By J.B. & O.C.

Stamper
EhQDETnCIbSO&t
r

By J.B. & O.C. Stamper

SCHOLASTIC INC.
New York Toronto London Auckland Sydney
 Computer Comedy

Where do cool mice live?

In mousepads.

If you purchased this book without a cover, you should be aware that
this book is stolen property. It was reported as unsold and destroyed
to the publisher, and neither the author nor the publisher has received
any payment for this stripped book.

No part of this publication may be reproduced in whole or in part, or

stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any
means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise,
without written permission of the publisher. For information regarding
permission, write to Scholastic Inc., Attention: Permissions
Department, 555 Broadway, New York, NY 10012.

ISBN 0-590-13004-8

Tfext Copyright 1998 by Judith and Geneviere Stamper.

Illustrations copyright 1998by Scholastic Inc.
All rights reserved. Published by Scholastic Inc.

12 11 10 9 8 7 6 6 4 3 2 8 9/9 0 1 2 3/0
Printed in the U.S.A.
First Scholastic printing, January 1998

What did the spider do inside the com-

puter?

It made a web page.

What do you get when you cross a moun-

tain goat with a computer?

Lots of RAM.

8
Where do computers go on vacation?

The Big Apple.

What did the fir tree do when it got a

computer?

It logged on.

10
What do you call a computer superhero?

A Screen Saver.

12
Computer City

Mack: Where do computers go to shop? Mack: What did the customers do in the
Jack: Where? busy computer store?
Mack: The hardware store. Jack: What?
Mack: They got on line.

Mack: What makes a good computer

salesman?
Jack: I dont know.
Mack: He can drive a hard bargain.

14 15
Silly Software

What software helps you lose weight? What did the rooster whisper?

Slim City. My crow soft.

What is Draculas favorite software?

After Dark.

16 17
Why did the witch buy a computer?

She needed spellcheck.

18
 A man and a woman from Sim City got Why should you always use a spellcheck?
married and had two boys. What were
they called?
So theyre know miss steaks in youre
righting.
The Sim sons.

20
21
i
Why was the computer wearing shades?

To cover its Windows.

22
 Sam and Ram

Sam: I bought a new computer in

Sam: Did you hear that the zoo has a
Hawaii.
website?
Ram: What kind is it?
Sam: A Pine-Apple. Ram: Really?
Sam: Theyre on-lion.

Sam: How can you tell your computer

getting old?
is Ram: How do you park a computer?
Ram: How? Sam: I dont know, how?
Sam: It loses its
Ram: You back it up.
memory.

24
25
 Weird Wide Web

How is the Internet like your front yard?

You have to modem both.

What did the astronaut write in his

E-mail?

Sigh . . . brrr. . . Space is cold!

27
1
 Why did the computer
get glasses?

To improve its websight.

What happens if you dont use the

Internet for a while?

Your computer gets

cobwebs.

28
 Computer Favorites

0 7011 al1 tW
Med ?
Websites that get
Favorite Book:

The newly webs. Charlottes Web Page

30
31
 Favorite Movie:

RAM-bo

Second Favorite
Movie:

Wizard of Dos

32
33
 Computer love

c mP u ter say to the

gS^omputer

You're the Apple of my eye.

What do computer
couples fight about?

Who has to take out the trash.

34
 Knock-knocks

Where does Spider-Man

find a date?
Knock-knock.
On the World Wide Whos there?
Web.
Virgil.
Virgil who?
Virgil Reality.

36
37
Knock-knock.
Whos there? Knock-knock.
Icon. Whos there?
Icon who? Kay.
Icon make you open Kay who?
the door.
Kay board.
 Humor

Why cant computers play tennis?

They try to surf the

net.

40
How do you compliment a
computer? What did the prisoner do when he got a
You re looking computer?
chipper today!

He escaped.

What did the shoe salesman do

when he
got a computer?
What is an astronauts favorite place on
He booted up. a computer?

The space bar.

42
43
45
 Why was the computer so angry?

Because it had a chip on its shoulder.

Where do computers go in the winter?

To Hot Spots.

Why can t you trust a computer?

Because its shift-key.

