1

AN EVENING SPREAD OUT AGAINST THE SKY.

PLAY

BY

T. J.COLLETT
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CHARCTERS:

DOGFISH: A MIDDLE AGED MAN.

BLIGH: A YOUNG MAN.
FLO: A YOUNG GIRL.

LOCATION: A WILD COUNTRYSIDE.

TIME: THE PRESENT.

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Act One. Scene One.

The three characters enter from stage right and look around them. The background
reveals distant hills, fields, and trees. Around them are small mounds and the odd the
bush or two. There is one small tree stage left. Bligh and Flo who are dressed in old
clothes go towards the tree and touch it gingerly. Dogfish who is also dressed in old
clothes stands on the edge of the stage and peers out at the auditorium.
Dogfish: The sky looks like a patient etherised upon a table. (He sniffs the
air.) A dead patient. (Sniffs the air again.)A patient who has been left to
fester for a few weeks.

Flo: I like trees.

Bligh: But do trees like you? That’s a question people never ask
themselves. They assume that trees like them because they like trees.
However, when you consider what people do to trees it would be quite
understandable if trees hated people. (Embraces the tree tenderly.)Treat trees
as you would like to be treated, I say.

Flo: I’ve never mistreated a tree in my life. In fact, I’ve always had a soft
spot for trees.

Dogfish: The air whiffs of something. (Sniffs the air.)

Flo: Those clothes of yours possibly, Dogfish.

Dogfish :( Looks back at Flo and pulls a face at her.)Maybe it’s your clothes I
can smell. It has a feminine odour about it. (Stares at Bligh and Flo for a few
moments then looks back at the auditorium.)My clothes, indeed. The nerve.

Flo :( Sniffs her old dress and then under her arms. She shakes her head.)Not me,
Dogfish.

Bligh: They have every right you know to be treated as people are. Trees
are living things after all.

Flo :( She sniffs Bligh’s old jacket. Bligh takes no notice.)It’s not Bligh either,
Dogfish. Go elsewhere for the cause of your smells.

Dogfish: Rain coming. Or snow. (Stands upright with his arms

outstretched.)Imagine being crucified up here.
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Flo: I can’t imagine being crucified anywhere.

Bligh: Some say people were crucified on trees. (Tenderly stokes the
tree.)Can you imagine how that tree felt having someone nailed to it? No
respect for trees. Treated them badly all through history. Let alone the
wars where they were cut down for ships and weapons.

Dogfish: Forget your damned trees, Bligh. Come and see this view. (Bligh
reluctantly leaves the tree and walks to where dogfish is standing. Flo stands by the
tree looking at its branches.)See that sky? The sky has an odd colour about it.
Like someone’s puke in it and stirred it up with a dirty stick.

Bligh :( Looks up at the sky.)Could be snow as you say, Dogfish. On the

other hand, it could be just a storm coming.

Flo: This tree hasn’t been here long. You can tell by the look of it.

Dogfish: Storms are always coming. It’s the way of the sky. Storms and
skies are like a married couple.

Flo: I wonder if this tree likes the view it has?

Bligh: We were caught in a storm last summer. Do you remember that,

Flo? That storm?

Flo :( Leaves the tree and goes beside Bligh. All three stand looking out at the
auditorium.) Summer it was. You don’t expect a storm in summer. Winter,
yes, but summer you don’t expect it. It sort of crept upon us and caught
us out and almost drowned us, didn’t it Bligh?

Bligh: Caught us true and proper. Drowned us nigh on.

Dogfish: And that was where? Where was this storm?

Bligh: Miles from here.

Flo: Miles away from here.

Dogfish: Rome’s miles away from here. So is China. Was it in either of

those places?

Bligh: Not Rome. I’d have remembered Rome.

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Flo: Not China either. We’d have remembered China.

Dogfish: Miles away you say?

Bligh: Miles away.

Flo: We never came this way last summer. We went up north.

Bligh: North was it? I thought it was west?

Flo: No, north. I know because that odd bloke said it was north.

Dogfish: What odd bloke was that?

Bligh: No one you know, Dogfish.

Flo: He was a stranger. A strange stranger. Had this funny look in his eye.

Dogfish: Which eye?

Flo: His left eye.

Bligh: He only had one eye. The other was closed up as if he was half
asleep.

Dogfish: What was his name? Wotan?

Bligh: Don’t know. We never asked.

Flo: Could have been Wotan. He has this big stick.

Dogfish: That was Wotan. Sounds like him. Sounds like him all right. He
always has his stick with him. Never goes without his stick. He didn’t
have his girls with him, did he?

Flo: No. I didn’t see any girls. Did you Bligh?

Bligh: No. I never saw anyone apart from the odd fellow with the stick.
Who are these girls?

Dogfish :( Sighs and scratches his nose.)Daughters of his. Wild bunch, they
are. :( Scratches his nose.)Especially the eldest one.
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Bligh: Eldest one? How old is she then, Dogfish?

Dogfish: Well, must be getting on a bit now. Hard to say. Brunei he calls
her. Big woman. :( Spreads his arms as if were measuring a fish that got
away.)Fell for this German bloke.

Flo: Those trees down there look almost human from here. ( Puts her hands
to her forehead as if they were binoculars.)Some trees look like humans from a
distance.

Bligh: What happened?

Dogfish: Happened? What do you mean happened? What am I, some

soothsayer, or something? (Pause. Looks at Bligh and shakes his head.)I wonder
about you Bligh sometimes. Things happen all the time.

Flo: I love trees.

Bligh: I only asked. I mean it’s only natural to ask if you don’t know.

Dogfish: Just as well you never saw Brunei; she’d have eaten you up and
spat you out without as much as a burp.

Bligh: I know women. I know what they’re like.

Flo: I love old trees that have a history.

Dogfish: That sky looks stormy. Better find shelter somewhere.

Flo: Trees move with the times.

Bligh: Women are less faithful than trees I know that much.

Dogfish: Trees and women? You two are mad as hatters. Trees and
women, indeed. Shelter is what we need. That sky says storms to me.
And storms mean cold, damp, and harsh winds. (Silence comes upon all three.
Dogfish wanders off and sits on a mound. Flo takes hold of Bligh’s right hand and
pulls him to where there is another mound and they sit down staring at auditorium.
Dogfish sniffs the air. Flo lays her head on Bligh’s shoulder. Bligh sighs. The stage
dims until all three have disappeared.)

End of Scene One.

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Act One. Scene Two.

A little while later. The same scenery as before. Dogfish enters from stage left and
stands on a mound looking out over the auditorium. Bligh and Flo enter from stage
right and stand by the edge of the stage.
Dogfish: The storms passed. (Sighs. Takes out a pouch of tobacco and begins to
roll a cigarette. This may take a while, as he seems distracted.)You can never trust
the sky to tell the truth about the weather. It often deceives. I’ve been
caught out many a time.

Flo: Those trees have a way about them. They love me I’m sure.

Bligh: Storms? Trees? What the hell are you two on about? Your eyes are
deceiving you like whores for a good time.

Dogfish: Feel these damp clothes. I’ve the damp in my very bones. (Puts
the cigarette to his lips, takes out a lighter, and tries to light the cigarette. However, is
not successful. He tries repeatedly through the scene.)The very cold is eating into
my very flesh.

Bligh: When evening comes, I want to be able to say I’ve had a good day.
The likelihood of that is unlikely. In fact, I’ve more chance of meeting
God on this mountainside.

Flo: I’d rather cuddle a tree than a man any day.

Dogfish: I’m sure the feelings mutual, Florence. There’s many a man
who’d rather kiss a whale’s backside than you.

Bligh: I’ve not a had a good day since my first wife died.

Flo: You, Dogfish, are a sight for sore eyes. There’s many a woman
who’d rather die than kiss you.

Dogfish: And many a woman’s died in the attempt.

Bligh: Is that a skylark? (Points to the sky.) I’ve seen many a bird, but I’m
not sure if that is one or not.

Flo: Cemeteries are full of women who’ve tried to kiss you, Dogfish.

Bligh: When I was a boy, I knew the birds like small change.
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Flo: There ought to be a health warning on you, Dogfish, so that women

can be warned.

Dogfish: Women are God’s second attempt at creation. He was better off
first time round.

Flo :( Walks to the tree and caresses it lovingly.)Men are God’s first attempt and
he got better there after. (Kisses the tree.) Bligh aren’t you going to say
something on my behalf?

Bligh: Now, the chaffinch, that’s a bird I’d love to hold up to my eye and
see its lovely feathers.

Dogfish: God knows things. He is the Almighty so he is.

