to pay
Blackburn himself ). me more than 2 cents per word because they
Just keep in mind that with a small staff
and the deadline driven nature of our business I attended every game convention with- were a startup company and simply didnt
things can and will go wrong. Thats why we in driving distance of Dallas and several in have the cash flow.
encourage our contributors not to be shy about the midwest on on the east coast. I also sat
through seminars on every conceivable I bought their story and agreed to work
giving us a nudge if they dont hear back from
us within a few weeks. Youll be doing us a topic. How to break into the Industry. How for product. Later I learned this same com-
favor. to design games. Getting your Game pub- pany had taken its entire staff to Disney
lished. You name it. World for an all expenses paid vacation.
At any rate, I apologize your material went
I even talked to designers and company WTF?
into limbo, Randy. Your material originally
came in just about the time my old assistant reps after hours and picked their brains. I Im eating TV dinners and scraping by
editor was leaving us to move to California. hung out with other freelancers. I wrote and theyre riding Thunder Mountain on
emails. Made phone calls. Most important- the sweat of freelancers they tricked into
Thanks for giving us an opportunity to pick
ly I wrote my ass off. In short I did every- believing their sob story?
up that dropped ball.
thing I could think of to make myself a
By the way, your letter (as well as the one valuable asset for anyone who might need a Im not slamming the entire industry
that follows) reminded me of an old cartoon writer. based on a few individuals. But during my
that appeared several years ago in Tri Tacs three years trying to break in this is the way
comic, Gamers. Tri Tac was kind enough to Now, I may not be the best writer but
Im hard working and I meet deadlines. I Ive been treated. And after talking to
allow me to re-run it here. Jolly dozens of other freelancers I know Im not
also take criticism and if given marching
orders I can deliver something suitable for alone.
FED UP IN DALLAS... publishing. My attitude has always been, For some reason its considered accept-
Im your guy! able behavior in this business to underpay,
F irst off, thank you for putting out such
a great magazine. Ive been a fan since
Shadis and Knights of the Dinner Table is
As youve probably guessed by now it
hasnt gone well. Ive had perhaps a dozen
lie and take advantage of freelancers.
Is it too much trouble for a company to
without a doubt the best games magazine things published in the last 24 months and
its been the most frustrating experience I've answer its email or to be honest when asked,
out there. When can I expect payment? Is it too
ever had. This industry is made up of the
Congratulations on picking up the most unprofessional, rude, inconsiderate much to ask for a fair pay rate? Id like to
Gamers Choice Awards recently for Best morons Ive ever encountered. live the dream too. I dont expect to get rich
Rag, by the way. but I do expect fair compensation. And I
Ive been lied to. Abused. Cheated on
The reason Im writing is because Im payments. Told repeatedly checks have been definitely expect to be treated like someone
really feeling the need to vent and youve mailed only to discover later they havent who counts.
provided one of the most public forums I even been cut. Ive been paid ridiculously Thats it. Im sure Ill get flamed for my
can think of where I can do so. The low rates. Rates I accepted under the mis-
Backroom is always a good read. rant but at this point I dont care. Again
taken understanding that it would lead to none of this is directed at Kenzer. I was
Before I get started, I want to make it better paying work. My emails usually go promptly paid for both articles you pub-
clear none of this is directed at Kenzer and unanswered. My submissions are usually
lished and I got no beef with you.
Company. My professional dealings with lost. I never get any indication that a sub-
Kenzer in the past have been nothing but mission has been received or under consid- Please withhold my name if you publish
positive (my one complaint is that you guys eration. this. My name is associated with several
could do a better job letting contributors One rather famous game designer/CEO game companies who have published my
know if submissions have been who I used to look up to and idolize actual- work recently and it would only lead to
received/rejected or whatever). ly lied to my face at GenCon a few weeks speculation as to who Im referring to above.
Okay, so I have a beef with the games ago. He told me the rate he paid me on a Fed up in Dallas

