1. Never date an ex of your friend.

2. Be a regular at more than one bar.

3. You probably use your mobile phone too often and at the wrong moments.
4. No selfies. Aspire to experience photo-worthy moments in the company of a beautiful
woman.
5. Staying angry is a waste of energy.
6. Cracked iPhone screen. Michael Kors bag. Excessive use of emoji in text. If any 2 out of
3, run fast.
7. Never fly an airline where your checked bags might cost more than your seat.
8. When the bartender asks, you should already know what you want to drink.
9. Its ok to trade the possibility of your 80s and 90s for more guaranteed fun in your 20s
and 30s.
10. Rebel from business casual. Burn your khakis and wear a suit or jeans.
11. Be spontaneous.
12. Never stay out after midnight three nights in a row Unless something really good
comes up on the third night.
13. Always carry cash. Keep some in your front pocket.
14. You will regret your tattoos.
15. Do 50 push-ups, sit-ups, and dips before you shower each morning.
16. People are tired of you being the funny, drunk guy.
17. When in doubt, always kiss the girl.
18. Statistically speaking, you shouldnt worry about what your first wifes mother looks
like.
19. Act like youve been there before. It doesnt matter if its in the end zone at the Super
Bowl or on a private plane.
20. Always bring a bottle of something to the party.

21. If riding the bus doesnt incentivise you to improve your station in life, nothing will.
22. An online IQ test should just be one question: Would you be willing to spend twenty
minutes taking an online IQ test.
23. Hooking up with an ex is like a dog eating its vomit.
24. #StopItWithTheHastags
25. Life is too short to do your own laundry.
26. If you abstain from drugs and alcohol, you dont actually live longer. It just seems
longer.
27. Checking your phone after someone else pulls out their phone is the yawn of our
generation
28. Dont gamble if losing $100 is going to piss you off.
29. Pretty women who are unaccompanied want you to talk to them.
30. When people dont invite you to a party, you really shouldnt go. And sometimes even
when you are invited, you shouldnt go.
31. Dont wear shoes memorable enough to be recognized under a bathroom stall.
32. Theres always another level. Just be content knowing that you are still better off than
most who have ever lived.
33. People who are too nice are way creepier than people who are assholes.
34. If you perspire, wear a damn undershirt.
35. Hookers arent cool, but remember, the free ones are a lot more expensive.
36. Learn how to fly-fish.
37. A glass of wine or two with lunch will not ruin your day.
38. Tip more than you should.
39. Ask for a salad instead of fries
40. You can get away with a lot more if youre the one buying the drinks.
41. If you are wittier than you are handsome, avoid loud clubs.

42. Place-dropping is worse than-name dropping.

43. Yes, of course you have to buy her dinner.
44. The best revenge is not giving a shit.
45. One girlfriend at a time is probably enough.
46. Buy a tuxedo before you are 30. Stay that size.
47. If you can only be good at one thing, be good at lying Because if youre good at lying,
youre good at everything.
48. Remember, rules are for the obedience of fools and the guidance of wise men.
49. Date women outside your social set. Youll be surprised.
50. If you find yourself using the crazy ones, misfits, rebels Steve Jobs quote, odds are you
are none of the above.
51. Guys who mime golf swings in the office never break 100 on the course.
52. If youre not dead to at least one person, youre not living right.
53. Start every cell conversation with my phones about to die so people dont waste your
time.
54. Find a Times New Roman in the streets and a Wingdings in the sheets. She exists.
55. Buy expensive sunglasses. Superficial? Yes, but so are the women judging you. And it
tells these women you appreciate nice things and are responsible enough not to lose them.
56. Own a handcrafted shotgun. Its a beautiful thing.
57. Dont split a check.
58. Desserts are for women. Order one and pretend you dont mind that shes eating yours.
59. No-one cares if you are offended, so stop it.
60. Never take an ex back. She tried to do better and is settling with you.
61. In life, as in sports, the boos always come from the cheap seats.
62. Measure yourself only against your previous self.

63. Your ties should be rolled and placed in a sectioned tie drawer.
64. Read more. It allows you to borrow someone elses brain, and will make you more
interesting at a dinner party provided that you dont initiate conversation with, So,
who are you reading
65. Work hard. Eat right. Exercise. Dont drink too much. And only buy what you can
afford. Its not rocket science.
66. If its got velvet ropes and lines, walk away unless you know someone.
67. The grass is greener on the other side because its fertilized with bullshit.
68. Throw parties. But have someone else clean up the next day.
69. It is what it is. The prevailing crutch of the stupid and inarticulate.
70. Theres no such thing as a hopeless situation, just hopeless people in situations.
71. If her profile pics an 8, shes a 4. Move on.
72. People who always fly business class dont post photos of themselves flying business
class.
73. Wanna stay together? Spend a lot of time apart.
74. Sorry, Im bad with names is the most polite way of telling people that you are also a
fucking idiot.
75. Nothing says fuck you to your family & friends like a destination wedding.
76. 80% of lottery winners go broke because 100% of lottery players are fucking idiots.
77. Some of the best moments in life are the ones you cant tell anyone about.