Flo: Bligh are you going to stand there like a wet afternoon and say
nothing in my defence? What does a woman have to do to get your
attention?

Bligh: More than you are prepared to do, Florence. (He goes and stands by
Dogfish.) Why do women always see things so black and white?

Dogfish :( Looks at Bligh with eyes screwed up.)Don’t get me involved in your
squabbles, Bligh. I’ve had enough of women in my life to make me sick
to the back teeth with them. Even Florence has me feeling quite nauseous.

Flo: Bligh you traitorous Judas. Do you not have an honest bone in your
smelly body for the likes of womankind and me?

Bligh: My mother had the notion that men were a mutation from God’s
real plan for creation.

Dogfish: Oh, mothers, Bligh, You don’t want to pay attention to the
words that drip from their mouths, as pure as they seem to us as children.
Mothers are women after all.

Flo: Bligh! You two-faced swine! That’s the last time I let you near me
for warmth. (Hugs the tree more tenderly.)Mother of God. You’re a traitor,
Bligh, and that’s a fact. And to think I was almost going to let you do
things.

Dogfish: You see how close you came to damnation, Bligh? Stay with me
my boy and see the Promised Land.
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Bligh: Florence, don’t be angry. I have to see things from two angles not
just the one. Anyone who only sees things from one angle is sure to be
blinded by it. (All three move to the centre of the stage and sit down. Silence settles
amongst them for a few moments.) The storm’s passed.

Dogfish: Gone far off for a while, but it’ll be back mark my words, Bligh.

Flo: This fellow, Wotan, is he likely to be anywhere near here at this time
of year?

Dogfish: As likely as not. He wanders where ever his spirit leads him.

Bligh: And his daughters? Are they likely to be anywhere near here?

Flo: You and women, Bligh. I hope you get the pox!

Dogfish: Who’s to say where they are at this time of year. Those types go
where they want. (His cigarette goes out and he attempts to relight it.) Beware of
those daughters, Bligh. They’d eat you alive as soon as look at you.

Bligh: Oh, but what a way to go, Dogfish. To be eaten by such lovely
women. It’s a death to be wished for. (Flo thumps Bligh’s right arm.)And, no,
Florence, nothing you can say or do will make my thoughts any different.
A man is what he is.

Flo: I know men, Bligh. They’re the drips from God’s mouth. They are
nothing to get excited over. Mother of God be praised. I’ve seen more
excitement on a child’s face on Christmas Eve than on mine when seeing
a man undress from his stinking rags.

Dogfish :( Lights his cigarette and puffs energetically.)You, Florence, have not a
desire in your whole body. I doubt you’ve as much a spoonful of desire in
that body of yours. (Stares at Florence by the tree.) And that tree is unlikely to
prove much better for you. (Both men laugh.) Come here, you little woman
you, and settle your bones and flesh beside us.

Flo: This tree has more feeling than either of you two. (Kisses the
tree.)Bligh, don’t ask me to hold your feet when they’re cold again.

Dogfish: Leave that damned tree! Come and see the sight before us.
Life’s too short for such nonsense with trees, Florence.

Bligh: A tree’s a tree, Florence, and a man’s a man.

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Flo: Bligh, you cat’s spittle! I’ve seen you through many a cold night.
Don’t tell me about trees and men. If you only know what men know then
you’re sunk.

Dogfish: Oh, Bligh, my boy. Do you hear the young girl, now? She’s
almost getting you to change sides so she is. Oh, beware, Bligh my boy.
Women have such tongues, as gods would be jealous of them as soon as
listen to them.

Bligh :( Goes to where Flo stands beside the tree and puts his arm around her.)My
Florence. My dear sweet-tongued woman. Whatever makes you think that
trees are more important than I am?

Flo: Is that your arm about me? Is that your breath breathing in my ear?

Dogfish: Bligh, my boy. You’ve the nerves of a horse’s hooves. Why are
you there and not here? Have you no pride?

Flo: That storm is still near, Dogfish. Are you sure it’s safe out here in the
open?

Bligh :( Both Bligh and Flo huddled beneath the tree.) Oh, Dogfish, is the storm
not too near for such nonsense?

Dogfish :( Puts his cigarette out. Licks his finger and puts it in the air.)Too near to
be standing here arguing the tits off a whore’s breasts. Let's find shelter
before we’re blown back to the slagheaps of our births. You, Florence,
bring that Bligh with you. Bligh get those skinny legs of yours into action
and take shelter.

Bligh: Florence, Dogfish knows his weather and storms. Let’s be going
before our lives are taken like sweets from a sweet-eyed child.

Flo: Then move, you spineless man. Do you want me to be blown away?
Do you want to hold me in your arms? Then, move your shiftless self!
(All three move first to the centre of the stage, then after a pause for thought they run
off stage right. The light dims and thunder is head and lightening light ups the stage.
Then after few moments, there is silence.)

End of Scene Two.

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Act One. Scene Three.

Later that day towards evening. The background scenery shows a darkened sky. There
are a few mounds and bushes stage left and right. In the centre is a small tree. After a
few moments, Bligh and Flo enter stage right. They are both bedraggled and wet
looking. They move around the stage looking about them, then see the tree and walk
to it and touch it gingerly.
Bligh: Some bloody shelter that was. We might as well have stood in the
rain and got ourselves wet properly without the pretence of that shelter.

Flo: Dogfish was adamant it was waterproof.

Bligh: It blatantly wasn’t. I couldn’t have got more wet if I’d sat out in
the bloody rain and opened my arms and said, “Come and get me, you
dark clouds and storm!”(Looks around him.)Dogfish must have stayed
behind in that shelter. He’s a pig-headed man when he wants to be.

Flo :( Embraces the tree.)Aren’t all men pig-headed? Jesus, Joseph, and
Mary, my father was so pig-headed he swore that my brother Matthew
wasn’t his, when Matthew was the spitting-image of him right down to
his flat nose and large ears.

Bligh :( Embraces the tree from the other side and his and Flo’s hands touch.)Are
you saying I’m pig-head? Me? You’ll not find a man less pig-headed than
me. I must be the least pig-headed man that ever walked God’s good
earth. (Moves away from the tree and looks at Flo.)I’ll have you know Florence
that I’m a very considerate man. I think of things and other people. I
don’t stick to an idea as if it were a piece of furniture. I think things out
right to the end. (Sighs.)Even the nuns at the school said I had the making
of a saint.

Flo :( Moves away from the tree.) So how wrong could they be. You’re no
nearer being a saint than Dogfish.

Bligh: Dogfish comes from the Devil’s behind. Have you seen the way he
looks at you sometimes?

Flo: I see the way you look at me, Bligh.

Bligh: How should I look at you? You’re no nun yourself.

Flo: Where’s Dogfish?

Bligh: Still sleeping I expect. He was dead to the world when we left. He
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sleeps like a hibernating bear.

Flo: And snores like one, too. (They both walk to the edge of the stage and peer
out at the auditorium.)The evening is settling in. We’ll not see a hand in
front of us before long. Has the big man himself any idea where we’re to
sleep tonight?

Bligh: You’ll have to ask him when he turns up. I expect he’ll know of
some place in these mountains where we can sleep.

Flo: He knows nothing about this area, I’m sure he doesn’t. Yesterday we
walked for three hours and ended up where we started.

Bligh: He said we took a wrong turning.

Flo: What turning? The bloody mountains are round and have up and
down bits, but there are no turns or corners. He made a mistake and tried
to blame us. (Dogfish enters stage right. He is bedraggled too. He walks slowly
along the upper stage.) That’s another thing men do. They blame others for
their mistakes. My father would swear he was right when it was bloody
obvious he was a wrong. When he went to confession, which was a rare
thing, he’d have the priest confessing to things that he himself had done
too.

Bligh: Dogfish has age on his side. His knowledge of the world is greater
than ours is. He’s been here longer. He’s seen things we have not seen.
Done things we have not done. The man knows things we have yet to
know about. (Dogfish walks around the tree.) He’s experienced things we
have yet to experience.

Flo: There are things I’d rather not experience if what he’s said were true.

Bligh: I’d rather be with him than without him. We’d be lost up here if he
weren’t here with us.

Flo: We are lost. We’d not have come up here if he hadn’t said he knew
the place like the back of his hairy hand. (Dogfish comes up behinds them
slowly.)Have you noticed how hairy his hands are?

Bligh: I can’t say I’ve noticed. I’m not one to look at a man’s hands.
Unless he’s about to hit me.

Dogfish: Whose hands are talking about? (Both Flo and Bligh jump back and
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stare at Dogfish.)Are you talking about me behind my back?

Bligh: No, no, Dogfish, Florence here was talking about her father’s
hands. About how hairy they were.