sorry, guys. out of the question -- \m not ABOUT
to carry ANYONEs love-child. so lets just DROP it.
cmon, sara.
pick ME, sara. freaks! keep AWAy
my character just from TRISH -- shes
\ own a a CAREER WOMAN.
made SPECIAL AGENT
PORSCHE.
PAYGRADE 7 -- \ need
look, lets talk
the TAX DEDUCTION.
about it
OVER dinner...
ONE-TWO
PUNCHES by Jolly Blackburn
figure it out, sherlock. its the WAY of my kind. its not an EVIL ACT if \ dont know
sell a bottle of SOUR CIDER claiming its what \m DOING, sara. thats why EL
HEALING POTION and \ come back and STAVE in your RAVAGER got good and STINKING
skull with my MACE. its not so hard to understand. drunk before TORTURING this guy.
of course with your BRAINS bashed down into \ can feel all
the PIT of your stomach \ suppose it COULD be oh.., thanks for
REMORSEFUL when
hard to wrap your MIND around at moment. clearing that up.
\m sober and it
wont STICK.
this isnt OVER, wiseguy. youre RIGHT. \ still
not by a LONG SHOT! have to DOUSE you
with flaming oil and
cut out yer KIDNEYS.
say what....? a HEAD SHOT...? sorry, bob.
a-against ME?? \m going with the HEADSHOT.
but \m ROACH BOY!! BOTH BARRELS so that gives me a plus 5...
\-\m on YOUR side. OUCH!! WOW! \ guess GYMNINIA was

DEAD SERIOUS when she
-sputter- a CRITICAL HIT said, the NEXT person
tried to with a BASE severity who makes a SEXIST
WARN youll NEVER level of TWELVE!! remark about my costume....?
you bob. get away
with this, sara!

REST IN PEACE
LOOKING
FOR PAUL W.
Last known email:
paulw@vnet.net
Please contact me,
my email has also changed.
My new email:
tvar30@hotmail.com
FAY WRAY Tim
WEIRD PETES BULLETIN BOARD

is a meeting place where readers may pass along information, barter, trade and gossip. Readers are invited to place classified ads, announce
group meetings, seek out other players, etc. Subscribers of KODT may place classified ads free of charge with a limit of one ad per issue and a
maximum of twenty-five words. Non-Subscribers may place ads at the rate of 50 per word with a limit of 25 words. Companies may place
ads at the following rates: [5.5 x 2 - $160], [2.75 x 2 - $80], [1.5 x 1 - $40]. Non-profit organizations (serving the gaming community)
and Conventions or Seminars may place ads for free. All ads are placed on a first-come first-served basis with subscribers having priority.
ROMA IMPERIOUS
BRIANS
PICKS HinterWelt Enterprises www.hinterwelt.com
SMALL
T his is one of the nicest roleplaying games
Ive seen in awhile. The book is beautiful
and includes an awesome map.
But, what makes it really awesome is the theme of
the book alternate history meets Roman fan-
tasy. What if magic had been discovered by the
Romans in the third century? What if the
Chinese developed their alchemy and discovered
immortality during the Han dynasty? The con-
cept is awesome. The book is rich with all you
PRESS need to run adventures set in this magical Rome,
or in a Norse world known as the kingdom of
Skandia or even the oriental Jade Empire. There
SEND REVIEW COPIES TO: are suggestions for scenarios for each of these set-
KODT: BRIANS PICKS ting and suggested characters.
Kenzer and Company Roma Imperious is powered by the Iridium
511 W Greenwood Ave
Waukegan, IL 60087 System, a skill-based RPG system that includes
three magic systems, many classes and a detailed combat mechanism. The book comes
packed with every rule needed to play the game. No other books are required, making its
$39.99 pricetag understandable, since its the only book you need. It includes monsters and spells, character sheets and
skills. All in all its a unique system that had be drooling and chomping at the bit to grab my dice and play. There are is
also online support at roma.hinterwelt.com with downloads and a free character generating program among other things.
Brians Rating: Ad gloriam!
SNIPE HUNT Pegamoose Games www.pegamoosegames.com
very once in awhile its nice to play a game with a sense of humor. Snipe Hunt is a game
E with humorous theme that is also a lot of fun to play. As part of initiation, all Squirrel
Scouts must participate in the traditional Snipe Hunt. This is the premise of the game. You
are a Squirrel Scout. You have to navigate through an ever-changing maze of trees, throw-
ing your opponents off the trail with tricky moves and collected equipment. Not only do
you have to face what your opponents may dish out, you have to watch out for things like
alien abductions, the werewolf s curse, Bigfoots appetite and the legendary Zamboni Tribe.
The game is cheaply produced, coming in a paper pouch with functional, but not extreme-
ly beautiful components. What matters here, however, is that the components are extreme-
ly functional. For instance, the Forest Cards that make up the game board are randomly
drawn making the board different every time. During the game, these cards also rotate,
making the game even more challenging.
Brians Rating: No, its not a trick. There really is a snipe, so go hunt for it.
KUNG FU FIGHTING
Slugfest Games www.slugfestgames.com
ai Yah! This little game packs quite a punch. Its a card game for 2 to 6 players where
H players fight one another Hong Kong cinema style. Instead of hitpoints, each play-
er has Chi. The last player left with Chi wins.
The deck is made up of 99 cards and there are six player templates and six Chi mark-
ers included. On your turn you can attack using a Punch, Kick, Trip or Throw card.
Adding attack enhancements such as Flying or Flipping gives you bonuses to the dam-
age you deal out. You can also use weapons to help attack or defend. Weapon cards
include everything from Nunchucks to Swords to a Table or Chair. There are also stances
to be used to add to your defense or attack abilities, such as the Snake Stance, Dragon
Stance or Monkey Stance.
When youve been attacked you can use blocks to negate or reduce the affects of an
attack. If, however, you suffer damage from an attack, you lose Chi. However, there are
cards you can play to restore Chi.
Overall, this is a very fun, fast-paced, quick game to pull out when you just feel like
getting out a little naked aggression in a fun and safe way. It really got my blood pump-
ing. Theres nothing like landing a Flying Kick against an opponent in the Tiger Stance if you know what I mean.
Brians Rating: Young grasshopper, in your quest for game fulfillment, Kung Fu Fighting is a truly glorious choice.

