Titchenell 2.

Cassidy Titchenell
Tasche Bryant
Writing 104
January 28, 2017
Proposal Assignment: Takin Out
Tech! Proposal Assignment
Imagine living in an ideal world where everyone happily got along, distractions ceased to
exist, and issues, like racism/classism/etc. were never even thought of. Perfection was achieved
on a daily basis while imperfections were as rare as flying pigs. Now for me, considering all that
is currently occurring in this world, thats pretty hard to even imagine. In any community, there
are a number of prominent problems. As a society, we are able to quickly pick out any
imperfections in the creation of an infinite list of issues, yet finding a problem and actually
thinking of a solution for that problem? Now thats the challenging part that not many people are
actually able to do.
For my third assignment in Writing 104, I worked with a partner to execute a proposal
assignment that included an issue in our community, a solution for the problem, how we may
enact said solution, and the result of others enduring a similar process. In answering the
rhetorical questions of What audience is impacted by this problem? What solution do you
want to propose to the audience, and what strategies and evidence will help you do that?
What do they need to know to understand your proposed solution? What are your
available means of persuasion? I was able to exhibit learning outcomes 1a, 1b, 1e, 2a, and 2f,
suggesting that I have fulfilled the requirements of URIs Writing 104 course.
To begin writing a solid proposal, my partner and I collaborated to brainstorm a list of
different ideas that the communities we are apart of commonly endure. Initially, our focus was

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on technology within schools and how it serves as a distraction. However, as we began

researching, we found it difficult to uncover solid information that followed the CRAAP test.
Instead, we broadened our focus to technology within youth, in general. Using that information,
we were able to determine that technology, like smart phones and tablets, can still have negative
impacts on young adults in schools.

1a. COMPLETE AT LEAST FOUR SUBSTANTIAL WRITING PROJECTS THAT MEET EXPECTATIONS FOR FOCUS,
DEVELOPMENT, ORGANIZATION, AND COHERENCE.

In an effort to exhibit learning outcome 1a., my partner and I made sure to create a solid
focus throughout the paper. Our focus being that technology has influenced the world negatively,
creating a chain of reactions. As technology grows, its consequences do as well. Our thesis and
hook, stating Picture yourself constantly being on time or interacting with those around you in a
way you have yet to experience, or maybe even living in a world with lower rates of obesity,
exposed readers to the initial focal point of the report. Using imagery, we were able to create a
parallel view comparing a foreign technology free world to the society known to us today.
Within the thesis, the three main consequences, which are later further developed in three
separate paragraphs, are introduced to the reader, automatically creating a sense of structure to
the piece. Derived below from my piece are the three paragraphs that express different problems
with technology.

Technology can serve as a great tool in gaining information at

the hands of its users, but it can also become a major form of
distraction in any daily activity. A major ramification of the 80% of
teens, according to CNN, stating that they check their cellphones hourly
and another 72% of them feeling the compulsion to immediately respond
to any messages that they receive7, is poor time management. While
young adults are engaging in these activities, and being subject to the
distraction of checking a cell phone screen every time it dings, results in
lost time that could be dedicated to more productive time use. In a 2010
survey on media use in 8-18 year olds, The Kaiser Family Foundation

