Serge Lorenz Villasica

The Search Is Over

By Serge Lorenz Villasica

Chapter 1
Im in love with you.

My heart is pounding as I say those five little words to my beloved bestfriend,

Jackie. All so

suddenly, as I watch the surroundings my classmates, the food on the table, the
whole

classroom and the Christmas songs humming, I can feel all of them blur and darken
out

excepther. Its as if time has stopped, and I couldnt wait to see her reaction to
what I said. I

wait for another century, then I finally can hear her voice, but its not a word. Its a
giggle.

Seriously? Of all her reaction I have been preparing to witness, I hear a giggle?

Then moments after, she finally speaks this time a word.

What??? she asks with a glorious smile on her eyes and a trace of
curiosity.

shoot, does she feel the same for me? Why is she smiling?

Really, Im falling for you. This time, I feel calmer.

Then she giggles again. What is it with giggles nowadays? Are they supposed to be
good

things? After the mysterious giggle, silence waves past between us. Then, she
opens her mouth

again to say another word.

Okay, its okay for me All of the sudden, her smile, her beautiful smile
fades away.

Now I feel this bitter awkwardness. I can no longer gauge her emotion, they are
already too

unreadable.

Youre not feeling awkward, Jack?

No.

Are you sure?

 Yeah, Im sure, I promise. She bows down her head, maybe not wanting
me to see

her eyes because they speak too much.

Deep down inside, I can sense she does not mean what shes saying. Sadness whirls
over

my head, but I dont feel regret. I feel kind of liberated after finally revealing to her
my feelings,

my feelings since the class has started last June. And now its almost Christmas and
this party

here, this setting makes it the perfect choice of moment for confession because for
a little while

we are not going to worry much about school, because we only have one project for
the

vacation- Computer Project. That frees up our mind at the very least. I also chose
this day for

confession so that shell have time to think about it. Well, she has a whole
Christmas vacation

to decide whether Ill be her boyfriend, wait, I havent asked her yet! All she knows
for sure is

that Im in love with her. I still dont know if Ill proceed to courting. I told my other
friends a

week ago that if she shows any positive reaction to my confession, I will court her.
Otherwise, I

will control this feeling and continue with our friendship, maybe eventually I will fall
out of it.

Okay. I let my face show an immediate smile, I cant risk showing how
worried I

am about her response, nor can I risk faking an emotion, this is all too crucial for
me.

She touches my shoulder, it feels like a pat or something.

Rich, its really okay. For the first time in 3 long seconds, she smiles again.

I smile back. Now a part of me wants to proceed.

She giggled, you idiot! Isnt that good enough for you?

But the giggle could just mean a shock perhaps. Im her bestfriend and Im not
supposed to

fall in love with her.

But you did!

Okay. Maybe the giggle is a sign, but the only way to know for sure is to proceed. I
can do

this. If it fails, I will deal with it. If it works, oh my God, shell be my first girlfriend
and Ill prove

my love for her, really prove. Okay, okay. I really will do this.

Heres the big event, I am really going to court her now. But how will I do it? Will I
just

simply say Will you be my girlfriend?? Oh no, I guess thats too direct, I cant say
it directly.

Im gonna have to try and be quite subtler. Letting out a sigh, I finally gather the
courage to

court her.

Err Jackie, you know what usually happens right after a boy confesses to a girl,
right?

No, educate me, what? Again, she is smiling with a trace of curiosity.

Really? Best? You dont know what Im talking about?

I cant tell you straight. Here comes the heart-pounding again, Im

sweating

despite the cool breeze of December. I let out another sigh, trying to wipe off my
sweat with

my hands.

Okay. Just give me clues.

Sure, I sigh while she leans closer to me err, It is my first time to do it.

Then she sets her finger on her chin while her eyes now focusing on the ceiling
clearly
shes trying to remember something, or thinking, or just pretending at all. Then she
looks back

at me.

Im not quite sure, just 50%. Last clue please?

Shes really forcing me to say it. Should I? I cant just spell it out.

I once planned to do it last year, but I didnt go on.

