My grammar and expression need more

work,
My Feedback Says

This workshop will:

-

Look at how to be concise and how to edit your own work

Highlight common spelling and grammar mistakes

Suggest development activities that you can engage with

during the life of your degrees in order to improve ready for
graduate employment

Teaching points:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.

What markers want

How editing improves your written work
Common spelling mistakes
Correct comma use
Putting apostrophes in the right place

Adapted extensively from Neville (2009).

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1. What markers want

Because tutors and markers read thousands of words of
assignments every semester, it is a good idea to make it easy
for them to find the points you have made and the arguments
you have developed. This means making sure your writing is
clear, grammatically correct and in an appropriate
academic style. You have worked hard, so again make it
easy for them to give you the marks you deserve: let them
find the gold on the surface and not turn them into miners so they have
to dig for it.
These skills and techniques are invaluable for employers of graduates who
are looking for an eye for detail, accuracy and exemplary basic skills.
Ways to prepare for the world of work by practising these are
take advantage of the English resources in the self-access centre
(Richmond C101)
reading other students work and identify improvements
offer to help international students with language practice
use free online resources using university technology that can
stream video and audio
2. How editingimproves your written work
Editing is an in-depth process and if you do it well, your written work will
flow logically
be coherent and
consistent
be clearly expressed

be accurate
have an appropriate tone
be concise
make its purpose clear

Brevity (being brief) is about saying what you want to say without
rambling. Students often use too many words for various reasons: a lack
of confidence, thinking they will impress markers, and believing wordy
prose is an appropriate academic style.This is not the case.

If you are unsure about what you are writing, do more reading or
ask your tutor for support
markers will not be impressed as they have to try hard to work out
what your point/s is/are
good academic style is about being clear, concise and to the
point

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At the end of each draft, check for instances of tautology, redundant

words and phrases, and generally long-winded sentences. These are all
very common in assessed written work as students lose track of where
they are in their point or believe that the more words they write, the more
marks they will receive.
Tautologies: words in a phrase with the same meaning, so one is
unnecessary.
Examples
Which word should we delete from each
TALKING
POINT

Revert back
Unite together
Sink down
Join together
Follow after
Mutual
cooperation

phrase?
Advance planning
New innovation
Falsely fabricated
Ascend up
Collaborate (or cooperate) together
Penetrate into
Hoist up

Redundancies: do not add useful information to the main verbs or nouns in a

sentence.
Examples
Which word should we delete from each
TALKING
POINT

phrase?
General public
35 acres of land
Divide up; filled
A number of examples
up; burn down;
Circular shape
eat up
True facts
Discuss about
A team of twelve workers
Important
Major breakthrough
essentials
Meet together
Reduce down
Small in size
More preferable
Sufficient
enough
Long-winded sentences. Keep sentences short and eliminate the waffle.
Example:Literally, sustainable development makes reference to maintaining
development over a certain period of time, although by the early 1990s, more
than seventy definitions of sustainable development were in circulation
throughout various different field, definitions that are extremely important,
despite their large number, because they are the fundamental basis on which
the means for achieving sustainable development in the future can be built
upon. (63 words and 1 sentence)
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Alternative (Better) Version:Literally, sustainable development refers to

maintaining development over time. However, by the early 1990s, more than
seventy definitions of sustainable development were in circulation. Despite their
number, these definitions are important because they are the basis on which
the means for achieving sustainable development in the future can be built. (50
words and 3 sentences)
Extract adapted from McMurrey (2014)

Activity 1:Editing sentences

In pairs or small groups, edit the sentence below. Tip: remove any
tautologies or redundancies first,then decide how to break the sentence
down.
In our dealings with the various domestic counties, we have relaxed our
negotiating position in exchange for offsetting rigour through basic
principles requiring a general consensus approach, in cases of serious risk
only, as well as considerations of financial and other costs and benefits,
recognition of the temporary and provisionalnature of the decision and the
vital importance of reviewing the past and future follow-up, along with the
crucially important element of clear transparency.
Extract adapted from Parkinson (2013)

3. Common spelling mistakes

Whether English is your first language or not, it is not easy to use. English
has rules which are frequently broken and many homophones (words that
sound the same but are spelt differently).
Whilst spellcheckers are useful, they will not identify words that are
grammatically incorrect if they are spelt properly, and they are often set
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to American English. Do not rely on them but create a glossary of words

you know you often misspell to check at the proofreading stage.