Flo: No I wasn’t. I was talking about your hands, Dogfish.

Dogfish: And what’s wrong with my hands? (He holds his hand up in the
air.)Eh, Bligh? What’s wrong with my hands?

Bligh: Nothing, Dogfish. They’re the best hands I’ve seen on a man.

Flo: We were saying how hairy they were. Like the paws of a bear.

Dogfish: They’re no more hairy than most men's are.

Bligh: That’s true, Dogfish. I’ve seen many a man with hairy hands. Even
my father had more hair on his hands than on his head.

Flo: Bligh, why don’t you say what's in your heart and not what your
cowardly backbone tells you to say.

Dogfish: Hands are hands and feet are feet.

Flo: You always were observant, Dogfish. I’m surprised you never
became a detective. (Dogfish shakes his head and wanders back to the tree where
sits down. Flo watches him and then stares at Bligh.)So are you going to ask him
or not, Bligh?

Bligh: In my own good time, Florence. (Looks at Dogfish beneath the

tree.)Dogfish, where are we to rest tonight?

Dogfish: Beneath the stars and moon, my boy. With the holy angels
looking down at you and the fairies dancing about your feet as you sleep.

Flo: What if the storm comes back?

Dogfish: It won’t. It’s passed by. It’s going to be a fine night. (He looks up
at the sky.)You can smell a storm coming. (Breathes in deeply.)No storm in
the air. Just fresh, clean air to send you to sleep like a baby.

Bligh :( Sniffs the air.)There’s a smell of something in the air.

Flo: Your wet clothes, no doubt.
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Bligh :( Sniffs his clothes.)Just dampness. However, there’s another smell.

Flo :( Sniffs her clothes and under her arms.)Well it isn’t me. I still smell of
pine.

Dogfish: Will you two stop the smelling about. You’re like a couple of
bloodhounds.

Flo: You couldn’t smell a corpse if it lay beside you, Dogfish.

Bligh: I can still smell something. (Sniffs)Sort of unpleasant smell.

Flo :( Walks to where Bligh stands and sniffs him.)You’ve laid in something.
(Stands back from him.)Something in that shelter.

Bligh :( Sniffs his clothes again.)What is it?

Flo: Something you can’t eat. Get the coat off and clean the bloody thing.
You’re not sleeping next to me with that on your coat.

Bligh :( Takes off the coat and looks at it.)What dirty beasts did that?

Flo: Does it matter what the beast was? Do you want a diagnosis of it?

Dogfish: Will you two come here and shut the noise about smells and
things. This is the wild. This is nature in the raw. What did you expect?
Lace curtains and carpet?

Flo :( Walks to the tree and sits beside Dogfish.)I expected nothing. When I’m
with you, I expect the least and get less.

Bligh :( Carries his coat with him to the tree and sits down. He tries to clean the coat
with an old rag from his trouser pocket.)Beasts. Dirty beasts. Look at my coat.
(He continues to mumble. Flo lays her head against the tree and closes her eyes.
Dogfish stares at the auditorium in silence. The lights dim until all the stage is
darkness.)

End of Scene Three.

Act One. Scene Four.

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The stage is dimly lit. Flo is beneath the tree asleep. Bligh is asleep beside her
snuggled up close to her. Dogfish is lying asleep on the edge of the stage. In the
background, distant thunder and lightening are seen and heard. After few moments,
Dogfish wakes and sits up staring out at the auditorium.
Dogfish: When you sleep, you feel free. You feel as if nothing can set
limits to what you can do or be. (Looks back at Flo and Bligh.)Then you wake
and see your life as it really is and wish to hell you’d not bothered to
wake up at all. Look at those two. Like babes in the bloody wood they
are. (Shakes his head and sighs.)I don’t know what this present generation are
coming to. They’ve no ambition. No sense of duty. No understanding of
life’s perils. (Stands up slowly and stretches his arms wide.)Crucify the lot of
them. Hang them high by their pink hands and feet and let them rot! (Sighs
deeply.)This is the generation of doubters and soft living fairies. They’ve
no sense of being alive. No feel about them. You can touch them and feel
nothing. Nothing but their soft skins and weak bones. (Bligh moves in his
dreams. Flo mumbles in her sleep.)What doesn’t actually kill me makes me
stronger. Makes me feel alive and ready to take on life with both my
hands and squeeze every bloody juice of life from it’s precious moments.
None of this see what tomorrow brings. None of this save today and live
tomorrow nonsense. Oh, no… (Pause. Looks up at the sky and lowers his
arms.)Makes your arms ache all this crucifixion business. No wonder it
was the Roman’s prize means of punishment. Bloody makes your arms
ache. (Bligh wakes up and looks around him.)It must have been hell being
nailed up there like that. All those jeering Romans. Those on-lookers
nosing as they do. Muttering about what it was you’d supposed to have
done to have got yourself nailed up like that. (Bligh stands up and walks
slowly towards Dogfish. Dogfish turns and sees Bligh coming towards him.)So,
you’ve woken up then, Bligh. Welcome to a new day.

Bligh: What are you ranting about at this time of the morning? A fellow
can’t sleep with you ranting and raving like a loon.

Dogfish: Sleep? You’ve been asleep for the good part of nine hours.

Bligh: Nine hours my auntie’s backside. We’ve just got down a few hours
ago. That damned storm kept me awake.

Dogfish :( Puts his arm around Bligh’s shoulder.)Oh, you poor sod you. Sleep
is a luxury. You’ve got to take life as it comes, boy! None of this wishy-
washy nonsense. (Releases Bligh and walks along the edge of the stage. Bligh
brushes off his coat as if it has become invested with fleas.)
A storm, my boy is God’s good voice to us all.
Bligh: Well, I like to sleep when I’m tired. I like my sleep. I have a great
appreciation for sleep. Ever since I was a child, I have liked my sleep.
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Dogfish :( Looks over at Flo.)And look at her. Sleeping as if she were dead.

Bligh: I’d snuggle down with my teddy bear and sleep and sleep.

Dogfish: Wake up, Florence! (Claps his hands.)Wake up you weaker sex
you. (Flo stirs.) Get your feminine body up and moving, you lazy little
woman you. (Flo sits up and rubs her eyes.)Look about you. Life has started
without you. Life doesn’t hang around. It is up and at you before you can
wipe the sleep from your eyes or scratch your backside

Bligh: There’s something comforting about a good sleep.

Flo: What’s all the fuss about?

Dogfish: Fuss? Fuss? Life’s no fuss, my girl. Life’s what people die for.

Bligh: Do you not agree, Florence?

Flo :( Gets up from beneath the tree and stands looking around her.)Agree with
what? What are you talking about, Bligh? Have you woken up with a
voice in your head like your sister Bridget?

Dogfish: I’ll not understand you young ones. You’ve no respect for life
anymore. You take it for granted. As if, you were entitled to life.

Bligh: Sleep. I’m talking about sleep, Florence.

Flo :( Walks to Bligh and walks around him as if he were a statue.) Have you lost
your sense of reality, Bligh? This is morning and sleep has fled like the
dirty dreams you probably had last night. (Bligh and Flo stare at each other for
a few moments.)

Dogfish: Life is wasted on the young. It’s not until to get to my age that
you realise the full significance of life. The actual meaning of it all.

Flo :( Flo shakes Bligh by the arms.)Have you slept badly, Bligh?

Bligh :( Pushes Flo away from him. She walks away from him, goes back to the tree,
and embraces it.)I’ve not slept at all. I’ve not had a wink of sleep since
setting out on this damned pilgrimage.
Flo: Go rot in your sleep, Bligh. I don’t care if you never sleep again.
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Dogfish :( Takes Bligh by the arm and stands him on the edge of the stage.)Forget
your damned sleep, Bligh. Look out at the view. Look at the sky. Look at
those birds across the damned horizon. Hear their singing?

Bligh :( Looks where Dogfish indicates.)Sure, I hear their singing. Is it not

pestering my ears? Has it not been squawking at me since I first opened
my eyes this morning?

Flo :( Kisses the tree.) If you were a tree, Bligh I’d love you a lot more.

Dogfish: See the colour on that field? See the variation of greens and
yellows?

Bligh: See it? Doesn’t it make my eyes want to puke?

Flo :( Kisses the tree again.)I’d hold you closer to me, Bligh if you had the
sensitivity of a tree.

Dogfish: And look at the way the mist moves across the hills like silk on
a fine woman’s body. (Smiles as if he had remembered something.)Fine silk
indeed. A fine woman’s body. The flesh as smooth as a peach.

Bligh: I’ve yet to meet a woman that had the flesh of a peach. I’ve met
many with figure of a pear.