Yes, I planned to court someone last year, also my classmate. Actually it was my
birthday

and all of my close friends, including Jackie, were setting the girl up for us to talk, so
that I could

court her. But minutes later, that girls friend, as I walked towards her, had
interrupted and

blocked me from going near her. So I stopped, I realized I was not so prepared to do
it. But now,

Im prepared, maybe even for whatever consequence it may bring. I just want to
show Jackie

that I love her.

ah! I get it already! she says, with an it-does-ring-a-bell look.

Im really sorry Jackie, that I didnt say the exact words. Im a first timer,
and I dont

know how to say it. I just followed my instincts.

My first time too, that someone does this to me.

I thought you already had one, when you were in the 6th grade

Really? Was I really that serious in the 6th grade

What about now?

Her expression is absent, her eyes staring on the floor. Shes thinking of something
else.

What is it? Im dying to know.

Rich, She says in a soft gentle voice so I have to lean towards her. I really cant
tell
you the answer right now. You can wait til the class resumes next year.

Okay sure, I can do that.

Unfortunately, you know that Im still stuck with George. Im still in love
with him.

Oh, not that George topic again, would you please move on from him Jack? He
obviously

doesnt love you. He loves someone else!

Yeah I know. Im just giving you time to recover from him, he already has
someone

and I bet you know that.

Yeah, I do. Its just that, I find it so hard to move on. She frowns.

You can do it, best.

I hope so.

I let out another sigh, and then I ask

Jack, you feeling awkward now?

Yeah a bit.

Ever since she knew I was courting her, she stopped looking me in the eye.
Obviously

awkwardness floods in her mind right now.

Can you still handle it?

Yeah, Im really shocked. she shakes her head and adds, Richard, Can I
excuse

myself? Im gonna be back.

Okay sure, go ahead.

She immediately stands up and I learn that she is not coming back to this hot seat.
Its just

a freaking classroom, not a romantic setting with all the flowers, songs, the
chocolates and the
asking permission to her parents, of course thats the original Filipino Tradition. Im
still 16 and

I havent exercised courtship since birth. I even dont know how to enunciate the
words that

will capture her heart into saying Yes for her to be my girlfriend. All I know is that
this feeling

is so strange - My heart pounding, the extraordinary happiness when with her, the
need of her

presence - All of which I dont feel with the rest of my friends. Clearly she is
someone special.

And I want to be her someone special too. After all, I settled with the modern
version of Filipino

courtship which excludes the asking permission to her parents, but I just want it
simple, without

the flowers and romantic songs. I just offered her a chocolate cake which she barely
ate.

Shes been my bestfriend since the start of highschool. We were close then the
child-like

closeness, but now, I crave to hold her hand and I enjoy the moment when my heart
is racing as

I sit beside her, talking about our lives. Shes so fun to talk to. Ive been hiding this
feeling all

along, Ive been so eager to tell her I love her but I couldnt, not without risking our
friendship.

But this time Ive weighed the risks and figured that Id be regretting it if I havent
told her what

I feel, that Id be foolish not to try and would eventually lose it.

Shes now walking away. Through the pace of her walk and her not looking back,
shes

telling me that shes not going to sit beside me again.

Oh please, Jackie. Were not yet done talking.

I let time fly by and eat the chocolate cake which has been on her arm chair since
we

talked. I enjoy the taste, it makes me forget my worries for a while. I imagine giving
Jackie a

cake on her next birthday. I immediately dismiss my reverie when I see her on the
balcony just

outside the classroom. Her hands are on the railings and her head angles towards
the

quadrangle near the first floor.

And thats not all, I stand up, go to a place where I could see her completely, only to
find

out that shes not alone there. Steves with her. I cant see Jackies face but I can tell
that

theyre having a really serious conversation because of Steves concerned and

attentive look

while his hand rests on Jackies back. No, I dont think Im jealous, who am I to be,
anyway? In

fact, I feel more worried about the possibility that they could be talking about me.

Did I really upset her?

Christmas party is over and all of us are doing the hardest part of it cleaning up
the mess.

