Many of us repress feelings or
express them inappropriately. Let s
consider why we may not express
emotions and then discuss some of
the ineffective ways people express
emotions.
Cultural and Social Expectations
Self-Protection Protecting
Others Social and Professional
Roles
In the United States, men are
expected to be more restrained
than women in expressing most
emotions
Another feeling rule that is learned
by many Western women is to care
about others.
Reasons for repressing the
emotions
what we feel and how we express it
are influenced by the culture and
social groups to which we belong.
Gender socialization seems
particularly important in shaping
feelings and the expression of
them.
It is taught that anger is unattractive
and undesirable in women
Thus, many women engage in
emotion work in an attempt to make
themselves feel caring (via deep
acting) when they don t naturally
feel that way.
 In societies that teach men the
feeling rule that they should not feel
or express a great many emotions,
some men may suppress feelings Self-Protection
or avoid expressing them. Over
time, men who do this may become
alienated from their feelings, unable
to recognize what they do feel,

we don t want to give others Adolescent girls bullying tends to

information that could affect how be indirect instead of overt one for
they perceive or act toward us. fear of being disapproved of

known as the chilling effect. When

we have a relationship with
someone whom we perceive as
Girls learn not to stand up to boys more powerful than us, we may
at school because they fear being suppress complaints and
called bitch expressions of dissatisfaction or
anger because we fear that the
more powerful person could punish
us.

we fear we could hurt or upset

Protecting Others others
 Regarding Asian view, Hurting
Repressing our emotions can be others is shameful. Conflict
constructive and generous damages the social relationship and
should be discouraged

However, Consistent lack of

emotional disclosures in couple s
communication causes wane of
intimacy. Physical and Social and Professional Roles
psychological effect of repressing
emotions over the long term can
harm you and your relationships

our roles make it inappropriate. A A doctor who expresses anger

judge who cries when hearing a sad toward a patient might be regarded
story perceived as unprofessional. as unprofessional

Our ethical obligation: Considerate

choice of whether, when, and how
to express our feelings. Thus, we Ineffective expression of emotions
should be a Responsible
communicator.
 3 usual situations are figured out. Excessively general and abstract
They are: Speaking in Generalities, verbal statements. Unable to clearly
Not Owning Feelings and communicate the speaker s feelings
Counterfeit Emotional Language

Limited repertoire for nonverbal

I feel bad : Depressed, angry, expression of emotions. Withdrawal
guilty, ashamed, or from interaction: Sadness, anger,
anxious??????? depressed, or fear

However, people can only

recognize limited kind of emotions
that humans can experience. Not Owning Feelings
Limited emotional vocabulary
restricts our ability of clear
communication of emotions

Stating feelings but also denying

personal responsibility is ubiquitous You make me angry is
obstruction to effective expression irresponsible
of emotions
 I feel hurt and insecure when you
don t call when you say you will.
Would you be willing to call if we
agree that it s okay for calls to be
short sometimes? shows Counterfeit Emotional Language
responsibility for a feeling,
communicates definitely what is felt,
and produces solutions to fix the
relationship

One form of such language seems Clear description of communicators

to express emotions but does not feelings and the connection
actually describe what a person is between their feelings and other
feeling behaviours

I feel frustrated because when I m Only when identifying situations and

working and you walk in, I lose my your emotional reactions to them is
train of thought is a more possible, you can communicate to
constructive than Why can t you others concisely
leave me alone?

Another form of this language uses I feel this discussion is getting

feeling words but express thoughts sidetracked.