LAWS OF RPG C OMBAT PA RT I
P ARTING
By Blaine L. Pardoe
the enemy someone else to shoot at. away. You are merely falling back to a more
The right of way is always reserved for defensible position.
incoming fire. The enemy never watches until you make a
If he's standing up, with a map and field mistake.
glasses - he's an officer. Make sure he's far The one item you need is always in short
away from you or in your gunsights. supply.
SHOTS The only thing more accurate than incom-
ing enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.
There is no such thing as a perfect plan.
Things which must be shipped together as a
Fatigue, ammo supply, and encumbrance set, aren't.
o matter what genre or game system you
Nplay, they all have one thing in common only come up in a game when you are in the
middle of the fight of your life.
Fortify your front; you'll get your rear shot
up. Corollary: Whenever you lose contact
- combat. Let's face it, without combat of
some type, role playing games would be, well, Those who live by the sword get shot by with the enemy, look behind you.
cerebral wastes of time - you know, like a those who don't. Air defense motto: shoot 'em down; sort
Rubick's Cube. Never bring a knife to a blaster-fight. 'em out on the ground.
Game Masters everywhere toss you into the Anything you do can get you shot, includ- 'Flies high, it dies; low and slow, it'll go.
foray. Here are some of the most basic rules ing nothing. The cavalry always arrives, for the other
that apply to a wide range of game environ- No matter how far you can see, the enemy side.
ments and systems: can see farther. When you're out of medkits or healing
Never share a foxhole or firing slit with any- Your intelligence is incomplete - no matter spells, the time has come for a witty remark.
one braver or stupider than you are. how complete it is. Corollary: The facts, no Things that must work together, can't be
Friendly fire ain't. matter now interesting, are irrelevant. carried to the field that way.
Using hirelings as human shields works You never have the right spells ready when Concealment and cover are two different
only until they drop dead. you need them. Corollary: Read Magic is things. Remember that.
The problem with the easy way outit's worthless in a battle.
The weapon that fails it's jamming roll is
either an ambush or it's mined. Never stand when you can sit, never sit the most powerful one in your arsenal.
Remember that your army and hirelings can when you can lie down, never stay awake
when you can sleep. If your ambush is properly set the enemy
and will desert when you need them the won't walk into it.
most. Airstrikes always overshoot the target,
artillery always falls short. Don't even ask There's never a cleric or medic around when
Sticking your head up is a good way to you need one. Corollary: You only need a
block someone else's field of fire. about orbital bombardmentsit's not pretty.
cleric or medic when you are dying.
Vote, yes, on the buddy system - it gives Creatures or monsters with the intelligence
of pocket-lint become tactical If the odds are against you - chances are
geniuses when the GM we're playing against the same GM.
deploys them against in num- The more sophisticated the technology in a
bers. battle, the more prone it is to failure.
You get what you pay for If the enemy is in range then so are you.
with hirelings. If you make it tough for the enemy to get
When you've secured the in, chances are you can't get out.
area, don't forget to tell the The bigger your starship, the easier it is to
enemy. hit. Corollary: The smaller your starship, the
You don't retreat or run easier it is to kill.
No one was sure whod invited REDJAW to join the party.