Activity 2: Matching meanings

In pairs or small groups, decide which word in the left hand box matches
which meaning in the right hand box, and connect them using
lines/arrows.

Words
Accept
Except
Affect
Effect
Altar
Alter
Your
Youre
Cited
Sited
Complement
Compliment
Precedents
Precedence
Principal
Principle
Their
There
Theyre
Affect
Effect
Advise
Advice
Than
Then
To
Too
Two

Meanings
To take from
To leave out
Influence
Result; consequence
To change
Raised area for worship
Contraction
Possessive pronoun
Positioned
Referenced
Full amount
Expression of admiration
Takes priority
Priorities (noun)
Doctrine
Predominant
Contraction
Possessive pronoun
That place
Result; consequence
Influence
Suggest (verb)
Opinion; recommendation (noun)
Relates to time
Comparison; preference; more or less of a
quantity
Number
Directional preposition, first part of infinitive
verb
Very; also

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4. Correct comma use

Misplaced or missing commas can completely change the meaning of a
sentence. They can even cost thousands of pounds. In 1984, a Scottish
railway station was wrongly demolished because a comma (,) was missing
from the British Rail planning document. The list of items to preserve read
as ...
Retain Drem Station bridge. so the bridge was saved but the station
was demolished.
The list of items to preserve should have read: "Retain Drem Station,
bridge..."
The station had to be rebuilt.
Extract adapted from Lamb (2009)

Although putting a comma in the wrong place or omitting one will not cost
you money, it could cost you marks, so be careful.
First, lets read the following sentence and decide
TALKING
POINT
who is speaking and who is to blame.
The team leader said Joe Brown was entirely to blame for the teams
dismal performance.
Now, insert two commas to change who is speaking and who is to blame.
A comma does one job separate but it does it in different ways. Refer
to the table below guidance on where to place commas.
Rule
1 To separate the clauses in a
sentence
2 To separate the introductory
element of a sentence from the
main part (or subject) of it
3 To separate an additional and
final part of a sentence from the
opening and main part (or subject)
of it
4 To separate out nonessential
words from the remainder of the
sentence. The word however is
used as a signal to suggest a

Example
Society depends on its traditions,
and the authority of the written
text is one of those.
After the death of his wife, Hardy
went in to a deep depression.
The sea is calm tonight, yet it
raged fiercely all day.

There is, however, one mistake that

many students make.

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change of direction or to stress an

exception to the rule
5 To separate out essential/useful Charles Handy, in his book The
information from the main part
Empty Raincoat, has argued that
(subject) of the sentence
federalism is a way of making sense
of large organizations.
6 To separate commands or
Stop, or Ill shoot
interjections from the remainder
of the sentence
7 To separate out a) adjectives, or
a) It was a fine, dry, and sunny
b) list of items in a sentence
day in my home town.
b) Raspberries, strawberries,
blackberries and
gooseberries are all
traditional English summer
fruits.
8 To separate a quotation from its The statement began, After many
introductory phrase
hours of talk, we have been
unable to reach agreement.

5. Putting apostrophes in the right place

An apostrophe does two jobs:
Think of an apostrophe as a
basketball substitute who comes
off the team bench and replaces a
letter or letters. What is it
substituting for? It is usually a vowel
but not always.

An apostrophe can be used for

possession (girls, cats). Can you
expand it? Is it girl is or does
something belong to the girl? My,
your, his, hers, its, our, your, their,
are exceptions to the possession
rule as they do not have
apostrophes.

Whose is a possession word whilst whos (or who is) describes someone
doing something. For example:
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Aldi, whose retail market share is steadily increasing,.

My dad, who is currently in the garden, will be with you shortly.

Apostrophes are never used to denote plurals, e.g.