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found that, this group spends an average of ten hours and forty-five
minutes per day exposed to media. Even after multitasking is taken into
consideration, the total still stands high at seven hours and thirty-eight
minutes. Of the 24 hours that there are in a day, about one fifth of young
adults days are spent online, enveloped in the web, rather than
completing homework or chores without the hindrance of technology.
As the use of technology increases, texting and social media has
become more prominent leading to poor social skills in society. With
face to face contact minimizing, it has become increasingly easier for
people to go about their days oblivious to others or occurrences
physically around them due to their engrossment with the Internet.
According to a study conducted by the Pew Research Center, Those
who use social networking are 30% less likely to know their neighbors,
and 26% less likely to provide them with companionship. If one were to
travel 30 years back, it is typical to find that almost everyone was
conscious of those living around them; report back to the present to find
that many people are completely unaware of who their neighbors are or
what may be happening in their lives. Social media and technology are
an immense factor throughout common everyday life that avert people
from associating with those (physically) closest to them, such as their
neighbors. Along with a lack of companionship and membership to a
community, technology can be responsible for family separation as 53%
of adults from the U.S. and Canada acknowledge that their family
members use of electronics is bothersome, (Foresters). Frequent use of
technology around family can stunt conversation and diminish respect.
Without the endurance of social interaction, overtime, people may begin
accumulating a sense of anxiety towards starting or maintaining a
conversation since they will not be used to the situation. Children and
teens who have grown up in a tech environment are most at risk for said
effects due to their comfortability with hiding behind a screen.
Although slightly indirect, sitting behind these screens can
ultimately result in a sedentary lifestyle. As easily as a decrease in
social interaction can be an outcome of an increased use of technology,
the amount of physical activity that individuals partake in can also dip.
Without an adequate amount of exercise in a humans daily life, there is
the higher risk of becoming overweight. A study conducted in the United
Kingdom over the span of 30 years has found that a higher average of
hours in a day spent watching TV, on weekends, can foresee a greater
BMI (Body Max Index) by the age of 30. To add on, For each
additional hour of TV watched on weekends at age 5, the risk of adult
obesity increased by 7% (Strasburger, Children, Adolescents, Obesity,
and the Media). As the amount of screen time is increased, no matter
how small, the risk of living a life of obesity becomes more serious.

Furthermore, within each consequence paragraph lies a point, evidence from a solid
source, an explanation for said evidence, and a tie back sentence, ultimately following a PEET

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formation. Detailed explanations of the evidence within each paragraph (and throughout the
entire paper) are provided so that the reader can better comprehend and connect the evidence.
Overall, this piece is organized with a paragraph for each: thesis/problem, three
consequences/effects of problem, introduction to the solution, introduction of other experiments
conducted (to give proposed solution credibility), enactment of solution, and a conclusion. This
structure permitted the requirement of organization within a piece of 1a. while answering the
rhetorical questions.

1b. REVISE AND EDIT TO MEET THE CONVENTIONS OF STANDARD ENGLISH.

After turning in our final draft of our proposal and receiving comments by the course
instructor, it was discovered that the proposal had incorporated incomplete sentences that failed
to contain a subject. Despite creating quite complex sentences using facts and statistics in an
effort to identify attribution (learning outcome 2e), failure to produce grammatically correct
sentences shows deficiency in the conventions of standard English and creates a sense of
confusion for readers. My partner and I revised our problematic sentences like so:
BEFORE

AFTER

With nearly 80% of teens, according to

CNN, stating that they check their cellphones
hourly and another 72% of them feeling the
compulsion to immediately respond to any
messages that they receive7, calls for poor
time management.

A major ramification of the 80% of teens,

according to CNN, stating that they check
their cellphones hourly and another 72% of
them feeling the compulsion to immediately
respond to any messages that they receive7, is
poor time management.

While engaging in these activities, and being

subject to the distraction of checking a cell
phone screen every time it dings, results in
lost time that could be dedicated to more
productive time use.

While engaging in these activities, and being

subject to the distraction of checking a cell
phone screen every time it dings, young
adults are losing precious time that could be
dedicated to something more productive.

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We merely included a subject in each sentence and changed some wording to produce a
clearer message for readers.
1e. RESEARCH, SYNTHESIZE, ANALYZE, CRITIQUE, EXPLAIN, ARGUE, AND EXPLORE IN A VARIETY OF WRITING
ASSIGNMENTS.