Flo :( Walks around the tree slowly.)For what notice you take of a woman,
Bligh, she could be dressed in a suit of armour and you’d not know if she
were dressed or not.

Bligh :( Looks over at Flo.)You have the tongue of a viper. I’m sure Eve’s
tongue was the bloody snake in the Garden of Eden. Yak yak yak.

Dogfish :( Looks at Flo.)Bligh, my boy. Take no notice of a woman’s

tongue. It’s as useless as dead dog’s penis.

Bligh :( Bligh and Dogfish stand together and stare at Flo.)Why did we take a
woman with us on this pilgrimage? Would it not have been better to have
taken another fellow with us?

Dogfish: It was you insisted I bring her along. Said you wanted the
softness of yon woman’s arms about you at night.
Flo: He’ll get the softness of my arms around his scrawny neck if his lips
aren’t more guarded.
 18

Dogfish: There, my boy, you have the soft words to comfort you on your
pilgrimage.

Bligh: Your lips are like crab’s claws, Florence.

Flo: And yours are like the back end of a cow.

Dogfish: Now, now, my young pilgrims. (Raises his arms.)Let’s not start the
day on bad footings. We’ve many a mile to go yet. We need our energy to
walk not to throw jibes at each other like schoolchildren in a playground.

Bligh: She’s the child.

Flo: It’s a known fact that women mature quicker than men.

Dogfish :( Claps his hands loudly.)Will you two shut up your nonsense and
prepare yourselves for the day ahead.

Flo :( Stands with her arms folded with her head turned away from the men.)If men
were trees, what a better world it would be.

Bligh :( Looks out at the auditorium with his arms folded.)If you were turned to a
pillar of salt, I’d be happy man.

Dogfish :( Looks at Flo and then at Bligh.)If you two don’t stop this nonsense,
I’ll bang your heads together like two bloody cymbals so I will. (Bligh
looks at Dogfish. He then looks at Flo.)Now, bloody apologise to the woman
and lets get moving or the sun will boil your head. (Flo looks at Dogfish and
then looks at Bligh.)And you, Florence, get those soft arms of yours about
this fool and get him to move his carcass before I put my boot where he
sits.

Flo :( Moves reluctantly towards Bligh and stands staring at him.)I’m waiting.

Bligh: So’s Christmas.

Flo: And you’ll be waiting for any embraces from me again, you crab
head you. ( They reluctantly embrace and the stand back staring at each other.
Dogfish then walks off stage right with the other two following slowly behind him.)
End of Scene Four.
Act One. Scene Five.
 19

Later that morning. The scenery is of hills, fields, and trees. The stage has a few
mounds and a tree centre stage. Flo enters first, goes to the tree, and touches the bark.
Bligh follows with Dogfish behind him. The two men walk around the stage, then
walk to the edge of the stage, and peer out at the auditorium.
Flo: This tree will be my new friend. I hate leaving trees behind. That one
we had near us last night was nice.

Dogfish: The sky is clear.

Bligh: My sister Bridget heard voices.

Flo: I can imagine that Eve’s relationship with the Tree of Life was very
intimate.

Dogfish: That bides well for us. A day without a storm or rain. No more
walking around in wet clothes.

Bligh: Heard them for years she did. She’d drive us mad with her talking
to them. Sometimes she’d get in a real argument with them. Trouble was
we could only hear one side of it. We never got to hear what the voices
said in reply. If they did reply, that is.

Flo: I could get very intimate with trees myself. I like the touch of them.
(Strokes the bark gently.)I like the smell of them (Sniffs the bark.)I like to
embrace them. (Puts her arms around the tree.)And kiss them. (Kiss the
tree.)Oh, to be in the Black Forest. Trees upon trees upon trees.

Dogfish :( Looks back at Flo.)Will you leave that damned tree alone,
Florence. You’ll come out in rash getting so close to it.

Bligh :( Looks at Flo.)She’s always been the same since we met, Dogfish.
Can’t pass a tree without touching it or embracing it.

Flo :( Folds her arms and pouts her lips.)What business is of yours what I do
with trees? Do you I tell you what to do? Bligh? Dogfish? Do I tell you
what to do?

Dogfish: You’re a woman. Women haven’t the authority about them to

give orders. My mother wouldn’t as much as open her mouth without my
father’s permission.

Bligh: Bridget wouldn’t stop talking. She’d talk the jaw off a herd of
cows.
 20

Flo: Then I pity your mother, Dogfish. No woman should be treated like
that. Women have as much right to talk as any man has.

Dogfish: Talk? Talk do you say? I’ve yet to meet a woman that was silent
for more than a few minutes. Except the Cistercian nuns where my Aunt
Beth was a nun herself. They’d say next to nothing. Now, wouldn’t they
be a good choice for a wife, Bligh? The silence, man would be worth the
celibacy that went with it. (Both men laugh. Flo shakes her head and turns her
back on them.) This sister of yours, Bligh, what happened to her?

Bligh: The Sisters of Jesus took in as lay sister.

Flo :( Speaks, but doesn’t turn around.)And took her out three months later
because she caused so much confusion amongst the novices.

Bligh: I was coming that.

Dogfish: So where is she now?

Bligh: About. Here and there.

Flo: She teamed up with a fellow who passed her off as a medium.

Bligh: I was coming to that.

Dogfish: So where is she now, Bligh?

Flo: Last heard of in Wexford. The fellow left her there. Said she drove
him mad.

Bligh: I was coming to that.

Dogfish: And so you’ve left your sister in Wexford? Is that the way a
man should be with his sister, Bligh?

Flo: Bligh’s embarrassed by her. He’d leave her in hell itself if he could.

Bligh: Will you shut up about her, Florence. You’ve only met her once.

Dogfish: So how often does she hear the voices, Bligh? (Walks upstage to
the tree and looks at it.)Is it a regular thing?
 21

Flo :( Moves away from the tree, goes, and sits on mound stage left.)It comes and
goes. One minute she’s a normal the next she ranting and raving like a
fish wife with a sore head.

Bligh :( Walks to where Flo is sitting and stands over her.)Will you leave my
sister out of it. She’s of no concern of yours.

Dogfish: Nor yours it sounds like, Bligh. A man should not abandon his
sister.

Flo :( Looks up at Bligh.) She’s good at fortune telling.

Bligh :( Stares at Flo with a grim expression.)How do you know?

Flo: She told me.

Dogfish: Did she tell you about this pilgrimage. Florence?

Flo: She did. Said I was going on a long trip.

Bligh: She says that to all the people she tells fortunes to. They all think
she’s so wonderful at the fortune-telling. She does the cards as well. Tarot
cards or playing cards. She’s a tricking one. Says the voices tell her
things.

Flo: Perhaps they do.

Dogfish: Perhaps she’s just a sick woman with screwed up brain.

Bligh: Nice of you to say so, Dogfish.

Flo: Voices of angels, maybe.

Bligh: Or demons as my father said.

Dogfish: Did they not want to put her away?

Bligh: Sure but they were closing places down as quickly as they looked.
You have to be nigh on a complete idiot to get a place anywhere now.
Even then, you’ve no guarantee.
Dogfish :( Turns and walks back to the edge of the stage where he stares out at the
auditorium.)We should move on. We’ve many a mile to go before nightfall.
 22

Bligh :( Turns and walks back to where Dogfish stands.)Do you think Bridget as
any hope, Dogfish?

Dogfish: Faith, Bligh, my boy, can move mountains. There’s every

chance she’ll find a man to marry her and look after her.

Flo :( Gets off the mound and walks to where the two men are standing.) That’d be
some mountain to move, Dogfish. The man who’d marry her would have
to be a complete idiot himself. And what a couple they’d make. And what
if they were to have children, Bligh?

Bligh: It was Dogfish who mentioned that not me. I never had her down
as a wife to any man, idiot or not. I hoped she’d recover her senses and
become like the rest of us.

Dogfish: Oh, no, Bligh, don’t inflict that upon the poor woman. Bad
enough hearing voices let alone being like the rest of us.

Bligh: Father said she was cursed from the womb.

Flo :( Points out over the auditorium.) Are we going down there amongst those
trees, Dogfish?

Dogfish: Yes. That’s part of the pilgrimage. To be amongst nature.

Bligh: Mother said she was blessed.

Flo: Are there pines there?

Dogfish: Pines as far as the eye can see.

Bligh: I think mother is wrong. Damned would be the best way to see it.

Flo: Come on, Bligh, forget Bridget. Trees ahead. Pines. The scent.

Bligh :( Looks at Flo.)The scent of pines can turn a man’s head.