but ONE THING was certain... the guy could THINK!

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www.kenzerco.

2 Issue #95: Sugar and Dice

Our Readers Talk Back!

EDITORS NOTE: The mail just never seems

: The Best Keeps This May I went to the Dept. of Transportation

4 Issue #95: Sugar and Dice

D ont know if you ever

This Months Focus:

Knights of the Dinner Table Magazine October, 2004 5

: Thank you, Behold the worlds FIRST postage stamp based

Knights of the Dinner Table Magazine October, 2004 7

upon rolling up new characters the PLAYERS

they quickly discovered CARVIN MARVIN *

and thats with a

your last minutes freakin

that frickin sword is

8 Issue #96: Sugar and Dice

oh..., \ dunno. that maybe trying to get at the TREASURE in MEAT

that MAYBE we should be pursuing that ADVENTURE

\m getting \ve got some

Knights of the Dinner Table Magazine September, 2004 9

only MARVIN seems to

given MARVINs ability to COMMAND others and BEND their will,

look sara, the UNTOUCHABLE TRIO PLUS ONE may be DEAD,

10 Issue #96: Sugar and Dice

that is just as SOON as \ can roll up a NEW character.

-sigh- can somebody

ONE HOUR FORTY-FIVE MINUTES LATER...

dave, after SPLITTING bob in TWO with a MIGHTY

it is a SLOW and PAINFUL death

Knights of the Dinner Table Magazine October, 2004 11

are you NUTS?

look, you need to get CREATIVE when

12 Issue #96: Sugar and Dice

hey, my need for

okay guys -- times up. lets

by RUSHING in all at the SAME

marvin TAKES OVER

Knights of the Dinner Table Magazine October, 2004 13

ME first? how come | gotta go first?

14 Issue #96: Sugar and Dice

theres an AUDIBLE POP and

a scrawny VULTURE sits on a ROCK

-sigh- so much for PETEY. \ rolled up a STRAIGHT hack-jockey

only hes got no HANDS -- \

HAAA! \ not only

Knights of the Dinner Table Magazine October, 2004 15

go ahead and send him in

what the hell...??!! but he promised

great. a deaf mute?

its all \ could think come up with.

16 Issue #96: Sugar and Dice

you feel strange THOUGHTS weaving through your MIND, sara.

come my PRETTY -- pick me up and FULFILL your destiny!!

sorry brian. playing dead doesnt seem to work.

dont worry, brian. \ got a character here

aaaah... dont bother.

Knights of the Dinner Table Magazine October, 2004 17

\ dont think we didnt \ say that FORTY-THREE

not with FIRST LEVEL \ was sort of expecting

well yeah..., but now \ have

well thank, GAWD.

but what about beyond our GRASP

: The Best Keeps This May I went to the Dept. of Transportation

: Thank you, Behold the worlds FIRST postage stamp based