46
Pefrcape

Mitten: I never get petted anymore.

Rover: Whys that?
Mitten: My owner got a laptop.

48
What is a birds favorite computer soft- Where do computers take their sick pets?
ware?
To the Internet.
A Seedy ROM.

Did you hear about the lion that swal-

lowed a computer?

It became a mane frame!

50 51
Hink Pinks

Whats another name for a computer Whats another name for exit?
virus?

The flee key.

A megabyte parasite.

52
53
Who chases computer criminals? What do you call a computer science
test?
A hacker -tracker.
A RAM exam.

54 55
(hatf-Oncs

Computer: Did you know that comput- Ted: Last night my computer died.
ers are smarter than people? Ned: What did it die of?
Human: No, I didnt know that. Ted: A terminal illness.
Computer: See what I mean?

56 57
Boy: Mom, have you been using my new
computer?
Mother: Yes, how did you know?
Boy: Theres Wite-Out on the screen.

59
 What Do You Get ... I

Mother Computer scolding PC Junior: What do you get when you cross a dog
and a computer?
Wait till your Data gets home!
A machine that has a bark worse than its
byte.

First Computer: Do you have any

brothers?
Second Computer: No, only transis-
tors.

60 61
What do you get when you cross a com-
puter with an icy road?

A hard drive.

What do you get if you cross a computer

with an elephant?

Lots of memory.

63
What do you get if you cross a computer
and one million mosquitoes?

A gigabyte!

What do you get if you cross a spider

with an earthworm?

A webcrawler.

64
Daffy Definition*

State-of-the-art computer: one you cant Floppy: what your wallet is after buying
afford. a computer.

66 67
 Computet Creature*

Disk crash: the typical computer reaction What did the elf put on the Internet?
to an important deadline.
A gnome page.

486: IQ necessary to read computer man-

uals. Which one of the Seven Dwarfs was the
first to get a computer?

Floppy.

68 69
 flie Presidents of the Computed
States of America

What do you call the small creatures George Washdiskton

that make the colors on a computer
screen?

Pixelfs.

70 71
Abmodem Lincoln Warren G. Harddrive

John Quincy Apples

72 73
 Mouieteapi

William MouseKinley Why were the two mouses arrested?

They were caught drag racing.

74 75
r

What does the President use with his

computer in the Oval Office?

A White Mouse.

76
What do you get with a computer in What did the computer say to the
Alaska? mouse?

A moose. Your click is my command.

78 79
 More Knock-knocks

Knock-knock.
What did the computer trio sing when
Whos there?
the lights went out?
Meg.
Meg who?
Three Blind Mice.
Meg A. Bytes.

80 81
 You Know Youve Been Using
Your Computer too Cong When:

Knock-knock.
*you double click the floor button on an
elevator.
Whos there?
Modem.
Modem who?
No modem knock-knocks, please.

*you try to push escape to leave a boring

class.

Knock-knock.
Whos there?
S.
S. who?
S. Cape while you can.

82 83
r
Cyber-Snacks

*you try to call up a different menu Whats a computers favorite snack?

when your mother serves meatloaf again.
Chips.

*you try to brighten the monitor when

the sun starts going down.

*you try to delete your little brother.

84 85
r

Why did the computer cross the road?

To get a byte to eat.

86
Why did the computer go to the super-
market?

To buy its mouse some cheese.

Did you hear about the millionaire kid?

He gave his teacher an Apple and an

IBM every day.

88
r
Gigglebyles

What happened to the computer when it What do computers get paid to do?
crashed?
Net work.
It got a slipped disk.

90 91
 Why was the computer kicked out of
What basketball team is the computers
school?
favorite?

Because its cursor wouldnt stop.

The New Jersey Nets.

93
92
Why did the boy fail computer class?

Because he didnt know the password.

Where do computers go when theyre

sad?

Cryberspace.

94
j
Why did the Apple lose its memory?

It had a bad case of worms.

The good news is . . . my computer has 80

megabytes.

The bad news is .. . its hungry!

96
Where do computers go for the winter?

To Hot Spots.

Find this and 100 more wacky, wild

computer jokes that will drive you crazy

with laughter.