Although the general cleaning is still tomorrow, we are entitled to clean up the mess
we made

so as not to give the chance for pests to eat away the remains. Despite the broom
and dustpan

on my hands, I am not cleaning but I am looking for my bestfriend who Ive not
talked to for 2

hours now.

I see her near the corner, dumping garbage in the bin and she notices me right
away, giving

me a smile, thank goodness.

 Jackie, best,Im afraid that Ill lose our friendship. So while youre deciding,
please,

treat me the same.

Oh how cowardly of me to ask

Im sorry Rich that I didnt come back. I was talking to Steve about the
computer

project for this vacation.

Oh, with the pat on your back? Besides, shes evading my request.

Okay, thats alright.

Excuse me, she said with a hesitant voice. I have to fix myself.

Right. Then she walks past me.

And Jackie, wait I add, and my fingers are scratching my head.

What is it?

Youre not gonna treat me the same, are you? Her eyes widen for a split
second

then she comes up with an answer.

Of course I am, Rich, dont worry. See you tomorrow. Then she gives me
another

loaded pat on the back before she enters the restroom.

I am planning to go home with her so that I can continue my courtship, but it

doesnt

matter. Either I have ruined it or Ive made it work. To know which requires waiting,
but I will

myself to wait, because shes worth it.

Im going home with Kirby instead.

Bro, how was it? he asked with a curios, quizzical face.

I hope its positive bro. She giggled when I confessed to her.

Hmm, then he nods Thats a good start.

God, I hope so. Shes my first love bro. I cant let her pass me by.
 Thats the spirit, go for it.

I already went for it. Now all I have to do is wait for her response.

Yeah right.

On my way home, I pass by the Wennigtons Supermarket and a thought comes to

my

mind.

Maybe I should buy her a Christmas gift and sing her a song?

Besdies I havent done any serenade to her yet.

I go inside the mall and immediately see the gift-shop. Perfect, because its
Christmas.

I flush as I gaze at the simple but beautiful purple bracelet. Shes gonna love it. I
purchase

the bracelet and go straight home.

I write something on the blank area on the bracelet, her wonderful name, and place
it

inside an awfully homemade envelope.

Darn! I hate arts!

I wake up in very cool blows of the wind rushing inside the house. Of course, this is
the day,

where Ill sing a song to the one I love. I bathe and dress up quickly and exit the
house with a

guitar on my hand. Who wouldnt be excited?

I arrive at school quite early, and to my surprise, Jackie is early too. This is a perfect
timing.

I climb upstairs to our classroom and call her.

Jackie! I wave my hand towards her as I go nearer.

Oh, hi Rich! Shes smiling.

A good sign? After all, what she needed was a good nights rest.

And here we are, talking again, as if nothing happened yesterday. She kept her word
indeed. It really feels good to talk to her casually. As she speaks, Im trying to find a
trace of

discomfort in her face but I couldnt find any.

This is really a good sign, now Im gonna give her the gift and do the serenade.

Jack, Ive got something for ya.

Really? Can we see it? Her face is like a child eager to receive a gift.

I let her sit on an armchair while I grab my guitar and rest my foot on the same
chair she is

sitting, just on the unseated portion.

I strum my guitar and she willfully places one ear near the body of the guitar to
completely

savor the whole music atmosphere. She withdraws her head the moment she hears
my voice,

singing A Perfect Christmas, by Jose Marie Chan. I cant help but flush all my cheeks
to pink.

She hugs me after I handed her the gift. Wow. Of all the times shes hugged me, its
only

now that I feel so alive.

Thank you, Richard Alvarez. Im so touched.

Youre welcome Jackie de Guzman. When she releases the hug, I can see
her eyes

watery.

What the, did I just make her cry?

I feel so right today, so happy. The winds still blow cool breezes and it resonates
with my

dancing heart right now. Im in trance. Thank God its not raining, because I am
lying on the

grass in our garden watching the stars as I replay the events this morning, her head
swaying

with the music, her eyes looking straight at me and her singing with me. She has a
gentle
beautiful voice. Im so in love with her. Just thinking about her makes my heart race
and makes

my mind swell that I forget that I was watching the stars.