Dogfish :( Nods his head.)A woman’s smile can do the same. (They walk
slowly off stage left. The light dims.)
End of Act One and Scene Five.
Act Two. Scene One.

Evening. The background shows distant hills, fields, and trees. There are mounds and
 23

a few bushes here and there on the stage and one small tree stage left. The light
gradually dims over the next scenes until the back ground becomes dark. Dogfish
enters stage right wearily. He goes to the first mound he sees and sits down. Bligh
enters slowly and sits next to Dogfish. Flo enters stage right, wanders over to the tree,
and touches it tenderly. No one speaks for a few moments. Dogfish takes out his
tobacco pouch and attempts to make a cigarette. Bligh sits staring out at the
auditorium. Flo walks around the tree touching it here and there.
Dogfish: I’ve come to the conclusion that life is a mystery.

Bligh: It is. A real mystery.

Dogfish: I’ve tried to solve it as if it were a bloody puzzle, and have

failed to find the underlying cause of it all.

Bligh: There is no bottom to it. I’ve tried to look as deep as I can and
found endless layers of layers upon bloody layers.

Dogfish: I’ve tried being a good catholic. I’ve even tried being a bloody
good atheist and still found nothing to satisfy me in my quest for the
answer.

Bligh: It’s like a bloody great onion. Layer on layer. Brings tears to your
eyes, so it does. (Pause. Looks at his hands.)Look at the state of these hands
of mine. I’ve never seen them so black.

Dogfish: I met a feller in Hamburg years back who claimed to have found
out the secret of life. I talked with him for hours and hours until his voice
drifted off into the night and my head felt as thick as a rug and still never
got anywhere near knowing what the hell he was on about.(Flo stops and
cuddles the tree.)Too many words. His mouth just kept on yakking and
yakking. The last thing I remember is the moon turning around above me
and the grass damp on my back.

Bligh: As a kid, I hated getting my hands dirty. I’d wash them every
bloody moment I thought they were dirty. Scrub, scrub, scrub. And my
father’d take me by the scruff of the neck and say:” Will get your bloody
self away from the sink, you softy, you”. The look in his eyes. He thought
I was becoming too girly. (Brushes his hands against his trousers.)He didn’t
understand me. We never really understood each other. I thought him a
dirty hairy great git and he thought me a soft ponce.

Flo: Are we staying here the night, Dogfish? (Sits down by the tree and rubs
her legs beneath her dress.)
 24

Dogfish: Life’s a mystery. The whole universe is a mystery.

Bligh: There was many a time I’d gladly have hit him on his bald head
with my shoe.

Flo: I can’t go another step, Dogfish. My legs are tried. They’re like lead.

Dogfish :( Looks over at Flo.)You’ve done nothing but complain since you
started on this pilgrimage. You’re not pilgrimage material. Too many
complaints. A true pilgrim accepts his lot. He doesn’t moan at little
upsets and minor discomforts.

Bligh: Many a time I’d gladly have hit his damned bald head with a shoe,
Dogfish.

Flo: I’ve walked and walked, Dogfish with out so much a whimper, but
now I’m tired and my legs refuse to go one more step.

Bligh :( Looks at Flo.)Do you want me to rub your legs, Florence?

Flo: As long as it is only my legs, Bligh. None of your nonsense.

Bligh: As if I’d do anything of the kind. The nuns said I had the making
of a saint.

Dogfish: Life’s a great mystery, Florence. You’re in no position to moan

about life’s little discomforts when the whole great universe is stuck in
puzzlement and mystery.

Flo: You a saint, Bligh? I think the good sisters had their illusion about
you. Those eyes of yours deceived them.

Bligh: Sister Luke said I was an inspiration to her.

Flo: Wasn’t she the nun who later ran off with the parish priest?

Bligh: No. That was Sister Mark. She was the one who clumped me for
the slightest thing.

Dogfish: Will you two shut up about the bloody nuns and sainthood.
Neither of you are anywhere near being saints and nor ever likely to be if
what I saw the other night is anything to go by.
 25

Bligh: The sister had a sadistic streak in her. I pity the poor priest who
went off with her. He’s sure to be bound and gagged by now, so he is.

(Pause. Flo rest her head on her arms. Dogfish finally lights his cigarette and puffs
away for a few moments and Bligh sits looking up at the sky.)

Dogfish: What was it that fellar said at the bar back there the other night?

Bligh: He’ll need more than his dog collar to protect him from her, so he
will.

Flo: You have this thing about nuns, Bligh. It’s not healthy.

Dogfish: The tall fellar, with the moustache like a hedgehog.

Flo: My mother always said that any woman that shuts herself a way with
other women is either a saint or slightly odd.

Bligh: The tall fellar, you say? What him that sipped his beer like a
bloody cat?

Dogfish: Yes, him. What did he say?

Bligh: He said his sister has gone off with an uncle and the whole family
was outraged about it.

Dogfish: No, you idiot, what did he say about our pilgrimage?

Flo: What the fellar with the moustache?

Bligh: Did he say anything about our pilgrimage? I thought he was

talking about his uncle and what he got up to in his youth.

Dogfish: He said something about our pilgrimage. Did you not hear him,
Florence?

Flo: He said people had got themselves lost up here in a storm years back.

Dogfish: A storm was it he was on about? I couldn’t hear him for all the
bloody noise. So, what happened to these people?

Bligh: Fancy going off with your uncle. Would you have gone off with
any of your uncles, Florence?
 26

Flo: They disappeared, he said. No one ever saw them again.

Bligh: I’d not go off with any of my uncles. Would you, Florence?

Flo: What a mystery. To go off and never be seen again.

Bligh: What about your uncle Ralph, Florence?

Flo: What about my Uncle Ralph?

Bligh: Would you have gone off with him?

Flo: Gone off where, Bligh? Are you sure that knock on the head back
there hasn’t disturbed your brain?

Dogfish: Disappeared did they? Where could anyone disappear up here?

I’m sure he was having us on. He looked a bit of a joker to me. Had that
look about him. You can tell by the eyes. His bloody eyes had I’m a joker
written large in them.

Bligh: Gone off like that fellar in the bar.

Flo: Are you sure you’re ok, Bligh? You have that look in your eyes.

Bligh: I’m all right. No bones or head broken. I just asked you if you’d go
off with any of your uncles.

Dogfish: If I weren’t on this pilgrimage, I’d have pulled that hedgehog

off his damned face and stuck it elsewhere.

Flo: Go off with my uncles? I’d sooner have gone off with Dogfish.

Bligh: I was just asking. Just asking out of curiosity.

Dogfish: If the damned universe and life wasn’t enough of a mystery. I’d
have floored him like a carpet.

Bligh: My mother said always ask if you’re curious.

Dogfish: People go missing every day. Pilgrimage or no pilgrimage.

Flo: I’d not go off with any of my uncles. Why would I want to go off
 27

with any of my uncles, Bligh?

Bligh: She said you’ve got a tongue in your head bloody well use it.

Dogfish: Why would a pilgrimage be the cause of people going missing?

Flo: Mind you, my cousin Michael might have been worth a trip away.

Bligh: Stand on your own two feet she said. My mother was one for
speaking her mind.

Dogfish: The point of this pilgrimage is to find answers, not get yourself
missing.

Flo: He had this way about him. I could have happily gone off with him
pilgrimage or no pilgrimage.

Bligh :( Stands up and walks to the edge of the stage and peers out at the
auditorium.)The skies getting darker.

Dogfish :( Stands up and walks next to Bligh. Flo watches them but doesn’t
move.)The sky is like a patient etherised upon a table.

Bligh: I’ve seen paintings like that. The way the sky is.

Dogfish: Look how the clouds are spread out against the sky.

Bligh: You can imagine an artist up here with his easel and brushes and
painting this scene.

Dogfish: And those trees down there. Look at the various colours of
green.

Flo :( Gets up reluctantly and walks over to the edge of the stage.)I wonder where
those people disappeared? The ones the fellar in the bar spoke of?

Dogfish: Mystery, Florence. All things are a mystery.

Bligh: They are, Dogfish. All things are a mystery. My father was a
mystery.

Flo: You’re a mystery, Bligh. How your mother recovered from giving
birth to you, I’ll never know. No wonder your sister heard voices.
 28

Dogfish: And in the centre of all things is the everlasting mystery.

Bligh: Bridget is a mystery to all except herself.

Flo: I’m sleeping next to the tree tonight. You can sleep elsewhere, Bligh.

Bligh: What have I done to merit the exile from your side?

Dogfish: Bligh, my boy, never beg a woman to share her bed.

Flo: I’d not care if he did beg, Dogfish, he’s not sleeping next to me
tonight.