Taxis only is grammatically incorrect as it refers to taxis plural, not
something belonging to one taxi.
If you are unsure about whether an apostrophes should be placed front or
after s, try moving the words around so the word before the apostrophe
is last. If it still has the same meaning, the apostrophe was correct. For
example,

The boys books: the books belonging to the boy

The boys books: the books belonging to the boys
The childrens books: the books belonging to the children
Mens shirts: shirts belong to the men

But not
Peoples wishes: wishes of the peoples
Should be
Peoples wishes: wishes of the people

Activity 2:Play tutor

Read the following paragraph and identify the 12 apostrophe mistakes.
Write the correct word/s above the errors. Compare your work with your
neighbour to see if you have the same corrections.
One of the problems that arises when your paying for something over the
internet is
that you never see whose receiving your details at the other end. We like
to think
thattheyre trustworthy but its impossible to know whether thats the case.
As
anyonewhose been the victim of credit card fraud will know, it can very
difficult to
regain youre faith in online shopping once your identity has been stolen.
Shops and
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restaurants may seem safer but just as much fraud goes on there as it
does on the
web. These days, customers need reassurance that their transactions are
safe and
banks need to raise their game with regard to financial security. For all its
advantages, the online world can certainly have its downside.

References
Clipart Panda. (2014) 32 images for Miner 20clipart.California:
ClipartPanda.com [online] Available at:
http://www.clipartpanda.com/categories/miner-20clipart [Accessed
6.1.2015]
Lamb, B.C. (2009) Practical Guide to Punctuation. England: The Queens
English Society. [online] Available at: http://www.queens-englishsociety.com/punctuation_guide.html [Accessed 8.1.2015]
McMurrey, D. (2014) Overly long sentences. [online] Available at:
https://www.prismnet.com/~hcexres/style/long_sentences.html [Accessed
8.1.2015]
Neville, C. (2009) How To Improve Your Assignment Results. Maidenhead:
OUP.
Online Writing Lab. (2014) Spelling: Common Words that Sound Alike.
West Lafayette: Purdue University.
https://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/660/01/
Parkinson, R. (2013) Short sentences. Canada: Writing for Results Inc.
[online] Available at:
http://writingforresults.net/Acro_3/4_msg/3_style/sentence.pdf[Accessed
8.1.2015]

Answers
Tautologies: deleting word/s
TALKING
POINT
Planning:
Innovation: Fabricated: Ascend: Collaborate: Penetrate: Hoist
Redundancies: deleting word/s

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35 acres: Examples: Circular: Facts: Twelve workers: Breakthrough: Meet:

Small

Activity 1: Editing sentences

Depending on what the focus is:
In our dealings with the domestic counties, we have relaxed our
negotiating position in exchange for three elements. The first is offsetting
rigor through principles requiring a consensus approach, in cases of
serious risk only. The second is consideration of costs and benefits. The
third is recognition of the provisional nature of the decision and the
importance of review and follow-up, along with the important element of
transparency.
OR
In our dealings with the counties, we have relaxed our negotiating position
in exchange for offsetting rigor through principles requiring three
elements. The first is a consensus approach, in cases of serious risk only.
The second is consideration of costs and benefits. The third is recognition
of the provisional nature of the decision and the importance of review and
follow-up, along with the important element of transparency.
Extract adapted from Parkinson (2013)

Activity 2: Matching meanings

Words
Accept
Except
Affect
Effect
Altar
Alter
Your
Youre
Cited
Sited
Complement
Compliment
Precedents
Precedence
Principal
Principle
Their
There
Theyre

Meanings
To take from
To leave out
Influence
Result; consequence
To change
Raised area for worship
Contraction
Possessive pronoun
Positioned
Referenced
Full amount
Expression of admiration
Takes priority
Priorities (noun)
Doctrine
Predominant
Contraction
Possessive pronoun
That place
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Affect
Effect
Advise
Advice
Than
Then

Result; consequence
Influence
Suggest (verb)
Opinion; recommendation (noun)
Relates to time
Comparison; preference; more or less of a
quantity
Number
Directional preposition, first part of infinitive
verb
Very; also

To
Too
Two

Commas
TALKING
POINT
The team leader, said Joe Brown, was entirely to blame for the teams
dismal performance.
Now Joe is speaking and the team leader is to blame.

Activity 2:Play tutor

One of the problems that arises when youre/you are paying for
something over the internet is that you never see whos/who is receiving
your details at the other end. We like to think that theyre/they are
trustworthy but its/it is impossible to know whether thats/that is the
case. As anyone whos/who has been the victim of credit card fraud will
know, it can very difficult to regain your faith in online shopping once
your identity has been stolen. Shops and restaurants may seem safer
but just as much fraud goes on there as it does on the web. These days,
customers need reassurance that their transactions are safe and banks
need to raise their game with regard to financial security. For all its
advantages, the online world can certainly have its downside.

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