In writing a proposal assignment it is crucial to complete solid research while analyzing

different sources in an effort to argue/explain a claim. Since the potential solution would be
enacted at Blackstone Academy Charter School, my partner and I made sure to delve into the
current technology policy for students mentioned in the school handbook. Using this, we were
able to make inferences and argue that it may be detrimental to students development.
At Blackstone Academy Charter School (BACS) located in Pawtucket,
Rhode Island the usage of technology has led to the modification of a
specific policy in what is known as a traditional school setting. With the start
of the 2016 school year, the handling of cell phones or other forms of
technology during passing time and lunch is no longer prohibited per the
BACS student handbook. In recognition of said changes and the overuse of
technology, the implementation of a tech free day for students and staff
once a week at Blackstone can expose students to a world vastly different
than the one they know.

Above, the paragraph is referring to the BACS handbook in an effort to analyze its
current policy. Once explained, we were able to critique the policy and make an argument
towards an alternative solution pertaining to technology in a student body.
To further exhibit my argumentative skills throughout the proposal, I used statistics,
quotes, and solid explanations for the readers better understanding towards my claims.
2a. IDENTIFY WHERE SUPPORT IS NEEDED FOR CLAIM(s).

Claims are only so reliable with an inadequate explanation and lack of evidence. To
support each claim made throughout the proposal piece my partner and I created, we used
evidence from reliable sources and further explained that information. For instance, when
claiming that separation from technology, like smart phones or computers, as a solution to our

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three major issues, we uncovered a study by the Tech Timeout Organization to strengthen our
claims.
This evidence read, In a challenge by the Tech Timeout Organization in which cell phones
were withdrawn, a private school student in San Francisco recalls a situation in which he was forced to
seek homework help from his mother throughout his technology free period. Through his need for
understanding, he was able to stimulate a conversation with his parents about a topic which may not have
occurred had he had access to the Internet. The student also sheds light on the fact that throughout
enduring a technology free lifestyle, he participated in conversations with groups of people within his
community that he had never associated with before. Due to new conversations with his parents and
others, it is evident that technology disrupted his life and the break served him well.
Utilization of a first-hand source of a student who endured a solution similar to ours
reinforces the claim that separation from technology can be positive.
2e. CITE SOURCES ACCORDING TO MLA or APA STYLE GUIDES.

According to OWL Purdue, the online writing lab, the basic style for for an MLA
formatted works cited derived from an electronic source should follow the listed arrangement
Author. Title. Title of container (self contained if book), Other
contributors (translators or editors), Version (edition),
Number (vol. and/or no.), Publisher, Publication Date,
Location (pages, paragraphs and/or URL, DOI or permalink).
2nd containers title, Other contributors, Version, Number,
Publisher, Publication date, Location, Date of Access (if
applicable).

In order to properly cite the sources of my information and to demonstrate requirement

2e. I created a works cited page with the following:
Blackstone Academy Charter School Board. Blackstone Academy Charter School Handbook 2016-17Electronic Device Policy. Page 14. Blackstone Academy Charter School.
https://docs.google.com/a/blackstoneacademy.org/viewer?a=v&pid=sites&srcid=YmxhY2tzdG9u
ZWFjYWRlbXkub3JnfGJhY3NzdHVkZW50c3xneDoxZjVhZWQxOTA5ODk0OGFl
Accessed 22 December 2016.

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Strasburger, Victor C. Children, Adolescents, Obesity, and the Media. American Academy of Pediatrics
News & Journals. 1 May 2013.
http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/128/1/201
Accessed 15 December 2016.

Along with being in alphabetical order and double spaced, the two works cited listed
above proficiently followed the format extracted from OWL.
*The works cited page above has been simplified with only two sources for means of this portfolio.

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Cassidy Titchenell
Tasche Bryant
Writing 104
January 26, 2017

Portfolio (Proposal Assignment) Works Cited

MLA Works Cited: Electronic Sources (Web Publications). Purdue Online Writing Lab. 27
January 2017. https://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/747/08/ Tony Russell, Allen
Brizee, Elizabeth Angeli, Russell Keck, Joshua M. Paiz, Michelle Campbell, Rodrigo
Rodrguez-Fuentes, Daniel P. Kenzie, Susan Wegener, Maryam Ghafoor, Purdue OWL
Staff.
Date Accessed 30 January 2017.