Bligh: What have I done? Have I said something I ought not to have said?

Dogfish: Woman, Bligh, have an insight of the very nature of us men.

They know us better than we ourselves do. I’ve no doubt she’s read your
mind and knows what it is you’re after.

Flo: A woman needs her space. She needs to be alone with her thoughts.

Dogfish: Oh, leave the woman be, Bligh. Let her have her way with her
thoughts for what they’re worth. A woman’s thoughts are like a spider’s
web, if you get too near you’ll get yourself caught up in them. (Both men
laugh. Flo wander off to the tree again and sits down.)

Flo: My thoughts are mine and not for likes of you, Dogfish.

Bligh: It’s a mystery, Dogfish. The way of women is a mystery.

Dogfish: And in the centre of it all is the one big mystery. (All become
silent. The light dims. Bligh and Dogfish stand peering out at the auditorium. Flo
stares at her hands and then hugs herself like a child rocking herself back and
forward.)

End of Scene One.

Act Two. Scene Two.

The same scene about ten minutes later. Dogfish is sitting on a mound resting his head
on his arms. Flo is sitting beneath the tree with her eyes closed. Bligh is walking alone
the edge of the stage his hands behind his back.
 29

Bligh: If the voices Bridget heard would only have told her something
interesting it might have been worthwhile. If they’d given her the names
of the winning horses or the damned lottery numbers of the coming week
it would have made her a rich woman. Mad no doubt, but a rich mad
woman. (Pause. Looks at the auditorium.)I wonder what the voices actually
say to her? What the voices sound like? Are they male voices or female
voices? Do they swear or curse or are they the voices as Florence says of
angels? (Pause. Sighs.)Maybe she’ a saint and we’ve totally misunderstood
her all these years and are bound by our errors to burn in Hell? (Pause.
Rubs his arms as if to keep warm.)The sisters tried to understand her. They
took her in and I thought that it would be the making of her, but she was
out again within months and back amongst us driving us silly with her
ranting and raving. (Pause.)Maybe she is a saint. Maybe she has sainthood
written large in her soul and we’re too bloody blind to notice. (Pause.
Stands and looks up at the sky.)Is she a saint? Will you tell, God? Is my sister
a bloody saint or a mad woman? Just a word. Just a hint. A sign. (Looks
out at the auditorium.)Am I responsible for my sister’s madness? When she’s
normal I think that if I’m quick I can get her to open up and say
something without the damned voices interfering, but the normal times
are so rare that I usually miss them and all I get is her and the damned
voices.(Sighs.)St Joan heard voices and they burnt her at the stake. I can’t
imagine Bridget being burnt at the stake. I can’t imagine Bridget being a
saint either. Fancy seeing her face looking back at you from some prayer
card or CTS pamphlet on the latest saints. It’d be enough to turn your
stomach. (Dogfish stirs and looks up at Bligh.)Mother thought her blessed.
Father thought her a damned fool. And Joe Kennedy thought her worth a
tumble in the hay barn until she grabbed him and made him beg for
mercy. She had that way about her. Could convert a boy like Joe into a
praying choirboy with her one hand. (Dogfish rises up and walks slowly to
where Bligh is standing. Bligh turns and sees Dogfish.)

Dogfish: Are you hearing the voices now, Bligh?

Bligh: No. I’m reflecting on my sister’s plight.

Dogfish: Oh, yes, she has a dilemma there. The trouble with her voices
put her in quite a predicament. Does she hear actual voices or are they
just her imagination going haywire? Hard to solve I should imagine.
Bligh: The trouble is, Dogfish, no one else hears a damned thing. You
only hear her answering back or asking what they meant by what they
said. Even then she has to ask a few times before she’s understood what
the hell they’re on about.
 30

Dogfish: It’s all in God’s hands, Bligh.

Bligh: Maybe, but it’s our ears and minds that have to put up with it,
Dogfish. Years back, she’d have been locked away with other idiots and
we’d know where she was and whom she was with. (Sighs deeply.)Now we
hardly ever know where she is or what idiot she’s with.

Dogfish: Part of God’s mystery, Bligh. You can’t have the answer to all
life’s questions. Sometimes you just have get on with it and accept things.

Bligh: I don’t understand God’s ways. I never did at school. Even though
Father Donovan yakked on about it day in and day out, I never quite
grasped the meaning of it all. (Pause. Dogfish puts his hand on Bligh’s shoulder.)

Dogfish: It’s not a matter of understanding God’s ways, Bligh, it’s a

matter of just being and waiting and accepting.

Flo :( Opens her eyes and lifts her head.)My legs are still aching. Would you
rub them for me, Bligh?

Bligh :( Looks at Flo and rubs his hands together.)Just warming my hands,
Florence. You wouldn’t want my cold hands all over would you now?

Flo: Just my legs, Bligh, just my legs.

Dogfish :( Gives Bligh a little playful shove towards Flo.)Go to her my boy. Lay
your magic hands upon her legs and awaken some life in them and that
we can go further tomorrow.

Flo :( Sits upright as Bligh settles in front of her and starts to rub her legs.)Gently,
Bligh. (Bligh slows down and rubs gently.)That’s better. I can feel the warmth
gradually filtering through them.

Bligh: You’ve lovely legs, Florence.

Flo: just keep your mind on the rubbing of them, Bligh.

Bligh: I was only making an aesthetic judgement so I was.

Flo: Well keep your judgements to yourself. I don’t want you judging my
legs as if I were some statue in a gallery or like some horse just before a
race.

Dogfish: Legs are legs, Bligh. You see one pair of legs and you’ve seen
 31

them all.

Bligh: Oh, but some legs, Dogfish are to be admired.

Flo: Will you shut up about legs, Bligh and just rub as I asked you to do.

Bligh :( Rubs conscientiously with a smile.)My first wife’s legs were like tree
trunks.

Dogfish: You speak of your first wife, but did you have a second?

Bligh: No, not yet, but I’m keeping I eyes open. (Looks at Flo and winks an
eye.)

Flo: Well, keep your eyes open elsewhere, Bligh, I’m not going to be
your number two.

Dogfish: And what happened to wife number one, Bligh?

Bligh: She died.

Flo: She drowned.

Bligh: I was going to say that.

Dogfish: Drowned, you say? How did she drown?

Flo: Went for a swim, went out too far, and drowned.

Bligh: I was going to tell him that.

Dogfish: Did you not go to rescue her, Bligh?

Bligh: I considered it, but I couldn’t swim and so I just stood and waved
at her.

Flo: He thought she was waving at him.

Dogfish: You thought she was waving at you? The poor woman was
drowning and you were waving at her?

Bligh: It was a mistake, I realise now, but at the time, her waving was
quite authentic.
 32

Flo: It wasn’t until she went down for the third time and never came up
that he realised something was wrong.

Dogfish: You’re a handy man to have around, Bligh. Remind me to not

take you swimming with me should I take the fancy to go for a swim at
some future date.

Flo :( Takes hold of Bligh’s hands and pulls him towards her. They kiss. Then Flo
pushes him away.)My legs are better now, Bligh. You can leave me and go.

Bligh :( Wanders back to where Dogfish stands.)Women are a mystery,

Dogfish. They say one thing and mean another. They look for things in a
man, which a man tries to hide, and still they see it.

Dogfish: Now you know why priests never marry.

Flo: Don’t you start, Dogfish. You and women have along history.

Dogfish: I must admit that I have had my dealings with them.

Flo: More than dealings, Dogfish, so I’ve been informed.

Bligh: A man should know what women are like by studying his mother
and sister.

Dogfish: There are certain elements where mothers and sisters are of little
help, Bligh.

Flo: Why is it when you two get into a scrape you run us women down?

Bligh: The eternal question, Florence.

Dogfish: Always on a man’s lips, so it is.

Flo: And what eternal question is that?

Dogfish: Did God create women because He had a sense of humour?

Flo :( Stands up and walks to where the two men are standing.)Mother of God,
Bligh, have you no respect for me or other women?

Bligh: I have the highest regard for women. Wasn’t my own mother a
 33

woman? My dear Bridget, isn’t she a woman, too? Haven’t I a great

regard for the nuns, except for Sister Mark?

Dogfish: Oh, Bligh, you have the tongue of the woman across the back
now, my boy.

Flo: And you Dogfish, where’s your respect for the fairer sex?

Dogfish: Have you not heard me talk with great respect for the weaker
sex? I’ll have you know I consider women to be a blessing from God.

Flo: Never mind the blessing, Dogfish, your respect for ordinary women
will suffice to ease my mind.

Bligh: Can we not talk so much of women. I didn’t come on this

pilgrimage to spend my time yakking over women, Dogfish. There are
higher things are there not?