I enter my room to open my facebook account. And my chatbox pops up. Its
Florane.

Florane: Hi Rich! Hows everything?

Richard: Pretty good! :) :) :)

Florane: Oh, smiley, you sound so active tonight, what happened?

Richard: Okay. You heard the news?

Florane: that youre first honor again? Nah, I already know.

Richard: Nice try but not that one.

Florane: Okay, what news?

Richard: I courted Jackie yesterday.

I flush as I pressed enter, with a smile on my face.

Florane: and how was it?

Richard: Did a pretty good progress, I guess. I serenaded her this

morning.

Florane: Wow. Youre the man, Rich. Keep it up. And Wait for her
response, no

matter what.

Richard: Sure I will.

Florane: Gotta go. Bye.

I dont wanna sleep. I actually wanna spend the whole night thinking about her,
about the

blissful moment this morning, but I learn that I am now drowsy so I decide Ill just
continue the

fantasy in my dreams.

Its Saturday and the second day of Christmas vacation. My happy mood just keeps
dancing
with the birds flying across the heights and its another fine morning. My mother
prepares my

favorite breakfast tocino and Im so happy.

After eating breakfast. I go to my music room/old garage and grab my guitar that is
full of

enticing memories of yesterday. I play the same song I sang yesterday and it just
keeps me

flushing then a thought comes to my mind.

Its gonna be more romantic if I composed her a song.

Okay, but Im no professional composer, but I should perhaps try. Theres always

something you gain from doing something at heart. But first Im gonna write a poem
and then I

can produce a tone from there.

Its been months since Ive composed a song and I honestly think that its not that
good to

listen to my voice? Nah, I dont even know how to sing with vibrato. I prepare a
piece of paper

and a pen and entitle the poem Yes or No

Im listening to the song with my own recorded voice and I smile. I somehow like it
and I

didnt expect it to be 10 minutes long! Who would compose that long a song?
Wouldnt it be

boring already? Anyway, I burn the song into a cheap blank CD-ROM and place it
inside a CDcase.

Im contemplating about when I should give her the CD. Maybe right when classes
start or

outside classroom. Okay Ill give this to her after class during the first day of classes
Next Year.

Happy New Year! A few months left and we will go to the Senior Year

I stride into our classroom with lots of my friends hugging each other and happy.
Me? Im
already happy inside as Im going to give her the CD after the class.

Hi Rich! Kirby slaps my back with a slight push.

oh, Kirby Howdy?

As we talk, I see a princess entering the school campus, and everything else turns
to dark, I

even forget that Im talking with Kirby.

Hey, bro! He haves his hand in front of me.

Oh, yeah, sorry about that.

Are you even listening to me? He raises his right brow and looking at me

quizzically then he looks down on the quadrangle and sees Jackie walking.

Oh, I get that a lot. He pats my shoulder.

Should I talk to her Kirby?

Well, you should. You courted her last year, you should talk to her. Smell
yah later.

Jackie is now on the second floor walking towards our classroom. Her long wavy hair

bouncing every stride makes me all so dreamy again.

Rich, you alright? and she catches me staring at her with my eyes half-
closed.

Ah, I shake my head fast like a dog drying itself Yeah, Im alright, whats
up Jack?

Yeah, my Christmas breaks pretty fine, I just stayed at my home, you

know, the

chores and all.

I wish I could ask you how your decision is going, but I cant

Oh, well, youre always the responsible child of your mother.

God, Rich, Im already 15, Im not a child anymore!

Oh, because someone courted you?

Oops. Sorry. I smile with a childish look.

And I realize I couldnt wait to give her the CD, so I grab my bag, open it and take
out the

CD-case wrapped with purple ribbon.

By the way, Jack, I have something for you. I hand her the CD-case.

What is this? she turns the CD-case upside down, checking it all over.

You open it tonight, youll know, I give a faint smile on her Weve gotta
go inside,

teachers already here!

Right.

Why didnt she thank me for giving her the CD? Does she already know whats in it?

Inside the classroom, she sits beside George, so happily talking. I cant help but
secretly scowl.