Dogfish: You’re right, Bligh, my boy, there are things of far more
importance than the subject of women.

Flo: That’s right; leave it in mid air once you’ve stirred me up. I can’t
understand men. They’re a bloody mystery to me. My father was an
obstinate man who’d deny his own son to be proved right when he was
bloody wrong and you two are the same when it boils down to it.(Storms
off to the tree and embraces it. Dogfish and Bligh shrug their shoulders.)I should
have been a nun. I should have listened to Sister Rose and joined up at
fifteen away from the likes of you two and the other idiot men in the
world.

(Pause. Silence settles amongst them all. Flo walks around the tree, her face stern, and
held high. Bligh watches her bemused. Dogfish turns and peers at the auditorium.
Then there is the sound of a distant storm with thunder and lightening. The light
dims.)

End of Scene Two.

Act Two. Scene Three.

The same scene half an hour later. The background is lit up occasionally by lightening
and there is the sound now and then of thunder. Dogfish and Bligh are standing on the
edge of the stage peering out at the auditorium. Flo is sitting beneath the tree.
Flo: What are you two looking for?
 34

Dogfish: How far away the storm is.

Bligh: Counting the seconds that pass between the lightening and the
thunder.

Flo: And what difference will it make?

Dogfish :( Looks back at Flo.) Tells us how far away the storm is.

Bligh :( Looks back at Flo.) By counting the time lapse between the
lightening and thunder.

Flo: But you can’t prevent the storm coming can you. It’ll still come
when it’s ready.

Bligh: It’s science, Florence. The time lapse between the two tells us how
far away it is.

Dogfish: It may pass us by. (Both men look back at the auditorium.) No telling
just how a storm thinks things out.

Pause.

Flo: Shouldn’t we be looking for shelter, Dogfish?

Dogfish :( Looks at Flo beneath the tree.) What shelter do you think there’ll be
up here on this peak? We’re higher now than before. Shelters aren’t two a
penny up here.

Bligh: I’ve lost count. That’s you talking to us, Florence. (Bligh looks at
Flo.)You made me lose count between the thunder and the lightening.

Flo: When it pours down will you still be counting, Bligh?

Dogfish: Under that tree is not the best place to be in a storm, my girl.
The lightening will have you.

Bligh: That’s right. A cousin of mine was struck by lightening.

Dogfish: It’s a risking business being out when there’s a storm about.

Flo: What cousin was this, then, Bligh?

 35

Bligh: My cousin Patrick. His mother was my mother’s sister.

Flo: Was he killed?

Bligh: No. But turned his hair grey and burnt his hand.

Flo: Where was he when this happened?

Bligh: He was walking home from Brian’s Bar and boom he was hit by
lightening.

Flo: Was he alone?

Bligh: No. Danny O’ Toole was with him.

Flo: And was he not struck by the lightening?

Bligh: No, he was in a ditch. Patrick was trying to get him out with a
stick he was holding.

Dogfish: This cousin of yours, has he no brain in his head? Holding a

great stick about when there’s a storm around is not the action of a sane
man.

Bligh: He was thinking, he said. More concerned with his friend Danny.

Flo: And what happened next?

Bligh: They were both in the ditch. Patrick yelling and screaming blue
murder, and Danny singing at the top of his voice, I’ll take you home
again Kathleen.

Dogfish: That’s a good song to sing when you’re in a ditch.

Flo: Then what happened?

Bligh: Two other fellows came who had heard the singing and found
them.

Dogfish: The storm’s getting closer.

Flo :( Moves out from the tree and wanders around the stage.)Only men would
fall in a ditch and sing I’ll take you home again Kathleen.
 36

Bligh: Not the sort of song a woman would sing is it. She’d probably sing
Danny Boy or something.

Flo: She’d not be in the bloody ditch in the first place to sing anything.
It’s not the thing a woman would do. Not the good type any way.

Dogfish: A few miles away that’s all.

Bligh: Where shall we shelter?

Dogfish: Not under the tree that’s for sure.

Flo: Are there no holes in the mountainside we can hide in?

Dogfish: Holes? Holes? This is real life, Florence; it’s not some
Hollywood movie with Gregory Peck or your latest movie hero. This is
what life’s about. Taking risks. Risking your life. Putting your head
above the parapet and risking getting your head being shot at.

Bligh: What no shelter at all, Dogfish?

Flo: Not a small hole?

Dogfish: The only small hole around here is that one under your bloody
nose, Florence. And I won’t be rude by saying anything else.

Bligh: We’ll get wet.

Flo: Shouldn’t affect you too much then, Bligh.

Dogfish: This pilgrimage is to make us realise what living is all about.

You came of your own free will to try to discover the meaning to your
lives.

Bligh: I only came for the walk and the sights of the mountains and hills
and the birds.

Flo: I came to get away from the drudgery of my job.

Bligh: I’ve seen a few birds. However, I expected to see more than I
have.

Flo: I’ve got wet, insulted, and almost ravished twice.

 37

Dogfish: Are you sorry you came on this pilgrimage? Are you sorry you
got away from the drudgery, Florence?

Bligh: A hawk. A chaffinch and a few gulls.

Flo: The first job I had in years and it drove me silly.

Dogfish: I didn’t promise you a holiday. I said it would be back to nature.

Back to living by our wits and skills.

Bligh: And I’m hungry and tired.

Flo: I wanted to get away from all those miserable faces in the morning
who’d barely say hello to you. They were a miserable bunch. You would
think they were going to their deaths rather than to their jobs.

Bligh: My feet ache and my body feels as if a jealous husband has

knocked me about.

Dogfish: You disappoint me, Bligh. I thought you would have it in you to
make a go of this pilgrimage. To make a go of living as life should be
lived.

Flo :( Sighs.)What is it we want from our lives? We’re thrown into being
and have to cope without knowing the ground rules of being as such.

Bligh: I’m sorry, Dogfish. I know you mean well. It’s just that when I get
hungry I get all melancholy. I think of the good times. The times when I
had a good meal inside me and a good ale.

Dogfish: Oh, Bligh, take off your blinkers to life. There are no guarantees
about things. Only death and taxes are real in the end. You’ve got to get
out there man and make something of this life while you have it. Because
if you don’t it’ll go before you can spit at the nearest cat.

Flo: I was ten when it struck me that I was actually a woman.

Bligh: Insight not your strongest point, then, Florence?

Dogfish: Stop and breathe in this air. Bligh, stop your gabbing and smell
the air. (Bligh sniffs the air. Dogfish sniffs too.)That’s something you can’t do
when you’re dead.
 38

Flo: I realised then that I was in the process of becoming a woman. Me. A
woman. Just like my mother. I thought I was dying at first. I ran to my
mother and blurted out that I was dying of tuberculosis.

Bligh: Why was that? I never knew you had tuberculosis, Florence.

Flo: I didn’t you bloody idiot, I was having my first…Well, woman thing.
You know.

Bligh :( Has a vacant expression on his face.)Were you pregnant?

Flo: No. What makes thing I was pregnant?

Bligh: I thought you mistook the lump in your tummy for a tuberculosis
growth.

Flo: How much of an idiot are you, Bligh? Don’t you know anything
about women? And you with a sister and mother.

Dogfish: You’ll have to excuse Bligh, Florence, he’s an innocent fellow,

and despite the fact, he had wife, sister, and mother.

Bligh :( Looks all intent as if listening for something.)Is it getting nearer?

Dogfish: It’s on its way.

Flo: I realised I had no choice in whether I wanted to be a woman or not.

Dogfish: The thunder and the lightening are getting closer and closer.

Bligh: Are we to just sit here and get wet, cold, and damp?

Flo: Not that I didn’t want to be a woman. It was the choice of it that I
wanted. To be able to say yes or no or maybe at sometime or other. But
bang there it was one morning. I’m a woman.

Dogfish: Will you stop your moaning, Bligh, and be a man. Take charge
of your life and hold it like it was a piece of precious metal and you can
be rich if you purify it in the fires of being itself.
Bligh: You sound like Father Collins. He was always on about
purification and the fires of Hell.
 39

Flo: My father said that that was the curse of Eve. “She’s to blame,” he’d
say. “Woman is the ruination of mankind.”

Dogfish: Look to your own conscience, Florence. Don’t be taken in by

bible wavers or preachers on street corners, my girl. Look to your own
conscience.

Flo: My father was an obstinate man. He said that my brother wasn’t his
child. My mother said my father had the wit of a Jesuit and the wisdom of
a bookie.

Bligh: The nuns said I had the making of a saint.

Dogfish: Oh, the storm’s coming, Bligh. The voice of God is about to
speak.

Flo: You and your nuns, Bligh. You must have blinded them with those
eyes of yours. You’re no more a saint than Dogfish. You’re both men.
That says it all.

Pause. Lightening and thunder.

Bligh: It’s here! Let’s go and find somewhere.

Flo: Where? Where, Dogfish?

Dogfish :( Stands with his arms out stretched.)This is the purification of our
pilgrimage. Opens your arms and welcome the waters of purification and
the voice of God. (Bligh opens his arms out reluctantly. Flo shakes her head and
runs off stage right.)Head up high, Bligh. Speak and be spoken to! (Thunder
and lightening. The light dims gradually as the two men stand as if crucified.)

End of Scene Three.

Act Two. Scene Four.

Same scene an hour later. The background is dark with the occasional flash from
distant lightening and the far off sound of thunder. Bligh and Dogfish are sitting on
two separate mounds staring out at the auditorium.
Dogfish: Very disappointing is that. Not a word from the Almighty. Just
 40

the thunder and lightening and the bloody rain getting us wet and stiff as
corpses.

Bligh: It had a kind of magic to it, though, Dogfish. All that lightening
and thunder sort of exhilarates the very soul.

Dogfish: I didn’t come on this pilgrimage for exhilaration, Bligh, my boy.

I came to find the Almighty and find out what it was he wanted. I’m not
into this exhilaration business. I could get that by seeking out a whore so
I could. (Searches in his pocket for his tobacco pouch.)I had my thrills and
exhilarations in Dublin when I was a young man when the wet was still
behind my ears and the nappy rash was still visible on my arse.

Bligh: Maybe you’re looking too much for that kind of thing, Dogfish.
We’re only mortals after all. We’re as the Almighty made us, so we are.
He doesn’t expect us to be other than we are. He would have made us
different if he expected things different from us.

Dogfish: You’re a fool, Bligh. You’ve got the sense of a bloody mole.
(Finds his tobacco pouch and begins to make a cigarette slowly.) If you were to
ever have brain surgery they’d need a bloody magnifying glass to find it
first place.

Bligh: It stands to reason, Dogfish, that the Almighty only expects from
us what he created us for. Why would he expect more from us when he
never created us for anything else than what we do?

Dogfish :( Looks at Bligh with a sense of despair.)We’re not bloody pots made
by a potter on the odd Sunday; we’re the high point of His creation. The
very reason he bothered in the first place. However, looking at you, I’m
beginning to ask myself why he bothered at all. (Places the cigarette in his
mouth and lights it. He puts away his pouch and puffs away. He smokes intermittingly
during the scene until the cigarette is done.)Do you not think at all, Bligh? Is
your brain not capable of thought other that which you’ve shown to me?

Bligh: I can think. I can think as good as the next man.

Dogfish: That’s what I thought. That shows in what you’re saying, Bligh.
Is that sister of yours any brighter?

Bligh: As bright as a torch bulb compared with the sun.

Dogfish: Where’s Florence? Where’d she go?

 41

Bligh: She went off when the storm came over us. I think she’s hiding
somewhere.

Dogfish: Then go see if she’s all right. I’d hate to think she’s hurt
somewhere and we’re here talking the hind leg of a Dublin donkey.

Bligh: She’ll be fine. She knows how to take care of herself.

Dogfish: I dare say she does. However, I’d like you to look for her just
the same. Just to be sure.

Bligh :( Looks at Dogfish and then back behind him.)If you’re sure it’s
necessary, I'll go and find her. However, she’ll not be happy with me
looking for her.

Dogfish: If you try to please a woman, Bligh, you’d need a bloody

eternity to do it in. Now go, my good feller, and find the young girl. (Bligh
gets up reluctantly and wanders off stage right. Dogfish shakes his head.)I’d not
have chosen him for my disciple if I had any other choice. However, the
volunteers were short on the ground for this pilgrimage and so I took him
along. Nevertheless, the man’s an idiot. Doesn’t have the brain of a vole.
(Rises up from the mound and walks around the stage. After a few seconds, he looks
upwards.)I came. I saw. But what now? What is it you want now? I’ve two
idiots with me who’d not know the way to their backsides without a
bloody map. (Pause.)I thought I’d find the reason for this pilgrimage. I
thought it would be plain as day. Have I come the wrong way? Are you
not going to speak to me? (Wanders to the edge of the stage and peers out
intensely. Flo enters stage left alone she is wet looking. She sees Dogfish and wanders
up behind him. He is unaware of her presence.)Out of the depths. Out of the
bloody depths, I call to you. What am I to do, now? (Pause. Flo stands behind
him.)Utter to me, Almighty One. Speak to me in a voice of thunder or the
soft whisper of the breeze.

Flo: Where’s Bligh? (Dogfish jumps with surprise and glares at Flo.)

Dogfish: What the bloody hell do you think you’re doing coming up
behind a man like that and scaring the bloody life out of him?

Flo: Sorry. I wondered where Bligh was.

Dogfish: Well he’s not here. Can you see him here? Do you think I’ve got
him under my bloody coat?
 42

Flo: Sorry, Dogfish. I wasn’t thinking.

Dogfish: You never think. You’re like the rest of your sex, you think with
your swaying hips, loose tongues and your flittering eyelashes.

Flo: Is Bligh, gone off somewhere?

Dogfish: Bligh’s gone to look for you.

Flo: Why?

Dogfish: Because I’d told him to. I thought you were lost after the storm.

Flo: I was looking for shelter.

Dogfish: Did you find it?

Flo: No. There was no where to shelter.

Dogfish: I told you both there would be little shelter. However, I might as
well talk to the grass as talk to you two.

Flo: I got wetter than a duck.

Dogfish: You look wetter than a duck. You look a daft as duck, too.

(Pause. Dogfish wanders off along the edge of the stage. Flo stands on the edge
motionless.)

Dogfish: Why’d you come on this pilgrimage, Florence?

Flo: To find out things.

Dogfish: What things would that be, then, Florence?

Flo: Whether I was looking for something or someone.

Dogfish: And what did you discover?

Flo: I think I was looking for myself. I think I’ve been hiding from
myself all these years.
 43

Dogfish: Did you not have a desire to find the meaning of it all? (Bligh
enters stage right. He sees Flo and shakes his head.)I mean the key to why you’re
here at all?

Bligh: Why the bloody hell she’s here not elsewhere, I’d like to know.
(Dogfish and Flo turn to look at Bligh.)I’ve been looking for you, Florence.
Searching for you high and low.

Flo: Now, why would you be doing that, Bligh? Do you think I’m just a
child lost from her mother and father?

Dogfish: Clamp your mouth, Bligh. The woman’s here, that’s all that
matters.

Bligh: All that matters, is it? I’ve searched for the woman so I have, until
my bloody eyes were out on stoppers.

Flo: And how was I to know you’d be so stupid as to look for me?

Dogfish: Will you both shut your noise. We’re here to seek a meaning not
to resort to arguments and moans and groans.

Flo: Dogfish is right. We’re here for a reason.

Bligh :( Bligh sighs.)And what would that reason be? Have we found out
yet what the reason is?

Dogfish: Have you not found a bird out here that you’ve not seen before?

Bligh: Yes. More than I can count.

Dogfish: And you, Florence, have you found yourself?

Flo: Yes. I was hiding behind the mask of my fears. And, you, Dogfish,
have you discovered the meaning of your life?

Dogfish: I think the pilgrimage is the meaning of my life. Of all our lives.
Every one of us. The pilgrimage. The bloody pilgrimage. That is what
this was all about.

Bligh: What to find birds I’d not seen before?

Flo: A voyage of self discovery you mean?

 44

Dogfish: No. The pilgrimage is the meaning of our bloody lives. Whether
you found yourself or not or saw bird you’ve not seen before is of no
importance. The pilgrimage is the meaning of it all. The very reason
we’re here at all.

Bligh: I don’t understand.

Flo: What? You mean there’s no end point?

Dogfish: No. Only death. Death is the bloody point of no return. There
the pilgrimage ends. There the point is reached.

Bligh: So, it’s the journey itself that matters and not the destination?

Dogfish: Oh, the brain and a little light in it after all, Bligh. You’ve
suddenly woken up after all these years in a bloody coma.

Flo: So, where now?

Bligh: No turning back, then?

Dogfish: No. This is it just the beginning. This is just the starting line.
(They all look at each other.)Shall we get some sleep? We’ve a long life in
front of us. A long bloody pilgrimage. (Looks at the horizon.) See? The
evening is spread out against the sky like corpse upon a table.
(The light dims and all three stare out at the auditorium in silence.)
End of Act Two and Scene Four.